FFN 053： Fix Yourself First
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
192.31381
Summary
In this episode, Ryan Michler talks about the importance of fixing yourself first, and why you should stop trying to fix other people and focus on fixing yourself. He also talks about how important it is to take care of yourself first.
Transcript
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You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart
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your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.
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You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who
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you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
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you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on? My name is Ryan
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Michler, and I am the host and the founder of this podcast, The Order of Man. If you have been
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listening to us for any amount of time, you can agree with me that this is probably just the best
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podcast available today. We can just admit that. I know that I'm a bit biased, but guys, based on our
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growth over the past several months, it seems to me that we are doing something right. If you're new
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to the show today, I do want to welcome you to The Order. Here in the next couple of minutes,
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you're going to hear me ramble about some thoughts I've been having this week, but before I do that,
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I want you to know that we also have an interview show where I interview and ask powerful questions
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from the most successful men on the planet. Guys like Jocko Willink, Andy Frisilla, Grant Cardone,
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Lewis Howes, so many more. Anybody basically who I think has a message that's going to help
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benefit me and you and the rest of the men listening to this right now. If you are listening to this,
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the day it's being released, I am currently knee deep in our second live experience called The
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Uprising. The goal of that experience is to take 30 men from all over the place, teach them the tools
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and the skills and the mindsets, the strategies to take their lives to the next level. These events
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that we've been doing have been amazing for me. They've been amazing for all that have experienced
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them and I'm sure we're going to produce similar results for the men in attendance this weekend.
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All right, guys, with all of that said and done, let's get into the conversation of today,
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which is about fixing yourself first. It seems that everywhere you look, you're going to find
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someone out there who is willing to tell you how to live your life. In fact, if you look at it hard
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enough, you'll probably recognize that we're actually doing that here right now inside of
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the order of men. In fact, in many ways, I don't feel completely qualified to tell you how to live
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your life. Although I have managed to figure a few things out along the way about being a man,
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but I can tell you it hasn't been easy and it hasn't been a smooth course. Nine years ago,
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a lot of you know this. I almost lost my marriage. I used to weigh 50 pounds more than I do today.
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50 pounds. That's incredible to me. I've had failed businesses and I've struggled just as much,
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if not more than the next men. But what I find fascinating is that not only is everyone out
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there attempting to dictate your life, probably because they're working to sell you their wares
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and their gadgets and their gizmos and whatever, but I have to question how often we, that we as men
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and leaders in our families and our businesses, our communities attempt to fix other people.
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How often do you do that? How often do I do that? It's almost as if we have a natural tendency to
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assume that if we're running across financial problems or marital problems, health problems,
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challenges with our kids or our bosses, that it could in no way, no way have anything to do with
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the way we're showing up in this world. I need to put this disclaimer out here first because I know,
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I know someone's going to say, but Ryan, it isn't my fault. It's my boss or my coworker or my kids
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or my teacher or my parents or my spouse or the president or society or Putin or whoever else
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we may assign the blame to for the day. Look, I hear you. It might be somebody else's fault.
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At least they may have a part to play in the fiasco that you're dealing with right now,
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but here's the bottom line. There is nothing you can do about another human being and their thoughts
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or their behaviors. So why not raise your hand and even look the man in the mirror and tell yourself
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the truth, which is that you aren't as good as you think you are. I've seen studies that have shown
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that we as human beings are roughly 25% as effective as we think we are. So knowing that we're not making
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as much money as we should, we're not communicating with other people in an effective way. We're not
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doing the project that we're assigned as efficient as possible. And we actually bring a lot of our own
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baggage to the table and we recognize it as somebody else's. But I'll tell you what, as difficult as the
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reality is to face, the one that says you're not as good as you think you are, I can tell you from
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experience that taking this type of approach and this attitude puts you in such a better position
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than the guy who points his fingers at other people. You truly want to change your life. You truly want
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to connect with your wife. You truly want your kids to listen to you. You truly want your boss to stop
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being such a jerk. Here's how you do it. Stop focusing on them. That's right. Stop focusing on them.
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Even if they are screwing things up. Instead, focus on you. Focus on who you are. Focus on who you're not.
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Focus on what needs to be done in order to see the results that you're after. Because, and this escapes most
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people, the best way to change other people is to change yourself. Then watch them respond to who you have
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become. It's called influence. It's critical. It is critical that every man work to develop more of it.
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You want your wife to love you more? Be more lovable. You want your kids to listen better? Share something
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with them worth actually listening to. You want your boss to stop passing you up for promotions? Make
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yourself the clear and obvious choice. You want your coworkers to hear and implement your ideas? Share
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better ideas? Want to connect with more influencers in your space? Be worth connecting with. This isn't
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rocket science, guys. It's taking ownership of who you are, where you are in your life right now,
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and then making yourself completely indispensable. And I want to get real with you here for a minute.
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Your boss, he doesn't care. He does not care who he promotes. So long as the one he does
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will make him look good and or more money. Your wife may not be as attracted to you as she once was.
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I'm willing to bet that you've changed, not for the better, more than she has. Your children do want
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to be led, but even a child can recognize an idiot. That's harsh, but that's real talk. So how do we do
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this? How do we change? Obviously, there's a lot to the answer to those questions, but let's just focus
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on a couple of the lowest common denominators, the lowest hanging fruit. Number one, diet, exercise,
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and sleep. They are critical. They're paramount to improving yourself. There is no way you can
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change anything about who you are and how you show up in this world if you're fat, if you're out of
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shape, if you don't have any energy. It's just not possible. And I'm speaking to you from a position
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of experience. I already told you that at one point I weighed 50 pounds more than I do today.
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Okay. And then get this. I was surprised. I was surprised when my wife told me she wasn't
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attracted to me anymore. I was offended even that she didn't want to have sex with me.
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Of course she didn't. I looked horrible. I felt horrible. And my behavior and my attitude
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towards her was the manifestation of that, how I felt. Now, I know I'm going to have people tell me,
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Ryan, it's not about how you look on the outside. It's about what kind of person you are on the inside.
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And to anybody who says that, you are a straight up liar, both the inside and the outside. Physical
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attraction and emotional attraction are important, but the physical is the lowest hanging fruit.
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Number two, finance matters. These financial concerns and difficulties have been said to be
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among the leading cause of stress and anxiety and depression and divorce. Look, if you're broke,
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can you really show up for your family and your business and your community the way you want? Of
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course you can't. I remember that I neglected my wife and I neglected my kids because I was too busy
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pacing around, literally pacing the backyard, wondering how I was going to make my mortgage payment.
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So start paying off your debt, learn some new skills at work so you can make more money.
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Stop buying the things that you can't afford. Don't worry about the new truck John just bought.
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Get yourself in check and don't tell me you don't know how. You know how. Everyone knows how. You just
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have to do it. And the third component is band of brothers. You've got to surround yourself with a
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band of brothers. These are the guys who are going to push you. They're going to press you. They're going
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to kick you in the balls if that's what you need to get a jumpstart on your life. Like I can appreciate
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that there are guys that you've known forever that you went to elementary school with. I can appreciate
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you not wanting to leave people behind. But that level of thinking has got you to where you are
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right now. And guess what? This is the worst part. It's not their fault. It's yours. You know what
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kind of people you're spending time with. And yet here you are still hanging out with losers.
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Inventory, who you spend your time with and reach out to men you know you should be spending time with.
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And short of osmosis, every time I spend time with men who are outpacing me in certain areas of life,
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I improve without fail. That's what I've got for you today, gentlemen. Stop worrying about
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other people. Stop pointing out their faults. Stop pointing your finger at them. Stop trying to fix
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them and instead fix yourself first. If you want to learn more about how to do that, I want you to join
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me and 270 other men who are doing everything I just talked about and more inside of our mastermind,
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the Iron Council. This is a brotherhood of men working on the skills and the strategies and the
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discipline required to have it all in their lives. And if you feel like you're on a plateau or maybe
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you've never launched at all, let us give you the kickstart that you need to reach higher than you
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ever thought possible. You can learn more about us and reserve your seat at the table at
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orderofman.com slash ironcouncil. Until next week, guys, take action. Fix yourself first and become
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the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast. If you're ready to take
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charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be, we invite you to join the order