Order of Man - May 13, 2016


FFN 003： Building Your Confidence


Episode Stats

Length

7 minutes

Words per Minute

195.8637

Word Count

1,389

Sentence Count

113

Misogynist Sentences

2

Hate Speech Sentences

1


Summary

In this episode of Friday Field Notes, Ryan talks about the importance of having the courage to take action in order to achieve your full potential in life and business. Without the courage, we will not live up to our full potential.


Transcript

00:00:00.000 You're a man. You're committed to the work required to forge your own destiny.
00:00:04.600 Your blood. Your sweat. Your tears.
00:00:07.720 You will not be defeated. You cannot be deterred.
00:00:11.480 Nothing stands between you and the victory you seek.
00:00:14.640 You're a rock. Steadfast, resolute, and unwavering.
00:00:18.400 And, at the end of the day, the job will be done.
00:00:22.400 Welcome to your Friday Field Notes.
00:00:25.760 Men, what's going on today? My name is Ryan Michler.
00:00:28.000 I am the founder of Order of Men.
00:00:30.180 Now, I want to welcome you to the third episode of your Friday Field Notes.
00:00:33.400 This is the second show that we do every week.
00:00:35.320 Our full show is on Tuesday, so make sure you check that out.
00:00:38.660 This is your Friday Field Notes, a little bit shorter show every single Friday.
00:00:42.820 Now, it's been a crazy week around here.
00:00:44.480 We released the interview I had with Jocko on Tuesday, and things have been blowing up since.
00:00:48.920 I've received a ton of feedback from you expressing your appreciation for the interview
00:00:53.160 and the conversation that Jocko and I had.
00:00:56.040 So, if you haven't checked that show out yet, go back after you listen to this show, download that one.
00:01:01.140 It is the single most downloaded episode to date, and I promise you that you will not be disappointed.
00:01:06.400 All right, let's just get into this chat today.
00:01:07.940 As you know, we're not about the fluff and frills here.
00:01:10.380 We're about jumping right into this conversation and having the conversations that you want to have
00:01:15.740 and the ones that will help you become the man that you're working to become.
00:01:18.920 A better father, a better husband, a better business owner, a better leader, a better man.
00:01:24.340 So, with that said, I want to talk with you today about confidence.
00:01:28.060 It is absolutely something that each and every one of us needs to develop more fully in our lives.
00:01:34.720 Without confidence, we will not.
00:01:37.460 We won't.
00:01:38.220 We will not live up to our full potential.
00:01:40.220 And the reason we won't live up to our full potential is because without confidence,
00:01:43.680 we will not do the things that need to be done to the measure that they need to be done
00:01:49.640 to have any amount of success in any area of our lives.
00:01:53.660 Now, I get emails and messages every single week from men across the planet asking this very question.
00:01:59.780 How do I build more confidence?
00:02:02.760 Confidence with the ladies, confidence in their work, confidence with themselves, just more confidence.
00:02:06.960 confidence and I've come to the conclusion that the majority of men who are actually asking about confidence
00:02:12.220 are actually asking about something else entirely.
00:02:16.440 You see, a lot of guys will suggest that they want the confidence, for example, to approach a woman they find attractive.
00:02:22.740 That, my friends, is not confidence.
00:02:25.360 That's courage.
00:02:26.540 That's it.
00:02:26.880 It's courage.
00:02:27.800 It takes courage to approach that woman.
00:02:29.880 You as a human being are probably at that point in your life thinking about all the things that could go wrong.
00:02:34.660 She could reject you.
00:02:35.600 You could say something stupid.
00:02:37.260 You could trip and fall on your face.
00:02:38.740 You might have a booger hanging out of your nose.
00:02:40.660 That's real.
00:02:41.240 I get that.
00:02:42.380 And in order to overcome that, you need to have at least some level of courage.
00:02:46.820 The ability to look at something that you're actually afraid of doing and doing it anyways.
00:02:51.580 It's courage.
00:02:52.600 So how do you build more confidence?
00:02:54.800 Action, guys.
00:02:56.220 A-C-T-I-O-N.
00:02:57.860 Action.
00:02:58.860 Well, I don't have the confidence to take action.
00:03:00.700 Somebody will inevitably tell me.
00:03:02.400 But who cares?
00:03:02.960 You don't need it.
00:03:03.620 You don't need confidence to take action.
00:03:05.840 You need courage.
00:03:06.900 Of course you don't have any confidence.
00:03:08.380 You haven't done it yet.
00:03:09.360 And therefore, you don't have the confidence that only comes from doing, from the work.
00:03:15.340 So whether that's approaching the woman like I talked about earlier, or going to the gym after sitting on your couch for the last five years,
00:03:21.180 or re-engaging with your wife after a decade or more of growing apart, walking into your boss's office and asking for that raise that you think you deserve,
00:03:29.440 the only way to build confidence is to remove the uncertainty of whether or not you can do it.
00:03:36.240 And the only way to remove the uncertainty is to actually do the thing that you're afraid of.
00:03:42.040 That's why I say it's all about courage, brothers.
00:03:43.920 It's all about courage.
00:03:45.380 It's been said that courage is not the absence of fear, but the ability to take action despite it.
00:03:50.920 Now, here's the cool thing about this confidence, courage, action conundrum that we're talking about here.
00:03:55.940 It's a cycle.
00:03:57.500 One right decision leads to another, which leads to another, which leads to another.
00:04:02.140 So for example, if you want to go into your boss's office and ask for a raise, you feel fear.
00:04:06.920 Of course, you might ask yourself, how's this going to go down?
00:04:09.400 Is my boss going to fire me?
00:04:10.900 Am I going to look like an idiot, right?
00:04:12.300 All of those things you tell yourself, but you decide that you really believe that you deserve that raise.
00:04:18.460 So you get tough for a minute.
00:04:19.800 You call upon some of that mental fortitude.
00:04:22.000 This is the courage part that all of us have to some degree.
00:04:25.400 And you march into your boss's office.
00:04:27.300 That's the taking action part.
00:04:28.800 And after taking action, maybe some negotiation, some gnashing of teeth, some resolve, your boss says, okay, boom, confidence.
00:04:37.780 But it only comes after you display courage and take action.
00:04:42.000 Now, because you displayed courage and because you took action, you built more confidence.
00:04:47.600 So the next time you're faced with something difficult, for example, having a tough conversation with a coworker or subordinate at work,
00:04:54.700 you're now more confident in your ability to have tough conversations.
00:04:58.800 And because you're more confident in your ability to have tough conversations, the fear that would have gripped the old you is not quite as noticeable.
00:05:07.060 And because the fear that would have gripped the old you is not quite as noticeable.
00:05:10.680 You are now more capable of taking decisive action because you're more capable of taking decisive action.
00:05:16.280 You have that tough conversation with your subordinate and boom, even more confidence.
00:05:22.080 That's how it's done, man.
00:05:23.600 Courage leads to action.
00:05:25.160 Action leads to confidence.
00:05:26.700 Confidence leads to more courage and the cycle continues.
00:05:29.900 So like so many things in life, the result is always in the doing.
00:05:36.460 So I'm going to challenge you today.
00:05:38.220 I'm challenging you to do something that you've been afraid of.
00:05:41.260 I know we like to pretend we're not afraid because we're men, but I want you to think about this for a minute.
00:05:46.260 What have you been afraid of doing for the last week or the last month or even the last year?
00:05:52.420 Is it ask somebody on a date?
00:05:55.300 Is it tell you your wife that you love her?
00:05:57.460 Is it ask for a raise?
00:05:59.120 Is it going to the gym?
00:06:00.540 Go do that.
00:06:02.520 And once you've done it, I want you to reach out to me.
00:06:05.280 Let me know if that courage that you displayed didn't lead to more action and didn't help you build more confidence.
00:06:11.820 You can email me at ryan at order of man.com with your story.
00:06:15.100 So that's what I want to leave you with is that courage leads to action and action is what leads to confidence.
00:06:23.180 That's how you build it in your life.
00:06:24.420 So those are your Friday field notes, guys.
00:06:26.280 You now know how to build confidence.
00:06:28.220 You have your marching orders to go out and do something that you've been afraid of and to show and display some of that courage.
00:06:33.880 I want to make sure that you go back and you catch our Tuesday show.
00:06:38.240 Every Tuesday, we do our full podcast.
00:06:40.380 This last Tuesday, we did our interview with Navy SEAL Jocko Willink.
00:06:44.440 So make sure you check that out.
00:06:46.000 In the meantime, guys, be courageous, take action, build confidence, become the man you were meant to be.
00:06:53.420 Those are your Friday field notes.
00:06:55.300 Now it's time to crush your excuses, own your choices, accept responsibility, and live manfully.
00:07:02.020 Learn how at orderofman.com forward slash field notes.