Order of Man - December 22, 2017


FFN 087： Overcoming Guilt


Episode Stats

Length

10 minutes

Words per Minute

187.07307

Word Count

2,054

Sentence Count

128

Hate Speech Sentences

1


Summary

In this episode, Ryan talks about the importance of overcoming guilt and how to deal with it in order to be a better man. He also talks about how guilt is actually a productive emotion and how it can be used to propel you forward in your life.


Transcript

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart
00:00:05.000 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.
00:00:10.440 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who
00:00:17.240 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
00:00:22.800 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan
00:00:27.500 Mickler, and I am the host and the founder of this podcast, The Order of Man. I want to welcome
00:00:32.500 you to the best show on iTunes available for men. Of course, that's easy for me to say,
00:00:38.340 but we are growing each and every week, and we have some incredible men from all walks of life
00:00:42.940 coming on to impart some of their wisdom and insights into how to be more effective and
00:00:48.520 efficient, healthier, wealthier, and generally just more successful in your life. This one
00:00:53.160 is a little different than that, though, because this is our Friday Field Notes where I share
00:00:57.220 some thoughts and ideas that I've been thinking about or seeing come up in our Facebook group.
00:01:01.940 And the subject that I want to talk with you about today does come up quite a bit in our
00:01:06.020 Facebook group. And by the way, if you're interested in joining those discussions, you can head to
00:01:10.600 facebook.com slash groups slash order of man. Outside of that, there are two other resources where you
00:01:17.180 can learn more about what we're up to and engage in the battle that all of us are fighting to become
00:01:22.380 better men in our families and our businesses and our communities everywhere that we show up in life.
00:01:27.000 The first one is our live meetup. You've heard this by now. We are getting very close on the dates,
00:01:33.040 which is January 26 and 27 2018 in Nashville. If you want some of the details, what we're going to
00:01:39.140 be doing, the camaraderie, the brotherhood, the events, the breakout sessions, and then of course,
00:01:42.540 the book launch details, you can head to order of man.com slash Nashville. I think we still have
00:01:50.200 a few tickets and I would love to see as many of you there as possible. The second is our exclusive
00:01:55.480 brotherhood, the iron council. I'm going to talk with you a little bit more about this towards the
00:01:59.220 end of the show, but at the end of the day, this is an exclusive, like I said, band of brothers who
00:02:03.120 are working on becoming better men. We have challenges and assignments and accountability
00:02:06.980 and tracking software. This is a track to run on essentially, and it's going to give you all the
00:02:11.880 tools and the resources and the guidance and the direction, and then the brotherhood and the
00:02:15.060 accountability that's going to help you take your life to the next level. If you want to know more
00:02:18.840 about what we're doing and all the details there, you can head to order of man.com slash iron council
00:02:24.020 order of man.com slash iron council. So I hope to see you at the meetup. I hope to see you inside
00:02:28.300 the iron council. Now with that said and knocked out of the way, let's get to the conversation today,
00:02:32.920 which is that of overcoming guilt. Whether it's the argument that you got into with your wife
00:02:38.360 or the way that maybe you treated your children, that you regret how you may have handled the
00:02:43.420 situation at work or with a client, there is no doubt that every single one of us has faced
00:02:47.860 some sort of guilt in our lives. This is natural and actually a productive emotion to experience.
00:02:54.400 I know a lot of you, when I say that guilt is productive, are probably wondering what exactly
00:02:58.760 I'm talking about, but I firmly believe that the range, the entire spectrum of emotions that we
00:03:04.400 experience, even the negative emotions are helpful emotions. Negative as well as positive emotions
00:03:10.520 are simply indicators in our lives. They tell us what's going well, what's not going well,
00:03:15.680 and where we need to focus our attention and energy in order to produce new outcomes in our life.
00:03:20.980 It's when we dwell on these emotions or allow them to cripple us from doing the work that we know we
00:03:26.400 should be doing, that the emotions become a problem. And I see this time and time again with the men
00:03:31.360 within the order, they make a mistake that they regret. And rather than learning from it,
00:03:36.040 they wallow in their own self-pity and completely incapacitate themselves and their ability to move
00:03:41.520 on and improve as a result, improve as a result of their mistake. Look, I get it. You know, I've made
00:03:48.420 mistakes that I haven't been proud of, but dwelling on the past does nothing to enhance your future.
00:03:54.100 And there certainly isn't anything that you can do about it other than using those mistakes as fuel to
00:03:59.740 alter the course of your life moving forward. And that's what I want to talk with you about today.
00:04:04.160 I want to talk with you about three very simple steps that you can use to overcome the destructive
00:04:09.040 power of unchecked emotions. But let me be very clear when I say this, I'm not talking about hiding
00:04:15.240 emotions or just getting over it. I'm talking about using these powerful feelings that each and
00:04:21.380 every one of us have. And yes, even men that all of us experience to do the work of a man.
00:04:26.960 Because what I see is there seems to be two camps, two sides of the fence. One side says men don't
00:04:33.640 express their emotions at all, period. And the other side says men need to be more emotional and
00:04:39.240 more vulnerable, period. And I don't sit fully with either camp. I think there's a time and a place
00:04:44.240 for everything. There's a time I can and probably need to be more vulnerable and a time when I simply
00:04:50.000 need to get over it and to re-engage in the work that needs to be done. I'm going to talk with you
00:04:56.320 about how to get over it and how to use negative experiences today in order to produce better
00:05:02.060 outcomes tomorrow. The first step in using this emotion of guilt to create the foundation for
00:05:09.060 future growth is to first recognize that you actually made a mistake. That's all it is. It's
00:05:14.540 a mistake. You aren't special or unique. You aren't the first one to do something dumb. We all do and
00:05:20.420 we all have. Give yourself the chance to express forgiveness for doing something that you regret.
00:05:27.740 It's okay. Most mistakes we've made are not irreversible or life altering. They're simply
00:05:33.700 missteps on our path. We cannot and should not turn a blind eye to these mistakes either. In order for
00:05:40.780 you to learn something, you have to acknowledge that there's something to be learned. And that comes
00:05:45.780 from you recognizing that you aren't perfect and you did something you know you shouldn't have done.
00:05:51.220 Don't let yourself off the hook or you'll never grow. But also don't keep yourself on the hook too
00:05:55.960 long. At some point, you're going to have to let go. But that first step is to acknowledge and recognize
00:06:01.940 that you actually did something wrong and express some remorse for it. Now, the second step is to study
00:06:08.740 and analyze that mistake. But this isn't so you can dwell on it and relive horrible memories of your past
00:06:14.840 indiscretions. This is an opportunity for you to take a calculated, objective look at what actually
00:06:22.060 went wrong. How did you get to this point? What made you do the thing that you did? How will you
00:06:27.860 overcome responding this way in the future? What can you do now, right now, to ensure that this won't
00:06:34.120 happen again? The last thing you want to do is compound mistake after mistake after mistake.
00:06:39.960 Because overcoming one mistake is manageable, but overcoming a dozen is infinitely harder. And if
00:06:45.900 you don't give yourself the space and the margin to think about where you went wrong, again, not to
00:06:50.700 dwell on it, but to learn from it, it's likely that you're going to do it again, maybe inadvertently,
00:06:55.900 maybe on purpose. Now, the third step to overcoming this guilt and remorse you may be experiencing in
00:07:01.460 your life is to correct the behavior. Stop doing the thing that you feel bad about or you know you
00:07:08.960 will feel bad about doing. I cannot tell you how often I see guys continue to repeat the same mistakes
00:07:15.020 over and over and over again. You aren't trapped. You're not a slave to the past choices that you've
00:07:21.600 made unless you decide to be. You have more power than you give yourself credit for. But if you keep doing
00:07:27.020 the same dumb things, be prepared for the same dumb results. If you want a different outcome,
00:07:32.540 you're going to have to do something different. This may include you apologizing to somebody that
00:07:38.240 maybe you offended, cutting off ties with people who aren't good for you and you know it,
00:07:43.300 repaying someone for damage or loss, and frankly, just eating crow. A man that learns to forgive himself,
00:07:51.700 analyze his past behaviors, and then has this third ability that I'm talking about right now,
00:07:55.800 which is to correct his thoughts and actions moving forward, is frankly unstoppable. It's the
00:08:01.700 ones who trap themselves in the pain and the discomfort and the frustration of their horrible
00:08:07.400 choices who cripple themselves and their ability to move forward. This takes time, guys, especially if
00:08:14.440 what you've done is more serious or you've done it over and over again. But it can be overcome using
00:08:19.560 this very simple yet effective three-part formula for overcoming the guilt of your choices. You are not
00:08:26.640 defined by what you did yesterday, but for what you do today. If you do the same thing over and over again,
00:08:33.940 that, that is who you are. If you do something once and you learn from it and you move on, you are
00:08:41.480 infinitely more powerful. Remember, guys, acknowledge and forgive yourself for the wrongdoing. You are a human.
00:08:48.220 It's okay. Analyze the mistake so you don't do it again. And then third, correct your behavior moving
00:08:54.540 forward. This is the mark, I believe, of a mature man. All of us make mistakes. A mature man learns
00:09:01.380 from them and he grows from them. But using past indiscretions as an excuse for you to self-destruct
00:09:08.240 is anything but a mature man. Guys, if this simple framework has helped you or you feel like maybe it
00:09:14.480 will help you moving forward, I would encourage you to join our exclusive brotherhood. I say this
00:09:19.360 because we talk about frameworks like this and we talk about infinitely more tools, tactics, strategies,
00:09:25.060 ideas, resources, and of course, all of the brothers inside of the Iron Council who are working on the
00:09:29.800 same things that you and I are working on. Improving in our relationships, improving in our business,
00:09:34.940 improving in our health, every facet of life. And we're doing this inside the Iron Council.
00:09:40.360 So, orderofman.com slash ironcouncil. I hope to see you there. Until next week, gentlemen,
00:09:45.660 take action and become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the Order of Man
00:09:50.560 podcast. If you're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be,
00:09:55.700 we invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.
00:09:58.800 Hey everybody, it's Chad Prather here, the guy that's unapologetically Southern on YouTube.
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