Order of Man - August 10, 2018


FFN 120： Grow a Spine

Topics
growing a spine grow a spine saying no find a team and people to support uplift you grow a spine
Hosted by
Ryan Michler
Mentioned
Jocko Willink Andy Frisilla Grant Cardone Robert Glover Kip Sorensen Archie Locus Tim Kennedy Nice Guy
177： Building a Business of Meaning and Significance ｜ Jordan Harbertson 178： Free Markets, Finding Purpose, and Forging Fitness ｜ Sal Di Stefano

Episode Stats


Length

20 minutes

Words per minute

190.32

Word count

3,976

Sentence count

203

Harmful content

Toxicity

5

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, Ryan talks about the importance of being a man of character and how we need to grow a spine in order to be a better father, husband, business owner, and community leader. He also talks about how important it is to have a strong work ethic.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Topics generated with Qwen2.5-3B-Instruct.
Hosts, guests, and mentioned names generated with spaCy (en_core_web_sm), reconciled against Wikidata.
00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.
00:00:06.020 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.
00:00:10.460 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.
00:00:15.500 This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.
00:00:19.760 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.
00:00:24.720 Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Mickler, and I am the host and the founder of this podcast, The Order of Man.
00:00:31.880 Man, it has been a very busy day. This is my third podcast of the day, but I love sharing this information with you guys.
00:00:38.260 We've actually got a new podcast that is going to be released starting Wednesday of next week.
00:00:43.540 It's a Q&A show, so every week I will field your questions, give you answers along with my friend and co-host, Kip Sorensen.
00:00:52.300 So be on the lookout for that. If you haven't subscribed to The Order of Man podcast yet, make sure that you do.
00:00:57.220 I think it's going to be a good show. It's going to be enlightening and insightful, and I hope that you get some value from it.
00:01:02.960 If you guys are new to the show, guys, this is a show about becoming a better man, a better father, a better husband, business owner, community leader.
00:01:10.820 And so it's my goal to deliver this podcast each and every week.
00:01:14.400 You're listening to the Friday Field Notes, which is my ramblings and thoughts from throughout the week.
00:01:18.800 But we also have an interview show where I'm interviewing guys like Jocko Willink and Andy Frisilla, Grant Cardone, Tim Kennedy, Ryan Holiday.
00:01:28.640 The list is endless on the amount of incredible, incredible guests that not only we have on, but some of the guests that are coming up.
00:01:36.560 We've got some amazing topics. So again, make sure you subscribe if you haven't already. I'm glad that you're here.
00:01:41.320 I'm going to be talking about growing a spine, growing a spine today. I'm going to get to that in a minute.
00:01:47.280 But one thing I just wanted to make you aware of, and this is probably the only time that I'm going to announce this because it's almost filled up already, is our Tribe Builder course.
00:01:56.220 Now, this is a little bit different than the courses and the things that we've offered in the past.
00:02:00.380 This is designed for any man who wants to grow a tribe online, who wants to use social media to deliver a message that's significant and meaningful to him.
00:02:10.960 So if that's something that you're trying to do or you want to do and you have ideas and aspirations to grow something like we've done here with Order of Man, you probably ought to consider joining our Tribe Builder course.
00:02:21.320 We only have 20 spots and I believe we've got 14 or 15 spots filled up already and I've only announced it once.
00:02:28.720 So once we've got those five spots filled, it's gone. We're locking it down. And then we're starting September 1st of this year, 2018.
00:02:35.000 So if you are interested, head to orderofman.com slash tribe builder, orderofman.com slash tribe builder.
00:02:42.020 So that's the only announcement that I have today. Everything else is going well. We've got our legacy event coming up.
00:02:47.300 I'm going to be in Maine later this month in August for Origins Immersion Camp and things are just chugging along.
00:02:53.820 So I'm glad that you're here on the journey. I want to get into the conversation, which again, today is about growing a spine.
00:02:59.740 I mean, I look around in society and I have just seen so many men who are weak and cowardly and pathetic. 0.98
00:03:10.100 They allow themselves to be completely railroaded by their boss, by their wife, by their children, any interactions. 1.00
00:03:17.840 They say yes when they should say no. They say no when they should say yes.
00:03:23.240 These are politicians who continually flip-flop back and forth based on who they're talking with.
00:03:30.700 And at the end of the day, I think it's a, it's not only a morality issue, it's just a weakness issue.
00:03:37.700 Guys, we as men need to be strong, not only physically, but strong of integrity, strong of character and virtue.
00:03:46.560 Because when the situation calls for it, we are going to need to lead other people.
00:03:53.460 We're going to need to lead our families, our businesses, clients, colleagues, coworkers, community members, neighbors. 0.93
00:04:00.240 And if we are pathetic, if we are weak, if we are cowardly, then people are not going to choose to be led by us.
00:04:08.400 And ultimately, that's going to spell the difference between success and demise, demise of a project or heaven forbid, there's a natural disaster or there's an emergency in the family dynamic and situation or whatever. 0.96
00:04:23.840 I mean, there's so many different scenarios that this could be.
00:04:26.420 But if, if you don't have a spine, if you don't have any foundational principles that you're willing to die on that hill and that battle, if you will, people are just going to follow you and they're going to pander to you for a little bit, as long as they get what they want.
00:04:42.680 But the minute that something else better comes along, they're going to leave because you're lacking depth.
00:04:47.580 And that's the problem with these guys who flip-flop on situations, who aren't really willing to take a stand, who sit on the fence because they're afraid or fearful or concerned with what might happen is that they just don't have any depth, no depth of character.
00:05:05.380 And these are not the kind of men that I want to surround myself with.
00:05:08.220 This is not the kind of man that I want to be.
00:05:10.680 And I think it's easy for us to be this way because there are some real threats to us making a stand.
00:05:16.420 I face it every day when I get messages from people who say how horrible I am and how wrong I am for leading the charge of reclaiming what it means to be a man.
00:05:25.900 But if I didn't have those foundational principles and beliefs in place that I just didn't believe with every ounce of my being, it would be very easy for me to try to appease and win other people over.
00:05:38.420 But that's not what I'm interested in.
00:05:39.860 I'm interested in sharing my perceptions, my views, my philosophies about life.
00:05:46.080 And through that relentless sharing of what I believe to be true, the right people are going to be attracted to me.
00:05:53.160 So today I wanted to address five.
00:05:56.520 Yes, five strategies.
00:05:58.280 I wrote them down here.
00:05:59.420 Five strategies for you to grow a spine.
00:06:03.960 Now, I know there's a lot of guys out there who are familiar with Robert Glover's work on No More Mr. Nice Guy and some other authors out there as well that we have some upcoming shows with.
00:06:15.520 But that's what this is.
00:06:17.440 You know, sometimes guys are so worried about being nice that they can't be principled.
00:06:22.040 And if you are sacrificing your principles to be quote unquote nice, you are doing yourself a disservice and the people that you're here to serve a huge disservice as well.
00:06:31.300 So let's just jump right into these a disclaimer.
00:06:34.120 I always give a disclaimer because inevitably there'll be people who say, well, you left this out or you missed this or it's not that I missed that stuff.
00:06:40.500 It's that sometimes it's just not relevant in the conversation.
00:06:43.320 But what I will say today is that I'm not talking about when I'm saying growing a spine.
00:06:49.660 I'm not talking about taking new information that wasn't previously available and then changing your perspective.
00:06:56.040 In fact, if you're the same person you are tomorrow or a year from now or five or 10 years from now that you are today, you're doing something wrong because there is so much new information and so many new insights that you and I have access to that will potentially change our perspective and change our point of view.
00:07:14.060 If you can't be open to that, I think you've also got a real problem there.
00:07:18.460 So again, my disclaimer is if you have new information that you can take into the equation and that new information gives you a different perspective to change your point of view, then you probably ought to seriously consider that.
00:07:29.960 This is not about being stubborn for the sake of being stubborn or being right.
00:07:33.160 It's about finding those grounding foundational principles and then frankly having the balls to make a stand, to stand up for those things.
00:07:41.840 So let's break this down a little bit.
00:07:43.180 Five strategies again to help you and me and everybody listening and engaged in this podcast and this movement grow the spine that you need and that other people are looking to you to grow and have.
00:07:54.100 So number one is, and I alluded to this already know what you stand for, how much time have you taken throughout your life to really consider and contemplate what it is you stand for, what you will tolerate, what you won't tolerate, what's your foundational virtues and values and principles that you adhere to, that you find valuable and important in your life.
00:08:17.700 If you don't have that, none of what else I'm going to share with you really matters because you don't know where you stand.
00:08:23.320 This is the foundation of a building.
00:08:25.640 For example, you don't just throw up the walls and put the roof on or put the electrical in or do the plumbing without creating the right foundation.
00:08:33.740 And without the right foundation, the slightest little hiccup, whether that's an earthquake or, or some other sort of natural disaster comes in and completely obliterates the house because it doesn't have a strong foundation.
00:08:45.520 Same thing with you, when the winds are blowing and the seas are, are tossing and life's challenging, if you haven't created foundational principles or at least identified foundational principles that you are willing to stake it all on, then nothing else that you do, no other system or strategy or tactic that you can employ will make up for a strong foundational principle.
00:09:08.080 Uh, in the book sovereignty, which is a book that I released in February of this year, I talked about having a code of conduct and the code of conduct is 13 virtues that I have identified that I will adhere to that I practice and incorporate into my life and has improved every area of my life.
00:09:23.580 Do you have a code of conduct?
00:09:25.360 Do you have a constitution if you will?
00:09:27.800 And if you don't, you ought to spend some time really contemplating, carving time out of your day for daily reflection in the morning, in the evening, wherever it is, is this something I value?
00:09:39.540 Is this not something I value if I'm faced with these tasks and these situations and I'm expected to jeopardize my morals?
00:09:49.600 What are those morals?
00:09:51.020 What are those standards?
00:09:52.140 What are you going to stand up for?
00:09:53.580 So again, number one, know what you stand for.
00:09:55.980 Number two, get comfortable with saying no.
00:10:00.020 It is amazing to me how many times I talk about this and how many times I need to, because guys are so afraid of saying no, so afraid of potentially hurting somebody else's feelings, so afraid of the way they might look.
00:10:13.260 If they say no to something, you've got to get very, very good at saying no, at speaking up when you see something wrong.
00:10:22.780 And otherwise, just using this tool called your voice and communication to bring attention and awareness to something that you see as being off.
00:10:33.480 And I know this is scary.
00:10:35.080 I know it's intimidating.
00:10:35.960 And I know there's even consequences for doing this, which I'll address here in a minute.
00:10:39.580 But you've got to get good at using your voice.
00:10:43.200 And saying no is a huge component of this.
00:10:46.400 And let me give you some tips in order to get better at saying no.
00:10:50.220 Number one, start with simple things.
00:10:52.040 Start with saying no to very simple things that aren't going to ruffle any feathers, that aren't going to cause any rocking of the boat.
00:11:00.220 Because again, this is about building the habit of saying no.
00:11:03.380 The other thing that I started doing when I was learning to say no a little bit better is that I forced myself not to give an explanation as to why it was a no.
00:11:12.680 So if somebody said, hey, Ryan, can you help me move this weekend?
00:11:16.200 And my answer was no to that.
00:11:18.080 It was very simply, no, I can't do that this weekend.
00:11:21.500 And I had to force myself not to give an explanation because when we explain ourselves, we're basically trying to talk ourselves out of it or make ourselves feel more comfortable.
00:11:31.740 And although there's a time and a place for that, if you're trying to grow a spine, do it hard.
00:11:37.360 Do it in a way that makes it even more difficult than simply saying no, just offer no explanation.
00:11:42.500 This is a very, very good way of placing yourself in a very awkward situation that you're probably not comfortable with, that you probably haven't practiced a whole lot, that will give you the mental and emotional fortitude that you need to be able to use your voice and make a stand when needed.
00:12:00.360 And the other thing I would suggest is that when you get placed into a situation where you potentially have to jeopardize your standards, maybe a boss asks you to do something immoral or illegal, or you have a situation with your wife or your kids, or there's just some sort of situation where you're asked to jeopardize what you believe is right.
00:12:21.560 I would suggest to you that you give yourself margin.
00:12:24.380 That is the best tactic and strategy for being able to find and learn and use your voice.
00:12:32.200 If somebody asks you to do something that you aren't comfortable with, you don't need to answer them immediately.
00:12:36.500 In fact, if you do, you'll probably default to what they want you to do.
00:12:39.720 Instead, I would say, give yourself the space, give yourself the margin, get out of the situation into an environment that you now control.
00:12:47.780 And then you can re-engage in that conversation in a way that is important to you.
00:12:53.840 So if a boss, again, asks you to do something you're not comfortable with, I would suggest that you say to that individual, let me think about that.
00:13:01.740 Can I get back with you on that?
00:13:03.380 Hey, I've got this meeting.
00:13:05.540 Can I go to this meeting?
00:13:06.600 And then I'll get back with you and we can talk and discuss.
00:13:09.220 Now this gives you the space and the margin to think clearly about what you want.
00:13:13.020 It gets you out of their element and back into your element so that you can make the decision the way that you feel you need to make that decision.
00:13:20.120 So that's number two, get comfortable at saying no and learning how to use your voice.
00:13:24.520 Number three, very simply guys, and I talk about this quite a bit, do hard things, do hard things, do the things that push you outside of your comfort zone.
00:13:33.500 If you don't feel like going to work out, go work out.
00:13:36.760 If you don't feel like speaking in public, go speak in public.
00:13:40.020 If you don't feel like having a conversation with somebody, go have that conversation with somebody.
00:13:44.480 If you don't feel like pursuing a new hobby, pursue the hobby.
00:13:50.040 If you don't want to start the new business, start the new business.
00:13:52.960 If you don't want to make that sales call, make the sales call.
00:13:56.420 You see what I'm saying here?
00:13:57.540 The more that you can do the things that you're afraid of doing, that are awkward, that are uncomfortable,
00:14:03.420 the more that you inoculate yourself against challenging and difficult situations when it actually matters.
00:14:09.980 If you don't test yourself and you don't build up the mental, the emotional and physical fortitude required to address these challenging and sensitive subjects,
00:14:20.360 you will never be able to address it when the time comes.
00:14:23.660 I've quoted Archie Locus before and he says, we do not rise to the level of our expectations.
00:14:29.980 We fall to the level of our training.
00:14:32.560 So if you want to be able to stand on your own two feet in difficult times and in difficult circumstances, you need to train that way.
00:14:39.980 Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and that way you have adequately prepared yourself when the test actually comes.
00:14:48.740 Number four, guys, find people who support you.
00:14:52.640 I talked about this last week on the podcast when I said building a team, which is orderofman.com slash FFN is in Friday field notes.
00:15:00.840 So FFN one, one, nine, how to build a team, but find people and surround yourself with people who agree with you,
00:15:09.220 who believe the things that you believe, who will support you, who will stand by you, who have your back.
00:15:15.540 The more people that you can surround yourself like that, the more confidence you develop,
00:15:20.160 the more ability that you have to recognize what it is they're doing and how they stand on their own two feet.
00:15:25.460 And quite frankly, there's strength in numbers.
00:15:28.260 So if you don't have anybody who has your back and you're expected to be the lone wolf on an issue or a topic or a conversation
00:15:34.400 or a request that goes against your moral compass, your moral standard,
00:15:38.240 you're going to be less likely to adhere to that if it's just you.
00:15:42.460 But if you've got an army behind you, you've got people who, who love you, who support you,
00:15:47.760 who believe what you believe, it's significantly easier to make the choice that you know you should.
00:15:53.080 So build and find the people who support you.
00:15:57.740 That's going to be a great way to help you grow this spine that we're talking about.
00:16:03.960 And by the way, I said that find people who believe like you, that's important.
00:16:08.020 But I will also say it's important at times that you find people who don't agree with you
00:16:12.520 so that those ideas and perspectives that you have can be challenged.
00:16:16.020 And there's value in that as well.
00:16:17.500 And that goes back to what I was saying earlier about doing hard things,
00:16:20.180 engaging in conversations that aren't comfortable with people who don't necessarily think like you do.
00:16:25.760 That's going to give you the tools and the resources that you need in order to solidify
00:16:30.040 what it is you believe or expand your, your horizons to something that you previously didn't recognize.
00:16:35.780 So number four, all right, find a team and people to support and uplift you.
00:16:40.680 And the last point that I wanted to share with you guys today,
00:16:43.160 and then we'll call it a fairly short one today is becoming a sovereign man.
00:16:47.780 Now I released a book in February of this year, 2018 called sovereignty,
00:16:52.400 the battle for the hearts and minds of men.
00:16:54.160 When I'm talking about being a sovereign man, I'm talking about being a man who is at the mercy
00:16:59.580 of no one, because when you are at the mercy of other people for your livelihood or your financial
00:17:07.660 wellbeing or emotional, spiritual wellbeing, uh, you are more likely to jeopardize what you know
00:17:15.100 to be true because you've placed yourself in a compromising situation.
00:17:19.340 So if you're up to your eyeballs, for example, in debt, well, somebody else has their finger over you.
00:17:25.760 This mortgage company or financial institution has some power over you.
00:17:31.580 If you are so reliant upon your job because you are financially destitute without it,
00:17:36.560 well, you're more likely to sacrifice some decisions that you've made in your life
00:17:41.180 because you realize you need to put food on the table. If you're overweight and out of shape
00:17:45.940 and unhealthy, you've placed yourself at the mercy of the pharmaceutical companies and health
00:17:52.660 industries and drug companies, because you need those things to survive and thrive. If on the other
00:17:59.000 hand, you're healthy and you're lean and you're eating right and you're exercising and you're strong
00:18:03.220 and you're getting sleep, you have become more independent. And the more independence that you can claim
00:18:08.980 in your life, the more capable you are of standing on your own two feet when called upon and when needed
00:18:16.420 to. So, like I said, pretty short one today, guys, but man, this is so critical in an environment,
00:18:22.480 in a society where everybody seems to be more and more weak, cowardly, pathetic, sheep-like,
00:18:29.340 if you will, just going with the flow and going with the crowd and doing what the people do. It's, 0.99
00:18:34.000 it's, it's a little sad. It's not even a little sad. It's a lot sad to see people jeopardize what
00:18:40.260 they know to be true because they're worried about fitting in or going with the pack or not
00:18:45.160 ruffling any feathers and not hurting anybody's feelings or pandering to other people to get what
00:18:50.440 they want. You place yourself in the best position possible when you learn to grow a spine and you
00:18:57.600 solidify that spine and you build all the muscle around the spine in order to keep you standing
00:19:02.340 upright. There's a great quote by Marcus Aurelius that says, a man should be upright,
00:19:09.460 not kept upright. And what I'm talking about is finding the ability to rely upon yourself,
00:19:16.040 finding the conviction in your mind, knowing what you stand for, getting comfortable with
00:19:21.900 using your voice and articulating a message of what you believe, doing the things that are difficult
00:19:27.540 and scary and challenging to inoculate yourself against the real issues you'll deal with,
00:19:32.980 to find people in your life who edify you, who uplift you, who support you, who have your back,
00:19:38.800 who believe what you believe. And then of course, become that sovereign man to stand on your own two
00:19:43.720 feet and be the kind of man that, you know, you're capable of being and the kind of man that your
00:19:48.160 family, your friends, your colleagues, your coworkers, your neighbors need you to be. So guys, with that,
00:19:54.000 I'll sign out for today. Again, remember if you're interested in growing an organization online, like
00:19:59.460 we've done here with order of man, you can check out the tribe builder. Do that quick. If you are
00:20:02.760 interested, order of man.com slash tribe builder outside of that, join us on social media. We're
00:20:08.480 continuing to have this conversation and thousands of others. You can join us in our Facebook group
00:20:12.900 on Facebook itself. You can join us on Twitter. Those are all at order of man, or I'm very active
00:20:18.900 over on Instagram and that's at Ryan Mickler. My last name is M I C H L E R. Again, guys with that,
00:20:26.520 I'll sign out for the day, but grow a spine, be a man of conviction, be a man of integrity,
00:20:32.000 learn to stand on your own two feet and you'll find yourself in a better way more often and more
00:20:37.020 influential in the lives of the people that are relying upon you. Go out there guys, take action,
00:20:41.220 become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast.
00:20:46.320 You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.
00:20:50.340 We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.