Order of Man - Fostering a Competitive Spirit, Fulfillment over Happiness, and Nightly Routines ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:06.020 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.480 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.

00:00:15.520 This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.

00:00:19.760 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:24.720 Hey, Kip. What's going on, man? Glad to be joining you for another Ask Me Anything, another rendition of Ask Me Anything.

00:00:30.760 I love it, man. I looked through these questions a little bit this morning, and I'm excited to go over them.

00:00:35.920 We've had some really good questions, I think. I think when we very first started this, it seems to me that, let me say it this way,

00:00:41.160 it seems to me that the caliber of questions has been improving since we've progressed.

00:00:47.000 How many episodes are we into this thing now? 30? 20?

00:00:49.620 31.

00:00:50.220 31.

00:00:50.540 This is 31.

00:00:51.040 Yeah. So we're getting some good feedback, getting some good questions. I know we pivoted there for a

00:00:56.160 little bit and said, hey, we're going to filter through some of these questions because we're

00:00:59.140 getting some crazy ones, but most of them are pretty thoughtful. So it's been good to be able to

00:01:03.420 answer these.

00:01:04.540 For sure. For sure. And a lot of the guys have given me tips on how to pronounce their names.

00:01:08.640 So I'm assuming everyone's getting tired of their names being slaughtered. And so now I'm getting a

00:01:13.420 little bit of coaching as part of the question submission process.

00:01:16.760 That's their fault, man. If you want a name that's easy to pronounce, then have a name that's easy to

00:01:20.560 pronounce. You know, that's like what you want us to do here.

00:01:23.680 Change your name. Jeez. What's wrong with you guys?

00:01:25.740 It's easy. Take ownership, man. All right. Let's, well, let me say this. For those of you who don't

00:01:31.260 know what we're doing here, guys, we're doing the ask me anything. So we're just taking questions,

00:01:35.420 right? Answering questions to the best of our ability. We don't have everything figured out,

00:01:39.100 but we've got some things figured out and try to give you the most credible and relevant answers to

00:01:43.800 some of these questions that we can. They're coming from Facebook, from our Patreon account,

00:01:48.940 and then of course our exclusive brotherhood, the Iron Council. And I think actually before we get

00:01:53.940 into the questions, we do have a couple of announcements, right? Yes, we do. We certainly

00:01:57.940 do. Do you want to bring those up? Yeah. So two key kind of events or kind of things going on

00:02:03.140 above and beyond our sponsors. And the first one is the Origin Maine Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu immersion

00:02:09.300 camp. That's August 25th through September 1st. You really have three options when you guys look at

00:02:15.380 that camp. No, you only have one option all week long. Fully committed. Be fully committed or don't

00:02:21.860 come. You're in or out. Pick one. All right. We'll be there all week. Ryan and I. Go ahead and tell

00:02:27.180 them the other options, I suppose. Okay. So you could come the first week, which is kind of,

00:02:31.440 what do they call that? Session A? I think they call it session A, right? Yeah. And then session B is

00:02:35.460 the second part of the week, or you can do both sessions. And I believe, Pete, they even give,

00:02:40.180 like a gi's included if you go for the full week, or at least they did that last year. So yeah,

00:02:45.180 I think they either do a gi for the full week or a gi for the first, you know, 300 people that sign

00:02:49.720 up. It's something like that. So you want to get on a quick, I just got a text actually,

00:02:52.860 as we were talking from a buddy of mine, Sam Rodriguez. I don't know if you remember him from

00:02:57.480 one of our uprisings. Anyways, he's coming out. He just said he signed up for session B. So we'll see

00:03:03.000 him out there as well. Awesome. Awesome. So to learn more guys, you go to Origin Maine,

00:03:08.380 that's in M-A-I-N-E.com forward slash order camp to sign up. Love to see you guys. It was a great

00:03:17.600 event. Dean Lister was out there last time. He had Jocko, Echo was out there. I mean,

00:03:22.980 the instruction was awesome, but what I, I don't know about you, Ryan, but what I loved most about

00:03:27.260 it is just, there's this available mats. Like, yeah, everywhere you turn, there's mats and

00:03:33.080 space to roll. And it's just, it's, it's an, and not only that, I mean, the location is amazing.

00:03:38.200 I actually, so I liked the jujitsu part. Don't get me wrong, but the parts that I really,

00:03:42.600 really enjoyed, even above and beyond the primary reason we were there is the brotherhood,

00:03:48.120 the camaraderie, you know, we had a couple of guys, what did we have four or five guys in our

00:03:52.040 cabin there? And then a cabin connected us to another four guys from order of man, like,

00:03:56.920 and then we had the lake. What else was it? Oh, we did the lobster bake. It was amazing. It was so,

00:04:01.920 it was fun, but it was very instructional, very informative. And then also you're cramming a lot of,

00:04:08.440 instruction and hours into a very, very collapsed and shortened window, which is great for efficiency.

00:04:15.320 Yeah, it was great. Yeah. Super fun. Yeah, for sure. Super fun. Cool. And then the other item that

00:04:19.360 we had is the Hoyt giveaway. Yeah. And I'll talk about that because the jujitsu stuff is your

00:04:23.620 specialty and, and the, the bow stuff is maybe a little bit more towards me, but yeah, guys,

00:04:28.240 we're giving away a brand new Hoyt helix. That's their new bow, an incredible bow. Cam Haynes,

00:04:34.240 if you guys follow cam shoots a helix and I've partnered up with them. So we're giving that away

00:04:39.920 on April 1st. And all you have to do is go to order of man.com slash Hoyt H O Y T. So Hoyt and

00:04:47.680 subscribe there and follow the instructions and you can get entered for the giveaway. I think we've got

00:04:53.360 something like 2000 entries at this point, like 2,100 out of yesterday when I looked. So there's a lot,

00:04:59.980 but you know what? Hey, it doesn't cost anything. It's quick, just easy to go sign up and get it

00:05:04.400 taken care of. And, uh, you have a chance to win that $1,200 bow. And the cool thing about this in

00:05:09.780 talking with Jeremy, with Hoyt, he said that whoever wins is going to call into Hoyt, talk with him or,

00:05:15.340 or somebody there and give them their specifics. So it's going to be custom to you. It's not going to

00:05:20.940 be just some generic bow. Like they're going to give, yeah, it's, it's pretty cool.

00:05:25.120 That's awesome. Yeah. And I'd heard that the bow string is made out of Ryan Mickler's

00:05:29.620 beard. That's right, man. That's right. That's a new thing that Hoyt's offering this year. And,

00:05:33.760 uh, it's proven to produce some significant results over any other, uh, material guaranteed,

00:05:40.900 guaranteed kill with the, uh, with the bow string. That's right. So that's it guys. So that's a

00:05:45.900 order of man.com slash Hoyt. Go check it out. All right, let's get into these questions.

00:05:49.360 Cool. So our first, uh, group of questions, actually, man, I have to step back, man. I was listening to,

00:05:55.460 uh, the episode with, uh, Prather, Chad, Chad Prather. Yeah. Prather dude. Good. Right. Yeah.

00:06:02.120 So good. Yeah. We just released that yesterday. Um, Chad, somebody I followed for a very long time.

00:06:08.560 I mean, his ability to communicate and articulate his concepts and his ideas is incredible to me.

00:06:15.180 And then he's got that side of humor and a little bit of sarcasm, of course, in there as well. He's a

00:06:20.080 comedian. So just, just the way that he ties in humor to important subjects and conversations and

00:06:26.840 man, it was just cool to be able to have that type of conversation with him.

00:06:29.880 Yeah. Well, and I really loved how your guys' conversation was about the objective of his

00:06:37.080 kind of his YouTube channel about, you know, Hey, generating conversation is the objective,

00:06:41.440 right? Right. Right. Not shutting it down, but actually generating it.

00:06:44.800 Exactly. Or not to even, even push his point of view too much, as much as it is about

00:06:49.360 generating conversation, having disagreement, having that be okay. And, and how much that's

00:06:55.320 missing in our society today. It was, it was spot on. Great episode. Congratulations, Ryan. You get,

00:07:00.680 uh, Kip's rating and approval. You did good. That's all I wanted. That is all I wanted out of this

00:07:06.100 whole four year journey. And, uh, we're just going to shut it down. Like there's nothing else to do.

00:07:13.640 So thank you. The end. No worries. All right. Our first question from Bubba Downs,

00:07:19.340 All right. Bubba. I was in, um, all these segues. I was in Brian Head down by Cedar. You know,

00:07:25.600 where, where Brian Head is. Well, I grew up at the base of, of Brian Head. Just like

00:07:29.760 outside of Parowan, outside of Parowan, not outside, inside of Parowan, just outside of

00:07:33.560 Brian Head. You were, you were raised around Parowan? In Parowan.

00:07:38.180 Really? I didn't know that. So you're a Parowan Ram? 1.00

00:07:40.620 I'm a Ram, man. You're a Ram too. Yeah. South Severe. South Severe Rams. Yeah. We kicked your

00:07:46.060 ass for the four years that I was there. It's probably must not be the same four years I was 1.00

00:07:51.240 over at South Severe. Maybe. I don't know. Uh, no, but so I was in Beaver or Brian Head

00:07:57.660 over the weekend and, uh, running this little hotel, had a CD, had like a little CD player

00:08:03.620 and a mixtape CD that was included in the Airbnb. I'm like, I'm throwing this baby in. And there's a

00:08:09.540 country song called Bubba. And it's all about, yeah, it's all about these, you know, everyone

00:08:15.680 knows a Bubba. So I thought Bubba counts. It was funny. We're going to have to look into that.

00:08:20.160 All right, cool. Good to know. All right. Sorry guys. We'll get into these questions.

00:08:23.900 We're getting way off track here. Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm chatty. No one's talked to me. My wife's

00:08:27.740 ignoring me. I feel down. Well, let's, let's get it done then. Okay. How do you

00:08:33.580 show up on passion projects is Bubba's question? It may not be what, what pays the bills, but it's

00:08:39.100 something that you love. How do you justify the time to place it in? I see team leadership is a

00:08:44.440 prime example. The time involvement can be pretty substantial for some of the guys.

00:08:50.300 Yeah. So how do you, how do you squeeze that time in? Uh, well, especially if it's not paying

00:08:55.020 the bills, for example, you know, I think you just create some boundaries, right? You just give

00:08:59.000 yourself an opportunity to perform and Excel in whatever capacity that is. And it may not be a

00:09:04.700 hundred percent of the time because it's not paying the bills or you've got other things and

00:09:07.480 other priorities. And certainly that makes sense. But I think at the end of the day, the boundaries

00:09:11.740 are, are the things that are going to help you to be able to step into that and carving out the time,

00:09:17.280 uh, being disciplined and effective and efficient with your time elsewhere, like in your work or your

00:09:24.120 other priorities so that it does free up maximum time to be able to pursue things that are engaging

00:09:31.020 outside of contributing financially to the household. Um, but yeah, I think boundaries man are,

00:09:35.880 are huge. Um, and, and, and realize too, what was the first sentence he said in the question or the

00:09:42.080 first, first couple of words? What, what, just how do you show up on a passion project? Yeah. Yeah.

00:09:47.360 So how do you show up? Um, what was next after that? It may not be what pays the bills,

00:09:52.720 but it's something that you love. How do you justify the time and the place into it?

00:09:56.300 Yeah. So that justify, that's what I was getting at. How do you justify it? It's almost like you're

00:10:02.480 saying it like it isn't an integral part of your life. And I think that's where guys fall short is

00:10:07.860 they think that they have to be like hyper efficient with things that are moving the needle and making

00:10:12.840 more money and getting in shape and all of that stuff is important, but it's not, you don't have to

00:10:18.940 justify doing things for yourself. You don't have to create excuses. You don't have to feel guilty

00:10:25.560 being able to take care of yourself and do things that are uplifting, whether it's mentally or

00:10:31.820 emotionally or spiritually, or some of these things that we frankly don't address a whole lot is just

00:10:37.980 as important as some of these other things, because it makes you more effective in those areas like

00:10:42.460 finances and health and fatherhood and, and, and being a husband and all of the other obligations

00:10:48.940 and responsibilities we have. So we have to be very careful of putting it into a category. That's

00:10:53.620 like, Oh, if I can get to some time for myself and really understand that this is an integral part of

00:10:59.440 us being successful in life. No, I think the only thing that I would add is just sharing my example,

00:11:07.520 right? Bubba, um, talks about IC leadership and, um, you know, I have to establish boundaries. I

00:11:14.540 schedule, right? We scheduled this podcast recording. I schedule how much time, um, I do, um, iron council

00:11:22.060 things as part of my schedule. And, and to your point, Ryan, about justifying, why do I do this?

00:11:28.100 Cause it provides me moral value, right? Like I'm, it's part of my training. I, I add training as,

00:11:35.760 as part of the reason why I'm in the IC and it, and it helps provide me purpose, guidance and

00:11:41.240 direction. And, and it's my way of contributing to others. And so it's really easy for me to justify,

00:11:47.460 but to Bubba's point, you know, I have to maintain those boundaries, right? Because obviously I can't

00:11:54.040 let my day job be affected by, um, by this, you know what I mean? I still need to provide for my

00:11:59.720 family. So I have to kind of keep it in check a little bit, but yeah. Yep. That's exactly right.

00:12:04.280 Cool. What else? All right. Matthew Hulk. Hey Matthew, it's been a while. Um, I'm curious to

00:12:10.200 know what, if anything has changed for you and your relationship with digital mediums

00:12:14.900 after your conversation with Cal Newport. Yeah. Well, a lot has changed. Um, I block my time

00:12:22.180 a little bit better. That's one thing. So I'm not on social media constantly. I'm really trying to

00:12:27.500 block that out because last night, in fact, my wife asked me as I was on my phone, she says,

00:12:31.580 do you even realize how much time is passing when you're on your phone? And the answer is

00:12:34.660 certainly no. You know, I, I think it's designed for you to lose time and lose track of what you're

00:12:39.940 doing because the more to Cal's point on the podcast, the more that you spend on that little

00:12:45.240 device on these apps and these programs and these social media platforms, the more valuable those

00:12:50.000 platforms become. So they're, they're really trying to gain your attention and influence for as long as

00:12:57.100 possible. Uh, which is why we don't realize we're on the things as long as we are. They're experts at

00:13:01.580 it. So blocking my time has been very, very valuable. Um, just, just not bringing my device

00:13:08.600 with me to certain activities. You know, we went on a hike for example. Um, and I, and I turned

00:13:13.780 everything on off. I took a couple of pictures. Um, usually when we go on a walk, like we went on a

00:13:18.480 walk last night, just around the neighborhood. I left my phone at home. Normally I would have taken it

00:13:22.500 with me, um, going to the gym. I even bring my phone when I go to the gym. I'm like, I don't,

00:13:27.800 I don't really need my phone here. Like, why would I need this device here? So I try to leave it in

00:13:31.820 the car, things like that, where I just leave it there. Um, and then just unfollowing, like I've

00:13:37.080 unfollowed so many people that I feel like don't add anything to my life whatsoever. They actually

00:13:42.680 detract from it and distract me from the things that I feel like are really, really important. So yeah,

00:13:49.300 it's actually been really valuable. And I freed up hours, hours and hours every single week to do

00:13:54.240 things that are more engaging, more fulfilling and more enjoyable. It's cool. All right, Tom King.

00:14:01.060 Well, what is your opinion on using mind consciousness, enhancing plant extracts,

00:14:05.620 medicine, et cetera, to improve cognitive performance, lower stress, gain perspective as

00:14:10.580 Tim Ferriss, Joe Rogan, Aubrey Marcus talk about and use. Yeah. So my perspective is I don't really

00:14:17.020 have one because I've never experimented with any psychedelics or medicines, plant medicines,

00:14:22.620 anything like that. Um, I just interviewed Ben Greenfield yesterday. Uh, that podcast should be

00:14:28.580 out in a couple of weeks. And we actually talked about this. And Ben Greenfield says that he is a

00:14:32.940 proponent of using plant-based medicine, um, psychedelics for a portion of him being able to

00:14:39.200 unlock sensations and senses that maybe are hard, if not impossible to unlock in any other capacity.

00:14:46.220 Uh, my thought on the surface is that I think, and, and Ben kind of talked about this a little

00:14:54.160 bit that there's other ways and more important factors that you can lock down prior to getting

00:15:00.400 into some of these experiments and some of these ayahuasca trips and things that people go on, you

00:15:07.080 know, for me, I'm like, well, why don't we just eat right? You know, 95% of the time, why don't you

00:15:11.940 just go to the gym and lock that down? Why don't you drink enough water? Why don't you practice

00:15:16.280 meditation and prayer or reading scriptures, uh, or just being in solitude and silence? Like,

00:15:22.660 I think there's a whole lot of other ways in my mind, from my perspective that I can actually

00:15:28.080 move the needle much more effectively and efficiently, and then maybe use these other,

00:15:33.080 I will, I'll call them fringe ideas and concepts to supplement that personally. I'm not going to get

00:15:40.480 into psychedelics. Um, that that's a personal preference. That's a spiritual preference and

00:15:46.020 just something I've decided not to do. Yeah. Do you think some of these are a little bit playing

00:15:52.600 with fire, riding the fence a little bit and kind of, well, I think that can be yourself in a position

00:15:58.200 where, where you could generate or have an issue. I mean, I, I do, I'm not going to speak to the

00:16:03.560 addictive nature of some of these medicines because frankly, I don't know. So anything I'd be saying

00:16:08.500 would, would not be, would not be credible. Uh, but, but I also think you can do that with anything,

00:16:13.680 right? Like, like I know guys who are addicted to the gym and, and everybody that you talk with would

00:16:18.680 say that the gym is a healthy practice. And yet when taken to the extreme, it's not, I know guys that

00:16:23.860 are addicted to work and they place work above any other priority, like their kids or their wife and

00:16:32.060 work is a beautiful thing. It gives a man meaning and fulfillment and satisfaction. And yet if it

00:16:37.780 comes at the expense of some of our other obligations, responsibilities, and objectives, then

00:16:42.180 it's, it's destructive and it's damaging and it's not helpful. So I think anything can actually be taken

00:16:47.940 to the extreme. Um, can these medicines and drugs be abused? Of course, do they have the ability to

00:16:55.600 addict you to those substances and those experiences? Of course. So if you are going to use these types

00:17:01.060 of things, I just, I would suggest that you'd be very, very careful that you do it in a controlled

00:17:05.460 environment and you consider getting an expert perspective or opinion as you're maybe contemplating

00:17:12.880 going down this route. All right. Next question, Isaac. Hold on one second.

00:17:17.940 Oh, go ahead. What? Come in. Come in, bud. Oh, Hey, bud. Hey, I'm on the call. I'm on a call.

00:17:25.560 Okay. Okay. So I'll come back up when I'm done. Okay. Good job. You feel okay? Okay, good. I want

00:17:32.840 to hear about it. Just give me like 40 minutes. Okay. Okay. Love you. Love it. Good job.

00:17:40.040 All right. She just got back from the doctor. She was telling me about her shot.

00:17:45.480 All right. Go ahead, man. Get into that next question.

00:17:49.480 All right. Isaac, Nathan, Niebert, if you work in a toxic environment, do either of you have

00:17:54.660 suggestions on how to get out when no other opportunities are open as of now?

00:17:59.080 Yeah. Well, I mean, is that really true? Like, is there nothing else available? You can move,

00:18:05.800 you can work remotely, you can take an entry level job somewhere. You can really work your tail off on

00:18:11.960 networking so that when opportunities do come available, that they're there, maybe you're not

00:18:16.980 networked well enough that you even recognize that there's opportunities now and you just don't see them

00:18:20.920 or have access to them because you're not networked. So if you've already made the decision that,

00:18:25.680 I've got to get out of this environment, it's toxic, toxic, it's not healthy. I don't want to

00:18:30.840 be here. It's not good for me. It's not moving the needle. Then you really ought to come up with

00:18:33.920 a battle plan. I mean, you really have to come up with a strategy. Here's what I'm, here's my ultimate

00:18:39.380 objective to go out and do this thing. Here's, here's what I'm going to do over the next six months.

00:18:44.220 Here's the people I need to work with. Here's the credentials I need to secure. Here's the information

00:18:48.360 I need to learn. Here's the opportunities I need to secure and figure out what you want and then work

00:18:53.840 backwards into a strategy that will allow you to move into another role, another position, another

00:19:00.640 job, another opportunity, but be very, very careful of shutting yourself off before you even give

00:19:07.820 yourself a chance. I hear this all the time. And quite frankly, my blood gets boiling a little bit

00:19:12.960 when somebody says, I just got to get out of this environment. But it's like, don't say, but just

00:19:18.360 eliminate that from your vocabulary altogether. Say, I've got to get out of this environment.

00:19:22.820 And here's how I'm going to do it. Look, maybe it's going to take you a year, maybe two years,

00:19:29.240 maybe longer. I don't know. But I think that if you can find something that's worthwhile,

00:19:34.560 an objective that you want to pursue, like a new career or new opportunity, and you put yourself

00:19:41.280 in the position to secure that opportunity through your work and your effort and your networking and

00:19:46.000 you're learning, then you might find that just that pursuit of something worthwhile actually

00:19:53.220 changes your current situation. Or you might find yourself in that new environment even sooner than

00:19:58.060 you had thought. But don't say, but stop saying that. I mean, there's plenty of opportunities out

00:20:03.420 there. I mean, if you're saying that there's no opportunities because you live in a small town or

00:20:07.800 the environment is bad or the economy is down, it's like, well, you're just subjecting yourself

00:20:14.320 to that. You know, like move. Well, I don't want to move because I love this area. Okay. Well,

00:20:18.460 then you're making a choice. You're making a choice to be in an environment that has less

00:20:23.300 opportunity. But don't for one second say that, well, there isn't anything else available.

00:20:28.300 You just made a choice. So accept it or make a different choice.

00:20:34.920 What I like about your advice here, Ryan, is that by coming up with that battle plan and working

00:20:40.600 into that, that gives you guidance, direction, and motivation to deal with the toxic environment

00:20:46.320 in which you're in right now. If you know that you're putting in the time for something greater,

00:20:50.820 then it's easier to deal with. So that will help get you through it is ultimately what I'm saying.

00:20:58.740 Yeah. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. And not just get through it. Cause when I hear that, I think

00:21:03.080 just bear a minimum, like bear it. And not only, yeah, it's not only just get through it. I think

00:21:08.540 you'll actually be motivated and inspired and you'll probably actually start performing better

00:21:12.800 in your current role, which might change things around altogether. Yeah. Good point. All right.

00:21:18.320 Aaron gets, what are your nightly routines and tactics to prepare for the next morning? Do you engage

00:21:24.160 in any affirmation or visualization activities at bedtime to help you prepare for the next morning?

00:21:29.380 Any other tips for preparing yourself for successful morning wake up on a related comment?

00:21:34.520 Your suggestions on the book, the morning miracle has been a huge help in my and others' lives.

00:21:39.400 Awesome. Awesome. That's great, Aaron.

00:21:41.320 Yeah. It's a great book. It's a great platform. A program is the miracle morning, Hal Elrod.

00:21:45.060 Uh, so with regards to an evening routine, one thing that I've fallen prey to in the past is

00:21:52.060 what you're saying, like the affirmations and visualizations. If I do that in the evening,

00:21:57.520 it's actually very, very difficult for me to shut down and enjoy time with my family

00:22:03.280 and unwind and get a good night's rest. Because when I started thinking about what the future holds

00:22:09.320 and what objectives I need to accomplish and, and what I want to do tomorrow or over the next week,

00:22:14.980 I'm like, well, okay, let's go do it. And it's very, very difficult at that point for me to shut

00:22:20.920 down at all and just be present with my family and just get the, the recovery that I need. So

00:22:27.700 for me, the evening, and even at the end of the day is where it really starts is an opportunity for me

00:22:34.720 to unload the burden, unload the weight that I've been carrying throughout the day. And the better I do

00:22:41.400 at that, whether it's through this little device, right? We were talking about earlier, the phone. Uh,

00:22:46.000 I actually go through my daily plan and I look at what I accomplished and what I didn't. I transferred

00:22:50.920 over the next day and I start writing down what needs to be accomplished tomorrow. Because again, it's about

00:22:55.520 getting that stuff off of my mind. I get it down onto a plan and then I can completely disengage.

00:23:01.620 So in the evening, I don't do any visualization about work. Um, sometimes my wife and I will watch

00:23:07.460 a show. Sometimes we'll, we'll read a book. Sometimes in the evening I go on a walk with my

00:23:11.640 family, but it's really, really family centered and family oriented. I've got a lot of people who

00:23:16.980 ask me, Hey, can I do a podcast with you in the evening or the weekend? Even the answer is no,

00:23:21.360 that's reserved for family time. If we're sitting around and we're watching maybe a movie together,

00:23:25.540 um, I will actually stretch out while I'm watching a movie because there's no reason for me to just

00:23:30.580 sit there. Like I'll stretch and work my muscles out. Maybe I'm a little sore from my workout or run

00:23:36.760 from earlier that day. Um, try to drink as much water as I can try to turn the screens off, uh,

00:23:42.720 with as much time as possible before I go to bed, because I think there's something to that. I mean,

00:23:47.320 it's been proven, right? You have that blue light that affects, uh, what is it? Melatonin. And so

00:23:52.400 there's, there's a lot of different things like that, but for the, for the evening, the general idea

00:23:57.800 is for me to unload and unwind so that I'm capable of picking the weight up in the morning,

00:24:03.840 putting it back on my shoulders and getting back to work in the morning.

00:24:07.200 Hmm. The only things I would add is if I'm working on the morning, prepping my clothes ahead of time,

00:24:12.920 to be honest, I go to bed the best when I don't procrastinate the preparation for my evening.

00:24:18.980 That's a great point. Great. Right. If, if I'm after it, once I get home, I get everything done,

00:24:23.740 you know what I mean? And I'm prepped and I can, I usually try to read for a short while before I go

00:24:28.600 to bed. If I've done that correctly, then I can go to bed. Great. Then I'll wake up. Great. It's

00:24:33.760 when I push things off and then I'm trying to wrap things up. I'm going later into the night. Then I'm

00:24:39.880 not getting my reading in cause I've stayed up too late. And, and then it just perpetually makes

00:24:44.220 everything worse. But I'm the same way. I can't, I'm more of a morning routine than I am a nightly

00:24:49.120 routine kind of guy. I do affirmations and stuff in the morning. Um, sometimes it's, it's quite a,

00:24:55.020 I don't know if age is annoyed by this, but, um, sometimes she is, I'm sure she is. You have to say

00:24:59.860 it. She is. It's assumed. Uh, sometimes I'll do box breathing as I lay down to kind of calm myself.

00:25:06.560 And sometimes she'll be like, what are you doing? But I'm like, box breathing is basically what?

00:25:11.040 Like four seconds breath in four seconds, hold four seconds out, four second hold, something like

00:25:15.600 that. Exactly. But I'll increase it. Right. So almost up to 10 seconds for each, each side of

00:25:21.560 the square, I guess. Yeah. That'd be super annoying. No, I mean, it's, I'm, it's good if

00:25:28.780 you're doing it, but you know, if somebody's doing it next to you, yeah, that's super annoying. 0.92

00:25:32.700 He's like, shut up. Exactly. Yeah. Maybe that's why I have to sleep on the couch. 0.88

00:25:36.660 That might, well, yeah, I mean, that might be a small part of it, but yeah.

00:25:42.340 All right. Andrew, Andrew Essex regarding, uh, reaching out, uh, to potential clients.

00:25:49.300 What are your thoughts on how and when to use mutual connections that we have to get a chance

00:25:53.780 to meet these clients? I don't want to just name drop mutual connections when contacting potential

00:25:59.360 clients, but I believe having a mutual connection could assist with getting my foot in the door

00:26:04.040 with some of these clients as my company is new and building a client base yet. Currently I don't

00:26:09.180 have a large pool of customers reviews to help me get through the door. Any of any, only our mutual

00:26:15.360 connections, any thoughts or suggestions on how to approach this. It would be greatly appreciated.

00:26:21.000 Also, Ryan, do you, uh, you have used skydiving as an example in the last few AMA podcasts. Sounds

00:26:26.880 like you want to secretly try it. So when, when are you doing it? I'll contribute to the cost and join

00:26:32.640 you. Well, let me, let me address that first and then I'll get into it. I don't secretly want to

00:26:38.520 try it. Although I think he secretly does not want to try it. Yes. Although I will say that I am

00:26:44.820 intrigued and a little fascinated. I think that's just human nature, right? Anything that we maybe

00:26:49.580 don't know about or don't fully understand, or maybe seems exciting or something that people enjoy.

00:26:54.380 We're like, Hmm, what is it about that? That people enjoy, even though that just scares the living

00:26:58.440 daylights out of me. Um, in fact, I was up, I did angels landing hike, uh, this last weekend,

00:27:03.600 which is it's, it's a hike in Zion national park. And I live at the base of Zion national park and

00:27:08.400 it's, uh, 1400 feet from the Canyon floor. And it's very steep. I shouldn't say very steep. It's steep

00:27:16.220 and sketchy. It's a little, it's, it's pretty dicey. Um, and it's pretty narrow at a lot of points.

00:27:22.120 And in fact, a lot of the points you're just holding onto a chain. Cause if you were to slip,

00:27:25.540 you're, you're dead, you're going to fall 1400 feet. And, and that scared me, you know,

00:27:30.460 and the guy I was with John Roman, a friend of mine, um, he, he asked about heights. He's a little

00:27:35.880 afraid of heights as well, which is why we actually did it together. We're like, let's go address this

00:27:39.100 together. And we did it. And, uh, he's been skydiving a couple of times and I was asking

00:27:43.480 about it. So I don't know. I don't know if I'll ever skydive. Um, it just, it's just, I don't know.

00:27:49.540 Risk reward thing just isn't there for me. All right. Uh, enough of that one. Well, mutual, uh,

00:27:54.140 mutual connections. Here's what I would say with regards to mutual connections. If let's say,

00:27:59.380 let's say for example, Kip, you know, somebody who would potentially make a great podcast guest.

00:28:04.700 And I don't know that individual. I'm, I'm probably not going to reach directly out to that

00:28:10.060 individual and say, Oh, by the way, I know Kip, I know you do as well. Cause that might come across

00:28:14.680 as awkward. A different approach for mutual connections would be, Hey Kip, I know that,

00:28:20.040 you know, John and John's got an incredible story. I would love to have him come on the

00:28:24.800 podcast. Would you be willing to make a phone call, a text or an email on my behalf and just

00:28:30.020 introduce us? Okay. So now the beauty there is that we're using a mutual connection and Andrew,

00:28:36.020 you're exactly right. Having that mutual connection will open doors that nothing else will,

00:28:40.780 but it's not like you're having to go do it. Kip, in this case, you would be warming up that,

00:28:46.780 that offer. And if we're friends and acquaintances and we have a relationship and

00:28:50.660 it's healthy, then I think for the most part, you're not going to have any problem doing that

00:28:55.020 at all. And just because you reach out to, in this case, John, the likelihood of me and John

00:29:01.560 connecting is significantly greater than had I reached out to John myself and the name dropped you.

00:29:07.540 Now I will say one thing, word of caution. And my friend, Jordan Harbinger with the Jordan

00:29:12.000 Harbinger show talks a lot about this is that in the context of what we just talked about,

00:29:17.940 the example that we just shared, what you would not do Kip is you would not send an email or let's

00:29:25.700 say a text. You would not send a text to John and me at the same time. Cause that's not fair to John.

00:29:32.820 Cause John may have a reason why he wouldn't want to connect with me. And now he's on the spot.

00:29:37.560 Cause I'm right there on the email or the text copy. So what you need to do is the connector

00:29:42.280 is reach out to John. Hey John, I've got somebody that I'd really like you to meet. He's got a

00:29:48.820 wonderful podcast. He said he wanted to hear your story on the podcast. Can I make an introduction?

00:29:53.640 You want to, you want to save that relationship by being respectful. And John's going to say yes,

00:29:58.660 or he's going to say no, regardless of what it is. Doesn't matter if he says yes, make the

00:30:03.040 introduction. If he says no, say, Hey, no big deal. Just thought maybe you could help.

00:30:05.920 If you ever change your mind, then I'll connect the dots for you. But yeah,

00:30:10.300 but you don't want to name drop. Okay. No, but that gets annoying, right? But what you do want

00:30:15.900 to use is those mutual connections in an effective way. And having the mutual connection reach out on

00:30:22.520 your behalf is a significantly better way to do it than cold calling and then dropping the name later.

00:30:29.160 Ryan, I think you said something that was critical and you mentioned the importance of that

00:30:33.060 healthy relationship. I think we got to be careful. I don't know. Like how well is that

00:30:40.600 mutual connection, right? Is that mutual connection kind of a superficial relationship? Well, this then

00:30:45.920 changes things, right? Or for sure. Well, I'll give you an example of what you're doing, right?

00:30:50.840 Yeah. Yeah. No, you're exactly right. I'll give you an example is when we had David Goggins on the

00:30:55.460 podcast, I got probably half a dozen Facebook messages and emails and things like that from

00:31:01.180 individuals who were loose acquaintances that wanted to be introduced. Who said, yes. Who said,

00:31:07.680 will you introduce me to David Goggins? And my answer was, no, I won't because I don't know you.

00:31:12.720 I don't really know what you're all about. I'm not going to subject David to that. Like that's a

00:31:17.920 relationship that I value. Now, Kip, if you said, Hey, will you introduce me to David Goggins? Because

00:31:23.480 we've got this jujitsu tournament going on. And I really want the opportunity to introduce somebody

00:31:28.160 who's, who's influential to the world of jujitsu. I think it could value him. And I think it'd be

00:31:32.960 valuable for the community. Well, you and I have a relationship, right? We've invested thousands of

00:31:38.620 hours into each other and helping each other succeed. I know who you are. I know what you're

00:31:43.800 all about. I know your family. I know your, your morals. I know you. And, and I would have no problem

00:31:50.600 in that case, being able to reach out to somebody of that caliber and saying, Hey, I've got an

00:31:54.360 introduction for you. Now I leave it up to David in this case for him to say yes or no, but I'll go

00:31:59.620 to bat for you for sure. Cause I know you would go to bat for me as well. Yeah. And the other thing

00:32:04.580 I would say to you on that is don't keep score, right? So you and I friends, right? If, if I say to

00:32:12.080 you, Hey, will you introduce me to this person? And you do, you don't get to put like a little notch

00:32:17.560 on your belt and say, okay, Ryan owes me one. That's not how a friendship works, right? You

00:32:23.520 don't do it so that you're owed one down the road. And if you're keeping score, if either one of us

00:32:29.180 are keeping score, that's really not how friends behave. You know, I don't, I don't keep score with

00:32:34.700 my wife. I don't keep score with you. Now, if I need a favor, yeah, I'm going to call on that favor

00:32:38.800 for sure. But I also have got to be there and be willing to give in return. And it's not,

00:32:43.500 we're not about being even. We're just about helping each other in capacities.

00:32:48.380 Yeah. You do owe me though. I think. Well, I do, but, but that's a different conversation.

00:32:53.900 All right. I hope that answers the question.

00:32:56.820 I think you did. I think that was, that was spot on. I find it interesting that sometimes people

00:33:04.780 don't realize how much they go in for bat for someone else can affect your reputation a little

00:33:11.780 bit. Right. I've had situations where I've had a good friend, not like a really, really good friend,

00:33:17.760 but a good friend that I made introductions for. And that friend like had some, I don't know,

00:33:24.700 business scenarios that went South with those introductions. Yeah. Yeah. And it totally pissed

00:33:29.500 me off. I was like, what the hell? Right. Like I introduced you guys. Right. And so, 0.77

00:33:35.240 and that's why this is a, an important conversation, right? Because you, you want to make sure that

00:33:41.300 whatever connections that you do have, that those relationships, you know what I mean? That you,

00:33:46.160 if you recommend someone or you go to bat for someone, like you mentioned that, that it's a

00:33:51.820 legit, right? Because that's my word, right? That's my recommendation that I gave to someone

00:33:56.080 or suggestion that I gave to someone. And if that goes South, that, that looks bad on me too.

00:34:00.500 So, well, you're exactly right. And I think the best way to look at this is that the relationships

00:34:05.300 that we all have are literal resources, right? The relationship Kip that I have with you,

00:34:10.820 you are a resource and an asset to me. And I hope that in return, I'm a resource and an asset to you,

00:34:16.860 right? That's how a relationship works. Now, if I introduce a third party into the equation and that

00:34:23.540 third party abuses my resource and asset, you in this case, then that's just as, that's just as 0.98

00:34:31.000 bad as walking into somebody's house and breaking all their shit or stealing money from their wallet 0.99

00:34:35.800 or their bank account. You are, you are literally destroying that resource and that asset because 0.99

00:34:42.540 Kip now, if Billy Bob comes in and, and screws with you, then you're going to look at me in a less

00:34:50.600 favorable light and that severs and well damages. And in the worst case scenario, severs the relationship

00:34:58.680 that you and I have. So yeah, you want to be protective of these things too, and really know

00:35:02.580 who you're introducing to and why, what the motive is behind it. This just comes down to being a good,

00:35:08.620 like just be a good man, right? If you're a good man, if you're doing everything that we talk about,

00:35:14.620 or at least on the path, like you're focused, you're committed, you have a battle plan,

00:35:18.140 you're in integrity, you're, you're, you're bold and you're audacious and you're living life big and

00:35:22.920 you're working out and you're striving to, to gain more knowledge and education, then nobody will ever

00:35:29.400 have a problem introducing you to other people. It's when you're falling short in these other areas

00:35:34.320 that this becomes a problem and a challenge. That's so true. That's so true. I mean, there's

00:35:39.480 been times where, where I've had clients actually go out of their way and say, Hey, if you need any

00:35:46.560 introductions to any other company referrals or what you let us know, like I didn't even have to

00:35:51.620 ask. Right. It's awesome. It's a great Testament. And I'll tell you why it is Kip is because, so you

00:35:58.720 would maybe be tempted to think that they want to help you and they probably do, but that's usually

00:36:05.900 not enough. What they think about what drives a human being to do something it's to gain, it's to

00:36:12.140 get ahead in their own light. Right. So what these people are experiencing is they think that by

00:36:17.780 introducing you to their network, that that will make them more valuable. Right. Because I'm the

00:36:25.900 connector. And, and what that means is that ultimately is a very, very high compliment to you

00:36:31.900 because you have enhanced their life to the point where they think just having you in their life

00:36:38.040 makes them more valuable. Like that's a pretty high compliment right there.

00:36:42.780 That's interesting. I, you know, I've never saw that, but I can, I can totally see that even in

00:36:47.940 our dynamics. That's what crossed my mind when I, when I was like, Hey, you need to have court McGee

00:36:52.700 on the podcast. Right. Oh, I'm providing value to Ryan. Right. That's literally what I thought.

00:36:58.560 And you feel good. That makes you win, right? That's a win for you. Yeah. And it happens to be a win

00:37:02.920 for me and it happens to be a win for court, but ultimately the motive is, okay, this is going to,

00:37:07.980 this is going to prop me up and it's not, it's not wrong. It just, it is what it is.

00:37:13.060 It's funny. I never noticed that psychology of that. That's great.

00:37:16.380 Yeah. Cool. What else?

00:37:17.820 All right. Anthony Miller tactics on being a happy warrior. I have been with the iron council for over

00:37:23.880 two years now. I've made many improvements in my life and the lives of those I serve.

00:37:28.200 I realized a short time ago that I was not enjoying the journey I chose to undertake with

00:37:34.020 all the fulfillment, fulfilling aspects of being a better man. I think I should be finding joy in

00:37:39.160 what I'm endeavoring to do. What am I missing? Any help would be wonderful. Thank you both, Anthony.

00:37:45.960 Well, I almost wonder if the reason that maybe you're not experiencing it is because you're

00:37:52.820 striving for something that's, that's fleeting, that is happiness. I'm actually really, really

00:37:59.780 cautious of using that word. Cause I think a lot of people just want to be happy. It's like, I don't,

00:38:03.700 I don't want to be happy. In fact, I don't think men, their ultimate objective is to be happy,

00:38:08.640 like to, to be prancing around and holding each other's hands and skipping across whatever. And I know

00:38:14.080 I'm painting maybe a dramatic case of, of happiness, but ultimately I don't think that's what men are

00:38:19.480 after. And I think that if you're, if you're chasing that, you're probably giving up an

00:38:24.960 opportunity to suffer. And I say opportunity to suffer intentionally. It is an opportunity because

00:38:30.640 that suffering is where we grow. It's where we expand. It's where we become more capable.

00:38:35.760 It's where we master something, where we control something, where we get better. And we feel

00:38:40.740 ultimately that we're contributing in a meaningful and significant way to our families, our businesses,

00:38:46.880 our communities, all the things that we're talking about. So I made a post here, um, in Instagram,

00:38:51.940 and I just pulled it up because I wanted to read the quote to you. I said, I firmly believe that the

00:38:56.260 pursuit of making yourself more capable of handling as much meaningful responsibility as possible is the

00:39:04.060 surest way to fulfillment and satisfaction in your life. Let me say that just one more time.

00:39:09.340 I firmly believe that the pursuit of making yourself more capable of handling as much,

00:39:16.940 and this is a keyword, meaningful responsibility as possible is the surest way to fulfillment and

00:39:23.400 satisfaction in your life. Guys, I really believe that we're built physically, mentally, emotionally,

00:39:30.260 to shoulder responsibility, to shoulder suffering in a way, as long as it's meaningful. And the more

00:39:41.040 that we can make ourselves capable of doing it physically, mentally, emotionally, the better off

00:39:46.820 we are. The analogy is the gym. I mean, think about a back squat. That's what I did this morning. For

00:39:53.340 example, my job is to get under the weight on a rack, get under the bar and under literal weight and,

00:40:02.260 and drop down, let that weight push me down. And then through sheer force and physicality,

00:40:10.300 push myself back up to a standing position. If that isn't a perfect analogy for life, I don't know what

00:40:17.380 is. Now, why do you do that? You do it so that the next time you go into the gym, instead of doing

00:40:22.680 250 pounds, you can do it with 265 pounds and then 285 and then 300 and so on and so forth.

00:40:30.280 You're literally trying to make yourself more capable of withstanding a heavy load on your

00:40:37.500 shoulders. So we've got to be very, very careful. So that's the philosophical idea, right? But we've

00:40:42.760 got to be very, very careful of saying, well, I just want to be happy. Well, look, if all I wanted

00:40:49.060 to be happy was to be happy, I wouldn't have gone to the gym this morning because I wasn't happy at the

00:40:54.080 gym. Like I was, I was struggling. I was working. I was like bearing down. I was tired and exhausted.

00:41:00.200 It wasn't about happiness. It was about understanding that when I go to the gym, I make myself more capable

00:41:05.920 of being a better father, husband, business owner, community leader. That's meaningful to me.

00:41:10.520 And so I'm willing to bear that literal weight in order to be more capable of handling life. So

00:41:19.040 look for meaningful responsibility and understand that in order to achieve it, you have to pursue

00:41:28.000 mastery and the capacity to make yourself capable of, of handling more and more and more and more.

00:41:37.140 Would you recommend to Anthony that, that part of quote unquote being at what's changed to his

00:41:44.160 verbiage instead of a happy warrior, a satisfied warrior, or you don't mean something else, but I

00:41:50.180 say I use fulfilled because even satisfied to me speaks to like, I'm satisfied. Like I'm here. I've

00:41:55.500 arrived. I like fulfillment because as soon as we're, we're filled, then we give ourselves a greater

00:42:02.040 capacity for more fulfillment. So I choose to use that word, but maybe it's just semantics. I just want

00:42:07.120 people to understand the point. So if we use fulfilled warrior, how much of this, Ryan,

00:42:11.580 do you think has to do with, with Anthony, maybe doing an after act review and saying, Hey, I am

00:42:17.580 progressing, you know, like taking a moment and celebrating the wins a little bit, because I,

00:42:22.680 I can relate to Anthony a little bit where I think I'm really hard on myself and I have a tendency just

00:42:27.820 to grind, grind, grind and, and, and not pause sometimes and say, Whoa, you know what? How, how,

00:42:34.220 how many blessings really do I have in my life? And you know, how much growth has really occurred

00:42:38.780 and, and taking a moment to kind of celebrate and, and realize, um, what change has happened in,

00:42:44.460 in a positive way. Uh, you know, I'm, I'm not the best person to ask on that. Cause

00:42:48.620 okay. And the reason that's not your thing, it's not, it's like, okay, okay, well you did what you

00:42:54.480 wanted to do. What's next. You know, like what, for example, when I actually went on a hike with my

00:43:01.080 family the other day, not on the angels landing, but a different hike. And we got to the top and

00:43:05.240 I'm like, Oh, this is cool. Like when I was at the bottom, I'm like, Oh, let's get to that point.

00:43:08.120 And we got to that point. I'm like, Oh, this is cool. Like, I like it. It's nice, beautiful.

00:43:11.540 Took some pictures, enjoyed ourselves. And I'm like, I want to go to that next one.

00:43:15.360 You know, like totally, but you still stopped and took a photo and enjoyed, right?

00:43:20.420 For sure. I just think you got to be careful of stopping too long and being too complacent and too

00:43:26.060 satisfied. I think the greater threat usually with most men is not that we don't stop and look

00:43:33.180 around. It's that we stop and look around and we do it too long and we get complacent and we don't

00:43:37.440 continue to pursue and progress. That, that to me is the greater threat in my own life and the lives

00:43:43.120 of the men that we've served over the past four years. So should you be excited about the things

00:43:50.080 that you've accomplished? Yeah, absolutely. Like I, sometimes I like to look backwards and think

00:43:55.140 in this podcast, for example, and think about when we were getting, you know, 50 or a hundred

00:43:59.500 downloads a day and looking at where we're getting 30,000 plus a day. And I'm like, Whoa,

00:44:05.200 we've come a long way, but I, but I, but I only look back so that I understand that I'm capable of

00:44:12.500 even going further, right? Like I think, I think looking backwards just for the sake of looking

00:44:17.900 backwards is a little futile. Like I think it has to be able to propel us forward. That's the,

00:44:22.300 that's the point of this timeline that we're on. Yeah. I wonder how much I've used this analogy

00:44:27.360 with my boys. Sorry to rat on this, but I think this is an important distinction maybe is we've

00:44:34.000 had this conversation where my oldest son is losing his vision. Right. And, um, I've used that analogy

00:44:39.880 with my boys that, that sometimes happiness, um, or fulfillment, right. In this case, a lot of it has

00:44:46.920 to do with the humility and the realization of, of really how great your life is and what blessings

00:44:53.680 you have. And imagine if my oldest woke up tomorrow morning and had all his vision back,

00:45:00.680 guess what? Tomorrow would be the best day of his life. But yeah, we all wake up every morning with

00:45:07.940 those, right? We, we wake up every morning with all of our vision. We wake up every morning with our

00:45:12.460 legs and our arms and some people don't, but if they did have those basic things, it would have

00:45:18.620 been the most amazing day of their life. And so, I don't know. I wonder how much of this is, is just

00:45:23.400 also about just being, I mean, don't get me wrong. I know we're talking about becoming better men,

00:45:29.140 right? But sometimes it's just come to realization of how, how many blessings we really have.

00:45:34.160 I think that's great. You know, I think that's important and you got to think about context,

00:45:37.900 right? And perspective, you know, you see people with disabilities, for example, or limbs that are

00:45:42.780 missing. And I've had the opportunity to talk with half a dozen guys who, you know, are missing both

00:45:47.460 legs or Travis Mills, who's, who's missing all four limbs, for example. And he doesn't feel sorry for

00:45:53.240 himself. I'm not saying that, but it does give me a new perspective for what I have. And also, and I

00:45:58.320 think this is the point is that if Travis can have the level of success that he has, or Sid Smith,

00:46:04.660 who, who had surgeries and, and had both of his legs removed, if those guys can have the level

00:46:10.620 of success that they've had in that situation, in that set of circumstances, then what excuse do I

00:46:17.060 have? Yeah. And I don't use that to pull me down. I use that to say, Hey, if these guys can do it,

00:46:22.980 surely I can do it. And, and that gives me a reason to excel and to drive and to be motivated to

00:46:29.220 do something bigger and better than I ever have in the past. Yeah. And get the most out of your

00:46:34.240 experience of life. A hundred percent, a hundred percent. All right. Billy hate Hattridge. I'm not

00:46:41.540 a competitive person at the end of the day. I could care less who won as long as everyone had a good

00:46:46.560 time, but that's not always a good thing. How does one foster a competitive spirit?

00:46:52.880 That's a good question. I don't know. Cause I've always been like, I want to destroy you and humiliate

00:46:58.680 you in the process. So I've never had the issue of like, Oh, let's just have fun. Like that's never

00:47:03.660 been a thing for me. Um, I don't know. You have some thoughts. Maybe I need to think on that for

00:47:07.920 a second. I mean, I think it has to be tied to something you care about, right? I mean, if you

00:47:14.120 don't, if you're playing a game in the, in the game, you just, you don't give a crap about checkers, 0.95

00:47:19.660 right? It doesn't motivate you at all. Yeah. You don't care if you win or not. But, um, I, so I think

00:47:25.580 it's the game that you're playing and I think you just need to find the right game that, that kind of

00:47:29.780 drives you to be competitive and worst case, Billy, just throw a guy on and go get choked

00:47:34.600 out by someone. You'll start feeling a little bit more competitive. Well, yeah, you've got

00:47:38.980 the motivation there for sure. Right. She's not kidding. You know, one thing I'm thinking

00:47:43.920 about is as you're talking about this is maybe we're looking at it wrong and thinking, you

00:47:47.720 know, when we, when we, usually when we talk about competitiveness, we're talking about

00:47:51.400 competing against another individual, right? And certainly that's competition, but maybe that's

00:47:56.800 not the competition. Maybe the competition is, are you more capable than you were yesterday?

00:48:01.760 Right. Jordan Peterson talks about this. Don't compare yourself. And I'm going to butcher this,

00:48:05.000 but don't compare yourself to anybody else. Compare yourself to the man you were yesterday.

00:48:09.760 So here's, what's interesting is I did a, I did a presentation for my high school baseball coach,

00:48:15.440 baseball and football coaches, new team. He's in union, Roosevelt, Utah. And he came down here to

00:48:21.160 Southern Utah for a tournament. He asked if I'd come speak to his team. And I said, yeah, man,

00:48:24.900 I'd be honored to come do that. So I did. I went and spoke to his team and I said, guys,

00:48:28.940 look, at the end of the day, our job is to win, right? It is a competition, but, but really the

00:48:34.520 whole concept of what we're doing here is not competition against another team. In fact,

00:48:38.680 if anything, it's cooperation. And a few of them were like, they were looking at me weird.

00:48:43.320 I said, well, think about it. You as a team, a baseball team have agreed to get together with

00:48:48.440 another baseball team and you want to cooperate in a way so much so that you're following a set

00:48:55.420 of rules that you have agreed upon. And even more than that is you've agreed to bring in a third

00:49:02.220 party referees, umpires, officials to ensure that you cooperate on a level playing field. And if you

00:49:10.360 don't, then there's consequences for stepping outside of the agreement that we have the rules,

00:49:16.180 right? So why do we do that? Do we do that to beat the other team? No, we do it to make

00:49:22.160 ourselves more capable. So you come into the tournament and let's say you get your ass handed 0.99

00:49:26.040 to you. Yeah. I mean, you don't want to lose, but ultimately that gives you the framework and 1.00

00:49:30.800 the perspective that you need to go back to the drawing board, practice, shore up some weaknesses,

00:49:37.420 double down on the strengths, then come back to the game and cooperate again with another team

00:49:43.020 to see if you've made yourself more capable. The score is simply a metric. That's all it is.

00:49:50.400 It's a metric to answer the question that John Eldridge talks about that men are constantly trying

00:49:55.440 to answer. Am I enough? And if you come up wanting on the scoreboard at the end of that time,

00:50:02.580 the answer is no. And so you go back and you find a way to make yourself more capable and then you come

00:50:07.980 back and then go back, make yourself more capable and then come back and test it and so on and so forth.

00:50:12.560 So maybe we don't look at competition as a competition against somebody else,

00:50:17.000 but a competition against who you are and who you have the potential to become.

00:50:22.020 And I think if we look at it from that perspective, it's going to be very difficult unless we're

00:50:26.380 playing dolls or doing a tea party with our daughter to say, I'm just here to have fun.

00:50:31.100 No, man, I'm here like podcasting. I'm not here to have fun. I'm here to be the best

00:50:37.140 podcaster that ever spoke through these airwaves. If I'm going to the gym, it's like, I want to be

00:50:44.620 as strong as I'm physically capable of. If I'm going into jujitsu, it's because I want to make

00:50:50.920 myself more capable, more technical, stronger, more knowledgeable, and ultimately better able to

00:50:57.820 protect myself and the people that I have an obligation responsibility for. But in order to

00:51:01.860 live up to that, I have to have other people with me who are willing to cooperate with me

00:51:06.360 to test me so that I know objectively where I stand and how good I really am.

00:51:13.100 Part of what I'm hearing, Ryan, is that perhaps your recommendation to Billy is

00:51:18.540 living a fulfilled life and not having a regret. Like, are you going to kill it? And were you the 0.92

00:51:24.840 man that you ultimately could have became? Or did you just enjoy yourself?

00:51:29.060 Right. And maybe that's enough to get competitive.

00:51:32.600 Like, you know, are you reframing it? Sure. And look, I mean, sometimes it's like to say that you

00:51:39.780 can't enjoy something is a little crazy. Like when we went on, when I went on the hike with my family,

00:51:44.140 I wasn't, I wasn't sprinting up the hill, seeing how fast I could do it and making myself more capable

00:51:48.280 of hiking. I was, I was there enjoying the moment with my family. So there's times for it. I'm not

00:51:52.940 saying that, but I am saying there's also times where the objective is to make yourself more

00:51:59.760 capable. And if you're always this, just want to have fun and be happy, then you're complacent

00:52:04.420 and you're probably living a life less than you're capable of.

00:52:07.100 Yeah. Cool. All right. Next question. We're jumping into the Facebook here.

00:52:13.880 Will Crockren, can you ever trust someone completely? I feel as though there's always

00:52:19.660 a nagging doubt. And is this doubt beneficial or deprimental to a relationship?

00:52:25.520 Um, I think that's a choice. Like you can choose whether or not you want to trust somebody.

00:52:33.880 Um, I just got a text, for example. Do you think it's a negative thing to

00:52:36.740 fully trust someone? I think, um, I think in different relationships, it could be dangerous

00:52:45.480 to fully trust someone. And I think in other relationships, I think it could be dangerous

00:52:50.220 not to fully trust someone. It just depends on the relationship. So for example, I just got

00:52:55.460 a text from my wife and I hear turn the truck on outside and she says, Hey, we're headed to the

00:52:59.860 mountain. The kids are on spring break this week. Uh, she says, your keys are on the counter.

00:53:04.360 Well, when she says she's headed to the mountain, like I genuinely believe she's headed to the

00:53:08.320 mountain, not to go visit her boyfriend or something. Right. Like, like we choose, we choose.

00:53:13.880 Now, could she be doing that? I guess, I guess she could, you know, drop the kids off and go do that. 1.00

00:53:19.080 But I choose to trust her because it serves me well, because I free up the, the mental baggage

00:53:26.860 and the emotional drama of not trusting individuals. And, and it serves her because

00:53:32.540 I'm able to give her the freedom that she's entitled to, frankly. Um, you know, if you've

00:53:39.540 been, if you've been hurt or, or damaged in the past based on, uh, a breach of that trust,

00:53:46.120 then I think you're going to be less trusting, but it doesn't mean that you can't learn to trust

00:53:51.080 through their actions and through your own level of security and confidence and through boundaries

00:53:55.640 and communication. You know, my wife knows where I stand on a lot of these important issues and

00:54:00.460 I know where she stands. So there's, there's no question about what is expected of each of us.

00:54:06.760 Same thing holds true in relationships, whether it's the relationship with you and I in this

00:54:11.140 podcast and the iron council or a member of the iron council or a neighbor or a friend,

00:54:16.120 or whoever else it may be. But yeah, I think you really have to determine the, the relationship.

00:54:22.720 I think you have to determine the motive of those in the relationship. So for example,

00:54:26.740 in a business relationship, what is the motive of another individual maximize maximize profits?

00:54:32.300 Well, so is yours. And if you can align those things, I think it's more capable of, of creating

00:54:37.400 an environment of trust, but if they're misaligned or at odds with each other, I, I think it's going

00:54:41.400 to be harder to trust that individual. Same thing is true in a marriage. Your, your objectives are

00:54:47.480 aligned. So it's easier to trust. Um, I don't know if that gives the right answer, but I, I genuinely

00:54:53.220 think it depends, but I just didn't want to say it depends. Like I try to give it some context.

00:54:58.400 Well, and, and will you use the, you know, is this, uh, doubt deprimental to a relationship?

00:55:04.040 Well, if you use the unique relationship, let's say with a spouse, well, how do you feel if your

00:55:09.080 spouse didn't trust you? Is that depth deprimental to the relationship? Right. Yeah. I think the

00:55:14.760 answer is be yes. Yeah. Right. If you're white turn on the controlling or any of these other things 0.98

00:55:19.320 and totally, but it depends, right? Like there's certain relationships where maybe I don't fully

00:55:25.000 trust someone, but the expectation is, isn't that I should, right? Like it doesn't, it doesn't, um,

00:55:32.520 hurt the relationship, right? Maybe the relationship is still forming. It's somewhat

00:55:36.360 superficial at this point. And so they don't fully trust me maybe, and maybe I don't fully

00:55:40.720 trust them yet, but that's okay. Right. It doesn't prevent the relationship from growing,

00:55:44.960 but obviously as relationships get closer and you know, we, we use the analogy of spouses. Yeah. I mean,

00:55:50.700 obviously it could be highly detrimental to the relationship if you don't trust each other.

00:55:55.540 Yeah. I'm just trying to think about my relationship in the marriage and like, I fully trust my wife.

00:56:01.100 And as I'm thinking about this, I mean, maybe, you know, maybe there's some concerns like

00:56:05.880 financially of, of, you know, is she going to spend a bunch of money today? And, you know,

00:56:10.340 I have those concerns, but not so much so that I'm like, well, you can't have a credit card.

00:56:15.620 It's like, yeah, let's, let's talk about these things. Let's be on the same page. When I mess up,

00:56:21.180 you know, I'll be accountable to you. When you mess up, you be accountable to me. And so we work

00:56:25.180 through these issues because there's little, little factors that, that may need to be addressed,

00:56:31.360 but I don't fully believe it's a trust issue. Yeah. All right. Joey Halgren, what are your tips

00:56:41.100 on getting siblings to get out and do more things together across different interests? I'm 24. My

00:56:47.060 brothers are 23 and 21. I'm interested to see what you might think of getting siblings to be more

00:56:52.780 interested in different activities together. While I enjoy the outdoors more, they have different

00:56:57.240 interests, but I love to get them to come outside, hike, shoot, et cetera, more often as well as join

00:57:03.840 them. What are your tips? I'd hate to look back later in life and see that we wasted some of our

00:57:09.560 best years together. Just go do what they're interested in and invite them to do what you're

00:57:14.240 interested in. Yeah. I mean, I don't, I don't think this is a complicated answer. Like if,

00:57:18.980 if you know that they like, I don't know, race cars or something, then ask them to go,

00:57:25.040 like, Hey, let's all go to a NASCAR event. Yeah. And then cycle through. Right. Right. And you do

00:57:30.040 that and then say, Hey guys, you know, like, um, one thing I'm really interested in is, is competitive

00:57:34.540 shooting. And you guys have never really, really done that. I'd love to just show you guys, give you

00:57:39.140 an introduction. Don't bombard them. That's one thing that I see is like, they don't need access to

00:57:44.660 your entire world. Like give them an afternoon and say, Hey, here's a couple of things. Here's

00:57:49.160 a couple of pointers. Let's go have some fun and let's do this together. I think the mistake you

00:57:53.080 could fall prey to is like, Hey, we're going to go on a three-day course on an active shooter,

00:57:57.800 you know, shooter course. And we're going to learn all this instruction. Like, Whoa, that sounds

00:58:01.920 ridiculous. But if you give them an afternoon and introduce them to it, and then next time you give

00:58:08.080 them one of your afternoons, like, I don't think most reasonable, I think, I think most siblings

00:58:13.120 would actually probably enjoy trying new things and being around people they love. So I think

00:58:17.460 that's kind of an easy one. Yeah, no, I just think that be careful not to put too much meaning.

00:58:24.040 Um, I've done a lot of family events with lots of siblings and it's really simple or it's really,

00:58:30.440 uh, easy to assume that like, Oh, they didn't appreciate it or they weren't having to control

00:58:35.920 your mindset, realize that it's probably greatly appreciated and everyone's having a good time

00:58:40.760 and don't put too much meaning on anything. And I love the idea of cycling through it. That's kind

00:58:44.860 of exciting. To be honest, if I, if my siblings did that and said, Hey, once a month, we're going

00:58:48.820 to do an activity and the next sibling chooses what the activity is. And I have no idea what it is.

00:58:54.560 You know what I mean? And then all of a sudden I have to do something that they enjoy that that'd

00:58:57.760 be kind of enjoyable and mix it up a little bit. So I agree. I think, yeah, absolutely.

00:59:02.100 All right. Tim Dean, my wife and I would both like to know in what ways does your wife come

00:59:08.260 before your children and why it came up when we were listening to last week's episode with your

00:59:12.900 wife. So not last week, but a couple of weeks ago. In what ways does my wife come before my kids? 1.00

00:59:18.400 Yes. Um, in, in all ways, I guess, I don't know. Um, I mean, I can't think of any like specific

00:59:27.120 examples, but if she has an obligation or a need or needs my help or, or I see her struggling or

00:59:32.460 suffering, um, in some capacity, whether it's obviously physically or mentally or emotionally,

00:59:36.640 then it's my obligation to, to serve her and to help her and to put her first. Like it's very rarely

00:59:43.060 are you going to have to choose between your kids and your wife. Like it just, it just doesn't happen.

00:59:49.360 You know, like I'll give you one example. We put our kids to bed early between seven 30 and eight

00:59:53.980 o'clock. And a lot of people say, Oh my gosh, how do you do that so early? Well,

00:59:56.540 I care about my wife and I want time alone with her. So we've created and fostered an environment

01:00:01.460 where our kids go to bed early and that's what's expected. And it's good for them because they get

01:00:06.320 more sleep and it's good for us because we get time alone. So, um, I also don't let children dictate

01:00:12.280 how my life and how my schedule is run. Too many parents do that. It's ridiculous. You know,

01:00:17.300 I'm the parent, I'm the adult for a reason. I know more than my children do. And so my wife and I

01:00:22.500 collectively make decisions based on our best interest ultimately so that we can serve and be

01:00:28.280 more capable of taking care of our children. But I don't think, I think very rarely are you going to

01:00:34.320 have to decide between, okay, do I put her first or my kids first? I don't think that, I think you just

01:00:39.380 have a heart and a mind towards serving her and taking care of her and the children will inevitably

01:00:45.280 be served better anyway. So I don't know. Ryan, why do you think it's important to put your spouse

01:00:51.500 first? Same reason it's important to place a priority on yourself. You know, like you're going

01:00:58.360 to be, you're going to be, you were with her before the kids. You're going to be with her long after the

01:01:03.900 kids are gone. And if you guys can't have a healthy relationship, one of love and commitment and

01:01:09.720 sacrifice, I mean, how effective can you really be for the children? You know, is it better, for example,

01:01:14.660 for a kid, for kids to be in a loving nuclear family, or is it better for them to be in a broken

01:01:21.380 home with step-parents and everything else involved? Now, look, I mean, sometimes it happens. That's the

01:01:26.620 way it is. But I think most people would say a nuclear family would probably be the ideal scenario. 0.51

01:01:34.140 And so if we can't learn to take care of our wives and put her first, then I think we, we expose

01:01:41.280 ourselves to the greater risk of potentially upsetting that family dynamic that has proven

01:01:47.880 time and time again to be very, very valuable for our children.

01:01:52.540 Yeah. Well, and we've used this example in the past that our kids learn through our example. And so

01:01:57.040 how your relationship is with your spouse greatly determines the types of relationships your kids

01:02:02.700 are going to have when they get older. And when we talk about the most profound decisions that you

01:02:08.720 will make in life, one of them, in my opinion, is, is who you choose to marry and who you choose to

01:02:13.700 marry often has to do with how you saw mom and dad interact and how do they treat each other and what 0.99

01:02:19.380 kind of relationship did they have? So I can't, I mean, this is super critical in my opinion.

01:02:25.920 Well, I don't even think it's an opinion, Kip. I think it's fact that one of the greatest decisions

01:02:32.800 you will ever make is bar none who you have committed your heart to. And you better make

01:02:40.680 sure you find a good one. I mean, that's, look, I mean, in the Facebook group alone, I mean, how many

01:02:46.740 guys talk about, Oh, my wife, this and my wife, that, and there's all these little red flags that

01:02:51.240 they avoided. And they, it's like, dude, I realized maybe she was hot. Maybe the sex was good. Maybe

01:02:57.240 whatever, whatever your reasoning is, but don't overlook that stuff because you're just setting

01:03:02.160 yourself up for a world to hurt. And then I even have heard from therapists, licensed therapists

01:03:07.160 who have said that they, that couples who are struggling should potentially bring a child into

01:03:12.620 the world because maybe it'll help them draw closer together. I'm like, what the hell is wrong with you?

01:03:17.680 You've got to get that stuff done, right? You've got to invest time and energy and resources and

01:03:24.620 sacrifice into that relationship before you ever consider bringing kids into this world.

01:03:30.040 I think that's actually one of the greatest threats to society is people being flippant about

01:03:35.360 how often they bring kids into this world when they're not adequately prepared to do so. And

01:03:40.080 please note, I did not say ready. So don't email me and say, well, Ryan, nobody can ever be ready.

01:03:45.860 I'm not saying that. I'm saying at least mentally, emotionally, physically, financially capable

01:03:52.740 of raising children. Like raising kids is not an easy and frankly, not always fun. So I don't

01:03:59.500 understand why these people continue to bring children into the world when they can't even

01:04:02.960 take care of themselves. What I love is when I've heard people say, oh, you know, when we have kids,

01:04:09.820 they'll bring us together. Yeah. It's like, oh yeah, yeah. That's, that's exactly what kids do.

01:04:14.700 Yeah. Kids are notorious for making everything harmonious in a household. It's like, get real,

01:04:21.620 man. It's like, gosh, dang. Yeah. All right. Yeah. Your, your marriage is now going to be

01:04:26.560 challenged. Yeah. Yeah. Now once a child who, who consumes all of your time and attention and

01:04:32.180 resources and energy and just eats and shits and cries, like that's all they ever do for the first, 0.71

01:04:37.640 like five years of their life. Yeah. Yeah. That'll be better. Oh, and by the way,

01:04:42.060 you will not sleep nearly as good as you were before. Like, yeah. Yeah. You're, you're going

01:04:47.880 to be, you're going to be rested. You're going to be happy. You're going to have more money or

01:04:54.320 more sex, more sex. Your sex life is just going to skyrocket. You're going to be able to go on more 0.97

01:04:58.960 dates. It's going to be awesome. It's going to be amazing. Yeah. And look, let's don't get me wrong

01:05:04.480 here. All right. I say all that stuff. We love our kids and it's all true. Look, I'm not,

01:05:09.120 I'm not saying it's not true. It's all true. It kids are a pain in the ass a lot of the times,

01:05:13.220 but they're also very rewarding. They're challenging in a good way. And speaking of 0.99

01:05:18.820 meaningful responsibility, I don't know if there's anything greater than that.

01:05:22.200 Yeah. What, which is just, it's a perfect parable of how this all works, man. Some of the toughest

01:05:29.020 things that we ever experienced in our life are the most fulfilling and most rewarding.

01:05:33.420 Yeah, absolutely. Let's take a couple more. If you're, are you doing okay on time?

01:05:36.580 Yeah. Yeah. I'm doing okay. Let's take a couple more. All right. Sam Johnson. He's curious.

01:05:41.420 He's almost 30 and he wants to get into the military. Is it recommended or not? Is he too old?

01:05:48.580 Your take? No, do what you want. Is there a, I'm not a military guy, so I'm kind of ignorant about

01:05:56.220 this stuff, but is there a, is there a point where the military is like, you are too old? Like we won't

01:06:01.840 accept it. There is. Yeah. Let me just Google this real quick. It says the maximum age for army

01:06:06.800 enlisted recruits is 35. The Navy and Marine cap recruits at 34 and 28. Under federal law,

01:06:13.320 the oldest recruit any military branch can enlist is 42. Although each service sets its own policy

01:06:18.880 within that limit. So it looks like army, I think is what Sam said. Enlisted recruits, 35 is the oldest.

01:06:26.920 Uh, no man. Like if you have a desire to serve and, and that's calling to you and you've,

01:06:32.340 you've found meaning in that or purpose in that, like, I don't think 30 is too old. Like,

01:06:36.680 yeah, no, get after it. Yeah. Get it done, man. Yeah. I mean, it's awesome that you're even like,

01:06:41.120 Hey, I'm kind of old, but shit, I'm going to do this. Cause I've always wanted to. I mean, 0.97

01:06:44.640 that's, I don't think you're kind of old. 30 is not old. Right. Well, I mean, I'm only 24. So 30 seems

01:06:49.800 really old to me. So. Yeah. Well, I'm what am I? 38 this year is crazy, man. I'm almost 40. That's,

01:06:55.860 that seems old to me. Yeah. I mean, you think about it. If you, if you're 30 now you put in

01:07:01.320 30 years, I mean, you're only 60 years old and you got a 30 year military career, or maybe you only

01:07:07.460 do four years and you're like, okay, well scratch that itch, serve my country, feel good about it.

01:07:12.260 No, man. 30 is not too old. All right. David Davidson. What question do you wish we would ask you

01:07:19.360 one of these times that no one ever does? Is there a question that you're like, man,

01:07:24.080 you guys never ask a decent question? No. Cause if there was, I would just answer it on a Friday

01:07:27.940 field notes, regardless if you asked the question or not. Or, or we would just go on some rant at

01:07:32.500 the beginning of the call and just speak to whatever was on our minds anyway. Yeah. I don't care that we,

01:07:37.240 I look, man, I do this for, I do this for the guys, right? Like I don't have to sit here and answer

01:07:42.020 questions for people, but I do it because I enjoy it. So if you have a question, ask the question. I don't,

01:07:46.460 I don't know what questions you have, but whatever they are, I want to try to answer them to the best

01:07:50.740 of my ability. And if it's something completely off the wall, then, you know, I'm going to try to

01:07:54.840 answer it. If it's something that I feel like is a damn good question, then I'm going to try to

01:07:57.700 answer that, but it's for you. So you decide whatever your pain points are. All right. Brad,

01:08:02.820 the bearded towel earlier in the year. Is that, wait, hold on. Is that like his user ID or is that,

01:08:08.400 what is that? He added the bearded in the middle there. I think he's trying to compete with you.

01:08:12.240 I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't like Brad. I'm just kidding. I'm just trying to compete with

01:08:18.940 me, man. What's up with that? All right. His question earlier in the year, you talked about

01:08:23.540 running goals and goals for your family. What's a good way to sit down with your kids and get them

01:08:28.220 to do goals for themselves. My oldest is nine years old and I have a six year old girl. The two others

01:08:34.100 are younger, uh, one and a half and seven months. I like this. I like this, Brad. This is a good,

01:08:39.340 it's a good idea, man. The more that we can be involved in our kids' lives and give them the

01:08:43.660 frameworks. And that's what, that's what planning is, right? It's just a framework. It's a, it's a

01:08:46.980 framework for success. So I really like this, uh, this thought, um, do a battle plan with a man,

01:08:52.840 like get the book sovereignty. It's in the back of the book. Um, gosh, we've talked about it at length

01:08:57.140 on how to do a battle plan and just take them through, uh, uh, maybe, maybe with your kids,

01:09:02.460 instead of doing like a 90 day battle plan, maybe just to do a 30 day battle plan and, and make out.

01:09:07.800 So very, very quickly, I'll just do an overview, uh, four key areas. So calibration is yourself,

01:09:14.260 right? So it's mental, emotional, spiritual wellbeing. Then we have connections. So it's

01:09:20.160 relationships. Then the third component is condition, which is physical. And then the last

01:09:24.860 component of that is, uh, is contribution. So becoming a man of value is what I say, but if you're

01:09:31.600 teaching your daughter, I think the same applies there, but becoming a person of value. So what can

01:09:35.260 you learn and grow and develop and what job can you do, et cetera, et cetera. So you have now your

01:09:39.660 objectives. What do I want to accomplish over 30 days? Now, what can you do on a daily basis,

01:09:45.460 daily basis, every single day, I'm going to do X, Y, and Z. And at the end of the 30 days,

01:09:50.700 I'm going to complete this objective and then have checkpoints along the way. Maybe you have a one

01:09:55.180 week checkpoint, uh, a two week and a three week checkpoint just to make sure they're on the path,

01:10:01.120 but, and say, Hey, we're going to talk about this every Monday or every Friday and see where you

01:10:04.980 are, have it on a calendar, you know, write those things down, something where they can literally

01:10:09.840 like draw an X with a big red marker through and that once they've completed it. But yeah,

01:10:14.740 I think the battle plan is just as good a framework for kids as it is for adults.

01:10:19.300 Cool. All right. A couple more questions. Adam to Meyer, how do you combat your wife's frustration 0.99

01:10:25.740 about your past? My lady and I started on Rocky terms, although I have always been faithful to her

01:10:30.980 since we've started dating, but she still has issues sometimes overlooking those.

01:10:37.440 Well, there could be a couple of things. She could have issues with your past, or she could have 1.00

01:10:41.660 her own issues that she can't seem to overcome insecurities, or maybe she's feeling guilty about

01:10:46.760 something. I mean, there's some more, there might be some more here, right? Yeah. Um, I think the best

01:10:51.340 thing you can do two things. And I feel kind of like it's cop out when I say it, but the two things

01:10:55.520 are communication, constant communication. And I'm not saying you always have to address the thing

01:11:01.040 that maybe she's scared about. Maybe, maybe, maybe you're a bit of a player, you know, when you were

01:11:05.680 younger, like I'm not saying that all of your communication has to revolve around your past

01:11:09.620 girlfriends and how much sex you had before you guys got together. Okay. But just having real and

01:11:15.860 meaningful and significant conversations about these topics and others will always keep those paths and

01:11:20.780 those lines of communication open. And then also being receptive too. So one thing I have a tendency

01:11:26.140 of doing, and it's not good is that when people share things with me, I'm really, really quick to pass

01:11:33.520 judgment. And I'm really, really quick to, uh, offer advice. And I've tried, and I'm continuing to try

01:11:44.340 to make a very concerted effort to just listen, just listen, just take it all in experience what

01:11:52.620 that person's saying. And like really appreciate that if I was on the other end, what that would

01:11:56.600 feel like or sound like, or how I would feel that goes a long way. So communication. And then the second

01:12:02.660 component of this is action. The more that you live in congruency with the communication that you're

01:12:08.440 having, the more that she'll begin to see that, Oh, he's a man of his word. And the conversations

01:12:13.760 that we're having, he's living up to those things. This goes down to even, for example,

01:12:17.480 we've talked about this in the past, taking the trash out, right? If, if, if you drop the ball,

01:12:22.240 I'm just telling you, if you drop the ball, whether it's taking the trash out or wiping the toilet seats

01:12:26.580 off or doing the chore or, you know, not going into work or not getting the project done or not taking

01:12:32.820 your daughter or son out when you said you would, or picking them up when you said you would, like if you

01:12:37.940 drop the ball, all of that is going to confirm what she might already believe about you, which is

01:12:44.740 that you're out of integrity. Totally. So have the conversations, have, have the discussions and then

01:12:52.640 live a life of integrity. So there's never any question as to where you stand and who you are.

01:12:58.340 Somebody in the Facebook group the other day asked, they said, um, what did they say? They said,

01:13:02.940 uh, I've got somebody, you know, talking shit behind my back at work and he's telling the boss and I 0.99

01:13:08.860 don't know how to deal with it. And my response was be so good at your job that anybody who heard 0.98

01:13:15.440 anything to the contrary would not believe it could be true. Yeah. That's how you combat that stuff,

01:13:21.820 living that kind of life. And then over time, hopefully they see it through the communication,

01:13:26.620 through the actions. And if they don't see it, I mean, maybe there's, maybe there's some work again on,

01:13:31.840 on her part that she needs to go through as well.

01:13:35.540 I cannot stress the importance of you being a hundred percent clear on your integrity.

01:13:42.960 Here's the reality, especially if someone's dealing with your past and they're having a hard time,

01:13:47.320 like seeing you in a different light, you being a hundred percent like clear in regards to where

01:13:55.280 your integrity and where your honor is becomes super, super critical. Because as you, we can think

01:14:01.380 of an examples, right? If, if I'm living a life where I am without a doubt, 100% honest individual,

01:14:07.660 and then people call me a liar, that doesn't bother you as me as much, but if I'm riding the fence

01:14:13.300 and some of it's true, then that bothers me. Right. And so for you to be able to combat,

01:14:19.680 not combat, but kind of deal with your spouse, having a, having a hard time with your past,

01:14:24.840 you have to be on your a game for you right now for her, that's important too. But for you,

01:14:30.900 it has to be really important because you're the, you're going to be the one that's going to have to

01:14:34.600 combat her, uh, judgment of your past and, and waiting for her to get over it. And as she gets

01:14:41.600 over it, you're going to have to deal. And, and so your integrity has to be super clear. The only

01:14:46.140 other thought that kind of crossed my mind here is maybe there's some value in some coaching,

01:14:51.160 uh, between you and your wife in regards to how you guys communicate things.

01:14:55.300 One, she should communicate when she's upset, right? You don't want to be like brushing stuff

01:15:00.200 under the rug. So it needs to be communicate, but the communication needs to be in the space of,

01:15:06.040 Hey, just so you know, I'm a little frustrated when you were, when you did this, I interpreted that

01:15:12.280 as X, X, X, and it kind of bothered me a little bit. And I apologize for that interpretation,

01:15:18.220 but I just wanted to let you know that, you know, those kinds of scenarios kind of bother me a little

01:15:22.320 bit. And that's kind of where I'm at. Yeah. In that communication, she didn't attack you.

01:15:27.900 If you communicate that way with her, you didn't attack her, but you're clearing your

01:15:32.040 communication of what's bothering you and just kind of giving the other person the heads up.

01:15:35.980 If you can maintain that type of communication consistently, then you're not going to take it

01:15:40.380 personal. You're not going to be attacking each other, but you're still also having open

01:15:44.300 communication with each other at the same time. Well said. I agree, man. Well done.

01:15:49.760 All right. For sure. Last question. Yeah. Let's take the last question.

01:15:52.400 I'm actually reading this one and it's funny. Okay. So Marcus Johnson, he says, Kip,

01:15:56.920 should I go all out on white belts? Question mark. No mercy. Question mark. So let me just give you a

01:16:04.440 backstory, Ryan, before you answer this, cause I think it's actually really funny. So I was talking to

01:16:07.840 Marcus is a fellow Brown bell at the school in which we train. And I was telling him and a couple of the

01:16:13.340 guys that I think the group ahead of us, all the black belts ahead of us took no mercy on us 1.00

01:16:19.200 at all. I, I dredged training. I still dredge training with a lot of them. They consistently

01:16:25.960 kick my ass. They don't give me an inch ever. And they have beat me up over the last, you know, 1.00

01:16:32.280 10 years. And I think our group, I think we're soft on the guys below us. I think we take it a little

01:16:38.740 too easy on the lower belts. Um, and we, and because of that, I don't think that they're

01:16:45.540 hardened and they're learning as much as they could learn because I think we're being too kind.

01:16:51.440 And so I talked to the group a couple of weeks ago and said, Hey guys, I don't, I think we should

01:16:56.880 level up. And I think we really need to like set the tone of what training looks like and, uh,

01:17:02.720 have no mercy. So, yeah. Um, I actually agree with you as a white belt. I agree with that. 0.99

01:17:09.860 Uh, it's not comfortable, but it's not supposed to be right. It's not supposed to be comfortable.

01:17:13.120 If you can't handle being, being uncomfortable, then jujitsu is not your thing. Um, what, what I

01:17:20.160 would say is, is with my limited experience is that you guys should go hard because you're,

01:17:26.160 if you're not, you're actually doing a disservice to your white belts. But I would also say this, 1.00

01:17:30.940 don't do shit you're comfortable with. All right. Like if you're going to do the same 0.99

01:17:36.360 basic moves that you know are going to work against a guy that's in there for a week or

01:17:42.000 a month or six months or even a year, then not only are you not serving him, you're actually

01:17:46.680 doing a disservice to yourself. I think when you roll with the lower belt, it's not an opportunity

01:17:52.960 to pummel and submit the person. It's an opportunity for you to experiment with new moves and new

01:17:59.080 techniques that you're trying to learn on your own because you might not get them exactly right.

01:18:03.400 But what better way to experiment on somebody who may be not quite fully understand what you're

01:18:07.760 trying to do. So a Brown belt can push himself against a white belt without just kicking the 0.96

01:18:14.340 shit out of that guy by, by, by expanding his capacities and his capabilities and trying things 0.95

01:18:21.800 that are more advanced that he's maybe never tried when rolling. So don't take it easy on yourself 0.99

01:18:28.100 by just beating the crap out of this guy and don't take it easy on your white belts by 0.98

01:18:33.500 playing it easy and playing it soft. They're there to train. So teach them what training means and what 0.98

01:18:39.200 it looks like. Totally. And, and to kind of drive this thought home, I mean, we, we are, uh, we had a

01:18:44.880 tournament a couple of months back and, um, a couple of teammates, you know, got caught and it was

01:18:51.780 really interesting. My thought process and my thought process was, um, we have failed our

01:18:58.080 teammate a little bit. He, he got caught in that position. Why? Because maybe I used to it. Right.

01:19:05.140 Yeah. And I haven't been training. Like I was kind of, maybe I was training a little too soft on him.

01:19:10.140 You know what I mean? And so by the time competition came, he saw something that he's never seen before

01:19:14.520 or a level of effort and aggression that he's never seen. And, and so we have to take that as

01:19:20.220 a team, like, Hey, you know, when one of our teammates, uh, loses a fight or a competition,

01:19:25.700 like that's also on us, like we're the ones that prep them. So what, what adjustments do we need to

01:19:31.460 make personally to help our teammates level up and, and, and have the grind a little bit more intense

01:19:38.540 right in the gym. So then that way the competition is just easier. Right. You are cool. All right.

01:19:45.820 Should we wrap it up for the day? We got through a lot. We're about an hour 20. Um, but yeah,

01:19:49.780 we got through a lot of questions, great questions today. So excited about that. And hopefully we gave

01:19:53.440 some solid answers for these guys, but, uh, let's take it home. All right. Sounds good. So we talked

01:19:57.880 about this earlier, guys. Uh, you can submit your questions for the AMA through patreon.com forward slash

01:20:04.000 order of man. Um, obviously if you're part of the iron council or exclusive brotherhood,

01:20:08.540 uh, by default, you can submit questions to the podcast. Uh, if you want to learn more about

01:20:13.820 the iron council, you can add order of man.com slash iron council. And of course, join our Facebook

01:20:20.500 or exclusive Facebook group at facebook.com slash groups slash order of man. And for you Facebook

01:20:26.500 guys, spread the word. Um, there's lots of, you know, if you guys want to get on the same path with

01:20:31.460 us and, and spread this message, uh, not just what we talk about in the AMAs, but really on Ryan's

01:20:37.220 interview show and, and on the Friday field notes, do that by inviting people to the Facebook group,

01:20:42.500 subscribing to the podcast, subscribing to the YouTube channel, um, sharing the message and,

01:20:48.840 and of course, uh, supporting the podcast and the movement by going to the order of man store

01:20:54.440 and wearing some swag around the gym and whatnot, and kind of setting the tone for, uh, your circles

01:21:01.180 of influence. Uh, you can follow Mr. Ryan at Twitter, uh, at Ryan Mickler and on Instagram

01:21:07.260 at Ryan Mickler as well. And we did talk about just a quick reminder, August 25th through September

01:21:13.420 1st, you got the origin main jujitsu immersion camp. That's origin main.com slash order camp.

01:21:20.740 And then the Hoyt giveaway. Yep. Anything else? Order of man.com slash Hoyt. That's all I've got.

01:21:26.840 Kip, I appreciate you, man. This has been a good, a good process. 30, what one episodes in. I've

01:21:31.740 really enjoyed it guys. I hope you've enjoyed it as well. I've been noticing actually the trend for

01:21:35.680 downloads for these ask me, anything's has gone up. So we continue to see more and more guys

01:21:40.700 downloading these episodes, which is really cool. Um, keep asking those questions because we want to

01:21:45.100 keep answering them for you. And, uh, we'll all lift each other up. That's the point. That's why it's

01:21:49.420 called the order, by the way, guys. I mean, when you think about order, you think of brotherhood,

01:21:53.740 fraternity, organization, society, and that's what we're doing here. We're all working to lift each

01:21:58.320 other up. So if you know of anybody to Kip's point in a second ago, that would benefit from being here

01:22:02.880 another man, whether it's your father, brother, colleague, coworker, cousin, whoever that needs to

01:22:07.460 be part of the order, then we would encourage you to invite them here. All right, guys, appreciate you

01:22:12.440 until Friday for our Friday field notes, go out there, take action and become the man you are meant to be.

01:22:17.460 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your

01:22:21.840 life and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - March 13, 2019

Fostering a Competitive Spirit, Fulfillment over Happiness, and Nightly Routines ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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