Order of Man - June 09, 2017


FFN 059： The King of Your Castle


Episode Stats

Length

10 minutes

Words per Minute

193.95612

Word Count

2,133

Sentence Count

110


Summary

What does it mean to be a man outside of the home? What role does it play in the home and how can you step up to the plate as a man inside the home if you don t have a father figure in your life?


Transcript

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart
00:00:05.000 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.
00:00:10.500 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is
00:00:17.080 who you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
00:00:22.800 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on? My name is Ryan
00:00:27.280 Mickler, and I am the host and founder of this podcast, The Order of Men. Whether you are
00:00:31.760 listening in for the first time today, or you've been with us since the beginning, or somewhere
00:00:37.000 along the way, I am glad that you are with us here today. My goal, guys, is to interview
00:00:41.700 the world's most successful men, ask them questions, extract their hard-fought lessons,
00:00:46.000 their hard-earned lessons, so you can improve your life as a man. But with that said, that's
00:00:51.380 not what I'm going to be doing today, because you are listening to our Friday Field Notes
00:00:54.920 show, which is essentially me talking for the next eight to ten minutes about some thoughts
00:00:59.240 that I've had throughout the week. I will tell you that I get a lot of the inspiration
00:01:02.540 for these shows, Friday Field Notes, from two places. First, our Order of Men Facebook group,
00:01:07.760 which is open to any man who wants to join, and you can do that at orderofmen.com slash groups
00:01:13.060 slash orderofmen, and also our exclusive band of brothers, The Iron Council, which is only open
00:01:20.600 to men who are genuinely committed and genuinely serious about improving their lives, which
00:01:25.920 you can access at orderofmen.com slash ironcouncil. Go check out those two resources, and again,
00:01:32.200 guys, I hope to see you in both of those. I just want to jump right into the conversation
00:01:35.920 today because I only have about eight minutes to share some thoughts on a subject that I believe
00:01:42.020 really needs to be addressed. There seems to be a lot of men these days that have either
00:01:46.640 forgotten what it means to be a man in the home or never learned the skills to step up fully as
00:01:52.740 the king of their castle. I know as I have the discussion, there's going to be someone that
00:01:57.160 isn't going to necessarily like what I have to say because they're going to interpret me using the
00:02:02.120 phrase king of the castle as asshole of the castle, and I want to be really, really clear with
00:02:08.200 you here. That is not what I'm referring to at all. When I talk about being the king of your
00:02:12.580 castle, I'm talking about righteous, virtuous, honorable leadership regarding what happens
00:02:20.280 in the walls of your home. I look around and I see the pain in men's eyes. I talk with men
00:02:25.860 every single day who I know are struggling, and if it's not pain, it's death. There's millions of men
00:02:31.520 walking around like lifeless, soulless zombies, and the repercussions of that is, at best, a meaningless
00:02:41.800 purpose-less life, and at worst, it might be infidelity issues or addiction to drugs and
00:02:48.740 alcohol, pornography, and in a lot of cases, it's verbal. It's emotional. It's physical abuse,
00:02:54.080 and while everybody out there is trying to change the world, solve world hunger, and bring world peace,
00:03:00.120 and doing it all at a global scale, I'm here to tell you that the way that we change the world
00:03:05.580 is by equipping men with the tools and the skills to lead their own kingdoms, and that means we start
00:03:12.360 by going into the most basic unit in society, which is the family, and this has become my life's work
00:03:19.200 because I know, guys, firsthand what it's like to live in a home without a father. I know what it's
00:03:24.560 like to live with a man who has forsaken his responsibilities of king inside of the home,
00:03:31.620 and truth be told, I've been that man, and I know there's thousands of men listening to this who
00:03:36.780 would agree to the same in their own lives. Look, guys, we've got lots of hats to wear. Husband,
00:03:42.380 father, business owner, employee, chairman, coach, pastor, friend, neighbor, any number of the thousands
00:03:50.280 of things that we do on a daily basis, but it is my firm belief that if you can't nail down the
00:03:57.080 father-husband role, none of those other hats really even matter. I'm sick of seeing guys who
00:04:02.640 make millions of dollars, but they can't connect with their kids. I'm sick of seeing guys spend so
00:04:08.940 much time at the gym at the expense of their family. I'm sick of hearing about men who use their
00:04:15.520 financial acumen to justify the mistreatment of their wives or their children. You have to get this
00:04:23.840 right. You have to lead your family. You have to be the king inside of your home. What does this even
00:04:30.080 look like? Well, the righteous king leads with love and justice and mercy and compassion and strength
00:04:38.020 and vision, fortitude. That's a tall order. It's not easy to fulfill, but it is what is required of you
00:04:46.840 as a man, especially considering you and I voluntarily signed the dotted line that said,
00:04:52.420 I will take care of my wife and I will provide for and protect and preside over my family.
00:05:00.380 I know we're not even going to scratch the surface guys on all that you'll be called to do in your
00:05:05.360 home, but I want to share with you a couple of points that I believe if you get these things right,
00:05:10.220 a lot of the other responsibilities that you and I have will just fall into place. And the first thing
00:05:14.500 I want to talk with you about today is vision. The first element of being that king in your castle
00:05:19.460 is having a very clear vision for what it is you even want to accomplish. What do you want out of
00:05:25.600 your marriage? What does that marriage look like? What do you want for your kids? Do you spend time
00:05:30.260 thinking about these things? Sure. You do that in your business. You forecast all that you can within
00:05:35.140 your business, but when's the last time you forecasted what needs to happen inside of your home
00:05:40.100 without some measurement of vision, there's absolutely going to be no growth and the family
00:05:47.020 dynamic and the home will remain stagnant and everybody will wonder when are we going to actually
00:05:52.320 do something? And the next is to communicate that vision guys. Maybe you've casted that vision.
00:05:58.360 Maybe you have a dream or idea or something that you want in the future. Maybe you know what you want.
00:06:03.600 Maybe you've got a great idea of exactly where you're going, but if you're the only one
00:06:08.240 who knows what that vision is, how successful can you possibly be? Especially when there's one or two
00:06:14.440 or five or seven or however many people are relying upon you to make this thing work. You might want to
00:06:22.580 include the people who are impacted by your decisions in that process of deciding. And I'm not
00:06:28.200 suggesting that you go ask your kids what you should do when it comes to investing your money,
00:06:32.900 but there are components of the family dynamic chores, vacations, disagreements,
00:06:38.840 those types of things that you can. And I think you should discuss with your children.
00:06:44.300 I know there's too many kids out there who had never had conversations, for example, about money
00:06:48.220 because their parents were afraid to have that conversation. And so we, as parents bring our own
00:06:53.020 baggage to the table and end up hindering our children when we could help because we cast vision
00:06:59.260 and we communicate with those people who are affected by that vision. One thing we just started
00:07:05.640 implementing is a family meeting each morning. We read scriptures for about 10 minutes. And then we
00:07:10.400 talk about what the schedule is for the day, what chores need to be done, what's going on that evening,
00:07:16.120 all of that type of stuff. And it's a way for us to get on the same page. My wife and I actually
00:07:20.080 also do a meeting each Monday and we talk about the family and the finances and everything else that we
00:07:24.100 need to talk about. And I don't care what you do, as long as you're finding ways to
00:07:29.080 continually communicate that vision and that future and the expectations and the priorities
00:07:34.300 to the people again, who are going to be impacted by those decisions. And the third component I want
00:07:39.980 to talk with you about is taking care of yourself first. First. I know I just talked about how
00:07:47.040 important it is for you to take care of your family and it is, don't get me wrong. It is. But if you
00:07:51.500 can't find a way to take care of yourself first, taking care of anyone else, whether that's a coworker
00:07:56.420 or a neighbor or a colleague, or in this case, your wife and children is just not going to last.
00:08:01.320 You need to find time to exercise or to read. I say, or it's also, and, and read and enjoy
00:08:07.580 whatever hobbies that you enjoy. Surround yourself with other men who uplift you, who motivate you,
00:08:14.140 take time to do things on your own, set boundaries for yourself so you can get all of the energy that
00:08:20.380 you need in order to sustain the role, the calling of husband and father. It's difficult. I know I get
00:08:26.900 this because I deal with the same struggles that you guys deal with, but it's absolutely required
00:08:30.840 to thrive in your role as the King of the castle. And the last component of this discussion I want
00:08:35.900 to have with you is that of preparation. I know it's cliche to say, but the world frankly is a
00:08:40.000 dangerous place. And if you don't believe that you're misinformed or you're delusional,
00:08:45.140 but rather than run from the fact or pretend that it doesn't exist when it does, you'd be better off
00:08:50.780 facing the reality that you and your family might find yourself in a dangerous situation.
00:08:55.120 And that's why you need to be prepared, not your kids or your wife, but you need to be prepared.
00:09:01.400 You need to cast that vision. You need to help them understand and be prepared for whatever may come
00:09:07.940 your way. You need to be physically strong, storing up in provisions, mental fortitude, toughness,
00:09:13.760 resiliency, a certain skillset that's required when that day comes knocking on your door.
00:09:20.580 I know the dynamics in relationships have changed. I know there's women entering the workforce. I know
00:09:25.780 women are more assertive than they've ever been. And to that, I say, that's great. I think a King
00:09:30.680 can lead hand in hand with his queen. I think that's the way it should be. My wife and I have an
00:09:35.980 equal responsibility in raising our children and ensuring that our family vision is carried out.
00:09:40.780 But the fact remains that at the end of the day, you are responsible for the well-being of your
00:09:45.260 family. When it all hits the fan, people are going to look at you. They're not going to look at your
00:09:49.800 wife or your kids or whoever else. They're going to look at you. When there's no money coming into the
00:09:54.500 house, people are going to look at you. When there's an emergency, people are going to look for guidance
00:10:00.380 and direction and leadership from you. A righteous King understands that. And as the King of his
00:10:08.040 castle, he prepares for it. Gentlemen, that's what I've got for you today. Remember, you are the King
00:10:13.520 of the castle. And if you're going to be the King, you might as well be a good one. I hope this serves
00:10:18.220 you well. I hope you take these ideas into your life because if we truly want to change the world,
00:10:22.360 it all starts with changing the dynamic inside the four walls we call our castle.
00:10:26.260 If you want to learn more about how to step up and be the leader and the man that we're talking
00:10:32.100 about, I encourage you to join our exclusive brotherhood, the Iron Council. You can see what
00:10:37.080 we're up to and claim your spot at the table at orderofman.com slash ironcouncil. Guys, until next
00:10:42.540 week, take action, become a righteous King of your castle and become the man you are meant to be.
00:10:49.700 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life
00:10:54.320 and be more of the man you are meant to be. We invite you to join the Order at orderofman.com.