Order of Man - Finding Fulfillment in Any Job, The Power of Religion, and Dealing With Self-Doubt

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:05.000 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.500 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.240 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.380 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, welcome to this week's AMA.

00:00:28.180 This is Kip Sorensen. I'll be running solo today. Mr. Mickler is out, I believe, hunting with his boy

00:00:35.860 this week. And so I will be addressing the questions that you guys have submitted

00:00:41.160 through our Facebook group. That's at facebook.com slash group slash order of man, as well as a few

00:00:47.580 questions from our iron council. You guys can learn more about the iron council or exclusive

00:00:52.580 brotherhood by going to order of man.com slash iron council. And my apologies, but Mr. Mickler

00:01:00.100 will be back with us next week. And I will be just filtering the questions that, uh, that we've

00:01:05.680 roughly have left over from, uh, last week in the week before. So we'll go ahead and dive into this.

00:01:10.920 A few of these questions I've actually, uh, purposely did not answer mostly because they're very specific

00:01:17.540 to Ryan, whether it, some investments in Maine and his thoughts on, um, you know, some of the

00:01:23.880 equipment that he uses when he goes hunting and those kinds of things. And so I've, I've kind of

00:01:28.560 pushed those questions into next week's, uh, AMA. Uh, but the questions I felt were, uh, kind of

00:01:35.100 applicable and that I felt that I was, um, perhaps might have some insights to provide you guys. I will

00:01:41.880 go ahead and be building those today. So, all right, well, so we'll go ahead and get started. So our first

00:01:46.960 question is by Alex, uh, Travalent, what's the best way to approach or help someone that you see

00:01:53.760 is struggling with any issue in life. And instead of just telling that person, Oh, it'll be okay.

00:01:59.540 Or this is only temporary. So how do we, how do we help people versus kind of the default behavior?

00:02:04.680 I assume Alex, for most of us is to say, Oh, it'll be okay. And just give it some time and,

00:02:10.580 and whatever. And, and I think you asked this question because I think a lot of us

00:02:14.400 kind of feel like that's a cheap, that's a cheap response to maybe someone's struggle

00:02:21.220 and a little bit of it might be complete BS. Um, if we're struggling with something, uh, it'll be

00:02:29.100 okay. Or it's just temporary and it will pass may not be what that person or what we need, uh,

00:02:36.320 particularly, uh, in, in, in particular when we're struggling with something. And so I say,

00:02:41.620 I think the first thing that we have to identify is, are we in a position to actually provide some

00:02:47.280 guidance? Uh, obviously there's a lot of cases where someone just needs a listening ear, someone

00:02:54.060 to bounce some ideas off of, and maybe you're not in a solid relationship with that individual where,

00:03:00.580 where you can really even give them some advice. Uh, so I, I think let's just assume that's in place

00:03:07.080 that that relationship's established. And when they're discussing their struggle with you,

00:03:12.820 they're doing so from a position of wanting to get some advice, because as we all know,

00:03:18.700 uh, and we talk about this often within iron council, we can be lighthouses, right? We can provide

00:03:25.480 some guidance and direction, but forcing people or, you know, kind of coursing them into change.

00:03:31.740 There's, there's no such thing. And so we can mostly be a lighthouse and, and obviously we're

00:03:36.740 a lighthouse most of the time through our actions, but in some cases, right, there's some words of

00:03:41.400 advice in which we can offer. So, so let's just assume that that's that relationship established

00:03:46.300 and you're in a position to be able to provide some guidance. I think the first thing to answer

00:03:50.500 your question specifically is to ask them, what is the game plan? If someone is going through a

00:03:57.520 struggle, they need to have a plan. What do you plan to do? How are you going to address this issue?

00:04:04.540 What ideas do you have? And literally ask them. So they create that dialogue with you. And that

00:04:10.480 generates the thought process of what could they possibly do to learn and grow from the situation,

00:04:17.640 which is the second question I'd ask is how do you plan to deal with this issue? And what,

00:04:23.300 where is the opportunity or what is the opportunity to learn? You guys have heard me say this many times

00:04:28.860 on this podcast. You want to live a life with no regret. You'll learn from your mistakes. You want

00:04:35.260 to make this struggle an amazing thing in your life. You'll learn from the struggle. You progress,

00:04:40.480 you become a better individual. And so I would pose that question to them is how do they plan to deal

00:04:45.660 with it? And what's the opportunity for them to grow and learn? Struggles are fine. As long as we learn

00:04:52.160 it is when we don't learn that we are wasting that struggle. And you want to make sure that if it's

00:04:58.200 someone that you care for, let's say a friend, that they're not wasting this struggle, that it's

00:05:02.780 something that they use to progress. And I think once you start the dialogue with those few questions,

00:05:07.140 then you can start providing some necessary insight. But I really think it starts off with

00:05:11.640 them asking and creating that dialogue. So they start pondering what is there to learn and how do they

00:05:16.560 deal with it? And what's the game plan? Super hard to answer that question without kind of

00:05:21.100 specifics. But Alex, hopefully, hopefully that helps. All right. Craig Downey, my wife and I are

00:05:27.380 separated. It is due to my insecurities. What is the best way for me to gain confidence in myself?

00:05:36.720 Craig, I would ask, what actions are you taking that warrants your confidence?

00:05:43.740 Like, honestly, determine, do you deserve confidence? What are you doing to grow it?

00:05:55.820 And once you answer that question, and assuming that maybe there are some things that you aren't

00:06:01.760 doing, then the question would be, well, what are you going to do to gain confidence? A lot of

00:06:07.180 confidence is through experience. And so how do we create experiences to get more confident?

00:06:13.740 I'll use jujitsu as a very common thing. When you first walk into a jujitsu gym for the first time,

00:06:19.640 we have a lot of guys on this podcast that listen that just started doing jujitsu. I have a lot of

00:06:24.040 guys reach out to me, letting me know. When you first walk in there, you're not very confident.

00:06:29.020 In fact, there's tons of unknowns and you're not sure what's going to happen and you're worried

00:06:33.600 about getting hurt and all types of insecurities. I'm going to look like an idiot. I mean,

00:06:38.260 and by the way, this is applicable to everything, right? You pick up a brand new hobby and you're a

00:06:42.980 white belt in that hobby. You're going to feel insecure. Why? Because you don't know what you're

00:06:47.040 doing. So I think the first thing is to get to the point and accept the fact that you're a white belt

00:06:52.920 and you're okay with it. And yet you're there to learn. And then through the process of learning

00:06:59.780 and through the grind of doing something, you gain confidence. The problem is, is I think a lot of

00:07:07.180 people don't gain confidence in certain aspects of their life because they never take the necessary step

00:07:12.180 to be uncomfortable to start dealing with that insecurity. So you have to look at those areas

00:07:19.120 where you're lacking confidence and take intentional action and do those things to build confidence in

00:07:26.260 those areas. All right. Chase Saxton, do either of you deal with self-doubt? And if so, how do you

00:07:33.520 overcome it? No, Ryan does not deal with self-doubt. I have no idea. I'll let him answer that question,

00:07:38.600 but let me say it this way, Chase. I think to some extent, all people deal with self-doubt or at

00:07:45.200 least, let me say it this way. People have self-doubt thoughts and self-doubt is just a noise

00:07:52.660 unless you give it power. Let me say that one more time. Self-doubt is just a noise unless you give it

00:07:59.600 power. Thoughts come and sometimes we can't control those thoughts that enter our minds. But what we can do

00:08:06.600 is decide if we ponder on them. And what we can certainly do is control our actions that are

00:08:13.780 related to those actual thoughts. Thus, self-doubt is only an issue if it takes me off the court of life

00:08:20.100 and to ensure that that doesn't happen, I need to trust the process. And so let's talk about what is

00:08:26.920 the process, right? Because I think self-doubt thoughts show up all the time, at least for me,

00:08:31.580 they do. So maybe that's the answer to your question. Yes, they certainly show up. So how

00:08:36.800 do I make sure that they don't, that they're just noise and they don't make a lasting impact in my

00:08:41.440 life? I trust the process. We talk about a lot in this podcast. We talk about battle plans in the

00:08:46.340 iron council. We have a system that we call the battle plan, which is where we establish visions.

00:08:52.560 We have objectives and we have tactics in which we tackle over a 12 week or a 90 day period of time.

00:08:57.220 And so if I have a vision, I'm focused on that goal, what I need to accomplish,

00:09:01.960 what is the objective and what are the daily tactics I need to do? Well, my commitment is to

00:09:07.900 those tactics to reach that objective. That's my, that's my commitment, not to this, not to the

00:09:16.020 self-doubt thoughts. And so in that process, if I trust that process, I do it anyway. If I have

00:09:21.800 self-doubt and say, Hey, you know what? I can't, I can't accomplish this. I can get my black belt.

00:09:27.460 In, in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. Well, guess what? I keep just going to class anyway.

00:09:31.420 And I push through the self-doubt, the self-doubt talk or, or whatever. And I trust in the process

00:09:36.680 that it's going to work out. And then, and don't get me wrong. Cause this may come up. Some of you

00:09:40.760 guys may say, well, Kip, sometimes those, your plans need to change. Sure. Right. We can pivot.

00:09:46.300 Right. But for the most part, I think far too often we give up on the process because we think it's

00:09:52.380 not going to work. We have too much self-doubt. We, we stop doing the diet. We stop doing the

00:09:57.400 workouts. We start doing whatever tactics we're working on. And we go another direction because

00:10:01.380 we don't think it's going to work. Well, how do you know? You never even finished the process.

00:10:05.260 You didn't even see it through for all 90 days. So for me, it's really about trusting that process

00:10:12.100 and, and sticking with it and seeing it to the end and being committed to the commitments that I've

00:10:17.300 made to myself, as well as to the other men on my battle team and, or my family, uh, based upon

00:10:22.680 the tactics that I've established, uh, for, for the next 90 days. All right. Luke Davis, I've heard

00:10:30.140 you mention, um, or others in some podcasts, you dislike the word authentic and you like genuine

00:10:35.600 instead. I would like to understand that it is likely in another podcast I found it's likely in

00:10:41.160 another podcast that I have not found yet. So I'm going to speak for Ryan a little bit, and maybe we can

00:10:46.820 have him correct, uh, correct me if I speak, uh, incorrectly for him today. But I think Ryan's

00:10:53.820 primary issue with the word authentic is one it's used too often. And then two people use it as an

00:11:00.400 excuse. And, and you could even use genuine as a possible excuse. It's just people use the authentic

00:11:06.020 one a lot. And so let me give an example. Well, this is just the way I am, right? I'm this,

00:11:12.700 I'm this personality and we do it in multiple ways, not just like being a quote unquote thought

00:11:17.760 authentic, but we'll put our labels on ourselves. Well, I'm not a morning person or I'm this or I'm

00:11:23.420 that. And, and in the order of man podcasts and within the iron council, we call BS on that

00:11:30.360 because you are who you decide. And that's based upon the actions you take. And so I think Ryan

00:11:38.380 feels that you, people use being authentic as the excuse of not changing and not having a growth

00:11:44.960 mindset and, and, and using it as an excuse of, well, that's just the way I am. And that's me

00:11:50.180 being authentic. Me personally, I love the word authentic. Um, but I think that's kind of the,

00:11:55.400 the gist that, that Ryan has, or the, that's the gist of the issue that Ryan has with that potential

00:12:00.540 word. Um, let me share some additional thoughts. I think authentic is being real with yourself

00:12:07.240 and your shortcomings. It's, it's almost a form of humility and being genuine with yourself and

00:12:15.320 where you're at in life. And, and I say it that way, because I think when you're authentic, you're

00:12:21.100 not putting on a front when you're authentic, you're okay. Admitting that guess what? I don't

00:12:26.040 know this. It's, it's almost the opposite of having a lot of ego and, and by being authentic in

00:12:33.080 this example, you put yourself in a position to learn, right? I used the analogy earlier,

00:12:38.920 right? If I'm a white belt and I go into the gym and I'm not authentic about with the idea of like,

00:12:43.900 Hey, guess what? I have no idea what I'm doing, but I'm walking around like I do. Well, then I'm

00:12:48.040 not in my mindset's not in a position of learning to be open to new ideas, to, to soak in a lot of

00:12:54.660 information and learn and be excited about it. No, no, I'm too, I'm too worried about, you know,

00:12:59.380 how I look and looking good and avoiding looking like I'm a complete idiot in front of other people.

00:13:04.400 That's not being authentic. So that's, that's my definition. All right. Sean, uh, buzzer today's

00:13:11.520 my birthday. Do you have any birthday tradition? So first off, Sean, happy birthday. I think like

00:13:16.560 a week and a half ago. So we had a huge backlog of questions, man. And, and so unfortunately I don't

00:13:22.640 get to wish you happy birthday on your birthday, but, uh, you know, happy birthday a week or so ago.

00:13:26.980 Um, so traditions for me, um, I don't work. I do not work on my birthday. Uh, it's been a long time

00:13:34.080 since I've worked on my birthday. So I will take that day off. And what that day looks like is a

00:13:39.640 day of all the things I enjoy doing the most. So it's usually, um, sleeping in a little bit,

00:13:45.800 go to the gym late, maybe, I don't know, 9am hit the gym, come home, have a late breakfast,

00:13:53.740 uh, with my beautiful wife and family. If they're, if they're there, if it's on a school day,

00:13:58.080 obviously it's just with my beautiful wife, which is also really nice. Then I'll probably

00:14:02.400 more likely most of the time I'll go to jujitsu, uh, during the afternoon class. Then I might run up

00:14:09.400 to a snowbird and go snowboarding. Um, I've done that a handful of times by myself. I just

00:14:16.000 bring some headphones and I'll just board all day long,

00:14:18.720 or I'll go out and just hang out with a family. And then I'll try to do jujitsu again in the

00:14:25.360 evening class. Uh, and then usually as a family, we'll all go out to, to dinner together. So that's,

00:14:32.120 uh, I don't know. I'm not sure if that's tradition, but my def, I'm not sure if that counts as a

00:14:37.160 tradition, but me not working is certainly tradition. I will not work on my birthday.

00:14:42.040 It's just the way it is. All right. Peter Wesson, do you think that socialism is less

00:14:48.120 masculine system than capitalism and why? Oh man, Peter, are you going to get me in trouble with

00:14:53.660 all these political questions? All right. So here, here's my take. First off, there's two

00:15:00.320 aspects of socialism that I want to talk about. And I, and I think we always think about the one,

00:15:06.760 but not the other. All right. Well, depending on your political viewpoints, you might think of one

00:15:11.180 and not the other. And then the other side looks at the other scenario, not the other. So

00:15:15.360 socialism, there's the aspect of taking, right? This idea that, um, I'm in a position where I'm

00:15:23.420 not as, um, I want to use the word efficient, but that's not the term, but I'm, I'm not as

00:15:30.140 financially off or I don't have as much stability in my life as maybe someone else. And due to the

00:15:36.380 socialist system, I get assistance. There's that aspect of it. Then there's the other aspect of it

00:15:42.020 is, Hey, you know, I'm really well off. I do well for myself. I provide a great income and thus,

00:15:47.980 um, a lot of my income is spread out and provided benefits to others.

00:15:54.580 Here's my thoughts. First on taking care of yourself. Ryan wrote a book, uh, sovereignty.

00:16:01.720 If you haven't purchased that book, you can find it on Amazon or most bookstores. I'd suggest reading

00:16:07.760 it that is at the very center of what we do, um, in the order of man and iron council. It is to be

00:16:14.600 a sovereign man. It is not to be dependent on others for your happiness, for your wellbeing is

00:16:20.300 not to be dependent on others for, you know, to provide for your family and those kinds of things.

00:16:24.960 And so capitalism by default kind of lends itself to, Hey, if you want to make it in life, you need to

00:16:31.600 find a service or a product in which provides value to other individuals. And through that process of

00:16:37.740 providing a service and a really good product, you will reap the rewards of it. I like that a little

00:16:43.380 bit better than, uh, you know, it depends. And if, if I'm on having a hard time, I'll get a handout.

00:16:48.360 The other part that I like about this as well is men do amazing things when their backs are up against

00:16:55.960 the wall. We really do. And anybody that's in a, in a hard time and a tough circumstance in your life,

00:17:02.980 you are in the midst of the moment that might cause major breakthroughs in your life.

00:17:10.400 When now I know we always look at those situations as negative, we immediately go,

00:17:15.240 Oh man, this is a bad situation. Should it be this way? And we make it wrong and all these other

00:17:18.280 things, but that's where really growth is, is in those hardships. And so even on the hardship portion,

00:17:24.820 man, I, you don't, I don't know. I don't know if I want handout. I think I want,

00:17:30.440 I think I want to drudge through it and figure it out. Um, I'm okay with my back being pushed to get

00:17:36.820 against the wall. Now I say that now we'll, we'll see if something comes down to, uh, down the path

00:17:41.780 of life for me that, that I can't deal with. But, but regardless, I think that's where growth is.

00:17:47.020 The second part of this is the giving and providing assistance to other people. I think there is a

00:17:53.760 major difference between me having financial wellbeing and me choosing to provide financial

00:18:04.780 assistance or a tithe or whatever to different organizations and nonprofits with my own money.

00:18:11.960 I think that is a different experience when it's done that way versus when it comes out of like my

00:18:20.540 taxes and I'm not actually actively participating on where that money goes. I think they are

00:18:26.900 different. I, at least I feel differently about it. There's a big difference. Like for instance,

00:18:31.920 in our church, um, I pay a tithe. Now I know that that tithing money actually provides value,

00:18:39.660 but it doesn't feel as good when I write the check and actually give it to a nonprofit

00:18:47.540 or I go there and provide assistance. Those are two different things. And so I kind of like the idea

00:18:53.800 of individuals being in a position to actually provide service as well as financial aid to others,

00:19:00.620 um, due to their own decision and not being forced upon them. And I think we rob ourselves of that

00:19:06.180 experience through kind of a socialist mentality. I am sure Ryan would have a lot more thoughts for you

00:19:13.940 there, Peter, but, um, that that's my take on, on whether it's less masculine. And so let me just

00:19:18.720 answer the question. I think capitalism by, by far is more masculine by default. Um, mostly because

00:19:25.900 it puts you in a position to have to be more sovereign. All right. Dewey Whittle, what role do

00:19:32.680 you see faith and religion having for men? I know many men, including myself, use our faith as part of our

00:19:38.820 moral compass. And I'm interested to hear your thoughts on this topic. All right. So first off,

00:19:46.820 I was speaking with, um, a counselor, um, a therapist, man, it's probably been about six months

00:19:56.400 ago. And we're talking about children that have religion in their lives versus kids that don't.

00:20:03.460 And when there is a moral compass, and this is his words and not his exact words, but I'm

00:20:09.880 paraphrasing for him. When kids have a moral compass or moral kind of guidelines, which often religions

00:20:17.700 provide, uh, in, in our lives, the child has a much more, um, hardened approach to determine what

00:20:28.420 they will and will not do. Right. A kid is not going to, you know, his desire to commit sin is so much

00:20:36.300 more different if it's tied to a religious belief versus if it's not, because if it's not, then what's the

00:20:42.840 reason, right? What's the reason for my kid not having premarital sex? It's not society. It's not his

00:20:52.540 friends. I'll tell you that much. Right. According to, you know, I'm sure his friends and other kids

00:20:58.440 at school, like that's totally acceptable. So you tell me why he wouldn't or why he, why he shouldn't.

00:21:05.360 Well, society is not helping us out in that area. And, and so I think that's one, one obvious

00:21:11.780 benefit is right. It's, it's providing a moral compass to our young kids. Um, I think the other part

00:21:18.420 is it creates a purpose driven life, something that transcends worldly concerns that, that we have

00:21:26.520 a tendency to kind of get wrapped up on that. There's a greater purpose for you on earth. There's

00:21:31.300 a greater purpose of what this life is all about. And I think it allows people to deal with problems

00:21:36.380 as well, right. To deal with death. There's a major difference, major difference. I've been to multiple

00:21:42.220 funerals. There is a major difference. When I go to a funeral of someone in a family that was

00:21:47.420 religious that believes in the afterlife or, or something versus not, there's a different level

00:21:55.200 of, I don't know, different level of peace and sadness that it's just different. And, and I think

00:22:03.820 that's what religion and faith has a place for us is it gives us kind of a greater meaning of why

00:22:10.760 we're here on earth and, and allows us to look at our worldly things that we constantly deal with and

00:22:16.500 say, guess what? These transcend, like the eternities transcend these worldly concerns that

00:22:22.700 I'm dealt with. And it kind of puts things in perspective. Uh, I use the term, just have

00:22:27.340 maintaining an eternal perspective and the grand scheme of things, a lot of what we're dealing with

00:22:33.020 now, I think in the end, we'll look back on and, and just think it was a kind of a joke that we

00:22:38.660 were even upset at half of those things. So that, that at least that's the role that I think faith

00:22:43.340 in religion plays for me, uh, and can play for a lot of men. Now, I don't, maybe I shouldn't even

00:22:49.720 have to say this, but like, you know, obviously do people utilize religion to justify evil? For sure.

00:22:58.940 Uh, that doesn't necessarily make the religion wrong. It just means that men are, are incorrect.

00:23:04.860 Men are folly. And, and by the way, we use everything for excuses to justify our actions,

00:23:12.300 whether it be other people's actions, the traffic and, you know, our own internal dialogue, let alone

00:23:18.180 religion. So men have been doing that for decades. I don't necessarily think that that makes organized

00:23:24.480 religion necessarily a wrong thing. At least for me, I think it has put me in a position to be,

00:23:30.380 um, a far greater man that I would, would be normally if it wasn't for, uh, for that religious

00:23:37.680 perspective in my life. Jean-Pierre Cicillio, how do you make your battle plans? Uh, do, uh,

00:23:47.520 do you make a different one? How do you do your battle plans? Do you make a different one for your

00:23:51.200 business, home and church and et cetera? So Jean, I, I don't, I have one battle plan. I don't do like a

00:23:59.700 business one, a home one or a church one. Uh, I think your battle plan should transcend all those

00:24:04.560 things. Um, one of the things that, that I like to think, or I like to kind of pitch at, at journey

00:24:11.760 team where I work is work-life balance is not, and this is my take. So we'll, and this is what I tell

00:24:18.620 my team, but we'll, we'll see if this, uh, agrees with the entire organization as a whole, but,

00:24:22.640 but work-life balance is not like the separation of work and life. It's where they compliment each

00:24:32.020 other, where my work compliments my home life, that it benefits my home life and my home life

00:24:38.200 benefits my work. I don't think we live in a vacuum. Ryan uses that term all the time. We don't.

00:24:45.480 And it's folly to assume that one does not affect the other. Yeah. I, I told my team, right? It's like,

00:24:51.720 Hey, if you're hitting the gym on a regular basis, very personal thing, unrelated to work

00:24:56.160 whatsoever. But if you're hitting the gym every day, guess what? You're going to be a more

00:25:00.320 productive employee. That is the reality. If your marriage is going well at home, guess what happens

00:25:06.040 at work? You are enjoying work. Trust me. I know this. I've been to a divorce and I, and I, and I got

00:25:12.540 fired from my job after my divorce. Why? Because I was a worthless employee because in the grand scheme of

00:25:21.120 things, I felt like at that time, my, my life was falling apart. Nothing else mattered, including

00:25:26.680 work. So your home affects work. Work affects home. Church. Don't give me, even get me started

00:25:32.700 about that concept. Church is your way of being. It should be your way of being, by the way. It's not

00:25:38.400 like a Sunday thing. It's right. How your, your religion should be so integrated on who you are as

00:25:44.120 individual that it's not, I mean, we shouldn't even call it church. We should just call it like

00:25:47.680 being you. That's what church is. And so I like to keep those fully integrated into my battle plan

00:25:54.340 because I think they're all one in the same. And so if there's an aspect of work that's suffering

00:25:59.080 and it's a priority, it's on my battle plan. If it's something in my personal life, then it's on

00:26:03.540 my battle plan and same thing for religion. So, um, so I like to keep those integrated. Now

00:26:08.260 with that said, I have played with this idea and I haven't implemented this per se, but I have played

00:26:13.880 with this idea of implementing kind of like a corporate battle plan for a team. Now the quadrants

00:26:20.360 probably wouldn't necessarily be the same maybe, but I've kind of been playing with that. What does

00:26:25.440 that look like to integrate kind of a team battle plan, not individual battle plans, but a team

00:26:31.060 oriented version of that. Um, and we've set some quarterly goals and things on my team in the past,

00:26:36.440 but we haven't really broken it down into like daily tactics per se. So I've kind of played with

00:26:42.840 that idea, but it would not Trump whatsoever. My, my personal battle plan. So, all right,

00:26:49.300 Grant Grinswig, any advice for couples who are dating in, uh, dating and in long distance relationships,

00:26:56.240 maybe some things you wish you had known or done differently before you got married.

00:27:01.100 Oh, I see. So there's two aspects of this general advice for couples who are dating period,

00:27:06.220 and maybe those that are in long distance relationships. So we'll, we'll tackle both of those.

00:27:11.120 So the first one is, you know, things that I wish I've done differently. Um, number one, um,

00:27:20.580 and this is more kind of tied towards marriage more than it is kind of the dating, but realizing that,

00:27:28.640 um, that it's difficult and that's kind of normal. And don't make the first argument as like

00:27:39.140 evidence that, Oh, something's wrong here. I made a mistake. I shouldn't have gotten married,

00:27:43.480 or this is not the right girl. I don't think that's the case. Um, I think relationships with

00:27:49.660 the opposite sex is super difficult. Um, I think you'll have arguments and I think that's very,

00:27:55.440 very normal. And you should eliminate this idea that quote unquote, something is wrong when that

00:28:01.900 happens because then you're, you're, you're, you're dealing with that current situation from

00:28:08.620 the perspective of having an expectation, that expectation, not being met. And then you just

00:28:13.580 hold onto it. Oh, it shouldn't be this way. It shouldn't be this way. And you never, and then

00:28:17.140 you stop dealing in reality. Guess what? It is that way. So now what are you going to do about it?

00:28:21.980 Let go of that expectation a little bit. Now, of course you want to establish some expectation

00:28:27.260 because, you know, and, and if it's a really difficult dating, obviously, uh, you may want

00:28:32.360 to stop dating and, and use that as evidence of why you shouldn't be getting married. But,

00:28:36.000 but I think the idea that, that getting clear on the perspective of that it's difficult, that you'll

00:28:42.080 have disagreements and, and your ability to deal with those disagreements and work through them

00:28:47.940 is perfect evidence of your ability to be married. The second one is that getting married is not

00:28:54.740 going to make things easier. It's just going to make things harder. And having kids is also going

00:29:00.720 to make things harder. So don't get into this space of like, we have some insecurities in our

00:29:06.460 relationship, but once we get married, oh yeah, those are going to go away. No, they're not. If

00:29:11.160 anything, it's just going to, things are going to get amplified and be even more difficult than it

00:29:15.620 was when you're, when you're dating. So kind of keep that in mind. Things should be pretty blissful

00:29:20.140 during that dating phase for the most part. Um, knowing that it, you know, it, it will be tough,

00:29:25.680 um, eventually as well. And there'll, there'll be some, you know, rocky spots. And, and by the way,

00:29:30.680 I have to say this, like, don't, don't accept that as like a status quo and that's okay. It's okay

00:29:36.360 that we argue all the time. Like, no, like seek for excellence in your, in your marriage, seek for

00:29:41.700 common ground and understanding and affection and kindness and all those things. Seek for that.

00:29:48.260 I'm not saying settle. Um, but, but don't make it wrong when, when there's hardships that, that

00:29:53.860 arise. Um, other things I would say is the concept that both individuals are bringing baggage into the

00:30:04.400 relationship and, and, and being aware of what that baggage is, particularly for yourself and

00:30:12.180 realizing what you're going to bring into the real ship and put on your partner. Guaranteed you have it.

00:30:18.260 And guaranteed she has it. And part of marriage is accepting the fact that you're both going to

00:30:23.680 have to deal with it. So figure out, I can't think of a better word, figure out your shit as much as

00:30:31.480 you can, um, before getting married. So that way you're in a position, um, to be fully present for

00:30:37.860 your spouse and, and not put her through the ringer because you haven't dealt with a bunch of

00:30:44.020 insecurities or issues, uh, in your own personal life. So I would try to address those as much as

00:30:49.880 possible, um, going into a relationship, uh, long-term or long distance relationships. I don't

00:30:55.840 know if I have any advice here. Um, you know, I dated a girl at one point that was in a different

00:31:02.060 state and it was very dramatic. It seemed very dramatic. Oh, this will never work. And we'll never,

00:31:09.020 you know, figure it out. And, and, and I kind of took it from the approach of like, it'll work out.

00:31:14.080 Like if this is really what we want, it'll work out. And, um, and ironically enough, it actually

00:31:21.040 worked out in a way. Um, let me say things evolved in our relationships where it could have worked out

00:31:27.060 and actually the whole distance thing wouldn't have been a problem. Um, but, but we ended up breaking

00:31:31.840 out, breaking up before that actual came, but it was, it was interesting how much drama there was

00:31:36.920 around this idea of like distance, like, Hey, you know what, if you find the right girl,

00:31:41.820 um, you'll figure it out and figure it out. I actually come from the camp of who you marry

00:31:47.580 is probably the most important decision you'll ever make in your life. That is who you have children

00:31:52.900 with. That is who you'll spend the rest of your life with. So that's a really, really important

00:31:58.120 decision. And if you find the right person, you find the right person. Like I think all the other

00:32:02.380 stuff is noise. So, um, yeah, just act on it. I think Harley Migley, how, uh, how to do a,

00:32:12.120 a no contact with my soon to be ex-wife while contacting the kids every day.

00:32:20.280 This is tough, man. So Harley, I'm assuming you're making a phone call. What, what just assume both

00:32:27.300 it's a phone call or you're picking up kids and you know, you're, you're seeing one another and

00:32:33.500 you're dealing with it. Um, first off, it's going to be hard. Uh, I don't think there's anything that

00:32:38.740 you're going to quote unquote, like adjust on your side. That's not going to make this hard.

00:32:43.460 It's going to be hard. I've done this. And then there's different avenues of this. That's going to

00:32:47.900 be hard. It's going to be hard seeing her first of all, and you're going to want to get into it.

00:32:51.600 Maybe initially and kind of like, I don't know, maybe you're trying to repair the relationship or

00:32:55.900 wonder back or whatever. You're going to be, I have all those temptations. Then eventually one

00:33:00.620 day she's going to show up at the house to drop the kids off. She's going to have a boyfriend with

00:33:04.720 her. Then you're going to have to deal with that one. And then there's going to be a birthday where

00:33:10.580 the boyfriend comes to the birthday party and you're there and you have to hang around the schmuck.

00:33:16.620 You know what I mean? And he's hanging up, hanging around your kids, being all lovey-dovey with them.

00:33:20.800 That's going to drive you mad. And then eventually over time, it's just not going to matter anymore.

00:33:29.800 I personally think that the best thing that you can do is let go of the anger. If there is,

00:33:35.860 if there are any and focus on having empathy, really get to the place. I'm assuming at one point

00:33:43.880 you loved her, get to the place where you want her to be happy and you wish the best for her and

00:33:54.160 honestly try to get there. It will take time, but it's hard. It's super hard. I struggled with this

00:34:01.480 for a long time, but it just takes time. And I, and I don't know, at least for me, there was no

00:34:08.580 particular tactic that kind of, you know, Oh, once I did this, it was fine. No. And maybe at first,

00:34:15.000 maybe one thing I did a little bit at first is I try to avoid her as much as I can, you know,

00:34:19.940 make sure the drop-off was really quick or the exchange was fairly quick. I try to not get into

00:34:25.080 dialogue. I would try to do that stuff initially so I can move on. I think the main thing, and we talk

00:34:33.240 about this in other areas, not just like ex-wives and divorces, but just struggles in life, focus on

00:34:40.580 yourself, focus on bettering yourself, find a cause, find purpose, just totally get after it in all areas

00:34:48.100 of your life. And you're going to start realizing your focus is on something bigger and you've kind

00:34:54.320 of moved on and you're focused on bigger, better things. Focus on your kids. How can you be an

00:35:01.220 amazing part-time dad? How do you pull that off? And it's hard by the way, but what a challenge

00:35:09.460 take on that challenge, figure out how you are there for your kids and you are the best part-time

00:35:14.900 dad there ever was. Focus on that, focus on whatever it is to make you better. And that's going to help

00:35:19.780 you kind of move past that relationship and, and having to see her often, but it's, it's super tough

00:35:25.200 and it may just take time. So good luck. Elijah Palmer, looking at getting back into Brazilian

00:35:32.960 jujitsu. Way to be Elijah. And I could use some suggestions on getting back into it with a pretty

00:35:39.340 full schedule, church wife work. How often do you recommend I do Brazilian jujitsu to be able to

00:35:44.940 see good improvements and avoid knowledge going in one ear and out the other? Also, what key things

00:35:51.400 should I look for in an academy in a school? All right. First off, let's just kind of give the

00:35:58.640 general advice that, that most guys get, um, when it talks about how often do you need to be training

00:36:03.880 to actually progress? I think that's three days a week, more the merrier, but I think you almost

00:36:11.220 have to do a minimum of three to actually be progressing. Um, you know, it's obviously different

00:36:17.400 for everybody. You may learn different from other, you know, than someone else does. And so I'm just

00:36:21.840 kind of sharing what I hear a lot of professors say to different students and, and what was the

00:36:27.400 truth for me? I trained for years, you know, once a week and it was just, I swear I was just learning

00:36:33.980 enough to like show up and just get my butt kicked and then I'd leave. And I'd be, it was so frustrating.

00:36:39.660 It's not until, um, I was living in New York and I started training with, uh, Vitor Shaolin where I went in

00:36:46.500 there and I started training every morning, four days a week. There was a major change in my Brazilian

00:36:51.840 Jiu Jitsu and how quick I was learning when I was consistent, which is ironic, right? It's like,

00:36:57.380 Oh, that's shocking. Yeah. Guess what? This is applicable to everything. Once you're consistent,

00:37:02.060 all things start working out a lot better. Right? So I would say at least three. Um, but in the same

00:37:08.680 breath, like I'd also argue that if you can't do three and you can only do two, well, two is better than

00:37:13.760 zero. So I wouldn't necessarily say you have to do three or you shouldn't do it at all. I'd still

00:37:18.960 train. I mean, I sometimes if work is really busy, I only get one weekend, uh, one day in, I should say,

00:37:25.840 and I still train. I like, I don't, you know, blow it off because I can only get one day in. So

00:37:31.380 do what you can, but I think three is where that magic number is. Um, suggestions getting back into it.

00:37:38.320 Um, just go stop listening to the noise in the back of your head about like, well, not today. Today's too busy,

00:37:44.520 whatever. Like I have a tendency to do this. I create, like, I almost think like today's the exception,

00:37:49.940 like today's like some special day. And because of that, I'm not going to do certain things because well,

00:37:55.240 today's busier than normal days. And guess what? Every day is the same. So I think you got to make it a priority.

00:38:01.500 Um, and I don't know what kind of job you have, Elijah, but for me, like my calendar has Brazilian

00:38:07.100 jujitsu on my work calendar. I schedule it just like everything else. And sometimes now, sometimes

00:38:12.980 I'll depend on the client and project or whatever, I'll compromise and I'll skip and whatever.

00:38:17.520 And I'll let that boundary through. But in other cases, no, I establish a boundary. This is when I'm

00:38:23.320 doing Brazilian jujitsu. I am going to go because if you don't make it a priority, it's just not going to

00:38:27.680 happen period. Uh, and once again, like everything else in life, right, you have to establish boundaries

00:38:33.300 and make things priority or otherwise everyone's just going to trample over them. Right. And you're

00:38:38.240 not going to, you're not going to get your time in, um, pretty full schedule, church, wife, and work.

00:38:44.440 You know, I don't know, man. Uh, I, I had this analogy. Um, I read this book, man, is years ago when

00:38:50.220 I was in college. And at the time I was super busy, by the way, I was like going to school full-time,

00:38:54.720 I'm working full-time. I had no time. And I was reading this book and I don't remember the book,

00:38:59.060 but it, but it suggested that you track your time for a solid two weeks down to 15 minute increments.

00:39:07.160 When I did that, I realized I have time. I'm wasting tons of time in a whole lot of different

00:39:12.760 areas. So I'm assuming that might still be the case for you, Elijah, where it feels like you're

00:39:18.000 pretty full schedule, but you could probably squeeze it in and, and at least squeezing an hour of

00:39:24.600 training or, uh, open mat sparring or something. The other thing that you might want to consider

00:39:31.340 is once you're back in and you kind of have some training partners that you enjoy,

00:39:35.680 you know, go to class early and get some drilling in for 30 minutes. If that's all that you can do,

00:39:41.040 at least go drill with someone for 30 minutes on the side of the mat and get that time in worst

00:39:45.620 case scenario. So that's another consideration. Uh, key things I should look for in academy or school.

00:39:51.560 Uh, this is super tough. Cause I don't want to like throw some school under the bus. That's

00:39:56.300 actually an amazing school because of some stereotype. Um, me personally, if you really

00:40:02.080 like it's Brazilian jujitsu that you're after and not anything else, I would try to go to a Brazilian

00:40:09.300 jujitsu school, not a MMA school that happens to teach them jujitsu or a karate school that teaches

00:40:15.800 jujitsu, like go to a Brazilian jujitsu school. The second things I would check into is kind of

00:40:21.380 what, what's the, um, hierarchy, right? Where's the black belt from? Who did he get his black belt

00:40:26.500 from in the world of jujitsu? And this is becoming super hard to do, but the, the closer you can get

00:40:32.160 to the, to the root, to the tree of where it all started. Typically that's a, that's a really good

00:40:38.040 thing. Um, but I get it. Like some guys, you might have an amazing black belt, um, that, uh,

00:40:44.040 you know, trained underneath, uh, Andre Petanaris and, and he could be a horrible teacher. So

00:40:49.460 just because who he got his black belt matters, that matters doesn't necessarily mean that he's

00:40:54.280 a good instructor either. So, um, so I get that there's some exceptions to that, to that thought.

00:40:59.260 The other thing I would consider too, is a lot of schools will allow you to do like a one week pass

00:41:03.440 or a week free, even go to a bunch of different schools. See if you can get a couple of days in,

00:41:10.660 go training with their, see, see the, um, the different personality types of the, of the group

00:41:16.340 that you would potentially be training with, see the, uh, instructor style of teaching. And,

00:41:21.660 and I think by doing that, you're going to realize that one school or the other kind of resonates

00:41:25.760 with you a little bit. And, uh, and that will help kind of identify which, which solutions the

00:41:32.420 best or what school is the best for you. All right. Jordan Westfall, other than participating,

00:41:38.240 how can someone who joined the group within the last few weeks, get up to speed on the culture

00:41:43.940 expectations and history of this group? Thanks. So Jordan, I'm assuming you're talking about the

00:41:49.940 order of man, Facebook group, which is really interesting because I'm going to, I'm going to

00:41:54.060 kind of, if you guys don't mind, I'm going to suggest a few things that I think is kind of unique

00:41:59.620 to this group or this culture in which, or this movement is Ryan would say.

00:42:03.980 Okay. So you have the order of man podcast. Obviously we have the AMA on Wednesdays. Ryan

00:42:09.960 does an interview show with just some amazing stellar people on Tuesdays. And then Ryan does

00:42:15.540 a Friday filled notes on Fridays. And that's kind of the foundation of, of where a lot of

00:42:23.800 things start. Then we have the iron council, which is an exclusive brotherhood. We have, um,

00:42:30.240 kind of this membership where you sign up, you get assigned a team and you're rubbing

00:42:36.800 shoulders with like-minded men that are focused on becoming better. You're holding each other

00:42:41.660 accountable. We have, um, exercises and calls on a weekly basis. And there's a lot, there's

00:42:47.600 like a whole subculture that exists within the iron council. Then I think this, this Facebook

00:42:53.660 group is kind of like a mini subculture of the IC. That's, that's kind of how I see it. You have

00:42:58.900 the iron council. And then we have kind of, I don't know what you want to call it, but

00:43:03.180 we kind of have like a, an influence subculture within the Facebook group. And I say it that

00:43:08.780 way because, and I'm going to maybe be mean to the Facebook group guys. It's not the same.

00:43:15.280 There is major difference between the conversations that we see on that Facebook group versus what

00:43:20.720 we see in the iron council, like a drastic difference. And, and sometimes I'll hop in that

00:43:27.060 Facebook group and I'll see comments to certain questions, or I even just see the question.

00:43:31.340 And I think, man, this guy has no idea. Like he totally is not, he doesn't get it yet.

00:43:37.160 Like he hasn't even figured it out. Iron council. That's a whole different story, right? I never

00:43:42.460 have that complaint with someone from the IC. Why? Because those guys are at a different level

00:43:47.060 that that's just the reality. And so, so Jordan, even though the Facebook group may be a great

00:43:53.560 thing and it is, and it is a good thing. There's, there's a lot of good conversation happening

00:43:57.460 there. There's guys, you know, sharing ideas and concepts. We share a lot of the podcast episodes

00:44:02.800 there. Ryan shares videos there. A lot of the guys from the iron council participate there.

00:44:08.260 But also don't judge this movement by all the noise in the Facebook group either, because

00:44:13.800 I mean, I think there's like 70,000 guys within that group. And let's just be frank. There's a lot

00:44:19.720 of idiots in that Facebook group as well. And we try to monitor that as much as possible

00:44:24.560 and kind of trim out the noise per se. But that's going to show up every so often. So

00:44:31.380 participating. Yeah. Stand for other guys, start the conversations, stand up for other guys,

00:44:37.160 give them some insights and ideas and feedback, reach out to other guys in the area that are

00:44:44.100 following the podcast that are like-minded, rub shoulders with them that just participate

00:44:48.580 really. Culture, like things that you could ramp up. I think Ryan's book sovereignty is

00:44:55.320 at the very foundation. So I think by listening to the podcast, getting that book, the book

00:45:01.380 actually breaks down how to use a battle plan. So you can actually purchase a battle planner

00:45:07.220 online at the store.orderofman.com, get the battle planner, get sovereignty, work through the

00:45:14.780 issues, post questions in the Facebook group, ask guys to hold you accountable, et cetera. That's

00:45:20.540 what I would do. Justin Finney, how does one maintain the post-workout pump for the remainder of

00:45:28.460 the day? So Justin, I'm assuming like the pump meaning like being swole from the workout?

00:45:37.160 Well, I don't know, man, continue to work out throughout the day, right? So if it's a Monday,

00:45:44.180 international chest day, after your workout in the morning for the rest of the day, keep doing

00:45:48.660 pushups every couple hours. And I think you'll keep that pump. So other than that, I'm not sure

00:45:54.080 what you mean, man. Or maybe you're talking about just the pump of like energy. And to that, I'd say

00:45:59.800 the same thing, throw in a midday jog into your day. Some of the guys in the office, which I

00:46:08.160 completely love, we haven't done it for a little while, but we were, some of the guys have been

00:46:12.680 reading the book by Goggins. And so we're getting all Goggins around here. And so every so often we'll

00:46:18.960 have, someone's like, all right, let's burn out. And they'll do just burnout pushups. Everyone, you

00:46:23.080 know, handful of people stop working and just bang out a bunch of pushups and then get back to work.

00:46:27.740 So, and it kind of gets the blood flowing and you're feeling better about it. That's one reason

00:46:32.360 why I love doing jujitsu in the middle of the day during my lunch break is it kind of helps me keep

00:46:37.420 going, uh, and get rejuvenated for the day. So John Wells, what are some best practices that you have

00:46:44.940 found beneficial when starting a new field from a business owner's perspective?

00:46:49.400 Be the white belt, be the white belt and be excited about it. Remove the ego about looking

00:47:01.040 bad or I'm going to look like an idiot. I don't know what, just be a white belt and say, man,

00:47:04.500 I have no idea what I'm doing. Ask all the questions, get excited about learning and just

00:47:11.180 be authentic with where you're at and just really put that learning hat on and be excited about the

00:47:17.480 data and the information being presented to you and let go of the ego. That's, yeah, that's what I

00:47:24.320 would do. Um, I do think that, um, no, actually here's a couple other thoughts. The other ones I

00:47:31.420 would add, uh, and these are things that we look for when we hire new, um, candidates within, uh,

00:47:38.200 our company, we see if they're hungry. Are they hungry to learn? Are they hungry to succeed?

00:47:46.260 Right. And there's a little bit of like enthusiasm and energy that comes with hungry, right? If you're

00:47:51.020 hungry, you're kind of getting after it. The second is humble. That's important because if you're not

00:47:57.240 humble, you're not willing to learn. And you're going to walk into a scenario. We're going to try

00:48:00.800 to ramp you up, train you up or whatever. And if you have a lot of ego, you're not going to be

00:48:04.760 listening. You're not going to be in a position to learn. So humility. The second, the third is

00:48:10.800 smart. Are you smart? Are you capable of learning? Um, so I'd really focus on that, especially if it's

00:48:17.700 a new field, right? You're not going to be smart at it, but you can be smart on how you learn.

00:48:22.280 So I'd be really intentional in regards to how you're consuming the data. How do you ramp up as fast

00:48:27.380 as possible, um, when picking up new stuff? And the last is, do they care? And there's a little bit of,

00:48:34.000 I don't know why, but when I think of that care portion, I, I, I think of integrity. Do they care?

00:48:40.300 Do they care to do it right? Do they care to take the extra mile and do like a polished job?

00:48:47.000 How do they show up in the office? Do they care about the other individuals? Do they care about

00:48:51.160 the business as a whole? So maybe that's my advice, John is, is I'd focus on those three things,

00:48:56.880 being hungry, be humble, be smart, and care. If we have candidates that are focused in those four

00:49:04.940 areas, they're usually, we're excited about hiring them when they meet all four of those. And you can

00:49:11.580 see where if they don't have one of those, it might be a no-go, right? You can have a candidate that's

00:49:17.860 hungry and smart and they care, but they're not humble. And that's, that's almost a no-go,

00:49:22.880 right? You don't want to be dealing with someone's ego and being arrogant all the time.

00:49:27.820 So, all right, Chris Dalton, when is Ryan going to break out the guitar and sing us the dance?

00:49:37.100 I don't know, man. I don't think it's going to happen,

00:49:39.420 but we'll have to harass him next week and see if, uh, let's see if he's going to,

00:49:45.760 I don't know, pick back up the guitar and, uh, sing us a song on here. But, uh, he's,

00:49:50.600 he's certainly shied away from it whenever we keep bringing it up. So I don't think it's going

00:49:54.980 to happen. Maybe we'll talk to his wife and see if she can catch him, uh, try and do some,

00:49:59.520 uh, singing there in the house when no one's around. All right, Doug Osgood. I just wanted

00:50:05.920 to pick up, pick your brain about finding fulfillment in unfulfilling work. Currently,

00:50:11.500 my job provides nothing more than a paycheck due to really stupid financial choices of my youth

00:50:17.900 that are on a track of recovery. I cannot afford to jump ship. I know sometimes we just need to man

00:50:24.280 up and do what needs to be done, but I can't help, but wonder if there is a way to frame it

00:50:29.500 in a more fulfilling light. And I'm just looking for some ideas. I think you can frame it in a

00:50:38.380 fulfilling light. I really do. Now, Doug, this is super hard because I have no idea what your job is.

00:50:44.360 And so you might have a job that like, I would really struggle finding fulfillment in, but maybe

00:50:51.820 you focus on finding fulfillment on how you show up and the man that you choose to be regardless of

00:51:01.560 the work. So let's assume that you have just, I don't know, the worst, worst job ever. And it's

00:51:10.820 unfulfilling and it's just horrible and whatever. Well, how you show up in that job and the kind of

00:51:17.100 man you are, that could be fulfilling. How you represent yourself and how you stand for other

00:51:25.060 people and how you communicate with others. Like, I think you could find fulfillment and it's not so

00:51:31.540 much in the work, but it's fulfillment in yourself in spite of the work. Jocko talks about this a lot on

00:51:39.280 his podcast is like, you know, if you're going to be the guy that has to sweep the room, be the best

00:51:44.540 guy who sweeps the room. Like be amazing at it. Play the game. Look for scenarios in the job that

00:51:51.760 you're like, okay, you know what? I hate this, but guess what? I'm going to do it. And I'm going to

00:51:55.820 find fulfillment in being great at something that I hate doing. Or be competitive. Look for avenues

00:52:03.800 where you can be succeed in certain areas better than everyone else. Guaranteed, there is a lesson

00:52:10.260 to be learned in the current job that you have. I think, regardless of what the job is, I think

00:52:15.720 there's an opportunity for you to learn and grow. I think you need to focus on how do I find it?

00:52:21.680 And that way, when you step away from this job and you take on something new that you didn't waste your

00:52:27.100 time, that it wasn't just a job for a paycheck, that it actually ended up being something far

00:52:33.560 greater. And you never know. Opportunities may present themselves strictly by you changing how

00:52:39.120 you show up. And if you're really, really struggling in that from like the day-to-day work

00:52:43.900 aspect, then focus on the relationships. And then if you say, well, Kip, man, but the relationships,

00:52:50.180 all these people I work with are complete idiots. Well, guess what, Doug? Maybe you should change

00:52:53.960 your mentality on judging individuals and assuming that they're idiots. Maybe that's where you find

00:53:00.120 fulfillment of getting to know people that I don't get along with, seeing their point of view,

00:53:06.440 learning how to be dynamic with other relationships. I think there's a lot there that you could possibly

00:53:12.920 do. One thing that crosses my mind that's a little bit related to this is, and this is super,

00:53:19.840 and it's interesting. I mean, it's, it's, it's sad. Um, and it's just fresh in my mind. So we,

00:53:26.500 we had, um, we had an employee that, that passed away yesterday. Um, she got hit by a car on the way

00:53:34.780 to work, new employee. She's been around for just a couple months, young girl. I think she was a

00:53:41.580 developer. First thing that crossed my mind, how was I, or what part did I play in making sure that

00:53:52.260 she felt welcomed at this company? That she was appreciated that she loved coming into the office?

00:54:01.620 How, how good of a job did I do? Or was she just kind of a new employee that I didn't really know

00:54:07.560 that well. And I didn't have a chance to talk to yet and didn't really get to know her, which by

00:54:12.340 the way, it's the latter. And so there's a little bit of like learning, you know, lessons learned here

00:54:17.600 for me where I'm like, man, you know what? Life is precious. It's short. And, and it did cross my

00:54:24.500 mind actually weeks ago where I'm like, you know, I need to like talk to her a little bit. I don't know

00:54:28.800 anything about her. You know what I mean? She's kind of shy a little bit. And I thought I need to do a

00:54:35.360 better job at that. And then finding out that she passed away is like, damn, you know? So now

00:54:42.480 could that have helped on her insecurities or, you know, her experience of working at a job or

00:54:50.220 whatever? Yeah. It could have made a big difference far too often. I think we think that the impact

00:54:58.080 that we play in other people's lives is not that big of a deal. I think it's a big, big deal.

00:55:03.540 And I think most of the time we're completely oblivious to it. We're oblivious. Who's looking

00:55:09.720 to us? We have a tendency to like, okay, our kids and our spouses and whatever, and, and people we

00:55:15.420 look up to, we care about how they think about us. Right. But we, we fail to realize how many people

00:55:21.620 are kind of looking to us as a, as a house light for guidance and direction, or at least we could

00:55:30.620 be providing guidance and direction through our actions and how we show up and how we interact

00:55:34.860 with them. So Doug, maybe focus on those relationships and maybe that's where you find

00:55:38.860 fulfillment in this job. But the key thing is though, just like tough circumstances that we

00:55:43.600 talked about earlier, don't waste this time. Like, don't, don't, don't approach this as like,

00:55:50.420 well, it's, it's not the job I want. So I'm, I'm just kind of getting by and I have to man up.

00:55:55.540 No, don't actually don't waste the time. Find the value in what you're doing right now

00:56:02.080 and grow. So figure out how you grow from this current circumstance. So then that way, when you

00:56:08.040 leave, you don't look back and say, well, that was a waste of, you know, two years of my life or five

00:56:12.520 years of my life. No, find the value, figure out how you can grow from the circumstance. And I think

00:56:17.340 by doing that, you're going to find fulfillment. Keith Baxley Jr. I am self-employed and my wife

00:56:24.000 is a stay at home mom raising our son. I don't make a lot of money, but we get by. My question

00:56:30.540 is, how do I get better at making time for my family stuff? I always feel like I have to jump

00:56:36.120 from one job to the next. And before I know it, the day and the week is over. I sometimes get

00:56:42.100 overwhelmed with worry of being the only provider. Um, so let's address that overwhelmed and worried

00:56:52.200 about being the only provider. You should be order of man, protect, provide, preside. Provide

00:57:05.180 is on there and being a provider is sometimes overwhelming and is sometimes stressful, but

00:57:12.700 it's highly rewarding. So don't make it wrong that you're overwhelmed by it. Use that. If you're

00:57:21.320 stressed out about it and you're worried about it, use that, use that to motivate you, figure out

00:57:25.680 what you need to do to provide better. So you're not stressed out about it. That's, that's what I

00:57:30.980 would focus on is, is use that as, as fuel to get in a position where you're not so worried about it.

00:57:36.820 And then when that happens, then you start focusing on, okay, well, and then how do I make

00:57:41.020 sure I'm not worried about a rainy day? How do I make sure that I have a backup plan if I lose my job

00:57:46.820 or disability? And then you start worrying about these bigger things. And then you start, and then

00:57:51.200 at that point, when you're not worried about providing for your own family, then you start

00:57:56.020 worrying about something else. How can I provide for other people? How can I help other people?

00:58:01.440 Worrying is not necessarily a bad thing. That means you're passionate about something. You're worried

00:58:05.120 about it. That's good. Worry about it, but use that fuel to become better. I think that's,

00:58:10.660 that's kind of like the, the approach that I would take on the whole worrying and overwhelming side.

00:58:14.580 Um, jumping between jobs and feeling overwhelmed in regards to like family time and work and

00:58:22.380 balancing all that. You got to be intentional. It's just like I was mentioned earlier with

00:58:25.940 jujitsu. You got to schedule your family time. That's just like work if you have to. And I know

00:58:31.680 that seems weird. Some people are like, you know, I don't know. Oh, you shouldn't have to provide

00:58:35.760 like no joke. At one point I was kind of doing random acts of kindness was like a goal that I had

00:58:41.020 with my spouse. Guess what I did? Scheduled my random acts of kindness because I'm a guy. I have

00:58:46.820 intensity to get like focus on work and I'm really good at it. And I'll just narrow in and I'll focus

00:58:51.040 on that. And then I'll forget other things. So I, I established those boundaries. I'm intentional

00:58:56.260 with what it looks like to show up for my family and schedule them just like you would schedule work.

00:59:02.100 I, I think if you do that, you're going to make the time because you're making a priority.

00:59:07.020 So intentionality is everything. And that could be everything from making, being sure to be home by

00:59:15.020 a certain time. Second, I would say another possibility would be turning your phone off

00:59:19.920 when you get home. That way, when you are with your family, you're actually with them and not just in

00:59:25.380 the room being distracted with something else. By the way, I need to take my own advice on that.

00:59:30.840 So don't be distracted. Be intentional with your time. Schedule time with your kids. I would even

00:59:36.180 schedule one-on-ones or dates. I take my little girls on dates and they like are constantly like,

00:59:42.760 when's, when's my, when's our next date? Like that's something that they just completely love

00:59:46.640 and enjoy. I think there's a lot of ways that you can integrate your family into what you're doing.

00:59:52.600 Maybe not necessarily work, but like my kids have been to the office. They love coming to the office.

00:59:58.220 Like if I have to swing by the office and do something really quick, I bring them with them.

01:00:01.900 They grab some snacks out of the kitchen. They think it's the best thing in the world.

01:00:04.620 So figure out how to integrate them. Let them be part of your life. If you're working out on a

01:00:10.000 regular basis, okay, well then how do you work out with your wife and the baby? Put the baby in a

01:00:15.620 stroller. You do your runs together in the morning. Spend some more time with each other. So I think

01:00:19.320 there's a lot of creative things that you can do to spend together time as a family and still have

01:00:26.960 work and your personal focus at the same time. So I think it's just intentionality is the key there.

01:00:34.620 All right. Alec McGill. I grew up with no boundaries, which has made life difficult as

01:00:41.100 an adult. I struggle with both putting up boundaries and respecting other people's

01:00:45.620 boundaries as well as my own. How does one go about fixing this?

01:00:51.700 This is really interesting. And I'm really curious, Alec, like, what does that look like? What does it

01:00:57.980 look like when you're not establishing boundaries, like kind of specifically? And maybe that's my ask to

01:01:02.620 you guys that are going to submit questions in the future. Like sometimes be specific.

01:01:09.420 Sometimes, and I say specific for two reasons. One, so we can answer the question to the best of

01:01:15.820 our abilities. But two, there's a really high probability that someone else is listening to

01:01:21.180 this episode with this question. And if you were probably more specific with your question,

01:01:26.460 they could relate. And if we're too vague and where there's kind of like a backstory or too vague or

01:01:32.700 whatever, then it's harder to relate to those scenarios. So if you're willing, I would, I would say

01:01:38.960 maybe be a tad more specific. So that way we can all benefit from the question.

01:01:44.540 Regardless though, Alec, here's my thoughts.

01:01:46.920 Whenever you want to fix something or change something for me, I think getting clear on the

01:01:56.040 cost, both emotionally and intellectually is critical. Why, why do you want to set up boundaries?

01:02:05.760 Why is that important to you? What's the drawback? If you don't, what's the benefit? If you don't

01:02:11.000 and like ask the deep question, like a few wise deep, right? Like sometimes I give an example.

01:02:21.300 We talk about working out, for instance, if I asked you guys, you know, what's the benefit of

01:02:27.720 working out? Most of you would reply, uh, cause I'm healthier. Oh, that's true. What's the bigger

01:02:34.400 impact? If you have kids, what's the impact of you working out? Oh, you're being an example.

01:02:40.980 That working out is a healthy way of being, huh? That's good. Push it a little bit further,

01:02:47.660 right? Do you think that your kids may inherit your way of being? If you're eating crap all the

01:02:56.840 time and you're highly unhealthy, what's the probability of your kids are going to do the

01:02:59.900 same thing? Really high. Actually, what's the impact on them? How does that going to affect their

01:03:05.880 upbringing? What kind of man or daughter do they, how do they show up in life due to that example that

01:03:12.740 you gave them? See, we started getting a couple of levels deep into there and all of a sudden you're

01:03:17.360 like, dang, I need to start working out. Right? So get present and get the intellectual and the

01:03:25.220 emotional buy-in of why you need to establish boundaries. And then second, I would be intentional

01:03:31.700 and establish where those boundaries are ahead of time. And maybe establish key boundaries that

01:03:38.100 kind of fire you up initially and decide before the situation arises, right? Like we want to say,

01:03:43.180 okay, I need to establish a boundary in this area. When this happens, this is how I'm going to handle

01:03:47.040 it. And this is maybe identify the different areas that might occur, different things that might

01:03:55.280 prevent you from establishing that boundary or keeping that boundary work through the use case

01:04:00.140 and make those decisions now before they show up. So then that way you can act on them. And I think

01:04:06.000 through that effort and through consistency, right, you're going to start not only getting the benefits

01:04:13.700 of establishing those boundaries, those healthy boundaries, but you're also going to create some

01:04:17.900 momentum and some confidence and you're going to kind of even iron out some of the unknowns, right?

01:04:26.400 And so you start establishing boundaries. You may not realize some of the caveats that might occur.

01:04:31.000 And so you need to start taking action and see what occurs and pivot and adjust and, and work through

01:04:36.140 it. And maybe even specifically ask questions about what boundary are you having to struggle with?

01:04:42.880 Because setting one boundary with one person about one thing is so drastically different.

01:04:47.080 And then if it was a different relationship with someone else. So, uh, and maybe the, even the

01:04:52.560 approach would be drastically different too on those boundaries. All right, Jay Carlson, while you

01:04:58.240 were separated, how did you find the balance between working on yourself and working on your marriage?

01:05:02.820 I feel like if I completely focus on myself, my wife might think I'm not working on our marriage

01:05:07.600 at the same time. I know I can't worry about her thoughts, but I, but I can't neglect her a hundred percent

01:05:14.220 either. So Jay, I think you address this with the idea that working on yourself benefits her.

01:05:24.600 So I think you need to also get present to what are the things that you're working on? How does it

01:05:30.980 benefit you? And how will it benefit your marriage? Now I'm assuming your marriage is a priority. So part

01:05:37.220 of working on yourself is you as a husband and how you show up. One of the things that Stephen Covey taught

01:05:44.580 in his books, seven habits of highly effective people is establishing the roles that we play in

01:05:49.800 life, right? So if I look at my life, for instance, I have the role of husband, the role of father,

01:05:56.120 of brother, of uncle, of boss, of employee, of business owner. There's all these roles. How am I

01:06:06.640 showing up in each of those roles? Am I doing amazing in those different roles that I play in

01:06:12.000 life? Am I okay at it? Like rate yourself. And, and obviously your marriage is a really,

01:06:19.360 really important aspect of this. So how are you showing up as a husband? And, and I think as you

01:06:25.000 focus on working on yourself, a lot of that should, or some of that should be, how do you show up as a

01:06:30.480 husband? How do you treat your wife? How present are you? How energetic are you? How, how, what's your

01:06:36.040 fitness that affects her drastically? So I would just make sure that, that working on yourself

01:06:41.980 doesn't mean that it's not benefiting your marriage and it's not benefiting your wife.

01:06:46.440 Make sure it is. For our, so often we we've seen this time and time again within even the iron

01:06:51.960 council where someone will say, ah, you know what? I really don't have a goal around relationships

01:06:56.720 and my spouse because you know, that's, that's kind of in the bag. Everything's going really well.

01:07:00.620 So, and my focus right now is work. So I'm going to just focus on that. And then six months later,

01:07:04.460 it's like, oh yeah, my wife, uh, you know, is talking about divorce. Well, I wonder why,

01:07:10.160 right? So we need to maintain that balance. Um, and that includes our relationships and making sure

01:07:15.080 that we're showing up appropriately for those that we, that we, that we love and that to look to us

01:07:21.500 for guidance and direction. So, um, don't, don't downplay that role that you play with your spouse and,

01:07:28.260 and the role that we play as husband and those kinds of things. And a lot of what you do,

01:07:32.860 you improving yourself is going to benefit her. And you might need to have an enrollment

01:07:37.800 conversation with her. You might need to enlist her in what you're doing and what your goal is

01:07:44.820 and how you think it might benefit far too often. We kind of have these grand plans. Like, man,

01:07:49.920 I was just thinking about this the other day. We have these grand plans. I have all these ideas

01:07:53.380 that enter my mind. I think, oh, I'm going to do this. This is this. And then I communicate none

01:07:56.820 to my spouse. And then I expect her to be on board. Really? It's almost a little bit of a

01:08:02.780 covert contract when we do that. So figure out what you're working on, sit down and then communicate

01:08:08.660 it to her, enroll her. And by the way, this enlistment of what you're doing, isn't like,

01:08:13.940 Hey, there's, you know, I'm planning on going to the gym and, uh, you know, I think it would be great.

01:08:17.920 You're, you know, it might benefit you. No, that's not, that's not inspiring. Like inspire her,

01:08:25.580 honey. I'm tired of being a lazy ass overweight. I want to go to the gym. I want to look sexy.

01:08:31.720 I want to be a complete stud. I want to have energy. I want to be energetic. I want our sex

01:08:37.460 life to be better. I want to look good when I'm naked in front of you. Like get her excited about

01:08:42.940 what you're doing. By the way, you better follow through because whenever we enroll someone in a

01:08:48.520 way that they're inspired about what we're doing, Oh man, the accountability is going to come flowing

01:08:53.760 and you better not drop the ball. So you need to honor your word. So it's a great way to kind of

01:08:58.220 build in some natural accountability as well, but enlist her on what you're doing. And by the way,

01:09:02.680 don't ask her to do it too. Like you can, well, let me say that differently. Don't expect her to do it

01:09:08.460 too. She's got to make those decisions on her own. So just show her and say, Hey, this is what

01:09:13.840 I'm planning on doing. And a lot of the time, if, if you share in a way that inspires her,

01:09:17.660 she may say, man, this is great. I want to do this too. And then she might have some ideas and

01:09:22.320 you guys can work on things together, work on a goal together, help, you know, if there's some of

01:09:27.720 these ideas that you have, that you want to work on yourself, inspires her, then do them together.

01:09:32.820 And that's going to help your marriage pushing through something together and

01:09:36.020 accomplishing goals together. So I think that could be really positive as well.

01:09:40.880 Okay. Um, I think we are pretty much up on time, so I'm going to go ahead and wrap up. Hopefully

01:09:47.920 guys, um, those questions at least provide some insights to most of you guys. Uh, like I said,

01:09:54.200 um, Ryan will be back next week for the, ask me anything. And we'll, we'll finish going over

01:09:59.020 these questions that we have from the Facebook group. If you are interested in submitting your

01:10:03.580 questions to the AMA, you can do so one of two ways. One is to join us on Facebook at

01:10:08.680 facebook.com slash group slash order of man. And the second is through the iron council,

01:10:14.140 our exclusive brotherhood. And you can learn more about the iron council and what that looks

01:10:18.140 like by going to order of man.com slash iron council to support the podcast. You could do so

01:10:23.880 by subscribing. Um, you can also subscribe to our YouTube channel. That's youtube.com slash order of

01:10:29.980 man. And then of course, representing the order by wearing swag around. And Ryan and I were talking

01:10:36.820 about, you know, if you guys tag us on Instagram, uh, you know, we'll do a shout out and, and,

01:10:43.160 and so, you know, if you're out and about and you have your shirt on your hat, you have a decal on

01:10:48.320 your truck or whatever, tag us on Instagram. You can follow Mr. Mickler on Instagram at Ryan

01:10:53.260 Mickler. That's M I C H L E R. And you can also follow me on Instagram and that's at Kip Sorensen,

01:11:00.000 K I P P S O R E N S E N. The legacy event is coming up, um, next June 11th through the 14th,

01:11:08.940 2020. This is our father and young man event. The legacy is awesome guys. We've done uprisings in

01:11:16.800 the past in, in, in Southern Utah and they were great. And I, I couldn't imagine a more enjoyable

01:11:23.260 event, uh, until I went to a legacy event and the legacy events are super, super cool. Think of it as

01:11:30.160 an opportunity to bond with your young man, almost at a level of like rites of passage. Um, it's tough,

01:11:38.260 it's grinding, it will push you, but you'll grow together. Um, one key thing is this is for boys

01:11:45.700 through the ages of eight and 15 years old. Um, and once again, to learn more about the legacy,

01:11:50.840 just go to our website, go to order of man.com slash legacy. Our main event is full. Uh, the event

01:11:58.680 May 29th through the 31st, uh, in Maine, um, is completely full. So, um, you got to jump on it next

01:12:06.080 time. We did a really good job at getting the next date out right after this last event. And so you're

01:12:11.560 going to have to kind of stay tuned until May in regards to when the next main event will be.

01:12:15.700 All right, gentlemen, I think that is all that we have for today. Once again, appreciate you guys

01:12:21.560 appreciate guys following the order and being part of this movement. I shared a post with Ryan just the

01:12:27.900 other day on, on Instagram, just expressing my appreciation for the opportunity that he has given

01:12:33.520 me, um, to be part of this. And, and it, and it fires me up and it fires me up because there is

01:12:41.640 something really special about being in an environment and a culture with like-minded men

01:12:49.000 that are focused on becoming better. It is a rarity I feel in our society. And so when I get a

01:12:55.840 rub shoulders with the guys within the iron council, um, or at these events, or even when I run into guys

01:13:02.760 with order man swag on, and we talk to each other, it, it is awesome. And it is awesome to know that

01:13:08.620 we're not alone in this movement, that there's other men focused on becoming better. And that's

01:13:13.060 how we become better is we bond together. We lift each other up. Iron sharpens iron, just like

01:13:18.400 martial arts, just like jujitsu. That's how life works. And so if you guys are ready to get on the

01:13:24.760 court of life and rub shoulders with other men and to level up in a major way, I can't say it enough.

01:13:30.600 Join us, join us on the iron council. We'd love to have you until then. And until, uh, this week's

01:13:36.840 on Friday field notes, take action and become the man you were meant to be. Thank you for listening

01:13:41.840 to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you

01:13:46.880 were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

Order of Man - October 23, 2019

Finding Fulfillment in Any Job, The Power of Religion, and Dealing With Self-Doubt ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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