Order of Man - Finding Balance, Setting Boundaries, and Overcoming Struggles ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 The only thing that matters is one, the number one.

00:00:04.320 And that number one represents the one man

00:00:07.540 who's listening to me talk about this right now.

00:00:10.220 It is limitless on what a guy can do

00:00:13.180 when he has the power of a brotherhood and tools.

00:00:17.860 That's all we need.

00:00:19.180 We need, I mean, that's a tale as old as time

00:00:22.320 that a man needs a guy next to him to help

00:00:24.480 and he needs some tools to make life

00:00:27.040 a whole lot better and more efficient.

00:00:30.000 You're a man of action.

00:00:31.620 You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears,

00:00:34.240 and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:35.980 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.

00:00:40.440 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong.

00:00:45.500 This is your life. This is who you are.

00:00:48.020 This is who you will become at the end of the day.

00:00:50.940 And after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:56.360 Kip, what's up?

00:00:57.100 So good to see you again on another fine Monday morning.

00:01:00.980 Amen.

00:01:01.920 I'm ready for this week.

00:01:03.480 Like you kicked off our call.

00:01:05.360 Yeah, you kicked your call off with like,

00:01:07.040 man, I'm getting stuff done.

00:01:08.200 I'm on the path.

00:01:09.420 I don't know.

00:01:09.900 Like I'm feeling that way today as well.

00:01:12.020 So I'm excited to have this call and get other things done.

00:01:16.020 Yeah, this was a change that you and I decided to make,

00:01:18.820 even separately.

00:01:19.600 We didn't even plan this,

00:01:20.840 but a change that both of us decided to make

00:01:22.720 on just Mondays of getting up and getting after it.

00:01:25.720 So yeah, I think more men probably ought to do that.

00:01:30.340 It's not easy, you know, especially after a long weekend

00:01:32.700 or depending on what you did during the weekend.

00:01:34.640 I've also noticed too,

00:01:36.100 if I slack during the weekend,

00:01:38.500 then my Monday is that much harder.

00:01:41.960 Yep.

00:01:42.480 But if I still get after it over the weekend,

00:01:44.560 and I've often said this in the Iron Council

00:01:46.620 that we don't fall behind on the weekend.

00:01:49.920 Our tempo may change.

00:01:51.420 Our pace may change a little,

00:01:52.940 but we're still going to move.

00:01:54.580 We're still going to exercise.

00:01:56.000 We're still going to be productive,

00:01:57.320 but the pace might,

00:01:59.080 it might be the only thing that changes.

00:02:00.680 And I've noticed when I have a good productive weekend,

00:02:03.440 Monday just seems to roll a whole lot better.

00:02:06.380 Yeah, that's so true.

00:02:07.680 In fact, I had a really productive weekend

00:02:09.720 and I'm feeling great

00:02:11.380 because I woke up this morning

00:02:13.120 and things were already done

00:02:14.600 and I got some things done yesterday

00:02:16.900 that I didn't have to get done,

00:02:19.160 but I needed to get done for today.

00:02:21.020 It just, I don't know.

00:02:22.000 It feels good to have some success

00:02:25.500 and progress, right?

00:02:27.820 Around whatever it is that we're working on.

00:02:31.020 I mean, just in general, even like I noticed I got up,

00:02:34.460 well, I did a lot yesterday,

00:02:36.500 but even this morning, got up, did some dishes,

00:02:38.620 got the laundry out of the laundry machine,

00:02:40.400 folded the laundry, you know,

00:02:42.180 and made my bed, cleaned up, straightened up.

00:02:45.780 It works out pretty well.

00:02:47.820 So that's good, man.

00:02:49.380 Learning lessons at 43 years old.

00:02:51.640 Yeah, eventually.

00:02:54.840 Well, I know we kind of talked about headlines.

00:02:56.860 Typically we do headlines

00:02:57.960 and the big headline for today that we discussed

00:03:00.480 is we are at our 10-year anniversary

00:03:02.840 for Order of Man,

00:03:05.040 just a couple of days ago over the weekend, in fact.

00:03:07.100 So wild.

00:03:08.580 Yeah, that is nuts.

00:03:10.620 10 years.

00:03:11.140 I can't believe that it's been 10 years.

00:03:12.960 I wrote a couple of statistics down

00:03:14.380 I wanted to share with some of the guys here.

00:03:16.800 So here's what I wrote down.

00:03:18.360 We've got over 100 million podcast downloads

00:03:21.260 in that 10 years.

00:03:22.580 That number, as I wrote it out,

00:03:24.280 100 and then 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0, 0.

00:03:28.640 That's a big number.

00:03:30.360 The amount of times people have listened to us.

00:03:33.640 Why?

00:03:34.060 I still have not figured it out,

00:03:35.640 but apparently a lot of people do.

00:03:38.540 Nearly 1,600 podcasts that we've done.

00:03:42.180 And a third of those is obviously the interviews.

00:03:45.840 And then about a third of those is you and me.

00:03:48.520 So that's pretty wild to think about.

00:03:50.460 We're probably on, what, 400, I think?

00:03:52.500 420 or 450 with you and me?

00:03:54.320 Yeah, we're in the high 300s, yeah.

00:03:56.360 Yeah, yeah.

00:03:58.860 Literally millions of men at this point.

00:04:00.740 If you look at our social media profiles

00:04:02.300 and you look at the amount of people

00:04:03.500 that have come to our events

00:04:04.580 and participated in the Iron Council,

00:04:07.420 literally millions of people have been impacted,

00:04:09.940 hopefully positively, by our message.

00:04:13.000 The other thing I wrote down here

00:04:14.440 is about two years ago,

00:04:15.920 even just nearly driving this movement

00:04:17.700 into the ground by making stupid decisions.

00:04:20.640 You know, that's a thing that I had to overcome,

00:04:23.820 which is wild to think

00:04:24.860 because those types of things

00:04:26.440 can cripple an organization,

00:04:28.340 can cripple a movement.

00:04:30.140 And we're able to bounce back

00:04:32.120 relatively well from that.

00:04:34.520 Dozens and dozens of events at this point.

00:04:36.500 We've got another event coming up.

00:04:37.880 And this is the thing that I think

00:04:39.200 was most important as I thought about

00:04:40.900 all the statistics and numbers,

00:04:42.860 that none of that really matters.

00:04:44.320 The only thing that matters is one,

00:04:48.080 the number one.

00:04:49.200 And that number one represents

00:04:51.400 the one man who's listening to me

00:04:53.680 talk about this right now.

00:04:55.840 That's it.

00:04:56.900 That's the only person that matters

00:04:58.860 is that if whoever's listening right now

00:05:01.580 hears what we're saying

00:05:02.780 and they rebuild their marriage

00:05:05.600 or they lose weight

00:05:07.760 or they participate in some physical fitness event

00:05:10.120 or they muster up the courage and fortitude

00:05:13.200 to go ask their boss for a raise

00:05:14.880 or to start a business

00:05:16.020 or take on a new project,

00:05:18.380 reconnect with estranged kids,

00:05:21.320 get their health in check,

00:05:23.020 getting a raise,

00:05:23.960 making more money,

00:05:24.860 paying off debt.

00:05:26.400 It is limitless on what a guy can do

00:05:29.220 when he has the power of a brotherhood

00:05:31.240 and tools.

00:05:33.960 That's all we need.

00:05:35.260 We need, I mean,

00:05:35.960 that's a tale as old as time

00:05:38.380 that a man needs a guy next to him to help

00:05:40.540 and he needs some tools

00:05:41.900 to make life a whole lot better

00:05:43.980 and more efficient.

00:05:45.140 The tools have changed

00:05:46.280 over tens of thousands of years,

00:05:47.800 but that remains the same.

00:05:49.820 So it's pretty exciting,

00:05:51.300 you know,

00:05:51.540 and I know that we've helped millions,

00:05:53.180 but really what matters is

00:05:54.320 the one guy who's hearing this right now

00:05:56.620 and what's he doing with his life

00:05:58.900 as a result of hopefully

00:06:00.360 some of the message

00:06:01.020 we've been able to share.

00:06:02.300 Yeah, it's such a powerful message.

00:06:04.280 In fact, it's really great

00:06:06.180 that you brought this up,

00:06:07.280 you know,

00:06:08.100 in church yesterday,

00:06:09.800 someone was sharing a story

00:06:10.840 about all these starfish

00:06:13.460 that got washed up on the beach, right?

00:06:15.420 And there's thousands

00:06:16.260 and thousands of them, right?

00:06:18.080 And they're dying, right?

00:06:19.660 Because of some weird current thing

00:06:21.440 that, you know what I mean?

00:06:22.580 That they're all beached up.

00:06:24.560 And the story is

00:06:25.820 that this little girl's out there

00:06:27.120 picking them up one at a time

00:06:29.200 and chucking them, right?

00:06:31.600 And an adult goes over to her

00:06:33.000 and says,

00:06:33.480 what are you doing?

00:06:34.340 And you can't help,

00:06:35.300 but you're not going to make a difference, right?

00:06:38.380 You can't put them all back in the water.

00:06:41.440 And she goes,

00:06:42.240 and she grabs one,

00:06:43.100 she chucks and goes, 1.00

00:06:44.260 made a difference for that one, right?

00:06:47.420 And it's like,

00:06:48.460 exactly.

00:06:49.560 That's how this works, you know?

00:06:51.460 It's sometimes we can get overwhelmed

00:06:53.420 looking at the broader thing

00:06:55.600 and lose sight

00:06:57.160 that it's really in the service of the one,

00:06:58.920 right?

00:06:59.700 That really makes the difference.

00:07:01.340 So I love that.

00:07:03.260 Well, and that's why it's really cool

00:07:04.340 that we do these AMAs as well

00:07:06.280 is because when we get the questions

00:07:07.680 from guys on our various social media platforms,

00:07:09.840 we can see that these are men

00:07:11.220 who are deeply vested in what we're doing

00:07:12.940 and deeply vested in figuring out

00:07:15.240 what they can do

00:07:16.100 to improve their own lives.

00:07:17.800 So it's flattering and humbling

00:07:20.460 that people ask us questions.

00:07:22.440 We don't get them all right.

00:07:24.420 My track record's a little better than yours,

00:07:26.300 I think.

00:07:26.820 That was a statistic I looked up as well.

00:07:28.580 So I'm right about 80%.

00:07:30.360 You're about 72% of the time.

00:07:32.420 Got it.

00:07:32.760 I just need another 400 episodes

00:07:34.740 for my questions to start getting better

00:07:36.840 or my answers to get better, yeah.

00:07:39.640 So anyways, I was just, man, 10 years.

00:07:43.540 That's, I remember when I started March 15th, 2015

00:07:46.700 and doing a podcast, starting a website,

00:07:50.740 going around and meeting people

00:07:52.520 at different conferences and events

00:07:54.520 and to see it morph in some ways pretty quickly

00:07:58.680 and other ways pretty gradually

00:07:59.880 and how we continue to evolve

00:08:01.820 and adapt based on market trends

00:08:03.740 and the message always stays the same,

00:08:06.160 but the way we deliver it,

00:08:07.160 again, the tools are different

00:08:08.300 and it's wild to think about

00:08:10.160 what's happened over the past 10 years.

00:08:12.140 Totally.

00:08:12.860 Well, and what's great is,

00:08:14.460 I mean, those numbers are cool.

00:08:15.740 Don't get me wrong.

00:08:16.540 They're awesome, right?

00:08:17.860 But I'm assuming those numbers don't mean much

00:08:20.880 in comparison to when you get a private message

00:08:24.340 from someone that is a breakthrough in their life

00:08:28.480 and they're showing up better at home

00:08:31.100 as a father or as a husband

00:08:33.280 or, you know, as a community member.

00:08:36.100 I mean, that's everything.

00:08:39.200 Yeah, I mean, some of the things that I've heard,

00:08:40.720 even in the struggles that I've had,

00:08:42.120 you know, the fact that people have opened up

00:08:44.340 about their own alcohol abuse

00:08:46.260 or their own breakdowns of their marriages

00:08:50.000 or their own medical problems,

00:08:52.440 like that's when it really hits you

00:08:53.780 is that you see people who are really struggling.

00:08:56.680 I mean, deeply, deeply struggling.

00:08:58.900 And I feel bad for myself on certain days

00:09:00.960 for certain things.

00:09:02.080 And then I hear from some of the guys,

00:09:03.540 I'm like, oh man.

00:09:06.440 In some cases, I've dealt with it.

00:09:08.180 In other cases, I haven't.

00:09:09.440 But man, there's a lot of guys who are really hurting.

00:09:12.260 So if we can serve them, that's a good thing.

00:09:14.340 And it renews what we're doing here,

00:09:15.960 right, and why it's so important.

00:09:17.380 Right, for sure.

00:09:18.240 Yeah, absolutely.

00:09:19.160 Well, cool, man.

00:09:19.540 Well, let's get into some questions today.

00:09:21.460 Yeah, so we're gonna field questions

00:09:23.000 from the Graham.

00:09:25.560 If you're not following Ryan over there,

00:09:28.100 that's at Ryan Mickler on Instagram.

00:09:31.700 Welp, 75, 76.

00:09:34.400 I find it difficult to rest.

00:09:36.740 There's always more to do.

00:09:38.400 I often find it difficult to stop

00:09:40.240 and actually rest and enjoy.

00:09:42.280 I always have the feeling that more can be done.

00:09:44.740 Any tips or tricks on how to stop

00:09:48.160 and enjoy a few minutes each day?

00:09:52.160 Well, I don't actually like the concept of resting.

00:09:56.200 That concept doesn't resonate with me.

00:09:58.500 And I think it probably doesn't resonate with,

00:10:00.920 was it Chris?

00:10:01.960 Is that who you said?

00:10:03.440 Welp, 75, 76.

00:10:05.360 Oh, for some reason, I was thinking Chris.

00:10:07.980 Could be Chris.

00:10:08.540 It probably, clearly it does.

00:10:10.540 It is, it's gotta be Chris.

00:10:12.120 Yeah.

00:10:13.000 It probably doesn't resonate with him either,

00:10:15.280 which is why he's having such a hard time doing that.

00:10:17.780 I think, when I think of rest,

00:10:19.720 I just think of plopping my fat butt on the couch

00:10:22.420 and then watching the college game for four hours.

00:10:25.880 And what kind of man worth his weight

00:10:30.320 is interested in just lounging around for hours and hours

00:10:33.520 while he eats chips and salsa and Cheetos

00:10:36.300 or whatever his snack of drinking a six pack of beer.

00:10:40.180 Like, of course you don't resonate with that.

00:10:43.880 So in the fitness and health world,

00:10:48.120 there's the concept of active recovery.

00:10:51.180 And active recovery resonates more deeply with me.

00:10:54.560 So let me give you an example.

00:10:56.560 Sunday, yesterday, as of this recording,

00:10:59.280 I wasn't working.

00:11:01.240 You know, I might've checked some emails

00:11:02.520 and sent some messages out and things like that,

00:11:04.680 but I'm not working.

00:11:06.300 But I still got up in the morning

00:11:08.320 and I went for a run Sunday morning

00:11:10.380 and did some stuff around the house.

00:11:13.660 We did some store orders with my son.

00:11:15.680 And then later that afternoon, I took all my kids

00:11:18.260 and we ran down to the park

00:11:19.920 and we played at the park for an hour or whatever it was.

00:11:22.920 And then we ran home from there.

00:11:24.860 So like we were doing things.

00:11:26.400 And then yesterday afternoon,

00:11:27.760 we made personal pizzas

00:11:30.580 because we have a little pizza oven that we use.

00:11:33.260 And so we did that as a family, made our own pizzas.

00:11:35.840 And then later that night,

00:11:36.960 we all went outside

00:11:37.800 and we were playing basketball together.

00:11:40.020 So there's no rest in that.

00:11:43.120 Like we weren't lounging around doing nothing,

00:11:45.040 but it was a change of pace.

00:11:46.400 It was a change of scenery.

00:11:47.360 And it was different than what we would normally

00:11:50.660 and traditionally do throughout the day.

00:11:53.080 So I would focus more on that.

00:11:55.800 Instead of saying, I'm gonna go rest,

00:11:58.140 maybe go take your wife to dinner.

00:12:00.420 And that's a time that you can actually recharge

00:12:02.540 and rejuvenate and recover,

00:12:04.100 but you're still being productive

00:12:05.360 towards something that's important to you.

00:12:07.860 Or with your kids,

00:12:09.300 instead of maybe you're wiped out physically

00:12:12.900 from your workout this morning,

00:12:14.580 cool, we'll go color with your kids

00:12:16.780 or go do some Legos with them

00:12:18.680 or have one of them cook dinner with you.

00:12:21.200 There's so many different things that you can do

00:12:22.980 that I think are what I would consider active recovery

00:12:25.900 versus being lazy.

00:12:29.220 And I think you're equating rest with laziness.

00:12:32.680 Yeah, well, and he said,

00:12:34.180 stop and actually rest and enjoy.

00:12:37.720 And what I just thought,

00:12:40.380 some of this is our mindset of the thing

00:12:43.460 that we're doing, right?

00:12:45.400 Like enjoy could be active enjoyment

00:12:48.660 because instead of the mindset of

00:12:51.400 this has got to get done,

00:12:53.140 like this mindset that something's wrong

00:12:55.580 and you have the mindset of like,

00:12:57.720 oh, well, we get to do this thing

00:12:59.760 that I never get a chance to do.

00:13:01.560 And it's enjoyable.

00:13:03.140 And don't like beat yourself up

00:13:06.140 so much about it getting done

00:13:07.840 and moving on to the next thing.

00:13:08.940 Maybe just, it's about presence in it.

00:13:11.740 I actually have a great example of this.

00:13:13.720 On Saturday, the wife and the girls

00:13:16.320 were off doing some dance competitions.

00:13:18.760 Me and the little guy were at the house.

00:13:20.740 And of course, the minute mom leaves the home,

00:13:22.980 I go into like,

00:13:24.220 let's deep clean the home, you know, mode, right?

00:13:28.360 And I could have kept that mindset

00:13:31.640 and got a clean house

00:13:34.220 and probably have it be miserable for both of us.

00:13:39.680 And at the end of the day, I would have felt okay.

00:13:41.600 Like I would have felt good that it got done.

00:13:43.640 I don't know how he would have felt.

00:13:45.780 Right.

00:13:46.200 That was option one.

00:13:47.400 Option two though, is I went,

00:13:49.320 hey buddy, let's clean your room. 0.82

00:13:50.680 Oh, I don't want to.

00:13:51.800 It's too messy.

00:13:52.820 I'm like, oh, it's all right.

00:13:53.980 Let's just work on it a little bit.

00:13:56.880 I stayed in his room all Saturday for the most part,

00:14:02.920 picking up toys, reorganizing,

00:14:05.340 giving away some toys in like a giveaway basket.

00:14:08.300 Like, and what's funny is at one point I said,

00:14:11.800 hey, let's stop and go get yogurt.

00:14:13.460 And he was, yeah, but we got to hurry

00:14:15.780 because let's finish our room, right?

00:14:18.220 Like it was fun.

00:14:20.780 He was all about it.

00:14:21.860 Why?

00:14:22.140 Because I was all about being present with him

00:14:25.200 and doing it.

00:14:26.100 It wasn't about the task getting done.

00:14:28.400 It was about doing it with him,

00:14:30.400 which changed the way I did that.

00:14:34.060 And so sometimes it's our mindset around the work

00:14:38.380 that is what needs to happen for us to have the enjoyment

00:14:41.680 that you're looking for.

00:14:43.620 And it's the mindset shift, not the reduction of effort.

00:14:48.860 Right.

00:14:49.460 Yeah, I mean, I actually have an example

00:14:52.280 that relates to you a little bit.

00:14:53.780 You got me these ammo cans,

00:14:55.400 these stackable ammo cans as a gift.

00:14:58.600 And so they've just been sitting there.

00:14:59.860 I'm like, oh, I need to do something with these.

00:15:01.480 And so we're kind of just sitting around yesterday.

00:15:03.720 We got done from the park

00:15:05.300 and everybody's kind of like just laying around,

00:15:07.720 not really active with anything.

00:15:09.500 And I'm like, you know,

00:15:11.080 I really want to spend some time with my youngest.

00:15:14.240 And so I brought the ammo cans and I set it down.

00:15:17.140 I'm like, hey man, do you want to help me?

00:15:18.340 He's like, what are we doing?

00:15:19.280 I'm like, I got to take the ammo out of these boxes

00:15:21.920 and organize them.

00:15:23.620 And then we got to put it in these ammo cans.

00:15:25.220 He's like, okay.

00:15:26.000 So we started doing it

00:15:27.020 and we were just talking and laughing.

00:15:29.700 And we got pouring them in, dumping them in.

00:15:32.160 And he's like, dad, this is really fun.

00:15:34.760 And me, I'm over here like, this is a task.

00:15:36.980 Like, this is not fun.

00:15:38.160 But it made it fun because to your point,

00:15:40.900 we were doing it together.

00:15:42.460 So not only is it the mindset around it,

00:15:44.780 but it's also that with kids in particular,

00:15:48.600 it really doesn't matter what you're doing.

00:15:50.280 They don't even care what you're doing

00:15:51.560 as long as you're present and available.

00:15:54.760 Now I will say this, Kip,

00:15:55.840 and you've talked about this at length before too.

00:15:58.560 How do you get present?

00:15:59.980 Well, one way is you just make a choice to be present

00:16:02.660 and to eliminate distractions.

00:16:04.840 The other way that I really want to hone in on

00:16:06.820 is kick ass when you're supposed to be kicking ass. 0.98

00:16:10.120 Yeah, so you can be present when you're not.

00:16:13.100 Right, because I've noticed I've got this,

00:16:15.800 you know, this is our battle planner here

00:16:17.160 and I use this thing every day

00:16:18.440 and I'm effective to varying degrees on a daily basis.

00:16:22.020 And I know that I'm going to be a much better father

00:16:24.680 at home with my kids

00:16:25.860 when I knocked it out of the park with this during the day.

00:16:30.760 So if you're dinking around at work

00:16:32.760 and you're taking too long

00:16:34.080 and you're not making your calls

00:16:35.380 and you didn't finish your project

00:16:36.660 and you're procrastinating,

00:16:37.940 then of course you're going to get home

00:16:40.560 and you're not going to be able to enjoy

00:16:42.760 and your mind's going to be all over the place

00:16:45.160 and you're going to be thinking about

00:16:46.160 what happens tomorrow.

00:16:47.400 I see this with debt too.

00:16:49.560 Guys will buy like 90, $100,000 trucks

00:16:52.920 and they'll have an eight, $900,000 truck payment

00:16:56.660 and they're like,

00:16:57.680 why am I always so stressed out?

00:16:59.960 Dude, you're driving around a mortgage payment

00:17:02.320 that's not going to be paid off for seven years.

00:17:05.320 I'd be stressed out too.

00:17:07.320 And so every once in a while,

00:17:08.440 somebody will say something about my truck.

00:17:10.020 It's older.

00:17:10.560 It's like eight or nine years.

00:17:11.480 I don't even, I think it's 10 years old now.

00:17:13.120 It is, it's 10 years old.

00:17:15.100 And, you know, people occasionally like might say,

00:17:18.660 oh, are you going to get a new truck?

00:17:19.680 And I'm like, you mean a new headache?

00:17:22.280 No, I'm not interested in getting a new headache.

00:17:25.800 Like I pull up to the gym

00:17:27.400 and I see some really nice trucks

00:17:29.180 and I get a little envious at times.

00:17:30.680 I'm like, ooh, I like that truck.

00:17:31.840 I don't like the headache that comes with it.

00:17:34.740 So clear your mind, clear your plate,

00:17:37.920 get rid of distractions and then kick butt 0.93

00:17:40.380 when you are supposed to be doing that.

00:17:42.780 So when you're not, you're covered.

00:17:45.440 You're squared away.

00:17:46.740 Next time someone asks you about the truck,

00:17:49.600 you just say, this new thing?

00:17:51.580 You should see the old Toyota.

00:17:54.300 Exactly.

00:17:54.760 I remember the old Toyota.

00:17:56.100 And the 76 Scout.

00:17:56.600 Yeah, yeah.

00:17:58.900 So I've got a 2015, a 1999 and a 1976.

00:18:03.800 And I don't plan on upgrading

00:18:05.100 any three of those vehicles anytime soon.

00:18:07.220 Dude, I mean, there's something to be said.

00:18:09.100 I mean, we could go on a whole rat hole

00:18:10.540 of just somebody to be said

00:18:11.800 about where you put your energy, man, right?

00:18:13.960 Like the most extreme version of this

00:18:16.140 is the house off the lake.

00:18:21.940 When we first bought that property,

00:18:23.580 there's a single white trailer on there.

00:18:25.160 And that single-ride trailer, in hindsight,

00:18:29.820 that was really fun.

00:18:30.840 Probably should have just left it.

00:18:31.760 Yeah.

00:18:32.360 It was awesome.

00:18:33.500 No doubt.

00:18:33.720 Like kids soaking wet, jumping on the couch.

00:18:36.620 I'm like, I don't give a crack.

00:18:38.140 And you didn't care?

00:18:38.700 Yeah.

00:18:39.200 It was super chill.

00:18:40.960 And I'm like, what happened to all the chill?

00:18:42.820 Like we just made more work, more stress.

00:18:45.400 Like by having nice things, I'm like, I don't know.

00:18:48.680 I'm thinking you should have just kept

00:18:50.740 the trailer sometimes.

00:18:51.800 I mean, that's actually a good point

00:18:54.780 because as they say, the things you own, own you.

00:18:58.300 And when we buy new things,

00:19:00.080 whether it's a house or a vehicle or a pet,

00:19:05.120 you think, oh, this is going to be amazing.

00:19:06.640 And then all of a sudden with a pet,

00:19:07.900 you're like, oh, I have to clean up its poop. 0.96

00:19:09.380 And then I need to feed it.

00:19:10.400 And then I got to pay to get it neutered. 0.95

00:19:11.660 And then I got to groom it.

00:19:13.640 And it's like, oh my God.

00:19:14.980 It's energy.

00:19:16.160 Yeah.

00:19:16.540 It's just energy that could be focused on so many.

00:19:19.580 And maybe that's where you want to focus your energy.

00:19:21.540 That's fine.

00:19:22.500 But just be intentional about where it's going.

00:19:25.060 Yeah, absolutely.

00:19:26.580 All right.

00:19:26.960 Brent Matthews, any chance you can address

00:19:30.300 the difficulty of pain, suffering, and grief

00:19:33.820 and how to walk through that,

00:19:36.660 specifically pertaining to a divorce would be great.

00:19:39.800 Oh, yeah.

00:19:42.320 I mean, that's, both of us have experienced that, Kip.

00:19:45.040 And that is obviously a painful thing.

00:19:48.020 One thing I would say is just be aware

00:19:50.000 that it will dissipate over time

00:19:52.180 if you do the right things.

00:19:53.340 If you got hung up on the wrong things

00:19:56.000 and you're not doing your own personal work.

00:19:58.580 And I've been there at moments

00:19:59.680 throughout the process where I wasn't.

00:20:02.740 And it's not any surprise to me

00:20:04.540 that that's when I was feeling the most down

00:20:06.860 or the most contentious

00:20:08.100 or fill in the blank with those types of emotions.

00:20:12.040 But yeah, I think just sit in it,

00:20:14.880 mourning it, realize.

00:20:16.320 I think coming to the conclusion

00:20:17.620 that it's over is a pivotal moment.

00:20:19.320 That's a really hard moment to come to.

00:20:21.740 Yeah.

00:20:22.820 Like it's not coming back.

00:20:24.240 But when you do.

00:20:24.800 Just a real acceptance that it is over.

00:20:27.980 Yeah.

00:20:28.660 Yeah.

00:20:29.020 You can't move on until you get to that point.

00:20:32.820 And I've, well, you've talked about this

00:20:35.080 and I'm not going to put words in your mouth,

00:20:36.560 but I think based on what I've heard you say

00:20:38.900 is that when you finally just said,

00:20:41.180 no, we're done,

00:20:42.400 is actually when you were able to move on

00:20:45.180 physically, mentally, emotionally,

00:20:47.020 and move into a new and better chapter of your life.

00:20:50.060 And it actually will be a better chapter of your life.

00:20:52.380 That's the really hard thing to recognize

00:20:55.160 when you're in pain

00:20:56.660 is you might think,

00:20:58.920 well, I'm going to lose my family.

00:21:01.680 I'm going to lose financial assets.

00:21:05.100 I'm never going to find another woman like this.

00:21:07.640 Like all the things that you're probably saying

00:21:09.560 and they're things that I said too.

00:21:11.420 And then you get better

00:21:13.140 and you improve

00:21:14.240 and you meet somebody new

00:21:15.740 and life has a way of just getting better.

00:21:19.040 There was a image that I saw,

00:21:22.340 I think just yesterday

00:21:23.340 and it was three jars

00:21:26.000 and all three jars were the same size.

00:21:28.860 And there was this black ball in the middle

00:21:31.840 and the black ball was pain and suffering and grief.

00:21:34.920 And the traditional logic goes that over time,

00:21:38.280 that black ball is supposed to just gradually like diminish

00:21:41.800 and go away over time.

00:21:43.020 But the jars,

00:21:43.980 which is your capability to deal with it,

00:21:45.720 stay the same,

00:21:47.220 but that's not accurate.

00:21:48.120 And so the second picture was the same size ball,

00:21:51.880 but the jars got bigger.

00:21:54.760 And so there was the regular size jar,

00:21:57.240 then a medium,

00:21:57.780 then then a large size jar.

00:21:59.180 So relative to the pain,

00:22:01.080 you were able to handle it

00:22:02.340 and deal with it more effectively.

00:22:03.980 And I've found that to be true for me

00:22:05.760 is that there are moments

00:22:07.400 that I still feel a loss

00:22:09.900 or sadness or guilt and grief,

00:22:13.360 of course.

00:22:14.480 But those,

00:22:15.860 even though it might always be present,

00:22:17.360 I can deal with it

00:22:18.940 because I know I've learned lessons.

00:22:20.760 I know that I'm in a much better space

00:22:22.820 emotionally,

00:22:23.820 physically.

00:22:25.280 I have a great,

00:22:27.460 way better relationship

00:22:28.560 with my children

00:22:29.700 than I did before.

00:22:31.020 So the jar is expanding.

00:22:32.920 And that just takes time,

00:22:34.440 unfortunately,

00:22:35.240 but it will.

00:22:36.300 I would just say,

00:22:37.240 surround yourself with good people,

00:22:39.200 do good things.

00:22:40.440 The battle plan

00:22:41.160 is a really good resource for that.

00:22:42.900 And then also,

00:22:44.480 our brotherhood,

00:22:46.100 the Iron Council.

00:22:47.200 You know,

00:22:47.380 there's so many guys

00:22:48.500 in the Iron Council

00:22:49.360 who have or are

00:22:51.060 going through a divorce

00:22:51.940 or a separation right now.

00:22:53.640 And if you can be around

00:22:54.940 good people

00:22:55.760 who want the best for you,

00:22:58.200 who are or have experienced

00:22:59.500 what you're dealing with

00:23:00.420 and have tools

00:23:01.660 and information

00:23:02.260 to help you overcome it,

00:23:03.960 I promise you,

00:23:04.960 it is going to expedite

00:23:07.200 the process of recovery for you.

00:23:09.640 Yeah.

00:23:10.080 Well,

00:23:10.540 and it's so valuable.

00:23:11.840 Like,

00:23:11.980 even,

00:23:12.580 like,

00:23:12.860 I got a call,

00:23:13.940 you know,

00:23:14.220 I got a text

00:23:14.960 on Friday afternoon,

00:23:16.500 right?

00:23:17.280 We have an Iron Council call.

00:23:19.060 I get a text saying,

00:23:20.000 hey, Kip,

00:23:20.580 you know,

00:23:20.860 something came up on that call

00:23:22.060 that I really want to ask you about.

00:23:24.280 Have a call on Saturday.

00:23:25.760 Talk through it.

00:23:27.220 That's not uncommon

00:23:28.260 in the IC

00:23:29.940 where guys are like,

00:23:31.900 hey,

00:23:32.300 do you have 15 minutes,

00:23:34.040 right?

00:23:34.300 I can't count how many times

00:23:35.440 I've talked with Dom,

00:23:36.640 you know,

00:23:36.980 on the weekend

00:23:37.600 or something like that

00:23:39.000 and guys do that

00:23:40.240 for one another

00:23:41.040 within the Iron Council

00:23:42.860 and it's so valuable

00:23:44.240 and I actually,

00:23:46.680 in fact,

00:23:47.960 Iron Council is open

00:23:49.540 for enrollment

00:23:51.440 and we have a preview call

00:23:53.800 tonight.

00:23:55.180 Tonight,

00:23:55.800 yeah.

00:23:55.940 At the release of this call

00:23:57.420 so if you kind of want to see,

00:23:59.260 like,

00:23:59.800 what's it about

00:24:00.660 and even come prepared

00:24:01.900 with questions,

00:24:02.600 right,

00:24:02.840 Ryan,

00:24:03.100 on that preview call,

00:24:04.020 like,

00:24:04.240 if you're kind of curious

00:24:05.260 and you don't get your questions

00:24:07.020 answered on that preview call,

00:24:09.300 come prepared

00:24:09.980 with those questions

00:24:10.880 and get them addressed

00:24:12.440 and get some insights

00:24:13.740 in regards to what we're doing there

00:24:15.120 to see if there's alignment

00:24:16.460 around what you're looking for

00:24:19.200 and what we do.

00:24:21.520 Well,

00:24:21.760 even this question

00:24:23.180 is something

00:24:23.680 that would be great

00:24:24.280 to bring to that preview call

00:24:25.560 is,

00:24:26.340 hey,

00:24:26.520 how will this brotherhood

00:24:28.300 help me?

00:24:29.360 Help me

00:24:30.160 and how,

00:24:31.600 and here's another part to this.

00:24:33.560 This is part of the answer too.

00:24:35.620 How can I help other people

00:24:37.300 who will experience this

00:24:38.560 after I do?

00:24:39.940 That's actually one of the moments

00:24:41.300 that I came to is,

00:24:43.080 man,

00:24:43.340 I can actually help people better.

00:24:45.640 I'm not,

00:24:46.000 I don't,

00:24:46.640 I still don't wish

00:24:47.580 it would have happened

00:24:48.320 but I can actually help people better

00:24:50.860 because I've gone through it.

00:24:52.060 I can actually

00:24:52.800 give people

00:24:54.660 credible insight

00:24:56.180 to navigating a divorce,

00:24:58.600 credible insight

00:24:59.400 to overcoming alcohol addiction.

00:25:01.580 I couldn't do that before.

00:25:02.860 All I had was theories

00:25:04.320 and anecdotes

00:25:05.020 and now I have

00:25:06.240 real world practical applications.

00:25:08.080 So,

00:25:08.640 if you can then

00:25:09.360 take that knowledge

00:25:10.240 and the experience

00:25:10.940 that you have over time

00:25:12.000 and begin to serve other people,

00:25:14.340 you'll start to feel like

00:25:15.580 this isn't a horrible thing

00:25:17.540 but it's something

00:25:18.880 that is empowering me

00:25:19.840 and other people.

00:25:21.400 Yeah.

00:25:21.760 So that call

00:25:22.720 tonight,

00:25:24.060 if you're listening to this

00:25:25.020 on the release

00:25:25.660 of this podcast,

00:25:27.820 tonight,

00:25:28.540 5 p.m.

00:25:29.460 Eastern,

00:25:30.900 the Iron Council.

00:25:31.780 8 p.m. Eastern.

00:25:33.240 Sorry.

00:25:34.020 8 p.m. Eastern,

00:25:35.120 theironcouncil.com

00:25:36.860 slash preview.

00:25:39.500 theironcouncil.com

00:25:40.540 slash preview.

00:25:41.620 One thing about this,

00:25:43.220 Ryan,

00:25:43.680 and I don't,

00:25:44.960 you know,

00:25:45.200 some guys,

00:25:46.180 I think,

00:25:46.700 some people listening

00:25:47.600 to Brent's question,

00:25:49.620 you know,

00:25:49.920 they hear,

00:25:50.980 you know,

00:25:51.340 be present with it

00:25:52.700 and we might be overlooking,

00:25:54.720 I think,

00:25:55.300 a mindset shift

00:25:56.820 that I think

00:25:57.520 is at the root of this

00:25:58.680 and we talked about

00:26:00.520 it a little bit

00:26:01.260 with dealing with it,

00:26:02.960 accepting it.

00:26:03.760 That's really in that space

00:26:05.840 of letting go

00:26:07.440 of the expectation

00:26:08.440 and dealing in reality

00:26:09.700 and so I kind of like

00:26:11.080 these four steps

00:26:12.380 that I always use

00:26:13.420 around taking ownership

00:26:16.760 or moving to action

00:26:18.440 and I want to be

00:26:20.480 really clear,

00:26:21.300 the opposite of moving

00:26:22.440 to reaction

00:26:23.240 or moving to action

00:26:24.500 and dealing in reality

00:26:25.500 is choosing

00:26:27.920 to be a victim.

00:26:29.220 That this thing

00:26:30.480 outside of my control,

00:26:31.820 this past

00:26:32.620 outside of my control now

00:26:34.280 is dictating

00:26:35.420 how I show up today

00:26:36.540 and I have reasons

00:26:39.300 and excuses

00:26:40.080 and it's,

00:26:41.460 I might be even

00:26:42.360 allocating blame

00:26:43.260 towards someone else.

00:26:44.400 As long as you maintain

00:26:46.040 that way

00:26:47.440 of seeing the world,

00:26:48.900 you will be disempowered

00:26:51.080 because there's nothing

00:26:53.600 in your realm of control

00:26:54.860 for you to work on

00:26:56.220 and if I don't take

00:26:58.400 any responsibility

00:26:59.240 for my role in it,

00:27:00.300 what do I not do?

00:27:01.640 I don't learn

00:27:02.860 and if I don't learn,

00:27:04.260 I don't have

00:27:04.660 a healthy relationship

00:27:05.640 with this hardship,

00:27:07.680 this suffering

00:27:08.180 and this pain.

00:27:08.980 If I learn from it,

00:27:10.900 now I can do something

00:27:12.940 with it, right?

00:27:14.020 And I can move forward

00:27:15.280 and become a better person.

00:27:16.600 So this is at the root

00:27:17.980 of growth

00:27:18.760 but the steps

00:27:20.220 I would like to suggest here

00:27:21.720 is one,

00:27:22.920 you deal in reality.

00:27:24.020 What is so?

00:27:25.940 Right?

00:27:27.220 I am in debt

00:27:28.660 or I don't have this money.

00:27:30.100 Okay, got it.

00:27:30.760 That is the case

00:27:31.520 or guess what?

00:27:32.560 It's over.

00:27:33.140 She doesn't want to be with you. 1.00

00:27:34.720 It's done.

00:27:35.980 Okay, great.

00:27:37.160 Can I say one thing

00:27:38.440 on that one?

00:27:39.560 And with that,

00:27:41.000 dealing in reality,

00:27:42.180 it's just data.

00:27:44.000 That's what I would say

00:27:44.800 to somebody.

00:27:45.380 Not what it means.

00:27:46.280 Yep, exactly.

00:27:47.080 Yeah, a lot of,

00:27:47.900 and I don't know

00:27:48.260 if that's in the rest

00:27:48.900 of what you're going to talk about

00:27:49.740 but a lot of the times

00:27:50.600 people will deal in reality

00:27:51.720 and they're like,

00:27:52.480 she doesn't want me back

00:27:53.500 therefore I'm a loser.

00:27:54.600 No, no, no, no, no.

00:27:55.300 Nope, that's not what we're doing.

00:27:56.820 She doesn't want you back, period.

00:27:58.360 It's just data

00:27:59.420 so that you can move forward.

00:28:00.600 So keep going

00:28:01.080 because I like these models.

00:28:02.960 Okay, so deal in reality,

00:28:04.700 the facts, right?

00:28:05.880 Not your story.

00:28:07.000 Number two,

00:28:08.120 identify the areas

00:28:09.460 by which you could take responsibility

00:28:11.520 for your role in it.

00:28:14.100 And I want to be really clear.

00:28:15.580 Identify the areas

00:28:16.560 you could take responsibility.

00:28:17.540 Not take fault.

00:28:19.680 You can't take fault

00:28:20.840 for other people's actions.

00:28:22.400 So you have to get clear.

00:28:24.040 Well, it's my responsibility

00:28:25.120 the marriage failed.

00:28:25.700 No, no, that doesn't work.

00:28:27.580 Specifically,

00:28:28.700 what are you owning?

00:28:32.000 Where did you show up powerfully?

00:28:33.760 Where did you not show up powerfully?

00:28:35.360 What could you have done

00:28:36.240 a bit different?

00:28:37.300 Identify those areas.

00:28:39.360 Then you move to action

00:28:41.280 and you make things happen.

00:28:44.660 Meaning, okay, marriage is over.

00:28:47.440 There's nothing I can do about it.

00:28:48.780 Here's the nuance.

00:28:49.860 Got it.

00:28:50.240 What do I learn?

00:28:51.180 Where did I fail?

00:28:52.640 And then you're like,

00:28:53.540 now what am I going to do

00:28:55.180 about it moving forward?

00:28:56.940 How do I ensure

00:28:58.080 that I don't get divorced again?

00:29:00.040 How do I ensure

00:29:01.000 that I show up as a better man

00:29:02.820 than I did in the past?

00:29:04.400 How do I make sure

00:29:05.680 that I'm a better version of myself

00:29:07.900 for having gone through this pain

00:29:12.300 and suffering and grief?

00:29:14.740 And you make it happen

00:29:15.520 and you take action.

00:29:16.920 Did I miss a fourth one?

00:29:20.300 I have deal in reality,

00:29:21.440 identify responsibility,

00:29:23.380 move to action.

00:29:24.980 Yeah, sorry.

00:29:26.140 I'm not very good at these

00:29:27.060 as much as you are.

00:29:27.860 So deal in reality,

00:29:28.920 take responsibility.

00:29:29.800 You're not good at counting

00:29:30.820 from one to four?

00:29:31.940 I don't know what you're saying.

00:29:32.840 Well, you always shoot

00:29:33.960 from the hip here

00:29:34.860 and I lose sight of my counting midway.

00:29:38.780 So deal in reality,

00:29:40.800 take responsibility,

00:29:42.980 find a solution,

00:29:44.060 determine what you're going to do about it

00:29:46.500 and then move to action.

00:29:47.940 And then you take action.

00:29:48.280 Like make it happen.

00:29:49.000 Yeah.

00:29:49.520 Because sometimes we'll be like,

00:29:50.640 oh, I'm going to do this

00:29:51.500 and then we don't take action.

00:29:53.560 That doesn't help us either.

00:29:55.280 Well, I like the thing

00:29:57.040 where you made the distinction

00:29:58.300 between finding a solution

00:29:59.520 and taking action

00:30:00.280 because a lot of the times

00:30:02.180 when we're in these

00:30:03.340 fight or flight survival modes,

00:30:06.440 it's like just throw everything

00:30:08.700 at the wall

00:30:09.200 and see what sticks

00:30:10.060 and it becomes exhausting

00:30:11.780 and quite frankly,

00:30:13.380 you could actually make

00:30:14.680 the situation worse

00:30:15.920 because you're acting out of emotion

00:30:18.900 versus the logical response to it.

00:30:22.180 So that's why I like

00:30:23.240 finding a solution means,

00:30:24.980 okay, let me,

00:30:25.740 here's my responsibility.

00:30:27.260 What are my options here?

00:30:28.980 You know, if it's infidelity,

00:30:30.960 then deal with that.

00:30:31.760 If it's substance abuse,

00:30:33.120 okay, deal with that.

00:30:33.980 If it's anger issues,

00:30:36.580 okay, deal with that.

00:30:37.740 Like there's things

00:30:38.440 that you need to figure out

00:30:39.620 what is happening

00:30:40.560 and what is going on.

00:30:41.440 This is way better

00:30:42.120 because my answer was

00:30:43.060 make yourself the project,

00:30:44.340 which holds weight,

00:30:45.600 but this is how you make yourself

00:30:47.300 the project.

00:30:48.600 Yeah.

00:30:49.340 Yeah.

00:30:50.220 Yeah.

00:30:50.540 Because otherwise it's like,

00:30:51.940 we'll just double down

00:30:52.940 on something, right?

00:30:53.820 Go on, make steps of the project.

00:30:54.880 And it's like,

00:30:55.600 actually, you probably should

00:30:57.060 identify what you did wrong

00:30:58.520 and own your part of it

00:31:00.180 so that way you're making sure

00:31:01.240 that you're learning

00:31:01.780 and growing from the situation.

00:31:03.980 Well, one way you could actually

00:31:05.640 not make it worse,

00:31:06.680 but actually work harder,

00:31:08.340 but not never address the solution

00:31:09.800 is go to the gym.

00:31:11.940 I remember Kip,

00:31:13.060 you telling me

00:31:13.620 when you went through your divorce,

00:31:15.260 you started to run.

00:31:16.580 Like you were running like crazy.

00:31:17.840 I just ran all over.

00:31:18.280 I was like forced up

00:31:19.280 running around Arizona.

00:31:20.420 Yeah.

00:31:22.300 And, you know,

00:31:23.400 for me,

00:31:23.720 I spent a lot of the time

00:31:24.640 at the gym

00:31:25.200 and the risk of doing that

00:31:27.020 is you're going to see results.

00:31:28.620 You're going to feel better

00:31:29.380 about yourself.

00:31:30.080 You're going to look better.

00:31:31.380 You're going to have more energy.

00:31:32.460 All of that's great,

00:31:34.080 but you never dealt

00:31:35.820 with any of the underlying issues

00:31:37.140 about why you're angry

00:31:38.140 or why infidelity

00:31:39.340 or why this

00:31:40.580 or why that.

00:31:41.520 Like you're never going

00:31:42.480 to address it.

00:31:43.520 Totally.

00:31:44.440 So,

00:31:45.580 I like that.

00:31:46.000 I love that.

00:31:46.400 I like that a lot.

00:31:46.880 When you said that earlier,

00:31:47.800 right,

00:31:48.120 like be present with it,

00:31:50.920 meaning don't run from it,

00:31:52.240 don't hide from it,

00:31:53.140 don't sedate yourself

00:31:54.400 from like being in it

00:31:56.840 because that's where

00:31:58.200 the learning is, right?

00:31:59.820 It is.

00:32:02.180 It's just the hardest thing to do

00:32:03.720 because, you know,

00:32:04.860 for me,

00:32:05.520 it was drinking

00:32:06.420 and that was an escape mechanism.

00:32:08.060 So,

00:32:08.380 when you're in the hardest

00:32:09.340 situation of your life,

00:32:11.040 trust me,

00:32:11.940 you are going to try

00:32:13.040 to escape from it.

00:32:14.480 Yeah.

00:32:14.640 Whether it's pain and suffering,

00:32:16.420 physical pain,

00:32:17.100 like running, you know,

00:32:18.160 and busting your ass that way, 0.99

00:32:19.940 that's physical pain.

00:32:21.000 That could be a distraction method.

00:32:23.840 Substance abuse,

00:32:24.740 obviously a distraction method.

00:32:26.200 Uh, you know,

00:32:27.580 going out and starting,

00:32:29.060 becoming a womanizer,

00:32:30.680 distraction method,

00:32:31.920 work,

00:32:32.440 distraction method,

00:32:33.960 all,

00:32:34.540 nothing inherently wrong

00:32:35.580 with any of them

00:32:36.780 unless you're using it

00:32:38.360 to avoid fixing yourself.

00:32:40.560 Yeah.

00:32:42.320 90,

00:32:43.120 uh,

00:32:43.420 970 Tyler.

00:32:45.020 He says,

00:32:45.900 what's your plans

00:32:46.720 for the rest of the year?

00:32:48.280 Um,

00:32:48.760 and then kind of

00:32:49.480 tied to that question,

00:32:50.420 he says,

00:32:50.840 as a man with summer coming up,

00:32:52.980 how are you,

00:32:53.680 how are ways

00:32:55.460 you are preparing

00:32:56.560 for this busy season?

00:32:57.980 What strategy and systems

00:32:59.380 do you apply to stay focused

00:33:00.820 and also involved in work,

00:33:02.540 activities,

00:33:03.780 socializing,

00:33:04.600 and staying engaged

00:33:05.420 in your daily routines

00:33:06.520 and focus

00:33:07.720 for your planning goals?

00:33:10.460 Yeah.

00:33:10.900 So that's,

00:33:11.900 it's a lot.

00:33:13.140 Yeah.

00:33:13.340 I mean,

00:33:13.600 we know the answer,

00:33:14.340 right?

00:33:14.540 It's the battle plan

00:33:15.300 and that's all it is.

00:33:17.080 You know,

00:33:17.660 I do have one concern

00:33:18.980 about the battle plan

00:33:19.960 and I created it

00:33:20.920 and my one concern

00:33:22.400 is with my personality,

00:33:24.920 I have an addictive personality

00:33:27.120 and I can do things,

00:33:31.460 monotonous things forever.

00:33:34.780 I,

00:33:34.980 I,

00:33:35.300 for whatever reason,

00:33:36.160 I just have the capacity

00:33:37.380 to do that.

00:33:38.400 Where I just,

00:33:39.320 when you're grinding,

00:33:40.540 you find joy

00:33:41.400 in just kind of grinding out.

00:33:43.600 It's just,

00:33:44.420 I don't even know

00:33:45.120 if it necessarily

00:33:45.780 has to be joy.

00:33:46.840 It's just,

00:33:47.360 this is what you do.

00:33:49.180 Like,

00:33:50.320 you know,

00:33:50.760 if I'm,

00:33:51.160 if I'm on a hike,

00:33:51.940 it's like,

00:33:53.300 take,

00:33:53.840 you might be in pain,

00:33:54.620 you might be just next step.

00:33:56.300 If it's 10 years

00:33:57.300 of this business,

00:33:58.160 I mean,

00:33:58.440 trust me,

00:33:58.880 there's been all sorts

00:33:59.700 of highs and lows

00:34:00.560 and everywhere in between

00:34:01.560 and I haven't missed

00:34:03.380 a single podcast

00:34:04.240 in that 10 year timeframe.

00:34:06.900 If it's going to the gym,

00:34:08.300 if it's eating,

00:34:09.000 like there's just things that,

00:34:11.120 and I don't,

00:34:11.640 I don't know

00:34:12.080 if everybody has that same,

00:34:14.600 yeah,

00:34:15.060 I don't know

00:34:15.380 if it's inherent,

00:34:16.180 if it's a personality thing,

00:34:17.420 if it's a learned thing,

00:34:18.520 it's probably a bit of both.

00:34:20.200 But my,

00:34:21.660 the one risk

00:34:22.340 in the battle plan

00:34:23.180 is that,

00:34:23.920 and this is,

00:34:24.560 goes to my answer

00:34:25.340 of this question,

00:34:27.060 most people think

00:34:29.240 it's supposed to be exciting.

00:34:31.580 And that's why

00:34:32.480 most people fail.

00:34:33.960 Yeah.

00:34:34.800 Because they think

00:34:35.640 if their life's not fun

00:34:36.940 and exciting

00:34:37.780 and enjoyable

00:34:38.760 and doing cool things

00:34:41.380 and adventurous,

00:34:42.180 and don't get me wrong,

00:34:43.180 you want some of that

00:34:44.180 in your life.

00:34:44.780 But in the absence of that,

00:34:47.180 most people believe

00:34:48.660 that I must not be doing it right.

00:34:51.240 Especially when

00:34:52.160 you're pursuing something

00:34:54.120 that might take you

00:34:55.140 a really long time

00:34:56.280 to see results.

00:34:57.520 Fitness is a great example of that.

00:34:59.560 You know,

00:34:59.780 if you're 80 pounds overweight,

00:35:01.260 you can experience

00:35:02.320 some pretty good loss

00:35:03.580 in a matter of like 30 days.

00:35:06.540 But at some point,

00:35:08.200 you're going to start

00:35:08.940 to have this law

00:35:09.920 of diminishing return

00:35:11.020 kick in

00:35:11.800 where you're not going

00:35:14.500 to see the results

00:35:15.480 as quickly as you did before,

00:35:16.800 but you still have

00:35:17.800 to go into the gym

00:35:18.580 and you still have

00:35:19.900 to eat right

00:35:20.640 and do the meal prep

00:35:21.540 and the meal planning

00:35:22.240 and all that kind of stuff.

00:35:23.920 So it's the battle plan.

00:35:26.480 Yeah.

00:35:27.600 Yeah.

00:35:28.140 It doesn't matter

00:35:28.720 what season of life it is.

00:35:30.500 That ideal

00:35:31.620 gets people so sideways,

00:35:33.640 you know,

00:35:33.880 like if you look at

00:35:35.420 even the fitness side of it,

00:35:37.720 you know,

00:35:38.180 you might see it,

00:35:39.080 let's say you see a guy,

00:35:40.420 you know,

00:35:40.760 shredded out, 0.93

00:35:41.460 you know,

00:35:42.120 below 10% body fat,

00:35:43.700 right?

00:35:43.980 And there's an emotional response

00:35:45.940 to that where you're like,

00:35:46.640 oh man,

00:35:47.180 this is how I would feel,

00:35:49.060 right?

00:35:49.740 If I was that shredded.

00:35:51.500 But the reality of it is

00:35:53.380 that guy feels like crap.

00:35:57.160 He looks good,

00:35:58.280 but he feels like crap, 0.68

00:35:59.440 right?

00:35:59.700 Like once you get below

00:36:01.420 a certain body fat,

00:36:02.320 sometimes it's really,

00:36:03.540 it's yucky.

00:36:05.680 Like you don't feel good.

00:36:07.680 You look good,

00:36:09.120 but you don't feel good.

00:36:10.420 And it's funny

00:36:11.700 is like we have

00:36:12.640 this ideal state

00:36:13.700 of how we're going

00:36:14.520 to feel

00:36:15.320 when we achieve something.

00:36:17.440 And most of us

00:36:18.440 never address that.

00:36:20.860 We go,

00:36:21.460 oh,

00:36:21.600 I want to achieve goal.

00:36:23.020 I want to achieve this goal.

00:36:24.180 But we don't go,

00:36:26.060 well,

00:36:26.200 why?

00:36:27.500 How will you feel

00:36:28.360 about yourself

00:36:28.920 when you achieve it?

00:36:29.880 What are you assuming

00:36:30.860 how you're going to feel?

00:36:32.060 What are you going to think?

00:36:34.140 Right?

00:36:34.580 And a lot of us,

00:36:35.800 right,

00:36:36.140 when we chase goals that way

00:36:37.400 and we don't get down

00:36:39.100 to the brass tacks,

00:36:40.020 sometimes we show up

00:36:41.380 and we go,

00:36:42.220 oh,

00:36:42.500 got it.

00:36:43.120 Well,

00:36:43.460 I achieved it,

00:36:44.080 but I feel empty still.

00:36:47.340 I still don't feel great.

00:36:49.700 And that's something else,

00:36:51.780 right?

00:36:52.300 And there's more

00:36:53.100 to the conversation

00:36:54.100 than just the battle plan.

00:36:56.560 And I'm totally

00:36:57.280 taking Tyler's question

00:36:58.240 way deeper

00:36:58.800 than what he intended.

00:37:00.120 But it's just fascinating

00:37:01.880 how usually

00:37:03.000 there's a difference

00:37:04.360 between the ideal state

00:37:05.980 of what we're looking for

00:37:07.160 on the backside

00:37:08.600 of goals.

00:37:10.380 Yeah.

00:37:11.480 You know,

00:37:12.000 to his question too,

00:37:13.480 there is one point

00:37:14.460 that I've considered

00:37:15.940 over the years

00:37:16.800 and it's this concept

00:37:17.820 of balance.

00:37:19.300 And I think what

00:37:20.540 he's talking about right now

00:37:21.820 is finding balance

00:37:23.880 based on a new schedule.

00:37:26.060 Yeah.

00:37:26.360 And even just the term itself

00:37:28.120 is a bit of a misnomer.

00:37:29.860 I consider balance

00:37:31.340 to be a verb.

00:37:32.840 So I would change

00:37:34.120 how do I find balance

00:37:35.740 to balancing.

00:37:38.680 You're balancing.

00:37:40.940 That's what you're,

00:37:41.680 you're actively

00:37:42.420 prioritizing

00:37:44.440 what's important

00:37:45.400 in the moment

00:37:46.120 or what's in the season

00:37:47.240 so that you can make

00:37:48.560 little micro adjustments

00:37:50.140 along the way.

00:37:51.520 So what might that look like

00:37:52.860 in real life?

00:37:54.380 Let's say

00:37:55.140 today's just

00:37:56.120 going awesome.

00:37:58.040 Knocking out of the park,

00:37:59.200 getting my to-do list done,

00:38:01.020 getting all my emails

00:38:02.340 followed up on,

00:38:03.740 scheduling podcast guests,

00:38:05.080 just doing it today.

00:38:06.580 And then this afternoon,

00:38:08.480 knock on wood,

00:38:09.600 I get a call

00:38:10.500 and says,

00:38:11.320 hey,

00:38:11.540 your son broke his arm.

00:38:14.360 Workday's done.

00:38:16.120 It's over.

00:38:17.800 Immediately.

00:38:19.360 And then I go

00:38:21.240 serve my son.

00:38:23.020 And that's the balance.

00:38:25.060 People say,

00:38:25.620 oh, you have to distribute

00:38:26.540 an equal amount of weight

00:38:27.580 to equal things

00:38:28.420 at equal time.

00:38:29.380 How do you,

00:38:30.160 how could a person

00:38:30.880 ever do that?

00:38:32.560 Sometimes I'm going

00:38:33.440 to be in work mode.

00:38:34.740 Sometimes I'm going

00:38:35.320 to be in father mode.

00:38:36.680 Sometimes I'm going

00:38:37.300 to be in boyfriend mode.

00:38:38.640 Sometimes I'm going

00:38:39.220 to be in personal mode

00:38:40.400 or workout mode.

00:38:41.500 And just based

00:38:43.180 on my circumstances,

00:38:44.720 I make adjustments.

00:38:46.420 And we talked

00:38:47.120 a little bit about

00:38:47.660 this a minute ago,

00:38:48.340 Kip,

00:38:48.560 when you were talking

00:38:49.240 about taking responsibility.

00:38:51.240 Guys,

00:38:51.780 there's so much

00:38:52.480 beyond our control.

00:38:53.840 And I used to be,

00:38:54.860 and I still am

00:38:55.420 to a degree,

00:38:56.100 but this really

00:38:57.140 like wanted

00:38:58.800 to control

00:38:59.600 everything.

00:39:00.700 And I was so rigid,

00:39:04.060 but another word

00:39:04.940 for rigid,

00:39:06.200 maybe not another word,

00:39:07.440 but a synonym,

00:39:08.900 brittle.

00:39:11.080 When you're rigid,

00:39:12.440 you're brittle.

00:39:13.500 You'll break.

00:39:14.980 I spent some time

00:39:15.920 with my friends

00:39:16.940 at Montana Knife Company

00:39:18.080 a couple of years ago

00:39:19.460 and made a Damascus knife

00:39:22.100 with Josh Smith.

00:39:24.320 And he was talking to me

00:39:26.220 about how you treat

00:39:27.660 the metal

00:39:28.080 and forge the metal.

00:39:29.200 And he was saying

00:39:31.060 you want to find

00:39:32.300 the balance.

00:39:32.940 And I might be

00:39:33.980 butchering this a little bit,

00:39:34.860 but you guys

00:39:35.200 will understand the point.

00:39:36.020 All the knife makers

00:39:37.480 are going to be

00:39:38.580 rolling their eyes

00:39:39.200 right now.

00:39:39.800 But trying to find

00:39:40.960 the balance,

00:39:42.480 if I remember right,

00:39:43.220 between strength

00:39:44.060 and hardness.

00:39:46.540 So hardness

00:39:47.500 is, again,

00:39:49.100 brittleness.

00:39:50.420 And strength is,

00:39:51.660 will it keep his edge?

00:39:53.040 But there's a balance

00:39:54.020 between the two.

00:39:54.900 If you make it too hard,

00:39:55.820 it'll just shatter.

00:39:58.120 If you,

00:39:58.620 you know,

00:39:58.880 you've got to make it strong.

00:40:00.140 If you make it strong,

00:40:01.040 it might actually

00:40:01.580 just be kind of soft

00:40:02.720 and pliable

00:40:03.300 and won't be as hard

00:40:05.180 to maintain its edge.

00:40:06.180 So it's this constant

00:40:07.340 finding the line

00:40:08.340 based on what the knife

00:40:09.340 is going to be used for

00:40:10.320 and how you treat

00:40:11.160 the metal itself.

00:40:12.800 And that's what I would say

00:40:14.060 to,

00:40:14.380 I think it was Tyler,

00:40:15.700 is instead of trying

00:40:17.660 to find balance

00:40:18.540 in your life,

00:40:19.260 be balancing

00:40:19.920 and know that

00:40:21.440 things are going to happen

00:40:22.840 outside of your control.

00:40:24.440 That's cool.

00:40:25.840 I can handle those things.

00:40:27.080 I'm just going to make

00:40:28.320 adjustments and pivots

00:40:29.740 in my plan.

00:40:30.600 I know they're going

00:40:31.140 to come up.

00:40:31.580 I don't know when or what,

00:40:32.620 but they're going to come up

00:40:33.400 and I'll just move it

00:40:34.660 around a little bit.

00:40:35.360 And it's actually,

00:40:36.460 when you have that mentality,

00:40:37.520 it's a whole lot easier

00:40:38.420 to do.

00:40:40.500 Ryan,

00:40:41.180 would you add anything

00:40:42.720 with the concept

00:40:43.880 of like moving into

00:40:45.080 like a new season

00:40:46.120 in life?

00:40:46.760 Would the response,

00:40:48.340 the response

00:40:48.960 that you just gave

00:40:49.740 still applicable

00:40:50.420 to someone

00:40:51.040 that's transitioning

00:40:51.960 to like a big change,

00:40:53.500 right?

00:40:53.740 Whether it's marriage

00:40:55.620 or coming out

00:40:57.720 of the military

00:40:58.480 into the civilian sector,

00:41:00.520 you know,

00:41:00.680 this concept of moving

00:41:01.800 into a new season.

00:41:03.800 Same response,

00:41:05.100 same guidance

00:41:06.040 and direction?

00:41:07.380 The same.

00:41:08.520 Well,

00:41:09.120 it's actually going

00:41:10.060 to be more so

00:41:10.880 because you're going

00:41:11.440 to be hit

00:41:11.840 with so many new things

00:41:13.420 that you aren't familiar

00:41:14.500 with or aware of.

00:41:16.040 But I think anytime

00:41:16.960 you move

00:41:17.780 into a new season

00:41:18.720 of life,

00:41:19.280 the general sense

00:41:20.400 of feeling

00:41:21.100 you should be

00:41:22.440 overwhelmed with

00:41:23.340 is excitement.

00:41:25.380 Yeah.

00:41:26.700 A new relationship.

00:41:27.960 How amazing

00:41:28.900 is a new relationship?

00:41:30.420 It's exciting.

00:41:31.580 Special.

00:41:32.900 You know,

00:41:33.260 how exciting

00:41:34.080 is it when you

00:41:34.840 take on a new job?

00:41:36.360 It's amazing.

00:41:37.480 Or you start

00:41:38.180 a new workout program

00:41:39.320 or you move

00:41:40.320 into a new home

00:41:41.340 or you get

00:41:42.080 a new car.

00:41:43.940 Be excited about it

00:41:45.300 and that excitement

00:41:46.560 along with

00:41:47.620 you being able

00:41:48.760 to ebb

00:41:50.780 and flow

00:41:51.260 as life ebbs

00:41:52.060 and flows

00:41:52.660 is going

00:41:53.360 to make that

00:41:54.000 an amazing thing

00:41:55.020 for you.

00:41:55.500 And also realize

00:41:56.580 you can't do

00:41:58.460 everything.

00:42:00.480 That's a problem

00:42:01.580 I have.

00:42:03.000 Like,

00:42:03.320 I want to do

00:42:03.820 everything,

00:42:04.660 all of it,

00:42:05.220 right now,

00:42:05.960 experience all the results,

00:42:07.160 have all the rewards,

00:42:08.680 get it all done,

00:42:09.920 all of it.

00:42:11.420 And I'm realizing

00:42:12.400 at 43 years old,

00:42:14.940 not only do I

00:42:15.980 not want to do that

00:42:16.920 because some things

00:42:17.480 are just not

00:42:18.080 important to me,

00:42:19.660 I just can't.

00:42:21.300 It's impossible.

00:42:23.040 So we prioritize

00:42:24.340 based on what

00:42:25.620 circumstances

00:42:26.860 we find ourselves in.

00:42:29.940 Joshua Gherkin,

00:42:31.360 what books

00:42:31.980 are you reading

00:42:32.580 right now?

00:42:34.420 Oh,

00:42:34.800 so I've got,

00:42:35.680 well,

00:42:35.840 I've got two.

00:42:36.520 So I'm reading

00:42:37.080 Be Useful

00:42:38.800 by Arnold Schwarzenegger

00:42:40.340 because that's the book

00:42:41.160 for Book of the Month

00:42:42.900 and the Iron Council

00:42:43.560 and then The Gap

00:42:44.300 and the Gain.

00:42:45.320 So those are the two books

00:42:46.440 I'm reading right now.

00:42:47.560 How are you liking

00:42:48.160 Gap and the Gain so far?

00:42:50.140 That's good so far.

00:42:51.020 I haven't really got

00:42:51.680 too much into it

00:42:52.480 because I've focused

00:42:53.100 a lot more time

00:42:53.780 on being useful

00:42:54.440 just because that's

00:42:55.720 our topic

00:42:56.560 in the Iron Council.

00:42:57.980 But so far,

00:42:58.860 so good.

00:42:59.220 I'm enjoying it.

00:43:00.660 So I,

00:43:01.640 I've had this book

00:43:02.480 on my list

00:43:02.920 for a really long time

00:43:04.200 and I'm finally

00:43:05.260 listening to it

00:43:06.940 is About Face

00:43:08.760 by Hackworth.

00:43:12.400 I've never read it.

00:43:14.720 So I haven't read it either.

00:43:16.740 Yeah,

00:43:16.940 it's,

00:43:17.280 it's good.

00:43:17.960 It's good.

00:43:18.580 I,

00:43:19.060 I find it,

00:43:20.100 it's entertaining.

00:43:20.920 It's interesting.

00:43:21.780 This guy's nuts.

00:43:23.560 Like he,

00:43:24.900 he lied,

00:43:25.900 Hackworth lied

00:43:26.660 about his enlistment.

00:43:28.220 He was 15

00:43:29.240 when he enlisted

00:43:31.040 in the military.

00:43:31.800 I mean,

00:43:32.560 he was battle ready

00:43:34.100 and seasoned by 18

00:43:37.720 when other kids

00:43:38.980 were just coming in.

00:43:39.920 Like this guy's

00:43:41.500 just nuts.

00:43:42.900 Yeah,

00:43:43.280 just so wild.

00:43:44.420 But it,

00:43:45.160 it really,

00:43:45.740 I don't know,

00:43:46.180 these stories,

00:43:47.060 like when I used to,

00:43:48.440 what's the podcast,

00:43:50.740 The Blueprint to Armageddon?

00:43:52.800 Do you know

00:43:53.080 who I'm talking about?

00:43:54.360 He did,

00:43:55.300 oh my gosh,

00:43:56.360 it's some of the most,

00:43:57.640 dude,

00:43:58.080 I got to tell you,

00:43:59.260 I got to get you

00:43:59.940 the details of this.

00:44:01.220 So this guy did

00:44:02.140 a long,

00:44:04.160 long series

00:44:05.780 called The Blueprint

00:44:07.240 of Armageddon.

00:44:07.980 I'll look it up

00:44:08.660 before this calls over

00:44:09.700 so I can give his name.

00:44:11.520 The most insightful content

00:44:14.580 ever around World War II

00:44:16.760 or World War I.

00:44:19.160 And he calls it

00:44:19.920 The Blueprint to Armageddon.

00:44:21.500 And it's fascinating.

00:44:23.740 So fascinating.

00:44:24.640 Really?

00:44:24.920 But yeah,

00:44:25.800 I got engulfed

00:44:28.140 listening to it.

00:44:30.180 Anyhow,

00:44:31.300 insane,

00:44:32.000 but man,

00:44:32.940 I,

00:44:33.360 you know,

00:44:33.600 I'm not a,

00:44:34.220 I'm not a vet,

00:44:35.660 right?

00:44:36.100 So like war is so,

00:44:38.480 it's a story,

00:44:39.620 right?

00:44:39.920 It's this thing

00:44:40.460 I've never experienced.

00:44:42.300 And I don't know,

00:44:43.160 it's just so humbling,

00:44:45.620 right?

00:44:46.580 To hear these stories

00:44:47.560 and you're just like,

00:44:48.440 man,

00:44:48.840 like I'm,

00:44:50.160 I'm complaining about my life,

00:44:51.700 right?

00:44:52.220 When these guys are like,

00:44:53.220 I don't even know

00:44:53.900 if I'm going to live

00:44:54.640 by the end of today,

00:44:55.640 right?

00:44:56.100 Or if I'll freeze to death

00:44:57.520 or it's just so,

00:45:00.040 so humbling.

00:45:03.420 And it just really puts me,

00:45:04.960 puts me in my place,

00:45:06.220 right?

00:45:06.480 When I,

00:45:07.200 when I really listen

00:45:08.080 to things like this,

00:45:09.160 it's just,

00:45:09.660 I don't know,

00:45:10.040 it's crazy.

00:45:10.980 It's unreal.

00:45:11.660 I mean,

00:45:11.820 I wish I honestly,

00:45:12.940 as it comes to,

00:45:13.580 I wish more people

00:45:14.320 were familiar with war

00:45:15.200 because maybe there'd be

00:45:16.060 less of it.

00:45:17.380 But when you get to send

00:45:18.660 your sons and daughters

00:45:19.540 to a foreign land

00:45:20.680 to die for a cause

00:45:21.920 they may not believe in

00:45:23.080 while you get to sit

00:45:24.080 in your climate

00:45:24.560 controlled environment,

00:45:25.620 a lot easier to do

00:45:27.200 than if you did it yourself.

00:45:28.200 That's for sure.

00:45:29.620 Yeah.

00:45:29.900 And even then

00:45:30.700 it's more gruesome

00:45:32.340 than they realize.

00:45:33.820 And yeah,

00:45:35.180 you know,

00:45:35.740 gosh,

00:45:36.140 there's so much more to it,

00:45:37.280 but it's crazy.

00:45:39.100 Well,

00:45:39.520 you know,

00:45:39.860 on the topic of books too,

00:45:41.460 I was talking with

00:45:42.640 Lee and Andrew Child.

00:45:44.320 Lee is obviously

00:45:45.180 an incredible,

00:45:46.560 incredible author.

00:45:47.380 He wrote the

00:45:48.660 James Reacher series

00:45:50.080 and Andrew

00:45:51.160 has taken over that

00:45:52.280 as of several years ago.

00:45:53.580 So they're,

00:45:54.380 they're both

00:45:54.780 incredible authors,

00:45:55.680 but they had made a comment

00:45:57.180 about learning more

00:45:58.500 from fiction

00:46:00.000 than nonfiction.

00:46:01.100 And I've tried to incorporate

00:46:02.740 more fiction

00:46:03.580 into my life lately,

00:46:04.840 not only because

00:46:06.880 it is,

00:46:07.900 it does require

00:46:08.860 a lot of

00:46:09.520 thinking.

00:46:10.660 It requires a lot of

00:46:12.100 filling in the gaps

00:46:13.120 if the book

00:46:13.720 is done correctly.

00:46:15.160 It requires a lot

00:46:16.440 of creativity

00:46:17.160 and

00:46:18.600 it also helps

00:46:19.800 you see yourself

00:46:20.840 in a circumstance

00:46:21.880 and then ponder

00:46:23.080 about how you might

00:46:24.060 actually react

00:46:25.460 if it's a relatable

00:46:26.220 character,

00:46:27.220 how you might react

00:46:28.080 or respond.

00:46:28.740 So you can learn

00:46:29.140 a lot about yourself

00:46:29.940 in fictional work.

00:46:31.420 So,

00:46:31.760 yeah,

00:46:32.900 that's a,

00:46:33.280 that's a great series

00:46:33.960 obviously with

00:46:34.720 Jack Reacher.

00:46:36.460 Jack Carr

00:46:37.120 comes to mind,

00:46:38.020 James Reese's series

00:46:39.220 off the terminal list.

00:46:40.460 There's,

00:46:41.000 there's so much

00:46:41.780 great fictional work

00:46:42.980 out there too

00:46:43.580 that I've tried

00:46:44.240 to incorporate

00:46:44.740 more of that

00:46:45.280 into my life lately.

00:46:46.440 Yeah.

00:46:47.320 That podcast,

00:46:48.700 it was called

00:46:49.520 Hardcore History

00:46:51.120 by Dan Carlin.

00:46:52.660 Dan Carlin.

00:46:53.440 Yeah,

00:46:53.700 I do know that.

00:46:54.680 I,

00:46:54.780 I,

00:46:55.020 I think I listened

00:46:56.320 to one he did.

00:46:57.340 If I remember right,

00:46:58.240 it was on Rome,

00:47:00.080 maybe.

00:47:01.100 I can't remember,

00:47:02.140 but he is,

00:47:03.120 he is really good.

00:47:04.720 Really good.

00:47:05.840 It's insane.

00:47:07.000 Yeah.

00:47:07.380 And like how many

00:47:07.920 hours of content

00:47:09.240 that he's created.

00:47:10.160 Oh,

00:47:10.500 he is so well

00:47:11.300 researched with all that.

00:47:12.560 Yeah.

00:47:12.780 Yeah.

00:47:13.260 All right.

00:47:13.600 Let's hop over

00:47:14.320 to Facebook

00:47:15.460 for a couple

00:47:16.040 questions here.

00:47:17.560 Okay.

00:47:19.320 Oh,

00:47:19.680 so Bob Ross,

00:47:20.820 he said,

00:47:22.160 I've signed up

00:47:22.660 for the forge in Maine,

00:47:24.040 the men's forge.

00:47:25.340 It's an event

00:47:25.720 that we have

00:47:26.420 this coming Maine.

00:47:27.940 He says,

00:47:28.360 I'm extremely excited.

00:47:30.760 What do you hope

00:47:32.120 year one looks like

00:47:33.860 and do you hope

00:47:34.780 to build this

00:47:35.520 into the coming years?

00:47:37.560 So just kind of,

00:47:38.520 you know,

00:47:38.740 what's your hope

00:47:39.340 around this year

00:47:40.180 and is this like

00:47:41.240 a future thing?

00:47:43.040 Well,

00:47:43.200 again,

00:47:43.660 so these are the things,

00:47:46.080 this goes back

00:47:46.920 to a previous question

00:47:47.980 about controlling

00:47:48.740 the controllables.

00:47:49.760 A lot of this

00:47:50.380 is within my control

00:47:51.320 because I can influence

00:47:52.400 the type of event

00:47:53.320 and how many people come

00:47:54.560 and whether or not

00:47:55.240 they come and,

00:47:56.600 but I'm not going

00:47:57.060 to get too hung up on,

00:47:58.260 is this going to be

00:47:58.820 a thing we do forever?

00:47:59.860 I don't know yet.

00:48:01.460 And that's,

00:48:02.260 that's where a little bit

00:48:03.580 of the leniency comes in.

00:48:05.460 Like I'm adaptable.

00:48:07.520 Now,

00:48:08.080 do I,

00:48:09.180 would I like it to?

00:48:10.240 Yes.

00:48:10.440 If it's a good event

00:48:11.640 and people enjoy it

00:48:13.220 and I enjoy it

00:48:14.340 and it's helpful,

00:48:15.240 then yes,

00:48:15.900 I would love to do it

00:48:16.720 next year.

00:48:18.600 Do,

00:48:18.840 am I going to?

00:48:19.720 I don't know.

00:48:21.020 We'll wait and see.

00:48:21.780 It might,

00:48:22.440 it might be a flop.

00:48:23.640 You might come out,

00:48:24.380 Bob,

00:48:24.520 and you're like,

00:48:24.760 this is stupid

00:48:25.380 and it won't be,

00:48:26.340 but you might

00:48:26.840 and,

00:48:27.860 and say,

00:48:28.600 I'm never doing that again

00:48:29.420 and everybody else says that

00:48:30.460 and it's like,

00:48:30.920 okay,

00:48:31.160 well,

00:48:31.640 clearly we're not doing

00:48:32.340 that one again

00:48:32.980 and we've had situations

00:48:34.820 like that.

00:48:35.620 So,

00:48:36.220 that's,

00:48:37.660 I only say that

00:48:38.940 because it tied

00:48:39.580 into a previous question.

00:48:41.020 Like,

00:48:41.320 just let go

00:48:42.420 of the expectation

00:48:43.660 a little bit.

00:48:44.380 let go of the result.

00:48:46.180 Just enjoy the process.

00:48:47.360 Of course,

00:48:47.780 have goals,

00:48:49.920 have things that you want to do

00:48:51.320 and then influence it

00:48:52.500 to the best of your ability

00:48:53.520 and then just wash your hands of it.

00:48:55.380 Yeah.

00:48:56.040 And so,

00:48:56.860 we'll figure it out.

00:48:58.420 Yeah.

00:48:58.940 But as far as,

00:48:59.980 oh,

00:49:00.120 go ahead.

00:49:00.240 Oh,

00:49:00.380 go ahead.

00:49:00.920 What's just going to make

00:49:01.640 the connection,

00:49:02.580 right,

00:49:02.920 is by being adaptable,

00:49:06.960 then you can do what?

00:49:07.960 you can move on

00:49:10.260 and pivot

00:49:10.720 and adjust

00:49:11.360 and make it better,

00:49:12.280 right?

00:49:12.580 But if you're too rigid

00:49:13.940 around the way

00:49:15.200 it should be,

00:49:16.020 most people,

00:49:16.960 when it doesn't end up that way,

00:49:18.520 they won't move on.

00:49:19.660 It's like,

00:49:20.020 well,

00:49:20.200 it shouldn't be this way

00:49:21.880 and they'll just sit there

00:49:23.020 with it

00:49:23.540 and be upset

00:49:24.760 and not be adaptable

00:49:26.340 and adjust,

00:49:27.160 right?

00:49:27.380 And so,

00:49:27.720 that's one of the benefits

00:49:28.940 of what you're talking about.

00:49:29.900 when you,

00:49:32.580 I,

00:49:34.020 you,

00:49:34.620 this is going to sound funny,

00:49:35.980 you should not

00:49:36.780 say,

00:49:38.260 should not

00:49:39.180 about other things.

00:49:40.960 Yeah.

00:49:41.800 Yeah.

00:49:42.240 The shoulds and shouldn'ts

00:49:43.900 mess you up.

00:49:44.980 For other people

00:49:45.480 and other circumstances.

00:49:46.800 Like,

00:49:47.080 what's the saying?

00:49:48.020 Don't should on other people.

00:49:49.820 Yeah.

00:49:51.040 Like,

00:49:51.360 do that for yourself.

00:49:52.860 Yeah.

00:49:53.080 Like,

00:49:53.280 I should get up

00:49:54.920 and go to the gym.

00:49:56.120 I should work hard today.

00:49:57.880 I should reach out

00:49:58.820 to my kids.

00:49:59.580 I should eat clean today.

00:50:01.140 Like,

00:50:01.380 I,

00:50:01.700 there's things that I should do

00:50:02.960 because those are expectations,

00:50:04.080 but I don't have

00:50:05.820 shoulds of anybody else.

00:50:08.280 I do a little bit,

00:50:09.400 Kip,

00:50:09.600 in our relationship with you.

00:50:11.080 Like,

00:50:11.520 you should be on this call

00:50:12.800 because you said

00:50:13.760 you'd be on this call.

00:50:15.020 But outside of that,

00:50:16.220 like,

00:50:16.540 let's say

00:50:17.080 something in your life,

00:50:18.740 you,

00:50:18.940 you do something

00:50:19.780 and I don't necessarily

00:50:21.020 agree with it.

00:50:21.700 That's your life,

00:50:22.760 man.

00:50:24.160 Like,

00:50:24.760 you,

00:50:25.260 you can do that or not.

00:50:26.620 And I can,

00:50:27.600 as a friend,

00:50:28.180 I would say,

00:50:28.680 hey,

00:50:29.080 can I,

00:50:29.580 offer some insight

00:50:30.560 that might bring some clarity

00:50:31.700 and you could say no

00:50:32.680 and then I can either choose

00:50:33.860 to be your friend or not.

00:50:34.880 I'm still going to be your friend.

00:50:36.680 Just leave it alone.

00:50:38.380 Yeah.

00:50:38.760 Or the way people show up,

00:50:39.860 like,

00:50:40.080 oh,

00:50:40.180 that guy's not working hard.

00:50:41.460 What does that have to do with you?

00:50:43.820 Yeah.

00:50:44.780 You know,

00:50:45.000 I see that when guys go,

00:50:46.020 I used to be this guy

00:50:47.100 and I am still,

00:50:48.040 I think it's in human nature,

00:50:49.160 but you'd see a guy

00:50:50.180 walking to the gym

00:50:50.980 and he's severely overweight

00:50:52.180 and you're like,

00:50:52.640 look at this guy.

00:50:54.320 And you look at that,

00:50:55.140 what that guy's doing

00:50:55.820 with his gym equipment.

00:50:56.720 And he should do this.

00:50:58.240 What does that have to do

00:50:59.360 with your life?

00:51:01.240 Nothing.

00:51:01.780 Leave the guy alone.

00:51:02.740 He's just in there working out.

00:51:04.240 He's trying to get better.

00:51:05.160 If he asks for advice,

00:51:06.820 give him some advice.

00:51:08.380 If you really see something

00:51:09.720 that might get him hurt,

00:51:10.740 maybe just say,

00:51:11.440 hey,

00:51:11.780 do you mind if I,

00:51:12.980 I'm pretty well versed in this.

00:51:14.740 Do you mind if I share

00:51:15.520 some insight with you?

00:51:16.340 If he says no,

00:51:17.720 leave it alone.

00:51:19.040 Yeah.

00:51:19.400 But that's,

00:51:20.260 we get into trouble

00:51:21.140 when we start thinking

00:51:22.840 about the ways people

00:51:23.880 should and should not behave.

00:51:25.920 Yeah.

00:51:26.260 Well,

00:51:26.620 and it's interesting too

00:51:27.580 because sometimes

00:51:29.060 when we put that on people,

00:51:32.020 we diminish,

00:51:33.360 we diminish their agency

00:51:36.600 and their service to us.

00:51:39.700 Well,

00:51:40.100 he should be here.

00:51:42.040 No,

00:51:42.420 guess what?

00:51:43.040 No,

00:51:43.360 he shouldn't.

00:51:44.040 He chose to.

00:51:46.420 Right.

00:51:46.820 Oh,

00:51:47.000 good point.

00:51:47.960 God.

00:51:48.340 Or chose not to.

00:51:50.220 Yeah.

00:51:50.600 But that means

00:51:51.520 something different,

00:51:52.560 right?

00:51:53.080 Oh,

00:51:53.400 my wife should do this 1.00

00:51:55.300 or this.

00:51:55.960 No,

00:51:56.860 she's choosing to.

00:51:59.280 Yeah.

00:52:00.160 See it for what it is.

00:52:02.140 Those are choices.

00:52:04.340 And now there's some gratitude

00:52:05.660 that shows up

00:52:06.580 when we realize

00:52:08.100 it's out of choice

00:52:09.100 versus when it's this,

00:52:10.720 well,

00:52:10.900 it should or shouldn't.

00:52:12.340 Then it's,

00:52:12.920 you know,

00:52:13.160 it's just default.

00:52:14.220 It's,

00:52:14.480 it doesn't have gratitude

00:52:16.360 associated to it.

00:52:17.400 It's interesting.

00:52:18.100 Right.

00:52:19.780 The only other thing

00:52:20.720 with Bob,

00:52:21.240 he was asking,

00:52:21.880 what is,

00:52:22.280 what do we hope

00:52:22.720 to accomplish

00:52:23.240 out of the event?

00:52:24.020 Is that,

00:52:24.560 is that right?

00:52:25.520 Yeah.

00:52:25.700 Yeah.

00:52:25.840 I mean,

00:52:26.100 really to bring,

00:52:27.500 to bring these guys in,

00:52:29.140 introduce them to new concepts,

00:52:30.860 new ideas.

00:52:32.100 I really want to do this

00:52:33.300 in a way that introduces them

00:52:35.320 to activities

00:52:36.240 because I found

00:52:37.520 through the events

00:52:38.260 that we've done

00:52:38.880 that men just bond better

00:52:41.000 when we're actively

00:52:41.980 pursuing something.

00:52:43.020 We could be

00:52:44.020 fighting against each other,

00:52:46.040 whether that's a physical

00:52:46.940 confrontation

00:52:47.620 in a controlled environment,

00:52:49.100 of course,

00:52:49.620 or even just

00:52:50.480 a lively debate.

00:52:52.000 You learn a lot

00:52:52.700 about another man

00:52:53.860 when you do it that way

00:52:55.160 or competing

00:52:56.840 towards a common goal

00:52:58.280 and purpose.

00:52:58.880 Maybe it's to beat

00:52:59.700 another team

00:53:00.460 or to improve

00:53:01.740 your own time

00:53:02.680 or to learn a skill

00:53:04.260 that you haven't learned

00:53:05.120 before,

00:53:06.260 to push each other

00:53:07.220 to learn new things.

00:53:08.260 So we're going to have

00:53:09.460 a lot of physical

00:53:10.660 activities

00:53:12.420 built into the system.

00:53:14.140 And then what's really cool

00:53:15.420 about this particular event

00:53:16.620 is typically

00:53:18.260 when you go to

00:53:19.640 some of these

00:53:20.780 big, large conferences,

00:53:23.080 you are responsible

00:53:24.360 for your own food,

00:53:25.460 for your own lodging,

00:53:26.320 and then you show up

00:53:26.940 every day

00:53:27.340 and you go into

00:53:28.160 a hotel conference center

00:53:31.180 or something like that

00:53:32.420 and you're talked at

00:53:33.520 for three days.

00:53:35.280 That does just not sound

00:53:37.040 and I don't even care

00:53:38.180 who it is.

00:53:38.660 It could be

00:53:39.180 the guy that I want

00:53:40.560 to hear from

00:53:41.000 more than anybody else.

00:53:42.120 By the end,

00:53:43.140 I'm like,

00:53:43.580 God, I'm done.

00:53:44.460 My ears are bleeding.

00:53:45.900 Like, I'm done

00:53:46.900 listening to people.

00:53:48.820 And so,

00:53:49.680 even though we do

00:53:50.500 have speakers

00:53:51.060 at this event,

00:53:52.220 but what's cool

00:53:52.900 about this

00:53:53.520 is that

00:53:54.120 all the food

00:53:55.080 is covered,

00:53:56.680 you are lodged

00:53:57.560 with us,

00:53:58.600 that's all included

00:53:59.580 in the ticket price,

00:54:00.540 all the activities,

00:54:01.500 all the venue,

00:54:02.440 all the events,

00:54:03.360 all the everything

00:54:03.960 is completely included

00:54:05.260 so that when we're done

00:54:06.820 at the end of the day

00:54:07.440 with our instruction

00:54:09.060 or with our activities,

00:54:10.380 we can sit down

00:54:12.160 in the chow hall together

00:54:13.100 and actually have

00:54:14.600 real conversations.

00:54:16.340 I love that.

00:54:16.620 We can sit around

00:54:17.260 a campfire

00:54:18.000 and discuss

00:54:19.280 what we learned

00:54:20.200 or learn about each other

00:54:22.160 and I've seen

00:54:23.140 friendships

00:54:24.160 be forged

00:54:25.340 from events like this.

00:54:26.480 I've seen

00:54:26.860 business partnerships.

00:54:28.500 I've seen

00:54:29.120 investment opportunities

00:54:30.420 come up.

00:54:31.480 I've seen so much

00:54:32.560 because of what happens

00:54:34.380 outside of the

00:54:35.280 quote-unquote

00:54:35.760 sanctioned event

00:54:36.800 that we just facilitate

00:54:38.820 growth

00:54:39.460 and getting men

00:54:40.320 together to connect

00:54:41.360 exactly how men connect

00:54:42.880 not how corporate people

00:54:45.140 or women

00:54:45.760 would necessarily connect.

00:54:47.620 It's going to be awesome.

00:54:49.040 It has an origin

00:54:49.900 feel to it,

00:54:50.720 right?

00:54:50.980 Being at origin camp.

00:54:53.080 Yeah,

00:54:53.380 just hanging out

00:54:54.420 all day

00:54:55.260 despite the event itself

00:54:58.280 so that's awesome.

00:54:59.540 Yeah.

00:55:00.740 James Grayson.

00:55:02.580 Real quick on that,

00:55:03.480 Kip.

00:55:03.560 Guys,

00:55:04.320 if you're interested

00:55:04.860 in the event,

00:55:05.600 it's May 1st

00:55:06.600 through the 4th

00:55:07.780 outside of St. Louis.

00:55:09.260 If you go to

00:55:10.060 themensforge.com

00:55:12.400 themensforge.com

00:55:14.020 you'll be able to

00:55:14.620 get all the details there.

00:55:16.400 Yeah,

00:55:16.720 good call.

00:55:17.900 James Grayson,

00:55:18.820 I saw a statistic

00:55:19.700 the other day

00:55:20.380 that said

00:55:20.880 we all now

00:55:22.240 only are

00:55:22.840 two degrees

00:55:23.640 away of separation

00:55:24.860 from someone

00:55:26.200 who had lost

00:55:26.940 their life

00:55:27.480 to fentanyl

00:55:28.520 that made me pause

00:55:29.860 and think how awful

00:55:30.720 and preventable this is.

00:55:32.200 Have you guys

00:55:32.760 lost anyone

00:55:33.440 in your lives

00:55:34.160 or two degrees

00:55:35.980 away

00:55:36.500 from someone

00:55:38.140 who has?

00:55:39.220 How has that

00:55:40.060 affected your life

00:55:40.880 and how do you

00:55:41.440 talk to your kids

00:55:42.160 about it?

00:55:44.540 I don't,

00:55:45.520 I've had,

00:55:46.160 I've had people

00:55:46.780 in my life

00:55:47.420 that have

00:55:48.700 committed suicide

00:55:50.020 but,

00:55:52.400 and died,

00:55:54.160 you know,

00:55:54.480 just whether it's

00:55:55.160 old age

00:55:55.720 or died in the

00:55:57.560 military

00:55:57.980 in combat

00:55:58.540 but,

00:55:59.660 I don't know

00:56:01.480 that I know

00:56:02.040 of anybody

00:56:02.820 in my circle

00:56:03.700 or even

00:56:04.600 two degrees

00:56:05.420 away

00:56:05.780 that has

00:56:06.340 died

00:56:07.060 from

00:56:07.600 even,

00:56:09.960 even an overdose

00:56:10.660 of any kind.

00:56:11.540 I don't think

00:56:12.180 I do.

00:56:12.920 Do you know

00:56:13.440 anybody?

00:56:16.920 Overdose,

00:56:17.500 yes,

00:56:17.740 but it was

00:56:18.280 a suicidal

00:56:19.080 overdose.

00:56:20.740 Not fentanyl,

00:56:21.760 though.

00:56:22.660 No,

00:56:23.080 when I was a kid

00:56:23.920 we had a

00:56:24.980 good friend,

00:56:27.100 kind of like

00:56:27.520 an auntie of mine

00:56:28.600 that committed

00:56:29.540 suicide

00:56:30.260 with drugs

00:56:31.280 but,

00:56:32.560 yeah.

00:56:34.380 I think the best

00:56:35.500 thing to do

00:56:35.940 with your kids

00:56:36.660 on stuff like this

00:56:38.120 is to have

00:56:38.880 honest,

00:56:39.280 frank,

00:56:39.800 real conversations.

00:56:41.500 I see

00:56:42.580 way too many

00:56:43.460 adults

00:56:43.900 trying to

00:56:44.500 shelter

00:56:44.900 and

00:56:46.000 skirt around it.

00:56:47.440 Keep their stuff

00:56:48.220 away from their kids

00:56:49.460 and you know

00:56:49.880 what kind of

00:56:50.380 conversations

00:56:50.940 are probably

00:56:51.600 more important

00:56:52.260 than anything

00:56:52.680 else.

00:56:53.520 Drug use,

00:56:54.580 alcohol abuse,

00:56:56.020 pornography,

00:56:57.240 criminal activity,

00:56:58.980 premarital sex,

00:57:00.300 like,

00:57:01.740 these are the

00:57:02.380 conversations

00:57:03.840 that I think

00:57:04.940 we ought to be

00:57:05.500 having with our

00:57:06.120 kids

00:57:06.440 probably more so

00:57:08.460 than some of

00:57:08.980 those other

00:57:09.420 conversations

00:57:10.060 even just evil

00:57:11.560 in the world

00:57:12.180 and helping them

00:57:13.080 acknowledge that

00:57:13.780 there is.

00:57:15.060 You know,

00:57:16.200 maintaining your

00:57:17.000 children's innocence

00:57:17.720 is one thing

00:57:18.580 and I think

00:57:18.960 there's something

00:57:19.360 to be said

00:57:19.800 for that.

00:57:20.160 As fathers,

00:57:20.600 our job

00:57:21.520 is to

00:57:21.820 protect

00:57:22.200 our children

00:57:22.880 partially

00:57:23.300 and other

00:57:24.100 responsibilities

00:57:25.200 as well.

00:57:26.580 But if you're

00:57:27.360 protecting them

00:57:28.080 to the point

00:57:28.680 where you're

00:57:29.080 actually hurting

00:57:29.800 them,

00:57:30.340 then that's

00:57:30.760 a problem.

00:57:31.460 So if you're

00:57:31.900 not exposing

00:57:34.340 them in

00:57:36.080 controlled environments

00:57:37.220 and controlled

00:57:37.800 conversations to

00:57:38.880 the realities of

00:57:39.660 the world,

00:57:40.040 you're just

00:57:40.420 setting them up

00:57:40.960 for failure.

00:57:42.020 Because what

00:57:42.720 happens when

00:57:43.380 your young

00:57:43.760 daughter at

00:57:44.380 18 goes

00:57:45.640 off to

00:57:46.020 college?

00:57:46.500 Okay,

00:57:47.660 now she's 0.98

00:57:48.140 got a

00:57:48.880 bunch of

00:57:49.700 horny

00:57:51.420 young men,

00:57:53.280 a bunch

00:57:53.820 of other

00:57:54.420 men who

00:57:54.940 would happily

00:57:56.000 prey on

00:57:57.060 a young

00:57:57.480 woman who 0.99

00:57:57.980 isn't able

00:57:58.440 to defend

00:57:58.880 herself or

00:57:59.400 be smart

00:57:59.980 and not be

00:58:00.960 naive about

00:58:01.780 her circumstances

00:58:03.260 and what

00:58:03.720 situations she

00:58:04.500 might find

00:58:04.980 herself in.

00:58:05.900 And you

00:58:06.500 teeter up

00:58:07.020 because you

00:58:07.460 never talked

00:58:08.000 about it.

00:58:08.460 so we

00:58:11.360 should be

00:58:11.800 talking with

00:58:12.320 our kids

00:58:12.720 as appropriate

00:58:14.100 based on

00:58:14.680 their age.

00:58:15.620 But yeah,

00:58:16.300 you should be

00:58:16.740 talking about

00:58:17.260 drugs and

00:58:18.140 the effect of

00:58:18.740 drugs and

00:58:19.280 the danger

00:58:19.720 of drugs and

00:58:21.240 alcohol use and

00:58:22.120 alcohol abuse.

00:58:22.700 Like, talk

00:58:23.500 about all of

00:58:24.160 these things.

00:58:25.380 I remember

00:58:25.920 very uncomfortable

00:58:27.100 conversations.

00:58:28.600 I mean, my

00:58:29.000 oldest, this was

00:58:30.620 years ago, he

00:58:31.360 was probably, I

00:58:33.540 don't know,

00:58:33.860 nine, ten,

00:58:35.260 maybe.

00:58:36.120 He's like,

00:58:36.740 hey, dad, I

00:58:37.100 have a question

00:58:37.500 for you.

00:58:38.860 And I could

00:58:39.460 tell by the

00:58:40.000 way he asked

00:58:40.440 the question,

00:58:40.940 like, oh,

00:58:41.380 boy, here we

00:58:41.920 go.

00:58:42.560 And I

00:58:42.840 remember I

00:58:43.280 wasn't facing

00:58:44.000 him.

00:58:44.300 I was faced

00:58:44.700 away because

00:58:45.120 we were

00:58:45.360 working on a

00:58:45.800 project together

00:58:46.440 and I'm

00:58:47.100 like, and I

00:58:48.000 rolled my

00:58:48.460 eyes and I'm

00:58:49.880 like, here we

00:58:50.540 go.

00:58:50.920 And I had no

00:58:51.400 idea what it

00:58:51.880 was.

00:58:52.840 And I said,

00:58:53.400 what is it,

00:58:53.780 bud?

00:58:54.440 He's like,

00:58:55.800 um, he's weird

00:58:56.560 about it.

00:58:56.900 I'm like, what,

00:58:57.420 just what's the

00:58:58.020 question?

00:58:58.560 He's like,

00:58:59.020 what's a blow

00:58:59.540 job?

00:59:02.440 And I'm like,

00:59:03.280 oh, okay.

00:59:06.620 Um, and

00:59:07.480 like my knee

00:59:08.400 jerk reaction

00:59:09.060 was like,

00:59:09.680 skirt, push 1.00

00:59:11.000 away, talk

00:59:12.420 about this

00:59:12.780 there.

00:59:13.440 It's not

00:59:13.760 appropriate.

00:59:14.000 Don't worry

00:59:14.480 about it.

00:59:14.820 Exactly.

00:59:16.120 But in a

00:59:16.700 moment of

00:59:17.020 clarity, I'm

00:59:17.420 like, you

00:59:17.620 know what?

00:59:17.920 No, like

00:59:18.540 he's old

00:59:19.480 enough to

00:59:19.800 know that

00:59:20.600 it's a

00:59:20.880 thing.

00:59:21.820 He's going

00:59:22.180 to go ask

00:59:22.520 his buddy

00:59:22.940 if he

00:59:23.240 doesn't

00:59:23.500 ask you.

00:59:24.100 Right.

00:59:24.260 Yeah.

00:59:24.640 So we

00:59:25.080 need to, we

00:59:25.560 need to hash

00:59:26.000 this out.

00:59:26.400 And so my

00:59:26.720 first, my

00:59:27.420 first question

00:59:28.120 again, in a

00:59:28.640 moment of

00:59:29.000 clarity was

00:59:29.500 what, what

00:59:30.580 do you know

00:59:31.080 about it?

00:59:32.860 What, like,

00:59:33.220 what do you

00:59:33.580 think it is?

00:59:35.080 Cause he might

00:59:35.740 say like, I

00:59:36.800 don't know if

00:59:37.180 you like a girl

00:59:37.700 you blow in 0.89

00:59:38.520 her ear to

00:59:39.120 like, you

00:59:39.480 like, you

00:59:39.860 know what I

00:59:40.120 mean?

00:59:40.300 Like he

00:59:40.660 could come

00:59:41.080 up with

00:59:41.340 some random

00:59:41.760 thing.

00:59:42.040 You're

00:59:42.060 like, oh

00:59:42.420 God, that's

00:59:42.900 all.

00:59:43.140 Okay.

00:59:43.680 Okay.

00:59:44.040 Now I

00:59:44.380 know where

00:59:44.740 we're at.

00:59:48.360 Um, but

00:59:49.340 yeah, just, I

00:59:49.860 just have the

00:59:50.360 conversations, you

00:59:51.460 know, age

00:59:51.900 dependent, bring

00:59:52.980 it up, share

00:59:53.760 it, ask

00:59:54.840 them a lot

00:59:55.200 of stories.

00:59:56.080 Yeah.

00:59:56.540 Yeah.

00:59:56.740 Ask a lot

00:59:57.160 of questions.

00:59:57.500 Yeah.

00:59:58.360 I don't

00:59:58.600 know.

00:59:59.500 I love it, man.

01:00:00.960 All right.

01:00:01.360 So we got, we

01:00:02.160 got a kind of a

01:00:02.800 one, two

01:00:03.180 question here,

01:00:04.440 Billy, Amaya

01:00:05.640 and Bob Ross.

01:00:06.700 They both have

01:00:07.320 kind of a

01:00:07.820 question around,

01:00:08.860 um, establishing

01:00:10.700 boundaries with

01:00:12.000 parents, right?

01:00:13.340 Billy.

01:00:13.780 He says he

01:00:14.700 has a three,

01:00:15.420 three year old

01:00:16.080 babe, uh,

01:00:16.760 three, three, 0.60

01:00:17.640 three week

01:00:18.400 year old baby.

01:00:20.220 Um, mom

01:00:21.620 keeps wanting to

01:00:22.240 have FaceTime

01:00:22.900 every single

01:00:23.420 day.

01:00:24.400 It's kind of

01:00:25.120 pain in the

01:00:25.660 butt.

01:00:26.080 He's, she's 0.99

01:00:26.900 constantly putting

01:00:27.480 strain on his

01:00:28.120 wife.

01:00:28.640 You know what I

01:00:28.940 mean?

01:00:29.140 His mom.

01:00:29.820 So grandma.

01:00:30.820 Yeah.

01:00:31.260 So grandma's

01:00:31.940 constantly want to

01:00:32.600 see baby all the

01:00:33.320 time.

01:00:33.680 And then Bob,

01:00:34.520 Bob's scenario

01:00:35.260 is, you know,

01:00:36.760 um, 72 year

01:00:37.720 old widowed

01:00:38.340 mother, um,

01:00:39.680 kind of spoiling

01:00:40.400 the eight year

01:00:40.860 old son.

01:00:41.460 Right.

01:00:41.860 And, uh, he, he

01:00:43.800 wants to be frank

01:00:44.580 with her and

01:00:45.180 address it and

01:00:46.320 some advice around

01:00:47.760 establishing those

01:00:48.540 boundaries.

01:00:49.980 It's hard for me to

01:00:50.980 imagine why this is

01:00:51.940 hard.

01:00:52.300 I'm not trying to

01:00:52.840 put these guys

01:00:53.400 down.

01:00:53.860 I just think that's

01:00:54.520 a really quick and

01:00:55.240 easy conversation,

01:00:56.100 you know, with, um,

01:00:57.360 was it Billy?

01:00:58.880 Yeah.

01:00:59.500 Um,

01:01:00.720 Billy,

01:01:00.940 Bob Ross and

01:01:01.700 Billy.

01:01:02.320 Yep.

01:01:02.720 Billy and Bob.

01:01:03.500 All right.

01:01:04.000 Yep.

01:01:05.040 Um, with Billy, I

01:01:06.400 think, I think that's

01:01:07.160 a pretty easy one.

01:01:08.240 If you've never had

01:01:08.940 the conversation, it

01:01:09.760 might just go

01:01:10.200 something, something

01:01:10.660 like this.

01:01:11.260 Hey mom, look, I

01:01:12.300 know you're so

01:01:12.800 excited about the

01:01:13.540 baby.

01:01:13.900 We are too.

01:01:15.320 And we're very

01:01:16.260 overwhelmed.

01:01:16.780 And Cindy or 0.99

01:01:18.600 whatever his wife's

01:01:19.360 name is, is, is

01:01:20.640 really overwhelmed.

01:01:21.720 You know, she's three 1.00

01:01:22.400 weeks into this and

01:01:23.300 she's got so much on

01:01:24.540 her plate and we

01:01:25.700 want you to be

01:01:26.280 included.

01:01:26.860 I want you to know

01:01:27.640 that we really want

01:01:28.800 you to be part of

01:01:29.380 this baby's life.

01:01:30.120 It's very important

01:01:31.200 to us and I know

01:01:32.140 it's important to

01:01:32.800 you, but we aren't

01:01:34.440 able to do FaceTime

01:01:35.380 every day.

01:01:36.240 We just, we can't do

01:01:37.040 it.

01:01:37.340 But what if we do

01:01:38.160 this?

01:01:38.780 What if we do

01:01:39.700 Tuesday night and

01:01:41.120 Thursday morning and

01:01:42.140 we just have a

01:01:42.820 standing meeting, you

01:01:44.320 know, every Tuesday

01:01:45.140 and every Friday or

01:01:46.100 whatever it is, we

01:01:46.940 just have a standing

01:01:48.260 Facebook, uh, uh,

01:01:49.780 FaceTime.

01:01:52.060 And outside of that,

01:01:53.300 like text me, mom,

01:01:54.480 like I want to hear

01:01:55.000 from you.

01:01:55.360 And if there's cute

01:01:57.160 things the baby's

01:01:57.880 doing or crawling,

01:01:59.520 like I'll send you

01:02:00.340 pictures, I'll send

01:02:00.960 you video, like I'll

01:02:01.920 include you and all

01:02:02.680 that.

01:02:03.080 But the FaceTime

01:02:04.020 thing, we just can't

01:02:04.720 do it with our

01:02:05.440 schedules.

01:02:06.040 I, I know it sounds

01:02:07.800 rude.

01:02:08.080 I just, I don't want

01:02:08.640 it to be rude, but

01:02:09.800 we're just, we need,

01:02:10.860 we really need to

01:02:11.680 make sure we have our

01:02:13.120 priorities straight.

01:02:13.780 It's very difficult

01:02:14.460 for us.

01:02:15.000 I don't, that seems

01:02:18.060 pretty easy to me.

01:02:19.460 Yeah.

01:02:19.920 Like you're not being

01:02:20.580 rude.

01:02:21.240 You, you aren't, your 0.99

01:02:22.260 intentions aren't rude.

01:02:23.480 You told her if we

01:02:24.640 don't do FaceTime, I'll

01:02:25.720 send you pictures and

01:02:26.500 video or I'll, I'll

01:02:27.960 send you a text and

01:02:28.800 say, Hey, baby slept 0.90

01:02:29.560 good for the first time

01:02:30.400 last night.

01:02:30.840 Like just include her

01:02:31.620 in other ways that only

01:02:32.420 take a minute.

01:02:33.660 Yeah.

01:02:34.600 How about Bob

01:02:35.440 spoiling the eight

01:02:36.440 year old?

01:02:36.580 Yeah, with Bob.

01:02:36.980 So it's, so it's Bob's

01:02:39.960 mother, she's widowed and 0.72

01:02:42.040 it's his son, the eight

01:02:43.420 year old.

01:02:43.680 Is that right?

01:02:44.340 Yeah.

01:02:45.300 Yeah.

01:02:45.520 Yeah.

01:02:46.540 Well, that one's hard

01:02:47.620 because she's lonely, right?

01:02:51.080 That's, I mean, she wants

01:02:52.580 to be included and she's

01:02:54.360 probably pretty lonely.

01:02:55.820 So that one's a little,

01:02:57.460 a little more touchy.

01:03:02.240 Word the question, say

01:03:03.420 the question for me one

01:03:04.280 more time.

01:03:04.660 Cause it seems like there

01:03:05.400 was a nuance in there.

01:03:06.840 Yeah.

01:03:08.160 To some degree, she is

01:03:09.720 allowed to do, do so, but

01:03:11.560 there are some things I

01:03:12.600 feel like I need to ask

01:03:13.660 her to stop and I know

01:03:14.680 this will cause some

01:03:15.520 hard feelings.

01:03:16.400 I have had the

01:03:17.440 conversation out and

01:03:18.900 will, but do you have

01:03:20.340 any ideas of how it

01:03:21.380 could be flank this

01:03:23.600 situation?

01:03:24.860 Yeah.

01:03:25.160 Okay.

01:03:25.420 Got it.

01:03:25.780 Yeah.

01:03:26.220 I don't know what

01:03:26.980 those hard things might

01:03:28.200 be, but maybe it's like

01:03:29.620 candy or junk food or

01:03:31.200 something.

01:03:31.540 I don't know.

01:03:32.500 And, and so, you

01:03:34.200 know, grandmas love to 1.00

01:03:35.260 spoil kids with candy and

01:03:36.760 just rotten food.

01:03:37.820 And maybe you and your

01:03:38.880 wife are like, we're not 1.00

01:03:39.760 doing that.

01:03:40.280 Like we're on a

01:03:40.880 healthy lifestyle.

01:03:42.500 So then that would

01:03:43.940 simply be, Hey mom, look,

01:03:45.540 I know you love little

01:03:47.660 Timmy, like, of course.

01:03:49.440 And he loves you and we

01:03:51.220 love you.

01:03:52.460 And I was really hesitant

01:03:54.140 to bring this conversation

01:03:55.260 up to you because I don't

01:03:56.680 want there to be any hard

01:03:57.560 feelings.

01:03:58.560 Remember what we said last

01:03:59.780 week about bringing the

01:04:00.800 objection up first?

01:04:01.680 What'd you call it?

01:04:03.160 Contrasting.

01:04:04.560 Contrasting.

01:04:05.000 So I really don't want

01:04:06.460 there to be any hard

01:04:07.320 feelings.

01:04:07.880 In fact, my goal of

01:04:10.180 telling this to you is

01:04:11.380 that we can all have a

01:04:12.400 better relationship because

01:04:14.200 we all know where we

01:04:15.000 stand.

01:04:15.780 How does that sound?

01:04:17.780 So you can't, you

01:04:18.860 contrasted and then you

01:04:20.400 told her the objective

01:04:21.280 of the call, which is a

01:04:22.620 better relationship.

01:04:23.600 She was going to want to

01:04:24.640 love to hear you say

01:04:25.520 that.

01:04:26.660 And then you say, Hey,

01:04:27.960 look, the things that

01:04:29.040 you're great with are this

01:04:30.220 and this and this, but

01:04:31.380 we've had boundaries in

01:04:32.560 our house and wife and

01:04:33.840 I have talked about with

01:04:34.940 little Timmy that these

01:04:37.240 are some rules that we

01:04:38.100 have in our house and we

01:04:40.240 just want to bring those

01:04:41.000 to your attention so you

01:04:41.960 can help us enforce those

01:04:43.160 rules and they're

01:04:44.140 important to us.

01:04:45.180 And then outside of

01:04:46.160 that, free for all.

01:04:48.220 Yeah.

01:04:48.820 But these things, it

01:04:49.820 needs to be done with

01:04:50.440 that and we want you to

01:04:51.520 help us be involved in a

01:04:53.920 meaningful and

01:04:54.440 significant way.

01:04:55.180 Can you do that for us?

01:04:57.260 Yeah.

01:04:57.720 Those are the first

01:04:58.520 conversations.

01:04:59.360 There's some escalation

01:05:00.560 down the road, but these

01:05:01.660 are the first

01:05:02.200 conversations.

01:05:03.180 Yeah.

01:05:03.400 And she may not even be

01:05:04.760 in the know, right?

01:05:05.680 Like, oh my gosh, what?

01:05:07.320 A grandma spoiling an

01:05:08.640 eight-year-old?

01:05:09.740 That's never happened

01:05:10.620 before, right?

01:05:11.360 Like she's doing what

01:05:13.220 grandmas do, right?

01:05:14.880 And, and, and she may not

01:05:16.520 know that you're trying to,

01:05:18.180 you know, not give the

01:05:19.280 eight-year-old, you know,

01:05:20.260 sugar all the time. 0.87

01:05:21.060 So give her the list of

01:05:22.060 what, what snacks he does

01:05:23.560 like, what snacks are

01:05:24.640 approved, what, what

01:05:26.100 activities you're trying to

01:05:27.200 enroll her in it and allow

01:05:30.300 her to spoil him

01:05:31.620 correctly in line to what

01:05:33.980 you guys are wanting to

01:05:34.800 do.

01:05:35.180 She just may not know.

01:05:37.400 I think where this could

01:05:38.800 get a little touchier is

01:05:40.380 when it comes to ideology

01:05:41.580 that happens sometimes.

01:05:43.340 So for example, let's just

01:05:45.380 say, hypothetically, you

01:05:47.180 are not a, again, I'm

01:05:49.740 as hypothetically, you're

01:05:50.800 not a believer.

01:05:51.760 And she is.

01:05:55.440 And so every time your

01:05:57.880 eight-year-old is over

01:05:58.840 there, she's just pounding 0.88

01:06:01.540 her with the gospel and you

01:06:04.560 don't think that's

01:06:05.160 appropriate or maybe vice

01:06:06.420 versa.

01:06:06.800 I mean, the role that could

01:06:08.140 be reversed where you could

01:06:10.060 be a church going family and

01:06:11.440 mom's not.

01:06:12.580 And she's like, oh, you're

01:06:13.500 sky God.

01:06:14.280 And I'm like, and being

01:06:15.280 insulting about it.

01:06:16.120 Like, yeah, those

01:06:18.760 ideological issues are, are

01:06:21.920 a problem.

01:06:23.100 And in those cases, you

01:06:25.100 might need to be a little

01:06:25.900 bit more firm.

01:06:26.640 Like, hey mom, like you

01:06:28.820 and Tim, you have a great

01:06:30.120 relationship.

01:06:30.720 We want you to have a

01:06:31.920 relationship with them.

01:06:33.420 But just based on the way

01:06:35.460 that we're raising him,

01:06:37.060 these three ideologies are

01:06:38.980 not okay with us.

01:06:40.300 So we're going to ask you

01:06:42.040 not to have those kind of

01:06:44.020 conversations with Timmy

01:06:46.200 or within these

01:06:48.320 parameters.

01:06:50.000 And, but we don't want to

01:06:51.320 create problems.

01:06:52.220 We don't want it to be

01:06:53.160 hardship, but we also want

01:06:54.480 you to have a good

01:06:54.900 relationship.

01:06:55.400 So that's why we need you

01:06:56.680 to help us enforce what we

01:06:59.500 have going on with little

01:07:01.780 Timmy.

01:07:02.480 Now, if it gets worse over

01:07:04.000 time, there's, there's

01:07:05.380 consequences.

01:07:06.400 And the consequences are

01:07:07.660 you get less time with

01:07:08.660 them.

01:07:09.560 And some people will hear

01:07:10.760 that and think, are you

01:07:11.420 just going to hold the

01:07:12.160 kit?

01:07:12.720 Yeah.

01:07:13.000 I have a greater

01:07:14.980 obligation to my child

01:07:16.560 than I do to my mother.

01:07:17.620 Of course.

01:07:19.560 So yes, if he's not in

01:07:22.660 an environment that is

01:07:23.660 conducive to his growth,

01:07:25.220 or I'm assuming it's a

01:07:27.000 boy, but might be a

01:07:27.740 girl, then yes, I'm not

01:07:31.200 going to allow him to be

01:07:32.360 in that environment as

01:07:33.200 much.

01:07:33.420 That is actually your job

01:07:34.680 as a parent.

01:07:35.540 Of course, that's your

01:07:36.600 job, but that's down the

01:07:39.020 road.

01:07:39.320 You can't do that by the

01:07:40.840 way, until you have the

01:07:41.960 first conversations.

01:07:43.000 Because she might say,

01:07:45.560 yeah, you know what?

01:07:47.200 I know.

01:07:48.340 You're right.

01:07:49.500 I know.

01:07:50.180 I'm, I am going to do, I'm

01:07:51.360 not going to talk about

01:07:52.220 that.

01:07:53.280 I bet she already knows if

01:07:54.940 it's an ideological issue.

01:07:56.940 Yeah.

01:07:58.060 Yeah, absolutely.

01:07:59.560 All right.

01:08:00.220 Cody, Drody.

01:08:01.620 Let's take this one as the

01:08:02.640 last one.

01:08:03.360 Sounds good.

01:08:04.120 I need some help.

01:08:04.860 I have unruly dog that 0.97

01:08:07.320 cannot get trained.

01:08:08.320 He is aggressive towards

01:08:09.600 other dogs in the house,

01:08:10.940 over toys, very dominant,

01:08:13.300 really just a bully.

01:08:14.380 He digs up my yard time and

01:08:16.380 again, old tree roots,

01:08:18.460 brings them to the door,

01:08:19.800 just a plain asshole of a

01:08:22.060 dog, yet very loving.

01:08:24.880 Long story short, my wife is

01:08:27.860 over it.

01:08:28.300 She wants to get rid of the 1.00

01:08:29.240 dog.

01:08:29.660 I agree.

01:08:30.480 It appears it has fallen on me

01:08:32.440 to break the news to our

01:08:33.620 10-year-old daughter.

01:08:35.880 I know what my dad would have

01:08:37.640 done, but I'm having a hard

01:08:39.160 time with this.

01:08:40.200 My daughter would be

01:08:41.160 devastated.

01:08:41.440 I know, I do too.

01:08:43.980 My dad would have done the

01:08:44.780 same thing.

01:08:45.680 Totally.

01:08:47.480 Now, this, I don't mean to be

01:08:49.660 insensitive, but I'm curious

01:08:50.720 what you think about this.

01:08:52.360 Past trauma of what my dad

01:08:54.080 did doesn't sit well with me.

01:08:56.060 My dad shot them on the spot

01:08:58.840 when he was over it.

01:08:59.960 Any suggestions on how to

01:09:01.320 handle this?

01:09:02.620 Yeah, well, that's what I

01:09:03.720 thought.

01:09:04.100 Like, I thought the dad just

01:09:05.560 drove him out, shot him, and

01:09:06.700 left him out in the desert or

01:09:07.720 whatever, because that's what

01:09:08.740 that era did.

01:09:10.380 Yeah, totally.

01:09:11.900 Yeah, so you say you have

01:09:13.400 past trauma about it.

01:09:14.440 Well, cool, then don't do

01:09:15.500 that.

01:09:16.960 Yeah.

01:09:17.580 Like, just take it to the

01:09:19.040 pound, or maybe, you know,

01:09:20.880 actually, probably better than

01:09:22.000 the pound is an animal

01:09:22.900 shelter.

01:09:23.620 There's plenty of animal

01:09:24.600 shelters around who take in

01:09:26.020 dogs like this that are

01:09:28.000 having a hard time, and so I

01:09:29.220 would, if you are going to

01:09:30.320 get rid of the dog, maybe look

01:09:31.360 at that first before the pound,

01:09:32.740 because they'll just kill

01:09:33.420 him.

01:09:34.340 Yeah.

01:09:35.080 So if that's a thing where

01:09:36.200 you're like, I don't want that

01:09:36.940 to happen, I wouldn't suggest

01:09:38.680 it be responsible for you to

01:09:39.960 rehouse him.

01:09:41.460 I mean, can you imagine

01:09:42.240 that, like, putting that dog

01:09:43.960 up on Facebook and saying,

01:09:45.160 hey, this loving dog and this

01:09:46.540 cute family gets it, and

01:09:47.680 then you're like, suckers. 0.94

01:09:49.240 And I'm not saying Cody would

01:09:50.560 do that, but there are people

01:09:51.880 who would do that.

01:09:53.780 Totally.

01:09:54.140 So I would say for this

01:09:55.560 particular dog is re-housing is

01:09:58.500 probably not an option, but an

01:09:59.960 animal shelter, like an animal

01:10:02.340 sanctuary, I don't know what you

01:10:03.500 call them, but something like

01:10:04.660 that would probably be a pretty

01:10:06.160 good situation.

01:10:08.160 Now, regarding your children,

01:10:10.040 just rip the band-aid off.

01:10:11.940 Hey, look, Fido is an asshole,

01:10:14.600 and we all know it, and it creates

01:10:18.320 a lot of drama around here, and I'm

01:10:20.500 actually worried about him maybe

01:10:22.780 even potentially hurting one of

01:10:24.600 you inadvertently.

01:10:25.640 I don't think you do it on purpose,

01:10:26.880 but inadvertently.

01:10:28.580 Yeah, being violent with the other

01:10:30.020 dogs, making a mess of our house,

01:10:32.180 and it's just not a good situation.

01:10:35.080 So here's what we're going to do.

01:10:36.060 I made some calls.

01:10:37.300 There's an animal sanctuary two

01:10:39.020 hours away where they take in dogs

01:10:41.940 like this that are behavioral issues,

01:10:44.220 and they take care of them and have

01:10:47.280 them live a good, happy life, and

01:10:48.720 they try to get them some training,

01:10:50.080 but he's not a dog.

01:10:51.680 He's not a family dog, and I know

01:10:53.140 it's going to be really hard for you

01:10:54.260 guys, but also we're making sure he

01:10:56.860 gets taken care of, and we also make

01:10:59.860 sure this family is in order, because

01:11:02.020 right now it's not.

01:11:03.420 Yeah, and my yard gets fixed.

01:11:05.520 It's about the yard, kids.

01:11:06.960 It's about the yard.

01:11:07.840 Hey, kids, go.

01:11:09.240 I was going to be insensitive, but

01:11:10.640 Cody said PTSD or something.

01:11:12.500 I was like, kids, go dig a hole.

01:11:16.580 Why, daddy?

01:11:17.440 It needs to be four feet by two feet

01:11:21.020 and three feet deep.

01:11:22.740 Go get it taken care of.

01:11:24.440 Oh, you're a dick.

01:11:26.380 You know, it's funny that I, but it's

01:11:28.500 I mean, I don't know.

01:11:30.320 It is.

01:11:31.340 If you have a dog that you love and

01:11:33.200 you're a kid, it's traumatizing.

01:11:35.440 Totally.

01:11:36.360 For sure.

01:11:37.100 For sure.

01:11:37.640 I just, you know, and, and we're

01:11:40.000 all raised differently, right?

01:11:41.380 Like I was raised on a farm, you

01:11:43.380 know, like, you know, a dog has a

01:11:46.540 limp.

01:11:46.920 Oh, let's put him down.

01:11:48.580 You know, it's like, you don't go

01:11:49.920 to the vet.

01:11:50.820 Yeah.

01:11:51.040 That's it.

01:11:51.820 It's just a different world.

01:11:54.780 I would say with Cody though has.

01:11:58.500 Yeah.

01:12:00.560 I don't know.

01:12:01.700 Depending on the situation.

01:12:02.880 If, if you have a dog, I have, there's

01:12:05.260 somebody in my life.

01:12:06.100 I'll just leave it like that.

01:12:07.260 That, that a dog nipped at a child.

01:12:11.340 No question.

01:12:12.740 Took it out.

01:12:13.680 Shot it.

01:12:14.180 Done deal.

01:12:14.760 Buried up.

01:12:15.360 Done.

01:12:15.580 Um, these are, most of these

01:12:18.040 people are old timers.

01:12:19.280 You know what I mean?

01:12:19.740 It's like you said, it's just, it

01:12:21.720 was just a different life.

01:12:22.740 But Cody did say something.

01:12:24.380 He said, um, uh, it can't be

01:12:28.200 trained.

01:12:29.140 I guess my first question is, have

01:12:30.860 you tried to get professional

01:12:31.980 training?

01:12:33.000 Yeah.

01:12:33.420 And maybe you, maybe that's why

01:12:34.420 you're saying it can't be trained

01:12:35.440 because you've tried that route and

01:12:36.400 it wasn't working.

01:12:37.360 But that's, that's, I would hope

01:12:39.320 that would be the first tier is

01:12:40.980 training then animal sanctuary, having

01:12:44.420 a responsible conversation with the

01:12:46.140 kids.

01:12:47.020 Yeah.

01:12:47.820 But it's not going to be easy

01:12:48.840 really to your point, right?

01:12:50.340 It's going to be an uncomfortable

01:12:51.360 conversation and it is.

01:12:53.160 But you guys have other dogs.

01:12:54.180 I don't, I'm not like a, I'm not 1.00

01:12:55.580 like a dog is family kind of person.

01:12:57.160 So I'm like, you have other dogs.

01:12:58.420 What's the problem?

01:12:59.160 I mean, I wouldn't say that about

01:13:00.020 my kids, but one goes, you're like,

01:13:04.480 I have three others.

01:13:05.280 What's the problem?

01:13:06.060 You know?

01:13:06.900 Yeah.

01:13:07.800 Yeah.

01:13:09.120 So, but everybody, every family

01:13:10.680 dynamics a little different with

01:13:11.860 pets.

01:13:12.740 Yeah.

01:13:13.560 It's, uh, really funny.

01:13:15.660 I was, um, man, this is actually

01:13:18.820 longer than I was going to say a

01:13:20.520 couple of years ago, but as a while

01:13:21.740 ago, go down to Elsinore, visit

01:13:24.020 the parents heading home late that

01:13:26.480 night, hit something on the road.

01:13:28.420 I was like, Oh no, I get out of

01:13:31.880 the truck.

01:13:32.380 There's a dog in the middle of the

01:13:33.420 road.

01:13:33.620 Right.

01:13:33.960 And I'm like, Oh man.

01:13:35.960 And then this guy comes running out

01:13:37.820 from his house and he's like, Oh no,

01:13:40.760 no.

01:13:41.220 And he's going over, you know,

01:13:42.660 laying over his dog.

01:13:44.660 And it's a guy actually went to high

01:13:46.520 school with him.

01:13:47.020 I'm like, Oh dude, how you doing

01:13:48.700 man?

01:13:49.100 And he's like, Oh good.

01:13:50.100 Kip.

01:13:50.420 How are you doing?

01:13:51.100 How am I doing my, you just killed

01:13:52.600 my dog.

01:13:53.120 How do you think I'm doing?

01:13:54.060 Asshole.

01:13:54.960 I don't mind.

01:13:55.620 Sorry, dude.

01:13:56.380 I, you know, it was dark.

01:13:57.940 You know, I think your dog just ran

01:13:59.080 across the road and I, I clipped her 1.00

01:14:01.000 Asia standing there by me and I go,

01:14:04.040 do you want me to go back to the

01:14:07.100 farm and go grab a rifle?

01:14:10.120 Right.

01:14:10.500 And he's like, ah, you know, I don't

01:14:11.840 know.

01:14:12.300 And we're just kind of sitting there

01:14:13.280 for a minute.

01:14:14.640 And then the dog pops up on its legs

01:14:16.520 and like walks off.

01:14:18.400 You're like, thank you.

01:14:20.240 I know.

01:14:20.800 And they just like, it's just like,

01:14:22.900 you just try to shoot the dog already

01:14:26.040 like a second ago and it's totally fine.

01:14:28.040 I'm like, it went under the tire of

01:14:31.880 the land rover.

01:14:32.720 I'm pretty sure it was going to die.

01:14:34.780 Right.

01:14:35.240 But, you know, and she's like, you're

01:14:36.700 so insensitive.

01:14:37.540 But I was like, no, I was not.

01:14:39.400 I was willing to do something

01:14:41.220 difficult.

01:14:41.720 It was out of being sensitive that I

01:14:44.280 was like, we should probably take,

01:14:45.620 you know, put your dog out of its

01:14:47.640 misery.

01:14:48.020 But let me tell you how normal people

01:14:51.720 here heard that story.

01:14:53.560 You were driving down the road

01:14:55.580 irresponsibly, probably too fast.

01:14:59.760 You tried to kill the guy's dog.

01:15:01.980 When he came out, he was an old friend.

01:15:04.000 You wanted to catch up while his dog

01:15:05.880 is laying in the road dying.

01:15:08.220 And then you ask him, how is he

01:15:09.760 forgetting that you almost killed his

01:15:11.240 dog.

01:15:11.880 And because you didn't do it right the

01:15:13.780 first time, you offered to try to kill

01:15:16.100 it again.

01:15:16.700 Yeah.

01:15:20.900 I actually have a story.

01:15:22.220 I was, I was young.

01:15:23.580 I was probably like 16 or 17 and I was

01:15:26.100 driving home from somewhere and I had to

01:15:28.640 crap my pants so bad.

01:15:30.700 So I'm like flying down the road.

01:15:34.000 Same thing.

01:15:35.100 I'm like, no.

01:15:37.920 And so I was just around the corner from

01:15:40.120 my house.

01:15:40.620 I run inside, do my thing because I had to

01:15:43.340 go come back out.

01:15:44.420 I looked everywhere for that dog.

01:15:46.720 Can't find the dog.

01:15:47.600 It was right around the corner and I

01:15:49.960 couldn't find him.

01:15:50.820 I looked in the ditch.

01:15:51.820 I looked off the road thinking maybe he

01:15:53.560 flew off or ran off.

01:15:55.400 Looked for blood, nothing.

01:15:56.820 So I'm kind of, that one's been with me

01:15:58.840 for a long time because that's, that's

01:16:00.600 horrible when you just, when you hit an

01:16:03.320 animal too, that's.

01:16:05.120 With a car.

01:16:06.000 It's rough.

01:16:07.340 It's rough.

01:16:07.820 We, we ran over a bobcat once when I was

01:16:10.200 little.

01:16:10.700 I, well, I wasn't little.

01:16:11.520 I was like 16, 17 in, uh, out in

01:16:14.540 parallel and we ran over a bobcat.

01:16:16.900 I was sleeping and I'm like, and we got

01:16:19.280 up.

01:16:20.020 Those things are big.

01:16:21.880 We killed it.

01:16:22.740 But I was like, holy cow.

01:16:24.220 Those things are massive.

01:16:25.480 See, if that was my family, we'd be

01:16:26.960 like, Hey, take that home.

01:16:28.080 We'll tan it.

01:16:30.260 We didn't tan it.

01:16:31.280 I think we just left it there.

01:16:33.340 I don't even think we took pictures.

01:16:34.920 How do we take pictures of it?

01:16:36.240 No phone.

01:16:36.880 That's true.

01:16:37.380 Huh?

01:16:37.620 You'll pull, draw, you get a, a, a, a

01:16:41.120 drawing pad out and sketch it really

01:16:42.800 quick.

01:16:43.220 Yeah.

01:16:44.640 Do like a little artist rendition of

01:16:46.560 it.

01:16:47.500 That's funny.

01:16:48.400 Um, you know, so reminder, a key, a

01:16:50.600 couple of key things as we wrap up,

01:16:52.120 right?

01:16:52.620 Preview call tonight.

01:16:54.220 Um, if you're listening on Wednesday,

01:16:57.140 8 PM Eastern standard time, the iron

01:17:02.080 council.com slash preview.

01:17:04.720 And, you know, we had some testimonials

01:17:07.340 around the IC.

01:17:09.220 Did you want to maybe read one or two

01:17:11.260 of those?

01:17:11.900 I'll read, I'll read one right here

01:17:13.220 real quick, just for the sake of time.

01:17:14.520 I'll just do one today, but this is

01:17:15.820 from Chris Davis who he's with battle

01:17:17.740 team Eagle.

01:17:18.300 And he said this, I've been a member

01:17:20.020 of the iron council since December of

01:17:21.800 2021.

01:17:23.000 So he's been around for a while.

01:17:24.780 Uh, in my time here, I've expanded my

01:17:26.700 business, happily remarried and hired a

01:17:29.520 business coach to help guide us.

01:17:31.180 All these things were made possible by my

01:17:33.160 work with my battle teams and other

01:17:35.140 members of the iron council.

01:17:36.600 Most of all, I have learned leadership

01:17:38.500 skills, which helped me in my business

01:17:40.580 family and community.

01:17:41.820 Uh, it has been worth every penny and

01:17:44.660 minute that I have invested.

01:17:46.060 And importantly, I have the opportunity

01:17:48.360 to share it with others.

01:17:49.920 Pretty cool.

01:17:50.660 That's awesome.

01:17:51.180 That was Chris, the dude Davis from

01:17:52.880 Eagle, you know, and I'm sure I can

01:17:55.720 speak for Chris in saying this, that's

01:17:58.080 all logistically probably accurate and

01:18:00.080 true and he gained strong relationships

01:18:04.160 with like-minded men that will probably

01:18:07.220 last the rest of his life.

01:18:09.160 Like those things are nice.

01:18:10.760 Well, that's part of what makes it

01:18:11.500 happen.

01:18:11.860 Better work and everything.

01:18:12.620 Exactly.

01:18:13.180 But that, that community that he's now

01:18:14.980 part of wasn't mentioned there, but

01:18:18.240 that's, that's, that's how that's

01:18:19.980 possible.

01:18:21.060 Right.

01:18:21.760 Yeah.

01:18:22.120 Yeah.

01:18:22.320 No, that's a good distinction because

01:18:23.700 you can't have what he's talking about

01:18:26.440 without two things, the brotherhood.

01:18:30.120 And so that's the network and the

01:18:32.020 frameworks or the systems.

01:18:33.240 So yeah, he's got them both.

01:18:34.660 Yep.

01:18:35.140 I love it.

01:18:35.960 Cool, brother.

01:18:36.640 Right on.

01:18:37.680 Well, Kip, appreciate you guys.

01:18:39.240 Appreciate you.

01:18:40.060 Make sure to check it out.

01:18:40.820 The iron council.com slash preview.

01:18:42.540 And the other thing that we talked

01:18:43.540 about briefly was our forge event.

01:18:45.300 May 1st through the 4th outside of

01:18:46.920 St. Louis at the men's forge.com

01:18:49.620 Guys, great questions today.

01:18:51.620 Hopefully we gave you something to

01:18:52.860 consider.

01:18:53.200 You now know that Kip is a murdering,

01:18:56.560 a dog murdering savage.

01:18:58.900 And, uh, uh, well, I don't, I don't

01:19:01.980 think that's true, but that's a, those

01:19:04.720 are tough, man.

01:19:05.620 I'm not sensitive to animals.

01:19:07.720 I, you can't, you can't live on a

01:19:10.300 farm and have your dad, a butcher and

01:19:12.960 be sensitive to animals.

01:19:14.680 It doesn't work.

01:19:16.580 Totally.

01:19:17.600 Yeah.

01:19:18.080 All right, guys, we'll be back on

01:19:19.580 Friday until then go out there, take

01:19:21.320 action and become the man.

01:19:22.600 You are meant to be.

01:19:27.820 Thank you for listening to the

01:19:29.040 Order of Man podcast.

01:19:30.760 You're ready to take charge of your

01:19:32.100 life and be more of the man you were

01:19:33.880 meant to be.

01:19:34.800 We invite you to join the order at

01:19:36.600 orderofman.com.

Order of Man - March 19, 2025

Finding Balance, Setting Boundaries, and Overcoming Struggles ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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