Order of Man - FFN 079： Your Life is Yours

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:05.000 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.440 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is

00:00:17.080 who you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.800 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan

00:00:27.600 Mickler, and I am the host and the founder of this podcast, The Order of Men. By now,

00:00:32.960 you guys know we're all about equipping you with the tools and the resources to help you become

00:00:37.460 a better man in your family, in your business, your community, just a better man in your life

00:00:42.540 in general. If you are new to the show, we release a new interview each and every Tuesday, and each

00:00:47.980 and every Friday, you get this show, Your Friday Field Notes. I'm going to jump right into this

00:00:52.600 one today, guys, since this one will be a little longer than you're used to on Friday. You may

00:00:57.500 know by now that I am in the process of writing a book. It's been a challenging process. It's been

00:01:03.520 a rewarding process, and I can't tell you how excited I am to finally be getting this book in

00:01:08.720 your hands. It's going to be released in early February of 2018, but if you want to get alerted

00:01:14.620 when the book will be available, head to orderofman.com slash book. Again, that's orderofman.com

00:01:21.200 slash book. Now, the reason I tell you this is because today I want to read an excerpt from that book

00:01:26.560 to give you a taste of what's to come. This section is on the subject of making your life

00:01:32.700 your own. And again, if you want to be the first to know about when this book is available,

00:01:36.580 head to orderofman.com slash book. Again, this excerpt is on making your life your own.

00:01:44.320 An unfortunate reality of the world in which we live is a lack of men who have taken complete

00:01:49.240 ownership of their lives. Everywhere you look, you see countless men who have not only shirked

00:01:54.220 their responsibilities as men, they have pawned off any burden that comes with the mantle of

00:01:59.260 masculinity. I got passed over for a promotion due to office politics, these men will say.

00:02:05.180 I can't lose weight and get into shape because there's no gym near me. They'll gripe. While some

00:02:10.060 of that may be true, most men seem to be content with overlooking any responsibility and role they

00:02:15.560 had to play in the situation in which they find themselves. But if there's one thing that makes a

00:02:20.240 man a man, it's ownership. It's ownership of your thoughts, your beliefs, your actions,

00:02:25.180 and ultimately the consequences that follow. The dichotomy of ownership, however, is a challenging

00:02:29.720 one to accept. On one hand, when things go right, men have no problem accepting the praise and notoriety

00:02:35.120 that comes from a job well done. When things go wrong, however, that burden of responsibility

00:02:39.840 is easily shifted to the people and situations seemingly outside of his control.

00:02:44.520 You know exactly what I'm talking about. We've all had bosses who have

00:02:47.880 basked in the days of glory, but when shit hits the fan, we're the first to be thrown under the

00:02:52.400 bus. When things do go wrong, how easy is it to say it's somebody else's fault? How easy is it for

00:02:57.820 us to blame our wives for marital problems? How easy is it for us to blame the vendor for not getting

00:03:02.540 the product out on time? How easy is it to blame the economy for a lack of financial resources?

00:03:08.180 That said, accepting responsibility and ownership of any given situation means that you accept

00:03:12.680 all of it, not just the victories. When a boy becomes a man. In 1 Corinthians 13, 11, it states,

00:03:21.000 When I was a child, I spake as a child. I understood as a child. I thought as a child.

00:03:25.720 But when I became a man, I put away childish things. Shifting blame and responsibility is

00:03:30.560 the ultimate sign of a child. When I get after my oldest for hitting his brother, his immediate

00:03:35.140 default answer is always, it's not my fault. He started it. It's as if somehow his younger brother

00:03:40.480 forced him to hit him back. We think his men were above that behavior, but I can assure

00:03:44.700 you we're not. I once watched a previous employer get after one of his team leaders

00:03:48.520 for not completing a task on time. Rather than accepting the fact that he didn't do what

00:03:52.580 he said he would, he immediately passed the blame to his team members, a vendor, and the

00:03:57.120 economy. I almost laughed out loud as I watched a grown man give the equivalent of my nine-year-old

00:04:01.640 son's excuse, well, it's not my fault. He started it. One of the questions I ask every guest

00:04:07.020 of my podcast is what does it mean to be a man? I've never heard two guests give the

00:04:11.200 same answer, but I can say that the overwhelming majority of answers fall into the categories

00:04:15.780 of responsibility and ownership. Contrast this with my three sons. They're boys, nine,

00:04:22.040 six, and two. They're not men. They're not even expected to be. Sure, they have some chores

00:04:26.420 to do around the house. They have to practice the piano and go to football practice. But at

00:04:30.340 the end of the day, the burden of responsibility of ensuring these things get completed falls upon

00:04:34.820 me as their father and the man of the house. But make no mistake, being a man has less to

00:04:39.680 do with age than one might think. 100 years ago, boys were expected to step up as men far

00:04:44.340 earlier than they are now. If a father passed away, many times young boys would drop out of

00:04:48.640 their schooling to go to work full-time to help make ends meet at home. In other words,

00:04:52.820 responsibility. The flip side of that coin is the 30-year-old man who still plays video games

00:04:57.480 while living in mommy and daddy's basement. No, being a man has less to do with age and more

00:05:02.120 to do with the ownership of your own life and the lives of those under your care. But in order to

00:05:06.400 step into that role of the sovereign man, you're going to have to understand that every position

00:05:10.300 you find yourself in is your fault. Yes, I said it. It's your fault. Your financial situation is

00:05:16.920 your fault. Your level of health is your fault. Your relationship status is your fault. Everything

00:05:22.440 about your life is your fault. Don't misunderstand me. There are situations outside of your control,

00:05:28.540 but you are always, always in control of how you respond to these situations. Let's break down each

00:05:34.940 of the examples from above. Finances. Ryan, my broker screwed me. You didn't do your research.

00:05:40.660 Well, I lost money in my 401k because of the economy. Then explain to me how other people made

00:05:46.060 money during the same time. Maybe you just didn't diversify well enough. I got injured and I can't work

00:05:52.200 anymore. It's not my fault, but now we're in debt. Why didn't you set aside money for a rainy day?

00:05:58.420 Health. Well, Ryan, there's no gym near me. Great. Who said you needed a gym to be healthy?

00:06:04.240 Well, eating healthy requires more money than eating poorly. No, it doesn't. It just requires

00:06:08.780 a little bit of planning. Besides, how much money do you spend on Netflix, cable, and quick trips

00:06:12.840 to the convenience store? I wish I could lose weight, but I'm just big boned. I can thank my parents for

00:06:17.620 that. First, your bones are the same size as everyone else. Second, if genetics is something you have to

00:06:22.420 deal with, you might just have to work a little harder at it than others.

00:06:24.760 Relationships. Ryan, you don't understand. My wife is a bitch. Maybe, but you married

00:06:31.060 her. Yeah, but she's changed since we got married. Yeah, so have you. My wife doesn't

00:06:36.100 believe in the new business I'm starting. You can't even take out the trash when you say

00:06:40.280 you will. Why should she trust you with the family's livelihood? I'm not denying that some

00:06:44.800 of what you deal with is caused by someone or something else. What I'm saying is that what

00:06:49.820 you're telling yourself just isn't the complete truth. Parts of your scripts may be true, but

00:06:55.820 you're leaving out the critical elements that give you the power to actually do something

00:06:59.200 about them. When you're selective with your stories, you give away the power and sovereignty

00:07:03.960 you have to make a difference in your life and the lives of those you care about. You put

00:07:07.760 yourself at the mercy of the winds, chance, or fate. You have the power. You are powerful.

00:07:15.280 More powerful than you give yourself credit for. More powerful than even you would like to admit.

00:07:20.760 It's been said that with great power comes great responsibility, which is why most people run away

00:07:25.300 from that power. We give it away. We ignore it. We hide from it. I hear people say that accepting

00:07:30.620 too much of the burden of responsibility is a mistake, especially when it's truly not your fault

00:07:35.280 or problem. I think it's a mistake not to accept the burden of responsibility. Most people think

00:07:41.200 responsibility is limiting. I think it's empowering. If I pawn the success of my business, my finances,

00:07:46.980 my health, and my relationships on other people, I hinder my ability to expand and grow. Essentially,

00:07:53.040 I've put myself at the mercy of other people, their baggage, and their agendas. But when I accept that

00:07:58.460 I have ultimate responsibility to myself for my business, my finances, my health, and my relationships,

00:08:04.060 I have now positioned myself for the growth and expansion that can only come through critical

00:08:08.620 thinking and intentional action. No longer am I at the mercy of whatever life may have to offer.

00:08:13.780 I have an active part in creating the life I desire. And to wrestle control back of the ultimate

00:08:19.480 power you possess, you're going to have to let go of the excuses you love to conjure up.

00:08:25.100 No excuses, drill sergeant. Excuses are crafty. They feel so real. They feel legitimate, but they're not.

00:08:31.420 They're lies, plain and simple. And they pose a very real and dangerous threat to your heart and mind.

00:08:37.160 Our excuses are so easily disguised and they're so difficult to detect. Therefore,

00:08:42.320 it becomes necessary to take drastic measures. You must declare a zero tolerance policy on your

00:08:48.060 excuses. Personally, I've adopted a mantra that I learned nearly 20 years ago. When I joined the

00:08:53.520 military in 1999, I was fortunate enough to begin training with my unit prior to shipping off to basic

00:08:58.520 training. Among other things, I learned the ranks, how to wear my uniform, and some of the basics of

00:09:03.520 the job I would be performing. But one phrase that was etched into my brain as I prepared for

00:09:08.220 my formal training was the phrase, no excuses, drill sergeant. If I ever got into trouble, I was

00:09:14.160 to utter the words, no excuses, drill sergeant. If I did something dumb, I was to recite the words,

00:09:18.620 no excuses, drill sergeant. If I found myself at the receiving end of an angry trainer, I was to repeat

00:09:23.940 the words, no excuses, drill sergeant. Looking back on my experience, I can only remember having to say

00:09:29.700 those words once. I can't remember what I did or why I had a drill sergeant crawling up my ass,

00:09:35.620 but I do remember the look of shock and silence on my drill sergeant's face when I looked him in

00:09:39.680 the eyes and I said, no excuses, drill sergeant. He stopped, looked me up and down and simply said,

00:09:45.760 good, carry on private. What could have turned into an hour long smoke session by this season

00:09:51.240 professional turned out to be just a slap on the wrist. I had caught him off guard with something

00:09:55.480 apparently he wasn't used to hearing. That's the day I learned that a man doesn't make excuses.

00:10:01.840 He doesn't create stories. He doesn't shift blame. He simply accepts his ass kicking,

00:10:08.400 learns from his mistakes and drives on the mindset. I own everything. Taking complete ownership of your

00:10:16.460 life is not an easy thing to do, especially if you've been passing the buck your entire life,

00:10:20.560 but it's an absolute requirement. If you have any hope of accomplishing big things and recapturing

00:10:25.080 your heart and mind, come to terms with the fact that you're going to be wrong and that you don't

00:10:29.520 have it all figured out and that you don't need to. When you win, own it. You deserve it. When you

00:10:34.640 lose, own it. You deserve it. Realize also that people aren't going to think less of you when you

00:10:40.040 accept full responsibility for your thoughts and your ideas and your actions. If anything, people are

00:10:45.440 going to respect you more when you're willing and able to say, I'm sorry. That was my fault and I will

00:10:50.880 correct it. That statement does not limit you. It empowers you to correct the thoughts, actions,

00:10:56.440 and patterns you've exercised in your life. It's the foundation for growth. When you do finally

00:11:01.360 accept that everything is within your control and you're willing to shoulder the burden of owning

00:11:06.120 your life, you give yourself the permission to thrive and the right to call yourself a man.

00:11:12.320 The skill set after action review. The after action review is a tool I learned in the military.

00:11:17.920 It's an exercise I use after every engagement, encounter, conversation, project, and assignment.

00:11:23.140 Simply put, it's a series of five questions designed to critically analyze and evaluate any

00:11:27.700 given scenario. It's also designed to give you the feedback needed to empower you to own

00:11:32.020 your shortcomings or the project and tighten up anything that needs to be improved. The five

00:11:37.120 questions are, what did I accomplish that I set out to accomplish? What did I not accomplish that I

00:11:42.960 wanted to? What did I do well in this exercise project, et cetera? What did I not do well in

00:11:48.620 this exercise project, et cetera? What will I do better next time? I encourage you to write these

00:11:54.160 questions down and refer to them often. Soon and through repetition, you will internalize these

00:11:58.220 questions and use them to focus on the actions that propel you forward. Empowering questions.

00:12:04.260 Outside of the after action review, focus on improving the questions you're asking yourself on a daily

00:12:08.780 basis. Instead of asking, whose fault is this? Ask yourself, what can I do to ensure this doesn't

00:12:14.440 happen again? Instead of asking, why didn't blank do blank? Ask yourself, what can I do to ensure

00:12:21.160 blank gets done next time? Instead of asking, why am I surrounded by incompetent people? Ask yourself,

00:12:27.260 what can I do to surround myself with competent people? The first set of questions does nothing to

00:12:32.560 improve your situation. The second set of questions focuses on what you can do to improve the

00:12:38.360 situation. It's been said that the quality of your life will be determined by the quality of the

00:12:43.260 questions you ask. Make your questions count. Gentlemen, that's what I wanted to read to you

00:12:50.820 today. Again, that's an excerpt from the book on making your life your own. That's all I have for

00:12:56.080 you today. If you do like what you've heard, there's so much more to come. Just head to orderofman.com

00:13:01.800 slash book to get the first notice when the book comes out and the book is available. I can't tell you

00:13:07.000 how excited I am to finally be releasing this and I know you guys will gain a ton of value from the

00:13:13.040 rest of the book. Thanks for listening guys. Until next week, take action and become the man you are

00:13:18.840 meant to be. Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast. If you're ready to take charge of

00:13:23.820 your life and be more of the man you were meant to be, we invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - October 27, 2017

FFN 079： Your Life is Yours

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