In this episode, author and men's coach G.S. Youngblood talks about why masculine leadership is a gift, how to get women to relax into their feminine nature, and why a man's job is to provide structure to a relationship and how to do it.
00:15:25.340Yeah, this is the masculine blueprint.
00:15:27.240So the first element is respond versus react.
00:15:30.400So this is the quality of a man who he's got a grounded nervous system.
00:15:35.780There's a stillness to his way of being.
00:15:38.920And you can just tell that he lives very choicefully moment to moment because he's very present.
00:15:46.160He's very much in this moment rather than kind of being lost in the thought world of future and past.
00:15:52.280And he operates out of choice rather than his reactivity or habituation or kind of that historical scripting that some of us fall into.
00:16:01.020And so that's the first element, respond versus react.
00:16:05.260Now, the second element is provide structure.
00:16:07.380So this is the quality of a man who, first and foremost, he's got inner clarity about what he needs, what he wants, what the moment calls for, inclusive of her.
00:16:19.640And so he's got a lot of those qualities of clarity.
00:16:23.660And then he manifests those externally through direction and structure and decisiveness for not only himself but the world around him.
00:16:32.140And so that's the second element of the blueprint, which is provide structure.
00:16:35.800And then the third one is create safety.
00:16:39.020So we're talking about physical, financial, and emotional safety.
00:16:42.620And in the book, I didn't touch as much on physical and financial.
00:16:46.100It'll probably be in the sequel when I do get that done.
00:16:50.780But we do talk a lot about emotional safety.
00:16:54.180And I'm telling you, Ryan, that there's no bigger determinant of how open your woman is to you than the level of trust and safety that she feels.
00:17:02.360And so it's a real art to be able to create emotional safety in your woman and also build emotional connection.
00:17:10.640And I think that's something that most guys are like, what the hell are you talking about, emotional connection?
00:17:16.140And I'm telling you guys, one of the most powerful things you can do in your relationship is build a strong emotional connection with your woman because it's going to insulate you from a lot of the bumps and bruises that are natural in relationships.
00:17:44.020And we were talking about this really interesting dichotomy where a woman – again, we're always speaking in generalities.
00:17:51.240It's not exclusively true, but generally it is.
00:17:53.760Where a woman will ask for a man, even if it's not directly to him, but would desire, I should say, a man who is willing to express himself.
00:18:05.120The word that we often hear is vulnerability.
00:18:07.400I don't like that word because it has all sorts of negative connotations and people have misconstrued it and bastardized it, so I don't use that word.
00:18:14.420But they're looking for some sort of emotional connection.
00:18:17.980And I was talking with Connor about this, and I said, you know, it's interesting that women say they want that, but as soon as a man gives them that, it's often a detriment to the relationship and how a woman views the man.
00:18:31.600And he said, well, Ryan, the reason that is – and I'm paraphrasing – but the reason that is is because so many men have misconstrued emotional vulnerability with what women are actually looking for.
00:18:42.180And I want to hear your thoughts on this, that she's not looking for you to be a babbling buffoon.
00:18:47.720She's looking for you to understand what your emotions are and, most importantly, to have a plan for dealing with it.
00:18:57.740And that was really eye-opening for me when he shared that just a couple of weeks ago with me.
00:19:02.740Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think he's pretty spot on.
00:19:05.820Here's the thing. I think a lot of people have fallen into the trap of believing that emotions are the domain of women.
00:19:12.040No. Guys, we have and need to be in touch with our emotions just as much as they are.
00:19:17.540Both the masculine and the feminine both need to feel their emotions deeply.
00:19:22.260But the feminine style is that there's no constraints on it, and it just sort of sprays forth, and there's some chaos involved often.
00:19:29.000Not always, but it's often chaotic, especially when they get too big.
00:19:33.060The masculine style of being with your emotions is to feel them deeply, but then have containment and share them judiciously.
00:19:39.080So you feel deeply and share judiciously.
00:19:42.520And, you know, you share for what's appropriate for the moment to create connection with your woman.
00:19:47.940But when you do share, number one, judiciously, as I said, but two, it's succinct, too.
00:19:53.320I mean, in the book and in my boot camp, you know, I'm teaching guys to really be very succinct with how they're expressing those emotions.
00:20:00.480And so it's that containment that makes it a particularly masculine style of being with your emotions.
00:20:07.100And then once you do that, your emotions aren't running you anymore.
00:20:10.200And that's a very big element of masculinity is where you're not controlled externally.
00:22:14.260And this is a lot of the work that I do with the guys that I work with is getting them to sit with intensity.
00:22:18.860And so I use a lot of embodiment work with these guys where we're sitting in the intensity of some physical phenomenon, whatever that is, and learning to sit with that intensity, which directly maps over into their ability to sit with emotional intensity, which is what your friend was suggesting.
00:22:36.980So sit in it is fluffy language for me because a lot of people say that.
00:24:12.760You're going to find that that latter approach brings you back into connection and gets you out of the storm that you're in with her way faster than when you have these quick hits.
00:24:21.140And that's what not being acclimated to the intensity of your emotions does.
00:24:24.820You kind of have these snap reactions to things.
00:24:27.780It doesn't lead you where you ultimately want to go.
00:24:29.980It may feel good for about a second and kind of gratifying to smack somebody else down verbally.
00:24:35.460It doesn't get you where you want to go.
00:24:37.220And so that's what we're talking about.
00:24:40.920Just like this morning I did my cold shower.
00:24:43.320I'm learning to sit with that intensity.
00:24:45.100And I know for a fact that that's actually allowed me to avoid kind of that whoosh of emotion that maybe has me do things before I think about them.
00:24:55.760You know, the only thing I can think of, and this immediately came to mind, I've got four.
00:24:59.700How many kids do you have, by the way?
00:25:22.240And I think I could probably take a lot of the same advice because when you're talking about it, it's not like, don't fucking say that to me.
00:25:28.080Like you said, it's, babe, look, give me a second.
00:25:50.000And it's not to keep using the same phrase, but it's usually because of that, like that whoosh of emotion that kind of flares up within us and kind of compels us to do something before we actually choose to do that thing.
00:26:01.360So what I'm hearing you say is from a tactical perspective with regards to responding versus reacting.
00:26:08.940It's purely a matter of a little bit of margin, meaning, hey, I'm not going to immediately respond or react to use your verbiage.
00:26:49.540I realize that I need a moment right now before I do something that I regret.
00:26:54.720So I'm going to take I'm going to take five minutes and I'm going to come right back and we can continue this conversation.
00:26:58.660So, yeah, it's knowing yourself and then making choices so that you you manifest the man that you want to be rather than just habituation and scripting.
00:27:06.660Man, I'm going to step away for just a quick minute.
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00:28:51.040But where does disagreeableness come into consideration?
00:28:56.520And how does a man find his voice and his ability to establish, communicate and uphold boundaries with a woman who he might be afraid of losing, for example, or saying the wrong thing.
00:29:36.140I think most of our nice guy behaviors and the ways that we pedestalize or idolize, like you said, come from we're so damn afraid of losing that person.
00:29:45.240And so I, you know, I teach guys all the time.
00:29:48.360You've got to start almost going through the grieving process of losing her, even while you're still in relationship with her.
00:29:54.240And it's a lot of visualization about what your life would be like if you didn't have this person.
00:29:58.840And start to acclimate to that notion and be okay with that.
00:30:02.360Not that you treat her in ways that make that more likely.
00:30:04.740But, you know, be okay with being alone or being left by this person.
00:30:13.180That's the first thing that I work with guys on.
00:32:02.240And now you take that simplified example and expand it out into much more complex situations of life.
00:32:08.600That's how you get her off the pedestal.
00:32:11.400And that's how you start really dealing with as equals with your woman rather than, you know, looking up at her on her pedestal.
00:32:17.840So that's the advice that I usually give to guys.
00:32:21.500And ironically, and a bit frustrating as well, is the more that you're willing to do that, like, hey, babe, let's go to dinner this weekend.
00:33:04.100And I feel like, and I'm dating a woman now, and we've got a great relationship, one of the things I respect most about her is that she's honest with me.
00:33:16.300So she won't go to the sushi place if she doesn't want to go to the sushi place.
00:33:21.860But I have to be able to trust that she's a big girl and can communicate with me that if she has a problem with that, she can tell me.
00:33:37.200She's probably a woman who just loves to get on your ride.
00:33:40.800And the more – let me add one element that I would label as attunement.
00:33:45.000The more you know your woman, you know, by observing her over time, over the months, over the years, you kind of know her ways and her preferences.
00:33:54.320If you can actually fold that into your leadership, then she's even that much more likely to get on board.
00:33:59.760And so if you come and, you know, you talked about the shellfish allergy.
00:34:03.100If you know that – like my woman's a vegetarian.
00:34:05.280So if I suggest a steak place, she's going to be like, what the hell is wrong with you?
00:34:09.040Like she's going to feel not known versus if I'm knowing her and folding that in, she feels very known and understood, way more likely to follow my lead when I do that.
00:34:18.380So I think attunement is a big part of leadership that some guys don't necessarily realize how important it is.
00:34:24.640Do you think, though, that the problem with this attunement, especially for the term we hear as recovering nice guys, is that they mistake attunement with acquiescing to everything they think their woman might want?
00:34:43.720And this is just a slider bar, you know, or a volume knob.
00:34:46.640And they're obviously turning that one up too much because, like, the volume level of their needs is going down and the volume level of what he thinks she needs is going up like this.
00:34:56.220We want a balance, you know, whatever that looks like.
00:34:58.880So we don't want to be autocratic because that's where needs are completely suppressed and we don't want to be nice guys.
00:35:03.660That means your needs are completely suppressed.
00:35:05.740It's the artful blending of the right ratio, whatever that is, for your relationship.
00:35:10.220You use the term artful and obviously there's just a level of intuition and experience and practice with that.
00:35:16.640But are there any tactical methods that a man can evaluate whether or not he's being – he's an attunement or he's being a nice guy?
00:35:38.700It's like what fosters you, you know, feeling like your needs are being met and feeling like you're being true to your own needs while you're feeling like you're also incorporating hers.
00:35:58.160You know, I think these are – this is the power of these discussions.
00:36:00.720I come to these discussions without any preconceived notion.
00:36:04.520I'm trying to learn and hopefully everybody's learning and we're all learning.
00:36:08.260We're all getting something from this.
00:36:09.740So, I mean, I can appreciate you saying that.
00:36:13.000I just know that there's so many – even myself, it's hard at times to really understand.
00:36:19.100Am I just making her the complete object of my desire at the expense of everything else or is it that I genuinely care about her but I also care about proportionately my own desires and wishes?
00:36:45.320I think the thing you've got to – did you pause and consider your own needs strongly?
00:36:52.420You know, a lot of guys will – a lot of the nice guys, it won't even occur to them what their needs were.
00:36:56.460As I said in that example, he immediately went to where do you want to go?
00:37:00.380So, you know, the question you can ask yourself as kind of a self-evaluation, self-diagnostic is did I in this one situation or do I sort of over time, do I pause and give a good consideration to my own needs?
00:37:13.740And if the answer is no, then obviously you're in the nice guy mode.
00:37:17.260If the answer is yes, then you're a long way towards living in your own power and being relational at the same time.
00:37:23.700You know, one of the interesting things with the nice guy sentiment – and I've read a lot from Robert Glover.
00:37:32.100I'm sure you're familiar with him, has done a lot of work in this nice guy arena, including his book No More – oh, he is?
00:37:41.940When we think of nice guys, we generally tend to think that they're selfless.
00:37:46.140Because they're putting everybody else's needs ahead of their own.
00:37:49.780But Dr. Glover suggests that they're the most selfish people.
00:37:54.560And I'm paraphrasing here, and you can correct me if you think I'm wrong on this, but part of the reason is is because they're constantly seeking external validation that they're okay.
00:38:05.720And you hear this when men say, hey, are you okay?
00:39:00.300And so I agree with you and I agree with Robert.
00:39:04.060These guys are selfish because they're just being pussies about it, quite frankly, because all they can do is be a slave to their own fear.
00:39:11.180And then their women suffer with the, you know, as I said, that resentment that builds up and then leaks out over time.
00:39:16.880In practical application, how does a man who has identified himself to be a quote unquote nice guy or a recovering nice guy, we hear these terms, begin to identify his own needs and desires?
00:39:30.960And then also equally important to be, maybe even more so, to be able to communicate those because there's going to be some pushback.
00:39:40.760If you're in a relationship, for example, for 10, 12, 15 years, and you've been, to your point, this pussified version of a man, she's pretty familiar and comfortable with that.
00:39:50.160She stepped into a lot of the masculine role and all of a sudden you're saying, you're going to choose where we eat tonight?
00:39:54.880I don't think so. So how does, and I'm using that as a, as a, as an example, that's obviously not the case, but how does a man begin to step into this?
00:40:05.720Yeah. You know, I, I, when I work with guys on this who are starting from ground zero, I, I, I give them a one week challenge or seven day challenge.
00:40:13.860And that seven day challenge is to, is to be a selfish bastard. I mean, literally be a selfish bastard for a week.
00:40:21.080And yet they, they, they almost have to go over the top and caricature it just to break through their own, um, habits.
00:40:27.520And so without being a dick to everybody, that's not what I'm talking about, but think of yourself first and what you want and, and just kind of play the caricature for seven days and see if you can kind of break some of those habits that you've got.
00:40:41.440It'll feel so unnatural that, that it highlights their own limitations of always looking externally.
00:40:47.180And so that's, that's one of the ways I do that I do it. Um, number two, we, we, we go into the fear and truly try to go down to the nervous system level and help assuage the, the, the, the discomfort of those fears.
00:41:00.300And we do that through a lot of embodiment practice. I mean, you know, you've heard me talk in almost any form, you know, that I talk tons about embodiment practice as a core staple of what guys have to do every day.
00:41:11.580I'm really trying to get all my clients to do a daily practice so they can ground their nervous system. And that's the second area that we work on is I really get them to have that daily practice so that their nervous system is a little more grounded and the fear will grip them just, uh, just that much less, um, through, through the daily practice.
00:41:28.980So those are some of the things that I, that I do to start nice guys off down the, down that path.
00:41:34.500Yeah. I want to hit on both of those. Cause when you said you have to be a selfish bastard, that's the language you use. The language I've always used is you have to tiptoe into asshole territory.
00:41:45.980Like you don't like, you don't have a healthy perspective of what is being a complete dickhead and what is being just an assertive man. And if you're a passive wimp, you don't know what's assertive. So you actually have to take it to asshole.
00:42:02.460And then eventually you're going to start ringing it back in and realize, okay, that was too far. That was too much. And then you find that middle ground where we should all be working to operate.
00:42:10.120Yeah. Yeah. Couldn't agree with you more. Yeah. They've got to swing, swing far to the left or right, whatever it is. And then they, they come back to a different set point than they used to have. Cause they've stretched themselves a little bit. Yep.
00:42:21.560Are there certain exercises that you've asked people to do? Like one that I've thought of, and I shouldn't say it that way. One I've heard of, and I also share with guys is to ask for a discount everywhere they go.
00:42:35.820It's so uncomfortable for nice guys. But if a guy can take seven days to your point about this challenge and wherever they are, just ask for a discount, just because people begin to realize, Oh, it's not as scary or uncomfortable as I initially thought it was. But are there other practices that you're asking these guys to do?
00:42:54.600Yeah. But I think you, what you talked about was having guys talk about or go ask for a discount wherever they go. And yeah, I, I usually point them. A lot of my guys are professional. So they, you know, in the old days they'd go to the office and then at lunchtime, everybody's like, well, where should we go? And I, and I'm counseling them to do things like just say, Hey, I want to go to this Mexican place. Who's with me. And that's, that's an example of, of kind of one of the things I'll point guys to do things like situations like that.
00:43:21.280Yeah. Just assert themselves. If they have a thought. Um, I heard a, uh, interesting perspective from a guy by the name of Chris Williamson. Are you familiar with him? Modern wisdom podcast?
00:43:33.380Yeah. Super interesting. He talked about this concept of shadow sentences, which is basically synonymous with covert contracts. That's what I would call them. And, and the way that he presented it this week was, you know, here's, here's what you're thinking in your mind. And then here's what you actually say.
00:43:51.700And it's completely different. It's passive aggressive. It's sarcastic. A lot of times because you don't want to confront that when in reality, you should just find a really healthy way to say what needs to be said. But it's, it's a hard thing for guys who aren't comfortable with doing that.
00:44:06.460Yeah. It's so true. We, we, we often use humor and I, I include sarcasm and humor to, we use humor to deflect the intensity of the moment. And this was actually one of my weaknesses that I, that I've had to work on over the last 10 years. Um, you know, my woman comes at me with a little too much energy and I'll, and I'll make some humor. And, you know, sometimes it, it actually works. It's a valid, uh, tool to break the drama. Like humor demolishes drama.
00:44:36.460Avoidance. Um, that's when it became a problem for me. And, uh, my woman wasn't shy about reflecting that back to me. And, uh, so we've got to be, you've got to be judicious about these, like you said, the sideways ways of addressing things.
00:44:48.900And sometimes you've got to just pause, come into your heart and say, Hey, this is not feeling good. And I want to share that with you, babe, or whatever the expression actually is.
00:44:59.880When, when you said she reflected it back to you, how would that come across? Was it sarcasm? Was it a little bit of, you know, biting humor back? How, how was that actually reflected back to you from her?
00:45:12.100She, she would say if, if she expressed to me that it feels like I'm avoiding her pain and that was hurtful for her. Cause she's, it, she's like, it feels like you don't actually take me seriously when you deflect out of humor. And, and again, she, she would be the first one to acknowledge that at some, sometimes my humor is actually very good to smash her drama that she's allowed herself to get caught up in.
00:45:32.700But there's that, you know, that 25% of the time or whatever it is that it really, she's bringing a valid hurt to me and I just couldn't handle it. And, and I don't want, this is not me. Okay, baby, I'll stop being funny. It's, I don't want my woman to feel disregarded by me.
00:45:48.420Like that's a core value of mine. So I choose to try to really scrutinize my own humor to see where I'm, where I'm being helpful by helping her out of her drama or where I'm avoiding and, and discounting the gravity of the pain that she's trying to express to me.
00:46:04.060And that's just, you know, man, that's just an awareness practice, which I think is a big part of men's work. Awareness practice.
00:46:10.260Yeah. It sounds to me like you're saying with, with regards to humor, is this, is this a strategy for diffusing the tension in the situation, which can be helpful?
00:46:19.240Or is it something that we're just trying to avoid having this conversation altogether?
00:46:23.740Yeah. Because I can't handle the intensity.
00:46:26.760Yeah. It has nothing to do with her. It's the selfish stuff that we were talking about.
00:46:32.160Right. The, the second point that you made with identifying and presenting your own needs, especially if you're not comfortable doing that, uh, you talked about these embodiment practices.
00:46:41.980What does that actually look like an embodiment practice and what is embodiment?
00:46:47.160Yeah. I mean, embodiment is just practices that, that you, you turn some of your awareness towards the physicality in your body and, um, physicality could be as simple as the, the feeling of air rushing across your nostril when you do breath, you know?
00:47:02.160You could just in through the nose, out through the mouth. There's a physical sensation in the nose and throat when you do that. And so I can, we can do a practice where we simply breathe like that, but we put our attention on the physical sensation.
00:47:17.160Um, I do a lot of work with gravity. So the feeling of gravity, the sensation of weight, which is, you know, I, it's present when I'm sitting, it's present when I'm standing. A lot of my, uh, practices use the sensation of weight.
00:47:31.160And we're putting some of our attention on that, but the rest of our attention stays in this relational space. So, you know, when I'm, maybe my woman comes at me and she's got some fire, I'll, I'll drop some of my attention down to my feet and just feel that sensation of weight.
00:47:46.460While the rest of my attention is there very present with her. And what that does is it has the effect of crowding out my kind of my thinking, ruminating, overly analyzing mind or, or that voice of self-doubt that all comes up.
00:48:01.460Cause the mind has all kinds of defenses when we're presented with intensity or relational intensity. So having some of your, some of your attention on your physicality actually just takes up a bunch of the space that used to be occupied by that thinking mind.
00:48:16.620The net effect is I'm more present. I'm more grounded. I'm less reactive and I have more capacity to choose how I'm going to act in that moment. So that's kind of the, the short, short version of explaining what embodiment is.
00:48:29.560You know, it's, it's, it's a series of practices that involve movement and breath and visualization and, and whatnot.
00:48:38.060I don't, I don't want to discount what you're talking about. So I hope it doesn't come across when I ask you this, but would you consider that simply a distraction technique so that you can distract yourself from being in your own head and being consumed with the fear and anxiety that comes up in these situations?
00:48:53.320Yeah. You know, taken literally your, you're, you're, you're, your distraction is just reorienting attention, right?
00:49:04.720But, but distraction has a bit of a connotation to it. And so, yeah, I'm, I'm helping guys train to reorient their attention off of their self-protective, troublesome mind.
00:49:16.880That's thinking too much and explaining too much and defending too much into their physicality, which actually pulls them into this moment.
00:49:24.400So, yeah, I wouldn't use the word distracting, but that is where we are reorienting, reorienting their attention, but we're doing it in, with the goal of having you become more present in this moment with what's actually happening.
00:49:36.900Not this false world of thoughts that your analytical thinking mind creates around you.
00:49:42.680So is there, is there room for, is there room for thoughtful consideration in this concept of embodiment, or would that be a completely separate concept?
00:49:54.880For example, if I'm in an argument with my significant other, we could do these gravity exercises, these breathing exercises that you're talking about, that's reorienting your attention, like you said, but where does the element of, hey, that makes me feel this way, or I don't like the way that she's saying that, or what she just said right there bothers me.
00:50:19.300When do we come to that element of thoughtful analysis about how you're feeling?
00:50:43.200So the other part of your mind that we're trying to get rid of is the one that wants to defend.
00:50:46.840You know, she has an emotional expression, but when we're like, but, but, but, no, no, no, you don't understand, that's not what I said.
00:50:52.440So you're sort of going into defense, or you're explaining, oh, let me explain why this happened, so you'll stop being mad at me.
00:50:59.040Those are things the mind's doing to make the anxiety stop at all costs and instantly.
00:51:05.540Those are the types of things that are not helpful and that you want to get away from.
00:51:08.860You don't, this compulsory, oh, my God, I must stop this intensity and this anxiety right now, so I'm going to defend or explain or anything to get her to stop feeling how she's feeling, rather than she can feel however the hell she wants to feel.
00:51:22.620Over here, I'm sovereign, and I'm saying, my mind is now occupied with self-reflection, feeling what's inside and saying, hey, that actually doesn't feel good, and then revelation of what's going on inside of me.
00:51:42.800Yeah, and I think, I think the point, what you were saying earlier is this level of margin.
00:51:46.780I remember I was having a discussion with her just a couple of weeks ago, and she was very frustrated with me that I was defending myself, and I'm like, I wasn't defending myself.
00:51:56.420I was just explaining where I was coming from.
00:51:58.220This is the exact scenario that you're talking about right now.
00:52:00.840Yeah, and we had a little space, you know, we both ended the conversation.
00:52:05.400We had a little space, and the more I thought about it, I was like, you know, she had some really good points.
00:52:12.680And what she said was right, and I need to take that into consideration.
00:52:21.240I don't think we can process it sometimes that quickly because we do run into these defense mechanisms, but yeah, it's hard because it doesn't feel like you're defending or on defense.
00:52:34.220It feels like you're just explaining, oh, I didn't think that at all because here's what I was thinking at the same time, but it invalidates what she's thinking.
00:52:42.500Yeah, I have a lot to say about this, Ryan.
00:53:35.240I'm actually just going to be with her emotion, even though I'm pretty damn sure I'm right here.
00:53:38.300But I knew that if I started to argue the facts in that moment while she was emotional, it wouldn't go anywhere because she can't receive the information that I'm giving her.
00:53:47.020She's at the emotional plane, and so never the twain shall meet.
00:53:50.600So if I tried to come in with that information, so I actually just sat with the emotion.
00:53:54.260I said, you know, actually, I hear you, baby.
00:53:56.840That wouldn't feel good if I was leaving you out of important things in my son's life, and you've expressed this to me before, so I get it, babe.
00:54:04.520And I just empathized with her without even talking to the facts of whether she was right or wrong.
00:54:10.760And she calmed down within about a minute or less.
00:54:14.640And then about 20 minutes later, I pulled up the text.
00:54:18.540I was like, hey, babe, you might want to see this.
00:54:20.300And I showed her that I had told her two weeks ago.
00:54:23.260But I knew that if I just tried to argue the facts, no matter how right I was, and I was pretty damn right on that one, I just knew in that moment she wasn't ready for it.
00:54:58.080Settle her nervous system first, whatever that means.
00:55:01.020Then get to the facts, and you're going to find yourself a whole lot more successful if you've got a reasonably emotional woman.
00:55:07.680Well, I learned something just yesterday that when you're dealing with – whether it's a woman or a man or anybody who's emotional, even yourself, you are quite literally incapable of dealing with things rationally.
00:55:21.760It's not that – like you might say, why is she acting crazy?
00:55:30.220She's literally physiologically incapable of rational thought.
00:55:37.680In that moment, because of the chemicals that are released in our bodies that have to do with our fight, flight, or fawning response.
00:55:45.700It's – when you understand it's just a matter of chemicals, I think you're more apt to say, you know what, let's let this – these chemicals release, metabolize,
00:55:58.480and then we can come back to this conversation where we're both in a position to be logical about it, which sounds like the scenario you're presenting with your girlfriend.
00:56:12.700Guys, it's not masculine to fight with your woman.
00:56:15.240So if you think it's like masculine to argue your point and get to be right, all you're going to do is devolve into a big fight, which doesn't show you in your power in this world.
00:56:24.720And so get really skillful in that space of irrationality.
00:56:30.540Can you actually operate skillfully in that space?
00:56:33.100And this is what I try to teach guys to do.
00:56:35.600If you can operate in that space pretty skillfully, that space tends to shrink in time duration real fast.
00:56:40.920Like I said, my woman calmed down in a minute or less.
00:56:44.100But that could have easily turned into a seven-hour fight, quite frankly.
00:56:48.060So guys, get skillful in that space where it's not governed by the laws of facts.
00:56:52.920And what you'll find is that that space shrinks in, like I said, in time duration.
00:56:57.420I think part of the problem, though, is this idea of the manosphere and this notion of the red pill and all this kind of stuff.
00:57:07.680Because what you're going to hear, and this is antithetical to what you're saying right now, is, well, you're just being a simp.
00:57:14.740Or you're being a beta, or you're being a cuck.
00:57:19.660Because you're listening to your woman and allowing her to present her case and work through her emotions.
00:57:24.700Help me understand how that is simping.
00:57:27.880But a lot of these tough guys on the internet, they see it that way, and then they perpetuate that.
00:57:32.940Then we feel like we're being inferior or letting go of our manliness because we allow our woman to process what she's going through or help her work through it.
00:57:42.300Yep. Yep. Yep. You're so right. It's funny. Probably, it might be the most masculine guy I know is in relationship with this really awesome woman who I know as well.
00:57:54.420And they're fighting constantly, and they're in and out of relationship.
00:57:57.120And he's always kind of that, he's that metaphor for what you're describing, that he's the most alpha guy that I know, but he's also the most troubled in relationship.
00:58:06.180And so, you're right, and I think that's why I said earlier, so to everybody out there in the manosphere who's like, that's being a simp and anything with emotions is lame, it's not masculine to be fighting with your woman.
00:58:18.320And it's not masculine to live your life with a series of six-month relationships that don't last.
00:58:28.980Learning these dynamics of polarity, learning the dynamics of your female partner who does have your rational emotions, learning those dynamics and knowing how to not manipulate them, but maybe ride them and affect them, that's powerful in my book.
01:01:04.160And while you're doing that, make sure you share what you're learning.
01:01:08.480Share with a friend, a family member, a colleague, a coworker, your father, whoever it might be, another man who needs this information, and then tag us on social media.
01:01:28.480So, help us get the word out and get this into the hearts and minds of more men because we need to change the cultural tide of this country.