Order of Man - Getting Hyper-Focused, Assessing Risk Properly, and Developing Your Intuition ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:04.980 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.440 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.220 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.780 you can call yourself a man. Mr. Kip Sorensen, what's up man? Hey,

00:00:26.720 it's good to see you put some decorations up behind you there. Yeah, it's

00:00:30.800 the guy by the fern. Instead of in between ferns or

00:00:34.480 whatever, you don't know what I'm talking about. Oh, you're talking about Zach

00:00:37.500 Gilifanakis or whatever his name is. Did you see that one where he did

00:00:42.640 with Hillary Clinton? Oh my goodness, it's so uncomfortable.

00:00:46.780 It is so uncomfortable and so amazing at the same

00:00:50.700 time. Oh, that guy just, he is, he's amazing.

00:00:54.600 So funny. Super funny. Super funny. Yeah. So you're, you're the man behind or in between

00:01:00.780 one shrub. Shrub. Yeah. Shrub podcast. That's right. Join us weekly. That's right. Hey, you

00:01:08.780 know, it's the effort. It's the effort that counts. I'm trying. That's, you're, you're improving

00:01:14.540 gradually, which you are getting better. And I got some sticky notes just in case we, you

00:01:19.720 need to draw like an impromptu. You are. And what's, what's next to the sticky note? What

00:01:24.460 is that? Is that a plant? No, no. Right next to it. Is that a plant?

00:01:30.220 Yeah. That's a plant to the right of the sticky note. That's the fern. Okay. Yeah. That's scotch

00:01:36.080 tape on the other side of the sticky note. Cause that's also very critical to have scotch

00:01:39.620 tape available. It is. You gotta have scotch tape and you have a little iron council hat 0.96

00:01:45.940 on your head, which is nice too. Yeah. I just like wear it like this. It's right on top. It's

00:01:50.700 one of those little, uh, Shriners hats is what it looks like. You know, those little 0.88

00:01:54.200 red Shriners. Hey, there you go. We should have a Shriners chapter of the iron council 1.00

00:02:00.700 and we'll have little iron council hats for them. Yeah. When we're all old men. The hats

00:02:04.680 will be available soon. Those guys are awesome. They ride around in their little cars at parades

00:02:10.160 and man, that's awesome. All right. Well, here we are for another round of ask me anything.

00:02:18.620 Yeah. Yeah. Glad to be joining you, man. It's good stuff. Yeah. It's good. Great podcast by the

00:02:24.080 way, with Mr. Jocko that just got released yesterday. So yeah, it's funny. It's funny.

00:02:29.060 You said it took him a minute to warm up cause I posted that on YouTube. We had Cody Lanham. He

00:02:34.800 does all of our editing for us and he posted it on YouTube. And one of the comments on there was like,

00:02:39.760 Jocko seems mad today or something like that. And I'm like, I, I, I don't think he's mad. I just

00:02:47.160 think it's like matter of fact Jocko. Yeah. And it's like his, his thing about happy face or smiley

00:02:54.420 face or whatever, excited face. And it's all the same faces. Like, I don't think he's mad. I just

00:02:58.640 think that's, yeah, that's, that's him. Stoic, very stoic. Yeah. It's so funny. Which is, makes very,

00:03:05.580 makes it, um, how do I say it? It, it makes me test my resolve as an interviewer at times,

00:03:14.200 but, uh, yeah, it was good. It was powerful. Of course, great insight, always valuable information

00:03:20.200 just takes a minute to, to get them fired up. Yeah. Yeah. It was great. Nonetheless,

00:03:25.360 it was a really great episode. Well, should we jump into, uh, some questions for, from the guys

00:03:29.920 today? I think we've got a lot today. Uh, yeah, maybe a tad, uh, well not, there's never too much

00:03:35.480 questions, but we got a lot. There's no way we're getting through these. Uh, when you, when we ask

00:03:40.020 you guys for questions, uh, we get flooded. So they do not disappoint. No, we got some iron, uh,

00:03:46.500 some iron council questions as well. Some questions from the Facebook group. We'll, uh, we'll cover that

00:03:51.740 iron council first, uh, to learn more about what is the iron council. Cause the probability of us

00:03:56.260 talking about the iron council is really high. I was thinking about it the other day. It's like

00:04:00.640 you listen to Rogan or, um, Jocko for instance, and there's constant reference of jujitsu on those

00:04:08.860 podcasts. There's constant reference of iron council in this podcast to learn about the iron

00:04:15.160 council. Go to order of man.com slash iron council. It's very secret. So it's very secret. Yes. And,

00:04:21.760 and not only that, you'll just get more out of this podcast. So there you go.

00:04:26.260 There you go. All right. Mitch Vance, my brother, 40 years old calls himself a survivor,

00:04:32.500 but the truth is he's weak. Many of us are surrounded by natural men. We love and want

00:04:39.460 to see them on the journey to become a sovereign man. Where would you start?

00:04:45.040 Where would I start for myself or for my brother? I'm assuming for your brother,

00:04:49.800 your weak brother, help them. Yeah, that's interesting. It's weird. Why would he call him

00:04:56.220 self a survivor? I'm just trying to think in what context I'm a survivor. I don't know. It sounds

00:05:01.260 strange, whatever. I actually think, I mean, if you think about it, the average person is like,

00:05:05.160 there's a little bit of, how do I say this? I don't know why, but when I hear survival,

00:05:10.600 I think there's like a little tendency of like victimhood a little bit, like I'm surviving and

00:05:15.020 I'm persevering, even though all these things happen to me and, and there's a little bit of

00:05:20.320 whoa factor, you know, in it. Well, even maybe that's what he's calling out.

00:05:24.060 I agree. I can see that. I even think you said another word, perseverance.

00:05:29.420 I kind of think, look at like perseverance, surviving as like a lowest common denominator.

00:05:36.900 Yeah. Like I survived. That means you barely made it out alive. Essentially is what that means.

00:05:41.860 Yeah. Yeah. You're not, you're not thriving when you survive. Exactly. So I'm not, I'm not calling his

00:05:46.360 brother out. I'm just saying the choice of words is interesting. Like, I don't want to be a survivor.

00:05:51.160 I want to be a kick-ass fill in the blank. Like I want to be the best of the best. Not,

00:05:56.660 Oh, I just survived. You were talking about jujitsu earlier. It's like, how'd you do? Oh,

00:06:00.160 I survived. Well, that means you sucked. Yeah. Yeah. You'd want to say I dominated. I destroyed.

00:06:06.500 Right. You were one notch up above losing. You were the first loser. The second loser,

00:06:11.600 right? Essentially is what you were. So, all right. All that to preface with now, what do we do about it?

00:06:16.820 Well, look, if he doesn't think there's anything wrong,

00:06:19.880 what are you going to fix? Yeah. That's why I say, focus all of your time, your attention,

00:06:27.260 your energy, your resources, everything that you can and have on the people who you have a

00:06:31.560 responsibility for. And I would say that there's a partial responsibility for your brother. I mean,

00:06:36.160 maybe not totally like your wife or your children, excuse me, but for your brother, yeah, that's your

00:06:41.400 family. Like, of course. So I commend, what's the gentleman's name? Who's asking the question?

00:06:45.660 Mitch. So Mitch, I commend you. You care about your brother, obviously. Sometimes we come into

00:06:52.860 problems when we care about their success more than they do. I actually heard that term when I was a

00:06:58.500 financial advisor six, seven years ago is one of my trainers would say, Hey, look, you can't care

00:07:04.180 about it more than they do. If you care about their success more than they do, it's just not going to be

00:07:09.340 a great relationship. It's not going to be a good working relationship. They're not going to do what you

00:07:12.520 say. It's going to be a headache. And I have found that to be true, not only in the financial planning

00:07:16.000 business, but life in general. Kip, if I care more about your success than you do, I mean, that's all

00:07:21.600 fine and great, but it's, it's an exercise in futility. It's like, it's not, it's not going to

00:07:27.000 happen. In fact, it's going to make things worse because I'm going to put place expectations on you.

00:07:32.200 You're going to fail to meet those expectations. I'm going to become bitter and contentious because I

00:07:36.820 feel like you're wasting my time when I was the one who actually volunteered it. You're going to be

00:07:41.220 resentful towards me because we can't just hang out as bros. I always got to be coaching you and

00:07:45.500 pushing you. So if I'll address this question from two different perspectives, if there's nothing wrong

00:07:52.860 from, from his, his mind, he's a survivor, he's doing it. He's, he's on it. Then just be a brother.

00:08:00.020 And what I mean by that is go bowling, go to the game together, invite him over for family barbecue,

00:08:06.480 but you don't need to be sending them books and resources and podcasts and Oh, listen to this and

00:08:11.760 fix this. And you're not doing this right. Just be there because I think what is more likely to

00:08:16.640 happen is if you can bring them into the circle, he'll start to see you Mitch and think, man,

00:08:23.480 my brother's got something figured out. Like what's going on. And then hopefully he will begin to solicit

00:08:29.180 you for information and advice. And there's your permission slip. Cause right now you might not have

00:08:34.600 it. I'm, I'm making a bunch of assumptions here, but you just might not have it. Now that said,

00:08:39.900 if he knows that he wants to fix things and he's like, Hey, you know, like Mitch, you seem to be

00:08:44.900 doing good. And I'm struggling in my relationship with my fitness. Like what, what are you up? What

00:08:50.480 are you up to? In that case, I would suggest that you invite him to the iron council. You're a member

00:08:57.020 here, uh, that you haven't go through the battle ready program, order of man.com slash battle ready,

00:09:02.040 uh, that you invite him in again to your circle. Uh, you send him resources, whether that's a book

00:09:08.560 or this podcast and just let them know, Hey man, I'm thinking about you. I came across this. I thought

00:09:13.440 it would apply based on our conversation we had over the weekend. Check it out. Let's circle back

00:09:18.440 in a couple of days and we'll talk about it. And, and that's it. You know, I think sometimes the

00:09:24.080 answers Kip that we give are not satisfactory because they won't, they're not grandiose and they won't

00:09:31.440 produce the result immediately. But I'm just telling you, if you do these things every single

00:09:36.020 time and you're consistent and you're relentless with these types of things that we're talking

00:09:39.700 about, even though they may not be huge leaps, they're just micro steps. And you compound those

00:09:46.240 over years, things are going to happen. It's just not as exciting as saying, do this one thing.

00:09:52.200 And all of a sudden your brother's problems will be solved.

00:09:54.440 Yeah. I like the analogy of, you know, and we use this analogy a lot of, of being on the

00:10:00.940 path. I don't think we can pull people on it. They, they have to join that path on their

00:10:07.160 own. Now, once they're on the path, now you're in a position, right? You, you've built up some

00:10:11.520 collateral, you have some trust, you've, you've built some respect with your brother and now

00:10:16.180 you're in a great position to provide some guidance and direction. But until he's on that

00:10:20.340 path, which has to be his call, not yours, it's, there's nothing for you to do. Right.

00:10:26.660 Unfortunately. And, and it's the lighthouse effect. And we talk about that quite a bit

00:10:30.320 is, is we can't be tugboats and force change on people. It's just, it's just not something

00:10:34.540 that works. In fact, it was funny because you know how it is Instagram, social media. It's

00:10:40.840 like, you know, as I was watching some videos of, you know, black man, uh, you know, drop serious 1.00

00:10:47.820 knowledge bomb on black lives matter, white lady about, you know, racism or something 1.00

00:10:53.000 like that. Right. And it's funny because you watch it and you're like, Hey, that guy

00:10:56.620 said some really valid points that were really profound. The point is, is did the woman change?

00:11:03.380 And the answer is no, of course not. No, of course not. She walked away, still pissed off 1.00

00:11:08.420 and, and, and she's maybe even worse. Yeah. Yeah. She saw the whole situation drastically

00:11:13.060 different than, than the person who made the post. Right. It's like, Oh yeah, they made

00:11:17.120 her. It's like, no, no, not really. Actually, she probably walked away thinking of the same

00:11:22.280 thing that she thought before. No one's minds changed. Right. Just because you have some

00:11:26.240 really good like argument points. Yeah. Yeah. That's why. So sometimes I get accused

00:11:32.220 of ignoring or blocking people on social media who quote unquote disagree with me. Guys, I

00:11:39.100 don't block people for disagreeing with me. I block people who it's clear to me that they

00:11:43.640 are not interested in what we're doing here. So if I can tell, for example, that you're

00:11:49.080 interested, that you disagree with me and yet you're interested in the discussion, you're

00:11:52.360 interested in the philosophy, you're interested in improving yourself as a man, then I'm all

00:11:56.780 on board to have a discussion. But if you're, if you're disagreeing with me with the motive

00:12:02.800 or the intent just to be a dick and it's clear, it's evident to me that you're not even interested 0.73

00:12:09.020 in any, yeah, then I'll block you. Cause I don't need that in my space. But the point

00:12:13.180 I'm making here, exactly. And the point that I'm making is like, why would I waste my time

00:12:19.000 and energy? Even if it's simple as, cause look, when I see a negative comment, you know,

00:12:23.880 I've, I've had, and anybody who's put themselves in the public has to develop some thick skin

00:12:28.220 people way more than I have just because of their notoriety and their visibility. But even

00:12:35.000 though I've been able to develop some thick skin, like that stuff makes a difference.

00:12:39.160 And so I don't want it in my, in my space. I can't have it in my space. The only reason

00:12:45.420 I'll have it here is because I do know somebody is interested, although they disagree and see

00:12:48.900 things differently, which is fine, but that's an individual who has a vested interest in

00:12:54.700 improving. But if they don't have a vested interest in improving, there's nothing I can

00:12:58.200 do. And there's nothing I even want to do. Cause I look, here's the other thing. How

00:13:03.940 much time are you going to take away from your family, trying to help your brother who

00:13:06.780 may not be interested? How much time would I take away from another man who sends me an

00:13:10.760 email and isn't a crappy situation? Cause I'm hung up on what this dingus over here said,

00:13:15.860 you know, like I've got to focus where, where my, my resources, my attention go, where I can

00:13:21.880 have the greatest impact. All right. Next question.

00:13:26.200 So love it. I got a great quote to wrap, wrap up this thought. Um, I don't know. I mean,

00:13:31.800 it was a stoic quote, but I don't know who, who this is from. Maybe, you know, we'll just assume

00:13:37.760 it's like Epictetus or something, but it says before you heal someone, ask him if he's willing

00:13:42.280 to give up the things that made him sick. And I kind of think about that, like in his brother's

00:13:47.880 perspective is, is he willing to give up being just a survivor survivor? And if he's not, then it

00:13:54.260 doesn't matter. But what can you do? Just be around him.

00:13:59.260 All right. Thomas Zimmerman. Yeah. Thomas Zimmerman. Good morning, gentlemen. I just

00:14:04.860 finished listening to the 30 days to battle ready podcast. And I want to accomplish this. I'm

00:14:10.360 currently working about 12 hour days, six days a week, six kids at home and a frail wife. Having

00:14:17.460 said that, what strategies would you suggest to remain consistent? And by the way, thank you,

00:14:22.700 Ryan, for helping me to decide to stick with the iron council. I'm very glad I have.

00:14:28.900 Cool. This is Thomas, right?

00:14:32.600 Yeah.

00:14:33.420 So here's what I'd say, not just for the battle ready program, but anything that somebody might

00:14:38.740 be doing, whether it's an instrument, you know, picking up a new instrument or getting into martial

00:14:44.100 arts or training or preparing for a marathon or learning to paint or going through a battle ready

00:14:50.600 program or 75 hards, another program with Andy Priscilla. Like it doesn't matter what you're

00:14:54.640 doing here. Here's what I would say. I know that there's a half an hour in your day. I know there

00:14:59.660 is. You're telling me you work 12 hours a day. You've got six kids. I think the term you used was

00:15:05.620 frail wife. I'm not sure what's a frail. So I'm not sure entirely what that means. If that's physically

00:15:11.500 or emotionally, I'm not sure there, but I know that you have a half hour. I know that you have

00:15:17.360 maybe even 20 minutes. So you got 20 minutes. What are we going to do in that 20 minute timeframe?

00:15:25.600 Put the phone away, put the podcast away, turn this off. If you're listening to it,

00:15:30.220 pick up a book for 20 minutes, pick up your journal for 20 minutes. The battle ready program

00:15:34.660 does not actually require as much as you're thinking. Cause I space it out and say, okay,

00:15:38.360 here's the assignment. I'm going to check back with you tomorrow. Give some more insight on the

00:15:42.400 same assignment. And I'm going to check back with you tomorrow and make sure you have it done.

00:15:46.980 So there's like a 48 hour window for you to get it done. And if you can carve out

00:15:50.580 20, 40, 60 minutes in that timeframe, you'll be able to get everything done.

00:15:55.160 But it's about placing an emphasis on what it is that you want to do. You can accomplish a lot in

00:16:01.020 20 minutes. You know, if I want to pick up the guitar and strum, I could do a quick lesson. It's

00:16:06.800 not as good as an hour, but it's better than nothing. So I can pick up the guitar and I can for 20

00:16:11.840 intentional minutes. And that's the other thing you got to realize too. And I noticed this in the gym,

00:16:15.960 me, me personally, when I go in and I into my garage and I work out, it takes me an hour,

00:16:21.520 maybe longer, slightly. But when it takes me an hour, it's because I'm like checking Instagram

00:16:27.400 posts in between and like, Oh, I got to answer this call. And Oh, somebody sent me an email.

00:16:32.100 Selfie. Exactly. Taking a selfie. Yeah.

00:16:35.700 Making an Instagram post. Right. So total time working out is probably less than 30 minutes.

00:16:43.900 Yeah. So grand scheme of things. And if you eliminated those 30 minutes, that workout would

00:16:48.660 have been way better. Well, not only that, but then you would have been able to get back on with

00:16:53.780 life and you would have been more productive with your wife and more productive with your kids.

00:16:58.960 There's other, other things that you can do like task stacking. And I call it task stacking. But

00:17:03.520 if I need to go do a workout, like, well, I'm going to invite my 12 year old son with me to come

00:17:07.680 work out. Now it's probably not going to be as good of a workout, but it's still a workout and he's

00:17:13.520 there and I'm spending time with him and I'm getting a workout in. And that's what happens when I have

00:17:17.280 four kids. How many do you have? Kip, you have too many, seven, seven. Thomas has got six. Like

00:17:25.040 we all got a lot of kids and that's just what you have to do. You got to make it work. So find the 20

00:17:30.020 to 30 minutes every day. Even if you have to wake up 20 minutes earlier, do it. You make it happen.

00:17:35.700 Cool. All right. There you go, Thomas. Glenn Schwinn. I've noticed myself thinking a lot during the

00:17:41.340 COVID thing. It's been months of the same everyday cycle. Now I finally just quit and have replaced my

00:17:47.200 drinking time with 75 hard iron council and reading. The nights are the hardest though.

00:17:53.260 Any recommendations for activities that can get involved in at home or after the kids go to bed

00:17:58.560 outside of the, uh, for mentioned things. Kind of seems on top of it to be honest.

00:18:06.760 Yeah, no, it's good. You're thinking about it. Uh, you just need a hobby. So reading, reading is good.

00:18:12.900 You know, every time you're tempted to get a drink or whatever, then, you know, just,

00:18:16.660 just read. I I've been mentioning it before. I really enjoy playing the guitar. I actually

00:18:22.400 really enjoy it. I've never picked up a musical instrument in my life before other than the

00:18:27.480 recorder in like third grade outside of that, nothing. And I, I've played the guitar. I would

00:18:35.000 say with, without missing a day daily, daily, every day. Cause if you're going to do something,

00:18:41.360 you have to do it every day. That's my opinion. Oh, that's right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. To generate

00:18:45.560 the habit of it. Yeah. Like if you're, if you're, if, if you're going to dabble, just don't do it

00:18:50.020 unless you just don't care that enough about it. And that's fine too. But if you care about it,

00:18:56.300 then you have to do it every day. So, um, yeah. So guitar. Yeah. Every day, I would say for at least

00:19:04.360 90 days, at least maybe even closer to 120 days of, of not missing a single day, except for when I was

00:19:10.860 traveling and that's it. So I'll tell you the, the reason that's so powerful, and this is the same

00:19:17.380 with jujitsu. My friend and I, uh, Brody Cousineau were talking the other day. The reason it's so

00:19:22.760 powerful, whether it's jujitsu or in this case, guitar, or I think a hobby like painting or drawing

00:19:30.060 could probably have a similar effect. Yeah. I think the part of the reason it's so powerful

00:19:35.140 is because there's no other time or point in your life where you are completely dialed in

00:19:42.140 with a hundred percent focus and attention. And you're not distracted by everything else or anything

00:19:49.000 else. Like my wife can come in and ask me a question when I'm playing the guitar and I know 0.78

00:19:54.080 she came in and I know she said something to me. And then after I'm done, I'm like, Hey, what did you

00:19:58.320 say? Cause honestly, I didn't hear you. And she's like, yeah, you're ignoring me. I'm like, no, I was

00:20:01.820 just so focused. So I don't, I know you said something to me. I just don't know what it was.

00:20:07.380 That's the beauty of it is look, when you're engaged, is it Glenn? Is that, is that Glenn? Yeah.

00:20:14.440 Glenn. So Glenn, when you're engaged that way, you're not thinking about getting a drink.

00:20:20.580 You're thinking about, Hey, I'm on this riff or I'm on this guitar. I can't figure this out. I got to

00:20:24.360 practice this chord or, Hey, this guy's trying to strangle me. So like, I'm not thinking about,

00:20:29.640 I need a drink right now. I'm thinking about how can I get his arms off of my neck?

00:20:34.840 If you can find something that's going to just take your, your entire mental capacity and energy

00:20:40.920 and focus on that, the temptation of anything else, whether it's drinking or pornography or drugs or

00:20:47.100 whatever is not even going to, it's not even a temptation. It's not even on your, in your mind

00:20:52.000 because you're so hyper-focused on something else. And there's, like I said earlier,

00:20:55.960 there's no other thing in life. Like even now, how many things are you guys doing that are listening

00:21:01.300 to right now that you're listening to this podcast? You're listening to this podcast. You're working

00:21:05.060 out. You're listening to this podcast. You're mowing the lawn. You're, you're on a drive. You're

00:21:08.960 answering messages. You're at work trying to do some work. And you're listening to this podcast.

00:21:13.620 Like you're not, you're not even doing it now. Yeah. So there isn't another time in your life

00:21:19.900 where you're going to have more focus. And once you can focus that heavily on something,

00:21:23.140 then the temptation of drinking or whatever your vice is, it doesn't seem to be an issue.

00:21:27.860 Yeah, totally. When that's why jujitsu and a lot of extreme sports, there has been massive

00:21:34.860 progression in those sports because the ability to learn and pick up something new when you're in

00:21:40.740 that state of mind, and some refer to it as like a flow state, you learn drastically faster.

00:21:47.140 And, and, and here at my company, we're actually implementing kind of a, some deep work strategy

00:21:52.080 to actually improve, uh, and provide employees kind of the, the boundaries to actually learn new

00:21:57.740 technologies faster, right? So we're better at what we do. And I've done a lot of studying around

00:22:03.580 this subject and it's quite amazing how satisfaction and gratitude for life drastically increases when you

00:22:13.200 have focused time in your life. So if you're just, if you have the chance to focus in on something,

00:22:19.980 you feel more gratified, you feel more accomplished. It makes you feel better about your day. Like

00:22:26.440 it, it, it's above and beyond just guitar. You actually feel better because you're able to get

00:22:32.620 laser focused in on something and feel accomplished. And the opposite of this is busy.

00:22:38.340 The opposite of this is, well, I really had a really busy day. I replied to emails and I had

00:22:44.300 this conversation, blah, blah, blah. And then you sit down and you go, did you get anything done?

00:22:48.500 Of course not. And then the answer is no. Right. And you know that like, you're not going to

00:22:53.620 bullshit yourself. You know, you didn't get shit done. Right. But when you have focus time and you

00:22:58.640 actually get something done and you do it well, like, Oh, I, yeah, I hung out with my kid while I played

00:23:04.180 on Instagram and social media. No, no, no. But when you're a hundred percent present with your kid,

00:23:08.740 then when you're not, you feel good about the time that you did spend with them. Right. Because

00:23:13.280 you're fully present and you were focused and you're intentional and you're just going to feel

00:23:17.180 better about yourself. You're going to learn better and you're just going to feel more accomplished for

00:23:21.240 the day. Period. Yeah. There's science. Science. Science. Okay. Uh, Michael Ray, team Victor. Hey Ryan,

00:23:32.240 I know you've recently moved. Oh, this is a long question. Sorry, Ray, Michael. I mean,

00:23:37.220 I'm going to like kind of beat this up because he totally goes on tangents. So, but ultimately I'm

00:23:42.840 moving my family. Um, I, I know you recently moved your family from Utah to Maine. So I have a question

00:23:47.640 for you about this pre-move decision process. My wife and I currently are planning on moving our

00:23:52.660 family, one young daughter out of Southern California and are currently considering, but not

00:23:57.040 limited to Idaho, Utah, or possibly Montana. I was wondering if there are specific methods in which

00:24:02.720 you identified and evaluated potential new homes. Was there certain attributes you looked for in a

00:24:07.980 new hometown? Also looking back at your search process, what do you think you did right? And

00:24:13.200 what would you have done differently the next time around? And then he goes into his current

00:24:18.240 turntable and why he wants to get out of California. And Michael, we all know why you'd want to leave

00:24:22.760 California. At least I do. So any feedback you have, I know any feedback you have would be greatly

00:24:28.640 appreciated. Thank you, Ryan and Kip for all your great content in each week. And sorry, I didn't read

00:24:33.580 all the rest of your question. It would just take too long. So, okay. So I'm not the best. You seem

00:24:40.080 like a very thoughtful individual. And I am not, I'm a very intuitive individual. So if it feels right,

00:24:53.960 do it. I don't get hung up on the details, which serves me very well in a lot of instances.

00:25:01.160 And it creates a lot of collateral damage in, in, in the path. Yeah. But that's my personality. So

00:25:07.960 you're at, you as a thoughtful individual are asking an intuitive individual, what his thought

00:25:15.180 process was. Here's my thought process. I like me. So let me just, let me tell you the story for those

00:25:21.260 of you guys who don't know. It's very fast. Two years ago, I come up here because Pete, my friend

00:25:27.380 with origin invites me to come up here for immersion camp. Did you come that year? The first year you've

00:25:33.940 gone two years now. Yeah. I think I came the first year. So you came the first year with me.

00:25:37.960 Okay. So I came up here, loved it. Fell in love with Maine. It was beautiful. The lakes. Remember

00:25:44.780 we drove around, we were driving around in between time and checking out some old houses out in the

00:25:49.400 middle. Yeah. Yeah. My wife and I had always wanted or have for a long time, wanted to move and go on a

00:25:56.320 little adventure. We have the flexibility. We had the financial resources and capital to be able to do

00:26:01.040 it. So it was like the timing was good. So I'm sending pictures and video back to my wife. I'm like,

00:26:05.860 look at this house and look at this place and look at this. And she's like, yeah, it's beautiful. Now.

00:26:09.800 Why don't you come back out in the winter? It's like, okay. So talk to Pete. Pete's like, yeah,

00:26:14.640 come out in the winter. You can stay at our place. So we stayed with, with, uh, at one of Pete's

00:26:18.020 properties and we fell in love with it. She got a real estate agent. I didn't even know when she

00:26:23.720 scheduled it. I'm like, wait, what? She's like, well, didn't you want to look at houses? I'm like,

00:26:27.180 well, I didn't know you'd want to. So we're, we look, we look at probably a dozen different

00:26:31.880 places and we get done with the last place. And the last place we looked at is just about

00:26:36.480 three to four miles right up the road here. It's a beautiful place. It just needed some work that

00:26:40.920 we just weren't willing to put into it. So kind of turned into a dud, like nothing really came.

00:26:45.580 There wasn't anything that stood out. So we drive down this road, my real estate agents like, Hey,

00:26:50.760 we've got this one other place. They've already got an offer in on it, but they're entertaining

00:26:54.020 backup offers. So let's just go look. And we drive down the road, which is this, this highway right

00:26:58.600 here. We drive down the road and we get down the road and we see this house and it's beautiful.

00:27:06.100 We thought it was a bed and breakfast. We're like, Whoa, look at that place. And our real estate agent

00:27:09.660 pulls into this place and we get out of the car. What's that? No sign out front. You just saw it

00:27:16.660 and pulled over. No, this was the place that he had that was entertaining backup offers.

00:27:20.680 He was going to show you. Got it. Yeah. We, it wasn't on our list of houses because it was an extra

00:27:25.440 one that he just threw in. I see. Yeah. So we get out and my wife's like, we want to put an offer 0.99

00:27:31.280 in on it. I'm like, well, hold up. Like, let's go look at it first. And so long story short,

00:27:37.340 we fell in love with it. And the next day we put an offer in on it. So I'd only been to Maine. That's

00:27:42.960 my second visit to Maine. We know like seven people if that even. Yeah. And that was my first,

00:27:50.880 my wife's first visit. So again, you're asking somebody who just like said, yeah, let's do it.

00:27:59.040 Let's just wing it. Yeah. And I do that in every facet of my life. Like, Oh yeah, that sounds good.

00:28:06.180 People ask me about my, my testimony, my spiritual testimony. Oh, tell me, why'd you decide to get

00:28:11.220 baptized? Tell me about your, your testimony of Christ. And I'm like, I really appreciate that

00:28:15.340 question, but like, I don't have anything valuable to add because my, the reason I got baptized was

00:28:23.760 because I, and I can't even remember the verse, but there was a verse that I read and I started to

00:28:29.440 tear up and I was like, Oh yeah, this is good. This is good. And this is right. And so I got baptized

00:28:35.540 and I, but also too, I stick with my decisions. I'm not flippant. So some people might think mistake

00:28:44.300 that with being like, Oh, you're just reckless. You're flipping. You just do whatever. No, no,

00:28:47.000 no. I, when I make decisions, I stick with them, but I'm very all in all in. And if something feels

00:28:53.640 off, I just don't make the decision. Not that I thought about it or. Okay. So that's a long

00:28:58.360 preface to your question. The answer is any answer that I give you is not going to suffice for you

00:29:04.240 because of your personality. But some of the things that I would look into, he's got kids, right? I think

00:29:09.720 you mentioned kids. Yep. So school district, when this whole COVID thing frees up, I would look at,

00:29:16.960 I would look at crime rates. I would look at poverty rates. I would look at medium household 1.00

00:29:21.680 income, the higher, the better people aren't going to like me saying that, but that's true.

00:29:26.080 You know, poverty, it tends to, or I should say crime rates increase with poverty rates. It's just,

00:29:31.780 it is what it is. It's the reality. Yeah. It's the reality. Um, I would look for us. It would be

00:29:37.060 important to look at, you know, outdoor activities because that's what we enjoy. Um, I, we also looked

00:29:44.400 for a church. There was a church about five miles from here. And so that was perfect. If that church

00:29:50.200 wasn't here, church for us would be, I think it was like an hour and a half to two hours away,

00:29:54.000 which is a long, long trip with four kids. There it goes. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I don't feel

00:30:01.200 that good about it anymore. That drives you brutal. That's not worth it. Yeah. Salvation

00:30:08.900 is not worth an hour and a half. Those are the things I would be looking into. And we did,

00:30:14.720 I'm not going to say we didn't consider those things we did. I just made it more intuitively

00:30:18.200 than very thoughtful. When there's, I don't know, man, like, and I know it's, you can't really measure

00:30:25.540 that stuff, but there's something to be said for that though, too. Like, and I don't know how you

00:30:29.880 find that intuition, but I know how to do it. You listen to it more and you exercise it. Yeah.

00:30:37.520 Then you become more aware of it. And yeah. And you know what it's telling you. It's,

00:30:41.340 it's like another language almost. And you have to, so you listen to this other,

00:30:47.820 God, this is a weird conversation. Now you listen to this other sense, we'll just call it a sense,

00:30:55.160 which is intuition. Okay. We'll call it a sense for the sake of argument.

00:30:58.480 Yeah. And we, by the way, then intuition probably has all kinds of labels depending on your

00:31:02.720 spiritual beliefs. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Yeah. But you don't quite know how to decipher it as well

00:31:09.480 as the way something tastes or when you hear somebody speaking your native language, like you don't

00:31:17.880 understand how to decipher it. So then how do you know, you know, by acting on it and you're like,

00:31:22.680 Oh, and then reflection that actually worked or I'm going to do this and Oh, that didn't work.

00:31:30.200 Well, I didn't work. Cause I thought I was supposed to do this. Oh, it didn't work because you ignored

00:31:33.980 or overlooked this one thing that wasn't convenient. That's your fault. So the more you listen to it,

00:31:39.880 the more you apply and the more you go back for feedback and review, the better you will get at

00:31:46.720 listening to your intuition and trusting that it's going to lead you in the right direction.

00:31:50.640 Cause I know what a lot of people do is they'll, they'll get that intuition

00:31:55.400 and they will ignore it or they'll justify or rationalize because it's not comfortable.

00:32:05.640 Like it would have been very easy for me, for example, to feel good about moving here to Maine.

00:32:10.500 Oh, but then we gotta get the, then we gotta buy the house and that's a lot of money. Oh,

00:32:14.600 but then our, our kids won't know anybody cause we're leaving our friends and my wife isn't going 0.98

00:32:18.460 to be happy because of this and that. And so you create all these little stories to negate what

00:32:23.220 your intuition is telling you. And by the way, it works positive and positively and negatively.

00:32:27.680 Like if you know, you shouldn't do something, you know, you shouldn't do it.

00:32:32.560 But I really want to do it. Yeah. I really want to do it. So I'm going to do it. I shouldn't,

00:32:36.780 I know I shouldn't buy that car that I'm really hopped up on right now. I shouldn't do it. Oh,

00:32:41.080 but you know, better gas mileage. And, and you know, so you come up with all these rationalizations.

00:32:48.300 Well then why would you hone the skill of listening to your intuition if you're not going

00:32:52.820 to take it, if you're going to justify and rationalize it away. So if you want to get

00:32:56.600 better at being intuitive, I hate to say it, but you've got to be intuitive. You've got to follow

00:33:03.300 through on it and let it go where it's going to go and then feedback and analyze to see if it's

00:33:07.880 taking you in the right court. And I think overwhelmingly, if you actually are listening

00:33:11.680 and applying and acting on your intuition, you're going to find out that it's pretty amazing.

00:33:16.720 It's pretty amazing. That's interesting. I even like sometimes if I'm in bed and I just have a

00:33:22.600 hunch, like I need to check on the baby or whatever, even though I know he's probably okay,

00:33:27.080 or there's nothing in the backyard, I'll do it strictly from the perspective of if I don't,

00:33:33.180 then when do I, you're developing the skill. Yeah. And, and I,

00:33:37.880 I think, yeah, you know what, just do it anyway. And then I go and guess what? I checked the

00:33:41.500 backyard. Everything's fine. But I didn't like, and I don't use that as a negative, like, oh,

00:33:46.800 I shouldn't have listened to my intuition. It's like, no, I'm going to continue to do so because

00:33:49.920 the minute I stop, then those things are, I'm, I'm just not going to even be aware of them.

00:33:54.680 You know, so let me give you another kind of weird example. It's not, it's not, well,

00:33:59.380 it's not for me because this is very prevalent in our church, Kip, right? What we're talking about 1.00

00:34:04.780 here in the context of our church, instead of intuition, you would fill that in with Holy

00:34:09.700 Ghost. Okay. So a lot of you guys know that Holy Ghost, Holy Spirit, a lot of you guys probably feel

00:34:14.020 the same way. I'm not, I'm trying not to talk about it necessarily in a religious perspective

00:34:17.780 or spiritual perspective, but the principle is the same. Yeah. Okay. So here's the deal. Think about

00:34:23.920 it this way. Let's say that you've got somebody to a previous question, a brother, right? The first

00:34:30.480 question. And, and your brother is reaching out for advice and input and guidance and direction.

00:34:37.780 And you've, you get, every time he asks, you give him solid information and then he never acts on it.

00:34:44.160 Like he never does anything. You're like, try this and try that. And what have you thought about this?

00:34:47.840 And he never does anything about it. How long before you stop giving him advice? It's not going to

00:34:53.740 be that long. Yeah. Okay. The Holy Spirit or intuition works very much the same way. If you

00:35:00.100 don't get up and you don't check the gate or whatever in the backyard, how long before you

00:35:05.120 completely isolate that and turn that off? It's not going to be very long. And even if it's still

00:35:12.120 speaking to you, you're not going to acknowledge and recognize it there because you've got so

00:35:15.400 comfortable turning it off and not acknowledging it. You're ignoring it. It's a sense, whether you think

00:35:21.860 it's a spiritual sense or something that we've developed and evolved over millions of years,

00:35:25.200 I really don't care where you think it comes from. It's there. And the more you exercise it,

00:35:30.420 like any muscle, the stronger it becomes, the more prevalent it becomes, the more relevant it becomes,

00:35:35.640 and the less it begins to atrophy. And, and eventually it'll either stop altogether or you just

00:35:42.620 will no longer even acknowledge or recognize that it's there. So use it, exercise it.

00:35:47.260 Well, and, and the impact could be dire. I mean, in this example, we're talking about, you know,

00:35:55.460 what house to buy or what state to move to, but you know, that intuition could have been,

00:36:00.040 Hey, you need to call a buddy. You know, you should check in on him and you don't.

00:36:05.440 Right. And, and unfortunately in my life, I've, I've had close people in my life that I know

00:36:10.340 that had those promptings of intuition of, I should reach out to someone. And that person actually

00:36:16.520 ended up committing suicide, you know, days after, and you, you don't think that maybe

00:36:22.360 that could have been the game changer. I mean, the, what's at stake is, is really,

00:36:28.900 there's a lot at stake is, is ultimately what I'm trying to say. So, you know, I look at this from

00:36:34.180 the con, like, obviously order of man, we're talking to man. I look at it from the context of,

00:36:38.600 of like, like men, like how do men deal with this stuff? And the thing that I would equate it to is

00:36:46.220 because this is something that I think men resonate with battle, right? Like when you go

00:36:51.960 into battle, do you ignore things because you don't think they're relevant? No, of course not.

00:36:59.240 Because like you said, the consequences are dire. So you sit and you look at your war map and you

00:37:07.200 look at your strategy and you turn to your generals and you look at how the men are going to carry out

00:37:13.140 the orders and the instructions that you give. And you look at enemy positions. You look, you play out

00:37:18.780 scenarios. Hey, what if they do this? Then we're going to do this. And what if they do that? Then we'll

00:37:22.140 change and we'll do this. You look for flaws and weaknesses and vulnerabilities in your defenses or

00:37:27.060 your offense. Like you look at the entire map. And yet somehow we as men have been led to believe that

00:37:36.660 tapping into intuition or acknowledging our emotions, or maybe even reaching out for some help,

00:37:45.320 some professional therapy and help when we don't have it all figured out ourselves and we're in our

00:37:49.820 heads. And somehow we look at that as a weakness. No, that's, it's, it's not a weakness to cover all

00:37:55.000 your bases. It's strategy. It's a, it's actually a strength or I should say it can become a strength

00:38:01.500 because now you acknowledge it, you recognize it and you use it so that you can have an effective

00:38:07.400 outcome for yourself. Just like you'd want an effective outcome on the battlefield. But if you

00:38:11.380 bury your head and stand on the battlefield and you're like, Oh yeah, we, we know the gate back.

00:38:16.160 There's no defense over here on a right flank, but I don't, I think that'll be okay.

00:38:20.920 Okay. We're busy fighting these guys in the front door. Yeah. Like, I think that's okay.

00:38:26.220 What's going to happen. Of course we know what's going to happen. And, but we do that in our lives

00:38:30.460 when we, when we, uh, I can't be an emotional, well, you shouldn't react emotionally, but to say

00:38:36.640 that you shouldn't be emotional is a weird thing to say. You are a human being. Emotions are probably

00:38:42.800 a pretty good thing to tap into occasionally. That doesn't mean you should react solely on emotion

00:38:48.660 because here's the alternative to go back to our battlefield analogy. Oh, our right flank is

00:38:53.220 vulnerable. Let's send everybody to the right flank. Cause I'm super emotional about that flank.

00:38:59.120 Right. Cause I'm really wrapped up in that so much so that I'm not going to worry about the front

00:39:03.640 or the left or behind. Yeah. So you got to look at the entire thing, the, the package in its entirety.

00:39:11.300 Copy. Copy. All right. Jarrett, uh, store, store, store, store. Ryan, my family is planning on a move

00:39:20.720 about 11 hours from our current state. There's a lot of moving going on here. Yeah. Lots of family

00:39:25.340 here and an excellent business venture. How did you validate the move across the country? What is

00:39:31.300 your family deal with major changes? Should have read this question at the same time. Anything you

00:39:35.660 could add there? How did I validate it? I did it. And then I'm like, was this a good idea?

00:39:41.040 Look, I remember when we moved here for the first week. Oh, I remember vivid one conversation I had

00:39:48.540 with my wife. What was the risk? Yeah. But if you don't mind me adding, like what was the risk?

00:39:52.660 Yeah. No risk. I mean, look from the outside looking at, I say no risk. It's not no risk.

00:39:59.200 It's just a risk I was willing to take. Yeah. You know, like, okay, so we move up here. We hate

00:40:07.500 it and we're out a couple hundred thousand dollars. We're out. We're, I shouldn't even say

00:40:17.000 it. You could always sell the house. You could always sell the house. That's what I'm saying.

00:40:20.140 We sell the house. I was going to say we're out a couple of years. No, we're not out a couple

00:40:23.980 of years. We were together as family, like enjoying it, trying, experimenting. And if we don't

00:40:28.360 like it, we're like, you know, in five years, we'd have looked back and said, Oh, remember

00:40:31.420 that one thing we did in Maine? Like that was miserable. But remember that one time, how

00:40:35.880 cold we were and we were all bundled up together because we couldn't get warm. That was awesome.

00:40:41.800 Yeah, totally. Like there's no risk. I'm, I just can't fathom me.

00:40:47.860 Right. What's, what's risk perceived meaning around whether a judgment of a decision was right

00:40:55.280 or wrong. Right. Like, you know, and even still, like, I'm trying to think about it in other

00:41:00.220 contexts. Let's say you have a great job opportunity. So you're going to leave your

00:41:03.960 other employer. You've been with them for 10 years and you're going to leave for this other job. And

00:41:07.140 you're like, Oh, there's a lot of risk in that. Is there though? Like, is there a lot of risk in

00:41:12.740 that? Cause worst case scenario, you just go back to your old job or find something different.

00:41:20.120 Like life is too short for any of that stuff. Like, Oh man, I'm just really comfortable here.

00:41:26.940 What you're comfortable. Who wants to be comfortable? That's crazy. I, that's hard

00:41:33.780 for me to wrap my head around. Yeah. Well, and we use this analogy all the time. It's like,

00:41:37.980 I think it would say that there's risk of you moving to Maine and we call it risk. And, and you,

00:41:45.840 then you identify that that wasn't the best decision, right? That the risk was too high.

00:41:50.980 That also means that you didn't take advantage from the experience, right? Even if the experience

00:41:58.140 of moving Maine was like horrible, but you took advantage from it and learned, then you look back

00:42:04.380 at it and go, Oh, I'm so glad we made that decision. Why? Because I learned this. I learned that. I grew

00:42:09.480 as a person. We, we, we pushed you as a family, became closer together. Awesome experience.

00:42:14.900 Don't regret it. Right. So as long as you're growing and learning from whatever decisions

00:42:20.680 you're making, there is no, there's opportunity is what it is. It's not risk. It's opportunity to

00:42:26.280 learn, persevere and grow. That's what it is. There's just opportunity constantly. Now it's

00:42:31.840 only a risk because if you don't learn or grow and become a better person from it, then it was a

00:42:36.840 waste of your time, but that's still a choice nonetheless. Well, I think people really are referring

00:42:42.380 to financial, financial risk. When they say this, that's their biggest, Hank. If I do assume it's

00:42:46.740 like, yeah, okay, well, I'm going to leave this six figure job and, but this is promising to pay

00:42:51.420 better. And like, what if it doesn't? Okay. So find another job. Yeah. Start your own company.

00:42:59.160 Look, the pop, the popular phrase of today is privilege, right? That's your privilege speaking.

00:43:04.440 Well, it's, it's my belief in myself. If order of man dried up today for whatever reason,

00:43:12.480 I don't even think of what that, or even if I had no desire to do it, you don't think in 24 hours I

00:43:17.440 could be working in another job. Yeah. You know, we've set money aside. We've, we, I have a skillset

00:43:24.920 that is valuable to other people that I could go work with an employer. I could start a new business.

00:43:31.140 Yes. There's no risk. There's no risk. In fact, I think the greater risk is not to go back to

00:43:37.420 intuition, not doing that stuff because something is telling you to do something

00:43:43.880 and you're not going to listen. Okay. That's riskier to me then.

00:43:52.700 Look, I don't even know what, what, what was available to you. Yeah. Yeah. I look,

00:43:56.700 I don't want to sit on my deathbed and wonder like, Oh, what if, what if, what if, what if,

00:44:00.360 like, what a bad, what a miserable way to go. Yeah. You know, I, like people ask me, what do,

00:44:07.740 what do you want your kids to know about me? I've had that question come up in the past.

00:44:11.680 I'd want them to anybody, whether it's a stranger or somebody listening to this podcast or my kids,

00:44:16.220 my wife is, I want them to think and say, you know what? Dad tried everything that ever came to

00:44:23.240 his mind. Like he didn't always succeed. He didn't always like get it right. Sometimes he failed.

00:44:29.880 Sometimes he lost money. Sometimes he struggled, but like everything that he wanted to do, like he

00:44:34.580 went and did it. He tried it. That's what I actually want to be remembered for. Yeah. The phrase I like

00:44:40.500 to, to use for that is living a life worth living. Yeah. You know, it's like living. That's what living

00:44:49.400 is. I see these people that are so miserable, you know, like going to work nine to five or longer

00:44:55.820 and they're just miserable. And I'm like, Oh, I feel bad actually. Like what? And I don't want to

00:45:03.220 judge those people. Maybe they're actually really happy. My dad, for example, he worked in paint for

00:45:07.340 his whole life. And I remember I went and worked with him one year. He worked at, if I remember right,

00:45:12.420 as he, I think it was like either night pain or Benjamin Moore pain or something. I can't remember

00:45:16.320 exactly. And I went to work with him and I watched him interact with customers. And I was like,

00:45:23.600 man, he is like in his world right now. Like how he interacted with his customers and people came in,

00:45:31.700 they knew him by, in fact, they asked for him by name at a paint store. What I always thought,

00:45:36.480 I'm like, Oh, that's trivial. That's, Oh, I don't want to do that. But he loved it. He loved it.

00:45:42.080 People would come in and ask him by name. And he'd look at, this was before you could like color

00:45:46.680 match with lasers. And he would look at paint samples. They'd bring him like a little chip

00:45:50.620 piece of paint. And he's like, I don't know. And he would do it by, by sight. Yeah. And he would

00:45:56.180 match the paint and be like, here you go. And then to get them all set up, he'd upset, like,

00:45:59.980 it was so cool to watch him in his zone. So don't mistake and think that I'm saying that you need to

00:46:06.100 own a business. I'm not, I'm just saying you need to live your life in that's meaningful.

00:46:12.140 And if that's working at a paint store, then that's awesome. If it's starting your own business,

00:46:17.460 that's awesome. If it's living out of a van and you find a way to support yourself periodically,

00:46:22.420 just enough to get gas for the next place that you're going, that's awesome. I don't care what

00:46:27.560 it is, whatever it is, make it work for you, make it meaningful because you know what you,

00:46:33.260 you might actually be dead tonight. Yeah.

00:46:38.480 Victor Frankel, he's onto something that do. Yes. Yes, sir. All right. Stephen hop, uh,

00:46:45.520 Stephen Hooper, the second, no questions here. Just offering my gratitude for the constructive

00:46:50.540 feedback you both offer each week. And I know that you'll keep up the great work for the men in this

00:46:55.060 country. God bless the USA and the iron council. Right on. Thanks, Stephen. Appreciate you, brother.

00:47:01.380 So he's been a big advocate, a big help. He's a great actually resource in the iron council and

00:47:06.120 he's really stepped over, up over the past two months, which, which I have recognized and

00:47:09.700 acknowledge he's really doing some awesome things. I'm excited. And it, and it comes from being,

00:47:15.100 living a meaningful life in the iron council, right? How can he provide value and yeah, add value to

00:47:20.960 other people's lives. So, all right, we'll hop over to Facebook for a few here. So Nick Perry,

00:47:25.660 the importance of remaining calm under stress and what that can instill in our children.

00:47:34.060 Well, I think this goes back to our emotional decisions. If you make, if you make decisions

00:47:38.280 that are rash, then you're not, you're not pulling in all of the data. Yeah. So if you look at it from

00:47:45.660 a, from a mathematical standpoint, if you're trying to solve for X and you don't have all the variables

00:47:51.080 or steps in the equation, the only way that you're going to solve for X is to get lucky and stumble

00:47:55.840 upon it, which is not a very scientific method. And look, I'm not saying there's anything wrong

00:48:00.180 with that. If you stumble and win, cool. Good for you. The problem, there's two problems. Number one

00:48:05.460 is it's not duplicatable. Like you can't replicate it. So kids aren't going to learn from that. Yeah.

00:48:10.760 Right. And then number two, this is the big threat. If you get lucky and I believe there is luck.

00:48:18.240 If you get lucky, you will trick yourself into believing that you're better at something than

00:48:27.160 you really are. Yeah. I saw this in the stock market. When I would work with people's portfolios,

00:48:32.340 they'd come in and they're like, yeah, I predicted the stock market for the last 10 years. And I got

00:48:35.700 this return in that road return. And I would see these guys with, with pride and like puffed up chest.

00:48:41.740 I'm so good at this. I'm so good at this. And then they lost their asses in 2008 and 2009.

00:48:46.680 Yeah. Cause they thought more highly of themselves because they got lucky, not because they had a

00:48:53.480 systematic process that produced results. So getting lucky is actually a trap. It's not a good

00:49:00.820 thing. It's good momentarily. Yeah. But then you trick yourself into believing that you're better

00:49:06.420 than you actually are. So the reason that you want to be calm and collected and level-headed is so that

00:49:13.340 you can bring in all of the variables into the equation, and then you can solve for X most

00:49:18.860 effectively in a way that you can replicate. And that's the beauty of having a mathematical equation,

00:49:23.820 because now once you have the equation, all you have to do is plug in the numbers and then it gives

00:49:28.860 you the result. It's the same thing in business. When I have a system, look, so, so let's say,

00:49:34.680 for example, we'll go back to what I was saying earlier, order a man dries up for whatever reason.

00:49:39.520 Well, I have everything documented, not only here, but I have it written down. I've got programs and

00:49:47.260 systems and procedures and standard operating procedures. You've helped me go through some

00:49:51.240 standard operating procedures. I could very easily say, Trish, my wife here, now you start order of

00:49:59.680 women. Yeah. And she could go do the same thing. That's the beauty of an equation. You just plug in 1.00

00:50:06.100 the variables and then the outcome takes care of itself. So that's why you want to be calm

00:50:11.320 is if you're just acting on emotion only or fear, or that is an emotion, fear, greed,

00:50:18.720 but you're not looking at the other inputs, then you're selling yourself short and you probably

00:50:23.020 won't come to the conclusion that you'd like to. Yeah. And when it comes to kids is, well, we know

00:50:30.200 that particularly with boys, and I think we talked about this last week, the brain doesn't even fully

00:50:34.260 develop until early to mid twenties. When women, girls a little bit sooner, right? They mature 0.98

00:50:41.240 more quickly. Well, if they're highly emotional and they are, especially as they're going through

00:50:47.320 puberty and they got the hormones and everything else, they're all out of whack and all skewed and 0.96

00:50:51.200 everything else. And they don't learn to harness their emotions and use other inputs than the way they

00:50:56.820 feel about things. They're going to make rash decisions and they're going to make decisions that

00:51:02.120 will ultimately impact their entire lives. Potentially getting into substance abuse,

00:51:07.760 getting in with the wrong crowd, just because they need some validation, doing something stupid,

00:51:12.840 criminal activity, because they want to be part of the cool crowd. So their motives are out of whack,

00:51:18.660 which is primarily to be accepted and validated by a group of peers. That's not a great motive for kids

00:51:25.500 or adults, but with kids, it's just magnified. So you as a, as a father need to say, okay, look,

00:51:32.720 you're upset. That girl dumped you. I get that. I would be upset too. And in fact, when I was younger,

00:51:39.440 when the girl dumped me, I was upset. And here's what I've learned. Now they're getting more information

00:51:45.460 from you to put into the equation. And it might not feel good initially, right? That you can tell your

00:51:51.560 son, Hey, that girl dumped you, but I promise you there's going to be a hundred other girls that 0.98

00:51:56.440 probably dump you, but then you're going to find the right one. Yeah. And there's there, and each

00:52:01.720 one, you're going to learn something from, you're going to have these relationships and you're going

00:52:05.340 to learn, you're going to learn to cooperate. You're going to learn to, to be somewhat independent

00:52:10.300 and not be totally reliant upon this individual. Cause maybe they'll let you down. If you have

00:52:14.800 expectations, like you're going to learn this stuff and it's your experience and perspective that can give

00:52:19.500 that to them. Cause right now they're operating from my heart is broken. And I'm just using that

00:52:23.840 as an example, but I think we all get the point. Yeah. Copy. Phil Petty parenting in a tech world.

00:52:30.460 Any suggestions or recommendations? Yeah. Well, think about it this way.

00:52:38.020 My oldest son, he loves to be outside. He loves to hunt. He loves nature. He loves wildlife. He's

00:52:44.980 fascinated. He's always been fascinated by them. And if I just said, Hey son, you know, I know you're

00:52:50.100 into hunting and conservation and I bought you this new, uh, two 23. Why don't you go ahead and take

00:52:56.520 it out and have some fun. See you later. How well do you think that would go? He'd shoot himself or

00:53:06.500 he'd shoot somebody else or he would, it would not go well. But if on the other hand, I said, Hey son,

00:53:13.480 I know you're really into hunting and I've been hunting over the past three years. And I'd like

00:53:17.280 you to come out this morning with me and watch what I do and let's go shoot our gun. And here's

00:53:22.120 a 22 that you're going to start with. And then, Oh, here's a four 10 shotgun. And now here's the

00:53:25.980 rifle. And you teach him the four safety, uh, firearm safety rules. Like you teach him all this stuff,

00:53:31.920 right? And you coach him and you bring them along and you teach him and you instruct him. And then

00:53:35.280 you're like, Hey son, you can, you're old enough to hunt by yourself here. I, you earn this,

00:53:41.520 this rifle. Here you go. You have your licenses. You have guns here. Here's the ammo. Here's where

00:53:46.740 you're going. You have a plan. You're going camping. You're going with friends. How well

00:53:50.100 do you think that would go? Of course it would go so much better and it would likely produce

00:53:54.700 valuable results for them. Technology is the same. We villainize technology, but we wouldn't have the

00:54:04.800 medical advancements. More people have been lifted out of poverty. More people are free.

00:54:12.220 Democracy is spreading throughout the world, not just the country, obviously, but the world

00:54:17.040 access to information is clean water, information all through the power of technology. It's a wonderful

00:54:24.160 tool, but used in a, in a harmful way, of course, it's going to produce inferior results. So

00:54:30.260 it's just like a tool and you need to teach your children how to use it effectively. Where

00:54:34.980 is social media appropriate? Where is the internet appropriate? Why is YouTube good? How can you use

00:54:40.540 it to make yourself better? You know, my sons, they like to watch dude perfect, which I have no problem

00:54:46.880 with. The guys are, they're clean and they're having fun and they seem to be wholesome. Like I have

00:54:50.640 no problem with that at all, but also I'm like, okay, well, what are you learning too? You're being

00:54:55.580 entertained, but what are you learning? Oh, you liked those trick shots they did? Cool. Let's get

00:55:01.200 our Nerf guns and we'll go out and do it. And then we do it together. So you sprinkle the technology

00:55:05.620 with other things that are part of this, like the physical realm and you just teach them how to use

00:55:12.320 it effectively. Yeah. I like that. Snipes, Arma, my wife to be has a problem with me visiting her 1.00

00:55:21.380 family for the first time before we tie up the knot. What should I do? And what could be the problem?

00:55:28.820 I don't know. What does she say? That's weird to me. She not proud of you? Is she embarrassed? Is

00:55:35.640 there, is there some, something in her, this would be a huge red flag for me. Like, is there something

00:55:41.540 in your past that your parents might let me know about? Are you embarrassed of me? Are like,

00:55:47.360 there's some real things going, there's a trust issue here either on, either she doesn't trust you

00:55:55.340 or she doesn't trust her family or yeah. Or something about trust in her past. So I think

00:56:06.860 without knowing the context of what, of this, this is weird. She should be excited. She should be

00:56:15.120 thrilled. And if I'm in your shoes again, I don't know the context is if I'm in your shoes and my

00:56:22.200 wife doesn't want to introduce me to her family before she ties a knot, I ain't tying the knot buddy.

00:56:28.920 Cause this is a package deal. You don't come without your family.

00:56:34.020 Totally. Well, and, and what, let's assume it's the opposite, right? She doesn't trust her family,

00:56:39.140 but she still doesn't trust you well enough to actually tell you what's going on with the family,

00:56:44.240 right? Like that's a problem in itself. Right. So yeah, she doesn't. Okay. She doesn't trust the

00:56:50.200 family. Okay. Well, why isn't she explaining that to you? Why aren't you asking that question? And

00:56:55.820 what, and like, why, what's the story you got to know? Yeah. You got to, and look, this is not always

00:57:03.980 true, but her family is a pretty good indicator of the way that she's going to go. It's not,

00:57:09.780 I know there's exceptions to that, but my mother-in-law, she's a lovely woman. She's kind 0.89

00:57:15.640 and gracious and, and, and loving. She's, she's been a committed mother and wife. She's an amazing

00:57:24.420 woman. It's no surprise to me that her daughter is the same way. It's, it seems pretty natural,

00:57:31.100 right. And very rarely does it not work out like that. So like, I want to know, I want to meet the

00:57:37.800 mother of my future bride because that's her in 30 years. Probably. And you're going to have to deal 0.96

00:57:44.760 with that family either, anyway, whether you guys like them. I mean, they're, they're kind of tied to

00:57:49.460 the hip. I mean, there's a reason why so many countries have arranged marriages because it is

00:57:54.080 a little bit of a family ordeal, right? It kind of affects a whole lot of people. So.

00:57:59.100 And even if it doesn't, her family is part, like, even if she's no longer connected,

00:58:04.340 her family is still part, her family is in her identity. Yeah, totally. Yeah. You got to figure

00:58:10.300 this stuff out, man. I don't know what to tell you. Good luck there. All right. Tavis.

00:58:13.640 It's a red flag and you got to deal with it. Yeah. Tavis Weimer. When should I plan on becoming a

00:58:20.000 father? We get this question a lot, actually. Don't you think you're, I think we do. Yeah. I think

00:58:25.880 we get it more than. Yeah. Like when should I have kids? When should I be a father? Yeah.

00:58:30.840 I mean, there's no set time. Don't do it, dude. It's so crappy. No, I say do it. I say, I.

00:58:39.440 Do it and then work long hours so you don't have to hang out with them because they're a pain.

00:58:44.560 Are you serious? I mean, I know you're saying that tongue in cheek, but like.

00:58:49.100 How's this? I think there's a lot of people that are like,

00:58:50.760 and I don't think this about you, Kip, but honestly, I think the current narrative is like

00:58:55.580 kids are a pain in the ass and they're a hindrance to my own growth and progress. I don't think that

00:59:01.040 about you. Yeah. But I think that is the common narrative and I wholeheartedly disagree with that.

00:59:06.820 I think, how's this? I think my kids have been some of the most difficult things I've ever had to

00:59:12.840 deal with and I'd still do it again. I can, I can agree with that. So those people are like,

00:59:18.560 oh, they're hindrance and they're difficult. They're right actually. But the part that they're

00:59:22.500 not seeing is the level of joy and satisfaction that you get from life from being a parent.

00:59:30.260 I just, I can't, I can't bring myself to say the words that those people who look at children as a

00:59:36.940 hindrance are right. I don't think they're right at all. I think it might take them down a different 1.00

00:59:42.420 path, but I don't, I don't think like, let's say a woman, she, you know, she's had, she has career

00:59:49.800 aspirations and instead she decides, you know what, I'm going to, I'm going to marry this man

00:59:54.480 and I'm going to have kids with them and I'm going to stay at home and raise these kids.

00:59:58.280 I don't think that's a hindrance to her path. I think her path changes and I think she wouldn't

01:00:02.840 regret a minute of that. Totally. Same thing with a man. Like I don't, I think a man who is like,

01:00:09.480 you know, I have career aspirations and I don't want anything to get in my way or slow me down.

01:00:14.020 I think a man who has children and he, you know, does the right thing by committing to them. Cause

01:00:18.200 he brought them into this world would say that my career is, is so much less relevant than I thought

01:00:24.220 it was 10 years ago before I had kids. I mean, what are we going to be concerned about? Right.

01:00:29.800 When we die, by the way, we all do that. What are we going to be concerned about? It's not anything

01:00:36.300 other than our kids, our relationship with our spouse and how we did as parents. And that's where

01:00:42.040 fulfillment of life. That's where legacy comes from. It doesn't come from superficial BS from

01:00:49.060 how awesome I did at my job in the grand scheme of things. And I, I don't want to assume, well,

01:00:54.220 I'm going to assume that Ryan, correct me if I'm wrong in the, you know, you, we could look at you

01:00:58.760 and say influential has made a major positive impact in many people's lives, right? Through

01:01:05.960 the iron council and through the order of man podcast. And I would assume you would give that

01:01:10.280 all up if you had to choose between influencing your children and your family versus all of those

01:01:16.640 men. Oh, any day of the week. Of course. Yeah. Like it's, it's, what's more important than

01:01:22.960 everything else. So here's the answer to the question. It's not, it's not when you're ready

01:01:29.300 because you'll never be ready. You'll never be ready to your point. It's going to wreck your

01:01:35.620 world for a minute. I should say, I don't want to say wreck because I don't want to talk about it

01:01:39.040 in negative. It's going to rock your world for a minute. I mean, your world is going to be flipped

01:01:44.700 upside down, but it's going to be worth it. So it's not when you're ready. It's when you're mature.

01:01:51.700 It's when you have a desire. There's two, there's two things. Yeah. You got one. Yeah. Yes. There

01:01:56.580 has to be desire. Okay. So desire is the first qualify qualifier. The second is maturity.

01:02:04.900 It's financial maturity. It's physical maturity. It's emotional maturity and mental maturity. It's

01:02:10.320 when you're ready and you're mature enough to bring a child into the world, which could mean when

01:02:15.640 you're 20 years old. I know, I know plenty of men who had kids when they were 20 and they were

01:02:21.060 plenty mature and have raised some amazing, amazing human beings. And I know men who are

01:02:26.580 50 years old who should have never had children in their life because they're just not mature enough 0.74

01:02:32.700 to deal with it. Yeah. They're selfish and they're immature and they get wrapped up in the wrong things

01:02:38.800 and they're overly emotional and they should not be bringing kids in this world because they're not

01:02:41.760 mature enough to deal with it. And I can't tell you what that looks like specifically. There's no

01:02:45.440 objectionable or objective. You check off these 10 boxes and that means you're mature enough. No,

01:02:50.920 I think, you know, are you mature enough to handle this responsibility? Yes. And are you ready? And if

01:02:56.860 you can check off both of those boxes, then I say, you should seriously contemplate bringing kids into 1.00

01:03:01.380 this world. And one thing that doesn't get talked enough about is you want to change the world.

01:03:05.240 Imagine millions and millions of men raising, let's say on average, two to three. Let's say two. So

01:03:15.900 you have a million men who raise two righteous, capable, strong-willed people, human beings.

01:03:25.520 The million men just turned into three million, right? Two million offspring plus them. Now it's 0.73

01:03:30.860 three million. Then those three million have two kids each. And what is that? You want to change the

01:03:37.040 world? Be a righteous man and teach your children righteousness and we will change the world.

01:03:45.600 Yeah. We don't talk about that enough. A lot of people talk about not bringing kids into the world

01:03:52.220 because of the times that we live in. But could you imagine if all of us who were ready, had the desire

01:03:57.760 and the maturity to bring kids in the world, how that would radically transform this country,

01:04:04.560 let alone the planet, I think it would radically alter what we're dealing with here.

01:04:07.940 Yeah. When the opposite of that is what has affected our world in such a negative way.

01:04:12.100 Yeah. Fatherless homes. People not doing that.

01:04:14.120 Well, or them bringing kids into the world. Yeah, exactly. Bring, bring kids into the world and not 1.00

01:04:18.040 being mature enough to stick with it and to follow through on their commitments and to honor their

01:04:21.780 commitments. And then you have a bunch of, it's like Lord of the flies on steroids. I mean,

01:04:26.660 that's, that's what we're seeing right now. We're seeing all these young kids who were,

01:04:29.800 who were not fathered or, or fathered by the state or, or the educational system. And now they're

01:04:37.500 running around like Lord of the flies thinking that, you know, they're King shit and they can

01:04:41.080 destroy things and break things and mess with other people. And that's what they have been led to

01:04:46.660 believe. Yeah. Let's take one or two more. All right. Jeff Swatch. My question would be how to

01:04:54.360 be the best father possible and be a man. My daughter has set as her standard for how their

01:05:00.560 future partner should be. You know, I can appreciate the question. It's just not a great question.

01:05:08.560 And I'll say it, and I'll tell you why it's not, it's not cause it's like a bad question.

01:05:14.320 It's just because you just do everything that we've talked about in the podcast.

01:05:19.440 We like, it would be hard for me to say, we do this one thing,

01:05:22.160 like do everything that we talk about in the podcast. And then maybe if there's something

01:05:27.760 specific, that would be a better question to ask here. Cause then we can get my, maybe more into the

01:05:32.460 nitty gritty. Cause right now it's so broad. I don't even know how to answer it. I'm like,

01:05:35.580 the one thing I would say though, is I would say, look at your job as you putting yourself out of

01:05:43.340 work. I've said it before. Your job as a father is to render yourself obsolete. And I think if you

01:05:47.400 use that as the foundation for your job as a father, then the other pieces will start to align

01:05:54.280 themselves because you'll think, okay, what does this child need for them to no longer need me?

01:05:59.360 Well, in this instance, they need empathy. In this instance, they need a hug. In this instance,

01:06:06.840 they need discipline. And so you start looking at all of these little micro interactions with your

01:06:11.880 children from the 30,000 foot view of render myself obsolete, put myself out of work. And I think

01:06:19.160 you'll make better decisions if that is the foundational principle and you'll make the right

01:06:25.760 decisions, which sometimes means a little tough love. And other times it means, let me give you

01:06:31.460 a big bear hug. Cause this is what you need right now. Totally. It's a really general, broad answer.

01:06:37.040 It's a broad question. So that's the best I can give. Yeah. Well, and I want to provide maybe some

01:06:42.320 clarity for Jeff, right? Because you said everything that we talk about on this podcast and some guys

01:06:46.420 might think like everything that we talk about regarding being a parent, that's not what Ryan's

01:06:51.580 saying. We're saying, Hey, you should work out. Yeah. That's part of it. You should have goals

01:06:57.040 and you should be working on a hobby. Yeah. That's part of it. Right? Like literally all those things

01:07:01.440 is part of being a good father and being a great example to your kids, including your daughter,

01:07:06.060 all those things, not just like, you know how I should talk to them. No, no, no. Like if you're out

01:07:10.680 of shape, you don't have a good diet. You're not working out. You don't have hobbies. You're not

01:07:14.640 working on yourself. You're surrounding yourself with negative people. You have a negative mindset. All those

01:07:19.760 things are all part of what we're saying about becoming a better father and being a good example

01:07:24.400 to your kids. You know, and I'll, you're absolutely right. And I'll say something that I know is

01:07:28.680 controversial. Cause when I say things like this, people push back on it. Some people do anyways

01:07:32.200 is look, if you're fat and overweight and out of shape, you're not as good a dad as you could be.

01:07:38.840 It's true. You're not as a good of a husband. You're, you're not performing as well as you could at

01:07:44.920 work. You're not as intimate as your wife. In fact, she might not even be as attracted to you

01:07:50.700 as she should be. So that's going to create intimacy issues, which then in turn creates

01:07:55.340 trust issues. Oh, and by the way, if you're fat and out of, out of shape and overweight,

01:07:59.880 then there's probably some trust issues with your wife and your kids and your clients and everybody

01:08:06.020 else who's looking to you for guidance, because you're telling them through your actions and your

01:08:10.300 appearance, that you aren't a man of your word, that you aren't disciplined, that you aren't

01:08:15.000 committed. And I know that there's guys listening who are overweight and out of shape that are all

01:08:18.520 butthurt and offended about this right now. I just know that this is true because I'm not pointing it

01:08:23.520 at you. I'm pointing at the guy in the mirror. I know when I was 50 pounds overweight, that I was

01:08:27.700 less effective. My wife, frankly, she didn't want to have sex. Why would she want to have sex with 1.00

01:08:32.260 me? A fat slob laying on her? Like, why would she want that? Why would I want that if she was 1.00

01:08:37.280 that way? No, of course not. Okay. So same thing with your kids. Like you're telling your kids to

01:08:42.860 be disciplined and to be active and to do their work. And then you sit your ass on the couch and

01:08:47.680 watch three hours of, of TV, you know, behind a bowl of mac and cheese and a beer. Like what are

01:08:54.100 they going to learn? Yeah. And those reasons that you have for like, oh, well, it's okay because I,

01:08:59.460 but they don't, they don't even care about any of those reasons. They don't care about that.

01:09:03.100 Yeah. You think those matter, but they really don't. No, they don't. They don't. They matter

01:09:07.800 to you because you're lying to yourself and you're trying to fool yourself, but you ain't fooling

01:09:10.860 anybody else. In fact, you're not even fooling yourself, which is why there's so much depression

01:09:16.200 and anxiety amongst men who aren't fulfilling their commitments to themselves because they have

01:09:22.520 this internal dialogue, this conflicting dialogue in their head. One says, I'm a man of my word. I want

01:09:28.220 to do good. I want to be strong. I want to be assertive and I want to be bold. Oh, but I'm a fat

01:09:31.660 piece of shit and I'm not doing this and I'm lazy and I'm out of shape and overweight.

01:09:35.940 And so a lot of guys are going to misconstrue this and think that I'm being mean. I actually

01:09:41.620 am not being mean. I want you to lose weight so that you can live the life that you want

01:09:45.380 to live. I want you to get strong so you can make more money, so you can have good sex, 0.68

01:09:49.620 so you can be intimate with your wife, so you can be engaged with your kids, so you can have

01:09:53.060 hobbies that are meaningful. So you don't die early. I actually care enough about you

01:09:57.100 to tell you that being fat is not good for you. I don't think so low of you that I'm going to say,

01:10:05.920 it's okay. Yeah, you're overweight. It's okay. That means I don't care about you, but I do care

01:10:11.760 about you. So I want you to win. And look, I think you could be a good person, but good is morality,

01:10:18.860 right? Like you're, you, and this is even debatable morality. Look, morality is integrity.

01:10:26.840 Yeah. So if you're telling yourself part, part of morality is integrity. So if you're telling

01:10:30.940 yourself, Hey, yeah, I really want to get in shape and I want to be strong with my wife and kids and

01:10:34.700 lead effectively, but you can't go to the gym and you can't refrain from eating everything in sight.

01:10:39.860 There might be a morality issue too there. So I do believe that you can be a good man to a degree,

01:10:46.960 but I don't think in his book, David Gilmore talks about this manhood in the making the distinction

01:10:50.840 between being a good man and being good at being a man. I want to be both. I want to be a good man

01:10:55.760 and I want to be good at being a man. I want to be a manly man. And that's going to require me being

01:11:02.000 in shape. It's very, very important. Yeah. And, and all of us can relate to this, right? Even like

01:11:08.000 you skinny guys are like, Oh, I got it. No, no, no. Like, are you waking up early? Are you getting

01:11:13.480 your workout in? Like, are you saying things to your kids that you're not doing? Like I put myself

01:11:18.680 in check all the time when I'm like, Hey guys, you need to get your chores done before you go

01:11:23.400 goofing around. And then I think, actually, did I get my stuff done? You know what I mean? Before I

01:11:28.120 was doing my thing, did I, am I eating like crap, but I criticize them for doing it. Am I like, Hey,

01:11:33.860 get off your tablets. And then I'm sitting at the dinner table, you know, playing on my phone.

01:11:38.000 Like, trust me, there's lots of opportunities where we might be out of integrity. Um, and,

01:11:44.060 and, and this example that Ryan's giving is just one of them. There's, there's many opportunities

01:11:49.160 for us to self-evaluate a little bit and see where we need to put ourselves in check.

01:11:53.140 Yep. Absolutely. All right, man. Let's wrap things up.

01:11:56.480 Wrap up on that rant. Yeah. No, it's, it's good. And not enough people are talking about it because

01:12:02.080 it's uncomfortable. Like, I don't want to tell people that I don't want to have that conversation.

01:12:06.460 It's uncomfortable, but we need to have those. In fact, the uncomfortable conversations are the

01:12:12.480 ones that we should be having because everybody else is having easy conversations. So let's talk

01:12:17.160 about what it means to be 50 pounds overweight and why it isn't good for you and, and why you should

01:12:22.800 not be that way. That doesn't make people feel good, which is part of the problem in society is

01:12:28.100 that because it doesn't feel good, then we can't discuss it. We can't address it. And you know what?

01:12:33.960 You're going to walk around your whole life, avoiding looking in mirrors, wearing a shirt

01:12:38.320 when you're at the pool or the lake, uh, avoiding any sort of confrontation with other people that

01:12:43.960 might improve you. You don't want to live like that. Yeah. You're miserable. Look, I know you're

01:12:49.580 miserable. Cause I was miserable. I was embarrassed. I didn't want to take my shirt off. I didn't want

01:12:54.900 people to look at me. I thought people were talking weird about me and saying things behind my bed.

01:12:59.180 They probably weren't, but I thought that I remember when I went to the gym for the first

01:13:02.820 time in like six years, I, in fact, I still have the picture. I just, I felt stupid. You know, I was

01:13:08.000 like, I don't belong here. I thought people would, would, would, you know, laugh or, or think poorly

01:13:14.360 of me. And nobody did. I mean, maybe there was one person that maybe thought something, but not

01:13:19.400 enough to the point where I couldn't go do it. But look, I know what it's like. You don't want to be

01:13:23.800 like that. It's not about what I think it's, I know you don't want to feel like that. So let's

01:13:30.160 do something about it. Let's fix it. Yeah, totally. And build that confidence that you want,

01:13:36.320 right? That mental fortitude that you get from all that action. Totally. All right. So join us,

01:13:43.200 Iron Council. We've talked about a little bit to learn more about the exclusive brotherhood called

01:13:47.460 the Iron Council. You can go to orderofman.com slash Iron Council. And of course, join us on Facebook.

01:13:52.720 If you haven't already at facebook.com slash group slash order of man, support the podcast many

01:13:58.320 ways on YouTube podcast aggregator or whatever tool you use. You can follow Mr. Wickler on Instagram

01:14:05.700 and Wickler, old Wickler, old man Wickler. We're going to Mitchler and Wickler. All right. We're getting

01:14:16.220 some ideas now. Wickler. Wickler. Wickler. That's right. All right. Follow Mr. Mickler on Twitter and

01:14:24.040 Instagram at R-Y-A-N-M-I-C-H-L-E-R. And of course, upcoming events just really quick. September 3rd

01:14:31.240 through the 6th is the Legacy event. To learn more, orderofman.com slash Legacy. And then the Order of

01:14:37.800 Man event in Maine, October 9th through the 11th. To learn more, orderofman.com slash Maine event,

01:14:45.200 as in the state, Maine event. There you go. Got her. All right, guys. We appreciate you. Great

01:14:51.200 questions today. Keep them rolling. We'll keep giving you those answers. And then we'll be back

01:14:54.880 again for another interview. Actually, no. Let's see. We'll be back on Friday. Got a good one on

01:14:59.860 Friday. A little bit of a rant from me about investing in yourself. So stay tuned for that

01:15:04.560 one. Make sure you subscribe and you leave a rating and review because that goes a long way. And then

01:15:08.200 you'll get the alerts when the new podcast drop. All right. All right, guys. We'll see you on Friday.

01:15:13.000 Until then, go out there, take action, become the man you are meant to be.

01:15:16.420 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast. If you're ready to take charge of your life

01:15:20.940 and be more of the man you were meant to be, we invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - July 22, 2020

Getting Hyper-Focused, Assessing Risk Properly, and Developing Your Intuition ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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