How Much Do You Believe in Yourself？ ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES [REPLAY]
Episode Stats
Words per Minute
191.88774
Summary
Do you believe in yourself? Are you willing to go the extra mile in order to achieve your goals? Do you have enough belief in yourself that you can achieve them? If you don't have a solid foundation in yourself, then you're not going to be able to achieve the results you want in your life.
Transcript
00:00:00.000
You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart
00:00:05.000
your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.
00:00:10.500
You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who
00:00:17.240
you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
00:00:22.800
you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, welcome to the Order of Man podcast. Whether you're new
00:00:27.760
or you've been with us for any amount of time, what we're all about here is giving you the tools
00:00:32.540
and resources, and with this podcast, the conversations that you need to thrive as a man
00:00:39.200
in this very interesting world. Today is your Friday Field Notes. You get to hear some of my
00:00:44.580
ramblings. For better or worse, I get mixed reviews when I do Friday Field Notes. A bunch of you guys
00:00:49.540
say, just do interviews because you want to hear from other people more than me. I have other guys
00:00:54.320
who say, I really like the Friday Field Notes. So whatever your preference is, you can either
00:00:58.800
listen or wait until Tuesday when we have another great conversation on the podcast. But if you want
00:01:05.120
to hear from me, here it is. I've got a quick one for you, but it's very, very important. I want to
00:01:09.800
talk about belief. And more specific than that, I want to talk about the belief in yourself because I
00:01:15.540
talk with men every day who are deflated and defeated and beat up and beating themselves up
00:01:23.880
and not experiencing the results that they want in their lives. Their marriages are on the rocks.
00:01:29.480
Their business is in shambles. They have no relationships. They have no outlets.
00:01:34.820
They have zero confidence. They're putting it on the pounds and they're miserable.
00:01:40.260
And I don't want you to be that way. Not only is it not a good look for society when they see
00:01:49.120
thousands, hundreds of thousands of millions of men who are domesticated and beat up and lost and
00:01:56.100
confused. And there's a lot of reasons for this. And we've been talking about it for the last six
00:02:00.100
years we've been doing this. But the other reason is that you're not going to experience the results
00:02:04.300
that you want. So I want to pose a question to you today. And the question is very simple.
00:02:09.520
But I want you to spend some time really pondering and thinking about the answer to the question
00:02:16.180
that I'll pose to you. And that is how much do you believe in yourself? How much do you believe
00:02:22.460
in yourself? Are you willing to invest in yourself? Are you willing to go the extra mile?
00:02:28.720
Are you willing to take a risk? Are you willing to ask for a promotion? Willing to start a business?
00:02:34.480
Willing to ask that woman on a date? Willing to go first when it comes to doing something hard?
00:02:38.660
Or correcting your behavior? Even in your marriage? Do you believe enough in yourself that you can
00:02:44.440
change and you can improve your behavior? And hopefully that has a positive influence on the
00:02:49.120
woman in your life and your children and other people that you interact with? Because if you don't
00:02:54.040
have that belief, what's to lead you to doing anything different? Man, I want you to believe
00:02:59.120
in yourself. Now you might be saying, some of you anyways, these are from the guys that I get the
00:03:05.640
messages from might be saying, well, I don't have anything to believe in myself about. And I get
00:03:10.300
that. I understand that. I've been there. And sometimes it's very difficult in the demanding
00:03:18.360
environments in which we work and in the wake of maybe past failures for us to believe in ourselves
00:03:24.360
enough to do something that's going to put us on a different path.
00:03:27.860
But if you can't have just even an inkling of belief in yourself, you're not going to do
00:03:34.360
anything different. So where does belief stem from? It stems from action.
00:03:43.020
It stems from you doing something that you did not previously think yourself capable of.
00:03:50.180
See, what a lot of guys will do is they'll just spend their time and spend their days doing the
00:03:53.340
things that they've always done, hoping that they'll get some sort of different result.
00:03:56.340
And of course, we know that that is not going to be the case. They're going to experience the same
00:04:01.380
results. But we do that because it's comfortable. We're in a rut. We're looking for the path of least
00:04:07.240
resistance. And then we get that thing done and we wonder why we don't feel better about where we
00:04:11.360
are in life or better about ourselves. It's because you've already proven to yourself that you can do
00:04:15.980
that, that you can operate at this level. You need to start to prove to yourself that you can operate
00:04:21.180
at a higher level. And when you begin to do that, you'll develop more belief.
00:04:24.820
And the beautiful thing about this is that if you're able to build up belief in yourself in
00:04:30.200
one facet or one area of your life, it's naturally and inevitably going to improve other facets of
00:04:35.680
your life. How could it not? How could it not be the case that if you went to the gym every single
00:04:44.780
day for the next 30 days and you lost a little weight and you got stronger and you made sacrifices
00:04:49.760
and you felt good about who you were becoming in the gym? How could that not improve the
00:04:56.400
relationship with your wife? How could that not improve the relationship that you have with your
00:05:00.600
clients? Even if it's just buried down in there somewhere in your subconscious, if you're more
00:05:06.240
confident, you're going to exude that level of confidence to your clients, to the people that are
00:05:10.680
closest to you. They're going to see that. They're going to be inspired by that. They're going to be
00:05:15.120
influenced by that. If you start locking in your finances, and I know a lot of you guys have
00:05:23.540
finances that are just like brutal right now. I get it. I've been there. I'm not there now,
00:05:29.180
fortunately, but it's taken years and years and almost a decade of me just getting my ass handed
00:05:35.740
to me when it came to my finances before I realized I got to do something different. I've got to get this
00:05:41.020
all dialed in. And how would it not improve your situation if you took a little time and jumped on
00:05:47.260
masterclass or jumped on YouTube or listened to a bunch of podcasts or hired a financial advisor
00:05:51.980
or did it yourself and you started dialing in your finances? How would it not improve the dynamic and
00:05:58.340
the relationship that you have with your wife and your kids? Of course, because you're not going to
00:06:01.780
be so focused and inundated with just thinking about how you're going to make the bills all the time.
00:06:06.640
Instead, you're giving yourself the mental space to be able to engage more deeply and fully with the
00:06:14.340
people that you care about. Just before I hit record on this podcast, my youngest son, he's five
00:06:19.740
years old, came into my office and he said, dad, will you help me build a skateboard? Because his older
00:06:23.780
brother built a skateboard a couple of days ago. Will you help me build a skateboard? We'd been talking
00:06:28.860
about it for the past couple of days. And I said, yeah, sure. I'll help you. And he said, do you
00:06:32.800
promise you'll come out? And I said, yeah, I promise I will come out.
00:06:36.640
And that promise means a lot to me and I want it to mean a lot to him, but I have the capacity to
00:06:43.000
be able to do that, to be able to leave it. It'll be three 30 in the afternoon and spend a couple
00:06:47.260
hours or whatever it takes to build my five-year-old son, a skateboard, because I've done these other
00:06:53.600
things. I've got the finances locked down. I'm getting the fitness dialed in. I'm not perfect on
00:06:59.020
these things, but I'm improving upon them. I'm learning how to communicate more effectively.
00:07:03.100
And I believe in myself enough to create results, not only in that area of life that I'm focused,
00:07:09.200
but other areas that you would almost think are not correlated, but they are.
00:07:14.660
Guys, our entire lives are intertwined. So many men talk about these hats. I'm wearing all these
00:07:19.160
different hats. I got my boss hat on. I got my employee hat. I'm a dad. I'm a father. I've got
00:07:24.540
this charitable organization I belong to, and I'm coaching youth sports. And we take one hat off and
00:07:30.300
put another hat on. There's no hats, guys. There's only one hat. It's your life.
00:07:36.140
And if you're a different guy in every facet of life in which you show up, that's exhausting
00:07:40.160
and it's disingenuous. And it's not going to help you translate that belief in yourself or in one
00:07:45.880
area over to other facets of your life. So how do you develop a belief? You do things that you did
00:07:51.040
not previously think yourself capable of. Now, here's what I see a lot of guys do.
00:07:55.240
And they don't always say this, but here's what they'll do.
00:08:02.300
They'll have an idea in their mind about what they quote unquote should be doing.
00:08:06.340
You can take the gym or the finances or their relationship or their business or whatever,
00:08:09.840
what they should be doing. And what they see is this huge disparity between where they are right
00:08:15.740
now and where they'd like to be. And they have this gap. I call it the integrity gap. It's what you
00:08:21.280
know versus what you do. And the greater the gap, the more discouraged a man's going to be
00:08:26.160
and depressed. I've been there and down and it's a hard place to be.
00:08:31.660
And the wider that gap, the harder it is to see yourself ever bridging that gap.
00:08:38.860
You know, if it's a short gap, like you think to yourself, you know, I really just want to lose
00:08:41.860
five pounds. Okay. Well, that's manageable. That's not going to be overwhelming. You're going to move
00:08:48.420
towards that. If on the other hand, you think, oh, I got to lose 50 pounds. Okay. That's a little
00:08:53.140
bit tougher. That's going to take time. That's going to take commitment. It's going to take effort.
00:08:58.360
It's going to take some ups and downs and learning some lessons and some hardships and being disciplined
00:09:02.420
and committed to that thing that you want to do. And so when men see these wide gaps, what they think
00:09:08.780
is, well, you know, I'll never be there. And they get discouraged and they throw in the towel before
00:09:12.720
they even start. So the way that you combat that is instead of looking at the 50 pounds, you think I'm
00:09:20.620
going to lose five pounds in the next two weeks. That's it. I'm going to, I'm going to eat right. I'm
00:09:26.800
going to lock my diet in. I'm going to get my sleep. I'm going to get my recovery. I'm going to
00:09:30.580
potentially hire a coach. I'm going to lock that in. And in the next two weeks, I'm going to lose
00:09:34.020
five pounds. That's it. You don't need to look any further than that. Then when that two weeks comes,
00:09:39.020
you do it again. Hey, this, this week, I'm going to lose another five pounds or seven pounds or
00:09:43.140
three pounds or whatever you make your adjustments. But the way that you can develop belief in yourself
00:09:48.000
for these big lofty audacious goals is to break it down to smaller, more manageable actions. I'm
00:09:53.820
not even going to say goals actions that you can take on a daily basis. And then when you wake up
00:09:58.540
this morning without hitting the snooze button, like you do every other day, that's a little bit of
00:10:02.880
boost to the belief in yourself. Oh man, maybe I can do this when there's a big,
00:10:08.780
a brownie that your wife cooked on the, on the counter, or one of your children is having a
00:10:14.640
birthday party and there's cake and ice cream. And you're disciplined enough to say, I'm not
00:10:21.440
going to have that. And you don't partake. You build up one little block of belief in yourself
00:10:27.680
that you can actually do this thing. It isn't magic. There aren't men out there who are just
00:10:34.500
naturally better, uh, at this or more confident or just have everything handed to them. I know that
00:10:41.080
I'm going to lead a lot of men who say, well, no, that's the case that actually happens.
00:10:44.760
Yeah. I mean, there might be some exceptions. Sure. There's a series of fortunate events that
00:10:49.180
people fall upon, of course, but it isn't the case for most people. See all the guys that I've
00:10:55.500
talked with who are hyper successful. For example, on this podcast, everybody says, I want to hear from
00:11:00.120
normal guys, regular guys. These are all regular guys who over the past 10, 20, 30, 40 years have
00:11:07.100
done little things, taken little actions consistently day by day and built up enough
00:11:12.680
belief in themselves that at some point through that consistent effort, they become this guy that
00:11:19.380
everybody else looks at and says, man, I wish I could have what he has. You can, you can,
00:11:25.800
it isn't manufactured. It isn't disingenuous. I can tell you from, from experience. I've had
00:11:32.660
what 360 guys now that I've interviewed somewhere right around there. I'm telling you from experience
00:11:38.720
that these are men who have overcome tremendous odds and hardships and challenges, and they've had
00:11:44.460
their own shares of ups and downs and a roller coaster and failures and setbacks and victories and
00:11:50.480
successes and the regular guys. But what's not regular about them is they're willing to invest
00:11:56.740
in themselves. Now, here's one other thing I hear a lot is guys will say, well, you know,
00:12:01.420
like my wife doesn't believe in me. She doesn't support me. Nobody supports me. I'm all alone.
00:12:06.840
Nobody supports me. My boss doesn't believe me. Well, first, why should they? I mean, what reason
00:12:12.100
do they have? Second, you're not obligated, or I should say they're not obligated to believe in you
00:12:16.940
and you're not entitled to their belief in you, but you shouldn't need that. All right. It's nice.
00:12:24.960
You know, if your wife believes in you, that's a good thing. I think that would be nice.
00:12:30.260
If your boss or your coworkers or your teammates or your, whoever, your friends believe in you,
00:12:35.080
that's nice, but we get it so backwards. What we think is that the only way that I can improve
00:12:42.220
and excel and move forward is if other people believe in me. No, that's not how it works.
00:12:46.940
Guys, you have to build up the belief in yourself first. And again, that isn't manufactured. It isn't
00:12:53.960
fabricated. It isn't something that's made up. It's not disingenuous because people will see right
00:12:59.280
through it. It's you knowing what you want, formulating a plan to have it, and then actively
00:13:08.380
working towards that plan. You want to know how many people believed in me when I started Order of Man?
00:13:13.620
Nobody. My wife even questioned what I was doing. My in-laws, my mom, my clients, my financial
00:13:21.100
advisory clients, my partners in my financial planning practice. What are you doing, Ryan? Oh,
00:13:25.740
what are you doing? No belief in me. Did I cry and bitch and moan and complain that, oh,
00:13:31.900
nobody supports me? No, I did it anyways. And what gave me the faith to do it? Well, I had another
00:13:38.260
podcast and it was fairly successful. And I started a couple other businesses that were fairly
00:13:43.320
successful. And I knew that if I could do it there, I could certainly do it here. So I drew
00:13:47.400
upon other experiences to create what you have in front of you and in your earbuds right now.
00:13:52.160
So if you want people to believe in you, again, that's a nice thing. Then you believe in yourself
00:13:58.680
and more importantly than that, do the work. And what ends up happening is more and more people
00:14:02.920
believe in you. And then it's just like fuel to the fire, but the fire's on you. You got to start
00:14:09.560
your own fire. Guys, figure out what you want. Make commitments to yourself, be disciplined. And I'll
00:14:17.440
tell you when it counts the most. It always counts, by the way. If you do the work, it counts. But I'll
00:14:23.380
tell you where I think it counts the most. It's when you don't want to do it. If you want to go to
00:14:29.280
the gym and you feel good about that, it still counts. It's still important, but it doesn't count
00:14:34.720
as much as the days that you don't want to go. Because it's not just about building muscle or losing
00:14:39.760
weight or whatever your goal is. It's about your mindset. And when you feel good about it and you go do it,
00:14:44.660
it's not going to do as much for your mind as if you feel shitty about doing it and yet you still
00:14:49.240
go do it. So know what you want. Have a plan. Have a system in place. Act it out. Small steps,
00:15:00.520
gradual steps. Look at what has happened in the past. Hire coaches and mentors that can show you
00:15:07.520
the path and give you tools and insight and direction that you wouldn't normally have. Have faith
00:15:14.660
you don't want to talk about belief in yourself. Where's your level of faith?
00:15:20.320
What have you done in the past? Because we've all done good in the past.
00:15:24.640
Like there's things that we've gotten right. You have gotten right. I've gotten right. Of course,
00:15:28.480
there's things we've all gotten wrong, but there's things that you've gotten right. What are they?
00:15:32.660
What are your strengths? Where do you thrive? Where do you excel? How did it make you feel when you
00:15:37.880
were doing that? When you were engaged in those strengths and those activities where you were thriving and
00:15:42.960
doing well, draw upon that as fuel to be able to push yourself into new environments. Guys, you can
00:15:48.240
do it. I want you to do it. And society needs you to do it, by the way. You know, we talk a lot about
00:15:52.980
ourselves and how to improve ourselves and it's very, very important, but we're in this cultural
00:15:57.380
climate right now where people need us to do things, to step up, to lead, to be bold and courageous
00:16:09.160
and assertive, to be capable. You know, men are portrayed as the bumbling buffoons and they're
00:16:15.320
put up on a mantle or up on the wall that says, you know, in case of emergency, break here, break
00:16:19.760
glass here. That's how men are looked at at best. At worst, we're looked at as either unnecessary or a
00:16:29.820
detriment to the greater good of society. And it isn't lost on me or any wonder to me why we see a
00:16:39.400
completely degenerate culture in society, the breakdown of the nuclear family, the breakdown
00:16:44.420
of traditional values, the breakdown of personal responsibility and accountability. We're seeing
00:16:49.800
crime rates. We're seeing drug abuse. We're seeing suicide and depression. People need you guys.
00:16:57.920
But you can't be there for them if you don't have enough belief in yourself.
00:17:05.100
And it isn't just some magical fairy wand that I wave over your head and say, you can do this
00:17:10.140
because that's what you're going to hear on a lot of other podcasts. You can do it. Believe in
00:17:13.560
yourself. You're special. And then deep down inside, you know, you aren't, you know, you wake up and you
00:17:20.520
listen to this motivational podcast and they say you're special. And you're like, man, I feel good for
00:17:23.940
like five minutes before reality smacks you in the teeth and says, no, you're not doing what you
00:17:28.500
should be doing. You know that. So it's not about the motivation. It's not about the fluffy
00:17:36.820
fairy tale stuff. It's about putting in the work, going into the grind, doing it when you don't want
00:17:44.060
to do it. And you're going to feel better. And you're going to develop confidence and belief
00:17:50.680
and faith in yourself. And as you begin to do that, your people, your family, your wife, your kids,
00:18:00.300
your neighbors, your teammates, your employees, your employers, your clients, your people
00:18:06.060
are going to see it and they're going to be positively impacted by it. And isn't that what we
00:18:12.060
want? You know, there's a, there's a, there's a big movement of men who think that they can just
00:18:18.960
completely disengage from society and the world is out to get them and screw everything and screw
00:18:24.000
off to everybody, but that's not you. You want to be valuable. You want to be of service to other
00:18:32.980
people. You want to lead effectively. It says it right here on my hat, protect, provide, preside.
00:18:38.840
You want to do those things. You want to protect others. You want to provide where you can for
00:18:43.500
yourself, your family, and those less fortunate than you. You want to lead that's preside. You want to
00:18:48.100
lead effectively. You want to lead and help people get to a place they could not have imagined going
00:18:53.320
on their own. But it starts here. It starts in the belief in yourself. It starts with knowing what you
00:18:59.980
want, formulating a plan, coming up with a set of strategies or tactics that you can employ,
00:19:08.180
and then doing it. And then there's one last point to that, to actually go back and review and say,
00:19:14.460
you know, I did pretty good today. And you should do that, by the way.
00:19:21.300
You should feel good about your wins. You should feel good when you thrive. You should feel good
00:19:26.100
and be proud of succeeding. People don't want you to be proud. Oh, don't be proud. Well, yeah,
00:19:30.880
there's excessive pride and arrogance and ego that'll get you into trouble.
00:19:34.140
But then there's pride in yourself, which is what we're talking about. How much do you believe in
00:19:39.080
yourself? I'm a proud person. I think that's different than being prideful, right? Pride
00:19:44.500
full, not full of pride, but proud of what I've done. And I believe in what I can do.
00:19:50.700
And I prove it to myself and other people every single day. And that's what it's going to take.
00:19:56.340
So guys, think about that this weekend. Maybe you're doing some chores around the house right now.
00:20:01.480
Maybe you're on a run. Maybe you're driving home from work and you're listening to this podcast.
00:20:05.720
I want you to just turn everything off, hit stop, hit pause, whatever. Don't listen to another
00:20:11.300
podcast, turn the music down and just ask yourself, how much do I believe in myself? Really? Like how
00:20:16.600
much? Are you willing to put your money where your mouth is? Are you willing to take that risk that
00:20:21.680
you've always wanted to take? Are you willing to start that business? You're willing to ask that woman
00:20:27.260
if she'll marry you? You're willing to ask for a promotion or take on an assignment at work
00:20:32.800
or do something challenging and scary? Are you? If you are, then maybe you do have some belief in
00:20:38.840
yourself. But if there's any sort of passivity in that or timidness, or I won't do that,
00:20:45.720
then you don't believe in yourself enough and you got work to do and it's okay. It's good. The first
00:20:50.400
step is to recognize and acknowledge that it's there because if you don't acknowledge it,
00:20:53.320
nothing you can do about it. I want you to do something about it. You can do something about
00:20:57.980
it, but it requires effort, requires work. So get after it. Think about that this weekend.
00:21:03.580
Let me know what you think about this podcast, not just this podcast, but this conversation in
00:21:06.920
general, if it serves and helps you. If you have other ideas and thoughts, hit me up on Instagram.
00:21:12.020
That's where I'm most active on Instagram at Ryan Mickler, M-I-C-H-L-E-R is my last name. So
00:21:17.820
at Ryan Mickler. And I try to answer as many direct messages as I can. It's becoming increasingly
00:21:22.700
difficult, admittedly. But I do try to be very active with you guys because this is a community.
00:21:27.920
This is a movement. We're building something here. I'm glad you're part of it. I'm glad to be part of
00:21:33.220
it. I'm proud of it. So let's get after it. All right, guys, make it a great weekend. We will catch
00:21:40.980
you on Tuesday of next week. Until then, go out there, take action, and become the man you are meant to be.
00:21:46.840
Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life
00:21:51.480
and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the Order at orderofman.com.