Order of Man - July 19, 2019


Forgiving Your Father ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES


Episode Stats


Length

11 minutes

Words per minute

189.44008

Word count

2,136

Sentence count

177


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, Ryan Michler shares a personal story about his relationship with his father and how it shaped him into the man he is today. He also talks about the legacy event he hosted earlier this year called the "The Legacy Event" and the feedback he received from it.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart
00:00:05.000 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.
00:00:10.500 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who
00:00:17.240 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
00:00:22.800 you can call yourself a man. Gents, what's going on today? My name is Ryan Michler and I am the
00:00:28.280 host and the founder of this podcast and the global movement that is Order of Man, which
00:00:33.580 is a movement to reclaim and restore masculinity. I'm glad that you're here, whether you're new
00:00:39.100 or you've been listening for four and a half, almost five years now. We need more men in
00:00:42.900 this battle and I couldn't be more honored to stand shoulder to shoulder with you. If
00:00:46.900 you are new, this is a podcast dedicated to giving you the conversations that you need
00:00:51.040 to step up and become more capable as a husband, a father, a business owner, a leader inside
00:00:57.480 of your community and inside the walls of your home. And we're doing that through obviously
00:01:00.680 the conversations that we're having here. We've got our interview show. We've got the
00:01:04.080 Wednesday, ask me anything. And then we've got this, your Friday field notes. I'm going
00:01:07.840 to get into the Friday field notes here in just a minute. It's a little bit different than
00:01:10.540 it normally is. But before I get into that, I wanted to make another announcement of our Order
00:01:14.940 of Man main event that's happening this year. I think it's roughly three weeks. That's August
00:01:20.620 10th and 11th, 2019. We're going to be here for some competition for the betterment of
00:01:27.220 each other. 75 men working together to help flesh out some of their battle plans for the
00:01:31.460 next 90 days. My goal is to have every man who comes to this event, walk away with a very
00:01:37.880 clear, actionable strategy in four key areas of his life in order to accomplish more in the
00:01:44.920 next 90 days than potentially you have all year. So if you want the camaraderie, you want
00:01:49.680 the competition, you want access to the framework of the battle plan, and you want to come and meet
00:01:55.440 and hang out with me and the rest of the Order of Man guys, then make sure you get registered.
00:01:59.820 Orderofman.com slash main event. And main is in the state main. So Orderofman.com slash
00:02:04.920 main event. I'm looking forward to seeing you there again, August 10th and 11th. And by the way,
00:02:09.540 if you're in the Iron Council, our exclusive brotherhood, you get a opportunity for the exclusive
00:02:15.420 Iron Council dinner on the evening of the ninth. Again, orderofman.com slash main event. Hope to see
00:02:21.720 you there. With that said, I want to get into the Friday field notes. This one's a little different
00:02:26.820 because you're not going to hear from me today live. You're actually going to hear a recording
00:02:31.500 from one of our events that I did earlier this year. It was called the legacy event. And I'll be sure as
00:02:38.520 new ones come on board to tell you when those are. But basically it's a father son event. And at the
00:02:43.680 graduation dinner at the legacy event, I shared a personal story of mine with the relationship I
00:02:49.940 had with my father. And I wanted to talk with you about this, or at least share this recording with
00:02:55.260 you. Because I had a conversation with a good friend of mine and some of the guys that he works
00:02:59.920 with just yesterday. And as we were talking, we talked about forgiving fathers and how our fathers
00:03:06.060 impacted us both positively and negatively. And the review or some of the feedback that I had received
00:03:13.160 from these guys was that they really, really resonated with my story of my father and my path
00:03:19.660 to forgiveness. And if they resonated with it, I'm sure there's thousands and thousands, tens,
00:03:25.420 maybe even hundreds of thousands, maybe even millions of men out there who have some sort of
00:03:30.760 strained relationship with their father and need to find it in their heart to forgive, need to ask for
00:03:36.840 forgiveness, need to maybe even accept some apology from their father. So this is a very personal story
00:03:43.220 for me. I've never really shared it outside of that legacy event. And then what I shared yesterday with
00:03:48.040 these guys. And based on the feedback, I thought I'd share it with you. So it's a very quick recording,
00:03:52.800 but I think it's powerful. I think it'll help you. And then I issued a challenge towards the end of the
00:03:57.800 recording as well. And I encourage you to take me up on that challenge and well, you'll hear it when
00:04:05.500 you get to it. All right, guys, enjoy. And hopefully this serves you in some way.
00:04:10.520 Unfortunately, my mom and dad split when I was three years old. That's another stepfather's coming
00:04:14.960 to my life, but my dad and I were as close as we could be. I'd go visit him on the summers.
00:04:20.560 I remember playing Legos. I remember he would cook for us. There was, there was glimpses of that
00:04:25.880 father-son relationship. And as I got older and he got onto his life and I got into sports and
00:04:31.680 jobs and chasing girls around and all the things that we do as young men, we lost some of that
00:04:37.540 contact. And about four years ago, it's going to be hard for me. About four years ago, he had a heart
00:04:45.380 attack. And I didn't pay it much attention, quite frankly. I didn't feel like I owed him anything.
00:04:53.100 I didn't feel like we were that connected, felt like we were pretty distant, not only physically,
00:04:57.220 but emotionally as well. And I didn't give him much attention during that difficult time that he must
00:05:03.180 have been going through. And fortunately he recovered and did pretty well. And we kind of got back onto our
00:05:09.060 pattern of the way that we behaved. And we'd touch base periodically. And my mom would say, call your dad.
00:05:14.620 And my mom would tell him to call your son. And that's kind of how it went. And then two years ago,
00:05:19.360 he had another heart attack. And my knee jerk reaction to my thought was, he'll be fine. He had
00:05:24.860 a heart attack a couple of years ago, he'll be fine. So I didn't give him much attention. I didn't pay
00:05:29.940 much attention, thought everything would be fine. Well, he ended up being in the hospital for about
00:05:35.400 a week and a half. And I neglected it. Neglected, neglected, pushed it off, didn't feel like I owed
00:05:41.280 him anything. And my mom called me and she says, your dad's in pretty bad shape. His other organs were
00:05:46.560 starting to shut down. And I said, he'll be fine. He's in good care. He'll be fine. She called me a
00:05:53.060 couple of days later. She said, you need to get down here to California. And I took my two boys,
00:05:59.020 my two oldest boys, Eli and Breckin. And I was driving down there.
00:06:08.680 And I was 30 minutes away. My mom said, where are you? I said, I'm on my way. She said, okay, get here
00:06:15.540 quick. So I got there and she came up. When I got to the hospital, she gave me a big hug. She says,
00:06:21.660 your dad died.
00:06:27.220 Convinced him by 30 minutes.
00:06:32.440 30 minutes.
00:06:35.600 36 years.
00:06:38.540 And there's a lot that I think that he probably would have said that he would have done differently.
00:06:42.360 But there was a lot within my control too.
00:06:48.380 I dropped the ball.
00:06:50.880 And if I had that time back,
00:06:52.680 I would tell him, I forgive him.
00:06:58.480 I forgive him for
00:06:59.720 not being all that he was capable of being.
00:07:02.300 I forgive him for his mistakes and his shortcomings.
00:07:05.600 And I would ask him
00:07:06.760 for forgiveness for mine.
00:07:08.380 I don't get that chance.
00:07:15.400 I don't get that chance
00:07:16.420 to share that.
00:07:18.020 I feel like I will in another life and
00:07:19.860 I can't wait for that moment.
00:07:21.720 But
00:07:21.940 I don't get to do it now.
00:07:24.660 And I don't mean to be a downer
00:07:25.880 tonight, you guys.
00:07:27.280 But as I was thinking about
00:07:28.360 what would be
00:07:29.100 the most
00:07:30.120 powerful way to connect with you guys
00:07:32.720 is I want you to look
00:07:34.360 at your dad
00:07:35.480 or
00:07:36.000 the men in your life.
00:07:37.540 Maybe it's not your father
00:07:38.620 or your biological father.
00:07:39.980 But the man who has you here
00:07:41.540 this weekend.
00:07:43.300 And I want you to take some time
00:07:44.880 this evening.
00:07:46.160 I want you to take some time tomorrow morning.
00:07:48.420 And I want you to have some real conversations.
00:07:52.160 And when I say real conversations,
00:07:54.080 I mean real conversations.
00:07:56.460 The conversations that I wish I would have been able to have
00:07:58.700 with my father
00:07:59.440 that's
00:08:00.380 it's no longer possible.
00:08:04.620 That's my fault.
00:08:05.800 I will own that.
00:08:07.120 I will own that.
00:08:08.160 And I'll live with that.
00:08:10.440 But
00:08:10.800 I've learned from that too
00:08:12.360 because
00:08:12.700 I don't want these guys
00:08:13.760 to have to experience that.
00:08:15.460 And it's allowed me to be a better father in my life.
00:08:17.480 Because I take those lessons.
00:08:18.660 I try to apply those things.
00:08:19.760 And I try to learn from those things as well.
00:08:22.420 Guys,
00:08:23.100 life is short.
00:08:24.440 We don't know what's going to happen.
00:08:26.020 I've talked with guys
00:08:26.900 who have been in life and death situations.
00:08:28.640 I've talked with guys
00:08:29.340 who have lost their wives.
00:08:31.460 I've talked with guys
00:08:32.160 who have had illnesses
00:08:33.400 or their spouses have had illnesses.
00:08:35.380 Things that you would never even think
00:08:37.080 in a million years
00:08:37.740 is not going to happen to me.
00:08:39.240 And just like I thought with my dad,
00:08:40.960 he'll be fine.
00:08:42.200 I can tell him tomorrow.
00:08:43.640 I can tell him the next day.
00:08:44.720 Oh, we'll talk then.
00:08:45.560 We'll see each other then.
00:08:46.620 And then one day,
00:08:47.420 it's gone.
00:08:48.840 It's gone.
00:08:52.280 So as we
00:08:53.280 enjoy our dinner,
00:08:55.280 I want you to think about,
00:08:58.100 fathers,
00:08:58.340 what has been unsaid
00:09:00.160 between you and your boy.
00:09:02.160 And boys,
00:09:03.220 I want you to think about
00:09:04.620 what has been unsaid
00:09:05.880 between you and your father.
00:09:07.900 And I challenge you.
00:09:09.160 I challenge you right now
00:09:10.060 in the next 24 hours
00:09:11.360 to say what needs to be said,
00:09:14.260 to say what's on your heart,
00:09:15.320 what's in your mind,
00:09:16.020 what's in your soul,
00:09:17.020 and really have the conversation
00:09:18.360 that unfortunately
00:09:19.160 I don't get to have.
00:09:20.140 All right, guys,
00:09:22.420 there you go.
00:09:23.200 As you can tell
00:09:24.180 and as you heard,
00:09:25.200 that's a very emotional story for me,
00:09:27.760 obviously,
00:09:28.320 because it's something
00:09:29.060 that I'm deeply connected with
00:09:30.920 and it's my own story.
00:09:32.500 And I was very,
00:09:33.360 very hesitant about sharing it
00:09:34.920 because it is so personal
00:09:36.480 and it's something
00:09:38.220 that I'm still striving
00:09:39.080 to work on myself.
00:09:40.660 I don't want you
00:09:41.240 to have to experience
00:09:41.940 what I did
00:09:42.460 and that's why
00:09:42.940 I issued that challenge
00:09:43.800 there towards the end
00:09:44.820 to reach out
00:09:45.940 and connect with your father
00:09:47.200 and maybe share some things
00:09:49.000 that need to be shared
00:09:49.900 and have gone unsaid.
00:09:51.340 I would even turn it around
00:09:52.680 and maybe tell your sons
00:09:54.380 or your daughter
00:09:54.940 some of the same things
00:09:56.020 so that you can leave
00:09:57.220 a legacy both up and down
00:09:58.840 in your family history.
00:10:00.540 I know it'll go a long way
00:10:01.440 to ease maybe
00:10:02.980 some of the burden
00:10:04.300 that you've been carrying around
00:10:05.300 potentially for decades.
00:10:06.800 It certainly has been liberating
00:10:08.500 for me as I've thought about this
00:10:10.060 and learned to accept
00:10:11.360 some sort of forgiveness
00:10:13.100 in my heart
00:10:13.680 for the relationship,
00:10:15.520 the strained relationship
00:10:16.260 that I had with my father.
00:10:17.920 Anyways, guys,
00:10:18.540 that's all I've got for you today.
00:10:19.460 Go out there,
00:10:19.920 take that challenge.
00:10:20.800 Again, remember,
00:10:21.380 we've got our Order of Man legacy
00:10:23.540 or excuse me,
00:10:24.220 not legacy.
00:10:25.000 It's our Order of Man main event,
00:10:26.880 which is held August 10th
00:10:28.400 and 11th, 2019.
00:10:29.780 A few spots left.
00:10:30.740 I want to have you there.
00:10:31.840 You're going to get
00:10:32.320 the competition,
00:10:33.160 the camaraderie,
00:10:33.740 the brotherhood,
00:10:34.440 the cooperation with other men
00:10:36.040 to build out your battle plans
00:10:37.240 and we're going to have
00:10:38.280 an amazing, amazing two days.
00:10:40.640 It's orderofman.com
00:10:41.740 slash main event
00:10:43.680 as in the state main.
00:10:44.740 So main event.
00:10:45.900 Anyways, hope to see you there
00:10:47.160 next month
00:10:48.100 and until next week
00:10:49.940 for our interview show,
00:10:51.360 go out there, guys.
00:10:52.160 Take action,
00:10:53.020 especially with the challenge
00:10:53.840 I issued you today.
00:10:55.160 Be the man you are meant to be.
00:10:56.900 Thank you for listening
00:10:57.660 to the Order of Man podcast.
00:10:59.780 If you're ready
00:11:00.100 to take charge of your life
00:11:01.380 and be more of the man
00:11:02.520 you were meant to be,
00:11:03.780 we invite you to join the order
00:11:05.100 at orderofman.com.
00:11:06.900 Thank you.