Order of Man - How a Man Finds More Joy ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

00:00:00.000 if men found more joy in their lives, the world would be a better place. Now, we pride ourselves

00:00:05.960 on being workers, being producers, serving other people, being capable, learning new skills,

00:00:14.080 providing the financial provision, taking care of others, and all of those things are wonderful.

00:00:22.620 But if we can't find joy and happiness in our lives, what is the point?

00:00:27.020 So, years ago, I was talking with a good friend of mine, and we were discussing how each one of us

00:00:35.060 were doing, how we were feeling, how life was going, and he said that he had a very interesting

00:00:39.060 conversation with his wife. His wife had noticed some changes in his demeanor, some lack of motivation

00:00:47.480 and enthusiasm for life, and she asked a very poignant and simple question. And the question

00:00:53.500 was, are you happy? And as my friend evaluated the question and considered the answer, he realized

00:01:01.260 that the answer was no, that he was not happy. And it wasn't that he was unhappy with her. It wasn't

00:01:08.180 that he wasn't doing well in his business, which was very lucrative at the time. It wasn't that he

00:01:14.980 was upset with his kids or dealing with something specific or some issue that he could point to.

00:01:23.900 He was just feeling unhappy, generally. And I'm sure as a man, you have experienced that in your life.

00:01:33.820 Maybe you're exhausted, maybe you're frustrated, maybe you're burnt out, maybe you're lacking

00:01:37.800 enthusiasm or excitement or risk taking. Maybe you're dissatisfied with your career. Just the

00:01:47.380 other day, I saw a study that said that over 70% of the workforce, people in the workforce are unhappy

00:01:56.160 and dissatisfied with their work, which is astounding because of the sheer amount of time, the volume of

00:02:03.700 time that we spend in our offices or in our work environments. And to know that we're unhappy and

00:02:10.480 we're miserable and we wish we would be doing something else is very telling and indicative of

00:02:16.220 the unhappiness that we see in society. And you can see it in a lot of different ways.

00:02:23.020 You can see it in sedation methods, alcohol, drug abuse, gambling, pornography, womanizing,

00:02:29.720 even just addiction to watching TV or playing video games. This is a sign that men are unhappy.

00:02:40.680 You can see it as it relates to the conversations and the engagement that we have with our significant

00:02:47.620 others and with our children. You can see it with our performance at work. You can see it with

00:02:53.840 the way our bodies look and our performance in our careers. And so everywhere you look,

00:02:59.280 people are unhappy. You can see it in social media. People are unhappy on social media.

00:03:03.760 It has permeated every fabric of society. And I think that if men found more joy in their lives,

00:03:09.500 the world would be a better place. Now we pride ourselves on being workers, being producers,

00:03:16.880 serving other people, being capable, learning new skills, providing the financial provision,

00:03:24.340 taking care of others. And all of those things are wonderful. All of those things are much needed.

00:03:32.620 And all of those things are factors or measurements of our worth as men.

00:03:39.840 But if we can't find joy and happiness in our lives, what is the point? What is the point of this

00:03:48.660 existence to just merely exist, to burn yourself up and burn yourself out on being a slave to whatever 0.99

00:03:55.960 career you might have, having a mediocre relationship with your wife, having a sad, somewhat pathetic 0.93

00:04:03.980 relationship with your children, not realizing your full potential as it comes, as it relates to your 0.82

00:04:10.420 physical health, just being a slave to your working hours all day, every day for the rest of your life.

00:04:20.000 That does not sound enjoyable to me. I remember years ago in my financial planning practice,

00:04:24.980 I knew I was doing good work. Being a financial advisor can be rewarding. I had attached it to

00:04:32.120 the importance of serving other people and helping them. And I was talking with a good friend of mine

00:04:40.020 who actually ended up eventually buying my financial planning practice. And we had a really interesting

00:04:44.560 conversation about this. And I told him years before I'd ever sold my planning practice to him,

00:04:49.580 I said, you know, I won't be in this work forever. And he said, what do you mean? And I said,

00:04:54.060 well, this isn't really my calling. This isn't really what I'm meant to do. And through a series

00:05:02.880 of decisions and conversations and experiences that I had. And over the course of years, I ended up

00:05:09.820 selling my financial planning practice to him to pursue something significantly more meaningful

00:05:14.200 to me, not more valuable, but more meaningful. And the byproduct of that was what you're listening

00:05:21.140 to now, order of man. And my friend and I don't stay in touch as often as I would like, but I know

00:05:29.080 how enthusiastic and how excited he is about the work that he's doing. He feels the same way I feel

00:05:36.100 about the work that I'm doing. And yet when he talks with me about what he's doing, my eyes glaze over a

00:05:40.740 little bit and I just lose complete interest. Not that it's not important work, not that I don't value

00:05:46.060 what he does, but it isn't for me. And I want you as a man to find more joy, more fulfillment,

00:05:53.960 more happiness in your life so that you can live your life. We talk about every week, we talk about

00:05:59.660 serving others, helping others, providing for others, doing your job, being quiet, making sacrifices.

00:06:06.200 Again, I will talk about that 99% of the time, but this podcast, this one's for you.

00:06:11.820 So let's talk about, let's see, I messed up in counting here. Speaking of financial advising,

00:06:17.580 let's talk about six things, six things that you can do to find more joy and happiness in your life.

00:06:28.260 And I've often in times in my life thought that that was kind of a swear word. Like, we're not

00:06:34.220 supposed, I'm not, I've said it, I've said it to you guys. My purpose is not happiness and it isn't my

00:06:40.640 purpose. I still stand by that, but it's not to be a robot either. It's not to be miserable.

00:06:49.500 It's not to hate life. It's not to lose myself in service to others.

00:06:55.680 Happiness is a part of what I want in life. And I imagine it's a part of what you want in your life

00:07:00.840 as well. So I've changed my mind and my perspective on that. Let's jump into it. Number one,

00:07:04.360 only spend time with those people who serve you, who love you, who edify you, who uplift you and who

00:07:13.960 fulfill you. And I'm going to give you a challenge on each one of these things. And so hopefully over

00:07:18.120 the course of the next 24 hours, 24 days, 24 months, you can begin to incorporate these principles a lot

00:07:30.420 more in your life, but only spend time with the people who fulfill you. That's it. So what I want

00:07:35.860 you to do as a challenge is I want you to write down all of the people that you spend your time with

00:07:40.960 on a daily basis. That could be your coworkers. It could be your boss. It could be your children.

00:07:46.000 It could be your, your spouse. It could be your friends. It could be your neighbors. It could be

00:07:50.560 your colleagues. Who are the people that you're spending the most time with? And I would say this,

00:07:56.300 and I know this is not going to go over well. Maybe you do this in your head, but I would write

00:08:00.640 this out on a scale from one to five with five being the best. How well do these people uplift you?

00:08:09.300 How do you feel when you're around these people? When you're around your kids, for example, I hope it's

00:08:15.240 a five. If it's not, we can talk about that separately, but do those, do those kids of yours make you feel

00:08:22.580 excited and uplifted? Does your wife make you feel excited and uplifted? Which of your, I hope,

00:08:28.060 I hope both of them do. And if not, then we have other work outside of the scope of this podcast.

00:08:35.020 Do your friends uplift you and edify you? Who in your life is a one or a two? Who in your life

00:08:42.760 needs to go? And I think you need to be ruthless about who needs to go. Is it those people who

00:08:49.680 spread rumors and add drama and are leeches in the relationship? Probably. Those are the people

00:08:58.880 who need to go. And you need to look at the ones and twos and you need to spend less and less time

00:09:04.660 with them. And that gives way for people who are fours and fives, who do serve you, who do uplift you,

00:09:12.340 who do edify you, who do love you and care about you and want you to win and can laugh with you and have

00:09:16.620 fun and you want to experience life with. I'm going on a hunting trip with my oldest son here

00:09:23.960 in a couple of days as of this recording. And my oldest son is a five. I love spending time with

00:09:30.620 him. We have fun. We understand each other. We get to laugh and joke. We make fun of each other.

00:09:38.360 I'm proud of him. I see the way he interacts with other people and it's exciting to me. And then we go

00:09:43.260 on hunts. And in this case, we'll be in Minnesota hunting whitetail and the people who are going,

00:09:48.040 I believe there's 11 of us. Every one of those is a person who edifies my life. Every single one.

00:09:56.600 And we've had other people who aren't necessarily the types of individuals that want that edify my

00:10:03.800 life in that way. And I've been on hunts with people that just, it doesn't work for whatever

00:10:07.980 reason. And I don't spend more time with those people. And I know that that sounds harsh, but I

00:10:15.540 get one shot at this life. And if I'm spending time with people who do not edify and uplift and

00:10:21.340 motivate and inspire me, then I'm wasting my life. I really am. And they're sucking the energy from my

00:10:27.540 life. And they're inhibiting me from growing and doing wonderful things and even serving the way that

00:10:34.320 I want to serve as a man. So I'm going to, again, I'm going to share six things with you. That's

00:10:37.760 number one, only spend time with those people who fulfill you. The first three are things that you

00:10:41.660 need to get rid of. The next three are things you need to add into your life. Number two,

00:10:46.140 eliminate toxic activities and find margin. Now we all know what toxic activities are, right? If you're

00:10:51.540 scrolling and doom scrolling on social media, that's a toxic activity. If you're engaged in pornography,

00:10:57.940 that's a toxic activity. If you're overly tired or engaged in substance abuse, that's a toxic activity.

00:11:07.820 We all know that. So I'm going to put a pin in that, right? You understand that. But other activities

00:11:13.140 are things that you just don't enjoy doing. It could be things at work that should be delegated to

00:11:18.240 something else. It could be the entire breadth of the work that you do now. And I'm not saying you

00:11:23.260 should march into your boss's office tomorrow and quit or fire all of your clients in the next 24

00:11:30.240 hours and go live abroad somewhere. That's not what I'm saying. But as you inventory your life and you

00:11:37.820 start to think about the way that you're spending, so we've already spent time thinking about who we

00:11:41.540 spend it with. Now we're thinking about the way that we spend our time and do the same thing on a

00:11:45.640 scale from one to five. How much do I enjoy this activity? Podcasting is a great example of that.

00:11:52.580 How much do I enjoy podcasting? It's a five to me. It is. I like being behind this microphone. I like

00:11:59.260 being in front of this camera. I like having conversations with interesting people. Now, not all of

00:12:04.800 those conversations are fives, but I'm curious and excited and engaged and interested in seeing what

00:12:10.320 makes those people tick. But that activity is a five to me. Accounting is a one. If it could be a zero or a

00:12:18.320 negative one, it would be. But for the sake of this exercise, it's a one. So I don't do accounting. I don't

00:12:26.140 do my own taxes. I don't engage in that. I have software that helps me do it. I've hired a CPA to help

00:12:32.900 remind me when I need to. He just sent me an email and said I need to send in my quarterly sales tax for the

00:12:38.740 year. I have people who help me do that because if I have to do that, I'm going to drive my head through the

00:12:44.500 wall. I don't want to be like that because not only do I feel miserable, but I make the people around me,

00:12:50.360 those who fulfill me, miserable as well. Now, look, certain things need to get done, but you don't have to be the

00:12:58.320 one to do them all. In fact, you shouldn't do it all. I often tell the leaders that I work with inside of our

00:13:02.820 organization that as the leader, it's not your job to do everything. It's your job to ensure everything gets done.

00:13:10.360 And that requires delegation. That requires thoughtful planning. That requires identifying

00:13:17.740 who the people are that are good at certain things that others are not. That requires

00:13:23.340 vision casting and inspiration and letting go of control so that somebody else can step up in those

00:13:32.240 positions. But document everything that you do for a week even and give it a one to five scale with five

00:13:39.960 being the thing that makes you the happiest and everything else has got to go. And I already know people

00:13:48.180 are gonna be like, well, Ryan, you know, we just can't run. I'm not telling you that. I'm not telling you to run

00:13:53.020 away from your problems or run away from your responsibilities, but there's a way that you can do it that makes you

00:13:58.100 happy and enjoyable and having fun. All right. Number three, have fewer things. Have fewer things. It's been said

00:14:06.760 that the things that you own, own you. And so I want you to pick out over the next four weeks, four

00:14:14.220 places, physical places in your proximity, in your environment that need to be scrubbed, that need to

00:14:21.440 be cleaned. Maybe that's your closet and you need to go through there and you need to get rid of a third

00:14:27.900 of your clothes that you haven't worn for the past five to 10 years. Get rid of it. Maybe it's your car

00:14:35.560 and you get in there and there's wrappers from McDonald's from two years ago and there's French

00:14:41.720 fries stuck in the little gap between your seat and the center console. And there's old registrations.

00:14:50.000 I did this last week. There's registrations for your vehicle that are four years old and there's old

00:14:54.960 receipts for getting the tires changed or having some mechanical issue repaired and just clean it,

00:15:02.420 clean it, organize, throw away, get rid of, you don't need everything. You know, you go into your

00:15:08.600 kitchen. My daughter did this the other day. I didn't even ask her. She did this the other day.

00:15:13.440 I walked into the kitchen and she had food just everywhere on the counters. I'm like, what are you

00:15:17.260 doing? And she said, oh, I'm just throwing away everything that's expired. Now, as a single father,

00:15:22.200 it was more than I would like to admit. And so she threw away about 90% of what was in my

00:15:29.560 refrigerator. And I opened the refrigerator and it was like a breath of fresh air. It was so clean,

00:15:35.700 literally and figuratively, because it didn't smell as bad as it did before, but it was clean

00:15:40.040 and it was orderly and it was organized. And then later that evening, I made a great meal for the kids

00:15:45.600 and we enjoyed our time together. But she understood the concept. She knew the assignment.

00:15:51.060 Go through and emails. I mean, how many emails do you have in your email inbox every day?

00:15:56.600 I go through and my goal is to keep my inbox below 10 on my personal email and my professional email

00:16:03.420 below 10. And if I get emails from people and I do every day that I'm not interested in, I delete

00:16:11.300 those emails. Why do I need to keep those? I don't. I delete. My job is to be a minimalist. And

00:16:17.080 in a couple of months, we're having Joshua Becker on the podcast. He's been on before talking about

00:16:23.300 minimalism and he's got a new book coming out. And so we invited him back to talk about this,

00:16:28.080 but guys, you have to have less things. You have to have fewer things. Go through your garage,

00:16:33.580 go through your car, go through your closet, go through your refrigerator and get rid of stuff.

00:16:41.300 Because what you own, owns you. All right, now let's move into part two. This is the things that

00:16:46.940 you should implement in your life. I talked about part one because we can't move into part two until

00:16:52.740 we create the margin from part one. So part two, say yes to a few more things in your life that

00:17:00.400 aren't always practical, but are interesting. Yes to things that aren't always practical, but

00:17:06.960 interesting. Again, I told you I'm going on a hunt here in the next couple of days.

00:17:13.380 Is it practical? Probably not. You know, a lot of hunters would say, oh, it's good because you have

00:17:18.840 organic meat and you save money and you do this humanely. And while I can appreciate and even agree

00:17:26.800 to a degree with those stances, it's far less money, it's far less time, and it's far less cost for me

00:17:36.320 just to go to the grocery store and get burger for burgers this weekend. So is it real practical for

00:17:43.300 me to go on a hunt? No, it's not. But it makes things interesting. It excites me. It's fun. It's

00:17:51.500 enjoyable. I meet new people. I have new experiences. I've seen some of the craziest things.

00:17:58.820 Crazy things. A couple of years ago, I almost got pushed out of a tree stand because a turkey was

00:18:06.660 roosting in the tree that I was roosting in and I didn't realize it. And when the sun came up,

00:18:12.840 it woke up, saw me, scared the daylights out of both of us. It nearly knocked me out of the tree stand.

00:18:19.680 That, to me, is fun. Those moments are exciting. Or sticking a deer with an arrow and not knowing

00:18:27.780 whether or not you made a good shot and having to sit there for 30 minutes and just wait, hoping that

00:18:34.260 you made a good shot and eventually crawling down and finding the blood trail and hopefully, ideally,

00:18:38.860 walking up to a deer that has expired in a relatively short period of time. That, to me,

00:18:44.300 is exciting. I almost got ran over by a 290-pound white tail in Minnesota that I had already shot and

00:18:54.680 it nearly ran me over. And that was exciting and that was fun and it was hilarious. And that's a

00:19:00.560 story that I have to tell for generations. And the friends who were there who saw it can tell that story

00:19:06.420 and laugh with me. Do you have stories like that? It may not be hunting. Maybe it's hiking or maybe

00:19:14.820 it's on the pursuit of some other noble goal or objective. But what are you saying yes to that

00:19:22.420 everybody else would say, that's stupid, that's dumb, that's impractical, you shouldn't do that. 1.00

00:19:27.840 What if this? What if that? Those are the losers who are ones and twos from the first exercise I gave you 1.00

00:19:35.600 that are taking away, extracting from your life? Because the fours and the fives say, 0.53

00:19:42.460 when are we doing it? As the meme goes, whose car are we taking? Those are the kind of people you

00:19:50.040 want in your life and those are the kind of experiences you want to have. You need to have edges.

00:19:53.520 Being interesting is interesting. Number five, attaching your work, excuse me, your work to a mission,

00:20:02.700 to something important. I did an exercise with our brothers inside the Iron Council this morning

00:20:09.260 and I said, how many of you guys are engaged in professional work that is attached to some life

00:20:17.680 experience that you had when you were younger or some travesty or miscarriage of justice that you see

00:20:26.340 in the world? And several people raised their hand, but I was surprised that it wasn't more.

00:20:32.320 But that's why that statistic I gave you earlier, over 70% of people are unhappy with their work

00:20:38.340 because they're doing work that doesn't matter to them. It just doesn't matter. And it doesn't matter

00:20:45.380 if you're a janitor, if you're a bus driver, if you're a CPA or a CFO or in financial planning,

00:20:51.200 like I was, or podcasting or a school teacher or a trash collector, it doesn't matter what it is.

00:20:59.000 If you don't find value in that, just intrinsic worth, then you got to do something else.

00:21:10.680 One of the guys on the call from the Iron Council this morning said that he was,

00:21:14.320 if I remember correctly, talking with a friend or an acquaintance who works at Home Depot.

00:21:19.400 Now, I don't want to throw anybody who works at Home Depot under the bus when I say this,

00:21:24.060 and I'm not even alluding to that at all. But I think most people would say that's not real

00:21:28.800 passionate work. But as this man told the story about his friend who works at Home Depot,

00:21:35.820 his friend is just in love with the job, enthusiastic, excited, passionate about it.

00:21:44.440 And he asked him why it was the case. And he said, you know, it's really cool

00:21:47.480 to be able to be here and be a resource for people building beautiful homes and making places

00:21:55.380 for them to live and improving the quality of their life through their home. And I get to be a part of

00:22:00.580 that. That's what I'm talking about when I say attach your work to a mission. He's not going in to punch

00:22:08.160 in at a nine to five job. Clearly he is technically, that's what he's doing. But what he's really doing

00:22:14.060 is creating dreams. What he's really doing is helping people live better lives. And I don't

00:22:20.660 care what position of work you're in right now, even if it's you're not not your ultimate objective

00:22:25.380 and not your most favorite. I'm telling you with 100% certainty that if you find meaning in the work

00:22:33.400 that you do, you will live a better life. You spend eight, nine, some 10, maybe even long 12 hours

00:22:41.420 of your day at your work and you're miserable. So how do you think the rest of your life is going to be

00:22:48.100 miserable? Find a mission, find a purpose, find a reason. Even in those last years and months of doing

00:22:57.260 the financial planning, it wasn't that I was miserable. I knew I was doing good work. I knew

00:23:03.500 there were people who were retiring because of the advice that I had given them for seven, eight, nine,

00:23:07.460 10 years. I knew it was important to teach them how to get out of debt. I knew it was important to

00:23:12.760 teach them how to properly budget and deal with their cashflow. I wasn't miserable. I was happy with

00:23:18.380 it. And because I was happy, I poured more into it. And because I poured more into it, I created more

00:23:23.040 opportunities, both there and externally, which is part of the reason that we're here. Small little

00:23:28.080 story there. I knew I wasn't going to be doing it forever, but I knew in the moment that I was doing

00:23:33.800 it. So I needed to make the most of it. So I thought, you know, what would be the best way to help

00:23:39.480 prospects, people that I could help, but weren't my clients yet. And I thought, you know what? I think

00:23:46.200 I'm going to do an audio presentation of my first conversation with potential clients. And I went

00:23:53.500 to Staples and I got blank CDs and I went to, uh, the local, I don't even remember what it was called.

00:24:04.360 The plate, you get your professional pictures done. And, um, I felt like, you know, Kip and uncle Rico and

00:24:11.380 Napoleon dynamite where, you know, is there some sort of vest that I can wear? That's what I felt like.

00:24:14.920 So you guys get the picture. And I wore my suit and the guy or gal there took pictures of me. And I

00:24:21.660 had a design by a designer and I printed the CD covers. This I'm dating myself here. I printed the

00:24:28.420 CD covers and I slapped those CD covers on a bunch of blank CDs. I bought a $99 microphone and I recorded

00:24:34.980 my very first conversation with prospective clients. And I just started handing them out like candy,

00:24:41.120 just hand them to whoever, give them to whoever, give them to my clients. Hopefully they'll pass it on.

00:24:44.280 I'll get referrals. And it was fun. It was enjoyable. And I picked up a lot of new clients

00:24:49.180 and eventually that actually merged into me starting a podcast for my financial planning practice called

00:24:55.740 wealth anatomy. And, uh, I don't think that the website doesn't exist anymore, but you might find

00:25:02.800 some audio floating around there somewhere, but it's hilarious wealth anatomy. And I did about 20

00:25:08.860 episodes and realized I love this podcasting thing. This was in 2014, early 2015. I love this podcasting

00:25:17.080 thing. I just don't want to have this conversation anymore. And so I pivoted and I started order of

00:25:23.100 man. And I remember talking with a, uh, a friend of mine, his name is ever, uh, in Southern Utah.

00:25:28.080 And we were talking about this order of man idea. And I said, you know, I'm going to do this for two

00:25:32.000 years before I even consider throwing in the towel and just see what it does.

00:25:34.780 And, uh, we had conversations about marketing and what, what it would be like and what it would,

00:25:40.420 what we would do. And here, here we are 10 years later, over 10 years now.

00:25:45.320 And it's a result of me not moping, not crying, not complaining about doing something that I didn't

00:25:53.440 ultimately enjoy. It was a result of doing the most that I could possibly do in the situation I was

00:25:59.720 currently in. I made the most of my job and my job actually became more enjoyable. And because it was

00:26:07.340 more enjoyable, it caused me to pour more deeply into it because I poured more deeply into it.

00:26:12.100 I found other work. I built other work that is infinitely more engaging to me, infinitely more

00:26:19.780 fulfilling and rewarding for me. But I wouldn't have done that if I would have just moped around and

00:26:24.720 cried and complained about how horrible my job was. So you have a decision to make. Are you going to be

00:26:32.360 the best at whatever you're currently doing? And I promise you right now, right here, I guarantee and

00:26:37.840 promise you that if you do that, you will create all sorts of opportunities that you did not know

00:26:42.940 existed and you will find joy and you will find happiness because you decide to create it. All right,

00:26:48.800 last one here, guys. We can create environments where we become very selfish and self-serving and we

00:27:00.060 become overly competitive. We begin to operate in a scarcity mentality and we begin to act as if I don't get

00:27:12.620 mine, then I'll never accomplish anything, do anything, be anything, et cetera. And so we become

00:27:21.380 selfish. And the more selfish that we get, and I'm convinced this is true, that the more selfish that

00:27:28.080 we become, the more miserable we are. Because if you're so selfish that all you do is think about

00:27:34.920 yourself, then all you're really thinking about is what you don't have and who you currently aren't

00:27:41.980 and how far or lack thereof you've gotten to the point you are in your life. And when you're selfish,

00:27:52.280 you always operate from a scarcity mentality. I don't have this. I'm not being this. People aren't

00:27:58.380 respecting me. People aren't giving me the respect I deserve. I'm not making as much money as I'd like.

00:28:02.800 I don't have as many clients as I need. I'm not as popular as that guy. I'm not doing as much as this

00:28:08.120 guy. That guy has a better car. That guy has a more attractive wife. We always think about what we

00:28:13.560 don't have when we become selfish. And the antithesis to that and the anecdote is to be selfless.

00:28:23.600 It's to serve other people. Stop thinking about what you don't have. Stop thinking about yourself

00:28:28.940 and start thinking about other people. Not in a competitive way. Not in a way to compare yourself

00:28:35.680 negatively or toxically to what they have, but to say, how can I help that person? If you have a

00:28:41.200 client, instead of thinking, oh man, how can I extract more revenue from this client? Instead, think,

00:28:46.260 how can I help this person solve more problems? Instead of saying to yourself, how can I get my wife to do

00:28:54.960 more of fill in the blank? Cook me dinner, have sex with me, validate me, appreciate me more, respect me 0.91

00:29:03.000 more. Instead of that, be selfless. How can I serve her more? How can I make her life better? How can I 0.90

00:29:10.780 love her? How can I show that I appreciate her? And as a byproduct, you will get what you want.

00:29:17.600 The famous salesman Zig Ziglar once said, if you help enough people get what they want,

00:29:22.380 you will inevitably get what you want. It is a eternal principle. You might even weave the law

00:29:28.980 of reciprocity into that. If you give, you will get. There's a great business institution that I

00:29:35.300 belonged to for years. When I was in my financial planning practice, it's called BNI, Business Network

00:29:40.580 International. And their motto was two simple words, givers gain. Givers gain. That's it. Givers gain.

00:29:49.580 The more you give, the more you will gain, period. You want your kids to love you the way I want my

00:29:58.980 kids to love me, I have to give to them. If I want to be a valuable, well-respected, highly regarded man

00:30:07.960 in my community, then I need to serve my community. If I want to have a great relationship with my

00:30:16.220 girlfriend and I want her to recognize what I bring to the table and value my input to the relationship, 0.85

00:30:24.320 then I need to provide that to her. So has, she has something to be excited about.

00:30:31.980 If I want to get a promotion that I need to be valuable to my boss. If I want to make more money,

00:30:36.420 I need to be valuable to my clients. If I just want to feel good that I need to go serve locally

00:30:41.060 without any expectation or anticipation of anything in return. Givers gain 100% of the time.

00:30:50.280 Now it might take a little while and what you gain might be different than what you thought you would,

00:30:55.720 but you will always come out ahead and you will always be happier because you're not as selfish.

00:31:01.180 You are selfless. Guys, I really want you to take this stuff to heart. I really do.

00:31:06.960 I have in my life in at times. And when I implement these six things, life is better. I'm happy. I'm

00:31:14.620 more pleasant to be around. Life is more enjoyable. It's more, I was going to say tolerable. That's the

00:31:19.660 bare minimum, but it is, but I want more. And there's been times in my life where I have neglected

00:31:25.060 these six things where I have been selfish or I have been around people who don't serve me well,

00:31:30.080 or I have been filled to the brim with meaningless pursuits and activities that aren't interesting.

00:31:35.740 Or I have been kind of that one guy at the office who's just the negative dude and always complaining

00:31:40.960 and griping about what isn't working well. I've been that guy. It's miserable. It makes you and me

00:31:47.460 miserable. It makes the people around us miserable. And I don't want that to be the case for you, 0.84

00:31:54.720 for me, or for anybody listening to this podcast. So again, only spend time with people who fulfill you.

00:32:00.500 Eliminate toxic activities and find margin. Have fewer things. Number four, excuse me,

00:32:06.720 say yes to a few more things that aren't always practical. Number five, attach your work to your

00:32:11.520 mission. And number six, serve other people. I hope that serves you. If you are interested in learning

00:32:17.020 about this particular topic or thousands of other topics on fitness and faith and money and finances

00:32:25.740 and relationship building and mentality and mindset, vision planning, goal setting, join me in our

00:32:34.200 exclusive brotherhood, the Iron Council. I'm very active there as are a thousand other people. And we

00:32:39.480 would love to see you there. Guys, we will be back next week for our interview. Until then, go out there,

00:32:44.540 take action, find more joy in your life and become a man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to

00:32:51.660 the Order of Man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant

00:32:56.820 to be. We invite you to join the Order at orderofman.com.

00:33:00.700 the Order of Man Somebody Intro

00:33:05.600 to the Order of Man

00:33:09.820 To be continued by

Order of Man - October 24, 2025

How a Man Finds More Joy ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

Episode Stats

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Order of Man - October 24, 2025

How a Man Finds&#xA0;More&#xA0;Joy ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript

How a Man Finds More Joy ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES