In this episode of the Friday Field Notes podcast, Ryan Michler talks about what it means to be a man in a society that seems to have distorted it quite a bit and frankly, dismissed it for far too long. He also gives you a crash course in confidence.
00:00:00.000You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.
00:00:06.020When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.
00:00:10.440You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.
00:00:15.520This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.
00:00:19.760At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.
00:00:24.720Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Michler, and I am the host and the founder of this podcast, The Order of Man.
00:00:31.180I want to welcome you to what I and thousands of men across the planet would consider the best podcast available for men.
00:00:38.200We're talking about all the issues important to you. Health, relationships, leadership, confidence, which we'll be talking about today.
00:00:44.660Business, finances, anything else that may pertain to you as a man.
00:00:48.040Now, today is our Friday Field Notes, where you get to listen to me for the next, I don't know, 10 or 15 minutes or so.
00:00:52.940But if you don't already know, we also have an interview show where we are interviewing the world's most successful men on every front.
00:00:59.560These are guys like Brett McKay, Andy Frisella, Jocko Willink, Grant Cardone, Aubrey Marcus, and of course, so many more.
00:01:06.580So if you haven't already subscribed, I would encourage you to go ahead and get that taken care of right now.
00:01:12.300Just subscribe right now. And if you would, please, please, while you're there, leave us an iTunes rating and review.
00:01:17.180This goes such a long way in helping us spread the mission of the Order of Men, which I know a lot of you know by now is to reclaim what it means to be a man in a society that seems to have distorted it quite a bit and frankly, just dismissed it for far too long.
00:01:32.680Now, I only have a couple of quick announcements before I give you a crash course in confidence today.
00:01:37.840First, if you would, make sure that you get your ticket to the Order of Men meetup.
00:01:42.520We've got six seats left. That's it. Six seats left.
00:01:45.640It's going to be held January 26th, 27th, 2018.
00:01:48.740So just in the next couple of weeks here, we've got 75 men coming in from all over the country for brotherhood and camaraderie and the tools and the insights and the resources we're providing.
00:01:59.140And then, of course, the connections to help you on your journey to become a better protector, a better provider and a better presider.
00:02:05.180You can register for the event at orderofman.com slash Nashville.
00:02:09.340But again, do it quickly since we only have those six seats left.
00:02:13.160And the other announcement, the book, guys, is hitting the shelves on February 1st.
00:02:17.420It's titled Sovereignty, the Battle for the Hearts and Minds of Men.
00:02:20.540And I could not be more excited about the way this thing turned out.
00:02:25.320The interior, the exterior, it's beautiful.
00:02:28.720And I hope that the words match the cover and the interior and the way it's laid out and the design work.
00:02:33.720You guys are going to be proud to hold this book and, of course, the message within the book itself.
00:02:37.940There have been a handful of people who have read it, and I'm absolutely blown away.
00:02:41.400I'm humbled with and by the feedback that we've received so far.
00:02:44.560And I know it's going to change men's lives, which in turn will change the lives of families and neighborhoods and businesses, communities.
00:02:51.680So with that said, if you are going to be at the meetup in Nashville, you are going to get a signed copy of the book before it's even available to the public.
00:03:00.540If not, you're going to have to wait a couple more days until it is available.
00:03:03.900But in the meantime, head to orderofman.com slash book, orderofman.com slash book to download the introductory chapter.
00:03:10.680And then you'll be signed up to be notified when the book is available.
00:03:15.800Let's get into the conversation today on the topic of confidence.
00:03:19.180Just so you know, a lot of these topics and conversations on the Friday Field Notes come from the discussions happening inside the closed Facebook group, which you can join at facebook.com slash groups slash order of man.
00:03:31.020Now, one topic that I see talked about more than just about any other is that of building confidence.
00:03:36.740It seems that more and more men are lacking the confidence they desire in their lives.
00:03:41.940I think there's a lot of reasons for this.
00:03:43.340So today, I thought I'd share with you why we seem to be experiencing more of that.
00:03:48.340And then, of course, give you some very quick and actionable tips in order to develop confidence.
00:03:52.720And of course, the results, the results that stem from it.
00:03:56.500More than anything, guys, we've got to understand that you are not entitled to confidence.
00:04:01.420I know you may think that you know that, but it's amazing to me how many men seem to think that confidence is something other people are just born with and that some men just inherently have some level of confidence.
00:04:13.760I think there's probably some truth to that.
00:04:15.780Some men are probably born with a predisposition to be more confident in their lives.
00:04:19.700But I believe the bigger variable, the bigger variable here to building and developing confidence is the ability to take action despite your fear.
00:04:30.100See, it's my belief that confidence is the natural byproduct of action.
00:04:36.260A lot of guys seem to think it's the confidence that comes first.
00:04:50.980You know, men will ask, how do I get more confident around women?
00:04:53.200Or how do I gain confidence in my ability to start a business or ask for a promotion or take calculated risks or just confidence in myself?
00:05:01.740And the answer is that confidence is earned.
00:05:05.520It's earned by taking part in the very activity that you lack confidence in.
00:05:10.680So if you want to gain confidence with women, you need to spend more time with women.
00:05:15.120If you want to gain confidence in your ability to start a business,
00:05:18.400you need to start a business and ask for people to do business with you.
00:05:25.000Of course, you're going to look a little foolish.
00:05:27.000But remember, the guys who have confidence have already gone through that stage.
00:05:31.260It's a mistake to believe that they haven't gone through that.
00:05:34.900I remember going into the gym, for example, the first time in probably five or six years.
00:05:39.600I still have the pictures to prove it.
00:05:42.200In fact, you know, I was so hesitant to go in because I knew I knew how bad it had gotten.
00:05:47.660And I thought people were going to laugh at me or think less of me or whatever lies, whatever lies that I have conjured up to keep myself comfortable, to keep myself complacent.
00:05:59.100I put all that fear aside because what I wanted, which was to be in shape, was more important to me at that point than the embarrassment of stepping into the gym for the first time in years.
00:06:10.580So you've got to ask yourself, how badly do you want it?
00:06:13.900If the answer is, I want it badly, then you've got to be willing to put that fear aside.
00:06:18.040Recognize that it's going to be a little bit uncomfortable, maybe a lot uncomfortable, and take pride in the fact that you did it anyways.
00:06:26.520And then that pride of overcoming what you resisted doing is what fosters confidence in your ability to go back at it again tomorrow and the next day and the next and the next.
00:06:37.000The biggest hurdle I had to overcome in my desire to be more confident was this natural tendency that we all have to choose the easy path.
00:06:44.500And not that doing things the easy way is wrong, but when you're faced with two choices, the status quo or pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone, the only way to build the confidence you want is to choose, choose to step outside of your comfort zone.
00:07:00.240Don't lie to yourself and think it should be easy or dismiss another man's confidence as something that guy just inherently has recognize that it's hard.
00:07:09.680Recognize that building confidence takes effort, not just for you, but for everyone and face that reality.
00:07:21.880One of the things I ask when I'm facing difficult work or circumstances is will the action I'm about to take help me or hinder me on my path to become a better man?
00:07:33.620It's a great question to ask yourself.
00:07:35.580If you want a promotion, ask yourself if asking for that said promotion will help or hinder you.
00:07:42.340If you want a date, ask yourself if asking for that date will help you or hinder you.
00:07:48.000If you want to be more confident with your fitness, just ask yourself if going to the gym is going to help or hinder you.
00:07:54.720If you want to be more confident with other people, ask yourself if going to that networking event is going to help you or hinder you.
00:08:02.000Then you act accordingly in spite of your uneasiness and in spite of your fear
00:08:07.080Gentlemen, I know that it's not easy. I was not confident in myself for a lot of years
00:08:12.700It's not something where you can simply flip a switch. It takes years of effort
00:08:16.800It's almost like that adage what came first the chicken or the egg