Order of Man - September 30, 2016


FFN 023： How to Win Your Wife Back


Episode Stats

Length

9 minutes

Words per Minute

205.85237

Word Count

2,019

Sentence Count

149

Misogynist Sentences

3

Hate Speech Sentences

2


Summary

In this episode of Friday Field Notes, Ryan Michler talks about how to win your wife back after separating from your wife. He shares his personal story of why his wife left him and how he was able to win her back.


Transcript

00:00:00.000 You're a man. You're committed to the work required to forge your own destiny.
00:00:04.600 Your blood. Your sweat. Your tears.
00:00:07.740 You will not be defeated. You cannot be deterred.
00:00:11.480 Nothing stands between you and the victory you seek.
00:00:14.640 You're a rock. Steadfast, resolute, and unwavering.
00:00:18.420 And, at the end of the day, the job will be done.
00:00:22.400 Welcome to your Friday Field Notes.
00:00:25.200 Men, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Michler,
00:00:27.440 and I am the host and founder of Order of Man.
00:00:29.520 And, as always, I'm glad you're back with us again here today.
00:00:32.440 Now, if you're new to the show, this is a show about all things manly.
00:00:34.940 Specifically today, we're talking about relationships,
00:00:37.180 but we cover so much more than just relationships.
00:00:39.620 We talk about the psychology of leadership.
00:00:41.980 We talk about self-defense.
00:00:43.380 We talk about strength and conditioning and nutrition.
00:00:45.120 And we talk about anything, really, that is important to you as a man.
00:00:48.620 So, each and every Friday, I release your Friday Field Notes,
00:00:51.880 which is what you're listening to now.
00:00:53.680 This is a short show. It's typically between 7 to 10 minutes.
00:00:56.180 It's just long enough to get to the heart of the matter,
00:00:58.520 but short enough for you to listen to if you only have a few minutes.
00:01:01.160 We also, though, have a longer version,
00:01:03.640 which is released each Tuesday where we interview the world's most successful men.
00:01:07.580 We extract their hard-learned lessons, and then we deliver them right to you.
00:01:11.960 Basically, you need to make sure that you subscribe to this show
00:01:14.160 so you never miss our Fridays or our Tuesdays release.
00:01:17.240 Now, before we get too much into this conversation today,
00:01:19.920 know that you can find all of the show notes,
00:01:21.400 which is basically the transcript for this show
00:01:23.780 at orderofman.com slash FFN, as in Friday Field Notes.
00:01:27.420 So, it's FFN 023.
00:01:30.200 I also share a video titled,
00:01:32.520 Why My Wife Left Me on the show notes page.
00:01:35.560 So, you should probably check that out as well.
00:01:37.560 Now, last thing, we are having some, guys,
00:01:39.800 incredible conversations about all the things manly
00:01:42.920 we want to talk about inside of our closed Facebook group.
00:01:45.920 So, make sure you join the 8,000 men that we have inside of that group
00:01:49.780 at facebook.com slash groups slash orderofmen.
00:01:53.300 Now, let's talk about this today.
00:01:54.320 I titled the name of the podcast,
00:01:55.840 How to Win Your Wife Back.
00:01:57.760 But it's not just for men who may be going through a separation.
00:02:00.600 It's also for men who are married
00:02:02.200 or who might get married at any time in the future.
00:02:04.900 In other words, the things that I talk about today
00:02:06.700 are going to apply to every single man out there,
00:02:09.700 every single one of you that might be listening.
00:02:11.680 I'm going to share some real life lessons here,
00:02:13.760 some things that I've learned the hard way
00:02:15.140 and shed some light into my darkest days
00:02:17.400 so that hopefully you don't have to go through the same experiences
00:02:20.500 I did roughly seven years ago.
00:02:22.100 Now, I told you I'm not going to get too much into that story.
00:02:24.440 So, if you want to know more, again,
00:02:25.700 visit the show notes page at orderofman.com
00:02:27.760 slash FFN023 to hear that story.
00:02:31.360 But roughly seven years ago,
00:02:33.040 guys, my wife and I decided to call it quits.
00:02:35.980 There was a lot of things that led up to that event,
00:02:37.800 but it finally came to a head one evening
00:02:39.260 and we decided, frankly, to throw in the towel.
00:02:41.180 And for a long time, I blamed her.
00:02:43.360 Why was she doing this to me?
00:02:44.660 How could she be disloyal?
00:02:46.160 Why wasn't she doing the things that I thought
00:02:48.140 even a good wife should do?
00:02:49.920 Those were the questions that were going through my mind.
00:02:51.980 But somewhere along the way,
00:02:53.060 I realized that maybe it just wasn't her.
00:02:55.800 Maybe it wasn't her fault.
00:02:56.960 Maybe I was the one who had let her down.
00:02:59.620 Maybe I was the one who was disloyal.
00:03:01.300 I never cheated on her,
00:03:02.520 but maybe I wasn't there the way she needed me to be
00:03:05.080 mentally and emotionally.
00:03:07.020 Maybe I brought this actually upon myself.
00:03:09.540 And as I came to these realizations,
00:03:11.300 this is where I started to do something about it.
00:03:13.980 And this is the journey that I went on.
00:03:15.400 So I titled this podcast,
00:03:16.500 How to Win My Wife Back.
00:03:17.380 But the reality is that this title is probably
00:03:19.840 a little bit misleading
00:03:21.080 because there's nothing that you can do to change her.
00:03:25.120 You are the only one you have control over.
00:03:28.220 You are the only one you can change.
00:03:31.040 But sometimes that's enough.
00:03:33.160 Sometimes it isn't.
00:03:34.260 So whether your wife decides to come back or not,
00:03:36.760 or you're still together,
00:03:38.020 you can do something about you.
00:03:40.620 And that will always serve you well.
00:03:42.480 So maybe the better title for the podcast,
00:03:44.140 now that I'm thinking of it,
00:03:44.940 would be How to Change Myself.
00:03:46.120 But let's be honest,
00:03:46.880 if I titled it that,
00:03:48.180 you probably wouldn't have listened to this, right?
00:03:50.480 So the reality is this, guys.
00:03:53.000 When you change yourself,
00:03:54.920 people respond differently.
00:03:56.460 So if your wife isn't responding
00:03:58.000 the way that you hoped she would,
00:04:00.140 it has less to do with her
00:04:01.660 and more to do with you
00:04:03.180 and the way that you're behaving,
00:04:05.280 the way that you're thinking about things.
00:04:07.480 And that's what I want to talk with you about today.
00:04:09.000 How to change yourself
00:04:10.520 so that your wife responds.
00:04:12.600 And the things that I'm going to share with you today
00:04:13.720 apply to more
00:04:14.800 than just your romantic relationships.
00:04:16.640 They apply to the relationships
00:04:17.740 you have with your kids
00:04:18.560 and your coworkers,
00:04:19.820 your boss,
00:04:20.340 your employer,
00:04:20.800 your neighbors,
00:04:21.360 and anyone else
00:04:22.460 that you might come in contact with.
00:04:24.140 So how do you do this?
00:04:25.220 How do you change yourself?
00:04:26.800 Here's the conclusion that I've come to,
00:04:28.440 especially as I began my journey seven years ago.
00:04:30.520 Each of us,
00:04:31.660 lives inside of a box.
00:04:32.860 There's no doors.
00:04:33.560 There's no windows.
00:04:34.420 There's no way for us to get out.
00:04:35.800 This is a box of what I call delusions.
00:04:38.000 We've told ourselves so many things,
00:04:40.140 so many scripts,
00:04:41.040 so many lies,
00:04:41.780 so many delusions.
00:04:43.540 Unless you do something
00:04:44.880 about the box that you live in,
00:04:46.580 you will always,
00:04:47.540 always,
00:04:48.160 always experience the same result
00:04:50.140 that you've experienced up to this point.
00:04:52.460 Now,
00:04:52.700 if there's one thing
00:04:53.680 that you need to take away
00:04:54.700 from the conversation today,
00:04:56.460 it's how do I expand this box?
00:04:58.520 How do I let new information
00:05:00.240 inside of this box?
00:05:02.380 So I want to get really tactical with you.
00:05:04.380 It's nice to talk about the dreams
00:05:05.480 and rainbows and hopes and wishes,
00:05:06.960 but unless you know exactly what to do,
00:05:09.620 you're probably going to do a lot of dreaming
00:05:11.600 and not a whole lot of doing.
00:05:13.900 So the first thing
00:05:15.000 that I want to share with you
00:05:16.540 is you need to read books.
00:05:17.640 I cannot overemphasize this enough.
00:05:20.200 I talk about it all the time.
00:05:21.800 You have to start filling this box,
00:05:23.960 which is your mind,
00:05:24.960 with new information.
00:05:26.020 In fact,
00:05:26.700 I did a post on this
00:05:27.440 a couple of months ago,
00:05:28.340 which you can find
00:05:29.340 on the show notes page.
00:05:30.880 Again,
00:05:31.040 that's orderofman.com
00:05:32.120 slash FFN023.
00:05:34.980 But a couple of really good books
00:05:36.300 specifically on relationships,
00:05:38.160 if that's what you're working on,
00:05:39.580 are
00:05:40.000 The Five Love Languages
00:05:41.540 by Gary Chapman
00:05:42.540 and
00:05:43.240 The Way of the Superior Man
00:05:44.880 by David Deada.
00:05:45.820 Start there.
00:05:47.100 We literally,
00:05:47.960 guys,
00:05:48.160 have access
00:05:48.720 to the greatest minds
00:05:49.720 the world has ever seen.
00:05:51.900 And you can tap into them
00:05:52.940 for free.
00:05:54.060 And I personally read
00:05:54.900 about 40 to 50 books per year
00:05:56.560 and every time
00:05:57.640 I read,
00:05:58.560 guys,
00:05:58.740 I learn something new
00:05:59.900 which expands my box
00:06:01.440 and my level of thinking.
00:06:03.640 Second,
00:06:04.420 you need to find
00:06:05.420 a new group of people
00:06:07.280 to spend time with.
00:06:08.800 I want you to inventory
00:06:09.880 the people you're spending time with
00:06:11.200 and I want you to consider
00:06:12.260 and start identifying
00:06:13.240 new people,
00:06:14.860 a new group of people.
00:06:16.520 Invite other people
00:06:17.480 into your world,
00:06:18.180 but not just anyone.
00:06:19.160 I'm talking about
00:06:19.660 successful people,
00:06:20.660 people who will challenge you,
00:06:21.800 people who are going to push you,
00:06:24.060 people who will help expand
00:06:25.800 your way of thinking.
00:06:27.440 There's a great resource,
00:06:28.440 another great resource
00:06:29.200 on this.
00:06:30.280 Go listen to the podcast interview
00:06:31.640 I did with Stephen Mansfield.
00:06:33.320 We talked about
00:06:33.980 building your band of brothers.
00:06:36.040 This is what I'm talking about here.
00:06:37.560 That one is at
00:06:38.400 orderofman.com
00:06:39.400 slash 076.
00:06:41.100 But this is paramount,
00:06:41.960 you guys.
00:06:42.680 This strategy alone
00:06:43.920 has the power
00:06:45.220 to catapult you
00:06:46.260 out of your current reality
00:06:47.480 into the stratosphere.
00:06:49.100 So if you're struggling
00:06:50.320 with your business,
00:06:51.620 find successful business owners.
00:06:53.300 If you're struggling
00:06:54.120 with your weight,
00:06:54.760 find fitness
00:06:55.560 and nutrition coaches.
00:06:56.860 If you're struggling
00:06:57.360 as a father and a husband,
00:06:59.040 find men
00:06:59.740 who are getting it right.
00:07:01.420 Get out there,
00:07:02.100 find the people
00:07:02.700 that have figured it out
00:07:03.480 and do what they do.
00:07:04.960 Now the next point
00:07:05.720 that I want to make
00:07:06.900 is that you have to get right
00:07:08.440 with yourself.
00:07:09.840 This is the hardest
00:07:10.640 one to do,
00:07:11.740 but it's probably
00:07:12.440 the most important.
00:07:13.640 A lot of the baggage guys
00:07:14.740 that we carry around
00:07:15.640 has to do with the way
00:07:17.180 that we think
00:07:17.760 about the world
00:07:18.400 and how we are currently
00:07:19.800 interacting with it.
00:07:21.080 We take these
00:07:21.960 thought processes
00:07:23.140 that we have
00:07:24.240 and we project them
00:07:25.680 out into the world
00:07:26.460 and onto other people
00:07:27.640 and then we wonder
00:07:28.360 why those people
00:07:29.640 aren't responding
00:07:30.540 the way that we
00:07:31.420 would like them to.
00:07:32.680 So let's get really
00:07:33.620 specific on this.
00:07:34.980 Health.
00:07:35.740 Alright,
00:07:35.960 what are you doing
00:07:36.760 for your body?
00:07:38.120 What food
00:07:38.740 are you putting
00:07:39.460 into this machine?
00:07:40.500 What muscles
00:07:41.320 are you exercising?
00:07:42.560 You need to shock
00:07:43.220 the system
00:07:43.740 by doing something new,
00:07:45.180 by becoming
00:07:45.980 somebody new.
00:07:47.020 Next is wealth.
00:07:48.360 How do your finances look?
00:07:50.000 Money is one of
00:07:50.880 the biggest drivers
00:07:52.200 of arguments
00:07:52.840 in a relationship.
00:07:54.240 Are you tracking
00:07:54.780 your money?
00:07:55.680 Are you looking
00:07:56.180 for new ways
00:07:56.880 to make extra money?
00:07:58.380 Are you spending
00:07:58.960 less or more
00:07:59.840 than you earn?
00:08:00.500 Get this stuff
00:08:01.140 under control.
00:08:02.580 And then the last issue
00:08:03.320 on this is yourself,
00:08:04.700 spirituality.
00:08:05.320 And I'm not necessarily
00:08:05.940 talking about religion.
00:08:07.000 I'm talking about
00:08:07.520 the spirit and the mind.
00:08:08.940 Are you meditating?
00:08:09.820 Are you participating
00:08:10.620 in hobbies and activities
00:08:12.360 that are engaging to you?
00:08:14.000 If not,
00:08:14.520 you've got to carve out
00:08:15.300 time to do that.
00:08:16.180 Look,
00:08:16.720 as I know this stuff
00:08:17.680 sounds super simple
00:08:18.780 and the best answers,
00:08:20.700 they usually are.
00:08:21.880 So if you're struggling
00:08:22.600 in your marriage,
00:08:23.300 if you're going
00:08:24.100 through a separation,
00:08:25.220 if you're going
00:08:25.740 through a divorce,
00:08:26.920 you need to focus
00:08:27.800 less attention on her.
00:08:29.580 Do not smother her.
00:08:31.400 Focus less attention
00:08:32.340 on her
00:08:32.880 and more attention
00:08:34.500 on you.
00:08:35.200 I know it sounds
00:08:35.940 counterintuitive,
00:08:36.900 but when you change,
00:08:38.360 the way she responds
00:08:39.740 to you
00:08:40.420 will change.
00:08:41.520 So try this stuff
00:08:42.700 for a day
00:08:43.520 or a week
00:08:44.160 or a month
00:08:44.760 and just see
00:08:45.860 where it leads you.
00:08:47.220 You have nothing to lose
00:08:48.100 and everything to gain.
00:08:49.220 And at the end of the day,
00:08:49.940 the women in our lives,
00:08:51.000 they're looking for leaders.
00:08:52.920 They're looking for assertiveness.
00:08:54.520 They're looking for men
00:08:55.260 with energy
00:08:55.900 and passion
00:08:56.620 and drive
00:08:57.360 and motivation.
00:08:58.800 And the odds are
00:08:59.600 you have limit amounts
00:09:00.440 of that left.
00:09:01.080 The world may have
00:09:01.900 beat you up
00:09:02.600 with financial problems
00:09:03.620 and health problems,
00:09:04.620 divorce,
00:09:05.440 job loss,
00:09:06.120 illness,
00:09:06.620 injury.
00:09:07.500 You need to learn
00:09:08.760 to stand
00:09:09.580 on your own two feet
00:09:10.900 and when you do,
00:09:12.480 she will respond.
00:09:14.580 Now, I hope that helps
00:09:15.360 to some degree, men.
00:09:16.620 I hope that you're able
00:09:17.300 to save your marriage.
00:09:18.400 Stop blaming her.
00:09:19.900 Stop focusing on her.
00:09:21.360 Start blaming yourself.
00:09:23.040 Start taking care
00:09:23.960 of yourself.
00:09:24.860 Do the things
00:09:25.420 that you can do
00:09:26.160 to expand your mind
00:09:27.340 and expand your way
00:09:28.700 of thinking.
00:09:29.720 Start doing
00:09:30.380 what you know
00:09:31.720 you need to do
00:09:32.800 and start living
00:09:33.740 as the man
00:09:34.460 that you were meant to be.
00:09:35.700 Those are your
00:09:36.940 Friday Field Notes.
00:09:38.200 Now, it's time
00:09:39.200 to crush your excuses,
00:09:40.580 own your choices,
00:09:41.820 accept responsibility,
00:09:43.540 and live manfully.
00:09:44.980 Learn how
00:09:45.500 at orderofman.com
00:09:47.140 forward slash field notes.