Order of Man - Hope vs. Despair, Restoring Integrity, and The Value of Pure Intent ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:06.000 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.460 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.

00:00:15.500 This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.

00:00:19.740 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:24.680 Kip, what's up, man? Good to see you. This is twice in one week. We're doing this in honor of Christmas and all the holidays.

00:00:31.100 We've got to change our schedule around. But as I said, I think it was yesterday in an Instagram post,

00:00:35.680 one of the greatest abilities a man has is his ability to adapt and evolve to life's circumstances.

00:00:42.320 Whether self-inflicted or external circumstances, our ability to adapt is crucial.

00:00:47.820 So here we are adapting, having an Ask Me Anything on Thursday, which is very weird, but here we are nonetheless.

00:00:53.120 Yeah. Hopefully we don't enjoy this too much. Otherwise, Ryan's going to be like, you know what?

00:00:57.640 Let's do two AMAs a week. 0.51

00:00:59.860 I'm not going to do that. You can mark my words right now. Three podcasts a week is enough for me right now.

00:01:06.200 So I'm not going to do that. Kip, one thing I do want to say is you and I were having a personal conversation.

00:01:11.140 As of this recording, it's 9.55.

00:01:14.180 No longer personal.

00:01:15.900 Well, I'm not going to get into the details, so it's still personal.

00:01:18.800 No, but we are having a personal conversation for about 25 minutes before we hit record.

00:01:23.500 And honestly, I wish we could have recorded it in one way so guys could see what it looks like when two men that care about each other talk to each other about some of the shit that we're dealing with.

00:01:34.040 But the only reason I bring it up is not to disclose anything that we talked about, but how powerful it is when two guys are having a conversation about life's struggles.

00:01:45.260 And they're not severe. They're not like what we talked about isn't life altering, isn't going to crush or cripple any one of us.

00:01:53.140 But it's still good to have a friend that you can talk with.

00:01:56.480 And I only bring that up is because the Iron Council, which is our brotherhood, is open right now.

00:02:02.240 And I'll tell you what, I've talked with thousands of men at this point who don't have anybody in their corner.

00:02:09.340 They don't feel like they've got somebody that they can talk with that can hold them accountable, a confidant, a brother, an accountability partner.

00:02:16.740 And they're doing life alone. And they know they're leaving growth and progress on the table.

00:02:22.560 The Iron Council is a great place for that. We operate in 10 to 15 man teams.

00:02:27.780 And even deeper than that, I've seen guys who get together and they're inseparable. They're best friends now.

00:02:33.160 They may live even across the country, but these guys are doing meetups. They're holding each other accountable.

00:02:38.500 They're having these difficult conversations. They're doing Marco Polos and texts and stuff within the confines of our system.

00:02:44.620 And it's exactly what we did for 25 minutes before we hit record. And this is what men need.

00:02:51.200 So if anybody's interested, obviously I'm biased, but I would highly suggest something like the Iron Council, which is open now.

00:02:58.640 You can check out at orderofmen.com slash Iron Council.

00:03:02.540 Yeah, absolutely. And you don't mind me sharing because I'm not as biased.

00:03:06.860 I have a list of names right here on my phone. And these 14 men were my battle team.

00:03:16.320 Echo. Battle team Echo.

00:03:18.320 I love these guys so much more than just, oh, we're here to hold each other accountable.

00:03:25.300 If Tony Erzy called me up and said, brother, this is all he would have to say.

00:03:32.260 Brother, I need you here. I would be there.

00:03:34.780 That's the level of relationship that gets formed in the Iron Council.

00:03:39.800 That's the level of relationship that gets formed when men stand shoulder to shoulder and stand for each other to be powerful in their homes, in their work, and with one another.

00:03:50.640 It's not superficial. You know what I mean? The Mickler show where we all come in and bow to Ryan, right?

00:04:00.180 Like this is a tribe of men that stand for greatness and stand for one another to show up powerfully.

00:04:07.840 And that's the level of connection. And this isn't, I mean, this is transcendent.

00:04:12.140 I'm sure you've gotten hundreds, if not maybe even thousands of messages over the years of men that have like, dude, my life is better.

00:04:21.800 Like I was in D.C. earlier this year. Guys, I don't even know.

00:04:27.700 Right. Never even met these guys, but we did like a little dinner when I was in Washington, D.C.

00:04:32.920 And one of the guys, I said, hey, dude, how's things going? Good, man.

00:04:36.940 I'm like, how long you been in the Iron Council?

00:04:39.400 He's like, it's been two years. I'm like, awesome. How's it serving you?

00:04:44.480 My life has changed. Dude, I was flipping.

00:04:47.720 I wasn't really buckling down, getting things done.

00:04:51.200 I've recently graduated. I'm proposing to my wife.

00:04:54.300 Job's going great. Like, and most importantly, and don't get me wrong, those things are important.

00:04:59.940 But most importantly, he has brothers that he can have powerful conversations with.

00:05:06.000 And he's getting after it in life. Man, so powerful.

00:05:09.520 That's awesome, man. That's all. I love to hear it. I get, man, I have people like, I had a guy walk up to me in the airport two weeks ago when I got back from a hunt.

00:05:17.140 I was in baggage claim. He's like, hey, are you Ryan Mickler? I said, yeah. He said, I just want to tell you, I really appreciate what you're doing.

00:05:23.240 And I've lost 50 pounds. No, excuse me, 80 pounds in the last year. And I'm working out with my daughter. Now she's getting in shape and she's building her confidence.

00:05:33.000 He stopped drinking five months ago. This is amazing. These are the kind of things that happen when you have a brotherhood.

00:05:38.140 So yeah, I, I, I, when I promoted, I almost feel like I'm discounting it, but if you have a resource available, then you got to share it.

00:05:46.340 So order a man.com slash iron council. And then on another note in January, this is the only other announcement I have come January 1st.

00:05:53.600 I'm launching a new podcast called the Mickler show where everybody bows down to me.

00:05:57.980 Awesome.

00:06:00.720 Cause I kind of like that idea.

00:06:02.660 I need a little confidence build. So we're going to make a show just about me actually.

00:06:06.540 That's right. That's unfortunate, but you know, a lot of these guys in the quote unquote men's space, that's what they do.

00:06:13.800 They, they build this organization around this central figurehead and you know, everybody bows down and worships his, his way of doing it and his system.

00:06:23.360 And that's the antithesis of what we're doing. Yes, we have a system, but it's been proven to work for thousands and thousands of men.

00:06:30.620 And we take obviously feedback and growth opportunities seriously. And we look at what's going to be best for the whole, not just for me as the head of this organization.

00:06:40.100 It's amazing. What type of effectiveness shows up when your intent is pure.

00:06:45.820 Mm-hmm. And based upon how you've showed up with order of man and iron council, I don't doubt your intention.

00:06:54.380 Nor does anybody else.

00:06:56.160 Yeah, I hope so.

00:06:56.680 They don't. And it works.

00:06:58.520 That's why.

00:07:00.120 Cool, man.

00:07:00.540 Well, let's get to some questions today.

00:07:02.440 Yeah, for sure. So we're going to field questions from the, from our iron council.

00:07:06.120 Obviously, once again, order of man.com slash iron council to join us.

00:07:09.300 It's going to be open until January 7th, 7th. So join us, enroll now, but until January 7th, we're open for enrollment.

00:07:19.300 All right. Joshua Collins, in light of all my questions lately about vision and non-negotiables, and there's a lot of this in the iron council, right?

00:07:26.680 About vision and goal setting as we come into the new year.

00:07:29.500 What are some goals both of you have set for next year for yourselves to help you accomplish that vision?

00:07:34.680 One of my goals involves my health. I'm going to get off my blood pressure medicine, which means I need to lose weight, continue to improve my diet and keep up a good workout routine.

00:07:45.200 Yeah. With that, I would say, why is that important?

00:07:47.720 Obviously, you know, being healthy, being fit, being strong is important, but is there an emotionally charged reason behind getting off your blood pressure medication?

00:07:56.300 Maybe it's playing and being more involved with your kids or being around longer for your wife and your family or serving in your community in some capacity or just feeling better about yourself.

00:08:08.000 But the vision is really about how is this or excuse me, why is this so important to me?

00:08:13.460 I could say I want to pull 500 pounds on a deadlift and I could do that, but why is that so important?

00:08:18.660 Is that really the metric of success or I want to make $100,000 more in 2024 than I made in 2023?

00:08:26.300 And there's nothing wrong with that at all. It's no problem.

00:08:29.580 But is that really the metric? Is that the underlying reason that you're doing that?

00:08:35.540 I don't think it is. There's something greater than pulling 500 pounds that's drawing you to that.

00:08:40.880 Maybe it's you want to look good. Maybe it's you want to be capable.

00:08:44.840 Maybe it's you just want to feel some more confidence in yourself and how you show up and who you are.

00:08:49.300 But there's something deeper there. And I think that's the power of the vision.

00:08:52.340 And a lot of my vision revolves around, since we're answering this question, revolves around my relationship with my children and being fully present.

00:09:00.840 I haven't been present throughout their lives for a large part of it.

00:09:04.980 And then I had a gap there where I really wasn't present.

00:09:07.180 And the relationship I have with my children is probably at this stage closer and greater than it's ever been since they've been with me.

00:09:16.620 And I want to continue that, which means that I'm going to be continuing to coach their practices and their sports, that we're going to be able to have conversations, that we're going to spend time together, quality time together.

00:09:27.620 And then I'm carving out time to be able to engage them in a way that's significant and meaningful to them, not to me, to them.

00:09:35.500 That's the most important thing.

00:09:37.460 The other component of my vision is from a professional standpoint, I want to become the premier podcast for men.

00:09:45.820 Podcast resources, information, insight.

00:09:48.480 We've been there in the past and there's been a lot of people who have entered the space and there's a lot of people who are doing wonderful and great things, but we need to continue to improve our game so that we can present the best resources in the best light possible, in the best way possible.

00:10:06.520 Because I see a lot of guys out there who are doing similar things that I don't think are serving men the way they need to be served.

00:10:13.080 And I want to do that.

00:10:14.140 So that's the vision I have from a professional standpoint.

00:10:18.280 One of the ways that we're going to do that is we're doing events again in 2024, including our main event in the fall, our uprising event, which has been four or five years since we did one.

00:10:28.940 I know you're excited.

00:10:29.840 I'm so excited.

00:10:32.100 That's going to be in the spring here in Southern Utah.

00:10:34.960 And then I'm talking, you talked about Tony Urzi.

00:10:37.320 I'm talking with Tony Urzi about doing a late summer men's annual summit.

00:10:41.820 And I'm not talking about bringing a hundred guys in.

00:10:44.560 I'm talking about getting to the point where we can bring nearly 1,000 men in, all standing shoulder to shoulder.

00:10:51.140 We are going to become the premier source of inspiration, motivation, resources, framework, network for men in 2024.

00:11:00.280 I love it.

00:11:00.860 I love it, man.

00:11:02.120 I don't have anything to add, to be honest with you.

00:11:05.600 And we're being cut from the same cloth right now because my thought right now is presence.

00:11:12.320 Presence with my kids, my family, and presence with those I work with.

00:11:19.080 And that's another element of this too, where I feel that far too often I'm seeing people as obstacles or just a worker.

00:11:30.960 And I literally shut off three messages this morning to three people.

00:11:35.260 And I said, my question to them was, ultimately, what does next year look like from a dream perspective?

00:11:44.080 What's the ideal state of where you want to be the following year?

00:11:49.780 Not so I can manipulate them, right?

00:11:52.120 So I can make that possible for them.

00:11:54.640 Because if I'm not doing that as a leader, making sure that they're walking away like, man, I am better off now.

00:12:01.160 I am now set up to succeed in life than I'm failing in that role.

00:12:06.760 So, and not to get all mushy, but like, and it's kind of funny, but there's a really seriousness to this, is my whole family's sick, by the way.

00:12:17.440 And I'm like, oh, man, please get better before Christmas because this has been a rough week.

00:12:22.680 They're all homesick.

00:12:24.760 Before we go to bed, we ask each kid.

00:12:27.100 We say, what was a win today?

00:12:29.620 What was a good part about your day?

00:12:31.240 And we used to say what was a bad part.

00:12:33.080 And then I'm like, no, no, I don't like that.

00:12:34.580 So now we say, what was a lesson learned today?

00:12:38.220 I like that.

00:12:39.000 And the lesson learned was the thing that was bad.

00:12:40.740 And then they have to articulate, right?

00:12:43.260 How do they learn from it, right?

00:12:44.620 It's a reframing.

00:12:45.540 I like it.

00:12:46.140 Yeah.

00:12:47.000 And anyhow, we get to the five-year-old, Boa, and we go, how was your day?

00:12:53.820 And he goes, today was the best day ever.

00:12:57.260 And I'm like, he's sick all day, right?

00:13:00.560 And he's like, and no bad, no bad things today.

00:13:04.960 And I'm like, awesome, buddy.

00:13:06.660 I'm like, why was today such a great day?

00:13:10.820 And he's like, because no one was mean to me.

00:13:15.280 Everyone is really nice to me.

00:13:17.140 And we all giggle and laugh a little bit.

00:13:19.360 And then I'm like, oh, man.

00:13:22.600 You know what I mean?

00:13:23.080 Because I'm thinking, this kid, dad yelled at me, dad's mean to me.

00:13:29.620 And it doesn't matter whether I'm mad or whether I'm being mean or not.

00:13:34.120 His interpretation is what?

00:13:35.760 Right.

00:13:36.100 That you were being mean.

00:13:37.300 That I'm being mean.

00:13:38.280 That I don't see him fully.

00:13:40.780 That I don't appreciate him and love him fully.

00:13:43.460 Period.

00:13:44.100 So, man, I got to make some serious pivots.

00:13:46.200 So, he sees me cleaning the room with him as love, not me criticizing him and other things

00:13:52.780 like that.

00:13:53.280 And so, there's my rude awakening.

00:13:55.320 And that's going to make it on my battle plan, obviously, in January.

00:13:58.880 I like that.

00:13:59.720 I like that.

00:14:00.540 When you talk about the importance of presence, I did see one question.

00:14:04.180 And I don't know if it's in the Iron Council or in Facebook, but somebody asked about anxiety,

00:14:09.740 having an anxiety attack.

00:14:11.740 Or can we go to that question?

00:14:12.880 Just fast forward to that question.

00:14:14.180 Because I think there's some things we can talk about here.

00:14:16.740 Yeah.

00:14:16.800 Mr. Ross had that question on Facebook.

00:14:19.360 When dealing with anxiety or an attack, of what skills do you use to get past the episode

00:14:25.940 and move forward?

00:14:27.440 Yeah.

00:14:27.700 So, about three or four weeks ago, I actually had an anxiety or a panic attack.

00:14:31.780 I don't know what the difference is.

00:14:33.380 And if you're injured, I have to provide this value really quick.

00:14:36.660 So, you guys can understand the timeline.

00:14:38.660 It's the AMA episode where Ryan seemed drugged.

00:14:44.180 Yeah.

00:14:44.840 After, right?

00:14:45.600 And completely out of it.

00:14:47.980 It's that episode.

00:14:49.680 It's just so you know.

00:14:51.380 Somebody asked me, actually, a few people asked me, they're like, were you drunk?

00:14:54.680 I'm like, in a way.

00:14:55.800 Yeah.

00:14:56.240 I was, yeah.

00:14:58.160 On prescription medication.

00:14:59.440 Yeah, I had an anxiety attack.

00:15:02.800 And I had never experienced that before.

00:15:04.440 A lot of what was going on in my life became very overwhelming and emotionally, maybe, or

00:15:10.140 physically, mentally unmanageable.

00:15:13.140 And my heart started to race.

00:15:15.620 I had this headache.

00:15:16.720 I felt uneasy.

00:15:18.540 I felt lightheaded.

00:15:19.420 And I was driving my kids.

00:15:22.240 I was picking my second son up from football practice.

00:15:25.280 And I thought, you know, like, I don't want to make dinner tonight.

00:15:27.400 I'm not feeling it.

00:15:28.280 So, we're going to go through the Jimmy John's line.

00:15:30.680 And I just about got in line.

00:15:32.480 And I remember thinking, I better not get in line because if I need to bail and somebody

00:15:36.600 gets behind me, there's no way for me to get out of this line.

00:15:39.320 So, before I pulled in the line, I'm like, guys, I'm sorry.

00:15:44.420 I can't.

00:15:45.120 Something's going on.

00:15:46.240 They're just getting serious.

00:15:47.560 So, I called their mom and I said, hey, look, here's the situation.

00:15:51.100 Can I drop the kids off?

00:15:52.120 And she said, yeah, drop the kids off.

00:15:53.740 I'm a little under the weather too.

00:15:55.160 So, I must be going around.

00:15:56.780 But yeah, I went to the ER and told the doc what was going on.

00:16:00.540 And I was pretty aware and pretty sure that it was an anxiety or a panic attack.

00:16:04.580 Like, I didn't think I was having a heart attack necessarily, although there were very

00:16:07.700 similar symptoms.

00:16:09.320 And because I'm healthy, that didn't seem to be a problem.

00:16:12.980 So, he's like, yeah, I think that's what's going on.

00:16:15.300 The greatest thing I can tell you for a tactic, since Bob was asking about this, for a tactic

00:16:20.140 on how to keep yourself from these circumstances is avoiding overwhelm.

00:16:27.920 We are constantly inundated and bombarded with stimulus and marketing.

00:16:34.860 And we have to buy all the Christmas presents for every single person on the planet.

00:16:40.300 And you've got these duties and responsibilities and obligations at work.

00:16:44.240 And then your wife wants you to do things around the house. 0.67

00:16:46.600 And then your kids need your attention.

00:16:48.720 And then you have your own hobbies and activities and interests that you want to be involved in.

00:16:52.740 And if you don't go to the gym, you feel guilty about it.

00:16:54.900 And there's just, there's so much.

00:16:57.340 And what I realized as a 42-year-old man is that I can't just burn the candle at both ends

00:17:03.240 and expect that my body can keep up with my mind.

00:17:07.780 And I'm working to make sure that that's the case, that I can physically keep up.

00:17:11.860 But it's become apparent that I can't.

00:17:14.200 And part of that is because I really, really find value in being a man of value, which is

00:17:21.720 that I do want to serve.

00:17:23.340 I do want to add value.

00:17:24.580 I do want to contribute.

00:17:25.660 I do want to take on tasks and duties and responsibilities.

00:17:29.240 I do want to be a member of all of the charitable boards that I could be a member of.

00:17:34.040 And I just can't do it.

00:17:35.700 I can't.

00:17:36.700 Physically, I cannot do it.

00:17:38.020 And so the tactic is to prune, to eliminate, to reduce.

00:17:44.400 And that allows you to go all in on the things that are important.

00:17:47.460 And it has helped me avoid becoming overwhelmed and burdened by things that are really good

00:17:53.040 that I wish I could do.

00:17:54.960 But in my absence, other people can step in and fill those voids.

00:17:58.880 I don't feel the need to make every problem my problem, just the problems that I have identified

00:18:04.760 as being important to me.

00:18:06.060 So I've really spent the last four weeks eliminating, delegating, and considering what

00:18:13.520 I should be doing versus what I don't actually need to be doing.

00:18:16.780 That's been really helpful for me.

00:18:18.620 Dude, the book Essentialism really brought this to bear for me, that all things have energy.

00:18:25.700 Literally right now, it was funny.

00:18:28.160 When I first got an executive assistant, she's like, what's all the things?

00:18:32.320 We met for hours going over the things, all the things that are in my head that we need

00:18:40.740 to do.

00:18:41.460 Like, and I'm like, holy crap, there's a price of that.

00:18:45.240 There's a price of all the things in my head right now that I know that are in my garage

00:18:49.760 that we haven't used for over a year.

00:18:51.400 The things that need to be put away.

00:18:52.820 That all takes energy.

00:18:56.680 And for guys that might be listening to this and go, oh, no, no, I maintain my schedule

00:19:00.660 really good and I jump across.

00:19:02.040 It's not about scheduling of time.

00:19:05.180 It's scheduling of your energy.

00:19:08.560 And if I use up all my energy and I come home at 6 p.m.

00:19:12.880 And it's zero, that's what we're talking about.

00:19:17.040 Because when it's zero, then I'm not serving those I love.

00:19:21.540 Not if I didn't manage and give them enough of me to be effective in that realm.

00:19:28.300 Yeah.

00:19:28.660 And so it's not just time.

00:19:30.240 It's how we show up.

00:19:31.380 And a lot of that comes back to the energy that we have and reserving some of that for

00:19:37.020 the higher priority items.

00:19:39.620 Yeah.

00:19:39.840 I mean, there's so many different applicable lessons to this.

00:19:43.600 One that I've thought about is, you know, as Christmas gifts come in from Amazon, I could

00:19:49.200 wait and do them all at once at the end, right before Christmas.

00:19:52.840 And I know, I know I'm going to be pissed off, stressed out, bothered.

00:19:57.620 3 a.m. in the morning, wrap in boxes.

00:20:00.200 Yeah.

00:20:01.100 And what I did this year is as a gift comes in, I wrap it right then and there, one gift

00:20:06.520 at a time.

00:20:06.960 Maybe it's not as efficient from a time perspective.

00:20:09.840 Like you're saying.

00:20:10.900 Yeah.

00:20:11.200 But from an energy perspective, because I know come December 24th, I'm not stressed.

00:20:17.780 If there's little ears listening, turn the show off right now, guys.

00:20:21.100 Okay.

00:20:21.260 If there's little ears listening, turn the show off right now for about 10 seconds, just

00:20:26.480 pause it or mute it for 10 seconds.

00:20:28.980 Again, I'm going to say this one last time.

00:20:31.700 Little ears listening, mute this for about 10 or 15 seconds.

00:20:35.580 I don't need to play Santa Claus at night staying up till 1 a.m.

00:20:43.600 because Santa's work is already done because I did it as it came.

00:20:47.860 And I knew that through past experience that I don't want to stay up for three or four additional

00:20:51.520 hours putting together scooters and bikes and tables and all this stuff.

00:20:56.040 So manage your time effectively.

00:20:57.780 But I like what you said, manage your energy effectively.

00:21:00.440 Well, and what's funny about it, to use your gift wrapping as an example, if it's piling

00:21:07.300 up, I'm burning energy on it leading up to the thing because I'm stressed out about it.

00:21:15.060 I'm thinking about it every day going, I got to do this.

00:21:17.680 I got to do this.

00:21:18.360 Got to do this.

00:21:19.180 Right.

00:21:19.320 And so anything that we procrastinate and I would even throw like integrity into this

00:21:25.500 subject areas that we're out of integrity, it eats up energy because you're living with it.

00:21:33.920 You know, do you remember the old church posters when we were kids?

00:21:39.400 Like the LDS church posters?

00:21:42.280 Oh, yes, I do.

00:21:43.540 Yeah, I know what you're talking about.

00:21:44.160 The inspirational posters.

00:21:45.460 Do you remember the one?

00:21:46.160 There's one where it was a great illustration, but it was this backpack and it was full of

00:21:51.920 bricks and it was by a church leader's door.

00:21:57.580 And the phrase was around repentance.

00:22:00.680 Let it go.

00:22:02.440 Right.

00:22:02.800 Because when we don't repent or restore integrity, is that another way?

00:22:07.760 Or we're holding on to resentment and we're not forgiving people.

00:22:11.420 That's just a brick in the backpack that we're carrying around with us.

00:22:15.020 Right.

00:22:15.220 And so some of that energy is time.

00:22:17.540 Some of it is procrastination.

00:22:19.040 And then there's like, do you have a heart at war?

00:22:22.020 Is there things unresolved in life?

00:22:24.880 And if anything's unresolved, that's eating up energy.

00:22:30.380 It's funny.

00:22:31.180 You're talking about bricks in the backpack years ago.

00:22:33.840 This was probably six, seven years ago.

00:22:36.200 I did a hike in an overnight camp out with some of our young men in the community.

00:22:41.300 And we did the first half of the hike in the afternoon.

00:22:44.400 And then we camped out.

00:22:45.480 And then the next half was going to be in the morning.

00:22:47.180 Well, the next morning we wake up early and we get going and I put my bag on and I start

00:22:51.540 rucking.

00:22:52.140 And I'm like, this feels heavy.

00:22:53.680 Why does this feel so heavy?

00:22:55.060 I'm like, I don't know.

00:22:55.660 I just kept going.

00:22:56.400 And then I get like, I don't know, maybe a half a mile or a mile.

00:22:58.760 I'm like, this is heavy.

00:22:59.800 What's going on?

00:23:00.400 And all the boys are laughing and I'm like, okay, I know what's happening here.

00:23:05.620 So I set my bag down and I pull out all my stuff.

00:23:08.740 They had put big rocks in my bag.

00:23:11.700 I love that.

00:23:12.820 It's unnecessary.

00:23:14.260 There's no purpose for the rocks, right?

00:23:17.220 And they were joking with me.

00:23:18.320 It is fun.

00:23:18.780 It's fun.

00:23:19.800 Like it's good.

00:23:20.640 It's wholesome.

00:23:21.560 I'll say it that way.

00:23:22.140 It's wholesome, but there's no purpose to carrying that rock around.

00:23:25.020 That does not serve me at all.

00:23:26.820 I can't start a fire with it.

00:23:27.960 I can't eat it.

00:23:28.720 I can't stay warm with it.

00:23:30.400 And so you take the rocks out and I did the last half of the thing.

00:23:33.740 I'm like, this actually feels pretty light.

00:23:35.260 I can manage this, but that's life, isn't it?

00:23:37.580 We carry around these unnecessary rocks or bricks.

00:23:40.600 Like you're saying that you don't need to carry, just set it down and get rid of it.

00:23:44.640 So you can take them out and chuck them at the scouts.

00:23:47.560 That's right.

00:23:48.300 Well, there were some words shared.

00:23:50.840 We'll say it that way.

00:23:51.820 There were some words shared.

00:23:53.380 And super clever.

00:23:54.520 That's very funny that they did that.

00:23:56.360 I love that.

00:23:57.100 I love those kids.

00:23:58.620 Whoever you are, kids.

00:23:59.720 I love you guys.

00:24:00.660 They're not kids anymore.

00:24:01.740 I ran into one of them.

00:24:02.700 He's a young man.

00:24:03.260 He just got back from his mission.

00:24:04.740 He's working hard.

00:24:05.800 I'm like, dang, he's taller and bigger than me.

00:24:08.060 I'm like, this is weird.

00:24:09.640 They're not kids anymore.

00:24:11.340 Yeah.

00:24:11.480 Because you ran into him at the store the other day.

00:24:13.420 Is that the guy who you slashed his tire?

00:24:16.340 Yeah.

00:24:16.580 Well, I wasn't going to say that, but you know who you are.

00:24:21.780 All right.

00:24:22.400 Derek Gordon.

00:24:23.440 We all go through really hard things in life.

00:24:25.800 Divorce, loss of a loved one, or lesser things like disappointment.

00:24:29.680 We tell ourselves, this isn't what I thought life would be like.

00:24:33.020 So you have focused loss, or you have to face loss, change and divorce.

00:24:38.760 Do these things draw you towards or away from God and why?

00:24:43.360 And when will we see that be a man shirt in the order of man store?

00:24:47.180 And I'm just talking about the testosterone shirt, but.

00:24:49.920 Yeah.

00:24:50.020 The testosterone builder.

00:24:51.520 Yeah.

00:24:51.760 I'll answer it this way.

00:24:53.920 You get to decide.

00:24:56.240 I think it's different for all of us.

00:24:58.220 Yeah.

00:24:58.420 You get to decide.

00:24:59.320 And it is a decision.

00:25:00.440 You know, I I've seen people go through horrific life circumstances where they decide that this

00:25:05.340 isn't something that's happening to them, that God isn't punishing them or, or chastising

00:25:10.920 them for something that they did.

00:25:12.320 It's just part of life.

00:25:13.420 And it's something that we can grow through.

00:25:14.940 And they use it as a catalyst for growth and improvement to draw closer to him and his message

00:25:20.460 and sharing the gospel.

00:25:23.740 And I've seen other people take very similar, if not identical circumstances and curse God and,

00:25:31.160 and, and, and become atheists because they no longer believe in God, because God would

00:25:36.260 never allow this to happen if there was a true God and they'd self-destruct and they go down a

00:25:41.240 horrible and negative path.

00:25:42.240 And then of course, there's the greater amount of people that are somewhere in between, which

00:25:46.320 is where I am.

00:25:47.040 I don't, my, my negative circumstances don't convince me that God isn't real.

00:25:53.940 And, and I wish I could tell you that I do draw closer to God in those moments.

00:25:58.580 And sometimes I do, my prayers get a little bit more reverent, a little bit more serious.

00:26:03.120 My, my reading of the Bible is increases my church attendance rises, you know, in those

00:26:11.820 desperate times.

00:26:13.820 Um, but I never look at a negative circumstance and, and knock on wood.

00:26:17.600 I fortunately, I haven't been in such a negative circumstance that I would doubt my faith, that

00:26:23.320 I would doubt that God exists.

00:26:24.760 I think God exists.

00:26:25.880 And it's rough when you hear people who go through horrific, way harder things than I've

00:26:30.500 ever gone through.

00:26:31.720 And, and they say things like, well, God, if there was a God, he would never allow this

00:26:36.060 to happen.

00:26:36.540 And we've talked about this earlier.

00:26:38.500 This is free agency.

00:26:40.280 Like God can't, I mean, he can, but he does not interject in your ability to choose and

00:26:44.820 decide.

00:26:45.220 And that means that some horrible, horrible things are going to happen to you and people

00:26:49.680 around you.

00:26:51.100 And that's outside of our control.

00:26:53.180 I don't believe that means God doesn't exist.

00:26:55.360 I mean, I think it means that he has to be able to allow free agency to take place for

00:27:01.440 individuals and for those who would do harm towards you, which is horrible, but it has

00:27:08.360 to happen that way.

00:27:09.000 So I would say from a pragmatic approach, be aware of that and know that people have

00:27:13.480 agency, know that people are, are, are going to victimize you, that they want to make you

00:27:18.660 a prey and a victim to whatever their plan is and train and plan accordingly.

00:27:23.540 So you don't find yourself in those situations.

00:27:25.440 And when certain things happen to you decide it's framing, did this happen to me and is

00:27:32.840 God against me or is there no God in the world is against me or what can I learn from

00:27:37.520 this and how can I grow and how can I develop and how might the gospel lead me towards a

00:27:41.960 better path in light of the circumstances I'm dealing with?

00:27:45.780 Yeah.

00:27:45.940 For me specifically, if he's asking that question that I always, I'm drawn towards hope.

00:27:53.740 And that's found through the belief of God.

00:27:58.120 So when life gets tough, I get humbled and I find hope in that messaging of that, even

00:28:04.840 my mistakes that I don't have to live with them forever.

00:28:08.400 And that idea of repentance and ironically enough, if you don't mind me a little bit of a

00:28:14.200 correlation, repentance is the process of learning.

00:28:18.800 That's all that it is.

00:28:20.020 You could literally reframe the repentance process to the process of learning.

00:28:25.680 Ironically enough, the same exact process of taking ownership because there's no growth

00:28:29.860 without self-evaluation of our part in it.

00:28:33.160 And so for me, it humbles me.

00:28:36.920 And if you think about the messaging of, at least in the Christian religion, it's a message

00:28:42.720 of hope.

00:28:44.640 And so we can embrace that or we can look to be a victim of things and feel like things

00:28:51.720 are being acted upon us.

00:28:54.440 So, but for me, it's usually draws me closer.

00:28:57.800 Luckily.

00:28:58.460 I like this.

00:28:59.080 Yeah.

00:28:59.480 Fortunately.

00:28:59.960 Yeah.

00:29:00.140 I like this concept of hope.

00:29:01.820 I wrote down here as you were talking hope versus despair.

00:29:04.260 And in parentheses, I wrote down nihilism because I think nihilism is the antithesis.

00:29:10.340 It's the opposite of hope.

00:29:11.460 Hope means that there's something that you're striving towards because you know, if you do,

00:29:15.700 then things will get better.

00:29:18.820 Nihilism is believing that whatever life has for you, it's meaningless.

00:29:24.280 There's no significance.

00:29:25.960 There's no meaning behind it.

00:29:27.500 There's nothing you can do.

00:29:28.940 And that is a loss of hope.

00:29:32.100 And so when you say it drives me closer to hope, good.

00:29:37.180 What's the alternative nihilism?

00:29:39.180 And how is that going to serve you?

00:29:41.060 How is tossing your hands in the air and believing that nothing happens for a reason and everything

00:29:47.260 and everyone is out to get you and there's no redemption from the circumstances you could

00:29:54.540 be dealing with?

00:29:55.340 Well, is that going to lead you to progress and growth and action to improve your life?

00:30:00.260 Of course not.

00:30:01.560 So we have to reject the concept of nihilism and move towards hope, whether it's through Christ

00:30:05.520 or through the universe or the muse or however you choose to look at it.

00:30:10.700 There has to be some level of hope that if you do something, your life will get better.

00:30:15.060 And we know that to be true.

00:30:16.380 We know that to be true.

00:30:17.680 Yeah.

00:30:19.700 Craig, Kyle, over the last year, I've leveled up a lot, but I've reached a point where finding

00:30:24.800 direction to do it again, to continue my growth has gotten difficult.

00:30:29.120 I'm having a hard time figuring out what my next focus should be.

00:30:33.500 My question is, what advice do you have for continuing that upward momentum and developing

00:30:39.340 a path in a new and unknown territory?

00:30:42.000 So for me, there's sometimes there's these little small cues that come to me that are

00:30:49.880 really, really easy to overlook.

00:30:52.900 And I'm like, what's the next step?

00:30:55.220 Like these little cues of direction.

00:30:57.200 Little small things.

00:30:58.320 Like somebody might come into my life and introduced a concept that I'm like, oh, I never really

00:31:02.660 thought about that, but that sounds interesting.

00:31:04.080 Or I have a conversation with somebody and they bring something up and a little part of

00:31:10.200 me kind of perks up and is intrigued and fascinated by what they might be sharing.

00:31:14.860 And it's really easy to overlook those things because they don't seem grand and significant.

00:31:19.060 If I came and slapped you in the face, you'd be pretty upset and punch me back probably.

00:31:23.460 Right.

00:31:23.660 But if I came and I just made some underhanded comments towards you that demeaned your performance,

00:31:28.400 you probably wouldn't slap me back, but you'd allow that to happen to a degree.

00:31:31.800 Yeah.

00:31:32.660 And so the point that I'm making here is that when it's small like that, sometimes it's

00:31:37.560 just easy to overlook and not really consider that this could be a directional change in

00:31:41.600 your life.

00:31:42.360 So what I would suggest to you is that if you have these little moments in time where somebody

00:31:46.640 shares something that could be fascinating and intriguing, then go do it.

00:31:51.140 Even if it seems irrelevant.

00:31:52.900 I had a conversation with someone a couple of weeks ago talking about skydiving.

00:31:57.780 I've never been skydiving.

00:31:59.080 That's always been intriguing to me.

00:32:00.340 I don't like planes particularly.

00:32:02.160 I don't like heights particularly, but I'm like, I should do that.

00:32:06.900 Okay.

00:32:07.120 So we're going to go, we're going to go do it.

00:32:09.140 Right.

00:32:09.620 So where does that lead?

00:32:11.100 I don't know.

00:32:11.580 Maybe my death, maybe, maybe it doesn't, maybe it turns to nothing.

00:32:15.200 I don't really know, but I'm willing to explore it.

00:32:18.100 When I started a previous podcast called Wealth Anatomy, where we focused on helping medical

00:32:25.660 professionals with their financial services, I didn't do it.

00:32:28.760 Ryan's mom only listened to you, by the way.

00:32:30.900 That's right.

00:32:31.260 Yeah.

00:32:31.720 And one dentist that bought some disability insurance from me.

00:32:35.240 I didn't go into it thinking that 10 years later, we'd have this global movement called

00:32:41.200 Order of Man, and we'd be impacting hundreds of thousands of men across the planet.

00:32:45.580 But that was a little thing.

00:32:47.360 That was a little thing.

00:32:48.180 It was like, hey, this could be cool.

00:32:49.900 And so I went online or Best Buy or wherever I did.

00:32:53.100 And I bought a $100 Blue Yeti microphone and I hit record.

00:32:59.160 And here we are a decade later doing tremendous things because it was something that was kind

00:33:04.600 of interesting and maybe I should try it.

00:33:06.900 I actually hired a guy and I paid him, I think I paid him a couple hundred bucks to do some

00:33:11.420 consulting for me on how to do new digital marketing.

00:33:14.300 That was 10 years ago.

00:33:15.820 Look where we are now because I was willing to just take a little bit of a step into the

00:33:20.600 unknown.

00:33:20.940 So if you feel like you're plateauing and I've been there and you're getting complacent,

00:33:25.420 then maybe you ought to start looking not necessarily for something different.

00:33:29.520 There might be something in the current vein that you haven't explored because you've written

00:33:34.280 it off as unimportant or insignificant or meaningless.

00:33:38.220 And it might be, but you owe it to yourself to explore it and to see what comes of it.

00:33:45.120 Yeah.

00:33:45.540 I love that.

00:33:46.760 Do you think it's just by chance that those things show up?

00:33:49.440 Or if you don't mind me asking, or for you, do you see those little things as divine in

00:33:56.040 nature?

00:33:56.920 That's divine.

00:33:57.760 I, my, with my faith, my path is preordained.

00:34:02.920 Now, some people would say, well, you're talking about free agency.

00:34:05.420 Doesn't that take away your free agency?

00:34:06.960 Sam Harris would make this argument.

00:34:08.260 Sam Harris is wrong.

00:34:09.140 You know why?

00:34:09.660 Because I don't know my destiny.

00:34:11.920 God does.

00:34:12.440 If I knew my destiny, my free will would be diminished.

00:34:16.640 Yeah.

00:34:17.640 But I don't.

00:34:19.360 And so it's a lot like those choose your own adventure books.

00:34:21.780 When we were kids, the script is already written.

00:34:24.980 It's already written.

00:34:26.540 Without whichever path you choose, the book is already written.

00:34:29.600 Now, all that's left is which path do you take?

00:34:33.000 And yeah, he knows what path you're going to take.

00:34:35.680 It's preordained.

00:34:37.000 But that doesn't diminish your free will because we still have the opportunity in moments to

00:34:41.860 make decisions about which path we choose.

00:34:44.520 So I think it's, I think it is preordained.

00:34:47.020 I think it is divine intervention.

00:34:49.380 And I believe that God places these things before us, but it's up to us to act upon that.

00:34:54.120 That's why I really love the scripture that talks about faith without works as being dead.

00:34:59.980 There is no faith without your ability to move and to take action.

00:35:03.520 That's not faith.

00:35:04.900 If you really believed, then you would apply.

00:35:08.580 And if you're not willing to apply, then you don't really believe.

00:35:11.140 Or as we talked about earlier, you have no hope.

00:35:14.680 Yeah.

00:35:15.220 Thanks for your willingness to share that.

00:35:17.600 Drew Sands, I think.

00:35:19.740 How do you think about annual planning, revenue goal, health goal?

00:35:23.520 Do you do it for a year and then break down each quarter or something different?

00:35:28.960 Yeah, I think I've beat a dead horse on this one.

00:35:31.440 I mean, yeah, I sure I have some annual goals about growth and things.

00:35:35.140 And sometimes there's projects that last outside of a 12-week window.

00:35:39.580 So I'll consider those.

00:35:40.880 And then what I'll do is I'll break them down into 12-week objectives.

00:35:44.340 That's it.

00:35:45.640 So if I have, for example, a revenue goal of creating $100,000 of additional revenue in 2024 over 2023,

00:35:52.360 then that essentially means that I need to make $25,000 more a quarter,

00:35:56.560 which equates to roughly a little over $8,000 a month.

00:36:02.000 So what can I do this month every single day that will produce $8,000, $25,000 of revenue,

00:36:08.760 which will gradually and eventually lead to $100,000 of additional revenue this year?

00:36:12.940 That's it.

00:36:13.880 So if I have a long-term goal, I break it into quarterly goals and objectives.

00:36:17.500 And then I work backwards into the tactics that will complete that.

00:36:21.720 Yeah.

00:36:21.960 I have a little bit of a soft way of looking at this just recently.

00:36:26.120 Who is the author that had Goggins live with him?

00:36:31.100 Super funny guy.

00:36:32.080 Jesse Itzler.

00:36:33.060 Yeah, Jesse Itzler.

00:36:34.040 So I was listening to him, this is probably a few months ago,

00:36:38.360 and he made a point that every year he does some physical challenge that's like epic in his mind.

00:36:46.700 Like it's just a crazy thing.

00:36:49.260 And then an adventure.

00:36:51.720 And then there's like something else.

00:36:53.420 I really like that, right?

00:36:54.640 Because I think for me, I grind, right?

00:36:57.040 It's like, oh, 12 weeks, blah, blah, blah.

00:36:58.260 Structured, you know, stability, blah, blah, blah, blah.

00:37:00.340 Oh, next 12 weeks.

00:37:01.300 But there's some refreshingness to go, all right, going to 2024.

00:37:06.180 What's going to be the thing?

00:37:08.240 What's that adventure thing as a family that we're going to do, that we've always wanted to do?

00:37:12.920 And then what's that epic physical challenge?

00:37:16.660 And what's this major area I want to level up?

00:37:18.940 Okay.

00:37:19.180 Now, because in essence, that sounds really appealing to me, right?

00:37:23.920 To look back at over the year and go, oh, this, that was the year I did these things,

00:37:29.240 these amazing things.

00:37:31.300 And if we're too narrow focused, we may not even tackle the exciting, if that makes sense.

00:37:37.860 You know, so illogical with the money and that kind of stuff.

00:37:41.140 But like, I even say like, what's going to stand out?

00:37:44.180 What are you about?

00:37:45.400 What's the breakthrough?

00:37:47.140 You know, and maybe identify the breakthrough and then break that down too.

00:37:49.980 I mean, I have a goal in 2024 in October to run a marathon, but I'm not really training for my marathon today.

00:37:58.060 But inside the Iron Council, we're on nutrition, right?

00:38:01.580 So I'm down about a little over seven pounds for the month of December already.

00:38:06.040 Yeah.

00:38:06.560 And I'm training about five to six days per week.

00:38:12.780 And when I say training, I'm talking about actual training, but I actually will go on hikes and other things, even on my quote unquote days off.

00:38:18.940 And I'm dialed in, probably unlike I've ever been before.

00:38:22.820 So is that part of the marathon training?

00:38:27.440 Yeah, absolutely.

00:38:29.680 It just happens to be this quarter of marathon training.

00:38:32.240 And then as I get closer, and I do two runs per week usually, but we'll do more running as I get closer.

00:38:38.200 And as I get into that 12 week realm of getting ready for the actual marathon, but everything else I'm doing supports that vision.

00:38:45.460 It supports that annual objective, even though I'm not actively working on that hyper-focused thing today.

00:38:50.820 Today and currently, it supports the mission.

00:38:53.740 Yeah, that's awesome.

00:38:55.180 Did you say October?

00:38:57.780 October, yeah.

00:38:58.900 So are you running St. George then?

00:39:01.540 Yeah, St. George Marathon.

00:39:02.940 Yeah, cool, man.

00:39:04.540 That's awesome.

00:39:05.500 That was my first marathon was the St. George.

00:39:10.200 I know, good luck.

00:39:11.700 Okay, next question.

00:39:13.420 Yeah, next question.

00:39:14.400 And our last question, Tim Larson.

00:39:16.280 I've asked this in the men of the Iron Council and received some great feedback.

00:39:20.360 But wanted to have your take as it relates to your relationship as well.

00:39:25.180 Gentlemen, I need your help.

00:39:26.300 My marriage is good, but I want to be great.

00:39:29.140 I've changed drastically for the better over the last year, but I still need to true up in this area of my life.

00:39:35.000 Q1 Battle Plan Connection Quadrant is all about my wife and improving our communication and connection. 0.99

00:39:41.320 What are some goals that I should be making as a priority in order to communicate and connect more effectively with my wife?

00:39:47.800 Any book recommendations, date ideas, unique gestures to show.

00:39:52.760 I love her and more each day.

00:39:55.420 Yeah.

00:39:56.020 So let me say this first.

00:39:58.280 Somebody had posted in the Facebook group the other day and they said if somebody hasn't accomplished what you have, then that disqualifies them from giving advice.

00:40:07.840 It's not, I thought, there's a similar question in the Facebook about marriage like this.

00:40:13.680 Yeah.

00:40:14.020 Yeah.

00:40:14.360 I thought you were going to bring that up.

00:40:15.500 No, a different one.

00:40:16.600 And look, I mean, I've been pretty vocal about my marriage or past marriage.

00:40:22.460 And, you know, we were married for 18 years.

00:40:25.780 And so some people would say, well, you know, you went through this divorce, so you're no longer qualified.

00:40:29.880 That's not true.

00:40:30.700 Like, I know what was working.

00:40:32.880 I was married for 18 years.

00:40:34.840 I knew what worked.

00:40:35.340 And you learned what didn't work.

00:40:37.040 That's right.

00:40:37.800 So I think it's not whether or not they have or are.

00:40:41.560 I think it's are they being honest about it.

00:40:43.880 And I'll be really honest about it with you.

00:40:45.620 And I've been honest about what works and what doesn't and what went well and where things broke down.

00:40:51.880 And if I were to do it over again, and at some point in my life, I definitely will.

00:40:55.900 You know, I'm 42 years old.

00:40:57.280 Like marriage is in my cards, right?

00:41:00.340 So what I would do and what I did do when the marriage was working is that I made her a priority.

00:41:07.840 And I listened to her.

00:41:10.060 I can give you all sorts of dates, ideas, and all this kind of thing.

00:41:13.000 Yeah, that's fine.

00:41:13.620 And I can give you some ideas and maybe it gets the creative juices flowing.

00:41:16.420 But just listen.

00:41:18.460 Listen to her.

00:41:20.320 What does she talk about?

00:41:21.720 What is she interested in?

00:41:23.140 What does she get excited about?

00:41:24.640 What motivates her? 0.94

00:41:25.840 What inspires her?

00:41:27.220 What pisses her off?

00:41:28.280 What does she not like?

00:41:29.320 What is she upset about?

00:41:31.360 Man, the more that you can get present and turn off the dang phone, turn off the distractions,

00:41:37.600 carve out time that you're not having, you know, three, four, five kids bouncing around

00:41:42.160 all over you while you're trying to talk with your wife or the more that you can just get

00:41:46.420 present physically and mentally and emotionally and spiritually with her.

00:41:49.760 Then you actually have the margin to listen to what she's into.

00:41:53.760 Is she a words of affirmation person where all you have to do is, hey, hon, you look great

00:41:58.320 today.

00:41:59.040 Hey, hon, thanks for making dinner.

00:42:00.620 This was amazing.

00:42:02.360 Hey, tell me about work.

00:42:03.680 Oh, you got recognized for that one thing.

00:42:05.660 Awesome.

00:42:06.200 Way to go.

00:42:07.280 That's a words of affirmation.

00:42:08.520 A physical touch person is walking up behind her and giving her a, you know, a slap on the 0.93

00:42:13.740 butt or touching the small of her back or, um, surprising her with a kiss.

00:42:18.960 A quality time is getting a babysitter for the kids and going on a hike or a walk.

00:42:25.700 A gifts is something small, like, uh, a note, um, or, or you come back from a trip and you

00:42:33.040 get her a t-shirt from where you came from because she's a gift person.

00:42:37.280 And that's, and that's how she receives love. 0.70

00:42:39.400 I think I'm missing one in there.

00:42:41.420 Acts of service means you, you cook dinner for her.

00:42:46.120 Hey, hon, you know what?

00:42:47.340 I know you've had a long day.

00:42:48.440 It's been busy with the kids or in work or whatever the situation is.

00:42:51.880 Um, I actually on the way home, I bought some steaks and went to the grocery store.

00:42:56.220 I'm going to cook dinner for you and the kids tonight.

00:42:58.660 Or when you're done with dinner, maybe she already cooked it.

00:43:01.000 Maybe you get your ass up and you go do the dishes like that.

00:43:04.380 That's it.

00:43:04.900 Like, and that's, that's from Gary Chapman's, the five love languages.

00:43:08.240 You ask about good books.

00:43:10.140 I don't know what your wife is. 1.00

00:43:11.580 I don't know what she responds to you do.

00:43:14.380 And so figure out what she responds to.

00:43:16.700 And if you don't know, ask her how she feels love.

00:43:20.380 Hey hon, do you like, when I say I love you, what does that mean to you?

00:43:23.260 And she's like, ah, we say it all the time.

00:43:25.040 I don't, it's not that big a deal.

00:43:25.960 And she might not be a words of affirmation person.

00:43:28.380 I tend to be a words of affirmation.

00:43:30.160 If a romantic interest tells me that she loves me, uh, or that she's proud of me, or

00:43:36.580 she really likes being around me because of how she feels that speaks to me, that and physical

00:43:42.500 touch.

00:43:42.900 Those are my two.

00:43:44.560 Yeah.

00:43:44.960 So if somebody does that, I'm all theirs, I'm all in.

00:43:49.280 And if I can figure out what hers are, then she's going to be all in.

00:43:52.820 Yeah, absolutely.

00:43:53.900 And I think the key is you got to ask, you know, and, and you can even do the five lovely

00:43:58.220 love language survey, have her fill it out and, and help identify that.

00:44:03.100 But most importantly, like to add onto that idea of giving her feedback is, Hey, what is

00:44:09.180 our marriage looking perfect?

00:44:11.140 What does that look like?

00:44:11.940 Oh, us getting along.

00:44:14.780 Okay.

00:44:15.420 What does that look like?

00:44:16.780 What does that mean?

00:44:17.520 Yeah.

00:44:17.820 What does that look like today?

00:44:20.100 Right.

00:44:20.660 And, and really like sit with it.

00:44:23.520 And, and, and the other thing I want to call out too is the number one thing I think will

00:44:30.560 block us or Tim, all of us really from showing up powerfully is we got to stop feeling sorry

00:44:40.320 for ourselves because so often it's about us, right?

00:44:46.320 Oh, I had a bad day and this and then, and, and it's, or it's about what we're not getting.

00:44:51.460 And we fall into this idea of like, she needs to do that first.

00:44:56.660 You got to let go of that stuff and, and actually make them the priority.

00:45:00.200 And, and, and I'm not saying like lose yourself and your world is her.

00:45:04.420 And you know what I mean?

00:45:05.000 You don't have self-confidence.

00:45:05.980 I'm not saying that.

00:45:06.660 What I'm saying though, is you got to get out of your own way.

00:45:11.660 And if that marriage is important, then, then you need to make it important regardless

00:45:16.580 of how your day went.

00:45:19.640 I, that's what I wrote down right here, Kip, as you were talking, even before you said

00:45:23.060 it is the, the pitfall that I fell into.

00:45:25.760 I believe one of them anyways is making other things more important than her.

00:45:31.220 So I would, if I told her I was going to be done at work at five, I'd be done at work

00:45:35.660 at five 30.

00:45:36.580 What does that mean?

00:45:37.800 That means whatever I was doing was more important than my commitment to her.

00:45:41.400 Yeah.

00:45:41.820 And you're inconsistent.

00:45:42.640 Now you're untrustworthy.

00:45:43.960 You're unreliable.

00:45:45.060 I mean, geez.

00:45:46.200 Yeah.

00:45:46.840 Do that enough, man.

00:45:48.460 You know, obviously drinking and I would drink in the driveway.

00:45:53.100 My family's inside.

00:45:54.360 I would go to the convenience store and get drunk in the driveway.

00:45:56.880 My family's all inside.

00:45:57.980 What does that mean?

00:45:59.380 It means that me drinking in the driveway by myself is more important than being there

00:46:04.780 with the family.

00:46:07.020 You know, there, there were nights where I was even passed out and I couldn't, plenty

00:46:10.760 of nights where I couldn't even tuck the kids into bed and she had to tuck the kids into 0.92

00:46:14.120 bed.

00:46:14.320 So what did that mean to her and the kids that they were unimportant relative to me being

00:46:20.880 drunk?

00:46:21.280 Look, the things that are important to us, we focus on.

00:46:24.500 And it doesn't mean you need to give her all the attention and shower down all of your

00:46:28.360 praises.

00:46:29.000 But man, what would it look like if at lunch you, you sent out a text, if you never have

00:46:36.360 done that, or a call, or you sent her a bouquet of flowers, or you left a little note as

00:46:40.620 you walked out, or you recorded a quick little video and said, Hey, Hannah, I'm super busy

00:46:45.500 today.

00:46:45.940 I'm back to back to back to back, you know, cause I told you my schedule, but I had two

00:46:49.520 minutes and I just thought I'd tell you that I love you.

00:46:51.280 I'm thinking about you.

00:46:52.520 Can't wait to see you tonight.

00:46:53.720 I'm going to get some steaks on the way home.

00:46:55.640 I hope your day's going great.

00:46:57.940 Even in the midst of a busy schedule, it shows that she's important, that she's a prior,

00:47:03.940 that you actually carved out 60 seconds to send a video.

00:47:07.140 It's, it's small, but it's not insignificant.

00:47:11.060 Yeah.

00:47:11.280 And, and that one thing I heard is like, how many guys probably heard just what you said?

00:47:15.680 I was thinking this is like, well, Ryan, I do think about those things.

00:47:20.980 Yeah.

00:47:21.420 Then you need to, but we don't communicate it.

00:47:24.400 Yeah.

00:47:24.860 We don't communicate it.

00:47:26.220 Right.

00:47:26.560 You may think she's amazing.

00:47:28.200 You may think she's lovely.

00:47:29.700 You may appreciate her.

00:47:31.260 You may all those things.

00:47:32.740 And it might be completely true, but if you don't tell her, then she doesn't know.

00:47:40.320 Right.

00:47:40.860 Right.

00:47:41.100 Or, or if you're not acting on it, so she knows she's not going to know.

00:47:45.120 And, and I think that's where a lot of us failed to be Frank is I bet most men greatly,

00:47:50.300 even you hear it in this question.

00:47:52.380 He loves his wife.

00:47:53.880 Yeah.

00:47:54.240 Every day more and more.

00:47:55.140 He said, yeah, but, but you can feel that way all you want.

00:48:00.560 But if we're not taking it.

00:48:02.900 Yeah.

00:48:03.140 But does she know?

00:48:04.320 Yeah, absolutely.

00:48:06.380 Cool.

00:48:06.740 To go to our songs, which is traditionally Garth Brooks.

00:48:10.040 There's a song called if tomorrow never comes, you guys can go listen to that one.

00:48:14.740 There you go.

00:48:15.860 That is, that is no pass.

00:48:20.160 I can't sing it as well as Garth can.

00:48:22.140 So I'll pass on that opportunity, but I appreciate it.

00:48:24.860 What's the name of the song?

00:48:25.860 One more time.

00:48:26.640 If tomorrow never comes.

00:48:28.140 If tomorrow never comes.

00:48:29.280 There you go.

00:48:29.800 Call to action.

00:48:31.340 The other call to action.

00:48:32.960 Join us in the iron council.

00:48:34.420 You got until January 7th.

00:48:36.880 Yes.

00:48:38.200 To learn more, go to order man.com slash iron council.

00:48:41.280 Join us.

00:48:43.020 It's making a difference in thousands of men's lives.

00:48:47.280 And, and the men there, not just us, right?

00:48:51.580 We can run our mouth all you want, but you're, you're not on our team.

00:48:54.480 You're on a team with like-minded men.

00:48:57.020 And, and all those men, I feel most guys in iron council, they're committed to that idea

00:49:02.020 that they're there to serve one another.

00:49:04.000 And so join us there, order of man.com slash iron council.

00:49:07.760 And of course you can connect with Mr.

00:49:09.640 Mr.

00:49:10.300 Mickler on X and Twitter at Ryan Mickler.

00:49:13.540 That's M I C H L E R. 1.00

00:49:15.300 And the last name.

00:49:17.000 Anything else, sir?

00:49:19.020 Tell them where to connect with you because you've got some great leadership lessons,

00:49:22.720 short action-packed leadership lessons that you're doing on both Facebook and Instagram.

00:49:26.340 So also let them know where to connect with you.

00:49:28.980 Well, at least opinions.

00:49:30.860 I'm trying to be humble there, but, uh, at Kip Sorensen on, on Instagram, that's K I P P 1.00

00:49:36.980 S O R E N S E N. 1.00

00:49:39.880 You said P P Kip.

00:49:41.380 I know my kids always leave.

00:49:44.520 My kids and Ryan.

00:49:46.460 That's right.

00:49:47.300 Thanks a lot, mom.

00:49:47.980 We're about the same maturity level.

00:49:50.000 So, although I, I'm totally still in the boy Scouts idea of the rocks in the backpack.

00:49:55.660 Next time I go backpacking, I'm like, that's brilliant.

00:50:00.220 All right, guys.

00:50:01.060 Appreciate the questions.

00:50:02.400 Um, have a great Christmas.

00:50:03.840 I think by the time this is released, Christmas has already come and gone.

00:50:07.380 So I hope you had a good Christmas.

00:50:08.480 I hope you got some time with the family and we're able to tell people you loved them.

00:50:11.820 So, uh, appreciate you guys.

00:50:13.360 We're rolling into the new year.

00:50:14.420 I'm very excited about that.

00:50:15.520 Hopefully we'll see in the iron council, but until then go out there, take action and become

00:50:19.520 the man you are meant to be.

00:50:22.140 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast.

00:50:24.780 If you're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be,

00:50:29.160 we invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

00:50:32.280 We'll see you next time.

00:50:36.660 Thank you.

Order of Man - December 27, 2023

Hope vs. Despair, Restoring Integrity, and The Value of Pure Intent ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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