Order of Man - Finding the Right Woman, Drowning out the Naysayers, and Maximizing Fortunate Circumstances ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:06.000 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.460 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.

00:00:15.480 This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.

00:00:19.740 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:25.040 Kip, what's up man? Good to see you again.

00:00:26.500 I know it's been probably, what, less than 48 hours since we've seen each other, but it feels like an eternity, Kip.

00:00:31.740 I gotta tell you. It feels like an eternity.

00:00:34.480 That's what happens. We're not around each other.

00:00:36.840 That's right.

00:00:37.240 No, it was good. It was good.

00:00:38.680 It was good.

00:00:40.340 Just in case you don't know why Kip may have been here, which he probably wouldn't.

00:00:44.800 Yeah, why would you? Yeah.

00:00:46.140 Yeah. We had an event. I wouldn't say event as much as just a quick little small get-together of about 12 guys.

00:00:53.700 You guys all flew out here to Maine. We tore down or tore apart some of the flooring in the barn.

00:01:00.180 We moved some old garage doors that had been sitting outside forever. I felt like I was going to lose those if I let them sit another winter.

00:01:06.760 Those were harder than I thought they would be. And then we just did some odds and ends. Bubba fixed my garage, which was good.

00:01:13.060 I got a little aggressive one day with my garage. It wasn't closing. And I broke it and shattered two of the window panes in the garage.

00:01:20.820 So it's been that way for months now, but Bubba fixed it within, I would say, 20 minutes tops.

00:01:26.500 So it was good. It was good to have everybody out, man. And of course, good to see everybody as well.

00:01:30.840 Yeah. We were able to confirm that Bubba actually has a valuable skill.

00:01:35.240 So he has some skills. It's good. I just didn't even know that until he showed up and he's like, here's exactly what you need.

00:01:43.520 We went to the local hardware store, picked it up. First try, got everything we needed. And he was done within like 20 minutes, maybe, maybe less than that.

00:01:51.760 So yeah, he criticized you for destroying the door for the rest of the weekend. It was great.

00:01:56.820 Yeah. I mean, it wasn't bad. He didn't, he didn't mock me too bad, just a little bit.

00:01:59.960 So yeah, no, it was good, man. Anyways, we're back here. I'm playing catch up today. It's been a little

00:02:04.920 wild. I'm sure it has been for you as well. Trying to get back into the groove and back into the swing

00:02:08.500 of things. So let's not waste any time jumping into the questions so we can answer them and then

00:02:13.700 get back to work. Cause both of us have a lot of work to do just like everybody else listening.

00:02:17.760 Sounds good. And we did save a couple iron council questions from last week because they're kind of

00:02:23.880 directed a little bit towards you. And I thought it was probably most appropriate appropriate for us to

00:02:29.200 answer them with you on the call. So we do have a, uh, three questions from the iron council to learn

00:02:34.240 more about the iron council, go to order of man.com slash iron council. And then the rest of our

00:02:37.760 questions today will be from our Facebook group. That's at facebook.com slash group slash order of

00:02:44.860 man. All right. First question, Philip, uh, Capadora. I have a mission to protect, provide, and preside.

00:02:52.680 At what point do we unite and execute a plan of action? Uh, unite for who? I don't know what he's

00:03:01.620 saying. Unite like as a family, unite is us. Like, what does that mean? Yeah. I'm not sure. I'm maybe

00:03:08.020 he says at what point do we unite? Um, so maybe he's talking about iron council, but I don't know,

00:03:14.140 maybe we generalize it for Philip, work, read the question again, read the question again.

00:03:21.860 We have a mission to protect, provide, and preside. At what point do we unite and execute a plan of

00:03:28.640 action? I honestly, I don't know how to answer that question. Like we are uniting. That's what the iron

00:03:34.720 council is. That's what order of man is. That's what this movement and podcast are all about. Um,

00:03:39.240 executing a plan of action. I mean, he's talking about the battle plan. I'm really, I'm just

00:03:44.080 wondering if there's more to that question that maybe we overlooked or a previous comment. Like,

00:03:47.920 I just don't know the context of it, but the answer I guess is immediately. Yeah. Well, maybe

00:03:55.360 that's all I can say. Yeah. To get some value out of this question, why is uniting important when you

00:04:02.000 have, when you have a mission? Why, why is uniting important? You just can't do it alone. I mean,

00:04:07.240 think about this weekend as we were talking about this, my garage door has been broken for two

00:04:10.560 months. I have one guy who has some skill and expertise in that particular field and he fixes

00:04:15.840 it in 20 minutes. Like if that isn't a perfect example of why you, you, you would unite with

00:04:22.220 somebody who has a skill that maybe you don't possess or want to develop, then I don't know what

00:04:26.500 is. So we're, it's not one plus one equals two. It's one plus one equals five and 10 and 30.

00:04:32.420 And this isn't some sort of woke common core math. I'm communicating here. This is, this is not

00:04:39.280 literally to be taken literally. It's sad. I even need to say that. But yeah, the reality is, is that

00:04:44.000 our growth improves exponentially as we surround ourselves with other capable men who bring

00:04:50.580 something to the table that we don't bring ourselves, whether that's ignorance, whether

00:04:55.400 that's a lack of skillset, whether that's a lack of natural born talents and abilities,

00:04:59.380 there's other people who have things that you don't have, invite them, give them a seat at the

00:05:05.260 table and you'll be amazed at what you're able to create and how much you're able to get done.

00:05:10.460 Yeah. And would you'd also assume like just insights, I mean, different ways of seeing things that,

00:05:15.520 you know, one thing in my job that we talk about a lot is like, there's knowledge. And if you had to

00:05:20.720 take a pie of knowledge, there's a section of, of information that, you know, there's

00:05:25.740 things that, you know, you don't know. Like I know, I, I don't know how to do brain surgery.

00:05:30.760 And then there's the, you don't know that you don't know it. And there's this huge gamut of

00:05:35.900 exposure that I'm unaware of. And, and through not just completing a job, does Bubba bring to the

00:05:42.660 table, like the ability to fix her garage door, but he might have insights that aren't even on your

00:05:47.700 radar that he can be being, be brought to bear to a discussion or insights for yourself.

00:05:53.980 You know, I think that I think, and I'm trying to say this respectfully, of course, to you,

00:05:58.920 I think that goes without saying, right. Having those different insights. I think most people

00:06:02.680 understand and know that, but what I want to give you a different perspective and something I've

00:06:06.720 actually been chewing on for weeks at this point now, differing perspectives, aren't always good.

00:06:13.860 Hmm. Yeah. And I think the common belief is that you don't want to create echo chamber.

00:06:21.020 You want differing perspectives, but you know what? I think that's actually a problem

00:06:27.320 when your foundational beliefs are so polar opposite that it's a different perspective

00:06:35.380 could actually do more harm than good. Hmm. Why? Cause you think it results in less action?

00:06:40.580 Cause we're not going to the same place. No, we're not even going to the same place.

00:06:43.760 So let's say Kip, you and I, let's say for example, that I believed in, and I'm just going

00:06:47.880 to pick something out of thin air here. I believed in traditional marriage. Okay. A man and a wife

00:06:55.800 singular, you commit to her, she commits to you for life. And that's what I believed. And let's say

00:07:01.980 you believe something completely different. Either you believed in polygamy or, you know,

00:07:09.380 no marriage at all. Just something that was counter to the fundamental belief I have of traditional

00:07:13.760 marriage. What differing perspective could you offer me that would help me solidify my role as

00:07:21.060 a husband and a father in my view of traditional marriage, nothing, everything that you say,

00:07:27.720 everything that comes from your mouth. And I won't say it's wrong by the way, but I will say that

00:07:32.240 it's not going to serve me. You don't even have the same fundamental belief as me.

00:07:38.000 So how could you offer me something that would help me be a better father? That's actually one

00:07:43.500 of the things that we run into within, I think Western culture is our, you hear things like our

00:07:51.240 diversity is our strength. Our diversity is our strength. If we're all going to the same place,

00:07:56.080 but if we all want to go to different places, our diversity is a very real threat actually.

00:08:03.240 Because you're going here and I'm going here and this person's going there. And then we're all

00:08:06.500 pulling on each other in different directions and we're not working together. Now where it adds value

00:08:12.440 is okay. Maybe you come to me and you say, you know what, Ryan, I, I believe in the power of

00:08:17.660 traditional marriage and I think it's a good thing. And, but you know, I haven't always been that

00:08:21.260 way. And here's some other perspectives you haven't considered, but here's how traditional marriage

00:08:25.480 would work in those environments. Now you're not creating an echo chamber, but at least you're on the

00:08:30.240 same page. Yeah. Right. At least on the same direction or same path. Right. So people come

00:08:35.220 to me and they'll say, Oh, Ryan, you're creating an echo chamber in order of man, because you don't

00:08:38.880 want differing opinions. Yeah. You're right. There's some differing opinions. Like I'm not

00:08:43.000 interested in, if you don't believe masculinity is a crucial element and component of society.

00:08:48.460 I don't care what else you have to say about it. Yeah. The only reason I care in fact,

00:08:54.880 about what you have to say about it is so that I can create the counter argument and tell you why

00:08:59.000 you're wrong. Yeah. That's the only reason, but I would never embrace your thought. If you don't

00:09:04.540 believe at its fundamental level, that masculinity is inherently good. I would never because your value,

00:09:10.620 your, your opinion is less valuable to me than maybe you think it is. And that's not popular in

00:09:15.980 today's culture. And it's not common knowledge. I don't want to create an echo chamber here,

00:09:21.180 but we all got to be paddling the boat in the same direction. If you have a better way to paddle

00:09:25.460 the boat, to get there faster, I'm all ears, but I ain't interested in you paddling against us

00:09:30.380 and working backwards or counter to what we're trying to do here. Yeah. Ultimately coming back to

00:09:35.360 what you said earlier about, does it serve the mission or mission serve what you're trying to

00:09:40.660 accomplish? If it doesn't, then why would you entertain it? Exactly. The only, again,

00:09:44.780 the only reason I would entertain it is to expose vulnerabilities or flaws in my logic and defense.

00:09:50.880 So I can shore those things up. That's it. Yeah. But I, I, I'm not interested in embracing

00:09:56.340 somebody's perspective. Uh, and I'll entertain it. I'll entertain it. I'll listen to it,

00:10:03.040 but I'm not interested in embracing it just because of diversity or inclusion. No, that's not something

00:10:09.940 I'm interested in. Yeah. Which I think is fair. I think there's many areas in life where we have,

00:10:16.040 we should pause and ask ourselves. I mean, we've said it so many times, even on this podcast is

00:10:20.120 the answer is, does it serve you? Does it serve what you're wanting to accomplish?

00:10:24.200 Right. And that question we should ask on a great many things that we do.

00:10:28.380 Well, and the problem is this is I think you can run into situations where there's not a whole lot of,

00:10:32.840 uh, intellectual honesty. So I'll give another example just so we can play this out and hash this out a

00:10:38.820 little bit. You and I both believe in Christ. If there was a Satanist who reached out to me and

00:10:47.200 said, Hey, I really want to talk with you about this. And, uh, I'm a Satanist. I don't believe

00:10:51.760 in Christ. I believe in, in following, you know, Satan's path or something. Uh, and I want to talk

00:10:56.060 with you about it. I'm not interested in talking with that individual, like, because there's no,

00:11:01.780 there's not going to be any honesty there. Like he doesn't want to genuinely talk. He wants to

00:11:06.360 diminish and downplay and undermine and root away what I believe. I'm not interested in that

00:11:11.600 conversation. Now, if somebody comes to me and says, you know, what do you believe? And in fact,

00:11:16.160 this weekend, people asked me that, what do you believe? Like, what about this? What about that?

00:11:19.120 But it came from an honest place. It came from a place of genuine sincerity. And that conversation,

00:11:25.940 I'm more than willing to entertain, but there's certain conversations. I'm just not interested

00:11:31.980 in entertaining because I don't believe we're having honest discussions that in fact, politics

00:11:37.380 is a lot of that way too. You know, if anybody ever says, honestly, what do you think about X,

00:11:41.940 Y, and Z? They're probably not being honest. Cause if they were being honest, they wouldn't have to

00:11:45.620 say, honestly, they wouldn't have to use that term. It's like honest auto care. Don't take your car

00:11:51.020 to honest auto care. Cause if they have to tell you they're honest, they're not. So these are little

00:11:57.560 traps that you gotta be very, very careful, especially in today's digital world of, of falling

00:12:01.900 into. Yeah. And those same individuals that really want your input. They just listen. There's not a,

00:12:08.020 oh, well I think, and you're like, oh, okay. Now you just, you asked that question really just

00:12:11.940 because you wanted to hear yourself or voice it. Yeah, that's true. I mean, there's a difference

00:12:15.860 between clarifying and saying, oh, well I've, I've always believed this. So, but you're saying you

00:12:19.780 believe that where's the discrepancy. I think that's a genuine question, but somebody who

00:12:23.580 just wants to hear you so they can trap you into a corner. That's what I'm saying.

00:12:27.360 That's intellectual dishonesty. And I don't want to have those conversations. I don't have enough

00:12:31.220 time to have those conversations. Yeah. Copy. All right. All right. Jarrett Harris with the

00:12:36.900 politics, almost being a religion for some and civil unrest going on. How do you engage others?

00:12:43.040 If you guys have in civil discussions over obvious difficult topics and hopefully keep emotions out of

00:12:49.200 it. I realize you can't engage with some people at all. I mean, that's the answer. Again, we go back to

00:12:54.760 what I just said, intellectually honest and dishonesty. If they're being honest and you know,

00:13:00.440 right? Like, you know, there's little, there's little triggers. There's little words that they

00:13:04.360 use. There's phrases. There's, uh, there's things that they use certain attacks, certain ways they

00:13:11.560 formulate an argument that you can tell whether or not they're being honest. And if they're not being

00:13:15.500 honest, just disengage as soon as you recognize it. And these people who are dishonest about the way

00:13:22.080 they communicate, they're very, very good at it. They know which buttons to press. They know which

00:13:27.560 phrases to use. They know what your hot points are that are very, very good at it. But if you

00:13:32.640 acknowledge or recognize that this individual is not being intellectually honest with you,

00:13:37.340 there's no possible, uh, good that can come from it. So just disengage entirely. If other people are

00:13:44.380 genuinely interested and curious with regards to what you have to say, then I, as long as I'm still

00:13:51.580 interested in the conversation, I'll continue to have it. If I lose interest or I'm disinterested,

00:13:56.280 or I think that they're not again, intellectually honest, I'll just disengage. It's a very simple

00:14:01.380 thing for me, but I've been doing it for a long time now, six years of like, I know when somebody

00:14:07.800 makes a comment, I'm like, Oh, that's, that's a trap. That's something to be avoided. They think

00:14:12.600 they're being sneaky, but somebody who has time in the field and has experienced this. No, we,

00:14:17.220 we know what people are doing if you're smart, but again, they're very, very good at hitting those

00:14:21.300 hot buttons and that's where you fall into the traps. So yeah, if they're honest about it and,

00:14:26.460 and they, they're genuinely interested in civil discourse. And I actually like to debate to people

00:14:31.000 that are, that we don't believe the same. I like to debate with them, but it has to be an honest

00:14:35.180 debate. If it's not, nope, I'm out. Totally. Well, and, and correct me if I'm wrong, I assume we'd

00:14:41.700 agree with this, but like the other advice I'd give Jared is check yourself as well, right? That,

00:14:47.720 that, that conversation from your perspective is to understand or share what they're asking and,

00:14:54.120 you know what I mean? Be mindful of, of the role that you're playing in the discussion as well.

00:14:57.920 Cause it is very easy for us to want to argue our points or, you know, get our egos involved and,

00:15:05.480 and not have it be a civil discourse and an understanding of someone else's perspective. So I would just kind

00:15:11.300 of keep that in mind too, that you don't fall into being that kind of person in the conversation

00:15:15.780 either. Definitely. Yeah. You probably noticed the color on my screen change. I don't know if you did

00:15:20.600 or not, but, um, the reason is, is because I was pulling up a website called, uh, your, hold on,

00:15:28.580 let me go here. It's called your logical fallacy is.com. Let me just make sure I pull this up here.

00:15:34.900 Yeah. Yeah. Your logical fallacy is.com. And it goes through, I would say 25 or so different

00:15:42.160 logical fallacies. And if you don't know what a fall, uh, logical fallacy is, it's basically

00:15:47.860 it's, it's a misstep in or a flaw in your, your reasoning or your logic or your debate tactics.

00:15:54.900 So one might be an ad hominem attack, which is an attack on the person themselves rather than the

00:16:01.940 position. Right. Yeah. Uh, another one is an appeal to emotion, right? We run into that all the time.

00:16:08.460 So in fact, there's a lot going on in society today where we are making law and legislation

00:16:14.520 based on emotion rather than based on the logic of, will this work? Will this help? It's based on how I,

00:16:21.920 how I feel. Uh, there's things like the false clause or the false dichotomy, right?

00:16:27.180 Like what do you prefer? You know, do you prefer, I'm just, this is a stupid example. It's the one 1.00

00:16:32.740 that comes off hand, off hand, right off, right off the top of my mind is like, do you prefer

00:16:37.300 blondes or brunettes? It's like, well, there's, there's also redheads, right? So like, you know

00:16:41.400 what I mean? The logical fallacy is presenting two sides to the coin, but overlooking that there might

00:16:47.400 be alternatives to the two you're presenting. So there's, I like that kind of stuff. It's very

00:16:52.040 fascinating. I think it will help you be a better communicator. I think it will help you

00:16:57.800 acknowledge and recognize the pitfalls that people or the traps that they're trying to lay for you.

00:17:03.080 Uh, and I think it'll just generally make you a better communicator all around. So, uh,

00:17:07.080 your logical fallacy is.com. Do you think some of these traps are just natural tendencies? Like

00:17:14.040 they're not preemptive logical, like, Oh, I'm going to try to trap. It's just,

00:17:18.180 that's what they're naturally doing. And they don't even, my answer to that is it doesn't matter.

00:17:23.440 Yeah. I'm just curious though. Do you, and I'm not downplaying your question. I'm saying the answer

00:17:28.380 is cause, cause look, here's what could happen. I could answer that and say, no, I don't. And here,

00:17:34.120 this is genuinely what I believe. I don't believe everybody's being underhanded. I believe

00:17:38.100 that they will naturally go to that, right? It's trying not logical enough in their mindset to

00:17:43.620 actually ensure that they're not doing those things. Yeah, exactly. And so a lot of the times

00:17:47.920 it's, it's devious, it's deceitful and other times it isn't, but regardless, yeah, it doesn't

00:17:53.080 change the outcome of the conversation. You still don't want to engage that either that person's

00:17:57.080 being deceitful or maybe they're just ignorant. And in both cases, I'm not interested in having that 0.74

00:18:02.560 conversation. So the answer is it doesn't matter what it is, even though to literally answer your

00:18:09.660 question. Yeah. I think some people are just more emotional or, and that I think generally what it

00:18:15.120 comes down to. So, you know, like if we, if we were, if we were, uh, I don't follow professional

00:18:22.560 sports or sports at all, really, but let's just say you and I were following teams that were complete

00:18:28.440 rivals. Well, here's a great example. So Kip, you went to school in, in, uh, uh, we were both Rams,

00:18:36.980 right? I was a parent parent, parent one Ram and you were South severe Ram. And so I hated you in 1.00

00:18:44.200 high school, South severe. No, those guys are the enemy, you know, like they're, they're jerks. 1.00

00:18:51.080 They're a-holes. Like they're not to be trusted. Like we need to demolish them. And then here we are 1.00

00:18:56.220 20 years later and we're really good friends. Well, if you were born in Parowan, you would have been a

00:19:02.180 really good friend. If I was born in South severe and went to school there, you would, I would have been a

00:19:06.060 really good friend to you. Yeah. So we get into this tribalism thing and that gets us emotional

00:19:11.360 when logically it doesn't really make sense, but it is just human nature. We're enemies. And so

00:19:19.520 you have, you are the bad guy, even though you're not actually the bad guy. Yeah. Copy.

00:19:26.400 All right. Daniel, a point in reference to battle planning, what are secondary tactics and can they

00:19:32.900 be used beneficially? Some IC members seem to have a differing opinion on this definition and

00:19:39.100 utilize them in two different ways. Are they a backup? If you can accomplish the first, or are

00:19:44.440 they in tandem or in the spirit of Dan Crenshaw, a backup sounds like a plan B in the spirit of James

00:19:50.920 clear tandem sounds like overcomplicating. Either one feels like a potential weak point.

00:19:55.620 So there's a logical fallacy. It's either a backup or overcomplication.

00:20:04.300 Yeah. Not a third. What if it's not either of those? Okay. I'm just pointing that out,

00:20:09.060 but let's answer this question because it is really a good question. So let me explain in the battle

00:20:16.120 planning system, a secondary tactic. Let me explain it first by telling you what a primary tactic is.

00:20:23.040 A primary tactic is something that you can complete, that it's measurable, that it's actionable,

00:20:28.820 and you can do it every single day. For example, running. If you want to run a marathon in 90 days,

00:20:36.700 maybe, and I'm not suggesting it is, but I'm just telling you that maybe running every single day

00:20:42.320 is your primary tactic. That's it. Now, what would be a secondary tactic in that situation?

00:20:49.100 Would it be something that replaces the Monday that you forgot to run? No, it is not a replacement

00:20:55.320 to your primary tactic. I lean more towards what he said, where it's in tandem. So for example,

00:21:02.800 I'm going to run every single day. And on Saturday, I'm going to run a half marathon.

00:21:14.140 The next Saturday, I'm going to run seven miles. The next Saturday, I'm going to run 20 miles.

00:21:19.600 The next Saturday, I'm going to run 13 miles. And so that becomes a secondary tactic. That's

00:21:25.380 complimentary to your primary tactic, because you're not going to run a marathon every day or

00:21:32.100 half marathon every day, because you'd kill yourself and you wouldn't be able to complete

00:21:35.220 your objective. So primary tactic is primary. It's most important. What can you do every single

00:21:42.100 day? Because the risk is that, Oh, you didn't show up to the gym on, on Monday. You said,

00:21:47.240 you're going to work out an hour a day. You didn't show up to the gym on Monday or Tuesday

00:21:50.200 or Wednesday. So you missed three hours. So you're going to show up on Saturday and do

00:21:53.540 seven hours of training. You know, like how, how effective is that going to be for you?

00:21:59.180 It's not going to be effective at all. So that's why the primary tactic of doing one thing

00:22:04.080 per day is very, very important. But we also recognized and acknowledged there are situations

00:22:08.940 where, you know, for example, if you wanted to get connected and closer with your wife,

00:22:14.620 your primary tactic might be something as simple as communicating to her every single day that you

00:22:20.340 love her. So it might be a text in the middle of the day. And then on Tuesday, it might be a note that

00:22:25.420 you leave before you go to work. And on Wednesday, it might be a small gift or a bouquet of flowers that

00:22:30.900 you bring home. So you're communicating you love her. And then on Saturday, you go out on a date.

00:22:35.780 It probably doesn't make sense that you go on a date every single night of the week because you

00:22:40.080 have kids and work and responsibilities, but on a Saturday, sure, absolutely. So that becomes a

00:22:45.180 secondary tactic, but it's not to replace the primary tactics. So, I mean, maybe a way to

00:22:51.000 say this a different way, because I like, actually, I really like this distinction is sometimes we might

00:22:58.280 look at our tactics and our objectives and say, you know, maybe guys will initially say, oh,

00:23:04.840 weekly date night, but that's it, but it's not daily. And so they're like, well, then that takes

00:23:11.440 away from this routine, the habit of the consistency of doing something. So I might at first come up with

00:23:18.520 date night and then say, okay, but what should my primary tactic be that drives me forward on a daily

00:23:24.360 basis? And then come up with random act of kindness or reaching out to my wife and et cetera.

00:23:29.160 Correct. It's not enough to do things once a week. It's just not, you can't do anything once a week

00:23:37.740 and be successful at it. So if you're working your battle plan and you think, okay, well, I'm going to

00:23:43.400 do this thing every three days. That's good. There's nothing wrong with it, but you ought to find

00:23:48.540 something that you can do every single day. And that's why we define a primary tactic as something

00:23:52.840 that is completed on a daily basis, no days off, no weekends off Monday through Sunday, every single

00:23:59.380 day without hesitation, without fail. If you feel like there's some things additionally above and

00:24:04.140 beyond several months ago, I did a deadlift challenge and I deadlifted every day. Some days I went super

00:24:10.920 hard. Other days I lightened it up and I did other exercises with it. And then every single, I think I did

00:24:16.540 every two weeks. I, I attempted a personal record. So that would be a secondary tactic, but it wasn't

00:24:24.720 primary. Cause what if I just showed up and I just tried PRs every two weeks? Of course, I'm not going

00:24:28.700 to get better. It has to be done every single day. I like that. Okay. All right. Jumping into Facebook,

00:24:36.200 Jake Bush for Ryan. What are your goals currently for weight training? Any specific weights you're trying

00:24:42.560 to reach on certain lifts, keep up the good work. It's made me better. And in return, I will do my

00:24:48.220 best to help other men. Thank you both. Weight training. Hasn't been something that's been real

00:24:53.000 heavy on my mind lately. In fact, jujitsu is the thing that's on my mind more than anything else.

00:24:58.460 So anytime I go in and do any sort of, uh, weight training, strength training, it's all centered and

00:25:04.340 revolved around how can this make me better at jujitsu? So I don't need to worry about stacking up PRs on my,

00:25:10.780 on, on, on my lifts. I'm just worried about getting generally stronger, more mobile,

00:25:17.240 more conditioned, get my rest in so I can be more effective at jujitsu. That's where I'm at.

00:25:22.700 And that's important to me right now. I love it. That's how, you know,

00:25:26.380 the IVs in the bloodstream, the jujitsu IV is when, when you start going, Oh, well,

00:25:31.600 I'm lifting weights actually for jujitsu and not the other way around.

00:25:36.340 I even think about that when I want to slack off on my diet and I'm not best the best at my diet,

00:25:40.520 but when I slack off, I, I, and I know this, you know, I know that if I eat like crap on Monday,

00:25:46.420 that Monday night won't go well for me at jujitsu. I know that. Yeah. So that actually helps me eat a

00:25:53.580 little bit better, eat a little cleaner, drink a little bit more water so that I can be ready for

00:25:58.800 Monday. And I want to be ready for Monday and I want to train hard and I want to be effective.

00:26:02.900 And I want to have the conditioning to roll with as many people as I want to roll with.

00:26:06.800 Um, so my physical stuff is all centered around jujitsu right now.

00:26:12.160 Let me ask you this. When you do certain movements, when you're lifting,

00:26:15.400 are you, is it crossing your mind how that relates to jujitsu?

00:26:19.580 Totally. Like I think about even a bench press is like, okay, well, this is when guy,

00:26:24.200 a guy's on side control and they're pushing and I'm trying to push and you don't want to push when

00:26:29.580 somebody's on top. Right. But if I can just give a little bit of distance so I can shrimp away

00:26:34.100 and get, and replace my guard, then being able to bench 250 pounds is important because I'm going

00:26:41.920 to be rolling with, you know, 200 to 250 pound guys. So that's pretty important. I do that.

00:26:46.760 Yeah. Totally. Yeah. I do that as well. Like if I'm doing rows, I'm in, I'm envisioning,

00:26:52.020 I'm having someone's collar, you know, their lapel.

00:26:54.900 Oh yeah, for sure. You're pulling on it, you know?

00:26:57.120 Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's funny how that works. I actually think generally that's a very good

00:27:01.980 practice. Even if you're not into jujitsu, that's fine. But I think actually it's not fine. I

00:27:07.980 shouldn't say it's fine. You should get into jujitsu. Yeah. But, uh, it's a good practice to

00:27:14.060 get you through things that you don't want to do, but you know, you should do. Yeah. So whether it's

00:27:19.320 jujitsu or running around with your kids, I actually use that as a good motivator for me for a long time

00:27:24.820 is I just want to be able to jump around and, and bounce around on the trampoline and not get

00:27:28.940 tired with my kids. And so as I was at CrossFit or doing whatever else I was doing at the moment,

00:27:34.180 I was like, this sucks, but I'm like, but I'm getting strong and I'll be able to roll around

00:27:38.300 with my kids and we'll jump on the trampoline and we'll have fun. And now my kids get more tired

00:27:43.120 on the trampoline before I do, which is, was the goal five, seven years ago, you know? So.

00:27:48.860 Yeah. I like it. All right. Taylor Olp in past episodes of the podcast and warrior poets society

00:27:56.740 network, you have mentioned your money meetings with your wife and how in the beginning, these

00:28:01.660 meetings, you would unintentionally make her feel bad for spending any money. Could you provide more

00:28:06.860 insights on what you did to change that attitude in those meetings? I often feel that I am demonizing

00:28:13.460 any spending of money and how to appreciate tactics to change my approach. It's a very good

00:28:19.840 question and something I was not good at, but the reason I wasn't good at it initially is because I

00:28:24.960 didn't include her in the overall process. I was more of a dictator than anything else.

00:28:29.400 Like here's what we're going to talk about. Here's what we're going to address. Here are my goals,

00:28:34.300 covert contracts that I never communicated with her. And then she didn't meet those expectations.

00:28:38.740 And then I was pissed, but then I realized, Oh wait, I never communicated the expectation to her.

00:28:43.900 Yeah. Or invited her to commit to those expectations either.

00:28:47.660 Or have her for lack of a better term, host some of the meeting where it's like, okay, well,

00:28:53.440 what are your thoughts? What, what goals do you have? What do you want to accomplish?

00:28:58.080 Exactly. So I took a step back and as soon as I started to include her, not in the meeting

00:29:04.200 necessarily, although I did, but as soon as I started to include her in the process of the

00:29:09.380 financial planning, it became a whole lot easier. And then also accepting my faults, you know, my wife

00:29:15.900 and I occasionally we'll, we'll get a little loose on our spending and I'll pull up the accounts and

00:29:21.900 I'll see, you know, some expenses that I didn't expect or anticipate. She didn't necessarily

00:29:26.820 communicate them with me. And I used to get after, I used to jump down our throat about it.

00:29:31.360 And then I realized, Oh, what about that gun purchase? Or what about that new camo that

00:29:37.340 you just bought? Or what about the new, new gi you just ordered? And I realized, Oh, I actually

00:29:43.800 do the same thing to her that I'm accusing her of doing to me. So whenever I go to her and talk

00:29:51.020 about some things that she needs to improve based on what we've agreed upon collectively,

00:29:55.180 then I always own my own shortcomings as well. So an example might be, Hey hon, I was on the

00:30:01.740 account earlier today and I noticed that it was, you know, $300 or five, whatever, $500 of expenses.

00:30:07.780 I didn't anticipate. Can you communicate to me what those are? And then I'll say something along the

00:30:13.300 lines of, Hey, we're right now. In fact, here's a great example. Over the past several months,

00:30:19.160 we've had to issue $50,000 in refunds for the event that we didn't hold. So I had to issue $50,000

00:30:28.420 in refunds. And if I don't communicate that effectively to my wife, and there was times where

00:30:32.740 I didn't, then she would go out and spend on things that maybe she thought she needed for the event or

00:30:37.860 just the household in general. And so I came to her and I said, Hey, look, like we need to cramp it

00:30:43.140 down right now for the next 30 to 60 days. Let's tighten everything up. And I'm not putting it all

00:30:48.780 on you. There's things that I've purchased that I shouldn't as well. Here's what they are. And I've

00:30:53.380 owned those things. Here's what yours are. So no, no judgment, no passing blame. Just both of us need

00:31:00.380 to work on it. And then we dial it in and things are fine. Yeah. I've even, I've even done that with

00:31:06.220 my wife and it served as a, as a red flag of like, what, how much was that? I didn't authorize 0.52

00:31:13.820 that or what was that about? You know, and then now we're doing some research and we realize we got

00:31:18.680 charged more than we were supposed to or, or something else. And so, um, so I've had to be

00:31:24.040 really careful not to assume anything either. Right. Cause she may not realize it. Yeah. Yeah. And you

00:31:29.800 don't give her the benefit of the doubt. And if here's my thought, like if you can't give your wife

00:31:33.880 the benefit of the doubt, that's a, that's an indicator that the relationship is way off.

00:31:38.960 There's a big trust issue there. If there's something that's really strange, whether it's

00:31:44.100 in our finances or behavior or whatever it might be. And yeah. And I can't give my wife the benefit 0.99

00:31:51.540 of the doubt. What's actually happening in the relationship. If something goes weird in my

00:31:56.280 relationship, like she has either different behavior or spending, I'm going to give her the

00:32:02.000 benefit of the doubt and ask first because it's unusual behavior. Yeah. It should be unusual.

00:32:07.880 It shouldn't be typical. If it's typical, that's another problem. But if it's unusual and you're

00:32:13.160 not willing to give her the benefit of the doubt before asking her about it, then there's a big

00:32:18.460 trust issue in your, in, in the dynamic of your relationship. Yeah, for sure. I always,

00:32:24.340 when I see a huge spending item, I just go to my wife and go, now I'm going to get to be a benefit

00:32:29.420 of the doubt. I'm assuming this purchase is for me. Is that accurate?

00:32:35.300 You know, she's like, no, I'm like, what are we doing? You blow up.

00:32:41.580 I, if I get upset about something, here's one little tactic that's worked for me. Let's say

00:32:46.180 it's money. And I get very, and I do, I get upset sometimes because I see something come through

00:32:50.260 the best strategy or little tactic I've employed is, Hey hon, I need to talk with you about something

00:32:58.140 and I'm very upset about it. And then we talk about it for whatever reason, just saying I'm

00:33:06.100 very upset about what's going on right now. For whatever reason, that little buffer or that

00:33:10.900 little statement, I think it just diffuses just enough for me, not her. No, it helped. Well,

00:33:16.640 it probably helps both of us, but primarily I do it for me because I don't want to blow up at her.

00:33:20.700 It's not what I'm interested in do because I'm not going to be able to be influential with her.

00:33:24.760 If every time I open my mouth, she's scared. Yeah. Not physically, but that puts her on her heels

00:33:31.100 though. Like before the conversation, now she's like entering the conversation with like, he's pissed

00:33:36.240 off and then she's defensive. Well, but I'm also, I, I could see what you're saying, but I'm also

00:33:41.980 truthful about things where it's like, Hey hon, we need to, I need to talk to you about the money

00:33:46.920 tonight. Hey, everything's fine. No big deal. There's just a few items that I just didn't know

00:33:50.660 what they were. So this goes back to just being truthful with your significant other. So for

00:33:58.260 example, this is a great example because all men, most men do this. When your wife comes to you 0.57

00:34:04.300 and she got a new dress or a new pair of jeans and she says, you know, does this make my butt look big 0.95

00:34:11.400 or how do I look in these? I will flat out tell my wife, those aren't very flattering.

00:34:18.660 I'm not going to say you're, you're fat or anything like you got to be tactful still,

00:34:22.580 but I will tell her like that new dress. I like the color. It's just not very flattering on you.

00:34:28.700 Yeah. Most guys won't do that because they don't believe they have the element. They don't have the

00:34:34.700 level of trust they need in their relationship. Cause if you did, you'd be able to say that.

00:34:40.160 And so for my wife, now here's the beauty of it. I just gained influence in her eyes 0.98

00:34:45.740 because she knows that when she comes to me, I will speak the truth. Tell her truth. Yeah.

00:34:52.900 I will tell her the truth. You know, she like red lipstick. Occasionally she'll wear red lipstick. 0.98

00:34:57.640 I don't like red lipstick. And I tell her that, you know, it's, it's like, do you like this? I'm

00:35:02.660 like, it's not my favorite. No. But then on the other side, when she's wearing a dress that looks

00:35:08.920 really nice on her, I'm like, dang, you look good. That looks really good. Yeah. She believes you

00:35:14.320 and she believes me because there's weight to it because I don't say it's that about everything.

00:35:19.580 So I, I'm an, I'm an advocate of speaking the truth. Even if it's the old thing,

00:35:25.900 how does my butt look in these jeans? Now, the way you say it's important, don't get me wrong,

00:35:29.900 fellas. If you go, if you go to her tonight and say, Hey, those jeans, yeah, you look fat.

00:35:33.900 That's not my fault. That's on you. I told you to be tactful, but I think it's very,

00:35:39.320 very important that we be truthful with our significant other. Yeah. One thing I'd like

00:35:43.580 to call out is the back to the honey, I'm angry. I want to talk to you about something.

00:35:48.940 I think, correct me if I'm wrong, but I think the distinction there is that you're communicating

00:35:54.800 that you're upset versus being upset and saying, Hey honey. And I downplay it and say, Hey, I want

00:36:01.100 to talk about something and then coming across upset anyway. And, and now, or holding it in and

00:36:08.220 not communicating that you're frustrated. So it's just in the value of letting her know like where

00:36:13.120 you're coming from and what your emotional state is. Is that fair? I agree. I agree. And I also think

00:36:18.580 for me personally, personally, in my attitude, it just is enough of a little vent where I don't

00:36:25.200 have to portray being upset. Cause I just said it. Yeah. Cause you, you've told her. Yeah. I've

00:36:31.020 acknowledged, Hey, I'm upset about this. And then I can talk respectfully in a calm, collected manner

00:36:36.820 with you. If I don't say it, I have a tendency to say things that I don't mean and say them in a way

00:36:43.800 that I don't want to say them. Totally. That little bit of a buffer helps me.

00:36:47.620 And you haven't burned the bridge in the past. So she knows if you say, Hey, I'm upset. I want

00:36:52.860 to talk about something. She knows what that's going to look like. And it doesn't look like you,

00:36:57.400 she doesn't, she knows that she doesn't have to come to the table all defensive because

00:37:00.860 of how you handled the, in the past. And she knows that it's going to be a civil discourse.

00:37:05.400 Perhaps. I know what you're saying, but let's be truthful. Cause this will really help the guys.

00:37:09.100 No, I've burned the bridges in the past. Yeah. And I've had to rebuild the bridges.

00:37:13.000 Perhaps. Yeah. And so you've had to reset those expectations a little bit.

00:37:16.700 So here's what a lot of guys will think. Well, Ryan, you know, I communicated with her

00:37:19.880 like you told me to, and it didn't work. Yeah. Yeah. Because the past 10 years you've

00:37:24.460 been communicating to her like an asshole. So there's no bridge there. You burned it. 1.00

00:37:29.700 So you need to rebuild a bridge. So you communicating with her effectively today

00:37:33.340 is you pouring the footing of one of the beams of the bridge.

00:37:36.140 And it's going to be hard. It's not going to go probably well that first time. Yeah.

00:37:40.320 Right. And then tomorrow when you are, you know, next week, when you need to have a difficult

00:37:43.960 conversation and you handle it like a mature man would handle it, then you build the second

00:37:48.200 foundation for the other leg. And then you start building the beams and then you lay the planks

00:37:52.000 and then you build the supports and you rebuild the bridge, but you don't get to just cross the

00:37:56.480 bridge because you're a changed man. That's what a lot of guys do. Start over. Yeah. Fresh start.

00:38:01.100 They'll go to their wives and they'll say things or they'll communicate

00:38:04.060 through their actions that they're changed. And they think, well, what the, what the hell's

00:38:07.980 wrong with her? Like I changed, I'm doing it right. Like she won't even like, what's her problem?

00:38:15.660 She's, I hesitate to say it this way. So I please take it the way it means she's wounded.

00:38:21.320 She needs to heal. You wounded her and you need to communicate over a long period of time that

00:38:28.680 you're going to do it correctly. Why wouldn't she be, you know, it's like a, and I'm

00:38:34.060 disclaimer, I'm not, and what I'm about to say, I'm not likening women to dogs. Okay.

00:38:38.840 I'm throwing this disclaimer out here, but if you beat a dog with a stick,

00:38:42.840 it will still love you, which is really interesting. But if you grab a stick,

00:38:47.820 it's going to cower and maybe even pee itself.

00:38:52.700 So that's what she thinks. If you've been abusive in any way, and all of a sudden you're

00:38:58.900 a changed man, well, that's cool. Good for you. But you left a wake of collateral damage

00:39:03.540 and she's still scared of the stick that you wield. Yeah.

00:39:07.480 And that's going to take time to show to her that the stick doesn't mean, and in this case,

00:39:12.340 I'm saying the stick might be a conversation doesn't mean she's about to get abused.

00:39:16.680 Yeah. Well, since I don't mean to go too deep into this, but I can't help it, but think about

00:39:21.980 how often sometimes in relationships, we think that we just need to get a new dog and that the

00:39:30.300 approach to the scenario is just to start over. Right. And, and the fallacy in that, we don't

00:39:36.020 learn the lesson of beating someone with the stick. Right. And, and because we don't learn it,

00:39:42.760 we think, oh, well, I'll just have a new relationship and, and then I'll have a fresh

00:39:46.640 start and it'll be better, but we never learned how to evolve and become better men. And we just

00:39:52.120 bring that baggage to the next relationship. And, you know, we have this cycle of constantly

00:39:58.780 destroying relationships because we choose not to like level up and do the hard thing, which is

00:40:02.920 reestablish that relationship, regenerate trust, you know, and, and, and, you know, I don't know,

00:40:09.820 get the dog not to flinch when you grab a stick over a long period of time. Right.

00:40:13.600 That's what I'm saying, man. That's what I'm saying. And it's, it sounds weird in the context

00:40:17.580 we're talking about it, but I hope it makes. Yeah. I hope you guys came in at the beginning

00:40:22.140 of the question, not just heard feeding dogs with sticks. Yeah. And likening it to your wife. 0.99

00:40:28.720 Yes. I mean, but it's a, it's a good example. Cause we all know that we all know that that's

00:40:33.220 exactly what a dog does. Right. Yeah. All right. Corey Youngblood. I find it hard to find a woman 1.00

00:40:39.540 that I would want to spend the rest of my life with some backstory. I never knew my mother.

00:40:44.480 She left my life when I was four years old. I find it hard to connect with women at what is 1.00

00:40:50.440 some advice that you would have for me to take more action. I'm glad I didn't open my mouth when

00:40:56.280 you first said that, because initially I was going to say, well, maybe you're not the man she wants to

00:41:00.240 spend her life with. That was my knee jerk reaction, but it sounds like there might be some,

00:41:06.760 what did he say about his mom that he was never really close with her or something?

00:41:10.160 Yeah. She left when he was four. So his exposure to women is kind of non-existent,

00:41:14.900 right? May not know what he wants in a woman. Yeah. So with all due respect, who cares? 1.00

00:41:25.020 Like you're telling me that, that because your mom was out of the picture for whatever reason,

00:41:29.620 when you were four, that every woman on the face of the planet is now going to be out of the picture 1.00

00:41:33.240 by the time, but, but within four years of your relationship, I mean, you're saying he's,

00:41:39.700 he's letting that story. That's an isolated experience. It's an isolated experience.

00:41:46.220 It's the same thing feminists do with, with men. They had a bad experience with a man. Maybe they 1.00

00:41:52.000 were abused or there was just, you know, a bad situation and they begin to believe that all men 1.00

00:41:56.840 are pigs. No, that man was, but that doesn't, that's not indicative of all men. And there's, 0.97

00:42:04.900 there's men out there who are, and if you attract those individuals, that's exactly what you'll find.

00:42:08.300 But there's plenty of men who are not. In fact, I would say that the overwhelming majority of men are

00:42:12.220 not. Same thing with the relationship that, that you actually didn't really have with your mother.

00:42:17.360 That's, you're, you're letting that come into the situation. So here's how you overcome it. Faith,

00:42:25.000 faith, you're scared. I get it. You don't want people to leave you. I felt that for a long time

00:42:32.340 too. I thought people would leave. And I do have a hard time, frankly, getting close to a lot of

00:42:36.560 people. There are people that I'm very close with. You're, you're, you're somebody I'm close with.

00:42:40.680 My wife, my kids, you know, I have close friends that I'm close with, but it's not a big,

00:42:45.480 robust amount of people I'm very close with. And I think that stems from moving around a lot,

00:42:51.020 from not having my dad in my life early, but I still am functional and I still have faith that

00:42:57.720 the right people will be there. And I also know that some relationships are just for a season.

00:43:03.860 So I don't put expectations on a relationship that don't belong there. And sometimes we do that.

00:43:09.160 You go on a date, for example, with a woman and your expectation is that you really want this to be the 0.98

00:43:14.860 one. I want her to be the one. And, and then your behaviors are weird. And you actually push her

00:43:21.620 away because you're overbearing and you're dominant. And she doesn't want anything to do with that. And 1.00

00:43:27.020 it's because you placed a false expectation that she is the one she may have been, but you pushed her

00:43:32.120 away. So I think you need to be present in the moment. I think you need to exercise a little faith

00:43:37.800 that human beings are generally good and decent. Um, and that potentially the baggage,

00:43:44.560 I'm not even going to say the baggage, the story is the baggage you're carrying.

00:43:50.080 It's the story you've said, she didn't love me. She didn't want me. She didn't care about me.

00:43:55.440 She abandoned me. Well, none of that may be true. We don't, we don't know, but you're,

00:44:01.360 you've crafted the story to say that that's the case. And now you're projecting it onto people who have

00:44:05.800 no, absolutely no responsibility in that situation. And it's going to create a very lonely life for

00:44:13.220 yourself. Yeah. You're using the story of a four-year-old, a five-year-old and an eight-year-old

00:44:18.600 and holding onto that same emotion as an adult. Right. And being concerned of abandonment.

00:44:25.500 The other thing is too, is maybe just find the right woman that you want in the rest of your life.

00:44:30.740 And that's, it's that simple. And that's all it is with the fact that you've been advantaged,

00:44:35.140 it's just like, I just haven't found the right woman. And to share an example, Corey,

00:44:39.300 cause I think, you know, I, it's an exact correlation. You know, I was, I got divorced,

00:44:45.160 as many of you guys know, and I was single for a period of time and I kept dating, I would date

00:44:50.560 girls and, and they would want to get more serious. And I was like immediately like withdrawing going,

00:44:56.000 I'm not sure if I'm ready. And I started having internal dialogue in the sense of like, well,

00:45:02.840 maybe I'm broken and I'm not ready yet. And I need more time. Ironically enough, I met my wife

00:45:10.220 and in two days I was like, I want to marry her for the rest of my life. Yeah. So I'm like, okay,

00:45:15.000 apparently it wasn't me. It was just, I wasn't connecting with the right women. Like it just, 0.96

00:45:20.780 it wasn't the right thing. So to your point, Ryan, it's like remove that story and stop bringing it

00:45:25.640 into the, into the present because you know, you're, I think you're adding a whole lot of

00:45:30.120 meaning and, and drama to a situation that might be as simple as you just haven't dated the right

00:45:35.400 woman yet. And so you're right. So we, we've kind of explored two avenues. The third avenue is

00:45:42.280 maybe you're not the kind of man that would attract that kind of woman. Yeah. So what,

00:45:49.920 here's the beauty of it. Let's say I'm wrong and it's very likely that I am, but let's say that I

00:45:55.880 am just for the sake of argument and you decide, okay, well, I'm going to become that kind of man.

00:46:00.260 Then every facet of your life will get better. Yeah. So even if I'm completely wrong, your life is

00:46:06.500 better because I said, because you became a better person, become more capable. Yeah. So lose weight,

00:46:12.280 get your money situation in order, learn how to communicate, have career aspirations,

00:46:17.460 pick up a hobby, find a band of brothers. And you know, you start doing those things for two,

00:46:23.620 three, four months, women are going to be attracted to you, man. Like you're going to be a very

00:46:29.540 attractive catch to a woman who, uh, and here's the beauty of that. Now you get to pick. Yeah. 0.99

00:46:37.000 Like you get to decide who, who you want to engage with for the rest of your life potentially.

00:46:40.860 And I, and I feel you enter that from a space of emotional sovereignty of, I don't need that woman 1.00

00:46:50.160 to feel complete, but I feel complete. And now it's just, it creates a a hundred percent better

00:46:56.120 ecosystem versus kind of this codependency of lacking of emotion.

00:47:00.360 The risk that a man runs when he is needy for intimacy, romance, affection from a woman, a significant

00:47:08.200 other is that he chooses somebody who is not a good person and likens, uh, abuse or even levels of

00:47:23.000 masculinity in women, likens it to the attention that he needs and craves. So then he finds a woman 0.97

00:47:31.740 who henpecks him, who acts more like the man in the relationship, who makes him feel like a boy,

00:47:39.420 like a child rather than a man. And then he's bitter and, and, and has some real serious issues.

00:47:45.700 And it just, I mean, we know it leads to depression. It leads to inferior results for himself,

00:47:50.540 potentially suicide. And of course it leads to divorce and contention and animosity.

00:47:56.060 So the answer is yourself, man, like make yourself as capable as possible and let, let fit faith kind

00:48:05.020 of take over knowing that, Hey, when it, when it's right, it's right. And it'll happen because I'm,

00:48:08.860 I'm ready. I'm ready for it. Yeah. Like it Ryan cannon. I don't know. Maybe I should have skipped

00:48:17.000 this question. Ryan asked some weird questions. I've noticed that. Uh, why are old men obsessed 0.95

00:48:24.240 with their lawns and how do we avoid this fate? And then Ryan, you now live in Maine. Have you tried

00:48:30.880 moxie? If so, how awful is it? And I have no idea what moxie is. I've heard of moxie. I think it's 1.00

00:48:36.500 a drink that originated here. I don't know if it's like an orange drink or something I've heard

00:48:40.000 of it, but I haven't tried it, but I think it originated here. I've heard people talk about

00:48:43.400 it. So I don't know. Lawns, man, like that's, I like lawns. Like I like a, like a nice green

00:48:51.360 lawn that's mowed and that the lines are straight or you do some designs or patterns in them. Like,

00:48:57.720 I don't think that's a very bad fate. Like if you get to worry about your lawn and you have the

00:49:01.580 capacity to do it, then you've done something right. That's what I think.

00:49:04.720 But is it because you're old? Did you always, have you always cared?

00:49:08.940 Yeah, maybe. But I, so what? I like what I like. I purposely go full width on the mower

00:49:15.300 on one row and I go quarter to half on the next. So I get a slight variation per line.

00:49:22.820 I don't think it's a beautiful thing. It is a beautiful thing. I don't think it's exclusive

00:49:26.640 to old men. I think all men generally like a well-groomed lawn. Like they did it. It looks 1.00

00:49:32.480 good and it makes their house look nice. They take pride in it. Now I will say, I actually,

00:49:36.820 Ryan, here's the real secret. All right. Here's the real secret. I don't mow my lawn. My wife does.

00:49:43.260 What? How do you pull that off?

00:49:46.080 Buy a riding lawnmower.

00:49:48.920 And, and watch the kids for, watch the kids for a few hours while she mows. Well, for us,

00:49:53.920 it's a few hours because we've got the big field that we maintain. Maybe it's just a half an hour.

00:49:58.320 As a disconnect time from the kids. I'm no dummy, man. I'm no dummy here. So she mows the lawn

00:50:05.520 and me and the kids jump on the trampoline or wrestle or do whatever it is we do while she's

00:50:11.240 mowing the lawn. So Ryan, that's the real question. How do you get your wife to mow the lawn?

00:50:17.120 Well, maybe one day I'll disclose all of my secrets for 59 99.

00:50:20.980 I'm trying to figure out how I can pull this off without a lot of, uh, uh, uh, a riding lawnmower.

00:50:28.060 Maybe like noise, noise cancellation headphones and some good, uh, subscription to audible.

00:50:32.740 Maybe that might be enough.

00:50:34.180 Kit. No shortcuts, brother. No shortcuts.

00:50:36.540 Dude, my yard is so small compared to yours.

00:50:38.720 Do it right.

00:50:39.760 It would take 10 minutes.

00:50:41.680 Awesome.

00:50:42.180 Do it on a riding lawnmower.

00:50:43.180 Awesome.

00:50:44.460 Have you been on a zero turn?

00:50:46.160 Uh, no, I haven't. I know what they are, but rad.

00:50:50.120 They are no joke. It makes mowing the lawn fun.

00:50:54.620 We actually did see a guy. I watched a YouTube video where he turned a zero turn

00:50:58.880 into a tank. Like he built a frame tank around it and it was really, really cool.

00:51:04.400 So the trick, the real question, Ryan is again, how do you get your wife to do it?

00:51:09.840 And then you don't have to worry about it because it's all taken care of.

00:51:12.800 Well, there's a reason why we all inspire to be like Ryan.

00:51:16.140 Ryan. And there's a reason I lead this movement.

00:51:21.140 Oh, that's funny. All right. Todd Bright, Ryan, in the beginning of creating the order of man,

00:51:27.360 how did you drown out the naysayers? How do you, uh, how did you keep that voice in your head from

00:51:33.540 talking you out and moving forward? And how do you continue maybe, you know, uh, if there's,

00:51:39.720 if it, if it's a different tactic, I don't know. I wish I had an easy,

00:51:45.500 honestly, I wish I had a good answer for you. I don't know if it's just,

00:51:49.720 I'm just going to think out loud here for a minute. Okay. Yeah. I don't know if it's that

00:51:54.980 I've never really cared about it or if it's ego, maybe it's a sense of like arrogance,

00:52:00.880 like, or, or just good better than you on confidence that you have just confidence.

00:52:05.100 Yeah. Or I'm so convicted with the message that it doesn't matter or that I like conch. I actually

00:52:12.620 do like controversy. Like I like, I like throwing, well, remember we were talking about the asterisk

00:52:18.660 this weekend. Yeah. I love, yeah. You got like half the guys in the room riled up. Yeah. I love it.

00:52:25.580 I love it. I've always loved it. I've always liked to debate. I've always liked to discuss.

00:52:30.020 I've always liked to like give the contrary opinion, whether I even believe it or not,

00:52:34.000 I've always loved it. And it may just be that, like, I actually like it when I can piss off a

00:52:39.940 troll and they get really mad. And then I, and then I stopped commenting like right when they're

00:52:44.980 as mad as they could possibly be. Cause I know that they want to engage and I stopped commenting

00:52:49.140 and they'll, they'll keep commenting like, where are you? Why are you not here? I love it. It's fun.

00:52:54.780 Like it's a little game to me that I like to play and that's how I entertain myself. So there,

00:52:58.660 you know, a little secret about me. Uh, I think it's just a combination of, I know what I'm doing

00:53:06.320 is good to your point, Kim, about confidence. Uh, I know what we're doing is right. And the mission

00:53:14.760 and the work that needs to be done pushes me past any sort of naysayer or critic.

00:53:24.060 I just know I'm right. I know I'm right. Whenever anybody says something and I'm willing to entertain

00:53:29.480 conflicting ideas, but if they come with a harsh criticism, I just know in my heart, I'm like,

00:53:34.720 you're wrong. I know you're wrong. I have, I have no qualms about that. And it doesn't impact me

00:53:41.160 because I know I look, I've spent a lot of time doing it too. I've researched, I've studied,

00:53:47.140 I've read books, I've listened to podcasts. I've, I've done everything I can to figure out this thing

00:53:52.140 we call masculinity and manliness. So when somebody says, well, what about, it's like, I already,

00:53:56.840 I've worked it through already. Yeah. I figured out the answer to that three years ago.

00:54:01.940 Like I've been talking about the solution to what you're saying three years ago. Give me something

00:54:06.540 hard. Yeah. So just immerse yourself, just immerse yourself. I, it's related. And I think

00:54:16.200 it's valuable when I was, you know, as you know, we're, we're talking to some, you know, potential

00:54:20.960 battle team leaders of, of late and something that was crossing my mind during those, you know,

00:54:26.960 quote unquote interviews was, uh, why do you want to be a team lead? And I think we can translate this

00:54:33.360 to any calling, right? Whether it's at work or whatever, it's like, why do you want to be a team

00:54:38.280 lead? And even if something, even if someone has this skill to do what is necessary, that's not

00:54:45.820 enough. And the reason why is if they're not tied emotionally to the vision and it's, and it's deep

00:54:55.040 rooted when the hard tasks come, they won't have the fortitude to do the hard things, right? If

00:55:04.080 they're not tied, they may have the skill, but if it's too difficult and they're not tied in the

00:55:08.560 mission, then they're going to bow out, right? Or they're going to avoid doing the hard things.

00:55:12.040 But when they're tied enough to the vision and the purpose of what they're doing at, in those moments,

00:55:17.960 they will, they will be willing to do what is, what needs to be done.

00:55:21.940 Totally. Completely. You know, another thing I think about is I have people who criticize what

00:55:27.260 we're doing. One thing people say quite often is they get upset because I'm, you know, quote unquote,

00:55:33.380 capitalizing on, on issues that men are struggling with. And it's weird, right? Cause you're thinking

00:55:40.740 how they even come to that conclusion. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Most people wouldn't come to that

00:55:45.000 conclusion, but there's quite a few who do. Yeah. I mean, very simply in my mind, I'm like,

00:55:50.240 is this guy going to pay my mortgage? Like, if, can I send my mortgage payment statement to him?

00:55:55.340 Like, does he believe that that much in what he said that I can just go ahead and send my,

00:55:58.960 my mortgage payment or, you know, when I need some, some, uh, money to put clothes on my kids'

00:56:03.900 back that I can just go ahead and send it to him. The guy that would make that comment.

00:56:07.520 Right. Would he be willing to pay that for me? Of course not. Right. No. Yeah. So good. Then he

00:56:12.180 doesn't have any say in my life or even about this. Or would I go to that guy for advice in other areas

00:56:18.760 or what, what financial advice. Yeah. Yeah. Or I think about this weekend. Okay. So if I called

00:56:26.560 that guy out who criticized what we're doing, if I called him up and I said, Hey, you know, um, you

00:56:31.600 really, you really don't like what we do. Uh, I would love to have you come out for the weekend and,

00:56:37.140 uh, you can do some work around the property. You can help me tear out floors. You can communicate

00:56:42.200 with me what you think would be better. Uh, and, and you could consult me. Uh, so yeah,

00:56:47.880 why don't you come over here and work and help me make this thing better? Would those people do that? 0.97

00:56:53.540 Hell no, they wouldn't do that. Of course they wouldn't do that house. So what right does that

00:56:58.300 person have to interject themselves into my space? Now you, on the other hand, if you came to me and you

00:57:03.740 said, Hey Ryan, you know, you said something on the podcast and it just wasn't good or it didn't

00:57:08.240 sound good or it wasn't right. And here's what I think. Well, you've been to my house. You've helped

00:57:14.520 me rip out the floors on the barn. You've poured yourself into me. You've invested in me. You carry

00:57:21.020 more weight. You hold more relevancy in my life than some joker on the internet who doesn't know a

00:57:26.900 damn thing about me. And that's where I place my emphasis is on the people who know me, who care about

00:57:32.300 me, who want me to win and have put their money where their mouths are. And you've done that.

00:57:37.880 Thousands of other men have done that. And those are the people I pay attention to. I don't have

00:57:41.280 time for anybody who's not willing to do that, invest in themselves or invest in me. Nope.

00:57:45.880 I don't have time for it. Which is super tough. I mean, which I, I think it could be tough for some

00:57:51.040 people in the social network world that we live in. And this idea of being accepted by everybody and

00:57:59.780 getting everyone's approval and you know what I mean? Wanting to be liked and, and utilizing those

00:58:04.780 networks as a means of self-validation. You know, and what I'm hearing is like, it doesn't matter

00:58:11.360 what's on the social networks. What matters is the people that I, you know, you're putting weight into

00:58:15.740 the actual individuals that I, that I care about. I, who's it? Mike Rowe. Someone, Mike Rowe was on

00:58:22.420 Dennis Prager on PragerU. And he did the video and someone left a comment and said,

00:58:29.000 I, you know, I can't believe you or you did a thing for PragerU. I'm officially unfollowing you

00:58:35.340 or, you know, I don't like you or anymore. And his reply is the fallacy that you have is that

00:58:42.000 why would I care about someone that I have no idea who they are on whether they follow me or not?

00:58:47.920 You know what I mean? It's like, it's a valid point. Like he doesn't know that for individual.

00:58:51.120 Why would he put weight on some random individual that, that doesn't even have their name? It's

00:58:56.620 like a handle and who knows who that person is. Right. Or let's say, let's play it out this way.

00:59:01.320 Let's say some rando came to me and said, Hey, you know, you're a dick and blah, blah, blah, blah, 1.00

00:59:05.240 blah. You're doing all these things wrong. And I said, Oh yeah, he's right. And I change everything 1.00

00:59:09.420 about my model. And then I, I quite literally ostracize tens of thousands, if not millions of men who

00:59:16.380 could be positively impacted by the work we're doing. Cause some asshole had a few things to say. 0.99

00:59:20.040 So the alternative appease everybody, right? So you're the alternative is you acknowledge and 0.99

00:59:26.860 embrace what this guy said. And then you change your whole business model and you ruin what you

00:59:33.100 could have created because you were too weak to walk your own path and to realize that, yeah,

00:59:39.560 there's going to be people who disagree with you. Good. I'm glad, you know, like Winston Churchill said,

00:59:45.560 if good, you have people who disagree with you. Good. It means you stood for something for at some

00:59:49.280 point in your life. Yeah. What else we got? Totally. Yeah. Let's do one more question if

00:59:56.020 that's okay. I need to wrap up here pretty soon. Yeah. And this, this one kind of relates to a few

01:00:00.740 of the questions we answered already. So, uh, Kayla Valentine, do you consider yourself a fortunate

01:00:06.460 outlier having not been raised with a permanent father figure around yet to have developed into the

01:00:12.280 man you are now? I was raised solely by my mother and my grandmother who, who with no real life male

01:00:18.940 role model around as I grew up, but yet I have found myself among the strong and influential men

01:00:24.500 we have here. Is there something to be subconsciously, uh, subconsciously new was missing from our lives

01:00:31.440 growing up and thus sought it out on our own? Or do we credit your mother and recognizing the need,

01:00:37.360 uh, and getting you into those sports? Great question. I actually, this is like one of the

01:00:43.620 best questions I've heard. It's very different. Um, and it's a great question. Let me tell you where

01:00:48.240 I'm fortunate that I was born in the United States of America. Number one, that my mother raised me and

01:00:57.140 she cared more about me and my livelihood, my wellbeing than her own that she, uh, introduced

01:01:05.700 me to God. And I would, I mean, there's others, but I just initially that's where I'm fortunate

01:01:14.920 that I was around. Well, again, that she got, he even mentioned that, that I was involved with sports

01:01:19.680 because she made me. I remember she said, you're going to play football. I'm like, I don't want to

01:01:25.100 play football. She's like, I don't care. You're playing football. And that radically transformed

01:01:30.740 my life. So she cared more about my wellbeing than her feelings. That's where I'm fortunate.

01:01:38.280 But where I'm not fortunate is I worked my fricking ass off and I've been in ups and downs and highs

01:01:45.600 and lows, and I've been kicked in the teeth and I've lost a lot of money and I've made a lot of money

01:01:50.800 and I nearly lost my marriage and I still yell at my kids and lose my patience and make mistakes.

01:01:56.780 And, and in spite of all that, we've managed to create something pretty special here

01:02:01.340 outside of what I just communicated that we live in America and that I had a mom who loved me and

01:02:06.220 that she got me involved in sports and I had other men and coaches in my life outside of that. And

01:02:11.240 other things, of course, that I'm fortunate with, it's not fortunate at all. It's hard ass work.

01:02:16.980 It's on her part and yours. Totally. Completely. Yeah. Then look, it didn't come without a cost.

01:02:23.200 Just because I was the fortunate recipient of it doesn't mean it didn't come without a cost.

01:02:27.360 My mom worked three jobs at a time at certain phases of us growing up so that she could put a 1.00

01:02:33.180 roof over her head and food in our bellies. The men and women who sacrificed literally everything

01:02:39.020 to defend our way, our way of life and our rights, they'll never come home and raise kids.

01:02:44.780 They're never going to see their children at their dance recital or their baseball game.

01:02:49.380 They're never going to pursue whatever it is they wanted to pursue outside of their military career.

01:02:55.160 They, they gave up everything so that I could have this technology and I could worship God the way I

01:03:03.120 want to worship. And I could talk about things, even the government in the instances that I don't

01:03:08.200 agree with and I don't like, and I can be a voice for those people who either can't have a voice

01:03:13.880 or currently are too afraid to share their own voice. That's all fortunate, but it wasn't,

01:03:19.920 it didn't go unpaid. I just didn't have to pay it. Somebody else paid it for me.

01:03:25.960 And what I'm doing now is the same thing. My children will be more fortunate because I took 0.81

01:03:33.300 the great blessings of other people. My mom, my coaches, men and women throughout history that I've

01:03:38.080 never even met, never will meet who sacrificed everything. Now I have a, a moral obligation and

01:03:44.740 responsibility to use those great fortunate blessings for the betterment of myself and my

01:03:50.200 family and my loved ones and my legacy, people that I'll never even meet and never even know about.

01:03:55.940 But that takes a heart, a lot of work. And my kids specifically, and even those of you who are

01:04:01.000 listening to this podcast will be better off and be the recipient of the effort that I put forth.

01:04:08.220 And I'm okay with that. I like that. There's great meaning in that for me,

01:04:11.360 but we all have an obligation to do that. So it's a, it's a wonderful question. And the answer is yes,

01:04:17.200 I'm both fortunate and I've worked my ass off to get me to where I am right now.

01:04:22.660 Yeah. And what I'm hearing, what I really liked about that, Ryan is you're fortunate because the

01:04:28.200 price was paid. Like yes, all those examples, someone paid a price, your mom paid a price,

01:04:34.420 your coaches paid a price to be definitely coach. And, and, and it's funny how often we look at that.

01:04:39.500 Oh, it's, it's fortunate, right? I'm fortunate to be in America. Yeah, sure. But someone even paid

01:04:45.220 that price for that to be possible for you, right? You have your, you have immigrant ancestry that paid 1.00

01:04:52.340 a price to get you here eventually. Right. And you know, there's another interesting thing for every

01:04:59.580 one successful man or woman that you find there's that, or even a greater number of men and women

01:05:06.440 who are not successful, however you want to measure it in very similar circumstances.

01:05:12.820 Yeah. There's plenty of people who were blessed with a great fortune of being Americans and have done

01:05:17.740 nothing with it. There's plenty of people who had loving parents, whether it was a mother or father,

01:05:22.240 both who have never chased their dreams. There's plenty of those people. So one isn't enough. The

01:05:29.520 fortune, the fortunate events that are beyond your control are not enough. Yeah. You ultimately have

01:05:36.520 to pay a price as well. And yes. And also there's people who don't have the great benefit of living in

01:05:45.320 this country or being raised by goodly parents or being introduced to God. And they have to work

01:05:54.660 infinitely harder than I do. That's the reality of it. You know, I used to like get down on the whole

01:06:01.740 idea of privilege and I, and I do still, because of the way that it's misconstrued and the way it's

01:06:05.700 used. And it's, this does go back to our original comments about intellectual dishonesty, but yeah,

01:06:11.060 I, I have some benefits. My mom loved me. I was born in, in this country. Uh, I'm, I'm relatively

01:06:18.800 intelligent. Like those are just things that I was naturally blessed with, but I still have to

01:06:24.940 exercise them. So to do something with them. So you need to have fortune and you need to have

01:06:31.180 the work ethic to back it up. Totally. And you can grab a more fortunate person

01:06:38.360 and they could be ungrateful and miserable and throw it all away. What's the difference?

01:06:45.320 Perspective. Yep. You, you chose to give credit where credit was due. You chose to be grateful

01:06:50.360 for the price that other people paid and, and, and run with it. And through that process and the

01:06:55.600 willingness to also pay that forward and pay a price for your success, you're able to have success.

01:07:01.180 Same person, the same exact circumstance could have a completely different result.

01:07:05.720 And you know, there's, I know you got to get going kit, but there's other times in my life

01:07:09.840 and that I won't be as fortunate as I am right now. Like I know that I already know that I've

01:07:14.780 already planned for that. I've already acknowledged that at some point, this is not going to be what it

01:07:19.700 is right now. And hopefully I can stay humble enough that I stay out ahead of that. Cause sometimes

01:07:25.320 I feel like I'm racing against the clock. Um, but whatever happens, then I'll just rebound from that

01:07:30.920 because I have a series of fortunate events. I have my experience and I have my work ethic.

01:07:38.020 So whatever it is, knock on wood, you know, it'll, I'll recover from it. It's going to happen.

01:07:44.640 It's going to happen. At some point it's going to happen. I don't believe that the success that

01:07:49.660 we've achieved is indefinite. It's I'm like, I'm on borrowed time. I just got to stay out ahead of it

01:07:55.520 by being humble and continuing to work towards, towards what it is that I want and what I think

01:08:00.680 is good and right for people and myself. Yeah. Well, and I think that goes for all of us. We're

01:08:04.900 all on borrowed time. Yeah, we are ultimately. All right. Let's wrap it up, Kip. I know you got

01:08:09.780 to get going. So yeah, for sure. So we talked about the iron council, Facebook group, join us online

01:08:14.420 guys. Um, you can join us facebook.com slash group slash order of man. And of course, if you want to

01:08:19.240 learn more about the iron council, our exclusive brotherhood, that's order of man.com slash iron

01:08:24.500 council. We talked about being on the path, um, whether it's around tactics, having secondary

01:08:29.940 tactics, having objectives. We, we even talked about the value of purpose and mission. Uh, those

01:08:36.800 are areas in which you can step up and actually participate with us, uh, and start taking the

01:08:42.920 initial steps in that direction. And that is called the battle ready program. So to learn more,

01:08:47.360 go to order of man.com slash battle ready. And of course, support the podcast and the movement.

01:08:52.800 And you do that by subscribing to the podcast, sharing this message, following Mr. Mickler

01:08:57.560 on Twitter or Instagram at Ryan Mickler. Um, and even just grabbing some swag.

01:09:03.640 That's right. You represent today. Yeah. Representing some swag. 1.00

01:09:06.940 I think I've, yeah, I've got the shirt. I've got the hat. Yeah. I'm kind of representing today.

01:09:12.240 Anyways. Um, yeah, guys, great questions today. Kip, thank you as always. Appreciate it. Who was,

01:09:16.680 who asked that last question there that we were addressing? Who was that?

01:09:20.100 That was, uh, it was Valentine was last name. Just give me one second. Caleb,

01:09:24.720 Caleb. So Caleb, you win the question of the day. I'll tell you what, man, that was a really

01:09:28.780 good question. So you email me, Caleb. All right. Email me, just email, say, just write in the,

01:09:34.040 in the thing question of the day, email me and, uh, we'll get you taken care of somehow.

01:09:39.660 Love it.

01:09:40.380 So just email me Ryan at order of man.com, but it has to come from him. I know the name now. So

01:09:45.580 if anybody else emails me, don't do it. All right. That's it guys. Go out there. Have a

01:09:51.300 great day. We will be back on Friday for our, uh, Friday field notes. And, uh, we'll catch you

01:09:56.240 then until then go out there, take action, become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening

01:10:00.400 to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you

01:10:05.440 were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

01:10:09.640 So

01:10:14.560 you

Order of Man - October 14, 2020

Finding the Right Woman, Drowning out the Naysayers, and Maximizing Fortunate Circumstances ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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