Focus for 2023, Identifying Manly Virtues, and Balancing Self with Family ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 8 minutes
Words per Minute
176.98909
Summary
Happy Halloween! In this episode, the brother and sister duo of the sit down and talk about all the crazy things they did in their neighborhoods on Halloween night. They talk about the craziness that is Halloween night in their neighborhood and how they handle it.
Transcript
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You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart
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your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.
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You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who
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you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
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you can call yourself a man. Sean, we do it again, brother. How you doing?
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Doing well. How are you? Good. We are recording this as of Halloween, so happy Halloween. You
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guys will obviously get this recording a couple days later, but what are you guys' plans for
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tonight? Was it pretty crazy or just the run of the mill, pick up a bunch of free candy?
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It's always crazy with four kids from 17 to 7. You know, the 17-year-old wants to go on
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their own with their friends. The 14-year-old's there now too. And so I think we'll go to his
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friend's neighborhood so we can end up in the same place and go kind of through all those houses. We
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don't live in a neighborhood, so we don't have to hand out candy or anything. Yeah. Got it.
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Yeah. Got it. We're kind of off the path. Dude, our neighborhood is out of control. There's one
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house. They give out Dr. Peppers. You know what I mean? Like for every kid, everyone's getting
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caffeinated. Full-size candy bar. Like this is not like when I was a kid, it was like
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a couple of penny pieces. You know what I mean? And you had to work for it. Like we had the
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pillowcase and we'd run the whole time because we're like fighting against time to get as much
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candy as humanly possible. My kids are like three hours in, you know, we're good. And it's mostly
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because everyone's like spoiling the crap out of all these kids with like these massive amounts of
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candy. It's a little bit out of control. I don't even, I can't remember the last time we did three
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hours with my kids. Like you said, they just fill up and they're over it. It's funny. Yeah. And then
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they have, and then my kids, they don't eat candy that much. So we'll end up having Halloween candy
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until like summer. Oh my gosh. We used to, they got kind of trained quote unquote. We, we lived in
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this place. And even though it was a long time ago, we lived in a house that was like the neighborhood
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everybody wanted to go to. And so we literally ended up with thousands of kids coming to our house
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and we would go out early, get all my kids candy. They'd fill up all their bags, literally like giant
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pillowcases, fill them up, come back to the house. We'd get rid of boxes worth of candy,
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hand it all out, run out. And then every year my kids would basically hand out all of their candy
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that they collected to the neighborhood, which was awesome. Cause they'd keep like the few things
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they really wanted and then give away everything else. So that was like the best. Yeah. Did you guys
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due to COVID did your neighborhood in California, did they get creative in regards to how they gave
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out candy? Did that happen? It was weird because maybe two people did, but everybody else was still
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the same, but the difference was no one went out. So it was empty. It was so everyone still went out,
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but it was fun. Like some of these houses, I I'm trying to find the silver lining, right. Of,
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of COVID and people got creative in regards to how they gave the candy out. So they would create this,
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like this big ramp from their second floor. Oh, that's cool. And they would like slide candy
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bars down. They can fly in and peg a kid. You know what I mean? It's like real creative style of,
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of, I don't know. It was kind of fun. Their new tradition is creative. Yeah. Yeah. That sounds cool.
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I think it'd be fun. Just like get like a Snickers, just tons of Snickers. And then you just like run
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by and just try to peg them. I have a shirt gun. Maybe I could shoot a, shoot some candy. Just peg
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them. Yeah. Get off my property. Shoot a Snickers hit them. That's funny. Well in Tennessee, I guess
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like they were talking to people and they didn't even notice COVID for Halloween in the last couple
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of years. Like it was just business as usual out here. Yeah. Yeah. Same thing in Utah. I think
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California was, you guys are the crazies. I was just there this week and was in Monterey a few days
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ago. And it was the first plane I've been on in a while. I, my transferred from San Diego to,
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to San Jose and it's first plane I've been on in a while where almost every single person had a mask
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on by choice, obviously. And, uh, and it wasn't a full plane just, just literally like four or five
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days ago. And they all had masks on almost everybody. And it was the, the plane wasn't even full. It was
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like a third full, you know, on this plane and everybody had masks on. I was the only dude,
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people are looking at me like I'm an alien. I didn't even like pay any attention to it. It was
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just crazy how hyper focused they are on, on their, uh, you know, what I didn't even know what
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you would call it anymore. It's like, you have to wonder, do they really, number one, believe that
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helps number two, are they really that afraid of it? You know, do they still believe that they're
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saving other people's lives by doing it, you know, or, or is it just virtue signal? And it's,
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it's one of those, right. You have no idea. Well, it's funny. I saw this meme like last week and I
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thought it was so profound. It was like, yeah, I guess some, some government made some statement
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about, you know, Hey, you know, you shouldn't harass people for wearing masks, you know? And,
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and the person's reply was like, where was that shit? When, you know, you should have been okay
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with people not wearing masks and not demonizing them for it. Right. And it's like, Hey, that goes
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both ways, you know, to each their own. I love the idea that like we can wear them and it's not
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odd because if we're sick or you're on the plane and you have a cuff, like, Hey, that might be a
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good idea. I appreciate that for sure. Yeah. I appreciate that. But I mean, let's be honest,
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like anyone listening that are like, that's on one train or the other, the reality of it is,
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is like, if we're naive to social pressures and constructs, and if you still wake up thinking that
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you don't spend the majority of your day being overly consumed about trying to look good and the
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avoidance of looking bad, you are completely unaware. And let's be frank, most of all that
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we ever did, especially around masks was not because of anything other than the social pressures
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that came with it. And you were virtual signaling. I mean, that is the reality. I mean, that's what I
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think, because the question is, would you have been the person wearing the mask if you're the only one?
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And the answer to most of us would be no, because you would care what people think about you. If you're
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the only one wearing them, like we are such sheep, you know, generally speaking, you know,
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for sure. As the majority, I agree. Yeah. Yeah. Like even when we landed in Monterey outside people
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walking around more than half the people walking around outside had masks on still, you know, it's
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just that area to the Bay areas, you know, Silicon Valley and everything. I mean, it's kind of like,
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and then you hop back on your plane to Nashville, to Tennessee, and I'm assuming no masks on the
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way there. Oh yeah. I mean, the ones out of, I went straight out of Monterey to Phoenix and
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they had probably like half the people had them. And then from Phoenix to Tennessee, it was maybe two
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people. Maybe. Yeah. I don't even know if it was that. Yeah. Did you hear about the CDC? I guess
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they approved the COVID vaccination as, as, uh, as a vaccine for kids attending school.
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Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Which is interesting. Well, it's still emergency approval and that's the scariest
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part. It's like, yeah, there's no long-term study on any of it. So now our kids are just the Guinea
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pigs for how they're going to be physically affected throughout their life with like virtually zero
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at risk for children. Zero almost. Yeah. What are we doing? Yeah. What is it? 0.003%.
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You have a higher chance of dying from a cold or, you know what I mean? It's just, it's
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or tripping and falling and hitting your head. I mean, literally. Yeah. It's whatever gets
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publicized, man. Okay. All right. Well, wait, wait to take the Halloween question to negative
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town, you know? Yeah, it wasn't really. I mean, any discussion is, is, you know, here's let's
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make it positive. What it comes down to teach his own. That's the great thing about living
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in the U S let's, let's do our thing, stick to what we believe and, uh, don't harass each
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other for it unless if it's not hurting someone else. Yeah, totally. That beautiful freedom
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and agency. All right. We're going to field questions from the foundry, from the iron
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council, uh, to learn more about the iron council, go to order man.com slash iron council. Um, when
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you go to that website, you'll have the ability to sign up for the newsletter. Um, but we will
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not be opening up the iron council until the later part of December for, um, a cohort start
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in early January. So, um, get after it, right. Finish the year strong, but if you're wanting to
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join us, look forward to doing that, uh, this coming December. All right, let's, let's hop into
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these questions. So our first question is from Nolan. He says, as we near the end of 2022, what is
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your theme going into 2023 that you will base your battle plans off of what is one big goal
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you have for next year that everything will work towards?
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For me, it's growth and opportunity. We're in a, we're in a stage in our business where
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we're already growing, but we're entering into a stage that I know is going to be massive growth.
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And the reason I know that, yeah. I mean, the reason I know that is because in, I started
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my business in 1999 where the economy had been booming for everybody. I mean, literally say the
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word mutual fund and people wanted to give you all their money. And then if you're old enough to
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remember it crashed from 2000 to 02 with the.com bubble and people were just scrambling, losing
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money, losing their minds, losing jobs. You know, we were kind of talking about this a little bit
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before we started and with, uh, just companies were downsizing and laying people off and cutting
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pay and all that stuff. And so for us, that was an opportunity, um, you know, cause people were
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worried about their money. And so it was kinda, you look at when there's crisis financially, you get
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booms in certain, uh, industries, industries like, you know, chocolate, alcohol, and us. It seemed like
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that, um, that was the first one. And then 08, we boomed, um, during COVID we had a small boom,
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uh, because obviously that was a little more short lived on the financial side. And then now as we're
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heading into this economic crisis, we're, we're starting that upward cycle. And I think it's going to
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last a while. So, yeah. Why is that Sean? Cause your guys's industries focus on working for
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yourself. Like what's the correlation between, you know what I mean? Maybe this up and coming
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recession and, and, and kind of an upward growth for you guys. It's, it's too, it's because we
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educate middle-income families on their money and better things to do with it. So kind of like, uh,
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coaching around taking care of their finances, right? Like tightening the belt if necessary or,
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or managing more carefully. Got it. Maximizing dollars. And when the economy is good,
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people don't think about that. They think, Oh, everything's good. Yeah. It's my, I got money in
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my 401k that keeps going up. My equity in my house is going up. My, my pay raise, my 3% every couple of
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years keeps happening and I'm just not worried about it. And so when that's like, like that,
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they literally don't think about it. And as soon as things get tight, then it's like, who can help me?
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And you can't walk into, most people can't walk into like, you know, a Goldman Sachs or a Merrill Lynch
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office and get help if they don't have enough money. And so, um, people end up finding us through
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word of mouth. So yeah, that, and combined with on the business end, we bring in most people part-time
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to work with us, you know, so on the recruiting side. So if we're booming and then we're growing
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and we're looking for more new people and people can start with us part-time on the side, it's kind
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of the, it's the perfect storm for us. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Got it. Cool. Um, yeah, for me,
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let's see, Nolan, I, to be, I, I'm totally right. Going to steal your answer. Um, just some shifts
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for me. Right. So right now I'm a, I run a practice for a consulting firm and, um, looking to step out
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of that role and, and go full-time as the chief people officer, uh, for this company. And so that's
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a shift, um, a focus for me. Um, I, I think it's a naturally good shift, right? Like it's not like
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this big thing, but, but I'll be honest, man. Like I, um, what is, what's the long play there?
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Right. Is it, is it to be in that position in corporate America? Is it to use that to launch pad
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into, you know what I mean? Another space? Like I I'm still kind of fleshing that out. Um,
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one thing though, is it's really interesting on this subject. If you don't mind me sharing,
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like I, I went to, uh, I went to, it was, um, a chief people officer, like people on culture,
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um, leaders within the tech industry is like this conference that I went.
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Can I stop you on that real quick? I've never heard the term chief people officer.
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So before you launch into that, like, that's, is that a new, is that kind of a,
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in your industry? That's a, what does that involve? What's that? What's the focus?
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Yeah. I'm hesitant to even tell you, cause I hate the first word that's going to enter my,
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exit my mouth and it's HR. So, so, uh, a CPO is over HR, right? But, but there's more than that.
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Right. And so we, we think about, think about performance management of employees,
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think about learning and development, compensation and benefits, um, employee engagement. Right. And so
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it's really around the framework of employee engagement and satisfaction and retention,
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but also around the development of employees and then the performance management of employees.
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And they, they put a nice little label that it's like, you know, even some departments, they don't,
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they'll, they'll say they're people in culture or they'll say like success department or people's
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success or whatever. Right. Because they're trying to get away from this idea that we look at
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employees as, as costs, right. And, and more from an assets. And that's really a result of
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the industrial age, right. To be frank, even from an accounting perspective, we still do accounting
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in a way that people are liabilities, right. They're not necessarily assets. Um, but, but anyhow,
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nonetheless, so that that's what it entails. And, and, um, so I went to this conference and, uh,
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I'll be honest, man. I was like, uh, I went, I went in going like, I'm the greenie, right? Like this is,
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you know, this is not my space. They had a panel of these experts and, uh, I'll be frank.
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They're all out of touch and they have no idea what they're doing. I really want to go on.
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I was like, man, you know what? I am still better off than I realize.
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Give you an example. And I'm at a toy. I don't even know these people and no one's ever going to
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know who these people were. So I feel free. Yeah. Throwing them under the bus a little bit.
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So what, one of the things is they're talking about employee retention, right? How do we retain
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our employees? We're all fighting for the best talent and, and, and, and the conversation of
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compensation goes around. Right. And then, and then one guy goes, oh, well, we've implemented a four
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flex schedule. And what it is, is you can work four days a week or five. It's up to you,
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but you have to work a minimum of 32. The last eight hours is just flex. And if you need to work
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up to 40, awesome. If you need to, if you only want to work 32 hours, that's awesome too,
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whatever. Right. And there's this flex and everyone's hopping all over this, right? Like,
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oh, what a brilliant idea. And, and, you know, the employees really like it. So they want to stick
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around and I was like, go a level deeper. Why do they like it? Like what's really going on and what's
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going on is they feel trusted and empowered and treated like adults and not micromanaged period.
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So you could package that up as a four flex if you want, but you can also package that up with,
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let's remove the red tape, the micromanagement and all the other bullshit that we do in corporate
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America that erodes trust and fulfillment in employees having their jobs. I mean, the reality
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of it is, is there's a number of intrinsic motivators or needs that employees have and
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compensation. It needs to be aligned, right? Because if compensation's not aligned, you feel
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undervalued, right? But once compensation's aligned, I don't want an employee here at our firm
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because we paid more. Like, I'll be honest, that's the tall tale sign of, I don't want you.
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If you're not on board and you're not excited about the work that we're doing and excited about
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who you get to work with and what you get to do and what we're going to achieve as a team,
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if that's not the driving outcome and desire of working here, and you're here because we're going
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to pay you 20K more than the next shop, go to the next shop. We don't want you because that's not
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what we're looking for. Otherwise, it's just going to, you know, if you have employees that
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are just sticking around because they're going to make a little bit money, dude, I tell you right
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now, they will do that temporarily. And eventually it's just going to become the status quo. And then
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they're going to start looking anyway. It's got to be something bigger than that. And it's funny
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because in this conference, they're talking about tactics and hacks about how to keep people.
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And I'm like, no, you keep people by like actually seeing them whole and complete and allowing them
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to bring their talent to the table and have fulfillment in their work. That's how you do
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it. And you eliminate the barriers and you give them high trust environment. And then people might
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be listening and go, oh, well, Kip, you know, we can't trust our employees. You got to have these
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costs. Then you fire them. If you can't trust your people to do the right thing,
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then you get rid of them and you hire the people that can. And then you have way higher
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engagement and more success in your work. Anyhow, it was, my point being is like, I went to this
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conference and I was like, okay, you know what? Maybe I'm a little bit more seasoned than I realized,
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despite the fact that I've, I've never quote unquote had this title unless, you know, except for
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the last six months. So. Yeah. Well, and a big part of that is probably the combination of this and
00:20:37.940
being in the IC and, and just you're dealing with so many different types of people, different
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industries, different backgrounds, and it comes down to the same thing. They want to feel good
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about the work they're doing and they want to be appreciated for that work. And they want to feel
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like somebody cares. And, you know, it's one of the, that's why I asked about what chief people officer
00:20:58.220
means, because there's so many companies that are putting these, these spins on names and titles
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and trying to make it sound like they care, but none of that matters. If you don't really
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care, if you're not putting energy and resources into making them feel good about the work they do.
00:21:15.160
And it's simple things, you know, like, like for us, we don't, honestly, I don't even look at
00:21:19.740
numbers and trying to maximize production out of people as much as I look for ways to make,
00:21:25.620
ensure that they're feeling good about what they do so that they're inspired to do more,
00:21:30.980
you know, not, Hey, here's less hours. Here's more money. Cause honestly, that's not the stuff
00:21:36.320
that drives it as much as giving them a strong why to be a part of what you're doing, you know,
00:21:42.560
and, and, and simple things like for us, our company, we, every event we do, we have a rule.
00:21:47.920
We spend at minimum 20% on just recognizing our people, you know? And so it's like little things
00:21:55.040
like that, instead of trying to cut costs on how can we can lower this and maximize profits. It's
00:22:01.580
like, Hey, we're going to pull in X amount for this event. 20% of that minimum is going to go to
00:22:07.700
recognizing their efforts and making them feel good and making them feel special and, you know,
00:22:11.980
making it bigger than just numbers. Yeah. Cause isn't that all that we want anyway, Sean, right?
00:22:18.500
Is like, we want some fulfillment and purpose in the work that we do, you know? And man, when you,
00:22:24.220
when you can have a job that allows you to fill that, and it's not a nine to five, but it's actually
00:22:28.900
something you enjoy doing, then you're going to show up in a really powerful way. You know,
00:22:34.320
I was just, I get that. It may not be for everybody. Right. And that's why it's important
00:22:38.420
that we try to onboard and hire the right people that are, that are aligned to what we're wanting
00:22:43.120
to accomplish. Right. Yeah. I was just talking to a guy that is he lives out in Michigan. So he's in
00:22:50.620
Detroit and he just moved there, but he's been in the car business for 42 years. And he was saying
00:22:56.980
that he's like, man, we used to, it didn't matter where you worked in the factory and what you did.
00:23:01.060
You could, you know, he worked for Chevy. He's worked for Oldsmobile. He's worked for Ford.
00:23:06.960
And he's like, you could see that car going down and you knew you worked on one of those.
00:23:12.960
And it could have been as simple as like, you know, whatever you're working on a gear
00:23:18.080
that you're pumping out of the factory and placing that in the vehicle or whatever it was.
00:23:23.420
And you just had the sense of pride and satisfaction that you're providing this,
00:23:27.640
this great product that you could feel good about that was us made and whatever else. And he said,
00:23:34.100
it's just completely changed where there, that sense of pride and being a part of something bigger
00:23:39.160
than themselves doesn't exist in that industry anymore. It's literally that their thought is
00:23:44.080
about dollars and worry and, and, you know, not knowing if that pension that they thought
00:23:50.020
was going to be, there's going to be around and everything else. And it's, and it all comes from
00:23:54.800
these companies, you know, trying to just make it and make their stock look good, which is crazy.
00:24:02.800
Totally. Yeah. One thing I've really loved, um, have you been over to the origin factory there in
00:24:10.060
Maine? Yeah. Yeah. It's cool. You remember that sign that's in the top floor, the big banner that's
00:24:16.200
across the top. Do you remember that? No. It, I, if I remember correctly, it says we get to do this
00:24:22.560
for a living. Oh yeah, that's right. Yeah. And I'm like, it's like, whatever it is that we're doing,
00:24:28.680
like, we should, we should be able to say that, like, we get to do this. Like, how cool is that?
00:24:35.080
You know, how cool is it that we can, for them, right. Make American made product from scratch,
00:24:42.160
right. And re try to re try to rejuvenate an industry that has left America. That's, that's so
00:24:50.280
cool. Right. And we should be able to find that pride in what we do. So, and you feel that from them,
00:24:55.740
you know, if you hear Pete talk or you hear Jocko talk about it, like they instantly launch
00:25:00.400
launch into that passion. And, and what I like simultaneously is they're, they're kind of
00:25:07.620
apologetic, apologetic, but not in the sense that, Hey, you know what? It might cost a little bit more
00:25:13.700
than you can go out and get your Nike stuff or whatever it is, but understand that everything
00:25:19.760
that went into that, you know, we're taking our margins smaller so we can still give a good enough
00:25:25.980
product, but feel good about the process and where it came from and what we're doing. And,
00:25:31.440
and it just feels different. You hear them as CEOs of that company speak on it and you can feel that
00:25:38.280
passion as opposed to, you know, most other CEOs, you hear them speak about what they're doing and
00:25:43.240
they almost sound like a politician. So true. All right. Steven in parl in parl, what are some
00:25:51.460
important manly virtues, important manly virtues? I saw this one and I was like, well, do we launch
00:25:59.480
into strength confidence? I, when I think of that, I think that Ryan nailed it with sovereignty. When he
00:26:05.900
put in there that the 13 virtues that he, he put in the book that nails it, but it, I think in,
00:26:13.900
and we could dive into all of those, but I thought for this, my answer would be to step up. So instead
00:26:22.220
of just listing all those virtues, I'd say, grab the book sovereignty and start there. That's a good one.
00:26:28.540
Um, and then follow it up with, uh, the masculinity manifesto, but stepping up. And as a man, I think
00:26:37.680
what gets overlooked is we, we try and assign roles for our wives and ourselves or our partners or
00:26:48.040
whatever it is, uh, you know, with, with that, uh, however we run our households, um, or our environments.
00:26:56.560
And it's trying to sign roles by, you know, I'm a man, you're a woman. I'm this, I'm, I'm supposed
00:27:05.500
to be a provider protector. And in, in that process, we overlook what's right in front of us. Sometimes
00:27:13.340
that just needs to get done. And whether that's in your home with your spouse, with your kids,
00:27:19.780
with your family, too many of us say, well, that's not my job. It trickles into the corporate
00:27:26.960
environment. Like we're talking about where, I mean, I was at an event just now, uh, the thing I
00:27:34.700
was at Monterey and, and, um, one of the founders of our, our company was put it on. He paid for it
00:27:42.500
himself out of his pocket, put on this big event. And obviously he has a bunch of assistants and a lot
00:27:47.460
of people around him to do work. And I was with him at the end when everybody left and we were just
00:27:51.580
kind of walking through the place and there's trash out and he starts picking up the trash and,
00:27:57.140
you know, throw it in, in a trash can that's sitting out on these tables and he didn't have
00:28:02.100
to do that. Um, you know, and, and it was just, it needed to be done. And so as a part of what I
00:28:10.620
believe is a manly attribute that he has was stepping up and that's why he's as successful as
00:28:19.560
he is, he could have easily said, number one, that's not my job or I'm above that. They,
00:28:26.460
Hey, I'm paying someone to clean this stuff up and they're going to do it at some point tonight
00:28:30.300
anyways. And just counting on that, none of those things, it was in front of him. He saw it. He
00:28:36.160
could easily do it on his way out anyways. And so we did. And that's the same for, you know,
00:28:43.320
if us as men, we have to end up maybe cooking more often or cleaning the house or helping our
00:28:51.340
kids with some things or whatever it is around us in our families that, or in our communities that
00:28:57.120
make us more effective. I think it's stepping up to, uh, take care of those things when we see a need.
00:29:04.140
Yeah. I like that, man. You know, the first thing that came to my mind is courage. And I'll,
00:29:09.420
I'll talk about that briefly, but in regards to your step up, I mean, that's man, it is so,
00:29:16.300
it almost has a level of preside in it, right? Where we don't accept, we don't hand anything off,
00:29:27.000
right? And we don't accept that as a status quo, um, all, all related.
00:29:33.540
And that doesn't mean you don't delegate. Like we need to be clear on that. You still need to
00:29:37.680
delegate and spread yourself out and not try and do everything. Yeah, exactly. But you're not okay.
00:29:44.000
Just not knowing like that's not acceptable. And, and in the world of consulting, I was having this
00:29:51.580
conversation the other day, uh, in the, in the industry that we're in and the best consultants
00:29:57.660
are the ones that do not allow that to happen. So imagine that, that I'm in a work meeting and
00:30:05.060
whatever, and there's, it's a complex project that we're implementing and there's an aspect of it.
00:30:10.220
I don't understand. I don't, I don't sit on the call and go in my mind. Oh, I I'm totally confused,
00:30:16.120
but not say something. Hmm. That's not what you do when you're presiding, right? You go,
00:30:23.080
that doesn't make sense. I should understand that. So I can bring my talents and my efforts to the
00:30:30.980
table. And, and it's not this passive, like, oh, there's this little thing that's, you know,
00:30:36.640
it's outside my realm of control, or I don't understand it. So I'm going to
00:30:40.040
pretend to go along, to get along and not ask the questions. And, and, and, and that's where
00:30:46.880
the thought of courage came in because that requires courage. It requires me to go, Hey,
00:30:51.900
you know what? I want to get clear on this. I want to understand this. I want to disrupt the
00:30:56.960
conversation and make sure that there's something that, that I, that it, the thing that I don't
00:31:02.820
understand, I can get addressed and clear in my mind so I can preside. And I know we, I'm using that
00:31:08.940
term loosely, like we wouldn't use that term typically, but, but it, there is an element
00:31:14.720
of presiding there and we're not okay, not owning things. And to your point, doesn't mean we're
00:31:21.820
actually doing everything, but we're not okay with it just not being addressed. And man, I can't
00:31:28.240
count how much that is the game changer for those that get after it and kill it.
00:31:34.660
And those that don't, you know, and we see it all the time, even people in a leadership position
00:31:39.720
where it's like, Hey, my numbers are low. Oh, why are they low? You know, you know, the team just
00:31:45.100
struggling. And, and, and let's be clear. That answer is a, I actually don't know, but it is what
00:31:52.600
it is. And it's over here or, Oh, I'm not getting my, my sales leads and my opportunities normally.
00:31:58.500
So what are you doing about it? Have you had the conversation? You're not like, it's this idea
00:32:04.920
of not accepting the idea that it's outside your realm of control and that choosing to take it on
00:32:10.900
to your point, stepping up and having the necessary conversations. So you're showing up powerfully and
00:32:17.340
you're succeeding in whatever realm of influence that we do have, whether it's in our homes or on
00:32:22.840
our teams at work or et cetera. And that's, man, when you say that, I think of the Ryan just posted
00:32:31.240
a thing from his hunt in Minnesota about, uh, you know, shooting that dough, shooting that second
00:32:38.320
dough and making an ethical kill. And it was probably his best shot he's made and how good
00:32:42.340
he felt about it and how it felt primal and how he's a late onset hunter and, and never had that
00:32:48.840
experience. And now, and then someone dumped on him for using that term. Like, Oh, that's funny
00:32:55.060
that you say it's primal. So where have you been your whole life? Have you been, you know, a man
00:33:00.260
trapped in a little boy's body or something along those lines, right? Is what the guy said. And then
00:33:05.620
Ryan's response was perfect. Like he wasn't upset at the guy. He's just like, Hey, look, we need to
00:33:10.560
change this, the perpetuity of us dumping on men as men and capable men for not knowing. And it goes
00:33:20.560
right in line with what you're saying. So many men do sit back and they don't ask those questions
00:33:25.620
because they were made to feel like we're supposed to know everything. And we're supposed to be able
00:33:30.380
to take charge. And, and, and that asking questions is bad. That not being quote unquote,
00:33:37.000
manly enough is bad, which comes in perfect alignment with this question, right? If we
00:33:42.820
want to know what manly is, a lot of the times it's having the courage to ask those questions so
00:33:47.480
you can be better. So you can have those experiences. So you can, because you might not have that. Like
00:33:53.360
I could dump on my dad for never teaching me to hunt. And I, he took me out one time, I think when
00:33:59.020
I was a kid and that was it never, but, or I could look at, well, he taught me construction. He taught me
00:34:05.160
to be a man. He taught me to step up. Like I'm talking about, he taught me to cook. He taught
00:34:09.780
like, there's all these things that he did teach me that have been super useful in my life. Hunting
00:34:14.780
just happened to not be one of them. And so I could be mad at him for not, or I could look at the gifts
00:34:19.720
he gave me and then find out from other men who have done it their whole life, how to perform and
00:34:24.800
those things. But if those men dumped on me or gave me a hard time or so, you know, like, even if
00:34:30.700
they even poked fun a little bit through the process, I wouldn't be able to not only enjoy
00:34:36.520
it, but pass now those skillsets and those values and those experiences down to my kids so that it is
00:34:44.580
a part of something in perpetuity. And so it's, that's such a, I hope people grab that, you know,
00:34:52.660
from what you just said, that willingness to ask those questions, to be better, to, um, you know,
00:34:58.420
grow through the process and then make it a part of who we are and then pass that down.
00:35:05.640
Yeah. And I love, you know, and I love what you just said. It's like, Hey, what's,
00:35:10.700
what's celebrate when guys are on the path. Yeah. Not where on the path, but that they're on the path,
00:35:16.920
right. And stop beating the shit out of each other for, you know, not knowing certain things. I mean,
00:35:21.960
this is, this is why no, like, this is why the success rate in Brazilian jiu-jitsu is so low.
00:35:28.340
Yeah. Why? Because no dude wants to get on the mat and realize that, that they can't defend themselves.
00:35:35.660
Yeah. That is such a, a confrontational thought process. And, and so they avoid it versus, and,
00:35:44.260
and because they, they've been taught that what, if I'm a man, I, I, I should feel this way and I
00:35:49.960
should never allow this to happen. And, and it's my value versus like, no, it's about growth. And
00:35:57.140
it's about being on the path of progression that it illustrates you as a man, not necessarily that,
00:36:04.460
that, um, you know, that where you, where you are at on the path, because that's the other thing is,
00:36:11.140
is it ever over? No. Right. Like once, once you address hunting, then there's more stuff. Right.
00:36:18.400
And there's like, we'll never be the best dads. We'll never be at the best dad. So let's celebrate
00:36:24.460
the fact that we're trying to be. Yeah. Well, as you say that, and especially in jiu-jitsu,
00:36:30.220
I know, and your experience has been much longer than mine. It's usually the biggest, toughest guys
00:36:36.340
that last the shortest amount of time. And not that there's not a bunch of big and, you know,
00:36:43.400
studly guys around Brazilian jiu-jitsu, but it's really like, sometimes your best chances is some
00:36:50.660
kind of like, you know, some of the, like, for lack of better word, nerdier guys. And I, like,
00:36:56.900
I think of my son when I say that, because my nerdy kid is the most efficient and the fastest on his
00:37:02.980
learning curve for our jiu-jitsu experience. And then I think of a, I always get his last name
00:37:10.640
wrong. I forget his last name, but it's Mikey something. And he's been like a, like five or
00:37:15.640
six time, you know, champ at, I think he's at lightweight or featherweight, but he's just like
00:37:20.680
the nerdiest little kid. And dude, that guy is such a man. But if you talk to him, you wouldn't think
00:37:29.120
so. And like every, every quote unquote, manly attribute somebody's supposed to have, you wouldn't
00:37:36.580
pin that guy with in a, in a first conversation, but his focus, his discipline, his courage, his
00:37:44.620
willingness to learn, to put himself in compromised position, his, his, the way he trains and he'll
00:37:52.240
literally train on one thing. You've talked about this for years, really on drilling and on getting
00:37:58.220
better on, on, he, he drills constantly against up and comers instead of just black belts. And,
00:38:05.180
and you know, it's, it's just an interesting thing. He just spends so much time and effort and,
00:38:11.840
and thought process in it. And, and the dude's such a stud, but he's, he's unassuming and he's,
00:38:20.220
he's doesn't let any pride get in any of the way of anything he's trying to accomplish.
00:38:25.640
Yeah. And, and I don't know if this is true for Mikey, right. Or even if statistically,
00:38:30.520
this is inaccurate, but it's, it's a fun thought process is the big guy struggles to stick with
00:38:37.400
jujitsu probably because his identity as a big guy has been that he is dangerous. And so he's had this
00:38:49.080
false mask on, if you want to use that term, but he's wrapped his identity around his ability to
00:38:56.100
be dangerous. And so when that gets threatened, that's a huge hit to ego versus a small nerdy guy
00:39:05.500
never thought he was dangerous ever in his entire life. And so he's humble around his ability to be
00:39:13.400
dangerous starts picking up jujitsu and all of a sudden goes, Holy crap. I can use my mind.
00:39:20.900
I don't have to be huge. And I could use my smarts to become dangerous. And so they, they thrive in it
00:39:28.940
and then it doesn't take much. I think, yeah, I think they thrive because they're so humble.
00:39:33.740
They're willing to learn versus the typical bigger guy has a bigger ego and his willingness
00:39:40.760
to humble himself, to learn is substantially harder to do because their identity has been
00:39:46.680
wrapped around being dangerous. And then all of a sudden they learn that they're not and can't deal.
00:39:55.020
Then add that to the list of humility of manly attributes. Put your ego aside.
00:40:00.620
Yeah, totally. All right. John Preston, what's your biggest takeaway from fight club? And John,
00:40:08.040
Sean and I were talking, we're assuming we're just talking about the movie here. Okay. So,
00:40:12.440
you know, because we're not going to talk about, you know, fight club, you know, so we must be
00:40:17.220
talking about the movie. What's your biggest takeaway from fight club? For me, I think it was
00:40:21.560
the fact that we are capable of more than we think we are. If driven in the right direction with the
00:40:27.540
right amount of ambition to get there, don't let the things that own us, hold us back.
00:40:34.460
I think it's interesting that he thought that was the right direction.
00:40:39.020
Yeah. Honestly, what I did kind of get that sense. And I know what he's talking about. I got that sense
00:40:45.500
of, I mean, who you thought was Brad Pitt beating up all these guys was, you know, not Brad Pitt,
00:40:51.300
not this big, you know, ripped, like studly, perfectly good looking dude, doing all this
00:40:57.320
stuff. It was him the whole time. But what I actually, what stood out to me was that a lot
00:41:04.000
of psychopaths don't a lot of times know their psychopaths if they're schizophrenic, which this
00:41:09.480
guy was obviously, and they have deep seated issues. I mean, this guy became a terrorist
00:41:15.080
and didn't know that he was the terrorist. And so it, it actually opened me up to mental
00:41:21.860
illness issues. If I'm being totally honest in that, that, that way to go way logical here,
00:41:26.980
Sean. I mean, honestly, it was just psycho. Let's be frank. He beat the shit out of his boss
00:41:34.380
because he didn't get a raise or whatever. Right. Yeah. And then he beat the shit out of himself
00:41:38.540
and gain followers through that process. I mean, the dude obviously was disturbed,
00:41:45.460
but he didn't know it was him. And so it made me honestly open up to the fact, like, you know,
00:41:51.260
and, um, I don't know if you've seen the, the, uh, documentary of Kurt Cobain, um, just the saddest
00:41:59.000
thing. Right. And, and I remember when Kurt Cobain killed himself, I was in high school and that was a
00:42:03.720
band that I just loved. Like I loved Nirvana. And I, and, and when I was going through my own angst
00:42:09.840
and, you know, all the confusion of being a teenage boy and that anger and everything else. And, and so
00:42:16.160
I attached, you know, I, I felt that when I listened to him sing, and then when he killed himself, he had
00:42:21.320
just had his daughter. And my, my number one thing was like, how selfish, what a douche, like, here's a
00:42:27.400
guy that I, you know, I thought I connected with and he did the lowest of low, you know, and, and then it's,
00:42:33.720
I didn't appreciate mental illness. I didn't appreciate, you know, that people struggle
00:42:38.820
with those things because I'm blessed enough to not have those issues. And so honestly,
00:42:44.320
Fight Club was one of the movies who'd made me think that it's, it's much deeper than kind of
00:42:49.640
the surface. That guy's just a psycho, right? Like, like they don't know that they're doing this a lot
00:42:55.800
of times and they're not thinking like themselves. And I, I couldn't appreciate that. And that,
00:43:01.260
that movie honestly helped me open up to those ideas. Yeah. I mean, worst case, John, like now I
00:43:07.840
just want to watch Fight Club. So good question. Loves the movie. It's fun. Yeah. Such a great
00:43:13.120
movie. You know, I think for me, like what really resonated for me in Fight Club is the, the difference
00:43:19.540
between reality and perception. And, and, and I, you know, and I'm, I'm looking for the meaning that
00:43:26.420
I'm creating in the movie, not necessarily more logical, like, Hey, this guy's actually crazy,
00:43:30.960
but like, man, we're, we're, we're kind of the same way, right? We're, we're going along and we
00:43:38.160
think, you know, what the best analogy I've ever heard is, you know, uh, Sean, I think you skier,
00:43:43.420
right. Or snowboard snowboarding have in snowboard. So, you know, I don't know, I'm assuming you wear
00:43:49.180
some goggles sometimes if the weather's bad enough and, and it's, it's the rose colored
00:43:53.300
goggles, right? You put those on at first earlier on in a day and you're like, Oh man, things look
00:43:58.100
weird. And then within like a few hours, what you see is reality. It is truth. And it's not until
00:44:08.220
midday or the end of the day, when you take those goggles off and you go, Oh my gosh, right?
00:44:12.720
The world looks way different. And you forgot, like we're smart humans and we forget that easily.
00:44:23.860
And we, and we adapt it to what we see and our perceptions. And, and that's what really was
00:44:30.320
present for me in that movie. It's like, man, how many, how many fights and things have I created
00:44:35.780
that aren't real? They're all in my head. They're all these perceptions and stories.
00:44:41.800
And there's a big difference between how I perceive the world versus truth. And, and just,
00:44:50.000
man, getting present to it. You know, I, I told you, I have some meetings later today
00:44:53.460
that I'm kind of stressed out about why it's all in my head. It's what it means, right? Like if you
00:45:01.400
and I were, we're talking on a business deal and let's say, I'm a little bit nervous about it, Sean.
00:45:06.000
And what am I nervous about? Well, what if Sean says, no, that word alone, you add meaning to,
00:45:13.500
Oh, if he says, no, that means blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. No, it doesn't. It just means,
00:45:18.320
no, that's all it means. But I approach, I'll approach that conversation from the perspective.
00:45:23.460
If Sean says, no, that means I'm not good enough. It, it means he doesn't appreciate me. It means
00:45:28.200
this, it means that it means all these things. When we're out, it means none of that. And, and yet
00:45:33.780
we do that all the time. Oh my goodness. We do it all the time. Right? It's like, well, my wife
00:45:40.120
doesn't do X, Y, Z. Well, and when she doesn't, how does it make you feel Kip? Unappreciated. Why?
00:45:46.840
Cause you made that shit up is why, right? Like that's not true, you know, but yet we walk around
00:45:52.780
just adding meaning. We're freaking meaning making machines and we're adding meaning to perception
00:45:59.480
all the time. And it's just crazy. And I think that movie just really makes it obviously an extreme
00:46:04.780
way, but it really brings that to the forefront. It's like, Oh my gosh, this guy's living a whole
00:46:09.160
other world. But yet I think we do too. I think we live our lives in these stories and it's not even
00:46:15.680
true. And how, how we're perceived by other people is so drastically different than how we perceive
00:46:20.120
ourselves, unfortunately, because I think we probably perceive ourselves in a more negative
00:46:24.880
light than we realize. Man, that was a deep review of fight club.
00:46:31.820
Still want to watch it. Such a great movie. So fun. Such a great movie. I think we all,
00:46:37.500
I think every guy loves fight club because they just want, they want to, they want that alter ego of
00:46:43.400
Brad Pitt. That's, that's what, like, we all want, we all want to pretend that we're that dude.
00:46:50.480
Shit out of people for fun. I think so. All right, Daniel, a point. What's the biggest thing you've
00:46:56.540
let go of that significantly improved your life? I'm talking slingshotted you further into a better
00:47:03.400
version of yourself, a kingpin change, i.e. attitude, belief, perspective, career switch,
00:47:12.660
I, I saw this at first last night and it's, it made me think one thing. And then I reread it again.
00:47:19.100
And this morning, just as I was going through to see if there was more questions and I, I didn't
00:47:25.160
notice the first time what the let go of part. And so it kind of switched to what I was thinking
00:47:30.000
about. And for me, I think it was letting go of trying to do everything I was doing. And when I
00:47:38.180
started my business, I had all these things I wanted to do and I wanted to do it to achieve.
00:47:42.280
And I wanted to, to make a difference in, and they were all focused on me. And I think the biggest
00:47:50.100
thing and change that slingshotted my career and my business and everything else is making it about
00:47:57.620
the people I was serving and not thinking about what I wanted as deeply. Now it didn't mean I didn't
00:48:04.400
still make goals and have my top 10 things I wanted to accomplish and things like that. I think,
00:48:09.880
you know, a couple of weeks ago, we were talking about how I wanted flames on my El Camino
00:48:13.560
and that was, that drove me, it pushed me, but it became, I attached everything I was doing to
00:48:20.600
serving, whether it was my, my customers and my clients or my associates, I was bringing onto the
00:48:27.580
team, helping them get what they want. And what I found is that the more I focus on helping them
00:48:33.360
get what they want and what they need and serving them in that way, then I started getting more of what I
00:48:39.220
wanted. Yeah. I like that, man. Um, Daniel. So same thing. I I'm going to really latch onto that
00:48:46.220
letting go thing. So, so probably the biggest thing that I learned to let go of was the,
00:48:56.680
my selfish want of my ex-wife wanting to be with me and, and, and actually letting go in a way that I
00:49:10.160
actually genuinely wanted what was best for her, whether it included me or not. So kind of the same
00:49:17.580
thing, letting go of what I wanted for the sake of something that was better for someone else. And that's a
00:49:25.580
hard thing. Right. Like, cause at the time it was, you know, I get divorced and it was like,
00:49:30.760
I want our family to stay together. I, you know, there's all kinds of meeting that I added around
00:49:35.780
the fact that she didn't want to be with me. I mean, trust me, nothing shakes your, your self-value
00:49:41.460
probably more than, than a woman saying, I don't want to be with you. Right. Like I will go through
00:49:47.200
hell. I'll experience divorce. I'd rather be a single parent than being with you. That that's a hard
00:49:54.980
pill to swallow. And, and it was really hard for me to let go of what I wanted and what that meant
00:50:04.660
about me and actually genuinely just want what was best for her and, and what's best for my kids
00:50:13.000
versus what was best for me. And as an example of that, I remember I got awarded, you know, we were
00:50:20.540
like 50, 50 and the kids stay with me a couple of nights during the week. And then every weekend,
00:50:25.280
you know, the, the typical divorce schedule BS and it wasn't good. Them staying at my house
00:50:33.940
like two days a week. And then at their mom's house, you know what I mean? Three days a week
00:50:40.840
and back and forth and it not sleeping in their same room. I actually, especially when it's just
00:50:47.720
black and white, right? Like, boom, you're here. And it wasn't, it wasn't good. I didn't
00:50:52.740
like it. It wasn't what was best for them. So I was like, you know what, Shanna, like, can I,
00:50:59.460
I think they should have their room. They should have their schedule and I will inject into it
00:51:05.900
instead. So if it's okay with you, I'll come pick them up and I'll hang out with them for the night,
00:51:10.940
get them ready for bed. And then, and then they'll go to bed in their room. Right. And get ready for
00:51:16.040
school the way they normally do that, you know, and less disruptive because they're little.
00:51:22.180
You know, that wasn't about me. In fact, that hurt me from a financial perspective.
00:51:27.300
You know what I mean? Cause I had less time with my kids. It was against what I wanted for me.
00:51:32.700
But it wasn't until I really like genuinely got into the position of, you know what,
00:51:38.640
despite where I'm at, I actually love her. I want the best for her. And, and I really like
00:51:46.380
eventually wanted her to find someone better than me, you know, and, and I was sorry for how I showed
00:51:52.580
up that it wasn't, you know, that then I was actually just sorry that I wasn't the man that I
00:51:57.660
should have been when we were married and that's it. Like period, not a no, no stories,
00:52:04.020
no exceptions, no nothing else. Like, and, and it wasn't until I really got to that place
00:52:08.920
that I was able to really let go and, and handle that divorce correctly. I, I had to let go.
00:52:19.020
Um, if you don't mind me adding one more thought really quick. So I went to a wedding, uh, last week
00:52:26.100
and the gentleman who married the couple, it was so great, man. I love this by the way. He said,
00:52:34.700
he said something about like, you guys are so great about, you know, serving one another and helping
00:52:40.800
each other or whatever. He's like, but what happens sometimes is if my cup is half full and my wife has
00:52:50.160
a hard day, then I can't, I'm not in a position to deal with her insecurity or to deal with her
00:52:57.580
troubles. Why? Because my cup's half full, right? I got my own problems. Right. And so I'm going to
00:53:03.960
react in a negative way to her struggles. And so once again, it's like this whole thing of like, man,
00:53:10.740
service, right? Make sure that my cup's full so I can show up powerfully for those in my life.
00:53:16.600
And, and, and, and it's not, and don't get me wrong. It's not like about filling your cup because
00:53:22.540
it's a selfish thing. It's like filling up your cup so you can be in the best position possible
00:53:27.320
to serve those in need, right? Whether it's our kids or it's our loved ones. And if I'm going around
00:53:33.340
half cup full, stressed out about work, stress about all these things, am I going to show up
00:53:38.240
powerfully for my kids when I go home tonight? No, I'm not. Right. And it's like so much of,
00:53:44.360
it's just, we need to get, we need to address our own personal shit and make sure that we're
00:53:50.720
showing up powerfully so we can serve, right? Other people in our lives and, and everything else
00:53:56.300
will actually kind of work out, you know, to your point, you'll get your own, right? When it's great,
00:54:01.380
something greater than yourself. And I really like that. Yeah. And we just got to make sure we don't
00:54:05.860
use that cup half full or have empty excuse for not doing those things. Oh yeah. Like we talked
00:54:13.080
about earlier, right? We need to step up. Sometimes, you know, some guys say, well,
00:54:17.000
I'm just too burnt out to deal with this. When I get home, it's too hard. I have all this stuff
00:54:20.580
going on. But as men, you, I mean, the most important thing is your family, right? So like
00:54:26.920
if you get home and your wife has, you know, stuff she wants to talk about or things were hard at home
00:54:32.200
or whatever, instead of pushing it off, like I had a hard day, not that you can't do that sometimes,
00:54:37.440
but that has to be rare as opposed to, you know, if you had, you know, let's say for you, Kip,
00:54:43.140
if you had like a giant client of your new guys, you know, a giant company that you guys service,
00:54:48.520
all of a sudden, you know, one of their, you know, head departments calls you and has this issue that
00:54:54.760
they need fixed. Are you going to say, well, I had a tough day. I can't put my best energy into
00:55:00.040
figuring this out right now. No, you'd give it your all, right? You, you, you put in your best
00:55:05.820
effort. And so why do we treat the most important people in our lives different where they should
00:55:11.580
be getting our best, you know, but if you, if you're doing that all the time, like to what you
00:55:17.160
said, you're going to burn yourself out. So make sure, you know, that you're, you're giving yourself
00:55:22.560
the space or the time or the energy or cutting things out that don't serve you so that you have
00:55:27.480
more energy for those things when they do come up. Yeah, for sure. I really want to cover this last
00:55:35.280
question if you're okay with, or you go, okay, going a little bit longer, Sean. Okay.
00:55:38.960
Yeah, let's do it. You know, I, but I wanted to latch onto what you just said because, and, and I'll
00:55:44.300
just, you know, be personal here. Far too often I criticize people for being hypothetical, right? And
00:55:49.640
we lose the value in the hypothetical. So I'll just be frank. You know, it's, it's interesting. It's,
00:55:54.960
you know, to your point, Sean, the other day my wife, you know, I'm, I'm going around kind of
00:56:01.700
pissed off and something's bothering me and I'm not talking. And she was like, Hey,
00:56:06.260
I don't want this to get worse. Like, you know, what's going on, right? What's, what's bothering
00:56:11.540
you. And, and, and hopefully this doesn't come across like people are going to criticize my wife
00:56:19.080
here, but, but, but I think it will be valuable. I said, I actually don't know. I go, I actually feel
00:56:30.200
alone and I'm really sad and I I'm trying to flush it out. Right. And, and, and so I'm, you know,
00:56:38.200
I'm being authentic and I'm like, Hey, this is kind of bothering me. Right. You know, the funny part
00:56:43.100
was is, is her reply was, well, you know, you're showing up negative in all these ways. You know
00:56:50.680
what I mean? And then she just went off on me. Right. About how I'm dropping the ball. And, and at
00:56:56.420
first I was like, come on woman. Like, you know, I'm in the trenches here and you're throwing dirt on
00:57:03.860
me. You know what I mean? Like help me out. But to your point, it's like, guess what, kid? It doesn't
00:57:10.020
matter. Right. Like you might be feeling alone or sad, but buckle up boy, because guess what you're
00:57:15.780
needed and how you're showing up is affecting your kids and it's affecting your spouse. So get your
00:57:21.540
together and, and figure it out because there's a price to you, not figuring it out. There's a price
00:57:30.080
and a negative price to you, not having your stuff together. And, and it would have been really easy
00:57:36.560
for me to be on the, you know, feeling sorry for myself. Right. About, well, I'm not getting the
00:57:42.280
support I need, but the reality of it is, and she was spot on in the sense of like, well, that's great
00:57:46.940
Kip, but guess what? Your kids are noticing it. And they're curious why you're upset all the time.
00:57:52.360
You know what I mean? And it's affecting us and it's affecting me. And you know what I mean? Like
00:57:59.640
I, I really like that. I think we all would rather be coddled, but we're going to experience
00:58:09.960
less growth if we are. And the people that really love you and care about you are going to be the
00:58:14.720
ones that push you, that help you through helping you understand that if you're in a place like that,
00:58:24.060
most of the time, it's generally as things you're creating for yourself. And instead of
00:58:29.500
letting you use that as an excuse, uh, helping you realize that, um, it's something you can
00:58:35.780
overcome, but you have to put in the extra work and effort to overcoming that and showing up,
00:58:41.080
you know, as the person that they know you're capable of that to me is, is more caring than
00:58:47.460
just coddling in those circumstances. Yeah. It just doesn't feel as good. It never does. Right.
00:58:54.380
But neither does go into the gym to build muscles. Yeah, totally. All right.
00:58:59.200
Last question, John, iron, John Gilliland tips on balancing children, family schedules with your
00:59:05.320
own routines and self-care or health schedules. So tips on balancing children, family schedules with
00:59:10.760
your own routines. Yeah. I mean, I'll try and give this a shorter answer because you could go super
00:59:16.000
deep on this one. Um, but the, the, I think the main one that most people don't do is you make
00:59:23.360
yourself schedule in your important things. Uh, it, the non-negotiables that the first place I got,
00:59:29.980
this was from Covey from his seven habits, a highly effective people. He calls it first things first.
00:59:35.260
It's finding those important quote unquote, non-negotiables. Uh, for us, it's things like
00:59:40.660
date nights, all of the things that my wife needs to do on a weekly basis. Um, our physical
00:59:47.840
programs that we have, which for us, it's, you know, a trainer a couple of times a week, um, putting
00:59:53.920
in systems that give accountability. So that's part of why we have a trainer is just, if I have
01:00:01.640
something booked at a certain time every week, and I know someone else is going to be there waiting on
01:00:06.740
me to participate, I'm more likely to show up than me just scheduling time for me to go to the gym,
01:00:12.320
if that makes sense. Um, and, and, uh, making sure that those are in our family nights are a big part
01:00:19.580
of that, which we do Sunday nights and we look at our weekly schedule. And so last night we got
01:00:25.480
together, we, we did different things. We carved pumpkins. We watched a movie. We had this great
01:00:31.360
family day. We went to church. We, we discussed things that we learned in church, but then we also
01:00:37.920
with all of this extra stuff, cause of Halloween, we still made sure that we all knew each other's
01:00:43.800
schedule for the coming week and who has what the boys have wrestling meets the, you know, my daughter
01:00:49.600
has these events she wants to go to and stuff she wants to do. Our little guy has this thing at his
01:00:54.720
school. And, and it was, so we all knew that, you know, I have a couple of important meetings that I
01:00:59.800
have to be on. So does my wife. And so all of us know what's going on and that's all scheduled. So in
01:01:06.240
our calendars, all of those things are booked and then everything else gets worked in around those
01:01:12.940
things. And so it's, that's, that's where I think most people fail is they, they aren't putting the
01:01:19.640
stuff in their calendar and they're not communicating with the people around them so that they're these
01:01:25.940
constant emergencies aren't coming up. And I think that's what messes up most people's productivity
01:01:31.360
and their efficiency is that they just kind of drift and they, they don't show up with outcomes.
01:01:38.560
They don't have a schedule. They don't have times to get the important things done. And I mean, you know,
01:01:45.540
in corporate America and with kids and with everything else, if you don't have stuff and, and you don't
01:01:51.940
know exactly the most important things that need to get done, you're going to get sideswiped every single day
01:01:57.040
by the less important quote unquote, emergencies that will always come up.
01:02:02.380
Totally. Totally. Yeah. The only thing I'd add is, is one there's times and seasons. So keep that in
01:02:07.920
mind, right? Like someone might be listening to this. It's like, oh, it's impossible. My wife and I just
01:02:12.680
had a kid and I can't get, well, there's seasons, right? So keep in mind now don't use that as an excuse,
01:02:17.940
but there are times and seasons where things get difficult. The other thing is like, it's really
01:02:22.580
interesting is it's quite amazing how easy it is to work things in. So let's just assume that worst
01:02:29.720
case scenario, I don't have time, which is not true, but let's just assume I don't have time to
01:02:36.760
go to the gym. Could I do 10 pushups every hour on top of the hour into my workday and not have it
01:02:44.400
affect my workday? Yeah. Yeah. That's a pretty good workout, right? Like there's things we can do.
01:02:51.200
The question is, is they're not convenient or they don't align with the expectations of the way
01:02:56.960
we think it should look like. And so we have a tendency to like make it wrong, right? It's like,
01:03:01.720
well, I shouldn't have to, well, guess what? You might need to, you might need to go for a jog in
01:03:07.880
the middle of your day, right? You might have to go to the gym at 5.00 AM for that to work with your,
01:03:13.800
with your family schedule. And, and, and for those that are not like, might still be thinking like,
01:03:18.940
Kip, this is still impossible. Here's the challenge for a solid week or two, grab a spreadsheet
01:03:24.960
or a piece of paper, however you want to track it and track your day in 15, 15 minute increments
01:03:31.800
for the next two weeks. You will find time and you will find, you'll realize how much time you
01:03:39.440
actually waste, right? I was looking at my Instagram usage last night before I went to bed and I was like,
01:03:45.000
holy shit, you know, how much stuff I could have gotten done instead of an hour, really on Instagram?
01:03:54.140
An hour, holy crap, right? Like there is so much stuff that we could do, whether it's TVs that
01:04:01.340
you're watching or whatever it is. And you might, you might have to, there's, how's this? There's a
01:04:06.360
price that needs to be paid for greatness. So get clear on that too. What are you, what price are you
01:04:12.880
willing to pay? And the price you might need to pay is I don't watch TV. I don't watch the news. I
01:04:18.860
don't watch football. I actually, like, I'm really telling you the truth. I don't watch those things.
01:04:24.220
Now I watch the 10 minute highlight. So I'm a Cardinals fan. So I watched the 10 minute highlight
01:04:29.660
and I try not to look at the score when I hit play on the YouTube video. And then I watch a 10 minute
01:04:35.540
football game and I'm excited. And I was like, oh, dang it. We lost, you know? And, and I move on.
01:04:40.720
That's, that's my football. That's how I watch football. And, and we don't have TVs upstairs in
01:04:47.760
our house. We don't have a TVs in our living rooms, the TVs down in some side room somewhere.
01:04:52.040
So it's like, I have to go out of my way to get to it because we don't have time or let me say it
01:04:58.780
this way. We don't want to waste our time on those things. And, and, and then the only other
01:05:05.120
hack or tip or you might need to integrate a little bit. It's like, well, my family time
01:05:12.400
is my exercise time. All right. Awesome. We're doing family walks. We're doing family jogs.
01:05:18.580
You're jogging. Kids are riding the scooter and their bicycles and you're doing a mile and they're
01:05:23.360
with you while you run. Like there's ways, there's certainly ways. And we might just have to get
01:05:29.100
creative in regards to how we pull it off. Yeah. I, I always tell people that you, if you
01:05:35.060
want to have a world-class life, you have to be on a world-class schedule where most people are on a,
01:05:40.680
a, an average in ordinary or middle-class or even mediocre schedule, and they want world-class
01:05:47.400
results. And that's just not going to happen, but you also can't expect somebody that starts with
01:05:52.620
the mediocre schedule as they're starting to plan in things and changing and shift habits to go from
01:05:59.000
mediocre to world-class. And sometimes it's baby steps. And so it's those little things, you know,
01:06:04.040
like you mentioned, cutting things out. It doesn't mean you get rid of it. You just do it differently.
01:06:07.760
Like I, I love UFC fights, especially now that every week there's big fights, but I don't sit all the
01:06:14.060
time four hours or five hours in front of the TV every Saturday and watch all the fights. But while I'm
01:06:21.780
making pancakes every Sunday morning as a routine and in our family, I sit, I watch, yeah, I watch
01:06:28.600
the fights. Like I just pull them on. I look for the ones that are generally like shorter times,
01:06:33.320
right? Cause those tend to be the more exciting fights. And I just, I watch those and I get that
01:06:38.900
feel. It's a, I get to, I get to stay updated. I see who's, you know, doing well, who's up and coming
01:06:44.340
something I enjoy and, and like to watch, but I'm, I'm multitasking, which I'm not good at,
01:06:50.080
but I I've figured out how to work that in and not have it be a distraction from the things that
01:06:54.940
are more important. And so there's, you'll find that if it's important enough for you,
01:07:00.000
but I didn't get there automatically that took time. And when I started, I had to literally
01:07:05.000
completely cut out everything. So it wasn't a distraction, like you said, until I, my habits
01:07:10.460
became better. Um, and it was living a world-class lifestyle. Then it was easier to incorporate
01:07:16.560
those things in because my habits were good. Yeah, totally. Here's the, here's the quote for
01:07:21.900
that question. The quote for that question is someone busier than you is working out right now.
01:07:28.400
Yeah. And that's the truth. Someone busier that has more on their plate than you have
01:07:33.940
is out running six miles is out riding a bike ride for 30, or is that the gym working out?
01:07:41.520
So we, we all have no excuse. Okay. Okay. Gentlemen. So a couple of things, uh, iron council,
01:07:50.840
look at that. We'll open that back up in December. So go to order man.com slash iron council. Also,
01:07:58.320
if you're looking to get any swag, you're looking to get any swag for the family, uh, for your,
01:08:04.300
for, uh, yeah, like a flag or, uh, the, uh, Ryan's books or hats or whatever, go to store.orderman.com.
01:08:13.820
Get that stuff before the holiday season kind of kicks up. Usually we'll run out of all that stuff
01:08:19.260
right by the time Christmas comes. So act now, uh, get that swag ordered. And as always connect with
01:08:25.160
Mr. Mickler on Instagram and Twitter at Ryan Mickler. And until Friday or Friday field notes,
01:08:32.000
take action and become the men you were meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man
01:08:36.800
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01:08:41.520
We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.