Order of Man - September 02, 2016


FFN 019: Communication Solves Everything


Episode Stats


Length

8 minutes

Words per minute

199.72983

Word count

1,725

Sentence count

136


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Communication is one of the most important things you can do for your business, your family, your relationships, your clients, and your overall sanity and well-being. And if you don't learn how to be a better communicator, you're not going to be able to do it. In this episode, Ryan talks about the different communication styles and how to become a better one.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
00:00:00.000 You're a man. You're committed to the work required to forge your own destiny.
00:00:04.600 Your blood. Your sweat. Your tears.
00:00:07.720 You will not be defeated. You cannot be deterred.
00:00:11.480 Nothing stands between you and the victory you seek.
00:00:14.640 You're a rock. Steadfast, resolute, and unwavering.
00:00:18.420 And, at the end of the day, the job will be done.
00:00:22.460 Welcome to your Friday Field Notes.
00:00:25.060 Men, what is going on today? This is Ryan Michler.
00:00:27.400 I am your host and the founder of Order of Man.
00:00:29.740 Order of Man is a group. It's a community, a tribe, a fraternity, a band of men coming together to help each other become better men,
00:00:36.220 better husbands, better fathers, better business owners, better community leaders, just better men, guys.
00:00:41.000 To do that, we have this podcast where we release shows each Tuesday and Friday.
00:00:45.100 We have a blog. We have a Facebook community, which you can join if you haven't already, at facebook.com slash groups slash Order of Man.
00:00:51.760 And we have an elite mastermind, The Iron Council, which you can get all the details of that at orderofman.com slash Iron Council.
00:00:58.420 All right. Now that we have that out of the way, let's get into the topic of today's show, which is communication.
00:01:03.700 If you've been listening to the show for a while now, you know that this is a short show.
00:01:07.540 It's released each Friday on a topic I've been thinking about throughout the week.
00:01:10.860 So make sure you subscribe, if you haven't already, to this podcast so you never miss a Friday Field Notes
00:01:15.640 or our interview show with some of the world's greatest men, which that type of show is released each Tuesday.
00:01:21.080 Now, why do I want to talk about communication?
00:01:24.080 Because, guys, it literally solves everything, hence the title of the podcast.
00:01:28.820 Now, I know, without fail, I'm going to have some of you reach out and suggest a situation
00:01:33.660 in which communication doesn't solve the problem.
00:01:36.140 But look, guys, I'm talking about the big stuff, the real stuff here, the stuff that's actually important to you,
00:01:41.200 your relationship with your wife or your girlfriend, your children, your business, your clients, your health,
00:01:46.020 your overall sanity and well-being.
00:01:49.140 And if you can't wrap your head around communication, you, at best, are not going to measure up to your full potential.
00:01:55.240 And at worst, you're going to struggle.
00:01:57.020 You're really going to struggle in life.
00:01:58.920 I haven't always been a great communicator.
00:02:01.220 My marriage nearly fell apart seven years ago because I couldn't communicate.
00:02:05.020 My businesses were not growing as fast because I did not know how to communicate.
00:02:09.080 I didn't have as much wealth in my life because I haven't always been a great communicator.
00:02:13.640 Now, I've obviously got some room for improvement.
00:02:16.020 We all do.
00:02:16.620 But through some of the things I'm going to share with you today, I've become better.
00:02:20.380 And I've seen huge, huge improvements in just about every area of my life.
00:02:25.660 Now, before I give you some real tactical tips, which I will do for becoming a better communicator
00:02:30.780 that you can start implementing, you could actually implement this stuff today.
00:02:33.740 I want to run a couple of communication styles past you.
00:02:36.360 And as I do, I want you to picture someone in your life who would fall under each of these styles.
00:02:41.240 How do they make you feel?
00:02:42.660 How badly do you want to follow them?
00:02:44.260 How much do you want to serve them?
00:02:45.460 Do they drive you to be better or do they pull you down?
00:02:48.800 So let's talk about the first style.
00:02:51.000 This is what I would refer to as the aggressive communicator.
00:02:53.960 This is someone who is dominant.
00:02:55.880 They try to strong arm every situation.
00:02:58.100 They do and they say anything to get the job done regardless of the wake of destruction
00:03:03.900 that they might leave behind.
00:03:05.020 Now, there's positives too to this type of communicator.
00:03:08.060 Obviously, this is someone who knows what he wants.
00:03:10.200 He's unafraid of letting people know.
00:03:11.740 He will get the job done.
00:03:13.280 But all of that comes at an expense.
00:03:15.480 This is not a leader you or anyone else would follow for long.
00:03:18.460 And they typically end up burning through their relationships extremely quickly.
00:03:23.300 If I don't check myself regularly, I'm really capable of falling into this category fast.
00:03:29.860 Now, on the opposite side of the spectrum, we have the next style of communication, which
00:03:34.060 is passive communication.
00:03:35.520 This is a person, guys, who's timid.
00:03:37.060 He or she is weak.
00:03:38.580 They're feeble.
00:03:39.440 They typically get trampled and let others say and do anything they want.
00:03:43.640 They probably know what they want to some degree, but they don't want to tell anyone
00:03:47.200 out of fear.
00:03:47.820 It would put someone out or it would challenge the status quo.
00:03:50.900 So, this person's strengths are kindness and compassion.
00:03:55.380 But again, it comes at the expense of their own well-being, their satisfaction, their fulfillment.
00:04:00.200 In fact, this is the kind of person that snaps without any warning and goes completely insane,
00:04:05.120 even if just for a minute.
00:04:06.320 It's not a healthy way to live.
00:04:07.780 Next, we have a mix of the two.
00:04:10.840 It's the passive aggressive communicator.
00:04:13.100 This person is snide.
00:04:14.460 They're sarcastic.
00:04:15.340 They make comments that are disguised, frankly, as humor, but underneath, they're actually insults.
00:04:21.320 These people are scared.
00:04:23.260 They don't know how to stand up for themselves in a mature way.
00:04:26.040 So, they use humor and they use sarcasm as a tool to create a wall between what they actually
00:04:32.200 want and their inability to say it.
00:04:35.840 Now, they can be likable people at first.
00:04:38.740 Everyone loves the class clown, right?
00:04:40.980 But that only lasts for a little while.
00:04:42.880 It wears off because we begin to see the person isn't really all that funny.
00:04:46.540 They're just angry.
00:04:47.920 Now, the fourth communicator is the assertive communicator.
00:04:51.160 This is a person who knows exactly what they want and they have no problem telling anybody.
00:04:56.980 When you ask an assertive communicator their opinion, they will share it with you.
00:05:00.820 Whether that's telling you where they'd like to eat or what they want to accomplish in life,
00:05:04.840 they are going to share their opinion.
00:05:06.760 Now, this isn't necessarily a person who likes confrontation, but they won't shy away from
00:05:12.000 it just because someone may not like it and may get offended by what they say.
00:05:15.660 They know when to be more passive.
00:05:17.800 They know when to be more aggressive and they know how to use humor to lighten the conversation
00:05:23.460 if needs be.
00:05:24.360 Now, there is a misconception that says the assertive communicator is someone who wants
00:05:30.020 to eliminate emotions.
00:05:31.280 It isn't.
00:05:31.960 It's not about eliminating emotions.
00:05:33.340 It's about understanding them and then acting accordingly.
00:05:36.440 If the situation calls for silence, an assertive communicator can be silent.
00:05:40.980 But if the situation calls for violence, an assertive communicator is willing and able
00:05:46.460 to do what actually needs to be done.
00:05:49.760 So those are the communication styles.
00:05:51.980 Now that we know them, I think it goes without saying that we should all be striving to be
00:05:56.460 more like the assertive communicator.
00:05:58.920 So let me give you some quick insights, some of your marching orders for this week for yourself.
00:06:03.740 First, I want you to reflect on what type of communicator you currently are.
00:06:08.400 Like I mentioned before, I have a tendency to revert back to the aggressive style, which
00:06:12.700 is something that I'm always, always working on.
00:06:15.500 So think about your conversations.
00:06:16.760 How do they go?
00:06:17.620 How can you improve?
00:06:18.820 How did people respond?
00:06:20.280 Ask the people closest to you what they think about the way that you communicate.
00:06:23.660 The key here, guys, is to understand your baseline of communication so that you can improve.
00:06:28.960 You can build upon that.
00:06:30.400 Next, look around at people you admire and observe what type of communicators they are.
00:06:36.920 How do they speak?
00:06:38.080 What words, tempo, inflection, and pace do they use in their everyday talk?
00:06:42.820 And how do the people around them respond?
00:06:45.020 How do they deal with difficult situations?
00:06:47.500 Next, you got to practice.
00:06:48.780 You got to put this stuff into practice.
00:06:50.140 I talk about it all the time.
00:06:51.400 This is what I'm talking about here.
00:06:52.440 Practice telling people what's on your mind.
00:06:55.980 Make suggestions and recommendations to people.
00:06:58.880 If someone asks your opinion, give it to them.
00:07:01.560 When things go wrong, take a breath.
00:07:04.060 Remove yourself from a bad or a negative situation and find a new way to approach it.
00:07:08.620 A more assertive way to approach it.
00:07:11.380 And then last, review.
00:07:12.660 This comes back to that evaluation, that first step.
00:07:14.600 At the end of every day, you should be going back on the conversations that you're having.
00:07:18.720 What did you do well?
00:07:20.140 What did you communicate effectively?
00:07:21.420 In what areas do you need to improve?
00:07:23.840 Did you have an argument?
00:07:24.900 Did you lose your cool or your temper?
00:07:26.920 And then how are you going to do that better tomorrow?
00:07:29.740 So that's it, guys.
00:07:30.580 A quick overview of communication.
00:07:32.240 Why it's so important you learn to be a better communicator.
00:07:34.700 A few of the styles of communication.
00:07:36.560 And then things that you can do today to be a more effective communicator,
00:07:39.900 which makes you a better leader, which makes you a better man.
00:07:42.980 And that's what we're all about here.
00:07:44.120 So if you're interested in taking the next step, I would encourage you to join the Iron
00:07:48.720 Council.
00:07:49.200 This is our elite mastermind with over 100 strong now.
00:07:52.020 These are men who are taking serious strides in their relationships and their money and
00:07:56.720 wealth building and their health and fitness goals and their personal goals as well.
00:08:00.520 And they're learning how to be better communicators.
00:08:02.480 We communicate through our closed Facebook group.
00:08:04.700 We've got our weekly calls.
00:08:06.260 And some of these guys have even become team leaders and they're communicating with
00:08:09.680 their teams of 10 men now inside of the Iron Council.
00:08:13.460 So if you want to learn more about that, go to orderofman.com slash ironcouncil.
00:08:17.040 But until then and until next week, guys, be a better communicator, be a better leader,
00:08:22.620 be a better man and live manfully.
00:08:26.120 Those are your Friday field notes.
00:08:28.000 Now it's time to crush your excuses, own your choices, accept responsibility and live manfully.
00:08:34.300 Learn how at orderofman.com forward slash field notes.