Order of Man - FFN 084： Be The Patriarch

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:05.000 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.440 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.240 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.800 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? I hope all is going well.

00:00:27.820 My name is Ryan Michler, and I am the host and the founder of this podcast, The Order

00:00:32.340 of Man. This is a show about becoming a better man in every facet of your life, your home,

00:00:38.080 your business, your community, everywhere that you have a responsibility to show up.

00:00:42.120 We're interviewing the world's most successful men. We're sharing those conversations with

00:00:46.500 you. So if you would, make sure you subscribe so you never miss a single episode. Now, if

00:00:51.200 you are new, you might not know that this show, our Friday show, is a little different because

00:00:55.900 you get to listen to just me talk about some things I've been thinking about from throughout

00:01:00.320 the week. But before I get into today's topic, I do want to let you know that I have a new

00:01:05.100 book coming out in February. I am going to be releasing the title soon, so stay on the

00:01:09.680 lookout for that. And I'm going to be holding a book launch party and a meetup in Nashville

00:01:15.220 the end of January. It's January 26th and 27th, 2018. We're going to be having some keynotes,

00:01:21.940 some Q and a activities. And of course the camaraderie that comes from surrounding yourself

00:01:26.540 with other men who are on the same journey as you and the same journey as I. And when

00:01:31.380 you register, you're also going to get a signed copy of that new book. So make sure you get

00:01:35.060 registered, do it quickly. Spots are filling up. You can do that at order of man.com slash

00:01:40.640 Nashville order of man.com slash Nashville. Now let's get into this discussion today. I want

00:01:46.740 to talk with you about being a patriarch. The other day I had made a comment in our Facebook

00:01:52.080 group about being a patriarch and somebody suggested that I put that phrase on a shirt,

00:01:57.580 but I thought it would be better to explain that here, what it means to be a patriarch,

00:02:03.160 what it's all about, and some key factors to becoming a patriarch in your home and in your

00:02:07.900 family. Very simply, a patriarch is the male leader of a family. It's becoming painfully obvious

00:02:13.580 that we are lacking male leadership in the home. If you look at divorce rates, they are on the rise

00:02:18.640 and they have been for a while. The amount of young boys and girls who are growing up without

00:02:23.440 fathers is scary to even think about. And I don't even think that we've begun to see the fallout from

00:02:29.720 the leaderless homes that we are experiencing. Already we see young boys and girls who are confused

00:02:35.060 about their gender. We see violence, addiction, and the fact that sexual misconduct perpetuated by men

00:02:41.700 is seemingly climbing as well. I can't help, but think that a lot of these problems could be

00:02:46.440 addressed by worthy and honorable male leadership in the home. That is evident to me that we are

00:02:53.720 lacking. I don't think all of these problems would go away, but if more men would lead their families 1.00

00:02:58.940 the way they're meant to be led, much of the negativity that we see in society today would dwindle.

00:03:05.340 And I want to be really clear when I talk about this. I know that there's situations in which

00:03:09.920 the mother is responsible for leading the home. Maybe dad is out of the picture for whatever

00:03:14.500 reason, but regardless, regardless of that, a man's influence in the home cannot be replicated.

00:03:21.440 Men and women are different. Women are great in certain areas and men might fall short in those

00:03:27.280 areas. And where men are great in certain areas, women might fall short. And this is why it's so crucial 0.92

00:03:32.580 that there be both a masculine and feminine presence in the home. And specifically, I want to talk with you

00:03:39.920 masculine presence in the home because that's somewhere we as a society seem to be falling

00:03:44.320 short with. Look, if you're a father and a husband, your job is to lead, period. You were designed to

00:03:51.880 lead. You were born to lead. And what's really fascinating about this is that the majority of

00:03:56.900 women I talk with who tune into what we're doing here are craving men who lead with honor and strength

00:04:04.940 and integrity. So today of all the factors that make you and I, the patriarchs of the family that

00:04:10.500 we've been called to be, I want to talk with you about three specifically. So the first factor is

00:04:15.600 vision. This is absolutely crucial in your calling as the family's patriarch. It is your job to determine

00:04:22.280 the direction of the family and the mission of the family. And as I say that, I know there's a lot

00:04:26.860 of families who don't even have an objective or a mission, but if your family doesn't have a purpose,

00:04:32.460 what exactly are you working towards? And how can you even know that you're on the right track?

00:04:37.480 The truth is you can't. Too many men and by default, too many families are wandering around 0.63

00:04:42.920 aimlessly without a benchmark to shoot for or to strive to. I used to have friends that had parents

00:04:48.480 that didn't care about what they did and how late they were out and what trouble they were getting

00:04:53.360 into. Their fathers were more concerned with being their kids as friends than they were with being

00:04:58.300 their fathers. And I used to think and wonder how cool would it be if that was my situation.

00:05:03.080 But I look back and I think how sad that my friends had no leadership, no purpose, and no sense of

00:05:10.180 direction perpetuated by the father who's supposed to do those things. Now, with that said, I do recognize

00:05:16.500 that a wife and a mother has a say, of course, in the direction of her family. My wife and I lead

00:05:23.220 together. And I've never made a major family decision without her guidance and direction

00:05:28.420 and support. I'm not suggesting that you do it on your own without her input. I'm suggesting that

00:05:33.760 you take the initiative to talk about and identify a vision for your family. That is where it starts,

00:05:41.000 gentlemen. Next, communication. You've got to be able to communicate the vision that we just talked

00:05:46.640 about. If you can't or you won't share what's on your mind and the direction that you would like to go,

00:05:52.600 you're never going to get buy-in from your wife and your children. Now, some guys I know will say,

00:05:58.800 well, that doesn't matter. My family's just going to do what I tell them to do. And to that, I say,

00:06:03.500 you might be right, but for how long? No one is going to follow a leader indefinitely who cannot

00:06:09.240 be empathetic to the family's needs and desires and wishes and effective communication is about taking

00:06:16.020 all of that into consideration as you articulate the direction for the family. It's not always easy,

00:06:22.000 guys. It's not always fun, but it's not supposed to be. It's challenging to have the types of

00:06:28.120 conversations that you're going to need to have on your path to keeping your family on the right

00:06:32.460 track. But like I said before, you and I as men are uniquely qualified to handle those types of

00:06:39.120 situations. And the third component I want to talk to you about today is that of structure.

00:06:43.360 Every family needs structure and systems and discipline in order to operate effectively.

00:06:51.100 Again, this is the part that isn't necessarily the funnest part, but it's critical. You have a noble

00:06:57.080 calling and that requires strength and grit and fortitude. And it also requires the support system

00:07:03.560 in place in order to help you achieve the mission. Are you meeting with your family regularly?

00:07:10.120 Do your children know what is expected from them and the consequences should they fall short of

00:07:15.820 those expectations? Are there boundaries that are not to be crossed and that are enforced?

00:07:22.220 Is everyone on the same page or is there confusion and chaos within the walls of your home? These are

00:07:28.720 all powerful questions that can be answered and need to be answered in order for you to step more fully

00:07:34.280 into that role of patriarch. I know that there are going to be those who think that maybe this

00:07:39.140 information I'm sharing today or this thought process is antiquated and outdated. And to that,

00:07:44.360 I agree. It is a traditional way of looking at things, but I have you consider that the traditional

00:07:49.820 way of managing a home is not the problem, but the deviation from it. I know that there's a lot of

00:07:55.760 factors at play here, guys. And of course, there's no way for me to cover every situation and family

00:08:01.140 dynamic. I didn't have what I'm talking with you about right now in my family growing up. My dad was out

00:08:06.880 of the picture and my mother raised me and my sister primarily on her own. I know there are

00:08:11.960 circumstances where it doesn't always work out like this, but if you have the opportunity and the

00:08:17.280 capability, your family needs you to step up. They need your vision and your direction and your guidance,

00:08:25.100 your structure, your support, your discipline, all of it. They need all of you. And not only do they

00:08:31.120 need it, it's your job. You are the patriarch. Gentlemen, as we wind down today, I do want to

00:08:36.940 invite you to join us in our exclusive brotherhood, the Iron Council. This may just be the tool that you

00:08:42.940 need to step up in your family as a husband and a father. I'm amazed, amazed and shocked, quite

00:08:48.520 honestly, at how many messages I get from men who want to save their marriages and their families,

00:08:53.320 but they're not willing to put in a little time and investment to make the changes they

00:08:58.000 pretend that they want so bad. If you want something different out of your life, you are going

00:09:04.540 to have to do something different. The Iron Council has all the tools and the resources and the guidance

00:09:10.440 and support and direction to help you become the patriarch of your home and a leader, a leader in

00:09:17.000 your business, in your community, wherever you're showing up. You can join us at orderofman.com

00:09:22.220 slash Iron Council. That's orderofman.com slash Iron Council. Gentlemen, I look forward to talking

00:09:27.700 with you next week, but until then, take action, be the patriarch of your family, and become the man

00:09:33.460 you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast. If you're ready to take

00:09:39.160 charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be, we invite you to join the order

00:09:43.800 at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - December 01, 2017

FFN 084： Be The Patriarch

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