Order of Man - Finding Like-Minded Men, Shifting Your Mindset, and Motivating Others

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:06.020 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.480 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.

00:00:15.500 This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.

00:00:19.760 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:25.060 Kip, what's going on, man?

00:00:27.120 Not much. Ready for another AMA?

00:00:30.000 Yeah, man, this is going good. We were looking at download numbers just a second ago, and this AMA is rivaling our interview show.

00:00:37.220 So that's good. I guess I should just be interviewing you from now on.

00:00:42.300 Or are they just like me bantering and giving you a hard time?

00:00:47.300 I think that's probably more likely, because a lot of guys, they have told me, the feedback I've received is that they're seeing a different side of what we normally put out there.

00:00:57.240 So a little bit more of the humanity of me, if you will.

00:01:00.520 Yeah. Yeah. The other side of the beard.

00:01:03.120 Yeah. Which you're definitely going to get today, because I'm in a bad mood.

00:01:06.620 Really?

00:01:07.100 Yeah, dude. I'm in a bad mood. We got – our baseball team got slaughtered last night.

00:01:12.880 25 to 1.

00:01:15.020 It was brutal.

00:01:16.460 That is brutal.

00:01:17.020 Yeah, man. It was hard, because our kids just didn't – they just didn't play, man. They just did not play.

00:01:24.120 And my son was pitching. He was our second pitcher. And normally, he's a great pitcher.

00:01:29.900 But for whatever reason, last night, he just was not – nobody was there.

00:01:33.600 I mean, they were off in La La Land. Maybe it was from the Easter break or what. I don't know.

00:01:38.080 They were just disconnected.

00:01:39.060 Just so disconnected. And we got slaughtered. And then the other team was crazy. I've never seen more Bush League baseball. The other team, they were running up the score. I'm like, come on, guys.

00:01:50.460 He's like, it was 20 to 0, and they're taking extra bases. They're still stealing. I'm like, coach. And I told the coach. I'm like, what are you guys doing? Like, have some class.

00:02:01.660 Yeah.

00:02:02.000 And he's like, well, we teach our kids to play. I'm like, you ought to be teaching them about life using baseball to play.

00:02:07.200 Yeah.

00:02:07.600 Anyways, me and the coach got into it. Not because they beat us. I mean, that's part of the deal. But because it was just so classless. It was bad. It was a very poor display of sportsmanship.

00:02:20.460 See, that's interesting because – and how old is – what age group is this?

00:02:25.240 Fifth and sixth grade. So what's that? 10 and 11.

00:02:28.280 Yeah. So the opposite – well, not the opposite. The same thing happened to my son. Freshman in high school, though. They played their number one rated baseball team in the state of Utah, and they got destroyed. And they have a mercy rule.

00:02:43.200 Well, we have a mercy rule, but we had to finish out the inning. We only went two innings, dude.

00:02:47.940 Two? Holy cow.

00:02:49.680 Yeah. I mean, we got – and I'll tell you this. The only reason that we got outs in that second inning is because they were short one player. So they had eight players. And so they had to take an out for their ninth player. That's the only reason we got outs in that last inning.

00:03:06.520 Oh, yeah. That's worse than I realized.

00:03:08.760 Yeah, yeah. It was bad. It was really bad.

00:03:11.260 Yeah, see me. I was telling Asia the opposite. I was like – I was kind of upset that they had a mercy rule because I'm like, that's good practice, right?

00:03:20.280 Like they got done early and they had to wait for the bus, and I'm like, just keep playing.

00:03:23.840 Just keep playing. Like the mercy rule should be in effect, and that should apply towards their – towards a record, but then just keep playing.

00:03:31.280 Yeah. So they can get more practice in it.

00:03:33.920 Right. Right. All right. Well, enough of that. I'm in a bad mood. So guys, you know what?

00:03:39.060 Like you might like this, ask me anything, or you might not because I'm just going to be straight up and abrupt and not allowed to fluff today.

00:03:45.840 So what we're doing here, if you don't know now that you've heard my little sob story there, is answering questions from our exclusive brotherhood, the Iron Council, and also from the Facebook group.

00:03:57.580 I think based on questions, we have a lot from the Iron Council today.

00:04:00.540 So we'll get through as many as we possibly can, and hopefully we can answer your questions.

00:04:05.240 For sure. For sure. So Iron Council, guys, first, as always.

00:04:08.420 Our first question is from Will Dunlop.

00:04:11.580 What are your suggestions for forming a tribe when you live in a country whose culture is vastly different than yours?

00:04:18.780 Well, culturally, it might be different, but that doesn't mean there aren't people who believe what you believe, right?

00:04:23.280 Who aren't on the same page, who don't want the same expansion, who want the growth, who want to step more into masculinity and manliness than maybe they have in the past.

00:04:33.980 There's people who are like you, regardless of the culture.

00:04:38.580 So your job is to find those individuals through the hobbies that you engage in.

00:04:43.160 Also use the Facebook group, use the Iron Council.

00:04:46.200 There's probably guys in your area within the Iron Council.

00:04:48.760 That's the beautiful thing is I was talking with one of our members and we were talking about doing more face-to-face interaction, shoulder-to-shoulder type stuff,

00:04:55.920 which we're definitely going to implement because I see the value in that outside of being able to connect digitally.

00:05:00.960 But it's amazing, you know, with 500 guys, you're bound to find somebody in your area.

00:05:05.900 So reach out, make a post on, in the Iron Council, or if you're in a Facebook group, make a post there and say,

00:05:11.620 Hey, I'm meeting here at this time, come meet with me.

00:05:13.660 And you'll find three to four to five guys minimum who are in your area who want to do the same thing that you do.

00:05:19.240 Yeah. Or even when you're traveling, I did that last time I was in Phoenix, you know,

00:05:23.360 I was able to meet up with a bunch of guys from the IC just because I was in Phoenix for the night.

00:05:27.280 So, yeah, man, I mean, we've got a framework here. It's like, just all you have to do is tap into it.

00:05:31.600 And just by them being involved in this movement, they have a stronger likelihood of wanting to level up, step up and are on the same path that you are.

00:05:41.580 Yeah. Cool.

00:05:42.840 Outside of that, just again, hobbies, just go to your hobbies. Like if you're, for example, if you're into jujitsu and you go to jujitsu,

00:05:49.200 like it's safe to assume that the guys there probably believe a lot of the same things that you believe. If it's, if it's church, it's probably safe to assume that the guys at church are probably thinking and behaving and believing things that are similar to you.

00:06:03.580 So you got to go out where the people are and then you're able to find these people who resonate with you and are like-minded.

00:06:09.060 Yeah. Yeah. I love it. All right. Bubba Downs. Good old Bubba. How do you help other people understand that just because they don't respect your boundaries, that it isn't your problem?

00:06:22.040 They can't be mad because you have boundaries and they don't.

00:06:25.480 Well, they can be mad. Who are you to tell them they can't be mad? They can be mad. They can be sad. They can be happy. They can be whatever they want to be.

00:06:33.240 And there's nothing outside your realm of control, right? There's nothing you can do. So what you have to do is communicate the way that you're going to behave and operate and simply let the chips fall where they may. If they're mad about that. Okay. Well, I mean that such as life.

00:06:47.460 Now there's certainly something to be taken into consideration with regards to how you communicate that information. Like you don't need to be an a-hole or a, or, or a dick just to be that way. And I know Bubba and he would appreciate me telling this is that sometimes Bubba can come across as, as abrasive.

00:07:02.160 Now I happen to, to like that because I, I like the no nonsense approach and, and I don't need a lot of fluff, but there's other people who might think that Bubba, you're being a, being an a-hole.

00:07:15.500 So you might need to adjust your communication style based on who you're talking with and the result that you're after with me. You can be that way. Other people, you may not be able to be that way. So adjust that communication style.

00:07:26.380 Now, if you adjust it and you have these boundaries and you know, you have them in the, in, in the right place for the right reason. And somebody chooses to get upset about that. Well, okay. I mean, that's their, that's their prerogative. There's nothing you can do about that. And I know Bubba practices stoicism. You got to let, you got to let that stuff go because there's nothing you can do about it.

00:07:46.860 Yeah. Well, and I really think that, especially for people in our lives that we care about, that care about us when we establish boundaries, that's different. Right. And, and a lot of the time is they're putting meaning around the boundary boundaries that you're establishing.

00:08:00.260 So sometimes it just takes some time for them to realize that that boundary doesn't necessarily have a negative meaning. And in a lot of cases actually serves them and benefits them.

00:08:11.100 And maybe you need to articulate that as well. Yeah. Yeah. And maybe, yeah, exactly. Maybe you just need to communicate that. And over time, they're going to see how it benefits them.

00:08:18.960 The other thing I would suggest too, is that when you establish a new boundary, you're, you're messing with the expectations from other people, the people in your life, whether it's your girlfriend or your kids or your wife or your friends or your coworkers or your boss or whoever it may be, expect you to behave in a certain way because they've been conditioned to expect and believe that that's the way you behave through your interactions.

00:08:45.120 Yeah. So if you're going to start changing stuff, even if it's positive, it's like, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, what's going on here? And that level of uncertainty and surprise and missed expectations is going to create some tension in the relationship. So you have to manage that part as well. And to your point, Kip, it might just take some time for them to come around.

00:09:08.560 I mean, when you do things, even that are in your best interest and the best interest of the people around you messing with the system is, is always going to create tension. And you need to be aware that that's going to add an added level of discomfort and, and contention and tension in that. And it's your job to manage that as well. And you do through consistency and they become, they become accustomed to you behaving this, this new way. Right?

00:09:34.620 Totally. Totally. Totally. Totally. And I liked, if you don't mind me adding one other thought here, I like the idea of enrolling them on the boundary and what you're doing and, and enrolling them in a way that they're kind of inspired by why, like, why are you establishing boundary? What is the benefit to them? Like get them on board, bring them on board and help them understand, you know, this new way of being, uh, for you and, and how it's going to benefit them and, and kind of inspire them with it. Right?

00:10:03.920 Just don't, you know, come across like a hard ass of, you know, this is how it's going to be my way or the highway. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I like it. Yeah. All right. George Sykes, a really critical question from George. He has a tendency to ask these, uh, more important than the state of the brims of our hats, Marvel or DC. And I think we've had this question in the past, but it's been a while.

00:10:26.220 Marvel. I mean, I don't, I don't care, but I guess if like I had to for fun, yeah, for fun, uh, I'd say DC cause I'm a Batman guy.

00:10:38.460 Copy. I, I have no, I have no opinion. I don't, I'm so jaded on the whole comic book. Like I went, I think I told these guys like every time I go to the movie and I see trailers for Iron Man and Avengers and whatever else they have.

00:10:53.020 I'm like, apparently we've run out of all good ideas in humanity and there's no new ideas. And so we're just going to keep rehashing the same old garbage over and over and over again.

00:11:03.340 All right. The big, the more important question, George, star Wars or star Trek.

00:11:11.640 Oh, star Wars, star Wars for sure. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. But you know, I think that's a little bit more, that's a little bit more relevant. Okay. Yeah. All right. Cause we're like Jedi.

00:11:21.460 Well, same thing with star Wars, man. The, the, the Disney has just ruined the franchise. It's just sad joke. And it's all about the, it's all about the money.

00:11:29.900 The new trailer came out though. I know you're not for what? For the new star Wars movie. Oh dude. I don't, what is it? I don't even, it's like they did one about Han Solo and then Chewbacca and then the little Wookiees and who knows what it's about, man. I forgot what those guys are called.

00:11:47.680 That's what they're called. Isn't it? Wookiees? No, you're talking Ewoks. Oh, Ewoks. Yeah. What's it? You're talking about the little bird. Yeah. No, I'm talking about those little furry things in the forest.

00:11:58.840 Ewoks. Ewoks. Yeah. Those are Ewoks. Yeah. What's a Wookiee? A Wookiee's Chewbacca. Oh, okay. See, I don't even know. Oh my gosh.

00:12:08.760 All right. I'm done. I'm off the AMA. He's out. Just send me the questions. I'll do it myself.

00:12:15.560 All right. Battle plan. Next question. That's right. Do your battle plan. All right. Bill Tao,

00:12:20.900 what are your top five priorities as you move into your, your family's relocation plans?

00:12:28.020 Uh, Ooh, good question. So number one, just get moved and unpacked, I guess is the priority.

00:12:36.240 Uh, number two is I got to start networking in the community and put myself out there into the

00:12:42.360 question that was earlier about going where the people are. So I got to start networking in the

00:12:46.300 area because I want to be, I want to be connected. Uh, I definitely want to start improving and

00:12:51.880 renovating the barn as quickly as possible because it's looking like we're probably going to do event

00:12:56.220 in July out there. This will be a meetup. It won't be like an uprising or a legacy, but it'll be a

00:13:02.640 meetup in July. And then also we've got origins immersion camp in August, the end of August.

00:13:08.200 So I'd like to have it ready for that. Um, what else? What else? What else? Are you going to have

00:13:15.620 to travel a little initially? You know what I mean? Where you're like typically going to Vegas to

00:13:20.640 meet up with people. Are you going to have to, I don't travel a whole lot as it is now. I go to

00:13:24.920 Vegas occasionally. Yeah. That's two hours from here, but I really don't get your gambling in.

00:13:30.120 Yeah, that's right. To get my fix. Yep. Yep. All my sins in, um, what, uh, you know what I,

00:13:37.280 you know what I think I'm going to do actually, this is, this is going to be cool. I want to do

00:13:40.860 more live interviews. So there's a place in the house upstairs that I've got my eye on that I'm

00:13:47.320 going to turn into just a rad studio. And ideally what I want to have people do is start coming to

00:13:53.600 Maine. It's easy to get them to LA. It's easy to get them to New York because they're on their tours

00:13:58.000 and everything else. What I want to do is I want to get them up to Maine and create an experience.

00:14:02.880 They can stay with us. We'll do the podcast. I'm going to do a, uh, uh, archery, uh, course on the

00:14:09.300 property itself. We'll do some jujitsu. We'll have a, uh, like a lobster bake. So really just do

00:14:15.300 a whole experience. Yeah. So it's not just come do an interview. It's, it's come up and have fun

00:14:20.900 and do an interview. That's right. I've already got about four or five people lined up that I've

00:14:25.500 invited that they said, yeah, I'm, I'm definitely in. So that's cool. That's my ultimate objective.

00:14:30.380 And based on how we continue to grow, uh, people are going to want to be out there because they're

00:14:34.760 going to want to be, want to be part of what we're doing. So, and not to mention, we're going

00:14:38.340 to create that experience for them. It's going to be rad. Yeah. That's cool. There's three or four

00:14:42.360 priorities there. Yeah. I know. I think there's like one. No, it was, it was close to five that the,

00:14:48.340 but we did get insight of why Ryan's really moving to Maine and it's because of Las Vegas and him

00:14:53.620 trying to, I got to get away from the temptation away from his sins. Yeah. I got to eliminate the

00:14:58.400 temptation. Yeah. And there's like nothing in Maine other than trees and lakes and snow. So

00:15:03.740 you can't get in much trouble. Well, we're going to put that theory to the test.

00:15:09.680 All right. What else we got? Nicholas Bean, can you walk us through what you think is an effective

00:15:15.880 way to escalate the enforcement of your boundaries without eroding the relationship you have? So kind

00:15:22.880 of a playoff of Bubba's question. Look, you know, the, the, the relationship might erode. That's

00:15:29.200 actually kind of the point of boundaries to a degree, even with your spouse. I mean, the point

00:15:32.820 of boundaries is to create a healthy set of parameters in which, in, in which each of you

00:15:38.300 operate and that you don't step over and that she doesn't step over as well. So the relationship

00:15:42.440 is going to change by default. Um, and, and, and a lot of times there's just nothing you can do about

00:15:48.160 it, right? Because people don't like your boundaries sometimes. Now, sometimes they might

00:15:53.040 and other times they may not. And it's up to them whether they wanted to hear those things or not.

00:15:57.540 Ultimately, you can't salvage the relationship if somebody isn't willing to operate and play by your

00:16:02.200 rules. So you actually have to be okay with the fact that the relationship might erode a little bit,

00:16:07.180 and it certainly will change to a degree. But I think ultimately, if you explain what you're doing

00:16:13.060 clearly articulately, is that a word articulately? I don't know if that's even a word.

00:16:18.520 Clearly. It is now. It is now. Uh, and you explained to your point earlier, Kip, that,

00:16:25.120 that this is why I'm implementing these boundaries and why it's going to serve me and how it's going

00:16:30.040 to serve you. Uh, that you have some level of empathy, knowing that the decisions you're starting

00:16:35.220 to make are going to impact other people and try to put yourself in their shoes as best you can.

00:16:39.940 I think if you do those few things, you have a less, there's a, there it's less likely

00:16:46.020 that the relationship will deteriorate and actually be better and healthier moving forward.

00:16:52.260 Yeah. I like it. And maybe even, would you say Ryan, even suggesting to them, I'm, I'm, I don't know

00:17:01.680 why I, by default, both his question and Bubba's question, I'm thinking spouses, and maybe this would

00:17:07.300 change depending on the type of relationship that you have, but would you even suggest asking them

00:17:12.200 what boundaries do they want to put? Like use this as a coaching opportunity and see what things

00:17:16.680 that need to be in place even for you. Yeah. That that's, that's really healthy. You know,

00:17:21.900 one of the things that, that I had a hard time with early in my marriage is when my wife wanted

00:17:25.520 to go out with her family or her girlfriends, that was, that was hard for me. That was frustrating.

00:17:30.140 And I would, I would make her feel bad about that. Make her feel guilty for wanting to go

00:17:34.880 out and spend time with, with her mom or her sister or her friends. And I've since come to

00:17:40.400 the realization that that's a boundary that she has. Like she needs to be able to go out and have

00:17:43.880 that time to be able to go out and do the things that energize her. And I've realized that when she

00:17:48.140 comes back from those things, it's, it's better. She's in a better mood. I'm in a better mood

00:17:53.620 because I have time for myself. It's just better for the relationship. So boundaries don't just work

00:17:57.720 one way. Cause if they do, if you're establishing all the boundaries and yet you're crossing over

00:18:02.780 into what would normally be somebody else's boundaries, like that's, that's not healthy

00:18:07.900 either. It's got to work both ways. You've got to expect that people are going to respect your

00:18:12.200 boundaries and you've got to be willing to respect other people's boundaries. Yeah. It's the same thing.

00:18:17.640 I run across this quite a bit. It's the same thing as forgiveness. A lot of people talk about

00:18:21.820 forgiveness and how they've been wronged in the past. And, you know, they want to be forgiven

00:18:26.260 quickly for the things they do wrong. And yet they're not willing to extend a forgiving hand

00:18:30.260 to somebody who may have wronged them. It's like, dude, this works both ways. If you want to be

00:18:33.740 forgiven for things, then you need to be quick to forgive others. Well, and I think what's critical

00:18:38.000 about that on the forgiveness side is it's a learning process to forgive and to ask for forgiveness.

00:18:45.320 And when you're on both sides of that coin, you're going to handle, you're going to handle it better.

00:18:51.160 Yeah. Right. Like, because you've experienced it. Exactly. You've experienced what it takes to ask

00:18:57.060 for forgiveness and to forgive. Right. And when you experience both sides of it, it preps you better

00:19:02.820 versus just, you know, being on the one side of that coin. So. Yep. Yep. That's exactly right.

00:19:07.740 It's craziness. Uh, Nicholas being what's also crazy is he's taking advantage of this iron council

00:19:12.700 membership and asking two questions in a row. So we're going to charge you more, Nicholas.

00:19:18.080 Yes. All right. Can you share with us a few critical mindset shifts that you've had throughout

00:19:23.700 your life and how that has impacted your trajectory of it? Yeah. The one that always comes to mind

00:19:30.320 is, is ownership. Yeah. When I went through the separation with my wife and a lot of guys are

00:19:36.300 probably sick of hearing about this, but it's important is I came to the realization, long story

00:19:40.360 short here. I came to the realization that there's not a dang thing I can do to control her. I can

00:19:45.240 influence her and that's different. There's a difference between influence and control,

00:19:49.780 manipulation, coercion. And that's what I was trying to do. I was trying to control her,

00:19:54.940 manipulate her, coerce her into doing things. And of course, all that did is drive a greater

00:19:58.900 wedge between her and I. Yeah. Influence on the other hand is voluntary, right? Like she has to

00:20:04.640 voluntarily decide if she's going to be influenced positively by me. So because I was so controlling

00:20:11.720 and I realized I was driving a greater wedge between her and I, I shifted, I shifted for

00:20:16.500 several different reasons, but shifted from trying to control her to just worrying about controlling

00:20:20.660 myself. And what's ironic about this is that as we learn to control ourselves, as we learn how to

00:20:28.320 optimize who we are in our relationships or physical fitness or finances, every area of life,

00:20:33.660 we are naturally and inevitably going to be more influential in other people's lives. And they are

00:20:39.580 going to change, not a result as a result of our control, but as a result of our change and

00:20:46.560 therefore the influence we have over other individuals. So for me, the biggest pivotal

00:20:53.300 moment in my life was don't try to change other people, change yourself, and then just let the chips

00:20:59.560 fall where they may. And more often than not, I think we'll find that when we change ourselves,

00:21:03.900 then things change positively in the lives of other people, those, those people that we care about.

00:21:10.640 So the biggest transformative mindset shift was from, she has responsibility to, I have

00:21:17.440 responsibility over my life. Things started to fall in line when I took that on.

00:21:21.800 Yeah. I love that. And I love how that's at the center of so many people.

00:21:25.840 Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. It's just the idea of not being a victim and owning,

00:21:30.420 owning their lives. The other one I would say too, Kip is sacrifice has been huge for me as well.

00:21:35.960 You know, I think about even just something as simple as your, your nutrition, you know,

00:21:40.820 I would love to eat all the chips and salsa. I would love to eat the entire container of ice cream,

00:21:46.980 but I don't do that because, well, I don't do that 90% of the time

00:21:51.980 because only when in Vegas, that's right. That's when the wild side comes out of me. Yeah. I don't

00:21:59.740 do that because I realize I'm willing to sacrifice that temporary pleasure for long-term gain.

00:22:07.660 It's the same reason I go into the gym. Like it's not always fun to go into the gym. I actually do

00:22:12.040 enjoy it a lot of the times, but a lot of the times I wake up and I don't feel good and I don't

00:22:16.020 want to go in there and I don't want to exert myself, but I sacrifice that time and that energy to

00:22:20.060 get in there because I know over the long haul, it's going to serve me. Well, I'm going to live

00:22:24.880 longer. I'm going to be more fulfilled. I'm going to have more energy to be able to engage with the

00:22:29.120 people I care about and to do this job and the other things that I have in my life because I was

00:22:34.000 willing to sacrifice. So sacrifice is a huge thing. And I've also kind of thought with regards to

00:22:39.380 sacrifices, there really isn't, if you're, if you're sacrificing the right things for the right

00:22:44.800 reason, it's actually not even a sacrifice at all because what you get in return is so much

00:22:49.620 greater than what you had to give up. And that's not really sacrificial.

00:22:53.820 Would you just say it's delayed gratification?

00:22:56.060 That's, that's exactly what it is. It's discipline. You're just delaying gratification

00:23:00.260 so that you can have more gratification or fulfillment in your life in a more meaningful

00:23:06.800 and significant way down the road.

00:23:08.900 Yeah. By the way, I've, I'm covering that section in the boy crisis where he talks about ADHD

00:23:15.440 being tied to delayed gratification in young boys. Super insightful.

00:23:19.900 It is. Yeah. They've done that, like that cookie study or whatever. And I don't know if that's,

00:23:23.840 that's a, I've heard things that I'm like, do you know what I'm talking about? The cookie study?

00:23:27.320 Yeah.

00:23:27.960 Basically what it is, is they put kids in a room and those who, the assertion is those who can

00:23:33.720 delay not having a cookie and waiting till the person comes back and they can have two cookies

00:23:38.900 is more likely to exhibit discipline, delayed gratification and be more successful in life.

00:23:43.600 Now I've seen some mixed reviews on that, but I think the concept really makes sense. And if we

00:23:48.940 look at it anecdotally, uh, yeah, I think that rings true for sure.

00:23:53.180 Yeah. All right. Tom Kingwell, do you still have sissy fits? And if so, how often, if not,

00:24:00.080 how did you master your emotions? Sissy fits.

00:24:04.900 He says, do I still have them? Like he's experienced.

00:24:07.600 Well, no, it's like Ryan had, this is a big problem. Ryan had for years. So,

00:24:11.740 um, still a problem for you, Ryan.

00:24:15.380 Yeah, man. I like who doesn't write, like who doesn't get upset? Like who doesn't get emotional

00:24:20.580 last night at the baseball game? I started it. I, man, my blood was boiling. Like I was getting pissed

00:24:26.880 and I threw, I even threw my hat down on the ground. I got pissed. And I'm like, hold on,

00:24:32.920 hold on, hold on, hold on. This isn't serving you. This certainly isn't serving the boys.

00:24:37.880 You're making yourself look ridiculous. Stop doing this and do what's in the best interest

00:24:43.640 of your players. So yeah, do I have? Yeah, of course, man. There's times that I get pissed,

00:24:49.240 but I try to realize that I have an objective and the way that I might be behaving in any given

00:24:58.360 scenario is either moving me closer to the objective or further away. And so if you can

00:25:04.760 stop and you can breathe and you can reflect, and you can maybe even some instances, get yourself

00:25:11.160 out of the situation. So you can give yourself clear level-headed perspective and think about

00:25:17.000 what is it that you're ultimately trying to achieve? In my case, it was two things last night,

00:25:22.860 winning the baseball game, which was clearly not going to happen. And number two, helping my players

00:25:29.980 a perform better on the field and, and B equip them with some tools they needed to perform better

00:25:37.580 off the field. And the way that I was behaving quote unquote, sissy fit for about 30 seconds

00:25:43.980 was not conducive or moving the needle towards either one of those objectives. So I had to pivot and I did

00:25:50.540 didn't change the outcome, but hopefully they've now learned a few more things that they didn't have

00:25:57.200 before. And we go into the next game or they go into today better than they were prior to the game.

00:26:02.780 How did that evolve for you though, Ryan? Like, did you, what's the trigger or what's,

00:26:07.380 what was the process to say, okay, take a deep breath. And now I need to think like how,

00:26:12.580 you know what I'm saying? Cause initially I'm assuming you just get pissed. And then the next day you're

00:26:16.440 like, yeah, I did not handle that well. So what was the process for you to, to get on top of it a

00:26:21.560 lot sooner, almost immediately? The after action review. It's always the after action review. So

00:26:27.040 you look at something and you ask yourself, excuse me, you ask yourself, did that work?

00:26:34.080 What? So let's go through the after action review. It's a series of questions. Sorry, I'm congested.

00:26:40.280 So it's a series of questions. The first question is what did I accomplish?

00:26:44.180 Second question is what did I not accomplish? I set out to do something. Did I do it? No,

00:26:47.520 I didn't do this. Third question. What did I do? Well, where did I thrive and excel?

00:26:53.500 Fourth question. What did I not do so well? Fifth question. What am I going to do better

00:26:57.860 next time around? So when you do the after action review, you look at your, you look at your result

00:27:03.440 and then you analyze what got you to that result. And, and it's very, it's very easy at that point

00:27:10.380 when you're out of the situation to look at it objectively and figure out what went wrong,

00:27:15.720 like where it broke down. And the cool thing about an after action review is you don't actually have

00:27:20.840 to wait until it's over. I don't have to wait until the ball game is over to course correct.

00:27:27.080 Once you get really good at this after action review process, it becomes a pattern and a way of life.

00:27:31.940 So you begin to do it real time. This is actually part of the reason jujitsu is so powerful

00:27:36.860 is because you're, you're doing something like you're doing a move or you're on top or you're

00:27:42.220 in guard or whatever it is. And you're trying something and you're just after action reviewing

00:27:46.720 the entire process. Oh, that didn't work shift. Oh, that didn't work shift. Oh, that didn't work

00:27:51.400 change. And it's this process of ongoing exploration into why you're producing the results

00:27:58.120 you're producing. That is going to help you produce better results moving forward.

00:28:01.320 So last night in the baseball game, I was doing a review during the game. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

00:28:06.580 Something's not right here. I felt my blood boiling. We're not producing the desired result.

00:28:12.820 What did I do? Well, what did I not do so well? Where did I thrive? Where am I not thriving? And for

00:28:17.760 me, it was the way that I was addressing the children. So I had a course correct and we made those

00:28:24.260 adjustments along the way, but it's, it's the after action review. And would you say those,

00:28:27.900 those first initial after action reviews maybe happened the following day or after the event

00:28:34.280 was over and through that process, you got quicker and quicker to, you know, have it tied to the event.

00:28:40.880 Yeah. I'm saying whenever I do an after action review, it seems like it's, it's a retrospective,

00:28:45.580 right? It's over with, okay, how did it go? Like even from a coaching perspective, I don't think I

00:28:50.400 would have by default done an after action review during the game, right? I would have gone home and then

00:28:56.120 thought about it, but by doing that and being present, that allowed you to kind of create that,

00:29:00.460 that consistent mindset of review. Yeah. Yeah. And you become more familiar with the process.

00:29:06.200 So you begin to internalize it. Like I don't even call it an after action review anymore. It's just,

00:29:10.420 yeah, it's just something you do, right? It's just so ingrained in what I'm doing and I mess up and I

00:29:16.360 try to course correct along the way. The other thing I try to remind myself is, or the question I try to

00:29:21.500 ask frequently is what do I want? Even doing this podcast, what is the ultimate objective right now?

00:29:27.640 30 minutes into this podcast. Okay. It's to do X, Y, and Z. Are we on track? Yeah. I feel like we are.

00:29:33.520 I feel like we're having a great conversation, some great questions. We've got some conversation back

00:29:37.420 and forth. Okay, good. Let's keep going that route because it's working. But if I notice something's

00:29:41.920 not working, then I have to make a pivot, a shift. And a lot of times it has to be as quickly as I

00:29:46.180 possibly can. That speed of implementation is critical because if I wait until it's over,

00:29:51.800 we're going to put out an inferior product. Yeah. So it's the after action review,

00:29:58.160 constant reflection and asking yourself, what do I want? And is what I, let me connect the dots there.

00:30:04.820 What do I want? And is what I'm doing right now, the behavior that I'm engaged in right now,

00:30:09.380 getting me to where I want. If it's yes, drive on. If it's no adjust pivot. Yeah. All right.

00:30:18.200 Prem at ball, Ryan, do you have your own battle plan? It would be interesting to see in the battle

00:30:23.660 plan channel in mighty networks. I do have my own battle plan and I'm in front of my computer right

00:30:29.300 here. I'll just pull it up real quick and I'll put this in mighty networks as well. Let me just tell

00:30:34.780 you. So the way that this works is with the battle plan is we have four quadrants that we address.

00:30:39.980 Number one is calibration, getting right with ourselves. Number two is connection. Number

00:30:44.500 three, that's a relationships. Number three is condition. That's our physical fitness. And number

00:30:48.420 four is contribution becoming a man of value. So for me, I'm just going to go through this really

00:30:53.080 quick so guys can see what this kind of looks like. My calibration objective for the next 90 days

00:30:58.460 is to complete the rough draft of my new book. The connection. Yeah. The connection objective

00:31:04.240 for my 12 week battle plan is to successfully complete and coach my two oldest sons, baseball

00:31:11.160 teams right in the middle of that. Now my condition objective is 15% body fat. And my contribution

00:31:18.220 objective is to get my new podcast studio set up, organized and start scheduling interviews.

00:31:25.540 So those are, those are the four objectives. I have, I have other things like tactic. Well,

00:31:32.680 I'll give you my tactics for calibration, the rough draft of my new book. It's 500 words per day

00:31:37.140 written for connection, which is to coach two baseball teams. It's daily baseball practice

00:31:42.800 condition objective, 15% body fat, no process sugars contribution objective with a new podcast

00:31:48.480 studio is to grow that account. I've got money that I'm setting aside, grow it by $200 per day.

00:31:53.420 So those are my tactics in order to achieve the objectives that I'm after. Now I do other things

00:32:01.140 as well. For example, condition 15% body fat. My primary tactic was no process sugars. Okay. That's,

00:32:07.580 that's one. That's not the only thing I do. I also work out every day. I also watch that my caloric

00:32:14.000 intake. So there's other things that I do in addition to that, but that's my primary tactic

00:32:18.420 that will get me to that point. Cause working out every day at this point is not something

00:32:23.380 abnormal for me. It's not something I have to focus on. It's like brushing my teeth. I don't

00:32:26.500 have to focus on brushing my teeth. I just, I do it because that's just what you do. So I only do

00:32:32.720 the things that I need to adjust and correct in my day-to-day behavior. Does that make sense?

00:32:41.080 Love it. Yeah, cool. Sure. By the way, one other thing on that Kip, if you guys are interested

00:32:46.540 in that, uh, we've got a new 12 week battle planner in the store that will actually walk

00:32:52.180 you through how to create your own 12 week battle plan. And then it's a leather bound

00:32:56.120 journal with a notebook in there. It's good for one year. So it's got everything you need

00:33:00.200 for four 12 week battle plans in the planner itself. So when you get that, then it'll give

00:33:05.380 you a link to a, uh, to a video that you can watch explaining actually how to go through

00:33:10.260 that process for yourself. So you can check that out at store.orderofman.com.

00:33:14.200 Well played. I'm good. I'm good. What can I say? James Patterson, when working with children

00:33:21.960 yours or coaching others, what have you found to be the best way to motivate them to perform

00:33:27.540 their best as opposed to showing up? Yeah. For me, it's figuring out why they're there.

00:33:33.300 You know, why are they there? And if you can tap into figuring out why people, and it's not just kids,

00:33:38.900 it's coworkers, it's employees, employers, if you can figure out what is driving them,

00:33:44.500 then you don't have to worry about motivating them. All you have to do is tap into their own

00:33:48.800 internal motivation. So if they're there to get, if they're there to develop and build friendships,

00:33:54.700 okay, cool. Like let's, let's get them involved as a team and doing team activities. If they're there

00:33:59.460 to be the best pitcher that they can possibly be, then it's my job to help them step into that,

00:34:05.260 to correct along the way, to encourage them, to coach and train them, but really trying to figure

00:34:11.240 out what their motive is. So spending time with each individual and asking, why are you here?

00:34:16.300 Why are you here? What do you want out of this? Well, my mom said I had to play. Okay. Can we take

00:34:22.880 it? Can we take it deeper? Can we figure, figure out why that's important or why you said yes,

00:34:27.020 even though it was her idea or her, or your dad's idea, like really figuring out what's driving them,

00:34:32.880 then tapping into their motivation, not what you think will motivate them. Cause otherwise what

00:34:38.520 you're going to do is you're going to bang your damn head against the wall, wondering why the hell

00:34:42.260 these kids aren't performing. And I've done that. It's because you haven't tapped into their motivation

00:34:46.900 yet. Yeah. That's great. Gerald Carlisle, how do you manage the opportunity for your dream job

00:34:56.380 that would require you to move and take a slight pay cut with the defensive stance of your wife who

00:35:02.760 will not agree to move? Well, you need to have some, a track record of success. Cause she's going to

00:35:12.220 look at it and think this is too great of a risk right now because you haven't proven yourself in

00:35:16.960 the past. That might be one thing that's happening. There's no track record of success. And she's like,

00:35:22.200 why in the world would we move uproot ourselves and expose ourselves to all of this risk? When

00:35:28.580 everything you've ever done in the past points to this, not being a success. Number two, you need

00:35:35.700 to have this continual open dialogue in discussion with her. Why is she not willing to move? Does she

00:35:41.440 have family in the area? Is she scared? What is the exact reason that she's afraid of moving? And then

00:35:48.880 what can you do to address some of those concerns that she might have? And they might be really

00:35:54.400 valid. So that, so, so again, number one, track record of success. Number two, open dialogue and

00:36:03.020 communication. And I mean, that's really it. I mean, what more can you do? Yeah. I always like the

00:36:10.220 strategy of if you have a spouse that you're in agreement with you taking some particular action,

00:36:17.900 whether it's going to the origin main jujitsu camp or you moving for this new job, one of the

00:36:24.860 strategies I like to use is for me to do this, what else would you, what, what, what else would I need

00:36:33.060 to do to make you feel comfortable with this decision and ask her, Hey, if, if I take this job

00:36:39.020 and it's a slight pay cut, what, what, what, what additional items would I need to do to make you feel

00:36:44.640 good about this? I like it. And that's really insightful. And she'll, she'll tell you, and then

00:36:48.420 you can work backwards into it and identify if you can accomplish those things to kind of mitigate

00:36:52.980 those risks or to build that confidence with her. If it's, if it's a trust issue. Sure. Um, yeah,

00:36:58.720 I also think there's a level of negotiation and compromise in this as well. And I think you're

00:37:03.060 alluding to that when you, when you talk about that, what do you need to negotiate for this to

00:37:06.340 happen and what compromises do you need to make? Yeah, totally. All right. Jumping into the

00:37:12.160 Facebook questions. Um, our first question is by Rob Locos psychedelics, Mr. Ryan, you have been

00:37:20.000 acquiring a lot about them. How close are you to trying them? Uh, I likely will not be trying

00:37:25.420 psychedelics, just a decision. Do I think they, they can help or they create some experiences based

00:37:31.740 on what I've seen? Yes. Uh, it's just something I choose not to engage in. Yeah. All right.

00:37:38.000 Travis Van S. I just recently started a podcast. I haven't posted anything yet. Just getting around

00:37:44.800 to, uh, work, uh, getting groundwork going. I know you have had a class about starting your own

00:37:50.700 podcast and unfortunately couldn't participate in it. I was just wondering if there are some tips or

00:37:55.580 advice you could give. I really enjoy order of man. And it was one of the inspirations for me starting

00:37:59.780 my own. Thanks for all you do. Keep it up. You know, the only tip I would say is Google Pat Flynn's

00:38:05.840 guide to podcasting and just go through that step by step by step by step. And you're going to figure

00:38:11.480 it out. That's exactly what I did. So just get going launch, be consistent. That's really, really

00:38:16.300 important that you're consistent. Um, I would say, be cautious of putting in too much planning

00:38:22.460 initially, because that might keep you from actually pulling the trigger and get to work.

00:38:29.780 Just do it.

00:38:32.520 I'm starting to guess your answers. When I was reading that, I was like, okay, Ryan's just,

00:38:38.000 he has to say something about air on the side of action versus planning. Don't, you know,

00:38:44.240 just get started.

00:38:45.180 I mean, really, that's what I did. Like, I'm not going to give you advice that I haven't implemented

00:38:48.960 myself. So what did I do? Well, let's see. In 2014, I started a podcast called wealth anatomy,

00:38:56.800 talked about this a little bit and I just, I just went and I figured it out and I messed

00:39:02.720 up on some things and I fixed some things and I had a crappy mic at first. And then I got a

00:39:06.400 different mic and my, my show, I didn't really enjoy the format. So I changed the format and I

00:39:11.140 didn't like the intro. So I changed the intro. Like you just learn it, learn it as you go.

00:39:16.540 Some people say, you know what it built, build the parachute or build the plane as you're falling or

00:39:21.260 something like that. But, but look, it's, it's not that risky. Like you're not going to die if

00:39:27.800 you don't get it figured out, right? The worst case scenario is you're out a few hundred bucks

00:39:31.580 in a couple, a couple dozen hours. And so you learn something. It's not that it's not a risky

00:39:37.040 proposition to start a podcast. It's, it's in fact, the greater risk is not starting it.

00:39:44.280 All right. Peter Van Zyl, if you have to start from nothing to make a life,

00:39:49.060 what would your best advice be? The only thing I got is guts and inspiration and a lot of life

00:39:55.700 experience. That's all you need. Well, you don't even need that. You just need, you don't, you,

00:40:02.500 you don't need any of that. What you need is just a desire to work and put forth some effort. That's

00:40:07.880 it. Yeah. The willingness to take action. Yeah. Yeah. And let's, let's be clear on what willingness

00:40:13.300 is. Willingness doesn't mean I said, I'm willing to do it. Willingness means that you actually

00:40:18.920 doing it. Yeah. Cause there's, it's crazy, but there's some confusion there. I really want to

00:40:25.340 do this so bad that you would die trying. Oh no, not that bad. Okay. Well then you don't want to,

00:40:31.260 and that's, that's okay, but be truthful with yourself. So don't say you're willing to do

00:40:36.100 things. And when somebody says, okay, you got to do this. Oh, well, yeah, I don't know about that.

00:40:40.280 That's, that seems hard. Yeah, of course it is. You said you were willing to do it. Oh yeah. Well,

00:40:45.960 I mean, within reason, see the story starts to change. Yeah. So just, just have a desire to take

00:40:53.920 action towards something and then do it. That's it. And course correct along the way. I like that.

00:41:01.560 He said guts. Cause I believe you have to be courageous. Some people say confidence. I don't

00:41:05.700 believe you need confidence to do it. Cause how can you be confident in something you've never done

00:41:08.720 before? Yeah. And you get confidence through the action, through the courage. That's exactly right.

00:41:13.300 All of us can display courage. It's simply a decision. So you'd be courageous. You'd be bold.

00:41:18.320 You take some action. You course correct along the way. You maintain consistency. I would say

00:41:22.980 definitely you want to enlist the help of others. Here's one thing I've been thinking about two

00:41:26.580 factors that I think are really, really important in determining your success. Number one, a framework

00:41:33.080 and number two, a network. So when I say framework, I'm talking about a process, a system. It's likely

00:41:39.660 the things that we want to do have already been done before. We just need to find the framework of

00:41:44.820 the people who have done it already. And then tap into that framework. Why reinvent the wheel? It's

00:41:48.620 already been invented. So just tap into that framework. Number two, a network, a powerful

00:41:53.340 connection with other people that are going to help inspire you, motivate you, push you and hold you

00:42:00.520 accountable to living that framework. If you can have those two things, I think you're going to be very,

00:42:06.860 very successful. Well, and I love something that we said, uh, you said, uh, last week on the podcast

00:42:12.780 where opportunities are tied to relationships. Oh yeah, absolutely. And so for opportunities to

00:42:17.940 present themselves to you, for you to grow and take on more, guess what? It has to, it has to involve

00:42:24.020 someone else. It has to, I mean, there's, there's no, there's no self-made man. There's, there's,

00:42:30.300 there's no lone wolf, right? These all sound really nice. And when we see them on the big

00:42:36.420 screen, we see, you know, James Bond or Jason Bourne. And we think, oh, I want to be like that

00:42:41.200 guy. Well, that's the movies. It doesn't really work out like that. Yeah. Jason Bergeron, what are

00:42:48.900 some ways of controlling your emotions, frustrations, and anger, particularly tied to marriage? So very

00:42:54.700 similar to before, but does this, does your response change right to your sissy fit answer?

00:42:59.980 You know, when it comes to marriages? No, it's the same. It's the same. It's the same. You've got it.

00:43:05.040 In some instances, you need to get yourself out of that situation, but there's probably something

00:43:09.320 deeper here, right? There's probably like, if you continue, if there's something like you're angry

00:43:14.420 and you're resentful and you're bitter, or there's animosity or contention in your relationship,

00:43:18.880 it might mean that there's something deeper than we got into a fight about how to discipline the

00:43:24.800 kids. And so I really think it's important that you spend a lot of time reflecting as to

00:43:30.000 the type of life that you're living. And do you feel fulfilled and do you feel challenged and uplifted

00:43:37.360 in your pursuits? And I think that is at the root of what a lot of guys have problems with in their

00:43:43.360 relationship. And in fact, I think a lot of the times it has less to do with their spouse and more to do

00:43:48.040 with themselves and their lack. Well, I should say it this way. Their feeling of inadequacy because

00:43:53.880 they're not living the life that they know they're capable of living. And then, so that was what I

00:43:58.560 was doing is I was so frustrated with my financial planning practice because I wasn't living in

00:44:03.200 accordance with the life that I wanted. And then I would take out my frustrations in different ways

00:44:08.280 on my wife. And then she would get upset about that, obviously. And then I would get upset that

00:44:13.240 she was upset and she wasn't seeing my perspective and how hard I was working. And then we just

00:44:17.200 butted heads for three years before it all kind of came to a, came to a head. And we went through

00:44:22.020 our separation and I had to relearn or not relearn. I had to learn some things for the first time in

00:44:26.420 my life. So I think, I think we need to really, really focus on ourselves. Guys have a hard time

00:44:32.320 doing that. And we have these things, we call them noble obstacles that get in the way of us taking

00:44:37.700 care of ourselves. We have to put our family first and we have to provide and we have to protect and

00:44:42.360 we have to preside. We have to do all these things. And a lot of times we do those because

00:44:47.060 it's noble and it's what we, we should be doing, but it comes at our own expense. And so we burn out

00:44:53.140 and then eventually we just crash and burn and take down as many people as we can with us.

00:44:58.060 Yeah. I have a thought around this, Ryan, you know, and I've, I've used this in the past and,

00:45:04.120 and for me, this has really helped me in most cases where I am angry, frustration, frustrated,

00:45:12.320 or even, even some, uh, like kind of self-esteem, you know what I mean? Where I'm kind of emotional,

00:45:17.960 I'm down and out. It's usually a result of one of three things. One that I feel that I, I'm lacking

00:45:27.100 freedom of expression, meaning that there is something that I am not communicating because of

00:45:33.060 some fear of like backlash or whatever. And I'm holding back and expressing that. And we can,

00:45:38.620 we can answer that question on effective ways of communicating in a way that, you know what I mean?

00:45:43.040 Isn't going to generate a backlash, but regardless, it's, it's usually tied to freedom of expression.

00:45:49.000 Number two, I'm out of integrity. Me and, and, and that, that word, and we've talked about this in the

00:45:55.680 past, integrity means a whole lot more than just being honest, right? Sometimes integrity is me passing

00:46:02.120 judgment on someone else and me and me being harsh with them or adding meaning to something that

00:46:09.180 they've done, right? That is out of integrity as well, right? So, or it's my actions are out of

00:46:14.380 integrity and I need, and, and I need to obviously change or third, there's a covert contract in place

00:46:21.460 that I have not communicated. There's some expectation I put on my spouse that she should

00:46:26.340 be doing XXX and it makes me frustrated and I haven't communicated that covert contract with

00:46:32.580 her. So I have some different level of expectation. That's probably unfair. I'm pacing and in that same

00:46:38.780 token, right? I'm placing judgment, which is out of integrity and I haven't communicated anything to

00:46:44.360 her either. So I, I often look back to those three things, freedom of expression, integrity,

00:46:50.120 or is there a covert contract that I have not communicated? Yeah, I love it, man. I think

00:46:55.260 that's perfect. It's excellent. All right. Paul boss Berkuez. I've always had good questions at the

00:47:03.920 wrong time. Should you tell others your goals as a form of accountability? Only people that can

00:47:11.040 actually hold you accountable. So for example, well, there's a lot of, there's a lot of layers to this.

00:47:16.460 So I'm not going to tell somebody who's fat and out of shape and overweight that I want to get down

00:47:24.420 to 15% body fat because what, what could they possibly do to help me? Yeah. Like I'm not saying

00:47:31.160 that, that to anything speaking to their worth or anything like that, but they're not in the position

00:47:36.480 to hold me accountable to that. So why would I communicate that to them? In fact, if anything,

00:47:42.240 they may try to keep me down because it points out or highlights their own inadequacies.

00:47:46.460 But on the other hand, if I have somebody, they have to meet two criteria. They have to be where

00:47:51.760 I want to be. That's the first criteria or, or at least on the path. Right. And they have to be

00:47:58.440 somebody that, that cares about me. Cause I'm not going to tell some random stranger who's,

00:48:04.080 who's extremely fit that I want to get down to 15% body fat. Cause they don't, they don't care.

00:48:09.200 Like, so how's that, how's that going to, how's that going to work? Like, are they going to hold

00:48:15.020 you accountable to that? No, probably not. Now is, is my best friend who has been fit his entire

00:48:21.300 life going to, yeah, you bet. Is the coach that I just hired to get me down to that percent going

00:48:26.700 to help me with that? Yeah, of course. So I think they have to meet both criteria. They have to be

00:48:30.640 where you are or on the path and they have to have, they have to care about you in some way,

00:48:35.760 shape or form. And those are the people you tell you don't need to shout it to the,

00:48:39.440 to the world. I think that's actually a mistake to do that.

00:48:45.080 Okay. Clay Grigs, Grigs, but my wife is currently in labor and this question is from two weeks ago.

00:48:52.000 So Clay, you're probably a father. So congratulations. Yes. Um, any advice for brand new fathers?

00:48:59.560 Uh, man, I, the one bit of advice I give to all new fathers is that it's your job to render

00:49:05.360 yourself obsolete, which is hard to think about, especially as a new two weeks, two week father.

00:49:10.660 You know, it's, it's hard to think about that. Your job is now to put yourself out of a job

00:49:13.760 and you're probably always going to be there for support and needed at some capacity. But

00:49:18.380 the better job that I feel like we can do as fathers, the better we can do it, uh, giving our

00:49:24.940 kids opportunities to fail and to grow and to learn and to experience hardship and then to equip them

00:49:31.060 with the tools to deal with all of that, the better job we're doing as fathers. There's way too

00:49:35.900 many parents out there who are doing the helicopter parent thing and they're coddling and they're

00:49:41.020 protecting and they're sheltering and they're not letting their kids be exposed to any sort of

00:49:46.640 hardship or challenge. And because of that, they get out into the real world and they go nuts

00:49:52.760 because they're faced with real life situations where people don't care about their excuses and they

00:49:59.080 get fired and they get bad grades. And then we have all these kids running around, think they're

00:50:03.460 entitled to things and that their shit don't stink. And it's a real, real problem. And this is indicative

00:50:08.060 of poor parenting. So your job will be in at this point, it's to make sure your kid survives the first

00:50:14.840 two to three years of his life. After that, it's to, okay, now how do we begin to back ourselves out

00:50:22.700 of situations as much as we can where it's appropriate so that they can learn and grow and expand on their

00:50:27.780 own. Yeah. The only thing I'd ask, add for clay, I've had two batches of kids with a big gap in

00:50:34.300 between. So I have older boys that, um, are late high school, early college. And then I have little

00:50:40.880 kids and having these new babies around helped me realize, um, how precious that time is. And I know

00:50:49.040 it's such a cliche, but just engulf yourself, like just really enjoy it. Um, cause you're not going to

00:50:56.280 have it for very long and it's, and it's pleasant and it's so wonderful. And I, I, I've really enjoyed

00:51:03.280 having kids later in my life because I've realized how precious that time was. Um, even crying babies,

00:51:09.520 right? So just enjoy your time with them. I don't know about that. Try, try, try, try your time with

00:51:17.500 them. Uh, all right. Stuart McAleese. Hi, I'm interested in ideas for rites of passage for 10

00:51:25.100 to 13 year old boys. And Josh Perez had a similar question, which was please talk more about rites

00:51:29.760 of passage. Um, I don't have to answer that question cause we did a Friday field notes last

00:51:34.080 week or the week before specifically on, I think it's called initiate your boys or they'll burn the

00:51:38.640 village down. Just go listen to that. I gave you a bunch of ideas in that one.

00:51:41.800 Yeah. The only, what, what advice would you add? Or, I mean, would you say, yeah, guys,

00:51:47.200 you got to be intentional, plan this, plan this out, come up with those different passages,

00:51:51.700 document it. Like don't just wing it. Yeah. Like I said, it's, it's all, it's all in there. I mean,

00:51:57.680 I, I went through intentionality. I went through what elements need to be included. I gave some great

00:52:01.900 examples of, of what needs to be included as well. So he has no, no reason to, to continue to drone on

00:52:07.300 that about that one. It's all, it's all right there. Like I, I can give you a way better answer in

00:52:11.140 that than I'd be able to do right now. Perfect. And perfect timing. Yep. So now you guys even got

00:52:15.740 a better resource for it. Absolutely. Okay. Jeff Daigle thoughts on the difference between doing

00:52:20.760 what you have to as a man to provide for your family and wanting slash needing to make a change

00:52:26.960 for something with more purpose and fulfillment. Well, doing what you want to is, excuse me,

00:52:32.600 doing what you have to is very noble. It's very noble. Uh, but it's not mutually exclusive to doing

00:52:38.660 what you want to do either. We live in a time where opportunities and abundance is at an all

00:52:45.340 time high. It's never been greater than it is right now. So the ability for you to sink doing what I

00:52:51.020 have to do to provide for my family and doing what I want to is, is unparalleled throughout human

00:52:56.940 history. So we might be in a position now where we're doing what we have to do because we're trying

00:53:02.900 to make ends meet or we're an entry-level position. Uh, there's a whole lot of reasons why that might

00:53:07.700 be the case, but we should, and there's nothing wrong with that. In fact, there's, that's what

00:53:12.460 you should be doing, but then we should constantly be striving for more options and gaining new

00:53:20.140 education and new perspective and making ourselves more valuable and looking for opportunities and

00:53:25.820 taking calculated risks so that we can get out of the lower tier of, I just got to do what I have to

00:53:31.380 do, which it sometimes is what the situation calls for to the higher tier, which is not only my

00:53:37.380 providing for my family, I'm really fulfilled in what I'm doing. I've gone through this process.

00:53:42.360 You know, I was telling somebody the other day, my first job was at Burger King. I was doing what I

00:53:47.240 had to do. I had to pay for my car and pay for insurance and pay for some dates and things like

00:53:50.720 that. And so I worked at Burger King and it was miserable and I did it because that's what I had to do.

00:53:55.460 And then out of high school, I got into, uh, landscape and pizza delivery. And then I got

00:54:03.180 into retail. And when I was at retail, I remember I was making, it was either five 15 or five 25 an

00:54:08.280 hour. That was minimum wage at the time. And I liked retail, but I, I wasn't making ends meet.

00:54:15.580 So I went, I went to our district supervisor or manager or whatever he was. And I remember his

00:54:21.800 name's name's Tim. And I said, Hey Tim, I need to get a raise or I've got to quit.

00:54:26.400 And I'll never forget his answer. His answer was like, well, I wish you luck on, on your path.

00:54:32.500 I was like, Oh shit. He, he called me out, dude. He called me out. And I said, well, I don't. And so

00:54:37.800 I like backpedaled. I'm like, well, I don't want to leave. I'm just wondering what I can do to make

00:54:41.020 more money. He's like, Oh, okay. Well, that's a different conversation. Here's what you can do.

00:54:45.140 And within a year I was managing that store. Then I got him. Then I got another opportunity with the

00:54:50.500 store. I was working in the mall. We call them mall rats, right? It was a mall rat. So I was

00:54:53.960 bouncing from store to store. And so I, I got another opportunity with, with another store.

00:55:00.140 In fact, I, I applied at buckle. Some of you guys know what buckle is. So I applied at buckle

00:55:05.140 and the manager at the time when I first applied said, no, no, no. Cause I was still

00:55:09.420 an associate with this other place. I started managing that store. Well, she came to me down the

00:55:14.780 road and said, Hey, we want you to apply now. I'm like, well, I applied last year. She's like,

00:55:18.400 well, you're in a different position. You, you've got a year of experience. You're a manager over

00:55:23.320 here. So it makes more sense for us to consider bringing you on into the management development

00:55:27.740 program. So that's what I did. I went into a management development program with that company,

00:55:31.220 moved to Northern Utah, helped open a brand new store up there with my brand new bride.

00:55:37.920 Then I got a call from the regional or from headquarters. And they said, Hey, do you want to

00:55:41.500 go open a store in California? I took my bride down to California. We opened a brand new store down

00:55:46.360 there, started doing really well. So we expanded, right? We expanded and we grew and we got better

00:55:51.460 and we improved and just what you do. You're in a season right now where you may just have to be

00:55:56.680 making ends meet, but that doesn't mean you can't be aspirational for the things that you want to

00:56:00.500 accomplish moving forward. You just have to have the desire, the willingness, which doesn't mean the

00:56:05.080 talk. It means the walk and, uh, uh, continual improvement upon yourself and being intentional about

00:56:11.740 those areas. Yeah. My only warning to some guys would be, be careful what your definition of have

00:56:18.100 to is. I mean, we, we have a tendency to say, well, you know, I'm doing what I have to. Well,

00:56:24.060 your kids don't have to have a boat, right? They don't have to live in a 6,000 square foot home,

00:56:30.000 right? They, they don't have to have those things. And in fact, those things may not benefit them at all.

00:56:35.440 And what would benefit them more is you living a life of purpose and fulfillment.

00:56:39.520 So be really careful. We got to be really careful what we define as have to, because I way too often,

00:56:46.500 I think we're like, Oh, I got to have, my, my family has to have these things. Uh, no,

00:56:50.880 you have to keep them alive. And then, and then probably shortly after that is purpose and

00:56:56.860 fulfillment. And you being that kind of man in their life is probably more beneficial to them

00:57:01.560 than, than them having a nice car when they get into high school or even having a car for that matter.

00:57:06.540 So, um, yeah, just be careful what, what the definition is that we put on that. I think,

00:57:11.860 I think it's a great point. And I also think something that you actually talk a lot about

00:57:15.460 is you can find satisfaction and fulfillment where you are right now.

00:57:20.080 Yeah. It doesn't have to be miserable. You're choosing to make it miserable.

00:57:23.840 And I don't care. I don't care what you're doing. I've got a, I've got a couple of guys out here

00:57:27.320 right now. Uh, they're putting some gravel down in our yard. And to me, that's, I don't like doing

00:57:33.040 that. That's why I hired it out. Like it's miserable. And we're in the position where I

00:57:37.660 can hire that out and somebody else can do it. And I can be down here podcasting.

00:57:40.840 Well, these guys, I love these guys. They're friends of ours. They're neighbors. Uh, they

00:57:44.060 own a landscape and construction company and they're out here and they're laughing and they're

00:57:47.620 smiling and they're, they're, they're smiling while they're sweating and shoveling rock and

00:57:51.960 moving the little Bobcat around. They found meaning in what they're doing and they're out there

00:57:56.480 and they're doing a great job and they're making money and they're enjoying it. And they're

00:57:59.300 out in the sun. Those things I'm like, that doesn't resonate with me, but they found value

00:58:03.120 in that. Yeah. Right. And so it's not, it's, it's not really, I mean, yes, you want to continue

00:58:09.160 to improve your circumstances and get yourself in a better position. But the first step I really

00:58:13.640 believe is finding joy and satisfaction in some level of fulfillment or desire to become

00:58:18.560 more proficient where you currently are. And that's when opportunities open themselves up.

00:58:24.580 Yeah. If you're going to be, if you're going to be negative and you're going to be a downer

00:58:28.560 and you're like, this sucks is miserable. Once I have a better job, then I'll blah, blah,

00:58:33.400 blah. Like you're never going to get a better job. You've got to do a good job where you are.

00:58:38.300 And that's when the opportunities begin to expand themselves.

00:58:41.680 Totally. And we have this tensity to think that, well, if I have the right job or I have

00:58:46.940 these things, then I'm going to be happy. And then I'll do all the things I've ever wanted

00:58:51.480 to do. Right. And we talked about this in the past, right? It's be first, be that individual

00:58:56.040 you do, you take the action and then you'll have. Right. And we, and we approach it wrong.

00:59:01.100 And the B in what you're saying is be that guy that has purpose and fulfillment in what

00:59:05.860 they're currently doing. Yeah. I have a lot of people that say, well, you know, if I,

00:59:10.500 if I could podcast full time and I had those connections and I had 50,000 guys in their Facebook

00:59:15.920 group, well, then I'd be, I'd be able to do what you're doing. I'm like, dude, four years ago,

00:59:21.020 I didn't, I was working another job four years ago. I didn't have 50,000 people in our Facebook

00:59:27.860 group four years ago. I didn't have a podcast that millions of people listened to. I didn't

00:59:34.300 have any of that stuff. I grew it and I developed it. So don't tell me that your life would be

00:59:39.500 different if only you had what somebody else had go out there and earn that. Yeah. And what,

00:59:45.280 and I was something that you, you mentioned all the time, Ryan, that I just love about this

00:59:49.560 is through going, uh, by going through that process, you have grown into the position that

00:59:58.460 you can have those things, right? I've earned what I have and earn the right. And now have the,

01:00:03.580 the necessary development necessary to have them, right? Because there's twofold, right? Like you

01:00:08.680 earned it, but also you're not going to squander it. You know how to deal with it because you had to go

01:00:13.620 through that experience. And we have this tendency to think like, Oh, if I have it, then I'll manage it.

01:00:17.800 Well, right. Bullshit. You don't have the skills to manage what you have now. Yeah. You can't manage

01:00:22.640 what you're doing now and you can't succeed at whatever you're currently doing. You getting more

01:00:27.300 responsibility. You're not going to succeed anymore. Right. A great example of this Kip is if you look

01:00:33.360 at the numbers, uh, people who win the lottery, so they didn't earn it, right? They just, they just

01:00:38.240 won something. They win the lottery. They win millions of dollars within three to four years.

01:00:43.120 They're completely broke. And in fact, in a lot of cases, they're actually worse off than they were

01:00:46.940 four years earlier. Why? Because they didn't earn it. So they don't have the skills and the mindset

01:00:55.520 to be able to manage that level of wealth. And they squander it away on stupid purchases.

01:01:03.240 They get taken advantage of by others. They get raked over the coals with taxes and other,

01:01:08.120 what I would call stupid tax because they don't know how to manage it correctly.

01:01:12.440 Now, those people who have built, here's an interesting thing. Those people who have built

01:01:16.680 extreme levels of wealth in their lives, at some point they may lose it, right? Because they take

01:01:21.180 a risk and it doesn't pan out or they have to go through a bankruptcy or any number of things that

01:01:24.680 can happen. But you notice what these people do. They lose it, but what do they do? They get the money

01:01:29.660 back quickly. Why? Because they have the skillset. They know how to manage money. They know how to build

01:01:36.100 wealth. So they build it again. And because they've earned it, that's just how it works.

01:01:43.460 Let's take a couple more.

01:01:45.120 All right. Felix Vresquez, what are your opinions on society as a whole,

01:01:50.100 making it more acceptable, acceptable to be weak and uninformed on important skills?

01:01:56.060 Cool. Open up opportunity for me. I mean, really?

01:02:00.400 Totally. Like if you're going to be weak and pathetic, awesome. You can have the scraps of

01:02:05.920 what I leave behind. And I know there's going to be people who don't like that answer, but you know

01:02:11.700 what? The weak will always get taken advantage of and the strong will always win. And I think if

01:02:17.440 you're strong, I do believe that we have a moral obligation to assist those who don't have as many

01:02:23.360 opportunities or are in a situation where they literally cannot do it for themselves. We do have

01:02:28.740 an obligation, I believe for that. But all I'm saying is that if somebody chooses deliberately

01:02:33.640 and they have the capability to be successful, but they choose to be weak and pathetic and cowardly,

01:02:38.000 they're going to get left in the dust. And all that does is that opens up opportunities for those who

01:02:42.540 are strong and disciplined and committed and want to thrive. And such is the way of nature,

01:02:49.520 not just humanity, the way of nature. So if these people want to continue to be weak and pathetic,

01:02:54.960 okay, that's unfortunate, but thanks for the opportunities. I'll continue to scoop this up

01:03:00.240 as you leave it on the table. Yeah. Yeah. And in your response, I mean, obviously you're saying it's

01:03:05.420 not ideal, but it, no, I mean, I want, but no, yeah. Go, sorry. I can interrupt. Well, I was just

01:03:12.520 going to say, I mean, it goes back to what you're saying earlier, right? Is this is also outside of our

01:03:17.340 control, right? So what are you going to do about it? That society's being, you know, accepting of

01:03:23.620 weak? Well, you focus on yourself, right? Well, and I feel like we're, we're, we're actually

01:03:27.620 addressing that here within the podcast as well, right? We're trying to make men strong and bold

01:03:31.560 and capable and efficient and effective. Um, but ultimately I can't, I can't determine whether

01:03:37.340 somebody is going to listen to this and imply, apply what we're, what we're teaching. They have to do

01:03:41.240 that. And if they want to cool, all the tools are here. Let me help you. If they're not interested.

01:03:45.460 Cool. That's, that's okay. It's unfortunate. It's too bad, but okay. Well, it's your life.

01:03:52.100 Yeah. All right. Kyle Shields, how have you dealt with finding a new mission after the

01:03:57.760 completion of an old one? Is there a process you have established and, or are you looking

01:04:02.440 ahead in advance? I don't know if they abruptly end like that. Yeah. It is just evolve and pivot,

01:04:09.380 right? Right. I mean, I think there's maybe projects at work where you have this project and

01:04:13.180 you've got to get it done in the next two months. And once it's done, it's done. You know, I might

01:04:16.640 have a task or something like that, or a client that you may be working with where you've got to

01:04:20.860 do this and then that's done and you've got to go on to something else. But I'm not sure that,

01:04:24.920 that your, your purpose or your life's mission ends and starts that abruptly. I think it's a

01:04:30.500 continual process. I talked about the previous podcast. I started, I was working in financial

01:04:35.900 services and then I, so I worked with one company and I didn't like their model. And so I started

01:04:41.740 working with another company and then I did that for about six years. And then I went and started

01:04:45.300 my own company and I learned a lot of business and entrepreneurship and I liked the financial

01:04:49.680 planning field, but I really liked the business and entrepreneurship and marketing stuff more than

01:04:53.940 the financial stuff. And so then I realized I'm like, Oh, okay, well let's pivot. And so I started

01:04:57.820 marketing the financial planning practice and started making more money. And then I said, well,

01:05:02.120 I like marketing. I don't want to talk about financial planning anymore. I want to talk about how to be a

01:05:05.740 more capable father and husband and business owner and community leader. So let's pivot to this

01:05:09.880 order of man thing. And I took what I knew from marketing and I expanded it. So I don't know that

01:05:14.660 it ever, that it ever stops abruptly and starts somewhere. I think it's just a continual flow and

01:05:20.860 motion of ideas and perspectives and new capabilities that come into your life and that you develop as

01:05:28.960 long as I would say this, as long as we're stepping through the doors of opportunity that present

01:05:34.020 themselves. Because I know a lot of guys who have, who could have done and been something more.

01:05:41.540 And yet they would never were really willing to step through the doors that presented themselves.

01:05:47.520 And so they remain stagnant and stuck in their current situation. And these are the guys who say

01:05:53.120 to themselves, man, I just, I feel like there's something more, or I know, I know I meant for

01:05:58.980 something more, or I just feel stuck here. Yes. Because you're not stepping through the doors

01:06:04.160 of opportunity that present themselves. You've got to take calculated risks. Actually, part of being a

01:06:08.980 man is taking risk, taking calculated risk. Men are more apt to take risk. So live into that,

01:06:18.100 step into that and start charting some of these unknown waters and territory.

01:06:22.660 All right. Last question. Paul Boss Berquez, how do you look, who do you look for advice from?

01:06:32.460 It depends on what it's for. You know, so I get a lot of these, who's your mentor for what?

01:06:39.520 You don't have like one person I turned to like this, this person. No, man, if I want to learn more

01:06:43.900 about jujitsu, I'm going to talk with you and roll with you Kip or Matthew Arrington. If I want to learn

01:06:48.880 how to be a better business owner, I'm going to look to those in my network who know how to manage

01:06:54.940 a business. Andy Frisilla is a great example of that. I'm going to turn to guys like that,

01:06:59.360 who are going to mentor me and coach me and help me. If I want to learn how to manage my taxes,

01:07:02.620 I'm going to call my CPA and say, Hey, you know, I feel like we're paying too much in taxes. What

01:07:06.860 strategies can we use that are going to help us reduce taxation this year? If I want to learn how to

01:07:12.080 be physically fit or better, more capable than that, that, that component of my life, I'm going to turn to

01:07:17.440 my CrossFit coach. I'm going to turn to other individuals, Josiah Novak, Lauren Lynch, guys

01:07:23.220 that I follow and I have relationships with. If I want to be a better, better hunter, I'm going to

01:07:27.240 ask John Dudley and Cam Haynes and Kip Falks and some of these other guys that I follow because

01:07:32.620 they know what they're doing. So I'm going to turn to them. I just find people who are doing what I

01:07:37.100 want to do. And then I just reach out to them and say, well, you show me your ways. And they do,

01:07:41.100 they want to show that stuff off. Yeah. I love it. So there's been a little bit of a subject.

01:07:47.280 Quite a bit or kind of a mantra. One of the mantras out of this episode is, is really around

01:07:53.440 after action review and, and, and really having a battle plan in place. And sissy fits. Yeah,

01:07:59.500 totally. And yeah, it sissy fits. Um, but one of the best ways to have an after, after action review

01:08:05.620 is also knowing what you're working on. Right. And you mentioned this already, Ryan, the new battle

01:08:11.020 planner that's up at the order of man store. If you guys are interested in getting your hands on that

01:08:15.860 planner, uh, or decals, hats, shirts, uh, and other swag, uh, you can go to store.orderofman.com

01:08:23.880 and, and purchase that material. You can also follow Mr. Mickler on Instagram and Twitter at

01:08:29.980 Ryan Mickler. And most importantly, if you guys want to submit your questions to the AMA, uh, you can do so

01:08:35.920 by joining the iron council, our exclusive brotherhood. You can learn more about the IC at

01:08:41.420 order of man.com slash iron council, or join us on Facebook at facebook.com slash groups

01:08:47.240 slash order of man. Well done. I think we got it. So got, yeah. Uh, the only other thing I would say

01:08:54.260 guys is for the month of May within the iron council, what we do is we break this up on a

01:08:59.740 monthly basis into categories. Uh, so this month was all about embracing change. Uh, so next month is

01:09:07.240 the wild man. And we're going to be talking about how we, as men can tap back into some of our primal

01:09:13.340 roots and uncage the wild man that has been caged within us for so long. Uh, this is a, uh, kind of

01:09:19.620 a hat tip if you will, to, uh, the, the story iron John. And then of course, Robert Bly's book iron

01:09:25.580 John, where he breaks down that story. So we've got challenges. I just completed the challenges for

01:09:30.360 it. We've got assignments. Of course, you've got your battle teams and your battle brothers all working

01:09:35.120 to hold you accountable to again, tapping into our more raw and wild nature and how that can

01:09:41.400 actually serve us and those that we want to serve. So make sure you check that out to a order of man.com

01:09:46.080 slash iron council. And then also for you, jujitsu guys, um, there is the origin main, uh, jujitsu

01:09:53.480 immersion camp. It looks as though I just checked it. Um, there's registration is still open. That's

01:09:58.140 August 25th through September 1st. Um, if you do want to register, register using the following,

01:10:04.040 uh, URL. So then that way we can make sure that you guys, um, are kind of associated with the

01:10:09.720 order of man group and are eligible for our, our rash guard to rash guards. Yep. Yep. For the rash

01:10:14.640 guard. So go to origin, main.com slash order camp to register. Right on. I think that's all we got

01:10:21.900 guys. I really appreciate you being on this path with us. We need more men in this fight. It is a

01:10:25.480 fight. I say that all the time. Some people reject that idea and it may be a fight against some external

01:10:30.500 sources, uh, who would have us who I guess I'd say who would diminish masculinity, certainly some of

01:10:36.640 that. But I also think there's a, a far larger, more important battle within ourselves and what

01:10:44.500 we're capable of and how we can step fully into who we are supposed to be, who we are designed to be

01:10:50.940 as men. And that's why I talk about it being a fight and being a battle. It's a battle mostly

01:10:56.180 with ourselves and what we're capable of. So that said, I appreciate you being on this path.

01:11:01.360 I appreciate you being on this journey. Uh, I learned a ton from you guys from following along

01:11:05.460 in the Facebook group and being involved with you guys in iron council and having the conversations

01:11:09.120 that I do. And of course the, the interviews and the podcast with you Kip as well. So anyways,

01:11:14.160 guys, uh, if you would please share the show, leave a rating and review, keep banding with us,

01:11:18.520 keep telling other guys what we're doing here. And let's continue to enlist more men in this fight

01:11:22.040 until Friday for our Friday field notes, go out there, take action and become the man you are

01:11:27.500 meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your

01:11:32.360 life and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

Order of Man - April 24, 2019

Finding Like-Minded Men, Shifting Your Mindset, and Motivating Others ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

Episode Stats

Length

Words per Minute

Word Count

Sentence Count

Misogynist Sentences

Hate Speech Sentences

Summary

Transcript