In this episode, Ryan talks about the importance of being a man of character and how we need to grow a spine in order to be a better father, husband, business owner, and community leader. He also talks about how important it is to have a strong work ethic.
00:00:00.000You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.
00:00:06.020When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.
00:00:10.460You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.
00:00:15.500This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.
00:00:19.760At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.
00:00:24.720Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Mickler, and I am the host and the founder of this podcast, The Order of Man.
00:00:31.880Man, it has been a very busy day. This is my third podcast of the day, but I love sharing this information with you guys.
00:00:38.260We've actually got a new podcast that is going to be released starting Wednesday of next week.
00:00:43.540It's a Q&A show, so every week I will field your questions, give you answers along with my friend and co-host, Kip Sorensen.
00:00:52.300So be on the lookout for that. If you haven't subscribed to The Order of Man podcast yet, make sure that you do.
00:00:57.220I think it's going to be a good show. It's going to be enlightening and insightful, and I hope that you get some value from it.
00:01:02.960If you guys are new to the show, guys, this is a show about becoming a better man, a better father, a better husband, business owner, community leader.
00:01:10.820And so it's my goal to deliver this podcast each and every week.
00:01:14.400You're listening to the Friday Field Notes, which is my ramblings and thoughts from throughout the week.
00:01:18.800But we also have an interview show where I'm interviewing guys like Jocko Willink and Andy Frisilla, Grant Cardone, Tim Kennedy, Ryan Holiday.
00:01:28.640The list is endless on the amount of incredible, incredible guests that not only we have on, but some of the guests that are coming up.
00:01:36.560We've got some amazing topics. So again, make sure you subscribe if you haven't already. I'm glad that you're here.
00:01:41.320I'm going to be talking about growing a spine, growing a spine today. I'm going to get to that in a minute.
00:01:47.280But one thing I just wanted to make you aware of, and this is probably the only time that I'm going to announce this because it's almost filled up already, is our Tribe Builder course.
00:01:56.220Now, this is a little bit different than the courses and the things that we've offered in the past.
00:02:00.380This is designed for any man who wants to grow a tribe online, who wants to use social media to deliver a message that's significant and meaningful to him.
00:02:10.960So if that's something that you're trying to do or you want to do and you have ideas and aspirations to grow something like we've done here with Order of Man, you probably ought to consider joining our Tribe Builder course.
00:02:21.320We only have 20 spots and I believe we've got 14 or 15 spots filled up already and I've only announced it once.
00:02:28.720So once we've got those five spots filled, it's gone. We're locking it down. And then we're starting September 1st of this year, 2018.
00:02:35.000So if you are interested, head to orderofman.com slash tribe builder, orderofman.com slash tribe builder.
00:02:42.020So that's the only announcement that I have today. Everything else is going well. We've got our legacy event coming up.
00:02:47.300I'm going to be in Maine later this month in August for Origins Immersion Camp and things are just chugging along.
00:02:53.820So I'm glad that you're here on the journey. I want to get into the conversation, which again, today is about growing a spine.
00:02:59.740I mean, I look around in society and I have just seen so many men who are weak and cowardly and pathetic.
00:03:10.100They allow themselves to be completely railroaded by their boss, by their wife, by their children, any interactions.
00:03:17.840They say yes when they should say no. They say no when they should say yes.
00:03:23.240These are politicians who continually flip-flop back and forth based on who they're talking with.
00:03:30.700And at the end of the day, I think it's a, it's not only a morality issue, it's just a weakness issue.
00:03:37.700Guys, we as men need to be strong, not only physically, but strong of integrity, strong of character and virtue.
00:03:46.560Because when the situation calls for it, we are going to need to lead other people.
00:03:53.460We're going to need to lead our families, our businesses, clients, colleagues, coworkers, community members, neighbors.
00:04:00.240And if we are pathetic, if we are weak, if we are cowardly, then people are not going to choose to be led by us.
00:04:08.400And ultimately, that's going to spell the difference between success and demise, demise of a project or heaven forbid, there's a natural disaster or there's an emergency in the family dynamic and situation or whatever.
00:04:23.840I mean, there's so many different scenarios that this could be.
00:04:26.420But if, if you don't have a spine, if you don't have any foundational principles that you're willing to die on that hill and that battle, if you will, people are just going to follow you and they're going to pander to you for a little bit, as long as they get what they want.
00:04:42.680But the minute that something else better comes along, they're going to leave because you're lacking depth.
00:04:47.580And that's the problem with these guys who flip-flop on situations, who aren't really willing to take a stand, who sit on the fence because they're afraid or fearful or concerned with what might happen is that they just don't have any depth, no depth of character.
00:05:05.380And these are not the kind of men that I want to surround myself with.
00:05:08.220This is not the kind of man that I want to be.
00:05:10.680And I think it's easy for us to be this way because there are some real threats to us making a stand.
00:05:16.420I face it every day when I get messages from people who say how horrible I am and how wrong I am for leading the charge of reclaiming what it means to be a man.
00:05:25.900But if I didn't have those foundational principles and beliefs in place that I just didn't believe with every ounce of my being, it would be very easy for me to try to appease and win other people over.
00:05:38.420But that's not what I'm interested in.
00:05:39.860I'm interested in sharing my perceptions, my views, my philosophies about life.
00:05:46.080And through that relentless sharing of what I believe to be true, the right people are going to be attracted to me.
00:05:59.420Five strategies for you to grow a spine.
00:06:03.960Now, I know there's a lot of guys out there who are familiar with Robert Glover's work on No More Mr. Nice Guy and some other authors out there as well that we have some upcoming shows with.
00:06:17.440You know, sometimes guys are so worried about being nice that they can't be principled.
00:06:22.040And if you are sacrificing your principles to be quote unquote nice, you are doing yourself a disservice and the people that you're here to serve a huge disservice as well.
00:06:31.300So let's just jump right into these a disclaimer.
00:06:34.120I always give a disclaimer because inevitably there'll be people who say, well, you left this out or you missed this or it's not that I missed that stuff.
00:06:40.500It's that sometimes it's just not relevant in the conversation.
00:06:43.320But what I will say today is that I'm not talking about when I'm saying growing a spine.
00:06:49.660I'm not talking about taking new information that wasn't previously available and then changing your perspective.
00:06:56.040In fact, if you're the same person you are tomorrow or a year from now or five or 10 years from now that you are today, you're doing something wrong because there is so much new information and so many new insights that you and I have access to that will potentially change our perspective and change our point of view.
00:07:14.060If you can't be open to that, I think you've also got a real problem there.
00:07:18.460So again, my disclaimer is if you have new information that you can take into the equation and that new information gives you a different perspective to change your point of view, then you probably ought to seriously consider that.
00:07:29.960This is not about being stubborn for the sake of being stubborn or being right.
00:07:33.160It's about finding those grounding foundational principles and then frankly having the balls to make a stand, to stand up for those things.
00:07:41.840So let's break this down a little bit.
00:07:43.180Five strategies again to help you and me and everybody listening and engaged in this podcast and this movement grow the spine that you need and that other people are looking to you to grow and have.
00:07:54.100So number one is, and I alluded to this already know what you stand for, how much time have you taken throughout your life to really consider and contemplate what it is you stand for, what you will tolerate, what you won't tolerate, what's your foundational virtues and values and principles that you adhere to, that you find valuable and important in your life.
00:08:17.700If you don't have that, none of what else I'm going to share with you really matters because you don't know where you stand.
00:08:25.640For example, you don't just throw up the walls and put the roof on or put the electrical in or do the plumbing without creating the right foundation.
00:08:33.740And without the right foundation, the slightest little hiccup, whether that's an earthquake or, or some other sort of natural disaster comes in and completely obliterates the house because it doesn't have a strong foundation.
00:08:45.520Same thing with you, when the winds are blowing and the seas are, are tossing and life's challenging, if you haven't created foundational principles or at least identified foundational principles that you are willing to stake it all on, then nothing else that you do, no other system or strategy or tactic that you can employ will make up for a strong foundational principle.
00:09:08.080Uh, in the book sovereignty, which is a book that I released in February of this year, I talked about having a code of conduct and the code of conduct is 13 virtues that I have identified that I will adhere to that I practice and incorporate into my life and has improved every area of my life.
00:09:25.360Do you have a constitution if you will?
00:09:27.800And if you don't, you ought to spend some time really contemplating, carving time out of your day for daily reflection in the morning, in the evening, wherever it is, is this something I value?
00:09:39.540Is this not something I value if I'm faced with these tasks and these situations and I'm expected to jeopardize my morals?
00:09:53.580So again, number one, know what you stand for.
00:09:55.980Number two, get comfortable with saying no.
00:10:00.020It is amazing to me how many times I talk about this and how many times I need to, because guys are so afraid of saying no, so afraid of potentially hurting somebody else's feelings, so afraid of the way they might look.
00:10:13.260If they say no to something, you've got to get very, very good at saying no, at speaking up when you see something wrong.
00:10:22.780And otherwise, just using this tool called your voice and communication to bring attention and awareness to something that you see as being off.
00:10:52.040Start with saying no to very simple things that aren't going to ruffle any feathers, that aren't going to cause any rocking of the boat.
00:11:00.220Because again, this is about building the habit of saying no.
00:11:03.380The other thing that I started doing when I was learning to say no a little bit better is that I forced myself not to give an explanation as to why it was a no.
00:11:12.680So if somebody said, hey, Ryan, can you help me move this weekend?
00:11:18.080It was very simply, no, I can't do that this weekend.
00:11:21.500And I had to force myself not to give an explanation because when we explain ourselves, we're basically trying to talk ourselves out of it or make ourselves feel more comfortable.
00:11:31.740And although there's a time and a place for that, if you're trying to grow a spine, do it hard.
00:11:37.360Do it in a way that makes it even more difficult than simply saying no, just offer no explanation.
00:11:42.500This is a very, very good way of placing yourself in a very awkward situation that you're probably not comfortable with, that you probably haven't practiced a whole lot, that will give you the mental and emotional fortitude that you need to be able to use your voice and make a stand when needed.
00:12:00.360And the other thing I would suggest is that when you get placed into a situation where you potentially have to jeopardize your standards, maybe a boss asks you to do something immoral or illegal, or you have a situation with your wife or your kids, or there's just some sort of situation where you're asked to jeopardize what you believe is right.
00:12:21.560I would suggest to you that you give yourself margin.
00:12:24.380That is the best tactic and strategy for being able to find and learn and use your voice.
00:12:32.200If somebody asks you to do something that you aren't comfortable with, you don't need to answer them immediately.
00:12:36.500In fact, if you do, you'll probably default to what they want you to do.
00:12:39.720Instead, I would say, give yourself the space, give yourself the margin, get out of the situation into an environment that you now control.
00:12:47.780And then you can re-engage in that conversation in a way that is important to you.
00:12:53.840So if a boss, again, asks you to do something you're not comfortable with, I would suggest that you say to that individual, let me think about that.
00:13:06.600And then I'll get back with you and we can talk and discuss.
00:13:09.220Now this gives you the space and the margin to think clearly about what you want.
00:13:13.020It gets you out of their element and back into your element so that you can make the decision the way that you feel you need to make that decision.
00:13:20.120So that's number two, get comfortable at saying no and learning how to use your voice.
00:13:24.520Number three, very simply guys, and I talk about this quite a bit, do hard things, do hard things, do the things that push you outside of your comfort zone.
00:13:33.500If you don't feel like going to work out, go work out.
00:13:36.760If you don't feel like speaking in public, go speak in public.
00:13:40.020If you don't feel like having a conversation with somebody, go have that conversation with somebody.
00:13:44.480If you don't feel like pursuing a new hobby, pursue the hobby.
00:13:50.040If you don't want to start the new business, start the new business.
00:13:52.960If you don't want to make that sales call, make the sales call.
00:13:57.540The more that you can do the things that you're afraid of doing, that are awkward, that are uncomfortable,
00:14:03.420the more that you inoculate yourself against challenging and difficult situations when it actually matters.
00:14:09.980If you don't test yourself and you don't build up the mental, the emotional and physical fortitude required to address these challenging and sensitive subjects,
00:14:20.360you will never be able to address it when the time comes.
00:14:23.660I've quoted Archie Locus before and he says, we do not rise to the level of our expectations.