Order of Man - May 07, 2021


How Much Do You Believe in Yourself？ ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES


Episode Stats

Length

21 minutes

Words per Minute

191.88774

Word Count

4,212

Sentence Count

305

Misogynist Sentences

1

Hate Speech Sentences

4


Summary


Transcript

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart
00:00:05.000 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.
00:00:10.500 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who
00:00:17.240 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
00:00:22.800 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, welcome to the Order of Man podcast. Whether you're new
00:00:27.760 or you've been with us for any amount of time, what we're all about here is giving you the tools
00:00:32.540 and resources, and with this podcast, the conversations that you need to thrive as a man
00:00:39.200 in this very interesting world. Today is your Friday Field Notes. You get to hear some of my
00:00:44.580 ramblings. For better or worse, I get mixed reviews when I do Friday Field Notes. A bunch of you guys
00:00:49.540 say, just do interviews because you want to hear from other people more than me. I have other guys
00:00:54.320 who say, I really like the Friday Field Notes. So whatever your preference is, you can either
00:00:58.800 listen or wait until Tuesday when we have another great conversation on the podcast. But if you want
00:01:05.120 to hear from me, here it is. I've got a quick one for you, but it's very, very important. I want to
00:01:09.800 talk about belief. And more specific than that, I want to talk about the belief in yourself because I
00:01:15.540 talk with men every day who are deflated and defeated and beat up and beating themselves up
00:01:23.880 and not experiencing the results that they want in their lives. Their marriages are on the rocks.
00:01:29.480 Their business is in shambles. They have no relationships. They have no outlets.
00:01:34.820 They have zero confidence. They're putting it on the pounds and they're miserable.
00:01:40.260 And I don't want you to be that way. Not only is it not a good look for society when they see
00:01:49.120 thousands, hundreds of thousands of millions of men who are domesticated and beat up and lost and
00:01:56.100 confused. And there's a lot of reasons for this. And we've been talking about it for the last six
00:02:00.100 years we've been doing this. But the other reason is that you're not going to experience the results
00:02:04.300 that you want. So I want to pose a question to you today. And the question is very simple.
00:02:09.520 But I want you to spend some time really pondering and thinking about the answer to the question
00:02:16.180 that I'll pose to you. And that is how much do you believe in yourself? How much do you believe
00:02:22.460 in yourself? Are you willing to invest in yourself? Are you willing to go the extra mile?
00:02:28.720 Are you willing to take a risk? Are you willing to ask for a promotion? Willing to start a business?
00:02:34.480 Willing to ask that woman on a date? Willing to go first when it comes to doing something hard?
00:02:38.660 Or correcting your behavior? Even in your marriage? Do you believe enough in yourself that you can
00:02:44.440 change and you can improve your behavior? And hopefully that has a positive influence on the
00:02:49.120 woman in your life and your children and other people that you interact with? Because if you don't
00:02:54.040 have that belief, what's to lead you to doing anything different? Man, I want you to believe
00:02:59.120 in yourself. Now you might be saying, some of you anyways, these are from the guys that I get the
00:03:05.640 messages from might be saying, well, I don't have anything to believe in myself about. And I get
00:03:10.300 that. I understand that. I've been there. And sometimes it's very difficult in the demanding
00:03:18.360 environments in which we work and in the wake of maybe past failures for us to believe in ourselves
00:03:24.360 enough to do something that's going to put us on a different path.
00:03:27.860 But if you can't have just even an inkling of belief in yourself, you're not going to do
00:03:34.360 anything different. So where does belief stem from? It stems from action.
00:03:43.020 It stems from you doing something that you did not previously think yourself capable of.
00:03:50.180 See, what a lot of guys will do is they'll just spend their time and spend their days doing the
00:03:53.340 things that they've always done, hoping that they'll get some sort of different result.
00:03:56.340 And of course, we know that that is not going to be the case. They're going to experience the same
00:04:01.380 results. But we do that because it's comfortable. We're in a rut. We're looking for the path of least
00:04:07.240 resistance. And then we get that thing done and we wonder why we don't feel better about where we
00:04:11.360 are in life or better about ourselves. It's because you've already proven to yourself that you can do
00:04:15.980 that, that you can operate at this level. You need to start to prove to yourself that you can operate
00:04:21.180 at a higher level. And when you begin to do that, you'll develop more belief.
00:04:24.820 And the beautiful thing about this is that if you're able to build up belief in yourself in
00:04:30.200 one facet or one area of your life, it's naturally and inevitably going to improve other facets of
00:04:35.680 your life. How could it not? How could it not be the case that if you went to the gym every single
00:04:44.780 day for the next 30 days and you lost a little weight and you got stronger and you made sacrifices
00:04:49.760 and you felt good about who you were becoming in the gym? How could that not improve the
00:04:56.400 relationship with your wife? How could that not improve the relationship that you have with your
00:05:00.600 clients? Even if it's just buried down in there somewhere in your subconscious, if you're more
00:05:06.240 confident, you're going to exude that level of confidence to your clients, to the people that are
00:05:10.680 closest to you. They're going to see that. They're going to be inspired by that. They're going to be
00:05:15.120 influenced by that. If you start locking in your finances, and I know a lot of you guys have
00:05:23.540 finances that are just like brutal right now. I get it. I've been there. I'm not there now,
00:05:29.180 fortunately, but it's taken years and years and almost a decade of me just getting my ass handed
00:05:35.740 to me when it came to my finances before I realized I got to do something different. I've got to get this
00:05:41.020 all dialed in. And how would it not improve your situation if you took a little time and jumped on
00:05:47.260 masterclass or jumped on YouTube or listened to a bunch of podcasts or hired a financial advisor
00:05:51.980 or did it yourself and you started dialing in your finances? How would it not improve the dynamic and
00:05:58.340 the relationship that you have with your wife and your kids? Of course, because you're not going to
00:06:01.780 be so focused and inundated with just thinking about how you're going to make the bills all the time.
00:06:06.640 Instead, you're giving yourself the mental space to be able to engage more deeply and fully with the
00:06:14.340 people that you care about. Just before I hit record on this podcast, my youngest son, he's five
00:06:19.740 years old, came into my office and he said, dad, will you help me build a skateboard? Because his older
00:06:23.780 brother built a skateboard a couple of days ago. Will you help me build a skateboard? We'd been talking
00:06:28.860 about it for the past couple of days. And I said, yeah, sure. I'll help you. And he said, do you
00:06:32.800 promise you'll come out? And I said, yeah, I promise I will come out.
00:06:36.640 And that promise means a lot to me and I want it to mean a lot to him, but I have the capacity to
00:06:43.000 be able to do that, to be able to leave it. It'll be three 30 in the afternoon and spend a couple
00:06:47.260 hours or whatever it takes to build my five-year-old son, a skateboard, because I've done these other
00:06:53.600 things. I've got the finances locked down. I'm getting the fitness dialed in. I'm not perfect on
00:06:59.020 these things, but I'm improving upon them. I'm learning how to communicate more effectively.
00:07:03.100 And I believe in myself enough to create results, not only in that area of life that I'm focused,
00:07:09.200 but other areas that you would almost think are not correlated, but they are.
00:07:14.660 Guys, our entire lives are intertwined. So many men talk about these hats. I'm wearing all these
00:07:19.160 different hats. I got my boss hat on. I got my employee hat. I'm a dad. I'm a father. I've got
00:07:24.540 this charitable organization I belong to, and I'm coaching youth sports. And we take one hat off and
00:07:30.300 put another hat on. There's no hats, guys. There's only one hat. It's your life.
00:07:36.140 And if you're a different guy in every facet of life in which you show up, that's exhausting
00:07:40.160 and it's disingenuous. And it's not going to help you translate that belief in yourself or in one
00:07:45.880 area over to other facets of your life. So how do you develop a belief? You do things that you did
00:07:51.040 not previously think yourself capable of. Now, here's what I see a lot of guys do.
00:07:55.240 And they don't always say this, but here's what they'll do.
00:08:02.300 They'll have an idea in their mind about what they quote unquote should be doing.
00:08:06.340 You can take the gym or the finances or their relationship or their business or whatever,
00:08:09.840 what they should be doing. And what they see is this huge disparity between where they are right
00:08:15.740 now and where they'd like to be. And they have this gap. I call it the integrity gap. It's what you
00:08:21.280 know versus what you do. And the greater the gap, the more discouraged a man's going to be
00:08:26.160 and depressed. I've been there and down and it's a hard place to be.
00:08:31.660 And the wider that gap, the harder it is to see yourself ever bridging that gap.
00:08:38.860 You know, if it's a short gap, like you think to yourself, you know, I really just want to lose
00:08:41.860 five pounds. Okay. Well, that's manageable. That's not going to be overwhelming. You're going to move
00:08:48.420 towards that. If on the other hand, you think, oh, I got to lose 50 pounds. Okay. That's a little
00:08:53.140 bit tougher. That's going to take time. That's going to take commitment. It's going to take effort.
00:08:58.360 It's going to take some ups and downs and learning some lessons and some hardships and being disciplined
00:09:02.420 and committed to that thing that you want to do. And so when men see these wide gaps, what they think
00:09:08.780 is, well, you know, I'll never be there. And they get discouraged and they throw in the towel before
00:09:12.720 they even start. So the way that you combat that is instead of looking at the 50 pounds, you think I'm
00:09:20.620 going to lose five pounds in the next two weeks. That's it. I'm going to, I'm going to eat right. I'm
00:09:26.800 going to lock my diet in. I'm going to get my sleep. I'm going to get my recovery. I'm going to
00:09:30.580 potentially hire a coach. I'm going to lock that in. And in the next two weeks, I'm going to lose
00:09:34.020 five pounds. That's it. You don't need to look any further than that. Then when that two weeks comes,
00:09:39.020 you do it again. Hey, this, this week, I'm going to lose another five pounds or seven pounds or
00:09:43.140 three pounds or whatever you make your adjustments. But the way that you can develop belief in yourself
00:09:48.000 for these big lofty audacious goals is to break it down to smaller, more manageable actions. I'm
00:09:53.820 not even going to say goals actions that you can take on a daily basis. And then when you wake up
00:09:58.540 this morning without hitting the snooze button, like you do every other day, that's a little bit of
00:10:02.880 boost to the belief in yourself. Oh man, maybe I can do this when there's a big,
00:10:08.780 a brownie that your wife cooked on the, on the counter, or one of your children is having a
00:10:14.640 birthday party and there's cake and ice cream. And you're disciplined enough to say, I'm not
00:10:21.440 going to have that. And you don't partake. You build up one little block of belief in yourself
00:10:27.680 that you can actually do this thing. It isn't magic. There aren't men out there who are just
00:10:34.500 naturally better, uh, at this or more confident or just have everything handed to them. I know that
00:10:41.080 I'm going to lead a lot of men who say, well, no, that's the case that actually happens.
00:10:44.760 Yeah. I mean, there might be some exceptions. Sure. There's a series of fortunate events that
00:10:49.180 people fall upon, of course, but it isn't the case for most people. See all the guys that I've
00:10:55.500 talked with who are hyper successful. For example, on this podcast, everybody says, I want to hear from
00:11:00.120 normal guys, regular guys. These are all regular guys who over the past 10, 20, 30, 40 years have
00:11:07.100 done little things, taken little actions consistently day by day and built up enough
00:11:12.680 belief in themselves that at some point through that consistent effort, they become this guy that
00:11:19.380 everybody else looks at and says, man, I wish I could have what he has. You can, you can,
00:11:25.800 it isn't manufactured. It isn't disingenuous. I can tell you from, from experience. I've had
00:11:32.660 what 360 guys now that I've interviewed somewhere right around there. I'm telling you from experience
00:11:38.720 that these are men who have overcome tremendous odds and hardships and challenges, and they've had
00:11:44.460 their own shares of ups and downs and a roller coaster and failures and setbacks and victories and
00:11:50.480 successes and the regular guys. But what's not regular about them is they're willing to invest
00:11:56.740 in themselves. Now, here's one other thing I hear a lot is guys will say, well, you know,
00:12:01.420 like my wife doesn't believe in me. She doesn't support me. Nobody supports me. I'm all alone.
00:12:06.840 Nobody supports me. My boss doesn't believe me. Well, first, why should they? I mean, what reason
00:12:12.100 do they have? Second, you're not obligated, or I should say they're not obligated to believe in you
00:12:16.940 and you're not entitled to their belief in you, but you shouldn't need that. All right. It's nice.
00:12:24.960 You know, if your wife believes in you, that's a good thing. I think that would be nice.
00:12:30.260 If your boss or your coworkers or your teammates or your, whoever, your friends believe in you,
00:12:35.080 that's nice, but we get it so backwards. What we think is that the only way that I can improve
00:12:42.220 and excel and move forward is if other people believe in me. No, that's not how it works.
00:12:46.940 Guys, you have to build up the belief in yourself first. And again, that isn't manufactured. It isn't
00:12:53.960 fabricated. It isn't something that's made up. It's not disingenuous because people will see right
00:12:59.280 through it. It's you knowing what you want, formulating a plan to have it, and then actively
00:13:08.380 working towards that plan. You want to know how many people believed in me when I started Order of Man?
00:13:13.620 Nobody. My wife even questioned what I was doing. My in-laws, my mom, my clients, my financial
00:13:21.100 advisory clients, my partners in my financial planning practice. What are you doing, Ryan? Oh,
00:13:25.740 what are you doing? No belief in me. Did I cry and bitch and moan and complain that, oh,
00:13:31.900 nobody supports me? No, I did it anyways. And what gave me the faith to do it? Well, I had another
00:13:38.260 podcast and it was fairly successful. And I started a couple other businesses that were fairly
00:13:43.320 successful. And I knew that if I could do it there, I could certainly do it here. So I drew
00:13:47.400 upon other experiences to create what you have in front of you and in your earbuds right now.
00:13:52.160 So if you want people to believe in you, again, that's a nice thing. Then you believe in yourself
00:13:58.680 and more importantly than that, do the work. And what ends up happening is more and more people
00:14:02.920 believe in you. And then it's just like fuel to the fire, but the fire's on you. You got to start
00:14:09.560 your own fire. Guys, figure out what you want. Make commitments to yourself, be disciplined. And I'll
00:14:17.440 tell you when it counts the most. It always counts, by the way. If you do the work, it counts. But I'll
00:14:23.380 tell you where I think it counts the most. It's when you don't want to do it. If you want to go to
00:14:29.280 the gym and you feel good about that, it still counts. It's still important, but it doesn't count
00:14:34.720 as much as the days that you don't want to go. Because it's not just about building muscle or losing
00:14:39.760 weight or whatever your goal is. It's about your mindset. And when you feel good about it and you go do it,
00:14:44.660 it's not going to do as much for your mind as if you feel shitty about doing it and yet you still
00:14:49.240 go do it. So know what you want. Have a plan. Have a system in place. Act it out. Small steps,
00:15:00.520 gradual steps. Look at what has happened in the past. Hire coaches and mentors that can show you
00:15:07.520 the path and give you tools and insight and direction that you wouldn't normally have. Have faith
00:15:14.660 you don't want to talk about belief in yourself. Where's your level of faith?
00:15:20.320 What have you done in the past? Because we've all done good in the past.
00:15:24.640 Like there's things that we've gotten right. You have gotten right. I've gotten right. Of course,
00:15:28.480 there's things we've all gotten wrong, but there's things that you've gotten right. What are they?
00:15:32.660 What are your strengths? Where do you thrive? Where do you excel? How did it make you feel when you
00:15:37.880 were doing that? When you were engaged in those strengths and those activities where you were thriving and
00:15:42.960 doing well, draw upon that as fuel to be able to push yourself into new environments. Guys, you can
00:15:48.240 do it. I want you to do it. And society needs you to do it, by the way. You know, we talk a lot about
00:15:52.980 ourselves and how to improve ourselves and it's very, very important, but we're in this cultural
00:15:57.380 climate right now where people need us to do things, to step up, to lead, to be bold and courageous
00:16:09.160 and assertive, to be capable. You know, men are portrayed as the bumbling buffoons and they're
00:16:15.320 put up on a mantle or up on the wall that says, you know, in case of emergency, break here, break
00:16:19.760 glass here. That's how men are looked at at best. At worst, we're looked at as either unnecessary or a
00:16:29.820 detriment to the greater good of society. And it isn't lost on me or any wonder to me why we see a
00:16:39.400 completely degenerate culture in society, the breakdown of the nuclear family, the breakdown
00:16:44.420 of traditional values, the breakdown of personal responsibility and accountability. We're seeing
00:16:49.800 crime rates. We're seeing drug abuse. We're seeing suicide and depression. People need you guys.
00:16:57.920 But you can't be there for them if you don't have enough belief in yourself.
00:17:05.100 And it isn't just some magical fairy wand that I wave over your head and say, you can do this
00:17:10.140 because that's what you're going to hear on a lot of other podcasts. You can do it. Believe in
00:17:13.560 yourself. You're special. And then deep down inside, you know, you aren't, you know, you wake up and you
00:17:20.520 listen to this motivational podcast and they say you're special. And you're like, man, I feel good for
00:17:23.940 like five minutes before reality smacks you in the teeth and says, no, you're not doing what you
00:17:28.500 should be doing. You know that. So it's not about the motivation. It's not about the fluffy
00:17:36.820 fairy tale stuff. It's about putting in the work, going into the grind, doing it when you don't want
00:17:44.060 to do it. And you're going to feel better. And you're going to develop confidence and belief
00:17:50.680 and faith in yourself. And as you begin to do that, your people, your family, your wife, your kids,
00:18:00.300 your neighbors, your teammates, your employees, your employers, your clients, your people
00:18:06.060 are going to see it and they're going to be positively impacted by it. And isn't that what we
00:18:12.060 want? You know, there's a, there's a, there's a big movement of men who think that they can just
00:18:18.960 completely disengage from society and the world is out to get them and screw everything and screw
00:18:24.000 off to everybody, but that's not you. You want to be valuable. You want to be of service to other
00:18:32.980 people. You want to lead effectively. It says it right here on my hat, protect, provide, preside.
00:18:38.840 You want to do those things. You want to protect others. You want to provide where you can for
00:18:43.500 yourself, your family, and those less fortunate than you. You want to lead that's preside. You want to
00:18:48.100 lead effectively. You want to lead and help people get to a place they could not have imagined going
00:18:53.320 on their own. But it starts here. It starts in the belief in yourself. It starts with knowing what you
00:18:59.980 want, formulating a plan, coming up with a set of strategies or tactics that you can employ,
00:19:08.180 and then doing it. And then there's one last point to that, to actually go back and review and say,
00:19:14.460 you know, I did pretty good today. And you should do that, by the way.
00:19:21.300 You should feel good about your wins. You should feel good when you thrive. You should feel good
00:19:26.100 and be proud of succeeding. People don't want you to be proud. Oh, don't be proud. Well, yeah,
00:19:30.880 there's excessive pride and arrogance and ego that'll get you into trouble.
00:19:34.140 But then there's pride in yourself, which is what we're talking about. How much do you believe in
00:19:39.080 yourself? I'm a proud person. I think that's different than being prideful, right? Pride
00:19:44.500 full, not full of pride, but proud of what I've done. And I believe in what I can do.
00:19:50.700 And I prove it to myself and other people every single day. And that's what it's going to take.
00:19:56.340 So guys, think about that this weekend. Maybe you're doing some chores around the house right now.
00:20:01.480 Maybe you're on a run. Maybe you're driving home from work and you're listening to this podcast.
00:20:05.720 I want you to just turn everything off, hit stop, hit pause, whatever. Don't listen to another
00:20:11.300 podcast, turn the music down and just ask yourself, how much do I believe in myself? Really? Like how
00:20:16.600 much? Are you willing to put your money where your mouth is? Are you willing to take that risk that
00:20:21.680 you've always wanted to take? Are you willing to start that business? You're willing to ask that woman
00:20:27.260 if she'll marry you? You're willing to ask for a promotion or take on an assignment at work
00:20:32.800 or do something challenging and scary? Are you? If you are, then maybe you do have some belief in
00:20:38.840 yourself. But if there's any sort of passivity in that or timidness, or I won't do that,
00:20:45.720 then you don't believe in yourself enough and you got work to do and it's okay. It's good. The first
00:20:50.400 step is to recognize and acknowledge that it's there because if you don't acknowledge it,
00:20:53.320 nothing you can do about it. I want you to do something about it. You can do something about
00:20:57.980 it, but it requires effort, requires work. So get after it. Think about that this weekend.
00:21:03.580 Let me know what you think about this podcast, not just this podcast, but this conversation in
00:21:06.920 general, if it serves and helps you. If you have other ideas and thoughts, hit me up on Instagram.
00:21:12.020 That's where I'm most active on Instagram at Ryan Mickler, M-I-C-H-L-E-R is my last name. So
00:21:17.820 at Ryan Mickler. And I try to answer as many direct messages as I can. It's becoming increasingly
00:21:22.700 difficult, admittedly. But I do try to be very active with you guys because this is a community.
00:21:27.920 This is a movement. We're building something here. I'm glad you're part of it. I'm glad to be part of
00:21:33.220 it. I'm proud of it. So let's get after it. All right, guys, make it a great weekend. We will catch
00:21:40.980 you on Tuesday of next week. Until then, go out there, take action, and become the man you are meant to be.
00:21:46.840 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life
00:21:51.480 and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the Order at orderofman.com.