Order of Man - How Jiu-Jitsu Makes You a Better Man, the Difference Between Content and Complacent, and Strategies for Controlling Emotions

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:04.980 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.440 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.160 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.700 you can call yourself a man. Label's out. Is that what we're doing? I was gonna do the pop first.

00:00:29.020 That's how we start off. Do it. Mine's open. We're recording. We're going.

00:00:34.760 Okay, ready to go.

00:00:41.160 You're drinking real go today, not your bang or whatever that you normally drink.

00:00:45.000 I don't drink bang. I don't know what you're talking about.

00:00:47.560 Well, guys that are listening, this one's a little different today. You might hear some

00:00:50.880 background noise. We've got 100 people here in Maine doing the Maine event. We're honored to

00:00:56.300 have these guys out here. And the way that we're going to do this is let these guys ask us

00:01:00.180 questions real time. So let's start. I think we ought to just get right into it.

00:01:06.300 Real time. Normally we hit pause, stop, rerecord. Normally I do that so that I can help you out

00:01:13.940 a little bit. I can go straight. Or just remove all my good answers.

00:01:18.040 That's true. I don't want you to show me up. So guys, what we're going to do for those of you

00:01:21.360 are here. Why don't you just come up to the mic if you have a question. There was a question earlier

00:01:25.300 today. Who was asking that question about jujitsu? We've got to start with jujitsu, man. Come on up,

00:01:31.080 come to the microphone. And then you guys, just for the sake of time, why don't you come up to the

00:01:36.920 mic if you have a question and we'll just start making a line and we'll get after them.

00:01:40.520 This is going to get really awkward if no one has questions.

00:01:43.120 Yeah, it will. We have a couple of plants in the audience just in case.

00:01:47.260 Do you want to say your name? I mean, that's, that's really why people submit questions just

00:01:52.520 so they can hear their names. Actually, they want, they don't want to say the name. They want to hear

00:01:56.260 you say the name. No, no, no, no, no, no. For the first time guaranteed today, all names will be

00:02:02.440 pronounced correctly. Joe Kelly. Joe Kelly. There it is. So you want to start with that? Yeah. Yeah.

00:02:09.660 Let's, let's, um, let me share. I came prepared, right? Cause you asked, you asked, you asked that

00:02:15.380 question earlier today when we're training. Um, and I think this sets the precedents. So

00:02:20.680 earlier this summer, um, I had to work like on a Friday and the wife, we, we bought some lakeside

00:02:27.300 property and my wife went down there with the kids. First time spending the night at that property.

00:02:33.960 She made a post on Facebook and this, this is what she wrote. I'm literally reading this. She says,

00:02:38.440 I had a beautiful weekend with the kids and eventually the husband that night came, man.

00:02:44.740 I missed him. I was scared sleeping there by myself. I woke up every hour I came with. I came

00:02:51.820 up with ideas of how I was going to defend myself with water, with a water bottle. There is something

00:02:57.100 about knowing that my man could, could and would protect us. The fact that he could take down any

00:03:02.960 man and has prepared himself for years to be able to do so is so comforting. Thank you, honey. We love

00:03:09.560 and appreciate you. It's awesome, man. There you go. I mean, capability is a huge component of it,

00:03:15.860 right? I think that's, that's a solid answer. That's a solid reason you would. Um, but there's

00:03:21.180 a lot more to it than just the practice of jujitsu. Uh, there's the patience, there's the dedication

00:03:28.820 and the discipline required to go. There's doing hard things. There's the discomfort. Um, I love

00:03:34.940 jujitsu. You know, I woke up this morning, excited to go train. Uh, I got done. I was energized. I came

00:03:40.760 back. I had more energy than when I went and trained, which is kind of a little bit interesting

00:03:45.120 if you've never trained before, how that might happen and work. Uh, and so there's just something

00:03:49.860 about it that lights me up. But with that being said, there's still days that I have to talk myself

00:03:54.920 into going. Yeah. And what I found is that I'm really, really good at justifying and rationalizing

00:04:01.460 and excusing away things that I've committed to. Uh, but the meaning I found in jujitsu has allowed

00:04:08.260 me to learn how to talk myself into doing the things that I've committed to doing, even if I love

00:04:14.040 them. Yeah. You would think that if you love something that it wouldn't be difficult to talk

00:04:18.280 yourself into it, but it actually still gets really hard. And I say things like I deserve a break.

00:04:23.840 And on Monday, when we have training Monday night, I know, I already know what I'm going

00:04:28.360 to say. It's been a long weekend. I'm really tired because all the guys were here. I got

00:04:33.480 a lot of stuff to do and put things away. And yet I'm going to force myself to go because

00:04:37.940 that's what's required. So that level of mindset and discipline and dedication, learning about

00:04:44.020 myself. We talked a lot about the natural man this week and learning about that battle that

00:04:48.320 I have to fight, uh, is, is very powerful for the rest of my life when I don't want to

00:04:53.860 do a podcast, uh, or I don't want to send that email or I don't want to write the script for

00:04:59.920 the book that translates over perfectly. So for me to answer that question is it's just

00:05:06.160 a metaphor for life. It really is. There's so many lessons about patience and, um, you know,

00:05:11.680 not being able to bull rush everything and learning how to, how to develop your mental grit and

00:05:16.160 fortitude, control your emotions in a moment. Yeah. Yeah. I, I, I've been trying to convince

00:05:22.400 my wife to train for years and she's like, Oh, well, you know, I don't, I don't like feeling

00:05:26.160 uncomfortable. I don't like how that feels. And I tell her, I'm like, neither do I, right?

00:05:32.460 That that's why sometimes you walk into the gym and you look at the mat and you're like,

00:05:35.420 damn it. I don't want to be here. Yeah. But that's what, but I can always say I never regret

00:05:41.900 going. You know what I mean? But sometimes you don't want to go cause you don't want to

00:05:46.000 get smashed, right? You, you don't want to feel comfortable. And it's amazing how many times

00:05:50.960 eventually, and you guys will see this. I remember the first uprising that I went to is,

00:05:56.020 I think it was the second uprising. And, um, I was a little, I was doing what Clint did today.

00:06:00.900 I was like a little bit of a sleeper, you know, I'm like, I'm not going to tell anybody I've trained.

00:06:04.480 Right. And, and we get to the gym and I remember one of the comments that someone made afterwards,

00:06:10.040 because what, what happened is I wait until I got paired up with a guy and everyone's going crazy.

00:06:14.260 Like you guys were today. And, uh, and that we start and, and this guy just rushes me and I just

00:06:21.320 kind of like flop over, let him fall into my triangle. And I like took my time, you know what

00:06:27.640 I mean? I'm like, well, maybe I'll go for your arm a little bit and switch back. You know what I mean?

00:06:31.380 And then eventually finished the submission. And afterwards guys were like, it was so weird how

00:06:36.100 everyone's so intense. And he was just calm. Well, that didn't come by accident that came calm

00:06:43.220 because I built some confidence around what was going on. And I learned to be calm in the moment

00:06:48.460 of the storm. And, and there is, and you've used this example all the time is use an environment

00:06:53.660 that allows us to a safe environment to train. So you can experience like, man, I don't like the

00:07:00.320 feeling of like being out of control or someone controlling me or the feeling that they're trying

00:07:05.020 to hurt me. And at first it's a spaz, right? You're, you don't know how to handle that. And

00:07:09.380 eventually you learn like, I'm okay. Right. Like I'm not, I'm not dying here. I can control my

00:07:15.240 emotions and intelligently react versus just, you know, I don't know. I don't know what the counter

00:07:23.260 of that is, but just going crazy. Right. You know, and that just comes through experience and time

00:07:27.820 there, you know, and there's one other thing that I was thinking about. Like when I train,

00:07:30.940 we train with, I would say any right around 15 guys, I would say on average per, per evening

00:07:36.520 when we go. And there's guys that I, that I will look for to train with. And then there's

00:07:41.280 also guys that I avoid and that's pretty weak. If you think about it, why do I avoid training

00:07:48.720 or rolling with those specific individuals? Cause it's not fun, right? Like whether it's how

00:07:54.680 good they are or their game or my ego or how big they are, whatever, right? They're strong,

00:08:01.340 whatever it is. Smash me. And so I will purposely navigate and try to avoid, you know, don't make

00:08:06.880 eye contact. Cause you don't want to roll with that guy. Right. Yeah. And, and you know, I'm laughing

00:08:11.400 about it now, but it's actually pretty weak and we do that in life too. Right. There's certain things

00:08:16.020 that we need to do tasks. We need to accomplish conversations that we need to have. And we do the

00:08:21.200 same thing. All of us put the blinders on, like, don't make eye contact. Maybe if you don't address

00:08:26.760 it, it'll go away and it just doesn't work. And so maybe sometimes the best thing you should do

00:08:32.920 again, speaking metaphorically is find the guy you don't want to train with or look for the

00:08:38.540 conversation you don't want to have or deal with the difficulty that you know is going to be painful.

00:08:42.980 And that's the only indicator that you need that maybe this is the exact thing I should be doing

00:08:48.700 when typically and normally I would just run away from it. Yeah. And could we, it's safe to say we

00:08:55.620 can go all day on this one question. Right. But, but one more, one more thought is, and if you say

00:09:00.760 one more, I'm going to say one more, I know. Cause you, you have to always finish. Um, but, but,

00:09:06.140 and I do that same thing now too. Like, in fact, I've had guys that were, I hated rolling with them.

00:09:10.940 Like I hate rolling with Dan. I've always hated rolling with Dan. He's the, he's my favorite to roll

00:09:17.180 with, but it required me to go get on the mat and literally choose them first. I'm like, let's go,

00:09:23.500 let's get it over with. Yeah. Cause I, I'm not going to avoid you, but I want to be clear on

00:09:29.100 something too. Sometimes that hard roll is a different win, right? Like, okay, I'm going to

00:09:35.180 roll with you, but I'm, I'm avoiding you. Why? Well, because maybe I'm afraid I'm going to get caught

00:09:40.740 or you're so much better than me. So now I'm going to come into it differently. Right. My game is,

00:09:44.740 I'm not going to let you catch me or I'm going to just protect myself. Right. And, and it's

00:09:50.380 actually quite interesting to roll with. If you're genuinely concerned about someone that might hurt

00:09:54.740 you on the mat, roll with them and focus on not getting hurt, protect your wrist, protect your

00:10:01.820 core, maintain distance. And that's the win, right? And it, and there's value to finding those wins in

00:10:08.620 different stages of our lives. And it evolves. You're always not going to submit someone.

00:10:12.080 Sometimes it's just, I'm not going to get hurt. Yeah. Awesome. Oh, come on. You can go.

00:10:17.900 No, man. It was okay. No, it's good. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Hold on. No, go ahead, man.

00:10:24.500 So my question is about transition. So I'm in a bit of a mood right now. So I'm transitioning from

00:10:29.060 the automotive industry to the marine industry and bringing me in from a specific skill set. I'm

00:10:34.760 moving from Arizona to Wisconsin next week. So I know what you're bringing me in for, but I also

00:10:40.380 don't want to get complacent that I know everything. So I just wanted to know if y'all have any tips or

00:10:44.200 strategies to crush it in my next first 12 weeks that what I should be doing. That's a good question.

00:10:49.120 Yeah, that is a good question. Pramit, turn that off if you would, just cause we're having some

00:10:52.560 feedback issue. There you go. Um, yeah, that is a really good question. And you know, just the fact

00:10:57.860 that you're asking that question tells me that you're humble and you're open. Uh, I talk about having

00:11:03.280 an open mind and an open heart. Um, an open heart is the, is the spirit of it and, and trying not to

00:11:10.680 let your ego get in the way and just being receptive, but it's also learning how to let go

00:11:15.360 of needing to be in control of everything, which is something I really like to do. I want to wrestle

00:11:19.480 for control of every element of my life, but an open heart allows me to be a bit more playful in the

00:11:25.640 way I approach things and experimental. So a lot of the times what guys will do is they'll think,

00:11:30.660 well, you know, like, well, I'll say it this way. We make things, we make more of things than they

00:11:36.980 need to be made of. And then the things that we need to make more of, we make light of those things,

00:11:40.520 right? So if, if what you can learn to do is have this open heart where it's, you know,

00:11:46.000 I'm just going to be here. I'm going to have fun. I'm going to learn to play. I'm going to experiment.

00:11:50.200 I'm not going to attach a bunch of meaning to this. I'm not going to make myself worse or feel bad

00:11:55.600 because this didn't work out. That to me is having an open heart. An open mind is more of the

00:12:00.340 logical side of things. So you're actively looking for people who are better than you

00:12:05.560 so that they can teach you strategies and tactics. Let me give you a small example. So you're moving

00:12:10.140 from Arizona to Wisconsin, Arizona to Wisconsin. So two years ago, I moved from Utah to Maine.

00:12:16.580 One of the things that we didn't deal with in Southern Utah was winter, not at all. Right. And so

00:12:21.820 when I got here, it would have been very foolish not to look for other people who had gone through a

00:12:28.300 Maine winter before. And so I said, Hey, you know, what do I need to be prepared for? What do I need

00:12:33.860 to be aware of? What, what do I need that I may not have? And there was three things that people told

00:12:39.380 me I needed to make sure that our heat source was good and have good backup heat. So we put an entirely

00:12:45.360 new heating system in our house. That was step number one. They also said, you need to have a

00:12:49.780 generator. So step number two was got it generator. I never had a generator that hooked up directly to

00:12:55.260 our panel because we really weren't, weren't worried about that. And the third thing was get

00:12:59.580 a snowplow. Got it. Step number three, snowplow that first winter. It was interesting. It was

00:13:05.560 different. It was challenging in a lot of ways, but also it was enjoyable, but it was only enjoyable

00:13:10.560 because I paid attention and I let go of the ego and I got some logical steps from other people who

00:13:17.040 had experienced it. So I didn't end up hurting myself or getting me and my family killed because I

00:13:22.880 was too hardheaded or stubborn or thought I knew everything. The fact is you don't, we don't.

00:13:27.440 And it doesn't make you any less of a person to not know, but it does make you less of a person

00:13:32.560 not to find out or to let your family freeze. Right? A hundred percent. So a lot of guys will

00:13:40.380 be so ego driven and so stubborn because they want to maintain this facade of, of masculinity.

00:13:46.540 Uh, and they end up undermining their own efforts to be masculine because we're protectors, providers,

00:13:53.100 and presiders, which means that I need to ask those questions so I can more, uh, competently

00:13:58.380 fulfill those duties and responsibilities that I have. I know that isn't a specific answer. There is

00:14:03.760 one other specific answer I'd give you when you're making the move. It's your job to assimilate into the

00:14:09.520 community, not their job to make sure that you feel welcome. Now that would be nice, right? You want

00:14:15.020 friendly neighbors and you want people who are going to welcome you and colleagues and coworkers,

00:14:18.900 but take it upon your shoulders to assimilate to their environment. So we came here, we got to know

00:14:24.880 all of our neighbors. Uh, we try to do favors. We, we try to help out where we can. Uh, I went to the

00:14:31.360 gym. I went, we started going to church here. I didn't expect people to come to me. Like I actively

00:14:37.480 went out and got involved. And so I'll have people say, man, how do you know so many people in this area?

00:14:43.180 It's not necessarily cause I'm likable, although that might be part of it. It's the real reason

00:14:49.000 is because I made the effort to insert myself into the community and be a valuable community member.

00:14:56.420 Yeah. I I'll add on the business side. So I I've seen this numerous times. Someone comes into a new

00:15:03.240 company and you're changing industries, right? And you're going to be tempted to come in and go,

00:15:08.300 Oh, Oh, I got a clean. I have fresh eyes on this. I know the solution. And you're going to jump in

00:15:13.200 and want to like speak up and, and that's going to come across as arrogant and you don't know what

00:15:18.860 the hell you're talking about. So try to seek to understand first and thoroughly understand the

00:15:26.080 solution and in the industry before start piping up. Otherwise you're going to come across like an

00:15:30.860 arrogant person in this new company. He doesn't know what he's talking about and you're just throwing

00:15:35.180 solutions at stuff. The key to that too, is that's how we establish relationships, right? If you and

00:15:42.140 I were talking and I, and I came to you and just said, Pramie, you need to be doing this, this,

00:15:46.680 that, and I didn't even get to know you. Well, we need to treat business actually the same thing.

00:15:51.440 You need to thoroughly understand the problem, seek to understand what the company's trying to

00:15:56.160 address, what the responsibilities are of your new position, thoroughly understand. And also through

00:16:02.580 that process, I know it's genuine. It's caring, right? We do this in consulting, right? My clients

00:16:08.340 don't feel like we really care and we have established relationship. If I don't thoroughly

00:16:12.440 understand what the problem is, and that's only done possible through actually asking really good

00:16:17.220 questions and seeking to understand first, then you can start solutioning and onboarding people

00:16:22.520 as part of, as, as you work through finding what solutions are in your new job. But when you're

00:16:28.520 change industries that way, don't be the guy that just comes in and just, Oh, this is what you need

00:16:32.980 to be doing immediately. You're going to rub a lot of people wrong. So, but the alternative to that

00:16:38.020 though, is that you actually might have a solution that they've never considered before because you're

00:16:44.200 coming from an outside environment and you are looking at it from a different way. So you make sure

00:16:48.460 you understand first though. And that's, I think the point that you're making is that if you thought,

00:16:53.680 for example, I've got this, this, this solution that would be perfect. Then what I would say,

00:16:58.140 if I was talking with Kip is I'd say, Hey Kip, uh, have you guys ever tried X, Y, and Z? And he'd say

00:17:03.820 one of two things. Oh yeah, we've tried that. Oh, well, why? Like, why don't you, why don't you do

00:17:08.900 that now? Well, we don't do it because of this. Oh, got it. Okay. Or he might say, no, we've never

00:17:13.400 tried that. And then the followup would be, do you mind explaining why? And he might say, we've actually

00:17:18.000 never considered that before. Cool. That might be a great opportunity for you to share something. Or he might say,

00:17:23.200 well, we thought about it. We've never tried it because there's some restrictions in place and

00:17:27.380 these are the restrictions. And now you know what they are. So you're more informed. It's almost

00:17:31.440 like offering unsolicited feedback. Very rarely is that ever going to be a go in a good direction.

00:17:37.720 So by asking questions rather than just asserting yourself into the environment, you're, you are being

00:17:43.120 assertive by asking questions, but you're being inquisitive. You're being humble, genuine, genuine,

00:17:48.740 trying to figure it out. Yeah. Yep. You bet. Do we do good? Do we,

00:17:53.200 we never get feedback? Was that good? Oh, okay. Good. Nice. Real time feedback. In fact,

00:18:01.240 after your question, maybe just tell us how great we are before you step down. That'd be

00:18:05.640 great. Maybe just speak a little closer into it there. You can move that too, if you need

00:18:11.280 to. Oh yeah. There you go.

00:18:13.260 Uh, love your socks, kid. Thank you. Um, my question is, haven't necessarily found their wives

00:18:19.220 yet. Um, what do you do? How do you respond when you have a relationship, you pursue, you've not

00:18:27.080 chased and you've built it up and invested in it and they fell? And yeah, what would your advice

00:18:32.820 speak for those guys? I don't, I don't know when you're looking for a spouse and I like that you

00:18:39.040 use the word pursue rather than chase. There's a distinction there. I don't know if it failed.

00:18:44.120 I don't know your specific situation, but it may not have been a failure. It may not, it may just

00:18:49.580 not have been the right situation, you know, personal and interpersonal communication and

00:18:54.740 dynamics are so different that now look, if you're married and, and, and you've committed

00:19:00.460 to her and she's committed to you and it's not that, okay, that might be a failure in the

00:19:03.320 relationship. But when you're in the market and you're dating and you're, it's not a failure

00:19:08.820 because something didn't necessarily work out. It might just mean that that wasn't the right

00:19:13.280 situation there. So what I would do is when you have those types of situations where they don't

00:19:19.240 work out, maybe the way you would have hoped, uh, is instead of trying to figure out, well,

00:19:23.800 maybe I just need somebody who's this way. You're, what we're doing is we're placing all

00:19:28.760 of the emphasis on other people and people aren't really going to change all that much.

00:19:33.220 So instead, what I would suggest is what did I learn from that situation? So I was in this

00:19:39.180 relationship. We enjoyed each other's company. I thought maybe she was the one and it didn't

00:19:44.240 end up working out. And you could very easily go to, she's a bitch, she did this. And if she

00:19:49.940 was this, then this would be better. Or you could say, you know, that didn't work out.

00:19:53.800 What can I do so that the next woman to come into my life, it's going to be a better interaction

00:19:59.120 because I'm in a different place. Well, maybe, maybe I need to learn to be more assertive

00:20:04.240 or maybe I need to learn. Here's a big one guys to be more selective in who I'm giving

00:20:08.860 my time to. Right. Uh, and so you focus where the focus matters and on the things that you

00:20:15.300 can control. Uh, I talked to somebody earlier about one of the podcasts that really helped

00:20:19.980 them years ago was the podcast titled, uh, fix your marriage by fixing yourself. Same

00:20:26.260 exact scenario right here. So many guys are like, Oh, she's not the one. And I need to

00:20:30.520 go find this person and that person. Again, it's all external instead say, you know what?

00:20:35.580 I'm going to focus on myself. I'm going to get my nutrition dialed in. I'm going to exercise.

00:20:41.020 I'm going to read the Bible or at a minimum read great books and information. Uh, I'm going

00:20:45.980 to improve my financial situation. I'm going to learn how to invest. I'm going to get out

00:20:50.220 of debt. And you know what kind of man or what kind of woman that kind of man attracts

00:20:55.500 a significantly higher caliber woman, which naturally will improve the relationship and

00:21:01.160 the dynamics. Yeah. I would just think, am I whole and complete? If you're whole and complete

00:21:08.640 and you're not with someone, that's perfect. But if, if I think sometimes we put that emphasis

00:21:14.580 like, well, I need, I need to be married. I need to find that person for me to be happier.

00:21:20.180 Whoa. That's, that's unfair for her. It's so unfair. Don't do that to anybody. Right? So

00:21:27.440 I would really focus like, am I whole and complete? Am I satisfied with who I am right now as a

00:21:32.060 man? And, and I don't need to be married, but I choose to be, and I want to be, but there's

00:21:37.980 a big difference. If we think we need the validation through the relationship to feel whole and complete,

00:21:42.360 we got some baggage that we should probably address before we get in a relationship anyway.

00:21:46.760 And, and, and back to your point, I want to say it's a, no, it's like a, I want to be negative

00:21:52.340 about it. You know, I, I was having this conversation with my son and, and, uh, after suggesting some

00:21:58.700 books to him, he's like, Oh, I dumped my girlfriend. And I was like, kind of like good because you're

00:22:04.420 19 and you're not going to learn the value that you can bring to the table until you date a bunch of

00:22:10.700 women and learn what you want and what works for you and what you don't like or whatever. Right.

00:22:16.500 And so chalk it up to like knowledge gained, check, see some value there, learn some lessons,

00:22:23.660 keep it going. Right. And, and try to get whole and complete with yourself. I don't, I don't know

00:22:27.480 about you guys, but like when I think about failed marriages is like how, how much easier would

00:22:33.740 marriage be? And maybe Taylor can come up here and provide some insight, but like how successful

00:22:38.440 would marriages be if we got rid of all the baggage we bring into it first? Holy hell. Like

00:22:43.520 that's the, that's the problem of marriages is like we go into it for like thinking that this person is

00:22:48.740 going to complete me and, and like is going to validate and sure up my shortcomings. Look,

00:22:56.500 they're going to help you, but you got to be capable of doing that on your own so much. Cause it's unfair,

00:23:01.980 right? Like I think about that all the time. It's just how unfair is it for me to put that on my

00:23:07.020 spouse is like, Oh, well my happiness is actually dependent on how you show up at home. Really?

00:23:12.280 Holy shit. Like that's too much pressure, right? That's unfair to her and unfair to me. So I, I,

00:23:18.820 it's a positive approach, but like, yeah, dude, you're learning. It's good. It's all full and

00:23:24.100 complete.

00:23:25.100 Well, this is, I like that you're saying this because I cringe a little bit when I hear guys say

00:23:29.200 like she completes me or this is my better half.

00:23:31.720 It's like romantic, but like, you know, like she, she's the, she's the center of my universe

00:23:36.860 kind of like that is not codependency, right? It's really not like my wife is not the center

00:23:42.480 of my world and I'm not to say, I don't want to be the center of her world. Like bears looking

00:23:47.500 like, is she in here? Would you say that if she was in here? It might be different if she

00:23:54.680 was, but no, she would agree with that. And we've talked about that. You know what I mean?

00:23:58.900 Like I've got to come into the relationship a hundred percent and she's got to come in

00:24:03.060 a hundred percent. There's none of this half stuff. There's none of this. You complete me.

00:24:06.680 If she completes me, that's a red flag for me of like, I'm missing something personally.

00:24:12.100 And if I'm whole and complete, like Kip saying, then I can serve her better. I can lead her

00:24:16.800 and my kids more effectively. I can feel better about, look, she has bad days. And if I'm whole

00:24:21.620 and complete, I can help her with that. If I have bad days as I do, and she's whole and complete,

00:24:25.740 but what happens if neither one of us are whole and complete and we're both having shitty days?

00:24:30.240 Yeah. There's not like, I can't give you anything. You can't give me anything. And therefore what's

00:24:34.720 the, what's the point of the relationship? And, and for most of us, I'm not the psychiatrist,

00:24:38.760 but like most of us, our story that we're looking for validation lines perfectly up with her story

00:24:45.480 of who you are. So the probability of you eventually getting in a relationship with the worst possible

00:24:52.060 individual that feeds into your story is actually really, really high.

00:24:57.540 Well, here's another point too, is one thing a lot of guys will say is, especially in this environment

00:25:03.220 where you guys are, a lot of you guys are part of the iron council. You guys spent money invested

00:25:07.580 in being here. Like you're really interested, obviously clearly in self-development. And so what a lot

00:25:13.160 of you guys will say is things like, how do I get my wife on board? My wife doesn't seem interested

00:25:18.280 in this kind of stuff. AKA, how do I change her? Yeah. Yeah. How do I not accept her for who she

00:25:24.500 is and have her be someone else? And maybe there's ways. That's romantic. Yeah. Maybe there's things

00:25:31.940 that you should be worried about more about yourself and then she'll be influenced by that.

00:25:36.180 You know what I mean? Like maybe you need to start going to the gym more, not worried about whether or

00:25:40.620 not she needs to go to the gym more. You know, maybe cooking is a great example. My wife does a hundred

00:25:45.840 percent of the cooking. To me, I feel like if I want to change my diet, like, Hey hon, I really

00:25:51.380 think we should eat these kinds of foods. Then I should cook, right? Like what, like what right do

00:25:57.740 I have to say, Hey, really? I think we should change our food. So you need to do a better job

00:26:00.900 cooking for me. Like that's, but that's what we do, right? You need to change for me, but I'm leading

00:26:05.920 you. No, if you were leading, you would say, hon, I think this is really important. What do you think?

00:26:10.980 Yes, it is. Cool. Well, why don't I take a couple of meals per week? We don't want to

00:26:15.800 do that. Right. Because that requires effort. The other thing about that is understanding

00:26:20.500 we're getting a little off tangent here. Now I am getting a little off tangent here. Now

00:26:24.480 is, um, her growth and progression. Isn't going to be the same path as yours. Like they're

00:26:31.280 not, they're not parallel lines, right? So as you're growing and improving, she's going

00:26:36.480 to be growing and improving in different ways. You know? So I used to believe I'm like, hon,

00:26:41.100 here's a book. Here's this, listen to this podcast, listen to this self-development thing.

00:26:45.260 And she's like, Oh, I don't want to listen to that. But she loves gardening. You guys

00:26:49.860 can see right out the window. Some of you, a couple of you were wandering around the

00:26:52.860 garden. In fact, she came up to me who, who was wandering around the garden. Maybe yesterday

00:26:56.600 was a couple of you. She came up to me and she was smiling ear to ear. I was, I was thinking

00:27:03.140 you're going to say like, Hey, keep those guys out of my garden. Don't eat my tomatoes.

00:27:06.500 Get the hell out of there. Um, no, she came in smiling ear to ear and I'm like, what's

00:27:10.960 up? She's like, somebody was down in the garden and we got to talk about all of this stuff.

00:27:15.560 And I'm like, awesome. Whoever that is, awesome. I wish you talked to me about those things.

00:27:19.500 But the point I'm making here is that I've learned to realize that her self-development

00:27:27.560 is in the garden. Her self-development is out here with her bees. Her self-development is in

00:27:35.460 the classroom with our kids. My self-development is in here. My self-development is reading a book

00:27:42.160 or going to the gym. It's not right for me to tell her that her self-development path

00:27:48.100 needs to be the same as mine. So instead of worrying so much about getting her on my path,

00:27:53.560 what I started to do was to foster her own path. So a small example, she's really into beekeeping.

00:28:00.580 Uh, I was listening to a podcast, Matt Walsh, and he suggested a beekeeping book. And what did I do?

00:28:07.980 jumped on Amazon, spent the 15 bucks, had it sent directly to her. I don't know whether she's

00:28:13.680 looked at it. I don't know if she studied it or whatever. I don't actually care. What I do care

00:28:18.180 about is her knowing that her path is important to me and me being able to honor the path that she's

00:28:23.920 on, not be upset that she's not on the path. I think she should be on that fostering goes a long

00:28:31.620 way. And you want to, you want to, you want to really, I hate to use this term, but like fix or

00:28:36.500 improve her, then start honoring the decisions that she's making. And it's like psychology one

00:28:42.080 on one. She's going to do more of that because she sees that you value her in the way that she

00:28:48.160 likes to be valued and honored. Bear, what do you got brother? So thank you for putting this on.

00:28:53.360 I have a two part question. One is as an entrepreneur, I have a short term, a median term,

00:28:58.780 and a long term vision about what I want to achieve and how I want to achieve it. And the second part of

00:29:04.040 that is I use people. So how do you see us as individuals helping you achieve your vision?

00:29:12.260 What can we do? That's a good question. Cause I think from the vision component, I actually don't

00:29:18.320 do that. Barry, you could probably teach me and run, run laps around me when it comes to that with

00:29:22.640 the level of success that you've had. So that's important for me to be open and receptive to that

00:29:27.240 and say, I actually, I don't do the vision like that. Uh, I'm a little bit more intuitive,

00:29:31.980 I think in not then you just by nature is what I'm saying in that I don't plan it that way.

00:29:38.080 I let it happen and I have directions that I want to go. And then I feel like I can capture

00:29:42.620 opportunities. Um, but I do try to look at what people are exceptionally good at, you know, bear,

00:29:48.360 for example, you are good at organizing people. You're obviously, there's a presence about you

00:29:53.380 that I think most people would pick up on very, very quickly. I know you've been successful in

00:29:58.500 business. You came to me with some ideas. Like it's imperative that I look for those opportunities

00:30:03.260 and say, yes, let, let's do that. There's other people who have different skill sets. A lot of you

00:30:09.240 guys have met Brandy, for example, um, to tell you the story about how Brandy and I started working

00:30:14.620 together, her and I and my wife and her husband had been family friends for a couple of years.

00:30:19.660 Uh, and her and her husband came over for dinner one night and she said something off the cuff and I

00:30:25.100 can't remember exactly what it was, but it was something like who's, who, who would be your

00:30:28.980 like ideal podcast guest? And I said, you know, I, I'd really like to have Nolan Ryan on the podcast.

00:30:34.260 I just kind of like shot off the, off the hip and he was a childhood idol of mine. I used to watch him

00:30:38.940 play baseball and I just, I admire the guy so much. Uh, and she's like, okay, cool. She spent two hours

00:30:45.640 trying to get an interview for me with Nolan Ryan. And in the two hour timeframe, she was talking with

00:30:52.940 him via email directly with Nolan Ryan. Now it didn't work out. The interview didn't, but there

00:31:00.600 was something about it that I'm like, holy cow, this woman is like, she's a pit bull. Like you put

00:31:05.740 her on something. I call her a murder squirrel. There's a whole story behind that, but she's the

00:31:11.180 murder squirrel. There's, and I, and I recognized and acknowledged something, but I think what a lot

00:31:16.960 of people do is they feel like we were talking about this yesterday. I have to do it all. And then we

00:31:21.800 buy into the idea of, well, if you want it done right, you have to do it yourself. No, if you want

00:31:26.020 it done right, you have to find the right person to do it, which means that you need to be open and

00:31:31.460 receptive to where people's skillsets are. And if I can find those individuals, I don't need to take

00:31:37.740 pride and do it myself because I can take pride in the fact that I found this person or acknowledge

00:31:42.460 this or, or saw something that maybe somebody else didn't see. And now they're doing it significantly

00:31:47.440 better than I am. When Brandy came on board, the first guest that she got us was somebody I'd been

00:31:52.740 trying to get for two years, Steve Rinella. She secured Steve Rinella. She's working right now with

00:31:57.820 Tim Tebow, Dan Crenshaw, Ben Shapiro, Jason Wilson. This streak that we're on right now is her.

00:32:06.160 It's not me. We've created some things. Sure. But it's her. I don't know that's a general answer to

00:32:12.340 your question. You're asking, how can you help specifically guys? If you have a skillset,

00:32:16.940 whether it's entrepreneurial, uh, making connections, maybe there's a connection you

00:32:21.260 have. Uh, maybe, maybe it's just the fact that you can lift things and move things in the barn.

00:32:26.560 You know, like Jordan, right? Where's Jordan, Jordan, you, yeah, he's hiding. Yeah. You know,

00:32:30.200 he's afraid you're going to ask him for more work. I might, I might. Jordan's a contractor. He came

00:32:34.780 over about a year ago and really directed these guys in tearing up flooring, um, and just,

00:32:40.560 and turning this barn into what it is. That was a big component. And that was a skillset that he

00:32:45.460 had. Our speakers weren't working earlier. We had Chris and Chris come up. Hey, I'm going to try to

00:32:50.200 help you do that. And they took initiative. I didn't ask. He's like, Hey, this is a problem.

00:32:54.040 Let's fix it. You know, Kip was out here and Taylor painting the deck last year. Cause they're good at

00:32:58.800 that. They aren't necessarily great at follow through. Cause it's still not painted.

00:33:02.520 The point I'm making is, is, um, I don't know, but I think you guys do, right? I think,

00:33:15.320 I think, you know what you're good at. Like, I think, you know, where you excel. And if you don't,

00:33:19.920 I think you're selling yourself short, right? You're playing too humble. Like, it's okay to be

00:33:24.500 good at things. It's okay to have a skillset and then to say, Ryan, Hey, you know, this one thing

00:33:29.220 you're doing, I think I can help make an introduction to somebody, uh, or, or I can

00:33:33.780 really help you with, with, with this thing. I don't even know what it looks like, but assert

00:33:37.920 yourself. And that goes to life too. And then I'll let you speak Kip. Sorry. Is that goes to life

00:33:42.980 too, is, you know, again, to go back to the relationship, a lot of the times we'll go to

00:33:47.520 our wives. Here's what I do anyways. Hey hon, uh, I know you're really stressed out. What can I help

00:33:51.940 you with? And you know what I'm at? You know what I want her to say? Nothing. That's the truth.

00:33:58.080 I want her to say nothing. I'm good. I got it all taken care of, but I want the credit

00:34:03.120 for asking. Like I actually did something right. If you really cared about it and you

00:34:08.980 were really committed, you wouldn't ask, you would acknowledge that there's a problem and

00:34:13.780 there's a solution and you have the solution, whether it's sweeping up the floor or putting

00:34:18.580 together a conference we're going to do later in the year in December, uh, or jumping up here

00:34:23.620 and trying to fix the speakers or pulling plywood off the deck or whatever.

00:34:28.080 Yeah. If you really cared about it, you would take the initiative and it's those individuals

00:34:32.020 who take that level of initiative that will create unbelievable success in their lives.

00:34:38.100 And, uh, and then also the flip side is finding people who have skill sets and exchanging value.

00:34:44.580 Yeah. And, and so, and you could see this in business. You could see this with our kids

00:34:50.280 in, in all aspects of life. And you might say, well, I don't want to step on toes or I may

00:34:55.920 not know where my skill might come into play. What's the desired outcome of order of man?

00:35:04.680 What's the mission and the purpose of why we're here?

00:35:09.280 There you go. You, you are now committed to the same desired outcome of what this movement

00:35:15.060 is about. Now, how do you bring your talents to the table?

00:35:18.020 So does that help there? It's not as I wish I could say do one, two, and three, you know,

00:35:24.940 and there might be times where I call on people to do that. But outside of that, you, you've

00:35:29.520 been helpful personally, you have already been helpful. So I appreciate you asking that question.

00:35:33.460 And there's things that you guys can do if you feel so inclined.

00:35:36.840 Yeah. But you know what the mission is, right? We all know what this mission is. That's how you

00:35:42.340 contribute, right? Yeah. Cool. Thanks, brother.

00:35:47.180 Well, I'm, I'm Robert Lauer, and the question I have for you, gents, is when you began your

00:35:52.520 focus self-development, you had your strengths and weaknesses. Obviously, you descended along

00:35:58.480 your path. Now, currently, have you discovered new strengths and weaknesses, or are they just

00:36:03.900 revised versions of the previous ones that you had?

00:36:07.380 Yeah. Do you have, uh, weaknesses? That's easy. I don't have any. My weaknesses, I don't

00:36:14.080 have any weaknesses. That's a good way to summarize all your weaknesses into one. Yeah.

00:36:20.580 I, without a doubt, right? Like I, um, I mean, I could spin off my weaknesses. I, I, I think

00:36:28.080 knowledge is coming from the information architecture, knowledge management guy, right? So if you put

00:36:34.900 all knowledge of earth into a pie, right, there's, there's knowledge that, you know, there's things

00:36:41.940 that, you know, you don't know, right? I, I know, I don't know how to do brain surgery. And then there's

00:36:47.380 this, the information that you don't know that you don't know it. And that don't know what you don't

00:36:54.640 know is the majority of information. And that doesn't present itself until we start getting

00:37:01.080 smarter. Right. And, and it's ironic as any professional knows that the more you became

00:37:06.860 an expert in the industry, the more humble you become. Why? Cause you actually realize how

00:37:12.300 little you actually do know. You're like, Holy crap. Like the, the array of information in which

00:37:18.180 I know I don't know is bigger and bigger as I, as I progress in life. Right. And whether that's

00:37:23.880 personal development or specifics around my career, um, I'm, I'm constantly aware of my,

00:37:29.420 my weaknesses, right? Like the conversation that Taylor had yesterday about stonewalling,

00:37:34.400 I'm like, Holy shit. You know, like now I just have a word to describe my moodiness, you know,

00:37:39.500 thanks. So, but, but that's, that's something I do. And so that's something I have to really work

00:37:46.140 at that a whole expression of, of how I feel, you know, versus like, Oh, let me just logically work

00:37:52.020 this out in my mind and just like walk away. It'll be okay. No. Yeah. Cause I'm holding onto it.

00:37:57.480 I'm fostering, you know, those emotions still. And so I'm, I'm certainly aware. I would say that a lot

00:38:02.880 of things, at least for me are rooted in a story that I probably had based upon defined moments in

00:38:09.420 my life. And I've carried that story over and it's all kind of rooted in that whole space of

00:38:14.900 not being good enough, not lovable or whatever. And I look for validation of, of that truth throughout

00:38:22.500 my entire life. If I really like think deep about it. Um, but, but then the weaknesses are like the

00:38:29.500 little areas. Like, you know, I, if I think of one particular weakness, it's like my turnaround of

00:38:35.200 getting sideways on being upset about something, you know, that used to be like a month or two,

00:38:40.800 you know what I mean? Eventually like then I'd express, well, now it's a couple of days,

00:38:45.560 you know? And, and then Taylor yesterday was like, you know, get asked for 30 minutes. I'm like 30

00:38:50.920 minutes. That's a quick turnaround, you know, but you get better at it. Right. Um, yeah. I don't

00:38:57.920 know. I'm just rambling at this point. Yeah. I mean, I think for me, I've, I've articulated some

00:39:02.060 strength and weaknesses. And so I've been able to double down on the strengths and then attempt

00:39:05.940 to shore up the weaknesses. Um, I'll, I'll start with my strengths because most people won't do that.

00:39:10.180 You know, most people go straight to what's wrong and, and there's, you should do that. You should

00:39:15.740 acknowledge what's wrong. Uh, but also you should acknowledge that you're pretty good at some things

00:39:19.900 and we don't do that enough. So for me, I'm very, very good at focused action. I'm very good at

00:39:26.820 that. I've always been good at that. You know, like if you point me somewhere and you say you

00:39:30.960 need to get there, I can be focused and I can take action and I can do it forever. Like there's

00:39:36.520 nobody that can be as consistent for a long enough time as I can. That's, that's a gift. That's a

00:39:41.860 blessing. And it's something that I focused on because I put systems in place to make that happen.

00:39:45.640 Um, I'm, I'm good at learning as well. Uh, because I realized that there are some shortcomings

00:39:53.100 that I, you know, I don't feel like I've naturally gifted or talented or have some abilities that other

00:39:57.760 people have, but I can learn. And because I'm willing to do it for a very long period of time,

00:40:03.260 then that learning to me trumps everything else. It trumps natural gift, natural talent,

00:40:08.420 natural ability. And so I can, I can take information in, absorb it, turn it into a

00:40:15.400 framework or a system and then apply it forever. That's what I'm really good at doing.

00:40:19.800 Did you have those strengths? Have you always known those strengths or like as you have progressed,

00:40:25.000 you're like, Oh geez, I didn't even know that was a strength.

00:40:27.200 They've always been strengths, but I didn't know they were strengths and I couldn't quite wrap my head

00:40:32.720 around it. And the more I talk with people and they tell me what they're good at and not good at.

00:40:36.780 And the more I'm aware of it and the more great conversations I have, the more I realize,

00:40:40.640 Oh, there's not that many people who have that ability the way that I do.

00:40:44.740 Yeah. Uh, my weaknesses have always been my weaknesses, but I'm more aware of them now so

00:40:49.740 that I can put systems in place to make sure that I deal with them. Impatience is definitely one.

00:40:55.600 I've never been a real thoughtful, empathetic, like heartfelt person. You know, sometimes people say

00:41:02.860 things about what's going on. I know. And I, my knee jerk reaction is like, like I, like Taylor,

00:41:10.760 a great example. You know, the way Taylor interacts with people, I don't know how you do it, man. Like

00:41:16.160 it's actually really inspiring to watch. Cause when people talk to me about their problems, I'm like,

00:41:20.980 glaze over and like, Oh, I don't want to hear about this. Um, so I've really had to make a conscious

00:41:30.440 effort, very conscious effort of being more empathetic and understanding, um, not being so

00:41:37.720 black and white, which is a really interesting dichotomy when you're trying to influence people

00:41:43.380 on social media, because that's not what, you know, gets the clicks. Right. So there's that.

00:41:48.500 Um, but understanding there's nuance to situations. Uh, actually Taylor, you and I were talking the

00:41:54.520 other day on a quick drive, uh, about, you know, I used to believe guys that maybe weren't where they

00:42:00.800 needed to be. I used to think, well, what the hell's the problem? Like, just change, like just

00:42:05.120 change. Like you don't like that. You're not producing results. You know, you want to get

00:42:09.460 better. So just change. And there's some validity to that. You do have to change, but also, you know,

00:42:15.860 you take a guy that's 40 years old that, that didn't have a dad in his life, didn't have a mom in his

00:42:21.280 life, was influenced and introduced to drugs and alcohol and pornography early, had a bunch of

00:42:25.940 people who shit on him for four decades of his life, uh, never really produced any level of

00:42:30.840 success. Now's addicted drugs, addicted to alcohol, addicted to gambling. Just change, bro. Yeah, just

00:42:35.480 change. What the hell's your problem? Well, you know, it's a bit more nuanced than that. Um, and

00:42:40.440 that's something that maybe is coming to me with a level of maturity, uh, or just being aware that

00:42:46.700 maybe you're not as right as you think you are. And perhaps there's some alternatives. So that's

00:42:52.740 one thing that I really am working on right now is not being so quick to judge and not being so harsh

00:42:58.940 on, on what people are experiencing. That's my personality. Like for me, I think to myself,

00:43:05.660 if I don't like something, I'll just change it. I can do that because I have the proper upbringing.

00:43:11.620 I have access to information. I have a great network who's going to support me in that,

00:43:15.300 but not everybody does. And it's taken me a long time to realize that.

00:43:20.540 Does that help? Right on. I couldn't see you. I'm like, where did he go?

00:43:24.720 Hey guys. So, uh, Dan and Thomas, I got a question for you guys just about military members. Uh,

00:43:29.060 recently the vaccines come out where they're saying it's mandated, right? There's many,

00:43:32.220 many people in particular that have a certain feeling one way or the other when it's become

00:43:35.860 political. Yeah. Um, do you guys have any advice for those military members making that decision

00:43:39.840 whether they're going to stay in and more or less give it to getting the vaccine if they really

00:43:44.600 didn't want to get it or if they're debating, getting out and possibly getting discharged,

00:43:48.340 whether it's had to go on over their career. But we spoke about it some year this weekend,

00:43:51.140 but I feel like a lot of listeners have the same ideology and same question. What's next?

00:43:55.560 If I give up a 12 year career, I'm not going to get that retirement or what I was hoping to

00:43:59.220 invest in. What could we be doing?

00:44:01.420 Fauci ouchie. It really, you know, to me, it really matters how important it is to you. Like,

00:44:08.500 look, here's what I'll say. I'm not going to tell you, you should, or you should,

00:44:12.180 you should have that. Like that's your decision to make. Well, what I will say is you just have

00:44:17.180 to decide how important it is to you. So some of you might have some really polarized opinions about

00:44:23.960 I'm not going to get a vaccine or I, you, everybody should get the back. Like we all

00:44:27.860 have this polarized feeling of it. Um, and some of you might say, you know, I'm kind of indifferent to

00:44:32.480 it where it's like, I don't know. I don't have enough research or I don't care one way or the other.

00:44:37.940 And I would say, if you don't care, I wouldn't, I wouldn't phrase it. What you just said is,

00:44:41.860 do I give in? If you don't have that strong opinion, I wouldn't say that's giving in.

00:44:47.000 It's just like, this is, this is a cost. This is a price of me staying in the military and it's

00:44:51.600 one I'm willing to pay. Yeah. Just be clear on the, on the consequences or like be intentional

00:44:58.280 about the decision. Right. Like I think the way I approach this very much is from, okay,

00:45:04.700 am I in for me individually, am I at risk based upon the, the statistics and the information that

00:45:12.480 we have? Um, or am I at risk? And, and then I have to weigh those pros and cons of like, okay,

00:45:18.420 well, you know, I could die from this thing. Maybe people have obviously died from it.

00:45:22.600 So am, am, am I in a position where this might be the right decision for me? Right. And, um,

00:45:29.500 and I think, and the problem is, is I think we've oversimplified it, right? It's just like

00:45:35.220 everything else on the news. It just pisses me off. It's like a headline simplified statement,

00:45:40.180 blah, hell no. That's way more complex than that. Right. And all of our lives are more complex than

00:45:46.140 that. And there are considerations, right? Like even think about a general mandate, like of all must do

00:45:52.500 X. Well, how about the people that have a, uh, have a known reaction to a vaccine? What for them?

00:46:00.680 Well, it's not that simple. Nothing's that simple, right? That's why we keep getting like

00:46:04.320 another president in office. And they're like, Oh, it just seems like it's a really similar to the

00:46:08.420 last president or the president before. It's like, it's because it's not that simple, but actually

00:46:12.320 though, you know, I would contest that a little bit because I think there are some things that are

00:46:15.600 very simple. Let's just for the sake of argument, uh, assume that you are completely

00:46:21.800 100% adamant against the vaccine. And on the other hand, you've got 12 years in military and

00:46:29.440 you've got a pension that, that could pay out pretty well for you and your family is pretty

00:46:34.440 black and white. You're either going to live by your values or you're not period. Everything else

00:46:42.960 can be stripped away. So what you're saying, and I'm not saying this about you, Devin, but, but

00:46:47.260 again, hypothetically, what you're saying when, when you, when you say I've got this

00:46:52.260 career and I've got this, but I'm adamant against this is that actually you're really

00:46:55.380 not right. It's, it's not that that's a value or principle because it's conditional upon

00:47:00.440 a military pension. So, so which one is it? Yeah. Is it really a principle? Is it really

00:47:06.380 that? And if it is, then you got to go all the way, brother. And if it isn't, then don't

00:47:12.320 say it is and then live your life according to it that way. There's another thing I would

00:47:18.520 say, and this is really important. And in your scenario, it's, it's different because

00:47:22.020 that time has kind of passed. I'm not saying you haven't done this, but what I see a lot

00:47:25.660 of guys do is they're like, Hey Ryan, I'm thinking about making a career change, you know,

00:47:29.960 but I can't because my financial situation is not where it should be. Okay. Well, what have

00:47:35.420 you been doing for the past 10 years? Right. Or, Hey Ryan, I don't want to take the vaccine,

00:47:40.600 but I'm going to get fired. If I don't, well, Oh, you should have a hundred thousand dollars

00:47:44.180 in the bank so that you aren't going to have to jeopardize your morals for, for being asked

00:47:50.220 to do something you don't want to do. Right. Like, um, I I've heard a lot of people refer

00:47:55.720 to it as an FU fund, right? I got, I have, I have a mentor that said, you know, I keep

00:48:01.080 a million dollars cash I keep in the bank, but it's just, it's not invested. It's, and

00:48:05.520 it's his FU fund. So if anybody ever asks him to do something that goes against his

00:48:10.640 standards or his morals or principles, he can say FU and he isn't bound by those financial

00:48:15.260 obligations. This is the whole concept of sovereignty. Like some of you guys think, and

00:48:20.100 I'm not knocking anybody who's employed, you're employed. We've talked about that. Some of you

00:48:25.160 guys think that everything's just going to be perfect forever because you have an employer

00:48:28.860 covering your ass. Well, it isn't going to be the case. It's a, it's, it's a false sense

00:48:33.900 of security. A hundred percent it is. And, and some of you guys think that you're a hundred

00:48:38.380 percent covered because you're on your own employer. Well, that's not true either. Yeah.

00:48:41.740 He could, and he could get hurt or like, and they could fire your ass tomorrow for doing

00:48:46.380 nothing. So they wanted to, right. So you, so you guys got to, you've really got to think

00:48:51.260 ahead. And, and I've, and I've thought a lot about this concept of like time travel, not

00:48:55.940 in the literal sense, but yeah. Oh my dear Lord. We did this last time. Yeah, we did.

00:49:01.560 We did flying dishwashers or something. Yeah. Washing machines. I don't even understand how

00:49:05.680 you think flying washing machines exist, but whatever. Flat earther. I don't think I said

00:49:11.320 they existed. So time travel, as far as we know, literally is not possible, right? I think

00:49:19.360 as far as we know. But there's also something to be said for it, because if I look to a guy

00:49:27.520 that's 25 years older than me, he's a bit of a time traveler for me in that I already,

00:49:33.060 I can see if I follow his path, that's exactly where I'm going to go. Right? So if I take

00:49:38.400 a hyper successful guy and I just follow in his footsteps and I do what he does, that's a

00:49:43.400 pretty good likelihood that I'm going to end up in his position at 65. Right? And if you take

00:49:48.500 a guy who's not where he needs to be and isn't happy with his life and I take that path, that

00:49:53.160 is my future. That's time travel. Right? In a way. So, um, you know, you really got to

00:49:58.100 think about this ahead of time. Like we, we need to not be complacent about like, everything's

00:50:02.960 always going to be fine and I'm okay. Like project yourself out into the future and think

00:50:07.640 about what risks might present themselves. Uh, uh, COVID, uh, laying off, getting laid off a

00:50:14.840 medical illness, having a death in the family, getting sued. Where's Ron? Ron, where are you at?

00:50:20.940 Are you here? I mean, you're not, you're a financial advisor. These are the things you're

00:50:24.100 talking about, right? You're trying to mitigate that risk by thinking ahead what it could possibly

00:50:28.800 be. Uh, and, and that's what we need to do. And then if you find yourself in a situation where

00:50:33.080 like, Oh, I can't do this because my financial situation's crappy. Well, you didn't make the right

00:50:38.580 choices is really what it comes down to. Then the next question is, what are you going to do

00:50:42.860 about it now? So I know we got off tangent a little bit on the vaccine thing, but, but, um,

00:50:50.220 use this. Like if you haven't found yourself in a bad way because of this situation, good,

00:50:54.980 but also use it as, as maybe some information that there might be some vulnerabilities in your

00:51:01.680 own plan, in your own life. It's not an answer like, Oh, you should definitely retire. You should

00:51:07.300 definitely quit. You should definitely take a vaccine. You got to make that decision, but hopefully

00:51:11.140 that gives you some, some things to weigh on. Uh, how do you make the distinction or know the

00:51:21.340 difference between being satisfied with yourself and where you are and slipping into, um, complacency?

00:51:30.680 I don't have an answer for that, man. This is one I've wrestled with for a long, it's a good

00:51:35.240 question. It's one I've wrestled with for a long time. And, and I'm glad that you're saying they're

00:51:40.180 different because they are, I'm very fulfilled. I'm very satisfied. You know, when I look around

00:51:44.280 and I see all you guys here, there's a level of fulfillment in that for me. Uh, when, when I see

00:51:49.320 my wife and my kids in the, in the house or playing out in the yard, uh, or growing and improving,

00:51:55.200 there's a level of sense, a sense of pride and satisfaction and fulfillment and, and, uh, content

00:52:01.400 that comes with that. But also there's more like, there's more that we can do. You know, there's,

00:52:07.480 there's things I want to accomplish. There's, there's more challenging ventures. I want to

00:52:11.720 pursue. There's more men that I want to serve. There's more people I want to connect with.

00:52:15.860 And I actually think that learning to be fulfilled and satisfied where you are will actually put you

00:52:21.140 in the position to do more. If we live in a scarcity mindset of, you know, it's never enough

00:52:26.980 and I'm not happy and I'm not satisfied with where I am. And then you're miserable around with

00:52:31.960 people around you. I think it's going to be infinitely harder to have more in your life.

00:52:37.000 Uh, there's, there's a principle, even in financial planning that I've, that I've learned

00:52:40.640 and heard and kind of explored a little bit. You know, people will say things like, I just need

00:52:44.580 more money. No, you need the habits actually, because more money isn't going to actually fix

00:52:49.240 anything. It might for a short period of time, but it won't fix it indefinitely. You need to

00:52:53.760 develop those habits. And when you prove to God or the universe or whatever, however you want

00:52:58.800 to look at it, that you can handle and be a good steward over the resources you have now

00:53:03.980 that will be poured out upon you even more. It's like the parable of the talents. You guys

00:53:08.580 all are probably somewhat familiar. You have one guy that goes and hides everything he has.

00:53:14.100 He must've been content to some degree. Like I'm going to hide this. I'm not going to go rock

00:53:17.860 the boat. Like I'm pretty good. I'm safe. Like I'm comfortable. So I'm just going to go hide

00:53:21.940 it. Uh, and then you have the other gentleman who went out and I think he doubled it. And then

00:53:26.020 you have another gentleman who went out and grew it and added value and returned it tenfold.

00:53:31.020 And what happened is the master ended up taking from the guy who hid his talents and gave those

00:53:37.720 talents to the guy that went out and magnified it. But this goes back to what we were saying earlier

00:53:44.540 about, uh, being, um, about the confidence issue. I can, I have to be somewhat confident in myself

00:53:52.380 in order to put myself out there to do more. Like I have to acknowledge what I'm good at

00:53:58.280 because if I can acknowledge what I'm good at and, and everybody in society will tell you,

00:54:02.740 don't do that because you're being prideful. Well, no, I have to acknowledge I'm pretty good

00:54:06.700 at some things and those are the things I'm going to do so that I can take my talents and I can go

00:54:11.200 magnify them. But I don't think they're at odds with each other. I don't think that you have,

00:54:16.260 you either have to be miserable in order to have more, or you can be completely comfortable

00:54:20.720 and never pursue the rest of your life. Anything more meaningful. I actually think they're very

00:54:25.000 complimentary. If I'm fulfilled and I'm satisfied and I'm grateful and I'm a joy to be around and

00:54:32.040 there's abundance in my life, I will have more. I will be able to give more. Yeah. Let me try to

00:54:38.800 articulate. This is fun. Actually. I'm like, let me see if I can explain or, or suggest a thought.

00:54:44.840 So I think that is it possible for me to have huge success in life and superficial, right? Like

00:54:54.060 nice car and big house and hot wife and I don't know, whatever label you want to put up on it. Yeah.

00:55:02.200 Big house. Um, and, and not feel complete and grateful. And the answer is yes. So then you have to

00:55:13.360 ask yourself then, well, what, what makes you feel good? What makes you feel, what ultimately allows

00:55:20.860 one to have gratitude and gratefulness? And I, and I, I think it is tied to being in integrity.

00:55:32.160 Did I show up today? And I, am I having a lasting impact? The result is all these other things that

00:55:39.720 are fun and exciting and whatever. And, and the drive to become better is more tied around

00:55:47.040 the impact and living a life that's fulfilled more than it is about the things. And, and I really,

00:55:56.080 and we get this sometimes I, I, we, without a doubt, get it right. Like it's like in the early stages of

00:56:01.440 goal setting. Right. And we will see it too. In fact, my wife was like, I'm doing 75 hard. She did a

00:56:06.260 post. You know how many people are like, you're so inspirational. Congratulations. I'm like,

00:56:10.740 she hasn't done anything yet. Right. She drank a gallon of water today. Right. And I'm not trying

00:56:15.300 being mean. Right. But, but she hasn't done it. And so they're inspired. And she's even,

00:56:22.320 she's also like, yes, I'm on the path. But if she gets off the path, she's not going to feel that way

00:56:30.360 anymore. So we, we get glimpse of it every so often when we hop on a path. Yes, I'm on the path.

00:56:36.280 And then we hop off. Oh, I'm on the path. Then I hop off. Right. And, and I think you, we feel good

00:56:42.880 about life. I think we reach true happiness when we're showing up the way that God intended us to

00:56:49.780 show up regardless of the outcome. And, and, and I think now, yeah, I, I think that's it. Cause when I,

00:56:59.580 when I think about my life and it's like, okay, when I'm on my a game, when I'm on my path for that

00:57:03.780 day, I'm really present with my kids. Cause that's in line with what I know I should do.

00:57:10.140 And when I'm really present with my kids and I'm really present with my wife and I'm showing up in

00:57:14.560 a powerful way, guess what? I'm grateful for my kids and my wife. I'm present. I'm present to the

00:57:21.780 blessings that I have when I'm present in life. And when I'm actually focused on something other than

00:57:28.440 superficial BS and like excitement. I don't know. You, so you, so you said, you said feels good a

00:57:37.000 couple of times. So this is an interesting thing. Is this the goal of life to feel good? I would

00:57:42.240 argue that it's not right because, uh, you guys have all complimented me this week and said, Hey,

00:57:47.100 this is great. This is wonderful. You drink good. And that feels pretty good. No doubt. Like that feels

00:57:52.080 good, but you know what feels better when someone, someone and somebody did, and I won't point people

00:57:57.720 out, came, comes up to me and says, Hey Ryan, you know, I started listening to you three or four

00:58:02.180 years ago. Uh, and I've lost a hundred pounds and my marriage, marriage was in shambles. Uh,

00:58:08.860 and I started this business and now I'm making more money. Like the testimonials, a couple of guys gave

00:58:13.760 man, that to me feels good. That's infinitely better than, Hey, you're awesome. That's fulfillment,

00:58:21.220 true fulfillment. Yeah. And you know what ends up happening? This goes back to, I think this ties in

00:58:25.340 line with what you're saying. What I was saying earlier is that when your motives are pure and my

00:58:30.300 motive is pure, as long as I fight against that natural man that we talked about, cause I have my

00:58:36.200 own greedy, selfish desires that I have to fight against. But if my motive is pure, which for example,

00:58:42.060 with this movement is that I want to serve as many men as possible. And I make myself capable of doing

00:58:48.040 that, then God says to you, you can have this barn, right? He says, you can have this place.

00:58:55.260 You can have this because you're going to do the right things with it. You're going to magnify.

00:59:00.940 It's not for you. Yes, you can enjoy it. I will give it to you so that you and your family can enjoy

00:59:06.000 it. But I also expect for you to use it to fulfill this calling, to fulfill what I need you to do,

00:59:12.920 what I want you to do. I, I guess that's what, how it, it's hard. It's a hard question. It's a good

00:59:20.760 question. It's a hard question. I hope that helps. So I recently divorced, um, I've got three kids and

00:59:28.720 so I'm looking for strategies and advice on how to make sure that I'm showing up for my kids, even

00:59:34.280 I'm not there. Yeah. Yeah, man. I mean, I can't really hit the mic. Um, I mean, I just see like

00:59:42.760 guys, I don't want to call you out right here, but I see the tears in your eyes, man. You know,

00:59:48.040 like I want to give Kip the time to answer this question, but to me, the fact that it's so important

00:59:53.520 to you and clearly, clearly it is means that you're probably going to make some good decisions. Um,

01:00:00.160 what I would say is just don't get jaded about what's going on, that it clouds, what's actually

01:00:06.340 important. Totally. Um, here's the, here's the deal and you're already present to it cause I can tell,

01:00:16.080 um, the, the impact of that is huge. That's the truth. And, and anyone that will run their mouth

01:00:27.140 of like, like the whole, like, well, you know, our marriage, we were fighting all the time and

01:00:32.000 it's better for the bullshit. The reality of it is you're going to have a split home and the impact

01:00:39.600 of your divorce affecting your kids may not even show up until they're like 25 and little Jimmy's

01:00:45.580 having a hard time with commitment issues and he doesn't even know why that's the reality.

01:00:50.900 And that, and that sucks. But, but here's the deal. You can't change the past, but what you can

01:00:58.340 change is how we show up. And, and, and, and in my divorce, that's the number one thing that crossed

01:01:04.460 my mind. And, and I had some dark times by the way. And the one thing that constantly made me focus is

01:01:11.540 I have to show up even greater in, in the short windows. I have them on these nights during the week.

01:01:18.720 When I have them on the weekends, I got to be, I, I have to try to be super dad. Cause my moment of

01:01:25.240 opportunity is, is going to be restricted. Um, I'm going to have limited time with them and I got to,

01:01:32.120 and the bar is now even higher and, and, and you're going to, depending on ex-wives and scenarios or

01:01:39.060 whatever, it's like, it's going to be tough. And, and she's, she may, you, you might be in a position

01:01:44.960 where she might poison and say things and you might want to be tempted to retaliate.

01:01:51.180 Don't man, you, you have to be, what's the scripture? Like the, the light on the hill

01:01:56.720 that shines for, and that light can't be hidden. Your light and how you show up as a father can't

01:02:04.200 be hidden. And maybe not noticed sometimes, but it won't be hidden as long as you let that

01:02:11.160 light shine. And, um, and sometimes it's a swap it. And sometimes it's pride, at least it was for me.

01:02:19.580 So I'll give you an example. Like my, my custody at first was I had my kids, like, I think it was

01:02:24.920 like on Tuesday night, Thursday night, and every other weekend, every Tuesday, every Thursday,

01:02:29.320 I grabbed my young boys, went over to her house, brought them to my apartment. They'd sleep on the

01:02:35.760 couch. Why? I didn't have a room for them. Once, once child support kicked in, that was 60% of my

01:02:42.640 check. And I got the bills. I remember pleading with my ex, this doesn't work. Let me lay out the

01:02:50.560 math. I can't pay for this house that you've moved out of. I can't make these debts that we occurred

01:02:58.660 and pay child support. It is impossible, but it didn't matter. So, you know, my kids are sitting

01:03:06.440 on the couch, you know what I mean? And I'm trying to like have a home forum and I can't make ends meet

01:03:13.080 and, and I'm yanking them out of their environment. You know, guess what I did without, within a couple

01:03:19.240 months, I stopped bringing them to my place on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Why? Cause it's inconsistent.

01:03:26.660 Oh, let me yank you out. You see on my couch. And when we're mad scramble, I've been to take it.

01:03:31.340 I'm like, this isn't good for them. So what did I, I convinced my ex, guess what? I'm Tuesdays and

01:03:37.980 Thursdays, I'm coming over to your place and I'm just playing with them. We'll go for a walk,

01:03:42.540 but they'll go back into their own bed. I, I relinquished some control, but because I felt like

01:03:49.760 that was what's best for them. So I had to really put my kids first and just really step up my

01:03:56.620 game as much as I can. And, and part of me, even right now to be fully authentic, I'm like,

01:04:02.140 I wonder if my kids, if they're listening to this right now, if they'd be like, yeah, dad was that

01:04:06.160 shining example, or they're kind of like, well, he's, he's still kind of was horrible at it,

01:04:11.040 but at least tried, you know, and, and I think it's, it's made possible and eventually it'll come

01:04:18.600 back around. And here's the last thing I'd just like to add. We have a special relationship with

01:04:24.480 our parents. There's a reason why some of us might have a shitty relationship. You may have

01:04:30.360 had a shitty dad and you still care because that's part of you. Your kids are part of you

01:04:37.980 and, and they, they will have a special connection with you regardless of the circumstance. Now don't

01:04:43.560 use that to like justify not leveling up. Right. I still think we level up, but here's the thing

01:04:48.500 that we often forget as well. Guess who else they're part of your ex-wife and what makes them

01:04:55.100 amazing is because they're a part of you and her. And one of the strongest things I ever did

01:05:01.660 was actually let go and actually love her because then it allowed me to love them too.

01:05:09.440 So you need whatever that is. I, in my opinion, need to be full, full and complete with their mom.

01:05:21.080 And, and like everything else we've talked about, you know, we talked about this a lot on the podcast,

01:05:25.460 like, um, my divorce, you ready? Best thing that's ever happened to me.

01:05:32.380 Best thing because it got me on a path of ownership actually, because before that my marriage was,

01:05:41.260 oh, this is her fault and this isn't working. I, I, I woke up because of my divorce. So you take this

01:05:46.740 horrible circumstance or we can take any horrible circumstance. You know how you learn to make it

01:05:51.220 the best thing that's ever happened to you become the best version of yourself in spite of it. And

01:05:56.500 then you're like, and then you can't help but look back at it and go, I'm actually grateful it

01:06:00.440 happened. And I am. And I, and I actually don't think I should have gotten divorced.

01:06:07.600 I think we could have saved the marriage. I think it would have been ideal state,

01:06:10.180 but I'm actually grateful for it because it helped make me to into the man I am today.

01:06:15.460 Keep your head up. Hopefully that helps. I mean, I was only going to say on that same note is,

01:06:21.000 I mean, it's, it's really weird to say it. Well, I'll say it this way. The best thing to happen to

01:06:25.840 me was my separation with my wife. Now it panned down different for both of us. Yeah. But Cameron,

01:06:32.780 you may have been dealt a huge advantage and it's, it's, it's, I'm trying to say that with as much

01:06:39.020 respect around the situation as possible. Cause it might not feel like that right now, but it would

01:06:44.240 be very easy for me to take the relationship I have with my kids for granted because they're

01:06:48.560 always here. They're always here. They're always present. There's no real risk of that not being the

01:06:53.220 case. And, uh, I take that for granted, quite frankly, you know, same thing with the relationship

01:06:57.320 with my, I have with my wife and you, you don't take that for granted. You, there's no, I take it

01:07:03.760 for granted more than you do at this stage in our life. A hundred percent. There's no doubt about it,

01:07:08.160 which gives you an advantage to be the best father that you can be. I can get distracted.

01:07:14.800 You don't, and you won't because of where you're at right now.

01:07:18.000 I appreciate it, brother. It's a hard question, but you know what?

01:07:24.220 That the fact that you got up here and did that is going to serve other people here. Cause I

01:07:27.820 guarantee there's other men who have gone through it or are currently going through or will go

01:07:32.880 through it. So you, I know you're asking for yourself, but you're serving other people by

01:07:38.900 bringing that up as well. All right, guys. So something I found myself struggling with is as

01:07:45.700 I've become a more calibrated man, um, especially in my marriage with my wife, I've allowed myself

01:07:50.940 to conquer my emotions. However, there are times where shit gets the band, things get real

01:07:55.940 and I find myself beating up. I love the emotions. What are some strategies? What are some things

01:08:01.500 that you guys do to conquer that?

01:08:04.660 A stone wall, right?

01:08:05.760 Yeah. Isn't that, isn't that what Taylor said?

01:08:08.140 Stone wall. Uh, you know, it's really easy for me. It's, it's a, it's a simple answer. I won't say it's easy.

01:08:15.540 It's a simple answer for me. Distance and margin space. Like when I notice I'm getting

01:08:21.860 pissed off or hyped up or impatient or whatever, it's like just deep breath, disengage, right?

01:08:28.900 Go for a walk, go for a drive. Don't, don't retreat or, uh, yeah, retreat. That's not what I'm

01:08:35.980 saying. Disengage in a battle is like, I'm going to disengage. I'm going to regroup and I'm going to

01:08:41.220 figure out a way to come up with a better strategy for advancement to attack her later.

01:08:45.380 Oh, right. A retreat is like, I'm out white flag. Like we're done. We're out. Right. It's different.

01:08:53.440 So you create a little bit of margin. You create a little bit of space mentally, uh, physically,

01:09:00.220 but then you got to get back in the battle. You have to, cause Taylor, you were hitting on this

01:09:05.640 yesterday. A lot of guys will, will just retreat and never come back to it. I'm actually a little

01:09:12.120 different. So, so Taylor was saying most of the time, that's the guys in the situation between my

01:09:16.600 wife and I, that's not the case. She is that she will retreat and she'll never come back.

01:09:23.340 And I'm like, I like figured out right now. Like, let's go. Like, what's the problem? Like

01:09:27.220 figured out right now. And so that's our person. That's our dynamic. Um, so I've never really had the,

01:09:33.500 the issue of like never coming back to a situation, but that distance in that space will create enough

01:09:40.200 margin. Well, here's what I'd say. So a lot of the times we think that emotion and the, the response

01:09:47.720 are, are like inseparable. So I'm angry. So I'm going to go punch that wall over there. No, you're angry

01:09:55.800 and you punched the wall. They're different. They're separate because there's a lot of different ways to

01:10:00.620 deal with anger. Punching the wall is one of them. Sure. It's not the most effective,

01:10:05.800 but it is a way to deal with it. Or you could create some space and come back to it and say,

01:10:12.820 you know, like, uh, gotten an argument with my wife or frustrated with the kids today. I'm going to go

01:10:17.960 for just a quick walk around the field and I'm going to come back. I'm gonna get my thoughts. I'm mad

01:10:21.620 because of this. What I found a lot of the times is that I'm mad because I've let myself down in some

01:10:28.420 other facet of life and then it spills over and then I take what wasn't really that big of a deal

01:10:34.320 and I make it a bigger deal. So I don't have to address my own inadequacies. I'm like, well,

01:10:39.200 I'm pissed because you're doing this. No, I'm actually pissed because I didn't do what I should

01:10:43.360 have done today or I wasn't an integrity and it's more of a referendum on myself than it is anybody

01:10:48.880 else. But then I flip it. I'm like, Oh no. Yup. See, you did that. That's why I'm mad. No,

01:10:54.660 come on now. Like that's not a, that's not okay necessarily, but we don't need to make it bigger

01:10:59.860 than it is. But when I create the space by going for a walk or a drive or whatever, I come back

01:11:04.800 into it and I'm like, okay, yeah, I didn't like that. I wasn't happy with that. But the reason

01:11:08.900 was because I didn't manage my schedule correctly today and I didn't get as much done as I would

01:11:12.340 have liked. And so that's on me. Here's what I'm going to do. And then you can deal with your kids

01:11:15.960 or your wife or whoever in a more appropriate mature manner. I always, I'm usually good with

01:11:21.800 disengaging because my wife's really emotional and I immediately know, like, wait, I'm confirming

01:11:28.120 if she listens to the, no, she's a, she's not listening. It's okay. I know without a doubt,

01:11:33.980 she's going to get this if I say she's really emotional, but, but she will, she'll get, she

01:11:38.820 gets fired up. And so I immediately disengaged cause I know like this isn't going to go well.

01:11:44.400 Now where I get hung up is exactly what Taylor was saying yesterday is, you know, I'll just

01:11:49.780 fester and you know, the story gets more dramatic and you know, like there's plot and you know what

01:11:56.100 I mean? And then, and then at that point, I'm even probably more pissed than I was initially.

01:12:01.100 And then I'll be like, I'm going to just stonewall and not engage. Um, so it's back to that step

01:12:07.100 three. If you guys remember, right. It's like express, right. And, and this is, this is a formula

01:12:13.200 I've used and it's been very, very valuable. If I'm upset at something, cause you want to be,

01:12:18.740 you're upset if you're emotional, right? So if there's an upset, I think it's actually one of

01:12:23.240 three things always you're out of integrity and you're looking for justification for being out

01:12:29.940 of integrity. Cause we always have to justify, right? When you don't do what you know, you should

01:12:34.520 do. It's like, well, I didn't do that, but it's because of Ryan or it's because my wife is, she only

01:12:39.660 was this like, without a doubt, we will destroy relationships to justify our lack of action or our

01:12:45.480 correct action. So one, you're out of integrity. And what do we do when we're out of integrity?

01:12:50.380 We need to restore it, right? Come clean, correct the action, right? Seek forgiveness, et cetera,

01:12:56.140 right? Very similar to repentance. It's actually quite interesting. So, but regardless, integrity,

01:13:00.880 number two, you're not fully expressed. You haven't communicated actually what's bothering you

01:13:07.320 and you actually need to communicate it out. And it's ironic. I have had multiple scenarios

01:13:12.820 where I've gone back to Asia on, on a, Asia's my wife, by the way, or am I back to Asia? And I'm

01:13:18.460 like, I don't even know what the solution is, but I want to express why that bothered me.

01:13:24.920 And when X occurred, I interpret it as such. And it just really bothers me. I don't even have a

01:13:30.680 request. I'm not going to even ask you to do something different or whatever, but I need to let

01:13:34.840 you know. That's it. And it's amazing by just that comment. I'm like, man, I feel a hundred percent

01:13:40.600 better. Like I resolved something. And then the last is expectations not being met.

01:13:46.180 And then you have to ask yourself whose expectation was it? And did you communicate the expectation

01:13:51.040 and everything else? And so it's, for me, when I'm upset, it's usually one of those three things.

01:13:55.520 And then I kind of figure out what it is and act on it. So out of integrity, being fully expressed

01:14:01.820 or an expectation not being met. John Gary Bishop's book around expectations. I think it's

01:14:08.260 an F yourself is like golden around this subject.

01:14:13.300 All right, guys. So we're getting close on time. So we'll take you as the last question. I know

01:14:16.780 there's four, maybe three or four of you guys that have questions. We'll have to take it offline and

01:14:21.240 do it that way. So let's make this the last question. Then we just move on. You just stonewalled Dom.

01:14:25.480 I know. Dom was, yeah, I had like four or five of them are sitting down. I feel bad about that,

01:14:32.080 but we will hit your questions. Don't show us from the best King Crusader.

01:14:36.460 Yeah. Where's the worst? You represent. How many Crusaders do we have here? Three? All right.

01:14:42.440 Three. Wait, hold on. What? That's a pretty weak show.

01:14:47.000 Pretty weak. Romulus over there with 10 is like three? Come on now.

01:14:54.400 Go ahead, brother.

01:14:55.000 A brother in the IC can't extract himself from the nooks. And I know that you deal with it on a regular daily

01:15:00.960 basis. You're in the news. It's what draws a lot of guys here. What advice can I give this guy to

01:15:06.860 retract himself from the negative side of the news? Like it's dragging him down. The news as in like

01:15:13.580 Fox seeing it. Like, is that what you're saying? Like the actual news?

01:15:16.740 The news against our purpose. Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's hard because you need to be informed,

01:15:23.660 right? Like we should be informed, but at some point it crosses from being informed to being

01:15:28.640 entertained. Like, so I used to listen to a Sean Hannity a lot. And so as I would travel between

01:15:34.960 different appointments, uh, my financial planning appointments, I'd turn on the radio and listen to

01:15:39.580 Hannity or on the way home, I'd listen to Hannity and I'd walk in the door and my wife would be like,

01:15:44.540 you listened to Hannity on the way home. Didn't you? Cause she could tell I was like,

01:15:48.680 ah, I was like pissed and hated everybody. And everything was wrong with the world.

01:15:52.380 Uh, and so I stopped listening to Hannity because I actually realized it wasn't about information

01:15:58.740 anymore. I just liked the entertainment factor of it. And I think that's most, the news is legacy

01:16:04.500 media has figured that out, right? Just crazy headlines and all this stuff. So they figured

01:16:09.780 this out. It's, it's just entertaining at this point. Um, so I think you really need to help

01:16:14.420 individuals like that, including ourselves, see that there actually is a line between being informed

01:16:20.160 because somebody who's addicted to it and you can get addicted to it, right? Somebody who's addicted

01:16:25.740 to it will say, well, I'm just trying to be informed. And so you need to, you need to be able

01:16:32.180 to identify the line between being informed and being entertained. Uh, now how you paint that,

01:16:38.860 how you get somebody to accept that. Uh, I, I don't, I don't know. Actually, I have an idea. Okay,

01:16:44.540 let's hear it. So if you came to me and you're like, Oh man, this, I don't know.

01:16:50.160 I was listening to Tim Cass IRL and I'm all fired up. I found out about the Fauci ouchie and

01:16:55.760 la la la. And I said, Oh man, you seem pretty fired up about it. What are you going to do about

01:17:00.380 it? Oh, nothing. Then what the freak are you doing? Like, and you talked about this the other

01:17:07.880 day, which I think is like really profound. It's like, so what are you going to do about it? Like

01:17:11.240 finish the thought. And if the, and if the thought's like, Oh, what I'm going to do about it is

01:17:16.320 be a shining example to my kids. So they grow up to be, you know, great citizens in the USA,

01:17:23.100 or I'm going to get involved in my school board or whatever. Awesome. Now you're on the path of

01:17:27.480 actually doing something, but if you're not going to act on it and it's pissing you off,

01:17:32.440 you know, focus what's in your control. Right. And you talk about this all the time.

01:17:35.300 Yeah. Does he think it's a problem? That's good. Yeah, actually. Yeah, that's good. So then,

01:17:43.020 then there's also, uh, and there's also the replacement thing that you need to do too,

01:17:48.480 which is what are you going to replace that time with? Because what ends up happening,

01:17:52.240 and this is an addiction as well, is somebody gets rid of a vice, whether it's watching the news or

01:17:56.760 being, being addicted. And usually it happens when they're bored, uh, or, you know, kind of lost

01:18:03.600 themselves or they're upset about something. I really think you need to fill the void with something

01:18:07.880 else. So it might be something like, Hey, well, why don't you, instead of listening to the news,

01:18:13.140 give yourself some boundaries. Hey, I'm going to listen to, you know, 30 minutes of the news and

01:18:16.840 this is what I'm going to get. So I can still be informed. I don't, there's nothing wrong with

01:18:19.740 that. Uh, and then I'm, I'm going to put a boundary in place. And instead of doing that,

01:18:24.880 I'm going to turn, I'm going to get a great book and listen to that on audible.

01:18:28.980 There's one called sovereignty, the battle for the hearts and minds of men. That's a great one.

01:18:32.860 The author reads it himself. Um, but you fill the void, right? So, Hey, instead of doing that,

01:18:38.660 why not listen? And it's also in the same medium too, right? Listening. So it's not that big of a

01:18:44.080 stretch for him to go from the news to a great book on audible or a great podcast to listen to

01:18:48.840 or something like that. But find, find the void, fill the void in the vacuum with something else.

01:18:53.260 Charles Duhigg has some great stuff. Uh, the power of habit, uh, that talks about that when it comes

01:18:58.960 to addiction and it might be an addiction thing. Like he might be addicted to the stimulus of the highs and

01:19:06.320 lows and the dopamine rush and the, and the feel of adrenaline and anger. And what, and I think we

01:19:11.660 kind of get angry at those scenarios because we feel hopeless in them. Right. And that's kind of

01:19:16.940 what I was alluding to. It's like, Oh, I'm so frustrated. Well, it's because I'm not doing

01:19:21.040 anything about it. And you can't, a lot of those things you can't do. So maybe back it up, reverse

01:19:26.020 engineer it a little bit and say, okay, well, I'm going to do something about it in my community maybe.

01:19:30.940 And then you can actually start feeling kind of good about it. Right. It's like, at least I'm

01:19:34.440 taking some action, you know? Yeah. Hopefully that helps. All right, guys, I think we went

01:19:40.040 for about an hour and a half or so. So we're going to maybe a little longer. Chris is like,

01:19:43.420 no, he went longer than that. Um, so we're going to, we're going to listen to the boss over here

01:19:48.500 and call it quits. Great questions today, guys. Really honored to have you guys out here to the

01:19:53.360 main event. Um, it's always better when you do it face to face. So just want to tell you that,

01:19:57.640 uh, we appreciate you being here and, uh, let's keep getting after it this weekend. That's it.

01:20:02.260 Are you going to end like, I mean, it still gets recorded. So what? Oh, my ending. Yeah.

01:20:07.460 How does it go? Take action. Become, I don't know. Become the man you were meant to be. That's

01:20:11.700 right. There we go. Thanks guys. Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're

01:20:18.700 ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you

01:20:23.080 to join the order at order of man.com.

01:20:32.260 That's right.

01:20:38.360 And that's right.

01:20:40.560 And that's right.

01:20:49.420 Great.

01:20:50.540 Thank you.

Order of Man - October 13, 2021

How Jiu-Jitsu Makes You a Better Man, the Difference Between Content and Complacent, and Strategies for Controlling Emotions ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

Episode Stats

Length

Words per Minute

Word Count

Sentence Count

Misogynist Sentences

Hate Speech Sentences

Summary

Transcript