Hardening the Body and Mind ｜ BOBBY MAXIMUS
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Summary
In this episode, we talk about the psychology of training, how to eliminate the excuses that creep in, why you should reframe self improvement as self-work, and how to harden the body and mind. Each and every one of us has a desire to strengthen our bodies and minds. Why is it that so many men struggle when it comes to the training they know will improve every area of their lives? This is a question my guest Bobby Maximus has been answering for his training clients for years.
Transcript
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Each and every one of us has a desire to strengthen our bodies and minds.
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Why is it then that so many men struggle when it comes to the training they know will improve
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every area of their lives? This is a question my guest Bobby Maximus has been answering for
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his training clients for years and helping them bridge the gap between where they are now and
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where they want to be. Today we talk about the psychology of training, how to eliminate the
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excuses that creep in, why you should reframe self-improvement as self-work, and how to harden
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the body and mind. You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and
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boldly chart your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.
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You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is
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who you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
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you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Mickler and I am
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the host and the founder of this podcast, The Order of Men. As I do every single week, I want to
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welcome you. I'm glad that you're on this journey. Whether you're just joining us for the first time
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or you've been with us for any amount of time, the truth is we need more men in this fight. So I
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appreciate you being here. Of course, I appreciate you sharing the message. If you would share it,
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subscribe, leave a rating and review for this podcast. It goes a long way in promoting the work
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that we're doing here, which is to reclaim and restore what it means to be a man. And the way that we do
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that specifically here in the podcast is we're interviewing some of the world's most successful
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men, guys like Bobby Maximus, my guest today, Jocko Willink, Andy Frisilla, Grant Cardone,
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Tim Kennedy, Dakota Meyer. The list just goes on and on of the incredible guests and the quality and
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caliber of the men that we've been able to have on this show. So again, welcome. We also have a
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Wednesday show, which will be released obviously tomorrow. If you're listening to this on, on Tuesday,
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it's the ask me anything with me and my co-host Kip Sorensen. And then we've got our Friday field
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notes, which is on Friday. And that is a show where you get to hear from me, my thoughts and
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ideas about masculinity and being a better father and a better husband and a better community leader,
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business owner, every single facet of life that you're showing up as again, it's my job to give
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you the resources and the tools that you need to become a better man in your life. So again, glad that
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you're on this journey today. Things have been busy around here. Got a lot of cool things going on.
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I just started my third quarter planning. I do this every single quarter. I come up with some goals
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and objectives I want to accomplish. And one of the objectives that I have been working towards
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is running a marathon. Now, some of you might say not a big deal for me. It is. I hate, I hate running.
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In fact, it's miserable for me, but the other day I did go run a 10 K. I didn't anticipate running
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that far, but it felt pretty good. So I just kept going and felt pretty good about that. But man, my knees
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and my ankle were a little bit banged up after. And I wanted to mention this to you because I've been
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taking a supplement that I think you might be interested in. And that is the joint warfare and super
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krill by origin main. Now that's Jocko's line. And these guys are friends of mine. I've been working
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with them for months now and I use most of their products. Again, I've, I've used the super krill
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and the joint warfare quite a bit as I've increased my training regimen specifically with regards to
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running and Brazilian jujitsu, but I use also their mulk, which is their protein drink. And then of
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course they have geese and rash guards and training gear and lifestyle apparel. They've got so much
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good stuff going on over there at origin main. If you haven't checked it out, make sure you do
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origin main.com and then use the code order O-R-D-E-R at checkout. I know a lot of you have
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used that code guys. You're going to get 10% off. So if you're using them anyways, just make sure to
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use that code order to get 10% off on your order. That's the joint warfare, the super krill, the
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mulk. I just got a package from those guys with a drink for kids. It's not sugary, but it's a healthy
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supplement for kids as well. And of course they've got their training gear and lifestyle apparel again,
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origin main.com and then use order at checkout. That's it by way of announcements. With that said,
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guys, let me just introduce you here to Bobby. I've been looking forward to introducing you to
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him for some time now. He's been in the fitness and health industry for more than a decade. He
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served as the general manager and the training director and also the lead seminar instructor
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at Jim Jones. He was named as men's health, 100 fittest men of all time. And then in addition to
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that, if that's not enough, he's a former police officer for the Toronto police service, a former
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UFC fighter and holds a bachelor's degree in psychology, English, and education. So needless
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to say, this is a man who understands both the body and the mind in a way that not many people do.
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And I couldn't be more excited to talk with him about hardening and strengthening both.
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Bobby, what's up, man? Thanks for joining me on the show today.
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Hey Ryan, thank you for having me. It's an honor.
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Yeah. I've been looking forward to this conversation. You sent me your book and I've
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been going through this. I got to be honest. I was a little skeptical at first because I do get a lot
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of books like this and fitness related conversations want to be had, but I was actually really pleasantly
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surprised with the depth of the book itself. Cause you talk a lot more about the psychology and the
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mind as opposed to what specific workouts, although you do get into that as well.
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Yep. And honestly, I take no offense to that because the reality is if you go to Barnes and Noble,
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and this is an experience I had, I went to the Barnes and Noble to buy my own book.
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Looking through the fitness section of Barnes and Noble, there's so much garbage out there.
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And listen, I don't want to be a judgmental at any other product somebody puts out because it does
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take a lot of work and I get it, but there's so much misinformation out there. I get how my book
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gets lumped in with those other guys, so to speak.
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It just seems to me that within health and fitness, there is just an abundance of misinformation and
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it seems to be more prevalent than other areas of life.
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Everyone's looking for something for nothing. That's the deal. And I can say that a million
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different ways, but in life, people don't want to work hard anymore. We want it handed to us. I mean,
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it's a problem. I don't necessarily agree with the term millennials. And it seems that all of us
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old guys, I mean, I'm almost 40 now. I want to blame shit on millennials, right? The reality is
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it used to be when you come into a job, if you were hired to work at a desk and a truck needed
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unloading, you would get your ass out of that desk and you would go help unload the truck because
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that's what needed to be done. Now there's this expectation of that's not my job description.
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I should get promoted right away or get a raise or make a little extra money for doing that.
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Exactly. Why am I reporting to this guy? I have more education.
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than him. I mean, there's this certain element of entitlement in our society now that nobody wants
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to do any, what I'll call self-work, whether that's psychological or physical. And we all want
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the easy solution. I mean, even today, and it makes me sick. If you go into a doctor and tell them,
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you tell them you have a tough relationship with your wife, he'll just prescribe you some
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antidepressants or some testosterone and tell you to get over it. Right.
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Well, why not go to therapy? Why not talk? Why not just try a little harder? Like that's the
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reality, but we're, we're a society now that just is looking for an easy solution. And that's
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unfortunately what's else. I think it's, it would also be easy just to say, well, well, obviously,
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and just skim the surface on why that is, but do you have any suggestions or thoughts or insights
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that go a little deeper than the surface level as to why we are looking for the easy route and the
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easy solution? I think a lot of people today are coddled. I think we're raising a society of
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children that everybody's a winner and everybody gets a chance. And I've also noticed that we live
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in a society where, and, and there's a fine line here. I don't think trolling people on Instagram is
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okay. And I don't think being mean to a person for no reason is okay. But we also live in a society
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where we placate others. Yeah. I mean, I don't think you have to be mean in order to have a
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disagreement. No. And we always make by placate others, we make excuses for other people's behavior.
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Whatever happened to the days when you could just call an asshole, an asshole, right now it's,
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well, somebody has a problem. Yeah. Well, what about their feelings or what about their background or
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well, what about it? They've still decided to respond a certain way and it is not beneficial for
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them or anybody else you're dealing with. Exactly. And you hear excuses made for people
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all the time. And it used to never be like that. Well, it's interesting coming from,
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because you have a major in psychology as well. So not only do you have the fitness side and the
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physique in check, obviously, but you've got the mindset component in place too.
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Yeah. And sorry for that. My dog's going crazy for a minute, but, um, probably a FedEx guy at the
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door or something like that. They go nuts. I'm not dog trainer in the world. Just so you guys out
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there. No. Mike Ritland, we have a, uh, with another show. So if you guys want a dog trainer,
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go back and listen to that show. Cause it's really good. In fact, I'll give you an introduction to him.
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Good. I'll check it out. But, um, back to your question about the psychology. I really think the
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psychology aspect has helped me more in terms of being a good trainer and good coach in any other
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area of my life. Yeah. I, it seems like once you get that in check, I'm not going to say everything
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else is easier, but I think it ties everything else together. Well, the reality is training is easy.
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At the end of the day, you're just picking shit up and putting it down.
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Yeah. I mean, I'm going to guess, and maybe there's some people listening out there that
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were Olympic champions. Maybe there's some people that are, you know, professional basketball
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players or, or professional football players or things like that, where fitness really does
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matter. And you're at the top of your, your, your game. But for most of us, we just want to look
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good naked. That's everybody's goal. You want to be a little stronger, have some good cardio,
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be able to make love to your wife a little more, be a better dad for your kids, be able
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to handle anything that kind of comes your way, like chop wood in the backyard or change
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a tire on your car. And really you can accomplish that doing anything. It doesn't matter if it's
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body weight, kettlebells, barbells, clubs, that becomes the easy part. Cause again, it's picking
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shit up and putting it down. It's not complicated. It's the psychological stuff that really holds
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people back. It's the, am I going to show up today? Am I going to make an effort? Am I
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drinking enough water? Am I willing to make a sacrifice on my diet? That's the stuff that
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gets people. And it's all psychological. And we could break this down and talk about so many
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different avenues. Let's just pull some of those that you talk about. And we'll talk about the
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dieting thing. Cause I know that's a big issue. And I, I think most people probably know that
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if they can get their diet in check, I mean, that would drastically, drastically improve their
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level of health and fitness. And yet it's something that we have a hard time doing. We can do it for
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30 days or 60 days for the beach body, but we can't do it for, for life, frankly.
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And it's because we lack accountability. Listen, everyone knows how to eat healthy.
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If I was to say, if you were a guy that knew nothing about diet, you're just an average guy
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working in an office. And I said, is Popeye's chicken healthy? You would say no. Is pizza healthy?
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You would say no. If I held up a bag of chips and said, is this healthy? You would say no.
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If I held up chicken breast and said, is this good for you? You would say yes. People know the
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right and wrong things to do. Of course. Of course. They're just not willing to do it. So what do they
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do? They run out and look for all of these fad diets because that's what's somehow going to solve
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the problem. That's not the problem. The problem is between their ears. Their problem is saying no to
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something they know they shouldn't have. Their problem is doing a table push away and cutting off their
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meal a little early. Their problem is not drinking on the weekend. I mean, those are the things that
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get people in trouble. It has nothing to do with knowledge. So how does accountability tie in? Is this
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finding somebody else to be accountable to? Is it self accountability? What does this actually look
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like? It comes down to how bad you want something. And it's amazing when somebody wants something bad
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enough, how their behavior changes. I was training a guy once. I've been training people for years and I got
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my start in a global gym. Global gym is an affectionate term for a gold to 24 seven, a lifetime,
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a good life fitness if you're out of Canada, but a big box gym. And I was training a guy who literally
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could not stop eating nuts. So he couldn't lose weight. He was eating trail mix, cashews, macadamia
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nuts, Brazil nuts, like whatever nuts he could get his hands on, he would eat. So he couldn't lose weight.
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And it was frustrating for me because he said he wanted to lose weight. He said he wanted to get
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fit, but he was eating thousands of calories a day and just this stuff. And so we kind of parted
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ways. I moved away, pursued my dream of being a professional fighter and a police officer and did
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this other stuff. And I wasn't training him anymore. Well, a few years later, we got in touch talking to
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him. He'd finally lost the weight. I said, what happened? He said, well, I quit eating nuts.
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The same thing. I'm sure you were advising years earlier.
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Yeah. And I'm like, well, what brought that change on? Cause you said you couldn't.
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He had a kid that was born with a severe nut allergy and quit that shit overnight.
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Well, there was a serious penalty if he ate them.
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Life or death. And he was done. So that always taught me that moment taught me anyone is capable
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of anything. If they want something bad enough and they have the right, what I'll call internal or
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external motivation. Well, let's break that down because I think it's really easy. In fact,
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anybody who's listened to this podcast for any amount of time has heard me say, or anybody else
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say that, Oh, you just have to have your why, or you just have to know the reason behind it and
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everything else will fall into place. And yet I talk with people every day who say, you know,
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I've got my kids to me. That's a strong why. And yet they aren't able to bridge that gap between
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what they know they should be doing and what they're actually doing. So break this down a
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little further for me. Okay. So internal motivation is something that you generally
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want or genuinely want for yourself. And it's something intrinsic. I can't tell you why I
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wanted to be one of the best fighters in the world. I just really wanted to, and it made me feel
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good. And those can be powerful drivers for people. I feel that way. One of the reasons why I'm so
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fit is because I love being fit. The gym has always been my anchor. It's the one place that
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I have where I'm in complete control over. I can be the best husband in the world. And my marriage
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could fall apart. I could be the best dad in the world. And my kids could turn out horrible. I could
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work as hard as I could. And my business could fail because of factors that are beyond my control.
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The reality with the gym is if I show up every day and work hard, good things will happen. And no one
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can ever take that away from me. So it's very intrinsically or internally motivating. I genuinely
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love it. External motivators, on the other hand, are things like money, success, a prize. Think of,
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have you seen the show, The Biggest Loser? Sure. So think of The Biggest Loser House. Well,
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there's a lot of external motivation, both positive and negative. Positive, if you win,
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you get a quarter of a million dollars. Right. If you lose, there's some sense of shame on TV,
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I guess. Right. In front of everybody. Yeah. You put yourself out there and you didn't succeed.
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So there's very powerful internal and external motivators. And it's usually what people need
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to get better because people inherently aren't intrinsically motivated to be fit. It's not high
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on people's list. I'm assuming that these are just different levels. External motivation isn't bad
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if it's producing the result, correct? Nope. Exactly. But then the deeper level would be
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this intrinsic. Can you make and bridge the gap between being externally motivated and internally
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motivated? And do you even need to? You know, I think that's a nature nurture question.
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Why was Eric Clapton or Eddie Van Halen drawn to play the guitar? I have no idea. Why is my son
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drawn to working out? Is it because I work out so much? Is it because it's all he's ever known? I
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mean, he was in a gym. Both kids have been in a gym since they've been in diapers. Sure. So I think
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there is some genetic component to it where you just love what you love. You know, my nine-year-old son
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said to me and my wife the other day, he goes, I really want to take violin lessons. And I was like,
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where did that come from? Yeah. Random, right? That's some, he didn't come from me. I'll tell
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you that. Some internal driver there. So we're going to talk about buying him a violin. And on
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the other hand, he might not give a shit about martial arts or fighting, even though it was such
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a big part of my life. So there is an internal component there you can't control. I think people
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can learn to be internally motivated if they understand the value. And that's especially true
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with working out. I think another people or another reason people don't want to get fit is
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they don't understand how valuable it can be to your life. Yeah. That's a good point. Because I
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think a lot of people to your point earlier think that, Oh, if I get fit, then I'll just look better
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naked, which is true. And there's nothing wrong with that. Clothes will fit better. You'll, you'll be
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more attractive. But what I don't think they have an easier time with, as far as making those
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connections is that they'll make more, that their connections will be more powerful. The relationships
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they have with their wife and their kids, that they'll have more energy to pursue interests that
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are engaging to them. They'll live longer. They'll be happier, more fulfilled. I mean,
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there's so much more than just looking good in front of that mirror. Well, hell I can promise you,
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if you trained with me, I could make you better at doing your podcasts. I could make your business
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better. I could make your Instagram better by getting you more fit. People don't understand how that
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happens. They don't understand the link between those, but it's the truth. And that's the
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reason they're not intrinsically motivated because they don't see themselves getting something from
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it, I guess. Hmm. How do you begin to bridge that gap for somebody? Or is it, they, is it just
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something they have to experience? Uh, leading by example, teaching them, uh, and also showing them,
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frankly. I mean, if someone can stick with me long enough that they can see a positive benefit,
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they'll be hooked for life. It's just, can I get them? Can I shepherd them through that initial,
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I'm going to call it three months of hell because when you start trying to get in shape,
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it sucks. I'm not going to lie. I'd love to sugar coat it. I'm kind of giggling to myself right now,
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but there's going to be some sore days. There's going to be some days you don't want to get out
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of bed. There's going to be some days you're humiliated because you're a man and you can't
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do five pushups and it's going to be a blow to your ego. Hmm. Not going to lie. But if you can get
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through, if I can shepherd you through that initial three month period, you will be hooked.
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Do you ever find the opposite of that? Because sometimes I look at it and let's take a guy who's
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50 or 60 pounds overweight. I was 50 pounds overweight at one point. And the first three
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months, like you said, we're hell physically, but I also could see some drastic improvement
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almost overnight because the, the, you, you run into the law of diminishing returns after a longer
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window, right? So now you're three months into this thing, you've lost 20, 30, 40 pounds.
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And now the weight is not coming off as quickly. The gains aren't going up as fast. And so that could
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become demotivating as well. Well, yes. And that's why I call three months also the danger zone.
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That's the point where a lot of people quit because they've been through hell. It's been hard work
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and now the rewards aren't as great. So will they continue? And the reality is you could look at this
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from a million different sides. And when it comes to psychology and the brain, we as humans have such
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a little understanding of what motivates people and makes them tick. It's individualized. And to each
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person, there's a different scenario. Yeah. I guess it's just what a process of experimentation and seeing
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what other people do, uh, to your point about accountability. I think having a coach like
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yourself or somebody else who's gone through this, not only for themselves, but also with
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thousands of other people will help get through that difficult time, that danger zone, and really
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create these lifelong patterns and habits. True. But again, I'll bring it back to how bad you want
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it because I can be the best coach in the world and you may not take advantage of it. Listen, that stuff
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used to hurt my feelings where a corporation would hire me to come in and train some of their
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employees. And I value myself. I think I'm one of the best trainers in the world. I've written a book
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for men's health. I fought in a UFC. I think people should want to spend some time with me so they can
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learn. And some people just didn't see the value in it. And I used to take that as an insult. Like
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somehow I was less of a person because a person wasn't right. That you weren't a good coach, right?
00:21:08.420
Exactly. Wasn't interested in what I have to offer, but it's really about them. That's the
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reality. And no matter how good I am at what I do, if you don't want it, I can't help you.
00:21:20.860
So here's the interesting dilemma that we run across is you have these men on one side of the
00:21:26.120
table who are highly, highly motivated, who are either already doing what they need to be doing
00:21:31.300
or are on the path. And they really don't probably need what we're talking about because they have the
00:21:36.280
intrinsic motivation to get going and to actually do it. Then you have this other subgroup of men who
00:21:42.480
talk about wanting to improve and they need it more than anybody else. And they're kind of on the
00:21:48.300
fence and what they say sounds good, but their actions aren't quite aligned with that. What
00:21:53.060
does that individual do? Because I know there's hundreds of thousands of people who are going to
00:21:57.780
listen to this podcast and that's the camp they're falling into. Like, I know I need to,
00:22:01.860
I want to, they just aren't quite to that other side of being intrinsically motivated to the degree
00:22:08.700
that they need to, to take that massive action. So do you want me to be optimistic, Bobby Maximus or
00:22:14.560
I want you to be Bobby. I want you to, I want you to be coach Bobby. That's what, that's what I'm
00:22:19.640
looking for. All right. Here's the reality. 10% of people, and I'm being generous here are always
00:22:26.060
going to do the right thing because it's the right thing to do. They don't steal. They don't cheat.
00:22:32.400
They don't lie across the board. They're just good people. It's actually truthfully, it's not 10%.
00:22:39.260
It's probably one out of every thousand people. Otherwise this world would be in a lot better
00:22:43.460
shape. Sure. Then about 50% of people, honestly, I'm just going to say it. They're beyond help.
00:22:50.080
They're always going to lie. They're always going to cheat. They're always going to steal.
00:22:52.800
They're, they're never going to do the work to better themselves. And they will always blame
00:22:57.660
other people for their problems. Yeah. The other people they're sitting in the middle and they'll
00:23:03.060
go either way. And it depends who they hang around. So I have this thing. You become who you hang
00:23:09.920
around. You're the average of the five people you spend the most time with. And you're, if you're
00:23:14.740
around people that are driven, motivated and hold themselves to a high standard, guess what you're
00:23:20.900
going to do, you'll do the same. If you're around the negative 50%, you will get dragged
00:23:27.080
down every single time. So what I tell people is if you're looking to make a change, if you're
00:23:33.340
looking to find that intrinsic motivation or your why, you don't know what you're doing.
00:23:37.360
Surround yourself with people who have figured it out. And luckily in this digital age, I can
00:23:42.540
listen to podcasts. I can be on Instagram. I can connect with a whole worldwide community
00:23:49.000
of people that I never would have had access to 20 years ago or 30 years ago.
00:23:53.960
It's true. I mean, that's how I've changed my life around. You go into the gym and it's
00:23:57.500
not just the gym, it's the people at the gym and you want to be and aspire to be like them
00:24:01.740
and be strong and be fit and be able to run around and do what they're doing. I mean, that's
00:24:05.880
just one facet of it, but you could take the podcasting or the business world or relationships
00:24:10.820
and it's a hundred percent true. I think a lot of people kind of believe that's up in the
00:24:15.240
sky and kind of woo woo and that there's no real tangible benefit of that, but man,
00:24:23.320
Well, yeah. And this is going to be a shameless plug for us both, but if you're lacking a motivation,
00:24:28.680
listen to an order of man podcast and then go to Bobby Maximus's Instagram, get your motivation,
00:24:34.660
build your community and then inspire yourself to be better.
00:24:39.920
Because you're somebody, frankly, I mean, I'm, I'm from a town of 1800 people. If the
00:24:44.740
world was like it was 20 years ago, I would have never heard of you. You would have never
00:24:48.880
connected. I mean, shit, I didn't even have an email 20 years ago.
00:24:53.200
Like, yeah, yeah. You kind of got stuck with what you had. It's not like that anymore. You
00:24:59.720
have a whole, and people talk about the evils of social media and I could talk about that for
00:25:03.820
days about negativity and trolls and haters and all this stuff. But the reality is, I think
00:25:11.520
I think there is. I agree with that. I think it's a, it's infinitely easier to focus on the
00:25:16.320
negativity. You know, you can get a hundred comments on Instagram, for example, and 98
00:25:20.760
of them will be positive and supportive and uplifting. And then you're focused on the two
00:25:24.260
and responding back and having conversations with the two a-holes that you shouldn't be engaged
00:25:29.160
Oh, and shit. I'm bad for that. Like I've got a group of people that really dislike me.
00:25:34.500
Like it's funny because my, my whole thing is number one, if you dislike me so much,
00:25:41.120
Yeah. Interesting. Right. You've got fans that pretend to hate you.
00:25:44.320
You know, I mean, here's the reality. If I hate what you do, Ryan, I can block you from
00:25:50.500
my life very easily. So why do I go to your page every day and look up what you do? Something's
00:26:00.700
Number two, why am I going to take the time out of my day to make a comment or to get involved
00:26:07.460
in this kind of stuff? I obviously care a lot and they always say there's a thin line
00:26:11.420
between love and hate. What's the real issue here? Do you hate me or do you love me? What
00:26:16.880
is it? Because it seems from my side of the fence that you love me enough that you're invested
00:26:22.020
Yeah. Yeah. You're, you're investing time and energy into the relationship. That's true.
00:26:28.220
And that's exactly it. And so those are some of the negatives and listen, I can get, I
00:26:33.260
can go on for this for days, but I have a group of people right now and I suspect who
00:26:37.300
they are, but they make fake accounts and fake email addresses and then put comments
00:26:42.400
up. And here's the other thing with that. Even if I don't like you and even if I don't
00:26:48.020
like what you have to say, just be yourself. Like put a comment under Ryan Mishler and say,
00:26:56.380
Hey dude, I hate what you stand for. At least you're being a man about it. Like you guys
00:27:01.020
always talk about what it is to be a man. At least you're standing on your own two feet
00:27:06.160
Like what you're going to go and make a fake email and a fake Instagram account to try and
00:27:12.160
Yeah. It's, it's interesting. I mean, it's, it's really sad how much we get consumed in other
00:27:17.620
people's lives. Like imagine if we put that much emphasis on our own lives as opposed to
00:27:24.520
Well, and that's, that's another thing, right? We always blame others. And there's also this,
00:27:30.360
this is something else I've been going off on lately. There is this movement in society
00:27:35.720
that whenever you have a problem, you blame other people. And when anyone else is successful
00:27:41.940
and accomplishes something you didn't, you've got to devalue their success by putting some
00:27:47.840
excuse around it. Do you know why LeBron James is better at basketball than you? It's because
00:27:53.020
he had a better coach. It's because he's on steroids. It's because, uh, he just was given
00:27:59.340
some genetic gifts that you weren't given. It has nothing to do with the fact that the guys
00:28:04.160
played basketball 10 hours a day for his entire life. Couldn't be that.
00:28:09.100
And that means that you, if you want that, then you would have to do that too. And nobody
00:28:13.100
wants to do that to your point. As we started this conversation, the easy path, right?
00:28:17.500
Exactly. Michael Phelps, the reason he's such a good swimmer is because he has webbed feet
00:28:21.300
and his toes are a little bit longer than yours. And there was a pool in his hometown. And even
00:28:27.320
though you had a pool, his pool was somehow different. Like there's just all these, we like to tear
00:28:35.200
I think you actually mentioned this in the book too, because you talk about not, not
00:28:38.980
being special, right? That, that your situation isn't special. And I think it's so easy to
00:28:43.380
isolate ourselves probably because we're so familiar with what our own life is that somehow
00:28:49.320
we're different or we can't exercise because X, Y, and Z, or the genetics that we receive keep us
00:28:57.000
from losing weight as fast as the next guy. And so we think that our situation is unique when in
00:29:04.460
all reality, it's, it's just not, it's, we're very similar.
00:29:07.860
No. And speaking of Michael Phelps, you know, it makes him special. The fact that that man had the
00:29:12.700
work ethic to swim 1300 hours a year for 10 years straight, right? It's not his arm length. It's not
00:29:20.420
his leg length. It's not his height. It's not his webbed fingers or whatever people say he has.
00:29:26.420
It's the fact that he just showed up every day from, and think about this Monday to Friday,
00:29:34.320
9am till 4pm every damn day of the year. That's what it took to be good.
00:29:43.260
Let's hash on that a little bit because one of the premises in the book is that
00:29:46.820
you need to train for life, right? And we talked about earlier that anybody can,
00:29:51.360
can get the beach body and do the 30 or the 90 day thing. But man, until you can find
00:29:56.400
a way to do this as a way of life, I think you're going to have varying degrees of success
00:30:00.480
with regards to your health, any facet of life, really.
00:30:03.840
Yeah. And you got to make it part of your life. It's just got to be an everyday thing.
00:30:06.560
And I'll tell you with my kids, it's funny. My one and a half year old, he's obviously too young
00:30:11.940
to vocalize this, but my nine year old, he thinks working out is as normal as brushing your teeth.
00:30:21.760
Like, why do we brush your teeth? I don't know. We do it every day though. Why do you put socks on?
00:30:25.780
I don't know. It's what we do. Why do we work out? It's what we do every day.
00:30:29.140
We actually had a talk. This was pivotal in the way I think, uh, he had to be four
00:30:33.440
and it was a Sunday and I'd always taken Sundays off probably because our wrestling tournaments
00:30:40.000
in college were Saturday, Sunday. I had the shit beat out of me. I was sore. We just didn't train.
00:30:45.140
We had just that rest day. Yeah. Just, you needed a rest day. So Sunday was always the rest day.
00:30:49.640
And when you look at workout programs, people always rest on Sundays. It's just what they do.
00:30:53.580
So there's some other stuff that goes along with that chest on Monday, back on Tuesday,
00:30:57.800
probably skip legs on Wednesday because no one does leg day, but there's this formula that people
00:31:01.880
follow and everyone takes Sunday off. So one Sunday he goes, dad, are we going to train today?
00:31:09.760
No. He goes, why not? I go, cause it's Sunday. He literally says what Sunday have to do with
00:31:19.040
Well, I'll get to that. I go, well, yeah, it's Sunday. We don't train on Sunday. So he goes,
00:31:24.180
why not? Because we don't. And I call him beans. He goes, well, dad, I've been to a lot of Bobby
00:31:30.440
Maximus seminars and you tell people if they want to get better, they need to train every day.
00:31:36.500
So now I literally go and hopefully I can swear on the show, but I go, fuck you beans.
00:31:40.980
He goes, like, I don't want to train today. He goes, well, dad, you're not going to get better.
00:31:44.580
I'm like, fine, let's go. We drove to the gym. We worked out. And when I had some moments to
00:31:49.920
myself, I started thinking about it. Why don't I train on a Sunday? That's 52 opportunities a year.
00:31:57.200
I'm missing out on to better myself for no other reason than because I've always taken Sunday.
00:32:05.640
Imagine the progress you could make if you trained hard for 52 days straight.
00:32:09.220
Right. Well, it's interesting. I mean, you're talking about the scripts, right? He has his
00:32:12.740
script, which is, Hey, if you want to improve, you do it every day. You have your script,
00:32:16.160
which is we don't train on Sunday. And so it's really actually an interesting insight into the,
00:32:20.320
how the scripts that we tell ourselves dictate our behavior.
00:32:23.160
Well, yeah. And I'll tell you, looking at how he thinks I'm looking at a picture right now,
00:32:27.140
and I'm going to post this on Instagram for you guys later. He's writing on a chalkboard. His,
00:32:31.980
his, he lives, he splits time between his mother's house and my house.
00:32:35.460
And she took a picture and he's writing on a chalkboard, how to get tough. One diet,
00:32:43.180
two broccoli, three steak, four bread. What was three? What'd you say? Three was
00:32:48.860
steak. Oh, steak. Okay. And then it says warmups, pushups, burpees, sit-ups, jumping jacks,
00:32:54.800
running mental state, meditation, believe staying positive recovery and sleep.
00:33:01.480
That's awesome. This kid's head. You said he's eight years old, eight, nine years old. What'd
00:33:05.260
you say? He's nine years, nine years old, writing this out on a chalkboard. And I'm like, did you,
00:33:10.140
did anyone tell him to do this? His mother says, no. Hmm. Fair enough. But that's his world perspective
00:33:16.260
because it's all he's ever known. Right. It's what you've taught him and it's what you've lived.
00:33:21.040
And he's always been surrounded by successful people. I mean, it's, it's really funny. He's had NFL
00:33:26.940
players in his life, NBA players in his life, a master's golf champion in his life. He's had
00:33:31.820
Olympians in his life. He just thinks that waking up and kicking some ass and being a good person
00:33:37.980
and working hard for what you have is completely 100% the norm. Interesting. Let me ask you this when
00:33:46.380
you, so you have somebody who this is ingrained into them, indoctrinated almost in a, in a positive
00:33:52.040
way. I say that with, with all positive I can. How do you go from not having that in your life
00:33:58.700
and not being that way to, Hey, now I want to create a new life for myself. And I want to
00:34:04.060
incorporate this as daily practices. Well, let's assume you want it. Cause again,
00:34:09.200
it comes down to that. It's funny how fast people will change when they want something,
00:34:13.040
but we've harped on that enough. You have to work for it. Like a good psychologist will tell you
00:34:18.640
self-work is the hardest work to do. And so you've got to work at it. You've got to write
00:34:24.460
stuff down. I mean, one of the best things you can do is every morning, wake up and write down
00:34:30.220
five reasons you are going to be successful. It's amazing how much that simple step can change your
00:34:35.500
life. So you do like a form of journaling then every day. Yep. I'm writing this down by the way,
00:34:41.540
while you're saying this, cause I want to make sure I, I address these. No, well here's the deal.
00:34:45.820
And I've talked about this before, but there's something about writing it down. That makes it
00:34:49.580
real by setting your goals and writing your goals down. It's amazing what you can accomplish and
00:34:55.240
write down what you're actually going to do that day. Write a plan of action. You can just wake up
00:35:00.580
and do that every day. It's shocking how much your, your so-called commitment level improves or
00:35:05.640
increases. Yeah. Because I think you're just giving more senses to your thoughts, right? Cause if
00:35:11.240
you're just thinking it, it's, it's just one dimensional versus now I can feel it. Now I can
00:35:15.700
see it. Then you get into the gym. Now I can hear it. I can smell it. I can experience it.
00:35:20.740
And the more dimensions you can give to your ideas, I think the more likely it is to come into play.
00:35:27.580
There's also power in writing. And I want you to think about studying.
00:35:31.380
If you just read something once or twice, even three times, you rarely remember it. There's an old
00:35:36.460
saying. If you write something out three times, you own it forever. You won't forget it by writing
00:35:42.000
it out. That's number one. But number two, there's a certain power in it. So you're a motivated guy.
00:35:47.060
You have a great podcast. You have a great brand, but I'm sure there's days you've had negative self
00:35:51.820
talk. Like my podcast sucks. Oh, of course. Every, every day I do something like that.
00:35:56.280
So I want you to do me a favor. The next time you think that try to write that thought down. It's
00:36:02.280
almost impossible. You can say in your head and passing my podcast sucks to actually write that
00:36:08.540
down is painful because there's something about it that makes it real, right? You don't want to own
00:36:14.360
that. God, no, but it works in reverse too. By writing it down, it's positive. You do own it.
00:36:20.200
It becomes real. There's also this whole, I'm going to get into a little bit English of English
00:36:25.860
literature theory. Uh, for those of you that don't know, I did a lot of studying. Uh, one of my
00:36:31.300
degrees is in English. So I studied Shakespeare and drama restoration period, romantic period
00:36:36.040
literature. There's this thing in literature that when you write in a diary or a letter,
00:36:42.940
you can never really be truthful because there's always a chance somebody else will read it.
00:36:48.540
So you never put your true thoughts on paper because to do so that's real. You're exposed
00:36:56.660
completely because you, you bared your soul to the world in a way. Yeah. When your girlfriend
00:37:02.860
comes over to your house or your wife is looking through your stuff, she can read your diary. So
00:37:07.160
you can't be honest in there. So it's the same thing. If you are capable of writing your really
00:37:13.940
honest, positive thoughts on a piece of paper, imagine the power you can wield with that tool.
00:37:18.920
Yeah, that's true because you just, you haven't done it. Nobody's ever done it really based on
00:37:23.380
what you're saying. Cause it's really hard. And if you could harness the power of that in a positive
00:37:28.040
way, look out. Gents, just a quick pause to tell you about our exclusive brotherhood,
00:37:34.160
the iron council. Now I know you've likely heard of it by now. Maybe you're getting sick of hearing
00:37:38.180
about it, but maybe you've also been on the fence about joining for whatever reason, one reason or the
00:37:43.020
other. And if that's you, I'd encourage you to give it a try for 30 days, band with us,
00:37:47.420
try it for 30 days. We just launched a new tool called the foundry, which will walk you through
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10 steps that are going to help you get up to speed and running quickly. It's going to give
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give to all of our members. And of course, there's so much more than that, that you'll get as well.
00:38:06.260
I think it's safe to assume that most of you listening to this podcast know that you need a
00:38:11.060
network of powerful men in your life. Unfortunately, and this was me for a long time. I just didn't know
00:38:16.960
quite how to build it. We've done all of that legwork in gathering strong, motivated, ambitious
00:38:22.740
men. All you have to do is tap into it and utilize the resources that we've been developing for
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almost four years now. So if you're interested, you want to learn more head to order of man.com
00:38:33.340
slash iron council. Again, that's order of man.com slash iron council. You can lock in your spot there.
00:38:39.840
Make sure to do that after the show for now, we'll get back to the conversation with Bobby.
00:38:43.560
What do you think about writing stuff down that hasn't necessarily come true? Do you feel that
00:38:52.980
people will have this internal dialogue in their head and debate as to whether or not they will
00:38:57.360
actually accomplish that thing? No, because if you want something to happen, you have to believe it
00:39:01.820
100%. There can be no doubt in your mind. How do you eliminate that doubt though?
00:39:07.140
Uh, well, again, you've got to work at it. So a little bit about my background. I was bullied a
00:39:13.860
lot till I was 15. I didn't have a lot of self-confidence. Uh, I got beat up in grade nine.
00:39:18.980
These kids broke my collarbone, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Fast forward as an adult, I'm
00:39:25.420
sitting in the Mandalay Bay casino and resort, uh, before UFC fight and my brain's filled with negative
00:39:31.560
thoughts. I suck. I don't deserve to be here. This guy's better than me. There's 20,000 people
00:39:36.640
in the audience. I'm scared. Long story short, I lost that fight bad. So I went to a sports
00:39:42.040
psychologist and he had me do all these exercises to drown out negative thoughts and fill my head
00:39:47.100
with positive ones. My next fight, I destroyed a person I should have lost to. Everyone thought I
00:39:53.120
was going to lose that fight. So what did I do? I fired my sports psychologist and I was done.
00:39:57.740
I was cured. All the negative thoughts came back from my next fight three months later and I lost.
00:40:03.460
And that taught me that moment. I talk about these turning points in my life. That turning point taught
00:40:08.780
me that forever, this is something I have to work on. This is something I need to put effort into.
00:40:15.260
And training your brain is the same thing as training your body. If you don't work at it,
00:40:18.780
you lose it. And so what I would want you to do is every day, maybe wake up and write down five
00:40:26.460
reasons you are going to be successful. Another thing I do, and I talk about this a lot,
00:40:31.040
it's green dot therapy. I've got little green dots. I sell them on my website now. You can get
00:40:37.320
them at office depot as well. And I put little green dots over everything I own, like the back
00:40:41.640
of my phone. And every time I see that green dot, I've got to think a positive thought about myself.
00:40:46.240
Hmm. Just a, just a trigger of sorts to, to get you thinking in that mindset.
00:40:49.860
Exactly. So I, I, if I'm you, I look at that green dot and I say,
00:40:54.440
I've interviewed over a hundred people. I'm really good at doing podcasts. And then I go about
00:41:00.480
my day. Interesting. And then the next time I see the green dot, I go, I have a really expensive
00:41:06.160
microphone and recording kit. Good. And then the next time I see a green dot, I think, wow,
00:41:11.320
I have a really good editing program. And then I look at the green dot. I think I'm actually a really
00:41:15.340
good editor. You start to believe this stuff after a while. That's interesting. I, I like that
00:41:21.400
because everybody talks about, Oh, you have to be positive, have positive thoughts. And yet very
00:41:26.080
rarely do you have somebody who actually shares the practical application or how to begin to
00:41:31.020
program this into your mind. Well, that's what you have to do. And that's what you're doing.
00:41:35.380
You're programming. You're building yourself up like either that, or my favorite term in the sports
00:41:41.200
world is you really, you need a really good hype man. How do you mean? Are you talking about you
00:41:47.020
individually or somebody else? What do you mean? No, like you need a guy in your crew. That's your
00:41:51.740
hype man. Sure. You up. Right. Yeah. I had a friend, his name is Joe and Joe, I hope you're
00:41:58.760
listening, but man, that guy made me feel good about myself. He would always tell other people
00:42:04.960
in front of me how strong I was, what a bad-ass fighter I was, how good I was at stuff. You need a
00:42:10.900
hype man, a guy that's going to promote you. Do you feel that has any negative connotation? Like
00:42:15.580
you begin to believe something about you that isn't necessarily true and in a way, let your guard
00:42:19.840
down. You know what? I actually don't. And here's why we are surrounded by so much negativity these
00:42:28.200
days. And listen, here's what really bugs me. Why can't I be proud of what I do? The minute you
00:42:37.400
have the nerve to say that you have a good podcast, guess what people do? They call me
00:42:43.200
hockey, Eric, jealous. Like there was a thing with LeBron James. Every year he was been asked,
00:42:51.920
should you be the MVP? And his answer's always, I'm just proud to be nominated with the other great
00:42:58.640
basketball players. And you know what people do? They shit on them for that. Of course.
00:43:01.800
But this year he was asked, should he be MVP? And he goes, I'd vote for myself. We're like,
00:43:07.740
what? He goes, I've been the best player in the league for 10 years. I would vote for myself. I
00:43:13.880
played more minutes than anybody. I score more than anybody. Yeah. I vote for me. And then you had this
00:43:18.640
whole group of people that were like, they're blown away. Like, how can you say this? Yeah.
00:43:22.360
Well, what's LeBron James supposed to say that he's stuck at basketball?
00:43:26.540
Right. It's like, he's one of the ultimate competitors. Yeah. You don't want, he doesn't
00:43:31.980
want to be a loser. That's not his ambition. So yeah, he should be in a position where he feels
00:43:36.260
confident voting for himself. Well, the other thing is, and I've been in this position as a
00:43:40.120
fighter. When people find out I was in the UFC, they have all kinds of questions. And someone says,
00:43:45.460
you think you're pretty good at fighting, right? How the hell am I supposed to answer that?
00:43:49.760
If I say, no, I sucked. They think I'm being an asshole. If I say, yeah, I was a really good
00:43:56.320
fighter. I'm being a cocky, arrogant prick. I don't get it. It's because people are really
00:44:02.100
uncomfortable when you're proud of yourself for something you've accomplished.
00:44:05.960
So what you're saying is there's enough negativity out there that you don't need to worry about having
00:44:10.000
negativity around you to keep you humble. Cause it's going to happen anyways.
00:44:13.520
I want as much positive shit around me as I can get.
00:44:17.820
Because that's going to build me up because like I said, people will try to tear me down
00:44:23.580
at any opportunity. Yeah. That's a great point. It's a great perspective. What do you mean when
00:44:28.880
you talk about killing your governor? Cause this is one of the things that you're talking about as
00:44:32.400
well. And, you know, overcoming some of the challenges that you might face. What are you
00:44:35.720
referring to when you say that? Really what it comes down to is self-imposed limitations. We have
00:44:39.820
this internal shutoff where we don't really believe, or we don't think we can do something.
00:44:44.580
There's actually a psychological and physical component to this. The psychological component
00:44:49.140
is self-imposed limitations where your governors or something in your brain right now, Ryan,
00:44:54.480
that's telling you, you will never get over 50,000 followers on Instagram.
00:44:58.160
But why do we do that? Is that to keep us safe in some form or, or, or what is it?
00:45:03.180
It's multifaceted. I mean, if I could figure out the answer to that, I probably wouldn't be doing
00:45:08.280
what I'm doing. I would probably be teaching at Harvard or Oxford or Yale or something like that.
00:45:12.740
But the reality is I think it's self-protection because that way we can never be scared of fail.
00:45:19.100
I mean, we're scared of failing. So if you put something out there and you believe it and you
00:45:23.200
don't get it, it's really disappointing. So there's a self-protection mechanism there for sure.
00:45:28.300
But there's also, again, all these negative voices. I mean, when I quit my job being a police
00:45:34.040
officer to move down here, there were a lot of people that said, Bobby, don't throw your life away.
00:45:39.140
Bobby, you're giving up a good job. Bobby, what if you fail? Why are you moving to another country?
00:45:44.660
Your family doesn't live there. Like the negativity I got about how I was going to fail
00:45:50.640
was overwhelming. Think about a lifetime of that and the effect that that's had on your brain.
00:45:56.980
How did you overcome that mentally? Because I'm sure some of that, I mean, let's be reasonable.
00:46:01.360
I'm sure some of that to some degree did get to you and it got inside your head a little bit.
00:46:05.680
I imagine, I don't want to put words in your mouth, but how do you overcome that?
00:46:09.140
Fortunately, work with my sports psychologist. Guy's name is Brian Cain. If you want to know
00:46:15.960
where, I mean, a lot of the stuff that I've done over the last 10 years has been heavily
00:46:21.740
Was that your original sports psychologist that you fired and then did you hire him back
00:46:27.880
And he taught me a ton and a really humble guy, really, really good person, really knows his stuff.
00:46:34.700
The thing he taught me was the 10 words that will ruin your life or what will other people say and
00:46:39.580
what will other people think? And I had to work at blocking negative voices out to the point where
00:46:47.820
one of the exercises he had me do was sit in a corner and repeat over and over again.
00:46:53.600
I don't give a damn. I don't give a damn. I don't give a damn until I believe that shit.
00:47:00.980
Yeah. And that's a challenge because obviously most, most of us do to varying degrees, but man,
00:47:08.020
that is a challenge not to care what other people think about you.
00:47:10.940
Yup. But it ruins you. And so if you think of a lifetime of negativity, there's this governor there.
00:47:16.380
So we have these self-imposed limitations. Well, physically it's a little bit different.
00:47:21.540
Pain is a governor or can you push yourself through pain? That's a hard one.
00:47:26.760
Well, and I imagine it's hard because if it's acute enough pain or severe enough,
00:47:31.900
it might actually be signaling to yourself that there's an injury you ought to be aware of
00:47:35.140
versus this is pain. That's just making you feel a little uncomfortable and you got to work past it.
00:47:40.000
Yup. And uncomfort. I mean, discomfort, I guess not uncomfort.
00:47:43.380
Discomfort shows you what a $30,000 English degree got me. Um, some, some discomfort will
00:47:49.840
shut people down. How do you know in your mind, what's just going to be uncomfortable and what is
00:47:54.760
a potential red flag you got to be aware of? Or do you just intrinsically know, like, does,
00:47:58.680
do people already know that? I think people intrinsically know and people that say they
00:48:02.800
don't know are full of shit. You know, when you're hurt or injured. Yeah. I agree with that.
00:48:07.480
You kind of quit on me one day in the gym and I'm like, Hey Ryan, what's going on? Oh,
00:48:10.900
my knee hurts. How bad does it hurt? Like, you know, when you've done something versus not done
00:48:16.620
something, you know what I mean? I'm sorry, your heart's racing a little fast and you feel some
00:48:20.760
acidity in your muscles and your legs burn. You're clearly not hurt. Sorry, not injured,
00:48:25.560
not injured. Right. Right. You might be hurting, but you're not injured. You know,
00:48:28.640
what's also funny about this is, uh, the other day there's a mountain. I'm looking at it right now,
00:48:32.360
just outside of my window. And a couple of months ago, I decided to start doing some trail running.
00:48:37.040
And when I started, I could literally get up this little trail about a 10th of a mile
00:48:42.060
because it's pretty steep in some areas without having to stop and walk for a certain distance.
00:48:46.800
And just yesterday, as of this recording, I ran to the top, which is about, it's just under a mile
00:48:51.900
and a half. I ran to the top without stopping. And yet, you know, I've, I've been doing it for a
00:48:56.360
couple of months. So I obviously there's, there's something there for sure. I've built up some muscles
00:48:59.920
or whatever it may be. But I think the other side of it, I was thinking about this yesterday
00:49:03.440
is that I had in my mind before I went to the mountain, I had in my mindset, I'm going to run
00:49:10.320
the entire way. And so I expanded my goal. And therefore, when I got to the place, which is 0.6
00:49:17.160
miles where I usually stop, I just kept going, not because I was more capable of doing it, but because
00:49:22.480
in my mind, I had a new goal, a new objective that was greater than what I had previously done.
00:49:28.100
So I ascribed to that. It's a lot of it is just your mindset and how you approach the goals and
00:49:33.540
the things you want to accomplish. Well, let me ask you a question. Did you make it to the top
00:49:37.140
of the mountain day one? No, no, not even close. Let me ask you another question. Do you want to
00:49:41.280
be rich? Yes. What if I put a bag of $10 million at the top of the mountain? You would have ran your
00:49:46.980
ass up day one. That's true. That's a good point. Really good point. That's what I mean where people
00:49:51.440
want it. You think about how you're motivated, but like you want to do something for your kids. You want
00:49:56.280
to build a better life for them. You put a bag of money at the top of that thing. You'll figure out
00:50:00.340
how to run up there day one. Well, I think the challenge though, is that people have a hard time
00:50:04.860
connecting in this case, running up the mountain and having $10 million. Although it's very likely
00:50:12.300
that if you continue to do that, you will achieve that level of wealth and significantly more.
00:50:17.200
No, for sure. But there's something about you that's got to believe, you know? And again,
00:50:22.240
we live in a society where if you do believe in yourself, you're an asshole.
00:50:25.020
Yeah. People are going to put you down. You know, you're arrogant, you're cocky,
00:50:28.240
you're egotistical, and you're an a-hole. And then you start to believe that stuff.
00:50:32.560
I just don't understand where confidence became a negative in people's eyes. I don't see anything
00:50:38.640
wrong with that. I like confident people because it means they believe in themselves and hopefully
00:50:42.720
there's something I can learn from those individuals. People are insecure. That's why.
00:50:47.180
Yeah. Yeah. A confident person. I mean, you're assertive. You know, we're having this conversation.
00:50:50.840
You're fit. You're assertive. You communicate well. And so I think people are going to be
00:50:55.380
naturally intimidated by that. Well, here's the deal. I'm actually going to bring up my wife.
00:51:00.360
My wife grew up in a very affluent part of the country, but it was also very insecure and very
00:51:07.300
showy. People are very insecure there. And it's all about what car you drive, what tie you wear,
00:51:13.000
what shoes you wear. That's what people value. So my wife always had some self-image issues. And she talks
00:51:18.540
about this on her Instagram a lot. And I'm very proud of her by doing a lot of self-work. She
00:51:25.280
really learned to love herself. And the moment that that transformation was complete, she cut off
00:51:32.060
all her hair. So she went from a girl who before she used to hide behind her hair extensions, hide
00:51:38.480
behind her makeup, hide behind her jewelry. All of a sudden, you know, the makeup gets cut in half,
00:51:44.300
hair's super short, and she loves herself. It's amazing from the outside how sexy she's become as a
00:51:52.500
woman. Oh, of course. Because she's got that. But it's also funny, the people that she used to know
00:51:58.780
that have to make negative comments about her hair being short, that had to just take little digs.
00:52:04.840
And you know what it is? It's not the hair. What we were able to come up with, it's the fact
00:52:09.480
that she's genuinely happy, and they sense it, and they fucking hate it.
00:52:14.180
That she's broken free from the chains that were keeping her back. And everybody else is still in
00:52:18.000
chains, and they don't want to do the work to unbind themselves.
00:52:20.580
Yeah, because hair extensions don't make you happy. Dresses don't make you happy. Shoes don't
00:52:24.620
make you happy. Your husband doesn't make you happy. Happiness has to come from within. And people sense
00:52:29.780
that you're really happy or really proud of yourself, and you've done the work. They hate it because it
00:52:36.200
makes them uncomfortable in their own skin. Well, and I think this goes back to what you
00:52:40.160
were saying is finding the right people. Because if you surround yourself with confident, assertive
00:52:43.820
people, there's no way that a confident, assertive person who values themselves is going to put her
00:52:50.060
down for that. Nope. And guess what else you see? Here's the other one that happens. I call it
00:52:54.400
termiting. Have you ever heard that term? No. Maybe I invented it. I'm going to take credit for it.
00:52:59.120
And I'll make sure I attribute it to you when I talk about it. Here's the deal. You have a couple.
00:53:03.080
They've been married for 20 years, and they're both out of shape. And the husband or the wife
00:53:10.140
decides, one of them decides they're going to get fit. So they start going to the gym. They start
00:53:16.240
getting fit. They start making sacrifices. And rather than the other person think, wow, my wife or
00:53:22.700
husband looks really good, or wow, I'm really proud of them. They're better for me, and they're better
00:53:27.020
for my kids. They get jealous, and they try to termite the other person and subversively
00:53:34.120
get in the way of their success. It happens a lot.
00:53:38.960
Oh, I hear about it all the time. I hear these guys who want to improve their lives, and they're
00:53:42.560
like, my wife's not on board. And you hear these little things that she's doing that's undermining
00:53:48.120
the growth and expansion. We have a mastermind, for example, and I have guys in there whose wives
00:53:53.720
make fun of them for being part of a mastermind that is designed to help them grow and expand.
00:54:00.640
It's not just to be fair. It's not just women that do it to men. It's men that do it to women.
00:54:05.720
The minute their wife gets in better shape, the minute their wife becomes career-driven,
00:54:10.900
the minute their wife gets some self-confidence, these guys have got to put them down because
00:54:16.900
they can't handle a confident, driven woman in their life.
00:54:21.580
So is the answer then to that, let's take a guy who's feeling that way about his wife
00:54:26.120
or a friend or anybody else in his life, is the answer then just to turn inward and focus
00:54:31.540
on yourself so you can build the same level of self-confidence and love that that other
00:54:36.520
Yeah, focus on yourself. I mean, this actually, they talk about this being a problem where the
00:54:41.080
woman is the main earner in the household. You have guys having a problem with this.
00:54:47.120
Are you kidding me right now? I want my wife to make less money so I feel a little more secure.
00:54:56.680
Yep. My wife asked me this. She goes, what would you do if you had to stay home with the
00:55:00.600
kids all day? Hell yes. If you can figure it away, babe, to make money so I don't ever have
00:55:06.700
to work again, I will stay home all day and watch Thundercats and He-Man and work out.
00:55:11.920
I don't know if I could do that. Not because I would be upset that she was out earning just
00:55:19.040
Oh, I would love it. But my point is, is like, you really want your partner to make less than
00:55:27.140
And so that's where I think this stuff can get really dangerous, if you will. That's why
00:55:34.040
we hate other people's success because it somehow reflects poorly on us.
00:55:39.020
It really doesn't. That person has nothing to do with you.
00:55:41.820
Yeah, it's independent. What they're doing is independent of what you're doing.
00:55:45.280
Yep. And listen, my wife, I talk about her a lot, but she's pretty incredible. She just
00:55:51.480
deadlifted at a body weight of a buck 32. She deadlifted 380 pounds.
00:55:58.540
Oh, fuck. Yeah. And she, she is the strongest pound for pound person in this house.
00:56:04.880
Yeah. I'm psyched about it. I can sit here and be jealous. I could sit here and think like,
00:56:11.580
what if she becomes bigger than Bobby Maximus? But man, I'm the first one in line with a billboard
00:56:17.380
up saying, I'm proud of her and saying, why not 500?
00:56:24.320
Keep going. Like you be the best in the world. I'd love to be able to say my wife was the
00:56:32.580
That's cool. That says a lot about not only her, but this is a lot about you too. And your
00:56:36.240
level of confidence in who you are and what you're doing.
00:56:39.040
Yeah. And that's how it should be. We're a unit. We're a team. When she wins, I win.
00:56:43.480
When I win, she wins. So why get jealous over the people's success?
00:56:47.280
Yeah. Great point. Well, Hey Bobby, we're bumping up against time here. This has actually been a
00:56:51.180
really fascinating conversation and, and a conversation that went in a completely different
00:56:55.560
direction than I initially thought it would. And there's so much more that we can talk about.
00:56:59.960
And maybe we'll have to do a round two. Uh, but for the sake of time, I do want to ask you a couple
00:57:04.020
additional questions. Uh, the first one is what does it mean to be a man?
00:57:09.060
You know, I've actually thought about this a lot and there's this, it's actually funny. There's this
00:57:14.640
movement afoot where there's almost an anti-man movement. Have you heard of this where
00:57:20.100
in any way or so men are almost like encouraged to become softer and feminine, but yeah. But at the
00:57:28.160
same time, there's a lot of dads out there that see their kids every second weekend. Like you'd think
00:57:34.720
if I'm supposed to be a more sensitive guy, I'd be a better dad, but that's not okay either. Like I
00:57:41.180
only want my kids every second weekend, which is bullshit. So being a man to me, really what it
00:57:47.980
comes down to is doing the right thing. Even when no one's watching and setting a better example
00:57:53.980
for your children. It's powerful. I wholeheartedly agree with that.
00:57:58.700
It's just funny to me because you want me to be more sensitive. You want me to be more,
00:58:02.100
and I'm going to yell at anyone or, or put anyone down who's in any way aggressive,
00:58:06.880
but I'm not even going to spend time with my own kids. It makes me sick.
00:58:11.860
Yeah. I think we do have this. It is saddening because there's so many young boys and girls who
00:58:18.420
are growing up without father figures. They just, they just are. And there's a lot of reasons for
00:58:22.940
that and it's all unfortunate, but yeah, I think we have a huge moral obligation to be
00:58:27.120
engaged in our children's lives. Yeah. And really I could word it another way. That's like
00:58:31.740
more flashy for your podcast, but handle your business. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.
00:58:37.080
Just handle your business. The situation you created, you handle that shit. That is how I
00:58:44.580
would word it. Nice. Nice. Well, uh, how do we connect with you? Learn more about what you're
00:58:48.860
doing? Where's the website? The, uh, I know you're busy on, uh, Instagram. How do we, uh,
00:58:52.500
how do we get synced up? Yeah, the, I could give you a million ways. It's either BobbyMaximus.com,
00:58:57.660
which is my website or go to my Instagram, which is at Bobby Maximus, those two. And then you'll
00:59:03.220
find your way to Twitter. You'll find your way to whatever you want, but those two. And I just
00:59:07.200
wanted to tell you, I'm a fan of what you do. I love your message. And I was really excited to do
00:59:11.920
this podcast. When you asked me to be on it, I was honored and humbled and I'm very grateful. So
00:59:16.240
thank you. Right on Bobby. I appreciate you again, completely different than I thought this
00:59:20.220
conversation would go, but so valid, so important and, uh, really glad that it went this route. So
00:59:25.440
appreciate you, man. Yeah. Thank you. Gentlemen, there it is. My conversation with Bobby Maximus.
00:59:30.880
I hope you enjoyed that one as much as I did. I know this is on a lot of guys' minds is training
00:59:34.960
and fitness and strengthening the mind. This has been a valuable, valuable resource for me. And of
00:59:41.320
course, with his new book, Maximus body, there's a lot of cool resources, tools, and strategies for
00:59:47.360
improving your mindset and your fitness. So make sure you check it out. Make sure you also connect with
00:59:52.660
him on social media, Instagram. He's very active over there as am I at Ryan Mickler connect with us
00:59:58.040
on Twitter at order of man. Let us know what you thought about the show. Go pick up a copy of the book
01:00:02.600
and just stay engaged guys. We need to be engaged in this fight. You know, I love that, that men are
01:00:07.900
coming here and they're listening to the podcast and they're engaged that way. But quite honestly,
01:00:11.880
we need you to go out into the world and spread this message with your families and your community
01:00:17.480
and your employees and employers, everybody in your life. We need to share this message. I appreciate
01:00:22.920
you being on this journey. I really do. We could not do this without you. And again, we need more men
01:00:27.540
in this fight. So guys, I'll leave you there for today until tomorrow for ask me anything and Friday
01:00:32.540
for our Friday field notes, go out there, be men, take action and become the man you are meant to be.
01:00:39.660
Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be
01:00:44.800
more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.