Order of Man - Focus for 2023, Identifying Manly Virtues, and Balancing Self with Family ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:04.980 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.400 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.180 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.720 you can call yourself a man. Sean, we do it again, brother. How you doing?

00:00:27.060 Doing well. How are you? Good. We are recording this as of Halloween, so happy Halloween. You

00:00:36.040 guys will obviously get this recording a couple days later, but what are you guys' plans for

00:00:41.260 tonight? Was it pretty crazy or just the run of the mill, pick up a bunch of free candy?

00:00:46.940 It's always crazy with four kids from 17 to 7. You know, the 17-year-old wants to go on

00:00:55.000 their own with their friends. The 14-year-old's there now too. And so I think we'll go to his

00:01:01.380 friend's neighborhood so we can end up in the same place and go kind of through all those houses. We

00:01:07.180 don't live in a neighborhood, so we don't have to hand out candy or anything. Yeah. Got it.

00:01:12.540 Yeah. Got it. We're kind of off the path. Dude, our neighborhood is out of control. There's one

00:01:19.260 house. They give out Dr. Peppers. You know what I mean? Like for every kid, everyone's getting

00:01:23.980 caffeinated. Full-size candy bar. Like this is not like when I was a kid, it was like

00:01:29.780 a couple of penny pieces. You know what I mean? And you had to work for it. Like we had the

00:01:35.460 pillowcase and we'd run the whole time because we're like fighting against time to get as much

00:01:43.160 candy as humanly possible. My kids are like three hours in, you know, we're good. And it's mostly

00:01:51.220 because everyone's like spoiling the crap out of all these kids with like these massive amounts of

00:01:56.300 candy. It's a little bit out of control. I don't even, I can't remember the last time we did three

00:02:01.600 hours with my kids. Like you said, they just fill up and they're over it. It's funny. Yeah. And then

00:02:07.680 they have, and then my kids, they don't eat candy that much. So we'll end up having Halloween candy

00:02:12.680 until like summer. Oh my gosh. We used to, they got kind of trained quote unquote. We, we lived in

00:02:22.400 this place. And even though it was a long time ago, we lived in a house that was like the neighborhood

00:02:27.220 everybody wanted to go to. And so we literally ended up with thousands of kids coming to our house

00:02:34.020 and we would go out early, get all my kids candy. They'd fill up all their bags, literally like giant

00:02:39.880 pillowcases, fill them up, come back to the house. We'd get rid of boxes worth of candy,

00:02:46.620 hand it all out, run out. And then every year my kids would basically hand out all of their candy

00:02:51.660 that they collected to the neighborhood, which was awesome. Cause they'd keep like the few things

00:02:56.060 they really wanted and then give away everything else. So that was like the best. Yeah. Did you guys

00:03:02.460 due to COVID did your neighborhood in California, did they get creative in regards to how they gave

00:03:08.620 out candy? Did that happen? It was weird because maybe two people did, but everybody else was still

00:03:17.800 the same, but the difference was no one went out. So it was empty. It was so everyone still went out,

00:03:26.400 but it was fun. Like some of these houses, I I'm trying to find the silver lining, right. Of,

00:03:31.620 of COVID and people got creative in regards to how they gave the candy out. So they would create this,

00:03:37.400 like this big ramp from their second floor. Oh, that's cool. And they would like slide candy

00:03:44.660 bars down. They can fly in and peg a kid. You know what I mean? It's like real creative style of,

00:03:50.100 of, I don't know. It was kind of fun. Their new tradition is creative. Yeah. Yeah. That sounds cool.

00:03:55.280 I think it'd be fun. Just like get like a Snickers, just tons of Snickers. And then you just like run

00:04:02.900 by and just try to peg them. I have a shirt gun. Maybe I could shoot a, shoot some candy. Just peg

00:04:12.780 them. Yeah. Get off my property. Shoot a Snickers hit them. That's funny. Well in Tennessee, I guess

00:04:22.960 like they were talking to people and they didn't even notice COVID for Halloween in the last couple

00:04:27.180 of years. Like it was just business as usual out here. Yeah. Yeah. Same thing in Utah. I think

00:04:32.620 California was, you guys are the crazies. I was just there this week and was in Monterey a few days

00:04:41.340 ago. And it was the first plane I've been on in a while. I, my transferred from San Diego to,

00:04:46.180 to San Jose and it's first plane I've been on in a while where almost every single person had a mask

00:04:51.500 on by choice, obviously. And, uh, and it wasn't a full plane just, just literally like four or five

00:04:58.140 days ago. And they all had masks on almost everybody. And it was the, the plane wasn't even full. It was

00:05:05.200 like a third full, you know, on this plane and everybody had masks on. I was the only dude,

00:05:10.720 people are looking at me like I'm an alien. I didn't even like pay any attention to it. It was

00:05:18.500 just crazy how hyper focused they are on, on their, uh, you know, what I didn't even know what

00:05:27.320 you would call it anymore. It's like, you have to wonder, do they really, number one, believe that

00:05:33.220 helps number two, are they really that afraid of it? You know, do they still believe that they're

00:05:41.000 saving other people's lives by doing it, you know, or, or is it just virtue signal? And it's,

00:05:49.560 it's one of those, right. You have no idea. Well, it's funny. I saw this meme like last week and I

00:05:58.120 thought it was so profound. It was like, yeah, I guess some, some government made some statement

00:06:04.160 about, you know, Hey, you know, you shouldn't harass people for wearing masks, you know? And,

00:06:09.340 and the person's reply was like, where was that shit? When, you know, you should have been okay

00:06:16.580 with people not wearing masks and not demonizing them for it. Right. And it's like, Hey, that goes

00:06:21.080 both ways, you know, to each their own. I love the idea that like we can wear them and it's not

00:06:27.880 odd because if we're sick or you're on the plane and you have a cuff, like, Hey, that might be a

00:06:32.800 good idea. I appreciate that for sure. Yeah. I appreciate that. But I mean, let's be honest,

00:06:38.320 like anyone listening that are like, that's on one train or the other, the reality of it is,

00:06:43.080 is like, if we're naive to social pressures and constructs, and if you still wake up thinking that

00:06:51.660 you don't spend the majority of your day being overly consumed about trying to look good and the

00:06:57.160 avoidance of looking bad, you are completely unaware. And let's be frank, most of all that

00:07:03.580 we ever did, especially around masks was not because of anything other than the social pressures

00:07:09.120 that came with it. And you were virtual signaling. I mean, that is the reality. I mean, that's what I

00:07:15.460 think, because the question is, would you have been the person wearing the mask if you're the only one?

00:07:19.880 And the answer to most of us would be no, because you would care what people think about you. If you're

00:07:25.980 the only one wearing them, like we are such sheep, you know, generally speaking, you know,

00:07:32.400 for sure. As the majority, I agree. Yeah. Yeah. Like even when we landed in Monterey outside people

00:07:40.140 walking around more than half the people walking around outside had masks on still, you know, it's

00:07:46.620 just that area to the Bay areas, you know, Silicon Valley and everything. I mean, it's kind of like,

00:07:51.420 and then you hop back on your plane to Nashville, to Tennessee, and I'm assuming no masks on the

00:07:58.000 way there. Oh yeah. I mean, the ones out of, I went straight out of Monterey to Phoenix and

00:08:02.720 they had probably like half the people had them. And then from Phoenix to Tennessee, it was maybe two

00:08:08.740 people. Maybe. Yeah. I don't even know if it was that. Yeah. Did you hear about the CDC? I guess

00:08:15.180 they approved the COVID vaccination as, as, uh, as a vaccine for kids attending school.

00:08:24.640 Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Which is interesting. Well, it's still emergency approval and that's the scariest

00:08:30.920 part. It's like, yeah, there's no long-term study on any of it. So now our kids are just the Guinea 0.99

00:08:39.660 pigs for how they're going to be physically affected throughout their life with like virtually zero

00:08:47.540 at risk for children. Zero almost. Yeah. What are we doing? Yeah. What is it? 0.003%.

00:08:56.260 You have a higher chance of dying from a cold or, you know what I mean? It's just, it's

00:09:05.360 or tripping and falling and hitting your head. I mean, literally. Yeah. It's whatever gets

00:09:12.940 publicized, man. Okay. All right. Well, wait, wait to take the Halloween question to negative

00:09:19.500 town, you know? Yeah, it wasn't really. I mean, any discussion is, is, you know, here's let's

00:09:26.000 make it positive. What it comes down to teach his own. That's the great thing about living

00:09:29.820 in the U S let's, let's do our thing, stick to what we believe and, uh, don't harass each

00:09:35.660 other for it unless if it's not hurting someone else. Yeah, totally. That beautiful freedom

00:09:41.400 and agency. All right. We're going to field questions from the foundry, from the iron

00:09:47.360 council, uh, to learn more about the iron council, go to order man.com slash iron council. Um, when

00:09:53.580 you go to that website, you'll have the ability to sign up for the newsletter. Um, but we will

00:09:58.640 not be opening up the iron council until the later part of December for, um, a cohort start

00:10:05.320 in early January. So, um, get after it, right. Finish the year strong, but if you're wanting to

00:10:11.340 join us, look forward to doing that, uh, this coming December. All right, let's, let's hop into

00:10:17.180 these questions. So our first question is from Nolan. He says, as we near the end of 2022, what is

00:10:23.960 your theme going into 2023 that you will base your battle plans off of what is one big goal

00:10:30.940 you have for next year that everything will work towards?

00:10:35.980 For me, it's growth and opportunity. We're in a, we're in a stage in our business where

00:10:42.760 we're already growing, but we're entering into a stage that I know is going to be massive growth.

00:10:49.380 And the reason I know that, yeah. I mean, the reason I know that is because in, I started

00:10:55.020 my business in 1999 where the economy had been booming for everybody. I mean, literally say the

00:11:01.380 word mutual fund and people wanted to give you all their money. And then if you're old enough to

00:11:06.420 remember it crashed from 2000 to 02 with the.com bubble and people were just scrambling, losing

00:11:14.160 money, losing their minds, losing jobs. You know, we were kind of talking about this a little bit

00:11:19.660 before we started and with, uh, just companies were downsizing and laying people off and cutting

00:11:26.460 pay and all that stuff. And so for us, that was an opportunity, um, you know, cause people were

00:11:32.000 worried about their money. And so it was kinda, you look at when there's crisis financially, you get

00:11:38.420 booms in certain, uh, industries, industries like, you know, chocolate, alcohol, and us. It seemed like

00:11:46.260 that, um, that was the first one. And then 08, we boomed, um, during COVID we had a small boom,

00:11:55.280 uh, because obviously that was a little more short lived on the financial side. And then now as we're

00:12:01.700 heading into this economic crisis, we're, we're starting that upward cycle. And I think it's going to

00:12:06.900 last a while. So, yeah. Why is that Sean? Cause your guys's industries focus on working for

00:12:13.660 yourself. Like what's the correlation between, you know what I mean? Maybe this up and coming

00:12:18.060 recession and, and, and kind of an upward growth for you guys. It's, it's too, it's because we

00:12:25.260 educate middle-income families on their money and better things to do with it. So kind of like, uh,

00:12:31.820 coaching around taking care of their finances, right? Like tightening the belt if necessary or,

00:12:38.580 or managing more carefully. Got it. Maximizing dollars. And when the economy is good,

00:12:43.280 people don't think about that. They think, Oh, everything's good. Yeah. It's my, I got money in

00:12:49.800 my 401k that keeps going up. My equity in my house is going up. My, my pay raise, my 3% every couple of

00:12:57.500 years keeps happening and I'm just not worried about it. And so when that's like, like that,

00:13:04.000 they literally don't think about it. And as soon as things get tight, then it's like, who can help me?

00:13:09.980 And you can't walk into, most people can't walk into like, you know, a Goldman Sachs or a Merrill Lynch

00:13:15.640 office and get help if they don't have enough money. And so, um, people end up finding us through

00:13:21.980 word of mouth. So yeah, that, and combined with on the business end, we bring in most people part-time

00:13:29.240 to work with us, you know, so on the recruiting side. So if we're booming and then we're growing

00:13:34.040 and we're looking for more new people and people can start with us part-time on the side, it's kind

00:13:39.940 of the, it's the perfect storm for us. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Got it. Cool. Um, yeah, for me,

00:13:48.700 let's see, Nolan, I, to be, I, I'm totally right. Going to steal your answer. Um, just some shifts

00:13:56.880 for me. Right. So right now I'm a, I run a practice for a consulting firm and, um, looking to step out

00:14:05.540 of that role and, and go full-time as the chief people officer, uh, for this company. And so that's

00:14:12.120 a shift, um, a focus for me. Um, I, I think it's a naturally good shift, right? Like it's not like

00:14:19.480 this big thing, but, but I'll be honest, man. Like I, um, what is, what's the long play there?

00:14:25.500 Right. Is it, is it to be in that position in corporate America? Is it to use that to launch pad

00:14:34.560 into, you know what I mean? Another space? Like I I'm still kind of fleshing that out. Um,

00:14:40.720 one thing though, is it's really interesting on this subject. If you don't mind me sharing,

00:14:44.980 like I, I went to, uh, I went to, it was, um, a chief people officer, like people on culture,

00:14:54.440 um, leaders within the tech industry is like this conference that I went.

00:15:00.080 Can I stop you on that real quick? I've never heard the term chief people officer.

00:15:04.560 So before you launch into that, like, that's, is that a new, is that kind of a,

00:15:08.980 in your industry? That's a, what does that involve? What's that? What's the focus?

00:15:14.420 Yeah. I'm hesitant to even tell you, cause I hate the first word that's going to enter my,

00:15:19.120 exit my mouth and it's HR. So, so, uh, a CPO is over HR, right? But, but there's more than that.

00:15:30.280 Right. And so we, we think about, think about performance management of employees,

00:15:35.320 think about learning and development, compensation and benefits, um, employee engagement. Right. And so

00:15:42.480 it's really around the framework of employee engagement and satisfaction and retention,

00:15:48.200 but also around the development of employees and then the performance management of employees.

00:15:55.060 And they, they put a nice little label that it's like, you know, even some departments, they don't,

00:15:59.540 they'll, they'll say they're people in culture or they'll say like success department or people's

00:16:04.860 success or whatever. Right. Because they're trying to get away from this idea that we look at

00:16:09.180 employees as, as costs, right. And, and more from an assets. And that's really a result of

00:16:15.820 the industrial age, right. To be frank, even from an accounting perspective, we still do accounting

00:16:22.340 in a way that people are liabilities, right. They're not necessarily assets. Um, but, but anyhow,

00:16:28.940 nonetheless, so that that's what it entails. And, and, um, so I went to this conference and, uh,

00:16:37.460 I'll be honest, man. I was like, uh, I went, I went in going like, I'm the greenie, right? Like this is,

00:16:43.040 you know, this is not my space. They had a panel of these experts and, uh, I'll be frank.

00:16:50.520 They're all out of touch and they have no idea what they're doing. I really want to go on.

00:16:57.900 I was like, man, you know what? I am still better off than I realize.

00:17:01.840 Give you an example. And I'm at a toy. I don't even know these people and no one's ever going to

00:17:05.220 know who these people were. So I feel free. Yeah. Throwing them under the bus a little bit.

00:17:09.640 So what, one of the things is they're talking about employee retention, right? How do we retain

00:17:14.420 our employees? We're all fighting for the best talent and, and, and, and the conversation of

00:17:20.820 compensation goes around. Right. And then, and then one guy goes, oh, well, we've implemented a four

00:17:27.620 flex schedule. And what it is, is you can work four days a week or five. It's up to you,

00:17:34.560 but you have to work a minimum of 32. The last eight hours is just flex. And if you need to work

00:17:41.420 up to 40, awesome. If you need to, if you only want to work 32 hours, that's awesome too,

00:17:46.460 whatever. Right. And there's this flex and everyone's hopping all over this, right? Like,

00:17:51.240 oh, what a brilliant idea. And, and, you know, the employees really like it. So they want to stick

00:17:56.240 around and I was like, go a level deeper. Why do they like it? Like what's really going on and what's

00:18:05.740 going on is they feel trusted and empowered and treated like adults and not micromanaged period.

00:18:14.120 So you could package that up as a four flex if you want, but you can also package that up with,

00:18:19.980 let's remove the red tape, the micromanagement and all the other bullshit that we do in corporate

00:18:25.100 America that erodes trust and fulfillment in employees having their jobs. I mean, the reality

00:18:31.420 of it is, is there's a number of intrinsic motivators or needs that employees have and

00:18:37.760 compensation. It needs to be aligned, right? Because if compensation's not aligned, you feel

00:18:42.480 undervalued, right? But once compensation's aligned, I don't want an employee here at our firm

00:18:49.600 because we paid more. Like, I'll be honest, that's the tall tale sign of, I don't want you.

00:18:56.060 If you're not on board and you're not excited about the work that we're doing and excited about

00:19:01.420 who you get to work with and what you get to do and what we're going to achieve as a team,

00:19:06.120 if that's not the driving outcome and desire of working here, and you're here because we're going

00:19:12.220 to pay you 20K more than the next shop, go to the next shop. We don't want you because that's not

00:19:20.320 what we're looking for. Otherwise, it's just going to, you know, if you have employees that

00:19:24.940 are just sticking around because they're going to make a little bit money, dude, I tell you right

00:19:28.740 now, they will do that temporarily. And eventually it's just going to become the status quo. And then

00:19:34.560 they're going to start looking anyway. It's got to be something bigger than that. And it's funny

00:19:39.100 because in this conference, they're talking about tactics and hacks about how to keep people.

00:19:44.020 And I'm like, no, you keep people by like actually seeing them whole and complete and allowing them

00:19:51.080 to bring their talent to the table and have fulfillment in their work. That's how you do

00:19:55.100 it. And you eliminate the barriers and you give them high trust environment. And then people might

00:20:00.720 be listening and go, oh, well, Kip, you know, we can't trust our employees. You got to have these

00:20:05.180 costs. Then you fire them. If you can't trust your people to do the right thing,

00:20:10.000 then you get rid of them and you hire the people that can. And then you have way higher

00:20:16.200 engagement and more success in your work. Anyhow, it was, my point being is like, I went to this

00:20:21.360 conference and I was like, okay, you know what? Maybe I'm a little bit more seasoned than I realized,

00:20:26.800 despite the fact that I've, I've never quote unquote had this title unless, you know, except for

00:20:31.560 the last six months. So. Yeah. Well, and a big part of that is probably the combination of this and

00:20:37.940 being in the IC and, and just you're dealing with so many different types of people, different

00:20:44.260 industries, different backgrounds, and it comes down to the same thing. They want to feel good

00:20:48.140 about the work they're doing and they want to be appreciated for that work. And they want to feel

00:20:53.000 like somebody cares. And, you know, it's one of the, that's why I asked about what chief people officer

00:20:58.220 means, because there's so many companies that are putting these, these spins on names and titles

00:21:04.960 and trying to make it sound like they care, but none of that matters. If you don't really

00:21:09.840 care, if you're not putting energy and resources into making them feel good about the work they do.

00:21:15.160 And it's simple things, you know, like, like for us, we don't, honestly, I don't even look at

00:21:19.740 numbers and trying to maximize production out of people as much as I look for ways to make,

00:21:25.620 ensure that they're feeling good about what they do so that they're inspired to do more,

00:21:30.980 you know, not, Hey, here's less hours. Here's more money. Cause honestly, that's not the stuff

00:21:36.320 that drives it as much as giving them a strong why to be a part of what you're doing, you know,

00:21:42.560 and, and, and simple things like for us, our company, we, every event we do, we have a rule.

00:21:47.920 We spend at minimum 20% on just recognizing our people, you know? And so it's like little things

00:21:55.040 like that, instead of trying to cut costs on how can we can lower this and maximize profits. It's

00:22:01.580 like, Hey, we're going to pull in X amount for this event. 20% of that minimum is going to go to

00:22:07.700 recognizing their efforts and making them feel good and making them feel special and, you know,

00:22:11.980 making it bigger than just numbers. Yeah. Cause isn't that all that we want anyway, Sean, right?

00:22:18.500 Is like, we want some fulfillment and purpose in the work that we do, you know? And man, when you,

00:22:24.220 when you can have a job that allows you to fill that, and it's not a nine to five, but it's actually

00:22:28.900 something you enjoy doing, then you're going to show up in a really powerful way. You know,

00:22:34.320 I was just, I get that. It may not be for everybody. Right. And that's why it's important

00:22:38.420 that we try to onboard and hire the right people that are, that are aligned to what we're wanting

00:22:43.120 to accomplish. Right. Yeah. I was just talking to a guy that is he lives out in Michigan. So he's in

00:22:50.620 Detroit and he just moved there, but he's been in the car business for 42 years. And he was saying

00:22:56.980 that he's like, man, we used to, it didn't matter where you worked in the factory and what you did.

00:23:01.060 You could, you know, he worked for Chevy. He's worked for Oldsmobile. He's worked for Ford.

00:23:06.960 And he's like, you could see that car going down and you knew you worked on one of those.

00:23:12.960 And it could have been as simple as like, you know, whatever you're working on a gear

00:23:18.080 that you're pumping out of the factory and placing that in the vehicle or whatever it was.

00:23:23.420 And you just had the sense of pride and satisfaction that you're providing this,

00:23:27.640 this great product that you could feel good about that was us made and whatever else. And he said,

00:23:34.100 it's just completely changed where there, that sense of pride and being a part of something bigger

00:23:39.160 than themselves doesn't exist in that industry anymore. It's literally that their thought is

00:23:44.080 about dollars and worry and, and, you know, not knowing if that pension that they thought

00:23:50.020 was going to be, there's going to be around and everything else. And it's, and it all comes from

00:23:54.800 these companies, you know, trying to just make it and make their stock look good, which is crazy.

00:24:02.800 Totally. Yeah. One thing I've really loved, um, have you been over to the origin factory there in

00:24:10.060 Maine? Yeah. Yeah. It's cool. You remember that sign that's in the top floor, the big banner that's

00:24:16.200 across the top. Do you remember that? No. It, I, if I remember correctly, it says we get to do this

00:24:22.560 for a living. Oh yeah, that's right. Yeah. And I'm like, it's like, whatever it is that we're doing,

00:24:28.680 like, we should, we should be able to say that, like, we get to do this. Like, how cool is that?

00:24:35.080 You know, how cool is it that we can, for them, right. Make American made product from scratch,

00:24:42.160 right. And re try to re try to rejuvenate an industry that has left America. That's, that's so

00:24:50.280 cool. Right. And we should be able to find that pride in what we do. So, and you feel that from them,

00:24:55.740 you know, if you hear Pete talk or you hear Jocko talk about it, like they instantly launch

00:25:00.400 launch into that passion. And, and what I like simultaneously is they're, they're kind of

00:25:07.620 apologetic, apologetic, but not in the sense that, Hey, you know what? It might cost a little bit more

00:25:13.700 than you can go out and get your Nike stuff or whatever it is, but understand that everything

00:25:19.760 that went into that, you know, we're taking our margins smaller so we can still give a good enough

00:25:25.980 product, but feel good about the process and where it came from and what we're doing. And,

00:25:31.440 and it just feels different. You hear them as CEOs of that company speak on it and you can feel that

00:25:38.280 passion as opposed to, you know, most other CEOs, you hear them speak about what they're doing and

00:25:43.240 they almost sound like a politician. So true. All right. Steven in parl in parl, what are some

00:25:51.460 important manly virtues, important manly virtues? I saw this one and I was like, well, do we launch

00:25:59.480 into strength confidence? I, when I think of that, I think that Ryan nailed it with sovereignty. When he

00:26:05.900 put in there that the 13 virtues that he, he put in the book that nails it, but it, I think in,

00:26:13.900 and we could dive into all of those, but I thought for this, my answer would be to step up. So instead

00:26:22.220 of just listing all those virtues, I'd say, grab the book sovereignty and start there. That's a good one.

00:26:28.540 Um, and then follow it up with, uh, the masculinity manifesto, but stepping up. And as a man, I think

00:26:37.680 what gets overlooked is we, we try and assign roles for our wives and ourselves or our partners or 0.69

00:26:48.040 whatever it is, uh, you know, with, with that, uh, however we run our households, um, or our environments.

00:26:56.560 And it's trying to sign roles by, you know, I'm a man, you're a woman. I'm this, I'm, I'm supposed

00:27:05.500 to be a provider protector. And in, in that process, we overlook what's right in front of us. Sometimes

00:27:13.340 that just needs to get done. And whether that's in your home with your spouse, with your kids,

00:27:19.780 with your family, too many of us say, well, that's not my job. It trickles into the corporate

00:27:26.960 environment. Like we're talking about where, I mean, I was at an event just now, uh, the thing I

00:27:34.700 was at Monterey and, and, um, one of the founders of our, our company was put it on. He paid for it

00:27:42.500 himself out of his pocket, put on this big event. And obviously he has a bunch of assistants and a lot

00:27:47.460 of people around him to do work. And I was with him at the end when everybody left and we were just

00:27:51.580 kind of walking through the place and there's trash out and he starts picking up the trash and,

00:27:57.140 you know, throw it in, in a trash can that's sitting out on these tables and he didn't have

00:28:02.100 to do that. Um, you know, and, and it was just, it needed to be done. And so as a part of what I

00:28:10.620 believe is a manly attribute that he has was stepping up and that's why he's as successful as

00:28:19.560 he is, he could have easily said, number one, that's not my job or I'm above that. They,

00:28:26.460 Hey, I'm paying someone to clean this stuff up and they're going to do it at some point tonight

00:28:30.300 anyways. And just counting on that, none of those things, it was in front of him. He saw it. He

00:28:36.160 could easily do it on his way out anyways. And so we did. And that's the same for, you know,

00:28:43.320 if us as men, we have to end up maybe cooking more often or cleaning the house or helping our

00:28:51.340 kids with some things or whatever it is around us in our families that, or in our communities that

00:28:57.120 make us more effective. I think it's stepping up to, uh, take care of those things when we see a need.

00:29:04.140 Yeah. I like that, man. You know, the first thing that came to my mind is courage. And I'll,

00:29:09.420 I'll talk about that briefly, but in regards to your step up, I mean, that's man, it is so,

00:29:16.300 it almost has a level of preside in it, right? Where we don't accept, we don't hand anything off,

00:29:27.000 right? And we don't accept that as a status quo, um, all, all related.

00:29:33.540 And that doesn't mean you don't delegate. Like we need to be clear on that. You still need to

00:29:37.680 delegate and spread yourself out and not try and do everything. Yeah, exactly. But you're not okay.

00:29:44.000 Just not knowing like that's not acceptable. And, and in the world of consulting, I was having this

00:29:51.580 conversation the other day, uh, in the, in the industry that we're in and the best consultants

00:29:57.660 are the ones that do not allow that to happen. So imagine that, that I'm in a work meeting and

00:30:05.060 whatever, and there's, it's a complex project that we're implementing and there's an aspect of it.

00:30:10.220 I don't understand. I don't, I don't sit on the call and go in my mind. Oh, I I'm totally confused,

00:30:16.120 but not say something. Hmm. That's not what you do when you're presiding, right? You go,

00:30:23.080 that doesn't make sense. I should understand that. So I can bring my talents and my efforts to the

00:30:30.980 table. And, and it's not this passive, like, oh, there's this little thing that's, you know,

00:30:36.640 it's outside my realm of control, or I don't understand it. So I'm going to

00:30:40.040 pretend to go along, to get along and not ask the questions. And, and, and, and that's where

00:30:46.880 the thought of courage came in because that requires courage. It requires me to go, Hey,

00:30:51.900 you know what? I want to get clear on this. I want to understand this. I want to disrupt the

00:30:56.960 conversation and make sure that there's something that, that I, that it, the thing that I don't

00:31:02.820 understand, I can get addressed and clear in my mind so I can preside. And I know we, I'm using that

00:31:08.940 term loosely, like we wouldn't use that term typically, but, but it, there is an element

00:31:14.720 of presiding there and we're not okay, not owning things. And to your point, doesn't mean we're

00:31:21.820 actually doing everything, but we're not okay with it just not being addressed. And man, I can't

00:31:28.240 count how much that is the game changer for those that get after it and kill it.

00:31:34.660 And those that don't, you know, and we see it all the time, even people in a leadership position

00:31:39.720 where it's like, Hey, my numbers are low. Oh, why are they low? You know, you know, the team just

00:31:45.100 struggling. And, and, and let's be clear. That answer is a, I actually don't know, but it is what

00:31:52.600 it is. And it's over here or, Oh, I'm not getting my, my sales leads and my opportunities normally.

00:31:58.500 So what are you doing about it? Have you had the conversation? You're not like, it's this idea

00:32:04.920 of not accepting the idea that it's outside your realm of control and that choosing to take it on

00:32:10.900 to your point, stepping up and having the necessary conversations. So you're showing up powerfully and

00:32:17.340 you're succeeding in whatever realm of influence that we do have, whether it's in our homes or on

00:32:22.840 our teams at work or et cetera. And that's, man, when you say that, I think of the Ryan just posted

00:32:31.240 a thing from his hunt in Minnesota about, uh, you know, shooting that dough, shooting that second

00:32:38.320 dough and making an ethical kill. And it was probably his best shot he's made and how good

00:32:42.340 he felt about it and how it felt primal and how he's a late onset hunter and, and never had that

00:32:48.840 experience. And now, and then someone dumped on him for using that term. Like, Oh, that's funny

00:32:55.060 that you say it's primal. So where have you been your whole life? Have you been, you know, a man

00:33:00.260 trapped in a little boy's body or something along those lines, right? Is what the guy said. And then

00:33:05.620 Ryan's response was perfect. Like he wasn't upset at the guy. He's just like, Hey, look, we need to

00:33:10.560 change this, the perpetuity of us dumping on men as men and capable men for not knowing. And it goes

00:33:20.560 right in line with what you're saying. So many men do sit back and they don't ask those questions

00:33:25.620 because they were made to feel like we're supposed to know everything. And we're supposed to be able

00:33:30.380 to take charge. And, and, and that asking questions is bad. That not being quote unquote,

00:33:37.000 manly enough is bad, which comes in perfect alignment with this question, right? If we

00:33:42.820 want to know what manly is, a lot of the times it's having the courage to ask those questions so

00:33:47.480 you can be better. So you can have those experiences. So you can, because you might not have that. Like

00:33:53.360 I could dump on my dad for never teaching me to hunt. And I, he took me out one time, I think when

00:33:59.020 I was a kid and that was it never, but, or I could look at, well, he taught me construction. He taught me

00:34:05.160 to be a man. He taught me to step up. Like I'm talking about, he taught me to cook. He taught

00:34:09.780 like, there's all these things that he did teach me that have been super useful in my life. Hunting

00:34:14.780 just happened to not be one of them. And so I could be mad at him for not, or I could look at the gifts

00:34:19.720 he gave me and then find out from other men who have done it their whole life, how to perform and

00:34:24.800 those things. But if those men dumped on me or gave me a hard time or so, you know, like, even if

00:34:30.700 they even poked fun a little bit through the process, I wouldn't be able to not only enjoy

00:34:36.520 it, but pass now those skillsets and those values and those experiences down to my kids so that it is

00:34:44.580 a part of something in perpetuity. And so it's, that's such a, I hope people grab that, you know,

00:34:52.660 from what you just said, that willingness to ask those questions, to be better, to, um, you know,

00:34:58.420 grow through the process and then make it a part of who we are and then pass that down.

00:35:05.640 Yeah. And I love, you know, and I love what you just said. It's like, Hey, what's,

00:35:10.700 what's celebrate when guys are on the path. Yeah. Not where on the path, but that they're on the path,

00:35:16.920 right. And stop beating the shit out of each other for, you know, not knowing certain things. I mean,

00:35:21.960 this is, this is why no, like, this is why the success rate in Brazilian jiu-jitsu is so low.

00:35:28.340 Yeah. Why? Because no dude wants to get on the mat and realize that, that they can't defend themselves.

00:35:35.660 Yeah. That is such a, a confrontational thought process. And, and so they avoid it versus, and,

00:35:44.260 and because they, they've been taught that what, if I'm a man, I, I, I should feel this way and I

00:35:49.960 should never allow this to happen. And, and it's my value versus like, no, it's about growth. And

00:35:57.140 it's about being on the path of progression that it illustrates you as a man, not necessarily that,

00:36:04.460 that, um, you know, that where you, where you are at on the path, because that's the other thing is,

00:36:11.140 is it ever over? No. Right. Like once, once you address hunting, then there's more stuff. Right.

00:36:18.400 And there's like, we'll never be the best dads. We'll never be at the best dad. So let's celebrate

00:36:24.460 the fact that we're trying to be. Yeah. Well, as you say that, and especially in jiu-jitsu,

00:36:30.220 I know, and your experience has been much longer than mine. It's usually the biggest, toughest guys

00:36:36.340 that last the shortest amount of time. And not that there's not a bunch of big and, you know,

00:36:43.400 studly guys around Brazilian jiu-jitsu, but it's really like, sometimes your best chances is some

00:36:50.660 kind of like, you know, some of the, like, for lack of better word, nerdier guys. And I, like,

00:36:56.900 I think of my son when I say that, because my nerdy kid is the most efficient and the fastest on his

00:37:02.980 learning curve for our jiu-jitsu experience. And then I think of a, I always get his last name

00:37:10.640 wrong. I forget his last name, but it's Mikey something. And he's been like a, like five or

00:37:15.640 six time, you know, champ at, I think he's at lightweight or featherweight, but he's just like

00:37:20.680 the nerdiest little kid. And dude, that guy is such a man. But if you talk to him, you wouldn't think

00:37:29.120 so. And like every, every quote unquote, manly attribute somebody's supposed to have, you wouldn't

00:37:36.580 pin that guy with in a, in a first conversation, but his focus, his discipline, his courage, his

00:37:44.620 willingness to learn, to put himself in compromised position, his, his, the way he trains and he'll

00:37:52.240 literally train on one thing. You've talked about this for years, really on drilling and on getting

00:37:58.220 better on, on, he, he drills constantly against up and comers instead of just black belts. And,

00:38:05.180 and you know, it's, it's just an interesting thing. He just spends so much time and effort and,

00:38:11.840 and thought process in it. And, and the dude's such a stud, but he's, he's unassuming and he's,

00:38:20.220 he's doesn't let any pride get in any of the way of anything he's trying to accomplish.

00:38:25.640 Yeah. And, and I don't know if this is true for Mikey, right. Or even if statistically,

00:38:30.520 this is inaccurate, but it's, it's a fun thought process is the big guy struggles to stick with

00:38:37.400 jujitsu probably because his identity as a big guy has been that he is dangerous. And so he's had this

00:38:49.080 false mask on, if you want to use that term, but he's wrapped his identity around his ability to

00:38:56.100 be dangerous. And so when that gets threatened, that's a huge hit to ego versus a small nerdy guy

00:39:05.500 never thought he was dangerous ever in his entire life. And so he's humble around his ability to be

00:39:13.400 dangerous starts picking up jujitsu and all of a sudden goes, Holy crap. I can use my mind.

00:39:20.900 I don't have to be huge. And I could use my smarts to become dangerous. And so they, they thrive in it

00:39:28.940 and then it doesn't take much. I think, yeah, I think they thrive because they're so humble.

00:39:33.740 They're willing to learn versus the typical bigger guy has a bigger ego and his willingness

00:39:40.760 to humble himself, to learn is substantially harder to do because their identity has been

00:39:46.680 wrapped around being dangerous. And then all of a sudden they learn that they're not and can't deal.

00:39:55.020 Then add that to the list of humility of manly attributes. Put your ego aside.

00:40:00.620 Yeah, totally. All right. John Preston, what's your biggest takeaway from fight club? And John,

00:40:08.040 Sean and I were talking, we're assuming we're just talking about the movie here. Okay. So,

00:40:12.440 you know, because we're not going to talk about, you know, fight club, you know, so we must be

00:40:17.220 talking about the movie. What's your biggest takeaway from fight club? For me, I think it was

00:40:21.560 the fact that we are capable of more than we think we are. If driven in the right direction with the

00:40:27.540 right amount of ambition to get there, don't let the things that own us, hold us back.

00:40:34.460 I think it's interesting that he thought that was the right direction.

00:40:39.020 Yeah. Honestly, what I did kind of get that sense. And I know what he's talking about. I got that sense

00:40:45.500 of, I mean, who you thought was Brad Pitt beating up all these guys was, you know, not Brad Pitt,

00:40:51.300 not this big, you know, ripped, like studly, perfectly good looking dude, doing all this

00:40:57.320 stuff. It was him the whole time. But what I actually, what stood out to me was that a lot

00:41:04.000 of psychopaths don't a lot of times know their psychopaths if they're schizophrenic, which this

00:41:09.480 guy was obviously, and they have deep seated issues. I mean, this guy became a terrorist

00:41:15.080 and didn't know that he was the terrorist. And so it, it actually opened me up to mental

00:41:21.860 illness issues. If I'm being totally honest in that, that, that way to go way logical here,

00:41:26.980 Sean. I mean, honestly, it was just psycho. Let's be frank. He beat the shit out of his boss

00:41:34.380 because he didn't get a raise or whatever. Right. Yeah. And then he beat the shit out of himself

00:41:38.540 and gain followers through that process. I mean, the dude obviously was disturbed,

00:41:45.460 but he didn't know it was him. And so it made me honestly open up to the fact, like, you know,

00:41:51.260 and, um, I don't know if you've seen the, the, uh, documentary of Kurt Cobain, um, just the saddest

00:41:59.000 thing. Right. And, and I remember when Kurt Cobain killed himself, I was in high school and that was a

00:42:03.720 band that I just loved. Like I loved Nirvana. And I, and, and when I was going through my own angst

00:42:09.840 and, you know, all the confusion of being a teenage boy and that anger and everything else. And, and so

00:42:16.160 I attached, you know, I, I felt that when I listened to him sing, and then when he killed himself, he had

00:42:21.320 just had his daughter. And my, my number one thing was like, how selfish, what a douche, like, here's a

00:42:27.400 guy that I, you know, I thought I connected with and he did the lowest of low, you know, and, and then it's,

00:42:33.720 I didn't appreciate mental illness. I didn't appreciate, you know, that people struggle

00:42:38.820 with those things because I'm blessed enough to not have those issues. And so honestly,

00:42:44.320 Fight Club was one of the movies who'd made me think that it's, it's much deeper than kind of

00:42:49.640 the surface. That guy's just a psycho, right? Like, like they don't know that they're doing this a lot

00:42:55.800 of times and they're not thinking like themselves. And I, I couldn't appreciate that. And that,

00:43:01.260 that movie honestly helped me open up to those ideas. Yeah. I mean, worst case, John, like now I

00:43:07.840 just want to watch Fight Club. So good question. Loves the movie. It's fun. Yeah. Such a great

00:43:13.120 movie. You know, I think for me, like what really resonated for me in Fight Club is the, the difference

00:43:19.540 between reality and perception. And, and, and I, you know, and I'm, I'm looking for the meaning that

00:43:26.420 I'm creating in the movie, not necessarily more logical, like, Hey, this guy's actually crazy,

00:43:30.960 but like, man, we're, we're, we're kind of the same way, right? We're, we're going along and we

00:43:38.160 think, you know, what the best analogy I've ever heard is, you know, uh, Sean, I think you skier,

00:43:43.420 right. Or snowboard snowboarding have in snowboard. So, you know, I don't know, I'm assuming you wear

00:43:49.180 some goggles sometimes if the weather's bad enough and, and it's, it's the rose colored

00:43:53.300 goggles, right? You put those on at first earlier on in a day and you're like, Oh man, things look

00:43:58.100 weird. And then within like a few hours, what you see is reality. It is truth. And it's not until

00:44:08.220 midday or the end of the day, when you take those goggles off and you go, Oh my gosh, right?

00:44:12.720 The world looks way different. And you forgot, like we're smart humans and we forget that easily.

00:44:23.860 And we, and we adapt it to what we see and our perceptions. And, and that's what really was

00:44:30.320 present for me in that movie. It's like, man, how many, how many fights and things have I created

00:44:35.780 that aren't real? They're all in my head. They're all these perceptions and stories.

00:44:41.800 And there's a big difference between how I perceive the world versus truth. And, and just,

00:44:50.000 man, getting present to it. You know, I, I told you, I have some meetings later today

00:44:53.460 that I'm kind of stressed out about why it's all in my head. It's what it means, right? Like if you

00:45:01.400 and I were, we're talking on a business deal and let's say, I'm a little bit nervous about it, Sean.

00:45:06.000 And what am I nervous about? Well, what if Sean says, no, that word alone, you add meaning to,

00:45:13.500 Oh, if he says, no, that means blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. No, it doesn't. It just means,

00:45:18.320 no, that's all it means. But I approach, I'll approach that conversation from the perspective.

00:45:23.460 If Sean says, no, that means I'm not good enough. It, it means he doesn't appreciate me. It means

00:45:28.200 this, it means that it means all these things. When we're out, it means none of that. And, and yet

00:45:33.780 we do that all the time. Oh my goodness. We do it all the time. Right? It's like, well, my wife

00:45:40.120 doesn't do X, Y, Z. Well, and when she doesn't, how does it make you feel Kip? Unappreciated. Why?

00:45:46.840 Cause you made that shit up is why, right? Like that's not true, you know, but yet we walk around

00:45:52.780 just adding meaning. We're freaking meaning making machines and we're adding meaning to perception

00:45:59.480 all the time. And it's just crazy. And I think that movie just really makes it obviously an extreme

00:46:04.780 way, but it really brings that to the forefront. It's like, Oh my gosh, this guy's living a whole

00:46:09.160 other world. But yet I think we do too. I think we live our lives in these stories and it's not even

00:46:15.680 true. And how, how we're perceived by other people is so drastically different than how we perceive

00:46:20.120 ourselves, unfortunately, because I think we probably perceive ourselves in a more negative

00:46:24.880 light than we realize. Man, that was a deep review of fight club.

00:46:31.820 Still want to watch it. Such a great movie. So fun. Such a great movie. I think we all,

00:46:37.500 I think every guy loves fight club because they just want, they want to, they want that alter ego of

00:46:43.400 Brad Pitt. That's, that's what, like, we all want, we all want to pretend that we're that dude.

00:46:49.200 That's probably true.

00:46:50.480 Shit out of people for fun. I think so. All right, Daniel, a point. What's the biggest thing you've

00:46:56.540 let go of that significantly improved your life? I'm talking slingshotted you further into a better

00:47:03.400 version of yourself, a kingpin change, i.e. attitude, belief, perspective, career switch,

00:47:10.660 nutrition, et cetera.

00:47:12.660 I, I saw this at first last night and it's, it made me think one thing. And then I reread it again.

00:47:19.100 And this morning, just as I was going through to see if there was more questions and I, I didn't

00:47:25.160 notice the first time what the let go of part. And so it kind of switched to what I was thinking

00:47:30.000 about. And for me, I think it was letting go of trying to do everything I was doing. And when I

00:47:38.180 started my business, I had all these things I wanted to do and I wanted to do it to achieve.

00:47:42.280 And I wanted to, to make a difference in, and they were all focused on me. And I think the biggest

00:47:50.100 thing and change that slingshotted my career and my business and everything else is making it about

00:47:57.620 the people I was serving and not thinking about what I wanted as deeply. Now it didn't mean I didn't

00:48:04.400 still make goals and have my top 10 things I wanted to accomplish and things like that. I think,

00:48:09.880 you know, a couple of weeks ago, we were talking about how I wanted flames on my El Camino

00:48:13.560 and that was, that drove me, it pushed me, but it became, I attached everything I was doing to

00:48:20.600 serving, whether it was my, my customers and my clients or my associates, I was bringing onto the

00:48:27.580 team, helping them get what they want. And what I found is that the more I focus on helping them

00:48:33.360 get what they want and what they need and serving them in that way, then I started getting more of what I

00:48:39.220 wanted. Yeah. I like that, man. Um, Daniel. So same thing. I I'm going to really latch onto that

00:48:46.220 letting go thing. So, so probably the biggest thing that I learned to let go of was the,

00:48:56.680 my selfish want of my ex-wife wanting to be with me and, and, and actually letting go in a way that I

00:49:10.160 actually genuinely wanted what was best for her, whether it included me or not. So kind of the same

00:49:17.580 thing, letting go of what I wanted for the sake of something that was better for someone else. And that's a

00:49:25.580 hard thing. Right. Like, cause at the time it was, you know, I get divorced and it was like,

00:49:30.760 I want our family to stay together. I, you know, there's all kinds of meeting that I added around

00:49:35.780 the fact that she didn't want to be with me. I mean, trust me, nothing shakes your, your self-value

00:49:41.460 probably more than, than a woman saying, I don't want to be with you. Right. Like I will go through 1.00

00:49:47.200 hell. I'll experience divorce. I'd rather be a single parent than being with you. That that's a hard

00:49:54.980 pill to swallow. And, and it was really hard for me to let go of what I wanted and what that meant

00:50:04.660 about me and actually genuinely just want what was best for her and, and what's best for my kids

00:50:13.000 versus what was best for me. And as an example of that, I remember I got awarded, you know, we were

00:50:20.540 like 50, 50 and the kids stay with me a couple of nights during the week. And then every weekend,

00:50:25.280 you know, the, the typical divorce schedule BS and it wasn't good. Them staying at my house

00:50:33.940 like two days a week. And then at their mom's house, you know what I mean? Three days a week

00:50:40.840 and back and forth and it not sleeping in their same room. I actually, especially when it's just

00:50:47.720 black and white, right? Like, boom, you're here. And it wasn't, it wasn't good. I didn't

00:50:52.740 like it. It wasn't what was best for them. So I was like, you know what, Shanna, like, can I,

00:50:59.460 I think they should have their room. They should have their schedule and I will inject into it

00:51:05.900 instead. So if it's okay with you, I'll come pick them up and I'll hang out with them for the night,

00:51:10.940 get them ready for bed. And then, and then they'll go to bed in their room. Right. And get ready for

00:51:16.040 school the way they normally do that, you know, and less disruptive because they're little.

00:51:22.180 You know, that wasn't about me. In fact, that hurt me from a financial perspective.

00:51:27.300 You know what I mean? Cause I had less time with my kids. It was against what I wanted for me.

00:51:32.700 But it wasn't until I really like genuinely got into the position of, you know what,

00:51:38.640 despite where I'm at, I actually love her. I want the best for her. And, and I really like

00:51:46.380 eventually wanted her to find someone better than me, you know, and, and I was sorry for how I showed

00:51:52.580 up that it wasn't, you know, that then I was actually just sorry that I wasn't the man that I

00:51:57.660 should have been when we were married and that's it. Like period, not a no, no stories,

00:52:04.020 no exceptions, no nothing else. Like, and, and it wasn't until I really got to that place

00:52:08.920 that I was able to really let go and, and handle that divorce correctly. I, I had to let go.

00:52:19.020 Um, if you don't mind me adding one more thought really quick. So I went to a wedding, uh, last week

00:52:26.100 and the gentleman who married the couple, it was so great, man. I love this by the way. He said,

00:52:34.700 he said something about like, you guys are so great about, you know, serving one another and helping

00:52:40.800 each other or whatever. He's like, but what happens sometimes is if my cup is half full and my wife has

00:52:50.160 a hard day, then I can't, I'm not in a position to deal with her insecurity or to deal with her

00:52:57.580 troubles. Why? Because my cup's half full, right? I got my own problems. Right. And so I'm going to

00:53:03.960 react in a negative way to her struggles. And so once again, it's like this whole thing of like, man,

00:53:10.740 service, right? Make sure that my cup's full so I can show up powerfully for those in my life.

00:53:16.600 And, and, and, and it's not, and don't get me wrong. It's not like about filling your cup because

00:53:22.540 it's a selfish thing. It's like filling up your cup so you can be in the best position possible

00:53:27.320 to serve those in need, right? Whether it's our kids or it's our loved ones. And if I'm going around

00:53:33.340 half cup full, stressed out about work, stress about all these things, am I going to show up

00:53:38.240 powerfully for my kids when I go home tonight? No, I'm not. Right. And it's like so much of,

00:53:44.360 it's just, we need to get, we need to address our own personal shit and make sure that we're

00:53:50.720 showing up powerfully so we can serve, right? Other people in our lives and, and everything else

00:53:56.300 will actually kind of work out, you know, to your point, you'll get your own, right? When it's great,

00:54:01.380 something greater than yourself. And I really like that. Yeah. And we just got to make sure we don't

00:54:05.860 use that cup half full or have empty excuse for not doing those things. Oh yeah. Like we talked

00:54:13.080 about earlier, right? We need to step up. Sometimes, you know, some guys say, well,

00:54:17.000 I'm just too burnt out to deal with this. When I get home, it's too hard. I have all this stuff

00:54:20.580 going on. But as men, you, I mean, the most important thing is your family, right? So like

00:54:26.920 if you get home and your wife has, you know, stuff she wants to talk about or things were hard at home

00:54:32.200 or whatever, instead of pushing it off, like I had a hard day, not that you can't do that sometimes,

00:54:37.440 but that has to be rare as opposed to, you know, if you had, you know, let's say for you, Kip,

00:54:43.140 if you had like a giant client of your new guys, you know, a giant company that you guys service,

00:54:48.520 all of a sudden, you know, one of their, you know, head departments calls you and has this issue that

00:54:54.760 they need fixed. Are you going to say, well, I had a tough day. I can't put my best energy into

00:55:00.040 figuring this out right now. No, you'd give it your all, right? You, you, you put in your best

00:55:05.820 effort. And so why do we treat the most important people in our lives different where they should

00:55:11.580 be getting our best, you know, but if you, if you're doing that all the time, like to what you

00:55:17.160 said, you're going to burn yourself out. So make sure, you know, that you're, you're giving yourself

00:55:22.560 the space or the time or the energy or cutting things out that don't serve you so that you have

00:55:27.480 more energy for those things when they do come up. Yeah, for sure. I really want to cover this last

00:55:35.280 question if you're okay with, or you go, okay, going a little bit longer, Sean. Okay.

00:55:38.960 Yeah, let's do it. You know, I, but I wanted to latch onto what you just said because, and, and I'll

00:55:44.300 just, you know, be personal here. Far too often I criticize people for being hypothetical, right? And

00:55:49.640 we lose the value in the hypothetical. So I'll just be frank. You know, it's, it's interesting. It's,

00:55:54.960 you know, to your point, Sean, the other day my wife, you know, I'm, I'm going around kind of

00:56:01.700 pissed off and something's bothering me and I'm not talking. And she was like, Hey,

00:56:06.260 I don't want this to get worse. Like, you know, what's going on, right? What's, what's bothering

00:56:11.540 you. And, and, and hopefully this doesn't come across like people are going to criticize my wife

00:56:19.080 here, but, but, but I think it will be valuable. I said, I actually don't know. I go, I actually feel

00:56:30.200 alone and I'm really sad and I I'm trying to flush it out. Right. And, and, and so I'm, you know,

00:56:38.200 I'm being authentic and I'm like, Hey, this is kind of bothering me. Right. You know, the funny part

00:56:43.100 was is, is her reply was, well, you know, you're showing up negative in all these ways. You know

00:56:50.680 what I mean? And then she just went off on me. Right. About how I'm dropping the ball. And, and at

00:56:56.420 first I was like, come on woman. Like, you know, I'm in the trenches here and you're throwing dirt on

00:57:03.860 me. You know what I mean? Like help me out. But to your point, it's like, guess what, kid? It doesn't

00:57:10.020 matter. Right. Like you might be feeling alone or sad, but buckle up boy, because guess what you're

00:57:15.780 needed and how you're showing up is affecting your kids and it's affecting your spouse. So get your

00:57:21.540 together and, and figure it out because there's a price to you, not figuring it out. There's a price

00:57:30.080 and a negative price to you, not having your stuff together. And, and it would have been really easy

00:57:36.560 for me to be on the, you know, feeling sorry for myself. Right. About, well, I'm not getting the

00:57:42.280 support I need, but the reality of it is, and she was spot on in the sense of like, well, that's great

00:57:46.940 Kip, but guess what? Your kids are noticing it. And they're curious why you're upset all the time.

00:57:52.360 You know what I mean? And it's affecting us and it's affecting me. And you know what I mean? Like

00:57:56.600 toughen up. And I was like, well, okay.

00:57:59.640 I, I really like that. I think we all would rather be coddled, but we're going to experience

00:58:09.960 less growth if we are. And the people that really love you and care about you are going to be the

00:58:14.720 ones that push you, that help you through helping you understand that if you're in a place like that,

00:58:24.060 most of the time, it's generally as things you're creating for yourself. And instead of

00:58:29.500 letting you use that as an excuse, uh, helping you realize that, um, it's something you can

00:58:35.780 overcome, but you have to put in the extra work and effort to overcoming that and showing up,

00:58:41.080 you know, as the person that they know you're capable of that to me is, is more caring than

00:58:47.460 just coddling in those circumstances. Yeah. It just doesn't feel as good. It never does. Right.

00:58:54.380 But neither does go into the gym to build muscles. Yeah, totally. All right.

00:58:59.200 Last question, John, iron, John Gilliland tips on balancing children, family schedules with your

00:59:05.320 own routines and self-care or health schedules. So tips on balancing children, family schedules with

00:59:10.760 your own routines. Yeah. I mean, I'll try and give this a shorter answer because you could go super

00:59:16.000 deep on this one. Um, but the, the, I think the main one that most people don't do is you make

00:59:23.360 yourself schedule in your important things. Uh, it, the non-negotiables that the first place I got,

00:59:29.980 this was from Covey from his seven habits, a highly effective people. He calls it first things first.

00:59:35.260 It's finding those important quote unquote, non-negotiables. Uh, for us, it's things like

00:59:40.660 date nights, all of the things that my wife needs to do on a weekly basis. Um, our physical 0.98

00:59:47.840 programs that we have, which for us, it's, you know, a trainer a couple of times a week, um, putting

00:59:53.920 in systems that give accountability. So that's part of why we have a trainer is just, if I have

01:00:01.640 something booked at a certain time every week, and I know someone else is going to be there waiting on

01:00:06.740 me to participate, I'm more likely to show up than me just scheduling time for me to go to the gym,

01:00:12.320 if that makes sense. Um, and, and, uh, making sure that those are in our family nights are a big part

01:00:19.580 of that, which we do Sunday nights and we look at our weekly schedule. And so last night we got

01:00:25.480 together, we, we did different things. We carved pumpkins. We watched a movie. We had this great

01:00:31.360 family day. We went to church. We, we discussed things that we learned in church, but then we also

01:00:37.920 with all of this extra stuff, cause of Halloween, we still made sure that we all knew each other's

01:00:43.800 schedule for the coming week and who has what the boys have wrestling meets the, you know, my daughter

01:00:49.600 has these events she wants to go to and stuff she wants to do. Our little guy has this thing at his

01:00:54.720 school. And, and it was, so we all knew that, you know, I have a couple of important meetings that I

01:00:59.800 have to be on. So does my wife. And so all of us know what's going on and that's all scheduled. So in

01:01:06.240 our calendars, all of those things are booked and then everything else gets worked in around those

01:01:12.940 things. And so it's, that's, that's where I think most people fail is they, they aren't putting the

01:01:19.640 stuff in their calendar and they're not communicating with the people around them so that they're these

01:01:25.940 constant emergencies aren't coming up. And I think that's what messes up most people's productivity

01:01:31.360 and their efficiency is that they just kind of drift and they, they don't show up with outcomes.

01:01:38.560 They don't have a schedule. They don't have times to get the important things done. And I mean, you know,

01:01:45.540 in corporate America and with kids and with everything else, if you don't have stuff and, and you don't

01:01:51.940 know exactly the most important things that need to get done, you're going to get sideswiped every single day

01:01:57.040 by the less important quote unquote, emergencies that will always come up.

01:02:02.380 Totally. Totally. Yeah. The only thing I'd add is, is one there's times and seasons. So keep that in

01:02:07.920 mind, right? Like someone might be listening to this. It's like, oh, it's impossible. My wife and I just

01:02:12.680 had a kid and I can't get, well, there's seasons, right? So keep in mind now don't use that as an excuse,

01:02:17.940 but there are times and seasons where things get difficult. The other thing is like, it's really

01:02:22.580 interesting is it's quite amazing how easy it is to work things in. So let's just assume that worst

01:02:29.720 case scenario, I don't have time, which is not true, but let's just assume I don't have time to

01:02:36.760 go to the gym. Could I do 10 pushups every hour on top of the hour into my workday and not have it

01:02:44.400 affect my workday? Yeah. Yeah. That's a pretty good workout, right? Like there's things we can do.

01:02:51.200 The question is, is they're not convenient or they don't align with the expectations of the way

01:02:56.960 we think it should look like. And so we have a tendency to like make it wrong, right? It's like,

01:03:01.720 well, I shouldn't have to, well, guess what? You might need to, you might need to go for a jog in

01:03:07.880 the middle of your day, right? You might have to go to the gym at 5.00 AM for that to work with your,

01:03:13.800 with your family schedule. And, and, and for those that are not like, might still be thinking like,

01:03:18.940 Kip, this is still impossible. Here's the challenge for a solid week or two, grab a spreadsheet

01:03:24.960 or a piece of paper, however you want to track it and track your day in 15, 15 minute increments

01:03:31.800 for the next two weeks. You will find time and you will find, you'll realize how much time you

01:03:39.440 actually waste, right? I was looking at my Instagram usage last night before I went to bed and I was like,

01:03:45.000 holy shit, you know, how much stuff I could have gotten done instead of an hour, really on Instagram?

01:03:54.140 An hour, holy crap, right? Like there is so much stuff that we could do, whether it's TVs that

01:04:01.340 you're watching or whatever it is. And you might, you might have to, there's, how's this? There's a

01:04:06.360 price that needs to be paid for greatness. So get clear on that too. What are you, what price are you

01:04:12.880 willing to pay? And the price you might need to pay is I don't watch TV. I don't watch the news. I

01:04:18.860 don't watch football. I actually, like, I'm really telling you the truth. I don't watch those things.

01:04:24.220 Now I watch the 10 minute highlight. So I'm a Cardinals fan. So I watched the 10 minute highlight

01:04:29.660 and I try not to look at the score when I hit play on the YouTube video. And then I watch a 10 minute

01:04:35.540 football game and I'm excited. And I was like, oh, dang it. We lost, you know? And, and I move on.

01:04:40.720 That's, that's my football. That's how I watch football. And, and we don't have TVs upstairs in

01:04:47.760 our house. We don't have a TVs in our living rooms, the TVs down in some side room somewhere.

01:04:52.040 So it's like, I have to go out of my way to get to it because we don't have time or let me say it

01:04:58.780 this way. We don't want to waste our time on those things. And, and, and then the only other

01:05:05.120 hack or tip or you might need to integrate a little bit. It's like, well, my family time

01:05:12.400 is my exercise time. All right. Awesome. We're doing family walks. We're doing family jogs.

01:05:18.580 You're jogging. Kids are riding the scooter and their bicycles and you're doing a mile and they're

01:05:23.360 with you while you run. Like there's ways, there's certainly ways. And we might just have to get

01:05:29.100 creative in regards to how we pull it off. Yeah. I, I always tell people that you, if you

01:05:35.060 want to have a world-class life, you have to be on a world-class schedule where most people are on a,

01:05:40.680 a, an average in ordinary or middle-class or even mediocre schedule, and they want world-class

01:05:47.400 results. And that's just not going to happen, but you also can't expect somebody that starts with

01:05:52.620 the mediocre schedule as they're starting to plan in things and changing and shift habits to go from

01:05:59.000 mediocre to world-class. And sometimes it's baby steps. And so it's those little things, you know,

01:06:04.040 like you mentioned, cutting things out. It doesn't mean you get rid of it. You just do it differently.

01:06:07.760 Like I, I love UFC fights, especially now that every week there's big fights, but I don't sit all the

01:06:14.060 time four hours or five hours in front of the TV every Saturday and watch all the fights. But while I'm

01:06:21.780 making pancakes every Sunday morning as a routine and in our family, I sit, I watch, yeah, I watch

01:06:28.600 the fights. Like I just pull them on. I look for the ones that are generally like shorter times,

01:06:33.320 right? Cause those tend to be the more exciting fights. And I just, I watch those and I get that

01:06:38.900 feel. It's a, I get to, I get to stay updated. I see who's, you know, doing well, who's up and coming

01:06:44.340 something I enjoy and, and like to watch, but I'm, I'm multitasking, which I'm not good at,

01:06:50.080 but I I've figured out how to work that in and not have it be a distraction from the things that

01:06:54.940 are more important. And so there's, you'll find that if it's important enough for you,

01:07:00.000 but I didn't get there automatically that took time. And when I started, I had to literally

01:07:05.000 completely cut out everything. So it wasn't a distraction, like you said, until I, my habits

01:07:10.460 became better. Um, and it was living a world-class lifestyle. Then it was easier to incorporate

01:07:16.560 those things in because my habits were good. Yeah, totally. Here's the, here's the quote for

01:07:21.900 that question. The quote for that question is someone busier than you is working out right now.

01:07:28.400 Yeah. And that's the truth. Someone busier that has more on their plate than you have

01:07:33.940 is out running six miles is out riding a bike ride for 30, or is that the gym working out?

01:07:41.520 So we, we all have no excuse. Okay. Okay. Gentlemen. So a couple of things, uh, iron council,

01:07:50.840 look at that. We'll open that back up in December. So go to order man.com slash iron council. Also,

01:07:58.320 if you're looking to get any swag, you're looking to get any swag for the family, uh, for your,

01:08:04.300 for, uh, yeah, like a flag or, uh, the, uh, Ryan's books or hats or whatever, go to store.orderman.com.

01:08:13.820 Get that stuff before the holiday season kind of kicks up. Usually we'll run out of all that stuff

01:08:19.260 right by the time Christmas comes. So act now, uh, get that swag ordered. And as always connect with

01:08:25.160 Mr. Mickler on Instagram and Twitter at Ryan Mickler. And until Friday or Friday field notes,

01:08:32.000 take action and become the men you were meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man

01:08:36.800 podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

01:08:41.520 We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

Order of Man - November 02, 2022

Focus for 2023, Identifying Manly Virtues, and Balancing Self with Family ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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