Order of Man - FFN 110： The Rise of the Peter Pans

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:05.000 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.460 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.220 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.800 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on? My name is Ryan

00:00:27.760 Mickler, and I am the host and the founder of this podcast and, frankly, this movement,

00:00:32.020 the movement of Order of Man, which is to restore and reclaim masculinity and manliness in a society

00:00:37.920 that seems to buck what it means to be a man and, frankly, is trying to dismiss the whole notion of

00:00:44.300 masculinity and manliness and men altogether. So my job is to restore that, and we do that by

00:00:49.120 interviewing the world's most successful men, warriors, scholars, New York Times bestselling

00:00:55.060 authors, athletes, entrepreneurs, you name it. If these guys have an interesting story and they're

00:01:00.080 doing wonderful things in their lives, my goal is to bring them on the podcast, ask them some

00:01:04.800 powerful questions, get them to answer those questions, and then deliver that to you and me

00:01:09.940 so we can all improve as, again, fathers, husbands, business owners, community leaders, whatever that

00:01:14.840 looks like for you, the way that you're going to step up as a man in society. Now, I've got a very

00:01:19.780 good discussion. I think it's a good discussion anyways on a disturbing and sad and, frankly,

00:01:27.120 quite pathetic trend that I see in society today. I'm going to get to that more here in a minute,

00:01:32.660 but before I do, just a couple of very, very quick announcements and then we'll get into the

00:01:36.700 meat of the discussion. This is a little different. This isn't an interview show. This is a show where

00:01:40.960 you get to hear me, frankly, just talk about some things that I've been thinking about from

00:01:44.560 throughout the week, and this is certainly something that's been on my mind for a while.

00:01:47.940 Now, like I said, before I get to that, let me just share with you my friends and the sponsors

00:01:52.160 of this show, Origin. Guys, if you haven't checked out Origin and what they're up to with regards to

00:01:58.000 lifestyle and their geese and their training gear and their supplemental line with Jocko,

00:02:04.580 I would highly, highly encourage that you do. And when you head over there, originmain.com

00:02:09.120 slash order of man, make sure you use that order of man because that's going to let them know that 0.98

00:02:13.700 you've visited through this podcast. So go check it out. Originmain.com slash order of man.

00:02:20.700 I've been using their products and their training gear for the last couple of months. And I got to

00:02:25.320 say, I'm blown away with the quality that they bring to the table and marketplace. Everything

00:02:30.040 they do is a hundred percent made in America without compromise. So guys, check it out. And also later

00:02:36.240 this year, I'm going to be training with them for a week at their immersion camp, which is going to be a

00:02:41.860 lot of jujitsu training. And of course, see their outfit they've got in Maine as well. So if you are

00:02:46.260 interested in that, you can shoot me a message and let me know. I can get you the details on that,

00:02:49.620 but I'd love to have as many guys from order of man, uh, join me as possible. So originmain.com

00:02:56.400 slash order of man. Oh, and also make sure you use at the checkout order. It's the code order,

00:03:02.900 all caps, O-R-D-E-R at checkout, and you'll get a discount on your order there. So again,

00:03:07.740 originmain.com slash order of man and use order at checkout. Now, outside of that,

00:03:11.860 I do want to make one other quick announcement. We've got an event coming up September 20th

00:03:17.340 through the 23rd. It's called order of man legacy. And it's the very first event of this type that

00:03:23.580 we're doing. It's a father son event. I've got 20 spots. I think at this point we have maybe 12 or

00:03:28.960 13 father son combos left. This is a three and a half day experience in the mountains of Southern

00:03:35.660 Utah designed to help you and your son foster a stronger relationship, teach both of you,

00:03:41.860 the skills that you'll need to succeed as a father and as a son and a boy turning into a man.

00:03:47.500 And in a way it's a rite of passage. And I think so many rites of passages have gone away.

00:03:52.200 And this is going to be an extremely, extremely successful event and experience for you and your

00:03:59.140 boys. So if you're interested in learning more about what this is all about and what we're going

00:04:03.000 to be doing, I would encourage you to go to order of man.com slash legacy, order of man.com

00:04:08.860 slash legacy. And you can get a little bit of a taste as to what we are all about and what we're

00:04:14.380 up to again, order of man.com slash legacy. All right, guys, with those announcements out of the

00:04:19.380 way, let's get into the discussion today. And you saw probably that I had titled this the rise of the

00:04:26.620 Peter pans. I'm sure that every single person listening to this has seen the movie or the play

00:04:31.080 Peter pan. And what we see is we see this boy who for whatever reason has decided that he never

00:04:37.340 wants to grow up, that he never wants to become a man, that he wants to shirk his responsibility and

00:04:42.120 stay in Neverland and play and frolic and do practical jokes on the hook and all of this stuff.

00:04:48.340 Now we realize this is a fictional work, but if we look around in society, it's not really all that

00:04:55.860 far off from what we should see in men. I'll give you a prime example. There was an article that I had

00:05:01.900 read or a video that I had watched just the other day about a 30 something year old man who had

00:05:07.060 taken his parents to court because his parents were quote unquote, evicting him from the house.

00:05:14.900 And I just thought to myself, how pathetic is this? Now, maybe there's something wrong with this

00:05:21.080 guy. Obviously there's something wrong with this guy, but it's amazing that this is his thought

00:05:26.700 process that he wants to fight so hard to stay at home and be at home. I can't help, but there's

00:05:32.800 something going on here with him. But in addition to that, I also can't help, but think there's

00:05:37.780 something going on with the parents. How was this guy raised? How was he fathered? How was he

00:05:42.980 mothered? Like I can't fathom what is going on when I see stories like this. I know when I got done

00:05:50.520 with high school, we went on our senior trip and the day that I got home, the very next day I moved

00:05:56.800 out. Not because I had anything against my mother or anything like that, but because it's time. It's

00:06:02.920 time to leave the nest. And I look around and I see so many boys and frankly, they are boys. They

00:06:09.300 are the age of men, but they're boys who are more concerned with staying at home, more concerned with

00:06:14.740 not having bills and responsibilities, more concerned with call of duty or fortnight or whatever

00:06:20.980 the game is that they're playing. Uh, they're shirking their responsibilities. They don't have

00:06:25.760 jobs. They don't have any responsibility. Their parents are enabling them to actually do this kind

00:06:31.100 of stuff. And then we question why we're having problems with our boys turning into men. It's that

00:06:38.480 failure to launch syndrome. And it's the rise of the Peter pans, which again is what I titled this

00:06:42.620 episode. So let's talk about this because I think there are some solutions to this. I think if you find

00:06:48.900 yourself in a position where you're a boy or a male who wants to grow up, but can't figure out how to do

00:06:55.000 it. And I know there's certainly plenty of men who are listening that feel like they're in that

00:06:59.220 category. We've got a Facebook group with over 43, 44,000 members of that group. And I see some of

00:07:05.380 these guys who use the excuse or reason of not having a father figure in their life to not be able to

00:07:13.920 perform as men. I can't believe that it needs to be addressed, but it certainly does. So let's talk 1.00

00:07:20.580 about this today. And I'm going to take two different approaches on this. The first approach

00:07:23.560 and the first angle is if you're experiencing some of this and you're nervous about launching

00:07:28.520 and you're nervous about getting out of the house, or you feel like you're not the type of man that

00:07:33.840 you know you should be, I'm going to share some ideas and some insights there, but I'm also going to

00:07:38.380 share some insights as a father figure, not necessarily a father, although that could fall

00:07:44.400 into that category, but a father figure, somebody who is a man in society who frankly is responsible

00:07:50.180 for raising up boys in a way that they want to go out into society and produce as opposed to consume.

00:07:59.520 And that's the difference between a boy and a man. A boy consumes and that's all he does. Sure,

00:08:04.940 men consume as well, but they also produce and hopefully they are producing significantly more

00:08:10.340 than they consume. You can see if that's not the case that we'd have a real problem here.

00:08:15.140 You know, I look at my boys, I've got three boys and I've got a little girl as well.

00:08:18.420 And I see my children who are consuming resources, time, energy, attention, money, all of those types

00:08:25.780 of resources. That's not bad. That's the responsibility while I raise them. But my goal as a parent is to

00:08:31.460 help them stand on their own two feet. And too many parents these days are doing everything for

00:08:38.260 their children, thinking that somehow you're giving somebody a leg up when you do something

00:08:43.180 for them. You're not, you're crippling them. You're hindering their ability to learn and to develop the

00:08:51.000 strength they need to develop in order to be successful. Take an infant. For example, if you carry 0.99

00:08:57.280 that infant everywhere, pack them in a stroller or her in a stroller, everywhere you go, that child

00:09:03.760 will never develop the physical leg strength to be able to walk. That's the analogy that we use when

00:09:09.220 it comes to their mental and emotional capacity. And certainly we look around and we see these

00:09:14.900 boys and girls who may have developed physically, but mentally and surely emotionally are a complete

00:09:22.920 wreck. So let's address this first and foremost. I think the most important thing that we understand

00:09:29.680 here is mindset. Because when you get your mind right, everything else seems to fall into place.

00:09:34.360 And I'm not saying it's easy. I'm just saying it's a simple process. It starts with the mind and things

00:09:38.940 start to fall in place through the work that your mind produces. All right. So number one is I think

00:09:44.780 we've got to understand and instill in our children that growing up is not a bad thing. Growing up is

00:09:51.840 not a bad thing. So many people believe that, oh, if I grow up, I'll have these responsibilities and

00:09:57.380 these issues and these struggles and these trials and these challenges. And yes, that is true. You will

00:10:03.480 have those things, but there's also so many blessings that come from it. I look at my life and as I've grown

00:10:09.780 up, I've brought children into this world. I started businesses. I've been on some amazing, amazing

00:10:15.660 vacations and trips and experiences. I've connected and been married with my wife. It's incredible. And in order

00:10:23.960 to have those things that are meaningful and significant in your life, you are going to have to experience

00:10:30.700 some hardships. That's part of the deal. You cannot have one without the other. And anytime an individual

00:10:36.400 tries to have something for nothing, they're robbing themselves. And frankly, they're probably robbing other

00:10:41.560 people of their talents and their gifts and their abilities and their resources. So number one, again, realize

00:10:47.560 that growing up and accepting responsibility and accountability of your own life is not a bad thing. It's a

00:10:55.240 beautiful thing. It's a great thing. There's so many benefits and rewards that come from taking responsibility

00:11:01.540 of your life. Number two, you've got to understand that you are not entitled to a thing. Nobody's here to serve you

00:11:11.400 at your beck and call. Nobody's here to give you everything that you think you deserve. There's no family

00:11:18.740 member, no business, no government entity, no nonprofit organization that owes you a thing. I see so many

00:11:30.540 people who believe that they are entitled to something simply because they're a human being, simply because

00:11:38.920 air is coursing through their lungs. I got news for you. If that's what you believe, you are significantly,

00:11:45.680 significantly playing at a degree less than you're capable of. When you realize that nobody owes you a

00:11:53.320 thing and you fully internalize that, you give yourself the power to earn everything. See, you deserve what

00:12:01.220 you have. If you have wealth and abundance and prosperity in your life, you deserve that. If you

00:12:08.220 don't, it's because you deserve that level of wealth or prosperity or abundance or lack thereof. Now, some

00:12:16.900 people hear that and they think, well, what about people who can't? And what about those who are

00:12:20.880 disabled? I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about the fact that if there's somebody who is fully 0.97

00:12:27.000 capable of providing their own way and they're not, that's a real problem. Again, you are not

00:12:36.040 entitled to anything, but that's okay because once you accept responsibility, you can go out and earn

00:12:41.560 it. Now, number three, if you're feeling guys like this might be you a little bit, if you're feeling

00:12:47.280 like, man, I just didn't have a father figure and I don't know what this looks like. And I don't know

00:12:51.120 how to step up as a man. I would say, stop spending time with boys. Find a way to spend time

00:12:57.240 with men. Because if you surround yourself with people who don't take accountability and

00:13:01.880 responsibility for their life, and they're more worried about the party or the games or the

00:13:06.340 whatever than they are about real life, then I'd have you consider that's probably the way you're

00:13:12.200 going to turn out as well too. You are going to be just like that. Now, on the other hand, if you find

00:13:17.680 men to surround yourself with co-workers, colleagues, friends, parents, brothers, people

00:13:25.760 who are doing big things in their life, that will inevitably wear off on you and you will strive to

00:13:32.580 be more like that individual. One of two things is going to happen here. You're going to find people

00:13:36.880 to spend time with like that, who lift you up, who motivate you, who inspire you and give you the

00:13:41.640 kick in the pants that you need sometimes. And you're going to rise up to the challenge or you're

00:13:46.320 going to default back. But that choice is yours. You get to decide. Don't look for the easy path.

00:13:52.460 Don't look for the path of least resistance. That's what boys do. Men know what this path looks

00:13:59.800 like. They know it's going to be a challenge. And they rise to that challenge because they realize

00:14:04.080 the rewards and the benefits on the other side of that trial and obstacle are well worth the effort.

00:14:10.240 Number four, and this is probably just as important as number one when I talked about

00:14:14.560 realizing that growing up is not something bad, is that you've got to find significant purpose in

00:14:20.680 your life. It's not enough to have these little trivial pursuits and pursue things and think that

00:14:26.700 it's significant when in all reality, it doesn't matter. What's really driving you? What's really

00:14:31.600 motivating you? How big and audacious is that goal? If you don't have a goal or it's not something

00:14:38.500 noble or something significant, then yes, you're not going to rise up and become the man that you

00:14:44.560 are meant to be. You're going to play at a level far less than you're capable of doing because

00:14:49.900 there's nothing pushing you. There's nothing pulling you. There's nothing driving you and

00:14:55.140 motivating you. So sit down and figure out exactly what you want. You don't have to have this figured

00:15:00.220 out. It's going to change over time. You're going to grow and develop and mature. It's going to change

00:15:06.460 over time. But if I ask you, what do you want? And you can't answer that question. I think

00:15:12.060 that's a real problem. I think that's a real challenge. But if I can ask you, what is it

00:15:16.760 that you want out of life? And you can look me in the eye and say, here's what I want. Here's the

00:15:21.560 job I want to have. Here's the experiences I want to pursue. Here's the changes I want to make,

00:15:26.420 not only in my life, but in the lives of other people, whether that's my family or community or

00:15:31.460 employees, employers. If you can answer questions like that, you're well on your way to becoming a man

00:15:37.880 because you're going to do the work required and necessary to get you to that point.

00:15:42.600 So let me recap those and I'll go through this next angle that I want to take with you. So number

00:15:46.400 one, realize that growing up is not something that's bad. It's a good thing. Even though there's

00:15:52.900 responsibility and hardship and trial that comes with it, it's good to grow up. Number two, realize

00:15:58.000 you are not entitled to a single thing. You have exactly what you deserve. If you don't like that,

00:16:04.020 do something different so that you deserve something different, something better in your

00:16:08.220 life. Number three, find men to surround yourself with. Men who have taken accountability and

00:16:13.540 responsibility for their lives. Stop hanging around the boys who are more worried about the

00:16:18.340 party and the games and the whatever it is they consume themselves with and start hanging around

00:16:23.940 men. And number four, find significant purpose in your life. It's not going to be perfect. The first

00:16:29.920 time you do this, it's probably not going to be all that grand or exciting, but the more

00:16:33.920 that you do this, the more that you think about it, the better off you'll be. All right, guys,

00:16:36.660 now let's talk about the second component. And that is us as father figures. It's not just dads,

00:16:42.640 but it's community leaders. It's mentors. It's business owners. It's employers. We have a

00:16:49.040 responsibility to raise the next generation. We're going to ask that they lead, that they lead us

00:16:54.660 sometime. So we might as well make sure that we're adequately preparing them to lead. So let's talk

00:17:01.380 about this. Number one, we have got to stop allowing our women exclusively to raise our 1.00

00:17:09.560 children. Now, women bring something wonderful to the environment. My wife does an amazing

00:17:16.160 job in fulfilling her responsibilities as a mother that is compassionate, empathetic, supportive,

00:17:23.740 the love. Now, I'm not saying guys can't exhibit that as well. They certainly can, but primarily

00:17:28.020 that's what women do. And that's much needed in society. But if you look around at the rate 1.00

00:17:34.600 of fatherless homes and you look at the rate of female versus male school teachers, it's 1.00

00:17:41.860 very apparent that a large percentage of our population is being raised in the home and in

00:17:50.260 the school system without a male father figure in their life. And why is that a problem? Well,

00:17:55.540 there's multiple problems. There truly is. But I think the biggest problem is that these boys

00:18:01.780 are not being challenged. They're not being pushed. They're not standing face to face with another man

00:18:08.020 who's pushing him, who's driving him to be better, who's course correcting along the way.

00:18:14.540 And so what we have is we have a very soft, effeminate trend in our boys who are not rising up to the

00:18:24.520 challenge of being a man. And I know that that statement is going to fire a lot of people up.

00:18:31.640 I'm not discounting at all what women bring into a loving household, into society in general.

00:18:42.520 But what I am saying is that both the masculine and the feminine energy are needed. If all these boys

00:18:49.720 are receiving is feminine energy, I don't think it should be any surprise that they don't learn how 1.00

00:18:55.600 to be men. My mother raised me, and I've talked about this on this podcast before, primarily on

00:19:00.960 her own. But if you were to ask her, was she equipped to give me everything that I needed as a

00:19:07.160 boy learning how to be a man, she would be the first to tell you that she did not. And she was not

00:19:12.180 equipped with everything, which is why she got me involved in competitive sports. I needed a physical,

00:19:17.300 mental, emotional challenge. I needed other men to stand with. I needed to be disciplined by other

00:19:23.960 men. I need to be course corrected by other men who weren't afraid to have those challenging

00:19:28.960 conversations and get in my face and tell me when I was doing wrong and when I was doing right.

00:19:36.140 And that's the third thing I want to address is that guys, we've got to have consequences for our

00:19:41.480 children. Please, please, please understand me. There has to be consequences for your decisions,

00:19:48.940 positive and negative. When our children make good decisions, we should reward them. And I'm not

00:19:54.600 saying gift them things. I'm just saying maybe you encourage them. Maybe you give them a comment or a,

00:19:59.200 or a compliment. Every time a child does something good, works hard, has some discipline,

00:20:06.320 has some commitment, overcomes a trial or an obstacle or a hurdle, does something above and

00:20:11.380 beyond what they are called to do. We ought to encourage that. Now, when a child does something

00:20:17.660 wrong and gets into trouble and doesn't do what he or she is supposed to do, then we as parents are

00:20:23.480 called and I think required to be the deliverer of the consequences sometimes. That's not fun.

00:20:31.320 Nobody wants to do that. Nobody wants to see their child suffer. I don't want to see my boys and my

00:20:39.060 little girl go through challenges, but I would rather have them go through these types of challenges 1.00

00:20:44.800 in a controlled environment under my watchful eye than run loose and do who knows what without any

00:20:52.420 consequences or thought about the future and how it might impact them. That is my job as a father

00:20:58.700 to introduce struggle and challenge and adversity and trials and then equip my children with the

00:21:06.940 tools to be able to handle those things. These factors, when not present in the home or young

00:21:11.900 men's lives, create the kind of situation where a 30 plus year old man can go to court and sue his

00:21:19.340 parents because they're kicking him out of the house. Absolutely ridiculous, but just a very small

00:21:25.840 symptom of the underlying problem that is the rise of the Peter Pans in society. Guys, we've got to

00:21:32.740 reverse this trend. How do we do it? We stop doing it ourselves first and foremost. We take responsibility.

00:21:38.400 When there's an opportunity at work, we step up to the opportunity. We take on the trial. We take on the

00:21:43.440 task. We don't shirk our responsibilities. We don't take the path of least resistance. We do the hard thing

00:21:48.520 because we realize although it's hard, there are benefits on the other side of that difficult challenge

00:21:54.040 and adversity. That's number one. Number two, we instill the same thing in our boys. We don't coddle

00:21:59.820 them. We don't protect them. We don't shelter them unnecessarily. We allow them to be introduced to

00:22:06.300 challenge and trial and adversity and struggle. We teach them what it means to have purpose,

00:22:12.940 significant purpose in their lives. We issue the consequences or help them deal with the consequences

00:22:19.920 of their decisions. So when we can look back and say, did I do a good job as a father or a father

00:22:25.440 type figure, you can see your boys and girls standing on their own two feet, doing what they should be

00:22:31.740 doing as functioning and contributing members of society. I wish the answers were easy. They're

00:22:38.860 certainly not. It's pretty hard to articulate everything that should and can be done on a 20 or so

00:22:46.200 a minute podcast. But I firmly believe that this is the beginning of the solution to the rise of

00:22:53.180 the Peter Pans. Guys, don't allow yourself to be fooled into thinking that the path of least resistance

00:22:58.680 is the path that we are destined to take. It's not. We should be looking for the harder path,

00:23:04.760 the more challenging path, because the view on the other side of that is significantly more rewarding.

00:23:09.640 Anyways, guys, that's all I've got for you today. I would love to hear your feedback.

00:23:12.980 Maybe you agree with me. Maybe you disagree with me. I'd love to have a

00:23:16.000 conversation. You can join us in our Facebook group, facebook.com slash group slash order of

00:23:20.320 man. I'll make a post about this and we can continue the discussion over there. I'd also

00:23:24.720 encourage you to check out our legacy event. This is our father son event, because we're going to be

00:23:28.700 talking about these types of issues. And of course, so many more and learning some skills that are

00:23:34.040 going to help you as a father. And of course, help your, your son as a boy transition into becoming

00:23:39.240 a man, not a Peter Pan, but a man. I'll sign out with that. Appreciate you. Glad you're on this

00:23:44.240 journey with me. I love the support and the messages I receive from you guys who are reclaiming

00:23:48.600 what it means to be a man. You're salvaging your marriages. You're losing weight. You're

00:23:52.140 building your bank accounts. You're starting businesses. You're raising your daughters and

00:23:55.340 your sons. And it's truly inspiring to be a part of this movement. So I appreciate you guys until

00:24:00.840 next week, take action and become the man you are meant to be.

00:24:04.400 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your

00:24:09.220 life and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - June 01, 2018

FFN 110： The Rise of the Peter Pans

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