Order of Man - Hope is What Makes America Great, Living 'The Man in the Arena', and Calling Out Your Wife's Secrets ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 I would trade the millions of followers that I have, that we've built over 11 years of doing this.

00:00:08.120 And I remember 11 years ago, I'm like, I want to have a big following.

00:00:11.080 I would trade every single one of those followers to have a ranch in Montana and three or four people close to me,

00:00:19.200 have a cigar or sit by the fire in the evening, you know, a couple nights a week,

00:00:22.980 going to like help neighbors if they needed me to help them put up a barn or hunt a grizzly that

00:00:29.280 was attacking their cattle i would trade all of everybody listening i would trade all of you for

00:00:35.700 that and i say that with the utmost respect that i have for you guys i would i would trade it in a

00:00:42.320 heartbeat kip what's up man good to see you on the uh follow-up of our fourth of july weekend i hope

00:00:48.940 you had a good one yeah it was great yeah of course it was great right we spend time with

00:00:54.440 our families celebrated 250 years of this amazing country that we live in i mean come on you can't

00:01:01.560 have that weekend and be moaning and complaining about anything or at least you shouldn't in my

00:01:05.900 opinion i was gonna say oh you can just look at what's going on on social media you definitely

00:01:11.240 can't i guess i guess that's covered under your first amendment rights that's what's always funny

00:01:15.760 and people complain and bitch and moan like we live under a king and a tyrant i'm like

00:01:20.540 if you lived under a king and a tyrant you would not be able to say i live under a king and a 0.99

00:01:26.180 tyrant these people are just so on the nose at this point it's comical if it weren't so pathetic 0.97

00:01:32.720 but it is what it is yep yep yep absolutely well man let's jump into our wholesome segment 0.93

00:01:41.040 obviously i hope it's obvious for anybody who's listening on the on the back of the fourth of

00:01:46.220 july weekend i mean wholesome i've just got to say that we live in the greatest country ever

00:01:54.480 ever in the history of humankind and i know we have our problems i know we have our struggles

00:02:00.580 i know we have our divisiveness i know people love trump and hate trump and i know you hate

00:02:05.100 your politicians or you love them and there's bickering and bantering and everything else but

00:02:09.360 man how could you even possibly deny based on the quality of living the standard of living

00:02:17.940 the relative freedoms i say relative deliberately that we enjoy that the prosperity the abundance

00:02:26.860 the opportunity the freedom that you couldn't say that this is the best nation to ever exist

00:02:33.900 it's always weird when people say it isn't like who's the best point to the best then

00:02:38.660 but it's uh it's pretty crazy but i'm feeling very fortunate to hit the lottery and have been

00:02:47.560 born to a good mother and been raised in this amazing country same same i mean of course

00:02:57.140 you can't help but look at that at least for me when i when i hear what you just said ryan i'm

00:03:03.340 Michael, but what is it? Right? Like, what is it? I mean, Oh, it's America. Okay, great. Yeah. But

00:03:07.940 what were the ingredients that makes it so amazing? And I think it's important for us to

00:03:17.300 always know what the ingredients are so we can help perpetuate it. Because sometimes we might

00:03:25.480 find ourselves in America going, man, this is so great. But yet the way we're, we're showing up

00:03:31.900 is not aligned with its greatness, right?

00:03:37.040 And America is only as great as its citizens

00:03:39.680 continuing what our forefathers created, right?

00:03:44.200 And we could easily destroy it.

00:03:46.940 And so I think it's important for us to understand

00:03:49.460 what is it specifically?

00:03:51.100 And so if you don't mind me asking,

00:03:52.460 what is that for you?

00:03:53.960 Like when you think, yeah, go ahead.

00:03:56.600 Oh, it's easy.

00:03:58.260 So I actually wrote this down.

00:04:00.100 I'm glad you brought it up.

00:04:00.900 And we don't compare notes before we jump on the podcast.

00:04:02.980 So it's interesting you would ask this.

00:04:05.300 The first thing I wrote down was opportunity.

00:04:08.780 But then as you were talking, I'm like, wait, no, it's not opportunity.

00:04:13.060 There's one word that encapsulates what we do as a country better than any other country or people on the planet that ever have.

00:04:21.060 It's this word.

00:04:22.620 It's hope.

00:04:26.040 That's it.

00:04:26.680 because when a person loses hope they lose everything else if your future is bleak and

00:04:33.740 there's nothing exciting about your future and there's nothing optimistic or positive or 0.91

00:04:38.540 opportunistic then you're dead you might as your brain dead your soul dead you might as well just

00:04:44.800 give up but i think what america does better than any nation that has ever existed on the planet

00:04:51.520 is offers hope. Look, we can debate where we need to do better, what we need to do better,

00:04:57.500 where we have faltered. Sure. But you can't argue with me. There's nothing you could say to me or

00:05:03.380 show me that would tell me that there's any other group of people that have congregated and given

00:05:09.860 more hope to people than this nation. Hope is the word for me. Yeah, I love it. And I would add

00:05:18.020 it's hope on the back of agency. So it's not hope in my dictator or my king making this future

00:05:26.080 great for me. It is hope in me and the fact that I can be self-determined and have a say in the

00:05:35.940 outcome. So it's hope built on agency and opportunity. Cause I think sometimes we might

00:05:44.580 look at hope is like, well, I hope these other people will do this. It's not that it's hope that

00:05:49.100 I can do something about it. And, and that is why the entrepreneurial spirit in America

00:05:54.660 is stronger here than I think anywhere else in the world. And it's because it's self-determined

00:06:01.120 and, and that's what makes America so great. Yeah. I'm glad that you said, I hope people do

00:06:07.940 this for me because I mean, clearly that's what I was referencing. Right. But when you get on

00:06:13.460 social media people yeah yeah people i don't understand kip help me understand this why do

00:06:20.320 people play dumb on social media like these people that i talk with

00:06:25.940 let me just give you a ratio for every post i make i get let's say 70 to 80 percent positive 0.99

00:06:35.320 20 to 30 percent negative and these people who are negative why are they playing retarded i i 0.92

00:06:44.700 don't understand i don't understand why they're playing as if they're incapable of discernment 0.91

00:06:50.680 why they why when i make a post like well actually this thing exists i'm like i know i know there's 0.99

00:06:57.520 exceptions come on like you're smart you don't you why do we play stupid i don't understand it 0.99

00:07:04.860 man. I cannot fathom why we play deliberately dense is what I call it. Yeah. Well, and it's, 0.99

00:07:12.640 someone made a, made a comment to a post I made last week and it was like, yeah, but,

00:07:17.520 and I, and I replied to him. I'm like, of course, I'm like, of course there's variables and new ones

00:07:25.800 and, and that there's no absolute truth of anything. It would be great if life was so

00:07:32.660 simple but it's not so like thanks for leaving the comment right it's like duh of course but

00:07:37.440 i i think it's just i don't i think you're giving him too much credit i don't think they're thinking

00:07:42.100 about it i think they're just like oh well he there's these other things he should consider

00:07:46.020 i think they're just oblivious and they think they're actually providing value otherwise i

00:07:49.780 don't think they would do it well no i i think i don't think they're trying to be smart yeah but

00:07:56.240 they already are smart that's the thing that they don't get like you're already intelligent you

00:08:01.660 already have wisdom you already have just the ability to discern you already have the ability

00:08:07.900 to think of exceptions to think critically about situations like when i see these people i'm like

00:08:12.760 dude you just you you literally just lowered your iq on purpose so you could like put your words in

00:08:24.480 there i like give good commentary i don't understand it but that said you said something

00:08:30.320 interesting about this idea of hope in other people versus hope that I can do it myself.

00:08:38.180 Agency, I think is the term you use. And we actually talked about this in the Iron Council

00:08:44.080 on Friday. So it was the eve of 4th of July. And you were on that call. I'm not sure what you

00:08:50.720 hosted on your call, but I talked about the inextricable connection between rights and

00:08:56.060 responsibilities but we quite literally have legions of young people growing up boys and

00:09:03.400 girls growing up who think that they're just entitled to certain rights without the associated

00:09:09.920 responsibility and as jefferson said and i'll butcher this he said that the tree of liberty 0.86

00:09:17.380 must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants

00:09:23.060 and and maybe it's not literal blood as in bloodshed I hope it doesn't come to that point

00:09:30.460 but what I take that quote to mean is that we if we want to maintain and preserve our rights have

00:09:38.400 responsibilities that's the bloodshed sacrifice in other words literal and figurative associated

00:09:45.340 with the rights that we enjoy and if we continue to raise a nation of young kids young adults

00:09:51.620 who don't understand that with the rights comes equal or greater responsibility than it's just

00:09:58.080 a matter of time before we collapse. Yeah. Yeah. And I think it's an important note. Like anyone

00:10:04.020 listening, you're thinking about your kids. Oh yeah. I need to make sure my kids know that.

00:10:09.020 Well, how do they know that today? And the way you do it today is, oh son, that benefit that you

00:10:15.740 have, there's a price for it. Pay the price. Oh, you uncomfortable circumstance. I'm going to let

00:10:22.060 you deal with it. Stop coddling your kids. Like this is literally where it starts. It starts in

00:10:29.500 our homes and it starts how we're raising our children. Yeah. On a more interesting and fun

00:10:36.520 note, wholesome Kip, I don't know if you saw the video of the F-35 fighter jet hovering over the

00:10:44.000 potomac river the same river that george washington crossed and and murdered quite

00:10:50.440 literally righteously christmas eve his enemy on christmas eve and now we have 250 years later 0.98

00:10:57.300 an f-35 fucking floating over the potomac river 0.88

00:11:02.860 are you kidding me wholesome 100 wholesome we are the best fighting force the world has ever known 1.00

00:11:13.320 And if that F-35 floating over the Potomac River and then taking off doesn't illustrate that, you're brain dead. 0.98

00:11:20.820 There's no other way to put that.

00:11:23.660 It's so cool.

00:11:25.280 Oh, it's so rad.

00:11:26.780 I watched an F-35 at an air show one time do something similar, and then it floated down in a 360-degree spin as it floated down.

00:11:37.720 And then it stopped, righted itself, and took off.

00:11:42.680 Tough.

00:11:43.320 yeah come on come on it was amazing and and there's some cool stuff in uh maverick which

00:11:52.740 is top gun 2 maverick where i think the russian it's the russians have this incredible is the

00:11:59.400 russians yeah have this incredible you know five fifth generation fighter and does some really

00:12:05.340 cool stuff i'm like we can actually do that that's not fake we can do those things with a plane

00:12:11.180 that's crazy yeah and then don't get me started on the uh uaps the unidentified aerial phenomenon

00:12:17.640 is what we're supposed to call it now um oh really yeah you can't call it you're not a ufo anymore

00:12:23.840 it's a uap unidentified aerial phenomenon so that's a phenomenon okay yeah all right brother

00:12:31.080 let's get to some questions we know it's wholesome we know it's not and if you don't you're in the

00:12:35.040 wrong place. Here we go. Yeah. Okay. Grant, uh, Ellison, my dad passed six months ago and I never

00:12:43.580 got, uh, the, you're a man talk from him. He just died with, um, a lot left unsaid. How do I step

00:12:53.240 into that role for my own kids without being a blueprint of him? That's awesome actually. Cause

00:13:01.200 now you have a clean slate that you can decide what it looks like yeah you know i think a lot of

00:13:07.040 men come into fatherhood with with a with a dogma associated and the odds of you repeating the same

00:13:16.880 process of your of your father are pretty great but what you can do is create an entirely new

00:13:26.080 system simply because you choose to so a couple of um really important speeches that come to mind

00:13:33.980 well one's a speech one's a poem is man in the arena by Theodore Roosevelt that's one you should

00:13:40.520 definitely read and embrace and the other is if by Roger Kipling which is obviously a poem not a

00:13:46.780 speech and you should you should read that and you should base your entire

00:13:52.960 structure of fatherhood around those two pieces i'm just convinced if you just structured your

00:14:01.340 entire process of fathering both your boys and your girls around those two pieces and you actually

00:14:08.160 live those ideals and you embrace those ideals and you instill them in your children that's that's

00:14:14.400 your daddy now. Like that's, that's what it should be. And then you can use that for the fodder to

00:14:22.200 be able to go lead your family the way that clearly grant you have a desire to do. But what's cool is

00:14:28.240 you get to create your own religion for lack of a better term. You get to create it. So what's

00:14:33.280 important to you? What, what is valuable to you? What is it that you want to instill in your

00:14:38.880 children? And I want to hear what you have to say, Kip. And while you're doing that, I'm actually

00:14:42.940 going to pull up something that I did for my battle team. And I just did this over the weekend.

00:14:49.280 So I don't have it memorized quite yet, but I would love to hear what you have to say about it.

00:14:56.280 Yeah. I mean, one thought I agree with you. I think those, how awesome it is that you get to

00:15:00.920 create it. And I think it's more important that way anyway, right? It needs to be yours,

00:15:06.000 your version. So that way you ensure it's aligned with what's best for, for your family

00:15:10.620 and for your kids and for yourself.

00:15:13.340 The one thing that I'd like to call out

00:15:15.300 that you mentioned that, you know,

00:15:16.800 without a blueprint from him,

00:15:18.800 well, you have a blueprint from him

00:15:20.660 based upon how he raised you.

00:15:24.280 And yeah, and that blueprint,

00:15:26.180 whether you like it or not,

00:15:27.060 it's gonna show up constantly, right?

00:15:30.840 And I think it's important to know that,

00:15:33.800 that you're gonna have some default ways of parenting

00:15:36.160 that you're gonna catch yourself and go,

00:15:39.080 oh, where did that come from?

00:15:40.300 And you're going to be like, oh, man, that smells a lot like dad.

00:15:45.520 That resembles a lot like mom.

00:15:48.420 And it's now your choice to be self-aware, to catch those, to be alert of them, and then

00:15:56.160 to inspect them and say, is that what I want to do?

00:16:02.520 Is that what's best?

00:16:03.860 And if it's not, move to a different space, right, and implement something different.

00:16:08.980 but but i i don't know ryan i hear sometimes like people talk about this around positive thoughts

00:16:14.280 right it's like oh negative thinking is so bad right and it's like i don't think you get away

00:16:19.380 from some of this the blueprints there it's almost like you're going to be building a house you may

00:16:24.840 have this new brand new blueprint and for whatever reason life is going to throw you the old blueprint

00:16:30.460 on the table and if you're not paying attention you might start building a different house

00:16:34.480 and you have to pause and go wait wait a second is this the right blueprint you're like ah this

00:16:38.520 is that old one. And then you have to put it back where it belongs and focus on what you're creating

00:16:43.240 and just realize that you have to be aware of it. And if you're not, you're going to find yourself

00:16:47.820 doing a default that may not been intentionally chosen by you. Well, look, here's how I choose

00:16:55.000 to look at it. And I wholeheartedly agree with you. You and me are computers. We are super

00:17:00.280 computers. We just happen to be constructed of biological matter, whereas a computer is

00:17:07.160 silver and plastic and gold and other you know metals to make the computer we're the same we're

00:17:15.060 we are the same it's all the same makeup and the reason i say that is because if i go in and i

00:17:25.940 create we're working on an app for the iron council right now and johnny loretty a good

00:17:31.760 friend of mine he's actually building it out and has done a beautiful job for the first iteration

00:17:35.960 and it does exactly what it's programmed to do it doesn't deviate and so when you're pounding 0.71

00:17:44.000 away on your keyboard you're like stupid computer is not doing it's not computer error it's user 0.96

00:17:49.480 error you're doing something wrong the computer doesn't is not sentient it it doesn't wake up 1.00

00:17:57.780 when you when you hit the enter button and it's like i think i'll fuck with kip today 0.93

00:18:02.140 it it wakes up and it follows the code verbatim 0.83

00:18:09.640 now there's some glitches and some things that can happen but outside of that it follows the

00:18:14.940 code verbatim guess what you're the same kip you're following the code verbatim i'm following

00:18:22.140 the code verbatim and guess who was the programmer of the code first god and then it got corrupted

00:18:27.780 by who your dad our parents your mom your friends the people on instagram that you follow

00:18:34.920 all of it went all of it got corrupted and you rewrote the code with faulty formulas

00:18:40.780 so if you want to do better if you want better outcome rewrite the code with good formulas

00:18:48.540 and if you do that then the system is going to follow the system that's that's how i look at it

00:18:54.700 like we are we are a byproduct of the environment that we're in and we start rewriting code based

00:19:01.000 on what we believe to be true i remember years ago um this was early in my financial planning

00:19:07.800 practice and i used to listen to a a not well-known person at the time because he owned a stake and he

00:19:17.020 was a high level executive in the financial planning practice that i started with and his

00:19:24.100 name, you guys might recognize it, was Ed Milet. This was 15 years ago. And I would take his CDs

00:19:32.680 and I'd put it in my CD player in my truck. And as I was driving from my office or from my house

00:19:38.220 to appointments, I would listen to Ed Milet talk about sales scripts for financial planning well

00:19:43.860 before he was the motivational influencer that he is now. And I remember getting home one day

00:19:49.880 and i was talking with my then wife at the time and she said you sound like ed my let

00:19:56.680 and we chuckled about it we laughed about it but also duh that's the programming so of course i'm

00:20:06.000 going to sound like him if i spend more time around you i'm going to sound like you if i was

00:20:10.680 born in america i'm going to have an accent depending on what region of america i was born

00:20:16.220 based on the region we if i'm born in australia i'm gonna sound like an australian because that's

00:20:23.020 the programming and people just don't understand this to the to the degree they should if they did

00:20:28.400 they'd be a lot more aware of the inputs they really would yeah yeah totally you're gonna

00:20:34.260 share something else uh what was i gonna share something about your battle team you're gonna

00:20:41.100 you're something you shared with your battle team you're looking it up uh just real quick i'm gonna

00:20:45.260 go through it so i put together this over the weekend and i was like okay so our battle team

00:20:49.640 name is invictus and i'm like what what are some what are some virtues that we all espouse and i

00:20:55.460 pass this around to the guys because this is coding this is coding that's all this is yeah

00:21:00.180 so input invictus now is an acronym so i is integrity n is nobility v is vigilance i

00:21:11.320 second i is intentionality c is courage t is temperance u is unshakable and s is sovereignty

00:21:21.160 and those are the virtues that all of us agreed that we're going to filter our decisions through

00:21:26.500 that's the coding and i feel like if we embrace that coding we'll all become better men in

00:21:34.400 whatever capacity we show up as love it okay all right what's next marcus marcus fielding ryan i

00:21:42.000 found out my wife has a secret credit card and about 9 000 in debt that she hid from me for two

00:21:49.500 years i'm angry but i also know i haven't exactly made myself easy to be honest with it's great that

00:21:56.940 he realizes that how do you rebuild financial trust without turning into an integrator maybe

00:22:03.860 first get rid of that credit card that you have that she doesn't know about well that's exactly

00:22:08.760 that's actually so when you look at Invictus right the first one is integrity like here's

00:22:17.480 when I hear a lot hey um and I and I actually do this with guys and they don't like it but it's 0.79

00:22:23.620 important so guys will reach out and they'll say hey uh my wife's gotten a little out of shape and 0.99

00:22:30.360 a little soft and around the midsection, you know, 1.00

00:22:32.640 she's had babies and she's like a little, a little soft. And like, 1.00

00:22:35.680 I'm not as attracted to her anymore. I'm like, send me a picture of you, bro.

00:22:39.020 Like getting your boxers, send me a picture.

00:22:42.940 And then I would, what do you mean? What was left to do it? No, that's,

00:22:45.960 that's the exercise. You want my help? Send me a picture.

00:22:48.620 So they sent me these pictures and I just write, dude, come on.

00:22:55.960 Yeah. And they're like, what do you mean? I'm like, look at you.

00:23:00.360 look at you and you're complaining about your wife getting a little soft 0.96

00:23:04.900 around the midsection.

00:23:06.720 Now two things can exist at once. 1.00

00:23:09.780 She should take care of herself. 1.00

00:23:12.200 That has nothing to do with you. 1.00

00:23:15.200 Like you don't need to take care of her. 1.00

00:23:17.000 She needs to take care of herself and also lead from the front, 1.00

00:23:20.900 man.

00:23:21.600 Like I,

00:23:22.920 here's a,

00:23:24.280 here's an example.

00:23:25.800 I could go to the airport.

00:23:27.180 and i could see a woman let's say sitting in the terminal and then i could see five guys

00:23:36.220 walking towards her and i can tell you with 85 to 90 certainty which one is her husband 0.50

00:23:44.020 just based on body type alone based on her her body type like hers and his his yeah

00:23:54.700 like if she's fit and attractive and wearing nice clothes and takes care of herself then i'm

00:24:02.780 gonna see the fit dude who takes care of himself he's wearing athletic leisure and he carries

00:24:08.840 himself well i'm like yeah that's he's with her and then i could see another woman who's 0.97

00:24:15.300 70 pounds overweight and she's wearing flannel or flame 1.00

00:24:20.000 pajamas and it says juicy on her ass and then i see a slob who's 80 pounds overweight and he's 1.00

00:24:29.420 got gym shorts that hang down to his calves and his socks are kind of like gray they're not white 1.00

00:24:35.500 and his hair is all disheveled i'm like yeah he's with her like i already know

00:24:42.600 and so what i'm not beating up on marcus too much here this is kind of like a tangent but

00:24:49.760 it's actually a little bit of a equates is like okay yeah she probably has a secret credit card

00:24:54.660 okay well what do you have what are your secrets do you do you watch porn when she doesn't know

00:25:00.800 do you make expenses or or buy things that that she's not aware of that you guys didn't discuss

00:25:09.180 or that she disagrees with yeah yeah like are you are you drinking when when she's asked you

00:25:19.400 not to and you're trying to hide it. I did that. And so I'm not saying that she's without fault

00:25:26.700 because a lot of guys will interpret this as like, well, you're just being a beta or a cuck 0.78

00:25:31.300 or a simple. No, I'm not. I'm telling you to take responsibility fully so that when you go

00:25:35.360 approach her, you can do it with an integrity. And you can say, hey, babe, look, I found out

00:25:39.800 you got a credit card. And I'm a little, I'm frustrated about that. I tried not to keep

00:25:48.800 secrets from you. I try to be honest and forthright and in integrity with the way that we communicate.

00:25:55.900 And what are we going to do about it? Not what are you going to do about, what are we going to do

00:26:00.540 about it? Because you already asked her to marry you. So now you're we, not I or her. So what are

00:26:05.240 we going to do about it? What habits are you going to change to get this paid off? What side business

00:26:11.300 are you going to generate in order to pay off this debt? How are we going to ensure that this doesn't

00:26:16.960 continue? What are you willing to do to make sure that you're being fair and honest with me? Because

00:26:21.800 I'm being fair and honest with you. But you can't go look her in the eye and tell her not to have

00:26:28.320 secrets if you have secrets. So that's the first order of business. What do you think, Kip?

00:26:35.500 I totally agree. I love it. It's a really good idea. Obviously gives you some credibility and

00:26:41.020 allows you to have that conversation. I mean, you and I know, right? If you had secrets and

00:26:44.640 you try to have that conversation it's going to fall on deaf ears and she's going to be like yeah

00:26:50.760 but how about this and how about this other thing that you're doing and you guys aren't even aligned

00:26:55.580 um around the dishonesty part right so i i totally agree with it the only the other thing that came

00:27:03.360 to mind as you were responding is i i would ask her the why like not just like let's fix this but

00:27:13.920 like, why do you, why do you feel like you need to? What's the emotional state? What is it

00:27:22.100 that, why don't, why aren't you using our, our, our checking account? Why are you using this

00:27:27.000 credit card? Do you not feel like you, you have control? Do you feel like, um, I want to agree

00:27:34.440 or get to the root cause and the root cause isn't, she has a credit card, 9,000. She's being

00:27:42.160 dishonest there there's a little bit more to it there's a reason for it and i and i would seek

00:27:46.520 to understand that so that way you can address it more effectively so i used to advocate and i still

00:27:55.840 do advocate for this by the way this idea of the money monday money meeting is what i called it

00:28:02.020 do you remember me talking about this it's been a while yeah because i'm not married anymore

00:28:09.100 so i don't have to have those meetings i mean i i reconcile my accounts but i don't have those

00:28:14.720 meetings anymore you don't talk to yourself about your monday morning i mean i talk to myself about

00:28:19.760 a lot of stuff but you know i don't think it's one of them so a money monday meeting is a meeting

00:28:27.800 with your wife and i don't care if it's monday or sunday or thursday morning it doesn't matter when

00:28:30.740 but you guys are going to get you're going to sit down and you're going to talk about

00:28:35.400 assets liabilities cash flow upcoming expenditures upcoming windfalls you know maybe you gained a

00:28:45.440 ten thousand dollar inheritance you didn't know about or maybe you hit the scratch-offs and you

00:28:49.480 won a thousand bucks or what i don't know whatever but you talk about all things money related so i

00:28:54.260 used to do this and my ex-wife dreaded it and i'm like what's the problem why do you dread it like

00:28:58.600 it's good we can talk about it when smart and then i started to do an inventory and i was like oh you

00:29:03.320 dread it not because it's money but because i'm a dick about it like it's not it's not the money

00:29:11.420 and guys will say that they'll be like my wife doesn't like talking about money it's like no 0.56

00:29:15.620 she doesn't like talking to you about money and that was me and i would question her and i'd like

00:29:23.440 turn a light on her and like what was this expenditure for five dollars and 73 cents

00:29:28.860 on thursday at 2 37 p.m it's like good god man like chill and i wish i would have

00:29:36.460 uh and i don't know mark if marcus is doing this but he did say that he hasn't been the easiest to

00:29:45.900 talk with about these things that wasn't me who said it that was him who said that

00:29:51.040 so we this is what we this is what's really important to know you will train your wife

00:29:58.320 and your children and everybody in your life

00:30:01.580 to treat you a certain way based on the responses.

00:30:08.560 So I hear a lot of guys who complain, 0.98

00:30:11.380 well, my wife doesn't talk to me.

00:30:13.620 Okay, let's break this down.

00:30:14.860 Let's figure this out.

00:30:15.780 Why is that the case?

00:30:17.140 Well, come to find out,

00:30:18.380 every time she tries to talk to you about anything meaningful,

00:30:21.500 you blow a gasket and flip out on her. 0.95

00:30:24.340 So you just trained her to sit down to shut up 1.00

00:30:27.420 and to just be a good wife 1.00

00:30:29.940 instead of actually share it with you.

00:30:34.840 Well, my kids never talked to me

00:30:36.680 about their girlfriends or their boyfriends.

00:30:40.260 Okay, let's review that.

00:30:41.860 When's the last time they did?

00:30:43.000 Oh, it was like two weeks ago.

00:30:44.540 Okay, and what did you do?

00:30:45.660 It's like, I teased them a little bit about it.

00:30:47.980 Yeah, right.

00:30:50.440 So why would they come talk to you about it?

00:30:53.560 the the people in your life are just mirroring your energy so if your kids won't open up to you

00:31:03.540 it's because you're not somebody they're comfortable opening up to it has less to do

00:31:08.360 with them and more to do with you if your wife has a secret credit card it's because she doesn't

00:31:13.980 feel safe being honest with you now that doesn't excuse her behavior i'm not saying she should do 1.00

00:31:19.560 that or that it's acceptable it isn't because she's a big girl too with big girl pants like

00:31:24.840 she needs to be a woman but also we can't control that what we can do is control ourselves

00:31:32.860 and allow our behavior and our actions to influence the people in our lives

00:31:36.960 and you have more influence more power than we often give ourselves credit for

00:31:43.000 wow and there's growth in the latter right there's no growth in the other one right it's like well

00:31:48.900 she's did something wrong okay awesome good luck growing from that but it's not until you say well

00:31:54.040 what is it right what's what's within my realm of control how am i showing up how am i contributing

00:31:59.900 to the interaction that's something you can actually um control right and grow from it is

00:32:06.220 but i think part of the problem is we're just so inundated with social media messaging that is

00:32:12.000 contrary that that says that every time let's take this example so marcus's wife has a nine

00:32:17.420 thousand dollar credit card and you and i are both advocating for him talking with her openly

00:32:23.900 about it and asking what can i do to make sure she feels comfortable being honest with me about it

00:32:28.660 but there's 30 of the people on social media and 30 of the commentary that you'll receive

00:32:34.740 that will tell you that if you do that oh well it's not your fault bro it's her fault

00:32:40.280 beta cuck simp and it's like dude in fact it's quite the opposite i'm actually taking responsibility

00:32:49.100 for my own part i'm not excusing her i'm not saying it's okay i'm not even saying it's

00:32:56.200 acceptable or tolerable but i'm saying own what's within your purview which is hey maybe i can

00:33:04.420 approach this differently which would cause her to open up and we can actually have an honest

00:33:08.440 real genuine discussion about it totally totally all right owen presley is it wrong to just want

00:33:18.160 a normal quiet life everything in the men's space right now feels obsessed with building empires

00:33:25.340 i could see that yeah i could see that yeah oh is that it that's the extent of it yeah that's

00:33:34.040 yeah uh i'm trying to find a question no it's fine wrong with having a quiet life is it wrong

00:33:38.460 no it's not wrong it's not wrong at all i think this comes with a little bit of gray hair and

00:33:44.560 some decades under your belt you know like you you see the gary v's of the world and all these

00:33:51.600 other hard chargers and i don't think there's anything wrong with that by the way like if you

00:33:54.860 want to go out and build an empire build your empire um i spent some time with a really good

00:34:01.940 mutual friend of ours uh about a month month and a half ago kip frank foreman mutual friend in the

00:34:07.120 iron council yeah and he spent decades working for and he'll correct me because i'm gonna be wrong

00:34:15.040 but working for i believe is for la county with their emergency services department and he was

00:34:21.100 head if i remember correctly over the entire emergency services of la county or southern

00:34:28.200 or Southern California or something, some like really high position. And he did a great job.

00:34:34.220 And then when he left, everything went to shit in LA, obviously. Um, but 0.98

00:34:40.420 he lives on a ranch in Montana. He's got, he's got dozens and dozens of acres.

00:34:49.620 he's got a handful of horses he's got a beautiful property he's got a a nice but modest home

00:35:00.260 he's got a couple of dogs that you know help him he's out there putting up fence and he talked to

00:35:08.380 me about a couple stories about warding off grizzly bears in montana and he's got sheep

00:35:14.120 and he's he's got cattle I would argue that he's not building an empire as much as he's living his

00:35:22.220 best life man like he's happy he's busy he's busier than he's ever been and he and he looks

00:35:28.080 tired like I see him like you look tired he's like nah dude I'm good I'm good and he's out there

00:35:33.680 just working every day he's probably working harder in quote-unquote retirement than when he

00:35:38.520 was in LA. And I'm envious of that. If I'm being honest, I, I, I messaged him just the other day

00:35:46.680 and I said, Hey man, you know, my youngest is 10 within the 10 next 10 years, I'm going to have a

00:35:52.540 ranch in Montana. Hopefully it's by you and we could be ranch neighbors. He's like, I'd love

00:35:56.920 that. I said, cool. You'll come over and help me and teach me. He's like, absolutely. I'm like,

00:36:01.200 cool. I'll come over and help you and learn from you. I don't think there's anything wrong with

00:36:05.540 that. Take care of your responsibilities. And what are your responsibilities? Well, you have

00:36:11.760 responsibility to your bride. You have a responsibility to God, number one, then your

00:36:16.780 bride, then your children, then yourself. And I would also throw in your community, the environment,

00:36:24.460 the neighborhood, whatever, wherever you live. And outside of that, if you build an empire, great.

00:36:29.940 If you don't build the quote unquote empire, so what? You matter to the people who matter

00:36:35.020 in your life. And I think as I get older, that's more and more important than a bunch

00:36:40.980 of strangers on the internet. Yeah. It's crazy, isn't it? I fought years

00:36:48.040 wanting to be outside of a small town in Utah. And, um, the older I get, the more it draws me

00:36:59.040 back, you know, and I'm like, Oh man, I get it. I didn't get it as a kid, but I get it now for

00:37:05.820 sure. I would trade, let me say it this way. I would trade the millions of followers that I have

00:37:14.540 that I've, that we've built over 11 years of doing this. And I remember 11 years ago, I'm like,

00:37:21.360 I want to have a big following. I would trade every single one of those followers to have a

00:37:26.420 ranch in Montana and three or four people close to me, having a place my kids could visit, being

00:37:33.160 able to go visit Frank and like have a cigar or sit by the fire in the evening, you know, a couple

00:37:38.720 nights a week, going to like help neighbors if they needed me to help them put up a barn or

00:37:45.180 throw up a fence or hunt a grizzly that was attacking their cattle. I would trade all of

00:37:52.600 everybody listening, I would trade all of you for that. And I say that with the utmost respect

00:37:59.300 that I have for you guys. I would, I would trade it in a heartbeat. Yeah. So take that for what

00:38:06.180 it's worth. Yeah. I love it. All right. Ricky Bannerman. I've been sober from porn for 47 days

00:38:15.300 after almost a decade of it running my life quietly in the background. I haven't told my wife

00:38:22.260 the full extent of it,

00:38:24.560 do I owe her that truth

00:38:26.540 even if it might do more damage

00:38:28.980 than staying quiet?

00:38:32.440 That's a good question.

00:38:33.840 47 days.

00:38:34.900 Yeah, it's a really good question.

00:38:38.080 I got to think about this for a second.

00:38:40.820 Next question.

00:38:43.060 Don't worry about it.

00:38:44.380 Ignore it.

00:38:44.940 Leave it alone.

00:38:46.960 It'll go away.

00:38:48.740 It'll go away, yeah. 1.00

00:38:50.640 Oh, shit. 1.00

00:38:52.260 all right, here's what I would do. I'm just putting a, I'm putting myself in Ricky's shoes. 0.99

00:39:00.780 Here's what I would do. You're 47 days outside of porn. That's, that's commendable because that

00:39:08.260 shit is very tempting. 47 days is no joke. Um, I want you to get to 60 days and I don't want you 1.00

00:39:19.720 to say anything. That's another two weeks. I want you to get to 60 days. And while you're getting

00:39:25.500 to 60 days, I want you to write a plan out for how you're going to continue this path.

00:39:31.760 Like, how am I going to avoid the temptation? When am I most tempted? Why is this a problem?

00:39:37.720 How am I overcoming it? Why do I think it's not important? Like actually come up with a really

00:39:42.540 good plan, written plan. I don't care if you write it in your phone or you write it on a piece of

00:39:47.420 paper. And this is where I get a little hazy. I would, I would probably talk with her, man.

00:39:59.500 Because you're lying to her if you don't, and you're being unfaithful if you don't.

00:40:05.780 But I don't want you to go and say, Hey, I have this problem, baby. Like, here's what I'm, no,

00:40:09.140 that's why I want you to have a plan first. It sounds like you've talked to her already about

00:40:15.100 it though because there's something about the first haven't been entirely forthright or it was

00:40:19.680 like something like that the full extent of it yeah i haven't told my wife the full extent so

00:40:27.000 the full extent might just be like how often but she knows it's a problem yeah so look

00:40:34.640 if i'm in a sales meeting i'm gonna bring up the problems enough that i can propose the solution

00:40:43.360 yeah but i'm not going to like dwell on the problems without presenting any solution

00:40:49.160 so i'm not going to and i'm i'm i'm being i'm speaking in hyperly hyperbole right now

00:40:56.800 i'm not going to tell her like i watch porn every day and i beat off four times a day

00:41:02.040 if that's the case i would not be going into details yeah right okay so i'm not going to

00:41:07.320 tell her that but i'm going to tell her hey babe we've talked about this in the past and you know

00:41:11.820 like pornography is a temptation for me and I'm really trying to shut it down and I'm 60 days

00:41:18.080 into this I've not seen pornography at all not actively searched it out I haven't seen it

00:41:24.480 and I'm feeling really good about it and I just wanted to share with you and it's important that

00:41:30.640 I share with you because I want to be an integrity in our marriage like I don't want to deceit you or

00:41:34.720 be deceitful or keep things from you just the same I wouldn't want you to keep things from me

00:41:38.920 And so I want to share with you, if I can, a plan that I've implemented to ensure that I stay faithful to you.

00:41:47.780 This is important to me.

00:41:50.640 Here's how I'm going to handle it.

00:41:53.220 And here's what I ask of you in support.

00:41:56.040 And you share your plan with her.

00:41:58.640 And she'll be mad, bro.

00:42:00.100 She will be mad.

00:42:01.040 I promise you.

00:42:03.140 She's going to be upset.

00:42:04.440 She's going to be bothered.

00:42:07.320 But what's the alternative?

00:42:08.920 just keep lying about i mean she probably already knows if we're being honest yeah so what because

00:42:16.220 you're not having sex with her as often she probably maybe has seen something on your search

00:42:21.240 browser and she might even be at this point she might even be wondering like is this guy gonna

00:42:25.240 be a man and tell me or is he gonna just keep hiding it so i would have the conversation i

00:42:31.980 would do one other thing there's a good friend of mine his name is sathea sam he actually sent me a

00:42:37.060 text this morning. And I guess he's got a thing that he's doing July. I want to say it's like

00:42:42.520 July 17th that he's starting. It's a new app or a challenge or a program or something. I just

00:42:48.440 looked at it briefly, but if you go look Sathya Sam, so it's S-A-T-H-I-Y-A, Sathya Sam, S-A-M.

00:42:57.820 You'll probably find that challenge. Get some help, man. You need some help on that and that's okay.

00:43:04.480 but i would not approach her if i didn't have a plan yet yeah what do you think kip can i i you

00:43:11.640 you said something i thought was profound um and i just want to make sure ricky catches it

00:43:17.960 it was this is really important to me so that's that's a big difference

00:43:26.380 then you go into her saying hey i'm trying to stop this thing because i know it offends you

00:43:32.160 hmm yeah no no it's important to me that i'm not doing this that way you're not doing it for her

00:43:40.260 you do it for you that's that's going to be fleeting right so and and maybe even challenging

00:43:45.300 now ricky even you know 47 days in why why are you doing this and and if it's strictly well

00:43:53.000 because i don't want my wife to get mad at me i i would suggest go deeper and get connected to

00:44:00.040 something even more powerful than that and it needs to be aligned with you so that way when 0.97

00:44:06.440 she's a a jerk to you tomorrow and she acts up all of a sudden your reason doesn't go out the 0.89

00:44:12.920 door oh that's a good point man if she's like so that reason needs to be with you and i don't want 1.00

00:44:18.280 to have sex tonight it's like okay that's not gonna slip you back into temptation good point

00:44:22.520 yeah that's a tough one man i wrestled with that one because do we just leave it alone and 0.67

00:44:31.480 just fix it uh make it worse i mean you could make it worse i mean there's a very real risk

00:44:39.980 in it right yeah yeah for sure but one thing's for sure ricky you're doing the right thing and

00:44:46.320 that is changing that for sure.

00:44:54.580 I want like a mat. Okay. So think about this. You know, we're,

00:44:57.620 we're talking about 4th of July earlier and I'm not saying that their founding

00:45:02.140 fathers were without sin or temptation. Obviously they were

00:45:06.460 clearly

00:45:07.900 um but i think what they did really well is they tried to do the right thing regardless

00:45:18.700 of sacrifice and consequence you know you these guys pledged their their their wealth and their

00:45:27.760 sacred honor to do what they thought was right now england thought they were traitors and we

00:45:33.420 can debate that and i guess if england would have won the revolutionary war then they would

00:45:38.560 have been labeled as traitors and the history books would have been written differently but

00:45:41.980 they weren't they were written the way that god intended them to be written

00:45:46.440 but i think one thing they did just about better than any of us is they tried to act with an

00:45:54.500 integrity they weren't perfect you know you can look at the history of slave ownership for example

00:46:00.120 with Jefferson and George Washington and questioned that. And I do too. They were not free

00:46:06.620 from sin. Now, was it acceptable? Yeah, it was a different time. That doesn't make it okay or

00:46:11.640 righteous. It just means that they looked at it from a different lens, kind of like the scripts

00:46:15.580 we were talking about earlier. But I do believe they were willing to sacrifice in order to do

00:46:21.460 the right thing. And over the long haul, I'll just say this, over the long haul, every right

00:46:28.740 decision that I've made, regardless of the consequences that I've suffered from has been

00:46:35.220 the right move. I cannot think of an exception to that rule. Can you? Yeah. And I think it comes

00:46:47.220 down to being right with yourself, or if you want to use the term aligned with yourself,

00:46:53.080 there's a cost to that whenever we're at a congruent tip have you ever had somebody come

00:47:01.400 to you in your life and i i know some people are unreasonable you're you're not and so maybe this is

00:47:06.840 different but i know some people would be but have you ever had somebody come to you

00:47:11.860 and say hey kip i'm sorry i wronged you in this way or i fell short in this way

00:47:22.900 or I did this thing and I didn't mean to do it

00:47:25.060 and here's how I'm going to ensure I don't do it again.

00:47:27.800 Have you ever in your life,

00:47:29.860 I'm not saying you wouldn't be hurt

00:47:32.240 or bothered or frustrated,

00:47:34.700 but have you ever in your life

00:47:36.540 not thought more highly of that individual

00:47:39.880 after that confession?

00:47:43.660 Always, always higher.

00:47:46.320 I mean, I've even had situations

00:47:47.980 where i had someone share their past with me it wasn't anything towards me it was just their past

00:47:56.560 and that may have been enough to judge them but i had more respect for them i'm like got it like

00:48:04.500 raw i but i you know i don't know i i just love it when people are just more open and more

00:48:11.380 kind of authentic and raw with each other that just resonates with me i know and so i appreciate

00:48:17.000 why i said you might be a different kind of person you know i know some people are unreasonable you're 0.72

00:48:22.420 not but i've never had that experience where somebody's like hey man i fucked up like here's 0.91

00:48:27.860 what i did and i'm sorry and i was like you didn't fuck up i'm like oh thank you what are we gonna do 0.92

00:48:34.160 about this how are we gonna fix it we like how are we gonna do this together i'm i'm because you 0.74

00:48:40.940 admitted it and told me like i'm on board what are we gonna do to fix it and i think if your wife's

00:48:46.500 reasonable. I mean, I've heard crazy stories of women staying together with these just 1.00

00:48:51.840 absolutely abusive, nasty, vile men. And they stay together because they want to keep their 0.72

00:48:56.440 families together because they still love their husbands. You're not, you're not a horrible

00:49:02.260 person. In fact, you're a very honorable person because you face temptation and you faced up to

00:49:07.700 it and you're making amends and you're trying to fix it. That's honorable. And I think, I think

00:49:12.900 she will see that i do personally yeah and and the effects of the habit is probably affecting her too

00:49:20.640 so this probably just makes sense if she doesn't know and you communicate she's like oh okay that

00:49:26.340 may i was thinking that maybe you were sleeping and cheating on me with another woman right like

00:49:31.580 who knows right she could have been assuming even worse things you know but trust me she's probably

00:49:38.180 picking up on something that that something's not right well i promise you she feels unwanted

00:49:43.260 yeah i promise you that minimum yeah she feels like you don't find her attractive anymore

00:49:48.780 because you don't because you're comparing her to bimbo barbie over there that has the perfect 1.00

00:49:54.280 set of tits that has the perfect hair the perfect smile the perfectly white teeth no stretch marks 0.99

00:49:59.560 perfect thigh like whatever whatever your thing is so because ai created it and so like of course 0.99

00:50:07.720 of course so reprogram your mind all right brother i know you got a jet we had some good

00:50:13.480 questions i know we got a lot more that we can follow up on next week uh let the guys know where

00:50:17.560 to go and connect with us and we'll wrap things up today kip yeah as always connect with mickler

00:50:22.880 on x and instagram at ryan mickler and the main thing is you know join the iron council i mean i

00:50:29.520 can even look at some of these questions it's like you mentioned surround yourself with like-minded

00:50:34.400 men. Guess what we have in the Iron Council? We have a sobriety channel. We have a beating

00:50:40.060 porn addiction channel. We have group, these groups are part of what it is to be part of

00:50:45.940 the Iron Council. So to learn more about the Iron Council and to join us there, go to the

00:50:50.180 ironcouncil.com. Sweet. Kip, I appreciate you, man. Really good discussion. Great questions.

00:50:57.840 I get excited more and more for the questions. They're just elevated compared to what we've

00:51:01.880 had in the past. And I love to see that. Connect with me, connect with Kip, keep the conversations

00:51:06.120 going. I had a really good conversation with Jake Woodard yesterday. If you haven't listened,

00:51:11.680 it's on the polarity and dynamics between men and women in relationships. Make sure you check that

00:51:16.320 out. And then I'll have a really good Friday field notes for you this Friday. Guys, until then,

00:51:20.800 go out there, take action and become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the

00:51:26.280 Order of Man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant

00:51:31.320 to be, we invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - July 08, 2026

Hope is What Makes America Great, Living 'The Man in the Arena', and Calling Out Your Wife's Secrets ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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