Order of Man

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:05.000 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.480 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.240 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.800 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan

00:00:27.840 Michler and I am the founder and host of this podcast, The Order of Men. If you are new to

00:00:32.440 the show today, I want to welcome you to the manliest podcast that you're going to find in

00:00:37.100 the world of podcasting. We are interviewing the world's most successful men. We're asking

00:00:41.160 them powerful questions, extracting their answers, but we also have another show, this show, our

00:00:46.260 Friday Field Notes, where I share with you some thoughts that I've had from throughout

00:00:49.520 the week. But whether you're new to The Order or you've been with us for the last two years,

00:00:53.760 I am glad, guys, that you are here with us. Our goal is to help you become a better man,

00:00:58.900 and that is my goal too. So a couple of quick announcements before I get into the discussion

00:01:03.120 of today. First, make sure if you haven't done this yet, you join our Facebook group with over

00:01:08.340 33,000 men now. We are having some amazing conversations about what it means to be a man,

00:01:14.680 and you can do that at facebook.com slash groups slash order of men. And second, if you're ready to go

00:01:20.540 beyond just a conversation and actually do something about becoming a better man, take a look at what

00:01:26.960 we're up to inside of our exclusive brotherhood, The Iron Council. I'm not going to get into all the

00:01:31.580 details right now because most of you have heard them, but I know that there's a lot of you sitting

00:01:36.540 on the fence. And if that's you, I would encourage you to give it a try for the next 30 days, learn what

00:01:41.540 we're all about, get some tools to help you take your life to the next level, connect with 300 other men

00:01:45.920 who will help you accomplish big things in your life. And you can do that at orderofman.com slash

00:01:51.260 ironcouncil. Now let's get into some of my thoughts of today. Many of you know that I spent some time in

00:01:58.100 Iraq in 2005, 2006. I found myself flying up the Euphrates River to an Iraqi detention facility, which

00:02:06.040 would become my home for a year of my life. We trained for our deployment. We did a lot to ensure that we were

00:02:11.380 ready as we could be. But one lesson that has always stuck out with me is this concept of a

00:02:18.300 battle buddy. And for those of you who've spent any time in the military, you understand what I'm

00:02:22.400 talking about. A battle buddy, for those of you who may not know or familiar with what that is,

00:02:26.660 is a member of your unit who is there to cover your six. He's there to ensure you're doing the

00:02:31.860 right thing, training as hard as you can, covering your blind spots so you don't do anything dumb like

00:02:36.780 getting yourself killed. And it's a concept that we used on the battlefield. It's a concept that

00:02:42.640 has been used on the football field when you consider the blindside tackle whose job is to

00:02:48.180 protect the quarterback at all costs. It's a concept that is used in every single facet of life,

00:02:54.240 but it's also a concept I think a lot of men overlook when it comes to their everyday ordinary

00:03:00.200 civilian life. So today I want to talk with you about why it's critical that each of us find what I

00:03:06.580 refer to as a battle brother, somebody who's got your back and will do anything to ensure that you

00:03:13.240 don't fail. But before I get into what this actually looks like, I want you to take an inventory. All

00:03:19.540 right, this is your first assignment for today. I want you to take an inventory in your own life

00:03:24.200 right now. Who do you know that you can tell the truth to about your behavior? Who do you know that

00:03:32.440 would drop anything and everything to help you should you call in the middle of the night? Who

00:03:38.380 do you know that knows all about you? The good, the bad, the ugly, all of it, but still wants to be

00:03:44.080 your friend. If you were in a bind, who would you call? Who has the balls to tell you exactly what you

00:03:51.460 need to hear? Unfortunately, I think a lot of men, and for a long time, this was me. The answer to those

00:03:57.120 questions was nobody. And the result of that is a whole lot of blind spots that you can't, or even

00:04:02.640 you refuse to see. Most of us think that we have it all figured out. Most of us think that we don't

00:04:08.100 need any help. Most of us think that having someone cover our back actually makes us weak, but most of

00:04:14.840 us are wrong. The strongest man in the room is the one who has a group, or at least one trusted

00:04:21.000 individual who will say what needs to be said, do what needs to be done and give a man a kick in the

00:04:28.780 ass when he needs to get his life back on track should things go wrong. So today I want to talk

00:04:33.360 with you about what you should look for in a battle brother and the type of men that you and I should

00:04:39.120 be in order to be deserving of the type of relationship that I'm talking about here. Because

00:04:43.480 most of us are going to focus on what other people should be and what they should do for them.

00:04:48.420 And while there's a time for that, I think first we ought to focus on who we should be because you

00:04:55.680 and I, after all, are the only ones that we can control. So first and foremost, I think we need

00:05:01.440 to be men that can be trusted. If you want people to confide in you and you want to be able to confide

00:05:07.900 in others, then you need to be a man who can be trusted, not to run his mouth when you're talking

00:05:12.860 about sensitive information like addiction or drug abuse or infidelity issues, anything else that

00:05:19.940 someone might share with you. And second, you've got to be loyal. If your friendship lasts only as

00:05:26.180 long as it serves you, you are not a loyal brother. You're a fair weather fan that isn't deserving of

00:05:31.700 that brotherhood. It's imperative that you look for win-win situations. When you're talking about

00:05:37.700 battle brothers, you serve him as he needs help and he does the same for you. And next, you need to be

00:05:44.260 willing to get vulnerable. Frankly, I hate that term. That's a term that's overused vulnerability,

00:05:48.860 but there is so much truth regardless in the fact that you need to be willing to tell another man

00:05:55.040 where you're weak. Pretending that your weaknesses don't exist does not serve you. Let me say that

00:06:01.060 again because that's really important. Pretending that your weaknesses don't exist does not serve

00:06:06.940 you. It hinders you guys from learning new skills and strategies that are actually going to help you

00:06:12.840 grow. And if you have any hope of developing the type of relationship that I'm talking about here in

00:06:17.720 a battle brother, you need to be willing to be vulnerable first. Next, your job as a battle brother

00:06:24.140 is not to judge. We all do stupid things. We all make bad decisions. If you judge another man

00:06:31.080 for what he has done or what he's thinking about doing, you are not doing that guy any justice and

00:06:37.440 you won't have the ability to give him advice when he needs it the most. So, we want to be non-judgmental

00:06:42.120 going into this. And the last trait that I want to talk to you about today is toughness. Now,

00:06:46.420 when I say toughness, I'm actually talking about two different types of toughness. First,

00:06:50.980 you need to be willing to receive criticism without taking offense. Everybody gets offended

00:06:57.940 these days. You need to be willing to receive that criticism without getting offended. If you

00:07:02.960 don't have thick enough skin to take some feedback without being an a-hole about it, you aren't mature

00:07:08.220 enough to be a battle brother. And second, you need to be tough in that you're willing to have

00:07:12.620 conversations that are not comfortable to have. This is not the type of relationship where we only talk

00:07:18.580 about the weather or last night's fight or the ball game. We're going to be talking about real

00:07:23.080 things here. Marriage issues, pornography, drug addiction, depression, all the other topics that

00:07:29.720 nobody is willing to talk about. And of course, there's so many traits to talk about and I can go

00:07:34.860 on and on, but I think that's a good start. But when it comes to finding a battle brother, I think you

00:07:38.980 ought to look for somebody with the same traits. You might have your own qualities and other traits

00:07:43.120 that you're looking for, but at least that gets you pointed in the right direction. So, as we wind

00:07:47.140 things down today, let me just give you a couple of quick steps to finding someone who has your six.

00:07:52.320 Number one, inventory, inventory your current circle. The fact is there's probably somebody

00:07:57.320 in your immediate circle who could become a good battle brother if you would be willing to look

00:08:02.340 for it. Second, go first. Guys, leaders go first. You've heard me say it before, period. Leaders go

00:08:08.420 first. If you expect another man to open up to you just because, you'd better be ready for a letdown.

00:08:16.020 You're going to have to share first. I'm not talking about opening up your deepest, darkest secrets.

00:08:21.120 Just share some things that have been on your mind or what you're looking for. If a guy seems

00:08:25.220 interested in the same thing, you know you're on the right track. If he doesn't, no worries. Find

00:08:29.560 somebody else. And third, build the relationship. Developing a battle brother relationship isn't going

00:08:36.640 to happen overnight. Don't expect it to. As with any relationship, it's going to take time.

00:08:41.440 That's going to take attention. But I promise you guys, it is well worth it. Look, I know it's weird

00:08:46.340 to talk about other men and relationships. It's weird for me even having this discussion. But I

00:08:51.900 can promise you, having somebody that has had my back, whether it was on the football field or basic

00:08:57.120 training or the battlefield or my civilian life, what I'm doing now has paid huge dividends in my

00:09:02.460 personal growth and success. And I know it will for you as well. And as important as it is to find

00:09:07.980 local battle brothers, you might be interested in teaming up with battle brothers digitally.

00:09:13.380 And you can do this inside of our brotherhood, the Iron Council. Among other things, we operate in

00:09:17.980 15-man teams. So you can begin to forge your own bonds with men who want to succeed and they want

00:09:24.320 to see you succeed. So you can learn more about what we're doing at orderofman.com slash Iron Council.

00:09:30.340 Gentlemen, I'll look forward to talking to you next week. But until then, work on finding another

00:09:35.640 man who's got your six. Develop a battle brother relationship and become the man you are meant to

00:09:43.460 be. Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast. If you're ready to take charge of your

00:09:48.200 life and be more of the man you were meant to be, we invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

FFN 063： Who's Got Your Six？

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