Order of Man - FRANK SCHWARTZ ｜ Not Your Fault, But Your Responsibility

00:00:00.000 there are things that happened to you guys that were flat out not your fault maybe your dad wasn't

00:00:05.740 around maybe nobody modeled strength or discipline or guidance and direction you might have been

00:00:12.880 handed confusion instead of clarity and drifting instead of the standards that we as men ought to

00:00:19.080 set but while it may not have been your fault that you experienced these things as a boy and

00:00:25.340 a young man it is now your responsibility at some point our excuses expire and we need to take

00:00:31.680 responsibility of improving our lives and the moment that you and i and every man listening to

00:00:36.600 this understands that is the moment that our lives begin to change today my guest frank schwartz and i

00:00:43.200 he often goes by dark helmet in the f3 community talk about what it means to stop blaming other

00:00:50.300 people and external circumstances stop guessing about how to improve your life and improve other

00:00:56.640 people's lives and actually start leading yourself and your people we unpack why so many men feel

00:01:04.040 disconnected from their purpose if they even have one at all how to build direction through the act of

00:01:11.300 physical fitness and fellowship with other men and faith in a higher power and why your community

00:01:17.660 needs you to set the standard not apologize for it like much of culture would have you do guys this

00:01:24.700 is not about shame it's about ownership and once you learn to take ownership that is where your power

00:01:31.080 begins you're a man of action you live life to the fullest embrace your fears and boldly chart your

00:01:36.940 own path when life knocks you down you get back up one more time every time you are not easily

00:01:42.920 deterred defeated rugged resilient strong this is your life this is who you are this is who you will

00:01:50.640 become at the end of the day and after all is said and done you can call yourself a man

00:01:56.520 gentlemen welcome to the order of man podcast i am ryan michler we are on a mission to reclaim and

00:02:04.120 restore masculinity uh we next week we'll be celebrating 11 years of doing this work and i

00:02:12.500 cannot be more excited about how far we've come and how many men literally millions of men at this

00:02:18.760 point have been impacted by the work to reclaim and restore masculinity and what does that mean

00:02:23.540 it means that we as men learn the skills the tools the resources uh the discipline that we need

00:02:31.940 to lead our families to lead in the communities that we live in to lead our businesses and our

00:02:37.580 clients and every single person that comes into our life unapologetically which is completely

00:02:43.320 different than what society would have you believe so very excited about what we're doing here and

00:02:47.300 very excited that you're here whether this is your first time or your gosh 1700th episode that

00:02:55.320 you've listened to now i'm really glad that you're here also just want to mention my friends over at

00:03:00.020 montana knife company i got to run into them and uh just jack jaw a little bit at the western expo in

00:03:06.880 salt lake a couple of weeks ago and it's always so good to see them they've got this brand new i want

00:03:11.640 to say it's 50 000 square feet state-of-the-art technology for making knives and manufacturing them

00:03:17.920 in america and i love when companies are bringing back american manufacturing and that's exactly what

00:03:23.920 they're doing so if you want to support america america and i'm sure you do and you want to have a

00:03:30.020 great knife and i'm sure you do then you can do both at montananifecompany.com that's montananifecompany.com

00:03:37.920 and then use the code order of man because if you're going to buy something i want you to save a little

00:03:42.340 money montananifecompany.com code order of man let me introduce you to frank he is again dark helmet

00:03:50.780 in the f3 community and he's the ceo of f3 which stands for fitness fellowship and faith many of

00:03:57.120 you are part of f3 communities it's a nationwide movement actually it's international at this point

00:04:02.560 that brings men together for peer-led workouts leadership development brotherhood and through

00:04:09.460 his leadership and years of experience inside of f3 he has helped men move from the isolation and

00:04:16.400 desperation that so many men face and passivity to direction and accountability and clarity just like

00:04:23.200 we do here he's been influenced by some of the same names that we've had on john eldridge in his

00:04:28.020 book wild at heart frank speaks directly to the masculine desire for a battle to fight an adventure to live

00:04:36.700 and a beauty to rescue he's known for calling men higher not with shame but with ownership as i talked

00:04:43.680 about earlier and he emphasizes standards over drifting candor over comfort and brotherhood over

00:04:52.060 sitting on the sidelines his message is simple but it also demands a lot from people and you'll hear

00:04:57.260 that today that your past may not excuse me it may explain you and what happened in your life but it does

00:05:04.580 not excuse you so through community disciplined action and leadership he challenges men to stop blaming

00:05:11.040 circumstances to set their own standards and become the kind of men their families and communities need

00:05:17.180 frank what's up man so great to have you on the podcast i didn't look when it's what has it been

00:05:23.280 has it been a year a year maybe it's it's been no it's been many years several years really yeah yeah

00:05:29.180 that's probably three or three or four i don't it's been a while it's been a while time goes so fast like

00:05:34.280 my my kids are getting older and and my oldest is about to graduate and i remember bringing him home from

00:05:39.420 the hospital and being like you're just gonna give me this kid i'm a i'm a kid myself you're just gonna

00:05:43.280 hand him over to me i have no idea what i'm doing here yeah yeah now he's going out on his own and

00:05:47.180 i'm like what is happening right now but uh dude here's one for you right uh by this time next year

00:05:53.100 now i'm not making an announcement or anything like that right but i suspect because my oldest is

00:05:58.180 is uh married been married for a couple years and is graduating college and said you know when i

00:06:06.480 graduate college that's when babies become so by this time next year i would not surprise me if i'm

00:06:10.320 a grandfather if anyway yeah yeah i don't even know what to think about that yeah that's yeah it's

00:06:15.600 crazy you know i it's it is it is interesting too and i and i think you know to tie this into what i

00:06:21.520 wanted to talk with you about today which is the importance of brotherhood and everything else it's

00:06:25.000 like not only does time just seem to just march on so fast but it seems like so many guys are doing it

00:06:33.160 alone and what i've noticed even in my even in my own life when i was doing life alone yeah time

00:06:39.260 kept moving fast but also everything just seemed to be a grind everything was was harder it was more

00:06:44.540 difficult there was lack of fulfillment do you see that in the guys i mean you've got what how many

00:06:48.880 members of f3 do you have now it's got to be what tens of thousands thousands tens of thousands what

00:06:54.360 is it yeah yeah uh you know we don't really uh since nobody registers because it's free right

00:06:59.300 nobody's paying dues or anything so you know we kind of we kind of have a running uh what we

00:07:04.400 believe to be our best educated guess so it's it's just north of a hundred thousand guys whoa that's

00:07:10.820 why yeah yeah yeah so when you go and visit these are the chapters is that is that what you call them

00:07:15.800 we call them regions but yeah you call them regions yeah same idea when you go to visit these guys like

00:07:20.780 what is it that they're struggling with i mean that's a big pool to draw from and i'm sure you see a

00:07:24.820 lot of similarities between what guys in st louis versus guys in southern california are dealing with

00:07:29.860 yeah you know there's obviously certain kind of regional issues you know or things like that that

00:07:35.960 you know so like the culture is a little bit different in the midwest than it maybe is in

00:07:38.820 socal or something like that right so there might be some variation in there but generally speaking

00:07:43.900 i think you know uh i don't know if we've talked about it but you know eldridge i think really kind of

00:07:50.160 nailed it you know i mean like he really has kind of some of those basic things that all guys

00:07:55.100 struggle with and what i find you know even though that book was written whatever it was 20 years ago

00:07:59.340 or more but like the the big things haven't moved much but the things that guys i find struggle most

00:08:06.120 with are they they feel disconnected from purpose right so they're just kind of running around going like

00:08:14.100 i know i'm supposed to do all this stuff but i really haven't figured out why i'm doing all this

00:08:17.500 stuff and then they look at their neighbor and they go well he's doing that stuff i guess i'll do

00:08:22.340 some of that stuff you know what i mean like so there's just not a ton of uh opportunity to be

00:08:26.840 intentional and to look and go wait a minute but what was i put here for why am i here right and so

00:08:34.520 they tend to without a good clear answer to that they tend to just sort of follow what's next to

00:08:37.880 them and so there ends up being kind of this you know vast amount of consumerism materialism you know

00:08:43.160 sort of creeps in because you're like well i got to get validation from somewhere you know and that

00:08:47.840 kind of thing but when you really boil it down i think i think eldridge had it right and that is

00:08:51.020 like we just want to know like are we doing it right like you you know you said as we began like

00:08:58.000 somebody handed you a baby and you're like i i don't know what to do and if your home was anything

00:09:04.400 like my home the best i had was a bad example yeah for sure you know in men anyways my mom was great 1.00

00:09:11.580 and i want to recognize that but in men absolutely absolutely my mom was a saint we used to tell my

00:09:16.780 mom all the time you know you're earning your sainthood because you're putting up with that dude

00:09:20.020 and he was just a tough tough dude and um i don't feel bad talking about him as much anymore because

00:09:26.120 he's not here with us anymore so you know like i used to be like i don't want to say too much on a

00:09:29.800 podcast because he might hear it and now i'm like well if he hears it nothing new about it so no i'm

00:09:34.440 just kidding um but uh but he but seriously but it really is i know but in fact but it really is a lot

00:09:41.260 of that right you had you you came from from not really knowing what to do having not necessarily

00:09:46.060 the best example and then you start measuring your life against what and it ends up being all

00:09:53.200 the things around you it ends up being you know a lot of worldly things and material things and other

00:09:58.380 people and you look and you go where's the standard how am i supposed to know and the reason you don't

00:10:04.260 really know is because the guys you're hanging around with are all guessing too but the problem is ryan

00:10:09.640 no one will admit it right they all just stand around going and pretending like i don't want to

00:10:18.540 look stupid in front of that guy i want to keep myself safe i'm really at the at my core i'm really

00:10:23.400 just a little boy scared and not really sure what to do and you know waiting for someone to tell me

00:10:29.420 hey good job so i know you know what to do next you know yeah we don't get a lot of that in our world

00:10:34.360 right yeah that's if you're lucky because well i was just going to say you know when i started

00:10:39.400 doing this almost 11 years ago now um i really built what we're doing with the purpose of not

00:10:45.500 putting myself out ahead of anybody i think sometimes people interpret me doing that i'm not attempting to

00:10:50.780 it's just the nature of look you can't help it if you're just better right like what exactly i'm just

00:10:55.820 better than you like what do you want from it no i mean the reality is is that i was the same way

00:11:01.600 it's like guys i don't i don't know everything i don't clearly i don't have this all i continue to

00:11:05.620 mess up i've messed up drastically in 11 years um but my goal was to create something where it's like

00:11:13.320 hey i've got a few things figured out but not everything and you've got a few other things

00:11:18.280 figured out but not everything and that guy has some things but not everything and so let's band

00:11:21.860 together and maybe we can work together and and and help each other out give each other assist in

00:11:27.940 in the in the face of us knowing that we don't know everything yeah and that really is a lot of

00:11:34.460 it and it's funny that you say that and i've noticed this too like like it or don't you're the

00:11:38.360 face of you know the guys that follow like the guys that believe you like you end up being this face

00:11:44.340 of this movement right i mean that's kind of what happens whether you you didn't ask for that you

00:11:47.780 didn't run for it you didn't apply for it you know you weren't voted you know although you could

00:11:52.060 have been voted most handsome right but you weren't for sure you know i know that's what i'm saying

00:11:56.700 it was before i got here but um no you're right right but you know like it isn't what you asked

00:12:01.960 for all you did was say like and you say i had a few things figured out and that doesn't mean that

00:12:06.260 you were perfect in living them it just means that all you did was say like i i'm i'm pretty sure this

00:12:12.660 is the right way and you were trying to get guys to come with you to say i think we all should jump

00:12:17.580 in this right way and the thing that you did and that a lot of us are trying to do uh as we sort of

00:12:23.280 try and lead men is all we're really willing to do ryan that's different i think is say is say

00:12:28.220 i don't know but i know what my heart tells me and i know we'll get there together because i know

00:12:34.940 and i got a good buddy of mine his name is brandon but we in f3 we call him the plague uh because you

00:12:40.320 know you get idiot nicknames that's it that's a rad name like it's pretty it's pretty dope yeah i got 0.61

00:12:45.900 a name but i can't i still can't remember it because i went to a couple f3 things but that i want

00:12:50.040 that name like the plague that's amazing by the time this call is over i'll have your new name

00:12:54.860 picked it'll be perfect okay um all right but uh no we're gonna make you come to a workout to get

00:12:59.980 that but um but he says he goes my because he was a recovering uh addict right and he says my

00:13:07.520 my best choices landed me a front row seat in a 12-step program right and i think a lot of us run

00:13:14.540 around you know with that kind of a an idea like i don't know and you're just willing to say you

00:13:19.780 don't know you're willing to say i you know i'm working on this i'm figuring this out and as we

00:13:25.680 figure this out together we're gonna get somewhere and you keep borrowing stuff i mean the stuff you

00:13:31.740 talk about now is probably different than you were talking about 11 years ago oh absolutely right my

00:13:35.360 first my first blog post i think in march of 2015 was how to throw a baseball like different

00:13:42.040 fastball two seam four seam curveball slider knuckleball that was my first blog post i'd have

00:13:48.540 to see if it's even still up but yeah that's completely different that you should still know

00:13:53.160 how to throw a baseball as a man but it's completely different than what we talk about now right sure

00:13:57.500 yeah but but it wasn't that wasn't the problem that was just exactly a thing a problem yeah yeah well

00:14:04.420 when you when you were talking about your your decisions ending up with with the plague ending up

00:14:10.020 um winding up in a 12-step program i've i've tried to wrap my head around this idea of you know you

00:14:17.800 did the best you could at the time and i used to i used to balk at that comment that's stupid like 0.53

00:14:24.340 that's that's an excuse that's letting yourself off the hook but the more that i mess up and revisit

00:14:30.660 my past mistakes i'm like well you know what is that true like did i do the best i could and the answer

00:14:35.580 is emphatically yes even even if i knew what i should have been doing and didn't i still did

00:14:43.280 the best that i could and i think if more men realized you did the best that you could that

00:14:48.240 doesn't let you off the hook that doesn't absolve you of the consequences of your decision making

00:14:51.900 but i think it empowers you to gain the knowledge gain the information to surround yourself with men now

00:15:00.520 because if that was the best i could do then what's the best i can do now and what obligation

00:15:05.980 responsibility do i have to figure it out to make better decisions today more so than i did yesterday

00:15:12.720 absolutely you know it's funny i there's a phrase that i use a lot with guys and i go you know um

00:15:19.620 yeah it's your dad's fault

00:15:23.280 yeah but now it's your responsibility

00:15:26.560 right and that's kind of what i hear you saying right is it's like look you know you figure it out

00:15:31.820 as you go you do the you do the work but like and that's the thing is if a guy can look at another guy

00:15:37.380 and you cut you know imagine this right you're sitting we're talking and like i say a little

00:15:42.500 something with kind of a little side i like maybe right you know kind of test it go like well i don't

00:15:48.120 know if i have it all figured out ryan and you kind of look and go well really tell me more you know

00:15:53.200 like and once you discover each other and you go okay so neither of us know what we're doing great

00:15:57.500 here's what i'm really good at here's what i'm really good at what if like you said what if we

00:16:01.840 brought things together and i think that's the beauty of what of what you're doing uh what i think f3

00:16:07.340 does because look guys don't always love it when i say this but it's it is what it is you know f3

00:16:16.280 being fitness fellowship and faith right and and the fitness and so guys really kind of get caught

00:16:20.880 sometimes in this like oh it's a workout group and i go yeah it's kind of a workout group right

00:16:26.660 the workout happens to be the thing that we accidentally discovered that brings men into

00:16:32.140 community with one another and i've said this to a billion times right where if knitting was the

00:16:39.980 thing that brought men in a community with one another you guys would knit yeah we would knit and

00:16:43.920 i mean we would knit the crap out of some stuff right i mean you know there'd be hats everywhere

00:16:47.580 it'd be amazing um but i was up like um oh go ahead go ahead no no go ahead well i was up at

00:16:54.140 a hunt expo this last weekend and there was this woman in the middle of the expo and she was

00:16:59.300 she was um doing art she was it was a deer it was beautiful and i and i didn't know which medium she

00:17:05.680 was using i was like what medium are you using and she's like oh this is charcoal and chalk or

00:17:09.860 whatever i'm like oh it's amazing looks beautiful she's like thanks and that's all and i let her do her

00:17:13.600 thing and my me and my boys watched her for a minute but the reason i bring that up is because

00:17:17.260 what i hear you saying is that the workout is the medium for fellowship right it's it's not it's not

00:17:22.920 the end in and of itself it's just the medium it's it's like painting with acrylic or oils or chalk it's

00:17:29.240 just and but guys are like that whereas women women will get together and they'll sit in the living 1.00

00:17:34.540 room and sip coffee and like talk about everything and nothing and it's wild to me we as men generally

00:17:41.520 don't do that we need to be doing something and then through the doing we learn about each other

00:17:45.860 we we can see oh that guy's good at this but he's not good at that oh there's the leader that guy's

00:17:50.240 the leader i can tell this guy is is disciplined this guy um is is you know very intelligent like

00:17:58.480 but it's funny when like when you get guys together don't you see that like it's like yes oh this is

00:18:04.200 the that guy in this town you know like oh this is the mickler in in saint you know this is the

00:18:09.800 yeah right because there's there's all these personalities tend to kind of gel together and

00:18:13.320 and i think that's part of the magic right is these small dynamic groups where you have kind of this

00:18:20.480 this round uh you know set of personalities and skills and abilities and things like that right and

00:18:28.780 you kind of go man if we can just get these guys together on a regular basis we could really

00:18:32.840 like that's real iron sharpens iron kind of stuff right yeah like you said women can sit and they 1.00

00:18:38.480 feel fulfilled and bonded when they sit and talk about you know the weather or the whatever or you

00:18:44.880 know book clubs or things like that right there's no problem to solve in a book club there's no there's

00:18:52.140 no task to be completed in a book club and so we don't it just doesn't it's not fulfilling there's no

00:18:58.920 like it doesn't do it for us you know yeah and so when we go to the workout as an example or whatever

00:19:05.660 the task might be whatever the you know the the the activity might be that a guy's doing but for us

00:19:11.360 the workout right when a guy shows up to the workout it does a couple things one again things that guys

00:19:17.840 don't like me to say it weeds out some folks now we're open to all men we make no qualification

00:19:24.780 about that whatsoever we want you to be here but we also recognize not every man's gonna do it not

00:19:30.960 every man's gonna stay not every man wants to do this and and have this be how he you know participate

00:19:36.000 or he's just not ready to be that open yet you know and admit hey maybe my fitness isn't what i

00:19:41.000 thought it was or you know whatever the thing is right so it is sort of it teaches you a little bit

00:19:48.100 about like who are those 2 a.m friends you know if if if i call there's certain guys you know if i

00:19:55.500 called them and said you know literally 2 a.m hey i need you at my house before i hung up the phone

00:20:03.020 like i would hear the car starting they wouldn't even ask what it was about yeah you know because

00:20:08.280 that's just who they are and that's the and we've we've we're tested battle tested you know we know

00:20:13.500 what we're capable of what we will and won't quit at you know because we've we've proven each other

00:20:18.380 out there at the workout right yeah the guys who hang out at the back and walk and talk and

00:20:23.800 you know and it's a little bit of a coffee club but in the back of a workout like those are not the

00:20:28.840 guys you call you know yeah but the guys even if they're at the back no go ahead go ahead i was

00:20:35.780 even if they're at the back if they're given everything they got you recognize that that's what

00:20:39.560 they're doing right so you can see you can you can see what the testing is sorry

00:20:43.440 go ahead yeah that makes sense and you know i like what you're talking about too is and this

00:20:47.720 is contrary to popular culture where you know if somebody in most of most of culture today if

00:20:53.600 somebody's uncomfortable then we're made to believe that it's the group's responsibility

00:20:59.420 to make that person to change their charter to make that person feel comfortable like you saw it

00:21:05.740 with the boy scouts and i was just gonna say and that's why we have scouts right yeah i was appalled

00:21:11.620 by it because i grew up in cub scouts i think i did one year of boy scouts and it was such a

00:21:17.520 great organization for me personally because i was a young boy who didn't have a permanent father

00:21:22.440 figure and there was scout leaders and we were doing cool stuff that i would have never done

00:21:26.600 otherwise camp outs and learning how to start fires and build things and and medical stuff like

00:21:32.300 all the things that we do baseball and then yeah throw exactly that's where i learned um yeah and

00:21:37.340 then you know somebody got a wild hair and was like well women girls like yeah start start a 1.00

00:21:44.040 girl's thing like girl and they're like well girl scouts isn't the same okay then start then make one

00:21:49.360 that girl troop or whatever i don't know start whatever you want but it's not my responsibility

00:21:53.660 to change and that's what i like about this is that you don't you don't change the standard it's it's

00:22:00.960 the person's responsibility coming into the organization to either assimilate or not and

00:22:06.120 both are okay we want you here but it's not our responsibility to make you comfortable it's your

00:22:12.040 responsibility to assimilate into the culture that you're wanting to be part of agree and i think that's

00:22:16.980 one of the things that i love about what you're doing what what uh and i know we're going to talk

00:22:20.640 about forge here in a minute too but um you know the what hagner's doing and a lot of these guys are

00:22:25.880 doing and what we're trying to do as well and that is that you know we're going to set a standard

00:22:30.540 and we're not going to really apologize for it and we're going to have an expectation that if if

00:22:38.060 if you don't want to do it i totally get it and i'm not mad at you for it right like i guess that's

00:22:43.080 fine you don't want to live the standard i'm not mad at you i don't care i mean i care in the sense

00:22:46.880 that i wish you you know you'd be you know that you would take control of your life that kind of thing

00:22:50.940 but like yeah you you do you baby but but you're right that that's part of our i think our overall

00:22:58.060 societal ills right we we talk a lot in f3 about uh kind of this this goo that's in society you know

00:23:07.960 and it permeates everything and it makes it impossible to move and it mires things down it

00:23:12.740 gets in the gears and craps stuff up you know like it just and it's everywhere and it really is kind of

00:23:17.160 that mentality like you're talking about of like if a if a person can't meet the standard then we

00:23:23.000 should soften the standard till it meets the person the person yeah that's which is

00:23:28.520 on on paper like when you say it out loud you're like that seems kind but it's not kind it's nice

00:23:38.280 it might be nice like you're being nice right but it's not kind kindness requires love and love

00:23:45.380 requires you to look a person in the face and say i know what your mommy told you but you're actually

00:23:50.440 not fine just the way you are you're not i'm not you know i i'm i think i'm pretty good you know and

00:23:59.080 i'm getting after it hard trying to get better but i you know when you look at the gulf between me and

00:24:04.240 you know perfection like you know or amazingness you know like i got work you know we all got work

00:24:11.580 yeah i think that's i think that's true it is it is funny though to hear people

00:24:17.160 you know the the uh the analogy that i often use is like if you're hanging out with a friend

00:24:22.340 and he's got something in his beard and you don't say anything because it makes you feel uncomfortable

00:24:27.900 then you're the asshole yeah what kind of jerk are you like right yeah if you notice something about a 0.93

00:24:33.920 friend that needs to be called out whether he's got something stuck in his mustache or he's got a

00:24:37.580 booger from his nose or maybe he's he's not showing up maybe he's getting a little a little doughy a

00:24:42.540 little soft and you're not willing to say it you're not being empathetic you're being weak

00:24:47.280 because what i found and and i'm guilty of this too because it is uncomfortable but what i found

00:24:52.540 is that when we shield other people that we care about or we say we care about when we shield them

00:24:58.660 from the truth the reality of the situation it's not to save them it's to save us the discomfort of

00:25:05.380 of feeling weird or awkward or risking but i don't want to be mean i don't want to be mean ryan

00:25:11.100 that's i don't want to hurt his feelings it's not to do with him if if the f3 guys that are listening

00:25:16.980 have heard us say because uh dread our founder dave redding um has said this and and and obviously

00:25:22.880 then i've repeated it ad nauseum but he's got a phrase i don't know if he stole it or came up with

00:25:27.580 it but i just attribute it to him because it's uh easier um but the the the the phrase is he's you

00:25:35.180 know it's a strange kind of love ryan that would leave a man in a lie

00:25:40.860 like that is a straight like what an odd thing to say i love you

00:25:46.660 no i i love you enough to correct i love you enough to tell you that the way that you're doing

00:25:54.080 it i promise can you get through life living halfway yes a lot i mean millions upon millions

00:26:01.400 people do it i watch them right can you get through life without a clear purpose in your

00:26:07.740 mind and knowing you know who you are and what you're here for yeah people do it all day every

00:26:12.480 day but they're the people that are reacting to the world around them they're the people that take

00:26:17.320 what you know they're the ones that go i can't believe this happened to me versus the people that

00:26:22.200 go i'm going to go out and happen to things and see what happens you know and and i i would tell

00:26:30.640 every guy that i meet or that's listening or anything else man look i know ryan mickler well

00:26:37.720 enough i don't know him well but i know him well enough from the things i read and the time we've

00:26:42.560 spent together to know that's where his heart is and i'll tell you the same for me that's where my

00:26:49.460 heart is i i've been that guy and because i'm not that guy now i refuse to let you sit sweet and

00:26:59.900 comfortable and happy and fat and fluffy and soft you know like i i cannot let you do that for two

00:27:09.060 reasons one well maybe three one you for you should not live like that have enough self-respect to to

00:27:17.980 take control of your life understand that you are worthy that you do matter that your presence is

00:27:25.640 needed in fact required and get up and let's get going together right number two you need to do it

00:27:32.280 because if you have a family bro you i mean is there anything that you would not do for your family

00:27:41.940 for your kids is there anything you would not do for them i mean within reason right

00:27:45.800 man i'm stepping away from the conversation very quickly and this actually applies to what we're

00:27:51.700 talking about today because frank is going to be joining us at our men's forge experience april 23rd

00:27:57.900 through the 26th you've heard me talk a lot about it now and i'm very very excited guys your family

00:28:03.380 needs you to be steady they need you to be grounded and disciplined and clear and i have not always been

00:28:09.680 this way in some aspects of my life i have been in some aspects of my previous marriage i wasn't

00:28:14.340 but when i slipped and this is what people try to do they try to play the gotcha game and there's no

00:28:19.400 gotcha like i know i slipped and when i slipped my family suffered and i realize more so than i've

00:28:25.800 ever realized how much your wife and kids you need you grounded they need you clear they need you

00:28:31.380 sober they need you disciplined and whether anyone says it or not you are the individual you are the

00:28:37.220 man who sets the tone in your home and your leadership or your lack thereof like i've had in my life

00:28:42.580 it ripples through everything and we can face the consequences or live the abundance based on how

00:28:49.000 we decide and your community guys it also needs you starving for men who will carry weight i mean look 0.58

00:28:55.640 around the world is pretty pathetic right now it's good in a lot of ways but it's also pretty pathetic

00:29:00.500 they want men your community needs men who tell the truth and model responsibility so the question

00:29:07.600 isn't whether or not you have influence in other people's lives you do by default you do the question

00:29:14.800 is whether you're developing it on purpose and whether or not it's productive influence and that's

00:29:21.020 what the men's forge event is all about frank's gonna be out there i'll be there larry hagner will be

00:29:26.680 there um duane noel will be there gs youngblood will be in attendance it's an amazing lineup of men

00:29:33.880 and it's about stepping away from noise long enough to get ourselves sharp to recharge to learn some

00:29:40.100 new skills physically mentally even spiritually so that we can go back into our families and back into

00:29:45.660 our communities stronger than when we came out there so you don't come out to this event the forge

00:29:52.160 experience for comfort you come to be refined refined and worked on and sharpened as i said because

00:29:57.520 when you raise the standard or yourself your family rises with you your community rises with you and

00:30:05.700 that's exactly what they're waiting for for you to step up so you can lead them effectively go to

00:30:11.460 themensforge.com to get registered again it's april 23rd through the 26th at themensforge.com i'll see

00:30:18.820 you out there yeah well sure but not even within re i would do anything like i would do unreasonable

00:30:24.960 things also i would do very unreasonable things yes but but what's interesting is that every single

00:30:31.740 father listening to this would say yeah there's not a thing i wouldn't do but then you look at

00:30:38.220 their life and it's like well you know you're not doing any of those things you won't go throw the

00:30:44.880 baseball with your kid in the backyard for 15 minutes dude right yeah when he asks you for help

00:30:50.100 or asks you a question and you can't look up from your phone for you know 35 seconds to answer

00:30:54.700 something right and that's the thing and it's and it's those places in your own heart in your family

00:30:59.700 and then when you start looking outside yourself the number three reason brother that i need you to do

00:31:05.920 this i'm begging you to do this to get up off the couch and to get into some sort of find your tribe

00:31:12.780 man get into some sort of something whether it's f3 or order of man or dad i don't care what it is right

00:31:17.720 get up and do it because your community needs you i don't know if you've noticed it's not fantastic

00:31:23.840 out there right now yeah there are some uh some slight problems in our society right i don't know

00:31:31.860 if you're watching friends but like it's a freaking mess it's a freaking mess and i can tell you right

00:31:38.060 now i am now i'll admit this might be a little bit of a hammer looking for a nail right so understand

00:31:47.300 that i may have some bias when i say this but nothing gets better until men get better period

00:31:54.600 yeah that's that's not bias that's just that's accuracy that's truth you know there's there's a

00:32:00.400 saying that when you were talking about helping your brother and and i love that quote that you

00:32:04.800 said from dread it's a strange kind of love that would leave a man in a lie so another thing that

00:32:09.260 came to mind was from martin luther he says peace if possible truth at all costs and what i've what i've

00:32:16.340 learned and what i've realized is that if let's say you have a brother a friend somebody who you can

00:32:21.820 rely on and they can rely on you you have to be if you really care about that person you have to be

00:32:29.140 willing to jeopardize the relationship for truth yeah meaning if i saw you struggling with

00:32:35.880 substance abuse or uh infidelity issues or you know something like that i have to be if i really care

00:32:44.720 about you then i have to be willing to say hey i'm i'm willing to sacrifice our friendship

00:32:51.360 because i care about you enough to say hey bro you're messing up and what can i do i also heard

00:32:59.860 another concept um about accountability uh this is from father stephen gadbury and he said to me

00:33:06.680 something i never considered about accountability most people think accountability is just calling people

00:33:12.320 out like hey you're doing this or hey you're wrong that's bad yeah so so that's what most people

00:33:18.240 think accountability is and stephen gadbury said no that's not accountability that could just be being

00:33:22.760 an a-hole true accountability means that if i'm going to hold you accountable and i'm going to tell

00:33:28.180 you like hey you're doing this thing and it's you're going down the wrong path if i'm truly holding you

00:33:33.500 accountable what i'm also doing in that moment is volunteering to walk in the journey with you

00:33:40.420 that's true accountability of anything else is just calling people out just yeah being a jerk just

00:33:45.840 yelling at you right exactly you suck yeah right exactly we also we have a uh i mean candor is not 0.80

00:33:51.080 a new term but the way that we define candor in f3 is is graciously so meaning with love right

00:33:57.440 telling a man the hard truth but then demanding to hear it back from him explain that and i think

00:34:05.080 i'm not allowed ryan and i love what you said about uh father gadbury because that is honestly

00:34:11.680 that is kind of it isn't it like you really want men to improve that's really it but but what i what

00:34:16.720 we mean when we say candor is if i tell you and if i'm willing to say to you ryan you got some real

00:34:22.620 issues around your whatever right uh we'll pick something easy because you said you know something

00:34:27.700 so like you got some real issues around your your beard hygiene right yeah now because i love you

00:34:37.020 and i told you that and i hope you love me enough i need you to tell me where am i where are my holes

00:34:43.200 where are the problems okay what am i missing right i demand to hear this the hard truth back from you

00:34:49.180 i cannot be i can't honestly tell you a hard truth with love and then be like uh no don't don't tell me

00:34:56.720 any i i just wanted to tell you the hard truth i because guys confuse that a lot but i love that

00:35:01.500 kind of one step further i'm i'm i may steal that because it's like if i really believe if i really

00:35:07.140 believe in accountability i'm not asking just to i'm not going to yell at you and then and then demand

00:35:12.480 an answer from you and be like explain yourself you know like i need to say like hey man honestly

00:35:19.940 this is the problem now i don't really care about the explanation entirely we're going to get to that

00:35:26.280 just know this i believe so much in wanting you to get better i'm walking with you i'll do whatever

00:35:34.140 it takes and and it's funny i never i never thought of it that way but that is a i've got uh you know

00:35:39.020 bunches of friends in f3 who who have had problems with whatever it might be marriage or or alcohol or

00:35:46.220 any of this kind of stuff and i can't tell you the number of times we've thrown a rucksack on

00:35:50.520 and gone for a walk and all right buddy unload it you know let's have it and it's on a regular basis

00:35:58.220 and you know whatever it is like just all right let's keep walking down this road what else can i

00:36:02.580 do what more is there you know for me how else can i make make this work you know what what's my role

00:36:08.280 in this and usually the answer is just like hey man you know just just keep doing this keep letting

00:36:12.500 me unload keep being my friend keep you know stay beside me because unfortunately what happens like

00:36:17.280 you said a lot and that's that's the difference i think between a a group just a group of guys

00:36:22.200 and a tribe right a true tribe right a group of guys are not afraid to tell you you suck 0.89

00:36:29.480 right that's gym class right guys told me i sucked all the time you know and i did yeah i never i 0.84

00:36:35.900 never learned how to throw a baseball right and that's yeah that's terrible we gotta we'll fix that

00:36:40.460 we'll fix that perfect um uh but you know those guys are willing to do some things to call you out

00:36:48.500 but but the guys in your tribe will say not only do you suck but like you said like now here's how 0.66

00:36:55.020 we're gonna fix it together yeah yeah here's how we're gonna fix it together you know there's a lot

00:36:59.700 of people online just because of the presence that we have that'll say you know i'm just they'll say

00:37:03.840 something i'm like hey man like this isn't the gotcha moment you think it is or whatever and they're

00:37:07.220 like well i'm just trying to hold you accountable like you you are incapable of holding me accountable 0.52

00:37:11.480 for two reasons number one you don't know me i know and and number two you won't you're not

00:37:17.880 willing to walk beside me so it's literally impossible for you can call me out and you know

00:37:22.600 yeah certain things should be called out that too yeah but don't say it's okay listen right

00:37:26.800 listen jobo 747 yeah i'm not really sure that you know that you're the guy too is i had this guy

00:37:34.580 the other day and he said he was kind of being a smart ass and he was like yeah why do people need

00:37:40.660 your program when there's so many free things out there i'm like well if the free things are so

00:37:45.220 wonderful why do all the men still have all the problems so clearly something's happening and what

00:37:50.920 i've found and i think this is where men really what men really need this might tie into what you're

00:37:55.740 saying about group versus direction is there's a lot of things that guys can go do that are groups

00:38:03.120 where they get together but there's no there's no there's no direct i used to try it but there's

00:38:08.220 no direction there's no same idea there's no standard there's no there's not a method there's

00:38:13.820 no purpose let's just get together a program right yes and that's good like you know i i heard about

00:38:19.800 this thing guys uh and this tell me this doesn't scream like hey how desperate have we become for male

00:38:25.980 community uh guys going to costco and eating hot dogs together in groups i mean i kind of like that

00:38:32.340 idea i've never done cool not bad i haven't either right but i understand it's the inflation free

00:38:36.580 meal like no one's ever gonna like they're never raising the price of the hot dog or whatever

00:38:39.700 but like but that's you know like that's good that's fine that's good there's nothing wrong with

00:38:45.540 that uh but to your point you know and and when a guy asks you that next time point them to me

00:38:49.620 and as a guy who is leading a free thing i'll tell him exactly why he needs to pay

00:38:53.880 problem with that at all yeah what is it i'm curious

00:38:57.940 a couple things number one we don't do everything that you do

00:39:04.160 right we don't we don't pretend to we don't want to we do the things that we do

00:39:12.840 also what we do isn't gonna work for everybody sometimes a man needs to have a little skin in the game

00:39:22.460 in order to truly be understand the value of what it is that he's doing you know there's plenty of

00:39:28.600 guys who come out and they're like well this wasn't the best workout and i'm like yeah no we tell y'all

00:39:32.780 like you can get a better workout at orange theory sure that's fine sure yeah i mean hire a personal

00:39:37.900 trainer guarantee you're gonna get a better workout but are you here just for the workout

00:39:42.300 because if you're just here for the workout then i got a couple things say number one you get out of

00:39:47.580 what you put into it right whatever right right number two like bro don't miss the forest for the

00:39:53.000 trees right don't don't look too big you know be like well the workout wasn't that great i understand

00:39:58.480 that tree in front of you is very confusing for you back out a minute let me show you all these trees

00:40:02.840 here and what we're what we're really doing you know right this is this is an aspen grove this isn't

00:40:07.280 a living organism this is a thing you know we're converting you know co2 to oxygen baby you know

00:40:14.120 this guy's just going like that's kind of there's a lot of bark in front of me you know like well but

00:40:17.860 there's another there's another issue with that though too and this is pretty prevalent with men

00:40:21.940 is that um we i believe that we are problem solving machines by nature like we're always constantly

00:40:27.520 searching and seeking and scanning the horizon and looking at threats and looking at what might go

00:40:31.640 wrong and that's beautiful we should as men be doing that because it's our mission to protect people

00:40:35.680 um but what i found more increasingly so i think is that men are only getting half the equation

00:40:43.660 and part of this is because of social media where you just get to pick and poke at everything out

00:40:48.040 there and so the half of the equation is that's wrong that's wrong that's bad that's wrong he's

00:40:52.400 doing that wrong he needs to do that better this is different this blah blah blah blah and they never

00:40:56.360 do the other half of the equation which is that's wrong so this is what we should do about it or i don't

00:41:01.780 agree with that but here's my solution or this program because a lot of times guys will reach out

00:41:06.940 i'm sure you get this as well and they'll say you know ryan you should really do x y and z i'm like no

00:41:12.260 you should do x y and z that's a cool idea you should do it why are you telling me to do it

00:41:18.140 right we always tell them we go glad that you believe in our organization and i love that and

00:41:22.720 i'm glad you're giving me feedback but if you recognize something you should do it it's important

00:41:27.380 to you so you go do that yeah the way that you should approach a problem men is saying ryan what i'd like

00:41:35.040 to do is right not what you ought to do is we always say like if you if you find yourself at any

00:41:42.500 moment in time saying man somebody ought to do something about that guess who that somebody is

00:41:48.000 right that's you buddy it's you that's another thing like you know you

00:41:53.460 guy says why you know why should we pay about whatever right first of all do you want ryan to be

00:42:00.820 able to continue to do this friend because guess what he's got to eat like hey it's fine you know

00:42:07.820 if you can't get your head around that you're like why doesn't walmart get away all their groceries for

00:42:11.700 free gee i i wonder why that is uh yeah i don't know when this plays but i i'm pretty sure it's right

00:42:18.000 after uh well actually i think it already happened so we're good uh you know the the free uh grocery

00:42:23.140 store in new york is already closed right oh really i didn't i don't i don't know anything is that

00:42:27.720 uh zora mondani oh yeah yeah yeah yeah free grocery store and then yeah shockingly you know

00:42:33.600 now i think it might have just been a publicity stunt anyway so it's you know whatever but like

00:42:37.180 he's already raiding the the treasury and raiding the radio and he's talking about increasing property

00:42:42.000 taxes holding all new yorkers hostage so that he doesn't have to increase property taxes for new

00:42:47.200 york city it's it's wild you know why because that's what's nice wouldn't it be nice if everybody

00:42:55.280 had free everything well yes that's not the way the world works but it would be nice i suppose right

00:43:00.560 doesn't make any sense but but you know these guys that sit and they and they they they fight online

00:43:07.100 or they they complain or they whatever brother here's what i would tell you i i love you and i love

00:43:14.500 that you feel invested in what it is you're telling me because suggesting things to to write and yes you're

00:43:20.200 right we get them constantly right guys going oh you ought to do this we we call those otis bombs 1.00

00:43:25.360 in f3 okay right so otis is an elevator maker right okay right so it's kind of like farting on an

00:43:33.480 elevator and then stepping off to let the doors close behind you yeah that's oh so you just drop

00:43:39.640 that little bomb and then disappear on it thanks buddy appreciate appreciate it you know yeah or just

00:43:44.540 come up and stir up the hornet's nest shake it up real good exactly yeah middle of everybody and then

00:43:48.260 run away yeah it's like bye yeah oh thanks it's really helpful yeah right but but coming and

00:43:54.800 saying i i want this thing or i think you ought to do this thing or whatever i understand that it's

00:43:58.840 scary i understand that it's hard i understand that you look and go yeah yeah but i couldn't possibly

00:44:04.420 whatever that bs reason that you've held in your head is that you can't do it make today the day you

00:44:11.520 give it away man make make today you just the day you just drop that because i think that was

00:44:16.340 probably the biggest thing that that maybe the biggest i'm gonna go ahead and say the biggest

00:44:21.500 that i gained from coming out to f3 and starting to lead there and starting to you know be involved

00:44:29.520 and and learning more about kind of this this masculinity i you know movement that we're all

00:44:35.300 kind of part of here right is when i realized i didn't need permission anymore to be a man

00:44:40.760 that no one had to tell me that it was okay for me to just do the things that i knew were right to do

00:44:46.500 right you know it was okay like i didn't have to wait for authority from the government or from the

00:44:52.600 church or from you know my boss or you know whatever right i didn't need to wait until someone told me it

00:44:59.920 was okay to do it i think sometimes when a guy reaches out he's looking for permission

00:45:03.920 right and and or or maybe it's because he's been so hurt by every other and let down by every other

00:45:11.740 organization in the world and maybe this thing means something to him and he goes man i'm a i i want to

00:45:18.740 criticize ryan or i want to criticize frank i want to criticize these things because i'm terrified of

00:45:24.700 them failing me too just like everything else has putting up a shield ahead of time yeah right

00:45:32.820 and saying you know it's go ahead i was gonna say you know what's interesting about this to go back

00:45:38.800 to a little bit of where we started we were talking about john eldridge and one of my favorite quotes

00:45:43.460 from john eldridge is deep in his heart every man longs for a battle to fight an adventure to live

00:45:48.900 and a beauty to rescue and if we just take just the first part of that the battle to fight

00:45:54.040 what's really interesting is when guys inevitably see what's wrong with the world and they start poking

00:46:01.100 and prodding and and calling people out and and not doing the second half of the equation it's the

00:46:07.420 second half of the equation that meets that first desire of men a battle to fight guys there's something

00:46:14.620 that's important to you you know you may have had an experience in your childhood maybe you were

00:46:19.560 sexually abused and that sexual abuse although horrific and tragic can now turn into your battle

00:46:25.040 to make sure that as few as people as possible go through what you went through or even with me

00:46:31.340 with my um substance abuse issues you know alcohol addiction it's like okay well that was that's that's

00:46:37.880 hard to deal with that's something i deal with and but the more i talk about it the more empowering

00:46:43.700 not only is it to me because i've turned something that's hard into something that's significant

00:46:49.200 but it's a battle it's something that i get to help other people work through themselves and make

00:46:55.340 themselves better men yeah and you know what's cool about it to me is i you don't just help them

00:47:00.760 with alcohol now right because you've learned how to overcome these difficult things like you help

00:47:06.100 them with all kinds of stuff now you know like the principles are probably similar you know as you

00:47:11.180 kind of work through some of this stuff but like you can help them with anything and and it's i love

00:47:15.180 that because i've said this to a lot of guys where i say look you know it's not that something

00:47:22.100 happened to you consider this consider that maybe it happened for you maybe that not that god was

00:47:30.580 sitting back and being like well can't wait to shove some alcohol in ryan's gullet and see if we

00:47:34.940 can get him addicted god was not sitting back and saying that right right but he looked and he was

00:47:39.660 like all right any number of things can happen to ryan this happens to be the one that he chose

00:47:45.720 because of his circumstance because of any number of other issues and factors right and now that this

00:47:51.940 has happened right i'm going to make sure it happens for him and he put it on your heart and you said

00:47:58.760 i refuse to live this way i refuse to to take a backseat to myself and to my life and i'm gonna and

00:48:06.320 because i feel so strongly i refuse to let other men do it either i will not i will not and now you

00:48:12.580 get to say okay that actually then that must have happened for me because it turned me into a machine

00:48:17.920 to turn men into better things right and that's that's the goal that's the whole you know like

00:48:24.980 anything that's happened to you in your past that's the whole purpose that happened to you

00:48:27.820 i really believe that and i do too i you know i don't think that's objectively true that it happened

00:48:34.020 for you i think it's in the eye of the beholder it's really the story you put around it right

00:48:38.900 so what that's good what objectively happened happened right it's it's it's amoral it there's

00:48:44.820 no meaning or significance to it it just happened and it's what we as men decide to do do we decide

00:48:51.960 that that set of circumstances whether so self-imposed or existential do we decide that

00:48:58.140 we can make that a powerful part of our story which is what you're saying or do we decide that that's

00:49:03.120 going to be a hindrance to the rest of our story and that's just a decision conscious or or

00:49:08.520 subconscious that we have to make how are we going to respond to circumstances absolutely that's a

00:49:14.180 good clarification right to say yeah because because to your point that's kind of what i was

00:49:17.860 trying to say is like it's not that god was sitting back and going like you know what kind of horrible

00:49:22.180 thing can i cook up to give to you know like but if you have that mental shift and that's you know that

00:49:26.720 it's it is it's that making that choice to say i'm not going to let this thing be a thing that

00:49:31.260 has happened to me i'm going to make this thing into a positive i choose that and that's and when

00:49:39.440 i say you know taking control again and and not needing permission to be a man and all that kind

00:49:43.760 of stuff that was really it it was it was kind of this shift in my in my heart and in my mind of

00:49:49.380 becoming a higher agency person you know and saying no i actually can control much of this or at least

00:49:58.420 influence much of this i also and the way that i influence much of this is by here's the ironic

00:50:04.640 thing and this is this is as peak f3 as you can get and that is any way that the world does it just

00:50:10.040 go ahead and and assume you'll do it the opposite and i promise it'll turn out better every time for

00:50:14.260 sure so we look and we go you know these guys that want high control right they say things like gun

00:50:20.380 control or you know whether control or you know if if the word control enters into it guess what

00:50:28.300 you're you're veering off into bad bad places but right but we say you know it's not even so much

00:50:33.500 that i control my destiny as it is that i accept the things that come to me and i turn them for good

00:50:39.500 that's the way i control my destiny right is by is by turning everything into an opportunity

00:50:45.420 like i can control me i can control how i view it like you said events are neutral

00:50:51.760 that's i think that's brilliant you're i mean it's 100 true right the event just happened like

00:50:58.200 that happened whether it's good or whether it's bad or whether it turns something positive or turn

00:51:03.460 to something negative that is all between my ears i have 100 dominion over that i love that you're

00:51:11.240 talking about controlling your destiny because that is one that i've wrestled with and people say

00:51:14.860 oh it's destiny or i can control it it's like no you can influence it i call it stacking the odds

00:51:18.940 right that's all we can do is how do i stack the odds in my favor and influence hopefully more

00:51:24.620 productive better outcomes but i like what you're saying is that you can control it just based on how

00:51:29.740 you respond so here's the here's the begging question how do you begin to change the way you view

00:51:36.880 things and maybe even to back up before that how do you get out of the destructive cycles of thinking

00:51:46.100 because i i believe that there's so many men who have negative toxic beliefs about themselves beliefs

00:51:54.160 about the world and they have a hard time connecting the dots that their lack of result in relationships

00:52:01.200 or finances or fill in the blank is a direct result of the way they think they always believe that if

00:52:07.340 something external happens positively then i'll be in a better situation rather than look as soon as i

00:52:12.920 hit the lottery everything's gonna get better so how does a man begin to recognize that it's his own

00:52:19.740 thoughts that are getting in the way and which ones and then secondary how do you then replace those with

00:52:25.540 better with better stories better scripts so to speak hmm that's a good question i'm being sarcastic

00:52:32.280 hold on um hmm i wonder if it would help to have like a bunch of guys around you with a different

00:52:39.020 perspective that could lift you up and walk you through these obstacles that you've invented for

00:52:43.000 yourself hmm if only there were some group out there right yeah for sure for sure but i do think

00:52:49.980 there's a lot of truth in that that there's an association part of it right if you hang around with

00:52:54.900 guys who believe that there's you know that things happen to them and oh woe is me and all

00:53:02.060 like then guess what you're going to believe yeah of course that's just part of how it happens right

00:53:06.400 but if you hang around with guys that believe that the things that happen in life are neutral

00:53:10.220 and i can control my own you know view of them and and therefore control how you know what i am

00:53:15.780 or i'm not destined to you know like whatever if you hang around with those guys then your your

00:53:19.220 brain changes to those things so change the guys you hang out with probably is is one of the

00:53:23.800 things the other thing is and this is i i am a very very very firm believer on this one and that is

00:53:30.680 that uh now and again as a as a person of faith i attributed to god right in a large way other guys

00:53:37.160 explain it however you want you know put words on it however you want but the the principle the true

00:53:41.640 principle is that even this amount of motion creates momentum

00:53:47.460 so all you need to do is desire in your heart just go you know what i want to believe that it's

00:53:57.180 possible for me to do this and if that's all you have i really believe that that creates

00:54:03.260 momentum in the universe or however you want to describe it right to me saying to myself i can't

00:54:10.480 control all this stuff and i i of myself am not enough right because i've i need men around me i

00:54:18.760 need help right from wherever that comes from and saying you know what i have no more than just a

00:54:23.780 desire to believe or just a desire to move on these things to me that's a prayer right having that desire

00:54:31.280 in your heart and offering that up to whatever you know whether you right but that's that is an

00:54:36.640 acknowledgement that i'm not the king of the world i don't have it all you know i'm not going to be

00:54:41.700 able to do it all on my own and so i think that god or the universe or whatever will will help you

00:54:48.540 with that momentum just that tiny little bit of motion can create just enough momentum to get to

00:54:55.200 the next click and then pretty soon it compounds and that's the beauty of what i think you know when a

00:55:00.800 guy comes to order man what's he paying for hey he's paying for help he's paying for

00:55:04.500 accountability he's paying for discipline he's paying you know like he's he's help wants men to

00:55:09.160 come alongside him to help him like that is what right ta-da it's not complicated right so being

00:55:16.480 able to say i have this much and then having guys be behind me and and make sure that tomorrow i have

00:55:22.220 this much again now we're at two then we're at four that you know and pretty soon it it's exponential

00:55:27.560 it stacks like you said and and that's when momentum really becomes powerful like now like

00:55:34.260 dude if if i didn't pick a pick a habit right it would be really tough at this point for me to quit

00:55:42.160 f3 to quit working out right it would be almost impossible yeah as soon as like if i didn't show up

00:55:48.960 for a week or two guys would be like what the hell's going on what is going on yeah there'd be dudes

00:55:53.760 they'd be dudes in my driveway at five in the morning you know because they refuse to let me

00:55:58.220 not do it and and i think and this is another is another davism right uh dreadism he says you know

00:56:04.760 it starts as something that you can't do then it turns into something you can do then it turns into

00:56:11.880 something that you can't not do i like it man i like it well i'm stoked to have you out in st louis

00:56:21.780 in april to be able to follow up on these conversations dude i'm pumped man it's i'm so

00:56:26.120 glad that you decided to be part of what we're doing because it's it's going to be incredible

00:56:29.140 to have these guys out here but then to have you out there and to run an f3 workout with us and talk

00:56:33.940 about fellowship and faith oh yeah family and all the things that you guys do can you let the guys know

00:56:38.880 where to find a little bit more about f3 to connect with you and then we can also plug the men's

00:56:44.400 forge because i want these guys to be there it's going to be an event unlike any other i do want to

00:56:49.340 plug the men's forge and i'll do it in the backwards order and i apologize but um i want to

00:56:53.820 plug this you know you say you you appreciate me coming out and i appreciate you having me obviously

00:56:58.320 right man it's easy but man i appreciate the guys that you guys finally just said you know what

00:57:03.280 we're doing this like on the website it says like this is an idea 10 years in the making like

00:57:08.120 and you finally just said like wait a minute why are we why why 10 years yeah why why did we

00:57:13.000 took what took us so long right because it was an idea whose time hadn't come until now

00:57:16.860 right yeah the the world wasn't prepared for it but i'm watching this this this pendulum swing or

00:57:23.720 or whatever it is however you want to look at it but this this move back to virtuous masculinity

00:57:29.600 it if there's a thing in the world that's more critical than that please show it to me because

00:57:36.040 i will adopt that as my cause right but as far as i am concerned there is nothing more critical now

00:57:43.500 than that it is for for us as men to return to virtue to return to virtuous masculinity so that

00:57:51.600 it's not that we're you know putting on dresses and going in girls bathrooms it's not that we're

00:57:57.600 you know right like don't be so confused about what you are and who you are that that's where you end

00:58:03.880 up and like your mind like you just like i get it you're lost that's okay we found you right

00:58:10.760 we found you if you're hearing this we found you okay so if you're in the saint louis area or if

00:58:17.760 you're inclined to travel come see come see what it's about come see what it's like to be in community

00:58:25.260 with other men who look and think the the in a similar way to you not and it's not all the same

00:58:33.900 stuff right and i don't believe the same things uh 100 down the line check check check right but boy

00:58:40.140 i know what he believes in his heart about what men are and how we ought to be and the principles

00:58:45.080 are the same i know that like i don't hesitate on that at all right and so there's a feeling about

00:58:52.340 that uh a belongingness sure but even even something that transcends that right that that connects us to

00:59:00.680 each other and we reckon we all know it in our heart like what we have in our world right now is not

00:59:05.820 sustainable it is not and we need leadership we need leadership we need men to be able to stand 0.99

00:59:12.280 in the in the hole and say ah i'm gonna bring other guys with me in here and we're gonna fight

00:59:16.980 out of this thing because what's happening out there is no good we refuse to accept it we are not

00:59:21.460 accepting it and so that's why i say if you're if you're even inclined to come i don't remember the

00:59:25.640 you tell them the website after but um but you get to the forge i don't remember what the cap is on

00:59:31.520 the what would you say like it's a couple hundred guys or something that you can max out at or

00:59:35.440 whatever it is yeah so uh hurry i'll say it ain't gonna get easier to get in as time goes on because

00:59:44.040 those spots are gonna fill right um yeah but and guys go oh it costs a lot but it costs money yeah

00:59:50.360 yeah yeah i don't well you saw you know like this isn't new york so we're not going to feed you for

00:59:56.160 free we're not going to lodge you for free right like stuff costs money that's the way life works

01:00:00.840 borrow it steal it i don't know it's up to you but right don't steal it that's that's a bad choice

01:00:04.580 um but you know but figure it out right but so so get there now before you get there if you said to

01:00:13.300 yourself but i'm interested in hearing more about this f3 deal because that sounds like a thing that

01:00:18.240 maybe we'd be interested in doing by the way this is what i also adore about coming on podcasts like

01:00:23.260 yours and and other other men's podcasts is our our workouts are free 100 forever

01:00:30.360 and ever amen period never going to move right never going to change always going to be free to

01:00:36.240 show up in a parking lot somewhere with a bunch of weirdos and do burpees like that's it's always

01:00:40.680 going to be free and therefore i have no competition

01:00:43.840 i can with full heart recommend order of man because i'm not trying to protect my non-salary that i do not

01:00:54.040 collect right yeah right you know i'm a volunteer i have a real job you know like but i got a nine

01:01:02.500 to five uh don't tell them that i'm recording this podcast i'm just kidding they know they know it's

01:01:07.140 fine um but like you know i mean like so i have no problem recommending it i have no problem saying

01:01:12.220 i don't really care what the method is that you use get to some place that will put you in a tribe

01:01:17.500 of men that will improve your life do that i don't care where you find it and so if you but if you

01:01:21.900 say to yourself this f3 thing sounds like something i might be interested in great great if you're

01:01:27.080 already a get up in the early hours of the morning guy then this won't be as hard for you but otherwise

01:01:31.620 it's going to be tough right because it's always almost always happens early in the morning but you

01:01:35.920 would go to f3nation.com and there's a thing that says you know start here or whatever and find a

01:01:41.380 location right huge map it knows where you are heaven forbid right but it does it knows where you

01:01:48.920 are uh and then it'll it'll just pull up all the uh all the local local workouts that are near you

01:01:53.320 right and you can find find one that's nearby if you can't find one that's nearby if you're too far

01:01:57.660 away no problem no problem you just click and go i'd like to start one because you know what we believe

01:02:03.200 everybody's that somebody everybody's that somebody you want to start it not only are we going to tell

01:02:09.340 you to go start it we're going to give you resources to go start it we're going to help you get it

01:02:14.140 started why well yeah it spreads the movement but also brother don't miss this i make no more money

01:02:20.080 it's free the organization does not benefit in any way whether you start a workout or not but guess

01:02:25.080 who benefits you benefit and if you benefit your family benefits exactly and if your family benefits

01:02:31.260 then you'll bring other men and you bring other and then the community benefits and pretty soon

01:02:35.020 you know it's not a pyramid scheme ryan right it's a self-improvement scheme i don't know like i don't

01:02:44.640 know yeah guys say we're a cult all the time i'm like we're a nice cult i don't know everybody calls

01:02:48.820 me a cult and it's like yeah yeah the best cult ever the worst cult ever i should say we let people

01:02:53.660 in they can leave whenever they want we ask them to be responsible we ask them to take care of their

01:02:58.300 families right fiscally fully transparent in everything that we do yeah like i'd be like we're the worst cult

01:03:03.300 ever we are a terrible cult i'm with you yeah yeah just well we'll sync everything up frank and let

01:03:08.520 the guys know where to go like i said man i appreciate you coming back on and and i'm really

01:03:12.160 looking forward to having you out it's going to be a great event with you guys involved and with larry

01:03:16.040 involved with the dad edge and us with order man it's going to be unlike anything else so brother i

01:03:20.560 appreciate you man we're going to sync everything up for the guys yeah it sounds good this is going to

01:03:24.440 be amazing i i really am excited i'm excited for guys to come into uh and get better it's gonna be

01:03:29.440 awesome awesome thanks brother man there it is mr frank schwartz dark helmet what an incredible

01:03:36.380 conversation um i've had the the gift of being able to talk with frank on multiple occasions he's

01:03:43.820 been on the podcast before and we've had so many wonderful conversations about what it means to be a

01:03:49.400 man and where men are lacking and how they can step up and how they can improve their lives and this one

01:03:54.840 was obviously no different so if you resonated with frank check it out check out f3 uh there's

01:04:00.400 probably like you said an f3 in your area and if there's not you can create one and it's free

01:04:04.360 um and then also make sure you check out the men's forge if you want to rub shoulders with and train

01:04:10.780 with and learn from frank and myself and larry hagner and gs youngblood and duane noel and the other

01:04:15.920 incredible guests that we're going to have out there you can do that at themensforge.com all right

01:04:22.020 guys we're going to be back tomorrow for our ask me anything until then go out there take action

01:04:26.380 and become the man you are meant to be thank you for listening to the order of man podcast

01:04:31.860 you're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be

01:04:35.860 we invite you to join the order at order of man.com

Order of Man - February 24, 2026

FRANK SCHWARTZ ｜ Not Your Fault, But Your Responsibility

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