Order of Man - April 19, 2019


Getting Over a Divorce or Break-Up ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES


Episode Stats


Length

28 minutes

Words per minute

189.21046

Word count

5,448

Sentence count

336

Harmful content

Misogyny

4

sentences flagged

Hate speech

2

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Breaking up with a significant other can be a difficult and painful process. In this episode, Ryan discusses how to deal with a breakup and what to do about it. He also talks about his own experience with a separation and how he was able to overcome it.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart
00:00:05.000 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.
00:00:10.460 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who
00:00:17.240 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
00:00:22.800 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan
00:00:27.680 Michler and I am the host and the founder of this podcast and the movement that is Order
00:00:31.920 of Man. I want to welcome you back to the Friday Field Notes. This is a show where you get to
00:00:36.980 hear from me and some of my thoughts and ideas and inspirations from our Facebook group and
00:00:41.440 from our exclusive brotherhood, the Iron Council. We also have an interview show, if you're not
00:00:45.820 aware of that, which is released every Tuesday where we're interviewing the world's most successful
00:00:51.040 men. New York Times bestselling authors, scholars, athletes, warriors, entrepreneurs, any man
00:00:57.080 that has acquired and achieved some level of success in his life. And then we have our Wednesday
00:01:02.800 show, which is our Ask Me Anything, where we're fielding questions from, again, our Facebook
00:01:07.280 group and our exclusive brotherhood, the Iron Council. I'm going to get into this one pretty
00:01:12.200 quick today. I do want to just make one very quick announcement regarding our exclusive brotherhood,
00:01:17.680 the Iron Council. This is a group of men, 500 men strong, where we are having discussions
00:01:24.200 and thoughts and ideas and challenges, and we're pushing each other to achieve and accomplish
00:01:28.420 more in our lives. And we've got the topic set for the month of May, which is called the
00:01:36.280 wild man. This is a hat tip to the story, Iron John. And of course, Robert Bly's book, Iron
00:01:42.840 John as well. We're going to talk about how a man taps into his wild side, his wild nature,
00:01:48.120 and how he can get more in tune with who he is as a man and his masculine energy and all
00:01:54.220 of that stuff. It's important because we have in a way been domesticated and sedated in our
00:02:00.040 lives. And this is a call to tap back into that. So we've got a lot going on. We've got
00:02:04.520 some challenges, assignments, some ideas and ways that we're going to push each other a
00:02:09.180 little bit harder to, again, tap into this masculine side. If you're interested in joining
00:02:13.980 us in the iron council, then head to order of man.com slash iron council, order of man.com
00:02:19.860 slash iron council. You can check it out and make sure you get signed up before May. So
00:02:23.780 you can get all the benefits that we're going to be offering for the rest of this month.
00:02:27.480 And of course, into next month as well. All right, that's all I've got by way of announcements.
00:02:32.500 Let's get into the discussion. This is something I haven't talked a whole lot about, but I believe
00:02:37.760 it's quite common. And I have seen a lot in the Facebook group about guys who are either
00:02:42.640 going through a breakup with a girlfriend or even going through a divorce. And I thought
00:02:48.000 I'd share with you some ideas. Now I'm not the expert. I don't have this all figured out.
00:02:51.980 I've gone through my own heartbreak in my life and I can share what's worked for me and what's
00:02:57.060 worked for the other men that I work with. And that's what I plan on doing today to give
00:03:01.120 you some tips and strategies for overcoming this breakup. And look, guys, I know it's hard.
00:03:05.200 I know it's a challenge. I know it's something that most of us are likely to face at some
00:03:09.740 point in our lives. I wish it wasn't the case, but it is. Things don't work out the way that
00:03:13.900 we always see those things working out, whether it's the fault of ourselves or the fault of
00:03:18.420 our significant other, or probably somewhere in between. Regardless, it's important that
00:03:23.600 we learn how to overcome these things as effectively, efficiently, and quickly as possible so we
00:03:29.140 can get into life and do all that we want to do, all that we want to accomplish, and then
00:03:34.060 ultimately move on for the next woman to come into our lives. And that's what I want you 1.00
00:03:38.400 to know. It may not feel like it now, especially if you're in the middle of a separation or
00:03:42.060 divorce, but there is going to be somebody else that comes into your life. And as I went
00:03:46.960 through my separation with my wife, what really changed the tide for me was the realization
00:03:53.440 that I wanted to become the best catch for the next woman to come into my life. And when 0.99
00:03:59.060 I had that thought and I let go of trying to win my wife's approval or win her back is really 0.83
00:04:05.120 when I was able to get into the things that I'm going to share with you today, which ultimately
00:04:08.880 saved our marriage. Now, again, it's not always going to work like that. Sometimes you're able
00:04:14.340 to salvage a relationship and other times you're not, but either way, this is what you need to know
00:04:18.920 either way, following the tips and the strategies and tactics that I give you today will help you
00:04:25.600 move on or will help you be a more capable man. If you are to get back into the relationship
00:04:33.020 with, with a woman in your life. All right. So let's break this down a little bit. And then
00:04:38.800 we'll give you those tips and strategies. And maybe you've got some other ideas and thoughts
00:04:42.160 that you want to share. And please do connect with me on Instagram or Facebook or wherever
00:04:47.120 you're doing the social media thing. I'm on Twitter as well. Twitter and Instagram is at
00:04:51.620 Ryan Mickler. Facebook is facebook.com slash groups slash order of man. All right, guys,
00:04:58.500 let's get into this. If you've gotten to the point in your relationship where it is over,
00:05:03.640 she has told you it's over. You want it to be over whatever the situation is. Number one
00:05:08.800 is you've got to sever ties. I just got a question earlier this week from a gentleman who has gone
00:05:15.960 through a, a separation with his girlfriend of, I believe it was two and a half years. And what he
00:05:22.000 said is that he's still living with her because of some financial obligations or a lease or some
00:05:28.540 responsibilities that way. And I can't help, but think that's a huge mistake. If you're going
00:05:33.220 through a separation and it is officially over not, Hey, we're going to see if this works or try it out,
00:05:38.500 but it is officially over. Then you need to sever ties, sever ties financially, sever ties, physically,
00:05:45.940 emotionally, get rid of the phone numbers. Don't be driving by her place or her house,
00:05:50.460 move out or have her move out. But this is a relationship that is no longer working. And 0.98
00:05:56.000 therefore it has to be transactional, meaning that you have to separate all ties. There's a lot of
00:06:02.440 financial reasons for this. I won't get into the financial and legal ramifications of that. You can
00:06:07.120 talk with your attorney if you're going through a divorce or that route. But more importantly than
00:06:12.380 that, there's a lot of emotional attachment and baggage. When you decide to keep one foot in the door
00:06:18.220 and one foot out the door and you're trying to win her back and you're trying to see what she's
00:06:22.760 doing and almost in a way, borderline stalking her. I get it. I understand. Most men I think are
00:06:29.120 competitive by nature. I think we're possessive by nature. And so we feel like if we're in the midst
00:06:34.540 of a relationship that maybe we've lost something that is ours. And while maybe that's true,
00:06:41.040 you've got to learn to let go. It's not easy. It's not comfortable, especially if you've been with this
00:06:45.860 woman for any amount of time, but I'm telling you for your own sanity and wellbeing, sever the ties,
00:06:52.640 get rid of the phone numbers, move out, separate the finances out. This is a little bit more
00:06:58.180 difficult if there's a child involved and that's a whole other conversation. But if there's not a
00:07:03.760 child involved and there's no other, well, I hate to, I hate to use the word baggage in the,
00:07:09.880 in the context of, of children, it's certainly not baggage, but if there's other considerations,
00:07:14.680 we'll say that, that need to be taken into, into account, then, well, you've got to do what you've
00:07:20.340 got to do. But like I said, if there isn't any of that, then you've got to separate those,
00:07:24.200 those ties as quickly as possible. So that's number one, number two, realize that this is going to take
00:07:28.220 time. All right. You've been with this woman for amount of time. You've got a lot of, of memories
00:07:34.180 together. You've got a lot of things that have happened in the past. You've done a lot of things
00:07:37.780 together. It's going to take time. And if you have an unrealistic expectation about how long this is
00:07:44.360 going to take, or you continue to insert yourself back into her life, this is going to take longer
00:07:49.980 and longer and longer. It's like ripping off the bandaid, just rip it off. It's going to be painful,
00:07:54.640 but we want it to be painful for the shortest amount of time possible. So guys, give yourself
00:08:00.480 time, understand that it's okay to be upset. It's okay to be down. I think that's natural. Of course,
00:08:07.440 when you lose a relationship with somebody you love, but the more realistic you are about how long it
00:08:13.320 will take, the better off you're going to be. Give yourself an opportunity to grieve and to feel
00:08:17.700 sorrow and to feel bad, not so bad and so upset that you can't live your life, that you can't do
00:08:23.020 the things that you want to do, that you can't engage with other people, but enough to realize
00:08:27.480 that this is normal. It's healthy to go through this process. You don't need to hide it necessarily.
00:08:32.660 You don't need to wallow in it either. But again, point number two, very simply is just to give
00:08:38.020 yourself the time, give yourself the freedom to be able to be upset about this situation.
00:08:45.640 So that's number two, giving yourself time. Number three is redirecting your allocation.
00:08:49.880 And guys, this is where I want to spend the bulk of the conversation with you today, because I think
00:08:55.180 inevitably we understand that we've got to cut those ties. And we also understand that it's going
00:09:00.760 to take time. But what I see a lot of guys doing is wallowing around and feeling bad and sorry for
00:09:06.240 themselves. And they're not able to go back out with their friends and their family and get back
00:09:10.380 into work. And some slip into depression and even worse become suicidal. And I think the best way to
00:09:18.100 avoid this downward spiral of negativity in your life, if you're dealing with a divorce or a separation
00:09:24.900 or a breakup is number three, redirect your attention. I tell guys, it's going to take time and attention.
00:09:31.800 And when I'm talking about redirecting your attention right now, most of your attention,
00:09:36.240 is focused on her. What did I do wrong? How can I win her back? Where did I go wrong? Where did I
00:09:43.020 mess up? And, and well, certainly I think you probably should take that into consideration if
00:09:48.560 you just stew on it. And that's all you're thinking about. This becomes a destructive practice rather
00:09:55.880 than a constructive one that's designed to edify you, to uplift you. I talk with a lot of guys who,
00:10:01.380 who talk with me and ask about depression and anxiety and suicidal thoughts. And although I'm
00:10:07.560 not a medical professional, please understand that. I think it's very, very difficult to feel down if
00:10:15.140 you're actively engaged in a project. And I believe that we as men are designed to be working with our
00:10:21.440 minds, working with our back, working with our hands and really engaging in a meaningful and
00:10:26.980 significant project. And what I would tell you is that if you're going through a separation right
00:10:31.340 now, that you need to learn to make yourself the project. You might be at rock bottom right now.
00:10:37.920 You might feel like you're at rock bottom anyways. And this is a perfect, perfect opportunity for you
00:10:44.820 to wipe your slate clean and start all over. So you need to take an inventory of who you are
00:10:51.060 and where you are and how you're showing up and how effective you're being, not just in your
00:10:55.300 relationship, but every facet of your life. And then you need to start working on these things.
00:11:00.140 And I've identified seven areas that I think anybody who's going through this situation. And by
00:11:06.020 the way, you should be working on these seven items before breaking up. Even if your relationship is
00:11:11.820 perfect and blissful and wonderful, you should still be working on these things. And if you do,
00:11:16.240 ironically enough, you'll be less likely in my opinion, to have to go through a separation or
00:11:21.620 divorce because you take care of this. When you lose your way with these things, I think you're
00:11:26.420 significantly more likely to find yourself in a negative situation with your significant other.
00:11:31.980 So let's break these down and we'll talk about them specifically. And then of course, if you have
00:11:35.800 additional ideas, we can continue the conversation on social media. Number one, when it comes to making
00:11:42.740 yourself the project, understand that you've got to find a way to exercise every single day and to
00:11:50.840 start getting your nutrition in check. When I talk with guys about where to start, men will come to me
00:11:57.360 and ask for self-improvement, self-help advice, and wonder where to start. My advice to you is that it
00:12:04.460 starts in the gym. It starts in the gym. Four, five, six years ago, I was 50 pounds more than I weigh today.
00:12:12.160 But I lost a lot of that weight by going to the gym, by getting my nutrition right. And what was
00:12:17.700 fascinating about this is every single element of my life improved because I was going into the gym.
00:12:25.640 The virtues and characteristics required to be successful in the gym, discipline, commitment,
00:12:31.640 hard work, sacrifice, all translates perfectly into other facets of your life. I don't care if you're
00:12:38.620 doing strength training. It doesn't matter if you're doing CrossFit. It doesn't matter if you're
00:12:43.200 going to some big box gym. It doesn't even matter if you're going for a run every single day, but your
00:12:48.240 day has to start with exercise. Not only is it good for the body, but it's good for the mind and it's
00:12:54.900 good for the soul. So if you're in the midst of a divorce, a separation and or a breakup, then I want
00:13:03.240 you to write these things down. Number one, exercise and diet. And I want you to start making a list of
00:13:08.880 the things that you can do on a daily basis that you will implement in your life regarding getting
00:13:14.740 in shape. I'm telling you, if you lose five pounds, 10 pounds, 15, 20, 30, 50 pounds, you're inevitably
00:13:22.560 going to start feeling better physically, which will transform the way you're feeling mentally,
00:13:28.160 emotionally, emotionally, and spiritually as well. So number one, get your exercise in check.
00:13:34.000 Number two, start dealing with your finances. I was a financial planner in another life. I sold my
00:13:42.140 financial planning practice not too long ago, so I don't do much of it anymore, but I cannot even
00:13:47.060 begin to describe how often I see that men are in a bad way, in a bad shape with regards to their
00:13:53.560 finances. And had they been able to turn that around, their life would be significantly different.
00:13:59.200 So are you tracking your income? Are you using budgeting? Are you tracking your expenses? Are
00:14:05.040 you making yourself more valuable at work? If you're bringing in more income, then you're able to
00:14:10.440 create more opportunities for yourself. It's difficult, especially if you've been in a long-term
00:14:15.900 relationship, you might have been co-managing the finances or not managing them at all. And so it's
00:14:21.680 difficult now that you have to separate this out, but this is a huge factor of your ability to be
00:14:26.640 successful as a man is your ability to provide for yourself in this case financially. So buy a book
00:14:34.180 on investing, buy a book on how to do financial planning, buy a book or take a course or watch a
00:14:42.220 YouTube video or listen to a podcast about how to do a basic budget and where you should be investing
00:14:47.060 and how best to pay off debt. All of these are critical, critical factors in making yourself
00:14:52.820 the project and ultimately making yourself a success and somebody who can feel proud about who you are.
00:14:59.840 So number two, deal with your finances. Number three, hobbies. Guys, do not lose your hobbies.
00:15:06.460 When I see men get into relationships and I felt prey to this as well, there were two things to go
00:15:11.900 very, very quickly. Number one was my hobbies. And number two was my friends. We're going to talk
00:15:16.860 about both of those, but gentlemen, if you don't have a hobby that engages you physically, mentally,
00:15:24.700 emotionally, then you are doing yourself a disservice. There are so many opportunities,
00:15:30.880 picking up a guitar, learning how to shoot a gun, learning how to shoot a bow and going bow hunting,
00:15:36.700 picking up jujitsu, learning how to make knives. I don't really care what the hobby is. Maybe you
00:15:43.400 want to pick up painting or you want to pick up woodworking or whatever. Who knows? Who knows what
00:15:49.580 it looks like? But what I would suggest to you right now is you're making yourself the project
00:15:53.380 and learning to get over a breakup and learning also how to stand on your own two feet is to engage
00:15:58.800 in as many things that sound interesting to you. You don't have to pick one and throw your hat in the
00:16:04.300 ring and burn all the boats and say, this is the path I'm going, but you should be trying different
00:16:09.220 things. The more you can try, the more likely you're going to find one or two or three that are
00:16:14.100 going to stick that you're going to want to delve deeper and deeper and deeper into. And this is a
00:16:18.500 great way to distract yourself from the sorrow and the heartbreak that comes with going through a
00:16:24.300 separation or a divorce or a breakup. So find a hobby, engage in a hobby, jump on YouTube or jump on
00:16:31.260 Instagram and see what other people are doing. And I think you'll find a hobby that sounds at
00:16:36.900 least fascinating to you very, very quickly. Take one step, then another step, then another step.
00:16:42.880 And I think that's a great way to distract yourself. And it's also a great way to make
00:16:46.620 yourself a more capable man because you have activities that are engaging you and frankly,
00:16:52.240 making you more capable. All right. So number three hobbies, number four, challenge yourself,
00:16:57.420 challenge yourself. Men are meant to be challenged. I feel like we are more capable. We're stronger.
00:17:05.360 We're better men when there's a challenge or there's an adversity or there's an obstacle in
00:17:10.260 front of us. This could be as something as simple as some sort of obstacle course race,
00:17:14.680 like a Tough Mudder or a Spartan race. This could be speaking in public. This could be performing in
00:17:21.300 public. It doesn't matter what it is, as long as it's challenging. And as long as it scares you a
00:17:26.500 little bit, if it challenges you and scares you, it's probably something worth pursuing.
00:17:31.560 And when we find that battle, like John Eldridge says, deep in his heart, every man longs for a
00:17:36.520 battle to fight, an adventure to live and a beauty to rescue. And I'm talking about this first component,
00:17:42.120 a battle to fight. What is your battle? What is your challenge? What is your adversity?
00:17:46.620 As soon as you find that, and it's meaningful and it's significant and it's important to you,
00:17:51.900 then you are going to more adequately be able to invest your time and your attention and your
00:17:57.360 energy and your resources into that thing. And by the way, the unintended benefit of this
00:18:03.020 is that you won't be thinking about your previous relationship as much because you are actively
00:18:08.900 engaged in something that's challenging you in every single way possible and calling upon you to draw
00:18:15.480 on everything that you know, in order to overcome that adversity that you're facing.
00:18:21.500 So find a challenge, find something that's meaningful, find something that's significant
00:18:25.980 and find something that pushes you. Men work better under challenges. Number five, educate yourself,
00:18:34.180 pick up some books, listen to some more podcasts, jump on YouTube. There are so many incredible,
00:18:40.640 incredible resources where you can get educated on just about any subject out there. This might
00:18:47.300 relate to the challenge that you're working through. This might relate to a hobby that you're
00:18:52.600 currently engaged in. It might relate to you trying to improve your finances or you trying to become
00:18:57.940 more fit. By the way, those are the first four tips I gave you, but educate yourself. Those evenings
00:19:04.100 don't just sit in front of the TV watching game of Thrones and eating a big old tub of
00:19:10.640 ice cream. Like take that time and improve yourself. You're going to feel like shit when
00:19:16.380 you're sitting around and you're wallowing in your own self pity. But if you're taking that time to
00:19:21.340 improve yourself, to expand your capacity, to expand your mind, to put new information into the six
00:19:27.860 inches between your ears, you're going to be in a better position. You're not going to feel down or as
00:19:33.780 depressed and you're going to give yourself the information and education required to improve in your
00:19:39.740 life. So guys, educate yourself. And by the way, if you want to know what you should educate yourself
00:19:45.220 in, join us, join us in one of our, in one of our groups, whether it's the Facebook group or
00:19:50.160 following me on Instagram or Twitter or joining our brotherhood, the iron council, we will educate you.
00:19:56.860 We will help point you in the right direction and you will be able to have more knowledge as you do
00:20:01.740 these things. Uh, number six, spirituality. Now I happen to be Christian. I believe in God. I believe
00:20:08.460 in Jesus Christ. I believe in the Bible. I read scriptures, not only individually, but with my
00:20:13.420 family, I pray. And because I have all of these things in my life, I feel like I'm more grounded.
00:20:19.620 I feel like I have a better grasp of what I'm supposed to be doing. I understand in a way,
00:20:26.560 my divine nature that I'm in this temporary negative situation of a breakup, but I can see
00:20:33.000 myself far greater than the next several months or the next several years of feeling bad, trying to
00:20:39.120 get over this, this breakup, find a way to get spiritual. This looks different for everybody.
00:20:44.840 I'm not telling you that you have to go to church and start worshiping. Although I believe that will
00:20:48.620 help, but find something to do. That's going to uplift you spiritually. That's going to put
00:20:55.640 this temporary situation. And it is temporary. I know it doesn't feel like it, but it is temporary,
00:21:01.160 but take this temporary situation and really frame it in the grand scheme of things. That it's just a
00:21:08.040 drop in, in the bucket. And that although you're going through this difficult time, you will come out
00:21:12.860 of it. Okay. And not only okay, if you implement the seven steps I'm sharing with you today, that
00:21:18.140 you'll come out of it better, more capable, more self-reliant, stronger than you were before.
00:21:26.020 And a lot of that for me has been because I understand again, my divine nature and why I'm
00:21:32.800 really here on this planet and why one relationship doesn't define me. And it certainly doesn't break me
00:21:41.200 meditation, meditation, religion, you name it, finding a way to tap into a higher power
00:21:49.280 or something greater and grander than yourself. That's number six. And number seven, I think this
00:21:56.860 might be the most important one here. I don't know. I don't know if it's the most important,
00:22:03.360 but it's certainly a consideration. And that is your friends. All right. If you want to redirect
00:22:09.200 your attention, then redirect it to other people. And I told you earlier, one of the first two things
00:22:15.000 to go when men get into relationships is their friends. So it's going to be difficult right now
00:22:19.820 because you've probably forsaken all of them for the woman in your life. And now that she's no longer
00:22:24.700 in your life, you don't know where to turn. This is why I tell guys, you need to have a band of
00:22:29.380 brothers prior to finding yourself in a divorce or separation or a breakup is because when that day
00:22:37.160 happens, if you don't have anybody to turn to, you're going to find yourself in a bad position.
00:22:41.760 That was me. When I went through my separation with my wife, I hadn't seen my buddies for four or five
00:22:47.840 years and they were out doing their own thing. They had moved on and it took a lot of effort and
00:22:54.160 humility to reach back out to them, to engage with them and to be included yet again in their circle.
00:23:00.660 But that's what I was willing to go through. I don't want you to have to go through that. And that's
00:23:04.240 why I tell you, do this now before you find yourself in that position. But if it's too late
00:23:08.800 for you, there's opportunities to find friends. Go to meetup.com and find an activity that you're
00:23:16.700 interested in. Go to jujitsu, go on a hike, join business networking groups, Rotary and Business
00:23:22.720 Network International. These are all ways to go where the people are. And then you can develop
00:23:27.100 relationships outside of the one relationship that you had and the one relationship that you're
00:23:32.320 relying upon. So have you earlier. So find those friends, find those people who are going to
00:23:38.000 uplift you and motivate you and push you and challenge you and compete with you as a man.
00:23:43.420 And all of the things that come with having a band of brothers in your life. These are all great
00:23:49.300 distractions and great ways to redirect your attention. So there it is, guys. I know that's
00:23:54.640 not real complex. It's not real in depth, but it doesn't have to be. And you can get into these
00:23:59.300 things as in depth as you would like. I'm just telling you, I know it's hard. I know it's difficult.
00:24:04.300 I know it's a challenge. I know that maybe it feels like you won't be able to get over it right now or
00:24:08.460 that it's never going to be the same. It isn't going to be the same. In fact, it's going to be
00:24:12.560 better, but that's ultimately your choice. Do you wallow in your own self-pity? Do you look down on it?
00:24:18.780 Do you forget about the opportunities and, and the growth potential that you have and
00:24:25.320 wallow around in this, or do you make the conscious decision to come out of this? Not only okay,
00:24:32.220 but a better, more capable man than you were before. I'm going to recap these things. And then
00:24:36.780 we're going to call it a day and hope that it's helped and served those of you who might have found
00:24:40.980 yourself in this situation. So number one, sever all ties. If the relationship is over, sever all
00:24:49.060 ties physically, mentally, emotionally, delete the phone numbers, forget where she lives,
00:24:56.600 change the bank accounts. Don't continue to live with her, but sever all of those ties.
00:25:03.080 Number two, understand and have a realistic expectation that it's going to take time and
00:25:08.560 it's okay. It's okay to go through the process. It's okay to be upset. It's okay to be down.
00:25:13.120 Gradually. You're going to start feeling better, but just know that this is the course of things
00:25:19.400 and that you aren't the first person to ever go through a separation or divorce or a breakup.
00:25:24.200 And you won't be the last. You're just one of millions upon millions of us who have gone through
00:25:29.320 these emotionally challenging situations and it's going to take time, but you will come out. Okay.
00:25:36.260 Number three is redirect your attention. Focus your attention elsewhere, put it somewhere else.
00:25:42.880 And the sub topics I gave you in each one of those were exercise and diet, get your finances in
00:25:49.520 order, find new hobbies, challenge yourself, find those challenges that push you, educate yourself,
00:25:56.540 tap into spirituality and build some friendships or rebuild some friendships that maybe have gone by
00:26:03.520 the way. I'd say guys, that's all I've got for you. I know again, if you're listening to this,
00:26:08.780 it's likely that you're going through a difficult time right now. And I understand what it can be
00:26:13.400 like. I understand how challenging it is. And it's easy right now, frankly, for me to talk about these
00:26:17.840 things so clearly because I'm not going through it. I know our emotions cloud our thoughts and our
00:26:23.060 judgment. I know we have a tendency of thinking worst case scenario. If you haven't already looked
00:26:30.000 into this, look into cognitive distortions. Just look it up online and you'll see what kind of tricks
00:26:36.060 the mind plays that aren't founded in reality. And for me, that was a big one. I jumped to the worst
00:26:42.300 case scenario at all times. And those cognitive distortions really messed with me. So understanding
00:26:47.820 what those were, were powerful. Use what I shared with you today. Find those friends, engage in
00:26:53.380 challenges, pick up hobbies, give yourself time, redirect your attention, and you're going to be okay.
00:26:59.660 Not only okay, you're going to come out of this thing a better, more capable man than you were
00:27:04.960 before. So that's all I've got for you. If you are going through this, or even if you're not,
00:27:09.820 make sure you're plugged into what we're doing here with order of man, subscribe to this podcast.
00:27:13.900 We've got hundreds and hundreds of hours of conversations and resources and tools and
00:27:20.900 everything that you'll need to improve your ability to be a better father, husband, community
00:27:26.340 leader, business owner, and every facet of your life. Make sure you're connected with us in the
00:27:31.180 Facebook group at facebook.com slash groups slash order of man. Make sure you're connected on
00:27:36.160 Instagram and Twitter at Ryan Mickler, and ultimately check out the iron council. This is a
00:27:40.540 great way to build up a band of brothers as well. You can do that at order of man.com slash iron
00:27:45.280 council. The last note that I'll give you today is we just came out with a new battle planner
00:27:49.760 that might actually help you with some of these things. It's a quarterly battle planner and in it,
00:27:54.460 it's designed to help you identify a vision for yourself to figure out some objectives and four
00:28:01.120 key quadrants of your life to identify some tactics that are going to move you towards those
00:28:06.640 objectives and to also identify and come up with some checkpoints to keep you on the right path along
00:28:14.160 the way. So if you're dealing with this or not, and you want to improve your life, having a plan and
00:28:18.780 a strategy in place is critical. And that's why this 12 week battle planner is going to be a powerful
00:28:25.200 tool on your road to improvement. You can check that out at store.orderofman.com. All right, guys,
00:28:30.940 that's all I've got for you today. Go out there, take care of these things, take action and become
00:28:35.620 the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take
00:28:41.160 charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order
00:28:45.800 of man.com.