Order of Man - Going Beyond Yourself, Developing Optimal Strength, and Restoring Accountability

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart

00:00:05.000 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.

00:00:10.440 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.240 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.380 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, how are you doing? This is your host, Kip Swartzen,

00:00:30.760 and this is the Ask Me Anything episode of the Order of Man podcast. My apologies, but Mr. Mickler

00:00:38.840 is unable to join us this week as he is traveling with his family across the nation on his way to

00:00:44.400 moving his family to Maine. And so you get to have me fill the questions today as part of Ask Me

00:00:52.100 Anything. And we really fill these questions from two primary sources. First, we'll dive into

00:00:57.940 questions from our exclusive brotherhood, the Iron Council. And then we will dive into the Facebook

00:01:05.060 group. You can learn more about the Iron Council at orderofman.com slash ironcouncil. And of course,

00:01:11.940 you can join us on our Facebook group at facebook.com slash groups slash orderofman. We have some good

00:01:20.240 questions. And I'm super excited about answering some of these. I scrum through them briefly just to

00:01:26.840 make sure that if there's any resources I need to pull. I was not extensive, guys, so don't expect me

00:01:33.460 to be doing my research. As Ryan likes to do, we kind of shoot from the hip on these. That way, the episode

00:01:40.180 and our responses are really just authentic and raw and real and kind of come natural as part of a

00:01:45.960 conversation that we have with you guys every Wednesday. So yeah, let's go ahead and get started.

00:01:51.320 We'll dive into the Iron Council. Our first question is from, let me make sure I get the name right

00:01:57.860 here. It's Bubba, oh, Booba, Boob? I don't know, Booba Downs. He says, do you have a spreadsheet

00:02:07.220 calculating the total number of names you have mispronounced on the show? I'm curious as to what

00:02:12.560 your success rate is. Well, Booba, I think my success rate is roughly 100% because I have

00:02:19.820 pronounced each name exactly how I intended to pronounce them. So I think we're doing an amazing

00:02:24.980 job and that success rate is pretty high. So great question though there, Booba, and keep posting your

00:02:31.280 questions every week. All right, Eric Arazia. This might be something that was probably covered from

00:02:39.720 inception of the podcast, but Kip, when did you know that you wanted to be part of this movement to

00:02:45.200 restore masculinity for men everywhere? So let me just kind of dive into how I heard about Order of

00:02:53.540 Man and how that process roughly worked. But ultimately, I was added to the Facebook group.

00:03:00.000 There's a lot of noise and chatter. I was like, I'm unsubscribing from that group because it was just

00:03:05.640 too much noise. And jumped on there, found out there's a podcast, thought I'd give it a listen.

00:03:11.800 And as you guys know, the interview shows that Ryan does, the caliber of individuals that are on

00:03:18.820 those shows are just amazing. And I immediately fell in love with the podcast. Obviously, I've listened

00:03:26.600 to every episode ever since the very first and have just gotten a lot of value out of it.

00:03:32.460 And once I learned about the Iron Council, I was immediately like, yeah, I want to sign up.

00:03:37.800 And so I joined the Iron Council. I was initially on Battle Team Alpha. Drew was my Battle Team leader.

00:03:46.200 And Drew will have to correct me if I'm wrong here, but I was probably in the Iron Council for,

00:03:51.960 geez, maybe a month or two. And I was immediately like, hey, Drew, if there's any opportunity to serve,

00:03:57.340 to step up, to play a bigger role within the Iron Council, I'm going to do it. And so Drew gave my name

00:04:03.960 over to Ryan Michler. And eventually, I became the Battle Team leader for Echo. And that's kind of how it all

00:04:11.420 began. However, I don't think I came to the realization of the impact and the importance of what we're doing

00:04:18.340 within the Iron Council until I became a Battle Team leader. In fact, I was just having a conversation

00:04:24.980 with one of our new Battle Team leaders within the IC, literally right before this podcast.

00:04:32.080 And I'll share kind of one of the messages or one of the thoughts that I shared with him is that

00:04:38.120 the Iron Council, you know, guys join the Iron Council with the idea that, you know,

00:04:44.240 I'm going to join this group to improve myself, right? There's areas of my life in which I need

00:04:49.080 to improve, whether it be physically or emotionally, mentally, you know, my education or whatever,

00:04:55.500 right? Or experience and rubbing shoulders with other men and accountability. Like we join initially

00:05:01.080 for ourselves. And evidence of growth for me is when I see a guy within the Iron Council come to the

00:05:10.320 realization that he's no longer in the IC for himself, that he actually gets that he is there

00:05:17.140 for his spouse. He is there for his kids. He is there for his family. And he is there for the other

00:05:24.160 men within his Battle Team. And that is what starts becoming powerful, right? When we are focused on just

00:05:31.500 improving ourselves, don't get me wrong. We need to improve ourselves. We are the best tool that we have

00:05:35.420 to help other people. But as Ryan says all the time, protect, provide, and preside. All of those

00:05:41.480 have a level of service to them. And once we get beyond ourselves and our focus is about the betterment

00:05:48.360 of the other men in our lives, the other people in our lives, our communities, then the stakes get

00:05:54.840 higher. And now our purpose is far greater than just improving some guys. And our reach becomes far

00:06:02.980 greater. And so just the impact of what we do within the Iron Council, in my opinion, is substantial.

00:06:10.120 It is such a big, important thing. And so obviously I'm bought in, right? I'm bought into the movement

00:06:18.100 now and I'll continue to be bought into that movement. And an aspect of that, Eric, as you've

00:06:23.920 alluded to, is restoring masculinity. And what that means for me to restore masculinity is helping men

00:06:32.960 become the best versions of themselves. So they can serve their communities and those within their

00:06:38.380 care. And that's ultimately in my definition of what we're attempting to do through this podcast,

00:06:45.980 through the Facebook group, and obviously through the Iron Council, as well as the events that we put

00:06:50.780 on, whether that be the legacy events and or uprising events. So super awesome what we're doing,

00:06:57.020 man. And I am just grateful that I've got to play a part in that process and to be inspired,

00:07:05.280 right? Inspired by these questions, inspired by the guys within the IC, inspired by the guys

00:07:09.500 that I've met through the uprising and other events. It just helps me level up, helps me become a better

00:07:15.920 man. So super cool. I'm blessed, blessed to be here for sure. All right, Jordan Stanley,

00:07:22.220 are there any tips you have for conditioning stanima endurance over strength training? I blow

00:07:28.200 up anytime I do heavy workouts, but as a rock climber and tennis player, super strength isn't an

00:07:34.040 asset. It's actually a hindrance. Jordan, I may not be the right resource for this. All I know though

00:07:41.380 is when I train with rock climbers, I don't know if I'd put you into the category of just stanima,

00:07:49.020 not strength because rock climbers seem to be wicked strong, especially for their size.

00:07:56.900 So I think you're in the right spot, but here's my take on it. It depends on what we're wanting to do,

00:08:02.660 right? I know guys or even me, right? I've ran marathons. I consider that endurance, right? That's

00:08:09.480 the most I've ever ran though is a marathon. I've been in marathon condition and then I go train

00:08:17.080 jujitsu and I haven't been training for a while and I'm sucking air. So it really depends. Why are

00:08:23.160 we training, right? What's the purpose behind our conditioning? Is it to become stronger? Then

00:08:28.240 strength training is important. Is it for endurance because you want to play tennis and you want to

00:08:31.920 rock climb? Then be content with that, right? So I think it really all depends on what we're

00:08:37.500 attempting to accomplish. The only thought process that I have, and guys, don't blow up my Instagram

00:08:45.140 and Facebook arguing with me on this, all right? This is just my take on this. But

00:08:49.080 one of my coaches at Unified Jiu Jitsu said this to me once is, you know, we get big guys that come

00:08:55.360 in, right? Big muscle bound guys and they train jujitsu, they spar with us and they end up sucking

00:09:01.540 air. And one time, I can't remember the exact conversation, but one time my coach says, you know,

00:09:07.200 one thing that we fail to realize is that your organs don't get bigger, right? So as you get put on mass

00:09:13.660 and you put on more muscle, your heart's same size. It's still having a, it's having to work

00:09:19.760 overtime, right? To fuel all that blood to those muscles and everything else. And so I think me

00:09:25.680 personally, I like kind of this optimum middle ground where I think as strong as I can get without

00:09:33.640 giving up too much endurance, without giving up too much mobility is kind of what my focus is.

00:09:42.180 And that's my focus. Why? Because I want to train Jiu Jitsu, right? And I want to be able to have

00:09:49.520 high endurance and strength isn't as critical. So back to what I was saying earlier, Jordan,

00:09:55.700 I think it really depends on what our focus is and why we're conditioning and what are we

00:09:59.680 conditioning for. So, all right. Aaron Goats, we'd rented a Chrysler Pacifica minivan for our recent

00:10:07.120 vacation. Approximately how many burpees should I do to reclaim my manhood? Hashtag bitch ticket.

00:10:16.600 Aaron, you're in the Iron Council. So first off, I don't even know what the hell you're doing,

00:10:22.280 but I'll give you some credit because the first step in this process is accepting that you

00:10:28.080 have an issue and that you correct that issue and that your manhood has been affected by your poor

00:10:35.640 decisions. However, I do think there is hope. There's hope for you. There's hope for the snowflakes

00:10:43.040 across the globe. There's hope for the passive aggressive man that gets bulldozed by everyone

00:10:48.280 in his life and is a constant victim and drives a minivan. And I really think your focus needs to be

00:10:55.320 is just to level up in the Iron Council and just be more toxic. Yeah. Be more toxic, spit, fart,

00:11:02.660 grunt, those kinds of things. And maybe, I don't know, maybe a hundred burpees and then you can get

00:11:09.680 your man card back. So maybe ask the guys on your battle team how many burpees they think you should

00:11:15.580 do. And I'm sure they will give you some guidance and direction as well. So disclaimer, I was all joking.

00:11:22.080 So if Ryan was here, I think he might laugh. I don't know. Maybe not. All right. Joshua Jones.

00:11:27.900 Hey, Joshua, how's it going? What is the difference between reasons and excuses?

00:11:33.320 And then a second question, what books are you currently reading and why? All right. So question

00:11:38.080 number one, differences between reasons and excuses. Aren't they the same thing? I think

00:11:48.580 they're the same thing. However, we treat them different or let me say society treats them

00:11:54.880 different. So let's, let's break this down. So a reason is an acceptable excuse, right? If you give

00:12:01.760 a good enough excuse or a reason, we believe that people will say, oh yeah, yeah, that's, that's

00:12:08.960 acceptable, right? That's an acceptable excuse. But if we say it's an excuse, at least we're owning

00:12:15.160 the fact that we're being a victim and we're putting the responsibility of it on something

00:12:19.360 else. So in the grand scheme of things, between a reason and excuse, I would say an excuse is

00:12:23.840 actually preferred because at least you're owning it, that you're actually happy or you're full of BS,

00:12:31.720 right? And you're using excuses. Reasons is just, you know, lipstick on the pig. And, and we

00:12:37.460 actually think people buy into that, right? Um, and this is, and this is crazy how often this is

00:12:47.040 like, here's the challenge challenge for you guys this week. Listen to you, your language and all

00:12:54.940 the reasons, AKA excuses that you have for everything. Well, why I'm late for the meeting?

00:13:01.600 Although, cause there's traffic. Oh, well, come on. BS. You probably left late and you're hoping to

00:13:07.400 make up time. And the reason why you're late is because why? Cause you left late, right? You knew

00:13:12.320 you could have left earlier, right? What's another excuse? Oh, I'm really busy, right? I had all this

00:13:17.240 stuff going on. Really? Were you truly busy? Is there a reason why you didn't get it done? Right?

00:13:25.360 And, and I like the idea or I like the language about being unreasonable, right? We talk about this

00:13:32.580 within the iron council quite a bit or at least I have gotten on the soapbox that

00:13:36.760 being highly effective is unreasonable. It is, and, and, and it's unreasonable to people.

00:13:45.640 So let me, let me walk through some use cases. So, um, let's say you're training for your,

00:13:52.500 you're committed. So we're talking about iron council here, right? So I, I create a goal and

00:13:56.720 objective and a tactic that I am going to be prepared to run, let's say a marathon. And that's

00:14:02.440 commits to a marathon schedule for running or whatever. Now a holiday comes up and you wake up

00:14:09.960 early on a holiday and go get your running. Everyone in your family would say, geez, that's

00:14:15.680 unreasonable. Like you don't need to do that. It's a holiday. Take a break or whatever. It seems

00:14:19.540 unreasonable to them for you to do that. That's highly effective. And a lot of effectiveness is in

00:14:27.400 that space of being unreasonable because most people function on reason and excuses for why

00:14:33.680 they're not doing things, why they're not succeeding, why they're not honoring their word

00:14:37.700 and doing the things that they, that they know they should be doing. And in essence, out of integrity

00:14:42.900 in almost all aspects of their life. In fact, I would probably argue that whenever you have reason

00:14:48.240 and or excuse, you are out of integrity period. Because integrity is not only not honoring your word,

00:14:54.780 it is not doing things the way they were meant to be done. And I would challenge all of us,

00:15:00.980 including myself, how much this shows up in my life. How often my default behavior is excuse,

00:15:08.300 is reason. Even when you want to back out of something, instead of being clear in your

00:15:13.100 communication saying, I am not interested, what do we do? We give a reason. Oh, well, you know,

00:15:18.360 I got blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Why? Why? Because we're word offending someone.

00:15:22.420 Really? Is that effective? Is that clear communication? Is that owning the circumstance

00:15:29.140 saying, Hey, you know what? I'm going to do X, Y, because I don't want to, or because I'm going to,

00:15:34.680 or whatever, but we make excuses for everything. So I really find that reason and excuses is just,

00:15:40.820 is, is, is verbiage and language around us being victims in all areas of our life. And language is

00:15:48.160 super, super powerful. So try this for a week, try to go throughout your week and catch yourself

00:15:54.600 making reasons and excuses. And instead of giving in a reason, excuse for doing something or for not

00:16:00.180 own it instead and take accountability for yourselves and, and restore your integrity.

00:16:07.160 I don't know. Not that you guys are asking for a challenge. That's, that's, that's where it is,

00:16:11.640 Josh. That's my thoughts on, on reasonable and, uh, reasons and excuses. All right. Your second

00:16:16.000 question. What books are you currently reading? Why? Dude, I have, man, I have struggled getting

00:16:22.660 my reading in, uh, of late, but I am still working on the boy crisis, uh, by Warren Farrell and John

00:16:30.820 Gray. Um, why am I reading that book? Um, because I have boys and it is super, super insightful. And to

00:16:40.380 be frank, at least in my opinion, it is the very foundation, um, or it lays the groundwork of what

00:16:48.560 we're doing within the iron council and the order of man of why it's so important. Because a lot of

00:16:54.540 the boy crisis is tied to fathers, fathers, not leveling up, being in the home, participating in

00:17:03.040 their boys' lives. And this book covers a great deal of the effects of that on boys and in turn

00:17:09.780 on families and in turn on communities and our economy and a great deal more. So it really kind

00:17:17.560 of pumps me up in regards to the importance of what we're doing. Um, and in essence, I think that

00:17:24.000 we're trying to address the boy crisis, um, through what we're doing in the order of man. So, uh, that's

00:17:29.900 why it's important to me. Um, but I grabbed the book initially is, you know, I have boys and I want

00:17:34.940 to understand, uh, and make sure that I have the proper knowledge to, to be the best father I can.

00:17:39.960 And, and in essence, ironically, this is proven to help me, um, kind of level up even in this,

00:17:46.320 in the iron council and the order man as well. So super book, good, great book so far. Anyway,

00:17:51.400 about halfway through, it's a big book. Um, and there's no pictures, right? And I'm, I'm from small

00:17:55.580 town, Utah. So I was kind of hoping for a lot of pictures and illustrations.

00:17:59.540 And whatnot, but, uh, there's a lot of words and the words are little. So it's kind of taken me,

00:18:04.520 uh, my ignorance, uh, a little while to, uh, get through it. So, anyhow, I'm making, I'm making

00:18:09.860 progress. All right. Andrew McLeod, what is your favorite jujitsu technique and why?

00:18:16.840 So my favorite technique is something that no one knows about because, uh, it's secret.

00:18:22.940 Uh, James Gardner taught it to me. Um, he's way too humble to actually give himself credit. So I've

00:18:31.060 called it the Gardner grip. Maybe one day you guys will see it. We call it the Gardner grip or the G

00:18:37.080 grip. Um, but it's a, it's a form of a hold that you could use for, uh, escapes, sweeps, um,

00:18:46.540 passes. Uh, I, I, I'm, I'm starting to see it everywhere. Like it's, it's stuck on my mind.

00:18:53.080 In fact, what's really interesting about Andrew's question is favorite jujitsu technique, like

00:18:59.060 based upon now, right? Like jujitsu is constantly changing, right? Like I have a tendency to get

00:19:05.020 locked in on something and I just not exploit it, but just engulf myself in that. And then I find it

00:19:12.380 everywhere and I'm seeing it and showing up for me all the time. And, and I'm sure I'll, I'll,

00:19:17.160 I'll get done with it and I'll move on to something else. And then I'll kind of obsess on

00:19:21.760 something. So I'm kind of obsessing around kind of like three primary things. One is the G grip or

00:19:26.840 the Gardner grip. Uh, the second is, and I know this is sounds weird cause I'm not sure if this is

00:19:32.460 considered a technique, but just the power of an underhook. There's these underlining principles,

00:19:39.160 uh, within jujitsu and there's just huge power around them. And, and maintaining an underhook

00:19:45.860 is huge, right? It's, it's a prevention from back takes from so many different scenarios. It's

00:19:53.220 maintaining control during a mount. It's, uh, passing a guard and, and not, you know, not having

00:19:59.220 a person arm drag you. I mean, there's just that underhook is just so critical, right? And so I'm,

00:20:04.040 I'm seeing the importance of that underhook a lot. And then from a submission perspective,

00:20:07.940 something that's on my mind is just, uh, that Kimura grip, the Kimura trap. I mean,

00:20:12.600 it's everywhere. I'm, I like working off my back a little bit in a 93 guard for you,

00:20:18.060 a Vitor Shaolin guys. So I work a 93 guard and, and I just look for that Kimura quite a bit. But,

00:20:23.640 um, as, as I've had a lot of higher belts defend my Kimura attacks, it has forced me to attack them

00:20:31.260 differently. So once I get that grip, how do I maintain? And, and so one, one little flavor,

00:20:37.740 I guess from a guard position where I might get that Kimura grip, you typically, sometimes you'll

00:20:42.500 find rolling to their back and, or for an arm bar. Now I actually go almost North and South.

00:20:47.860 And then I invert and do a partial back take and then go for the Kimura. You know, that's kind of

00:20:52.620 like a, I don't know. Anyhow, all the YouTube non-Jujitsu guys are like, what the hell is this

00:20:57.340 guy talking about? So anyhow, Kimura, look it up on YouTube. It's on my mind. It's,

00:21:02.000 I'm looking for it all over the place. So love it. And by the way, I'm trying not to swear.

00:21:08.320 You guys might appreciate this is kind of funny. So I saw, uh, my wife's uncle, Dennis. I saw him.

00:21:16.180 Where'd I see him? Is that kind of family event? Oh, is that a baby shower? I saw him at the event.

00:21:20.180 He goes, really enjoyed in the order of man podcast. And I'm like, oh man. And out of humility,

00:21:25.420 I'm like, oh, you know, you don't want to listen to that. That's embarrassing. He's like,

00:21:29.100 why? Because your language. And I was like, okay, that's, that's some coaching from,

00:21:36.620 from uncle saying, Hey, you know, be a good example. Watch your language on the podcast.

00:21:40.420 So I'm trying Dennis. I'll, I'll focus on improving. All right. Paul Vanatsky. What is

00:21:47.040 a good way to manage the family budget? I think to make it a family ordeal, right? Get family buy-in,

00:21:54.340 get participation. One thing that Asia and I, my wife have talked about recently that we

00:21:59.000 have failed to do as parents is, is really prep our kids around budgeting, right? Like we don't,

00:22:05.740 like we kind of come from this background of like no handouts, right? So I never got an allowance as

00:22:10.940 a kid. I don't give my kids allowance. Cause I'm like, you know, that's the price you, you know,

00:22:15.240 you, you need to work your butt off. That's the price of living here. Right? So we're kind of harsh

00:22:19.380 from that perspective. And so we actually started giving our kids allowance so they could have some

00:22:24.320 money. So then we could talk about the importance of savings and, and have them save up money. And

00:22:30.700 so we had to create that environment for where there's some cashflow. So then that way we could

00:22:35.700 kind of provide some parenting around budgeting and money. So I would just focus on participation

00:22:41.740 and buy-in and make it a family ordeal. What a great opportunity for our kids to establish that

00:22:46.580 relationship with money and hopefully a positive relationship with money. One thing that we talk

00:22:51.140 about often in the iron council as well is, is, you know, having weekly budget meetings with your

00:22:56.540 spouse, reviewing your expenses, establishing goals of what that looks like. What are you, you know,

00:23:03.180 what, what, what intentional actions are you taking as a family or as a couple to save? And what are

00:23:09.040 you focused on paying off and just really getting buy-in and getting on the same page with each other?

00:23:15.160 Obviously mint is electronic tool. It's, it's pretty self-explanatory. It's not overly difficult to

00:23:20.840 and it's free, right? For managing, um, budgets and mint. If you're not sponsoring the podcast,

00:23:27.940 maybe you should and give me some kickback or something. I don't know, since we keep selling

00:23:31.780 you guys. So, but in a, you know, participation in the family, get some buy-in, get everyone involved.

00:23:38.700 Um, I think that's kind of the, the, the key from that perspective. All right, Dennis Morris. Hey,

00:23:43.920 Dennis, how's it going, man? What are some of your daily affirmations? And more importantly,

00:23:49.540 how have they create, uh, how have you created them and why do you feel they are so valuable?

00:23:55.920 Okay. So let's talk, um, let's do, let's do a little debrief on daily affirmations, or at least

00:24:03.260 my, my definition of affirmation. So, uh, there are two different types of affirmations, uh, that I've

00:24:10.500 done in the past. Uh, one is like a, a verbal affirmation words, right? What you're saying or what

00:24:17.420 you read. And then a visual affirmation. I'll explain what I've done on both of those and that,

00:24:23.140 how that's quote unquote helped me or why I think that's important. So my opinion is when you read

00:24:30.260 books like, uh, the morning, uh, miracle morning, the miracle morning, or yeah, the miracle morning

00:24:35.700 or the 12 week year, you, you come to this realization of the importance of establishing

00:24:43.340 your values, right? Uh, in Ryan's book, uh, sovereignty, uh, he covers a code of conduct,

00:24:51.080 right? Those are all based upon the idea that you are being intentional about how you show up in the

00:24:59.360 world and that you are the creator of it. We all know, and I'm assuming we all know this by default.

00:25:07.740 If you just go throughout your day, the world will write on you. You will be, you, you are like a leaf

00:25:14.700 in the wind. You will adjust to the norms of society. You will just fall into victimhood. You,

00:25:20.980 you will be worthless. However, if we take the time to establish who we want to be, I honestly believe

00:25:29.820 that we have a choice in that matter and we can invent ourselves regardless of our past. At any moment,

00:25:36.100 we can say, this is who I choose to be. And so those visions, the purpose, the one year, three year,

00:25:44.260 five year goals are, are us identifying that intentionality about the man that we want to show

00:25:51.960 up as. Now where affirmations come into play is sometimes we lose focus over that, right? We lose

00:25:58.600 focus. Like you could spend a weekend coming up with, you know, your goals and how you want to show up in

00:26:03.120 the world. But if you're not reaffirming that on a daily basis, and at least having some type of

00:26:08.860 touch point with it, I think we have a tendency to lose focus and lose what our, what our intention

00:26:15.300 is. And so everything from creating a code of conduct, I think a code of conduct with your family

00:26:21.540 or individually is a form of an affirmation. A daily affirmation, obviously, is you reading that on a

00:26:28.640 daily basis. And a visual affirmation is what I had done is I read my daily affirmation and then I look

00:26:36.060 at my schedule and I say, okay, I have this meeting in the morning. I have jujitsu in the afternoon. I

00:26:41.500 have this other meeting. I come home around six o'clock. I have my son's baseball game. I look at those

00:26:46.820 scenarios and then I visualize how am I going to show up throughout the day? How do I walk onto the mat?

00:26:56.040 How do I go into the gym? What kind of attitude do I have? What kind of attitude do I have when I

00:27:01.900 walk through the door and see my kids? Am I pissed off? Am I angry? Do I walk in cheerful, excited to

00:27:08.380 see them, being present to them, right? Do I do these things? And so it's my preparation of the day

00:27:15.780 of how I'm going to show up. That's in line with my affirmation. I used to put the affirmation in my

00:27:23.380 journal. Part of my morning ritual was to, I journal and then kind of do some light meditation

00:27:30.200 and then I read my affirmation. And in the spirit of sharing, this isn't, I mean, this isn't anything

00:27:37.340 personal. Now, I don't know. Part of me, part of me thinks like, oh, well, maybe I shouldn't share

00:27:43.280 this because everyone should, you know, create their own. But I think it's sometimes beneficial to

00:27:48.040 like hear what other guys are doing. And hopefully that drums up some thoughts. Realize this is for

00:27:53.700 me, right? This is my affirmation. And I think it's important for every guy to create their own.

00:27:59.280 So I'm going to read it. And hopefully this provides some insight here. So let me grab it

00:28:03.380 here out of my journal. All right. And there's a little bit of a tone to this and it's because it's

00:28:10.940 the tone that I need. It kind of pumps me up, right? And gets me fired. And I call it this very

00:28:17.580 moment. This very moment, I choose who I am for today and for the rest of my life. The thoughts

00:28:24.460 and actions I make today mold my future. Today, I choose honor, impact, and righteousness. Today,

00:28:31.260 I choose a life worth living. Today, I decide to live a life to the fullest with no regret. Today,

00:28:37.180 not only do I honor those that have passed before me, but I also honor those that will come.

00:28:42.960 I do this not to look good or to avoid looking bad. I do this because this is who I choose to be.

00:28:49.740 I do this because I am inventing myself. I may be tempted to think that this very moment does not

00:28:56.320 matter, that I can change later or be cause to action another time, but there is no guaranteed

00:29:02.340 tomorrow. Do I have a guarantee that tomorrow will come? What is at stake today? Is tomorrow

00:29:09.480 guaranteed for everyone in my life? Yesterday is already gone. Do I not wish I could have done it

00:29:16.560 better? I will not waste today. I will not waste the moment. If problems are placed before me today,

00:29:22.720 I will confront them head on. I will not shrink out of hopelessness or fear. I will find the benefit

00:29:28.380 and the value in every struggle. I will go to the Lord in prayer and guidance in all aspects of my

00:29:33.680 life, whether work or personal. Life doesn't care about my self-pity. The only disability in life is

00:29:40.340 a bad attitude. I don't know about you guys, but now I'm all fired up. I should have read this before

00:29:45.900 I started the podcast, but that kind of sets a tone, right? And then imagine after I read that,

00:29:51.640 then I look at my calendar and a base upon that man, how do I go to the gym? How do I have my team

00:30:00.080 meeting in the morning? My scrum call with my team? How do I show up at a client site? How do I roll?

00:30:06.100 How do I train jujitsu? Am I passive aggressive? Am I angry, right? Am I open and communicating with

00:30:13.960 other people, looking for opportunities to help others, right? Am I being present with my family,

00:30:19.280 like I said earlier, when I come home? And so that kind of sets the tone for how my day shows up.

00:30:25.060 And that's why that's so valuable to me, Dennis. All right. Nicholas Bean, what are your thoughts on

00:30:30.820 vulnerability? Everyone thinks that being, everyone thinks being themself is vulnerable. Oh, okay. Yeah,

00:30:38.300 I'm sorry. That was my note that I added here. So Nicholas Bean, what are your thoughts on being

00:30:43.000 vulnerability? Okay. So here's my take on this. I think vulnerability and authenticity are very,

00:30:48.660 very similar. And I think that we think, most people think that being authentic or raw or being

00:30:57.100 themselves and at being open makes them vulnerable. And I think that's a lie. I have seen this so many

00:31:05.080 times within the iron council. We saw this in Nashville and guys that were in the Nashville

00:31:09.360 meetup, you know exactly what I'm talking about. One guy came to the fireside and he was vulnerable.

00:31:15.020 He shared something that he was struggling with. The irony is we often don't do those things because

00:31:22.060 we think people will think less of us, that we are less of a man. If we are vulnerable,

00:31:27.320 the irony is in that example, that man gained more respect from me than he could have ever had any other

00:31:35.040 way. And I wasn't the only one. He inspired other people. People were moved and inspired by the man that

00:31:42.620 he was and by his openness. So my thoughts on vulnerability is be vulnerable, be authentic,

00:31:51.020 be raw or whatever word that you want to use, but be yourself. Ryan uses this term. And I know

00:31:56.400 Ryan and I see the word authenticity a little bit different here, but Ryan, you guys have heard this

00:32:01.480 on the podcast. I'm sure a hundred times, right? Is he said, he shared some story about someone that a

00:32:06.280 coach of his told him, you will see like your potential, your impact when you're willing to light

00:32:10.560 yourself on fire and let people watch my definition of that, what I think he intended to say, or what

00:32:16.580 the meaning around that statement is lighting yourself on fire and letting people watch is being

00:32:21.680 vulnerable, being willing to put yourself out there and to be criticized and letting go of that kind of

00:32:30.120 be honest, that BS lie that, that people are going to think bad of you. I mean, the reality of it is

00:32:36.500 guys, and this is, this is just truth that we all are so focused on looking good that it's in

00:32:44.200 everything that we do. It's how you dress in the morning. It's how you walk. It's how you communicate.

00:32:48.060 Everything is about looking good. And a little bit of it is all, a lot of it actually probably

00:32:52.320 is all about covering up who you really are. And the irony is, I think personally is who you are as

00:32:59.140 an individual, exactly the way you are right now can be inspiring. If you're willing to own it,

00:33:04.420 you're willing to be a little bit vulnerable and be yourself and be raw. And the reason why is

00:33:08.660 because people can relate to that. People can relate to you being you. And, and, and that's

00:33:15.400 why I just love authentic people, man. If I happen to meet someone and I feel like they're putting on

00:33:21.160 a front, I immediately do not like enjoy them at all. Like I have no desire to get to know them

00:33:26.500 because I don't want some superficial relationship with someone that is unwilling to be themselves.

00:33:33.180 Right. So it's just so powerful. So anyhow, Nicholas, I'm not sure exactly what you're

00:33:38.200 looking for there, but that's my thoughts that there's huge power and vulnerability and being

00:33:42.360 yourself. And we need to let go a little bit more of trying to look good all the time and just be

00:33:47.120 raw and authentic. And that's, and through that process, we're vulnerable. Most of the time,

00:33:52.080 whenever I've said anything within the IC or even on this podcast, whenever I've had this inclination of

00:33:57.460 shit, that looked kind of bad or, you know, people are going to think bad of me or I'm going

00:34:02.600 to not look so good. Usually almost a hundred percent of the time I'm getting messages from

00:34:07.200 people saying, thank you so much for sharing. Guys, that's where, that's, that's where the power

00:34:11.880 is. Right. So light yourself on fire as Ryan's coach would say, light yourself on fire and let

00:34:16.440 people watch. Be you. It's, it's, it's highly powerful and we see it all the time. All right.

00:34:22.920 Pramit ball. I'm trying to get the regional Indiana channel up and going on mighty networks

00:34:28.780 or on the foundry. That's just so you guys know, the foundry is kind of our, uh, social media network

00:34:34.780 within the iron council. Uh, Pramit is obviously trying to, to get an Indiana meetup going.

00:34:40.540 What are some good ways to create value in the group so that people, uh, would be eager to

00:34:45.440 participate and join the meetups? Um, Pramit, I think personally it's about activity, right? I mean,

00:34:51.880 the last thing you want is schedule something, you know, have guys center and circle, hold hands

00:34:56.800 and sing Kumbaya, right? Like guys want to do something. We learn and we bond shoulder to

00:35:02.980 shoulder working through something. So whether it's everything from getting a group of guys to

00:35:08.640 sign up for a Spartan race, uh, doing a challenge, paintballing, airsoft, whatever that is, I would

00:35:16.700 focus on just trying to get an activity. Uh, once you kind of get that group familiar

00:35:21.720 with each other, I even think a value of like a battle plan review at the end of the quarter,

00:35:27.560 get a group of guys together, everyone, you know, come prepared with their new battle plans

00:35:34.780 and discuss them and present them and share them with the group and get feedback. I mean,

00:35:39.580 I think that could be a value value add, but I would do it in conjunction with some actual

00:35:45.320 activity. I think that would be a huge benefit. And if I were in Indiana and you did that,

00:35:50.440 I'd, I'd for sure show up. So, um, me personally, I've done a few meetups here in Utah. Um,

00:35:56.960 unfortunately they're always around fight nights. Um, so I, I just order UFC or whatever

00:36:02.520 and invite a bunch of guys over and we watch fights. Uh, we don't really get into the in-depth

00:36:06.360 conversation as much as I would like to. Um, but you know, maybe I should take my own

00:36:11.160 freaking advice and, um, I'll do the same parameters. So maybe, uh, you and I can, uh, collaborate

00:36:17.440 and share some ideas and, and we'll get rolling here in Utah since you're doing the same there

00:36:21.700 in Indiana. So, all right, Colin Cottrell, Kip, when are you coming to Texas to do some bow

00:36:27.660 hunting for wild hogs with me? You should bring your older son as well. It would be a great

00:36:32.900 experience. Are you joking, Colin? Dude, I'd do it in a second. I love the idea. Um, but here's me

00:36:40.360 being authentic, dude. I, you know, during the legacy event, um, and guys, by the, by the way,

00:36:46.100 this is like a perfect example of this. Like at one point, I think we already talked about it. I

00:36:50.340 won't share the story. And yeah, I shot a recurve bow and part of me was like, I'm going to suck at

00:36:55.840 this, right? I don't even put any reps in. I don't shoot a bow very often. And so, um, although

00:37:02.700 Colin, if, if we were setting up a date to do that, that's exactly the kind of motivation I need,

00:37:08.700 uh, to change my ways to get a bow and, um, and prep, because I think that would be awesome.

00:37:16.020 Uh, such a cool experience. So, uh, I'll reach out or you reach out and dude, let's, let's make

00:37:20.460 it happen. So, all right. Those are the Facebook questions. Um, we're roughly about 30 something

00:37:26.360 minutes in almost 40 minutes in. So let's, well, I'll do some Facebook guys. I don't know if we got

00:37:32.360 it. I got a ton of questions. So, um, we'll see if we can get through these. Um, if not, I'll carry

00:37:38.140 some of these over into next week's AMA, uh, when Ryan's back on the line. So, um, these questions

00:37:44.200 are filled up from facebook.com slash group slash order of man, uh, to participate there, feel free

00:37:49.140 to request and join, uh, join the order on Facebook and you can submit your questions when, uh, Ryan

00:37:54.180 does a post asking for questions. So our first question, Sam Johnson, what's the best father's

00:38:00.940 day gift you have ever got? By default, I feel really bad that I can't figure out what my favorite

00:38:08.420 father's day gift is, but how's this? I'm going to turn it on its heel there. And I'm going to give

00:38:12.300 you a good answer. The best is the gift that actually allowed me to become a father. How's that

00:38:19.260 for mushy? So my best father's day gift is, is the fact that I'm a father, right? That I've,

00:38:25.100 that I've had, um, the huge blessing to have boys and girls. And I, there's probably,

00:38:33.420 I don't know. I don't know. I wouldn't say the greatest, but it is pretty darn close as one of

00:38:40.840 the greatest joys I've ever experienced in my entire life is, is the opportunity to be a dad.

00:38:46.040 So, um, that's my favorite father's day gift. So just the chance of being a father. And, and it's

00:38:52.500 interesting for you guys that might be a little bit older thinking, uh, fatherhood might be over

00:38:56.220 for you if you, if you haven't had kids yet and there's a big difference. I have a huge gap. My

00:39:01.600 oldest son I had, uh, in college, um, I think I was 19 or 20 at the time, super young. And, um,

00:39:11.800 I just had my youngest son, Keikoa. He's seven months now, uh, and I'm 40 and, uh, it is so different

00:39:20.520 and it is awesome. Like I have loved, um, having a baby around it at this age. Now it sucks because

00:39:27.520 I realized that I'm probably going to be in a walker by the time he graduates high school, but, uh,

00:39:33.860 but it's just so great. And I, and I'm in a different position in life where I can really enjoy

00:39:38.380 him. I'm in a different, different perspective of, of the joys of, of children. And, um, and we're

00:39:46.720 just eating him up, uh, despite the fact that he's a little bit of a shit sometimes. So, um,

00:39:52.580 yeah, fatherhood, amazing man. I wouldn't even be half the man I am if it wasn't for, uh, that

00:39:58.080 chance to be a dad. So Hunter Wagner, what is your go-to meal for a family supper? Uh, okay. So my go-to,

00:40:10.120 I don't know, I don't know if I have a go-to meal. How's this? I, I really have three things that I

00:40:16.800 can cook. And when I say cook, I mean, really cook, not like, not like ramen or, uh, macaroni and

00:40:24.600 cheese, right? Like actually cook my go-to meals for cooking. Uh, number one would be a recipe called

00:40:32.660 tamale pie. Uh, my mom made it as I was, as, as I was a kid. And it was, is like my favorite thing

00:40:39.940 that she's ever made. And so, uh, I made sure that when I went off to college that I learned

00:40:45.040 how to make tamale pie. And that is one thing I make and my kids love it as well. So tamale pie

00:40:49.620 would be on that list. Uh, the second thing that I probably make, uh, every so often, at least a

00:40:54.520 couple of times a year would be, uh, Indian fry bread. Um, sorry, my Navajo brother listeners,

00:41:01.100 it's not Navajo fry bread. It's Indian fry bread. I have to represent the other tribes. Uh, they,

00:41:07.240 they do fry bread as well. So, but, uh, making, uh, Indian fry bread, I actually make it every, uh,

00:41:13.380 every spring, uh, usually. So those are my two go-tos that I make. Um, but unfortunately probably

00:41:20.940 Hunter, when you say go-to, you're probably thinking like random, like meal make. And, and that's

00:41:26.020 probably unfortunately fast food or, uh, something crappy like macaroni and cheese. So unfortunately I,

00:41:32.540 I'm not really good at, uh, cause both of those require too much time, right? So

00:41:37.080 I don't make them very often, but when I do, they're super good. So, and yeah, that's all I

00:41:42.620 know how to cook really. I, I do, I have made sour cream enchiladas. Um, and if my wife heard

00:41:48.940 me say this, she'd be, she'd start criticizing me because I made sour cream enchiladas when we're

00:41:53.980 dating. And I actually do not think I've ever made them since we've been married. So I don't know if I

00:41:58.860 can count those anymore, but I do know how to make them. How's that? Oh, and I do make a mad

00:42:03.620 fruit pizza. It's like a dessert and super, super good. I'm good at that too. All right.

00:42:09.480 Ben Nelson, who is the biggest influence in your life and why?

00:42:16.200 Biggest influence in my life and why? Oh, this is tough, man. I do not.

00:42:21.960 How about being authentic and real? I wish, I wish this was my dad, but it's not, unfortunately.

00:42:34.880 Um, but in the same token, he has been a big influence in my life and a lot of who I am.

00:42:42.880 I can, I contribute to how he was. Um, he taught me the value of hard work to find joy

00:42:50.760 and delayed gratification. It's probably one of the main reasons why I have discipline

00:42:55.540 is because I learned how to delay my gratification, how to bust my ass all day long and then feel good

00:43:03.480 and to embrace like the great feeling of that at the end of the day and find value in that type

00:43:08.980 of hard work. Um, and that's very much influenced my life without a doubt. Um, but I find influence

00:43:16.180 in everybody. I don't know if I have a person I'd like to see was my dad. So, and not that he listens

00:43:21.940 to a podcast, but so he could feel proud. Um, but, but, but maybe I see this in a way that he

00:43:28.040 understands is I get influenced by everybody. I get influenced by the, my fellow brothers on

00:43:36.000 battle team echo within iron council. Half those guys highly inspire me. Epsilon battle team leader,

00:43:43.080 Nick inspires me. Anthony, he was on the podcast. Ryan did an interview with him. Um, I think last

00:43:49.360 week or the week before he inspires me. Ryan inspires me. Drew inspires me. Bart inspires me.

00:43:56.880 Tony inspires me. Hunter Locke inspires me. All these guys within the IC that I rub shoulders with,

00:44:03.240 they inspire me. Reese inspires me. I go to jujitsu, my coaches, they inspire me. The guys I train with

00:44:10.600 and how resentless they are. They inspire me. My boys inspire me, how they take on new, you know,

00:44:16.560 how, how Ian is so willing to try out new things. His work ethic inspires me. My son's ability to not

00:44:25.680 be a victim, despite the fact that he has a hearing loss and losing his vision, that inspires me.

00:44:30.840 Right. My mom standing for my dad and their circumstance and helping him and struggling is

00:44:38.640 inspiring. So, man, I just, so many people in my life inspire me. The, the, the team that I work with

00:44:46.520 at my job at journey team, my boss, Brian, he, I find inspiration all over the place. And I find it

00:44:53.740 even in people that we would classify as not inspiring because they influence me in different ways.

00:45:00.280 Right. They may not inspire me. They may, well, they inspire me in a different way. Right. I see

00:45:05.740 mistakes and that inspires me to be different. Right. So I'm constantly just looking for opportunities

00:45:11.280 to grow. But if you don't mind me tying this back to a previous question, all those people are

00:45:17.180 inspiring. It's because they're being authentic and the being themselves. I know a lot of people. I,

00:45:26.120 I, I know people that are really, really wealthy and we have a tendency to sometimes put wealth and

00:45:32.500 say, Oh, those people are influential in my life and highly inspiring. Some of those people are,

00:45:37.540 I don't know them really. They're inauthentic. So they can't be inspiring. Right. The pocketbook's

00:45:44.900 not inspiring. Now it's maybe motivates me a little bit. And I'm like, man, I want those things in my

00:45:49.520 life. But is that really like inspiring? Not really. Right. What's inspiring to be honest with

00:45:55.280 you is seeing other people in the trenches, seeing them persevere through struggle. That's, that's in

00:46:02.180 my opinion, that's, what's really inspiring. And I, and I find it everywhere. Harley Migley,

00:46:08.080 if you have time to read this Kip, how do you feel about Ryan's move? And what part of New York did

00:46:13.020 you live in when you did for, did for a year or so? How do I feel about Ryan's move? I'm excited

00:46:21.280 for him. I think there's huge value in just kind of being unreasonable and going, Hey, you know what?

00:46:26.920 We're going to move. We're going to experience this. And it, maybe it sucks and we persevere and

00:46:32.600 we learn something and maybe it's awesome. And we, you know, could have never imagined, but it's,

00:46:38.160 it's in that bucket of like, you know, you don't know what you don't know. And so how awesome

00:46:42.840 is that to just the excitement of the unknown. So I'm excited for him. I'm excited for his wife.

00:46:48.580 I'm excited for the kids. I think it's going to be great. Do I want him to be out there for my own

00:46:55.300 personal reasons? Of course not. And the reason why is just because now all the uprising events are

00:47:01.100 no longer in Southern Utah. They're all going to be in Maine and I no longer can just like drive down

00:47:06.900 and participate. I'm going to have to fly to Maine all the time. So that's it. That's, that's the

00:47:11.920 only negative consequence really from my perspective is, is he's not as close to me.

00:47:16.880 Right. And so that, that might be a little bit of a inconvenience in my world, but, but I'm excited

00:47:22.460 for him and I think it's going to be a great thing. So what part of New York did I live in? So I lived

00:47:27.720 for, so for you, New York guys, it's, it's quite funny. You can label the building and some people

00:47:33.520 know. So I lived in two gold. It's just North of wall between wall and John. It was right by the

00:47:44.700 the fed, the fed building on the corner of the fed building, kind of two gold. It's on gold street,

00:47:51.980 obviously second and gold. I lived there for almost about two years. We loved it. It was awesome.

00:47:58.200 Um, uh, just in the, in the spirit of being unreasonable. Um, I was started my own business.

00:48:06.480 I was doing some contracting work and my wife says, Hey, we should move somewhere else and live

00:48:11.000 somewhere else. And so I'm like, all right, well, I'll just try to find a big contract in some other

00:48:15.660 location in the world. Um, and I believe New York was on the list. And, um, what was the other,

00:48:22.040 like Austria was on the Geneva was on the list and it was between two major contracts, one in New York

00:48:28.840 and one in Geneva and, um, New York bit first. And so we went to New York. Of course, I do want to

00:48:34.460 point out that Geneva eventually said yes, but we're already committed to New York. So, so we

00:48:39.360 weren't able to go to Geneva. That was a little bit bittersweet, but regardless, here's the deal

00:48:44.540 though, the contract, and this is an illustration of lack of responsibility and being unreasonable and

00:48:51.420 taking a little bit of risk and, and it totally turned out well, I don't know. My wife has a

00:48:55.680 tendency to just have these things work out for her. I'm a little bit more reserved, but, but it,

00:48:59.720 it brings out the best in me as well. But anyhow, so I signed a six month contract, uh, like on a,

00:49:06.600 I don't know, on a Wednesday, found an apartment, flew out on a Saturday, signed the lease a year

00:49:17.160 and a half lease while having a six month contract, signed the lease, slept on the floor

00:49:24.440 on a towel that night, woke up in the morning and started the contract. And then the following

00:49:30.300 week, my wife eventually, uh, drove out, uh, with, with, with the kid. And, uh, and that's

00:49:37.400 how it went. And, and, and the beauty of working for yourself and kind of giving yourself some

00:49:42.060 time, what kind of settled me in my mind was like, all right, the contract's only six, six weeks, but

00:49:48.080 or six months. I mean, but I have six months to figure it out. Right. So I have six months to

00:49:53.400 figure out the next contract and, and I just hustled and bust my butt and, and it worked out

00:49:57.840 great. And, and it's kind of funny. Like, I don't know if there's any New York guy, of course,

00:50:01.860 there's some New York guys listening. You know, you hear this analogy of like, um, uh, what,

00:50:06.980 what's the analogy is like, if, uh, Oh man, if you can make it in New York, you can make it anywhere.

00:50:13.800 I actually think it's complete opposite. I think making a work in New York is super, super easy

00:50:19.540 because there is so much going on. There is so much work. So, uh, living in, in New York,

00:50:25.500 living on Manhattan was, was a great experience and, and I love going back. So, uh, in fact, I,

00:50:31.960 I've kept a handful of clients in New York. Uh, we work with a bunch of architectural and

00:50:36.760 engineering firms back there. And so, uh, whenever I have an opportunity, I, I look forward to,

00:50:41.520 to flying back and meeting with clients and, and, and visiting the city I loved.

00:50:45.720 And, and part of that experience was, of course, I got to train under, uh, for you jujitsu guys,

00:50:49.980 I got to train under Vitor Shaolin, Hibero, uh, a Novo now, uh, Andre Pedanera student. And, uh,

00:50:57.680 and that's kind of where really where, where my jujitsu journey really stepped up big time was,

00:51:04.120 is when I started training with Shaolin. So it was, it was just awesome. And, and I have a lot

00:51:08.400 of great friends that we still are in contact with today from, from the New York area. So

00:51:12.220 great experience. All right, Nate Wardrip. First, I want to say congratulations on the journey to

00:51:18.760 Maine. Good luck on your new adventure. I support you and the work you are doing in the order of man.

00:51:23.420 I like both you and Ryan to keep to answer this question. So this week's AMA may not work.

00:51:27.260 Da, da, da, da. I'm reading ahead. All right. We're talking about firearms, gun control in the

00:51:35.380 home society and our stance. You know what, Nate, I agree. Let's table this one. We're going to save

00:51:43.800 this one for next week's episode. So stay tuned to hear Mr. Mickler rants about the value of the

00:51:51.340 second amendment and we'll, we'll dive into that next week. So a little preview. All right. Dustin

00:51:57.500 Darby, bitterness and resentment. How does one deal with letting things go? I understand that

00:52:03.880 harboring these feelings gives away our sovereignty to whomever they are directed at, but how can you

00:52:09.340 particularly go about relieving these feelings, especially when they are family and are integrated

00:52:15.760 into most of your life? Wife does not agree that we should just cut them out.

00:52:24.280 Man, this is good. This is a good question, Dustin.

00:52:29.800 You know, I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't even have to say this precursor. This is my take,

00:52:34.580 right? I'm not a psychiatrist. That's not where I, you know, that's not my skillset. However,

00:52:41.380 I have a strong opinion about this. So Dustin, here's the challenge. Take this,

00:52:48.880 put it on your lap. Try not to rebuttal with me as I share this and just consider it for a bit

00:52:53.860 and see if there's a little bit of truth and or benefit in this response. Okay.

00:53:03.220 My thought process, and this is all based upon two sentences, right? So it all depends, right?

00:53:09.320 There's all these like exceptions to this rule, but let's assume that this bitterness and resentment

00:53:15.100 is not active physical abuse. It's not like emotional abuse. It's kind of maybe something

00:53:21.560 of the past, differences of personalities, a lot of judgment being placed on other people,

00:53:26.700 et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Okay. I actually agree with your wife. You probably shouldn't cut

00:53:33.040 them out. So how do you deal with this, right? How do you deal with having bitterness and resentment

00:53:38.720 towards someone else? And we talked about this a little bit on the AMA a couple of weeks ago.

00:53:43.020 And as a disclaimer, me and Ryan actually see this a little bit differently. Maybe this is my

00:53:47.680 opportunity to redeem myself and maybe not just so much redeem myself, but add a little bit more

00:53:52.820 explanation around my thought process. Okay. All right. First off, you already alluded to it.

00:54:01.400 How does one deal with letting things go? The way you let things go is to stop making them wrong for

00:54:11.380 what they did. So let's assume they did something, right? Hypothetical. You have a, I'll even be harder

00:54:19.800 and maybe I'll just use a, I'll do a hypothetical explanation, but I'll kind of go extreme on this.

00:54:27.240 So this makes sense. So you have a parent that was highly abusive most of your life, physically and

00:54:34.620 emotionally and mentally. Physically, you like beat the crap out of you, right? Highly abusive.

00:54:40.660 How do you let that go? How do you remove the bitterness and the resentment towards them?

00:54:45.140 You stop making them wrong. The reality of it is in most cases, and this is, this is a thought

00:54:51.780 process, right? In most cases, if you can understand and have empathy for individuals,

00:54:58.620 you can understand why, or perhaps why they did what they did. And the thought process around the

00:55:06.560 idea that if they were, if you were raised the same way they were raised in the same conditions

00:55:12.040 that they were raised in, the probability is that you would make the same decisions.

00:55:17.140 Stop making them wrong. Now, were their actions wrong? For sure, right? That's not, you know,

00:55:25.500 an abusive parent is not acceptable, right? But if it's something of the past, understand them.

00:55:32.480 Understand the fact that like they had a screwed up childhood. They probably have way more issues

00:55:38.540 than they even passed on to you. Maybe they even reduced the impact on you compared to what they had.

00:55:43.660 Get present to the fact that like everything's not so perfect. And the people that often hurt us

00:55:51.360 in most cases didn't intend to actually hurt us. We're actually the innocent bystander of some crazy

00:55:59.140 chaos nuts experiences and drama that they've had in their lives. And you're the innocent bystander

00:56:06.940 in the product and innocent bystander based upon, based upon those actions, right? Based upon those

00:56:13.760 experiences. And so the first thing I go is I go to this place of not making them wrong and saying

00:56:20.940 that is what's just so. So that's the first. The second thing I do is I try to remove the meaning

00:56:27.200 around the action. So hear me out. Often when we have bitterness and resentment towards someone,

00:56:34.680 it is an internalization and a translation of what it means about us. And you're going to have to ask

00:56:42.780 a lot of whys, right? You're going to have to like really deep dive into this. But in my opinion,

00:56:47.360 usually when I'm upset at someone, they did something and they did X, but it's what I made

00:56:53.840 it mean about me that is causing the bitterness and the resentment. I am pissed off at them. Why?

00:56:59.460 Because they did X. And deep down, what that translate is, is they don't love me. They don't

00:57:06.020 respect me and I'm not good enough. And the reality of it is in most cases, those things do not align.

00:57:14.240 They actually don't mean that. What they actually mean is that they were overly aggressive. They have

00:57:20.320 anger management issues and they may have slapped you. That's what it means. That's it. That is what is

00:57:27.200 so. What it means is what you've internalized, what it means. And so I focus on the ownership

00:57:34.900 of what it means, that you are in control of that and you choose what it means to you.

00:57:41.980 And by letting, and through that process of empathy, understanding, and removing the meeting,

00:57:48.760 we stop, and I'm hesitant to use the word judgment, but we stop putting an ill judgment

00:57:56.660 on someone. And instead we just understand. And I want to be really clear. You don't have to agree

00:58:01.980 with the action. We can say, Hey, that's not effective. That was not good. You shouldn't do

00:58:07.180 those things. You should still, you know, and you can still establish boundaries. You could do all those

00:58:11.440 things, but you can also have some empathy and understand where that came from. And through that

00:58:17.360 process, it's no longer about you. Now you are just trying to understand them. And I think that

00:58:24.580 for, at least for me is super, super powerful. And by the way, I use an extreme scenario of like an

00:58:31.140 abusive parent. How often are we resentment? We have resentment and bitterness towards our spouse.

00:58:38.180 That shit shows up all the time. And where do you think that's related to? It's related to these

00:58:44.360 bigger issues from your childhood and you're bringing that shit home. And then you're holding

00:58:48.940 that against your spouse, right? Asia does things on a continuous basis. And I get passive aggressive.

00:58:57.060 I resent her. I withhold myself from her, from communicating. I get all mad and whatever. And why

00:59:04.400 is it because the house isn't as clean as I'd like it to be? Is it because a breakdown of

00:59:10.580 communication with one of the kids? Is it because we disagreed? No, it's because of all the meaning I

00:59:16.300 added to all of that shit. When we disagreed, what did I add? That she doesn't respect me. She

00:59:21.600 doesn't honor me. She doesn't see that I'm valuable. That's the meaning. But did she say any of those

00:59:27.640 sayings? No, she just disagreed. That's it. So you want to resume bitterness and resentment? You own

00:59:35.060 the fact that you're putting meaning on stuff and you are placing, and I want to be really clear. This

00:59:40.100 is powerful. And you are placing ill judgment on them. When I'm upset at Asia, when I have resentment

00:59:49.900 towards her, in essence, most of the time, I should be going to her and apologizing. Honey, I'm sorry

00:59:58.620 when you did X. I made it mean this, and I completely lashed out on you. And I made this

01:00:07.420 assumption that this is how you felt, and I treated you that way. I'm sorry. That's the conversation we

01:00:14.360 should be having. Because there's a major disconnect between what actually happens in our lives and the

01:00:20.380 meaning that we put on them. Hopefully that helps, Dustin. Jeff Merkel, explain your yoga routine for

01:00:28.400 Sunday. I train seven days a week, and I need an active recovery day. Jeff, man, you know, I find huge

01:00:34.080 value in yoga. By the way, guys that are quasi maybe considering meditation, the whole purpose of yoga

01:00:41.580 originally was to prepare the body for meditation. The unfortunate part is it takes like a freaking

01:00:47.040 hour to get ready for meditation. So it becomes really hard. But at the end of yoga, man, man,

01:00:53.920 it's a great feeling. It's a super great feeling. And it is tough. I knew a guy in New York,

01:00:59.860 Jason, and I can't remember Jason's last name. I did jujitsu with him. He was freakish strong.

01:01:05.740 And eventually I was like, dude, what the crap? Like, how are you so strong? And he was skinny.

01:01:11.960 How are you so strong? He says yoga two days a week or two times a day, I think. That's what he

01:01:17.940 does, just yoga. And so, you know, based upon him, based upon how much I struggled during yoga,

01:01:24.080 I think there's huge value in it. And I like the kind of meditation. That's why I kind of do it on

01:01:28.400 Sunday. That's like my, that's my excuse for my rest day and get some meditation in. I don't do it

01:01:34.580 all the time, but my yoga routine is, is really just to go to a yoga class at the gym in the

01:01:41.360 morning. That's, that's pretty much all I'm doing. So I really don't have a routine. At one point I was

01:01:45.940 using a yoga routine from P90X. He actually has like a decent yoga routine. I kind of need to follow

01:01:55.920 like coaching around yoga. I'm not creative and involved enough in yoga to even know what to be

01:02:02.120 doing. Right. So I need some kind of, I don't know what you call it, coaching or I don't know.

01:02:08.620 Yeah. Coaching during a yoga session to know what to do next or whatever.

01:02:11.680 Um, in Marcus Aubrey's book, uh, on the day, uh, he actually does like a mini yoga, um, that he does

01:02:20.160 every morning as part of his morning ritual. Um, and I thought, and I, I tried that for a little

01:02:24.360 bit and I actually enjoyed that as well. So that's another possible scenarios, uh, you know, look into

01:02:28.880 what Marcus does and as part of his, his morning process. Okay. Hopefully that helps. I'm sorry.

01:02:35.260 I'm not, not a yogi too much anyway. So primate ball, the introduction of badges, patches,

01:02:40.600 masterclasses is a great idea in the longterm. What are the big changes you see coming in the

01:02:46.340 iron council? So primates talking about, uh, Ryan's mentioned this, that within the iron council,

01:02:51.160 we're really focused on what is this path, right? Like I joined the iron council. I'm getting after

01:02:56.640 it. I'm part of a team. What's next. Right. And, and right now we establish this process of

01:03:01.700 you become an XO right on a team. You're, you're a leader within the team. You're a fire team leader.

01:03:06.520 Then you, you have the opportunity to become a battle team leader. And as, as you become

01:03:10.580 a battle team leader within the iron council, you're now part of a, an exclusive team of

01:03:15.460 leadership, uh, which the team lead is actually Ryan. And then kind of even within that you can

01:03:22.480 mentor channels and discussions and, and there's some other roles. Uh, we have some battle team

01:03:27.240 mentors that provide coaching to battle team leaders. And, and let's be frank, we're not

01:03:31.600 perfect with work. We're fine tuning it and we're, we're growing what we do as the growth of the iron

01:03:37.400 council increases, um, big changes. I see coming in the iron council. You know, I, I probably not

01:03:43.400 the one to be actually communicating these changes, but, but Pramit, I really think it's around that

01:03:49.120 path, that path of leadership with the, I, within the IC. I mentioned earlier that I was talking to

01:03:54.280 a new battle team leader just earlier before this podcast. And, and I, what I told him is there's huge

01:04:01.220 vat, like, it's kind of funny. Like some guys think that they become a battle team leader because

01:04:05.220 like they don't need the iron council anymore and, and now they're going to lead. And that's the

01:04:11.600 complete opposite of, of what's actually happening. Because what happens is you become a battle team

01:04:16.100 leader and then all of a sudden new problems present themselves and you go, whoa, okay. I have a team

01:04:23.640 of 15 guys. I have some guys, some guys that, that are engaging and I have other guys that are

01:04:30.180 negative and I have this and I have this personality and how do I do with this? And how do I get my

01:04:34.820 guys all on the same page? And, and how do I have these uncomfortable conversations around

01:04:39.900 accountability and honoring your word? And, and, and it's awesome because now the battle team leader

01:04:46.320 position within the iron council is a continuation of the learning process and it translates so much to

01:04:55.120 everyday life, right? And I've talked about this in previous episodes where I've seen things at work

01:05:00.840 happen in the IC and things in the IC happen at work, right? And I'm, and I'm growing and I'm seeing

01:05:06.440 nuances and issues that arise and, and I'm learning to light myself on fire and let people watch and to

01:05:14.200 be raw and realizing the power of being authentic with my team and to lead from the front and the

01:05:20.660 importance as a leader to be on your A game, right? We can't as battle team leaders, I can't have a

01:05:28.240 shitty diet and, and be out of shape and then rant on my guys on my team about the importance of,

01:05:37.480 of physical wellbeing. It just doesn't work, right? Just like on this podcast, like I just answered a

01:05:44.780 question about bitterness and resentment towards your wife. Guess what I need to do guys? I need to

01:05:48.980 get my ass home and I need to apologize for being a complete asshole to my wife for the last few days

01:05:54.440 because I've been adding meaning around something that she's done. And I haven't cleared that up with

01:05:58.980 her yet. And the irony is by being here and participating on this podcast, by guys being part of the

01:06:05.460 Iron Council, what do we do? We level up because I'd be out of integrity if I didn't do that tonight.

01:06:12.680 So man, the opportunities are, are everywhere. So Prem, I think we're just going to look for those

01:06:17.200 opportunities to fine tune, right? I personally would love to get some gamification in the process.

01:06:25.060 Brian and I have talked about a battle plan app, developing an app and badging up within the

01:06:33.240 application based upon your percentages of tactics being completed and challenges within the month and

01:06:39.320 books read and you know what I mean? Just really kind of driving it forward. I think another big key

01:06:44.320 area is regional meetups. We're getting to a size where we need to rub shoulders with guys in our

01:06:50.680 local communities and we need to make that a priority. I really do think that. So I would say

01:06:55.880 that's probably on the radar as well. And hopefully I didn't give anything away that Ryan doesn't want

01:06:59.560 to be given away or set some expectation that he doesn't want set. So maybe we have him follow up on

01:07:04.600 this question as well next week. In fact, I'm going to include that next week's question so we can

01:07:08.620 hear from the, from the beard himself in regards to what he thinks, what the future looks like. So

01:07:13.540 all right, Zachary Cooper. I'm sure Kip will have a few choice words about Ryan not being able to be

01:07:21.480 present. I'll just wait and laugh. Good luck with the move. Zachary Cooper. You know what? It's,

01:07:27.180 I think last time I had to do a solo AMA, I may have complained a little too much about having to do

01:07:33.040 this solo. It's fine though, man. I'm willing to step up and have this conversation, which is kind of

01:07:41.800 funny because I, I'm just having a conversation with myself. But regardless, I love having this

01:07:48.300 talk, right? And sharing some ideas and thoughts. And I, and I love these questions, right? Because

01:07:52.260 there's, there's power in the question, right? Like Dustin Darby's question about bitterness and

01:07:57.700 resentment. There's power in that question, right? There's power in him asking that question

01:08:02.140 because that's something that he's dealing with. And guaranteed people are listening right now that is

01:08:06.780 dealing with that same thing. So even if I don't answer the question, it's powerful to hear. It's

01:08:12.720 powerful to hear the question, even if I don't answer it. So I don't know, this, this stuff gets

01:08:17.940 me fired up and I appreciate you guys submitting questions and it's an honor to answer them regardless

01:08:22.960 of whether Ryan's here or not. Ricardo De La Vega, would you want any time, would you want any time

01:08:31.680 publish a print magazine of order of man? Oh, like, would we print a order of man magazine?

01:08:37.300 I, that'd be really cool. I think it'd be cool. Like a, like a men's health version. You know what

01:08:42.700 I mean? It says order man instead. And it just, uh, we have like a gallery of the beards of the year

01:08:48.540 and, uh, you know, advertisements of smokers and, uh, Traeger grills and other stuff. You know,

01:08:56.420 it would be cool. Ricardo. I don't know if it would happen just because I'm assuming I haven't

01:09:02.440 done any research on what it takes to, to print a magazine, but I think the barrier to entry is

01:09:07.240 substantial. Um, and I don't know if people still look at magazines, right? So like the platform of

01:09:14.280 a, of a podcast, we probably get more bang for the buck, um, or more bang for no buck, uh, should I

01:09:21.240 say? And let's be frank, like a, a blog going viral and YouTube and those other things, the

01:09:27.360 barrier to entry on those is so low that I'm assuming it would just want to be cost effective,

01:09:31.840 right? To, to look into, um, doing a magazine, but it would be cool. Maybe we should just do one

01:09:37.200 just so there's like an exclusive one that we can put in like, you know, in a glass case somewhere

01:09:42.320 and just say there was at least one done. I don't know. It'd be kind of cool. Maybe we make one just,

01:09:46.760 I don't know, charge you guys a lot of money if you want one. All right. John, uh, Manich,

01:09:53.520 uh, Manichia, Manichi, Manichi, uh, Manichi. There you go, Bubba. There's me slaughtering a name.

01:10:01.760 I mean, Bubba. All right. Not sure if this was asked before, but top five books for you to help,

01:10:07.500 uh, grow your business. Um, this is off the cuff guys, man. And, and I, and John, I don't know if

01:10:14.580 this is, I don't know, take it for what it's worth. Uh, these are the ones that come to mind

01:10:18.660 and, and really they come to mind because they're the ones I've read like in the last year or so.

01:10:23.300 I'm sure like after I read this, it will immediately change or like, it depends on the type of work.

01:10:29.120 Like for instance, software development, I'd, I'd say people where it was probably one of my

01:10:34.020 favorite books. I want to put that on here. Cause what's the probability of, of software engineers

01:10:38.580 wanting to listen to the order man podcast, right? I'm assuming that's a low percentage. So I'm not

01:10:42.140 going to mention that book. So let's, let's cover it. Let's cover just generalization ones.

01:10:45.960 E-myth I'd show on the, I'd throw on the list. Um, Jocko's book, extreme ownership I'd put on list

01:10:51.580 because if you're going to grow a business, you got to lead, right? You got to lead correctly.

01:10:55.900 Crucial conversations. I think that book is critical from a sales perspective, as well as

01:11:00.820 communication with partners and or employees. I think that's a pivotal book. Um, building a story

01:11:07.200 brand, a book I read this year around marketing and how do you build a brand? I think is

01:11:11.860 a really powerful, insightful marketing book. Um, and the art of work around effectiveness of,

01:11:18.220 of, of getting things done. So I don't know that those are the ones that come to mind. I'm sure

01:11:23.500 guaranteed. I'm going to hop in my car and drive home and I'm going to immediately think,

01:11:27.540 oh crap, there's a better book than those five, but that's what you get, John. Hopefully some of

01:11:34.300 those are one of those is, is superior. Um, maybe a question, John, for the Facebook group,

01:11:39.780 right? You got what 60,000 or close to 60,000 plus guys, uh, might have some really insightful

01:11:46.080 guys on there that, uh, that might have some great recommendations for those books. And if you're in

01:11:50.400 the IC, of course, uh, posted there as well. All right. Raven fall last question. And then we'll,

01:11:55.920 we'll wrap up. What is the difference between a fighter and a warrior?

01:12:00.340 Hmm. All right. So I like to make a distinction between these two. Um, so my wife just, and the

01:12:10.660 only reason why I explained this is because you guys are not going to understand the fact that my

01:12:15.020 kids have interesting names. So my wife is a part Hawaiian. And so, um, our three youngest or

01:12:21.960 actually our four youngest kids have Hawaiian names. And my son that is seven months old, his name is

01:12:28.140 K K K K E is the, and K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K W K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K

01:12:58.140 can be a fighter. I've trained with fighters. I know a lot of fighters and some fighters can be

01:13:06.780 a complete jerk, not an ideal person, but he's a good fighter, right? That doesn't illustrate

01:13:14.000 character, I don't think. But a warrior adds a little bit more dynamic to it. And this is my,

01:13:21.880 of course, this is my definition. Like I think Webster's definition of a warrior is

01:13:26.020 like a soldier within warfare, right? It's like super generic. So this is my definition of warrior.

01:13:33.320 I think personally, a warrior is often part of a team. And because they're a part of a team,

01:13:39.760 a warrior probably lives by a code, some form of code of conduct. And that there's a defined purpose

01:13:46.420 around their warfare of what they're working towards. And they have specific intentions

01:13:53.300 around their actions. I think as being part of, maybe being part of a fighting unit,

01:13:59.800 it requires cooperation. A warrior has to cooperate with the other individuals within their unit.

01:14:07.600 They are in a position to serve, to preside and protect within that unit, their fellow men

01:14:13.780 or women. They probably have to have a level of discipline. So that way their unit can rely on them.

01:14:21.680 And so, I don't know, that's my take, right? I think of warrior as someone that is not just a

01:14:30.400 fighter, but a fighter with purpose and intentionality. There you go. That's my definition

01:14:39.100 of warrior anyway. Believe it or not, I did not think we'd get through all those questions and we

01:14:44.740 totally did. So we'll go ahead and wrap up. So once again, I mentioned this at the early of the

01:14:50.860 podcast, join us. If you haven't already on the Facebook group, that's facebook.com slash group

01:14:57.560 slash order of man. If you don't like this, let me step back. Disclaimer, there's 60,000 guys on this

01:15:05.260 Facebook group, right? Like I got into a whole thread. Someone tagged me on a post yesterday and said,

01:15:11.220 what do they say? Kip, when you wear a flat brim, do you always tuck your ears, right?

01:15:18.100 It was, there's a lot of comments and guys are going back and forth on this.

01:15:22.100 Obviously that's a, it's more of a joke and fun and I'm all about the banter. Don't get me wrong.

01:15:27.420 I'm not overly sensitive to it. And, but there's also some really serious conversation. And so join us

01:15:35.120 on Facebook, join the conversation and provide some value. It's a great way for you to get

01:15:40.320 involved, share some insights and thoughts with other men and take a stand, right? And, and be

01:15:47.040 part of this movement that, that we're trying to do here within the order of man podcast and within

01:15:52.640 iron council. And, and that is really around enabling men to become the men they were meant to be

01:15:57.900 and to restore masculinity and the, and the benefits and the values of that within our communities and

01:16:05.120 with our, and within the walls of our own homes. For you interested within the iron, about joining

01:16:10.800 the iron council, this is our exclusive brotherhood where we have processes and roles and discussions

01:16:19.360 and teams and, you know, kind of a gamut of, of things that, that we have put in place to kind

01:16:25.720 of create the environment where extreme accountability, uh, can exist and where high

01:16:31.360 effectiveness can exist. And for me, I've been in iron council for probably over three years.

01:16:37.100 Um, and it has been a huge benefit to me, um, and my family and, and just the other men that I've had

01:16:45.620 the chance to, to rub shoulders with. So to learn more about the iron council, you can do so at

01:16:49.740 order of man.com slash iron council. Um, I do not know if the origin main Brazilian jujitsu camp is

01:16:57.140 full or not. You better assume that it is almost full. So if you are interested in joining us,

01:17:03.920 a bunch of us men from the order, uh, are going to Maine to participate in origins, uh, Brazilian

01:17:11.020 jujitsu immersion camp. Uh, Jocko Willink is going to be there. A bunch of guys from echelon front,

01:17:16.740 Dean Lister from, uh, victory MMA is going to be there. Uh, there's tons of black belts. The

01:17:24.940 instruction is great. And it's a great opportunity just to come out and just train, man, just train

01:17:30.040 hard and get to know some of the guys. If you are interested and you want to register, go to

01:17:34.540 origin main.com slash order camp. That does two things. One, it lets us know who from the order of

01:17:41.560 man is attending. Second, you get shortlisted to get an order of man rash guard. Last year we had

01:17:48.460 origin create as custom order of man rash guards. They were super slick and it's just awesome. And

01:17:54.360 it's a bonus. Um, so yeah, use that URL if you want to subscribe, of course, subscribe to the

01:18:00.380 podcast. If you haven't already leave a rating review, share the message, represent the order of

01:18:05.580 man, wear t-shirts, get after it, spread the message. I mean, dude, guys, if you, I mean,

01:18:12.220 if you're listening to this, you're already probably on the page, right? With us. But if you're not,

01:18:18.040 man, keep listening, see the value in the interview shows, Ryan's Friday field notes and the AMA's on,

01:18:24.100 on, on Wednesday and, and get on the court and start contributing. It's, it's been awesome journey

01:18:29.400 for me and, and, and it will be awesome for you as well. So, um, the order of man store is closed.

01:18:35.020 If you guys want swag, it's going to be a couple of weeks, but, uh, they'll start, uh, handling

01:18:40.620 orders in a, in a week or two, but to buy some swag, order man swag, swag and represent, you can

01:18:46.200 go to store.orderofman.com. And then of course you can follow Mr. Rick Ryan Mickler on Twitter and

01:18:52.100 Instagram at Ryan Mickler. Uh, and you can follow me at Kip Sorensen. That's K I P P S O R E N S E N.

01:19:01.580 And that is it, gentlemen. That's all I have until Friday field notes, which you will be getting,

01:19:08.040 um, in a few days with Ryan Mickler, take action and become the men you were meant to be.

01:19:15.760 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life

01:19:20.160 and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

01:19:25.640 Thank you.

Order of Man - June 05, 2019

Going Beyond Yourself, Developing Optimal Strength, and Restoring Accountability ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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