Order of Man - September 02, 2016


FFN 019： Communication Solves Everything

Topics
communication communication styles communication practices be a better communicator
Hosted by
Ryan Michler
Mentioned
Steadfast
OoM 076： Building Your Band of Brothers with Stephen Mansfield OoM 077： Strength and Power in Kettlebell Training with Jon Mills

Episode Stats


Length

8 minutes

Words per minute

199.73

Word count

1,725

Sentence count

152

Harmful content

Toxicity

2

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Communication is one of the most important things you can do for your business, your family, your relationships, your clients, and your overall sanity and well-being. And if you don't learn how to be a better communicator, you're not going to be able to do it. In this episode, Ryan talks about the different communication styles and how to become a better one.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.000 You're a man. You're committed to the work required to forge your own destiny.
00:00:04.600 Your blood. Your sweat. Your tears.
00:00:07.720 You will not be defeated. You cannot be deterred.
00:00:11.480 Nothing stands between you and the victory you seek.
00:00:14.640 You're a rock. Steadfast, resolute, and unwavering.
00:00:18.420 And, at the end of the day, the job will be done.
00:00:22.460 Welcome to your Friday Field Notes.
00:00:25.060 Men, what is going on today? This is Ryan Michler.
00:00:27.400 I am your host and the founder of Order of Man.
00:00:29.740 Order of Man is a group. It's a community, a tribe, a fraternity, a band of men coming together to help each other become better men,
00:00:36.220 better husbands, better fathers, better business owners, better community leaders, just better men, guys.
00:00:41.000 To do that, we have this podcast where we release shows each Tuesday and Friday.
00:00:45.100 We have a blog. We have a Facebook community, which you can join if you haven't already, at facebook.com slash groups slash Order of Man.
00:00:51.760 And we have an elite mastermind, The Iron Council, which you can get all the details of that at orderofman.com slash Iron Council.
00:00:58.420 All right. Now that we have that out of the way, let's get into the topic of today's show, which is communication.
00:01:03.700 If you've been listening to the show for a while now, you know that this is a short show.
00:01:07.540 It's released each Friday on a topic I've been thinking about throughout the week.
00:01:10.860 So make sure you subscribe, if you haven't already, to this podcast so you never miss a Friday Field Notes
00:01:15.640 or our interview show with some of the world's greatest men, which that type of show is released each Tuesday.
00:01:21.080 Now, why do I want to talk about communication?
00:01:24.080 Because, guys, it literally solves everything, hence the title of the podcast.
00:01:28.820 Now, I know, without fail, I'm going to have some of you reach out and suggest a situation
00:01:33.660 in which communication doesn't solve the problem.
00:01:36.140 But look, guys, I'm talking about the big stuff, the real stuff here, the stuff that's actually important to you,
00:01:41.200 your relationship with your wife or your girlfriend, your children, your business, your clients, your health,
00:01:46.020 your overall sanity and well-being.
00:01:49.140 And if you can't wrap your head around communication, you, at best, are not going to measure up to your full potential.
00:01:55.240 And at worst, you're going to struggle.
00:01:57.020 You're really going to struggle in life.
00:01:58.920 I haven't always been a great communicator.
00:02:01.220 My marriage nearly fell apart seven years ago because I couldn't communicate.
00:02:05.020 My businesses were not growing as fast because I did not know how to communicate.
00:02:09.080 I didn't have as much wealth in my life because I haven't always been a great communicator.
00:02:13.640 Now, I've obviously got some room for improvement.
00:02:16.020 We all do.
00:02:16.620 But through some of the things I'm going to share with you today, I've become better.
00:02:20.380 And I've seen huge, huge improvements in just about every area of my life.
00:02:25.660 Now, before I give you some real tactical tips, which I will do for becoming a better communicator
00:02:30.780 that you can start implementing, you could actually implement this stuff today.
00:02:33.740 I want to run a couple of communication styles past you.
00:02:36.360 And as I do, I want you to picture someone in your life who would fall under each of these styles.
00:02:41.240 How do they make you feel?
00:02:42.660 How badly do you want to follow them?
00:02:44.260 How much do you want to serve them?
00:02:45.460 Do they drive you to be better or do they pull you down?
00:02:48.800 So let's talk about the first style.
00:02:51.000 This is what I would refer to as the aggressive communicator.
00:02:53.960 This is someone who is dominant.
00:02:55.880 They try to strong arm every situation.
00:02:58.100 They do and they say anything to get the job done regardless of the wake of destruction
00:03:03.900 that they might leave behind.
00:03:05.020 Now, there's positives too to this type of communicator.
00:03:08.060 Obviously, this is someone who knows what he wants.
00:03:10.200 He's unafraid of letting people know.
00:03:11.740 He will get the job done.
00:03:13.280 But all of that comes at an expense.
00:03:15.480 This is not a leader you or anyone else would follow for long.
00:03:18.460 And they typically end up burning through their relationships extremely quickly.
00:03:23.300 If I don't check myself regularly, I'm really capable of falling into this category fast.
00:03:29.860 Now, on the opposite side of the spectrum, we have the next style of communication, which
00:03:34.060 is passive communication.
00:03:35.520 This is a person, guys, who's timid.
00:03:37.060 He or she is weak. 0.99
00:03:38.580 They're feeble. 0.98
00:03:39.440 They typically get trampled and let others say and do anything they want.
00:03:43.640 They probably know what they want to some degree, but they don't want to tell anyone
00:03:47.200 out of fear.
00:03:47.820 It would put someone out or it would challenge the status quo.
00:03:50.900 So, this person's strengths are kindness and compassion.
00:03:55.380 But again, it comes at the expense of their own well-being, their satisfaction, their fulfillment.
00:04:00.200 In fact, this is the kind of person that snaps without any warning and goes completely insane,
00:04:05.120 even if just for a minute.
00:04:06.320 It's not a healthy way to live.
00:04:07.780 Next, we have a mix of the two.
00:04:10.840 It's the passive aggressive communicator.
00:04:13.100 This person is snide.
00:04:14.460 They're sarcastic.
00:04:15.340 They make comments that are disguised, frankly, as humor, but underneath, they're actually insults.
00:04:21.320 These people are scared.
00:04:23.260 They don't know how to stand up for themselves in a mature way.
00:04:26.040 So, they use humor and they use sarcasm as a tool to create a wall between what they actually
00:04:32.200 want and their inability to say it.
00:04:35.840 Now, they can be likable people at first.
00:04:38.740 Everyone loves the class clown, right?
00:04:40.980 But that only lasts for a little while.
00:04:42.880 It wears off because we begin to see the person isn't really all that funny.
00:04:46.540 They're just angry.
00:04:47.920 Now, the fourth communicator is the assertive communicator.
00:04:51.160 This is a person who knows exactly what they want and they have no problem telling anybody.
00:04:56.980 When you ask an assertive communicator their opinion, they will share it with you.
00:05:00.820 Whether that's telling you where they'd like to eat or what they want to accomplish in life,
00:05:04.840 they are going to share their opinion.
00:05:06.760 Now, this isn't necessarily a person who likes confrontation, but they won't shy away from
00:05:12.000 it just because someone may not like it and may get offended by what they say.
00:05:15.660 They know when to be more passive.
00:05:17.800 They know when to be more aggressive and they know how to use humor to lighten the conversation
00:05:23.460 if needs be.
00:05:24.360 Now, there is a misconception that says the assertive communicator is someone who wants
00:05:30.020 to eliminate emotions.
00:05:31.280 It isn't.
00:05:31.960 It's not about eliminating emotions.
00:05:33.340 It's about understanding them and then acting accordingly.
00:05:36.440 If the situation calls for silence, an assertive communicator can be silent.
00:05:40.980 But if the situation calls for violence, an assertive communicator is willing and able
00:05:46.460 to do what actually needs to be done.
00:05:49.760 So those are the communication styles.
00:05:51.980 Now that we know them, I think it goes without saying that we should all be striving to be
00:05:56.460 more like the assertive communicator.
00:05:58.920 So let me give you some quick insights, some of your marching orders for this week for yourself.
00:06:03.740 First, I want you to reflect on what type of communicator you currently are.
00:06:08.400 Like I mentioned before, I have a tendency to revert back to the aggressive style, which
00:06:12.700 is something that I'm always, always working on.
00:06:15.500 So think about your conversations.
00:06:16.760 How do they go?
00:06:17.620 How can you improve?
00:06:18.820 How did people respond?
00:06:20.280 Ask the people closest to you what they think about the way that you communicate.
00:06:23.660 The key here, guys, is to understand your baseline of communication so that you can improve.
00:06:28.960 You can build upon that.
00:06:30.400 Next, look around at people you admire and observe what type of communicators they are.
00:06:36.920 How do they speak?
00:06:38.080 What words, tempo, inflection, and pace do they use in their everyday talk?
00:06:42.820 And how do the people around them respond?
00:06:45.020 How do they deal with difficult situations?
00:06:47.500 Next, you got to practice.
00:06:48.780 You got to put this stuff into practice.
00:06:50.140 I talk about it all the time.
00:06:51.400 This is what I'm talking about here.
00:06:52.440 Practice telling people what's on your mind.
00:06:55.980 Make suggestions and recommendations to people.
00:06:58.880 If someone asks your opinion, give it to them.
00:07:01.560 When things go wrong, take a breath.
00:07:04.060 Remove yourself from a bad or a negative situation and find a new way to approach it.
00:07:08.620 A more assertive way to approach it.
00:07:11.380 And then last, review.
00:07:12.660 This comes back to that evaluation, that first step.
00:07:14.600 At the end of every day, you should be going back on the conversations that you're having.
00:07:18.720 What did you do well?
00:07:20.140 What did you communicate effectively?
00:07:21.420 In what areas do you need to improve?
00:07:23.840 Did you have an argument?
00:07:24.900 Did you lose your cool or your temper?
00:07:26.920 And then how are you going to do that better tomorrow?
00:07:29.740 So that's it, guys.
00:07:30.580 A quick overview of communication.
00:07:32.240 Why it's so important you learn to be a better communicator.
00:07:34.700 A few of the styles of communication.
00:07:36.560 And then things that you can do today to be a more effective communicator,
00:07:39.900 which makes you a better leader, which makes you a better man.
00:07:42.980 And that's what we're all about here.
00:07:44.120 So if you're interested in taking the next step, I would encourage you to join the Iron
00:07:48.720 Council.
00:07:49.200 This is our elite mastermind with over 100 strong now.
00:07:52.020 These are men who are taking serious strides in their relationships and their money and
00:07:56.720 wealth building and their health and fitness goals and their personal goals as well.
00:08:00.520 And they're learning how to be better communicators.
00:08:02.480 We communicate through our closed Facebook group.
00:08:04.700 We've got our weekly calls.
00:08:06.260 And some of these guys have even become team leaders and they're communicating with
00:08:09.680 their teams of 10 men now inside of the Iron Council.
00:08:13.460 So if you want to learn more about that, go to orderofman.com slash ironcouncil.
00:08:17.040 But until then and until next week, guys, be a better communicator, be a better leader,
00:08:22.620 be a better man and live manfully.
00:08:26.120 Those are your Friday field notes.
00:08:28.000 Now it's time to crush your excuses, own your choices, accept responsibility and live manfully.
00:08:34.300 Learn how at orderofman.com forward slash field notes.