Order of Man - GREG HARDEN ｜ Create Sanity in an Insane World

00:00:00.000 It's no surprise that there is an increasing amount of insanity in the world today, most of

00:00:05.020 it outside of our control, but there is also an immense amount of insanity taking place in the

00:00:10.260 space six inches between our ears, our brains. Fortunately, that's the realm we can control,

00:00:15.920 and once we learn to do just that, we can achieve sanity in the otherwise chaotic experience of life.

00:00:22.280 My guest today is mindset coach to some of the greatest athletes to play,

00:00:25.660 like Tom Brady, Desmond Howard, and Michael Phelps, to name a few. His name is Greg Harden,

00:00:31.380 and he makes the case for creating sanity out of our lives. We talk about becoming an expert on

00:00:36.940 one subject, the narcissistic tinge of self-love and a better alternative, why you must learn to grow

00:00:43.820 through adversity, not merely go through it, four basic needs every man desires and how he can create

00:00:50.240 fulfillment in those things for himself, and learning to know yourself and embrace complete

00:00:55.980 acceptance of who you are. You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears

00:01:01.600 and boldly chart your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.

00:01:08.040 You are not easily deterred, defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who

00:01:14.760 you are. This is who you will become at the end of the day. And after all is said and done,

00:01:20.280 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Michler. I'm the

00:01:25.640 host and the founder of the Order of Man podcast and movement. I am glad that you're tuning in and

00:01:31.220 glad that you've been with us for 10 seconds or 10 months or almost 10 years now. I think we're just

00:01:38.000 about nine years. So I'm glad that we're still moving along. I'm glad that we're still growing.

00:01:43.880 I'm glad that we're still able to serve you guys. I get messages every day from men all over the world

00:01:48.680 who are implementing the advice from some of our guests. They're using our tools, they're using

00:01:53.540 our systems, and they're bettering their lives for it. And I am grateful and honored to be a small

00:01:58.180 part of your mission to improve yourself as a man. Guys, I've got a very, very good one for you today

00:02:03.340 with Greg Harden. We're going to introduce him here in just a minute. But before I do, I want to

00:02:08.240 mention that I've got some new sponsors for the podcast. And these guys aren't just sponsors. I could

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00:03:01.180 Check out what they're doing. They're my friends. They're doing great work with knives and the

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00:03:09.940 here soon. I don't know if I'm supposed to say that, but I did. And I encourage you to check it

00:03:15.160 out. Again, montananifecompany.com. All right, guys, let me introduce you to my guest. Greg Harden

00:03:20.680 is a peak performance coach. He's a motivational speaker. He's an executive consultant, and he's best

00:03:26.480 known for his work with seven times Superbowl champion quarterback, Tom Brady. He's also

00:03:32.220 worked with Heisman trophy winner and Superbowl MVP, Desmond Howard, and 23 time Olympic gold

00:03:38.240 medalist, Michael Phelps. So his resume speaks for itself, but he spent over 30 years building these

00:03:45.200 athletes at the university of Michigan, including 400 future professional athletes, 50 NFL first round

00:03:51.960 draft picks, 120 Olympians from over 20 countries. And he gained national recognition when 60 minutes

00:03:59.660 sports profiled him as Michigan's secret weapon. Guys, you are going to enjoy this one. Let him speak

00:04:06.680 for himself and implement what you can enjoy guys. Mr. Greg Harden. Good to see you today. I'm glad we

00:04:14.640 could finally make this work. I know we had a little, little mishap on my end, not your end on my end.

00:04:18.920 I'm taking responsibility for that one, but I am really honored and glad that you're here and

00:04:22.640 I'm excited about your work. Well, thank you, sir. I appreciate this opportunity and I've heard

00:04:27.900 great things about you. Yeah. Well, first things first, I want to say congrats. Adam talked to me

00:04:33.140 yesterday. He said that you just hit the New York Times and did you hit Wall Street Journal bestseller

00:04:37.360 list as well? Yes, oddly enough. And I'm humbled completely because it's not something I expected,

00:04:44.740 but it's my team. It's been outstanding and the response and the reaction to the book exceeded my

00:04:53.440 expectations. Is that right? What do you attribute the growth of the book, the excitement, the buzz,

00:05:01.560 everything else around, and the success of the book? What would you attribute to that too if it

00:05:06.040 exceeded your expectation and you weren't quite sure if it would hit that?

00:05:09.160 Um, you know, I just thought I was going to try to sell the book and I didn't know about all the

00:05:15.280 marketing and all the opportunities to meet people like you and the people like you got,

00:05:20.540 got excited and your people got excited, things like that. I mean, some of the characters that I've

00:05:26.680 met in the last three weeks would blow your mind. Oh, I bet. I bet. I bet you met some fascinating

00:05:33.900 people. What, what was the, what was the reasoning behind writing the book? I published two books now

00:05:38.760 and I have my own reasoning, but I'm always curious why authors, especially those like yourself who were

00:05:43.720 ultra successful with their releases, what, what drove you to write a book in the first place?

00:05:49.540 Well, uh, people have been, uh, asking me with sincerity and earnest to write down, capture what I

00:05:58.060 taught them. Uh, and, and, and it's, I'm in the fourth quarter, sir. If you like hockey, I'm in the

00:06:05.360 third period. We'll stick with quarters. I like quarters. We'll stick with quarters.

00:06:11.820 All right. So, um, I really felt a calling, uh, to make sure that before I left this planet,

00:06:20.580 I did everything I could to share with people what I've learned working with high performance

00:06:26.880 individuals because, um, I've learned more from them than, than they learned from me. Just being

00:06:34.540 around the type of people I've been around and, and them being just regular folks. And then they

00:06:39.540 turn into goats and mega, mega monsters has been quite an education. And so I've had, uh, uh, people

00:06:49.940 like Desmond has been bugging me. Desmond Howard has been bugging me for years to capture what I taught

00:06:56.820 him. Uh, and so, uh, it was during a very interesting time, uh, medically speaking during,

00:07:05.380 uh, 2020 when things were shut down, I had nothing but time. And what was real for me is the title.

00:07:17.520 I think the title sells the book. This title makes sense. Even before you pick up the book.

00:07:25.580 Oh, no doubt. No doubt. Which is stay sane, but in an insane, but what, what's the, what's,

00:07:30.640 what's the subtitle control the controllable bulls or something along those lines. I can't remember

00:07:35.080 right offhand. Uh, uh, uh, you, you know, stay sane in an insane world, how to control the

00:07:41.800 controllables and thrive with everything. You talk about everything that the people who

00:07:48.980 are like-minded understand that at some point is going to come to you in such a way that you need

00:07:55.900 to be in control of what you can control and stop fantasizing. You can control everybody and

00:08:01.880 everything else. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's where we get ourselves into a lot of trouble when we start

00:08:08.300 to fret and worry about the things that are beyond our control. It's hard to do because

00:08:13.880 like with me, I want to control everything. I don't know. I don't know if you have that

00:08:18.160 personality, but for me, I want to control it all. Even the weather today. I'm like, I don't want it to

00:08:22.720 be rainy. I want it to be sunny. And it's like, okay, well you don't have any, any say in the matter at

00:08:28.000 all. Yeah. I'm a bonafide U S grade eight choice control freak. And I am not alone.

00:08:36.420 Do you think that high achievers have that same personality trait? I mean, we're talking about

00:08:43.000 Desmond Howard, talking about Tom Brady, we're talking about Michael Phelps and hundreds, if not

00:08:47.580 thousands of some of the greatest athletes in multiple sports to ever walk, you know, the face

00:08:54.080 of the earth. Do they have the same mentality of like, I want to control everything or do they know

00:08:58.440 how to focus on just what's within their purview? Well, I don't want to generalize, but many of them

00:09:04.820 would be labeled, uh, uh, the way that you just described it. I mean, think about Michael

00:09:09.620 Jordan. Michael Jordan was identified as one of the best ever. And you did not want to be on his

00:09:16.560 team. If you were not prepared for him to get in your butt. Yeah. Right. Right. He's notorious for 1.00

00:09:22.940 that because he was going to control the outcome as best he could. So, I mean, you've seen it

00:09:30.000 everywhere you've been and, and, and some of the best situations and some of the worst situations

00:09:35.660 you've been in control freaks were, were there. So is it a, uh, I guess the, the burning question

00:09:42.620 then is the, is the control freak mentality an asset or a liability? It depends on if you understand

00:09:50.380 that that's who you are. See, the key is, okay. The phrase today is I want to be the absolute best

00:09:58.240 version of myself, right? You've heard it. You've said it. Sure. We talk about it, but how do you do

00:10:03.760 that? By become the world's greatest expert on one subject. You learning your own strengths and your

00:10:12.600 own weaknesses, what works and what doesn't work. So I know I'm a control freak. So I have to tone

00:10:18.640 that crap down. I deliberately and intentionally catch myself. I deliberately and intentionally 0.99

00:10:27.060 tap into my humility and, and try to be humble enough to stop thinking it has to be all be about

00:10:33.440 me. That's an art form and it's something we can coach. And that's what the book pushes. It pushes the

00:10:40.740 whole idea of like, how do you balance out your obsession with being Peter perfect? If you, if you have

00:10:50.240 any, any, any spiritual fitness, you realize that the job is taken perfect is not going to be who

00:10:57.320 you're going to be. The job is taken. I like that. I'm not going to pray to you tonight. I'm sorry.

00:11:05.920 I like, I never heard it put like that. The job is taken. I, there's only one person, right? And I like,

00:11:12.680 I like what you're saying here. That makes sense to me. So with, with regards to perfection though,

00:11:20.240 is that something worth striving towards? Or would you suggest that those men who want to be high

00:11:25.800 achievers strive towards something else? Or is it just semantics? What would you suggest that somebody

00:11:30.280 who wants to excel at the highest level strive towards if it's not perfection?

00:11:34.400 Ryan, your stock just went up with me. I'm serious. That is the question. I, I need you to be perfectly

00:11:44.740 okay. With not being perfect. I need you to be so balanced, so cool. So, so, so grounded in the skin

00:11:55.000 you're in that you begin to understand the pursuit of perfection is more fun than bubblegum. Think about it.

00:12:02.600 What, what, what, why wouldn't you want to get a hundred on the exam? Why wouldn't you want to get

00:12:07.400 a perfect 10? Why wouldn't you want to be a marksman that's like this and all the time?

00:12:12.700 The pursuit of perfection is legit to think and demand that you must be perfect or kill you. 0.85

00:12:21.200 And everyone.

00:12:23.400 Well, this is something I get hung up on quite often is if, and you talk about this in your book,

00:12:30.820 you talk about the, the, I think you say that the, the devil on your left shoulder or the demon on

00:12:35.400 your left shoulder and the angel on your right shoulder, I can't remember the terminology you use.

00:12:39.240 And so on here's, here's my dilemma here in this is on one hand, I hear what you're saying. I agree

00:12:44.660 with what you're saying. And on the other hand, are we creating this internal dialogue when we say to

00:12:48.720 ourselves, I want to be perfect. I know I can't, but I'm going to chase it. And does that create a weird

00:12:54.560 dialogue in our head that creates contention that keeps us from moving forward?

00:12:58.160 It depends on who you are and who you're trying to become this because remember the job is already

00:13:05.140 taken. That's not an option, right? You will never be perfect. So I need you to be perfectly okay

00:13:13.800 with not being perfect and understand the concept of harmony, yin and yang, buddy. That's who we are.

00:13:20.140 You know, we, we are ordering chaos. We are not just order.

00:13:24.160 Yeah. I know that whole things. I am 360 degrees. Just look at that whole yin and yang phenomenon. 0.92

00:13:33.220 You know, there's good in me and there's bad in me. And so my job is to constantly pursue

00:13:38.560 balance and understand how to, how to work with those extremes in my nature. That's who we are.

00:13:46.480 So it's not a false. You know, when you're going to college, you're inundated with false dichotomies.

00:13:53.280 Is it this or is it that there is no this or that it's all of the above. I like that. Not I like that.

00:14:00.160 Not I'm thinking I'm the wheels are turning the wheel. I've learned, I've learned to slow down a

00:14:05.460 little bit, or at least I'm learning too. Because your survival and your success is depending on you

00:14:12.960 continuing to learn how to manage your own emotions. But self-mastery is the mission. And that means

00:14:20.200 trying to be so, so grounded and enjoying being Ryan. I need you to be so invested in being you

00:14:30.900 that self-love and self-acceptance is what you're pursuing. And self-acceptance means

00:14:38.280 flaws and all. I dig, like me, flaws and all. I know there's, there's four A's that you talk

00:14:48.300 about and you're, you're hitting on it. You're, you're talking a little bit about it and we'll

00:14:51.740 get to it. I want to get to it, but I want to talk about the self-acceptance concept because

00:14:56.460 sometimes I think, and this is a popular culture thing I believe is that a lot of people with regards

00:15:03.660 to self-acceptance believe that means accept yourself for who you are, or maybe say it this

00:15:11.080 way, accept and become comfortable with a lesser version of who you could be. I think that's the

00:15:17.840 popular narrative, but I don't think that's what you're saying. I don't think that's what I'm saying.

00:15:22.660 I'm saying that if I really, Ryan, I'll give it to you straight because I think you're a straight

00:15:30.660 shooter. I think you can handle it. I was doing a lecture to a lacrosse team, you know, the richest

00:15:38.900 little white boys in America. And they were cool. Do they have quarters or periods? I don't even know.

00:15:43.780 Hey, look, all I know is that it was, it was a new sport for me. I had to learn and train,

00:15:50.440 boom, boom, boom. But these guys were totally invested. They were totally engaged. And I was

00:15:57.260 telling them, uh, I introduced them to, if by word you're Kipling, if you can keep your head

00:16:02.280 when all about you're losing theirs and blaming it on you. And I introduced them to, uh, the serenity

00:16:08.340 prayer, boom, boom, boom, which is control the controllables. God grants you serenity.

00:16:13.720 He can't ride. Sure. Son. Yeah. All right. Sure. I gave this, I mean, we're there. This is our third

00:16:21.520 session and I'm bringing it home. And I say, we've walked, uh, through a lot of doors. I've

00:16:27.980 introduced you to a lot of things. And I introduced you to the four A's, the need for attention, 0.96

00:16:34.540 affection, approval, and acceptance. And sometimes, and we talked about it, we defined the terms.

00:16:41.460 And I just want you to be clear that I want to confuse you. I really do hope you guys like me.

00:16:48.240 I really hope that you approve of what I've done for you. But if you don't, I'm okay.

00:16:55.460 I'm going to be all right. So when we're talking about self-acceptance, we're talking about taking

00:17:02.080 it to a level that I, I accept myself so well that I'm even willing to look at the things I need to

00:17:09.940 change. I am so comfortable that I'm willing to look at my weaknesses and stop being intimidated

00:17:16.620 or pretend they don't exist. I'm willing to be honest with myself. That's total acceptance, right?

00:17:24.000 Think about what I'm saying. And I'm saying that even if I'm not perfect, look, God made one creature

00:17:32.940 that has the ability, oh my God, has the ability to wake up one day and decide today, I've decided not

00:17:43.640 to be the same as I was yesterday. What other creature can do that?

00:17:49.380 That idea of consciousness doesn't exist anywhere else but us.

00:17:52.780 Come on, man. A lion going to be a lion, a dog going to be a dog, but a human being can decide

00:17:59.320 I can look at myself honestly. And what I don't like, I can change.

00:18:08.520 That's a major breakthrough when we begin to embrace that and see that as something that I have in me

00:18:15.760 that I need to understand and take stock of and become so talented and so gifted, so invested in

00:18:25.760 developing the best version of myself, I'm willing to develop the skills to do self-assessment,

00:18:34.220 self-evaluation. Self-awareness has to grow and evolve. And we're not talking about self-love and

00:18:43.180 self-acceptance with the narcissistic nonsense that we've seen around us, but we're talking about

00:18:50.600 being grounded and solid.

00:18:53.680 How do you become, oh, let me back up. I'll say it this way. I've been through some real shit

00:18:58.980 over the past year. Much of it is my own doing. I'm willing to admit that. That's self-acceptance. 0.99

00:19:04.980 Much of it is my own doing. But how does a guy who's been through in the trenches, been through hell,

00:19:11.900 been through the ringer, as I'm sure you have in your own ways?

00:19:15.300 I don't look like what I've been through.

00:19:19.120 Good for you. I sometimes wonder, I'm like, man, I look like I've been through some stuff.

00:19:26.820 But how do you begin to come to that realization of self-acceptance? Here's what I'm not good at.

00:19:32.000 I'm willing to look at my flaws. I'm willing to look at these challenges.

00:19:34.560 When what we've done in the past is so evidently clear that we're not the ideal version of ourself

00:19:42.460 to bring that phrase in. One thing you talk about is, and I can't remember the terminology you use.

00:19:49.200 I wrote it down because I thought it was important. What was it? In sports, it's what you do,

00:19:59.560 not who you are. Right. That's a game changer. You know, you've been a soldier, right? And you've

00:20:07.280 been a soldier, a real soldier, son. You've been a soldier. You've been a parent. You've been,

00:20:13.460 you're an entrepreneur. You're an author. You're all these things. But who you are is even bigger

00:20:19.700 than each one of those categories? So imagine telling a 19-year-old football player, and that's

00:20:30.140 very popular today, that you've got to decide, with or without football, your life is going to be

00:20:40.720 amazing. If God takes it from you, if you worship football, God will take it away from you.

00:20:47.140 He'll find out who you are for real.

00:20:51.460 Are you talking about false idols here? If you're worshiping certain things, it's like you're done

00:20:55.920 with that?

00:20:57.060 Being a soldier, being an athlete, being a star, you know, if you're worshiping any kind of idol,

00:21:06.420 it could backfire. And sometimes if you're 18, 19 years old, you're worshiping the sport and you

00:21:13.700 don't even know that's what you're doing because you believe in the sport. I'm a football player,

00:21:19.480 among other things. I'm a soldier. I'm a man. I'm a manly man, among other things. You better look and

00:21:28.680 see your whole self and develop your whole self. There are three levels of fitness.

00:21:33.800 It's Mickler. It's three levels of fitness, physical, mental, and spiritual. And you must

00:21:43.300 develop each one. You must sometimes take time out to push one over the others. Because in my

00:21:51.680 argument, I'm saying that if you cheat in one, the other two will not be fully developed. Doesn't mean

00:21:58.560 it won't be developed, but be fully developed. If you want to be that guy, because you know you

00:22:05.280 physically, you've pushed yourself like no other, right? You know, mentally you, you working hard

00:22:11.640 and you know that you love God with all your heart and soul, but have you developed yourself in that

00:22:20.320 area even more? Have you been deliberate and intentional of getting better at all three on

00:22:26.740 purpose? That's a balancing act that you're pursuing. That's worth pursuing. Take time out

00:22:34.220 for every now and then you take time out to, to upgrade your physical. You've taken time out to

00:22:41.020 upgrade your mental. I need you to take time out in your definition. You don't have to believe what I

00:22:47.320 believe, but you better believe in something. You understand? So that's how I roll. I'm sorry. I get

00:22:54.960 excited about this. I'm glad I can hear the passion in your voice. I am curious how you specifically

00:23:00.600 would recommend whether it's tactics or strategies for implementing mental and spiritual health. I

00:23:07.480 think the physical health is the simplest. I'm not going to say easiest because there's a lot of work

00:23:12.080 required for it. Simpler to understand. It is. It's like, you just go to the gym. Just don't eat that

00:23:16.760 hamburger today. Like just do it, do what you already know. You should drink enough water,

00:23:20.700 get enough sleep. Like we, we all know that now, whether we do it, it's a different story. We all

00:23:25.680 do it to varying degrees, but we all know what it is. But I think a lot of us, myself included at times

00:23:30.120 wonder how to develop mental and spiritual strength. I think even the spiritual side, you know,

00:23:36.120 go to church, pray, read the Bible. That's my belief. I know that other people have different

00:23:40.300 thoughts, but maybe that's meditation. Um, maybe that's being around other people who believe in a

00:23:45.080 higher power or a higher purpose. But I think the mental thing is where a lot of guys get hung up.

00:23:51.020 Well, think about that for a minute. If I came from another planet and, and I said, I heard about

00:23:57.700 this physical health, physical fitness thing. What does that mean? Well, you of course say, well,

00:24:04.540 that means your cardiovascular, uh, your, uh, endurance, your, your strength, your flexibility.

00:24:11.900 Um, you know, and you would break it down for me in all these categories, but until you say the

00:24:20.560 word recovery time, you're not really breaking it down for me because you have been in show enough

00:24:27.740 shape. And there's been times when you could give everything you got completely spent, take a minute,

00:24:35.000 do it again, do it again. Right. We could go, you and I could go out right now and run a hundred yard

00:24:40.980 dash. And a minute later, you could do it again. And three months later, I could do it again.

00:24:47.580 Yeah, no doubt. But my recovery time is different than it used to be.

00:24:54.820 But if you understand recovery time, you understand fitness. So what's mental fitness?

00:25:01.360 Think about this in your world. I mean, mental fitness is not just being able to, uh, uh, get an IQ

00:25:11.540 test. We're talking about in your, in the real world, you're going to be tested in the real world.

00:25:20.280 You're going to be heartbroken. You're going to be, have to survive grief and loss,

00:25:26.800 disappointment, trials, and tribulations. You will be tested. How fast you recover talks about your

00:25:34.600 mental fitness, training yourself to understand a, how to let go, how to not just go through it,

00:25:45.360 but to deliberately grow through it. You admit it. You said you took ownership and responsibility

00:25:52.300 about what has happened in the last year that you have looked at your taking your, your,

00:26:00.240 looked at your role and what, what you did and didn't do. Are you going to go through it?

00:26:05.820 Be miserable, negative, and depressed. Are you going to grow through it and learn and evolve

00:26:11.360 and keep growing? Cause bruh, everything that's happened to you is designed by a higher power to set

00:26:19.620 you up to be the guy that you dream of being. It's all you're saying. It's all conspiring for us.

00:26:25.300 We need to allow it to happen. The obstacle is the way as Ryan holiday. That's the, that's the

00:26:32.660 stoic, right? Stoics. Yeah. Come on, son. It's your, your, your trials and tribulations

00:26:40.160 give you a mission. You turn it in a part of your mission. How am I going to get better? I really

00:26:48.600 know what I did wrong. Are you going to repeat it again and again and again?

00:26:57.020 Probably if you don't self-reflect like you're talking about, right?

00:27:00.120 I'm just saying opportunity is knocking. You can whine and wallow and beat yourself up.

00:27:07.560 Or you can say, okay, now, cause you already are articulating the, the, what opens the door.

00:27:15.320 I take full responsibility for the role I play. I am also going to take responsibility for how I'm

00:27:22.320 going to respond and how I'm going to recover and how I'm going to move forward and what I'm going

00:27:27.440 to learn. And I'm going to grow through this, not go through this. Cause I, this is a pattern that I

00:27:33.640 can break. I'm a, I'm taking notes as you're doing it. Like I tell the guy, I tell the guys I'm the

00:27:41.180 most fortunate person with regards to this podcast. Cause I get to ask the questions I want to ask.

00:27:45.660 And then I take notes for myself. So I've got like a journal full of notes on everything. My guests

00:27:51.000 talk about what you just said that really struck something with me. As you said, I'm going to grow

00:27:55.520 through this, not go through this. That was powerful. It's a game changer. It's a mindset.

00:28:02.660 We hear the phrase all the time. That's a mindset that you can develop. I'm deliberately and

00:28:08.620 intentionally going to take everything that's happening and not just say I was wrong. I say,

00:28:16.120 I ain't, I won't do that again. How, and I have to train myself. I got to deprogram reprogram my way

00:28:23.880 of thinking and seeing the world in order to make sure that if it doesn't work, it ain't going to be

00:28:29.120 because of me. Is this the concept that you're talking about? We visited earlier, but the concept

00:28:37.240 of that, that demon on your left shoulder, who's self-sabotaging and telling you you're no good and

00:28:43.820 planting these little thoughts in your mind versus the right shoulder that saying, Hey, you know what?

00:28:48.460 Yeah, you messed up, but you can do this. You're capable. You're strong. You have the ability to grow

00:28:53.440 from this. Is this the conversation that addresses in the book? And you are obsessed with trying to

00:28:58.860 get the angel to win. Remember in the cartoons where the, uh, the, the, that, that comes from my

00:29:05.100 memory of, of that, a little devil on one shoulder and every now and then the angel that take off his

00:29:12.640 halo to go whip the devil's behind. Right. Sometimes the devil's, well, I'll say there's sometimes the 0.92

00:29:19.140 devil's a little bit more fun, a little bit more appealing. And sometimes we just, I think that kind

00:29:25.260 of sometimes we want to feel like garbage. We like that victim mentality sometimes look, and we can

00:29:31.140 change that and upgrade all we're talking about. And we're not saying that you're wrong. See what we,

00:29:37.320 what we end up here. Well, am I right or wrong? No, I'm not saying you're right or wrong. I'm saying

00:29:43.000 you get to decide. Cause I'm going to tell you, man. Um, I used to get high. I would be high as a

00:29:50.180 Georgia pine. Right. And like, uh, you know, one day it dawned on me. Oh, that was fun. Okay. I think

00:29:57.760 I'll move on. Not recovering. Not just, but it was fun. But now it's, it's time to do something else

00:30:07.880 to move into another realm. So you guys who are getting high with me, let's go on to the next level.

00:30:13.680 And what? The next level. Well, what you learn from getting high in my book and my experience

00:30:24.100 was that you see that your mind is capable of so much more. Now, is it the drug or is it your mind?

00:30:32.620 So I decided it was my mind and the doors were being open that were in my mind. So I decided

00:30:41.620 I could, I could stay high and never come down. And I can't do that with artificial stimulation.

00:30:48.260 That's how crazy I was. Ryan, that's how crazy I was. I was convinced that, Hmm, that's all in my head.

00:30:56.340 Perhaps I can be excited and insanely happy without needing artificial stimulation.

00:31:07.520 These, uh, these guys you're with, as you were talking about taking the next level, they were

00:31:13.340 wondering, are you high right now? Exactly. I, so when I became an expert, a so-called expert on

00:31:21.020 alcohol and drugs, you know, I didn't have the heart to tell people that I figured this stuff out

00:31:28.520 the hard way. Right. And so I would be giving a lecture to like seventh and eighth graders and

00:31:35.860 I'd be all giddy. Mick, I'd be all giddy and excited and being me. And they say, Mr. Harden, you get high,

00:31:43.680 don't you? It would crush me. Ryan, it would break my heart. Then it dawned on me. Oh, y'all

00:31:51.800 haven't seen anyone this excited and this happy unless they were high.

00:31:56.960 Hmm. Yeah. Right. I was like, gang, let me tell you the truth. If I was getting high, I would have

00:32:04.120 taken 10 breaks to maintain this energy. I'd have to go to the bathroom a few times. This is really me.

00:32:13.520 And they go, wow. I say, I'm like this consistently, 24 seven. I don't get, I don't have to use artificial

00:32:22.720 aids to assist me. And I don't have to crash and burn when they come down. They go, whoa.

00:32:31.080 So it's, yeah, the devil will convince you that he's more fun. She's more fun, whatever you want

00:32:39.140 to call it. And I'm gonna convince you it's you. It's not an animated nonsensical devil. That's you.

00:32:49.880 And if you, if you fun, you fun. Well, the coach isn't look hockey player. I'm falling out of love

00:32:59.260 with hockey. I'm thinking about quitting. I mean, the coach is taking all the fun out of the game.

00:33:04.860 So you saying you're not having fun. You're saying that it's the coach's fault that you're not having

00:33:12.260 fun. Well, I'm afraid it's probably not to coach. I mean, unless you're telling me you're going to let

00:33:22.340 someone's personality steal your joy. I said, bro, either, either, either having fun because that's

00:33:31.020 who you are, or you getting broke down and worn out because you're preoccupied thinking about what

00:33:36.960 the coach's thinking and what the coach is saying. And if we're talking about learning to control the

00:33:41.340 controllables, I don't care what your, your coach's personality ain't going to decide whether or not

00:33:46.620 you love playing a game. Hockey is a game that you play. And I know it's a radical concept, but it's

00:33:53.880 supposed to be game play equal fun. But, you know, but it's hockey.

00:33:59.160 I said, bro, serious, serious business. This is a true story. I had a guy that I'm talking about

00:34:06.580 who is now an amazing NHL player and he was ready to quit. And I told him, bro, I tell you, this is

00:34:16.320 what I want you to do now. This is an experiment because I know you get ready to quit. So if it

00:34:21.240 doesn't work, it's okay. You're right. I said, I want you to go on the ice and practice.

00:34:26.840 I want you to have more fun than anybody on the ice all day. I want you to piss people off. You

00:34:33.720 having such a good time. And then when you get in the game, I want the opponents hating you

00:34:39.760 because you having so much fun. I mean, just try. Well, we started this routine and he went to

00:34:47.540 practice and he, I said, you know, and the coach, nobody has, has the power to take this from you.

00:34:53.980 All right. So a couple of weeks goes by Ryan, this fool had a hat trick 0.99

00:35:00.760 going three goals. And again, one of the next games he played, of course, he came back a true 0.99

00:35:08.440 believer. I bet he did. I bet he did. So he decided to stick around. It sounds like,

00:35:13.260 let's keep working, but bruh, it's all mindset. So don't get a devil credit for, cause you know how

00:35:21.000 to get drunk and have a good time. You better learn how to have a good time, whether you're

00:35:26.380 drunk or you not drunk. You supposed to have more fun than any fool in the room. That's how I roll. 1.00

00:35:32.980 Man, let me just step away from the conversation very quickly on the subject of chaos and sanity.

00:35:39.480 You're familiar with it. Breakups, layoffs, bankruptcies, and everything in between guys,

00:35:45.500 you don't have to fight those battles alone. In fact, you're, you're not supposed to. For as long

00:35:50.360 as men have been walking this planet, we have operated in tribes and packs and gangs, but somewhere

00:35:56.380 along the way in developing ways to be more connected through technology than we ever have before,

00:36:01.260 we forgot what happens when men band together towards common objectives and against common

00:36:07.620 demons. And that's where the iron council comes in over a thousand men operate inside the iron

00:36:13.180 council, all with a singular pursuit. And that is to better their own lives by learning skills and

00:36:17.780 service to their brothers. Besides them, uh, we're going to be opening up our brotherhood back again

00:36:22.460 in two weeks, two very short weeks. So if you head to order a man.com slash iron council,

00:36:27.620 drop in your email. Uh, we will send you an early email before anyone else on how you can band with

00:36:34.400 us and learn the frameworks needed to win and thrive guys. Check it out. It's at order a man.com

00:36:40.740 slash iron council. Again, order a man.com slash iron council. You can sign up to be notified right

00:36:46.080 after this podcast. For now, let's get back to it with Greg. That's a powerful concept. I actually

00:36:52.600 hear it a lot in the context of, uh, men who are dissatisfied at work and the advice we often give

00:36:59.500 is, well, go all in first. You know, you don't like your job. You don't like your boss. You don't

00:37:03.920 like your work. You don't like whatever you feel like you're hindered from growth. Like, have you

00:37:08.620 gone all in yet? Have you done everything that you absolutely can do? And if you have, then we can

00:37:13.180 talk about it. But if you haven't, like you need to give that a shot first. And what I found is that

00:37:18.080 people don't, when they tend to do that, they don't need to go look for anything anywhere else

00:37:22.620 because they realize they're going to run into the same stuff they have currently. Cause it's not

00:37:26.320 about the boss or the job. The same insight with them. Right. Geographical cure doesn't work. 0.70

00:37:34.200 You're taking the same person with you. Boom. You heard about the guy that the family rolled up to

00:37:41.620 the gas station. That's when people used to pump gas for you. And they rolled up and say, you know,

00:37:46.000 we're just moving into this town and you know, the town we're leaving, it was just horrible. 1.00

00:37:53.620 The people were just mean spirited there, you know, they were just jerks and we hated it. And 0.99

00:38:00.120 we're looking for someplace else. And we're, we're looking at your town and we're, we're hoping that

00:38:04.820 it's a different place. What's this town like in the gas station of Tennessee? Pretty much the same.

00:38:11.540 Another car rides up and the people say, Hey, we really excited about being in this town. You know,

00:38:23.300 the town we left was outstanding. It was absolutely, the people were just wonderful and we hated to

00:38:28.800 leave, but we have to move on. And like, we're just hoping that we can find a place similar to the

00:38:33.520 one we just left. What's this town like? Pretty much the same. That's right. That's right. I actually

00:38:40.780 had a real world experience with that. And I moved and I had, when we, when we moved in,

00:38:46.000 I had somebody tell me, Hey, you know, you got to be careful around here. They don't like outsiders.

00:38:50.540 They don't like people coming in and buying up land or property and you're going to get ostracized. And

00:38:56.480 you know, people are going to kind of wonder about you and look at you a little weird. It may not be as,

00:39:02.720 as welcoming as you'd like. And I didn't experience any bit of that. Not a single bit of that.

00:39:09.160 I experienced hospitable, you know, hospitableness and, and, and, and people who are friendly and

00:39:14.680 people who are excited to have a new family there. And it's like, Hmm.

00:39:18.940 Because that's because of what you projected you and your family, they were, they were excited because

00:39:26.460 of y'all and that other person, that's how they roll. And they were describing his view of the

00:39:34.960 community. Now, bro, people treat you the way you treat yourself. And if they don't,

00:39:40.520 it's their problem. Not mine. Yeah. Yeah. I do want to ask maybe more of a sensitive subject along

00:39:48.060 those same lines with regards to even racism. You know, I, I, I, I obviously you and I, you know,

00:39:54.140 have a different experience with that. And I'm curious what your take is on that. When we hear so

00:39:58.220 much from mainstream media about racism and how it's more divided than it's ever been. And I don't

00:40:05.300 experience that, but I'm not on the different side of the table. I'm curious about what your

00:40:09.600 thought is when it comes to that. Uh, you sure you want to open up this door? I do. I want to open

00:40:16.080 the door. I want to talk about the real stuff. You got to remember I'm old as, and so I've been

00:40:23.340 through it, um, in extremes. I mean, I was a, uh, uh, adolescent in the sixties, the seventies,

00:40:32.820 the eighties, the nineties, I've seen a lot. And so I remember, and if you go, if you want to be

00:40:40.200 entertained, go check out my Ted talk. And I talked about, I remember, uh, being everyone recruits you,

00:40:48.480 you know, come on in here. And this is, this is how we see the world. And, you know, they recruit

00:40:53.800 you to, uh, their politics, to their way mindset, to the way of seeing other people. And they recruit

00:41:01.480 you to hate and, and, and, and, and prejudice. And they're always recruiting. Sure. I mean, I'm like,

00:41:08.040 I'm all in this to sixties and seventies and the hate that hate made. I could justify it.

00:41:14.080 Y'all don't don't like me. Hell, I don't like you. And I remember clearly and distinctly hating 0.97

00:41:19.720 white folks as best I could. And one day it dawned on me is too many damn white folks. 1.00

00:41:25.620 It's not enough hate to go around for all these white guys. I mean, the hate that hate made 1.00

00:41:30.560 consumes you. So if you hating black folks, you hate yourself. And so you have to help people 1.00

00:41:40.640 balance it out by beginning to understand that there's good people and there's people that ain't

00:41:46.700 so good everywhere you go. And at some point you better be clear about who you are and how you roll.

00:41:54.160 And if you, and if you really are serious about understanding, uh, how to value other people,

00:42:00.720 if you treat me the way you want to be treated, we straight. If you don't like me, I would don't give a

00:42:07.680 shit. You know, that's on you. And so that's where I, that's where I am in the world. And like, 0.99

00:42:16.000 if you want to roll with me, we cool. If you don't, I don't care. Cause it's your, it's your loss

00:42:24.500 not to know a brother like me. Oh, you, I ain't mad at you. Cause I got some folks over here. Just

00:42:30.900 where's he at? We want to meet him. You understand? And so the isms are just part of life. 1.00

00:42:38.600 See, I'm going to get in trouble. Look, I'm an equal opportunity. I'm going to tell, I'm going to

00:42:45.360 tell white folks what's wrong with them. I'm going to tell black folks what's wrong with them. And 1.00

00:42:48.840 it's going to be, Oh, this is what's wrong with people over and over and over and over and over

00:42:54.560 everywhere you go. The world is like that. Those who got want to keep those who ain't got want to 0.96

00:43:01.500 get it. Ain't that deep. I'm sorry, Ryan, open up a door. You body wants to think it is. If I ain't

00:43:11.020 got fool, I won't. If I got fool, I want to keep. And so there has to be a balancing act until you 0.99

00:43:19.940 teach white folks what's in it for them. They'll stay stuck. What do you mean by that? What's in

00:43:27.180 it for them? Explain that. I was a devout sexist. I worshiped at the altar. And until I could see what

00:43:39.780 was in it for me, why would I change? I had power and control. And until I could see it cost me,

00:43:49.020 until I could see that I'm missing out on something, until white folks begin to see they 0.97

00:43:54.400 missing out on something, that it costs them. Do you understand what the world is like today?

00:44:00.780 If you don't invest in your own poor and disenfranchised, there's other countries 1.00

00:44:05.680 ready to take over. If you really want to compete, it seemed to me you'd be invested in all the people

00:44:13.000 you have as your people, as Americans. But you get stuck in this media, pop culture nonsense,

00:44:23.260 and you get trapped into this old, ancient preoccupation with who's the best and who's,

00:44:30.160 man, please. Look, if you want to be rich, diversify. If you want to be that guy, be that

00:44:43.260 guy comfortable working with any and everybody. Ryan, you know I'm comfortable with the White House,

00:44:48.340 the Dope House. Bruh, I could have raised a gang of hillbillies back in the day and take over a county.

00:44:57.480 And how I learned to work with teams and groups was in my alcohol drug treatment program,

00:45:06.440 where 85% were Southern Appalachian region guys who didn't want to be there. They were sent by their

00:45:14.780 boss, they were sent by the court, or they were sent by their spouse. They were not happy campers.

00:45:21.300 So if I had 45 clients in my lecture, they were not happy. And boy, we had the time of our lives.

00:45:33.580 Because, and now here's his brother in front of him, who's got on a tie and got this master's degree

00:45:42.220 talking about this is what we're going to work on. It was not a good, good group dynamic.

00:45:48.760 However, I had the time of my life. We had such a great time in my lecture series.

00:45:57.820 These hillbillies would bring their cousins and their brothers and their kids over to my lecture 0.99

00:46:02.760 and say, you got to hear this boy. He crazy. You understand? Because I was not talking to them 0.99

00:46:11.180 like they were problem people. I was not afraid of them because of where they came from.

00:46:16.540 You understand? I didn't have the time for all that. I'm trying to get somebody to re-evaluate

00:46:21.900 their relationship with alcohol and drugs. So you can trip, dip, and slip. You can look at me

00:46:27.260 and judge me all you want. But my life is working, fool. Let me help you if you will allow me to. 1.00

00:46:36.360 And boy, this boy, all right. And so that prepared me to work with anybody.

00:46:42.680 So come work with our football team. I ain't 140 cats playing. I ain't play football. I ain't go to

00:46:50.820 the NFL. What am I going to bring you? But I ain't scared of you. If I ain't scared of these cats,

00:46:56.380 why would I be scared of you? That's an interesting way to look at it. You've worked with some of the

00:47:02.420 greatest athletes of all time. It's like, yeah, you probably got in their face and told them the

00:47:06.220 reality of the situation too. You know, what's a guy like me going to stand a chance against somebody

00:47:11.000 like, you know, Tom Brady or Michael Phelps, who's achieving at the highest pinnacle of their success?

00:47:17.620 Bruh, I love Michael Phelps. You know why? Michael Phelps was at, in my environment, because

00:47:24.820 we hired his coach. We don't know. He's, I mean, okay. He's working for Olympians. All right.

00:47:32.580 But we're not really thinking it through, right? So Bob Bowman, one of my favorite coaches of all time,

00:47:39.200 shows up at the university. And I'm the sport administrator for swimming, diving, and water polo.

00:47:46.180 Duh.

00:47:49.100 So Bob Bowman turns out to be a coachable coach. I know it's an oxymoron,

00:47:54.220 but, but he's this guy who was hungry. Tell me what works, what doesn't work. Okay.

00:48:01.460 His, he brings Michael Phelps with him because they're still training. I'm like, oh, that's

00:48:08.060 Michael Phelps. That's cool. So now Michael Phelps is the volunteer assistant coach for our swim team.

00:48:15.020 Hmm. So I see him every day and we kicking it. Mike, Bob Bowman, the coach says, you know,

00:48:23.360 could you talk to Mike? Cause you know, right now he's going through some stuff. I say, if Mike wants

00:48:29.040 to talk to me, tell him that I, I I'm thrilled to chat with him, but only if he wants, I don't care

00:48:34.400 that you want me to talk to him, coach. If he don't want to talk to me, I don't want to talk to him.

00:48:40.820 So just tell him that, you know, the guy that worked with Tom Brady is fascinated and likes to spend

00:48:47.180 some time with you. You're all right. Here's the deal. I treated Michael Phelps. Like he was a human

00:48:53.920 being stars. Hell, we got stars.

00:49:00.840 You know, man, please sit down. What's going on? How you, how you doing?

00:49:06.920 He has a breath of fresh air for a guy like that.

00:49:09.460 Exactly. I cared about him as a person.

00:49:14.720 What are these types of, uh, high performers? You talk about the, um, the fact that they look a

00:49:21.720 little different than a lot of people. And what are some of those attributes? What are some of

00:49:26.560 those characteristics and what ways do they look different than the guy who may, maybe just as

00:49:31.340 talented or maybe even more. So you take it that guy like Tom Brady and where are you, where he wound

00:49:36.660 up in the, in, in the overall draft. And, you know, look, look at the pictures. We've all seen

00:49:40.480 the draft pictures. Like that guy's nothing when it comes to this sport. And yet all of a sudden,

00:49:45.540 you know, we have the greatest football player of all time. I don't even think that's arguable at

00:49:49.760 this point. What makes a guy like that different?

00:49:53.340 Let's be real clear. And that's a great question. The difference between the guys, the peak performers

00:49:59.180 that, that are, we're talking about in the book and in the book, you'll be introduced to a wide

00:50:04.900 range of peak performers, not all superstars, not all professional athletes, but regular folk

00:50:11.560 who were able to, to harness the lessons that, that I'm teaching in this book, but the distinct

00:50:19.020 difference in, and you'll see it in chapter two, what makes them different? Not only were they hungry

00:50:26.720 and hungrier than most, and I'm talking about hungry. I'm talking about mad dog hungry. I'm talking

00:50:32.320 about burning a fire in your belly hungry. You understand? Not only were they hungry,

00:50:38.840 they were humble. Think about it. That's the, as soon as you hear hungry and humble, you say, oh,

00:50:46.720 you, you get it, right? As soon as I said it, you can say, whoa, humble, meaning that they were able

00:50:53.080 to surrender their ego long enough to be coachable. They were coachable. They were committed to

00:51:00.380 continuous improvement. They had that extra gear that they could tap into at any time and shift

00:51:07.720 their mind to go to another level. Those are the characteristics, hungry and humble, coachable,

00:51:15.860 committed to continuous improvement. And they had that extra gear. That's all in the book.

00:51:22.900 Do you think the, so I think, I think being, well, I question one, a couple of these, but I think being

00:51:30.280 humble and coachable and committed, I think are all learned attributes. I think those are very,

00:51:35.780 not easy, but I think those are very attainable through learning and making decisions. But what

00:51:40.900 about having the extra gear and also being hungry? That seems like it's more innate in somebody than

00:51:46.360 a learned skill, a developed skill. I'm sure it can be harnessed, but it seems like it's innate.

00:51:51.700 For many people it is, but it's not an either or. Yes, you're right. For many people it's innate.

00:52:01.580 For some people they have to develop it over time. And if a person is hungry and they want to be

00:52:08.700 hungrier and learn how to use that power, they're coachable. So I always say, I mean, there, there are

00:52:17.200 some champions that were born. We get it. But bruh, when you look at, look, look at your training.

00:52:25.920 There are some cats came in there and you're like, this, this guy never be a soldier. And he ended up

00:52:32.380 being one of the best you've ever seen. He trained for it. He surrendered his ego. He allowed

00:52:40.040 the brotherhood to transform. Am I making sense? Yeah. I'm processing that. You're talking about

00:52:47.840 being able to, yeah, allow these types of things to transform. That's humility, right? Allowing these

00:52:53.440 things to transform you, allowing yourself to grow. I think this kind of ties back into what you were

00:52:58.160 talking about with the four needs that we have, which was attention, affection, approval,

00:53:01.800 and acceptance. Yes. I'd like to revisit that because I think initially when I was going through

00:53:07.220 the book, I'm like, Oh, okay. Well, like those are all externals, right? Because you can't rely on

00:53:12.440 anybody giving you attention. You can't rely on anybody giving you affection or approval or acceptance.

00:53:16.540 And if you do, you're just setting yourself up for failure. People will give that to you, but if that's

00:53:20.900 what you need to thrive, but then later in the book, you, you changed the game a little bit and you said

00:53:25.820 self-attention, self-affection, self-approval and self-acceptance, uh, which made more sense and

00:53:34.520 resonated with me more deeply. I'm like, Oh, okay. You need to create that for yourself.

00:53:38.560 I set it up. I set you up.

00:53:40.640 You did. Teed me up nicely.

00:53:42.340 Okay. But think about this. I have made a complete fool of myself. Pick one in the quest for

00:53:50.620 attention. Okay. Okay. Pick two. Okay. All four. I've made a complete fool of myself

00:53:57.080 through life, trying to achieve getting someone else's attention, affection, approval, or acceptance. 0.91

00:54:04.360 I've also been a fantastic shaker and mover, craving attention, affection, approval, and acceptance.

00:54:14.480 What we discover is that many people end up settling for attention and approval when what

00:54:21.400 we really need, one is affection and acceptance. So as long as I'm looking outside of myself,

00:54:28.120 this is a manly show, right? Yes, sir. So can I be candid and take risks? I would love nothing more

00:54:37.720 than for you to be that. Ryan, did you hear about the guy that got an STD in his eye? No.

00:54:44.900 You didn't? I mean, you, you didn't hear, hear about that? He was looking for love in all the wrong

00:54:51.000 places. I'm sorry, man. I can't use that material anymore. You can use it here.

00:54:59.680 Think about it. You, you got it. As soon as, as soon as you got the joke, you said,

00:55:06.880 this idiot. Oh my God, that was so crazy. That makes sense. All we're talking about is stop 1.00

00:55:13.280 looking for love in all the wrong places. I want your approval. I crave it, but I'm going to be okay

00:55:21.400 if I don't get it. You've had friends. You've been a friend. You've been one of the best friends

00:55:27.020 anybody could possibly have, except to yourself. Agreed. Agreed.

00:55:34.700 Bruh, you've had friends that were the greatest person you could be around, but how they treated

00:55:39.880 themselves saddened you. Am I right or wrong? Yeah, you're right. So what we're trying to do

00:55:46.700 is simply open the door for you to consider the next level of self-awareness increases your ability

00:55:53.960 to love yourself unconditionally and accept yourself as is. Accept yourself, flaws and all.

00:56:03.840 That's a game changer. How do you reconcile that with, even if we're looking at,

00:56:09.880 we're looking at it from the Christian perspective. Yes. Accept yourself, flaws and all. We know we're 0.99

00:56:17.220 fallen, right? If we're going by the Christian doctrine, we know we're fallen. We know that we 0.96

00:56:21.680 are to strive to repent and improve ourselves. So how do you do that and also fully accept

00:56:31.200 the reality of your sin? Again, we're looking at it through the Christian lens.

00:56:35.960 Okay, let's stay with the Christian lens, because what's confusing for us is the whole concept of

00:56:43.680 forgiveness. We know that we should forgive others, but we struggle mightily at forgiving

00:56:51.180 ourselves for being flawed. If you want a breakthrough, you begin to not only increase your ability to

00:56:59.960 forgive others, but you have to look in the mirror and let go. So when we talk about self-defeating

00:57:06.520 attitudes and behaviors, we have to learn to let go of yesterday, brah. We got to let yesterday be what

00:57:15.720 it was. P-A-S-T, previous action somewhere in time. We've got to let the past be exactly what it is, 0.58

00:57:23.680 the past. We got to stop tripping, dipping, and slipping about the future. So we're talking about

00:57:30.580 one is history and the other one is a mystery. So when we're talking about self-awareness

00:57:37.500 and mindfulness, we're talking about how do I embrace the here and now, the current truth of

00:57:45.440 who I am and who I want to become. I have to let go of yesterday's baggage because you've got a 12-year-old

00:57:54.940 running your life, not you, you, but the universal you. Yes, you know what I'm saying? You got a 12-year-old

00:58:00.360 who's frustrated and angry and disappointed and broken and damaged by what someone else did

00:58:06.920 when they were 12. Now, I got a 40-year-old man with an adolescent running his life.

00:58:14.960 I got a 16-year-old treating women a certain way because of what happened to him when he was 16.

00:58:24.000 Bruh, when you can learn to not just forgive others, but to forgive yourself for not being perfect,

00:58:29.760 you just open up doors. That's just my opinion, which you asked for. I could be wrong.

00:58:37.040 No, I value it. I don't know if you're wrong. I think too many of us haven't really tried it.

00:58:42.240 So I don't know.

00:58:43.320 Because it ain't easy. I have to pray. Not only do I pray at night to be forgiven,

00:58:50.240 I had to pray to increase my ability to forgive myself because it's hard to forgive you. It's hard

00:58:57.160 to forgive some folk. It's even harder to forgive yourself. Mick, you know, I ain't lying.

00:59:04.620 No, I know you're right. I think where a lot of guys get hung up, I hear this quite often.

00:59:10.680 And it's this idea that self-attention, self-affection, self-approval, self-acceptance,

00:59:16.440 they get hung up on this idea that it's selfish. Like I have to serve my wife. I have to serve my kids.

00:59:22.920 I have to serve my community. I have to serve my business. These are all things we talk about in

00:59:26.360 the podcast and the movement here, which we should be doing. We should be striving for as men.

00:59:30.960 But if I take time for myself to accept myself or to love myself or approve of who I am,

00:59:37.360 flaws and all, that's selfish.

00:59:39.980 Yeah. But what you understand different from them is that you just increase your ability to care,

00:59:46.540 to give care, compassion, and concern to the people you love and to serve more efficiently

00:59:52.880 because now you have evolved and becoming a man of substance and a man who is grounded and a man who

00:59:59.640 is capable of letting go of yesterday because love is in love till you give it away. And sometimes we're

01:00:07.060 so busy. We think that we loving somebody and all we're looking for is, okay, if I do this and I love

01:00:14.060 you this way, will you love me that way? No, I need to give because that's who I am. It's in my heart

01:00:19.980 and it's the right thing to do. And this is what I'm going to do to build my... See, if we're talking

01:00:25.660 about staying sane in an insane world, controlling the controllables, we're going to go to a space

01:00:33.400 where I am so invested in being the type of guy I'm capable of becoming, all of a sudden,

01:00:40.880 everybody benefits because I've shifted. I've changed. I've grown. I've evolved. And I'm capable

01:00:48.520 of even more than I thought I was. That's where we're going, young blood. We're stacking the deck

01:00:55.480 in our favor because if I love my... The more I love myself, the more authentic my love for you will be.

01:01:01.720 I think that's well said. I think where a lot of guys get hung up is this... We talked about it

01:01:08.000 early in the conversation, this idea of false dichotomies. If I'm selfish, then I can't be

01:01:12.280 selfless. If I'm selfless, which a lot of us have a desire to be, then I can't be selfish.

01:01:18.020 I can't take time for me. And that's a false choice.

01:01:20.940 Come on, man. Because you have to be selfish in the most positive sense of the word.

01:01:24.760 Let me tell you how I train high-performance pro athletes to understand why they shouldn't beat

01:01:35.640 their wife. How I teach anybody in corporate or anybody else why they shouldn't beat their wife. 1.00

01:01:44.300 Selfish self-interest, idiot. It's in your own best self-interest to not indulge in what you may 1.00

01:01:52.760 have gotten honestly from your uncles, your cousins, your pals. And I ain't blaming you.

01:01:57.880 I'm saying that if you... I can't get a grown man to change his attitude about women.

01:02:03.820 But if you want to keep this money,

01:02:06.640 if you want your life to work, you will eliminate some of these negatives. You ain't got to do it

01:02:15.080 because I think it's right and because the world think it's right, you better do...

01:02:18.500 If you don't even understand the proper selfish self-interest. So you can take selfish to another

01:02:26.300 realm. But most importantly, to be that guy who understands

01:02:32.600 positive addiction. What's a positive addiction? Your workout.

01:02:38.300 So we have to be able to understand how words can be shaped in such a way that we can see a higher

01:02:48.500 calling, even when we understand... When we use the word self, it's not always leaning towards selfish.

01:02:59.860 And if so, I need to turn the selfish into what will make me better.

01:03:04.220 I need to spend time with me. I need to take vacations. I need to be selfish enough to say,

01:03:11.880 I'm taking my wife, my kids on a vacation. And I'm going to cut all this nonsense over here loose.

01:03:18.960 I'll be back. Well, you're so selfish. That... I don't think so. 0.99

01:03:24.900 So you've got to... You got to be careful with these words. These words are

01:03:28.440 so dramatic. And we put so much drama around. And I need you to be so cool and so clear about who

01:03:36.000 you're trying to become. That when I say self-aware, when I say self-discipline, self-control,

01:03:45.940 self-mastery, I'm not talking about being selfish. I'm talking about being yourself,

01:03:53.260 your authentic self, a self that is trying to go to the next level of self-mastery. And everyone

01:04:01.080 benefits as you grow and evolve. It's good stuff. It's really good stuff.

01:04:07.340 Greg, I appreciate you taking some time this morning and coming on the podcast. Can you let

01:04:11.920 the guys know where to learn more about what you're doing? Obviously, you talk about where to pick up a

01:04:17.080 copy of the book. They can all get a book, which I'd highly recommend, and then let them know where to

01:04:20.440 connect more with you. Look, I know I'm old school. I have a website.

01:04:31.180 And I mean, I have Twitter accounts and Instagram, and I rarely look at them. But I heard they're on

01:04:38.740 fire right now. But I have contact through my agent, my manager, Shane Salerno, who is the most amazing,

01:04:47.460 insane individual I've ever met in my life. And that's on gregharden.com. The book is available

01:04:54.180 on Amazon. It's available at Barnes and Noble. It's available at Apple. It's all over the place.

01:05:01.820 And you can find this book in all kinds of stores. The independent bookstores are amazing.

01:05:09.160 And so in some of these joints, you can walk in and there it is. But right now,

01:05:15.360 God has a sense of humor and has made me a New York Times bestselling author.

01:05:22.360 Yeah. What do you call it? There is so many different categories.

01:05:29.940 Oh, yeah.

01:05:30.360 Yeah. Amazon, Wall Street Journal. Yeah. Wall Street Journal. I mean, it's unbelievable how hot

01:05:40.180 the book is right now and how many people are trying to get it to the people they care about

01:05:46.300 and the people they love. You talk about Christmas presents, make it easy on yourself. Get them a book.

01:05:53.060 They sing in the same world.

01:05:55.560 Well, I can see why after going through the book and after talking with you, why that's the case.

01:06:00.660 Greg Harden, I appreciate you. Thanks for joining us. Thanks for imparting some of your wisdom.

01:06:04.560 I've taken copious notes here that I'm going to share with some of the guys as well. So I appreciate it.

01:06:10.340 Thank you very much.

01:06:11.600 Well, thank you for the opportunity. I know your heart is in the right place, my brother.

01:06:15.520 And people who are paying attention to you will understand where we're trying to go today with this podcast.

01:06:23.140 Thank you, man.

01:06:25.560 All right, guys, there you go. My conversation with Greg Harden. I hope you enjoyed that one.

01:06:30.040 His book. Got to read his book. Phenomenal, phenomenal information. Testimonials in there.

01:06:35.660 Highlights some of the athletes that he's worked with, including Tom Brady and Desmond Howard and

01:06:39.720 Michael Phelps and others. And it's called Stay Sane in an Insane World. New York Times bestseller,

01:06:45.660 Wall Street bestseller, and the man's resume speaks for itself. So connect with Greg, connect with myself,

01:06:51.700 take a screenshot real quick. If you enjoyed this episode, drop it on Instagram, drop it on Facebook,

01:06:56.300 on Twitter, or X, whatever it's called now. And do what you can to get the word out. Also,

01:07:01.620 go check out my friends over at Montana Knife Company. And the last ask I have for you today

01:07:06.140 is to sign up to be notified when we open the Iron Council at orderofman.com slash Iron Council.

01:07:12.520 All right, guys, that's what we've got for you today. I hope you enjoyed it. Keep working out

01:07:16.480 there. Keep serving other people. Keep stepping up as men. Let's all go out there, take action,

01:07:21.420 and become a man we are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.

01:07:26.220 You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be?

01:07:30.180 We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

01:07:33.280 You're ready to join the order of下來.

01:07:55.500 And you're the winner of the-

01:07:56.160 You're ready to join the men.

Order of Man - August 29, 2023

GREG HARDEN ｜ Create Sanity in an Insane World

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