Order of Man - FFN 071： Memento Mori

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:06.020 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.460 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.

00:00:15.500 This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.

00:00:19.760 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:24.720 Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Michler, and I am the host and the founder of this podcast, The Order of Man.

00:00:31.460 I am glad that you are with us today, whether you are listening in for the first time or I know a lot of you have been listening for the past two and a half years.

00:00:39.320 I want to welcome you. If you've been around for any amount of time, you know that we have two shows per week.

00:00:45.020 Our interview show, which is released each Tuesday, and the show that you are listening to right now, which makes sense that it would be released each Friday.

00:00:52.360 It is the Friday Field Notes. On Tuesday, we're interviewing the world's most successful men.

00:00:56.640 On Friday, you get to listen to me exclusively.

00:00:59.540 Now, this is where I would typically share with you some resources about how to connect with us a bit more.

00:01:05.800 But I think today I'm going to get right into this because I have something very important to talk with you about.

00:01:11.040 And what I'm going to talk with you about is a somber topic, to put it mildly,

00:01:15.800 but I think there's an interesting perspective into how some people choose to live their life.

00:01:20.080 And it's one that I'm personally dealing with right now.

00:01:24.060 What I want to talk with you about is the Latin phrase, memento mori, which quite literally means remember that you have to die.

00:01:32.320 That phrase also has been used to describe an object that serves as a reminder of death.

00:01:37.800 It could be a skull or any other object that has that connotation.

00:01:41.360 And the reason I want to talk with you about this is because just prior to hitting record on this podcast,

00:01:47.900 I booked a flight and hotel to go see my father, who just a couple of days ago had a heart attack.

00:01:54.100 I don't know, unfortunately, whether he's going to live or die.

00:01:58.300 But unfortunately, right now, things don't look all that great.

00:02:02.540 So I'm sure by the time this podcast is released, we'll know if he's passed away or if he's in the clear.

00:02:08.540 But as I think about all that's gone on for me physically, mentally, emotionally over the past 48 hours,

00:02:16.440 I can't help but think about the prospect of my own death.

00:02:20.600 Have I done all that I'm meant to do?

00:02:23.660 Have I said all that needs to be said?

00:02:25.920 What kind of legacy am I going to leave from my family and my friends and my colleagues and even you?

00:02:30.460 And what is my ultimate purpose for my life and being on this planet?

00:02:35.180 And those are questions that come up and, of course, so many more.

00:02:38.160 And as I continue to process the news of my father's failing health,

00:02:41.640 I want to share with you a few things that have come to my mind

00:02:45.300 and a few things that have been put into perspective for me over the past couple of days.

00:02:51.140 First, I can't help but think about the priorities that we have in life.

00:02:55.320 We are constantly bombarded by stimulus.

00:02:58.360 You can't turn around without running into somebody or some business who wants and demands

00:03:03.940 your time and attention.

00:03:06.040 Order of men can even be looked at that as a demand for your time.

00:03:09.660 When I got back from Iraq, it was difficult at times for me to get back into civilian life

00:03:14.800 because of the amount of just trivial nonsense that we focus on.

00:03:19.520 It's endless.

00:03:21.060 I talked about this on my podcast with Noah Kagan.

00:03:23.400 And if you spent any of time in the military, you know exactly what I'm talking about.

00:03:27.700 When you're faced with the real prospect of death,

00:03:30.900 things have a way of becoming a lot more clear and trivial matters that typically cloud our judgment

00:03:36.600 kind of just seem to fade away.

00:03:38.940 And that's why I think this notion of memento mori is so interesting.

00:03:42.920 If we can remember that our time on this planet is limited without waiting for death to knock on our door,

00:03:48.540 I think we'll live our lives a little bit more intentionally and with a little more clarity.

00:03:53.740 So along those lines, I've also thought about the toxicity that I've surrounded myself with in my life.

00:03:58.860 This could come in the form of a career that I've hated or relationships,

00:04:03.280 friendly or romantic relationships that have been bad for me.

00:04:06.260 It could also be the toxic chemicals that we put into our body like drugs and tobacco and alcohol.

00:04:11.660 Life is way too short to surround ourselves with the negative influences that come so easy.

00:04:16.900 I hear a lot of men complain about jobs they hate and abusive relationships they're in

00:04:20.640 or how they're trying to quit cigarettes or alcohol.

00:04:24.080 And I realize that this can be a difficult thing to do.

00:04:25.900 But again, if we remember and keep in perspective how short life really is,

00:04:29.900 I think we can make the elimination of these destructive forces from our lives a little bit more manageable.

00:04:35.320 So I'd encourage you to take a look at your own life, take an inventory and identify anything,

00:04:40.300 anything that may be holding you back or worse, bringing you down.

00:04:43.240 And keep in mind that we only have one short life to live.

00:04:47.700 And also on that subject, let's talk about regrets.

00:04:50.840 I know a lot of you know some of my story with my father.

00:04:54.100 He was out of the picture for the most part by the time I was three years old.

00:04:57.320 But that said, I believe he's a good man.

00:04:59.760 I believe he loves me.

00:05:01.280 And I also believe that he probably has some regrets about the way that he's lived his life, as do we all.

00:05:07.000 I also have regrets.

00:05:08.040 There were times in my life where I distanced myself from him because I felt as if I needed to in order to move forward.

00:05:14.460 And while that may be the case, I don't know if I've completely forgiven him for not being around when I was younger.

00:05:21.420 I remember glimpses of a healthy father-son relationship.

00:05:25.540 He would play Legos with me for hours when I would go visit him.

00:05:28.580 We'd joke and we'd roughhouse and do a lot of things together that I wish I had more of as I was growing up.

00:05:33.920 But I regret not doing more of that, and I'm sure that he does as well.

00:05:38.300 So I have my plane ticket in hand.

00:05:39.900 I will go see him tomorrow morning to tell him that I do forgive him so that if he does leave, I hope that he does so in peace.

00:05:47.440 And I can have some peace knowing that I gave him and myself that gift of forgiveness.

00:05:53.020 I just hope it's not too late.

00:05:55.300 I've also thought a lot about the level at which I've been playing.

00:05:59.580 So many of us, myself included, are coasting.

00:06:02.000 We're just coasting in life.

00:06:03.280 We're just getting by, and we're playing at such an insignificant level.

00:06:07.260 I'd say that would be okay if I knew in my heart that we weren't destined for something more.

00:06:13.400 I believe we are all here for a reason, and part of our existence in this life is to find out exactly what that is

00:06:20.140 and then share it with the universe for the benefit of those who would be served by that purpose.

00:06:25.440 And when I talk about purpose, I'm not only talking about our career, although it does have to do with that.

00:06:31.140 I'm talking about how we show up in other areas of our life, being a husband, fatherhood, a business owner, employee, community leader, could be a coach or a teacher or a son, a friend.

00:06:40.260 And at what level are you playing?

00:06:42.380 At what level am I playing?

00:06:44.220 Because we can always do more.

00:06:46.260 And I think remembering that our time is limited is a great reminder for us to live life to the fullest and live it on the biggest scale possible.

00:06:52.740 And the last thing that I want to mention and talk with you about is that of legacy.

00:06:59.080 You know, as I sit here and I ponder my father's life and our relationship, I can't help but think about my relationship with my children.

00:07:06.320 If I were to die tomorrow, did I do enough for them to know how I truly feel about them?

00:07:11.580 Will my love and guidance and support and direction be enough to last their lifetime?

00:07:16.340 I've always tried to live life by the adage that we should leave every environment and encounter and project and conversation and experience better than when we got there.

00:07:25.720 So when you die, what will your friends and your family and your coworkers and your neighbors say about you?

00:07:32.460 Will that eulogy capture the way you truly wanted to live your life?

00:07:36.100 There's a great exercise I was asked to do last year in one of our courses that I was taking.

00:07:41.260 And the course asked me to write my own eulogy.

00:07:44.120 What would it say?

00:07:44.940 What would people remember about me?

00:07:46.860 What would be my legacy?

00:07:49.300 So don't wait until it's too late to start thinking about these things.

00:07:52.480 You and I have the opportunity to define our legacy right now.

00:07:55.680 It might not be what we want it to be right now, but that's okay because we have the power to do something about it today.

00:08:01.480 So guys, that's my message for you today.

00:08:03.800 Remember, memento mori, you are going to die.

00:08:06.500 That's not meant as a reminder of death itself, but as the inspiration to live life to the fullest.

00:08:11.980 I know that this experience with my father will help me to remember to live differently.

00:08:17.480 And for that and a lot of other things, I'm grateful for him.

00:08:20.960 So guys, I'll talk with you next week.

00:08:22.780 But until then, remember you and I are going to die.

00:08:26.100 Take action and become the man you are meant to be.

00:08:28.900 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.

00:08:32.580 If you're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be,

00:08:36.620 we invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

00:08:39.740 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.

Order of Man - September 01, 2017

FFN 071： Memento Mori

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