Order of Man - How a Man Overcomes Betrayal

00:00:00.000 personally and professionally you're gonna get burned you're gonna get hurt the people who

00:00:03.920 betrayed you the people who took advantage of you the people who stole from you they just told you

00:00:09.440 who they were and i'm glad they do i'm glad at some point they finally come clean and tell us

00:00:14.480 exactly who they are so we can remove them from our lives we can learn the lessons and we can

00:00:19.200 charge forward with a newfound sense of hope optimism growth development and an added level

00:00:25.440 of security in place to make sure it doesn't happen to the degree it did before

00:00:28.800 gentlemen if you've been around for any amount of time you know that the likelihood of being

00:00:35.500 betrayed in your life whether it's personally or professionally is quite high in fact odds are that

00:00:42.380 you've had a significant other step out on you a girlfriend a fiancee maybe even a wife odds are

00:00:50.180 that you've had business dealings go south that you've been taken advantage of that you've been

00:00:54.320 manipulated that you've been bypassed the reality of life is that you're just gonna get sidestepped

00:01:00.500 now i don't always think it's malicious in intent um in fact i would say it's probably not always or

00:01:08.300 maybe even ever malicious in intent sometimes sure but for the most part i think people are selfish

00:01:15.440 i think people who would betray you aren't really thinking about how it might impact you i think those

00:01:21.200 who would betray you are often putting their own self-interest ahead of yours but i don't think

00:01:26.220 they're being mean-spirited for the most part and that's part of what i want to share with you today

00:01:30.960 is as a man it's your job to navigate betrayal again personally or professionally in a way that

00:01:37.700 is conducive to your growth uh conducive to your learning and conducive to your own benefit and the

00:01:45.100 people that you are trying to serve so i'm going to share with you some things that you can do

00:01:50.220 some mindsets and some actions that you can take to ensure that in the face and wake of betrayal

00:01:55.460 that you can handle it correctly so that you can move forward drive on and create a better life for

00:02:01.940 yourself now i'm bringing this up because over the past couple of days i've been betrayed by a handful

00:02:08.180 of men in our organization who had every opportunity to share insights and thoughts and ideas with me in

00:02:16.500 fact a couple of these guys i had reached out to for other conversations uh and they had every

00:02:23.680 opportunity to share with me things they were doing behind the scenes but instead of talking with me

00:02:28.340 communicating with me working with me they were secretly planning and plotting behind the scenes

00:02:35.040 and it's unfortunate but it's the reality of doing business and it's the reality of living life you're

00:02:39.900 going to work with and be in relationships with those who don't honor commitment they don't honor

00:02:47.660 a level of respect they don't honor the work that you've done they don't honor the amount of

00:02:55.220 time and energy and resources that you poured into a personal relationship or a professional

00:03:01.640 arrangement and it's just the way of life so i dealt with this constantly and we have to continue to

00:03:09.800 learn our lessons and drive forward with newfound hope and faith and also i don't want us to be

00:03:15.800 pessimistic i don't want to be that way i don't want to think broadly about people the way that i might

00:03:22.960 feel about particular individuals but let's break this down so that we can navigate betrayal again

00:03:28.680 personally or professionally and drive on in the wake of those who would take advantage of us

00:03:33.880 number one address all parties respectfully okay again i'm speaking broadly whether it's personally

00:03:42.440 or professionally but i can't tell you how how often i see a story of a man being cheated on for

00:03:49.080 example and everybody piles on it's a big dog pile on her about why she's this and why she's that and

00:03:56.220 why you need a dumper and why this and confront the guy and beat him up and fight with him and

00:04:01.500 while i definitely understand the sentiment that is an inferior way of thinking it's a very immature

00:04:08.680 way of thinking do you have right to do that i don't know if you have the right to do it but i can

00:04:14.360 certainly understand wanting to do it but look how is that going to help you you know if you're cheated

00:04:21.740 on for example and your wife steps out on you with a friend or an acquaintance or maybe a perfect

00:04:27.800 stranger how is beating his ass going to help you it's going to feel good in the moment but now

00:04:33.860 you're going to face potential legal ramifications she's going to use that against you in divorce

00:04:39.800 proceedings custody arrangements it's just not going to serve you so the first thing that you need to do

00:04:45.360 whenever you're confronted with betrayal is to come to it with an open mind now look i know you're pissed

00:04:52.220 i know you're bothered i'm not telling you necessarily to turn the other cheek i'm not telling you to be

00:04:56.940 passive i'm not suggesting that you just roll over and take what you've got coming to you i'm not saying

00:05:02.560 that at all i'm saying use your brain all right you're not a neanderthal you're an intelligent man

00:05:09.580 you're capable of rational thoughts you can discern right from wrong you can make good decisions and you

00:05:15.940 can be prudent with a long-term perspective in mind getting in fights isn't going to help you

00:05:21.220 blowing up your business and what else could go wrong as collateral damage because you want to burn

00:05:28.260 this person to the ground is not going to serve you it's not going to help your income it's not

00:05:32.940 going to help you grow the business it's not going to help you put a better mission forward it's not

00:05:38.060 going to help you attract new people into your organization it's not going to help you attract a

00:05:42.140 new lady if it's personally into your life it's just going to look contentious and weak and pathetic

00:05:49.500 so don't be that way respect all parties appropriately but i would say you respect

00:05:54.900 all parties not only that but that you actually approach those parties if it's your wife you need

00:06:00.920 to approach her and talk about it if there's a some other guy i would say reach out to that guy

00:06:07.680 and address them maybe don't do it in person initially because you might be tempted to get into

00:06:12.300 a physical altercation but definitely approach the person with an open mind not an open heart

00:06:19.240 necessarily just an open mind help me understand why you did this help me understand what happened

00:06:24.940 give me the timeline how long has this been going on what have you been thinking about what are you

00:06:29.260 doing instead the more that you can get to the bottom of what's going on the better equipped you

00:06:34.040 are going to be to address and deal with the circumstances that you have and by the way if you come

00:06:39.760 with a rational level-headed response to this you're going to glean and elicit a lot of good

00:06:45.880 information that you're going to be able to use down the road when it comes to fighting for and

00:06:49.900 protecting your rights as a father as a business owner and as a man in general don't lose yourself

00:06:56.760 and don't lose the long-term war because you're so worried about winning this battle you've already

00:07:03.700 lost chalk it up you've lost now your job is to mitigate any potential risk figure out what's going

00:07:12.080 on and approach the situations appropriately number two treat all innocent bystanders as gracefully as

00:07:22.220 you possibly can all right there's going to be people who are going to be that are going to have

00:07:26.360 some fallout from this if it's a business betrayal business partners may try to steal your clients

00:07:33.320 they might try to poach your employees they might try to bring other people in the circumstances they

00:07:41.640 might try to spread rumors and gossip people do that on a personal level too you know you see this

00:07:47.440 when people go through divorces and all of a sudden they're talking ill about each other and they're

00:07:51.860 pitting the kids against each other and they're working angles with their families and their in-laws

00:07:58.640 a lot of these people they're just innocent bystanders okay maybe they're innocent maybe

00:08:05.660 nothing at all maybe they're just kind of dumb and naive and they didn't know what they were getting

00:08:10.500 themselves into maybe they were manipulated and and you should take that into consideration but also

00:08:18.740 people don't always know and people can be fooled and deceived you've got family relationships that

00:08:25.480 could be salvaged or could blow up based on how you handle the innocent bystanders if it's a business

00:08:30.560 and somebody's trying to poach your clients and you blow up at your clients because somebody else was

00:08:35.560 spreading gossip or rumors about you do you think that's going to help you keep your clients or do

00:08:39.080 you think they're going to go elsewhere of course they're going to go elsewhere if somebody betrays you

00:08:45.060 in business and wants to steal your employees and you blow up at all the employees who were tempted

00:08:50.840 by these individuals uh and you blow up with them they're they're not going to stick around they're

00:08:58.800 not going to be excited or thrilled to be around and be part of your organization they're going to

00:09:02.860 be much more tempted to leave so this becomes self-fulfilling prophecy at this point take a chill

00:09:07.520 pill relax take a deep breath give it a few hours give it 24 hours give it a couple of days if you need

00:09:13.700 to but whenever you go to approach these people who have betrayed you do that with respect and then

00:09:20.480 always make sure you're trying to get the full story the full ramification of what's going on

00:09:26.560 especially with those other people who might just be in the wake of collateral damage they're they're not

00:09:33.780 out to get you in fact they would support you if they saw you handle this correctly that's your kids

00:09:38.840 that's your clients that's your employees that's your executives that's everybody in your organization

00:09:44.720 who might have just been caught up in what's going on don't make it worse don't exacerbate the problem

00:09:51.040 number three there's lessons to be learned all right when you're betrayed and i'm not just to

00:09:57.580 think justifying betrayal i'm not i'm not justifying that your wife might step out on you

00:10:02.240 and cheat on you i'm not justifying that a business partner might take advantage of all your hard work

00:10:08.440 and try to steal your clients and your employees and take your business ideas and go elsewhere i'm not

00:10:13.300 justifying that that's scum of the earth behavior these people are are vile they're repulsive they're

00:10:19.600 cowardly they're weak and they're scummy okay so i'm not justifying that behavior but what i would

00:10:26.760 suggest that we do is that there's a lesson to be learned people don't betray you just because

00:10:32.400 they betray you for a reason okay your wife betrayed you because she found something in some other guy

00:10:39.940 your business partner betrayed you because maybe he wasn't on the same page with you as business or

00:10:46.840 as your business ideas or maybe he thought he could do it better or maybe it was just a misalignment in

00:10:55.000 in values or goals and objectives but whatever it was you can learn the lesson and you can separate

00:11:01.900 the fact that these people are are behaving with deep deep character flaws at a minimum and separate

00:11:10.560 that from the fact that maybe there's something you can learn from this so that this does not happen

00:11:14.800 again i'm not saying that you need to welcome the betrayer with open arms and embrace them again because

00:11:20.740 you understand where they're coming from i would not even encourage you to do that but there is a

00:11:25.840 lesson to be learned so that you don't get burned and hurt down the road okay learn the lesson was i

00:11:32.540 not showing up for my significant other in a powerful way did she lose attraction with me because i let myself

00:11:38.040 go uh did i not uh continue to grow my business expand my business were there offerings and services that i

00:11:46.120 could have provided that maybe i should have had i been more aware of this there's so many

00:11:50.380 lessons to be extracted if you come to this with an open mind about what needs to be learned so that

00:11:57.280 you can better equip yourself moving forward now once you've learned the lessons you've addressed

00:12:03.180 all parties respectfully you're treating innocent bystanders gracefully now what you need to do is

00:12:09.500 you need to start being aware of red flags because i'd be willing to bet that if your spouse cheated on you

00:12:15.660 there were some red flags there were probably some moments in time where you thought

00:12:19.540 oh i wonder if she's having an affair or she's talking to me about this guy at work but it feels

00:12:25.760 like she has some level of affection towards him or there's a change in her facial expressions

00:12:31.160 or the little glistening in her eye or maybe there's some unexplained circumstances going on with

00:12:39.640 where she was at a particular time or how private she might be with her phone where she wasn't before

00:12:45.460 if a business partner starts talking about these things and you hear whisperings of other things

00:12:51.120 going on and backroom dealings and behind the scenes gossip and bullcrap those are little red flags they

00:12:57.560 should be alarm bells to you and if you're aware of this and you know what the red flags are

00:13:04.400 then you can more easily deal with them and that brings us to point number five is to build in boundaries

00:13:10.900 so if your spouse is cheating on you and you know she is because she's not being open and honest

00:13:19.000 about her schedule or her routine or the relationship she has or what she does throughout the day

00:13:24.880 then when you dump her and you probably ought to if she's cheating on you then you can look into

00:13:33.820 other relationships for the same patterns of behavior if the next woman that you get into a relationship

00:13:41.060 with is in secret she doesn't disclose what she's doing maybe she has a bunch of male friends

00:13:48.700 friends quote-unquote friends um maybe she's not being honest maybe she shows up to your place at

00:13:56.100 weird times and connects with you at variable times throughout the day like you you already know

00:14:02.440 what's happening because you've seen it before you look for patterns and if the pattern exists it's likely

00:14:08.720 that it's happening uh what is it um occam razor or is that what i can't remember how it's called what

00:14:16.360 it's called but it's a phenomenon where the the simplest explanation is usually the right one

00:14:23.620 okay the simplest explanation is usually the right one and if you think she's cheating on you because

00:14:30.240 of all these red flags that you've seen before she's probably cheating on you if there's a business

00:14:35.500 partner who is being shady um having separate and secret conversations with clients that you're not aware

00:14:44.360 of setting up other businesses on the side like just doing shady things it's pretty safe to assume

00:14:52.460 that this is an individual who is doing something on the side at the cost of your business be aware of

00:15:02.200 that look for red flags because once you know what those flags are then you build in boundaries and if

00:15:07.220 you have a business partner who has other ventures maybe that's not a business partnership you're willing

00:15:11.840 to get into you build in things into the contract if he starts having conversations with your vendors

00:15:17.660 outside of you being involved you know what's going on build in a boundary say hey unless you stop doing

00:15:22.960 this you're out be in control of what's going on always and if people start to fall in those categories

00:15:30.560 explain to them why you have this boundary ask them to honor the boundary and if they can't personally

00:15:37.560 or professionally honor the boundaries that you've set up then you have to let them go i know that

00:15:42.960 might be your quote-unquote dream woman but if you have boundaries in place and things that you can't

00:15:47.040 live without based on things that have happened in the past it's okay she can honor those boundaries

00:15:52.920 or not and she's free to make her decisions but you don't have to abide by them you don't have to

00:15:58.200 live with that if you have a business partner that does things that you don't like because you know

00:16:02.800 where this leads you don't have to be in business with them you're a sovereign man you have complete

00:16:08.040 control over your life and every time i bring up boundaries people always say well you know people

00:16:12.160 can live their own life they can do what they want yes they can i'm not telling you to force a person

00:16:17.100 to adhere to what you have to say i'm saying communicate your boundaries effectively with other

00:16:22.360 individuals and if they want to abide by them and be in some sort of a relationship with you

00:16:27.680 then here it is these are the terms in which i'm willing to be in a relationship if you'd like to

00:16:33.040 do that i'd like to be in a relationship with you if you can't do that won't do that don't want to do

00:16:37.980 that that's okay too you're free to go your live your life and i'm free to go find a business partner

00:16:43.700 or a romantic interest who's going to be more aligned with the boundaries that i have in place

00:16:48.500 and by the way you should be able to honor their boundaries as well because they've likely been hurt

00:16:53.260 and they've likely been burned and so when they offer their boundaries to you ask for clarification

00:16:58.940 ask good questions figure out why they have those boundaries in place and then ask yourself is this

00:17:03.820 something that i as a man a sovereign responsible man am willing to live by if you are you better

00:17:09.700 honor that commitment forever unless you say otherwise but if you're not don't get into the

00:17:16.400 relationship now i will say this things change over time right the way that we feel about

00:17:21.420 romantic interest changes i'm not saying be flippant about your committed relationships but

00:17:26.960 they do change business partners have different ideas all the time and they have desires to go in

00:17:34.520 different directions you owe it to your person whether it's your significant other or a business

00:17:41.460 partner to be as honest and transparent as you possibly can and the only reason you wouldn't do that

00:17:49.220 is because you know if you were they'd find you out they'd squash the mutiny and you'd be left in

00:17:56.720 the dust well you know what if you're gonna be sneaky and you're gonna be deceitful and you're gonna

00:18:02.260 betray people then that's what you deserve you deserve to be found out you deserve to be ratted out

00:18:08.980 you deserve not to be able to mooch off of what other people have done what they've created and the

00:18:14.980 resources they poured into you and their organization you should be found out and you should

00:18:20.960 be shunned and you should not be welcomed back in their circle again it's the reality of it not

00:18:27.460 because i don't want the best for these individuals not because i don't believe there's a path to

00:18:32.080 redemption i do but because you are not willing to expose yourself to unnecessary hardship heartache

00:18:39.800 frustration contention and frankly other people stealing and taking advantage of you i'm not okay

00:18:47.320 with it i don't think you should be okay with it and if we follow these five rules we'll be better

00:18:52.040 equipped to deal with it when it comes up and we'll be more likely to address that before it comes up in

00:18:57.040 the future again how a man overcomes betrayal number one he addresses all parties even the guilty ones

00:19:04.320 all parties respectfully number two he treats innocent bystanders gracefully number three he learns

00:19:11.880 the lessons that need to be learned number four he now looks for the red flags to see if it's moving in

00:19:17.240 that direction down the road and number five he builds on the boundaries he communicates those effectively

00:19:22.460 and he does not get involved personally or professionally with individuals who constantly

00:19:27.820 overstep those boundaries or are not willing to respect them it's tough out there guys man it is tough

00:19:34.300 personally and professionally you're going to get burned you're going to get hurt

00:19:38.060 it's you're tempted to be a pessimist don't be an optimist things are going to be okay the people

00:19:46.480 who betrayed you the people who took advantage of you the people who stole from you they just told

00:19:52.100 you who they were and i'm glad they do i'm glad at some point they finally come clean and tell us

00:19:57.820 exactly who they are so we can remove them from our lives we can learn the lessons and we can charge

00:20:02.860 forward with a newfound sense of hope optimism growth development and an added level of security

00:20:09.900 in place to make sure it doesn't happen to the degree it did before guys if you're suffering from

00:20:15.080 betrayal i feel for you i really do a couple of resources uh on a personal level there is a program

00:20:22.260 that we have coming out mid-september so in the next couple weeks called divorce not death if you go

00:20:27.780 to divorce not death.com you'll find that and also check out our very exclusive brotherhood the iron

00:20:33.080 council we've been doing this for i would say longer than just about anybody else with regards to a

00:20:39.460 exclusive men's group there's a lot of groups masterminds things like that we work with men

00:20:46.140 exclusively and there's reasons for that and we've been doing this for over 10 years now so we're opening

00:20:53.400 up september 15th at order of man.com iron council and again divorce not death all right guys tough out

00:21:02.080 there put on your armor you're gonna need it but don't get to be a pessimist don't don't get down on

00:21:07.520 life just get smarter do better and ultimately drive on all right guys if you have any thoughts on how to

00:21:15.060 overcome betrayal let me know hit me up on instagram at ryan mickler or twitter at ryan mickler

00:21:20.100 and until then go out there take action overcome the betrayal that you face and become the man you

00:21:25.960 are meant to be

00:21:27.140 thank you for listening to the order of man podcast you're ready to take charge of your life

00:21:35.700 and be more of the man you were meant to be we invite you to join the order at order of man.com

00:21:41.260 you

Order of Man - August 29, 2025

How a Man Overcomes Betrayal ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

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