Order of Man - Find Your Outlet ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart

00:00:04.920 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.

00:00:10.260 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:16.940 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.420 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? Hold on before I lose my earpiece

00:00:28.440 here. Sorry, interrupted my flow there. Guys, what's going on today? Glad you're here. This

00:00:33.700 is Ryan Michler. I am the host and the founder of the Order of Man podcast movement, and I want to

00:00:39.140 welcome you here, and I want to welcome you back if you've been with us for any amount of time.

00:00:44.320 I've got a conversation. It's not going to be long, but a conversation that I want to share with you

00:00:48.500 today on finding an outlet and why that's so important. And I'm also going to break down

00:00:53.480 some key components of an outlet that you should have available to you for venting, for frustration,

00:01:00.180 for the number of things that we experience on a daily basis that a lot of us just hold inside and

00:01:07.800 don't allow to get out into a productive outlet. We're going to talk about that in a second.

00:01:15.240 Before we do, I want to let you know two things, two very important things. Number one, my book,

00:01:20.060 The Masculinity Manifesto is out and available. So if you could, and you're interested,

00:01:25.920 please go to Amazon. That's the best place right now, Amazon, and pick up a copy of The Masculinity

00:01:32.320 Manifesto. You can pick it up as an ebook. You can pick up the hardcover. I don't know if the

00:01:37.540 paperback is there, but you can get the hardcover, the ebook, or the audio version, which I read and

00:01:42.640 narrate myself. So Masculinity Manifesto. And then once you do, and you've read or listened to it,

00:01:48.400 at least to the point where you can leave an honest review, go in back to Amazon,

00:01:52.960 leave a rating and review. That goes a very long way in bumping up the performance of the book.

00:01:59.140 And we want that to get into as many hands as we possibly can. As of yesterday, it was number one

00:02:04.460 in, I don't know, five or six categories on Amazon. And I think it was number as high as number 795

00:02:11.760 in all of Amazon books, which maybe doesn't sound like a lot, but when you consider that there's

00:02:18.420 hundreds of thousands, if not millions of books available, and we're number 795,

00:02:24.520 that's pretty impressive. And that's because of you. So that's number one,

00:02:27.760 The Masculinity Manifesto. Number two is we've got our exclusive brotherhood,

00:02:31.540 The Iron Council. This is where you can band with other men. You're going to have accountability.

00:02:36.500 You can have camaraderie. You're going to stand shoulder to shoulder, literally and figuratively

00:02:40.720 with these guys. And you're going to march through life and you're going to have access to the tools

00:02:45.080 and resources that are going to help you take charge of your life once and for all, that are

00:02:50.280 going to help you take it to the next level, maybe even help dig you out of the pit that you have found

00:02:56.160 yourself in. And it's all done in our exclusive brotherhood, The Iron Council, which you can find

00:03:00.960 more about at orderman.com slash ironcouncil, orderman.com slash ironcouncil. It's only open

00:03:07.740 for another couple of days. So do that one quick. All right, guys, let's talk about finding a proper

00:03:12.240 outlet. Again, this is for your stress. This is for your anger and your emotions and the things that

00:03:19.980 we deal with on a day-to-day basis. If you don't have an outlet for these things, it's not going to go

00:03:25.860 well. You're going to explode. You're going to stress yourself out. Your cortisol levels are going to

00:03:30.940 go through the roof. You're going to have health issues. You're going to have relational issues.

00:03:35.780 You're going to have addiction issues. You're going to find an outlet. And unless you're deliberate and

00:03:40.700 intentional about letting these feelings out, about letting just life go, then it's going to find an

00:03:48.460 outlet. And usually it's not going to be a very productive one unless you're deliberate and

00:03:52.440 intentional about it. So what I want to do with you today is just break down four key components

00:03:56.940 of finding a healthy outlet and what you can do to make sure that you keep your stress levels low

00:04:02.520 and not unnecessarily high. And then also build camaraderie with other guys, have fulfillment,

00:04:10.420 have something that you're enjoying, and then also just living a good life.

00:04:15.920 So number one, and these aren't in any particular order, but your outlet, your activity, it has to be

00:04:21.620 something that's actually stimulating to you. I don't think I should have to say this, but I do

00:04:26.840 have to say it because a lot of the times what I've seen is so many men look on Facebook, look on

00:04:33.300 Instagram or Twitter or YouTube or podcasts, and they see what everybody else is doing. And they think

00:04:39.520 because that guy who they admire or respect is doing it, then they have to do it too. Maybe that's

00:04:45.580 shooting. Maybe that's hunting or archery or jujitsu. These are things that I personally do.

00:04:51.300 A lot of my guests do. And so a lot of times the men who listen think, well, you know, if I want to

00:04:56.360 be a man because I respect what Ryan's doing or respect what Jocko or Pete Roberts is doing,

00:05:01.160 then I have to do jujitsu too. No, you don't. I think maybe there's some reasons you want to look

00:05:07.420 into it, but if jujitsu is not your thing, then it's fine. If shooting is not your thing, fine. If

00:05:13.560 hunting is not your thing, fine. If you want to paint or learn how to cook or learn how to draw

00:05:20.880 or skydive or go bungee jumping or hike the tallest, the seven tallest peaks on each of the

00:05:29.020 seven continents. And those are things that are stimulating to you. Then do that. Let's not box

00:05:34.820 ourselves into things that we think we quote unquote should be doing. And instead let's find outlets

00:05:40.240 that we enjoy doing that bring purpose and fulfillment and satisfaction to our souls.

00:05:47.020 That's what you need. If you're forcing yourself to do something you don't like to do,

00:05:52.640 not only are you not dealing with your stress, you might actually be adding to it. And we're not

00:05:58.340 trying to add stress. We're trying to alleviate the pressure and the stress of everyday life.

00:06:03.420 So needless to say, or so I thought we should find things that are stimulating to us. Now that might

00:06:09.300 mean that we need to try a thousand different things before we find something that sticks

00:06:13.220 and that's okay. Experiment, try new things. When people have opportunities for you to do something

00:06:19.800 you've never done before, just say, yes, go try it, go experiment with it. See how it works. See if

00:06:25.160 it's something you enjoy. See if there's elements of it that you enjoy that you can bring into something

00:06:28.780 else, but be okay with playing. That's really what it is. You're just playing with different ideas

00:06:34.900 and different experiences and seeing what sticks the best, but it has to be stimulating to you

00:06:39.820 mentally, emotionally, physically. It has to be stimulating. Number two is I believe that it should

00:06:46.680 be physical in nature. Men are generally physical. We're active. We should be moving. We should be

00:06:53.400 using our bodies. We should be exercising. We should be trying to be fit. And that's not to say that

00:06:59.340 everything we do has to be revolved around lifting weights or training martial arts, but there should

00:07:05.040 be a physical component to it. If it's just that you want to do graphic design, nothing against graphic

00:07:11.320 design, but you got to find something else. Maybe it's photography. And in that photography, you're out,

00:07:17.580 you're doing destination weddings and you're hiking around, or you're doing landscape photography and

00:07:23.380 you're going on hikes and you're going to new places and you're exercising your body and you're

00:07:27.760 getting out in fresh air, but make sure that what you have as an outlet is stimulating, but also make

00:07:34.780 sure that it has some physical element to it. And the physicality of it is what's going to help you

00:07:40.800 release that stress and that pressure and that chaos and that confusion and frustration of life

00:07:47.140 needs to go somewhere. And it can go out of your muscles, out of your lungs, your blood's pumping,

00:07:52.500 and it can go into that process, whatever that looks like. Number three, it should be convenient.

00:07:59.780 It should be relatively convenient. If it's not convenient, you won't do it. I'll give you an

00:08:05.040 example. If I wanted to pick up surfing, that's probably not the greatest outlet for me now.

00:08:13.300 Now, can I go surfing? Yes. Should I? Sure. But I don't live near the coast. It's not like I can drive,

00:08:19.960 you know, 10 minutes down the road and, and be at the beach and surf. I can't do that. It's not

00:08:27.320 possible. Now I might be able to go to the lake and do, you know, wakeboarding. Okay. That might make

00:08:32.200 more sense, but again, that's seasonal. So as the winter approaches here in Maine, I'm not going to

00:08:36.240 be able to do that anymore. You've got to make sure that thing's convenient. If it's jujitsu and you

00:08:41.920 have to drive two or three hours to get to a place to train, you're just not going to do it.

00:08:46.740 But if it's 10 minutes down the road, you will, if it's working out and you have a gym at home,

00:08:51.480 it's more convenient. You're more likely to do it. So make sure that the outlet you choose

00:08:57.640 through your experimentation is something that's convenient for you to do. So you give yourself

00:09:03.360 less opportunity to opt out. And even those things that we enjoy, a lot of the times we opt out of

00:09:08.680 them because life, the kid's football game, and you go on dates with your wife and you're doing all

00:09:14.020 these other things. And so you opt out of the things that you enjoy doing because you have

00:09:18.940 other things going on. So let's not create, as I think James Clear says in his book, Atomic Habits,

00:09:25.040 friction on the habits that we want to implement in our lives and make it streamlined, make it easier

00:09:31.020 to do those things, not harder. And the last point here, guys, is that it needs to be challenging.

00:09:37.000 It needs to be challenging. If you're already doing something, maybe you're a reader. Maybe again,

00:09:42.540 you're doing graphic design or you're doing photography and it just comes easy for you.

00:09:47.040 And it's just, it's just fun. And there's no real challenge. There's no mental struggle or,

00:09:52.220 or, or toil with it. Sure. Do it. But that's not the kind of outlet I'm talking about. I'm talking

00:09:58.460 about something that pushes you outside of your comfort zone, that makes you uncomfortable,

00:10:03.700 that forces you to train and prepare, that forces you to research and study,

00:10:09.580 that gives you an opportunity to do something different that you haven't done before an

00:10:14.220 opportunity to do something that you're not good at, but you can get good at that you can master

00:10:20.100 over time. It's the challenge and the focus. That's part of the reason I love jujitsu so much

00:10:25.360 is when I'm there, I'm fully present in jujitsu. I'm not thinking, excuse me. I'm not thinking about

00:10:31.460 my wife. I'm not thinking about my children. I'm not thinking about the business. I'm not thinking

00:10:35.360 about all the other things I need to do in life. I'm thinking exclusively about jujitsu.

00:10:41.340 And that's a very, very powerful thing because I can focus only on that and not let all these other

00:10:46.840 little distractions that aren't all bad. My relationships aren't bad. My business is not

00:10:52.300 bad, but those are distractions for the time being. But because it's challenging and because there's some

00:10:57.980 risk and some toughness involved, I have to focus fully and solely on that. Now, I told you guys,

00:11:04.260 this was going to be a short one. It is. I just want you to, as a challenge to make a list of all

00:11:10.780 the things, all the things you've ever wanted to do, all the activities you're currently involved

00:11:15.900 with, all the activities people have asked you to do, and don't disqualify any of them. Just make a

00:11:21.700 list on your phone, make a list on a notepad and write down as many as you possibly can and start

00:11:27.200 going through that list and seeing what you enjoy. If you go to a class of jujitsu and you love it,

00:11:33.540 go to another one. If you start taking on photography and you're hiking around and you

00:11:39.600 really enjoy that, do another one. If you don't enjoy it, maybe do something else, but use that

00:11:44.420 list as a benchmark for things that you can do. And then also I would say is that you should be

00:11:49.380 journaling. So now you can look at what you did that day and then you can write down the things that

00:11:55.360 you enjoyed, write down how you felt, write down how it made you feel, write down the challenges and

00:12:00.060 the overcoming of obstacles that you did and what you felt about yourself when you did. Document and

00:12:05.780 write these things down because that's going to help you narrow this list down to something that's

00:12:10.500 really going to serve you well. Guys, you have to have an outlet. I've talked about this analogy

00:12:15.800 before. My wife does some canning and she puts it in a pressure cooker, a steamer, and that steamer

00:12:24.800 builds up enough pressure where it actually seals the lid onto the glass jar. Well, it's got a little

00:12:29.680 outlet valve, a little valve that lets off some of the steam, not all of it because it would be

00:12:33.920 ineffective, but it's a valve that lets off some of the steam because if that valve wasn't there,

00:12:38.540 we would literally be creating a bomb in the kitchen. And that's what so many of us are,

00:12:43.140 ticking time bombs, just waiting to go off, waiting to destroy, waiting to hurt,

00:12:47.780 waiting to tear down relationships, waiting to yell at people that we care about,

00:12:52.660 just waiting for destruction. Find the valve, find the outlet. Remember, it's got to be stimulating.

00:13:00.480 It should be physical in nature. It has to be convenient so you can actually access it.

00:13:05.120 And it has to be challenging. And I challenge you to go out and do that and see if you don't feel

00:13:09.760 better. All right, guys, that's all I've got today. I'll be back next week. Remember the

00:13:14.860 Masculinity Manifesto is available. Amazon's the best place right now. And also check out our

00:13:20.020 exclusive brotherhood, the Iron Council, because we're talking about these types of subjects and

00:13:24.600 so much more. Check that out at orderofman.com slash ironcouncil. We'll be back next week. Until

00:13:30.540 then, go out there, take action and become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to

00:13:35.380 the Order of Man podcast. If you're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you

00:13:40.120 were meant to be, we invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

00:13:44.860 Thank you.

Order of Man - September 30, 2022

Find Your Outlet ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

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