Order of Man - Having Effective Conversations, Why People Quit Jiu-Jitsu, Getting Your Wife on Board ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart

00:00:04.980 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.

00:00:10.420 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.220 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.780 you can call yourself a man. Welcome to the Order of Man podcast. This is Kip Sorensen,

00:00:28.880 and we're going to be doing an episode called the AMA, the Ask Me Anything. Typically, this

00:00:35.180 episode is kind of hosted, or not kind of, is hosted by Mr. Mickler and myself. Unfortunately,

00:00:41.360 I'm running solo today. I think Ryan is actually out hunting, actually, with his son in fall break.

00:00:48.580 So you get me today. I will be fielding questions from two primary sources from the Iron Council,

00:00:54.080 our exclusive brotherhood. To learn more about the Iron Council and to join us, go to orderofman.com

00:01:00.940 slash ironcouncil. And then if we have enough time, I'll be fielding questions from our Facebook

00:01:06.360 group. To join us there, go to facebook.com slash group slash orderofman. I don't have much

00:01:14.140 line of business. So let's just get into this and let's start having a conversation around

00:01:19.660 what you guys want to ask us. So our first question is from Moose within the Iron Council.

00:01:25.920 His question is such, I learned recently that only 1% of people who start studying Brazilian

00:01:31.260 jiu-jitsu go on to get their black belt. Why do you think this number is so low? And more importantly,

00:01:37.660 what do you think we can learn from this? Of course, Moose, that's an excellent question.

00:01:43.440 It involves jiu-jitsu. So by default, I'm going to, I'm going to like these questions. So

00:01:48.400 um, why is it so right? Why only 1%? Cause it's hard. It's really hard. I I've been training for 12

00:01:59.500 years and even now, sometimes I think about going to the gym and I don't want to go. And it's funny

00:02:07.900 because I've had this conversation with my wife numerous times. And if you asked her what

00:02:13.880 her impression is of my jiu-jitsu experience is that I'm always like happy and eager to run to the

00:02:22.000 gym and go train. And I don't think I am most of the time. And it sounds bad. And maybe this is not

00:02:30.680 normal, but I think it is, is a lot of the time on my way to the gym, I don't want to go.

00:02:35.380 Um, I'm, I'm tired. Um, I don't want to get my butt kicked. It's not difficult. It's difficult 0.98

00:02:42.640 to do. It's emotionally draining. A lot of the time I'm like, what am I doing? Why am I doing this?

00:02:49.500 Now, with that said, do I ever leave the net mats and say, Oh, that was a waste of my time.

00:02:56.060 Rarely. Most of the time I'm better for it. I'm in a better place. I'm in a better state of mind.

00:03:01.920 I feel great physically. I never, or I shouldn't say never. Most of the time I never regret it.

00:03:09.260 So I keep going, but it's just cause it's really difficult and it doesn't get easier.

00:03:15.600 Most people give up on things and they think they have good excuses. And I think that's why the number

00:03:22.340 of guys that stick to Brazilian jiu-jitsu is because they have really good excuses, right?

00:03:26.820 Oh, life's too busy. And it's not a low, it's a low priority and whatever the excuse is. And the

00:03:33.340 reason is they, I'm sure it's a great one. Um, and I think it's a kind of a telltale sign that most

00:03:39.860 people give up on things and they give up on them because they're too difficult to do.

00:03:44.320 And jiu-jitsu is a perfect example of something that's very difficult to do.

00:03:48.100 Another lesson learned or a thing to consider coming out of that conversation is, um, that

00:03:55.480 things don't get easier, but we, but we become more capable. And I think that's jiu-jitsu.

00:04:02.140 Jiu-jitsu doesn't get any easier. We joke around in the gym that it's an escalator. And as long

00:04:08.360 as someone got on the escalator before you, there's always someone that will beat you up.

00:04:14.620 And, and I can become so much better than I ever was as a white belt, but guess what?

00:04:20.540 I still get beat up because there's other people on the escalator. There's always someone better.

00:04:26.240 And so it doesn't get any easier, but we be, but we become more capable. And in this example,

00:04:37.200 I might be, I might be becoming more capable via my technique and physically, but most importantly,

00:04:46.400 mentally, I am more capable of dealing with the hardships of jiu-jitsu. And I become more capable.

00:04:56.220 I know when to go aggressive. I know when to be less aggressive. I know when to control my energy.

00:05:04.020 All those things are, are, are part of becoming more capable jiu-jitsu player. So statement of the

00:05:12.940 day, things don't get easier, but we become more capable. All right. John Jenkinson on a more serious

00:05:22.820 note. Oh, he joked around about Brian Sorenson losing in politics. And John, I have no idea who

00:05:29.240 Brian Sorenson is. So I'm assuming it's a political party in the state in which you live. And

00:05:33.800 and I'm unaware of him. So anyhow, that's where the more serious note came from, regardless of who

00:05:38.540 wins this next election, what can we as men in our society do to, to influence change in our current

00:05:45.400 political system where we can hopefully meet in the middle of society's issues or bring back a culture

00:05:52.560 of normal, uh, normalcy that many of our older brothers grew up with. So in John, you already kind of

00:06:02.740 know the answer. Right. And I think everyone's like immediately goes, be the example. Right. So,

00:06:09.300 um, and I know that's just kind of a vague statement, but it's the truth. So we need to be

00:06:15.860 that normal. We need to be an example of what it looks like to have civil discourse and disagreement

00:06:23.500 with other individuals around political viewpoints. We need to be those individuals. And then we need to

00:06:31.100 be involved. We need to be around. We need to be involved in our social circles, in our communities,

00:06:40.320 in our neighborhoods, in our families. We can't just be these quiet hermits that are never around. 0.61

00:06:49.600 And, and, and it's not that I'm saying that we need to be woke and be running our mouths all the

00:06:54.360 time about all the things and that we want to complain about. But what I'm suggesting is that

00:06:59.260 people know you, people understand where you stand. They know your approach to civil discourse.

00:07:09.820 And, and one of the things is, and a quote I love is like, most people are too lazy to critically

00:07:16.700 think. So they judge. Well, don't judge, critically think, actually listen, understand other people's

00:07:23.940 point of view. Don't get riled up. Don't be overly emotional. Don't lose your emotions.

00:07:29.460 Don't add meaning to someone's political viewpoint. Don't be so damn ignorant like everyone else on 1.00

00:07:34.960 the internet to say, oh, well, if you vote a political party, you might as well dis, you know, 0.99

00:07:38.980 we may, might as well not be friends on Facebook because no friend of mine would, but oh my seriously,

00:07:43.660 dear Lord, stop it. So pathetic. When we, when we simplify things so simple, we're being lazy, 0.99

00:07:56.040 critically think. People obviously are emotional. Why?

00:08:03.360 What's their, what's the story that they're telling themselves? Where are they getting their

00:08:07.220 information? And instead of being so quick to pass judgment on everybody, what we need to be doing

00:08:12.440 is critically think and understand where they're coming from. Now we don't have to agree with it.

00:08:18.040 Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying agree with everybody, but understand. And some of the

00:08:22.500 understanding might be, Hey, that guy, uh, sees something politically. Why? Cause he's misinformed

00:08:28.780 because he's too lazy to actually do some research because he reads headlines of articles and never

00:08:34.320 actually reads the entire story because he's overly naive to actually think that things are so simple

00:08:39.700 and black and white. So, or in other cases, we might critically think and realize, Oh, you know

00:08:47.680 what? They have a valid point of view. I understand that. I'm not a hundred percent agree with it. Or you

00:08:53.320 might change your stance on something and then disagree with them, but that's all perfect. And okay,

00:08:58.480 just be a man about it. Let's not lose our heads. Let's not lose our emotions. Critically think,

00:09:04.940 be slower to judge, get involved in our communities. So our example is seen by others

00:09:14.240 on how we should act. A few years ago, I had, it was a major compliment and I, and I made me feel so

00:09:24.380 great. I was debating politics. I believe I don't even remember the scenario, but it was,

00:09:31.340 it was politically driven. I made a point, um, on social media and someone, I don't even know

00:09:39.400 completely like backlash and attacked me. Right. It's just like full out, like you're an idiot,

00:09:44.360 blah, blah, blah, you know, went off. And I had a family member, no, a family member's friend, 1.00

00:09:51.600 kind of family, right? He's, he's around a lot. I had a family member stand up for me. And this family

00:09:57.880 has drastically different political viewpoints than I do. And he stood up for me, not because of

00:10:06.100 what I was saying, but stood up to me. He's like, Hey, you don't understand. Kip's not that kind of

00:10:11.880 guy. He's, he has great understanding. He seeks to understand other individuals. He's a critical

00:10:18.260 thinker like, and, and stood up for my way of being, not for my viewpoint. And I took that as

00:10:27.640 like, Hey, you know what? I guess I'm doing something right. And that was more of a compliment

00:10:32.540 than, than him agreeing with my view to political viewpoints. So be that kind of individual where

00:10:39.760 people know that they're going to get a fair shake out of you. You're not going to be quick

00:10:43.720 to pass judgment and you're actually seeking to understand. Hopefully that helps John.

00:10:49.100 All right. Marshall strategies for dealing with a roommate who won't stop blasting music.

00:10:56.020 I've spoken to him about turning it down on multiple occasions, but he lives on his own.

00:11:01.360 It lives in his own world and barely turns it down. Same cycle happens every single day.

00:11:06.720 Moving out is not an option and the landlord won't, won't do anything. So it's up to me to take

00:11:13.560 action. It is a difficult to focus on my goals when EDM is blasting all over the place.

00:11:21.680 All right. I love this Marshall, because it reminds me when I was young and I'm not young. So,

00:11:27.740 all right. So how do we deal with this? So, so the first thing Marshall, I want you to just kind of

00:11:33.460 put on your lap and think for a bit, you need to change what you want. And what you want is,

00:11:42.140 someone to turn down their music. What you need to want is a place to study clarity of mind,

00:11:50.940 et cetera, right? You can't change someone, right? So that's the premise of this whole conversation.

00:11:57.960 Can you change someone to force them to change that, you know, turn down their music? No,

00:12:02.680 you're not, you're not going to, but there's some strategy. So let's talk about the strategy.

00:12:07.120 Um, and, and maybe even look at this scenario differently saying, Hey, I need an environment

00:12:12.480 by which I can focus. There's other ways to accomplish that besides him turning on his music,

00:12:18.080 but regardless, let's, let's, how do you, how do we deal with this conversation? So the first thing

00:12:23.560 is I'd recommend the book crucial conversations. Um, I'm pulling up the author.

00:12:30.800 Really? Uh, Patterson, I think is the author. So look up the book, crucial conversations.

00:12:42.600 And, and I, I don't know if I put this on, well, it houses, it's crucial to you,

00:12:46.680 right? So it's crucial. Now, some of us might be saying, Hey, I got more complex questions than,

00:12:52.040 you know, much more pressing, difficult conversations than someone turning down their music,

00:12:58.340 but regardless, it's critical to you. Otherwise you want to bring it up, right? So this is a

00:13:02.780 crucial conversation. So the first thing is

00:13:06.100 you are going to lash out if you don't have the conversation, right? So you're going to get pissed

00:13:14.920 off enough. This guy's not going to turn on this music. And then you're going to be like a kid.

00:13:19.540 And I'm not being mean. We all do this, right? When we don't get our way, we lash out in a

00:13:27.740 nonverbal way. So keep in mind that you're, you're going to, by not dealing with the issue,

00:13:33.900 it's still going to be an issue, right? So there's no, just like avoiding this. So you need to address

00:13:39.360 it. Now, one of the things I would start with is, um, you need to have a relationship.

00:13:49.080 Like, why would he even listen to you or honor what you're asking if you're not even have a

00:13:55.200 relationship with the, with the individual? So I would focus on creating a relationship

00:13:59.900 relationship where you could have a dialogue, have opposing views and, um, and have a conversation

00:14:11.360 around it. And, and it might be as simple as just getting to know the guy, period. He might

00:14:18.500 have a negative opinion about you as an individual. And you just saying, Hey, here's some logic of why

00:14:24.860 you need to turn on your music. Well, who gives a crap, right? So it sounds like, 0.99

00:14:29.900 you need a better, your relationship with this individual. And, and this goes for all of us,

00:14:33.320 right? If we want anything from anybody, having a solid relationship with them is what's beneficial.

00:14:38.360 And, and part of this, and, and I'm not saying like, I'm hesitant to say this word, say it this

00:14:43.640 way, but play the game. And, and, and I'm hesitant to say the term play the game because people will

00:14:49.380 think like, Oh, right. We're just like manipulating and pretending. No, actually like get to know the guy

00:14:54.060 and, and it benefits us to have established relationships, whether it's at work, whether it's in our

00:14:59.360 families, whether it's in-laws or anybody else. So establish a relationship. And then once that

00:15:05.780 relationship is a little bit more established, I would have the conversation, right? Hey, dude,

00:15:11.080 how do you focus? I struggle focusing in our environment with, you know, with music while

00:15:16.360 playing all the time. Is that help you focus? Like maybe it's helping him, right? And, and you asking

00:15:22.800 him to turn it down is actually like a major affects him in a negative way, right? So have the

00:15:30.380 conversation is ultimately what I'm getting at. You need to establish trust in, in crucial

00:15:36.680 conversations. If there's no trust, then why would I even listen to you? Right? You, you might just be

00:15:42.180 trying to get your own way, which might be the case, Marshall, right? You may not be considering

00:15:47.340 this guy. And so I would have the conversation, get to know the individual. And I would kind of

00:15:52.880 take that approach. I wish I had a little bit more kind of structured details for you there,

00:15:56.160 but hopefully at least looking up crucial conversations would be beneficial, not just

00:16:01.500 for this situation, for many other situations as well. All right. Steven Lang, after listening to

00:16:08.540 Ryan's last Friday field notes, I was inspired to look at all the opportunities to better my family

00:16:13.140 culture. As a single dad. Now I'm striving to lead my children. The best I know how creating an

00:16:19.580 environment to, uh, creating an environment of trust, caring, enjoying my home. My question is

00:16:25.960 besides leading by example, should I be looking for ways to lead my ex-wife when it comes to our kids? 0.99

00:16:32.580 I do not want to tell her how to live her life. That obviously wouldn't go over very well.

00:16:37.140 The goal is to better my family culture and my kids' lives. So Steven, first off, I agree, right?

00:16:45.600 Um, first off, good job. Uh, everyone else last Friday, Friday field notes, Ryan talked about building

00:16:53.760 a, uh, a positive culture, a family culture, right? And talks about an ethos, uh, what values guys live

00:17:00.820 on and some strategies on what you can do, uh, to help build that culture. Check it out.

00:17:06.620 Subscribe to the podcast, um, for those episodes now. And hats off to you, Steven, for taking initiative

00:17:14.360 and actually doing this. One of the things Ryan said on that episode, which I think is profound

00:17:19.840 is we have to be intentional. It's really funny. I've joked around about this in the past, um, on the

00:17:27.600 podcast, but you know, you, you, you want to be good at something from a work perspective, you get trained,

00:17:34.140 right? You want to become a better person. You buy some self-help books, right? You want to become

00:17:41.500 an EMT, you take EMT training. Like we plan and there's intentionality at becoming better.

00:17:48.280 Have you guys been to father training before?

00:17:50.540 No, but yet we all assume that we just sit back and we'll just kind of wing it and we'll do an

00:17:57.560 amazing job. No, that's not the case, right? So get trained, be intentional, right? And take the

00:18:06.180 necessary steps to create that family culture within our environment and hats off to you,

00:18:11.000 Steven, for actually doing this. So let's talk about the ex-wife. So

00:18:14.100 should I, it was the first question, um, involve my ex-wife in a way where I, I don't

00:18:23.300 make it seem like I'm trying to change her. Right? So the first thing I would say is remove the

00:18:31.360 expectation that she's going to change. Just stop there. So if you have any expectation of,

00:18:37.440 of any, like the thought processes, well, she should, but stop it. Don't even go that approach.

00:18:44.100 Okay. So make it about your kids. And, and if she happens to change or there's some evolution on

00:18:51.700 her side, so be it. And it's on her terms and that's perfect. Right. But don't set the expectation

00:18:55.960 that she's going to change. So the first thing is I would have, I would enroll her in what you're

00:19:01.640 doing, have the conversation. Hey, I listened to this episode of the order man podcast. You talk

00:19:08.040 about family culture and just share, not share from the perspective of changing her, but share

00:19:14.000 like, man, this really struck me. And I'm starting to evaluate and see how I, I, I, I need to step

00:19:24.440 up as a father to create this environment more for our children. There's so much more I could be doing.

00:19:33.520 And so I just want to let you know and get your input. What else do you think I could be doing

00:19:44.860 to kind of help build this for the kids? Perfect. Not you, not we, what we need to do. Don't,

00:19:54.100 don't even go down that path. What can I do and get her input? Now, do you have to implement it?

00:20:00.880 If you think it's valid input? Sure. But drop the ego, get her input and then implement it. 0.74

00:20:10.620 One of two things are going to happen. She was going to give you some great input and you can

00:20:13.800 utilize it to be better for your children to, you shared her what you're about. So now if she sees

00:20:19.360 some slight adjustments and changes, she can go, she can be on board now and go, Oh, this must be a

00:20:24.980 result of that thing that he started doing with the kids. You put the idea on her lap to consider

00:20:32.860 for herself, for her to determine for herself, if it might be valuable all without threatening her

00:20:42.100 and also all while focusing on what's best for your kids.

00:20:46.260 All right. Dennis Morris. Hey Dennis. All right. Breakdown and reaction of the Khabib 1.00

00:20:57.480 and Gaethje fight. So you guys should all know because I mean, if you're real men,

00:21:04.420 you're watching the UFC and you're not, if you're not, I'm just joking. All right. So Khabib

00:21:10.320 and Gaethje headliner main, main fight this past Saturday and it was a great fight. Khabib's

00:21:21.960 retired. Hopefully that's not news to anybody that's a UFC fan. So Khabib's retired 27 and

00:21:29.060 Oh, or 29, you know, people are throwing out. Now he's the greatest of all time. I mean, don't

00:21:37.900 get me wrong. Khabib's amazing. But when you compare him to let's say GSP, I think GSP had 13

00:21:47.520 title defenses. Khabib's had four, you know what I mean? So he hasn't really held that championship

00:21:54.860 title very long. I don't know. I think that plays in a factor. I'm not taking away. I don't want to

00:22:02.620 take anything away from Khabib and, and how amazing he is. And, and he might be on the pound

00:22:09.000 for pound list. I just don't know if he's quite goat. Right. So, but anyhow, regardless during the

00:22:16.980 fight, Gaethje got some solid leg kicks in, did a low, low leg kick and Khabib caught it and turn it

00:22:24.760 into a double leg, which was really impressive because some people might hear that and say,

00:22:30.400 oh, well, why is Gaethje throwing kicks with Khabib? That's going to increase your probability 0.99

00:22:35.180 of takedown. That was a low kick. So if you watch the, the, uh, the review or the highlights of the

00:22:42.180 fight, it was a really, really super low leg kick that Khabib kind of caught and then turn it into a

00:22:49.560 double leg, turned the corner and took him down. Right. It was beautiful. Now what happened in the

00:22:55.180 fight was, it was, was pretty solid. So he immediately took the back. I, uh, Gaethje did the

00:23:02.920 right thing. Um, what's nothing's worse than having a guy on your back, right? So if your back has been

00:23:09.020 taken in jujitsu, if, if you can transfer to amount, that's even better. Now it's still a crappy

00:23:15.360 position, not ideal, but he, I think he did the right thing by, by, uh, not exposing his back

00:23:22.660 anymore. And during that rotation, uh, onto his back, um, it almost looked like Khabib was going

00:23:29.720 to get a head and arm triangle. I thought at first I was like, oh my gosh, he's, he's going to go ahead,

00:23:34.840 head and arm. Cause the arm was, was up high and it was kind of getting trapped. Then that arm came down

00:23:41.080 and then Khabib actually moved into kind of like a S mount position where he slid his left leg up

00:23:48.640 underneath or on the backside of the shoulder to isolate the one arm, which, which you could do for

00:23:56.000 a triangle setup or even sitting back into like an arm bar where the arm is trapped behind the armpit.

00:24:03.220 And then you can have a really, really super tight arm bar. And of course, um, that's actually kind of

00:24:10.320 what happened. So Khabib isolated the arm. It looked like Khabib was going to go for a sit back

00:24:15.500 arm bar. And, and then Gaethje sat up into it. And when he sat up into, uh, Khabib's, uh, guard,

00:24:26.120 then he was able to get the triangle, uh, locked down. Um, and then once he had the triangle locked

00:24:34.320 down, what do we all think? Cause at least old school UFC guys or old school UFC fans, I should say,

00:24:39.700 is you think rampage, right? It's like, Hey, you know, someone got a triangle, you you're MMA,

00:24:44.440 you're right. You pick that guy up and you slam them, right? You just straight up high elevated

00:24:50.560 slam while the guy has a triangle on, but Khabib being brilliant underhooked the leg.

00:24:57.380 So with the available arm underhook the leg, Gaethje went to go lift up. Immediately got paused

00:25:03.620 because he had the leg underhooked locked in the triangle, didn't tap in time and was, uh, put

00:25:10.140 unconscious. It was beautiful. Now does, I don't know what the breakdown, like, I mean, my reaction

00:25:16.240 is, I mean, it's pretty solid setup. I was actually thinking in my mind, like, okay, where did Gaethje

00:25:22.540 go wrong? And, and the only thing I, I mean, you know what I mean? Come on, guys are punching the

00:25:28.760 face. So this, and this is not, I'm not an MMA fighter. So I, you know, what do I say? You know,

00:25:35.620 what do I have to say? Uh, but regardless, I think there was a moment where Gaethje, um, when he sat up

00:25:42.220 into the arm bar, he should have took his left arm. And when he sat up, insert his left arm into the

00:25:49.380 guard as he sat up. Right now, but that said, then that way he could get his arm and his shoulders,

00:25:58.620 right. And not have that one arm isolated within the triangle. That's the only thing, but he was

00:26:04.780 kind of getting arm bar too. So even if he got that arm in and he came up, he may have still gotten

00:26:11.060 arm barred. So it was a beautiful setup, uh, by Khabib, um, the step over triangle with the one arm being

00:26:19.360 isolated. It was just solid. I mean, from a jujitsu perspective, if someone asked me, he's like,

00:26:24.300 Oh, well, how do you prevent that? You don't have a guy in your mouth isolating one of your arms.

00:26:29.240 That's how you prevent it. Right. But by the time the arm was isolated and he had, he had the step

00:26:34.220 over, I mean, it, things were going South really quick. He had the arm bar, he had a triangle,

00:26:39.280 you know, and he could have finished him from the mount position, which was actually quite shocking

00:26:44.540 that he didn't. I just assumed that he would just ground and pound and finish the fight right there.

00:26:48.320 And instead went for the submission. So, um, great fight. Gaethje's a stud. I think,

00:26:55.080 I think Khabib's a stud, super exciting night for some, uh, Brazilian jujitsu.

00:27:02.300 Tyler Preston, this bite might be more of a Ryan question, but should I register as an LLC or a

00:27:09.420 corporation for my web design agency? And where would you recommend incorporating for tax purposes?

00:27:15.720 Um, I think it might be a Ryan question. Um, but I have some insight Tyler, cause obviously I've,

00:27:20.980 I've owned my own business for a really long time. And so, um, I have some opinions. So if you don't

00:27:26.840 mind, I'll, I'll go ahead and share that with you anyway. So now where to incorporate for tax purposes

00:27:31.980 that I don't know. Every state's going to be different and certain states are going to have

00:27:37.820 other benefits, right? From a tax perspective. So, and, and I think, I mean, I don't think you could

00:27:43.860 just incorporate in any state. So I think you, you have to be doing business in that state. You

00:27:49.400 have to register the name in that state. The name has to be available for that particular business.

00:27:53.360 Like there's more at play than just like, what's the best state to register in. I think you actually

00:27:57.240 have to be like, have an office in that state or be doing business in that state, or I don't know.

00:28:02.820 And I'm not, I don't know that all the definitions around that now, how to register. I know the answer.

00:28:09.140 And the answer is an S corp. So do, do just Google this, right? S corp versus corporation versus LLC.

00:28:19.620 And S corp is the, it's the best of both worlds. It's a, I believe an S corp is a form of an LLC.

00:28:29.580 Um, and it's a form of a corporation, sole proprietorship corporation, S corp. This will

00:28:35.920 allow you to have some of the tax benefits that you get from a corporation while still being

00:28:41.880 almost like a sole proprietor. And the S corp will allow you to actually pay yourself in dividends as

00:28:47.720 well. So now there's some other things that you have to handle from a corporation perspective. For

00:28:53.820 instance, you have to pay yourself W2, you're paying payroll tax, you're paying income tax on

00:29:00.820 the money you paid yourself, right? But you can actually reduce the amount of W2 earnings that

00:29:07.740 you're paying yourself and then pay yourself in dividends instead, which are taxed at a much lower

00:29:15.680 rate. And then you get some other benefits that happen at a, at a S corp, at a corporation,

00:29:22.540 corporate level. So look into that S corp. When I did my homework back in the day, S corp was the way to

00:29:28.880 go. I don't think anything has changed. So look into that. I think that's going to be your best

00:29:34.380 bet. Sean Busby, Ryan and Kip, what should one look for in a Brazilian jujitsu gym? Looking to try

00:29:42.340 it out. Thanks for everything you guys do. So, and this is kind of funny because I'm going to relate

00:29:48.300 this to the iron council, Sean. And one of the, you know, for you guys that aren't members of the

00:29:54.280 iron council, uh, that's our exclusive brotherhood. Um, it's a, it's a secured group. It's a membership

00:30:01.240 in which, uh, men of the order of man movement belong to. And when you join the iron council,

00:30:09.680 there's this onboarding process. And then eventually you get assigned a team

00:30:14.400 and that team meets on a regular basis. They hold each other accountable. We have monthly topics,

00:30:20.900 books that we cover. There's discussions and challenges and other stuff.

00:30:28.060 You get to choose your team in the iron council. And I think choosing a team in the iron council

00:30:34.220 and choosing a jujitsu gym is possibly the same process. So the first thing is you want to choose

00:30:41.460 a gym that has times that are going to work for you, that are going to allow you to attend

00:30:49.280 jujitsu as much as humanly possible. Don't go to a gym that they're only meeting two days a week

00:30:57.640 and it's on Friday and Monday. And those days are bad for you. Obviously if you can't ever go,

00:31:02.920 it doesn't matter how cool the team is. It's not going to be a good gym for you. So pick a gym

00:31:07.540 that has a schedule that works for your schedule. Second, it's about the team.

00:31:14.180 That's the second criteria I'd put. Who are the team members that you're training with?

00:31:22.760 How good are they? Is there a lot of upper belts or are they all just white belts, right? So there's 0.87

00:31:29.240 a lot of upper belts. What's the culture or the team environment like? Are guys open? Are they pushing

00:31:36.920 hard? Is it really laid back? And, and the answer to that question, whether that's good or bad is

00:31:45.420 going to change for all of us, right? Some guys are looking for a more laid back school, kind of more

00:31:51.640 chill. Other people are going to look for a gym that's going to push them. I would kind of suggest

00:31:57.960 that if you're new to jujitsu, you want a gym that's going to push you. You want a gym that's going to be

00:32:03.880 hard, but they're strong team unity, a lot of upper belts. You don't want to go to a gym where

00:32:12.140 you're really good already. That's not a good sign, right? You want to go to a gym where you get your

00:32:18.060 butt kicked on a regular basis and the probability or the idea that you could possibly submit someone 0.96

00:32:23.340 else in that school is beyond your imagination. That's a good school. And now you understand

00:32:28.660 Moose's first question of why so many people quit jujitsu because it's miserable.

00:32:33.880 At times, especially the new guy, right? You're the, uh, you're the guy that everyone can catch and

00:32:39.480 you have to get really good quick, or you have to wait for a new guy to show up to actually

00:32:43.940 know that any of the stuff that you're learning is actually working or not. So, uh, so best of luck

00:32:49.440 to that. But those are the things I'd look for is upper belts, the culture. Uh, I would check pedigree

00:32:55.860 as well. Who's the instructor. Where did he get his black belt from? Jujitsu is a new, relatively new

00:33:05.260 martial art. And the family tree is not very deep. So you could see where the heritage comes from.

00:33:13.340 The closer to the root of the tree, typically the better. So keep that in mind. The other thing is

00:33:19.680 be mindful. If it's jujitsu, you want, then you want to go to a Brazilian jujitsu school.

00:33:29.960 The, because of the popularity of the UFC, the popularity of jujitsu on the rise,

00:33:37.140 you get all these like karate schools and Taekwondo schools and Aikido schools that will say they do

00:33:44.940 jujitsu. That's not jujitsu. I'm sorry, but it's not, um, they're marketing, right? They're capitalizing

00:33:53.280 on that term. They know you're Googling it and they're going to, they may know some techniques

00:33:58.680 of jujitsu, but it's not the same. Trust me. It's not the same. So if you want pure jujitsu,

00:34:05.000 go to a Brazilian jujitsu school that does Brazilian jujitsu. Now, some MMA schools will have

00:34:12.820 solid Brazilian jujitsu instruction. And then they're also doing like Muay Thai and boxing.

00:34:18.680 That's one area where I'd consider it. But if it's like another martial art and they also do

00:34:23.180 jujitsu, that's kind of the telltale sign of poor quality of jujitsu. So be mindful of that.

00:34:32.120 I'm trying to think if there's anything else I'd add.

00:34:36.060 Now, I think that's it. All right. Sean sailors, what is your go to healthy snack?

00:34:44.380 And what are your guilty pleasure snacks? Is there such a snack that's healthy or is that

00:34:51.820 this is like an oxymoron? It's not a snack anymore. If it's healthy, healthy snack.

00:34:59.880 My wife and I, we sometimes make these chocolate protein balls, energy balls is what we call them. 1.00

00:35:07.520 And it's like, um, it's, geez, it's oats, a little bit of chocolate chips, honey. Um,

00:35:16.580 some nuts are in there, I think, and a few other things. And you kind of roll them up, uh, coconut,

00:35:23.540 uh, cooked coconut, uh, shavings are in there and we'll roll them up and put them in like a Tupperware.

00:35:30.040 And that's like, uh, I consider that a healthy snack. Um, but as you can guess, I snacks and

00:35:37.660 healthy don't usually seem to go together. So water maybe is my other healthy snack. Guilty pleasure

00:35:43.940 snacks, candy, man. I love candy, candy. Now and laters, Laffy Taffy, Starbursts, like gummy bears, 0.69

00:35:57.540 the candy. That's not even like food. It's like a chemically created plastic that's flavored and

00:36:04.720 is chewy. That's kind of really bad. Not just like unhealthy, but it's like not even earthly. It's

00:36:11.460 chemically created crap. Oh, it's so good. In fact, after this, I'm going to go eat a bunch of candy. 0.99

00:36:18.760 Okay. Moving on. Primate ball. If you're in a conversation where the other person is on a bit of

00:36:27.120 a tangent or rambling, what are some ways to bring the conversation back to the intended direction,

00:36:34.820 assuming you already agreed upon it in a firm and polite manner?

00:36:42.440 So Primate, the, the part of this I struggle with because my, well, this will make sense once I

00:36:48.560 explain everything, but, but the part of this that I struggle with is in a firm and polite manner.

00:36:54.420 So by making it firm, you've already made it too serious, I think. And I don't know the

00:37:07.920 conversation, right? So, I mean, I don't know, take it, take it for what it's worth. There's

00:37:12.100 probably more to this than obviously that I'm understanding. But when I think of someone that's

00:37:17.540 constantly going on a tangent, right? And I tried it, you know, I'm talking to a buddy about something

00:37:21.380 serious and I'm having a conversation and he goes off on a tangent, rambles about something else.

00:37:25.540 I would joke around. I would be like, dude, what are you doing? Stop avoiding my question. The

00:37:33.440 question is XXX. Why you keep changing the subject for like, I would joke around about it, like

00:37:39.580 be lighthearted about the scenario that they keep creating tangents and rambling about other things.

00:37:45.460 And then if I need to be a little bit more serious, then I would express the importance

00:37:50.380 of why it's serious. Hey, really quick, let me interrupt you. I'm really sorry. However,

00:37:56.420 my original question was X, and this is really important to me. Like, I really want to have this

00:38:02.820 particular conversation because this, this, this, and this. So, and I don't want to diminish what

00:38:10.600 you're saying, but I really want you to have that conversation with me because of why it's so

00:38:17.880 important. Otherwise I just kind of joke around about it and kind of call them out in a lighthearted

00:38:24.240 way that, you know, why you keep changing the subject for, right? Are you trying to avoid this

00:38:28.120 question? What's going on? You know? And so, but that, that is a less firm, less serious approach.

00:38:35.940 If it's really serious and it's a very difficult conversation, then I would back up and I would

00:38:43.620 enter the conversation preemptively, you know, pram it. In the past, some of the times when we

00:38:51.340 have a conversation, you have a tendency, it seems you have a tendency to change the subject or go on

00:38:59.400 tangents. And what I want to talk to you about today is really important to me. It's really important

00:39:05.240 I get your input, your feedback, or hear your suggestions. And so I want to ask you to try not

00:39:14.020 to get on those tangents. And if it's okay, when you do, I, I'm going to interrupt you and help you

00:39:19.240 stay on target because I really want to address whatever it is that we're talking about.

00:39:22.900 All right. Ryan Navratil. I've had a hard time recognizing and celebrating my wins. I think

00:39:34.600 about how much farther I still need to go to be the man I want to be. I tend to view the actions I'm

00:39:40.620 taking as just what I ought to be doing and nothing special. How do you recommend keeping a balance of

00:39:49.060 your progress, but allowing yourself to identify and celebrate a win? Okay. So there's kind of two

00:39:55.940 questions. You didn't ask two questions, but I want to address the first statement that you said.

00:40:00.280 And the first statement that you said is, I tend to view the actions that I'm taking as just what I

00:40:06.780 ought to be doing and nothing special. They make it special. Like be unreasonable.

00:40:15.180 If you need to shake it up and you're kind of in a little bit of a ditch and complacency and you're

00:40:23.780 constantly doing the same things over and it's just not like firing you up, do something that's

00:40:28.980 going to fire you up. And, and it's going to be in that space of unreasonable, right? You're going to

00:40:34.760 have all kinds of reasons and excuses why you shouldn't like, Oh, I can't do that because my

00:40:39.080 schedule. No, no, no, no. Do it anyway. Find a way, do it, figure out what that something special

00:40:46.020 is. And that might spark a new mode for you and a new way of being to kind of get you fired up again.

00:40:53.680 So then that way, the actions that you are taking feel in line with the man that you want to become.

00:41:01.420 It's really important that, that they're aligned. And sometimes we get in these repetitive processes

00:41:08.220 and complacency. And I think one of the best ways to do that is to be unreasonable. So your shape

00:41:14.780 isn't working. Let me just give you an example. You know, I'm doing my daily workouts and it just

00:41:19.420 doesn't seem like I'm getting to a point where my, my fitness is better. Sign up for a marathon

00:41:27.340 six months from now, sign up. Crazy unreasonable. Just do it. Sign up for a triathlon. Sign up for

00:41:37.300 an MS 150. Like just do something crazy. Always wanted to do martial arts. Sign up for a karate class.

00:41:44.460 Even if you're like, Oh, I don't know if I have the time. No, just do it.

00:41:50.800 Second, how do you recommend keeping a balanced view of progress, but allowing yourself to identify

00:41:55.300 and celebrate the wins? A lot of this is the after action review

00:41:59.460 and having a battle plan in place, right? We have areas within the battle plan process

00:42:06.980 that allows us to celebrate wins. There are checkpoints. Every four weeks you evaluate are

00:42:15.400 the tactics that I'm doing meeting my objective at this point? I should reach this measurable point.

00:42:21.880 Am I? I am awesome. Continue on next checkpoint. Have I progressed? I have awesome. Continue on

00:42:30.580 at the end of the quarter. You should feel a set, a sense of accomplishment. If you'd haven't,

00:42:38.000 you failed on the tactics. So you shouldn't be celebrating. So have the battle plan in place.

00:42:44.420 Use those checkpoints at the end of the quarter. See where you've come from, what you've accomplished

00:42:49.920 and celebrate in that moment and then move on. The other thing is, I think it's really important too,

00:42:56.540 is celebrate where you've come from. And one of the best ways that I think you can do this is by

00:43:02.720 journaling. I read past journal entries and I'm just like, oh my gosh, I have grown so much.

00:43:09.500 And it allows me to see where I have changed and evolved in a very positive way. So journaling is

00:43:15.740 one of those. A gratitude journal is a way to keep us kind of celebrating our growth. Although gratitude

00:43:23.800 journal is usually not just about you, it's about things that you're grateful for and it might be

00:43:29.740 other things outside of you. But create checkpoints, measurable results, hold yourself to results and

00:43:36.500 then celebrate when those results come. And guys have strategy around this too. I've read in multiple

00:43:41.360 books where when a goal is met, that's maybe if there's something that you've really wanted to

00:43:46.600 purchase or own, maybe you can't buy it until the quarter's over and you've reached X and X goal.

00:43:55.840 That's a way of celebration. Another way is enroll other people. And this is, you don't want to cast

00:44:02.740 your pearls before swine. That's not what I'm recommending. But what I am saying is tell your

00:44:09.260 family what you're up to. Tell your wife what you're up to, what the goal is that you're trying to

00:44:14.220 accomplish. Have measurable results. Show them what that looks like. That's good for them. But it's

00:44:21.000 also good for you because now that you're going to have some built-in accountability. If what you're

00:44:25.580 about, your team within the Iron Council, they should know what you're about. And when you accomplish

00:44:29.960 it, it's not just going to be you celebrating. Multiple people will be celebrating your accomplishment.

00:44:36.200 So enroll people, have the conversation with other individuals, share what you're about.

00:44:40.000 That will also help you ensure that you're celebrating, but also focused on improving.

00:44:47.660 All right. Jumping into questions from our Facebook group. Also, let me point this out really quick. So

00:44:53.820 I mentioned the term after action review battle plan. If you guys don't know

00:44:57.960 what I'm talking about. So first off, read Ryan's book, Sovereignty.

00:45:05.900 You'll talk about the battle plan process, creating a vision. Also at store.orderofman.com.

00:45:13.340 You guys can purchase the battle planner if you're kind of a paperback or physical written out goal

00:45:20.600 kind of guy. And then also you can sign up for the battle ready program at orderofman.com slash

00:45:27.700 battle ready. All right. A couple more questions and then we'll, we'll go ahead and wrap up here.

00:45:33.400 So rush, uh, Russell, uh, Christian Berry. How can I get my wife to understand that it's not just

00:45:40.440 myself that needs to try and learn from a non-biased source about how to become better,

00:45:46.440 a better man slash spouse and to encompass that meaning into more productive lifestyle,

00:45:52.380 not only for me, but for both of us and the future of our family. We also have a plan for money,

00:45:59.440 but while I'm the one wanting to stick to it, I'm the bad guy. When I tell her no following the

00:46:07.000 reiteration of our plan. All right. So

00:46:13.480 we've talked about this a couple of times, Russell. So maybe even look at some previous podcast episodes,

00:46:21.200 um, that Ryan has covered. In fact, I think even the last Friday field notes, uh, what will be

00:46:28.260 valuable for this around company or around family, uh, family culture. But the key thing is, is, um,

00:46:37.380 you got to lead by example and it doesn't, it doesn't happen instantly. So you could be killing

00:46:44.680 it and awesome and progressing and all these things and it might go unnoticed. So let me kind

00:46:50.660 of give you some strategies. So the first thing is you got to let go of the expectation that she

00:46:56.680 needs to do it the way you're doing it. Because yeah, as long as you hold onto that, you're going

00:47:01.480 to be lashing out at her that she's not changing and she's not doing it the way that you would do

00:47:05.340 it and everything else. So stop it and focus on improving you and becoming the best version of

00:47:11.400 yourself, period. Now with that said, enroll her, I mentioned this earlier, enroll her in what you're 0.98

00:47:18.580 doing and how do we enroll someone? So imagine I, if I enroll you in something that you're signing up,

00:47:26.640 right? So I say, Hey Russell, you know, there's this great event and you should go to it. Do you

00:47:31.600 want to enroll? That means you're committed to the thing, right? I've inspired you well enough that

00:47:39.000 you want to be part of it. Now I'm not saying your wife's signing up for anything, but enroll her in 0.96

00:47:44.800 what you're doing, share it in a way that kind of inspires her, that, that you're inspired and let

00:47:53.300 it show itself and manifest itself through your actions and what you're doing. This is going to do

00:47:58.960 two things. One, it will naturally create some accountability because by running your mouth about

00:48:04.720 this thing that you're planning on doing, she's going to now know about it. And that's good and

00:48:10.160 bad depending on if you have good follow-through. But if you continue to progress and become a better

00:48:14.560 person, she now knows where that came from. The second thing is she'll now hold you even more

00:48:21.500 accountable as well because she's aware of what's going on. Now here's the kicker. You fall on your face

00:48:28.580 and you don't have integrity and you don't do what you said you would do. Now you just ruin some more

00:48:33.800 trust. So you got to be in a position where you're really going to stick with this and you're going

00:48:39.600 to level up in a way that you're going to change. Another idea, sometimes us men, we have a tendency

00:48:47.560 to look at like, I'm looking at the terms that you use here. It's like, you know, becoming a better

00:48:53.560 man and spouse. And we, we look at it very rigidly in a very serious way. And I've mentioned this in the

00:49:00.240 past as well. It's like, I could come home and bam, bam, I got this done. I fixed this in the house.

00:49:06.040 Hey kids, let's say a prayer, say a prayer, dot, dot, dot, dot, prayer done. Check. Awesome. I'm

00:49:11.340 having an amazing day. And I'm coming across like a complete jerk, unhappy, too serious, and not fun 1.00

00:49:18.040 to be around. Who wants to follow me? Not my kids. So not only do you need to be getting after it and 1.00

00:49:26.120 becoming a better man, but do it in a way that you're more joyful to be around, doing a way that

00:49:32.920 people want to be with you and want to do what you're doing because you are happy, not just

00:49:41.780 effective. So be mindful of that, of how you're showing up. One is highly inspiring. The other

00:49:49.660 one will push people away on the money plan. Ask for their input. In fact, you could throw input on

00:50:00.820 both of these, ask for their input. What do I need to be doing to become a better spouse or a husband?

00:50:08.260 What do you think we should be doing to manage our budget better? Get buy-in, get them bought in

00:50:17.400 and committed to what you're doing. Their willingness to commit and follow through is

00:50:24.440 going to drastically change if they had a say in the manner versus you just having the perfect plan

00:50:29.800 and telling them what it is. And I'm not sure if you're doing that or not, Russell, but those are

00:50:34.220 ideas. Okay. All right. We'll do last question. Then we'll wrap up. Greg Lewis, stroke at 31, 32 changed my

00:50:44.620 life. Took me from physically handy and capable to, capable to physically disabled and unable to

00:50:50.020 hold a job. I am doing all I can in the household while my wife has taken a full-time job. How can we

00:50:56.660 and I better be better communicators and get on the same page? The last five to six years have been

00:51:02.900 really tough. So Greg, first off, um, I can't imagine. Uh, so you obviously have a difficult

00:51:12.680 situation. Um, and when we have difficult situations, we also have an amazing opportunity

00:51:19.840 to be inspiring. And so I just feel like I should say that, that I get that your, your circumstance is

00:51:29.800 tough. Um, I'm sure it's difficult on your wife. Um, but also what an opportunity that you've been

00:51:38.200 granted to allow people to see your way of being as an inspiration of how we can rise up regardless of

00:51:53.540 our circumstances and do an amazing things. And when you do that and your wife does that, it provides

00:52:00.940 me no excuse for not doing that in my life. And now it's on the back of your tough circumstance,

00:52:07.320 but nonetheless, it can be inspiring. So kind of keep that in mind. So back to earlier, I mentioned in

00:52:15.760 the book, crucial conversations, uh, where I children, right? What doesn't go communicated,

00:52:20.300 we lash out about. And, and so I, and you already know this cause you're, you're asking, how do we

00:52:27.060 become better communicators? But I just want to reiterate, it's super important that you're

00:52:31.360 communicating. When we don't communicate, we communicate subconsciously, right? You slam doors

00:52:39.000 and you're pissed off and it's on your face and it's in your heart. You're just not saying it.

00:52:43.420 And when we don't go from the perspective of communicating, um, with other individuals,

00:52:49.640 sometimes we'll make, not sometimes, usually most of the time we'll make matters substantially worse

00:52:54.640 than they are. And, and, and then our, our spouse is also guessing what's going on and they're in the

00:53:02.320 dark and we have covert contracts where we have expectations that aren't being met, but we've never

00:53:06.720 communicated those expectations. And we're never even asked them. They may never even agree to the

00:53:11.520 expectations that we have. And we just assume they should says who, right? So, and your wife is

00:53:19.080 obviously stepping up in a way, and this is obviously affecting her maybe in a really difficult

00:53:24.260 circumstance. And so communication is just super, super important. Here are some thoughts and they're

00:53:31.320 very vague, generic thoughts, but I think they would serve us all. Um, if we could do them all a little

00:53:39.300 bit more often. So the first thing is, is I want to point out the importance of expression of feelings,

00:53:50.440 super, super important that you have freedom of expression and that your spouse does too.

00:53:59.460 And that you do not create a culture within your environment that someone gets punished for expressing

00:54:08.680 how they feel. And that's tough because they might express ineffectively, or they might express

00:54:17.220 something negative about you. And the minute you overreact, you teach them that they can't

00:54:24.300 communicate to you. Otherwise there's going to be repercussions for that communication. And now we

00:54:30.240 start creating a culture and an environment by which we don't talk. Why? Because whenever we do,

00:54:35.540 we end up in a big fight and he gets pissed off and blah, blah, blah. Okay. So you need to allow

00:54:41.680 freedom of expression to occur. That's number one. Number two, watch how we communicate.

00:54:52.740 When we communicate to our spouses or significant others or someone else,

00:54:57.160 we need to be communicating our interpretation as though it is an interpretation and not a fact.

00:55:07.640 We don't do that, right? By default, we don't do that. Everyone doesn't do it.

00:55:13.880 If my spouse does something that's difficult or bothers me in some way, the typical communication

00:55:19.780 that all of us have that we bring to the table is, I hate it when you always blah, blah, blah. Holy crap. 0.99

00:55:27.200 I hate it when you always, one, you added always, which is not true ever. So stop with the absolutes, 0.98

00:55:37.480 right? Eliminate the absolutes. And then be present to the story versus the fact.

00:55:46.980 And it's okay to communicate the story, but communicate it as a story. So for an example,

00:55:58.700 honey, I want to talk to you about something. And this is super pathetic example, but I can't think 0.95

00:56:03.140 of anything else. Honey, I want to talk to you about something and you could be preemptive, right? 0.97

00:56:08.180 My fear is that by communicating this, you might be upset. And so I'm trying to be really intentional

00:56:14.740 with how I express it. And I'm not asking for you to change anything, but I want to be able to express

00:56:23.960 how I'm feeling really quick. And she'll say, okay, earlier today, when you didn't hold the door open

00:56:35.020 for me, when we came in from the house, I interpreted that as you not being mindful and thoughtful about my

00:56:46.180 feelings. And it, and I interpret it as a sense of you not caring. I'm sure that's not the case

00:56:55.560 because the fact is you just closed the door. That doesn't mean anything. I get that I'm adding

00:57:01.340 meaning to it, but I wanted to let you know, and that's probably that's, and it kind of triggered

00:57:06.920 me a little bit. And that's kind of why I'm upset right now. Just wanted to let you know.

00:57:16.640 The story, we didn't accept the story as truth. We got to express our emotions. So she understands

00:57:25.180 where we're coming from. And now she has the freedom to determine for herself what she might do

00:57:36.620 next time. I'd even ask her, Hey honey, can you keep the door open for me all the time? Because 0.98

00:57:42.480 I hate it when you do that. Cause it always pisses me out. No, no, no. She can actually have the 1.00

00:57:47.840 freedom to say, Hey, you know what? That's not that big of a deal. I don't mind. I'll keep that

00:57:52.400 door open for him next time or whatever. Like I said, bad example. That's non-threatening because

00:57:59.580 you're just sharing your interpretation and Greg and everyone else, I would assume that most of the

00:58:05.460 time when we are upset and we need to have a crucial conversation, it's coming from the place of our

00:58:13.140 interpretation of the truth and is a story. And in most cases, that story is not true. And those

00:58:24.840 difficult conversations fall flat on their face because we choose to make those stories true.

00:58:31.400 And then we project them on our spouse and make them wrong for your interpretation. Don't do that.

00:58:40.760 Realize that it's a story. Realize it's your interpretation and just communicate it. And maybe,

00:58:48.540 are you ready for this? Apologize for it. Honey, I'm sorry. What for? When you closed the door earlier,

00:58:56.700 I totally interpret that as you not giving a crap. And now I've kind of lashed out at you. And I know 0.99

00:59:03.020 that's not necessarily the truth, but for whatever reason, it kind of triggered me. I just want to

00:59:08.060 apologize and let you know. That's called ownership, by the way. Ownership for your emotions and your

00:59:17.440 thoughts. And then apologizing for the ill judgment you're putting on someone else.

00:59:25.760 I don't care how difficult the situation is

00:59:28.640 or how difficult the relationship is.

00:59:35.040 The probability is it's difficult because of your story.

00:59:38.900 And we have a tendency to run around and place judgment on everyone else for it instead of taking

00:59:46.380 ownership for the meaning that we've created. So Greg, I'd focus in that space.

00:59:55.220 Create a culture of expression where people can share when those difficult conversations need to come up.

01:00:01.920 You need to share your interpretation, lead the way, show her how that's done.

01:00:09.420 And when she doesn't follow that process that I just gave you,

01:00:14.060 you need to be the bigger man, take the higher road and realize what she's expressing to you

01:00:22.060 is not necessarily truth, but her interpretation. And so be a little bit more, be a little bit slower to judge.

01:00:31.920 And understand that when she says you are always a turd face, that really means

01:00:38.740 that when you did XXX, she made it mean that she wasn't good enough.

01:00:45.900 And that's really hard to do. I struggle with that.

01:00:49.880 Greg, hopefully that's helpful. Keep your head up, make it a priority. Five to six years is a long time

01:00:57.800 to be having a breakdown of communication and it might really need you to step up in a serious way

01:01:07.180 and take some ownership and expression to her and restoring your integrity

01:01:13.980 in regards to letting the relationship go on that long with a breakdown of communication between you

01:01:21.700 and she's obviously stepping up in a serious way, right?

01:01:27.420 Hopefully that's helpful.

01:01:29.320 All right, gentlemen, that's all that we got for today.

01:01:32.340 Well, we have more questions, but that's all the time that I have for today.

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Order of Man - October 28, 2020

Having Effective Conversations, Why People Quit Jiu-Jitsu, Getting Your Wife on Board ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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