Order of Man - FFN 097： Boys Need Dads

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart

00:00:05.000 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.

00:00:10.440 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.240 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.800 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Michler,

00:00:27.700 and I am the host and founder of this podcast, The Order of Man. I want to welcome you back to

00:00:32.640 the show today. I've got a good one lined out for you today and one that I really think needs to be

00:00:36.620 addressed now more than ever has in society. If you are new to the show, I want to welcome you here

00:00:42.280 and give you a couple of very quick steps so you can tap fully into the power of this movement of

00:00:47.460 reclaiming masculinity in a world that more and more seems to dismiss it entirely until we're

00:00:53.560 deemed worthy to do what it is we do best. We obviously think a little differently than that

00:00:58.640 here. We believe men and masculinity are not toxic, not a detriment to society and civilization,

00:01:04.940 but a much needed part of it. So to that end, we are interviewing the world's most successful men

00:01:09.720 and delivering the messages straight to you. So here's what you need to do. If you're just getting

00:01:14.560 started with The Order, first, follow us on social media. It's all at Order of Man, whether it's

00:01:20.120 Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, wherever you're doing the social media thing, it's all at Order

00:01:24.040 of Man. And then second, join our closed Facebook group. We've got over 43,000 men in that group

00:01:29.940 right now. You can go to facebook.com slash groups slash Order of Man. And third, you may want to

00:01:36.220 consider joining the Iron Council. This is our exclusive brotherhood. We've got roughly 360 men from all over

00:01:42.680 the planet who are engaging in some very, very meaningful discussions, conversations, challenges,

00:01:48.000 all designed to push and test us as men. And of course we have the accountability and the

00:01:52.460 brotherhood that comes with that as well. So if you're looking for an elevated conversation and

00:01:56.340 really want to do a deep dive and start implementing more than you want to talk about being a better

00:02:01.000 man, the Iron Council is exactly where you'll want to be. You can go to orderofman.com slash Iron

00:02:06.440 Council. With that said, guys, let me introduce you to our show sponsor, and then we'll get to the show

00:02:11.700 for today. This show is sponsored by NetSuite by Oracle. You've heard me talk about them before for

00:02:17.260 growing businesses like Order of Man and like many of yours who are listening in. Every company

00:02:22.580 battles challenges as they grow, mine included. It's updating processes and replacing systems that

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00:02:34.400 handle that growth. And this is where NetSuite comes in. They show you everything about your business,

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00:02:45.680 keeping your company safe from fraud and giving you the freedom to focus on what you do best,

00:02:51.620 which is probably growing the business, which is why you're probably in the business.

00:02:55.300 What I like most about NetSuite is that it levels the playing field. It just levels the playing field

00:03:00.560 by providing you the same tools and technology and all the software and data as these big guys.

00:03:05.400 And it lets you compete more effectively. So right now you can get NetSuite's guide to crushing the

00:03:10.380 five barriers to growth. Uh, when you go to NetSuite.com slash man, download their free crushing

00:03:16.500 the five barriers to growth guide today at NetSuite.com slash man, NetSuite.com slash man guys with

00:03:24.060 that, let's get into our discussion for today. I'm sure you're all well aware of the drug abuse and

00:03:30.740 suicide and violent crime rates with regards to our young men. It's all over the headlines these days.

00:03:36.940 And with the latest school shooting in Florida, uh, it's becoming impossible to ignore. In fact,

00:03:41.720 we don't want to ignore it guys. There's a real problem here. And while the rest of the world seems

00:03:46.820 to be focused on gun control and legislation, and not that I'm above having those conversations,

00:03:52.600 this is all in hopes of putting a bandaid. It's just a bandaid over the problems that are becoming

00:03:57.860 all too common. And I'd encourage us here within the order of man to look at the actual root of the

00:04:03.960 problem. We need to get down to the root of the problem, which I believe, and I've talked about

00:04:08.600 this at length before as fatherless homes. I wanted to share some statistics with you as I was

00:04:13.720 preparing for this show. Uh, 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes. 85% of children who show

00:04:22.720 behavior disorders, again, come from fatherless homes. 71% of all high school dropouts are from

00:04:29.760 fatherless homes. 70% of youths in state operated institutions, again, come from homes without

00:04:36.620 fathers. And the last statistic I ran across is that 85% of all youths in prison, 85% of all youths

00:04:46.560 in prison come from homes without fathers. Now I could go on and on and on about the details and

00:04:52.560 the stats and everything else. But I think that it's very easy to see that there's a problem with

00:04:58.840 fathers being absent in the home. I do want to be very clear here though, guys, this is not okay.

00:05:03.260 This is not intended to put down women who are raising children on their own. I know sometimes

00:05:08.780 that is the situation that is the deal. And in many cases, it's the better situation than having

00:05:14.140 an abusive father in the house. All right. My mom did this for much of our early life and she did a 0.99

00:05:20.360 terrific job raising me and my sister on her own. But that said, the facts are the facts. And this is

00:05:26.640 what the data is telling us that homes without fathers, the boys in those homes are struggling.

00:05:33.300 And I know I can also talk with you about the impact on girls when fathers are absent. But for

00:05:37.680 the sake of this discussion, I want to talk about boys exclusively because it's boys who are

00:05:42.880 perpetuating much of the problems that we're seeing in society. And I believe the solution is homes again,

00:05:49.460 where fathers are present and not only present, but actually engaged in the raising of their children.

00:05:54.660 And so what I wanted to do today is to help connect the dots, just connect the dots between

00:06:00.580 boys and fathers and why this relationship is so critical. It's so critical for the wellbeing of our

00:06:07.720 sons and frankly, as society as a whole. So here are five reasons. This is five reasons today why dads

00:06:14.140 are needed now more than ever. Number one, protect children from danger. One of our primary

00:06:20.320 responsibilities as fathers is to protect our children from danger, not shield them. I'm not

00:06:26.240 talking about bubble wrapping them from the difficulties of life, but to keep our children

00:06:30.560 safe from physical and emotional harm. When we are not present for our children, the way that we should

00:06:37.040 be these dangers and they are real and they are prevalent. They creep into their lives and expose these

00:06:43.880 children to horrible, horrible atrocities that no child should ever have to witness and left unchecked.

00:06:51.300 If these atrocities are committed and these are left unchecked, the negative experiences, those things

00:06:57.020 will pour over into their adult lives and damage the way they view the world moving forward. So number

00:07:03.040 one, our job is to protect our children from danger. Number two, we have to harness the power of

00:07:09.480 masculinity into productive outcomes. There is a raw masculine energy coursing through our sons'

00:07:16.840 veins, but this is a good thing. I know society likes to demonize and villainize this, but it's not,

00:07:22.520 it's a good thing. It's the masculine power and energy that when it's fully developed is going to allow

00:07:29.260 our boys to go into the world the way that a healthy man does and produce, produce for himself and his

00:07:35.580 family, his community. And when these energies are not harnessed and they're not focused and they're

00:07:41.180 not matured, they're released in a negative and a destructive and obviously in sometimes a very

00:07:47.540 violent way. Our boys are being raised. If you look at this by, by women at home and in the school 1.00

00:07:54.100 system who will never fully understand this masculine energy that our boys possess. They're told to sit down,

00:08:02.340 shut up, do as you're told, don't act out. When in all reality, the potential energy that these boys

00:08:09.240 wield is being suppressed and it's going to find a way to escape. And when it does, it's going to be

00:08:15.460 unproductive. It's going to be wild. And again, sometimes it's going to be violent. So if our sons

00:08:22.340 are angry, good, it's okay to be angry. It's our job to teach them how to harness that anger. If our sons

00:08:30.180 are feeling threatened, that's okay. It's okay to feel threatened. It's our job to teach them how to

00:08:36.080 equip themselves to deal with the threats that they see. That's going to be their job. If our sons

00:08:41.660 are feeling rage, that's good too. That's okay. It's okay to experience rage, but it's our job as men

00:08:47.940 to channel that rage into a healthy outcome. A boy can only, he can only learn how to harness this power

00:08:56.180 from someone who has already learned how to harness this power. It's common sense or, or should be

00:09:03.760 common sense, but it seems like it isn't. It's like asking someone who's never played the guitar to

00:09:08.320 teach someone how to play the guitar. Only obviously at a much higher stake here, a student cannot learn

00:09:15.300 from a teacher who does not know. All right, guys, number three, help develop hard and soft skills

00:09:22.860 required to succeed. A man's job. And I've said this over and over and over. If you've listened 0.99

00:09:28.280 to the podcast for any amount of time, you've heard me say it. His job is to protect, provide

00:09:32.540 and preside. He cannot be capable of doing that unless he learns the specific skills that are

00:09:38.880 required to succeed at all three of those. And unless a boy learns what those skills are, he's going to

00:09:44.920 wander around aimlessly in life until he figures out how, or he does something stupid in order to find 0.97

00:09:51.520 some sort of misguided meaning and significance that he is desperately craving. It's basic automotive 0.99

00:09:58.320 and home repair, using a firearm, lifting weight, shaking another person's hand, being self-reliant,

00:10:04.720 holding a conversation, telling a joke, chopping firewood, developing discipline, could be courting

00:10:10.940 a woman, doing homework, becoming situationally aware, throwing punches, displaying self-restraint.

00:10:17.500 There's so much more. And all of these things are critical to a young man's development in life.

00:10:23.660 I know I'm missing other skills here. Obviously, this is not an exhaustive list of things that a

00:10:27.720 boy should learn, but this is simply a starting point with regards to teaching a boy what he needs

00:10:33.120 to know in order to fully protect, provide and preside over himself, his family, his business,

00:10:39.660 his community, and his life in general. All right. Number four, foster physical, mental,

00:10:45.820 and emotional strength. Let's face it guys. Life is tough. That's the reality of the hand that we're

00:10:51.980 dealt. We don't always want it to work out like that, but want has nothing to do with it. Life is

00:10:57.260 hard. And I know parents who spend so much time coddling their children that they're actually doing

00:11:03.760 them a disservice in their later years because they've never built up. The kids have never built up

00:11:09.520 the physical, mental, and emotional strength to thrive on their own. So I want to look at human

00:11:16.200 nature here for a second. All right. Think about this. When a boy, when a boy falls off his bike and

00:11:21.500 he scrapes his knee, what does mom typically do? She's rushes over to him and she kisses his boo-boo,

00:11:27.960 right? But a man doesn't rush over at all. In fact, he doesn't even move. He tells his son to get up,

00:11:34.140 to wipe himself off and to get back on the bike. So don't misunderstand me guys. There's a

00:11:39.260 time and a place for both of these approaches, but that's not what's happening. What's happening

00:11:43.880 is that our boys are becoming weaker and weaker because they're only getting one side of the

00:11:48.700 equation, the soft effeminate side. Then when a boy enters the real world and someone challenges him

00:11:55.860 or makes him feel a little uncomfortable, he tries to run to mommy, but mommy isn't around.

00:12:01.900 So what does he do? He lashes out. That's what he does. He lashes out like an animal backed into a

00:12:08.160 corner because he doesn't know any better. And he ends up leaving this wake of destruction in his

00:12:13.180 path. Dads, it's your job not to keep your boys out of difficult situations. Your job is to expose

00:12:20.980 them in controlled environments. This way, when life gets hard and it will, you know that your sons

00:12:27.260 have acquired the fortitude and the toughness and the grit to face whatever that challenge is on their

00:12:34.360 feet. And the last topic I wanted to cover with you guys today is number five, enforcing consequences

00:12:40.760 for poor choices. There are consequences for our choices. And our job as fathers is to enforce.

00:12:47.800 It's to enforce those consequences on our children. It's not easy. All right. It's not fun, but who said

00:12:53.880 this portion of the job was supposed to be, you know, I see kids yelling at their parents in grocery

00:12:59.220 stores. I see kids quit on schooling and sports teams because it gets a little hard. I see moms 0.59

00:13:05.140 and dads to swoop in and they'll blame school districts. When little Timmy makes a bad choice.

00:13:12.280 If my children are going to make stupid decisions and they will just like we did, I want them to fully, 0.99

00:13:18.620 to fully experience and live with the result of those choices. So they don't do it again. That's the 1.00

00:13:25.180 point. If it hurts to do dumb things, maybe they won't keep doing dumb things. And I know people 0.98

00:13:31.820 are going to say, Ryan, how could you be so insensitive? You tell me what's worse, letting

00:13:36.740 my children live with the results of their actions or giving them this false sense of reality that they

00:13:44.360 can do whatever the hell they want with no repercussions. Guys, I realized I'm skimming the surface

00:13:50.160 on a very deep and multi-dimensional subject. These trends of crime and drug abuse and violence,

00:13:57.700 they're not going to change overnight. But if we, as men can step into the role of father

00:14:03.080 and exemplify masculine behavior, we're going to be giving our boys a leg up as they venture off

00:14:10.220 on their own to start their families and run their businesses and eventually lead us,

00:14:15.000 lead their communities. I'm fully on board for exploring what needs to be done about the

00:14:19.460 consequences of a fatherless society. But until we address the real root of the problem,

00:14:25.380 we will continue to see the horrors that I think we've only begun to experience. Now,

00:14:30.940 there's no amount of legislation that can replace the power of a well-fathered home.

00:14:37.340 Our job as fathers is to protect our children, guys. It's to harness the power of masculinity

00:14:42.540 into productive outcomes, to help develop hard and soft skills that our boys are going to need

00:14:49.020 to succeed. It's to foster physical, mental, and emotional strength, and then to enforce

00:14:54.620 consequences of poor choices. This is how we raise healthy boys. And healthy boys is exactly what

00:15:02.240 society needs. So guys, as I sign off today, remember, if you would share this message,

00:15:08.800 we need more men to hear this. We need more men to step up in the walls of their home,

00:15:12.620 in their communities, in their businesses. This is how we solve the problem. So connect with us on

00:15:17.940 social media at Order of Man on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, wherever you are.

00:15:23.460 Number two, join our closed Facebook group I mentioned earlier. And then third, consider

00:15:27.620 joining our exclusive brotherhood, the Iron Council. We're talking about this subject

00:15:31.240 inside the Iron Council and about a thousand other things that you may be interested in. So

00:15:35.480 we'd love to see you there. Orderofman.com slash Iron Council. But until next week, gentlemen,

00:15:40.880 take action. Be a good father. And by the way, it doesn't require you being a biological father.

00:15:46.720 There are opportunities for you to step up as a father figure in your community. And if that's

00:15:52.420 an opportunity you can take advantage of, then I would encourage you to do that. So be a good

00:15:56.480 father and become a man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.

00:16:02.620 You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

00:16:06.660 We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - March 02, 2018

FFN 097： Boys Need Dads

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