Order of Man - Getting the Country Back on Track, Dealing with Negativity, and Inspiring Your Wife to Get on The Path

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:05.000 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.500 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.240 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.820 you can call yourself a man. Sean, it's always good, man. It's always good to see you. And

00:00:29.100 we were just chatting before we hit record. You're all over the place. So it's official.

00:00:35.100 You are a resident of Nashville. Yeah. South of net. Franklin, technically. Okay. But yeah,

00:00:44.560 excited and all over the place. Between Jamie's book and moving and our other businesses, I mean,

00:00:54.740 kids, summertime camps, you know, totally. Yeah. I, in fact, I was complaining with someone the

00:01:03.120 other day, you know, school wraps up. So we have high school graduation and then, and then there's

00:01:08.760 kind of like these end of year recital things for all the things, right? So my daughters are in dance

00:01:15.080 and gymnastics. And so there's, and then there's a class parties. There's just, oh my goodness. I'm

00:01:21.120 just like, you know what, let's just get into summer already. Let's do this. So, but I follow

00:01:26.580 you on Instagram, man. So I've, I've been seeing you making the move that the new house looks beautiful,

00:01:32.760 super breathtaking view, man. I mean, I I'm, I'm excited for you and I'm excited for myself

00:01:39.580 to be invited next time I'm in Nashville. So, and I just put that there publicly on, on the interweb.

00:01:45.360 So that way you can't back out. So every time you're out here, you got to come by and that's

00:01:50.200 what I'm telling everybody. This place is great. It was hard. Cause we'd had our dream home at the

00:01:55.700 time in California. We had a great spot there. Actually, we had a bunch of like farewell parties

00:02:00.200 and different things the last month and a half. And every person that came is like, how can you leave

00:02:05.980 this place? This is amazing. You know, we're like, well, the place we're going is pretty good too.

00:02:12.000 So, yeah. Yeah. I was chatting with my wife last night and she said, we've always said that we

00:02:19.920 would never move from where we are now. We love our neighborhood so much. And we just, I don't know,

00:02:27.500 we won't move. And, um, and she asked the question last night, she says, okay, so we're up to 50 million

00:02:37.120 still don't move. You know what I mean? I'm like, ah, you know, but then I was like, well,

00:02:43.660 we'll just build another house somewhere else. You know what I mean? Like, and stay here. But for us

00:02:48.080 right now, at least is we just love our neighbors. We love our neighborhood so much that, um,

00:02:56.040 I would rip down my house and rebuild. That sounds more appealing and, and reckless financially,

00:03:02.140 but that's just kind of how I feel about it right now. So, but neighborhoods change people move out.

00:03:08.360 And before you know it, like maybe we won't love our neighborhood anymore. And at that point we'll

00:03:12.460 reconsider. So I don't know. Yeah. We moved in there in California seven years ago and said the exact

00:03:19.380 same thing up until the pandemic. It was, we were even up until probably like a year ago, even we're,

00:03:27.760 we're, I thought we were going to raise all our kids in that home. So yeah, it's weird.

00:03:32.160 Homes do change. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Life changes. All right, man, let's get into some questions. So

00:03:37.040 I got questions from everywhere. I got questions from Ryan's Instagram at Ryan Mickler. I got questions

00:03:43.080 from the foundry as a backup and I got Facebook questions. So if there's crappy questions, it's

00:03:48.740 actually due to our fault selecting the poor ones. Um, but we got some really good ones, man. So I let's,

00:03:55.400 let's get into it. Um, and let's, let's take care of our iron council brothers first, uh, and,

00:04:01.760 and maybe address some of their top questions. Um, if you don't know what the iron council is,

00:04:06.860 and, or maybe you're new to the podcast, you can learn more about the iron council. That's our

00:04:10.880 exclusive brotherhood. Um, and you can learn more at order of man.com slash iron council as in two days,

00:04:20.000 the iron council membership will be open for enrollment and it's going to be open for roughly

00:04:26.220 about two weeks and then it's closed. So if you're on the fence execute, now you got two weeks to get

00:04:31.900 in and join us. Otherwise you're waiting until next quarter, um, to join us in a, you know,

00:04:37.540 what three and a half months from now. So once again, that's order of man.com slash iron council.

00:04:43.080 All right. Our first question from Bobby, he says, what more can we do to help get this country back

00:04:49.140 where it needs to be? He does allude to the fact that outside of our homes, I know it starts there

00:04:54.620 first. So other than, Hey, showing up strong in our homes as fathers and husbands, what, what's,

00:05:01.940 what's, what else can we do to help kind of get things back on track? I think then it creeps into

00:05:07.320 your communities, starting with the stuff that you do with your kids. And if you don't have kids,

00:05:13.060 then it's the stuff that you do, whether you're part of local clubs, um, you know, maybe there's,

00:05:20.360 even if it's like a softball league or something that you do, and you have to be an example,

00:05:24.200 just like you have to be in your home, right? If we're the patriarch in our home and we're that

00:05:28.540 example and it starts there, that patriarchy has to trickle out into our communities. And so we take

00:05:36.500 leadership roles in our jobs and our communities and everything that we do, you know, there's kind of

00:05:42.960 like this sense for most people that in my opinion, seems bipolar where they say you have to be

00:05:49.680 someone, a certain type of person at your job. I, it, it always irks me when I hear this, you have to

00:05:56.140 show up a certain way in your job, and then you show up a certain way in church, and then you show

00:06:00.380 up a certain way at home. And it, it, even to hear guys say, and especially men, it kills me more

00:06:06.940 with men for whatever reason, when they say, you know, when I drive into my driveway, I have to go

00:06:12.540 into dad mode. And I'm like, how did dad mode, like, why does that change? You know, it's, if you're a

00:06:17.740 leader in your home and that leadership should trickle into your job, or if you're a leader in

00:06:23.660 your job, that should trickle into your home. And so that, that for me should just be static.

00:06:31.260 There shouldn't be a difference really. And I think our, our society, our culture has changed

00:06:42.280 that. You know, I think this goes kind of hand in hand with the stuff that Ryan talks about when he

00:06:48.400 talks about homeschooling, you know, when you're homeschooling, it's, it is very static. There's

00:06:53.040 no difference. And one of the things I know he doesn't like about the public school system is

00:06:57.620 you're just indoctrinated with this bipolar sense of who you have to be. And they teach you from a

00:07:05.380 young age that you have to be someone different in different roles. And that's just not true.

00:07:10.260 I think you're doing it right. When you can be the same person in all things, decide you're going to

00:07:16.580 be a leader in those things, and then take that out into the world.

00:07:21.300 I love that, man. And I promise I was not looking at my phone for you guys watching on YouTube. I'm like

00:07:26.560 looking down playing while I was looking at my phone, but it's for, for, because I want to make

00:07:30.400 a reference. I, you know, I made this amazing post by the way, on my Instagram, it was just,

00:07:35.320 you know, uh, you know, shocking, which is all of your posts. Yeah. I mean, let's be frank with wisdom,

00:07:41.080 but, but my wisdom was so great. I had to go reference it because you said something that,

00:07:45.080 that you know how it is, right? A lot of the posts that I actually put on Instagram are like,

00:07:50.120 I'm running and I'm like, Oh man, you know, like working stuff in my mind, you know? And,

00:07:55.620 um, what I wrote was authenticity is the purest version of integrity.

00:08:00.120 And then authenticity is what an alignment of your personal self, your public self and your

00:08:05.920 spiritual self. So, so you're not having played as game, right? Like you're just you and how you

00:08:12.560 show up in the world is powerful period. Right. And in all areas. So I, I really love that. And,

00:08:18.080 and to your point, Sean, when I go to my daughter's, like, uh, my daughter graduated

00:08:24.600 elementary school, or when I go to their little, like five K elementary race, and I, you know,

00:08:30.840 I go to those things. What's the percentage of guys at these things? So small, dude, I'm like

00:08:37.360 the virtually the only guy. And let's be frank. And we're going to be a little, maybe bold in this

00:08:43.100 statement guys, we are all riding the work excuse train to do things that we don't want to do.

00:08:51.860 Well, I got to work. I can't bullshit. The reality of it is most of us dads can be to the recitals.

00:08:59.840 We can go to the little graduations. We can go to the five K things. We can go to the PTA. We can go

00:09:05.980 to parent teacher conference. We can do these things. We just don't make it a priority. And,

00:09:12.060 and I don't think we make it a priority because we don't think it's a big deal,

00:09:14.900 but it is a big deal, especially when you start seeing a great deal and higher percentage of men

00:09:21.740 showing up at these events and showing up in a very powerful way. So I think to your point,

00:09:27.920 Sean, it shows up in all those areas. And, and, and I think, and I'm a victim of this where I think

00:09:33.180 it's not important that I'm there. It's not going to make a difference. And it does. It really does.

00:09:39.240 I think it does. And I think we need to get more present to how much of that kind of stuff makes

00:09:45.140 a difference. The other thought that crosses my mind too, and, and I completely full transparency

00:09:53.300 here, ride my wife's coattails because she is amazing at this. I know all my neighbors really,

00:09:59.960 really well. Every single one, we go out of our way and we do things all the time. I have fight night

00:10:07.100 at my house. Usually entire neighborhoods invited. We'll go watch movies in the circle in front of

00:10:12.660 our house. Everyone in the neighborhood is invited. We know our neighbors. Now, was that convenient and

00:10:17.920 easy to do? No, it's a pain in the ass. I don't want to get to know them. Maybe I don't even like

00:10:22.760 them. I don't have the time for it. I don't have the energy. I don't want to, whatever, but that's

00:10:27.380 part of what we're talking about is showing up powerfully and going out of our comfort zone and making

00:10:32.660 sure that we're representing, you know what I mean? Even in our communities, anything else you'd

00:10:38.540 add to that, Sean, before we move on? Just two thoughts, as you said it, you know, anytime we

00:10:43.460 say that we're too busy for anything, all that is, is a statement of your priorities. And that's the

00:10:48.260 word you use, the priorities. And so it, it's, it, it shows you the order of what's important to you.

00:10:55.640 And, and then the second thing is, you know, as we moved in here, I have a list of 200 things that

00:11:01.600 we need to do. And first on the list, outside of getting things ready for people that are coming

00:11:07.380 to help us unload stuff today is to drive around and meet all the neighbors, meet everybody that

00:11:14.200 the people that have the cows across the street, the people that have the goats across the other

00:11:19.040 street, you know, the people that are building a house behind us, like there's, you know, and we

00:11:24.780 don't have a ton of neighbors, not like we're in a community, but there, but it is a community

00:11:28.860 and anybody close at all is I need to know who they are for me personally. And, and I want

00:11:37.020 to be able to help them in any way. I also want them to be able to help us in, in any way

00:11:41.980 we can. Right. And so that's, that's step one of being in this community is like you said,

00:11:48.760 getting to know them, having at least a base relationship and knowing who they are.

00:11:53.680 Yeah. I like it, man. There is a question someone had in here. So, and it's perfect with what you

00:12:01.120 just said. So let me jump to that question. So from Albert, he said, relocation networking tips,

00:12:09.200 how are you planning on getting a leg up and finding the avenue to bring value to the new community? So

00:12:14.160 anything that you'd add to what you just said? This is perfect for me. Cause I've been preparing

00:12:19.740 for that. The first thing I did was just found, you know, they have the Facebook groups. And so

00:12:25.920 in the community that we're moving into, I just joined a bunch of those groups in that community.

00:12:31.700 One of them being the police department, which is actually really funny. They're the thing that

00:12:37.500 the little town we're next to is called Nolansville and their police department has like the best Facebook

00:12:44.440 page I've ever seen. Cause they're constantly posting things like, you know, we arrested this

00:12:50.260 knucklehead for this or we, whatever. It's almost like Mayberry. So it's, it's pretty funny. The stuff

00:12:55.760 that they post, you know, it's not where I'm moving from where I grew up in LA, you know, it was a really

00:13:01.900 bad neighborhood. And if the, if that police department had to post stuff, it was LAPD. It was their

00:13:07.500 busiest station and all of LAPD is where I live near. And it would be a one week would be more than

00:13:16.840 a year's worth of crime out here where I'm moving. Let's just say that, you know, and, and, uh, and so

00:13:22.740 it's just fun to see that. So, um, knowing about that stuff, the reason I followed the police department

00:13:28.420 is because you kind of get to know what's going on in the neighborhood, right? The local, um, businesses

00:13:35.600 that are here, I'm following some of them, the community members, seeing what they talk about, what

00:13:39.840 they complain about, what those things. And so, and then figuring out what groups I would like to

00:13:46.300 maybe show up to, um, be a part of, um, the reason I followed the police department is, you know, if

00:13:54.240 there's anything that they're doing, I want to know about it. And I want to show up to those things.

00:13:58.000 And I want to meet people because most of the time people that are going to be actively involved

00:14:02.760 in number one, taking leadership roles, um, caring about their communities and wanting to serve those

00:14:10.620 communities, typically you're going to show up to those things. And so I want to show up to those

00:14:15.600 things and meet those people. And so again, you just have to kind of insert yourself that way,

00:14:21.880 figure out what you want to be involved in and then show up. And then when you show up,

00:14:27.600 be bold enough to introduce yourself, to, to meet, to discuss, to get, to know them,

00:14:35.080 just like I just said about the neighbors to know who those people are and you want to know who they

00:14:39.960 are. So, you know, how you could serve them, how they can serve you and how together you can make

00:14:45.960 your community better. So that was, that's how I've been doing it. Just using modern technology.

00:14:52.620 And then as far as neighbors go, I'm just going to show up, you know, if there's anything that the

00:14:58.460 biggest thing you need to do is just show up and start the conversations. And I think that's

00:15:03.720 because it's awkward for people to do that stops them from doing it, or they keep pushing it back,

00:15:09.900 pushing it back. Um, you just have to get uncomfortable and get out and do it and get in

00:15:17.140 front of people. Yeah. And if, and if there's nothing to show up to, then you might have to be the one

00:15:22.400 to plan it. To start it. Yeah. Maybe go on those community things and say, Hey, I would like to,

00:15:28.400 I don't see this group anywhere. Let me know if it's out there, but if not, I'd like to start it.

00:15:33.360 If you guys are interested, let's show up. Yeah. At this point. Okay. Chris Davis been dealing with

00:15:39.280 a friend that has been struggling and being very negative, tried helping, but it hasn't been

00:15:44.160 working. How do you deal with people who are negative and dragging you down? Do you cut them loose?

00:15:50.000 So I thought this was interesting. When I first read the question, I was like, Hey,

00:15:53.260 tips on helping someone struggling. And then the question kind of like, eh, do you cut them?

00:15:58.600 They're dragging me down. Right. Because he's not quote unquote changing. So, um, so maybe if you

00:16:04.340 don't mind, Chris, I know maybe that's not your question, but maybe some tips on helping. Um,

00:16:10.980 but also how do you help without letting that person drag you down and, and, and do you cut them

00:16:17.500 loose ultimately? The only, I mean, like you said, it's kind of a, there's a dichotomy there

00:16:25.160 because, um, having both, but it, for me, and I'll relate this to my business because every day

00:16:34.680 I spend more time trying to, to mentor and coach and help people, uh, with challenges that they're

00:16:40.500 having in their life. And if you're in any leadership role, that's going to be the bulk

00:16:46.820 of your time spent is dealing with people's problems and issues. And what you have to do

00:16:53.180 for their sake and yours is ask yourself the question. And each interaction is this serving me

00:17:00.860 and is this serving them? And if it's not serving both of you, there has to be a give and take.

00:17:08.840 Um, meaning that if you tell somebody the same thing 10 times, it's kind of known in my leadership

00:17:16.620 role in my business, people know that if they come to me for advice or help, and I tell them and they

00:17:23.120 don't do it, they're only going to have a couple more conversations like that with me.

00:17:27.980 And so the same thing needs to be said for people in your life. Now, if it's like a spouse, you know,

00:17:35.860 or, or someone in your family that you're going to see every Thanksgiving or you're going to, you

00:17:40.040 know, whatever it is that way. Um, it, then it still has to come down to do these conversations

00:17:48.240 serve us. And then if not, maybe you need to have the conversation of, look, I've told you this

00:17:53.840 multiple times it's not happening and it doesn't serve either one of us to continue having the same

00:18:00.640 conversation. I care about you. I love you. I want to help you. I want to be able to serve you

00:18:07.540 in a way that's productive, but you have to do work also. And so maybe you have that conversation

00:18:16.740 if you haven't already. And then if you do, then, you know, it has to get to the point, I think,

00:18:23.520 um, where they won't come to you, uh, because they know better. Um, but then simultaneously

00:18:32.880 just kind of keep an eye on them. You know, when, when we say cut it, cut people out,

00:18:39.160 I don't think that means completely ignore them. I think it means still keep tabs to make sure they're

00:18:46.700 okay. If that makes sense. And then if, if you feel like it's getting dark or you hear from somebody,

00:18:52.240 um, ask from other people, you know, then maybe you reach out and you, you try and help and serve

00:18:58.560 them in that way. Um, but off the top of my head, that's, that's what I have. What do you got on

00:19:04.980 this? No, I mean, I, I feel the same way about the cut them loose kind of thing. I feel like,

00:19:10.140 well, let's, let's break this down. Why would a negative person drag you down?

00:19:19.460 Because you have expectations that Sean should be a certain way. And if Sean's not that way,

00:19:24.320 that makes me frustrated. And I think you should change. And he's not whole and

00:19:28.340 complete the way he is. And if he doesn't change, then it makes me frustrated. And so I like to

00:19:33.100 ignore him. Like, I mean, that's, that's really what we're talking about. Right. So it's interesting

00:19:40.040 because I don't know, like the reality of it is no one's ever going to change because

00:19:47.720 people change because they choose to write because they, they got committed to an idea and they've

00:19:55.480 take that on themselves. And that's part of the transition. Right. And that's usually why someone

00:20:00.120 would come to you, Sean saying, Hey, I'm one advice. Right. And then they're like, okay,

00:20:03.700 I'm going to take what you gave me. I I'm going to hold onto that. I'm going to evolve and change.

00:20:07.820 Right. But if, but if we get to, we got to just watch our expectations on what we put on people and

00:20:14.260 in the way they should or should not be and kind of let that go a little bit. And now if someone's

00:20:21.200 constantly around you and they're just negative, well, then back to your point, you have to ask

00:20:25.960 yourself, how is that serving you? And for me, I don't think it's quote, unquote, cut them loose.

00:20:30.240 I'm just not going to make that a priority, that relationship. Right. I'm not going to invest

00:20:33.840 more energy in that relationship. If it's not serving me well. Now, do I have to like write him a

00:20:40.180 letter and say, I'm breaking up with you and I don't like you. You know what I mean? It's like,

00:20:43.160 no, I'm just not going to invest energy in them. That's all. And, and, but am I going to stay on

00:20:48.820 the path of showing up powerfully in my life and be there for when that person says, Hey, you know

00:20:55.180 what, Kip, I have a question where I see something in you and, and I, you know, I'm curious your

00:20:59.400 insights. Am I going to be like, no, I'm not going to talk to you because you may not. What am I out

00:21:04.400 sharing an idea? But when I share the idea, I have to be very careful, not that,

00:21:10.180 that me sharing the idea doesn't come with some expectations of how someone should show up in

00:21:15.620 the world. That's up for them to decide, you know, and, and, and think of sometimes I think of

00:21:21.880 as like, it's good practice, you know, are they going to listen to me? I don't know, but this is

00:21:26.380 good practice, right? Like how, how good, how could, can I deliver this idea? And is it precise? And

00:21:33.640 okay. That was, you know, and, and it helps me, I don't know about you, Sean. It's just like this

00:21:37.560 podcast. When we talk about certain things, it helps me rise up whether you guys listen to the

00:21:42.880 podcast right now, benefit or not. I was edified. So, so I'm good to go. You know, I don't need you

00:21:49.380 all to listen to us and go, Oh, I, I, my world has changed because of what Sean and Kip said. I

00:21:54.620 actually I'm changed because of the conversation. And then we create the opportunity for you to take

00:22:01.420 that on for yourself. And that's up to you to do that. So I don't know, maybe I have a little more

00:22:06.820 of a foo-foo feel for it, but I don't think we have to cut people loose. I think we need to watch

00:22:13.100 our expectations, um, and let them be them and, and figure things out on their own path, you know,

00:22:19.960 and, and maybe that's found in, in how also having some empathy because, because I mean, it's

00:22:27.420 when I think of someone making a lot of bad decisions and they're only negative,

00:22:31.820 the way I get past judgment of them is having empathy of the struggle that they're in and,

00:22:38.940 and how difficult they're making life for themselves. And I actually, and I don't like

00:22:44.820 pander them, but I like, I, I actually have empathy in my hand, that's tough. And I hope,

00:22:50.160 I like, honestly hope that they figured out. So then that way they can get on the path,

00:22:55.420 but it is their choice. You know, as you say that, I had this thought that you have to be

00:23:00.840 careful how you navigate that, because if you're just going to be an ear for them and, and empathic

00:23:06.940 for them, you, there's, you might enable between that and helping them. Right. And so as you said

00:23:13.660 that I thought of those covert contracts that we sometimes have that those expectations. So if your

00:23:18.660 expectation is that you listen to them and kind of have a pity party, but you never set an expectation

00:23:24.520 for what the goal of the conversation is, then it's going to continue happening that way. And so

00:23:31.500 maybe you ask, Hey, are you, are you calling me? Are you asking me for advice because you want help

00:23:37.620 or you want somebody to listen? And so sometimes we need to ask those questions of people of, do you

00:23:42.780 just want me to listen, you know, and, and be here to, to, to be in an ear for you to talk to,

00:23:50.120 or do you want advice and help? Um, because there's a drastic difference in the conversation.

00:23:56.500 And so if, if it's just for an ear, I mean, I'm not going to lend much time to that. And then if

00:24:03.660 it's for help, I'm going to lend a few times for that, you know? And so I think it's making that clear

00:24:10.140 will cause less frustration for both of you. And, uh, and then the second thing is if it is just for

00:24:18.300 an ear, all you, for me, I also have to make it clear, like, okay, I'll listen, you know, a couple

00:24:26.480 of times, but if you want me to consistently listen, you know, there's only four people that

00:24:31.840 call me dad, you know, and there's, there's nobody that calls me mom. And so if you're looking for that,

00:24:38.420 you know, like maybe there's someone else you need to call. And if it's not your mom or your dad or

00:24:42.960 somebody who's, you know, job it is to listen to you that way, maybe there's therapy, you know,

00:24:47.840 that needs to happen. Um, not in a negative way. I think people have a negative connotation of what

00:24:53.480 therapy is, but I know, you know, kind of, kind of give to that and lean to that because again,

00:24:59.140 it's, it's just listening or just even worse feeding it and having that pity party. Too many

00:25:05.220 people do that. You know, it's, it's like, I think I'd see this. I was going to say, I think I see it

00:25:11.600 in women more than men, but I actually don't see it in women more than men. Men do it. It's just

00:25:15.760 different where we call our guy friends or we call our, you know, women call their girlfriends too.

00:25:22.860 Then they call the ones that they know are going to be on their side.

00:25:26.600 Totally. Yeah. That's not going to push back and make them feel bad about what they feel.

00:25:30.980 Yeah. So you can't be passive aggressive with it. You can't just agree with them and whatever,

00:25:35.500 and then be mad that they called you. So be careful how you navigate that.

00:25:41.120 As well. Copy. All right. We got the high achiever, Jarrett. Is it holy Jarrett? My

00:25:48.320 apologies. I pronounced this wrong, but Storrell, Storrell from Bruiser. He says, when you get to

00:25:54.080 the point in your life that you have exceeded every goal you have set currently, what's next?

00:26:00.040 What is the best way to set the next level? What steps in planning your next battle plan would you

00:26:05.580 suggest? So Jarrett's killing it. And he's kind of like, ah, I don't know what to take on

00:26:11.040 next ideas there. Well, one of my favorite quotes is from Lou Holtz. He says, if you're not growing,

00:26:17.780 you're dying. Yeah. And he may not have been the first guy to say it, but he's the first guy I heard

00:26:23.120 say it. Yeah. And Sean, let me really quick. Can you relate to Jarrett on this question?

00:26:28.720 Oh my gosh. You have no idea. Well, that's why I joined. I can't, I always feel like I always know,

00:26:36.160 I always have something that could be better I'm working on. So I can't relate to like,

00:26:43.340 I feel content, like what to take on next. I never feel content. So this is interesting.

00:26:48.960 Anyhow, go ahead. Sorry. Well, then in that sense, I can, and I can't relate. Okay. I can,

00:26:55.000 I'm the same way. I'm always not content. Kind of that blissful, you know, my friend Ed calls it

00:27:00.920 blissful dissatisfaction. Yeah. Just not good enough. I'm super grateful. Love everything. I

00:27:08.220 have all the, all the great things that I have in my life, but simultaneously want more. Yeah. No,

00:27:14.760 there's different levels. Want to be more, be better, continue pushing myself, but there's a

00:27:21.660 difference in doing it. And it kind of being a habit of just looking for the next thing or wanting

00:27:27.780 more or pushing for more and being passionate about that next thing. Got it. There's a vast

00:27:34.740 difference. And so I have been in a place where I almost felt like I plateaued. And so I'm still

00:27:42.420 pushing, still have goals, still have things I'm reaching for, but don't feel, it doesn't like

00:27:48.040 stir my soul. It's just what I do. And so I think the difference in that, and that's what I was about

00:27:56.480 to say is why I joined the IC to begin with, because I, I reached a plateau in my life where I felt

00:28:05.320 stagnant. Yeah. Like what's next. Yeah. You know, I was still growing. I was still improving in

00:28:11.500 different things, but I didn't feel fired up to the point where it's like, I, I leapt out of bed in

00:28:16.920 the morning to want to go seize the day. And so that bothers me because I've had that in, you know,

00:28:24.180 through so much of my life. And so when you don't feel that it's maybe not always totally obvious

00:28:32.520 because again, if you're hitting goals and I think that's where it sounds, he is that where he's

00:28:38.180 hitting goals. He's super excited about them. Now he's hit those goals. And one of the things that

00:28:43.260 happens to us when we have goals, especially if they're, if they're fiscal or they're temporal or

00:28:48.640 they're, you know, things we're trying to achieve like a house or an income level or a thing, a

00:28:54.160 promotion at your job or whatever it is. Yeah. You think it's going to be this unbelievably,

00:29:00.260 you know, life-changing expectation. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like, like winning an Academy award.

00:29:06.420 But then you get there and you realize you're there and you're a little different person. And

00:29:14.100 now what, and you're just, it doesn't really change much. Like you think it's going to,

00:29:21.640 when you achieve that level. And, and so you have to continue to push yourself. And so when,

00:29:28.200 for me, fortunately, I was able to notice that feeling and then wanted to do something about it,

00:29:34.900 started looking for more, I don't know if it was podcasts or just the radar was up for what can I

00:29:41.500 get fired up about? And then I saw something of someone that I follow with Ryan and it made me

00:29:47.840 think, Oh, I'll check this guy out and started listening to the podcast. I'm like, wow, it's I'm

00:29:53.660 so in tune with what he's talking about. And then listening to the AMA with you and him. And I'm like,

00:29:59.740 man, these guys, the way they answer, I'm in tune with that. I love this. And, and maybe there's a

00:30:06.200 few things like, I'd love to be able to chime in. And, and, and then I, it made me, I'm like,

00:30:13.880 I'm going to join the IC because it's something different. Okay. Now in saying that I had great

00:30:20.400 mentors, great coaches, like, I'm pretty sure, you know, who had my letters, right? So Ed's one of my

00:30:26.440 personal mentors. I've been in business with them for almost 24 years now. Right. So it's been over

00:30:32.140 23 years that I've been able to work with them. And so a very high level business coach, live, I

00:30:39.740 mean, whatever you want to call it, I've had one of the best in the world and you can still plateau.

00:30:46.280 You can still have that feeling. So I just needed it to be different. And then, so getting into the IC,

00:30:51.520 what it did for me was show me that different way, introduce me to the battle plan. Even the way I

00:30:57.460 made goals was different than how I did them before. And it got me fired up for now and each

00:31:04.700 day and each quarter and, and the things that I want to do in the different quadrants to improve

00:31:09.800 myself. And now I'm jumping out of bed again and I'm ready to do it. And then simultaneously,

00:31:15.320 we've had this, we were already growing, you know, but it was kind of, it was like the difference

00:31:21.400 between like putting your money in a savings account at the bank and investing in the stock

00:31:25.640 market long-term where you maybe get a little more ups and downs, but long-term you're going to earn

00:31:31.300 way more. Right. It's kind of that, that upward spike, you know, or, or in the growth stage of a

00:31:41.200 business. That's how I feel now in my life, but it was searching for that. It was finding that and

00:31:48.460 making sure that the goals I was putting down were firing me up. And then one step back from that is

00:31:57.340 making sure that you have the next goal to begin with. And the number one, biggest mistake that I

00:32:02.500 see people make in their lives in general is that they don't have goals. And then when they make goals

00:32:08.420 and they achieve them, they don't make the next one. And so that needs to become your habit until

00:32:15.020 that's your habit. You're going to consistently feel stale. And so it's, you know, like for you,

00:32:25.580 that's your habit at this point in your life. It's what's the next thing you have it in front of you.

00:32:31.120 You're actively in and excitedly engaged in pursuing that thing. And, you know, as you get

00:32:38.460 close, if you're like me and I'm just making this assumption, but I think this is most high achievers,

00:32:44.860 even before you hit it, as you're creeping close to having or achieving that thing,

00:32:50.520 you've already thought of the next one. You're already thinking of, of what's next for sure.

00:32:55.720 Right. And so maybe you need to find a place that just shakes it up for you. That's probably why you

00:33:00.520 join the IC. Right. And so it's, and it's, especially if the IC is the thing that's helped

00:33:05.460 him, you know, it's reaching out to other mentors, reaching out to people in the areas of his life

00:33:11.640 that he wants to improve even more, whatever it is, just really contemplate what that next thing is.

00:33:16.700 Yeah. And I, and I think it reiterates the importance of us having a vision,

00:33:22.100 giving some thought to what is that five-year goal. I mean, one thing that, that you kind of alluded

00:33:27.560 to it, Sean, and I I've shared this story probably already too many times, but you know, I, I was

00:33:33.720 chatting with my wife when I was reading, like what's the book, geez, or the 12 week year. Right.

00:33:39.700 And I was like, Hey honey, what, what's, what's like ideal perfect state, you know, seven, 10 years,

00:33:46.380 15 years from now. And as she explained it, I was like, that has nothing to do with money.

00:33:51.880 Hmm. Everything you just said is, is freedom of time, you know? Cause she was like, Oh, I want to

00:33:59.880 be able to go to Europe for a month whenever we want. What don't get me out. There's a money element

00:34:04.280 to that. Right. But I was like, Oh, well that's flexibility. Well, that's a different avenue than

00:34:12.020 just making more money. Right. And I, I do have a, I do feel like a lot of us have a tendency to just

00:34:17.700 chase that money train thinking that's going to be fulfillment and solve action of life. Yeah. And

00:34:24.140 it won't, otherwise you're going to be heads down and great. You'll make 5 million, but you'll be

00:34:28.620 miserable. So, or not have spent any quality time with the people that are important to you.

00:34:34.100 Yeah, totally. So, so I think alignment around vision is critical. And then the only other thing

00:34:39.440 I'd add that I think is, was advice that given to me years and years ago was everyone has problems.

00:34:45.740 Everyone. It's like time. It's like the, um, at one point in my top in my life, I went to college

00:34:53.520 full-time and I worked full-time until I graduated. So my day was pretty much 6 AM to about 3 PM.

00:35:00.740 And then I'd go to university from about four to 10. I have no idea how I pulled that off. In fact,

00:35:06.640 I don't even remember how I did homework. I, I, but I do remember like I'm ahead in this class. I'm

00:35:12.300 going to sleep in this class where I'm going to like work on the work, the homework in this class

00:35:16.000 during this class. Like it was just strategically pulling it off. But my point is, is if you would

00:35:21.740 have asked me back then, it's like, Hey, what if you just had a job? I'd be like, Oh man, I'd had so

00:35:26.100 much time. Well, guess what happened once I just had a job, I had no time. And then, you know,

00:35:30.920 people that retired and they're busy and they have no time and no one has time. And, and I think

00:35:36.380 problems and time are that way. They fill in the gap that we have. Everyone has problems. Even the

00:35:43.340 person with no problems has drama and problems. And so you might as well be intentional and choose

00:35:50.060 your own problems. And I really feel, and I, and I, it's a plan words a little bit, Jared. So bear

00:35:56.840 with me, but what problem do you want to take on? Be intentional with your problem. What's something

00:36:03.700 that fires you up, that gets you pissed off, or you don't like the way it is. Make it your problem.

00:36:09.300 Take it on. There you go. Now you're fired up. Now you're working towards something that you're

00:36:13.920 passionate about. And maybe that's the next thing is you finding a problem to tackle. Maybe it's no

00:36:19.460 longer about my financial situation. Maybe it's no long, you know, the marriage is going good. And I,

00:36:24.620 I'm not saying you neglect these things because they're going well, right? We have to maintain,

00:36:28.680 but maybe all those things are tackled. Maybe it's time to start tackling something

00:36:33.660 in the community, right? Something in outside of yourself, outside the family that you can take

00:36:38.520 on and be passionate about. That was awesome. One last thought on that, as, as you were talking,

00:36:44.860 when you brought up the money part, you know, I had this thought last night as I was, I, I just got

00:36:53.340 to our new place with the moving van driving from California, you know, as my daughter and I drove

00:36:59.240 across the country with our two dogs and her cat. It was a cat crazy in the car. No, he was actually

00:37:06.900 great. Oh, really? Oh, I've helped someone. I've had someone move with a cat and their cats are like

00:37:12.840 losing their minds. Yeah. That's what we thought. That's what we thought. We had the carrier and

00:37:18.140 everything just in case. And he was actually fantastic. We scored. Okay. But, um, but getting

00:37:22.900 here, you know, and I'm like, all right, after we're done and settled, I just went out in the

00:37:27.420 pool and was decompressing and, and, um, and I'm sitting out there and we have a fishing pond

00:37:33.060 on our property. Right. And I'm overlooking the pond and it's the after sunset and the fireflies

00:37:39.660 start coming out. Right. And they, you know, and they start popping and everything. And, and, uh,

00:37:44.380 and I'm just sitting there and I'm thinking of like, this thought came to my mind of, you know,

00:37:49.860 I just want to be in a situation where, you know, my sons and I are, are down at the pond

00:37:56.500 and, you know, after sunset and this starts happening and we can just sit and kind of enjoy

00:38:01.040 our time together after fishing. I had that thought and it, it, for, I don't want to sound

00:38:09.040 cheesy or cliche, but it stirred my soul to have that moment, you know, to, to be in that moment.

00:38:16.480 And so, you know, buying this property in the first place was, was a means to that end. But

00:38:22.320 when you have those feelings kind of like that, what if feeling, you know, what if I could put

00:38:28.720 myself in a situation where we have this moment, I think it's important that we acknowledge those

00:38:34.520 things and write them down. And then maybe that's your next thing you push towards whatever that

00:38:40.680 means. And I think it's a combination of what you said, uh, financially, you know, time availability,

00:38:48.440 um, whatever you, however, you need to place yourself in a position to be able to achieve

00:38:54.620 that thing. When we have those, what if feelings that we capture those, we write them down. We,

00:39:01.360 we notice them because my opinion is that's the, the, you know, spirit basically pushing you and

00:39:09.900 leading you towards things that are going to serve you the best in your life. And, and so make sure

00:39:15.520 that you capture those moments and then write those down. It could be something like that. It doesn't

00:39:21.160 always have to be a physical goal or a money achievement, or even a time freedom achievement,

00:39:26.860 you know, to just say, I want to have total control of my time. That's different than what I just

00:39:33.260 explained, right. To have that moment where I can, you know, appreciate all of what we've, you know,

00:39:41.840 the, the accumulation of, you know, the, the 23 years when, when you mentioned when you were in school

00:39:48.060 and you don't know how you did it. That was when I started my business 23 years ago and I was homeless

00:39:52.800 and sleeping in my car and, and still I had one suit that I wore all the time every day. And, you know,

00:39:59.980 people probably knew that and noticed, and I don't know why they listened to me. I don't know why they

00:40:04.980 still did business with me. I don't know why they still followed me, you know, or, or listen to my

00:40:10.320 leadership. And I was such a mess compared to who I am today. I don't know how I did it either, but I was

00:40:16.260 just so focused on the what ifs that the rest worked itself out in my self-improvement toward

00:40:22.680 achieving that end. And so when I was in that situation where I was sleeping in my car, I would

00:40:30.460 think of that future life that I wanted with my kids that I didn't have currently. Yeah. And those

00:40:36.500 what ifs pushed me and, and created the opportunities for me to have those things more so than writing down

00:40:45.540 the income goals and all that stuff. Not like that. It isn't important, but those things that stir your

00:40:51.520 soul, I think are, are mandatory. You know, I, you're what ifs. So I wrote, so I have a kind of a

00:41:00.660 mantra that I read in my journal. It's kind of like my ethos, but it's, it's more of, it's like,

00:41:07.200 I don't know if Jocko read it and fired me up maybe even a little bit more, but it's kind of like,

00:41:10.600 I read it and like, yeah, you know, and, and I changed it.

00:41:15.540 Six months ago. And I added a line item in there and I wrote, give your marriage a chance to be

00:41:23.020 amazing. And, and it's kind of a, what if, right. And in your statement just kind of got me thinking,

00:41:29.740 it's like how often we place labels and it's this way versus a, what if kind of is like the,

00:41:39.300 it's the possibility of something without it being hardened. Does it make sense?

00:41:45.540 Without a heart and expectation, but it's, it's the possibility of something great. And I don't

00:41:52.500 know. I don't know why I shared that. It just, there's power in not placing things in buckets,

00:41:59.400 not having too hard of expectations on things, but really just dreaming of possibility and allowing

00:42:07.120 things to stay open to be great. Whether it's your marriage or, or relationship with your,

00:42:12.220 you know, or the, what if of like, oh man, what if we could have this place in Tennessee and have

00:42:16.800 a pond and we create this environment, like that's dreaming, you know, not dreaming in a negative sense.

00:42:22.380 Right. But, um, I don't know. I'm not sure what I'm saying. I'm talking circles now, but, uh,

00:42:26.960 no, that's, that's, that's, you're not, that's interesting. And the reason it's important is

00:42:31.020 because that is what pushes you to be better. It's it, it, for you, you're doing it right. If

00:42:40.780 you can't quite articulate it well. And I think that's the feeling you're having right now because

00:42:46.160 you can't articulate it well in your mind, it means it's magnificent and you, you can't put words

00:42:52.700 that can quite explain the magnificence of that feeling. And that pushes you to constantly and

00:43:01.100 consistently be better. Yeah. And that's, that's the feeling we all need to have. And it's the guys

00:43:06.940 who, who kind of push that aside, like, oh, that's just crap. That's like, you know, that's,

00:43:13.300 that's feel good, happy, hippie crap or whatever they, you know, you know, how a lot of guys say

00:43:18.980 that, oh, that's, you don't need that. And, uh, but we do, you know, and if you want magnificence

00:43:26.660 in your life, it's, you need to push to that feeling. All right. Brian, uh, Chauvin information

00:43:34.320 is thrown at thrown at us from thousands of sources. How do you vet the source to gauge it? Great gauge

00:43:40.500 its credibility. Well, he's maybe not going to like this answer, but it sounds like he's spending

00:43:50.560 too much time trying to figure out the answer. Yeah. Trying to figure out the answer and trying

00:43:55.840 to figure out, um, what's messing up the world around him. And, and now I'm making an assumption.

00:44:03.520 Maybe he's not coming from that place, but this question gets asked by most people from that place.

00:44:08.600 Yeah. And it, and all it does is it, it stops you from progress. And so, yeah, I got the quick answer

00:44:18.040 for you. Yeah. None of them. What's truth, right? Like one of my favorite books of all time, you know,

00:44:25.760 the book, uh, I'm bad at authors, the author of the four agreements. He wrote it. He wrote a book

00:44:32.580 called the fifth agreement. Uh, yeah, it's like three names, right? Three. Yeah. We'll look it up

00:44:40.060 here guys. Yeah. I'll pull it up while you're, um, but the fifth agreement is to be a skeptic,

00:44:49.640 I believe, but listen, and it's really what that has to do with is don't like, don't believe yourself

00:44:58.900 and don't believe anybody else unconditionally, right? Like be mindful and doubt everything and

00:45:06.440 understand where it's rooted in or what's the intent behind what's being shared.

00:45:12.940 Does it make sense? Miguel Ruiz. Luis. Yeah. And so the idea is like, there is no truth. There's

00:45:20.600 perception. I mean, I shouldn't say there's no truth. Everyone's going to lose their shit just

00:45:25.200 because I just said that. All right. So, but, but most things that people say or communicate has

00:45:31.780 intent behind it and context and a story, even a story, right? Someone comes to you about, I mean,

00:45:39.560 we had the example earlier, like some guy, you know, as someone that's overly negative,

00:45:45.180 well, are you listening to his negative story or are you trying to understand where he's coming from?

00:45:52.460 Like what is, what's the intent? Well, really what the intent is, Sean is I want validation, man.

00:45:58.760 I'm telling you how shitty my life is because I want you to feel sorry for me because I feel so low

00:46:04.080 about myself that I'm seeking some form of validation that I'm worth it in this world.

00:46:10.040 And I'm not a piece of shit. That's really what I want to hear. So I'm going to tell you my sob

00:46:16.740 story. So you feel sorry for me. And then you can like, oh man, you can rise above this or give me

00:46:22.000 something because my self-esteem is so bad. That's the real listening, right? And then the other thing,

00:46:29.760 when we look at news and politics, the reality of it is it's not so simple. Nothing is so simple

00:46:37.720 as a 30 second or one minute news clip or 255 characters in a tweet. It is not that simple,

00:46:48.600 but yet we judge like there is no tomorrow, right? Oh, this incompetent person, this, them,

00:46:56.100 they should not do this. Do you really know? Do you? Oh, no, no, no, no. You don't know shit.

00:47:02.780 You didn't do the research. Oh, you only read a paragraph from someone else's regurgitated

00:47:07.760 information. And half the knowledge that we have in this world, we're just regurgitating what we

00:47:12.440 memorized that we got from someone else. Like we're not experts until you're the expert. It's more

00:47:18.860 complex than you realize. And, and I just, that's how I approach everything. So I'm a,

00:47:23.960 I'm a skeptic. Like there is no tomorrow. I, and I don't care about political parties or anything.

00:47:28.740 Someone runs something. I'm like, yeah, it's not that simple. Oh, we should, we should invade and,

00:47:34.000 and, and fight for Ukraine. Well, it's not so simple. What's going on? What are these nuances?

00:47:39.760 Have you ever thought of this? Like, I'll stop sharing after this. You know, someone's like,

00:47:44.720 oh, they need to fight. Man, do they like, just imagine. And I, and I've never thought about until

00:47:52.540 this Ukraine thing. Imagine that our neighboring country, Canada. So America is, let's say half of

00:48:01.720 America's Canadian, even though they're in America and Canada is, has some stories about why they're

00:48:08.660 coming in. They're not saying that they're trying to kill us and they're coming through your

00:48:12.400 neighborhood. They're not attacking you. They're not shooting you, but there's a tank convoy coming

00:48:17.760 down your road. Do you grab your gun and shoot them and put your entire family at risk and have

00:48:23.400 them blow up your home? Or do you hang out in your home and let them just drive on by? Those are tough

00:48:30.240 questions, super tough questions. And, and I think it is super easy for us to all sit back and go,

00:48:38.600 oh, this is what they should do. But we're, we're being naive and ignorant in regards to really putting

00:48:44.260 ourselves in other people's, uh, other people's decisions and situations that, that we think it's

00:48:50.820 going to be an easy answer. And it's not, it's way more complex. And, and we just go around seeking

00:48:57.580 validation that we know we have our shit together because we're on, we're too lazy to actually have

00:49:02.860 some critical thinking. All right, I'm done. Yeah. That's so good. You know, let me, let me add this

00:49:08.420 thought. Let me ask you this. I'll have you answer it just so everybody can kind of hear it this way.

00:49:14.000 But if you want to in, in LA, there's this neighborhood up by the Getty center and the Getty

00:49:21.180 center overlooks all of LA and you can see the ocean and the beach and all this stuff. It's a, you know,

00:49:26.520 pretty magnificent view when you can see through the snog. And, uh, and so there's a neighborhood

00:49:31.840 right up there and I forget the name of the neighborhood was one of the most exclusive

00:49:34.820 neighborhoods in the world. I mean, you're talking about multimillion dollar, you know,

00:49:38.740 just beautiful homes, $30 million homes, a private golf course. It's unbelievable. Um,

00:49:43.820 but it used to be a dump. So there's this big road that goes up to it. That's giant, you know,

00:49:49.180 super wide. Cause it used to have to accommodate dump trucks and, you know, earth movers and stuff

00:49:54.160 like that. And so I used to wonder why that road was so wide. It made no sense. Why is this giant

00:49:59.760 road going up in this private neighborhood? But that's why, cause it used to be the city dump.

00:50:04.280 And so how do you turn a city dump into, you know, let's call it a city park or a beautiful

00:50:14.040 neighborhood or, or into something different? Like, what do you have to do first and not just first,

00:50:19.500 what do you have to keep doing? And I'm asking you this question, Kif, let's see if you get it

00:50:25.620 first off, like, what do you got to do to turn the dump into something beautiful?

00:50:33.360 I mean, I think that, I don't know, man, the pressure's killed me here, Sean. I don't want

00:50:37.740 to like, where would you start? Where would you start? And I'll give you this in you, you'd have

00:50:41.840 to start somewhere. Where would you start? And then where, where you started, it would have to stay

00:50:48.400 that way inevitably. I mean, I, I think, I mean, obviously the dream and the idea, right. It has

00:50:55.200 to be present first, but I think the first thing is to create the perception or the value of it.

00:51:01.720 Right. Like I think like you can never take the dump and communicate it as the dump and then sell

00:51:07.280 it to someone and say, Hey, you know what? You should build a $30 million home on this thing. It's

00:51:10.980 going to be great and amazing. Right. Like, I think you have to have the dream of it, but then you have

00:51:16.360 to like create that greatness and, and have momentum around it to make something amazing

00:51:22.480 like that. Okay. And then after you have that thought, now let's think of planning and implementing

00:51:26.680 what's step one. You have to stop dumping trash on it. Yes. Stop the trucks. Yeah. Stop the truck

00:51:33.700 and stop making it up. Yeah. Stop the truck. Okay. That's that. My whole message is stop the trucks

00:51:39.120 because here's the thing. If trash keeps coming in, it doesn't matter what you do. It doesn't matter

00:51:44.560 how good your vision is. It doesn't matter your thought. It doesn't matter the buy-in. None of

00:51:49.100 it matters if trucks are still showing up with trash and then you could build it and it could

00:51:53.220 be magnificent. And if later trucks start showing up again, this great neighborhood becomes trash.

00:51:59.760 And so our brain is exactly the same thing. And so, you know, for you, maybe you just need to stop

00:52:06.600 the trash indefinitely. Instead of trying to vet the trash, instead of sifting through the trash,

00:52:12.200 just stop the trash. And I think most people are better off just cutting off. And I don't care

00:52:17.440 what it is. If you prefer listening to CNN or Fox news or whatever that stuff, you mentioned the

00:52:22.940 intention. Their intention is to sell ads. And so the biggest way they're going to get that,

00:52:28.860 the way they're going to get the most eyes is pissing people off. And so if they could get you

00:52:33.160 more pissed off, right, what that means is that you're going to be more pissed off. That doesn't serve

00:52:37.660 you. That's trash in my opinion. And so I'm not going to listen to it. I'm not going to allow any

00:52:42.740 of it in my brain. I'll leave with this thought coming across the country. I listened to every

00:52:48.180 podcast I could listen to every, I listened to books. I listened, I started listening to comedians

00:52:53.260 and I found this guy and I was dying, laughing, listening to all these different comedians.

00:53:00.240 I was cracking up. I found, I just randomly, it came up as like a recommendation and I was dying.

00:53:05.460 And he made this, it was in 2018. He had this Netflix special and it was hilarious. And then

00:53:11.220 I'm like, I got to listen to something else from this guy. That was awesome. And so he had a new

00:53:16.060 one in 2022 and I'm like, Oh, new stuff. This is going to be so good. I'm so excited. And I listened

00:53:21.300 to it and it sucked. And the reason it sucked and it was awkward is because in 2018, he said what he

00:53:28.600 felt and it was funny and he didn't care if he offended people. And it was for both sides. If you want

00:53:33.820 to call it that left, right. And whatever he was making fun of, you know, at that time, 18 or maybe

00:53:39.940 it was 19, it was Trump was in office. Right. And so he was making fun of Trump. He was making fun of

00:53:44.820 Obama. He was making fun of like just everything. And it was hilarious. I was dying. Right. And then

00:53:51.260 2022, the new one, he got woke, right. Is for lack of a better word. And he was trying to be very

00:53:59.340 left leaning and not offend. And you could tell, you could tell the way he was wording stuff. And

00:54:04.460 he was walking more on eggshells and it sucked. And so it was funny for me. I just, I stopped

00:54:11.920 listening. So I didn't want that in my brain, even something like that, even though it was a comedy

00:54:17.380 routine, because he was trying to basically almost like indoctrinate you and with a theology instead of

00:54:28.380 just be funny is how I felt. I stopped listening because the intent changed.

00:54:34.180 Yes. And you could, and it was obvious. And so you have to be aware for me. I think it's more

00:54:40.640 important that your radar is up and the way that you vet it is if it's, if it's doesn't serve you

00:54:48.480 again, back to serving you and your family, if it's not going to make you better, it's not going to push

00:54:52.220 you to improve your life and the life of your family and, and your community and, and your

00:54:57.980 business or whatever the important things are to you in your life, then it's trash. Yeah. Get rid of

00:55:03.720 all the trash. Quote of the day. I'm thinking t-shirt, man. I'm thinking stop the trucks, just the

00:55:09.660 stop the trucks. That's the, that's the next t-shirt stop the trucks. All right. Keith Reeves

00:55:15.480 got a quick, fun question. EDC, your everyday carry. What do you, what are you doing there?

00:55:22.420 Who? Well, I lived in California, so you can't carry nothing. Right. He's carried a pin. Yeah. But

00:55:28.200 the, but yeah, the, the, what's next to my bed is, uh, I have a P220 elite six hour 45. Yeah. Oh,

00:55:38.040 that's big. All right. Uh, 365 P, uh, P365, the XL that's my, um, it's a beaut. Um, that's it. All

00:55:49.500 right. Moving on. Cause simple question. See, I'm just banging out questions here. All right. Uh,

00:55:54.340 J J R B J R B. I think we're hopping in some Instagram names here. What advice can you give

00:56:01.100 those who feel powerless to change your life for the better, despite searching faith and temporal

00:56:08.500 solutions? How does one see the force through the trees when it feels like there's a ton of shit in

00:56:14.380 your way and no hope of getting through it or that hump to the next level?

00:56:19.340 I would tell you that if it sucks, you're most likely on track. And one mantra that I've, I

00:56:33.260 adopted a long, long time ago is that the harder it gets, the closer you are to greatness. Cause I

00:56:40.980 think the adversary works his hardest when he's close to breaking you. And so it's, it's when he's

00:56:47.680 close to getting you to give in, to give up, to, to settle, um, for lack of a better word. One of my

00:56:55.300 least favorite words in the dictionaries, the word settle. And I think that's what happens is we give

00:57:01.620 up on being better or whatever it is. I mean, sometimes people just give up on, on keeping on

00:57:08.700 and that's for me when I push even harder. Now, it doesn't mean it's not still going to suck.

00:57:17.580 Um, and it's, and it might suck for a little while still, but in the question, he mentioned up giving

00:57:25.380 up hope, that's where you lose. So as long as you don't give up hope, as long as you know what you're

00:57:31.540 pushing for, and as long as you believe what you should, that greatness is in store for you because

00:57:40.040 it's in store for every single one of us, you know, these souls, if we're created in the image

00:57:45.140 of our father in heaven, um, then anything's possible for us. And so we have to remind ourselves

00:57:53.540 of that and keep pushing the, and the darker it gets, the closer we are it's in, uh, the, in the

00:58:01.400 book, think and grow rich Napoleon Hill. There's a part of one of the chapters. He calls three feet

00:58:06.920 from gold. And he tells the story of a guy who moved West and he bought this, this gold mine.

00:58:13.660 That's this, that was not, um, successful and he didn't buy it for the mind. He bought it for the

00:58:19.620 land. Cause it sat, it was next to a river and it was beautiful and it was great piece of land.

00:58:24.480 He thought he'd live and retire there and, and just have a simple life. And he lived there for

00:58:29.720 a couple of years and, and got bored. And so he decided, you know what, I'm going to start digging

00:58:35.560 where they left off just for fun. And three feet in, he tapped into one of the largest veins of gold

00:58:43.300 gold that the U S has ever seen. And so three feet. Yeah. Three feet. So the guy who sold it

00:58:50.540 was devastated. And, uh, now the nice part of the story is you think, man, that guy who sold it,

00:58:57.140 what did he do? Did he want to kill himself? Did he write that he used that as motivation

00:59:02.140 to actually, then he got into selling life insurance and became one of the like top 100

00:59:08.580 bestsellers of life insurance in the country and became a multimillionaire doing that. And so he

00:59:14.180 still made his dreams come true. He still became very wealthy and everything else, but he used that

00:59:18.740 story, you know, from his own life of being three feet from gold to fire him up for the next thing

00:59:24.160 and not give up next time, keep pushing. And so I, I always attached to that three feet from gold story

00:59:31.040 every time it sucked for me, you know, and it's always going to do it. This move has sucked.

00:59:35.400 It's been one of the worst things that's happened to me in my life, but it's, again,

00:59:39.400 it's just one of those things, just push through, just get through it, just do it. You know, it's,

00:59:42.760 it's going to be awesome on the backend, but you have these thoughts of, is this worth it? Is it,

00:59:48.480 you know, should you really be doing this? Is this going to, you know, and it's, uh, the, the,

00:59:54.600 the last thought on this adversary's number one tool he has is doubt. It's a simple thing,

01:00:00.300 but if he could get us to doubt any part of our lives, that's where he wins. And so we have to

01:00:06.380 cut out that doubt, keep our heads down, keep pushing forward. You know, I don't know if that's

01:00:11.960 valuable or not. Um, I think it is. Well, and, and I think, I mean, here's, and just some maybe hack,

01:00:20.240 I, I wouldn't say this is in counter to what you're saying. It's just, sometimes it's hard,

01:00:25.020 right? Like I'm doing my thing, Sean, and I I'm starting to feel hopeless, but I'm, I'm staying on

01:00:31.020 the path and I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Right. And so let me, let me give

01:00:35.640 some thoughts here. One, and I use the analogy of, of money for this. I remember, so I I'm a son of a

01:00:43.120 farmer and I remember I learned how much my dad made. And my dad was a butcher, a farmer and worked

01:00:51.320 in a coal mine. And I saw his check once when I was in high school and I did my, you know, high

01:00:59.420 school math. And I, I calculated that he probably roughly brought home around 40 K. So my goal was

01:01:06.820 by the time I graduate, graduate college, if I'm making 40 K, I'm killing it. Yeah. Right out of

01:01:13.840 college, I'll be only like 22, 23. And I'm making the same as my old man. I for sure thought

01:01:20.980 life would be set at 40. As everyone knows, I made 40. I felt poor. And then I thought, oh man,

01:01:26.680 if I could only make 60 or 80, then I'd be solid. 80 and 60 felt a whole hell of a lot like 40.

01:01:34.500 You know what I mean? Like the point was, is I was so, I thought the light at the end of the tunnel

01:01:39.820 was how much money and changing my circumstance. The line at the end of the tunnel was enjoying the ride

01:01:48.820 and being present to the kind of man. I was showing up in spite of my circumstances. That's

01:01:55.400 the light. And, and so try not to get like, oh, I need my life a certain way for me to enjoy life,

01:02:04.840 man. Cause it's, it's not going to happen. And this came, came to mind. There's a quote by

01:02:11.660 Gordon B Hinckley. You probably already know which one I'm thinking. So anyone who imagines that bliss

01:02:16.640 is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he's been robbed.

01:02:21.160 Most putts don't drop. Most beef is tough. Most children grow up just to be people. Most successful

01:02:28.380 marriages require a high degree of mutual tolerance. Most jobs are more often dull than otherwise.

01:02:34.940 Life is like an old time rail journey. Delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders, and jolts.

01:02:42.260 Um, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick

01:02:49.700 is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride. And, and I think there's honor

01:02:55.520 in just knowing that in spite of how difficult life is right now, that you were consistent,

01:03:04.720 that you are a man of honor, that you kept your integrity intact. That is powerful.

01:03:12.740 Who gives a shit what the circumstances are, right? I mean, you, you think all the greats,

01:03:19.060 right? And we can, you fill that blank in whoever you want. And I'll use the simple ones, right? Like

01:03:24.720 ones that we can all relate to at least, you know, you look at Goggins, what makes Goggins,

01:03:29.400 Goggins, his shitty circumstances is what made Goggins Goggins and him embracing it. Yeah. He

01:03:37.020 wouldn't have been the amazing person he is if he didn't have a horrible circumstances. Yeah. Right.

01:03:43.600 And so, man, just focus on who you're becoming and found power in that there's, there's the hack

01:03:50.840 or a thought, I guess. That's, I love that quote. Yeah. Good grab. All right. Kilton Dillon,

01:03:58.440 maybe a last question, if that's okay with you, man. Yep. All right. Kilton Dillon, over the last

01:04:03.860 year, I've been on a journey of personal development, part of which has led me to order of man. Welcome,

01:04:09.360 by the way. I can see some of the same stresses I was facing in my, in my wife. Oh, I see some of the

01:04:15.540 same stresses I was facing in my wife. Now, how can I help inspire her to start on that journey

01:04:22.460 herself? So how do I help? And I like Kilton that you said, inspire her, not change her or you know

01:04:30.800 what I mean? Make her. That's what most guys say. That's true. So you're, you're choosing the right

01:04:37.700 verbiage at least. So tips for Kilton on how does he inspire his wife?

01:04:43.580 I think first it's having the conversation of what she wants and make sure you guys are on

01:04:50.540 the same page. It's, it's, I mean, my wife and I have always done it that way, mainly.

01:04:59.440 And I literally have people that complain about it when I give advice on this stuff, because they're

01:05:04.980 like, Oh, you guys were different. You had it. My wife's not the same way. Yeah. Yeah. And we were

01:05:09.480 different because we met in our business and we both independently were doing well and had our own

01:05:14.600 goals. And we're, we're focused on personal development and growing and becoming better.

01:05:22.200 And, and so we did that independently already. And then as we started dating, it was just, we just

01:05:28.320 incorporated that together. Okay. What do we want now? Right. And, and pushing for those things.

01:05:34.740 Um, but regardless it's, if you were both independently doing that or not, that needs to be

01:05:43.840 happening for both of you. Now, at first you're going to be doing it more than her, but you re you

01:05:51.020 have to find out, start by asking questions of what she wants, right? What, what does she want to

01:05:57.760 achieve in your guy's relationship, in your guy's home, in your, where does she want to live? Where

01:06:04.420 did, again, if we're talking income goals, like what would be ideal for her? Just start having those

01:06:11.640 conversations, asking those questions. Um, what are the things that are the most important to her?

01:06:16.960 Um, what are some things that fire her up? Um, even ask the questions like, what are your

01:06:22.960 unrealistic goals? What are some, you know, money worth an option? Yeah. Like something that sounds

01:06:29.420 ridiculous, so ridiculous that you don't even want to say it. Like you don't want the words to come

01:06:34.920 out of your mouth, right? Because someone might judge you. And so, and, and you might not agree with

01:06:42.320 those things, or you might think it's silly, or you might say that, and it, she might think smaller,

01:06:48.320 you know, or, or not say that big, magnificent thing. And that's great. That's still a start.

01:06:54.360 And if it's important to her, then you embrace that. And then you come up with a plan to push

01:06:59.140 towards that. Now in that plan, that's going to require some self-development on her part. And so

01:07:05.220 you come up together, okay, well, to achieve that, I'm going to do this and you do this and let's help

01:07:09.800 each other and let's encourage each other and let's inspire each other. And, and so you do it that way.

01:07:17.140 And, and, um, you know, it, it, no matter how silly it sounds, like my wife literally is totally

01:07:24.740 happy, um, just sitting on a lounge chair in a tropical place, planning something. And I think

01:07:32.620 that's ridiculous, but if we could be in a position where we go on a tropical vacation and she could

01:07:37.580 just sit down and like, kind of plan the next thing, she's the happiest person on the planet

01:07:42.040 where I have to be doing something, you know, like I want to go surf all day or whatever it is.

01:07:49.340 And she thinks that's ridiculous. Um, you know, this place we moved into, we have a big barn.

01:07:55.340 Um, I want to fill it with a bunch of classic cars and stuff. She thinks that's stupid,

01:07:59.260 you know, but she knows how excited I get about that and she's on board with it and she encourages

01:08:05.860 it, you know, no matter how dumb she thinks it is or a waste or whatever else. Um, she's still

01:08:12.040 supportive of it. And so finding out what those things are, um, for her and then, and then you

01:08:19.520 need to drip on her. And I mentioned where most people struggle with this is that their spouse

01:08:24.840 typically doesn't stop the trucks. Like we were talking about, and they still listen to things

01:08:29.340 that discourage them. So maybe you help for lack of a better word, distract her from that stuff,

01:08:37.040 you know, recommend things to fill that same time with for her instead of the trash. Um, and then

01:08:44.600 consistently encourage her and pushing towards whatever those goals are that she comes up with.

01:08:50.780 But if you're not having that communication to begin with, then it's never going to happen.

01:08:55.840 And then if you're not wrapping it around what she wants and not just what you want,

01:09:00.760 which is what most people do, um, then you're, that's a losing battle.

01:09:06.140 Totally. Yeah. I, when I, one thing that comes to mind here is really from, um, I mean, what this

01:09:15.100 is, is leadership, right? This is presiding. How do we inspire others to greatness? Right. And,

01:09:22.340 and if you're in a management position in a leadership position and you have reports,

01:09:26.900 this is your job. You're now in the business of people and how do you inspire your, um, coworkers?

01:09:35.100 So, and, and so I, I'll just go off of that leadership training, you know what I mean?

01:09:39.780 That we're kind of, to be honest with you, I'm in the process of developing for, for our,

01:09:43.980 our leadership. Number one, modeling. You have to model what is high performance and what it looks

01:09:51.420 like, whatever it is that you're inspiring them to be. So that way you're not a hypocrite. You're

01:09:56.280 not having an integrity. You got to model. Number two, you have to be inspired yourself,

01:10:01.480 right? I can't expect Sean to be inspired if I'm not even inspired. So he even knows what that looks

01:10:07.760 like. So you have to be an inspired individual. And, and part of being an inspired individual is

01:10:13.400 sharing from a place of passion and excitement, right? I could be inspired and I bottle that all up

01:10:19.280 and I keep it to myself. No one knows, right? I got to be like screaming from the rooftop, you know,

01:10:25.600 like, Oh man, like making this progress and this is what I'm doing. And this is why I'm so excited

01:10:29.880 about. So you, you have to communicate what's inspiring you. And then third, I think we have

01:10:36.600 to be in a position that we care because if Sean, if you don't know, I care for you,

01:10:42.200 then we're not aligned, right? Anything I even say or suggest to you is just from a place of trying

01:10:50.420 to change me and you don't appreciate me the way I am and et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Right. And so

01:10:55.220 I'd latch on to like outward mindset by the Harbinger Institute around how do you position your

01:11:01.400 relationship into a position where you are then in, in, in an ability of authority where you can teach

01:11:08.620 and correct. And that's the very last step of that relationship triangle way below that is

01:11:13.920 establishing a strong relationship with that individual and knowing that they, that you

01:11:17.900 actually care for them. And then the last is kind of what you alluded to, Sean is have a unified focus.

01:11:25.140 Nothing creates momentum like you and I being on the same page, knowing that we're working towards

01:11:32.160 something together and that unified focus, what we, and so as an example, in two weeks, I have a brand

01:11:39.200 new employee. He's flying out to Utah. He's going to join our team. And on a quarterly basis, we'll,

01:11:46.220 we will do what we call critical issues. And this is, and this creates unified focus. So number one step

01:11:54.720 in critical issues is what are our current issues that are preventing us from greatness right now?

01:12:00.200 Oh man, we have this, we have that. And we, we lock, we write them all down, right? I know what

01:12:05.280 they are, right? I have my list, but I'm having that conversation. So in Kilton's, you're asking

01:12:11.120 your wife, what issues do we have? What can we improve in our home? What can we improve in our

01:12:15.900 family? What's, what are some issues, right? That we, that, that is preventing us from having the most

01:12:21.540 amazing world and amazing lives in the world, right? Number two, what's the desired outcome? Now that's

01:12:27.000 kind of that dreaming, what if, what's the possibilities, what, what could we do? And then

01:12:33.240 break down, okay, well, what are some actions that we can take over the next three months to work

01:12:39.660 towards this? You know, now you have unified focus. Now you're in a position to get aligned as a couple,

01:12:47.280 right? As a team and then proceed forward. So modeling, be inspired, have a solid relationship

01:12:54.200 and then create unified focus is kind of what my thoughts would be anyway.

01:12:58.080 Yeah. Well, what, what are you and Asia do? Because I, I've never met Asia. I've never had

01:13:03.060 a conversation with her, but, and I, she might be making an assumption, but she sounds like,

01:13:08.020 and seems like a go-getter. Like she's really pushes herself focus, you know, is, is achieving

01:13:14.680 and excelling in different things that she's excited about. So like, what do you guys do with,

01:13:20.540 is it the same thing? Like I said, where she was already like that. And so you have that advantage

01:13:27.240 or she's already charismatic and, and, and, and by no means was she ever passive in life,

01:13:33.200 but it's really interesting though, Sean, there's been some key areas that, that her and I didn't

01:13:40.220 have alignment around. And, and I really honestly believe this. And I, and it wasn't from a position

01:13:46.000 of manipulation. It was actually from a position of just sharing myself, but by me sharing, what's

01:13:51.980 getting me excited or, or sharing ideas and what I'm working on, whatever has completely created,

01:13:59.600 allowed her to have that same possibility for herself. I use this analogy all the time and,

01:14:05.200 and guys that aren't LDS, I'll do a quick explanation, but, but I, I had this complaint in,

01:14:12.420 in the LDS church around people doing what we call testimony, meaning wrong and, and,

01:14:19.500 and what people do. So, so the idea of a testimony meeting is to share,

01:14:24.900 to share what is true for you, right. And, or where you have a testimony,

01:14:33.000 not to share what other people should do. And, and the difference is the minute you talk to me,

01:14:43.320 Sean, I mean, my brain, every human brain immediately goes, is that true? And then I start

01:14:49.500 like, well, I don't know if it's true. And I start judging what you're telling me. I immediately start

01:14:54.980 putting up walls to accept what you have to say. And the minute you tell your wife, like, oh, honey,

01:15:00.460 you should, it's immediately going to be met with, do I agree? Do I not agree? And, and it's,

01:15:07.200 it's going to have conflict, but when you share a proper testimony, you can't argue, right? Like

01:15:14.540 Sean, if I come to you and say, Sean, man, Sean, I read this book and what is so powerful,

01:15:19.240 it really allowed me to see this different aspect of my life where I was showing up,

01:15:24.880 not in a very powerful way. And, and what's now present for me is that I'm going to do this,

01:15:29.700 this, this, and, and I'm going to have better results in my life. You're not going to argue.

01:15:35.120 Why? Because I shared what was true for me. But what's powerful of that is then you have a chance

01:15:40.580 to put it on your lap and consider it for yourself without me preaching to you. And so now the key

01:15:46.900 though, we have to communicate this stuff, right? And that's where I struggle because by default,

01:15:52.180 I'm like, I'm getting after it, but no one knows I'm getting after it. I'm not communicating

01:15:55.520 any of this stuff, but by me sharing what's powerful for me, what's working for me, what

01:16:01.720 I'm excited about, it creates opportunity for her to look and assess for herself without me even

01:16:09.140 suggesting anything that she should do. And let's be honest in the grand scheme of things. When we look

01:16:15.080 at freedom and, and, and the power of Liberty, right. And really how people learn, they learn

01:16:23.260 by, by deciding for themselves. They don't learn by being told something, right. By being preached at.

01:16:31.160 Yeah. Now is one of you more optimistic and one of you worry more? Do you guys have that?

01:16:36.900 Yeah. Yeah. She's like, everything's going to be fine in this world. And I'm like, no,

01:16:40.600 no, everything's going to fail and we need contingency plans. Okay. Yeah. So did, did,

01:16:46.720 did she do it to the point? Cause this is important. Cause I think most relationships

01:16:51.040 have this dynamic too. Does she do it to the point sometimes where it pisses you off

01:16:55.020 where you're like, yeah, without it, it pisses me off. Yeah. So, so my wife and I are the opposite.

01:17:01.420 I'm the positive and optimistic one. Oh really? Yeah. She's a warrior and she's constantly pissed

01:17:06.940 at me. Like, don't just say she used to get pissed. Cause I, my line was it's only temporary

01:17:11.160 and she'd get so pissed off. Like, like to the point where like, I've got my wisdom teeth pulled

01:17:17.160 one time and I'm on the couch and I'm miserable. And she's like, Oh, are you okay? And I'm like,

01:17:22.200 no, you know? And she's like, it's only temporary. Right. Like not, do you need anything? Are you

01:17:30.640 whatever? Like I love it to get back at me. Right. But, and, but I had to change it to actually

01:17:36.400 Gordon B Hinckley is who I quote. Now I say, it always works out. Right. That's one of his

01:17:40.260 famous quotes. It always works out. And so now that's our, my new mantra. And she knows when

01:17:44.660 it's coming and, and even, but here's the thing. And the reason I ask about Asia, cause she probably

01:17:50.540 even knows it's going to piss you off, but it's still important that she does it. That makes sense.

01:17:56.620 It's still important that you have that dynamic together. And I've learned the value of it

01:18:02.780 because it, cause the joke is honey, you're so positive that shit could go South

01:18:09.420 and you won't even accept it went South because you're still positive about it. So like, so I can

01:18:15.920 be completely right. And then say, Hey, we should have a contingency plan or what, but it doesn't

01:18:20.760 matter because even if it goes South, she's like, Oh yeah, it's all great. And I'm like, what,

01:18:24.660 you know? So, but, but does that serve me? Oh yeah, it does. Because what, what, what was her

01:18:31.740 attitude when I said, Hey honey, I want to start working for myself. Yeah. That's a great idea.

01:18:37.860 You should just do it. That's not what normal spouses probably would have said, you know? So

01:18:47.460 yeah, that's all this last thought. I wrote it down as you were talking, um, this old story,

01:18:53.980 and I'm not going to tell the story cause I won't tell it right, but it's basically the story of these

01:18:57.680 plow horses. And it's basically the fact of plow horses back in the day, they used to have like

01:19:03.260 tractor pools, but with horses, I think they still do that in some communities. And, uh, what they found

01:19:09.380 is that a, that a good plow horse, the best plow horse that pulls the most weight can pull two to

01:19:16.520 three times their own weight. Um, it just, that's the strongest of plow horses can pull two to three

01:19:23.620 times their own dead weight. Right. Yeah. And, uh, but if you take two of the best plow horses and

01:19:31.260 hitch them up together, they can pull 10 to 20 times their own weight together. And so the same is true

01:19:40.620 for us as couples that when we're, when we're focused, you know, on the same goal together and

01:19:47.860 pulling together, it makes all the difference. I like it. That's a good way to wrap it up, man.

01:19:53.700 Yeah. All right, gentlemen. So a couple of things, just as a reminder, iron council opens up two days

01:20:00.140 from now, it will be closed after the following two weeks for three months. So if you are wanting to

01:20:08.080 join us, you need to act quickly to learn more about the iron council, our exclusive brotherhood,

01:20:13.260 go to order of man.com slash iron council. And as always join Mr. Mickler on the socials at Ryan

01:20:20.920 Mickler. And the last thing is a legacy. Our legacy event is not yet sold out. It will. Oh, Hey,

01:20:29.660 there you go. You got the legacy shirt on as well. Represent. So if you want to join us in Maine

01:20:35.280 for legacy, go to order of man.com slash legacy to sign up and register. We will have a full house.

01:20:44.120 It will sell out. It always has. And so don't just like everything else in life, right? Don't delay

01:20:50.680 if you are interested, execute and then work out the details later. Other than that, I think we're

01:20:57.840 solid on everything else. So until we'll see, what do we got? Friday field notes, take action.

01:21:05.280 And become the men you were meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast.

01:21:10.140 You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

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Order of Man - June 15, 2022

Getting the Country Back on Track, Dealing with Negativity, and Inspiring Your Wife to Get on The Path ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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