Order of Man - How a Man Builds Influence, Credibility, and Authority ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:05.020 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.520 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.280 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.860 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Michler.

00:00:28.060 I'm the host and the founder of the Order of Man podcast and movement. Welcome here and welcome

00:00:32.960 back. If you're new and wondering what in the world this Order of Man podcast thing is all about,

00:00:38.020 I'm having conversations with incredible men with the desire and goal to glean information and extract

00:00:45.060 their practical wisdom and systems and mindsets that they've used in their lives to improve

00:00:51.260 themselves so that we in turn can improve ourselves. So this one's a little different.

00:00:56.020 This is your Friday field notes. Basically, you get to hear some of my ramblings for better or worse

00:01:01.120 on some of the thoughts that I've been having from throughout the week. And this week, I've been

00:01:05.400 thinking a lot about influence, credibility, and authority. Now in the fall, I think the end of

00:01:10.600 September, I've got a new book coming out called The Masculinity Manifesto, how a man garners,

00:01:16.840 or excuse me, establishes influence, credibility, and authority. And I'm going to talk a little bit

00:01:22.280 about those concepts because it is very, very important that all of us work to build up all

00:01:28.220 three. And I'll talk about why it's so important that we do that. I'll talk about how to rebuild

00:01:33.320 it if you've lost some of those elements with people in your life, and then we'll put you to

00:01:40.280 work. So guys, before I get into it, I do want to mention that we've got our Iron Council, which is

00:01:45.720 our exclusive brotherhood. That's opening up again in the middle of June. So if you want to be notified

00:01:51.320 and you want to get enrolled, head to orderofman.com slash Iron Council. Orderofman.com slash Iron

00:01:57.500 Council. You're going to get notified when we open up and you'll be able to join. It's going to be

00:02:03.160 open for a very, very short window, but trust me, you'll want to take advantage of it. Okay.

00:02:08.640 All right. So let's talk about the three terms, influence, credibility, and authority. Influence is

00:02:15.280 your ability to change or modify people's thought patterns, beliefs, behaviors, actions. That's all

00:02:25.420 influences. And trust me, when I say that, I'm not talking about manipulation, coercion, blackmail,

00:02:34.620 extortion. That's not influence. Those are something completely different. Influence is a moral way in

00:02:42.680 which you get to have others change. Again, their behaviors, their actions, their thoughts, and their

00:02:46.880 attitudes, but it's moral. They have to voluntarily choose to do it because if you're manipulating or

00:02:52.520 forcing them in some way, that isn't influence. That's closer to tyranny or dictatorship. And it isn't

00:03:00.580 going to really be a long-term win for you when it comes to helping other people thrive and succeed

00:03:07.400 and be successful in life. So influence is your ability to get people to voluntarily shift those

00:03:14.220 things because you're around. That's it. So now let's talk about credibility. Credibility is

00:03:19.920 established through mastery. It's established through consistency. It's actually working towards

00:03:26.000 something or multiple things and producing some level of capability in it that others recognize.

00:03:33.180 So when people look at you, they say, okay, well, that guy's a podcaster. He's been doing it for seven

00:03:38.600 years. He's had 800 plus episodes with guys like Terry Cruz and Tim Tebow and Ben Shapiro and Matthew

00:03:44.940 McConaughey and Jocko Willink and David Goggins, Cam Haynes. And so in that instance, it's safe to say

00:03:51.980 that I have established and garnered some level of credibility in my field. Now, if you wanted to talk

00:04:00.440 with me about dentistry and you looked at me as an authority, somebody who's credible, that's

00:04:06.500 probably not going to work. But you see this all the time on social media. People are talking about

00:04:10.960 things they have no idea what they're talking about and they just look foolish and they're not 0.99

00:04:15.500 really kidding anybody. And you're not going to have any sort of credibility in other people's eyes. 0.97

00:04:21.160 So when it comes to influence and credibility, we want to establish these things within the walls of

00:04:25.120 our homes, with our wife, with our children. Like you want your wife on board, there's going to be 1.00

00:04:30.140 decisions that you want to make. And of course you have to make those with her. But if you have more

00:04:34.720 influence with her because of your credibility and that credibility is established through leading

00:04:39.480 the family successfully, then it's more likely she's going to go forward with some things that maybe

00:04:43.600 she isn't 100% on board with. Homeschooling is a great example of that. We started homeschooling

00:04:49.440 our kids about three years ago. And I've talked with a lot of men who would love to have their

00:04:53.400 kids homeschooled, but their wives aren't on board. Well, part of the reason is, is because 0.84

00:04:58.180 you don't have the level of influence, credibility, and authority that you need to be able to sway

00:05:03.980 her or to help her make that decision more easily. Now, that's not to say that if you have those

00:05:09.200 things, she'll make the decisions you want, but it's more likely that that will happen. 0.99

00:05:13.400 Your kids, you become the loudest voice for your kids if you have that influence, credibility,

00:05:17.900 and authority. If you undermine yourself at every turn, they're going to look to outside sources,

00:05:22.220 typically their peers for information about how to operate in the world. And obviously,

00:05:27.140 because you were a punk kid at some point, no, that isn't always conducive to your growth.

00:05:33.640 You want to have this within your community. It's very important to have this within your community

00:05:38.040 because you're leading people, you're leading your neighbors, you're serving your neighbors.

00:05:42.500 You want them to be there. You want them to be better people, right? And then also within the walls

00:05:47.100 of your business because you need your employees to perform. You want your clients to take your

00:05:51.720 recommendations. You want your boss to notice you and give you a promotion. These are all reasons why

00:05:57.060 you want to establish influence and credibility. The next thing we need to address is authority.

00:06:01.980 Now, authority is that you're actually in the position of power, let's say. You need to know

00:06:10.160 that the authority only comes after you have credibility, meaning you become masterful to some

00:06:19.540 degree in a particular skill set. So that's the credibility. Then you have the influence with a

00:06:25.780 boss, for example, or your wife or your children. And now you're in a position of authority that you

00:06:32.660 can actually make those recommendations, those decisions, those ideas that you present and put

00:06:39.860 forward. You really need a combination of all three of those. If, for example, within the walls

00:06:44.220 of my home, there was another man, let's say a neighbor who was influential in the eyes of my

00:06:52.700 wife and children, and there are, who are credible, and there are, but he doesn't have the authority to

00:06:59.460 lead my family. You see how that's a problem? I'm the one that has the authority to lead my family

00:07:05.060 because I'm the man of the house, I'm the husband, and so that authority is mine and mine alone.

00:07:10.820 Okay. If it's now that said, yes, my wife leads with me and there's different roles that we serve

00:07:15.480 within the dynamic. So that's a different conversation. If you're at work and you have

00:07:21.260 a particular skill set in accounting, let's say, and you have the credibility because you've been

00:07:28.480 a great accountant for 10 years and you have the influence with your boss and your peers and your

00:07:34.100 coworkers, but you go over to the marketing department and you start bossing them around about

00:07:39.200 how to market your products and services better. Okay. Well, you really don't have the authority

00:07:44.720 to do that. So you have to be very, very careful in overstepping your bounds. It's always interesting.

00:07:50.800 And I talk about this in the book about when people, uh, they offer unsolicited advice.

00:07:56.880 First of all, we don't know if you're credible, if for the most part, if it's on social media,

00:08:02.720 a lot of times, I don't know if you're credible. I you're not influential because I've probably never

00:08:07.260 heard from you before. Uh, and you certainly don't have the authority because I haven't given it to

00:08:12.600 you. I haven't granted that to you. And I'm using me as an example, but it's the same for you.

00:08:16.340 So if you want to really improve people's lives, you need to work on that trifecta,

00:08:21.740 it's influence, it's credibility and it's authority. Okay. So let's start with credibility

00:08:28.860 because that's really the foundation of all of this. You have to work every day towards a desired

00:08:35.640 objective. I got up this morning thinking, man, I really don't want a podcast. I really don't want

00:08:41.240 to, uh, record episodes. Like all I want to do is do some chores and projects around the house and

00:08:48.820 just kind of be lazy today. But I got up, I'm recording this podcast right now. When I'm done

00:08:54.560 with this one, I'll record another one. And then about an hour after this one, and this is what's

00:08:59.480 required. And because I'm so hyper consistent with this, I've become a credible resource in the

00:09:07.380 podcasting world. I'd become a credible, uh, source of information for you. So if you're thinking,

00:09:14.420 man, I just wish my wife would listen to me more. I just wish my kids would pay attention. I just wish

00:09:19.280 my colleagues would, would, would take my advice. I wish my boss would honor and recognize the work

00:09:25.320 that I do. Turn it on yourself first. Cause if all you're doing is waiting for your boss or your

00:09:30.960 wife or your kids or your colleagues or your neighbors or whoever to recognize what you're doing,

00:09:35.220 you're really at the mercy of whether or not they do it. But what you can be doing is focusing on

00:09:40.120 the things that you can control, which is your own ability to become credible and credibility.

00:09:46.900 It is, it is subjective, right? What's credible to one person might not be credible to another,

00:09:51.800 but at the end of the day, we can always boost our credibility by working on something that's

00:09:55.760 important. Maybe it's your fitness, maybe it's your finances, your bank account. Uh, maybe it's

00:10:00.200 your podcasting skills or the way that you train with firearms or jujitsu or whatever.

00:10:06.280 And all of the other pieces of the puzzle, the influence and the authority and all of those

00:10:10.220 things and the improvement of people's lives, they all start to fall into place. When you work on

00:10:15.600 becoming a credible man, I hear from a lot of guys who will say things like, you know, Ryan,

00:10:22.560 I'd really like to start a business, but my wife, uh, she's not fully on board.

00:10:26.880 Like, well, honestly, maybe the reason is, is because every time you've started a business,

00:10:32.940 you've been all hot hopped up for a couple of weeks or a month, or even maybe a couple of months,

00:10:37.240 and then it just fizzles out and fades out. And she recognizes that pattern. And so what is her

00:10:42.260 natural belief? This is just going to happen again. So you're not credible in her eyes.

00:10:47.560 You know, I hate to say that. I don't hate to say that. I hate that that's actually the fact

00:10:51.620 because I've been there. There's been times in my life where I have not been a credible husband.

00:10:58.220 And that lack of credibility led to a lot of real challenges and problems within our relationship.

00:11:07.400 So guys get better, improve yourself, work on yourself first. Okay. Next is influence

00:11:14.260 from credibility stems influence, right? Actually, I should back up. It's, it's not as,

00:11:22.680 as simple of a straight line as I'm making out, but you have credibility, influence and authority

00:11:26.960 kind of go hand in hand. The authority will come. That'll take care of itself. But when you're

00:11:30.620 credible influence is going to happen more naturally. And when you want to be influential,

00:11:36.420 you need to learn a couple of different things. Number one, you need to learn how to communicate

00:11:39.720 effectively with people. And you also need to learn how to be able to read people. Because if you come

00:11:45.720 in like a hard day and you just try to blow everybody out of the water, that might work in

00:11:52.160 certain scenarios. Maybe if you're a drill instructor, maybe if you're in high pressure corporate

00:11:57.840 environment, even then it may not. But if you're trying to communicate with your wife, probably that

00:12:02.940 level of communication is not going to work. And she's not going to be influenced by that. Well,

00:12:07.960 she will be influenced by that in a negative way. She's going to say, screw up and disengage from 1.00

00:12:13.620 the conversation. And if you do that enough, you're really going to root out the, the, the bedrock,

00:12:18.700 the foundation of your relationship. So you need to learn how to communicate effectively with others

00:12:23.860 and you need to learn how to read other people. Everybody acts so differently. And there's a real

00:12:29.240 problem with communication in society that basically says, well, this is just what I am. And if you

00:12:36.080 don't like it, well, then that's your problem. No, it's actually not their problems. It's your

00:12:40.520 problem, right? If you're trying to communicate a message to somebody and you want to be influential

00:12:45.460 in that person's life and that message isn't landing, is that their problem? No, because you're

00:12:51.180 the one that wants that message to land. So it's your problem. So learn how to read people, learn to

00:12:57.240 pick up on cues. How do you do this? You practice it. And then you look for feedback. If I say something

00:13:02.560 to one of my kids, my oldest, for example, I can be a little harder and firmer with him. He's older,

00:13:09.260 he's mature for his age. Him and I are very connected. I do have a lot of credibility and

00:13:14.420 influence in his life. And so I can do that. But with my youngest son, he's got a more rebellious,

00:13:21.960 wild nature. So if I tell him that, you know what he does? He just puts up a brick wall

00:13:26.000 and he won't let me or anybody else. And then he'll just go on a tear. Okay. Well, as his father,

00:13:32.120 I need to understand that about his personality and then work my communication around a way that's

00:13:38.680 going to help him succeed and me to influence him in a positive light. So again, communication skills,

00:13:46.640 listening and reading other people, and then having a certain level of empathy and understanding about

00:13:52.700 where people are coming from. I had a conversation this morning with a little business matter,

00:13:57.760 little mini fire, had a conversation, and it would have been very easy for me to just come and just

00:14:02.220 yell and charge and get defensive. But I knew that wasn't going to work. So instead, I tried to

00:14:07.560 understand where this person was coming from. And I think I did a fairly good job understanding it,

00:14:14.620 seeing why it was an issue. And we were able to work through it because I was able to be somewhat

00:14:21.860 empathetic to what that person was experiencing. Now I may not fully understand it, but if I can

00:14:27.760 understand it to some degree, I'm going to be more influential. And that's why we were able to come to

00:14:32.140 a resolution because I had the credibility and because I communicated effectively. That's the

00:14:39.500 biggest thing I think when it comes to influence that men are lacking. They're lacking not only vision,

00:14:44.200 but their ability to communicate it, their ability to read the room, their ability to be empathetic

00:14:48.860 towards others. And then they just want to be hard A's because that's what we see on social media.

00:14:52.700 Oh, just yell at everybody and charge. No, that's not going to work all the time. Sometimes maybe,

00:14:57.860 but really when you do that, you're going to foster as my friend, Brett Bartholomew has taught me that

00:15:03.560 you're going to foster compliance. Like you're going to get people to comply, but you're not going to get

00:15:10.180 commitment. And there's a big distinction between the two. Compliance is like, Hey, I'll have to,

00:15:15.160 I'll do it because that person's in a position of authority, but guess what? You don't have,

00:15:20.080 you don't have credibility and, or you don't have influence, right? So a boss that you hate,

00:15:25.820 if he comes to you and says, Hey, I need you to get this project done by 5.00 PM tonight,

00:15:30.420 you'll do it because you don't want to lose your job. So he's got the authority to do it,

00:15:37.000 but he's lacking the fundamental principles of credibility and influence. Now imagine if a

00:15:41.940 different employer who had been in the business for 20 years, who cares about his employees,

00:15:47.000 who cares about you, who works to serve, who communicates and cast visions effectively,

00:15:52.180 when they mess up, they take ownership of it. Now that person comes to you and says,

00:15:56.320 Hey, Joe, I need you to get this assignment done by five because dot, dot, dot, dot. It's very

00:16:00.760 important. And if it's not perfect, it's okay. Let's just get done what we can. How does that sound?

00:16:05.480 Man, you're now committed. Like you're not complying. You know, you want to do it because

00:16:12.820 you want to make this person happy. You feel good about the relationship you have with this other

00:16:18.260 individual. And you want to be reciprocal in the value that you add because of that person's value

00:16:24.400 added to your life. And that's the difference between compliance and commitment. If I tell my kids,

00:16:31.760 say, go clean your room. Yeah. They're going to do it because there's going to be consequences 0.59

00:16:35.700 to it because I'm their father. But if instead I say, Hey guys, we keep a clean house because,

00:16:43.500 and I explain those reasons and we have these conversations all the time. And there's somebody,

00:16:48.100 I'm somebody they trust. Then they're like, okay, you know, they're not going to be happy about it.

00:16:51.260 Okay. My second son's great at this. You know, I'll ask him, I'll put a list of chores,

00:16:55.900 my wife, or I will put together a list of chores, or I'll say, Hey, I need you to take the boxes out. 0.99

00:17:00.680 And he's not happy about it. He's like, okay, dad, I'll do it. And then he does it. And then I

00:17:05.160 honor that. Hey, you know, I really appreciate you taking those boxes out and doing it quickly

00:17:10.280 and not throwing up a big fit. You've, you've always been really good about taking care of

00:17:14.440 those things. Okay. My influence level with him and my credibility just went up. Now the authority,

00:17:21.400 let's talk about the authority piece. And then we'll wrap this up. Authority is something that all

00:17:25.080 guys are craving. It's just something we want, right? We want to be in leadership positions.

00:17:30.120 We want to be in positions of power. We, the things that we do are, our, our aim is to improve

00:17:35.400 our authority in other people's lives or even over people's lives, which is not a great motive

00:17:40.580 to, to be over people, to serve people. Yes. But to be over people, that's different. There's nuance

00:17:46.560 there. What we need to realize is that the authority is just going to take care of itself over a long

00:17:53.520 period of time. Now, sometimes it's not always going to be a perfect equal relationship between

00:18:00.220 how much credibility you have, how much influence you've garnered and a direct result of authority.

00:18:05.860 It isn't always going to work out like that, but over time it will, you're going to be passed up for

00:18:10.660 a promotion you deserved. You're going to ask somebody to potentially go on a date or marry you.

00:18:15.420 And it isn't going to work out. She might, you might be credible. She might, you might have

00:18:19.520 influence with that person, but it isn't compatible. And so you don't, the authority

00:18:23.420 isn't granted, you know, it's just the way it is, but don't let your authority or lack thereof be a

00:18:30.660 deterrent from trying to build and boost credibility in your own life and the influence you have with

00:18:36.200 others and have some faith that if you do those things over a long enough and sustained period of

00:18:41.940 time, the authority will be granted. Maybe not the way that you want, maybe not on your timeline,

00:18:46.780 but the authority will definitely be granted. So guys, that's, that's my thoughts. Of course,

00:18:52.660 I go into further detail in this, into the specifics of how to foster influence, credibility,

00:18:58.640 and authority. So please, when it comes out, actually now there's a, you can pick up a pre

00:19:03.400 advanced copy of I almost, I almost said in my old book sovereignty, but you can pick up an advanced

00:19:09.760 copy of the masculinity manifesto, how man establishes influence, credibility, and authority

00:19:14.640 at Barnes and Noble, Amazon, wherever you get books. So please do that. And let's talk more

00:19:20.320 about this because honestly, we need righteous men who have the levels of, of influence, credibility,

00:19:30.180 and authority that will get people to move in a positive direction. Cause you can have those

00:19:35.600 things and move people in the wrong direction. And so we need to be just as credible, just as

00:19:40.400 influential, if not more so, so we can steer the ship and we can guide people towards a path that's

00:19:45.940 going to serve them. And collectively society as a whole better. If you have any questions, thoughts,

00:19:50.640 comments, concerns, additional input ideas, let me know, take a screenshot, tag me posted up on

00:19:56.280 Instagram stories or in your feed, let guys know what you're listening to leave a rating review.

00:20:01.320 If you would, that goes a long way in boosting us up the ratings and also getting other people to see

00:20:06.300 what it is we're doing. And outside of that, take a look at the iron council. We're all talking and

00:20:12.240 working to build influence, credibility, and authority within our own lives. And within the

00:20:16.740 lives and the walls of the guys in the iron council, you can check that out at order of man.com

00:20:21.360 slash iron council. All right, guys, I'll be back on next week until then go out there, take action,

00:20:28.760 build credibility, build influence, build authority, and become the man you are meant to be.

00:20:33.420 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life

00:20:38.120 and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

Order of Man - June 10, 2022

How a Man Builds Influence, Credibility, and Authority ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

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