Order of Man - FFN 025： Putting Yourself First

00:00:00.000 You're a man. You're committed to the work required to forge your own destiny.

00:00:04.600 Your blood. Your sweat. Your tears.

00:00:07.920 You will not be defeated. You cannot be deterred.

00:00:11.480 Nothing stands between you and the victory you seek.

00:00:14.640 You're a rock. Steadfast, resolute, and unwavering.

00:00:18.420 And, at the end of the day, the job will be done.

00:00:22.480 Welcome to your Friday Field Notes.

00:00:24.940 Men, what is going on today? Welcome to another edition of your Friday Field Notes.

00:00:28.340 I am Ryan Michler, and I am the host and founder of Order of Man.

00:00:31.400 Now, if you're new to the show today, this may not be the best place to start.

00:00:34.740 Each Friday, we do a short show of my ramblings and my thoughts throughout the week,

00:00:37.860 but we also have an interview show where I interview the world's most successful men on the planet.

00:00:42.760 I extract their lessons, and I bring them right back to you.

00:00:45.720 In other words, you're just going to want to subscribe.

00:00:47.580 All right, just subscribe to the Order of Man podcast so you never miss either of our weekly shows.

00:00:52.320 And while you're there, make sure you leave a rating and review

00:00:54.300 so we can get the word out about what the Order of Man is and what we stand for

00:00:58.000 and what we don't.

00:00:59.060 Now, I just want to jump right into this one today, guys, because we don't have a lot of time.

00:01:03.300 Today, I want to talk with you about putting yourself first.

00:01:07.040 Now, I know this is going to be a controversial subject

00:01:08.960 because everywhere you turn, whether that's in society or even your church,

00:01:13.160 the message is always to put others first.

00:01:15.540 And while I think it's really important that we do serve

00:01:17.840 and we do give attention to others,

00:01:20.020 it is impossible, guys, for us to give all that we're capable of giving

00:01:23.540 unless each and every one of us finds a way to take care of ourselves.

00:01:27.600 So consider for a second the last plane trip that you were on.

00:01:31.780 When the stewardess gave her instructions,

00:01:33.900 should the air mask drop from the ceiling,

00:01:35.760 whose air mask should you put on first?

00:01:38.300 Yours, right?

00:01:39.580 Have you ever thought about why that is, though?

00:01:41.260 The fact is that you can't be much help if you're unconscious or dead.

00:01:44.820 But this happens in more common scenarios, too.

00:01:47.200 Men work and work and work. 0.98

00:01:49.200 We work 8, 9, 10, 12 hours a day.

00:01:51.180 We come home and the kids are jumping on us.

00:01:53.100 Our wife is asking for us to fix the leaky faucet 1.00

00:01:56.140 and someone is asking to help move.

00:01:57.960 And then you have to go coach your kids' teams.

00:01:59.720 And when you're finally done for the day,

00:02:01.220 you realize it's time for bed, only to wake up.

00:02:04.000 And then you have to do the same thing over and over again.

00:02:07.060 So if this is you, I commend you for wanting to help out in so many capacities.

00:02:10.540 But you're going to burn out, brother.

00:02:12.200 And that burnout is going to manifest itself in one of a few ways.

00:02:15.940 First, you're just going to stop.

00:02:18.000 You're going to stop the drive.

00:02:18.960 You're going to stop the motivation, the ambition. 0.89

00:02:20.520 And you're going to turn into a lazy slob who sits on the couch all day 1.00

00:02:24.460 and eats bonbons or chili dogs or whatever it is that you eat. 0.98

00:02:28.120 But second, and this is more likely, you're going to explode.

00:02:31.580 You're going to say something to one of your clients.

00:02:33.420 You're going to make a comment to your wife that you can't take back.

00:02:35.920 You're going to yell at your son or your daughter.

00:02:38.180 Trust me, guys.

00:02:38.760 I know I've done this, fellas.

00:02:40.480 I've been up to my eyeballs in doing other people's quote-unquote stuff

00:02:45.140 and allowing other people to dictate my life.

00:02:47.800 And you know what the worst part is?

00:02:49.480 People knew that I would help.

00:02:51.800 They knew I would drop everything for them.

00:02:54.220 And they started to take advantage of that.

00:02:56.140 They weren't doing it out of spite, though.

00:02:57.780 But they knew Ryan was a nice guy and he would be more than willing to help.

00:03:02.400 Now, I know you guys are in this boat, too.

00:03:04.660 And I want to give you a couple of pointers.

00:03:06.020 I want to give you permission to be a little selfish.

00:03:07.680 I want to give you permission to put yourself first.

00:03:10.740 Now, I know a lot of you are saying, I don't need permission.

00:03:13.600 You're right.

00:03:14.040 You don't.

00:03:14.900 But I want to ask you then, why aren't you putting yourself first?

00:03:18.160 Why aren't you doing things for you?

00:03:19.920 Now, I know what a lot of you are going to say.

00:03:21.360 You're going to say, I have obligations or I have people counting on me or people need my help.

00:03:26.640 And while I agree that might be true, you're only saying that because you've allowed yourself

00:03:31.800 to be at the mercy of what everyone else wants, regardless, and this is the key, regardless

00:03:38.100 of how you feel about it.

00:03:40.120 So, here's a disclaimer for all of you who think that maybe I'm being a little too harsh.

00:03:44.480 Maybe I'm being too selfish.

00:03:46.060 I want you to help people.

00:03:47.640 I want you to serve.

00:03:48.640 I want you to do it in a way that's meaningful to you.

00:03:51.980 And I want you also to be able to sustain your service.

00:03:56.020 And at the rate you're going, how long is it going to be that you'll be able to do that?

00:03:59.480 So, let's break this down today.

00:04:00.860 First, I need you guys to start getting clear about what you want.

00:04:04.900 I know that I've talked about this over and over and over again, but it seems like there's

00:04:08.580 a lot of you who still haven't taken the time to find out what you truly want out of life.

00:04:13.280 I hear this a lot.

00:04:13.940 Ryan, I know there's more to life, but I don't know how to find it.

00:04:16.920 Here's how you find it.

00:04:17.620 You start looking for it.

00:04:18.540 You start planning.

00:04:19.320 You start thinking.

00:04:20.720 You start executing.

00:04:22.020 Your dreams are not going to knock on your door and hit you over the head.

00:04:25.420 You've got to go out and tackle that.

00:04:26.780 See, what's happening is you're allowing yourself to be used in others' dreams.

00:04:30.860 Because you're too lazy or too stubborn or too busy to go out and find out on your own.

00:04:36.720 So, you need to take time every single day and reflect upon what you want and then start

00:04:41.840 working towards it.

00:04:42.980 The next thing you need to do is to make your default answer, no.

00:04:48.300 I know that you want to say yes.

00:04:50.440 I know that you want to be helpful.

00:04:52.520 I know you want to do good by your family and your neighbors and your community, but can you

00:04:56.780 really afford one more thing on your plate?

00:05:00.020 If you're anything like me, you cannot.

00:05:01.920 And the other point is when you keep adding to your plate, can you really serve the other

00:05:05.620 people that you've already committed to?

00:05:07.340 I used to be involved in three local charities and a fourth one came to me and asked if I'd sit

00:05:12.200 on their board.

00:05:12.840 I really want to do.

00:05:13.480 I really believed in what they were doing.

00:05:15.360 I really thought that maybe I could make it work and that I could make a difference.

00:05:18.640 But then I started thinking about my family and I started thinking about the other organizations

00:05:23.400 I belong to.

00:05:24.520 And it made that decision to say no extremely easy.

00:05:28.380 And guess what?

00:05:29.340 They found somebody else and all was well.

00:05:32.140 Everything worked out.

00:05:33.280 That charity got ahead and I got ahead.

00:05:35.180 So, you need to make sure you're using the word no more often.

00:05:39.060 Now, the last thing I want to share with you is that you guys need to carve out personal

00:05:42.380 time.

00:05:42.760 I don't care if it's in the morning.

00:05:44.420 That's what I'd suggest because you can do it before anyone else is awake or if it's

00:05:47.820 an afternoon nap or a golf session or whatever.

00:05:51.260 As long as you carve out time for you, only you.

00:05:55.340 Be selfish here.

00:05:56.180 Do exactly what you want to do.

00:05:58.120 If you want to invite some friends, great.

00:06:00.000 But do what you want to do.

00:06:02.280 Find something that energizes you, that drives you, that will allow you to come back to the

00:06:05.860 obligations you've made.

00:06:07.440 Re-energize.

00:06:08.200 I used to play basketball with some of the guys every Tuesday night and each week, without

00:06:11.620 fail, we'd have somebody show up late or not at all.

00:06:14.940 And then when we'd ask them about it, they'd always say something to the effect of, my wife

00:06:18.640 wouldn't let me leave or I had to take care of some things.

00:06:20.980 That's bull.

00:06:21.840 You need a way to get that figured out.

00:06:23.480 You need to let your wife know that this is time for you.

00:06:26.280 You can fix the toilet later.

00:06:27.700 She can put the kids to bed that night.

00:06:29.620 It takes communication.

00:06:30.880 I know.

00:06:31.620 But as you know, we talk a lot about that too.

00:06:33.440 So I can't get into all the nuances of putting yourself first, but I can promise you this

00:06:37.400 guys, as we wind things down today, you will be a better man when you get a bit more selfish

00:06:42.480 with your time.

00:06:43.320 You'll be a more significant husband.

00:06:45.360 You'll be a more engaged father.

00:06:46.720 You'll be a more profitable businessman.

00:06:48.520 And you're just going to be a more well-rounded man.

00:06:50.640 So that's it for today, guys.

00:06:52.300 Here's your marching orders.

00:06:53.460 First, carve out 15 minutes each day to think and plan about what you want.

00:07:00.500 Not anybody else, what you want.

00:07:02.000 Next, practice saying no to as many quote-unquote opportunities as you can this coming week.

00:07:07.640 And last, find time in your week every day again for something that engages you.

00:07:13.600 Don't worry about anybody else when you're doing this.

00:07:15.600 This is just for you.

00:07:17.040 So get after it, guys.

00:07:18.460 I did everything for everybody for a long time.

00:07:21.940 And for a long time, I was frustrated with the way my life was going.

00:07:25.340 And it wasn't until I learned to take care of myself first that I became the husband

00:07:28.840 and the father and the business owner I wanted to be.

00:07:31.680 So, guys, I look forward to talking with you next week.

00:07:33.700 But until then, take action and become the man you were meant to be.

00:07:38.140 Those are your Friday Field Notes.

00:07:39.940 Now it's time to crush your excuses, own your choices, accept responsibility, and live manfully.

00:07:46.280 Learn how at orderofman.com forward slash field notes.

Order of Man - October 14, 2016

FFN 025： Putting Yourself First

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