Hope is What Makes America Great, Living 'The Man in the Arena', and Calling Out Your Wife's Secrets ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING
Episode Stats
Harmful content
Misogyny
21
sentences flagged
Toxicity
34
sentences flagged
Hate speech
20
sentences flagged
Summary
Happy 4th of July! What better way to celebrate than celebrating the birthday of the greatest country in the history of humankind, the United States of America. In this episode, Ryan and I discuss why we live in the most amazing country on the planet.
Transcript
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I would trade the millions of followers that I have, that we've built over 11 years of doing this.
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And I remember 11 years ago, I'm like, I want to have a big following.
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I would trade every single one of those followers to have a ranch in Montana and three or four people close to me,
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have a cigar or sit by the fire in the evening, you know, a couple nights a week,
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going to like help neighbors if they needed me to help them put up a barn or hunt a grizzly that
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was attacking their cattle i would trade all of everybody listening i would trade all of you for
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that and i say that with the utmost respect that i have for you guys i would i would trade it in a
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heartbeat kip what's up man good to see you on the uh follow-up of our fourth of july weekend i hope
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you had a good one yeah it was great yeah of course it was great right we spend time with
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our families celebrated 250 years of this amazing country that we live in i mean come on you can't
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have that weekend and be moaning and complaining about anything or at least you shouldn't in my
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opinion i was gonna say oh you can just look at what's going on on social media you definitely
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can't i guess i guess that's covered under your first amendment rights that's what's always funny
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and people complain and bitch and moan like we live under a king and a tyrant i'm like
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if you lived under a king and a tyrant you would not be able to say i live under a king and a
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tyrant these people are just so on the nose at this point it's comical if it weren't so pathetic
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but it is what it is yep yep yep absolutely well man let's jump into our wholesome segment
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obviously i hope it's obvious for anybody who's listening on the on the back of the fourth of
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july weekend i mean wholesome i've just got to say that we live in the greatest country ever
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ever in the history of humankind and i know we have our problems i know we have our struggles
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i know we have our divisiveness i know people love trump and hate trump and i know you hate
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your politicians or you love them and there's bickering and bantering and everything else but
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man how could you even possibly deny based on the quality of living the standard of living
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the relative freedoms i say relative deliberately that we enjoy that the prosperity the abundance
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the opportunity the freedom that you couldn't say that this is the best nation to ever exist
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it's always weird when people say it isn't like who's the best point to the best then
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but it's uh it's pretty crazy but i'm feeling very fortunate to hit the lottery and have been
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born to a good mother and been raised in this amazing country same same i mean of course
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you can't help but look at that at least for me when i when i hear what you just said ryan i'm
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Michael, but what is it? Right? Like, what is it? I mean, Oh, it's America. Okay, great. Yeah. But
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what were the ingredients that makes it so amazing? And I think it's important for us to
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always know what the ingredients are so we can help perpetuate it. Because sometimes we might
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find ourselves in America going, man, this is so great. But yet the way we're, we're showing up
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continuing what our forefathers created, right?
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And so I think it's important for us to understand
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And we don't compare notes before we jump on the podcast.
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But then as you were talking, I'm like, wait, no, it's not opportunity.
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There's one word that encapsulates what we do as a country better than any other country or people on the planet that ever have.
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because when a person loses hope they lose everything else if your future is bleak and
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there's nothing exciting about your future and there's nothing optimistic or positive or
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opportunistic then you're dead you might as your brain dead your soul dead you might as well just
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give up but i think what america does better than any nation that has ever existed on the planet
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is offers hope. Look, we can debate where we need to do better, what we need to do better,
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where we have faltered. Sure. But you can't argue with me. There's nothing you could say to me or
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show me that would tell me that there's any other group of people that have congregated and given
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more hope to people than this nation. Hope is the word for me. Yeah, I love it. And I would add
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it's hope on the back of agency. So it's not hope in my dictator or my king making this future
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great for me. It is hope in me and the fact that I can be self-determined and have a say in the
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outcome. So it's hope built on agency and opportunity. Cause I think sometimes we might
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look at hope is like, well, I hope these other people will do this. It's not that it's hope that
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I can do something about it. And, and that is why the entrepreneurial spirit in America
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is stronger here than I think anywhere else in the world. And it's because it's self-determined
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and, and that's what makes America so great. Yeah. I'm glad that you said, I hope people do
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this for me because I mean, clearly that's what I was referencing. Right. But when you get on
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social media people yeah yeah people i don't understand kip help me understand this why do
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people play dumb on social media like these people that i talk with
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let me just give you a ratio for every post i make i get let's say 70 to 80 percent positive
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20 to 30 percent negative and these people who are negative why are they playing retarded i i
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don't understand i don't understand why they're playing as if they're incapable of discernment
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why they why when i make a post like well actually this thing exists i'm like i know i know there's
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exceptions come on like you're smart you don't you why do we play stupid i don't understand it
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man. I cannot fathom why we play deliberately dense is what I call it. Yeah. Well, and it's,
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someone made a, made a comment to a post I made last week and it was like, yeah, but,
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and I, and I replied to him. I'm like, of course, I'm like, of course there's variables and new ones
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and, and that there's no absolute truth of anything. It would be great if life was so
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simple but it's not so like thanks for leaving the comment right it's like duh of course but
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i i think it's just i don't i think you're giving him too much credit i don't think they're thinking
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about it i think they're just like oh well he there's these other things he should consider
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i think they're just oblivious and they think they're actually providing value otherwise i
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don't think they would do it well no i i think i don't think they're trying to be smart yeah but
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they already are smart that's the thing that they don't get like you're already intelligent you
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already have wisdom you already have just the ability to discern you already have the ability
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to think of exceptions to think critically about situations like when i see these people i'm like
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dude you just you you literally just lowered your iq on purpose so you could like put your words in
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there i like give good commentary i don't understand it but that said you said something
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interesting about this idea of hope in other people versus hope that I can do it myself.
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Agency, I think is the term you use. And we actually talked about this in the Iron Council
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on Friday. So it was the eve of 4th of July. And you were on that call. I'm not sure what you
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hosted on your call, but I talked about the inextricable connection between rights and
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responsibilities but we quite literally have legions of young people growing up boys and
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girls growing up who think that they're just entitled to certain rights without the associated
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responsibility and as jefferson said and i'll butcher this he said that the tree of liberty
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must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants
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and and maybe it's not literal blood as in bloodshed I hope it doesn't come to that point
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but what I take that quote to mean is that we if we want to maintain and preserve our rights have
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responsibilities that's the bloodshed sacrifice in other words literal and figurative associated
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with the rights that we enjoy and if we continue to raise a nation of young kids young adults
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who don't understand that with the rights comes equal or greater responsibility than it's just
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a matter of time before we collapse. Yeah. Yeah. And I think it's an important note. Like anyone
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listening, you're thinking about your kids. Oh yeah. I need to make sure my kids know that.
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Well, how do they know that today? And the way you do it today is, oh son, that benefit that you
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have, there's a price for it. Pay the price. Oh, you uncomfortable circumstance. I'm going to let
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you deal with it. Stop coddling your kids. Like this is literally where it starts. It starts in
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our homes and it starts how we're raising our children. Yeah. On a more interesting and fun
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note, wholesome Kip, I don't know if you saw the video of the F-35 fighter jet hovering over the
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potomac river the same river that george washington crossed and and murdered quite
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literally righteously christmas eve his enemy on christmas eve and now we have 250 years later
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an f-35 fucking floating over the potomac river
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are you kidding me wholesome 100 wholesome we are the best fighting force the world has ever known
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And if that F-35 floating over the Potomac River and then taking off doesn't illustrate that, you're brain dead.
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I watched an F-35 at an air show one time do something similar, and then it floated down in a 360-degree spin as it floated down.
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And then it stopped, righted itself, and took off.
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yeah come on come on it was amazing and and there's some cool stuff in uh maverick which
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is top gun 2 maverick where i think the russian it's the russians have this incredible is the
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russians yeah have this incredible you know five fifth generation fighter and does some really
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cool stuff i'm like we can actually do that that's not fake we can do those things with a plane
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that's crazy yeah and then don't get me started on the uh uaps the unidentified aerial phenomenon
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is what we're supposed to call it now um oh really yeah you can't call it you're not a ufo anymore
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it's a uap unidentified aerial phenomenon so that's a phenomenon okay yeah all right brother
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let's get to some questions we know it's wholesome we know it's not and if you don't you're in the
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wrong place. Here we go. Yeah. Okay. Grant, uh, Ellison, my dad passed six months ago and I never
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got, uh, the, you're a man talk from him. He just died with, um, a lot left unsaid. How do I step
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into that role for my own kids without being a blueprint of him? That's awesome actually. Cause
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now you have a clean slate that you can decide what it looks like yeah you know i think a lot of
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men come into fatherhood with with a with a dogma associated and the odds of you repeating the same
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process of your of your father are pretty great but what you can do is create an entirely new
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system simply because you choose to so a couple of um really important speeches that come to mind
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well one's a speech one's a poem is man in the arena by Theodore Roosevelt that's one you should
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definitely read and embrace and the other is if by Roger Kipling which is obviously a poem not a
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speech and you should you should read that and you should base your entire
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structure of fatherhood around those two pieces i'm just convinced if you just structured your
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entire process of fathering both your boys and your girls around those two pieces and you actually
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live those ideals and you embrace those ideals and you instill them in your children that's that's
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your daddy now. Like that's, that's what it should be. And then you can use that for the fodder to
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be able to go lead your family the way that clearly grant you have a desire to do. But what's cool is
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you get to create your own religion for lack of a better term. You get to create it. So what's
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important to you? What, what is valuable to you? What is it that you want to instill in your
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children? And I want to hear what you have to say, Kip. And while you're doing that, I'm actually
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going to pull up something that I did for my battle team. And I just did this over the weekend.
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So I don't have it memorized quite yet, but I would love to hear what you have to say about it.
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Yeah. I mean, one thought I agree with you. I think those, how awesome it is that you get to
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create it. And I think it's more important that way anyway, right? It needs to be yours,
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your version. So that way you ensure it's aligned with what's best for, for your family
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that you're gonna have some default ways of parenting
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And you're going to be like, oh, man, that smells a lot like dad.
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And it's now your choice to be self-aware, to catch those, to be alert of them, and then
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to inspect them and say, is that what I want to do?
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And if it's not, move to a different space, right, and implement something different.
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but but i i don't know ryan i hear sometimes like people talk about this around positive thoughts
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right it's like oh negative thinking is so bad right and it's like i don't think you get away
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from some of this the blueprints there it's almost like you're going to be building a house you may
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have this new brand new blueprint and for whatever reason life is going to throw you the old blueprint
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on the table and if you're not paying attention you might start building a different house
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and you have to pause and go wait wait a second is this the right blueprint you're like ah this
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is that old one. And then you have to put it back where it belongs and focus on what you're creating
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and just realize that you have to be aware of it. And if you're not, you're going to find yourself
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doing a default that may not been intentionally chosen by you. Well, look, here's how I choose
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to look at it. And I wholeheartedly agree with you. You and me are computers. We are super
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computers. We just happen to be constructed of biological matter, whereas a computer is
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silver and plastic and gold and other you know metals to make the computer we're the same we're
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we are the same it's all the same makeup and the reason i say that is because if i go in and i
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create we're working on an app for the iron council right now and johnny loretty a good
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friend of mine he's actually building it out and has done a beautiful job for the first iteration
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and it does exactly what it's programmed to do it doesn't deviate and so when you're pounding
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away on your keyboard you're like stupid computer is not doing it's not computer error it's user
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error you're doing something wrong the computer doesn't is not sentient it it doesn't wake up
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when you when you hit the enter button and it's like i think i'll fuck with kip today
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it it wakes up and it follows the code verbatim
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now there's some glitches and some things that can happen but outside of that it follows the
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code verbatim guess what you're the same kip you're following the code verbatim i'm following
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the code verbatim and guess who was the programmer of the code first god and then it got corrupted
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by who your dad our parents your mom your friends the people on instagram that you follow
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all of it went all of it got corrupted and you rewrote the code with faulty formulas
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so if you want to do better if you want better outcome rewrite the code with good formulas
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and if you do that then the system is going to follow the system that's that's how i look at it
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like we are we are a byproduct of the environment that we're in and we start rewriting code based
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on what we believe to be true i remember years ago um this was early in my financial planning
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practice and i used to listen to a a not well-known person at the time because he owned a stake and he
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was a high level executive in the financial planning practice that i started with and his
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name, you guys might recognize it, was Ed Milet. This was 15 years ago. And I would take his CDs
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and I'd put it in my CD player in my truck. And as I was driving from my office or from my house
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to appointments, I would listen to Ed Milet talk about sales scripts for financial planning well
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before he was the motivational influencer that he is now. And I remember getting home one day
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and i was talking with my then wife at the time and she said you sound like ed my let
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and we chuckled about it we laughed about it but also duh that's the programming so of course i'm
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going to sound like him if i spend more time around you i'm going to sound like you if i was
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born in america i'm going to have an accent depending on what region of america i was born
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based on the region we if i'm born in australia i'm gonna sound like an australian because that's
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the programming and people just don't understand this to the to the degree they should if they did
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they'd be a lot more aware of the inputs they really would yeah yeah totally you're gonna
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share something else uh what was i gonna share something about your battle team you're gonna
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you're something you shared with your battle team you're looking it up uh just real quick i'm gonna
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go through it so i put together this over the weekend and i was like okay so our battle team
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name is invictus and i'm like what what are some what are some virtues that we all espouse and i
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pass this around to the guys because this is coding this is coding that's all this is yeah
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so input invictus now is an acronym so i is integrity n is nobility v is vigilance i
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second i is intentionality c is courage t is temperance u is unshakable and s is sovereignty
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and those are the virtues that all of us agreed that we're going to filter our decisions through
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that's the coding and i feel like if we embrace that coding we'll all become better men in
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whatever capacity we show up as love it okay all right what's next marcus marcus fielding ryan i
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found out my wife has a secret credit card and about 9 000 in debt that she hid from me for two
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years i'm angry but i also know i haven't exactly made myself easy to be honest with it's great that
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he realizes that how do you rebuild financial trust without turning into an integrator maybe
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first get rid of that credit card that you have that she doesn't know about well that's exactly
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that's actually so when you look at Invictus right the first one is integrity like here's
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when I hear a lot hey um and I and I actually do this with guys and they don't like it but it's
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important so guys will reach out and they'll say hey uh my wife's gotten a little out of shape and
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a little soft and around the midsection, you know,
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she's had babies and she's like a little, a little soft. And like,
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I'm not as attracted to her anymore. I'm like, send me a picture of you, bro.
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And then I would, what do you mean? What was left to do it? No, that's,
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that's the exercise. You want my help? Send me a picture.
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So they sent me these pictures and I just write, dude, come on.
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Yeah. And they're like, what do you mean? I'm like, look at you.
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look at you and you're complaining about your wife getting a little soft
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She needs to take care of herself and also lead from the front,
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and i could see a woman let's say sitting in the terminal and then i could see five guys
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walking towards her and i can tell you with 85 to 90 certainty which one is her husband
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just based on body type alone based on her her body type like hers and his his yeah
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like if she's fit and attractive and wearing nice clothes and takes care of herself then i'm
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gonna see the fit dude who takes care of himself he's wearing athletic leisure and he carries
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himself well i'm like yeah that's he's with her and then i could see another woman who's
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70 pounds overweight and she's wearing flannel or flame
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pajamas and it says juicy on her ass and then i see a slob who's 80 pounds overweight and he's
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got gym shorts that hang down to his calves and his socks are kind of like gray they're not white
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and his hair is all disheveled i'm like yeah he's with her like i already know
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and so what i'm not beating up on marcus too much here this is kind of like a tangent but
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it's actually a little bit of a equates is like okay yeah she probably has a secret credit card
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okay well what do you have what are your secrets do you do you watch porn when she doesn't know
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do you make expenses or or buy things that that she's not aware of that you guys didn't discuss
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or that she disagrees with yeah yeah like are you are you drinking when when she's asked you
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not to and you're trying to hide it. I did that. And so I'm not saying that she's without fault
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because a lot of guys will interpret this as like, well, you're just being a beta or a cuck
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or a simple. No, I'm not. I'm telling you to take responsibility fully so that when you go
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approach her, you can do it with an integrity. And you can say, hey, babe, look, I found out
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you got a credit card. And I'm a little, I'm frustrated about that. I tried not to keep
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secrets from you. I try to be honest and forthright and in integrity with the way that we communicate.
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And what are we going to do about it? Not what are you going to do about, what are we going to do
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about it? Because you already asked her to marry you. So now you're we, not I or her. So what are
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we going to do about it? What habits are you going to change to get this paid off? What side business
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are you going to generate in order to pay off this debt? How are we going to ensure that this doesn't
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continue? What are you willing to do to make sure that you're being fair and honest with me? Because
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I'm being fair and honest with you. But you can't go look her in the eye and tell her not to have
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secrets if you have secrets. So that's the first order of business. What do you think, Kip?
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I totally agree. I love it. It's a really good idea. Obviously gives you some credibility and
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allows you to have that conversation. I mean, you and I know, right? If you had secrets and
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you try to have that conversation it's going to fall on deaf ears and she's going to be like yeah
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but how about this and how about this other thing that you're doing and you guys aren't even aligned
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um around the dishonesty part right so i i totally agree with it the only the other thing that came
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to mind as you were responding is i i would ask her the why like not just like let's fix this but
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like, why do you, why do you feel like you need to? What's the emotional state? What is it
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that, why don't, why aren't you using our, our, our checking account? Why are you using this
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credit card? Do you not feel like you, you have control? Do you feel like, um, I want to agree
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or get to the root cause and the root cause isn't, she has a credit card, 9,000. She's being
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dishonest there there's a little bit more to it there's a reason for it and i and i would seek
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to understand that so that way you can address it more effectively so i used to advocate and i still
00:27:55.840
do advocate for this by the way this idea of the money monday money meeting is what i called it
00:28:02.020
do you remember me talking about this it's been a while yeah because i'm not married anymore
00:28:09.100
so i don't have to have those meetings i mean i i reconcile my accounts but i don't have those
00:28:14.720
meetings anymore you don't talk to yourself about your monday morning i mean i talk to myself about
00:28:19.760
a lot of stuff but you know i don't think it's one of them so a money monday meeting is a meeting
00:28:27.800
with your wife and i don't care if it's monday or sunday or thursday morning it doesn't matter when
00:28:30.740
but you guys are going to get you're going to sit down and you're going to talk about
00:28:35.400
assets liabilities cash flow upcoming expenditures upcoming windfalls you know maybe you gained a
00:28:45.440
ten thousand dollar inheritance you didn't know about or maybe you hit the scratch-offs and you
00:28:49.480
won a thousand bucks or what i don't know whatever but you talk about all things money related so i
00:28:54.260
used to do this and my ex-wife dreaded it and i'm like what's the problem why do you dread it like
00:28:58.600
it's good we can talk about it when smart and then i started to do an inventory and i was like oh you
00:29:03.320
dread it not because it's money but because i'm a dick about it like it's not it's not the money
00:29:11.420
and guys will say that they'll be like my wife doesn't like talking about money it's like no
0.56
00:29:15.620
she doesn't like talking to you about money and that was me and i would question her and i'd like
00:29:23.440
turn a light on her and like what was this expenditure for five dollars and 73 cents
00:29:28.860
on thursday at 2 37 p.m it's like good god man like chill and i wish i would have
00:29:36.460
uh and i don't know mark if marcus is doing this but he did say that he hasn't been the easiest to
00:29:45.900
talk with about these things that wasn't me who said it that was him who said that
00:29:51.040
so we this is what we this is what's really important to know you will train your wife
00:30:01.580
to treat you a certain way based on the responses.
00:30:18.380
every time she tries to talk to you about anything meaningful,
00:30:24.340
So you just trained her to sit down to shut up
1.00
00:30:45.660
It's like, I teased them a little bit about it.
00:30:53.560
the the people in your life are just mirroring your energy so if your kids won't open up to you
00:31:03.540
it's because you're not somebody they're comfortable opening up to it has less to do
00:31:08.360
with them and more to do with you if your wife has a secret credit card it's because she doesn't
00:31:13.980
feel safe being honest with you now that doesn't excuse her behavior i'm not saying she should do
1.00
00:31:19.560
that or that it's acceptable it isn't because she's a big girl too with big girl pants like
00:31:24.840
she needs to be a woman but also we can't control that what we can do is control ourselves
00:31:32.860
and allow our behavior and our actions to influence the people in our lives
00:31:36.960
and you have more influence more power than we often give ourselves credit for
00:31:43.000
wow and there's growth in the latter right there's no growth in the other one right it's like well
00:31:48.900
she's did something wrong okay awesome good luck growing from that but it's not until you say well
00:31:54.040
what is it right what's what's within my realm of control how am i showing up how am i contributing
00:31:59.900
to the interaction that's something you can actually um control right and grow from it is
00:32:06.220
but i think part of the problem is we're just so inundated with social media messaging that is
00:32:12.000
contrary that that says that every time let's take this example so marcus's wife has a nine
00:32:17.420
thousand dollar credit card and you and i are both advocating for him talking with her openly
00:32:23.900
about it and asking what can i do to make sure she feels comfortable being honest with me about it
00:32:28.660
but there's 30 of the people on social media and 30 of the commentary that you'll receive
00:32:34.740
that will tell you that if you do that oh well it's not your fault bro it's her fault
00:32:40.280
beta cuck simp and it's like dude in fact it's quite the opposite i'm actually taking responsibility
00:32:49.100
for my own part i'm not excusing her i'm not saying it's okay i'm not even saying it's
00:32:56.200
acceptable or tolerable but i'm saying own what's within your purview which is hey maybe i can
00:33:04.420
approach this differently which would cause her to open up and we can actually have an honest
00:33:08.440
real genuine discussion about it totally totally all right owen presley is it wrong to just want
00:33:18.160
a normal quiet life everything in the men's space right now feels obsessed with building empires
00:33:25.340
i could see that yeah i could see that yeah oh is that it that's the extent of it yeah that's
00:33:34.040
yeah uh i'm trying to find a question no it's fine wrong with having a quiet life is it wrong
00:33:38.460
no it's not wrong it's not wrong at all i think this comes with a little bit of gray hair and
00:33:44.560
some decades under your belt you know like you you see the gary v's of the world and all these
00:33:51.600
other hard chargers and i don't think there's anything wrong with that by the way like if you
00:33:54.860
want to go out and build an empire build your empire um i spent some time with a really good
00:34:01.940
mutual friend of ours uh about a month month and a half ago kip frank foreman mutual friend in the
00:34:07.120
iron council yeah and he spent decades working for and he'll correct me because i'm gonna be wrong
00:34:15.040
but working for i believe is for la county with their emergency services department and he was
00:34:21.100
head if i remember correctly over the entire emergency services of la county or southern
00:34:28.200
or Southern California or something, some like really high position. And he did a great job.
00:34:34.220
And then when he left, everything went to shit in LA, obviously. Um, but
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00:34:40.420
he lives on a ranch in Montana. He's got, he's got dozens and dozens of acres.
00:34:49.620
he's got a handful of horses he's got a beautiful property he's got a a nice but modest home
00:35:00.260
he's got a couple of dogs that you know help him he's out there putting up fence and he talked to
00:35:08.380
me about a couple stories about warding off grizzly bears in montana and he's got sheep
00:35:14.120
and he's he's got cattle I would argue that he's not building an empire as much as he's living his
00:35:22.220
best life man like he's happy he's busy he's busier than he's ever been and he and he looks
00:35:28.080
tired like I see him like you look tired he's like nah dude I'm good I'm good and he's out there
00:35:33.680
just working every day he's probably working harder in quote-unquote retirement than when he
00:35:38.520
was in LA. And I'm envious of that. If I'm being honest, I, I, I messaged him just the other day
00:35:46.680
and I said, Hey man, you know, my youngest is 10 within the 10 next 10 years, I'm going to have a
00:35:52.540
ranch in Montana. Hopefully it's by you and we could be ranch neighbors. He's like, I'd love
00:35:56.920
that. I said, cool. You'll come over and help me and teach me. He's like, absolutely. I'm like,
00:36:01.200
cool. I'll come over and help you and learn from you. I don't think there's anything wrong with
00:36:05.540
that. Take care of your responsibilities. And what are your responsibilities? Well, you have
00:36:11.760
responsibility to your bride. You have a responsibility to God, number one, then your
00:36:16.780
bride, then your children, then yourself. And I would also throw in your community, the environment,
00:36:24.460
the neighborhood, whatever, wherever you live. And outside of that, if you build an empire, great.
00:36:29.940
If you don't build the quote unquote empire, so what? You matter to the people who matter
00:36:35.020
in your life. And I think as I get older, that's more and more important than a bunch
00:36:40.980
of strangers on the internet. Yeah. It's crazy, isn't it? I fought years
00:36:48.040
wanting to be outside of a small town in Utah. And, um, the older I get, the more it draws me
00:36:59.040
back, you know, and I'm like, Oh man, I get it. I didn't get it as a kid, but I get it now for
00:37:05.820
sure. I would trade, let me say it this way. I would trade the millions of followers that I have
00:37:14.540
that I've, that we've built over 11 years of doing this. And I remember 11 years ago, I'm like,
00:37:21.360
I want to have a big following. I would trade every single one of those followers to have a
00:37:26.420
ranch in Montana and three or four people close to me, having a place my kids could visit, being
00:37:33.160
able to go visit Frank and like have a cigar or sit by the fire in the evening, you know, a couple
00:37:38.720
nights a week, going to like help neighbors if they needed me to help them put up a barn or
00:37:45.180
throw up a fence or hunt a grizzly that was attacking their cattle. I would trade all of
00:37:52.600
everybody listening, I would trade all of you for that. And I say that with the utmost respect
00:37:59.300
that I have for you guys. I would, I would trade it in a heartbeat. Yeah. So take that for what
00:38:06.180
it's worth. Yeah. I love it. All right. Ricky Bannerman. I've been sober from porn for 47 days
00:38:15.300
after almost a decade of it running my life quietly in the background. I haven't told my wife
00:38:52.260
all right, here's what I would do. I'm just putting a, I'm putting myself in Ricky's shoes.
0.99
00:39:00.780
Here's what I would do. You're 47 days outside of porn. That's, that's commendable because that
00:39:08.260
shit is very tempting. 47 days is no joke. Um, I want you to get to 60 days and I don't want you
1.00
00:39:19.720
to say anything. That's another two weeks. I want you to get to 60 days. And while you're getting
00:39:25.500
to 60 days, I want you to write a plan out for how you're going to continue this path.
00:39:31.760
Like, how am I going to avoid the temptation? When am I most tempted? Why is this a problem?
00:39:37.720
How am I overcoming it? Why do I think it's not important? Like actually come up with a really
00:39:42.540
good plan, written plan. I don't care if you write it in your phone or you write it on a piece of
00:39:47.420
paper. And this is where I get a little hazy. I would, I would probably talk with her, man.
00:39:59.500
Because you're lying to her if you don't, and you're being unfaithful if you don't.
00:40:05.780
But I don't want you to go and say, Hey, I have this problem, baby. Like, here's what I'm, no,
00:40:09.140
that's why I want you to have a plan first. It sounds like you've talked to her already about
00:40:15.100
it though because there's something about the first haven't been entirely forthright or it was
00:40:19.680
like something like that the full extent of it yeah i haven't told my wife the full extent so
00:40:27.000
the full extent might just be like how often but she knows it's a problem yeah so look
00:40:34.640
if i'm in a sales meeting i'm gonna bring up the problems enough that i can propose the solution
00:40:43.360
yeah but i'm not going to like dwell on the problems without presenting any solution
00:40:49.160
so i'm not going to and i'm i'm i'm being i'm speaking in hyperly hyperbole right now
00:40:56.800
i'm not going to tell her like i watch porn every day and i beat off four times a day
00:41:02.040
if that's the case i would not be going into details yeah right okay so i'm not going to
00:41:07.320
tell her that but i'm going to tell her hey babe we've talked about this in the past and you know
00:41:11.820
like pornography is a temptation for me and I'm really trying to shut it down and I'm 60 days
00:41:18.080
into this I've not seen pornography at all not actively searched it out I haven't seen it
00:41:24.480
and I'm feeling really good about it and I just wanted to share with you and it's important that
00:41:30.640
I share with you because I want to be an integrity in our marriage like I don't want to deceit you or
00:41:34.720
be deceitful or keep things from you just the same I wouldn't want you to keep things from me
00:41:38.920
And so I want to share with you, if I can, a plan that I've implemented to ensure that I stay faithful to you.
00:42:08.920
just keep lying about i mean she probably already knows if we're being honest yeah so what because
00:42:16.220
you're not having sex with her as often she probably maybe has seen something on your search
00:42:21.240
browser and she might even be at this point she might even be wondering like is this guy gonna
00:42:25.240
be a man and tell me or is he gonna just keep hiding it so i would have the conversation i
00:42:31.980
would do one other thing there's a good friend of mine his name is sathea sam he actually sent me a
00:42:37.060
text this morning. And I guess he's got a thing that he's doing July. I want to say it's like
00:42:42.520
July 17th that he's starting. It's a new app or a challenge or a program or something. I just
00:42:48.440
looked at it briefly, but if you go look Sathya Sam, so it's S-A-T-H-I-Y-A, Sathya Sam, S-A-M.
00:42:57.820
You'll probably find that challenge. Get some help, man. You need some help on that and that's okay.
00:43:04.480
but i would not approach her if i didn't have a plan yet yeah what do you think kip can i i you
00:43:11.640
you said something i thought was profound um and i just want to make sure ricky catches it
00:43:17.960
it was this is really important to me so that's that's a big difference
00:43:26.380
then you go into her saying hey i'm trying to stop this thing because i know it offends you
00:43:32.160
hmm yeah no no it's important to me that i'm not doing this that way you're not doing it for her
00:43:40.260
you do it for you that's that's going to be fleeting right so and and maybe even challenging
00:43:45.300
now ricky even you know 47 days in why why are you doing this and and if it's strictly well
00:43:53.000
because i don't want my wife to get mad at me i i would suggest go deeper and get connected to
00:44:00.040
something even more powerful than that and it needs to be aligned with you so that way when
0.97
00:44:06.440
she's a a jerk to you tomorrow and she acts up all of a sudden your reason doesn't go out the
0.89
00:44:12.920
door oh that's a good point man if she's like so that reason needs to be with you and i don't want
1.00
00:44:18.280
to have sex tonight it's like okay that's not gonna slip you back into temptation good point
00:44:22.520
yeah that's a tough one man i wrestled with that one because do we just leave it alone and
0.67
00:44:31.480
just fix it uh make it worse i mean you could make it worse i mean there's a very real risk
00:44:39.980
in it right yeah yeah for sure but one thing's for sure ricky you're doing the right thing and
00:44:54.580
I want like a mat. Okay. So think about this. You know, we're,
00:44:57.620
we're talking about 4th of July earlier and I'm not saying that their founding
00:45:02.140
fathers were without sin or temptation. Obviously they were
00:45:07.900
um but i think what they did really well is they tried to do the right thing regardless
00:45:18.700
of sacrifice and consequence you know you these guys pledged their their their wealth and their
00:45:27.760
sacred honor to do what they thought was right now england thought they were traitors and we
00:45:33.420
can debate that and i guess if england would have won the revolutionary war then they would
00:45:38.560
have been labeled as traitors and the history books would have been written differently but
00:45:41.980
they weren't they were written the way that god intended them to be written
00:45:46.440
but i think one thing they did just about better than any of us is they tried to act with an
00:45:54.500
integrity they weren't perfect you know you can look at the history of slave ownership for example
00:46:00.120
with Jefferson and George Washington and questioned that. And I do too. They were not free
00:46:06.620
from sin. Now, was it acceptable? Yeah, it was a different time. That doesn't make it okay or
00:46:11.640
righteous. It just means that they looked at it from a different lens, kind of like the scripts
00:46:15.580
we were talking about earlier. But I do believe they were willing to sacrifice in order to do
00:46:21.460
the right thing. And over the long haul, I'll just say this, over the long haul, every right
00:46:28.740
decision that I've made, regardless of the consequences that I've suffered from has been
00:46:35.220
the right move. I cannot think of an exception to that rule. Can you? Yeah. And I think it comes
00:46:47.220
down to being right with yourself, or if you want to use the term aligned with yourself,
00:46:53.080
there's a cost to that whenever we're at a congruent tip have you ever had somebody come
00:47:01.400
to you in your life and i i know some people are unreasonable you're you're not and so maybe this is
00:47:06.840
different but i know some people would be but have you ever had somebody come to you
00:47:11.860
and say hey kip i'm sorry i wronged you in this way or i fell short in this way
00:47:25.060
and here's how I'm going to ensure I don't do it again.
00:47:47.980
where i had someone share their past with me it wasn't anything towards me it was just their past
00:47:56.560
and that may have been enough to judge them but i had more respect for them i'm like got it like
00:48:04.500
raw i but i you know i don't know i i just love it when people are just more open and more
00:48:11.380
kind of authentic and raw with each other that just resonates with me i know and so i appreciate
00:48:17.000
why i said you might be a different kind of person you know i know some people are unreasonable you're
0.72
00:48:22.420
not but i've never had that experience where somebody's like hey man i fucked up like here's
0.91
00:48:27.860
what i did and i'm sorry and i was like you didn't fuck up i'm like oh thank you what are we gonna do
0.92
00:48:34.160
about this how are we gonna fix it we like how are we gonna do this together i'm i'm because you
0.74
00:48:40.940
admitted it and told me like i'm on board what are we gonna do to fix it and i think if your wife's
00:48:46.500
reasonable. I mean, I've heard crazy stories of women staying together with these just
1.00
00:48:51.840
absolutely abusive, nasty, vile men. And they stay together because they want to keep their
0.72
00:48:56.440
families together because they still love their husbands. You're not, you're not a horrible
00:49:02.260
person. In fact, you're a very honorable person because you face temptation and you faced up to
00:49:07.700
it and you're making amends and you're trying to fix it. That's honorable. And I think, I think
00:49:12.900
she will see that i do personally yeah and and the effects of the habit is probably affecting her too
00:49:20.640
so this probably just makes sense if she doesn't know and you communicate she's like oh okay that
00:49:26.340
may i was thinking that maybe you were sleeping and cheating on me with another woman right like
00:49:31.580
who knows right she could have been assuming even worse things you know but trust me she's probably
00:49:38.180
picking up on something that that something's not right well i promise you she feels unwanted
00:49:43.260
yeah i promise you that minimum yeah she feels like you don't find her attractive anymore
00:49:48.780
because you don't because you're comparing her to bimbo barbie over there that has the perfect
1.00
00:49:54.280
set of tits that has the perfect hair the perfect smile the perfectly white teeth no stretch marks
0.99
00:49:59.560
perfect thigh like whatever whatever your thing is so because ai created it and so like of course
0.99
00:50:07.720
of course so reprogram your mind all right brother i know you got a jet we had some good
00:50:13.480
questions i know we got a lot more that we can follow up on next week uh let the guys know where
00:50:17.560
to go and connect with us and we'll wrap things up today kip yeah as always connect with mickler
00:50:22.880
on x and instagram at ryan mickler and the main thing is you know join the iron council i mean i
00:50:29.520
can even look at some of these questions it's like you mentioned surround yourself with like-minded
00:50:34.400
men. Guess what we have in the Iron Council? We have a sobriety channel. We have a beating
00:50:40.060
porn addiction channel. We have group, these groups are part of what it is to be part of
00:50:45.940
the Iron Council. So to learn more about the Iron Council and to join us there, go to the
00:50:50.180
ironcouncil.com. Sweet. Kip, I appreciate you, man. Really good discussion. Great questions.
00:50:57.840
I get excited more and more for the questions. They're just elevated compared to what we've
00:51:01.880
had in the past. And I love to see that. Connect with me, connect with Kip, keep the conversations
00:51:06.120
going. I had a really good conversation with Jake Woodard yesterday. If you haven't listened,
00:51:11.680
it's on the polarity and dynamics between men and women in relationships. Make sure you check that
00:51:16.320
out. And then I'll have a really good Friday field notes for you this Friday. Guys, until then,
00:51:20.800
go out there, take action and become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the
00:51:26.280
Order of Man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant
00:51:31.320
to be, we invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.