How Men Change the Tide of Culture ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES
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Summary
Ryan Michler, founder of The Order of Man Podcast and founder of the Fatherless Home movement, talks about the importance of fatherlessness in our society and why it s a critical component of the work that we should be doing to improve it.
Transcript
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You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly charge your own path.
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When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.
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You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.
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This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.
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At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.
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Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Michler. I'm the host and the founder of the Order of Man podcast.
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And of course, the movement as well, which we started in March of 2015.
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So that's six and a half years ago. It's crazy that it's been that long.
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But the growth that we've experienced is also pretty wild.
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I didn't totally expect it would grow like this, but it's been pretty incredible to be on this journey
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and to have conversations with the men that we have on this podcast.
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And also you guys, you know, you come to our events, you shoot me messages and emails.
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And every time I'm able to have a conversation with one of you about how this work has helped you or your family,
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I'm honored by that. And it's fuel for me to continue to go.
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Now, one of the questions that gets brought up a lot when I talk with you guys
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is something along the lines of how do we turn the tide?
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It's referring to the cultural degeneration that I believe a lot of us acknowledge and recognize.
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And I guess that's the first thing we need to do, acknowledge that there is a problem.
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You can't really improve and get better if you're not willing to admit there's an actual problem going on.
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What's interesting, though, is every time that I talk about the problems that I see in society,
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and I'm not going to get into that too heavy today.
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There's always a few people who like to point out that somehow acknowledging problems and threats and challenges
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is synonymous with painting yourself as a victim.
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I don't quite understand where that notion comes from.
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I think if you really want to win and thrive and succeed and help other people do the same,
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then you have to be realistic about what the actual threats are.
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Now, I would agree with the statement of victimhood.
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If you blamed your life circumstances on everybody else and you refuse to take any sort of responsibility
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over your own life, sure, that can be looked at as victimhood mentality.
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But to simply acknowledge that there's some problems isn't painting yourself as the victim,
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especially if you're willing to do something about it.
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And that is the general answer I wanted to share with you today.
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So I'm going to break this down very simply for you guys and then ask your help in standing
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shoulder to shoulder with me and thousands and thousands of other men who believe in
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the work we're doing here and how important it can be in society.
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I mean, you look around and you see actors and entertainers and celebrities, and these
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are the people that so many are idolizing and looking to for some sort of moral code
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You look at the issues that men are dealing with when it comes to depression and suicide.
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You look at the rates of fatherless homes, and then you look at the statistics behind
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what happens to young men and young women who come from fatherless homes.
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And inevitably, I'll have somebody say, well, I came from a fatherless home and I turned
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And so there's certainly those of us who can make ourselves into something despite our
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But you look at drug abuse, crime rates, suicide that comes from fatherless homes.
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So there's a lot that we can do as men and should be doing to improve our own lives,
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our family lives, our community's lives, and then just the nation as a whole.
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And it's clear to me that this is a critical component of the work that we all have to do.
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So here's what I would suggest first when it comes to changing the tide or turning the tide
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You know, it's very easy to look around and say, you know, this is the problem I've got.
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And so what we do is we're constantly looking for problems and threats, which can be good,
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but very rarely are we willing to accept that maybe, just maybe, you need to work on fixing
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Because all the things I just shared, those might be true.
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There might be some issues because of the current president.
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There might be some issues in your finances because of the economy.
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There might be some issues in your relationship because your wife isn't as good of a human
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And so there's a tinge of truth with all of the things that we tell ourselves, because if it
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wasn't somewhat truthful or there wasn't some hint of accuracy, it'd be harder to use that as an
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excuse. But none of that excuses the responsibility that we need to take for ourselves.
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And I'm not necessarily talking about religion, but I'm talking about
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believing in something bigger than you in a higher power, something directing this.
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You become at peace and can answer the question of why you believe you're here.
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And there's something bigger than just you that's operating, that's moving you, that's guiding
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you. It's very important that we all find that because that spiritual realm of things is really
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going to help us live a more moral, decent, and fulfilling life.
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Men have such a strange relationship with emotions.
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We've been led to believe that we shouldn't be emotional.
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Now, we don't need to react emotionally, but to say that we shouldn't be emotional is a
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very strange and quite literally impossible order.
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I usually liken our emotions to the dashboard of our vehicle.
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If you're driving down the road, for example, and the check engine light on your truck comes
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on, you don't get all pissed off and bent out of shape and go drive off the road and wrap
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No, you pull over, you take your truck into the mechanic and you have it diagnosed and you make
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the necessary fixes and then you get back on the road.
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You need to understand why you're angry, why you're sad, why you're happy, why you're glad, and then use those emotions as feedback for what you need to do for your next course of action.
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So, we have spiritual health, we have emotional health, and then we have our mental health.
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This is the mindset that you guys are coming from.
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When hard things come your way, are you willing to enable to get through those difficult and challenging circumstances?
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Or do you have a loser mentality that you're pathetic and you don't deserve what you have and you're going to be a loser the rest of your life?
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And the way that you improve that, by the way, is by putting yourself in very difficult and uncomfortable circumstances and situations.
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But difficult, yeah, so that you can train your mind to be more fit, to have the right mindset for success and growth.
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Got to take care of your physicality, your strength, your stamina, your sleep, your recovery, like all of these things, your body fat percentage, all of these things.
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I mean, we know 100% without any doubt that if you are in better shape, you're going to be better mentally, you're going to be better emotionally, you're going to be better spiritually.
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And then and only then, by fixing yourself in these four components, will you actually have the ability to do everything, not everything, other things for other people, which we're going to talk about next.
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So if you want to, if you genuinely are asking me that question, hey, Ryan, how do we turn the tide?
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Fix yourself, fix yourself, ask yourself, like do a real inventory.
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If you can answer those questions in the affirmative and you're doing all of that, then I think you're on track for hitting into this next step.
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And these aren't, these aren't in, in any order that, well, they, I should say it this way.
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They are an order, but it's not like you get to check off the, I fixed myself first box.
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So now I don't have to worry about that ever again.
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Again, it does no good to go out and serve a bunch of other people and try to create some global movement of, of men or people or whoever it is that you're trying to rally around a cause.
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If you can't even lead your family well, like if those closest to you aren't led by you, aren't inspired by you, don't want to be like you.
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Somebody on the podcast, I can't, I wish I remembered who it was, just said, gosh, it's frustrating that I forgot who, who suggested this, but they said, oh, Jesse Itzler, I think he said, what I recommend myself as.
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So on the podcast earlier this week on Tuesday, that Jesse said, would I recommend, recommend myself as a father?
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Would I recommend myself as a business partner or a business solution?
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If the answer is no, and you're being truthful, then that's probably the next step.
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Forget about impacting thousands or tens of thousands or millions of people across the planet and ask yourself how you can be more involved with your family, how you can be better connected with your wife, how you guys can have a connection and intimacy that maybe wasn't there before, how you can lead your kids and be involved and be at their sports events and be at their dance recitals and their music recitals and all these other things that you want to be part of.
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Like, do you actually know them or do you just see them really quickly in the morning before
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you step out and pat their little head and say goodbye and give them a kiss and a hug?
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You know, people will always look to external sources and say, you know, if my external source
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was better, if my wife was better, my kids were better, the economy or the president or my job,
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If you can't handle at a micro level leading yourself, how are you going to lead your family?
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And if you can't even lead your family, how do you ever expect to lead your neighbors or complete strangers?
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And again, you're going to be working on fixing yourself forever because you were never completely
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fixed if we want to use that word, but you're never going to reach that potential, but you
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And then you move into the next largest unit, which is your family, the people who are closest
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Because look, you can fake and fool people for some amount of time, but we're all going
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Everybody's going to find out who people really are.
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That's one question I get quite a bit is, Ryan, are you going to be political?
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But if I ever were to do that, maybe down the road, something changes, I would start at
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the local level because I think that's where the real change can take place.
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So we start at the local level and then we move up from there.
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But yeah, I think if you have a desire to get into politics, you should probably do that.
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And people say, I'd never get into politics or politics is for weasels and weenies and
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But also, we need men who are in this order of man realm to be political, right?
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And I have a lot of people who say, well, if the current political climate is such a
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problem to you, Ryan, why don't you run for office?
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Well, that's not the only way to fix things, guys.
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And I feel like the work that I'm doing here is going to be just as, if not more impactful
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I remember as I was coaching some of my son's football teams and baseball teams, I would
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look around at the other kids and I would see a lack of fathers.
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You know, some that were very, very engaged and others that just were not present at all.
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And then I would look at these young boys and I would, I would just, I feel for them because
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And it became very clear to me that for some of these young men, I was the only male role
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model, stable, solid male role model in their life, all because I decided to coach my son's
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And your local community center, by the way, guys would love to have you involved a hundred
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percent beyond a shadow of a doubt would love to have you involved.
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Because I know that there's not as many men willing to step up into these areas.
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You know, you look at Cub Scouts and Boy Scouts.
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And although I have my issues with these organizations, uh, one of the things that was very, very apparent
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It's not because they shouldn't, they absolutely should, but it's.
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And then they'll complain about, well, all they do is arts and crafts and whatnot.
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Well, maybe if more men stepped up and actually led these organizations, they wouldn't be in
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They wouldn't be dominated and entirely run by women.
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It's not that I have anything wrong or against women, but when it comes to teaching our young
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men, we need male influences to be there, to teach them morality and right from wrong
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and how to be a good and decent human being and how to work hard and develop mental fortitude
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And, and that's what men bring to the equation.
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I had men in my life as high school coaches for, for baseball and football.
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In fact, I had one of them on the podcast, Matt labor.
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I still talk with him to this day, 22 years later.
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And that was somebody who stepped up in a big way when he didn't have to, you know, it
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would have been much easier for him to do his teaching job.
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And then at the end of the day, go home and spend time with his kids and his wife and be
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consumed by the things that he wanted to be consumed with.
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There's phrases that he taught us that I use more than two decades later.
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This is the power of men stepping up into their communities.
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So get involved in politics, get involved in coaching your kids, sports teams.
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Another one, get involved in going on, on the school districts and going to the school board
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You know, if you have a problem with those things, you have a real opportunity to step up.
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And can you imagine if a hundred thousand or a million or 10 million men who all saw what
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was going on in society said, you know what, here's how I'm going to do it.
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And then I'm going to start pouring outward into my community.
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And I'm going to start impacting the thousands of people within my general proximity through
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service, through leading, through giving, through adding value, through teaching.
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And the last thing I would say, guys, and this is very important, is that when you're in
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the position to do this and you have a desire to do it, so you're working on fixing yourself,
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you've now learned to lead your family well, you're serving your community.
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Now you have an obligation at this point to teach other men how to do that.
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And this becomes this big perpetual cycle of growth and expansion and progress and morality
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You know, if you have things dialed in, let's say your fitness is in check and your income
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is good and you're growing a business and you're intimate with your wife and you love
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and lead your kids well, and everything is wonderful.
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You know, there's the term of the silent majority, which is such a dumb concept.
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You have everything figured out, but how are you going to help other people get things
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You're going to do it by inspiring them to lead this kind of life, to fix themselves,
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to lead their families, to serve their communities.
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And then they in turn are going to go out and do these kinds of things.
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To take it back to my coach, coach Matt Labrum, when he decided that he wanted to serve me
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and of course the other hundreds, if not thousands of young men that he did through his coaching,
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he was creating a ripple effect of incalculable good, right?
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Because if he changed me, let's just take hypothetically here.
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He did, he changed me and now I have the opportunity to impact quite literally millions
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and millions of men who are listening to this podcast.
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The reach is millions, all because one man decided that he was going to serve his community
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and then he inspired me to go out and to do the same thing.
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This is the exponential effect and growth that we'll see.
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And a lot of you guys are like, I don't know, Ryan, it's too late.
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You're just going to sit back and cover your own ass and hope that things get better
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or that they improve or that you can shelter and isolate yourself
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from the nonsense that's going around in the world.
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Well, you can do it for so long, but you know what?
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Your kids and your grandkids are going to be the beneficiary of your inaction.
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And is that something that you're willing to live with?
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Or do you want to lead a legacy of action and inspiration and service and influence?
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And you're teaching people to do good and to be good and to have morality and to be capable men.
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Guys, if you've got it dialed in, we now have a moral obligation and responsibility to teach other men to do the same thing.
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That could be as simple as getting on the podcast right now you're listening to,
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taking a quick screenshot, blasting it out to 10 of your friends in a text.
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It could be taking a screenshot and putting it on social media and tagging three people that you know.
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It could be doing something like my good friend Curtis Miller did last weekend where he got 30 of his buddies to come over to my place.
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I spoke at the event and they got together and they're starting to hash and work some of this stuff out.
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If I'm in one of your areas, like I've been over the past several months,
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then come to a meetup and band with me and 30, 40, 50 other guys who happen to be in that area.
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Go have fight nights with guys just so you can get together and talk about some of this stuff.
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There's so many different ways to do this and so many different ways to inspire other people to do the same.
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You know, in the military, for those of you guys who spent time in the military,
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If you don't know what it is, you can go look it up.
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Don't screw over other people and cover your own ass and not really worry about anybody else
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The way we do this is we lead ourselves, we lead our families, we lead our neighborhoods
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and communities, and then we inspire other men to do the same.
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And when millions and millions of us are doing this, we become unstoppable.
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And we start to turn the tide of this cultural degeneracy.
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We inform them through our actions and the way that we show up that they serve us, not the other
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And we begin to take hold of this country and frankly, the world, which is what really needs
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I wanted to give you a general framework, but if one of those topics hit home to you
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and you feel like you need to improve in one or more of those areas, then go back through
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the podcast archives, join our Facebook group, join the Iron Council, which is our exclusive
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brotherhood and delve down the rabbit hole of information that we put out over the past
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Only question is, are you willing to access and apply it?
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This weekend, I am knee deep in the main event, a hundred guys coming out here.
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Speaking of inspiring other people to do the same, a hundred guys out here and we're going
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to have a great weekend, but I will be back next week.
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Until then, go out there, take action and become the man you are meant to be.
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Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.
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If you're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be,
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we invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.