Order of Man - FFN 067： Dealing with Depression

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:05.000 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.460 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.240 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.800 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Michler,

00:00:28.080 and I am the host and founder of this podcast, The Order of Man. Each week, guys, we are

00:00:33.280 interviewing the world's most successful men. We're gaining some of their insights. We're

00:00:37.440 extracting their hard-learned lessons, and then we're bringing them straight to you.

00:00:41.660 So you don't have to learn these types of things the hard way, and you can work towards producing

00:00:45.940 the same types of results these men are in your lives. This show, however, is a little different

00:00:52.000 for those of you who may not know yet. This is just me today. You're going to hear about my thoughts,

00:00:56.700 my ideas, my insights, and some things I've been thinking about throughout the week.

00:01:01.680 This is called our Friday Field Notes because I'm extracting lessons from being in the field,

00:01:07.640 from being in the trenches with you each and every day on my own personal mission

00:01:11.380 to become a better man. I've got an extremely valuable discussion today on the topic of

00:01:17.260 men and depression. This is one topic I hear a lot about in our closed Facebook group,

00:01:22.480 and if you're interested in joining us there, you can do that at facebook.com slash groups

00:01:26.360 slash order of men. And it's a topic I hear a lot about amongst a lot of men I know who are

00:01:32.000 dealing with some dark times in their lives. But before I get into my thoughts on the subject of

00:01:38.240 depression, let me give you a couple of quick resources that I think will actually help you

00:01:42.460 if you're feeling down or depressed that could just give you the boost you need. And if you're not

00:01:47.220 feeling down and or depressed, these are a couple of good resources. Anyways, first,

00:01:52.160 I already mentioned it. Make sure you join our closed Facebook group at facebook.com slash groups

00:01:56.360 slash order of man. And second, make sure you join our exclusive brotherhood, the Iron Council. 0.70

00:02:01.660 This is for men who are well beyond the surface level conversations about what it means to be a man.

00:02:06.800 This is for men who are engaged, actively engaged in the actual work required to become more in their

00:02:12.760 lives. They're getting the resources, the tools, the accountability and the platform to make

00:02:17.600 some major strides in their lives in one, if not all four of the quadrants that we cover. And those

00:02:22.700 quadrants are calibration, which is taking care of yourself mentally and emotionally and spiritually

00:02:27.980 a connection, which is your ability to connect with other people condition, which is your physical

00:02:33.240 health. It's nutrition, exercise, sleep, those types of things and contribution, which is your ability

00:02:38.320 to show up as a man of value in this world. If you're interested in learning more about what we're

00:02:43.120 up to, I invite you to band with us at order of man.com slash iron council. All right, now let's get

00:02:49.060 into this conversation that we're going to have today. Depression guys, it is very real. It's very

00:02:54.580 common. It's very destructive. We all know someone who is going through a bout with depression now,

00:03:00.560 and we might even know someone who has contemplated or attempted suicide. That might even be us.

00:03:06.300 Unfortunately, suicide rates are on the rise among men. In fact, as I was researching this morning,

00:03:11.320 I found that some studies have shown that suicide rates among men are more than three and a half

00:03:16.820 times that of women. I don't know entirely why that is. And unfortunately, I can't get into all

00:03:23.240 the causes that may lead to what a lot of men seem to be experiencing these days. But what I would like

00:03:28.520 to do is give you five strategies, five strategies I've personally used to overcome getting down on

00:03:33.600 myself and falling into a bout with depression. I do have to tell you this though, guys, I am not

00:03:39.660 a medical professional. I am not a psychologist. I am not a licensed therapist. All that I'm doing

00:03:46.420 is giving you some strategies that have worked well for me in the past and have worked well for other

00:03:51.740 men who I've talked with when facing depression. If you're listening to this and you are depressed or

00:03:57.680 heaven forbid considering ending your life, please, please, please talk with a qualified medical

00:04:03.780 professional to help. Whatever you're going through right now, it will not last. But seeking help is

00:04:09.340 certainly going to speed up the process of getting your life back on the right track. Getting help from

00:04:14.620 others does not make you less of a man. In fact, if anything, it makes you more of a man because you

00:04:20.360 recognize a spot that you need some help with and you're doing all that's required to fix it,

00:04:26.120 correct it. And on that note, if you see a brother in need, guys, please reach out to him. He may not

00:04:31.520 come straight out and ask you for help, but I think we can all agree that that would be the manly thing

00:04:35.860 to do is to offer help and guidance and assistance. As it says in the soldier's creed, I will never leave

00:04:42.800 a fallen comrade. I know that there are going to be a lot of times in our lives where it seems hopeless

00:04:48.400 and all seems lost. I've been there and I don't want to lie to you and say that I've considered

00:04:53.280 suicide myself, but I can tell you that I've been in some pretty dark places. This hits home for me.

00:04:59.500 I've had a brother-in-law commit suicide and I can't help but wonder how he got so low that ending

00:05:05.560 his life was the only viable option for him. It still breaks my heart today to think about

00:05:11.140 what he must have actually been experiencing. So in an attempt to help you or someone you know

00:05:17.860 overcome depression and despair and a sense of feeling lost, I want to share with you again five

00:05:23.320 strategies that have helped me through some dark times in my life. First and foremost, and I believe

00:05:29.980 that what I'm going to share with you right now is the number one strategy for overcoming depression

00:05:33.880 and that is to surround yourself with a band of brothers. I think that we have a tendency as men,

00:05:39.120 I've talked about this before, to think that we have to go at it alone. We don't. It's not noble.

00:05:44.780 It's not virtuous. It's not honorable. Since the dawn of man, we've been operating in packs and

00:05:51.020 tribes and there's a reason for that, primarily it's safety and security. And although we may

00:05:56.120 not be exposed to the same dangers we were thousands of years ago, it's becoming evident

00:06:01.000 that we are still in danger, a different type of danger. And isolation in my mind is the surest way

00:06:07.040 to compound that danger. Gentlemen, build a band of brothers. Even if you don't feel like you need to

00:06:12.320 now, there's going to come a point in time where you'll wish you had a group of strong men to call

00:06:17.080 upon. And if you want to learn more about how to do that specifically, head to my interview with

00:06:23.240 Steven Mansfield. It's a very powerful interview on building your band of brothers. You can do that

00:06:27.420 at order of man.com slash zero seven six. The next strategy I want to share is to become what I call

00:06:33.860 anxiously engaged. We've all heard the term that idle hands are the devil's workshop. I believe that's

00:06:38.980 true. I believe that it's significantly easier for men to face depression when they're bored or

00:06:44.680 they're wallowing in their own self-pity without a cause to be fighting for. John Eldridge, the author

00:06:49.620 of Wild at Heart says, and this is one of my favorite quotes, deep in his heart, every man longs for a

00:06:55.640 battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue. Yet when you look around at a lot of men's

00:07:02.580 lives, they're living the exact opposite of that. What is your battle? What is your adventure? What

00:07:08.900 is your beauty to rescue? If you're not anxiously engaged in meaningful and honorable work, I think

00:07:14.840 you're more likely to face despair. And I'm not talking about life-altering, earth-shattering work

00:07:20.100 here. If you don't have a grand plan yet, that's not a problem. Just engage in some type of work.

00:07:26.180 I believe it's hard for a man to feel down when he's working his mind and his soul and his body.

00:07:30.900 Now, the third strategy I want to share with you is actually the exact opposite of what I just told

00:07:35.980 you to do. I just told you to engage. And now what I want to tell you to do is to disengage.

00:07:40.880 But what I'm talking about and asking you to disengage from is the thing that might actually

00:07:45.980 be getting you down in the first place. Maybe it's a significant problem at work or at home. Maybe it's

00:07:51.700 a conversation that you're having. If you're like me, you tend to compare yourself to others at times

00:07:56.500 and you need to disengage from that. And I'm not telling you to permanently abandon anything

00:08:02.300 that might upset you. But I would suggest that you disengage for a period so that you can reset

00:08:08.920 your level of thinking, which leads me to point number four. And that is exercise. If you're going

00:08:13.760 to disengage from something, what are you then going to engage in? There's just something about sweating a

00:08:19.480 problem out that really helps me again, reset my way of thinking. Exercise allows me to clear my head

00:08:25.180 and get back to that task at hand or life in general with a new level of commitment and energy

00:08:31.340 and drive and passion and enthusiasm. Walk your dog, go for a run and go swimming, go golfing,

00:08:37.840 hit the gym, do whatever you can to get your body moving and your blood pumping. And this strategy is

00:08:42.580 actually a good one to couple with the first one I shared with you, building your band of brothers.

00:08:45.980 I love competition. It drives me. It inspires me. It motivates me. And if I can find other men to

00:08:53.040 compete with on a healthy level, I get to connect with other guys and I get the exercise that my body

00:08:59.880 needs. And the last point, point number five, I'm going to share with you is to mix things up.

00:09:04.720 If you're feeling down and depressed, it may just be that you're in a rut. Maybe life has become a

00:09:10.480 little mundane or stagnant as it has a tendency to do. Maybe your relationship is on autopilot.

00:09:15.860 Maybe you're not experiencing the growth that you thought you would. Maybe life isn't what you

00:09:20.920 had envisioned for yourself. There's just something about exposing yourself to new experiences. And it

00:09:25.420 doesn't even really matter what those experiences are, I guess, as long as they're moral and legal

00:09:30.840 and ethical. But you could go skydiving, pick up a new hobby, go on vacation, start a side business,

00:09:37.660 read a book, splurge on something that you've always wanted to buy. The point here is to try

00:09:42.780 something that you normally wouldn't do. This might do the trick in snapping you out of the

00:09:47.920 rut that you're finding yourself in. Guys, this isn't an exhaustive list, of course, but it's a

00:09:53.060 start. It's a start to help you overcome darkness and depression. Remember, if you're feeling depressed

00:09:58.920 to any degree, I would suggest that you talk with a qualified medical professional to help you

00:10:04.760 and work on the few things I shared with you today. Build a band of brothers, get anxiously engaged in

00:10:11.620 meaningful work, disengage from whatever is getting you down, exercise, and the last one was to mix

00:10:17.460 things up. Gentlemen, you're not alone. You have other men and other people who want to help. Allow

00:10:23.980 them to, and you will come out on top. If you see a brother in need, reach out, connect, support,

00:10:29.860 uplift. That's why we're here, and that's part of our job as men. In the meantime, guys, I will look

00:10:35.380 forward to talking with you next week, but until then, take action and become the man you are meant

00:10:40.140 to be. Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast. If you're ready to take charge of your life

00:10:45.780 and be more of the man you were meant to be, we invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - August 04, 2017

FFN 067： Dealing with Depression

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