FFN 084： Be The Patriarch
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
192.82129
Summary
In this episode, Ryan talks about the importance of being a patriarch in your home and in your family. He discusses what it means to be a patriarch and why it is so important for a family to have a male leader in the home.
Transcript
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You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart
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your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.
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You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who
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you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
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you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? I hope all is going well.
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My name is Ryan Michler, and I am the host and the founder of this podcast, The Order
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of Man. This is a show about becoming a better man in every facet of your life, your home,
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your business, your community, everywhere that you have a responsibility to show up.
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We're interviewing the world's most successful men. We're sharing those conversations with
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you. So if you would, make sure you subscribe so you never miss a single episode. Now, if
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you are new, you might not know that this show, our Friday show, is a little different because
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you get to listen to just me talk about some things I've been thinking about from throughout
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the week. But before I get into today's topic, I do want to let you know that I have a new
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book coming out in February. I am going to be releasing the title soon, so stay on the
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lookout for that. And I'm going to be holding a book launch party and a meetup in Nashville
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the end of January. It's January 26th and 27th, 2018. We're going to be having some keynotes,
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some Q and a activities. And of course the camaraderie that comes from surrounding yourself
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with other men who are on the same journey as you and the same journey as I. And when
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you register, you're also going to get a signed copy of that new book. So make sure you get
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registered, do it quickly. Spots are filling up. You can do that at order of man.com slash
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Nashville order of man.com slash Nashville. Now let's get into this discussion today. I want
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to talk with you about being a patriarch. The other day I had made a comment in our Facebook
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group about being a patriarch and somebody suggested that I put that phrase on a shirt,
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but I thought it would be better to explain that here, what it means to be a patriarch,
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what it's all about, and some key factors to becoming a patriarch in your home and in your
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family. Very simply, a patriarch is the male leader of a family. It's becoming painfully obvious
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that we are lacking male leadership in the home. If you look at divorce rates, they are on the rise
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and they have been for a while. The amount of young boys and girls who are growing up without
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fathers is scary to even think about. And I don't even think that we've begun to see the fallout from
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the leaderless homes that we are experiencing. Already we see young boys and girls who are confused
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about their gender. We see violence, addiction, and the fact that sexual misconduct perpetuated by men
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is seemingly climbing as well. I can't help, but think that a lot of these problems could be
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addressed by worthy and honorable male leadership in the home. That is evident to me that we are
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lacking. I don't think all of these problems would go away, but if more men would lead their families
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the way they're meant to be led, much of the negativity that we see in society today would dwindle.
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And I want to be really clear when I talk about this. I know that there's situations in which
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the mother is responsible for leading the home. Maybe dad is out of the picture for whatever
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reason, but regardless, regardless of that, a man's influence in the home cannot be replicated.
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Men and women are different. Women are great in certain areas and men might fall short in those
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areas. And where men are great in certain areas, women might fall short. And this is why it's so crucial
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that there be both a masculine and feminine presence in the home. And specifically, I want to talk with you
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masculine presence in the home because that's somewhere we as a society seem to be falling
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short with. Look, if you're a father and a husband, your job is to lead, period. You were designed to
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lead. You were born to lead. And what's really fascinating about this is that the majority of
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women I talk with who tune into what we're doing here are craving men who lead with honor and strength
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and integrity. So today of all the factors that make you and I, the patriarchs of the family that
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we've been called to be, I want to talk with you about three specifically. So the first factor is
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vision. This is absolutely crucial in your calling as the family's patriarch. It is your job to determine
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the direction of the family and the mission of the family. And as I say that, I know there's a lot
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of families who don't even have an objective or a mission, but if your family doesn't have a purpose,
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what exactly are you working towards? And how can you even know that you're on the right track?
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The truth is you can't. Too many men and by default, too many families are wandering around
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aimlessly without a benchmark to shoot for or to strive to. I used to have friends that had parents
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that didn't care about what they did and how late they were out and what trouble they were getting
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into. Their fathers were more concerned with being their kids as friends than they were with being
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their fathers. And I used to think and wonder how cool would it be if that was my situation.
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But I look back and I think how sad that my friends had no leadership, no purpose, and no sense of
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direction perpetuated by the father who's supposed to do those things. Now, with that said, I do recognize
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that a wife and a mother has a say, of course, in the direction of her family. My wife and I lead
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together. And I've never made a major family decision without her guidance and direction
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and support. I'm not suggesting that you do it on your own without her input. I'm suggesting that
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you take the initiative to talk about and identify a vision for your family. That is where it starts,
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gentlemen. Next, communication. You've got to be able to communicate the vision that we just talked
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about. If you can't or you won't share what's on your mind and the direction that you would like to go,
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you're never going to get buy-in from your wife and your children. Now, some guys I know will say,
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well, that doesn't matter. My family's just going to do what I tell them to do. And to that, I say,
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you might be right, but for how long? No one is going to follow a leader indefinitely who cannot
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be empathetic to the family's needs and desires and wishes and effective communication is about taking
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all of that into consideration as you articulate the direction for the family. It's not always easy,
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guys. It's not always fun, but it's not supposed to be. It's challenging to have the types of
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conversations that you're going to need to have on your path to keeping your family on the right
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track. But like I said before, you and I as men are uniquely qualified to handle those types of
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situations. And the third component I want to talk to you about today is that of structure.
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Every family needs structure and systems and discipline in order to operate effectively.
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Again, this is the part that isn't necessarily the funnest part, but it's critical. You have a noble
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calling and that requires strength and grit and fortitude. And it also requires the support system
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in place in order to help you achieve the mission. Are you meeting with your family regularly?
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Do your children know what is expected from them and the consequences should they fall short of
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those expectations? Are there boundaries that are not to be crossed and that are enforced?
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Is everyone on the same page or is there confusion and chaos within the walls of your home? These are
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all powerful questions that can be answered and need to be answered in order for you to step more fully
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into that role of patriarch. I know that there are going to be those who think that maybe this
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information I'm sharing today or this thought process is antiquated and outdated. And to that,
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I agree. It is a traditional way of looking at things, but I have you consider that the traditional
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way of managing a home is not the problem, but the deviation from it. I know that there's a lot of
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factors at play here, guys. And of course, there's no way for me to cover every situation and family
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dynamic. I didn't have what I'm talking with you about right now in my family growing up. My dad was out
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of the picture and my mother raised me and my sister primarily on her own. I know there are
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circumstances where it doesn't always work out like this, but if you have the opportunity and the
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capability, your family needs you to step up. They need your vision and your direction and your guidance,
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your structure, your support, your discipline, all of it. They need all of you. And not only do they
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need it, it's your job. You are the patriarch. Gentlemen, as we wind down today, I do want to
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invite you to join us in our exclusive brotherhood, the Iron Council. This may just be the tool that you
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need to step up in your family as a husband and a father. I'm amazed, amazed and shocked, quite
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honestly, at how many messages I get from men who want to save their marriages and their families,
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but they're not willing to put in a little time and investment to make the changes they
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pretend that they want so bad. If you want something different out of your life, you are going
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to have to do something different. The Iron Council has all the tools and the resources and the guidance
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and support and direction to help you become the patriarch of your home and a leader, a leader in
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your business, in your community, wherever you're showing up. You can join us at orderofman.com
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slash Iron Council. That's orderofman.com slash Iron Council. Gentlemen, I look forward to talking
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with you next week, but until then, take action, be the patriarch of your family, and become the man
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you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast. If you're ready to take
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charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be, we invite you to join the order