Order of Man - February 10, 2017


FFN 042： Join or Die


Episode Stats

Length

10 minutes

Words per Minute

216.12779

Word Count

2,246

Sentence Count

148

Hate Speech Sentences

1


Summary

In this episode, Ryan talks about the importance of surrounding yourself with good men, and why it is so important to have a community of like-minded men in your life. He also talks about how to become a better man.


Transcript

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.
00:00:06.020 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.
00:00:10.440 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.
00:00:15.500 This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.
00:00:19.760 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.
00:00:25.560 Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Mickler and I am the host and the founder of Order of Man.
00:00:29.440 And if you are joining us for the first time today or you've been here forever, I want to welcome you to what I would consider to be the manliest podcast available on the interwebs.
00:00:38.420 My goal is to help you become a better man, a better leader in every facet of your life.
00:00:42.740 It could be your family, your business, your community, everywhere in between.
00:00:46.920 So each and every week, we have an interview show where we bring in the world's most successful men from entrepreneurs to New York Times bestselling authors, elite warriors, psychologists, everywhere that we can and anyone that we can.
00:00:57.840 So you can learn the lessons that have helped them excel in their lives.
00:01:01.800 And of course, we can use that information to succeed in ours.
00:01:05.060 Now, we also have this show, our Friday Field Notes, the one you're listening to right now, where essentially you're going to hear my thoughts, my ideas, inspirations, just some of the things that bounce around in my head throughout the week.
00:01:14.700 Now, I do want to jump right into the show because it is such an important topic.
00:01:18.600 You'll notice I called this podcast Join or Die.
00:01:21.740 What do I mean by this?
00:01:22.580 I mean that it is critical that you and I, as men, find a way to join other men face to face.
00:01:29.080 I'm going to talk about why this is so important.
00:01:31.300 I'm going to talk with you about what to look for in men you want to surround yourself with.
00:01:35.120 And I'm going to talk with you about the steps that you can take right now, right off the bat, to ensure that you're surrounding yourself with good men.
00:01:41.120 And I also want to mention that I got this topic from some of the guys in our Facebook group.
00:01:45.680 We have just over 20,000 men in that group right now.
00:01:49.160 I think we were at 19,000 on Tuesday.
00:01:51.060 So, you know, this thing is growing rapidly.
00:01:52.720 And if you want to join in that conversation that we're having over there about masculinity, you can do that at facebook.com slash groups slash order of men.
00:02:02.620 I want to start off with a quote by Rudyard Kipling, who said,
00:02:05.060 For the strength of the pack is the wolf, and the strength of the wolf is the pack.
00:02:09.460 We've talked at length about why it is so critical that you and me learn to take care of ourselves so that we can show up in the best way possible for those we care about and those we have a responsibility for.
00:02:20.360 But we haven't talked much about finding a way not only to learn from others, but to help support and uplift others as well.
00:02:27.500 The only other resource I have outside of this show today is my interview with Steven Mansfield on building your band of brothers.
00:02:34.740 That episode can be found at order of man dot com slash zero seven six.
00:02:39.340 But as Rudyard Kipling says, again, the strength of the pack is the wolf and the strength of the wolf is the pack.
00:02:44.860 Somewhere in the last thousands of years, you and me as men began to believe that we had to have it all figured out, right?
00:02:50.480 That somehow it was more noble to go at it alone and that any man who actually asked at any time for help was less masculine.
00:02:57.180 And the result of this is that we have a lot of men on this planet who are wandering around trying to make everybody believe that they actually have this thing figured out when in all reality, they're just as lost, if not more so than the next guy.
00:03:10.820 We also have a lot of men who have become complacent.
00:03:13.300 They just go with emotions.
00:03:14.500 I know this has been me in the past.
00:03:15.800 Ask yourself how many men, you know, who you could describe by saying they wake up and they roll out of bed with just enough time to get cleaned up and grab a quick bite.
00:03:23.680 Maybe before they get into work, do the work that someone else tells them to do for eight plus hours a day work.
00:03:29.460 They don't even enjoy and they're miserable at drive home in exhaustion and misery only to have a dozen chores lined up at home and not enough time to give his wife and children the attention they deserve.
00:03:40.260 Only to go to bed with just enough time to get the minimum required sleep to do it all over again the next day.
00:03:46.900 Maybe I just described you and if that's the case, I would suggest that you've fallen into a pattern, a pattern of complacency.
00:03:54.880 And what's going to make this difficult to break free from is that not only have you created the pattern, but you've also erected the walls that keep you in the very rut that you've established for yourself.
00:04:05.520 It is difficult to see the box that we create for ourselves when we're the ones who created the box.
00:04:11.040 It's kind of like the matrix, but in order to break free from that mediocre and that complacent life, you and I are going to have to get an outside perspective.
00:04:19.420 And we do this from other men who care about us and want us to succeed.
00:04:23.960 And this is why I titled it join or die.
00:04:26.180 If you can't find a way to band and join with other men, you are going to die.
00:04:31.880 Maybe not literally, but figuratively.
00:04:34.260 I know there's been times in my life where I have felt dead inside because I had no clear direction for my life.
00:04:41.300 And even worse, I had no one to tell me what needed to be said to get my ass pointed in the right direction.
00:04:47.780 I think a lot of you get this because you asked me to address it, but I'm assuming the reason you asked it because there's a lot of men out there who don't know quite how to do this.
00:04:56.980 So I want to break this down, what to look for and where to find men you can invite into your circle to make your life better.
00:05:03.740 And of course, to make their lives better as well.
00:05:05.820 So first, the men that you look for better be successful in one or more aspects of their lives and the same aspects of the lives you're trying to excel in.
00:05:14.120 If they're not, you're not going to get the results that you desire.
00:05:16.980 They won't be able to teach you.
00:05:18.680 A lot of guys will say something to the effect of, you know, what about those that are less fortunate than me?
00:05:22.860 I get that.
00:05:23.640 If you want to serve them, those that are less fortunate than you, I commend you for that.
00:05:27.440 But that's a whole nother conversation.
00:05:29.360 That's a whole nother podcast.
00:05:31.060 Those are not the men that you should allow in your pack, in your tribe, in your band of brothers.
00:05:35.560 Find successful men, number one.
00:05:37.740 Next, look for men who are going to tell you the truth.
00:05:40.520 And those guys who are truthful with themselves, you're not looking for a bunch of yes men.
00:05:44.500 That's not going to help you improve.
00:05:45.900 You're not looking for guys who will tell you what you want to hear.
00:05:48.880 That's cheap.
00:05:49.520 We can find that anywhere.
00:05:50.460 You're looking for men who will tell you what you need to hear.
00:05:54.660 And along those same lines, look for men who are mentally tough.
00:05:58.020 You don't want a crybaby in your circle.
00:06:00.360 You don't want a complainer.
00:06:01.300 You don't want a sensitive pansy because they're too worried about everybody's feelings to actually get to what needs to be said and done.
00:06:08.760 And the last thing that I want to cover and what to look for, and this is for the sake of time.
00:06:12.780 I know we can go on and on about this, but these are the four critical ones, is somebody you actually like.
00:06:17.240 If you don't like that person, don't invite them into your circle of friends.
00:06:21.020 And you don't even need to know why you don't like them.
00:06:23.160 Your gut instinct is a pretty good indicator.
00:06:25.460 And if your gut is telling you something's off, something's off.
00:06:28.700 Find guys you enjoy being around.
00:06:31.280 And this will make your band of brothers that much more rewarding.
00:06:34.100 But one word of caution on this, all right?
00:06:36.020 This is a disclaimer.
00:06:37.200 You might like the guy, but if he doesn't meet the other criteria I talked about, successful, honest, mentally tough, he does not belong in your tribe.
00:06:45.740 So let's talk about now that you have the criteria.
00:06:48.540 Where are you going to find these guys?
00:06:49.600 The first step in identifying men who, again, you want to invite into your circle is to inventory the friends, the brothers, the people you already have in your life.
00:06:57.780 And by doing an inventory, you're going to see very quickly who belongs in your pack and frankly, who doesn't.
00:07:03.340 And if you find men that don't belong, stop spending time with them.
00:07:08.080 I know this is hard.
00:07:09.080 Some guys will say, I feel bad for leaving them out.
00:07:10.860 Fine, feel bad.
00:07:11.620 You can feel bad.
00:07:12.820 These guys aren't going to help you and you're not responsible for them.
00:07:16.420 If you want to make that a charity case or cause, great.
00:07:18.720 Do that.
00:07:19.800 But do not, I repeat, do not allow them into your circle.
00:07:24.200 Now, the guys that you identify from your inventory that you should be spending more time with, simply just ask them to hang out.
00:07:30.560 I know this gets a little tricky because asking one man to do something together is kind of like going on a date.
00:07:36.520 So I would suggest arranging a group get together, fight night, going to a game, going shooting, hitting the gym.
00:07:43.700 Maybe it's a 5K or a run.
00:07:45.100 Just make sure it's something done in a group setting.
00:07:46.900 Because one, it's not as awkward to ask somebody to come to a group setting.
00:07:51.240 And two, you're not obligated to spend the evening with someone who might turn out to be a weird dude.
00:07:55.440 And secondary to the inventory, look for guys where you already hang out.
00:08:00.860 Work, church, boards that you serve on, little league, activities that you already participate in.
00:08:05.860 When you find a guy who meets that criteria we mentioned, invite him to that group outing like we talked about.
00:08:11.540 This really isn't a difficult concept to grasp, but it is so important.
00:08:16.200 And I'll admit, guys, it takes some balls.
00:08:18.180 But if you really want to improve your life and make sure you're not missing blind spots, this is the exact strategy that you're going to employ.
00:08:25.240 Find men that meet your criteria.
00:08:27.240 Invite them to a group outing.
00:08:28.940 Find guys that meet to your criteria.
00:08:30.840 Invite them to a group outing.
00:08:32.140 And you do that over and over and over again.
00:08:35.100 I'm not going to get into how to develop that relationship even further at this point.
00:08:38.660 We'll save that for a future episode.
00:08:40.360 But for right now, I just want you to get in the habit of identifying and inviting.
00:08:44.260 Identifying, inviting.
00:08:45.720 And that's all I wanted to share with you for now, gentlemen.
00:08:47.480 Find a band of brothers.
00:08:48.780 Build your tribe.
00:08:49.760 Remember, the strength of the pack is the wolf.
00:08:51.880 And the strength of the wolf is the pack.
00:08:53.720 If you want one more additional resource where you can learn even more about how to build your own band of brothers,
00:08:58.940 I want you to know about our live experience, The Uprising.
00:09:01.340 It's going to be held on April 27th through the 30th, 2017, in the mountains of southern Utah.
00:09:06.780 And you're going to join 24 other men from all over the nation where you're going to learn the skills, the tools, resources, guidance to take your life to the next level.
00:09:15.180 And you're going to forge relationships that are going to last a lifetime.
00:09:18.080 In fact, the first 20 men that came to our inaugural uprising are and will forever be known as remembered as the terrible 20.
00:09:26.000 And we still communicate with each other on a weekly basis.
00:09:28.420 So you can learn more about that uprising and reserve your spot at orderofman.com slash uprising.
00:09:34.080 Guys, I look forward to talk with you next week.
00:09:35.880 But until then, build that band of brothers.
00:09:38.280 Build your tribe.
00:09:39.120 Build your circle.
00:09:40.240 Take action.
00:09:41.500 And become the man you were meant to be.
00:09:43.480 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.
00:09:46.400 If you're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be,
00:09:50.360 we invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.
00:09:53.540 We'll see you next week.