Order of Man - FFN 101： Lord of the Flies

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:06.020 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.440 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.

00:00:15.500 This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.

00:00:19.760 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:24.720 Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Michler, and I am the host and the founder of this podcast.

00:00:30.220 I am glad, as always, I'm always glad that you're here, joining us in what I believe is a mission that is critical in society today,

00:00:36.820 and that is this idea of reclaiming what it means to be a man, a protector, a provider, and a presider.

00:00:43.820 So again, I'm glad that you're here. If you're tuning in for the first time, this is our Friday Field Notes.

00:00:48.140 You get to listen to me and my ramblings and some of the things I've been thinking about from throughout the week.

00:00:52.740 If you have been here for a while, you know that we also have additional shows.

00:00:57.160 We've got our show that's released each Tuesday where I am interviewing some of the world's most incredible men.

00:01:03.000 New York Times bestselling authors, athletes, warriors, entrepreneurs.

00:01:07.840 I mean, just men who are having so much success on every front, and I've got some amazing, amazing guests lined up in the next 8 to 10 weeks.

00:01:15.680 We're that far ahead, but I wanted to make sure that I am always providing you with the best content available to, again, reclaim what it means to be a man.

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00:01:51.840 We got a lot going on.

00:01:53.240 And on the subject of the In the Trenches, I do want to ask for some feedback on that.

00:01:58.340 We're about four or five episodes in.

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00:02:11.240 Of course, let me know what you think about Friday Field Notes in our interviews as well.

00:02:14.560 I'm always interested in hearing from you and what you like and what you don't like,

00:02:17.740 so we can continue to make this a very, very valuable resource, again,

00:02:22.080 in a situation, in an area that I think is much needed in society today.

00:02:25.580 So that's what I wanted to share with you.

00:02:28.120 Before I get into the Friday Field Notes today, I've got a couple of quick announcements.

00:02:32.700 What do we got here?

00:02:33.220 Number one, if you don't already know, we've got an Order of Man store.

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00:03:11.560 Now, the second thing I want to mention is our exclusive brotherhood.

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00:03:25.220 We just had a guest expert on a couple of weeks ago.

00:03:27.880 As we get into this new month, we are going to be talking about all things finances,

00:03:33.060 budgeting, investing, cashflow, insurances, investing in businesses.

00:03:38.320 I mean, you name it.

00:03:39.060 If it's a conversation that has a dollar sign next to it, we're going to be talking about it

00:03:42.660 because I think there's a lot of men out there who don't quite know how to handle their money 0.81

00:03:46.840 correctly as evidenced by the debt they have, the limited investments,

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00:04:19.200 Now, guys, let's get right into this today.

00:04:21.860 I want to talk about, I titled this Lord of the Flies.

00:04:24.860 If you haven't read Lord of the Flies, I definitely encourage it.

00:04:27.660 It's a fictional work.

00:04:28.940 I'm not going to spoil the surprise for you, but it's very, very similar to

00:04:32.640 what I think we might be experiencing or the trend that we may be on.

00:04:37.140 Now, it may not be as in-depth or severe as what may be in Lord of the Flies,

00:04:42.740 but certainly I believe that we're on this trend.

00:04:44.640 I just think there's this shift in society today where collectively we've begun to give

00:04:51.520 more credit to children than they actually deserve.

00:04:54.920 Historically, adults have made the decisions and been the influential party in the direction

00:04:59.520 of relevant.

00:05:00.480 And I say relevant because there are some things that kids, of course, have some influence over,

00:05:04.960 but the relevant culture and policy in society.

00:05:08.560 Now, in some sort of weird reality version, again, of Lord of the Flies, we've begun to

00:05:14.520 allow our children to dictate the tone of the conversation and even set the framework for

00:05:21.140 some very, very serious issues that all of us, children, adults, everybody will be impacted

00:05:28.160 by.

00:05:28.940 So before I get into this conversation, I want to share a couple of things with you, a disclaimer,

00:05:35.160 if you will.

00:05:35.560 I try to put these in here because I know, inevitably, I know I'm going to get emails

00:05:39.020 and messages from people who have misinterpreted what I'm talking about.

00:05:42.920 So first, I do not believe that children should make the rules or set the tone of adult

00:05:49.620 conversations.

00:05:50.320 I just said that, but this does not mean that I don't care about our kids or have empathy

00:05:54.960 or compassion for their perspectives or their experiences or what they're saying.

00:06:00.160 All right.

00:06:00.460 Number two, some of our children are very intelligent.

00:06:03.800 There's no denying that.

00:06:04.900 And I'm not even saying that they're not, but what I am saying is that they lack the

00:06:09.460 life experience that is required to fully understand the ramifications of their very,

00:06:15.640 very limited experience.

00:06:18.780 And third, I am not in the mindset that children should be seen and not heard.

00:06:24.040 I listen to my children.

00:06:25.600 I listen to the children in my community.

00:06:27.660 For example, on our baseball team, the kids that I have a responsibility for, I listen to those

00:06:32.220 kids every day, every day I listen and I hear, and I try to understand where they're coming

00:06:37.080 from.

00:06:37.400 But that said, I, as the adult, I, as the person responsible for the outcome of these

00:06:43.660 kids and the situation, make the decisions.

00:06:47.520 So those are my three disclaimers.

00:06:48.780 I wanted to share those upfront so we can have some framework for the rest of the discussion.

00:06:52.780 Now I'm looking around again in society.

00:06:56.340 And when I see, for example, children yelling at their parents in the grocery store and then

00:07:02.400 witness the parents actually giving into their demands.

00:07:05.780 Or when I see children who have no clear adult role models in their lives, make some horrible,

00:07:12.420 horrible mistakes.

00:07:13.200 And when I see children at marches and things like that, without fully understanding the

00:07:18.980 depth of the issues, I cannot help, but think that we are failing our kids.

00:07:24.820 So today, again, I thought I would cover some of the reasons that we ought to be very, very

00:07:29.220 careful of giving children more credit than they deserve.

00:07:31.900 But this isn't about whining because I've seen that on Facebook.

00:07:35.000 I've seen that on social media.

00:07:36.500 This isn't about attacking children.

00:07:38.420 This isn't about complaining about what these quote unquote kids these days are doing.

00:07:44.000 No, what I want to do is give us, you, me, the dads, the business owners, the community

00:07:49.240 leaders, the men, some very practical steps that we can take to ensure that our children

00:07:55.900 have a very clear path to run on.

00:07:59.680 Because what's going to be happening is that we are going to ask them to lead one day, but

00:08:05.240 that day just isn't today.

00:08:06.840 So the first issue that I want to bring up is that children will naturally take the path

00:08:12.280 of least resistance.

00:08:13.200 They don't yet fully understand the law of sacrifice, which states that you need to give

00:08:19.220 up something today, right now, in order to have a better tomorrow.

00:08:24.880 This makes sense because children's perspectives are limited only to what they have experienced,

00:08:30.700 which is not a whole lot, right?

00:08:32.560 Since they've only been alive for a very, very short period of time.

00:08:35.100 They look for the easy answer.

00:08:37.480 They look for the short path.

00:08:39.080 They look for the surface level solution without a full understanding of how that solution will

00:08:45.180 actually impact them and others in the longterm.

00:08:47.640 Now, to be fair, I now have to be fair here.

00:08:49.680 Plenty of adults do this too.

00:08:51.620 I've done this in my own life, and I'm certainly not suggesting that we take every adult's recommendation.

00:08:56.420 That would be disastrous.

00:08:58.560 But that said, adults have more experience to draw upon where they can look back on their

00:09:04.260 life's choices and realize where they fell short and what choices serve them and what

00:09:09.300 choices hindered them.

00:09:10.480 Kids just don't have enough experience and responsibilities and feedback.

00:09:15.160 It's about that feedback, and they don't have enough of it to understand those principles.

00:09:19.860 So again, this isn't about whining and complaining.

00:09:22.100 This is about solutions.

00:09:23.300 So what is the solution?

00:09:24.840 Well, number one, we need to get our kids involved in experiences where they can fail.

00:09:29.880 That is a critical and an important part of life.

00:09:32.380 Society says that we should not allow our children to fail.

00:09:35.960 And this is a problem because it leads our kids to believe they're invincible and incapable

00:09:40.860 even of failing.

00:09:42.200 And this in turn, I think, sets them up for a false sense of reality.

00:09:46.340 I've seen young adults buckle at the slightest sign of adversity simply because their parents,

00:09:53.120 their adults, the leaders in their life told them they could do anything and everything

00:09:57.520 and that they were special and wonderful and good at everything they've ever tried.

00:10:03.900 Lie after lie is perpetuated to these children and the ego and the arrogance and the pride of

00:10:11.420 our kids comes with it simply because they haven't been kicked in the pants enough.

00:10:16.700 This is the exact reason that I choose to get my kids involved in competitive sports.

00:10:21.760 I want them to know what it's like to fail and how to win and how to lose and how to use

00:10:26.760 the feedback of failure, the feedback of failure to learn and grow.

00:10:31.740 I want them to understand what sacrifice looks like and that nothing in this world comes free

00:10:38.060 or, this is important, free of consequences.

00:10:43.180 Now, this leads nicely into my second point.

00:10:46.540 And point number two is that children see things through rose colored glasses.

00:10:52.120 They see things how they wish them to be, not as they actually are.

00:10:56.740 In short, I think children are overly optimistic and have a false sense of reality about how

00:11:03.620 this world works.

00:11:04.580 And that's obvious because they don't know how it works.

00:11:07.740 And more and more parents are failing to teach them how it works.

00:11:11.340 And then you couple that with a bubble wrap that we insist on protecting our children with.

00:11:16.260 And it's easy to see why.

00:11:17.960 And at times envy that youthful naiveness or ignorance.

00:11:23.760 Look, guys, don't get me wrong here.

00:11:25.660 I believe that having hope is a wonderful thing.

00:11:29.100 But when it's predicated on delusion, it becomes very dangerous.

00:11:34.240 When you see one perspective, you're missing the other 359 degrees that paint an entirely

00:11:40.560 more accurate and realistic picture.

00:11:43.860 So what's, again, the solution?

00:11:45.700 Well, get more involved in your children's lives.

00:11:48.560 Teach them the good.

00:11:49.700 Teach them the bad.

00:11:50.780 Teach them the ugly.

00:11:51.540 You do no justice to your children by sheltering them from atrocities of the world.

00:11:56.560 Talk with your kids about violence.

00:11:58.700 Prepare them for it.

00:12:00.080 How to protect themselves.

00:12:01.620 Money, sex, drugs, and all of the things that you wish to keep them from.

00:12:06.640 As adults, we keep these things from our children in hopes that they won't go near the things that will hurt them.

00:12:12.100 But all we're really doing is attracting them to it even more.

00:12:16.860 You cannot keep your kids from danger.

00:12:19.060 It is inevitable.

00:12:20.520 Unfortunately, I don't want it to be the case, but it is the case.

00:12:24.480 So you can expose them to it.

00:12:26.420 And I say in controlled environments, you're not just going to go be reckless with your children,

00:12:30.460 but you can expose them to it in controlled environments so they have a clear vision of the realities of life.

00:12:37.620 Armed with that information, they're going to be more capable of making choices with all of the facts at hand.

00:12:44.420 Not just the simple ones.

00:12:46.380 Not just the nice ones.

00:12:48.260 Not just the comfortable ones.

00:12:50.700 And guys, the third and final point I want to make is that children are selfish.

00:12:54.080 They operate from a position of scarcity.

00:12:56.140 I understand why when we look at Maslow's hierarchy of needs, for example,

00:13:01.520 we can see that humans will need to fulfill certain needs before moving on to these more what I call advanced needs.

00:13:09.080 Children are naturally insecure because they're in exploration mode.

00:13:13.580 They're trying to make sense of the experiences and the stimulus and the world around them.

00:13:17.880 So self-preservation becomes the priority over abundance for the other people that just happen to be floating around them.

00:13:26.140 They simply haven't matured enough to lead others well.

00:13:29.880 They can't even lead themselves well.

00:13:32.060 And that's not a knock on children.

00:13:33.480 It just means that they're, again, in exploration mode.

00:13:36.440 They're learning.

00:13:37.160 They're growing.

00:13:37.740 They're developing.

00:13:38.480 They haven't fully done it yet.

00:13:40.600 And you couple that with the fact that our youth have very little responsibility and accountability in their own lives.

00:13:46.780 You know, for the most part, there are no negative consequences for their selfish behavior.

00:13:51.740 They're continually rewarded for taking care of themselves at the expense of others.

00:13:56.460 And it isn't until they learn and see how operating as a team, whether it's in a family or sports or school or church or the neighborhood or community.

00:14:04.920 It isn't until they see that and how that will serve everyone better than just themselves.

00:14:11.940 So the solution on this one is very straightforward.

00:14:15.380 Give children responsibility.

00:14:18.080 Give them a pet to take care of.

00:14:20.220 Make them earn the things they want.

00:14:22.100 Make them responsible for an area or project around the house.

00:14:25.760 Have them earn their way.

00:14:27.660 And please, please, for the love of everything, discipline your children when they do wrong.

00:14:32.660 I know it's not easy.

00:14:35.400 No one wants to enforce the negative consequences on their children's behavior.

00:14:40.340 But you do them a disservice when you tell them it's okay to do dumb things over and over again.

00:14:46.040 You hinder them.

00:14:47.460 You're not helping them.

00:14:49.240 Do not come to their rescue.

00:14:51.180 Let them sit in the shame of their choices.

00:14:54.500 I know it sounds harsh when I put it like that.

00:14:56.460 It's not.

00:14:57.620 It's not harsh.

00:14:58.540 It's one of the most powerful learning opportunities and gifts that you could ever give to a child.

00:15:05.380 So, man, as I wrap things up today, I remind you that this is not a call to ignore what our children are experiencing or their emotions or their perspectives or what they're saying.

00:15:15.280 It's actually a call to spend more time and attention on them.

00:15:19.420 That doesn't mean that we have to bow down to their every wish and desire.

00:15:23.040 It simply means that we act like the adults that we are asking them to become by leading, by example, and doing these hard things that we must in order to more fully prepare them for what is to come in their life.

00:15:37.820 I realize Lord of the Flies is fictional work, but I do believe that it impates an eerily familiar scenario when we allow the kids to be adults.

00:15:48.200 Bottom line, they are incapable of doing so.

00:15:51.820 That won't always be the case unless we ignore the responsibilities I'm talking about as men to lead with guidance and love and direction and clarity and paint an accurate picture of what it takes to become successful in life.

00:16:08.220 Allow your children to fail.

00:16:10.760 Teach your children the good and the ugly reality of life.

00:16:14.840 Give them the burden of responsibility.

00:16:17.340 Only through these continual exercises will we allow them to develop into the adults will one day be proud to follow.

00:16:25.780 Guys, as I wrap things up today, I just want to offer a very simple thank you.

00:16:30.840 Thank you for doing these things.

00:16:32.240 I think for the most part, everybody listening to this and I might be preaching to the choir is doing this.

00:16:37.160 It's stepping up as men and asking our children to shoulder some responsibility and to teach them the realities of life.

00:16:46.300 I believe you guys are doing that.

00:16:48.160 I'm honored to be standing shoulder to shoulder with you.

00:16:50.780 This is something that is, again, much, much needed in society.

00:16:54.200 And I see some of these trends and frankly, they scare me.

00:16:56.980 And I think it's my job, which is why I've started this movement in this organization three years ago.

00:17:03.180 It's my job to throw my hat in the ring, to do what I can do to become a man myself for me and my wife and my kids, my neighborhood, my community, the people that rely upon me.

00:17:16.100 But then also a call to ask you to do the same thing.

00:17:19.780 There's not any one of us or 10 or 100 or 1,000 or a million.

00:17:23.800 We need millions and millions of men in this fight reclaiming what it means to be a man.

00:17:30.580 And I believe that you guys are doing so.

00:17:33.880 So again, a very simple thank you.

00:17:35.840 As I sign out, guys, I will look forward to talking with you next week.

00:17:38.660 But until then, take action on these items and become the man you are meant to be.

00:17:43.300 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.

00:17:47.500 If you're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be,

00:17:51.520 we invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - March 30, 2018

FFN 101： Lord of the Flies

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