Order of Man - July 19, 2019


Forgiving Your Father ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES


Episode Stats

Length

11 minutes

Words per Minute

189.44008

Word Count

2,136

Sentence Count

177


Summary


Transcript

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart
00:00:05.000 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.
00:00:10.500 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who
00:00:17.240 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
00:00:22.800 you can call yourself a man. Gents, what's going on today? My name is Ryan Michler and I am the
00:00:28.280 host and the founder of this podcast and the global movement that is Order of Man, which
00:00:33.580 is a movement to reclaim and restore masculinity. I'm glad that you're here, whether you're new
00:00:39.100 or you've been listening for four and a half, almost five years now. We need more men in
00:00:42.900 this battle and I couldn't be more honored to stand shoulder to shoulder with you. If
00:00:46.900 you are new, this is a podcast dedicated to giving you the conversations that you need
00:00:51.040 to step up and become more capable as a husband, a father, a business owner, a leader inside
00:00:57.480 of your community and inside the walls of your home. And we're doing that through obviously
00:01:00.680 the conversations that we're having here. We've got our interview show. We've got the
00:01:04.080 Wednesday, ask me anything. And then we've got this, your Friday field notes. I'm going
00:01:07.840 to get into the Friday field notes here in just a minute. It's a little bit different than
00:01:10.540 it normally is. But before I get into that, I wanted to make another announcement of our Order
00:01:14.940 of Man main event that's happening this year. I think it's roughly three weeks. That's August
00:01:20.620 10th and 11th, 2019. We're going to be here for some competition for the betterment of
00:01:27.220 each other. 75 men working together to help flesh out some of their battle plans for the
00:01:31.460 next 90 days. My goal is to have every man who comes to this event, walk away with a very
00:01:37.880 clear, actionable strategy in four key areas of his life in order to accomplish more in the
00:01:44.920 next 90 days than potentially you have all year. So if you want the camaraderie, you want
00:01:49.680 the competition, you want access to the framework of the battle plan, and you want to come and meet
00:01:55.440 and hang out with me and the rest of the Order of Man guys, then make sure you get registered.
00:01:59.820 Orderofman.com slash main event. And main is in the state main. So Orderofman.com slash
00:02:04.920 main event. I'm looking forward to seeing you there again, August 10th and 11th. And by the way,
00:02:09.540 if you're in the Iron Council, our exclusive brotherhood, you get a opportunity for the exclusive
00:02:15.420 Iron Council dinner on the evening of the ninth. Again, orderofman.com slash main event. Hope to see
00:02:21.720 you there. With that said, I want to get into the Friday field notes. This one's a little different
00:02:26.820 because you're not going to hear from me today live. You're actually going to hear a recording
00:02:31.500 from one of our events that I did earlier this year. It was called the legacy event. And I'll be sure as
00:02:38.520 new ones come on board to tell you when those are. But basically it's a father son event. And at the
00:02:43.680 graduation dinner at the legacy event, I shared a personal story of mine with the relationship I
00:02:49.940 had with my father. And I wanted to talk with you about this, or at least share this recording with
00:02:55.260 you. Because I had a conversation with a good friend of mine and some of the guys that he works
00:02:59.920 with just yesterday. And as we were talking, we talked about forgiving fathers and how our fathers
00:03:06.060 impacted us both positively and negatively. And the review or some of the feedback that I had received
00:03:13.160 from these guys was that they really, really resonated with my story of my father and my path
00:03:19.660 to forgiveness. And if they resonated with it, I'm sure there's thousands and thousands, tens,
00:03:25.420 maybe even hundreds of thousands, maybe even millions of men out there who have some sort of
00:03:30.760 strained relationship with their father and need to find it in their heart to forgive, need to ask for
00:03:36.840 forgiveness, need to maybe even accept some apology from their father. So this is a very personal story
00:03:43.220 for me. I've never really shared it outside of that legacy event. And then what I shared yesterday with
00:03:48.040 these guys. And based on the feedback, I thought I'd share it with you. So it's a very quick recording,
00:03:52.800 but I think it's powerful. I think it'll help you. And then I issued a challenge towards the end of the
00:03:57.800 recording as well. And I encourage you to take me up on that challenge and well, you'll hear it when
00:04:05.500 you get to it. All right, guys, enjoy. And hopefully this serves you in some way.
00:04:10.520 Unfortunately, my mom and dad split when I was three years old. That's another stepfather's coming
00:04:14.960 to my life, but my dad and I were as close as we could be. I'd go visit him on the summers.
00:04:20.560 I remember playing Legos. I remember he would cook for us. There was, there was glimpses of that
00:04:25.880 father-son relationship. And as I got older and he got onto his life and I got into sports and
00:04:31.680 jobs and chasing girls around and all the things that we do as young men, we lost some of that
00:04:37.540 contact. And about four years ago, it's going to be hard for me. About four years ago, he had a heart
00:04:45.380 attack. And I didn't pay it much attention, quite frankly. I didn't feel like I owed him anything.
00:04:53.100 I didn't feel like we were that connected, felt like we were pretty distant, not only physically,
00:04:57.220 but emotionally as well. And I didn't give him much attention during that difficult time that he must
00:05:03.180 have been going through. And fortunately he recovered and did pretty well. And we kind of got back onto our
00:05:09.060 pattern of the way that we behaved. And we'd touch base periodically. And my mom would say, call your dad.
00:05:14.620 And my mom would tell him to call your son. And that's kind of how it went. And then two years ago,
00:05:19.360 he had another heart attack. And my knee jerk reaction to my thought was, he'll be fine. He had
00:05:24.860 a heart attack a couple of years ago, he'll be fine. So I didn't give him much attention. I didn't pay
00:05:29.940 much attention, thought everything would be fine. Well, he ended up being in the hospital for about
00:05:35.400 a week and a half. And I neglected it. Neglected, neglected, pushed it off, didn't feel like I owed
00:05:41.280 him anything. And my mom called me and she says, your dad's in pretty bad shape. His other organs were
00:05:46.560 starting to shut down. And I said, he'll be fine. He's in good care. He'll be fine. She called me a
00:05:53.060 couple of days later. She said, you need to get down here to California. And I took my two boys,
00:05:59.020 my two oldest boys, Eli and Breckin. And I was driving down there.
00:06:08.680 And I was 30 minutes away. My mom said, where are you? I said, I'm on my way. She said, okay, get here
00:06:15.540 quick. So I got there and she came up. When I got to the hospital, she gave me a big hug. She says,
00:06:21.660 your dad died.
00:06:27.220 Convinced him by 30 minutes.
00:06:32.440 30 minutes.
00:06:35.600 36 years.
00:06:38.540 And there's a lot that I think that he probably would have said that he would have done differently.
00:06:42.360 But there was a lot within my control too.
00:06:48.380 I dropped the ball.
00:06:50.880 And if I had that time back,
00:06:52.680 I would tell him, I forgive him.
00:06:58.480 I forgive him for
00:06:59.720 not being all that he was capable of being.
00:07:02.300 I forgive him for his mistakes and his shortcomings.
00:07:05.600 And I would ask him
00:07:06.760 for forgiveness for mine.
00:07:08.380 I don't get that chance.
00:07:15.400 I don't get that chance
00:07:16.420 to share that.
00:07:18.020 I feel like I will in another life and
00:07:19.860 I can't wait for that moment.
00:07:21.720 But
00:07:21.940 I don't get to do it now.
00:07:24.660 And I don't mean to be a downer
00:07:25.880 tonight, you guys.
00:07:27.280 But as I was thinking about
00:07:28.360 what would be
00:07:29.100 the most
00:07:30.120 powerful way to connect with you guys
00:07:32.720 is I want you to look
00:07:34.360 at your dad
00:07:35.480 or
00:07:36.000 the men in your life.
00:07:37.540 Maybe it's not your father
00:07:38.620 or your biological father.
00:07:39.980 But the man who has you here
00:07:41.540 this weekend.
00:07:43.300 And I want you to take some time
00:07:44.880 this evening.
00:07:46.160 I want you to take some time tomorrow morning.
00:07:48.420 And I want you to have some real conversations.
00:07:52.160 And when I say real conversations,
00:07:54.080 I mean real conversations.
00:07:56.460 The conversations that I wish I would have been able to have
00:07:58.700 with my father
00:07:59.440 that's
00:08:00.380 it's no longer possible.
00:08:04.620 That's my fault.
00:08:05.800 I will own that.
00:08:07.120 I will own that.
00:08:08.160 And I'll live with that.
00:08:10.440 But
00:08:10.800 I've learned from that too
00:08:12.360 because
00:08:12.700 I don't want these guys
00:08:13.760 to have to experience that.
00:08:15.460 And it's allowed me to be a better father in my life.
00:08:17.480 Because I take those lessons.
00:08:18.660 I try to apply those things.
00:08:19.760 And I try to learn from those things as well.
00:08:22.420 Guys,
00:08:23.100 life is short.
00:08:24.440 We don't know what's going to happen.
00:08:26.020 I've talked with guys
00:08:26.900 who have been in life and death situations.
00:08:28.640 I've talked with guys
00:08:29.340 who have lost their wives.
00:08:31.460 I've talked with guys
00:08:32.160 who have had illnesses
00:08:33.400 or their spouses have had illnesses.
00:08:35.380 Things that you would never even think
00:08:37.080 in a million years
00:08:37.740 is not going to happen to me.
00:08:39.240 And just like I thought with my dad,
00:08:40.960 he'll be fine.
00:08:42.200 I can tell him tomorrow.
00:08:43.640 I can tell him the next day.
00:08:44.720 Oh, we'll talk then.
00:08:45.560 We'll see each other then.
00:08:46.620 And then one day,
00:08:47.420 it's gone.
00:08:48.840 It's gone.
00:08:52.280 So as we
00:08:53.280 enjoy our dinner,
00:08:55.280 I want you to think about,
00:08:58.100 fathers,
00:08:58.340 what has been unsaid
00:09:00.160 between you and your boy.
00:09:02.160 And boys,
00:09:03.220 I want you to think about
00:09:04.620 what has been unsaid
00:09:05.880 between you and your father.
00:09:07.900 And I challenge you.
00:09:09.160 I challenge you right now
00:09:10.060 in the next 24 hours
00:09:11.360 to say what needs to be said,
00:09:14.260 to say what's on your heart,
00:09:15.320 what's in your mind,
00:09:16.020 what's in your soul,
00:09:17.020 and really have the conversation
00:09:18.360 that unfortunately
00:09:19.160 I don't get to have.
00:09:20.140 All right, guys,
00:09:22.420 there you go.
00:09:23.200 As you can tell
00:09:24.180 and as you heard,
00:09:25.200 that's a very emotional story for me,
00:09:27.760 obviously,
00:09:28.320 because it's something
00:09:29.060 that I'm deeply connected with
00:09:30.920 and it's my own story.
00:09:32.500 And I was very,
00:09:33.360 very hesitant about sharing it
00:09:34.920 because it is so personal
00:09:36.480 and it's something
00:09:38.220 that I'm still striving
00:09:39.080 to work on myself.
00:09:40.660 I don't want you
00:09:41.240 to have to experience
00:09:41.940 what I did
00:09:42.460 and that's why
00:09:42.940 I issued that challenge
00:09:43.800 there towards the end
00:09:44.820 to reach out
00:09:45.940 and connect with your father
00:09:47.200 and maybe share some things
00:09:49.000 that need to be shared
00:09:49.900 and have gone unsaid.
00:09:51.340 I would even turn it around
00:09:52.680 and maybe tell your sons
00:09:54.380 or your daughter
00:09:54.940 some of the same things
00:09:56.020 so that you can leave
00:09:57.220 a legacy both up and down
00:09:58.840 in your family history.
00:10:00.540 I know it'll go a long way
00:10:01.440 to ease maybe
00:10:02.980 some of the burden
00:10:04.300 that you've been carrying around
00:10:05.300 potentially for decades.
00:10:06.800 It certainly has been liberating
00:10:08.500 for me as I've thought about this
00:10:10.060 and learned to accept
00:10:11.360 some sort of forgiveness
00:10:13.100 in my heart
00:10:13.680 for the relationship,
00:10:15.520 the strained relationship
00:10:16.260 that I had with my father.
00:10:17.920 Anyways, guys,
00:10:18.540 that's all I've got for you today.
00:10:19.460 Go out there,
00:10:19.920 take that challenge.
00:10:20.800 Again, remember,
00:10:21.380 we've got our Order of Man legacy
00:10:23.540 or excuse me,
00:10:24.220 not legacy.
00:10:25.000 It's our Order of Man main event,
00:10:26.880 which is held August 10th
00:10:28.400 and 11th, 2019.
00:10:29.780 A few spots left.
00:10:30.740 I want to have you there.
00:10:31.840 You're going to get
00:10:32.320 the competition,
00:10:33.160 the camaraderie,
00:10:33.740 the brotherhood,
00:10:34.440 the cooperation with other men
00:10:36.040 to build out your battle plans
00:10:37.240 and we're going to have
00:10:38.280 an amazing, amazing two days.
00:10:40.640 It's orderofman.com
00:10:41.740 slash main event
00:10:43.680 as in the state main.
00:10:44.740 So main event.
00:10:45.900 Anyways, hope to see you there
00:10:47.160 next month
00:10:48.100 and until next week
00:10:49.940 for our interview show,
00:10:51.360 go out there, guys.
00:10:52.160 Take action,
00:10:53.020 especially with the challenge
00:10:53.840 I issued you today.
00:10:55.160 Be the man you are meant to be.
00:10:56.900 Thank you for listening
00:10:57.660 to the Order of Man podcast.
00:10:59.780 If you're ready
00:11:00.100 to take charge of your life
00:11:01.380 and be more of the man
00:11:02.520 you were meant to be,
00:11:03.780 we invite you to join the order
00:11:05.100 at orderofman.com.
00:11:06.900 Thank you.