Order of Man - Hardening the Body and Mind ｜ BOBBY MAXIMUS

00:00:00.000 Each and every one of us has a desire to strengthen our bodies and minds.

00:00:03.560 Why is it then that so many men struggle when it comes to the training they know will improve

00:00:08.120 every area of their lives? This is a question my guest Bobby Maximus has been answering for

00:00:12.820 his training clients for years and helping them bridge the gap between where they are now and

00:00:17.940 where they want to be. Today we talk about the psychology of training, how to eliminate the

00:00:22.820 excuses that creep in, why you should reframe self-improvement as self-work, and how to harden

00:00:29.100 the body and mind. You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and

00:00:34.720 boldly chart your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:40.780 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is

00:00:47.420 who you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:53.140 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Mickler and I am

00:00:58.540 the host and the founder of this podcast, The Order of Men. As I do every single week, I want to

00:01:03.120 welcome you. I'm glad that you're on this journey. Whether you're just joining us for the first time

00:01:06.980 or you've been with us for any amount of time, the truth is we need more men in this fight. So I

00:01:11.220 appreciate you being here. Of course, I appreciate you sharing the message. If you would share it,

00:01:15.920 subscribe, leave a rating and review for this podcast. It goes a long way in promoting the work

00:01:21.160 that we're doing here, which is to reclaim and restore what it means to be a man. And the way that we do

00:01:26.840 that specifically here in the podcast is we're interviewing some of the world's most successful

00:01:30.700 men, guys like Bobby Maximus, my guest today, Jocko Willink, Andy Frisilla, Grant Cardone,

00:01:36.480 Tim Kennedy, Dakota Meyer. The list just goes on and on of the incredible guests and the quality and

00:01:42.380 caliber of the men that we've been able to have on this show. So again, welcome. We also have a

00:01:47.780 Wednesday show, which will be released obviously tomorrow. If you're listening to this on, on Tuesday,

00:01:51.840 it's the ask me anything with me and my co-host Kip Sorensen. And then we've got our Friday field

00:01:57.740 notes, which is on Friday. And that is a show where you get to hear from me, my thoughts and

00:02:03.160 ideas about masculinity and being a better father and a better husband and a better community leader,

00:02:07.960 business owner, every single facet of life that you're showing up as again, it's my job to give

00:02:12.660 you the resources and the tools that you need to become a better man in your life. So again, glad that

00:02:18.480 you're on this journey today. Things have been busy around here. Got a lot of cool things going on.

00:02:23.020 I just started my third quarter planning. I do this every single quarter. I come up with some goals

00:02:30.060 and objectives I want to accomplish. And one of the objectives that I have been working towards

00:02:34.400 is running a marathon. Now, some of you might say not a big deal for me. It is. I hate, I hate running.

00:02:41.220 In fact, it's miserable for me, but the other day I did go run a 10 K. I didn't anticipate running

00:02:47.540 that far, but it felt pretty good. So I just kept going and felt pretty good about that. But man, my knees

00:02:52.680 and my ankle were a little bit banged up after. And I wanted to mention this to you because I've been

00:02:58.720 taking a supplement that I think you might be interested in. And that is the joint warfare and super

00:03:05.480 krill by origin main. Now that's Jocko's line. And these guys are friends of mine. I've been working

00:03:11.660 with them for months now and I use most of their products. Again, I've, I've used the super krill

00:03:18.020 and the joint warfare quite a bit as I've increased my training regimen specifically with regards to

00:03:22.620 running and Brazilian jujitsu, but I use also their mulk, which is their protein drink. And then of

00:03:28.780 course they have geese and rash guards and training gear and lifestyle apparel. They've got so much

00:03:33.220 good stuff going on over there at origin main. If you haven't checked it out, make sure you do

00:03:37.080 origin main.com and then use the code order O-R-D-E-R at checkout. I know a lot of you have

00:03:43.560 used that code guys. You're going to get 10% off. So if you're using them anyways, just make sure to

00:03:48.440 use that code order to get 10% off on your order. That's the joint warfare, the super krill, the

00:03:53.880 mulk. I just got a package from those guys with a drink for kids. It's not sugary, but it's a healthy

00:04:00.760 supplement for kids as well. And of course they've got their training gear and lifestyle apparel again,

00:04:06.060 origin main.com and then use order at checkout. That's it by way of announcements. With that said,

00:04:12.060 guys, let me just introduce you here to Bobby. I've been looking forward to introducing you to

00:04:15.980 him for some time now. He's been in the fitness and health industry for more than a decade. He

00:04:22.400 served as the general manager and the training director and also the lead seminar instructor

00:04:28.040 at Jim Jones. He was named as men's health, 100 fittest men of all time. And then in addition to

00:04:34.720 that, if that's not enough, he's a former police officer for the Toronto police service, a former

00:04:39.900 UFC fighter and holds a bachelor's degree in psychology, English, and education. So needless

00:04:46.720 to say, this is a man who understands both the body and the mind in a way that not many people do.

00:04:52.100 And I couldn't be more excited to talk with him about hardening and strengthening both.

00:04:59.220 Bobby, what's up, man? Thanks for joining me on the show today.

00:05:01.520 Hey Ryan, thank you for having me. It's an honor.

00:05:03.140 Yeah. I've been looking forward to this conversation. You sent me your book and I've

00:05:05.980 been going through this. I got to be honest. I was a little skeptical at first because I do get a lot

00:05:09.560 of books like this and fitness related conversations want to be had, but I was actually really pleasantly

00:05:14.740 surprised with the depth of the book itself. Cause you talk a lot more about the psychology and the

00:05:19.900 mind as opposed to what specific workouts, although you do get into that as well.

00:05:24.820 Yep. And honestly, I take no offense to that because the reality is if you go to Barnes and Noble,

00:05:29.880 and this is an experience I had, I went to the Barnes and Noble to buy my own book. 0.71

00:05:34.040 Looking through the fitness section of Barnes and Noble, there's so much garbage out there.

00:05:37.980 And listen, I don't want to be a judgmental at any other product somebody puts out because it does 0.74

00:05:43.400 take a lot of work and I get it, but there's so much misinformation out there. I get how my book

00:05:49.680 gets lumped in with those other guys, so to speak.

00:05:52.160 It just seems to me that within health and fitness, there is just an abundance of misinformation and

00:05:59.080 it seems to be more prevalent than other areas of life.

00:06:01.960 Everyone's looking for something for nothing. That's the deal. And I can say that a million

00:06:06.820 different ways, but in life, people don't want to work hard anymore. We want it handed to us. I mean,

00:06:12.480 it's a problem. I don't necessarily agree with the term millennials. And it seems that all of us 0.97

00:06:17.520 old guys, I mean, I'm almost 40 now. I want to blame shit on millennials, right? The reality is 1.00

00:06:22.280 it used to be when you come into a job, if you were hired to work at a desk and a truck needed

00:06:29.000 unloading, you would get your ass out of that desk and you would go help unload the truck because 0.89

00:06:33.220 that's what needed to be done. Now there's this expectation of that's not my job description. 0.96

00:06:39.020 I should get promoted right away or get a raise or make a little extra money for doing that.

00:06:44.240 Exactly. Why am I reporting to this guy? I have more education.

00:06:47.520 than him. I mean, there's this certain element of entitlement in our society now that nobody wants

00:06:53.080 to do any, what I'll call self-work, whether that's psychological or physical. And we all want

00:06:59.720 the easy solution. I mean, even today, and it makes me sick. If you go into a doctor and tell them,

00:07:05.540 you tell them you have a tough relationship with your wife, he'll just prescribe you some

00:07:10.580 antidepressants or some testosterone and tell you to get over it. Right.

00:07:13.840 Well, why not go to therapy? Why not talk? Why not just try a little harder? Like that's the

00:07:19.940 reality, but we're, we're a society now that just is looking for an easy solution. And that's

00:07:23.980 unfortunately what's else. I think it's, it would also be easy just to say, well, well, obviously,

00:07:29.540 and just skim the surface on why that is, but do you have any suggestions or thoughts or insights

00:07:35.300 that go a little deeper than the surface level as to why we are looking for the easy route and the

00:07:41.140 easy solution? I think a lot of people today are coddled. I think we're raising a society of

00:07:47.180 children that everybody's a winner and everybody gets a chance. And I've also noticed that we live

00:07:52.560 in a society where, and, and there's a fine line here. I don't think trolling people on Instagram is

00:07:58.620 okay. And I don't think being mean to a person for no reason is okay. But we also live in a society

00:08:06.080 where we placate others. Yeah. I mean, I don't think you have to be mean in order to have a

00:08:12.200 disagreement. No. And we always make by placate others, we make excuses for other people's behavior.

00:08:18.860 Whatever happened to the days when you could just call an asshole, an asshole, right now it's, 0.99

00:08:24.760 well, somebody has a problem. Yeah. Well, what about their feelings or what about their background or 1.00

00:08:29.720 well, what about it? They've still decided to respond a certain way and it is not beneficial for

00:08:34.420 them or anybody else you're dealing with. Exactly. And you hear excuses made for people

00:08:38.940 all the time. And it used to never be like that. Well, it's interesting coming from,

00:08:43.160 because you have a major in psychology as well. So not only do you have the fitness side and the

00:08:47.500 physique in check, obviously, but you've got the mindset component in place too.

00:08:52.480 Yeah. And sorry for that. My dog's going crazy for a minute, but, um, probably a FedEx guy at the

00:08:57.540 door or something like that. They go nuts. I'm not dog trainer in the world. Just so you guys out

00:09:01.980 there. No. Mike Ritland, we have a, uh, with another show. So if you guys want a dog trainer,

00:09:06.160 go back and listen to that show. Cause it's really good. In fact, I'll give you an introduction to him.

00:09:09.600 Good. I'll check it out. But, um, back to your question about the psychology. I really think the

00:09:13.740 psychology aspect has helped me more in terms of being a good trainer and good coach in any other

00:09:19.020 area of my life. Yeah. I, it seems like once you get that in check, I'm not going to say everything

00:09:25.640 else is easier, but I think it ties everything else together. Well, the reality is training is easy.

00:09:31.980 At the end of the day, you're just picking shit up and putting it down. 0.99

00:09:35.040 Yeah. Simple, right? Very simple. 1.00

00:09:36.960 Yeah. I mean, I'm going to guess, and maybe there's some people listening out there that

00:09:40.660 were Olympic champions. Maybe there's some people that are, you know, professional basketball

00:09:44.760 players or, or professional football players or things like that, where fitness really does

00:09:49.220 matter. And you're at the top of your, your, your game. But for most of us, we just want to look

00:09:53.880 good naked. That's everybody's goal. You want to be a little stronger, have some good cardio,

00:09:58.900 be able to make love to your wife a little more, be a better dad for your kids, be able

00:10:03.860 to handle anything that kind of comes your way, like chop wood in the backyard or change

00:10:08.440 a tire on your car. And really you can accomplish that doing anything. It doesn't matter if it's

00:10:13.380 body weight, kettlebells, barbells, clubs, that becomes the easy part. Cause again, it's picking

00:10:19.080 shit up and putting it down. It's not complicated. It's the psychological stuff that really holds 0.99

00:10:24.300 people back. It's the, am I going to show up today? Am I going to make an effort? Am I

00:10:29.120 drinking enough water? Am I willing to make a sacrifice on my diet? That's the stuff that

00:10:33.660 gets people. And it's all psychological. And we could break this down and talk about so many

00:10:37.380 different avenues. Let's just pull some of those that you talk about. And we'll talk about the

00:10:41.580 dieting thing. Cause I know that's a big issue. And I, I think most people probably know that

00:10:46.100 if they can get their diet in check, I mean, that would drastically, drastically improve their

00:10:50.740 level of health and fitness. And yet it's something that we have a hard time doing. We can do it for

00:10:55.040 30 days or 60 days for the beach body, but we can't do it for, for life, frankly.

00:11:00.820 And it's because we lack accountability. Listen, everyone knows how to eat healthy.

00:11:06.720 If I was to say, if you were a guy that knew nothing about diet, you're just an average guy

00:11:10.700 working in an office. And I said, is Popeye's chicken healthy? You would say no. Is pizza healthy?

00:11:16.900 You would say no. If I held up a bag of chips and said, is this healthy? You would say no.

00:11:20.720 If I held up chicken breast and said, is this good for you? You would say yes. People know the

00:11:25.860 right and wrong things to do. Of course. Of course. They're just not willing to do it. So what do they

00:11:30.800 do? They run out and look for all of these fad diets because that's what's somehow going to solve 1.00

00:11:36.900 the problem. That's not the problem. The problem is between their ears. Their problem is saying no to

00:11:43.400 something they know they shouldn't have. Their problem is doing a table push away and cutting off their

00:11:49.660 meal a little early. Their problem is not drinking on the weekend. I mean, those are the things that

00:11:55.720 get people in trouble. It has nothing to do with knowledge. So how does accountability tie in? Is this

00:12:00.360 finding somebody else to be accountable to? Is it self accountability? What does this actually look

00:12:04.440 like? It comes down to how bad you want something. And it's amazing when somebody wants something bad

00:12:11.740 enough, how their behavior changes. I was training a guy once. I've been training people for years and I got

00:12:17.300 my start in a global gym. Global gym is an affectionate term for a gold to 24 seven, a lifetime,

00:12:24.780 a good life fitness if you're out of Canada, but a big box gym. And I was training a guy who literally

00:12:31.180 could not stop eating nuts. So he couldn't lose weight. He was eating trail mix, cashews, macadamia

00:12:37.520 nuts, Brazil nuts, like whatever nuts he could get his hands on, he would eat. So he couldn't lose weight.

00:12:42.240 And it was frustrating for me because he said he wanted to lose weight. He said he wanted to get

00:12:46.940 fit, but he was eating thousands of calories a day and just this stuff. And so we kind of parted

00:12:54.260 ways. I moved away, pursued my dream of being a professional fighter and a police officer and did

00:12:59.800 this other stuff. And I wasn't training him anymore. Well, a few years later, we got in touch talking to

00:13:04.360 him. He'd finally lost the weight. I said, what happened? He said, well, I quit eating nuts.

00:13:09.820 The same thing. I'm sure you were advising years earlier.

00:13:12.660 Yeah. And I'm like, well, what brought that change on? Cause you said you couldn't.

00:13:16.060 He had a kid that was born with a severe nut allergy and quit that shit overnight. 1.00

00:13:21.660 Really interesting. 1.00

00:13:23.060 Well, there was a serious penalty if he ate them.

00:13:25.240 Yeah. Life and death.

00:13:26.360 Life or death. And he was done. So that always taught me that moment taught me anyone is capable

00:13:32.580 of anything. If they want something bad enough and they have the right, what I'll call internal or

00:13:38.640 external motivation. Well, let's break that down because I think it's really easy. In fact,

00:13:43.120 anybody who's listened to this podcast for any amount of time has heard me say, or anybody else

00:13:47.000 say that, Oh, you just have to have your why, or you just have to know the reason behind it and

00:13:51.580 everything else will fall into place. And yet I talk with people every day who say, you know,

00:13:55.680 I've got my kids to me. That's a strong why. And yet they aren't able to bridge that gap between

00:14:02.260 what they know they should be doing and what they're actually doing. So break this down a

00:14:06.680 little further for me. Okay. So internal motivation is something that you generally

00:14:12.360 want or genuinely want for yourself. And it's something intrinsic. I can't tell you why I

00:14:19.740 wanted to be one of the best fighters in the world. I just really wanted to, and it made me feel

00:14:24.740 good. And those can be powerful drivers for people. I feel that way. One of the reasons why I'm so

00:14:30.560 fit is because I love being fit. The gym has always been my anchor. It's the one place that

00:14:38.520 I have where I'm in complete control over. I can be the best husband in the world. And my marriage

00:14:43.700 could fall apart. I could be the best dad in the world. And my kids could turn out horrible. I could

00:14:47.760 work as hard as I could. And my business could fail because of factors that are beyond my control.

00:14:53.020 The reality with the gym is if I show up every day and work hard, good things will happen. And no one

00:14:58.440 can ever take that away from me. So it's very intrinsically or internally motivating. I genuinely

00:15:04.200 love it. External motivators, on the other hand, are things like money, success, a prize. Think of,

00:15:13.220 have you seen the show, The Biggest Loser? Sure. So think of The Biggest Loser House. Well,

00:15:18.120 there's a lot of external motivation, both positive and negative. Positive, if you win,

00:15:23.300 you get a quarter of a million dollars. Right. If you lose, there's some sense of shame on TV,

00:15:29.320 I guess. Right. In front of everybody. Yeah. You put yourself out there and you didn't succeed.

00:15:33.940 So there's very powerful internal and external motivators. And it's usually what people need

00:15:40.220 to get better because people inherently aren't intrinsically motivated to be fit. It's not high

00:15:46.700 on people's list. I'm assuming that these are just different levels. External motivation isn't bad

00:15:52.540 if it's producing the result, correct? Nope. Exactly. But then the deeper level would be

00:15:59.060 this intrinsic. Can you make and bridge the gap between being externally motivated and internally

00:16:04.960 motivated? And do you even need to? You know, I think that's a nature nurture question.

00:16:10.560 Why was Eric Clapton or Eddie Van Halen drawn to play the guitar? I have no idea. Why is my son

00:16:19.040 drawn to working out? Is it because I work out so much? Is it because it's all he's ever known? I

00:16:24.260 mean, he was in a gym. Both kids have been in a gym since they've been in diapers. Sure. So I think

00:16:30.500 there is some genetic component to it where you just love what you love. You know, my nine-year-old son

00:16:37.240 said to me and my wife the other day, he goes, I really want to take violin lessons. And I was like,

00:16:43.200 where did that come from? Yeah. Random, right? That's some, he didn't come from me. I'll tell

00:16:47.760 you that. Some internal driver there. So we're going to talk about buying him a violin. And on

00:16:53.900 the other hand, he might not give a shit about martial arts or fighting, even though it was such 0.98

00:16:58.340 a big part of my life. So there is an internal component there you can't control. I think people 0.97

00:17:02.940 can learn to be internally motivated if they understand the value. And that's especially true

00:17:08.600 with working out. I think another people or another reason people don't want to get fit is

00:17:12.980 they don't understand how valuable it can be to your life. Yeah. That's a good point. Because I

00:17:17.160 think a lot of people to your point earlier think that, Oh, if I get fit, then I'll just look better

00:17:21.440 naked, which is true. And there's nothing wrong with that. Clothes will fit better. You'll, you'll be

00:17:26.160 more attractive. But what I don't think they have an easier time with, as far as making those

00:17:30.760 connections is that they'll make more, that their connections will be more powerful. The relationships

00:17:36.200 they have with their wife and their kids, that they'll have more energy to pursue interests that

00:17:41.300 are engaging to them. They'll live longer. They'll be happier, more fulfilled. I mean,

00:17:46.320 there's so much more than just looking good in front of that mirror. Well, hell I can promise you,

00:17:50.840 if you trained with me, I could make you better at doing your podcasts. I could make your business

00:17:55.940 better. I could make your Instagram better by getting you more fit. People don't understand how that

00:18:00.740 happens. They don't understand the link between those, but it's the truth. And that's the

00:18:06.180 reason they're not intrinsically motivated because they don't see themselves getting something from

00:18:11.000 it, I guess. Hmm. How do you begin to bridge that gap for somebody? Or is it, they, is it just

00:18:15.820 something they have to experience? Uh, leading by example, teaching them, uh, and also showing them,

00:18:23.040 frankly. I mean, if someone can stick with me long enough that they can see a positive benefit,

00:18:27.380 they'll be hooked for life. It's just, can I get them? Can I shepherd them through that initial,

00:18:33.020 I'm going to call it three months of hell because when you start trying to get in shape, 0.99

00:18:38.780 it sucks. I'm not going to lie. I'd love to sugar coat it. I'm kind of giggling to myself right now, 0.98

00:18:44.700 but there's going to be some sore days. There's going to be some days you don't want to get out

00:18:48.440 of bed. There's going to be some days you're humiliated because you're a man and you can't

00:18:52.320 do five pushups and it's going to be a blow to your ego. Hmm. Not going to lie. But if you can get

00:18:58.200 through, if I can shepherd you through that initial three month period, you will be hooked.

00:19:03.520 Do you ever find the opposite of that? Because sometimes I look at it and let's take a guy who's

00:19:07.560 50 or 60 pounds overweight. I was 50 pounds overweight at one point. And the first three

00:19:13.540 months, like you said, we're hell physically, but I also could see some drastic improvement

00:19:19.040 almost overnight because the, the, you, you run into the law of diminishing returns after a longer

00:19:24.380 window, right? So now you're three months into this thing, you've lost 20, 30, 40 pounds.

00:19:29.940 And now the weight is not coming off as quickly. The gains aren't going up as fast. And so that could

00:19:37.280 become demotivating as well. Well, yes. And that's why I call three months also the danger zone.

00:19:43.640 That's the point where a lot of people quit because they've been through hell. It's been hard work

00:19:48.140 and now the rewards aren't as great. So will they continue? And the reality is you could look at this

00:19:55.220 from a million different sides. And when it comes to psychology and the brain, we as humans have such

00:20:02.260 a little understanding of what motivates people and makes them tick. It's individualized. And to each

00:20:09.280 person, there's a different scenario. Yeah. I guess it's just what a process of experimentation and seeing

00:20:14.900 what other people do, uh, to your point about accountability. I think having a coach like

00:20:19.040 yourself or somebody else who's gone through this, not only for themselves, but also with

00:20:24.280 thousands of other people will help get through that difficult time, that danger zone, and really

00:20:30.720 create these lifelong patterns and habits. True. But again, I'll bring it back to how bad you want

00:20:36.040 it because I can be the best coach in the world and you may not take advantage of it. Listen, that stuff

00:20:43.240 used to hurt my feelings where a corporation would hire me to come in and train some of their

00:20:47.600 employees. And I value myself. I think I'm one of the best trainers in the world. I've written a book

00:20:53.140 for men's health. I fought in a UFC. I think people should want to spend some time with me so they can

00:20:58.100 learn. And some people just didn't see the value in it. And I used to take that as an insult. Like

00:21:03.460 somehow I was less of a person because a person wasn't right. That you weren't a good coach, right?

00:21:08.420 Exactly. Wasn't interested in what I have to offer, but it's really about them. That's the

00:21:16.140 reality. And no matter how good I am at what I do, if you don't want it, I can't help you.

00:21:20.860 So here's the interesting dilemma that we run across is you have these men on one side of the

00:21:26.120 table who are highly, highly motivated, who are either already doing what they need to be doing

00:21:31.300 or are on the path. And they really don't probably need what we're talking about because they have the

00:21:36.280 intrinsic motivation to get going and to actually do it. Then you have this other subgroup of men who

00:21:42.480 talk about wanting to improve and they need it more than anybody else. And they're kind of on the

00:21:48.300 fence and what they say sounds good, but their actions aren't quite aligned with that. What

00:21:53.060 does that individual do? Because I know there's hundreds of thousands of people who are going to

00:21:57.780 listen to this podcast and that's the camp they're falling into. Like, I know I need to,

00:22:01.860 I want to, they just aren't quite to that other side of being intrinsically motivated to the degree

00:22:08.700 that they need to, to take that massive action. So do you want me to be optimistic, Bobby Maximus or

00:22:14.560 I want you to be Bobby. I want you to, I want you to be coach Bobby. That's what, that's what I'm

00:22:19.640 looking for. All right. Here's the reality. 10% of people, and I'm being generous here are always

00:22:26.060 going to do the right thing because it's the right thing to do. They don't steal. They don't cheat.

00:22:32.400 They don't lie across the board. They're just good people. It's actually truthfully, it's not 10%.

00:22:39.260 It's probably one out of every thousand people. Otherwise this world would be in a lot better

00:22:43.460 shape. Sure. Then about 50% of people, honestly, I'm just going to say it. They're beyond help.

00:22:50.080 They're always going to lie. They're always going to cheat. They're always going to steal.

00:22:52.800 They're, they're never going to do the work to better themselves. And they will always blame

00:22:57.660 other people for their problems. Yeah. The other people they're sitting in the middle and they'll

00:23:03.060 go either way. And it depends who they hang around. So I have this thing. You become who you hang

00:23:09.920 around. You're the average of the five people you spend the most time with. And you're, if you're

00:23:14.740 around people that are driven, motivated and hold themselves to a high standard, guess what you're

00:23:20.900 going to do, you'll do the same. If you're around the negative 50%, you will get dragged

00:23:27.080 down every single time. So what I tell people is if you're looking to make a change, if you're

00:23:33.340 looking to find that intrinsic motivation or your why, you don't know what you're doing.

00:23:37.360 Surround yourself with people who have figured it out. And luckily in this digital age, I can

00:23:42.540 listen to podcasts. I can be on Instagram. I can connect with a whole worldwide community

00:23:49.000 of people that I never would have had access to 20 years ago or 30 years ago.

00:23:53.960 It's true. I mean, that's how I've changed my life around. You go into the gym and it's

00:23:57.500 not just the gym, it's the people at the gym and you want to be and aspire to be like them

00:24:01.740 and be strong and be fit and be able to run around and do what they're doing. I mean, that's

00:24:05.880 just one facet of it, but you could take the podcasting or the business world or relationships

00:24:10.820 and it's a hundred percent true. I think a lot of people kind of believe that's up in the

00:24:15.240 sky and kind of woo woo and that there's no real tangible benefit of that, but man,

00:24:19.280 it's proven time and time again to be true.

00:24:23.320 Well, yeah. And this is going to be a shameless plug for us both, but if you're lacking a motivation,

00:24:28.680 listen to an order of man podcast and then go to Bobby Maximus's Instagram, get your motivation,

00:24:34.660 build your community and then inspire yourself to be better.

00:24:38.940 Yeah. A hundred percent.

00:24:39.920 Because you're somebody, frankly, I mean, I'm, I'm from a town of 1800 people. If the

00:24:44.740 world was like it was 20 years ago, I would have never heard of you. You would have never

00:24:48.880 connected. I mean, shit, I didn't even have an email 20 years ago. 0.99

00:24:52.280 Yeah. Yeah. 0.99

00:24:53.200 Like, yeah, yeah. You kind of got stuck with what you had. It's not like that anymore. You

00:24:59.720 have a whole, and people talk about the evils of social media and I could talk about that for

00:25:03.820 days about negativity and trolls and haters and all this stuff. But the reality is, I think

00:25:09.900 there's more positive than good.

00:25:11.520 I think there is. I agree with that. I think it's a, it's infinitely easier to focus on the

00:25:16.320 negativity. You know, you can get a hundred comments on Instagram, for example, and 98

00:25:20.760 of them will be positive and supportive and uplifting. And then you're focused on the two

00:25:24.260 and responding back and having conversations with the two a-holes that you shouldn't be engaged 0.86

00:25:28.460 with. 1.00

00:25:29.160 Oh, and shit. I'm bad for that. Like I've got a group of people that really dislike me. 1.00

00:25:34.500 Like it's funny because my, my whole thing is number one, if you dislike me so much,

00:25:39.280 why are you keeping tabs on me?

00:25:41.120 Yeah. Interesting. Right. You've got fans that pretend to hate you.

00:25:44.320 You know, I mean, here's the reality. If I hate what you do, Ryan, I can block you from

00:25:50.500 my life very easily. So why do I go to your page every day and look up what you do? Something's

00:25:57.080 off there to me.

00:25:58.220 Yeah. That's, that's warped for sure.

00:26:00.700 Number two, why am I going to take the time out of my day to make a comment or to get involved

00:26:07.460 in this kind of stuff? I obviously care a lot and they always say there's a thin line

00:26:11.420 between love and hate. What's the real issue here? Do you hate me or do you love me? What

00:26:16.880 is it? Because it seems from my side of the fence that you love me enough that you're invested

00:26:21.580 in me.

00:26:22.020 Yeah. Yeah. You're, you're investing time and energy into the relationship. That's true.

00:26:26.600 That's a good point.

00:26:27.600 Yup.

00:26:28.220 And that's exactly it. And so those are some of the negatives and listen, I can get, I

00:26:33.260 can go on for this for days, but I have a group of people right now and I suspect who

00:26:37.300 they are, but they make fake accounts and fake email addresses and then put comments

00:26:42.400 up. And here's the other thing with that. Even if I don't like you and even if I don't

00:26:48.020 like what you have to say, just be yourself. Like put a comment under Ryan Mishler and say,

00:26:56.380 Hey dude, I hate what you stand for. At least you're being a man about it. Like you guys

00:27:01.020 always talk about what it is to be a man. At least you're standing on your own two feet

00:27:04.420 and giving your opinion.

00:27:05.460 Yeah. Yeah.

00:27:06.160 Like what you're going to go and make a fake email and a fake Instagram account to try and

00:27:09.900 hurt my feelings. That's pretty sad.

00:27:12.160 Yeah. It's, it's interesting. I mean, it's, it's really sad how much we get consumed in other

00:27:17.620 people's lives. Like imagine if we put that much emphasis on our own lives as opposed to

00:27:22.680 other people's lives.

00:27:24.520 Well, and that's, that's another thing, right? We always blame others. And there's also this,

00:27:30.360 this is something else I've been going off on lately. There is this movement in society

00:27:35.720 that whenever you have a problem, you blame other people. And when anyone else is successful

00:27:41.940 and accomplishes something you didn't, you've got to devalue their success by putting some

00:27:47.840 excuse around it. Do you know why LeBron James is better at basketball than you? It's because

00:27:53.020 he had a better coach. It's because he's on steroids. It's because, uh, he just was given

00:27:59.340 some genetic gifts that you weren't given. It has nothing to do with the fact that the guys

00:28:04.160 played basketball 10 hours a day for his entire life. Couldn't be that.

00:28:07.840 Right. Couldn't be that.

00:28:09.100 And that means that you, if you want that, then you would have to do that too. And nobody

00:28:13.100 wants to do that to your point. As we started this conversation, the easy path, right?

00:28:17.500 Exactly. Michael Phelps, the reason he's such a good swimmer is because he has webbed feet

00:28:21.300 and his toes are a little bit longer than yours. And there was a pool in his hometown. And even

00:28:27.320 though you had a pool, his pool was somehow different. Like there's just all these, we like to tear

00:28:33.400 down successful people.

00:28:35.200 I think you actually mentioned this in the book too, because you talk about not, not

00:28:38.980 being special, right? That, that your situation isn't special. And I think it's so easy to

00:28:43.380 isolate ourselves probably because we're so familiar with what our own life is that somehow

00:28:49.320 we're different or we can't exercise because X, Y, and Z, or the genetics that we receive keep us

00:28:57.000 from losing weight as fast as the next guy. And so we think that our situation is unique when in

00:29:04.460 all reality, it's, it's just not, it's, we're very similar.

00:29:07.860 No. And speaking of Michael Phelps, you know, it makes him special. The fact that that man had the

00:29:12.700 work ethic to swim 1300 hours a year for 10 years straight, right? It's not his arm length. It's not

00:29:20.420 his leg length. It's not his height. It's not his webbed fingers or whatever people say he has.

00:29:26.420 It's the fact that he just showed up every day from, and think about this Monday to Friday, 0.98

00:29:34.320 9am till 4pm every damn day of the year. That's what it took to be good. 0.97

00:29:43.260 Let's hash on that a little bit because one of the premises in the book is that

00:29:46.820 you need to train for life, right? And we talked about earlier that anybody can,

00:29:51.360 can get the beach body and do the 30 or the 90 day thing. But man, until you can find

00:29:56.400 a way to do this as a way of life, I think you're going to have varying degrees of success

00:30:00.480 with regards to your health, any facet of life, really.

00:30:03.840 Yeah. And you got to make it part of your life. It's just got to be an everyday thing.

00:30:06.560 And I'll tell you with my kids, it's funny. My one and a half year old, he's obviously too young

00:30:11.940 to vocalize this, but my nine year old, he thinks working out is as normal as brushing your teeth.

00:30:21.760 Like, why do we brush your teeth? I don't know. We do it every day though. Why do you put socks on?

00:30:25.780 I don't know. It's what we do. Why do we work out? It's what we do every day.

00:30:29.140 We actually had a talk. This was pivotal in the way I think, uh, he had to be four

00:30:33.440 and it was a Sunday and I'd always taken Sundays off probably because our wrestling tournaments

00:30:40.000 in college were Saturday, Sunday. I had the shit beat out of me. I was sore. We just didn't train. 0.99

00:30:45.140 We had just that rest day. Yeah. Just, you needed a rest day. So Sunday was always the rest day.

00:30:49.640 And when you look at workout programs, people always rest on Sundays. It's just what they do.

00:30:53.580 So there's some other stuff that goes along with that chest on Monday, back on Tuesday,

00:30:57.800 probably skip legs on Wednesday because no one does leg day, but there's this formula that people

00:31:01.880 follow and everyone takes Sunday off. So one Sunday he goes, dad, are we going to train today?

00:31:09.760 No. He goes, why not? I go, cause it's Sunday. He literally says what Sunday have to do with

00:31:15.200 anything.

00:31:15.560 That's awesome. Did you go train with him?

00:31:19.040 Well, I'll get to that. I go, well, yeah, it's Sunday. We don't train on Sunday. So he goes,

00:31:24.180 why not? Because we don't. And I call him beans. He goes, well, dad, I've been to a lot of Bobby

00:31:30.440 Maximus seminars and you tell people if they want to get better, they need to train every day.

00:31:35.000 So he's calling you out. 1.00

00:31:36.500 So now I literally go and hopefully I can swear on the show, but I go, fuck you beans. 1.00

00:31:40.980 He goes, like, I don't want to train today. He goes, well, dad, you're not going to get better. 1.00

00:31:44.580 I'm like, fine, let's go. We drove to the gym. We worked out. And when I had some moments to

00:31:49.920 myself, I started thinking about it. Why don't I train on a Sunday? That's 52 opportunities a year.

00:31:57.200 I'm missing out on to better myself for no other reason than because I've always taken Sunday.

00:32:04.400 Right. Because it's Sunday.

00:32:05.640 Imagine the progress you could make if you trained hard for 52 days straight.

00:32:09.220 Right. Well, it's interesting. I mean, you're talking about the scripts, right? He has his

00:32:12.740 script, which is, Hey, if you want to improve, you do it every day. You have your script,

00:32:16.160 which is we don't train on Sunday. And so it's really actually an interesting insight into the,

00:32:20.320 how the scripts that we tell ourselves dictate our behavior.

00:32:23.160 Well, yeah. And I'll tell you, looking at how he thinks I'm looking at a picture right now,

00:32:27.140 and I'm going to post this on Instagram for you guys later. He's writing on a chalkboard. His,

00:32:31.980 his, he lives, he splits time between his mother's house and my house.

00:32:35.460 And she took a picture and he's writing on a chalkboard, how to get tough. One diet,

00:32:43.180 two broccoli, three steak, four bread. What was three? What'd you say? Three was

00:32:48.860 steak. Oh, steak. Okay. And then it says warmups, pushups, burpees, sit-ups, jumping jacks,

00:32:54.800 running mental state, meditation, believe staying positive recovery and sleep.

00:33:01.480 That's awesome. This kid's head. You said he's eight years old, eight, nine years old. What'd

00:33:05.260 you say? He's nine years, nine years old, writing this out on a chalkboard. And I'm like, did you,

00:33:10.140 did anyone tell him to do this? His mother says, no. Hmm. Fair enough. But that's his world perspective

00:33:16.260 because it's all he's ever known. Right. It's what you've taught him and it's what you've lived.

00:33:21.040 And he's always been surrounded by successful people. I mean, it's, it's really funny. He's had NFL

00:33:26.940 players in his life, NBA players in his life, a master's golf champion in his life. He's had

00:33:31.820 Olympians in his life. He just thinks that waking up and kicking some ass and being a good person 0.99

00:33:37.980 and working hard for what you have is completely 100% the norm. Interesting. Let me ask you this when 0.98

00:33:46.380 you, so you have somebody who this is ingrained into them, indoctrinated almost in a, in a positive

00:33:52.040 way. I say that with, with all positive I can. How do you go from not having that in your life

00:33:58.700 and not being that way to, Hey, now I want to create a new life for myself. And I want to

00:34:04.060 incorporate this as daily practices. Well, let's assume you want it. Cause again,

00:34:09.200 it comes down to that. It's funny how fast people will change when they want something,

00:34:13.040 but we've harped on that enough. You have to work for it. Like a good psychologist will tell you

00:34:18.640 self-work is the hardest work to do. And so you've got to work at it. You've got to write

00:34:24.460 stuff down. I mean, one of the best things you can do is every morning, wake up and write down

00:34:30.220 five reasons you are going to be successful. It's amazing how much that simple step can change your

00:34:35.500 life. So you do like a form of journaling then every day. Yep. I'm writing this down by the way,

00:34:41.540 while you're saying this, cause I want to make sure I, I address these. No, well here's the deal.

00:34:45.820 And I've talked about this before, but there's something about writing it down. That makes it

00:34:49.580 real by setting your goals and writing your goals down. It's amazing what you can accomplish and

00:34:55.240 write down what you're actually going to do that day. Write a plan of action. You can just wake up

00:35:00.580 and do that every day. It's shocking how much your, your so-called commitment level improves or

00:35:05.640 increases. Yeah. Because I think you're just giving more senses to your thoughts, right? Cause if

00:35:11.240 you're just thinking it, it's, it's just one dimensional versus now I can feel it. Now I can

00:35:15.700 see it. Then you get into the gym. Now I can hear it. I can smell it. I can experience it.

00:35:20.740 And the more dimensions you can give to your ideas, I think the more likely it is to come into play.

00:35:27.580 There's also power in writing. And I want you to think about studying.

00:35:31.380 If you just read something once or twice, even three times, you rarely remember it. There's an old

00:35:36.460 saying. If you write something out three times, you own it forever. You won't forget it by writing

00:35:42.000 it out. That's number one. But number two, there's a certain power in it. So you're a motivated guy.

00:35:47.060 You have a great podcast. You have a great brand, but I'm sure there's days you've had negative self

00:35:51.820 talk. Like my podcast sucks. Oh, of course. Every, every day I do something like that. 0.99

00:35:56.280 So I want you to do me a favor. The next time you think that try to write that thought down. It's

00:36:02.280 almost impossible. You can say in your head and passing my podcast sucks to actually write that 0.97

00:36:08.540 down is painful because there's something about it that makes it real, right? You don't want to own

00:36:14.360 that. God, no, but it works in reverse too. By writing it down, it's positive. You do own it.

00:36:20.200 It becomes real. There's also this whole, I'm going to get into a little bit English of English

00:36:25.860 literature theory. Uh, for those of you that don't know, I did a lot of studying. Uh, one of my

00:36:31.300 degrees is in English. So I studied Shakespeare and drama restoration period, romantic period

00:36:36.040 literature. There's this thing in literature that when you write in a diary or a letter,

00:36:42.940 you can never really be truthful because there's always a chance somebody else will read it.

00:36:48.540 So you never put your true thoughts on paper because to do so that's real. You're exposed

00:36:56.660 completely because you, you bared your soul to the world in a way. Yeah. When your girlfriend

00:37:02.860 comes over to your house or your wife is looking through your stuff, she can read your diary. So

00:37:07.160 you can't be honest in there. So it's the same thing. If you are capable of writing your really

00:37:13.940 honest, positive thoughts on a piece of paper, imagine the power you can wield with that tool.

00:37:18.920 Yeah, that's true because you just, you haven't done it. Nobody's ever done it really based on

00:37:23.380 what you're saying. Cause it's really hard. And if you could harness the power of that in a positive

00:37:28.040 way, look out. Gents, just a quick pause to tell you about our exclusive brotherhood, 0.92

00:37:34.160 the iron council. Now I know you've likely heard of it by now. Maybe you're getting sick of hearing

00:37:38.180 about it, but maybe you've also been on the fence about joining for whatever reason, one reason or the

00:37:43.020 other. And if that's you, I'd encourage you to give it a try for 30 days, band with us,

00:37:47.420 try it for 30 days. We just launched a new tool called the foundry, which will walk you through

00:37:52.480 10 steps that are going to help you get up to speed and running quickly. It's going to give

00:37:56.800 you access to all the past replays and videos that we've done, unlocking the assignments we

00:38:01.600 give to all of our members. And of course, there's so much more than that, that you'll get as well.

00:38:06.260 I think it's safe to assume that most of you listening to this podcast know that you need a

00:38:11.060 network of powerful men in your life. Unfortunately, and this was me for a long time. I just didn't know

00:38:16.960 quite how to build it. We've done all of that legwork in gathering strong, motivated, ambitious

00:38:22.740 men. All you have to do is tap into it and utilize the resources that we've been developing for

00:38:28.060 almost four years now. So if you're interested, you want to learn more head to order of man.com

00:38:33.340 slash iron council. Again, that's order of man.com slash iron council. You can lock in your spot there.

00:38:39.840 Make sure to do that after the show for now, we'll get back to the conversation with Bobby.

00:38:43.560 What do you think about writing stuff down that hasn't necessarily come true? Do you feel that

00:38:52.980 people will have this internal dialogue in their head and debate as to whether or not they will

00:38:57.360 actually accomplish that thing? No, because if you want something to happen, you have to believe it

00:39:01.820 100%. There can be no doubt in your mind. How do you eliminate that doubt though?

00:39:07.140 Uh, well, again, you've got to work at it. So a little bit about my background. I was bullied a

00:39:13.860 lot till I was 15. I didn't have a lot of self-confidence. Uh, I got beat up in grade nine.

00:39:18.980 These kids broke my collarbone, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Fast forward as an adult, I'm

00:39:25.420 sitting in the Mandalay Bay casino and resort, uh, before UFC fight and my brain's filled with negative

00:39:31.560 thoughts. I suck. I don't deserve to be here. This guy's better than me. There's 20,000 people 1.00

00:39:36.640 in the audience. I'm scared. Long story short, I lost that fight bad. So I went to a sports

00:39:42.040 psychologist and he had me do all these exercises to drown out negative thoughts and fill my head

00:39:47.100 with positive ones. My next fight, I destroyed a person I should have lost to. Everyone thought I

00:39:53.120 was going to lose that fight. So what did I do? I fired my sports psychologist and I was done.

00:39:57.740 I was cured. All the negative thoughts came back from my next fight three months later and I lost.

00:40:03.460 And that taught me that moment. I talk about these turning points in my life. That turning point taught

00:40:08.780 me that forever, this is something I have to work on. This is something I need to put effort into.

00:40:15.260 And training your brain is the same thing as training your body. If you don't work at it,

00:40:18.780 you lose it. And so what I would want you to do is every day, maybe wake up and write down five

00:40:26.460 reasons you are going to be successful. Another thing I do, and I talk about this a lot,

00:40:31.040 it's green dot therapy. I've got little green dots. I sell them on my website now. You can get

00:40:37.320 them at office depot as well. And I put little green dots over everything I own, like the back

00:40:41.640 of my phone. And every time I see that green dot, I've got to think a positive thought about myself.

00:40:46.240 Hmm. Just a, just a trigger of sorts to, to get you thinking in that mindset.

00:40:49.860 Exactly. So I, I, if I'm you, I look at that green dot and I say,

00:40:54.440 I've interviewed over a hundred people. I'm really good at doing podcasts. And then I go about

00:41:00.480 my day. Interesting. And then the next time I see the green dot, I go, I have a really expensive

00:41:06.160 microphone and recording kit. Good. And then the next time I see a green dot, I think, wow,

00:41:11.320 I have a really good editing program. And then I look at the green dot. I think I'm actually a really

00:41:15.340 good editor. You start to believe this stuff after a while. That's interesting. I, I like that

00:41:21.400 because everybody talks about, Oh, you have to be positive, have positive thoughts. And yet very

00:41:26.080 rarely do you have somebody who actually shares the practical application or how to begin to

00:41:31.020 program this into your mind. Well, that's what you have to do. And that's what you're doing.

00:41:35.380 You're programming. You're building yourself up like either that, or my favorite term in the sports

00:41:41.200 world is you really, you need a really good hype man. How do you mean? Are you talking about you

00:41:47.020 individually or somebody else? What do you mean? No, like you need a guy in your crew. That's your

00:41:51.740 hype man. Sure. You up. Right. Yeah. I had a friend, his name is Joe and Joe, I hope you're

00:41:58.760 listening, but man, that guy made me feel good about myself. He would always tell other people

00:42:04.960 in front of me how strong I was, what a bad-ass fighter I was, how good I was at stuff. You need a

00:42:10.900 hype man, a guy that's going to promote you. Do you feel that has any negative connotation? Like

00:42:15.580 you begin to believe something about you that isn't necessarily true and in a way, let your guard

00:42:19.840 down. You know what? I actually don't. And here's why we are surrounded by so much negativity these

00:42:28.200 days. And listen, here's what really bugs me. Why can't I be proud of what I do? The minute you

00:42:37.400 have the nerve to say that you have a good podcast, guess what people do? They call me

00:42:43.200 hockey, Eric, jealous. Like there was a thing with LeBron James. Every year he was been asked,

00:42:51.920 should you be the MVP? And his answer's always, I'm just proud to be nominated with the other great

00:42:58.640 basketball players. And you know what people do? They shit on them for that. Of course.

00:43:01.800 But this year he was asked, should he be MVP? And he goes, I'd vote for myself. We're like,

00:43:07.740 what? He goes, I've been the best player in the league for 10 years. I would vote for myself. I

00:43:13.880 played more minutes than anybody. I score more than anybody. Yeah. I vote for me. And then you had this

00:43:18.640 whole group of people that were like, they're blown away. Like, how can you say this? Yeah.

00:43:22.360 Well, what's LeBron James supposed to say that he's stuck at basketball?

00:43:26.540 Right. It's like, he's one of the ultimate competitors. Yeah. You don't want, he doesn't

00:43:31.980 want to be a loser. That's not his ambition. So yeah, he should be in a position where he feels 0.77

00:43:36.260 confident voting for himself. Well, the other thing is, and I've been in this position as a

00:43:40.120 fighter. When people find out I was in the UFC, they have all kinds of questions. And someone says,

00:43:45.460 you think you're pretty good at fighting, right? How the hell am I supposed to answer that?

00:43:49.760 If I say, no, I sucked. They think I'm being an asshole. If I say, yeah, I was a really good 1.00

00:43:56.320 fighter. I'm being a cocky, arrogant prick. I don't get it. It's because people are really 1.00

00:44:02.100 uncomfortable when you're proud of yourself for something you've accomplished.

00:44:05.960 So what you're saying is there's enough negativity out there that you don't need to worry about having

00:44:10.000 negativity around you to keep you humble. Cause it's going to happen anyways.

00:44:13.520 I want as much positive shit around me as I can get. 0.94

00:44:17.020 Yeah. That makes sense. 0.99

00:44:17.820 Because that's going to build me up because like I said, people will try to tear me down

00:44:23.580 at any opportunity. Yeah. That's a great point. It's a great perspective. What do you mean when

00:44:28.880 you talk about killing your governor? Cause this is one of the things that you're talking about as

00:44:32.400 well. And, you know, overcoming some of the challenges that you might face. What are you

00:44:35.720 referring to when you say that? Really what it comes down to is self-imposed limitations. We have

00:44:39.820 this internal shutoff where we don't really believe, or we don't think we can do something.

00:44:44.580 There's actually a psychological and physical component to this. The psychological component

00:44:49.140 is self-imposed limitations where your governors or something in your brain right now, Ryan,

00:44:54.480 that's telling you, you will never get over 50,000 followers on Instagram.

00:44:58.160 But why do we do that? Is that to keep us safe in some form or, or, or what is it?

00:45:03.180 It's multifaceted. I mean, if I could figure out the answer to that, I probably wouldn't be doing

00:45:08.280 what I'm doing. I would probably be teaching at Harvard or Oxford or Yale or something like that.

00:45:12.740 But the reality is I think it's self-protection because that way we can never be scared of fail.

00:45:19.100 I mean, we're scared of failing. So if you put something out there and you believe it and you

00:45:23.200 don't get it, it's really disappointing. So there's a self-protection mechanism there for sure.

00:45:28.300 But there's also, again, all these negative voices. I mean, when I quit my job being a police

00:45:34.040 officer to move down here, there were a lot of people that said, Bobby, don't throw your life away.

00:45:39.140 Bobby, you're giving up a good job. Bobby, what if you fail? Why are you moving to another country?

00:45:44.660 Your family doesn't live there. Like the negativity I got about how I was going to fail

00:45:50.640 was overwhelming. Think about a lifetime of that and the effect that that's had on your brain.

00:45:56.980 How did you overcome that mentally? Because I'm sure some of that, I mean, let's be reasonable.

00:46:01.360 I'm sure some of that to some degree did get to you and it got inside your head a little bit.

00:46:05.680 I imagine, I don't want to put words in your mouth, but how do you overcome that?

00:46:09.140 Fortunately, work with my sports psychologist. Guy's name is Brian Cain. If you want to know

00:46:15.960 where, I mean, a lot of the stuff that I've done over the last 10 years has been heavily

00:46:20.500 influenced by this man.

00:46:21.740 Was that your original sports psychologist that you fired and then did you hire him back

00:46:24.760 or is this a different guy?

00:46:25.740 No, that's the same guy.

00:46:27.140 Interesting. Okay.

00:46:27.880 And he taught me a ton and a really humble guy, really, really good person, really knows his stuff.

00:46:34.700 The thing he taught me was the 10 words that will ruin your life or what will other people say and

00:46:39.580 what will other people think? And I had to work at blocking negative voices out to the point where

00:46:47.820 one of the exercises he had me do was sit in a corner and repeat over and over again. 0.56

00:46:53.600 I don't give a damn. I don't give a damn. I don't give a damn until I believe that shit. 0.85

00:47:00.980 Yeah. And that's a challenge because obviously most, most of us do to varying degrees, but man, 1.00

00:47:08.020 that is a challenge not to care what other people think about you.

00:47:10.940 Yup. But it ruins you. And so if you think of a lifetime of negativity, there's this governor there.

00:47:16.380 So we have these self-imposed limitations. Well, physically it's a little bit different.

00:47:21.540 Pain is a governor or can you push yourself through pain? That's a hard one.

00:47:26.760 Well, and I imagine it's hard because if it's acute enough pain or severe enough,

00:47:31.900 it might actually be signaling to yourself that there's an injury you ought to be aware of

00:47:35.140 versus this is pain. That's just making you feel a little uncomfortable and you got to work past it.

00:47:40.000 Yup. And uncomfort. I mean, discomfort, I guess not uncomfort.

00:47:43.380 Discomfort shows you what a $30,000 English degree got me. Um, some, some discomfort will

00:47:49.840 shut people down. How do you know in your mind, what's just going to be uncomfortable and what is

00:47:54.760 a potential red flag you got to be aware of? Or do you just intrinsically know, like, does,

00:47:58.680 do people already know that? I think people intrinsically know and people that say they

00:48:02.800 don't know are full of shit. You know, when you're hurt or injured. Yeah. I agree with that. 1.00

00:48:07.480 You kind of quit on me one day in the gym and I'm like, Hey Ryan, what's going on? Oh,

00:48:10.900 my knee hurts. How bad does it hurt? Like, you know, when you've done something versus not done

00:48:16.620 something, you know what I mean? I'm sorry, your heart's racing a little fast and you feel some

00:48:20.760 acidity in your muscles and your legs burn. You're clearly not hurt. Sorry, not injured,

00:48:25.560 not injured. Right. Right. You might be hurting, but you're not injured. You know,

00:48:28.640 what's also funny about this is, uh, the other day there's a mountain. I'm looking at it right now,

00:48:32.360 just outside of my window. And a couple of months ago, I decided to start doing some trail running.

00:48:37.040 And when I started, I could literally get up this little trail about a 10th of a mile

00:48:42.060 because it's pretty steep in some areas without having to stop and walk for a certain distance.

00:48:46.800 And just yesterday, as of this recording, I ran to the top, which is about, it's just under a mile

00:48:51.900 and a half. I ran to the top without stopping. And yet, you know, I've, I've been doing it for a

00:48:56.360 couple of months. So I obviously there's, there's something there for sure. I've built up some muscles

00:48:59.920 or whatever it may be. But I think the other side of it, I was thinking about this yesterday

00:49:03.440 is that I had in my mind before I went to the mountain, I had in my mindset, I'm going to run

00:49:10.320 the entire way. And so I expanded my goal. And therefore, when I got to the place, which is 0.6

00:49:17.160 miles where I usually stop, I just kept going, not because I was more capable of doing it, but because

00:49:22.480 in my mind, I had a new goal, a new objective that was greater than what I had previously done.

00:49:28.100 So I ascribed to that. It's a lot of it is just your mindset and how you approach the goals and

00:49:33.540 the things you want to accomplish. Well, let me ask you a question. Did you make it to the top

00:49:37.140 of the mountain day one? No, no, not even close. Let me ask you another question. Do you want to

00:49:41.280 be rich? Yes. What if I put a bag of $10 million at the top of the mountain? You would have ran your

00:49:46.980 ass up day one. That's true. That's a good point. Really good point. That's what I mean where people 0.99

00:49:51.440 want it. You think about how you're motivated, but like you want to do something for your kids. You want

00:49:56.280 to build a better life for them. You put a bag of money at the top of that thing. You'll figure out

00:50:00.340 how to run up there day one. Well, I think the challenge though, is that people have a hard time

00:50:04.860 connecting in this case, running up the mountain and having $10 million. Although it's very likely

00:50:12.300 that if you continue to do that, you will achieve that level of wealth and significantly more.

00:50:17.200 No, for sure. But there's something about you that's got to believe, you know? And again,

00:50:22.240 we live in a society where if you do believe in yourself, you're an asshole. 1.00

00:50:25.020 Yeah. People are going to put you down. You know, you're arrogant, you're cocky, 1.00

00:50:28.240 you're egotistical, and you're an a-hole. And then you start to believe that stuff. 1.00

00:50:32.560 I just don't understand where confidence became a negative in people's eyes. I don't see anything

00:50:38.640 wrong with that. I like confident people because it means they believe in themselves and hopefully

00:50:42.720 there's something I can learn from those individuals. People are insecure. That's why.

00:50:47.180 Yeah. Yeah. A confident person. I mean, you're assertive. You know, we're having this conversation.

00:50:50.840 You're fit. You're assertive. You communicate well. And so I think people are going to be

00:50:55.380 naturally intimidated by that. Well, here's the deal. I'm actually going to bring up my wife.

00:51:00.360 My wife grew up in a very affluent part of the country, but it was also very insecure and very

00:51:07.300 showy. People are very insecure there. And it's all about what car you drive, what tie you wear,

00:51:13.000 what shoes you wear. That's what people value. So my wife always had some self-image issues. And she talks 1.00

00:51:18.540 about this on her Instagram a lot. And I'm very proud of her by doing a lot of self-work. She

00:51:25.280 really learned to love herself. And the moment that that transformation was complete, she cut off

00:51:32.060 all her hair. So she went from a girl who before she used to hide behind her hair extensions, hide 0.81

00:51:38.480 behind her makeup, hide behind her jewelry. All of a sudden, you know, the makeup gets cut in half,

00:51:44.300 hair's super short, and she loves herself. It's amazing from the outside how sexy she's become as a

00:51:52.500 woman. Oh, of course. Because she's got that. But it's also funny, the people that she used to know

00:51:58.780 that have to make negative comments about her hair being short, that had to just take little digs. 1.00

00:52:04.840 And you know what it is? It's not the hair. What we were able to come up with, it's the fact

00:52:09.480 that she's genuinely happy, and they sense it, and they fucking hate it. 0.91

00:52:14.180 That she's broken free from the chains that were keeping her back. And everybody else is still in 0.94

00:52:18.000 chains, and they don't want to do the work to unbind themselves.

00:52:20.580 Yeah, because hair extensions don't make you happy. Dresses don't make you happy. Shoes don't 0.95

00:52:24.620 make you happy. Your husband doesn't make you happy. Happiness has to come from within. And people sense

00:52:29.780 that you're really happy or really proud of yourself, and you've done the work. They hate it because it

00:52:36.200 makes them uncomfortable in their own skin. Well, and I think this goes back to what you

00:52:40.160 were saying is finding the right people. Because if you surround yourself with confident, assertive

00:52:43.820 people, there's no way that a confident, assertive person who values themselves is going to put her

00:52:50.060 down for that. Nope. And guess what else you see? Here's the other one that happens. I call it

00:52:54.400 termiting. Have you ever heard that term? No. Maybe I invented it. I'm going to take credit for it.

00:52:59.120 And I'll make sure I attribute it to you when I talk about it. Here's the deal. You have a couple.

00:53:03.080 They've been married for 20 years, and they're both out of shape. And the husband or the wife

00:53:10.140 decides, one of them decides they're going to get fit. So they start going to the gym. They start

00:53:16.240 getting fit. They start making sacrifices. And rather than the other person think, wow, my wife or

00:53:22.700 husband looks really good, or wow, I'm really proud of them. They're better for me, and they're better

00:53:27.020 for my kids. They get jealous, and they try to termite the other person and subversively

00:53:34.120 get in the way of their success. It happens a lot.

00:53:38.960 Oh, I hear about it all the time. I hear these guys who want to improve their lives, and they're

00:53:42.560 like, my wife's not on board. And you hear these little things that she's doing that's undermining 0.98

00:53:48.120 the growth and expansion. We have a mastermind, for example, and I have guys in there whose wives

00:53:53.720 make fun of them for being part of a mastermind that is designed to help them grow and expand.

00:53:59.440 It's crazy.

00:54:00.640 It's not just to be fair. It's not just women that do it to men. It's men that do it to women. 0.98

00:54:04.400 That's true.

00:54:05.040 True.

00:54:05.720 The minute their wife gets in better shape, the minute their wife becomes career-driven, 0.98

00:54:10.900 the minute their wife gets some self-confidence, these guys have got to put them down because

00:54:16.900 they can't handle a confident, driven woman in their life. 0.99

00:54:21.580 So is the answer then to that, let's take a guy who's feeling that way about his wife 0.99

00:54:26.120 or a friend or anybody else in his life, is the answer then just to turn inward and focus

00:54:31.540 on yourself so you can build the same level of self-confidence and love that that other

00:54:35.400 individual is?

00:54:36.520 Yeah, focus on yourself. I mean, this actually, they talk about this being a problem where the

00:54:41.080 woman is the main earner in the household. You have guys having a problem with this. 1.00

00:54:47.120 Are you kidding me right now? I want my wife to make less money so I feel a little more secure. 0.99

00:54:53.200 That has no sense to me.

00:54:54.460 It's like sinking the boat that you're on.

00:54:56.680 Yep. My wife asked me this. She goes, what would you do if you had to stay home with the

00:55:00.600 kids all day? Hell yes. If you can figure it away, babe, to make money so I don't ever have

00:55:06.700 to work again, I will stay home all day and watch Thundercats and He-Man and work out.

00:55:11.920 I don't know if I could do that. Not because I would be upset that she was out earning just

00:55:16.380 because I might just pull my hair out.

00:55:19.040 Oh, I would love it. But my point is, is like, you really want your partner to make less than

00:55:24.440 you for your fragile ego.

00:55:25.940 Yeah, that's a good point.

00:55:27.140 And so that's where I think this stuff can get really dangerous, if you will. That's why

00:55:34.040 we hate other people's success because it somehow reflects poorly on us.

00:55:38.240 Right. Right.

00:55:39.020 It really doesn't. That person has nothing to do with you.

00:55:41.820 Yeah, it's independent. What they're doing is independent of what you're doing.

00:55:45.280 Yep. And listen, my wife, I talk about her a lot, but she's pretty incredible. She just

00:55:51.480 deadlifted at a body weight of a buck 32. She deadlifted 380 pounds. 0.99

00:55:57.080 Oh my goodness. Strong.

00:55:58.540 Oh, fuck. Yeah. And she, she is the strongest pound for pound person in this house. 1.00

00:56:03.200 I'd say that's pretty amazing.

00:56:04.880 Yeah. I'm psyched about it. I can sit here and be jealous. I could sit here and think like,

00:56:11.580 what if she becomes bigger than Bobby Maximus? But man, I'm the first one in line with a billboard

00:56:17.380 up saying, I'm proud of her and saying, why not 500?

00:56:22.140 Yeah. Yeah. Encouraging her to keep going.

00:56:24.320 Keep going. Like you be the best in the world. I'd love to be able to say my wife was the 0.99

00:56:31.280 strongest woman in the world.

00:56:32.580 That's cool. That says a lot about not only her, but this is a lot about you too. And your

00:56:36.240 level of confidence in who you are and what you're doing.

00:56:39.040 Yeah. And that's how it should be. We're a unit. We're a team. When she wins, I win.

00:56:43.480 When I win, she wins. So why get jealous over the people's success?

00:56:47.280 Yeah. Great point. Well, Hey Bobby, we're bumping up against time here. This has actually been a

00:56:51.180 really fascinating conversation and, and a conversation that went in a completely different

00:56:55.560 direction than I initially thought it would. And there's so much more that we can talk about.

00:56:59.960 And maybe we'll have to do a round two. Uh, but for the sake of time, I do want to ask you a couple

00:57:04.020 additional questions. Uh, the first one is what does it mean to be a man?

00:57:09.060 You know, I've actually thought about this a lot and there's this, it's actually funny. There's this

00:57:14.640 movement afoot where there's almost an anti-man movement. Have you heard of this where

00:57:20.100 in any way or so men are almost like encouraged to become softer and feminine, but yeah. But at the

00:57:28.160 same time, there's a lot of dads out there that see their kids every second weekend. Like you'd think

00:57:34.720 if I'm supposed to be a more sensitive guy, I'd be a better dad, but that's not okay either. Like I

00:57:41.180 only want my kids every second weekend, which is bullshit. So being a man to me, really what it 0.98

00:57:47.980 comes down to is doing the right thing. Even when no one's watching and setting a better example

00:57:53.980 for your children. It's powerful. I wholeheartedly agree with that.

00:57:58.700 It's just funny to me because you want me to be more sensitive. You want me to be more,

00:58:02.100 and I'm going to yell at anyone or, or put anyone down who's in any way aggressive,

00:58:06.880 but I'm not even going to spend time with my own kids. It makes me sick.

00:58:11.860 Yeah. I think we do have this. It is saddening because there's so many young boys and girls who

00:58:18.420 are growing up without father figures. They just, they just are. And there's a lot of reasons for

00:58:22.940 that and it's all unfortunate, but yeah, I think we have a huge moral obligation to be

00:58:27.120 engaged in our children's lives. Yeah. And really I could word it another way. That's like

00:58:31.740 more flashy for your podcast, but handle your business. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.

00:58:37.080 Just handle your business. The situation you created, you handle that shit. That is how I 1.00

00:58:44.580 would word it. Nice. Nice. Well, uh, how do we connect with you? Learn more about what you're

00:58:48.860 doing? Where's the website? The, uh, I know you're busy on, uh, Instagram. How do we, uh,

00:58:52.500 how do we get synced up? Yeah, the, I could give you a million ways. It's either BobbyMaximus.com,

00:58:57.660 which is my website or go to my Instagram, which is at Bobby Maximus, those two. And then you'll

00:59:03.220 find your way to Twitter. You'll find your way to whatever you want, but those two. And I just

00:59:07.200 wanted to tell you, I'm a fan of what you do. I love your message. And I was really excited to do

00:59:11.920 this podcast. When you asked me to be on it, I was honored and humbled and I'm very grateful. So

00:59:16.240 thank you. Right on Bobby. I appreciate you again, completely different than I thought this

00:59:20.220 conversation would go, but so valid, so important and, uh, really glad that it went this route. So

00:59:25.440 appreciate you, man. Yeah. Thank you. Gentlemen, there it is. My conversation with Bobby Maximus.

00:59:30.880 I hope you enjoyed that one as much as I did. I know this is on a lot of guys' minds is training

00:59:34.960 and fitness and strengthening the mind. This has been a valuable, valuable resource for me. And of

00:59:41.320 course, with his new book, Maximus body, there's a lot of cool resources, tools, and strategies for

00:59:47.360 improving your mindset and your fitness. So make sure you check it out. Make sure you also connect with

00:59:52.660 him on social media, Instagram. He's very active over there as am I at Ryan Mickler connect with us

00:59:58.040 on Twitter at order of man. Let us know what you thought about the show. Go pick up a copy of the book

01:00:02.600 and just stay engaged guys. We need to be engaged in this fight. You know, I love that, that men are

01:00:07.900 coming here and they're listening to the podcast and they're engaged that way. But quite honestly,

01:00:11.880 we need you to go out into the world and spread this message with your families and your community

01:00:17.480 and your employees and employers, everybody in your life. We need to share this message. I appreciate

01:00:22.920 you being on this journey. I really do. We could not do this without you. And again, we need more men

01:00:27.540 in this fight. So guys, I'll leave you there for today until tomorrow for ask me anything and Friday

01:00:32.540 for our Friday field notes, go out there, be men, take action and become the man you are meant to be.

01:00:39.660 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be

01:00:44.800 more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

Order of Man - October 23, 2018

Hardening the Body and Mind ｜ BOBBY MAXIMUS

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