FFN 109： How We Stop School Shootings
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Summary
In this episode of Field Notes, Ryan talks about the problem of school shootings and how we need to do more to prevent them. He also discusses the role that men can play in preventing them and how they need to become better men.
Transcript
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You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart
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your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.
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You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who
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you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
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you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Michler,
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and I am the host and the founder of this podcast, The Order of Man. If you are new to the show today,
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I want to welcome you. This is your Friday Field Notes. You get to hear from me, talk about some
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ideas and thoughts and conversations and topics that I've heard in the news and media and culture
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in general. You're going to hear me talk for about 5, 10, 15 minutes, maybe 20 minutes even today,
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because I've got a subject that really, really needs to be addressed. We're going to cover that
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in a minute. If you don't already know, we also have an interview show, which is released each
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Tuesday where I'm interviewing the world's most successful men, guys like Jocko Willink,
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Andy Frisilla, Grant Cardone, Tim Kennedy, Joe DeSena, Lewis Howes. I mean, you name it.
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If these guys are successful in some aspect of their life, my job is to get them on the podcast,
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ask them very powerful and pointed questions, get their answers, distill those answers for you so
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that you and me and everybody listening to the show can improve as men. And that's the ultimate
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objective. How do we become better men, better fathers, husbands, business owners, community
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leaders, neighbors, brothers, fathers, husbands, whatever it looks like for you. How do we improve
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in those roles in that capacity in which we serve? So that's my job. That's what we're all about here.
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Now, if you've been with us for any amount of time, I also want to welcome you back to the show.
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Don't want to neglect you. We've been going strong for three years now, and we could not do this
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without you today, guys. I'm not going to bore you with a bunch of details. We've got a very,
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very important subject and a conversation that I want to have with you today that needs to be had.
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And so I'm not going to get into the details of any announcements that may need to be brought up.
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We can maybe cover that later if we have time. But today I want to talk with you again about
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something that is obviously on my mind. I'm sure it's on the minds of a lot of men who are listening
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to this, and that is the school shootings that we are seeing. It seems to be more and more of.
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I mean, frankly, every time we turn around, it seems like there's yet another school shooting.
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And from what I can see in the dialogue that's being had is we're addressing this from a very
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surface level perspective. And this is not about gun control. This is not about gun regulation. And in
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fact, I don't even believe it's fully a gun problem. I think that's a symptom of the problem that we're
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experiencing, but I don't think it's the problem. Obviously it has to do with the young men who are
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creating these situations. And I think more importantly, we ought to put the responsibility
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where it truly lies, which I think is on us as men. I'm going to explain what I mean by that.
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Bear with me because I think you're going to agree at the end of this conversation that we've got a
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real problem with the way that we as men are showing up and the symptoms of that, the outcome
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is school shootings and some of the other atrocities that frankly we see in society today.
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So before I get into the details, I do want to say again, this is not about gun debate,
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not about gun control. It's not that at all, but there are a couple of surface level issues that
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I do want to address first and foremost, before we get deeper into this, because I don't think
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this stuff's being addressed. So let's just talk about it from this standpoint. How do we physically
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protect our kids when they're at school? I think there's some very simple solutions to this.
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Number one, limited entry points. You know, I see some of these schools where they're open,
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people can come in and out wherever there's no entry point, there's no stationary exit point.
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And so if we can limit entry points on schools, then we can more easily regulate who is coming in,
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who is going out, where they're going, what they're doing, what they're up to, what their business
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is there. And I think having limited entry points, number one is going to solve a lot of these
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problems. Uh, number two, potentially metal detectors. If you have limited entry points
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and you can put metal detectors at these entry and exit points, I think you're going to catch a lot
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of these problems. Now I am mixed on that quite honestly, because it's difficult for me to think
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about my kids going to school and being on lockdown and having metal detectors and, and turning this
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into an armed school or somewhat of a quote unquote militant school or police school. That's
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difficult for me to think of, but I do believe that there's probably some validity to being able to
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protect our students and our children that way. Number three, armed veterans. I mean, this is a,
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this is a subject that has been brought up over and over and over again. America has spent millions
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billions and billions, billions of dollars training soldiers. And we have these men and women who come
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home, they've lost their purpose because they're no longer in the military. And I think having a new
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mission, a new purpose and arming veterans at schools could potentially eliminate a lot of these
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problems right off the bat. I mean, if you think about what a bully does, he always goes for the weak
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target. And what we've done is we've allowed our schools to become the weak target. We've made them
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vulnerable to attacks and we've exposed our children to potential threat, including death.
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So how do you fix the problem? You stop making it an easy target. And we do that again by limited entry
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points, metal detectors, armed veterans in the school system. And I would also suggest that we consider
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that we strongly consider opening it up so that school teachers, qualified school teachers have
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the option, not that they're forced to, but they have the option to carry firearms. Those are four
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very simple solutions that I think will keep our schools from becoming an easy target. Now, like I
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said, I didn't want to make this about gun debate or gun control or what guns, or should we have guns?
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That's not what it's about. But I think those are four very simple solutions that we can implement
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fairly quickly. That would alleviate a lot of the problems that we see. Let's drill down a little
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bit. All right. I think what we're experiencing with our boys and let's look at the data. The data
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is that young boys are the ones who are creating these problems. They're the ones in the school
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shootings. They're the ones doing the shooting. And if you look at the way that we have begun to treat
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our boys, I think it becomes very apparent that there's some real problems in the way that we
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address our boys in the school system. Number one, the school system is stacked against young men.
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If you look at any metric from crime and violence to their grades and their dropout rates, you see
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that men and boys are falling behind. And that's because the school system is not set up. It's not
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conducive to teaching boys the way that they need to be taught. Surprise, surprise. There's a difference
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between the way boys and girls learn information, consume information, and get ideas about the way
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this world works. If you have any doubt as to this is actually the case, go ahead and listen to my
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interview a couple of weeks back with Dr. Leonard Sachs. Or you can go read his books, Boys Adrift,
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Why Gender Matters. He has a couple other books as well. All great information that really highlight the
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problem the way that the school system is treating our boys. And it's obvious, boys are falling behind.
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Now you couple that with another problem that I see, and that is the drug epidemic with children.
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And I'm not talking about illegal drugs either. I'm talking about the way that we medicate our boys.
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Our boys get a little rambunctious, a little rowdy, a little upset. They fight, they compete,
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they do the things that boys do, frankly. And rather than say, oh, this is healthy behavior for a boy,
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I'll give you an example. We were at the park last night with my boys and my daughter. And my boy
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comes up to me and he found this stick that looked like a gun. He's like, dad, look, I found this stick.
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It's my gun. And he picked up all these little wood chips that were at the park and he said, these are my
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bullets. And he would go around shooting his brother and sister with his gun and his bullets.
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If he did that at school, he would be suspended if not expelled from school. And yet that's completely
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healthy behavior. There's nothing wrong with a boy playing cowboys and Indians. All right. There's
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nothing wrong with a boy who wants to pretend that he's shooting the bad guy. There's absolutely
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nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with a young boy drawing a picture of a violent war scene,
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for example. Why? Because that's the way that they engage. That's the way that they're creative.
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That's the things that we see. And those behaviors, when they're channeled into the proper outlets,
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become the skillset and the characteristics and the way that boys will eventually become men
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who are protectors, providers, and presiders. We strip that away from them and pretend that there's
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something wrong and that they have to be medicated. I think we're going to see some real problems.
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I think we are. We are experiencing the real problems from over-medicating our young men.
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It's horrific. Instead of medicating our boys, and I'm not saying that there aren't boys who need some
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of that, of course, but instead of over-prescribing on ADD and ADHD and all of these types of things,
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why not create a system in which boys can learn the way they learn through experiential learning?
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Go out and roll around in the dirt and hike and pick up bugs and go explore rocks and do the things
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that we as boys always wanted to do. We strip that away. We see the problems. All right, that's number
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one and two and three and whatever number I'm on. The next issue here, guys, and this is really what I
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want to address. This is going to be the meat of the conversation today is fatherless homes. As I was
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preparing for the conversation that I wanted to have today, I started looking into some of the data
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and some of the research and some of the statistics and numbers. It's crazy. I mean, when I read these
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to you, and I will, I'll get through these in a minute here. It is absolutely crazy the result
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and the ramification and the impact on our young men of not having permanent father figures in their
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lives. I grew up without a permanent father figure. I get messages every day from men who listen to this
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podcast and they're in our Facebook group who also grew up without father figures. This statistic
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is becoming worse. It's getting worse. More and more boys are being born out of wedlock. Dad is
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physically, mentally, emotionally out of the picture. And so we have these boys who have this raw masculinity
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coursing through their veins, and yet they have no example of how to harness that masculinity into
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something that's called manliness that will actually help the world. I look at my boys and by design and
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by nature, they're destructive. They go outside and they destroy stuff. It's my job as a father to
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harness that and teach them how to use that in a constructive manner. Rather than be destructive,
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help them to be constructive. Help them to build things. Help them to lift other people up. Help them to use
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that creativity and that imagination in a way that's going to benefit their lives and the lives of the
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people that eventually they'll have a responsibility for. They don't have it when a father is not in the
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picture. So let's talk about these statistics. Number one, poverty is significantly increased when
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fathers aren't in the home. Behavioral problems, prison, crime rates go up. Rates with abuse and neglect go up.
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Drug abuse, alcohol abuse goes up. Two times the rate for dropouts. Suicide is up to as much as five
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times that of young men when there's not a father in the home. Runaways go up. I mean, that's seven,
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eight, nine different things that I just listed off right there. Poverty, behavior problems, prison,
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crime, abuse, drug abuse, neglect, two times the dropout rate, suicide, and runaways. If that doesn't
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show you how important it is for fathers to be in the home, I don't know what else I could tell you.
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And there's people that will argue with me about that. There's people that think that I'm attacking
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single mothers because I say that, which is absolutely ridiculous. I was raised by a single
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mother. She did everything that she could. She worked multiple jobs. She did everything that she
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could. And yet when I have conversations with her today, she will readily admit that she wasn't able
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to provide me on her own, everything that I needed to be able to turn this idea of being a boy, an
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adolescent boy into a man. Fortunately, she recognized that early and got me involved in
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competitive sports. And I learned a lot about what it meant to be a man on the football field and the
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baseball field through my coaches. In fact, I just had one of my high school coaches on the show a
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couple of weeks ago. Guys, this is not a gun problem. We can talk about that. Sure. But it's not a gun
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problem. It's not even a young man problem. It's a fatherhood problem. Plain and simple. It is a
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fatherhood problem. So guys, how do we address this? Well, number one, and let's be real about
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this. This episode is going to piss people off. All right. They're going to hear this. They're going
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to come to their own conclusions. They're going to think I'm wrong. They're going to want to fight
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and argue about that. That's fine. I'm okay with that. But there's one thing I want to say right here
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as far as how do we take care of this stuff that I know is going to rub people the wrong
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way. And I can't believe it will, but I know it will. And that is don't have children. If
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you aren't in the space, the mental, physical, emotional, financial space to have kids, like
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why in the world would you bring a child into this world that you cannot possibly take care
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of? Now, we didn't say ready because you can't fully be ready to bring a child into this
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world, but at least to some degree, you have to be capable of providing for this child.
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And if you're not, please do not bring a child into this world. It's not fair to you. It's not
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fair to that child. It's not fair to society. Be responsible when you are in the position physically,
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mentally, emotionally, financially, spiritually, whatever that looks like for you, where you think,
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okay, I can take care of a child. I might not be ready, but I can take care of a child.
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Then bring a child into this world. That's number one. Number two, gentlemen, we've got to be present
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for our kids. It's not enough to provide financially for our children. It's not enough to
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put money in the bank account. That's an important component, no doubt, but it's not enough. It's not
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the full deal. It's not the full definition of provision. When I'm talking about provision and
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providing, I'm talking about physically. So yeah, certainly some of that could be financially,
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but I'm also talking about being physically present. You know, I see my boys, I've got three
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boys and a little girl. I see my boys, specifically my oldest, he's 10, struggling with how to behave,
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how to become a man, how a man acts, how a man interacts, how a father shows up, how a husband shows
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up, how a guy shows up in his community. I see that in my son. Now he's 10 years old.
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If I'm not physically present, providing an example for him, where does he learn that stuff?
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Well, he learns it from athletes. He learns it on the news. He learns it from people on social media.
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He learns it from his friends who don't have fathers. That's where he gets his ideas of masculinity
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and manliness. And guess what? It's not healthy. The healthy way to provide an example for a child
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is to be the example for your child. Be there physically, be there mentally, get your own house
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in order, get your own stuff situated so that when your boy comes to you with some challenges,
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or maybe he doesn't come at all, but you recognize it. You can see that something's off with your son,
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that mentally you have the capacity to do something about it. If you can't get yourself right,
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because you're, you're fat and you're overweight and you're out of shape and you have abuse issues
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going on in your life and your financial situation is in order and you're not right with yourself and
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you're depressed and you're not doing the things that you know you should be doing. How in the world
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are you ever going to provide what that young man needs in his life? How are you going to be the
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beacon of an example that he needs? How are you going to have the capacity to sit down shoulder to
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shoulder with your son and say, you know what? I recognize something's not right, bud.
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How can I help you? Here's what I did. Here's what I've experienced. Here's what I went through.
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Here's how I dealt with the things when I was wrong or when I was off or when I was going through
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what you are going through right now. You can't do that if you haven't fixed yourself first.
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Get yourself right guys. Emotionally as well. And that's the last component I want to talk about
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here. Be, be available emotionally. All right. Yeah. We've got this macho idea and this quote unquote
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alpha idea, which I don't even like that term, but it's okay to express your emotions. It's okay
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to be happy. It's okay to be sad. It's okay to cry. It's okay to be an emotional person. You are
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a human being. We don't need to hide our emotions. We don't always need to express them either.
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There needs to be a healthy balance between the way that we use our emotions to serve us and those
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that we have an obligation to serve. So when you recognize in your son that he's dealing with a
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difficult time, maybe he got rejected. Maybe he failed the test. Maybe he got cut from the team.
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Maybe he went to a party. Maybe he's been exposed to pornography. Maybe, I don't know, alcohol,
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drugs, pick something, pick something that you went through as a child. When you recognize that in him,
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you can emotionally be present. You can be empathetic to what he's going through and you can be there the
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way that he needs you to be there so that he takes these experiences, positive and negative,
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and uses every single one of them to be a contributing member of this society. So guys,
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be there, be present as a father. Last thing I want to talk about is father other boys in the
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community. You have a responsibility for that. As do I, I see a lot of guys who are great with their
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kids. And yet when you ask them to volunteer, to coach a sports team or to step up and sort of
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leadership capacity or serve in some sort of young men's type organization, they won't do it
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or they can't do it. That's a problem. You are not just the father in your home. You are a father
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in your home, but you are also a father figure in the community. You have an obligation to your
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community. You have a responsibility for your community. It's not enough to father your home.
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You've got to father the community. That's our job. That's our responsibility. So if there's an
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opportunity for you to coach your son's team, well, great. That's an opportunity to forge a new bond
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with him, but it's also an opportunity to forge a new bond with 20 other kids who need your help
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because they're not growing up without fathers because their dads aren't listening to this podcast
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because their dads aren't around. They're too busy working because their dad, they don't even know who
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their dad is. Good. That's a good opportunity for you to step up the way a man steps up for his
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community. We've been doing it for thousands of years, operating in packs and tribes and serving
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each other and helping each other where we can, lifting each other up when we fall. And yet I look
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around in society and I see so many people who are absolutely consumed with themselves that they have
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no capacity to serve other people. It's easy to do. I get it. You're busy. I'm busy. I got stuff to do.
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I got my own stuff to take care of. And yet if we can't find a way to serve in the communities in
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which we live, I think we're going to continue to see more and more horrific school shootings,
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violence, crime, drug abuse, neglect, all of the things I talked about earlier. Guys,
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I don't have all the solutions for this stuff. I certainly don't. I'm figuring this stuff out just
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like you. I'm a young father, 37 years old with four kids that man, I'm learning just as much as
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you are. But I can tell you that I look around in society and I see some very, very serious issues.
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And I know beyond a shadow of a doubt with every fiber of my being, that if we can learn to be the
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type of men that we are called to be, that we're supposed to be, that we learn how to be fathers in
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our own homes and in the community, that I don't know that these problems will go away, but I guarantee
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that we'll make a dent, that we'll make an impact, that we'll see improvement. And we compound those
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improvements over time, over and over and over again, generationally. And we start to see the
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change that Lord knows we need. Anyways, guys, that's all I've got for you today. As you can see,
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I get a little excited about this stuff. And I don't know if excited is the right word, but
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passionate. I get passionate about this. This is my life's work. I've dedicated my life to this.
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I will continue to do this work until I see more of a step up the way that frankly, we need to step up
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as. So guys, take action, get out in their community, serve your families, be present,
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be available, be a father to your kids, be a father to boys in the community. And let's see what we can
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do. Let's start making an impact in some of these problems. Until next week, guys, take action and
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become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast. You're ready
00:21:29.880
to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the