Order of Man - Head, Heart, and Hands： The Trifecta of Manliness

00:00:00.000 and if you want to be better you can double down on the things that you're good at but i think

00:00:04.160 there's a moment of reflection where we start to think about what can we shore up that we've never

00:00:10.160 considered before we really ought to consider this model head heart and hands logic empathy

00:00:17.040 and action what kind of man are you where did that come from who did you learn that from when

00:00:22.640 has it served you when is it not served you in order to be more effective in your life

00:00:30.240 man i've been thinking a lot about what it means to be more holistic man my good friend jason wilson

00:00:36.800 wrote a book called the man the moment demands and not only in this book but other books that

00:00:42.560 he's written and things that he's shared he's talked about becoming a more comprehensive man

00:00:48.400 is the term that he uses and i've realized this in my own life that i often fall into black and

00:00:54.080 white thinking i often have this potentially even limited view of what it means to be a man and what

00:00:59.920 masculinity is and i think most of us can agree to some extent that we naturally gravitate towards

00:01:06.480 one facet of masculinity over others and i think that if we are to be the men that our children need

00:01:13.600 us to be that the loves of our lives need us to be that community members and even strangers need

00:01:19.440 us to be countrymen as well then we are to round out our perception of what it means to be a man and

00:01:27.360 i've been thinking a lot about this over the past couple of weeks and i had this thought just the other

00:01:32.560 day that there's three main components and i work really well under frameworks if i have a framework

00:01:39.440 for what it means to be a man or a framework for what it means to be a good father a framework for

00:01:44.080 what it means to be a good entrepreneur i'm more likely to follow that framework and that's why we

00:01:49.920 create tools and systems here inside order of man because they're just as much for me as anybody else

00:01:56.400 but the framework i started thinking about over the past couple of days for becoming a more

00:02:00.720 comprehensive man is this idea that we need to incorporate our head our heart and our hands the

00:02:06.320 head is the logic the head is the critical thinking it's the logical side of our brain

00:02:12.080 it's us looking at data and information and circumstances objectively and i'll talk about

00:02:18.240 some pros and cons the heart is the emotional side it's your mental and emotional well-being

00:02:24.320 it also incorporates the spiritual realm things that we can't always quantify or prove or run through

00:02:32.080 the scientific model it's faith it's believing in things that aren't always tangible or quantifiable

00:02:38.960 but i think there's power to the way that we feel and um our intuition and our god-given right to his

00:02:47.600 insight and the holy spirit we'll talk a little bit about that and then the third component is the

00:02:53.280 hands it's getting to work it's doing the work it's taking action it's moving forward it's recognizing

00:02:58.960 problems it's solving problems it's using our physical prowess and our acumen to i was gonna

00:03:06.720 say exert our will that has a negative connotation but to move the needle forward to charge on to drive

00:03:12.640 on to get shit done and if you're like me i operate really really well in the head realm and the hands

00:03:21.440 realm i can think logically about situations i can be objective i can see a situation for what it is i can

00:03:28.080 strip away the emotion and the baggage and the bull crap that comes with the way you feel about things

00:03:33.760 and look at it for what it actually is and i'm also very good at getting to work if you're like me you

00:03:40.000 can do that too if you're not like me maybe you're a head and heart guy so maybe you think critically and

00:03:47.200 logically about things you're willing to look at the data and then from a heart perspective you're willing

00:03:53.200 to analyze how you feel about it and these individuals although they're very thoughtful

00:03:58.880 often run the risk of not ever putting their thoughts and their feelings into practice so

00:04:04.160 everything just bounces around in their brain constantly thinking about what they should do

00:04:08.400 what they would do how they would do this better how they could solve this problem or why they feel

00:04:13.840 a way and why this experience feels this way to other people but they never put it into practice

00:04:19.520 and then you have hands and hearts guys who are solely relying on emotion this is how i feel this

00:04:25.520 is how other people feel they over index the way that other people are feeling they take any sort of

00:04:32.240 negative feedback to heart they believe it's an indictment against them and they take action based

00:04:37.920 on what other people around them are feeling what they're feeling but they often overlook the analytical

00:04:43.520 critical logical thinking side of it and i don't think one is inherently worse than another i don't

00:04:50.000 know if that's true actually just because of my own bias towards the head and hands kind of guy my bias

00:04:56.960 is always towards think about it logically and then get to work i think that's the best way obviously i

00:05:02.560 think that's the best way but if i'm looking at it logically and maybe even bringing in the heart

00:05:08.320 side of it i can see that maybe there's other ways to do it and that's what i want for all of us i want

00:05:12.880 all of us to consider when we make decisions when we lead our families when we lead our businesses and

00:05:17.920 community members and clients that we consider that there's a whole other dynamic that often we're

00:05:23.600 missing i found that guys are pretty good they're probably 60 maybe 50 on one 30 to 40 on the other and

00:05:33.920 20 to 10 on the third component and depending on the situation you may need to skew those numbers

00:05:41.360 a little bit i'm not here to tell you that it should always be 33.3 33.3 and 33.3 see that's my

00:05:47.840 head speaking i'm here to tell you that depending on what the situation calls for it may be you're

00:05:53.120 heavily weighted towards the head side of things or it may be that you're heavily weighted towards

00:05:57.840 just getting it done and hands sort of things or maybe depending on a situation i had a good friend

00:06:04.080 just message me and call me we had a good conversation his close personal friend took his life just a

00:06:09.840 couple of days ago that doesn't require hands that actually doesn't require head at that point you

00:06:14.880 know what it requires heart that's my weak point personally but i could see in that moment that i

00:06:20.720 needed to be 80 percent heart and the other 20 could be head and hands it was empathy it was compassion it

00:06:27.360 was grace and understanding and listening and being attuned to what he was dealing with i could hear a

00:06:33.680 crackle in his voice as he talked about his friend that he had just lost to suicide and there's other

00:06:37.760 situations in fact this same friend him and i had an earlier conversation where we were talking about

00:06:43.520 business growth and how to move forward the mission of order of men that wasn't necessarily a hearts

00:06:49.600 conversation that was a head conversation and then hands are actually now doing the work i had a really

00:06:54.640 good preview call for the iron council if you don't know what that is that's our exclusive brotherhood

00:06:58.880 it's closed now but we had a preview call uh just a couple of days ago and i because of my

00:07:03.680 predisposition to to be more inclined to focus on the head and the hands i was that's normally how

00:07:09.760 i do these preview calls but in a in a moment of revelation i realized you know what maybe what these

00:07:14.000 guys need is a heart discussion and i talked about a brother-in-law of mine decades ago who took his own

00:07:20.640 life and how tragic that was for his wife my sister and the emotion that i experienced even being somewhat

00:07:30.160 disconnected from the situation and how she must have felt and how he must have been feeling and i

00:07:35.440 had a really good discussion about this and it was really interesting for me to look around the room i

00:07:40.320 think we had about 50 or 60 guys on the call at that point and i could see that they were connected

00:07:44.960 in a way that they had not connected with me before and i can see that there's an opportunity here

00:07:49.920 for me to incorporate more of the heart into the messages that i'm sharing with you because that's

00:07:54.720 what to jason wilson's point that's the man the situation demands and so i would ask you are you a

00:08:01.520 head and hearts guy are you a head and hands guy are you a heart and hands guy or a heart and heads

00:08:07.920 guy are you a hands and heart or a hands and head i think i hit all the combinations but typically we're

00:08:13.200 pretty decent in two of them and we're lacking in a third so what does that look like well again a head

00:08:17.600 guy is gonna be very logical hard charger driven motivated inspired great things on the downside

00:08:25.600 he's gonna rub people the wrong way he's gonna push too hard when he should pull back he's gonna

00:08:30.960 charge forward he's probably gonna leave a wake of collateral damage in his path i only know this

00:08:36.880 because this is me what's a heart guy gonna do he's gonna be very in tune to how people are feeling

00:08:41.920 it's gonna be very empathetic and kind and gracious and understanding and patient all wonderful things

00:08:49.840 but he's not gonna really see through the clouds what actually is the reality of the situation he

00:08:56.880 has a hard time deciphering what is fact and what is fiction what is story and what is real what is

00:09:02.400 perception versus what is reality and oftentimes he also has a hard time moving the needle forward he's

00:09:11.200 very kind very in tune very empathetic but doesn't move the needle forward this is not an indictment

00:09:16.640 personally this is not a personal attack on any of you i want you to analyze what type of man you

00:09:21.760 are so you can round out who you are what's the hands guy do he gets after it he's kicking ass he's

00:09:28.000 doing work he's moving he's busy he's getting things done very productive very effective super efficient

00:09:34.480 hyper focused on moving the needle forward but his demise is that he doesn't often think about the

00:09:43.120 action that he's taking he doesn't consider that the action he's taking might have negative impacts to

00:09:49.280 the people around him he's so focused on getting work done that he forgets there's other people that

00:09:55.360 might need to be considered in the actions that he's taking this is the crazy thing is that regardless of

00:10:01.680 what weight you place on head heart and hands you're going to be have you're going to have strength

00:10:06.480 but you're also going to have some weaknesses a lot of weaknesses and that's what we need to

00:10:10.320 review and analyze and really figure out how can i do better and we do have a mandate to do better

00:10:15.600 that's the only reason you're listening to this podcast to be a better father to be a better a

00:10:19.920 better business partner to be a better husband to be a better leader in your community a better

00:10:24.320 politician a better neighbor a better friend a better coach a better businessman and if you want to be

00:10:29.360 better you can double down on the things that you're good at but i think there's a moment of

00:10:33.520 reflection where we start to think about what can we shore up that we've never considered before

00:10:39.280 i don't know that this model is perfect again i've only been thinking about this over the past

00:10:43.440 couple of days but i think as a man we really ought to consider this model head heart and hands

00:10:47.600 logic empathy and action what kind of man are you where did that come from who did you learn

00:10:52.560 that from when is it served you when is it not served you what elements of the three tier trifecta

00:10:59.040 of what it means to be a man can you focus more heavily on in order to be more effective in your

00:11:04.240 life and when i say more effective i'm talking about having deeper conversations with your kids

00:11:08.560 one where they trust you and love you and care about you want to hear what you have to say one where

00:11:12.320 your wife looks to you for leadership and guidance and direction and clarity but also when she's having a

00:11:17.200 bad day she knows she can come to you because you're not going to judge her critique her give her

00:11:21.600 all the answers but just listen quietly and let her process her thoughts one where your clients

00:11:27.200 believe in you if you mess up they give you grace because you give them grace one where your community

00:11:32.560 members maybe even your neighbors know hey you know what if i need something done all i have to do

00:11:36.320 is call joe or john or steve or owen or ryan and i know that he will get things done what are

00:11:44.720 people saying about you now look i know this is a little bit taboo like you don't want to think

00:11:48.640 about what other people are saying about you that's what the quote-unquote alpha machismo guys

00:11:52.960 talk about like i don't care what anybody else thinks of me i do i actually care about what you

00:11:57.360 think of me i care about what my kids think of me i care about what my girlfriend and her daughter

00:12:02.080 think of me i care about what a lot of people think about me not everybody i can exercise discernment

00:12:07.920 but for those of the people in my lives who matter i care about what they think because i want

00:12:13.440 to be influential in a positive way in their lives and if i care about what they think then i need to

00:12:18.800 round out my approach to the situations they're dealing with and that is my job if i were to strip

00:12:24.400 everything else away i look at it as my job to fix problems to move forward to overcome hurdles to

00:12:32.080 confront threats to the people in my life's well-being and to ultimately lead them to a place

00:12:38.560 they could not have imagined going on their own i cannot do that if i'm one-dimensional this is

00:12:43.040 three-dimensional one dimensional is you just work and guys are notorious for doing that they

00:12:47.040 burn themselves out they piss everybody off in the process another dimension is the over analytical

00:12:51.680 thinker and he's just obnoxious and he thinks about everything and he never gets anything done and the

00:12:56.320 other one is just overly empathetic where he just cares about everybody's feelings and euphoria and

00:13:02.320 this utopian society and if everybody just loved each other and that we know doesn't work either it's a

00:13:08.240 balance and each one of those dimensions has value the question is how do we incorporate each of these

00:13:15.200 dimensions to make ourselves better and to serve others more effectively i hope that helps i'm going

00:13:20.000 to be fleshing this out a little bit more i got to think more about this head heart and hands guys

00:13:23.920 remember it think about it and if you have thoughts for me your comments or ideas or insight as i'm

00:13:28.320 working through this myself please let me know you can hit me up on instagram is the best place

00:13:33.840 at ryan mickler that's spelled m-i-c-h-l-e-r connect with me i'm very good at getting back to messages so

00:13:41.920 if you want to do this privately we can do that as well um but i think this is going to be a valuable

00:13:46.560 lesson and i'm going to do some more work as as i dive into this um outside of that make sure to

00:13:51.520 connect with us over at order of man.com please leave a rating and review we're trying to blow this

00:13:56.240 thing up um some of the social media companies are playing games with the algorithm it's the nature of

00:14:01.760 the beast you leaving a review you sharing it uh you promoting it grassroots movement here is going

00:14:07.200 to go a very very long way and you can do that um at order of man.com or also wherever you're

00:14:12.240 listening to podcast to leave a review all right guys head heart and hands remember it go out there

00:14:17.200 take action and become the man you are meant to be thank you for listening to the order of man podcast

00:14:27.280 you're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be

00:14:31.280 we invite you to join the order at order of man.com

Order of Man - April 04, 2025

Head, Heart, and Hands： The Trifecta of Manliness ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

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