Order of Man - September 06, 2024


How the Comparison Trap Can Serve You ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES


Episode Stats

Length

25 minutes

Words per Minute

172.82492

Word Count

4,484

Sentence Count

166

Misogynist Sentences

2

Hate Speech Sentences

2


Summary

Comparing yourself to other people can be a powerful tool for self development and self improvement, but it can also be a negative tool that keeps you from moving forward in your life and stifling your growth and progress. In this episode, we discuss the comparison trap and how to eliminate it from your life.


Transcript

00:00:00.000 Comparison is not the thief of joy.
00:00:03.100 Unhealthier, toxic comparison is the thief of joy.
00:00:06.620 Purge it, get rid of it, exclude it,
00:00:09.260 eliminate it from your life.
00:00:10.980 Individuals who are doing better than you
00:00:13.440 in areas that you want to improve and ask yourself,
00:00:16.140 is this inspiring me?
00:00:17.880 Is this motivating me?
00:00:19.540 Is this compelling me to do better?
00:00:21.460 And if it is, then you're using comparison
00:00:24.040 as a very powerful tool
00:00:25.900 for self-development improvement in your life.
00:00:27.700 But healthy, positive, edifying comparison
00:00:31.500 might actually bring you more fulfillment
00:00:33.840 than you have right now.
00:00:36.080 You're a man of action.
00:00:37.780 You live life to the fullest.
00:00:39.240 Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.
00:00:42.160 When life knocks you down,
00:00:43.520 you get back up one more time, every time.
00:00:46.580 You are not easily deterred or defeated.
00:00:48.860 Rugged, resilient, strong.
00:00:51.680 This is your life.
00:00:52.780 This is who you are.
00:00:54.180 This is who you will become at the end of the day
00:00:56.780 and after all is said and done,
00:00:58.940 you can call yourself a man.
00:01:01.840 Men, today I want to talk with you
00:01:03.340 about the comparison trap.
00:01:05.120 Every single one of us has heard of it.
00:01:06.980 Every single one of us has fallen
00:01:08.360 into the comparison trap
00:01:09.820 and it ends up stifling growth
00:01:12.820 and progress and expansion
00:01:14.160 and just positive, optimistic feelings in your life.
00:01:17.980 And one thing I've been really focusing on lately
00:01:20.340 is trying to be more optimistic
00:01:21.980 and hopeful and positive
00:01:24.260 about the thoughts that I allow to enter into my brain.
00:01:27.760 And when we fall into the comparison trap
00:01:29.680 and we negatively compare ourselves to others,
00:01:32.400 it's hard for us to move forward in confidence.
00:01:35.580 It's hard for us to feel good
00:01:36.880 about maybe the work that we've done up to this point.
00:01:39.140 We feel inferior, we feel inadequate,
00:01:41.860 and we lose hope in improvement and getting better.
00:01:46.280 So today I'm gonna share with you
00:01:47.620 three very simple things that you can do
00:01:49.780 to eliminate the negative effects of comparison trap.
00:01:54.920 Now, I will say that comparing yourself
00:01:58.660 to other people in a healthy way
00:02:00.920 is actually a good thing.
00:02:03.040 And done correctly, comparing to what is possible,
00:02:07.220 comparing in a healthy way
00:02:08.800 will lead to positivity and growth
00:02:12.000 and fostering feelings of encouragement
00:02:15.560 and optimism and hope for your future.
00:02:19.240 So it's really, really important
00:02:21.540 that first and foremost,
00:02:22.940 we are able to differentiate
00:02:24.680 between when it's positive and when it's negative.
00:02:29.040 Now we hear a lot of different phrases.
00:02:30.720 One of the phrases that immediately comes to mind for me
00:02:33.600 is comparison is the thief of joy.
00:02:38.180 Look, guys, I know it's important to be happy
00:02:40.600 and joyful and optimistic and hopeful in your life.
00:02:44.060 It is for me, and if we have those feelings,
00:02:47.600 then I believe that we're much more likely
00:02:49.720 to move forward with the actions
00:02:52.440 that need to be taken to improve our lives.
00:02:55.020 If comparing yourself is robbing you from that,
00:02:58.820 then obviously we need to eliminate that.
00:03:00.920 But where does comparison actually serve you?
00:03:03.420 Let's talk about it today.
00:03:04.560 I'm gonna jump right into it.
00:03:05.940 I'm gonna weave some other conversations
00:03:07.440 into this discussion today,
00:03:09.660 but this is something that I've really been thinking about
00:03:12.640 and pondering on, and of course,
00:03:14.340 I've gotten a lot of good feedback
00:03:15.300 from other guests that have been
00:03:17.400 on the Order of Man podcast,
00:03:18.680 and I would highly encourage you
00:03:20.100 to subscribe to this podcast
00:03:22.020 so you never miss an episode with our guests.
00:03:24.920 So number one, if you wanna do comparison
00:03:27.800 in a healthy way,
00:03:30.020 then the first thing you need to acknowledge
00:03:31.680 and recognize is that it's your job
00:03:33.700 to find other people who are doing
00:03:36.640 what you wanna be doing
00:03:38.100 and achieving the results that you want to achieve.
00:03:41.760 Again, there's nothing wrong
00:03:43.400 with comparing yourself to other people
00:03:45.820 if it edifies and uplifts you.
00:03:48.740 If it demoralizes and demeans what you're doing,
00:03:52.040 then you know that's not a good use of your time.
00:03:55.840 But I look to all sorts of people every single day,
00:03:59.700 many of which have been on this podcast,
00:04:01.760 and I don't have any thoughts of negativity.
00:04:05.920 I don't demoralize or demean or belittle myself
00:04:09.800 when I see that somebody else is producing
00:04:11.720 at a higher level than I am.
00:04:13.460 In fact, a lot of these guys are very encouraging
00:04:16.440 and hopeful and optimistic to me
00:04:18.200 and very supportive, by the way.
00:04:21.340 That's what I found is that the successful people
00:04:23.460 that I wanna surround myself with
00:04:25.200 are encouraging and supportive of what I'm doing,
00:04:28.720 and they uplift me.
00:04:30.140 They don't push me down.
00:04:32.000 Now, there are those who will push you down,
00:04:34.220 and those are people we need to avoid.
00:04:36.380 But the first step in using comparison to your advantage
00:04:40.360 is to acknowledge that there are people out ahead of you.
00:04:44.720 And we do not, for the most part,
00:04:46.920 operate in a zero-sum game
00:04:48.820 where if somebody else is succeeding,
00:04:50.960 then you're automatically losing.
00:04:52.800 Imagine that in the context of the gym, for example.
00:04:56.660 Let's say you go to the gym,
00:04:57.700 you get up at five, six o'clock every morning,
00:05:00.140 you go into the gym,
00:05:01.120 you see some guys that are more fit than you,
00:05:03.440 more strong than you,
00:05:04.640 more capable than you,
00:05:05.800 and you see some guys who are less fit,
00:05:08.260 maybe a little overweight,
00:05:09.800 maybe not as strong as you might be.
00:05:12.680 But when you go into the gym,
00:05:15.400 do you believe for a second
00:05:16.660 that if one man gets strong,
00:05:19.620 that he's taking away your ability to build strength?
00:05:23.360 Of course not,
00:05:24.200 because we really don't operate in a zero-sum game
00:05:28.120 unless you're being illegal,
00:05:30.360 immoral,
00:05:30.800 or unethical.
00:05:32.460 Even in a capitalistic society,
00:05:34.640 and I know competition,
00:05:36.180 we can talk about that,
00:05:37.720 so there might be
00:05:38.860 some competition for resources
00:05:41.620 or for clients,
00:05:43.060 but again,
00:05:43.700 we're not operating in a zero-sum game.
00:05:46.100 We've got, what,
00:05:46.980 eight and a half,
00:05:47.780 maybe even closer to nine billion people on the planet.
00:05:50.860 There's no way that I can service
00:05:52.680 with the amount of resources and assets
00:05:55.700 that I have within my business,
00:05:57.060 nine billion people,
00:05:58.440 or even four and a half billion
00:06:00.140 if we're talking about just men,
00:06:02.220 because that's who we market to.
00:06:04.140 When I get into this mentality of zero-sum
00:06:07.600 or competing with other people,
00:06:09.460 then it's easy for me to fall into a negative space
00:06:12.960 where I start comparing myself
00:06:15.000 to what other people are doing
00:06:16.660 and how they're doing it.
00:06:18.140 Now, I use comparison
00:06:19.500 even for those people in my current space
00:06:22.020 who are out ahead of me
00:06:23.200 to show me what is possible,
00:06:25.280 and that's the differentiating factor here.
00:06:28.980 If you can look at somebody and say,
00:06:31.140 man, that guy's paving the way.
00:06:33.540 I remember years ago
00:06:34.700 when Joe Rogan struck a deal with Spotify,
00:06:38.220 and I can't remember the exact numbers,
00:06:39.880 but if I recall,
00:06:41.080 his contract was reported
00:06:42.480 to be over $300 million
00:06:45.060 to sign that contract with Spotify.
00:06:48.420 Does that take away from what I'm doing?
00:06:51.940 No.
00:06:53.140 It paves the way.
00:06:54.160 It actually proves that podcasting
00:06:55.960 is a viable,
00:06:58.180 economically sustainable business model.
00:07:01.440 So it's not diminishing what I'm doing.
00:07:04.420 If anything, it's edifying and uplifting
00:07:06.160 what it is I'm doing.
00:07:08.320 But if I look at it and think,
00:07:09.680 well, man, you know,
00:07:10.520 Joe Rogan got this $300 million Spotify deal,
00:07:13.380 so there's nothing I can do to achieve that,
00:07:16.860 or that's less money on the table for me,
00:07:19.100 then of course I'm going to have
00:07:20.660 negative feelings about it.
00:07:22.540 I'm going to beat myself up about it.
00:07:24.240 I'm going to call myself a loser
00:07:25.440 because I'm not achieving what he's achieving,
00:07:27.260 and it's going to create problems for me.
00:07:30.200 So I think the first step
00:07:33.020 in defeating this comparison trap mentality
00:07:35.600 and instead just realizing
00:07:37.100 that there's people who are doing it better than you
00:07:38.880 and using it as fuel
00:07:39.980 is acknowledging that those people
00:07:43.140 are doing something right,
00:07:45.260 and it's not a zero-sum game.
00:07:47.360 They're not taking anything away from you,
00:07:49.120 and instead they're illuminating,
00:07:51.360 whether it's directly or indirectly,
00:07:53.180 a path that you can follow
00:07:54.500 to improve in your own life.
00:07:56.640 And part of the way that we deal with that
00:07:58.380 is just asking for help.
00:08:00.740 Let's go back to the gym analogy.
00:08:02.480 Let's say you go into the gym every day,
00:08:04.140 and you see this guy,
00:08:05.220 and he's shredded, and he's jacked,
00:08:06.480 and he's ripped, and you bump into him,
00:08:08.140 or you're using some of the same machines,
00:08:10.280 but you've never made any reasonable attempt
00:08:13.720 to connect with him.
00:08:15.100 I would encourage you to say,
00:08:16.700 hey, man, we bump into each other
00:08:18.300 every single morning at the gym.
00:08:20.260 Sometimes we trip over the weights or the machines,
00:08:22.360 but I'm Ryan.
00:08:23.360 What's your name?
00:08:25.420 And then maybe a week later,
00:08:26.880 it's like, hey, Joe, we met last week.
00:08:29.620 Things seem like they're going well for you.
00:08:31.100 Everything good?
00:08:32.580 And then maybe the following week,
00:08:33.920 it's like, hey, look, I notice your physique.
00:08:36.520 You're stronger than I am.
00:08:38.540 I'm trying to improve my own physique
00:08:40.140 or my performance,
00:08:41.160 or I'm doing this competition.
00:08:43.220 Do you have any pointers on building strength
00:08:45.300 or any pointers on rounding out my shoulders
00:08:47.840 or any pointers on how to do a proper form deadlift?
00:08:51.700 Whatever.
00:08:52.140 But it's really, really important
00:08:54.940 that we think of these things
00:08:56.400 in a positive, supportive, uplifting way,
00:09:01.880 and an abundance mentality
00:09:04.980 as opposed to the scarcity zero-sum mentality.
00:09:08.000 That shift alone,
00:09:10.180 if you can get out of the idea
00:09:11.340 that if somebody else gets, I lose,
00:09:13.200 if you can get out of that idea,
00:09:14.740 then I don't think you'll ever find yourself
00:09:17.000 comparing in a negative way.
00:09:19.140 So that's point number one,
00:09:20.040 is look for people who are doing
00:09:21.460 what you want to be doing
00:09:22.560 and then model them,
00:09:25.640 build relationships with them,
00:09:27.260 connect with them,
00:09:28.500 support them,
00:09:29.260 and asking them for help.
00:09:30.860 Number two,
00:09:32.020 I always look for humility in people.
00:09:34.560 You know, there's plenty of people
00:09:36.920 who are more successful
00:09:38.000 and there's plenty of people
00:09:39.380 who are less successful than I am.
00:09:42.200 For the people who are more successful,
00:09:44.180 I realize they're doing something right,
00:09:46.680 but I'm going to look for a humble person.
00:09:50.460 If somebody's egotistical or arrogant
00:09:53.400 or has excessive pride,
00:09:55.000 then that is going to rub off
00:09:57.740 and I'm not really interested
00:09:59.600 in exhibiting that behavior
00:10:01.860 for myself or towards any of you.
00:10:05.140 Now, that's not to say
00:10:05.880 I don't fall into that trap
00:10:07.060 from time to time.
00:10:07.900 We're all human.
00:10:08.560 We all make mistakes
00:10:09.400 and we all get pride
00:10:10.620 and vanity at times,
00:10:12.600 but if I see other people
00:10:14.400 that are doing better than I am,
00:10:15.920 but they're not humble about it,
00:10:17.280 that's not somebody
00:10:18.260 I'm interested in following.
00:10:19.320 And I can't do that.
00:10:23.900 I can't follow somebody
00:10:25.340 who isn't willing to help and serve,
00:10:27.320 who doesn't have that servant's heart,
00:10:29.400 who doesn't want to teach
00:10:30.720 and coach and educate and inspire.
00:10:33.080 They could have all the success in the world,
00:10:35.640 all the tangible and immeasurable success
00:10:37.940 that I want to have,
00:10:39.100 but if they're not humble
00:10:40.020 about the way that they're achieving it,
00:10:42.080 I'm not interested in forming
00:10:43.620 a relationship with that person
00:10:44.960 because that is toxic behavior.
00:10:47.740 And if they're exhibiting toxic behavior
00:10:50.380 and I'm modeling who they are,
00:10:53.500 what they're doing,
00:10:54.080 or how they show up,
00:10:55.040 then I naturally am going to exhibit
00:10:57.620 some of the same traits and behaviors.
00:10:59.940 And I'm not interested in being arrogant,
00:11:02.840 egotistical,
00:11:03.380 or exhibiting excessive pride.
00:11:05.540 I'm interested in humility,
00:11:08.080 kindness,
00:11:09.240 empathy,
00:11:10.220 grace,
00:11:11.580 a servant's heart,
00:11:12.800 a desire to lead,
00:11:13.760 a desire to coach
00:11:14.580 and train and educate,
00:11:16.080 a desire to see people do things
00:11:17.780 that maybe I haven't even been able to do
00:11:19.800 in my own personal life.
00:11:21.380 But it's the humility
00:11:22.360 that I'm looking for in an individual.
00:11:23.940 When we follow actors
00:11:26.180 or celebrities
00:11:27.040 or musicians
00:11:28.080 or Instagram influencers
00:11:30.080 or podcasters
00:11:31.400 and they're so full of themselves,
00:11:34.160 that creates toxic traits in us
00:11:37.540 and it makes us angry.
00:11:39.420 And you may not even acknowledge it,
00:11:40.720 but it makes us angry,
00:11:41.900 even subconsciously
00:11:43.080 and irritable
00:11:43.860 and impatient
00:11:45.140 and intolerant.
00:11:47.220 And these are not characteristics
00:11:48.660 that I personally want to exhibit
00:11:50.320 and I don't think they're characteristics
00:11:51.720 you want to exhibit.
00:11:52.540 If, on the other hand,
00:11:54.320 you have a very successful person
00:11:56.240 that you're modeling
00:11:56.960 or you're inspired by,
00:11:58.740 but they're humble,
00:12:00.380 they reach out to their audience.
00:12:02.980 They serve their audience.
00:12:04.360 When you message them,
00:12:05.560 they may message you back.
00:12:07.700 They may want to connect with you.
00:12:09.440 Maybe they remember your name
00:12:10.660 or remember something
00:12:11.400 about a previous conversation.
00:12:13.440 Maybe they're very gracious
00:12:14.500 after their presentation
00:12:16.520 at the last conference you went to
00:12:18.020 and they shook your hand
00:12:18.920 and they looked you in the eye
00:12:19.960 and they gave you time and attention
00:12:21.300 like you were the only person
00:12:22.440 in the room.
00:12:23.500 That's people that we should follow.
00:12:26.020 Those are the kind of men
00:12:27.100 that we want to be like.
00:12:28.620 That's the kind of behavior
00:12:29.740 that we want to emulate.
00:12:31.280 And anybody who does not exhibit
00:12:32.760 that behavior,
00:12:33.660 we just can't support.
00:12:35.900 We can't follow.
00:12:37.780 We can't pay for their events
00:12:39.340 or their programs
00:12:40.760 or their courses or whatever.
00:12:42.160 And we cannot support
00:12:43.460 those individuals
00:12:44.140 because we don't support
00:12:45.160 those behaviors in ourselves.
00:12:47.560 Therefore, we're not going to edify them
00:12:49.500 in other people.
00:12:50.300 That's point number two.
00:12:52.160 Look for humility
00:12:53.040 and find those leaders
00:12:54.480 who you're inspired by
00:12:55.920 who are humble.
00:12:57.860 Number three,
00:12:59.420 if you feel compelled
00:13:01.400 to engage in toxic behavior
00:13:04.480 because you're following somebody,
00:13:06.880 whether it's personally
00:13:08.140 or even on social media,
00:13:09.880 if you're compelled
00:13:10.920 to engage in toxic behavior,
00:13:13.820 purge them from your life.
00:13:15.580 I'll give you a small example.
00:13:17.460 And by the way,
00:13:18.200 when I say this,
00:13:18.960 I want to throw this disclaimer out here
00:13:20.100 because I'm going to actually use a name.
00:13:22.340 This does not mean
00:13:23.440 I think less of this person.
00:13:25.040 This does not mean
00:13:25.940 that I think this person
00:13:26.960 does not exhibit the humility
00:13:28.320 I talked about earlier.
00:13:29.600 This does not mean
00:13:30.540 that this person
00:13:31.160 is not somebody
00:13:32.480 worthy of following.
00:13:34.500 What it means
00:13:35.520 is that whatever it was
00:13:36.920 about that person
00:13:37.920 in the moment
00:13:39.000 at the time
00:13:40.080 was causing me
00:13:41.660 to engage in toxic behavior
00:13:43.480 and so I had to purge it.
00:13:45.280 And that person
00:13:46.140 is Brett McKay
00:13:47.400 with Art of Manliness.
00:13:48.600 Again,
00:13:49.540 I'm going to be very clear
00:13:50.660 about this.
00:13:52.320 Brett is doing amazing work.
00:13:54.980 He's leading the charge
00:13:56.700 for masculinity.
00:13:57.760 He's teaching men
00:13:58.540 how to be men.
00:13:59.800 He's doing great work
00:14:01.400 regarding podcasts.
00:14:02.680 He's very intelligent.
00:14:04.040 We have a couple
00:14:04.560 of different paths
00:14:05.400 the way we're communicating it
00:14:07.300 and articulating it
00:14:08.200 to our audiences.
00:14:09.260 But I believe
00:14:10.260 that Brett
00:14:10.660 is doing wonderful work.
00:14:12.180 But for whatever reason
00:14:13.900 and I don't fully
00:14:16.020 even know what it was
00:14:17.260 when I started
00:14:18.800 Order of Man
00:14:19.560 about nine and a half
00:14:21.020 almost ten years ago now
00:14:22.220 I wanted to be like Brett.
00:14:25.780 I saw what he was doing.
00:14:27.900 I saw what he was creating.
00:14:29.880 I saw how he was leading
00:14:31.040 and how he was serving
00:14:32.040 and I thought
00:14:32.840 this is the model.
00:14:34.380 This is what I want to do.
00:14:36.420 And what I found
00:14:37.540 is that I was constantly
00:14:38.640 comparing myself
00:14:39.500 to him.
00:14:40.260 My social media following
00:14:42.220 the amount of podcast downloads
00:14:44.900 what kind of guests
00:14:46.520 I was getting
00:14:47.060 on my podcast
00:14:47.940 and I became
00:14:49.140 almost in a way
00:14:50.180 obsessive
00:14:51.000 over what Brett
00:14:52.460 was doing
00:14:53.140 at the expense
00:14:55.100 of my own work
00:14:56.580 and every time
00:14:58.480 I saw that
00:14:59.080 he had
00:14:59.720 a guest
00:15:00.720 that I wanted
00:15:01.260 that said no to me
00:15:02.360 or he
00:15:04.180 grew his account
00:15:05.240 by more than
00:15:05.980 what I happened
00:15:06.680 to grow my account
00:15:07.600 for for the week.
00:15:09.600 Whatever little
00:15:10.320 comparison metric
00:15:11.260 I fell into
00:15:11.980 it was toxic
00:15:13.740 to me.
00:15:14.400 I didn't feel good.
00:15:15.500 It did not give me
00:15:16.680 a sense of hope
00:15:17.880 and optimism.
00:15:18.940 I was discouraged
00:15:20.120 when I saw it.
00:15:21.120 I was frustrated
00:15:22.160 when I saw it
00:15:23.360 and I made
00:15:24.720 the smartest decision
00:15:25.720 I ever could have made
00:15:26.780 when it comes to
00:15:27.440 falling into this
00:15:28.180 negative comparison trap
00:15:29.380 and I just
00:15:30.340 purged
00:15:31.240 him from
00:15:32.720 my life
00:15:34.100 in this case
00:15:34.600 from my social media feed
00:15:36.000 and I didn't see it
00:15:37.740 anymore.
00:15:39.000 I unsubscribed
00:15:40.060 to his emails.
00:15:41.200 I stopped following
00:15:42.200 his Instagram account
00:15:43.560 because for whatever
00:15:45.080 reason at the moment
00:15:45.960 I was in
00:15:46.400 in that point
00:15:47.240 in my life
00:15:47.800 and that point
00:15:48.220 in my business
00:15:48.760 it just wasn't
00:15:49.920 producing positive
00:15:51.160 healthy outcomes.
00:15:52.840 So I stopped
00:15:53.340 following.
00:15:53.960 I stopped
00:15:54.400 looking at his emails.
00:15:56.020 I stopped visiting
00:15:56.600 his website.
00:15:57.360 I stopped
00:15:57.660 going to check out
00:15:59.940 his YouTube channel.
00:16:01.080 I just stopped
00:16:02.040 and out of sight
00:16:04.200 out of mind.
00:16:04.800 lo and behold
00:16:06.060 when I stopped
00:16:06.880 it really wasn't
00:16:07.880 about Brett anymore.
00:16:10.100 It was about
00:16:10.900 what I wanted
00:16:11.480 to create.
00:16:12.520 It gave me
00:16:13.240 the capacity
00:16:13.820 and the time
00:16:14.280 and the space
00:16:14.760 and even the margin
00:16:15.520 to think about
00:16:16.320 how I wanted
00:16:17.200 to create this movement.
00:16:18.140 Now
00:16:18.260 after 10 years
00:16:19.560 we can see
00:16:20.180 that Brett's track
00:16:21.300 is a little different
00:16:22.020 than my track
00:16:22.840 and both are great.
00:16:23.840 There's no problem
00:16:24.620 with either
00:16:25.040 but by purging
00:16:27.200 that from my life
00:16:28.140 it allowed me
00:16:29.060 the space
00:16:29.660 that I need
00:16:30.120 and even the permission
00:16:31.120 that I needed
00:16:31.700 to move on
00:16:32.780 and not have
00:16:33.480 to consume myself
00:16:34.460 with what somebody
00:16:35.280 over here
00:16:35.820 was doing.
00:16:36.540 It was robbing
00:16:37.560 me of my joy.
00:16:39.760 That comparison
00:16:40.780 trap I fell
00:16:41.620 into with him
00:16:42.700 in particular
00:16:43.220 was robbing
00:16:43.880 me of my joy.
00:16:45.560 Now
00:16:45.820 that being said
00:16:47.120 today
00:16:47.580 I follow Brett.
00:16:49.900 I do subscribe
00:16:50.640 to his emails.
00:16:51.520 I do listen
00:16:52.220 to his podcast.
00:16:53.360 I do see
00:16:53.920 what he's doing
00:16:54.400 on YouTube
00:16:54.940 because
00:16:56.020 the way
00:16:56.980 that I view
00:16:57.440 it now
00:16:57.880 is no longer
00:16:58.760 in competition
00:16:59.600 and it's no longer
00:17:00.760 creating any sort
00:17:01.740 of toxic feeling
00:17:02.800 for me.
00:17:04.000 It's very positive.
00:17:05.180 It's very encouraging.
00:17:06.120 It's very uplifting.
00:17:07.260 I'm inspired by it.
00:17:08.580 I see what he does
00:17:09.280 and I'm like
00:17:09.540 oh that's interesting
00:17:10.460 or that's unique
00:17:11.940 or I never considered that
00:17:13.540 or there's a guest
00:17:14.520 I might want to get
00:17:15.320 on my podcast
00:17:15.900 and ask
00:17:16.600 some different questions
00:17:18.180 but that's the litmus test.
00:17:20.640 How do you feel
00:17:21.760 when you compare yourself
00:17:23.340 to other people?
00:17:24.960 Most will say
00:17:25.780 don't ever compare yourself
00:17:26.800 to others.
00:17:27.460 I don't agree.
00:17:28.840 I think it's very important
00:17:29.900 that we find
00:17:30.460 point number one
00:17:31.200 people who are doing
00:17:32.140 better than us
00:17:33.100 in the avenue
00:17:33.760 that we want to
00:17:34.660 improve in
00:17:35.520 and then emulate
00:17:37.540 model
00:17:38.220 copy
00:17:38.960 grow
00:17:40.040 learn from
00:17:41.040 those people
00:17:41.800 but the litmus test
00:17:44.580 is
00:17:44.900 how does this
00:17:45.860 comparison
00:17:46.340 make you feel
00:17:47.280 and the very simple
00:17:48.960 question is this
00:17:49.880 does this person
00:17:51.660 undermine
00:17:53.480 what I'm trying to do
00:17:54.440 or at least
00:17:55.100 my perception
00:17:55.880 of this person
00:17:56.560 or the relationship
00:17:57.240 I have with this individual
00:17:58.300 whether it's indirect
00:17:59.060 or non-direct
00:17:59.740 or direct
00:18:01.220 does it
00:18:02.520 undermine
00:18:03.420 what I'm trying to do
00:18:04.240 does it make me feel
00:18:05.040 bad
00:18:05.720 in some way
00:18:06.960 or does it
00:18:08.200 inspire
00:18:09.000 me
00:18:09.680 does it cause me
00:18:11.900 to reflect
00:18:12.360 on what I might
00:18:13.180 be able to do better
00:18:13.960 and how I can do it better
00:18:15.420 and is it encouraging
00:18:16.460 and edifying
00:18:17.040 and uplifting
00:18:17.600 if it's that
00:18:19.080 comparison
00:18:20.020 is a beautiful
00:18:21.020 beautiful thing
00:18:21.760 it shows you
00:18:22.720 what is possible
00:18:23.480 you don't even know
00:18:24.760 what's possible
00:18:25.520 because we operate
00:18:26.940 inside of these boxes
00:18:28.000 that we create
00:18:28.660 ourselves
00:18:29.160 if
00:18:32.020 and I use the gym
00:18:32.820 all the time
00:18:33.320 because it's a simple
00:18:34.080 analogy to be able to use
00:18:35.500 but if we're at the gym
00:18:36.600 and all we've ever
00:18:37.800 deadlifted
00:18:38.580 is 250 pounds
00:18:40.820 it's really hard
00:18:42.320 for a person
00:18:43.000 to fathom
00:18:43.700 the fact
00:18:44.120 that they might
00:18:44.700 be able to lift
00:18:45.320 double that
00:18:46.760 400 pounds
00:18:49.000 or two and a half times
00:18:50.240 500 pounds
00:18:51.400 it's very difficult
00:18:53.720 for us to fathom that
00:18:54.740 now you might say
00:18:55.640 well I'm at 200 now
00:18:56.820 or 250 now
00:18:57.520 I could definitely
00:18:58.400 get to 300
00:18:59.100 but it's limiting
00:19:00.820 because you can only
00:19:03.440 stretch so far
00:19:04.500 outside of the
00:19:05.160 Overton window
00:19:06.000 the Overton window
00:19:07.420 is the window
00:19:07.980 in which you operate
00:19:08.860 and if it's at the gym
00:19:09.740 it's like
00:19:10.180 you know
00:19:10.540 I know I can do 250
00:19:11.580 and I might be able
00:19:12.260 to push to 300
00:19:13.060 but 400
00:19:15.180 that's not possible
00:19:16.140 for me
00:19:16.680 500
00:19:18.120 never
00:19:18.980 I would never
00:19:19.900 be able to pull
00:19:20.560 500
00:19:21.060 so if you're
00:19:24.200 not comparing
00:19:25.100 yourself to other
00:19:25.960 men
00:19:26.380 then you're always
00:19:27.320 going to operate
00:19:27.920 in that Overton
00:19:28.640 window
00:19:29.020 but if you know
00:19:30.620 in your heart of
00:19:31.160 hearts that you
00:19:31.780 can actually get
00:19:32.480 better than what
00:19:33.140 you perceive yourself
00:19:33.940 to be able to do
00:19:34.520 currently
00:19:35.060 then you have to
00:19:36.320 compare yourself
00:19:36.900 to other people
00:19:37.560 I have to look
00:19:39.380 at somebody like
00:19:40.000 Joe Rogan
00:19:40.480 and say
00:19:40.840 oh that's possible
00:19:42.260 I have to look
00:19:44.500 at the strongest
00:19:45.080 men that I know
00:19:45.800 and say
00:19:46.200 hey I'm pulling
00:19:46.980 250 300 pounds
00:19:48.540 these guys are
00:19:49.380 pulling five
00:19:49.920 550 600 pounds
00:19:51.160 I guess it's
00:19:52.480 possible
00:19:53.000 it expands
00:19:55.660 our horizons
00:19:56.540 it opens us up
00:19:57.420 to new
00:19:57.860 possibilities
00:19:58.600 and so I hate
00:19:59.580 the phrase
00:20:00.140 comparison
00:20:01.040 is the thief
00:20:01.980 of joy
00:20:02.460 because it
00:20:03.200 doesn't articulate
00:20:04.100 the nuance
00:20:04.940 and the nuance
00:20:06.560 is that there's
00:20:07.120 actually a really
00:20:07.900 healthy way
00:20:08.600 to look at
00:20:09.160 comparing yourself
00:20:09.880 to other people
00:20:10.660 there's
00:20:12.600 there's countless
00:20:13.440 examples I could
00:20:14.220 give you
00:20:14.540 John Lovell
00:20:15.240 Warrior Poet Society
00:20:16.620 is another one
00:20:17.220 John and I
00:20:18.540 started about
00:20:19.220 the same time
00:20:20.000 we work in
00:20:20.760 similar demographics
00:20:21.960 overlapping
00:20:23.140 some different
00:20:24.500 conversations
00:20:25.320 and bullet points
00:20:26.420 John has done
00:20:27.700 tremendously better
00:20:28.740 than me
00:20:29.740 at certain things
00:20:30.860 and
00:20:31.940 if I can be
00:20:33.480 so arrogant
00:20:33.960 to say
00:20:34.380 that I've done
00:20:34.960 better than
00:20:35.960 John
00:20:36.260 and Warrior Poet
00:20:36.920 Society
00:20:37.340 in certain things
00:20:38.380 but
00:20:38.700 it doesn't hurt
00:20:40.360 me when I know
00:20:41.080 that he's done
00:20:41.620 better things
00:20:42.180 and I don't
00:20:42.620 think it hurts
00:20:43.240 him to know
00:20:43.680 that I'm good
00:20:44.380 at other things
00:20:45.080 that we've
00:20:45.400 actually talked
00:20:45.980 about
00:20:46.280 and had
00:20:46.960 conversations
00:20:47.540 about
00:20:47.960 but I can
00:20:49.600 learn from
00:20:50.020 John
00:20:50.300 and I do
00:20:51.820 I watch him
00:20:53.040 I talk with him
00:20:54.160 we have phone
00:20:54.920 calls
00:20:55.240 I ask him
00:20:56.200 questions
00:20:56.700 hey you're
00:20:57.380 doing this
00:20:57.820 that was good
00:20:58.420 what
00:20:58.600 how's this
00:20:59.300 work
00:20:59.540 or how's
00:20:59.820 that work
00:21:00.220 and he
00:21:00.960 does the
00:21:01.820 same
00:21:02.100 neither one
00:21:03.620 of us
00:21:03.840 feel demoralized
00:21:04.740 neither one
00:21:05.200 of us
00:21:05.440 are operating
00:21:05.960 in a zero
00:21:06.380 sum game
00:21:06.920 and we're
00:21:07.260 both better
00:21:07.980 precisely
00:21:08.860 because
00:21:09.680 we're
00:21:10.400 comparing
00:21:10.880 not because
00:21:12.400 we aren't
00:21:13.340 as I
00:21:15.580 grow older
00:21:16.140 and maybe
00:21:17.120 a little bit
00:21:17.580 more mature
00:21:18.120 at 43 years
00:21:19.040 old
00:21:19.260 I realize
00:21:19.740 that my
00:21:20.700 personality
00:21:21.300 defaults to
00:21:22.240 black and
00:21:22.680 white
00:21:22.900 yes or
00:21:23.620 no
00:21:24.040 black and
00:21:24.940 white
00:21:25.280 right or
00:21:26.040 wrong
00:21:26.560 this or
00:21:27.480 that
00:21:27.900 but as I
00:21:29.060 get older
00:21:29.460 I realize
00:21:30.180 maybe there's
00:21:31.040 some nuance
00:21:31.640 to every
00:21:32.360 single thing
00:21:33.020 that I've
00:21:33.320 ever heard
00:21:33.820 and if I
00:21:35.020 can find
00:21:35.400 the space
00:21:36.100 that seems
00:21:37.360 to work
00:21:37.760 well for
00:21:38.200 me
00:21:38.500 and operate
00:21:39.300 in that
00:21:39.760 space
00:21:40.120 somewhere in
00:21:40.640 the gray
00:21:41.000 somewhere in
00:21:42.380 the middle
00:21:42.680 that I
00:21:43.680 didn't
00:21:43.880 previously
00:21:44.340 look
00:21:44.760 I opened
00:21:45.620 myself up
00:21:46.200 to new
00:21:46.540 possibilities
00:21:47.180 and new
00:21:47.580 horizons
00:21:48.100 and new
00:21:48.380 opportunities
00:21:48.980 my challenge
00:21:50.820 for you today
00:21:51.300 guys is to
00:21:52.700 ponder on
00:21:54.340 where you
00:21:55.520 are comparing
00:21:56.180 yourself to
00:21:56.900 other people
00:21:57.680 and you're
00:21:58.700 hurting yourself
00:21:59.660 because you're
00:22:01.920 not hurting
00:22:02.400 them
00:22:02.740 they might not
00:22:03.900 even know
00:22:04.260 you exist
00:22:04.920 is there an
00:22:06.640 employee
00:22:07.080 is there an
00:22:08.800 Instagram account
00:22:09.720 is there a
00:22:10.200 podcast you
00:22:10.980 listen to
00:22:11.740 that you're
00:22:12.480 following and
00:22:13.220 it just makes
00:22:13.900 you feel
00:22:14.360 horrible about
00:22:15.260 yourself to
00:22:15.920 the point where
00:22:16.520 you don't want
00:22:17.000 to do anything
00:22:17.480 and it demoralizes
00:22:18.380 you purge it
00:22:20.080 get rid of
00:22:21.320 it exclude
00:22:22.780 it eliminate
00:22:23.880 it from your
00:22:24.440 life there's
00:22:25.080 accounts that I
00:22:26.000 quote unquote
00:22:26.600 should follow
00:22:27.340 because they're
00:22:28.620 in this space
00:22:29.220 that I don't
00:22:29.900 because I
00:22:31.220 don't like the
00:22:31.880 feeling that I
00:22:32.520 get when I
00:22:33.020 follow those
00:22:33.560 people and
00:22:34.720 they're it's
00:22:35.100 not even about
00:22:35.640 them they're not
00:22:36.300 bad people I
00:22:37.160 just don't like
00:22:37.760 the feeling I
00:22:38.440 get
00:22:38.680 and then the
00:22:41.060 secondary challenge
00:22:41.860 is I want
00:22:42.480 you to look
00:22:43.440 at individuals
00:22:45.440 who are doing
00:22:47.020 better than you
00:22:47.760 and areas that
00:22:48.420 you want to
00:22:48.840 improve and ask
00:22:49.700 yourself is this
00:22:52.140 inspiring me
00:22:53.140 is this
00:22:55.100 motivating me
00:22:56.140 is this
00:22:57.980 compelling me
00:22:58.740 to do better
00:22:59.480 and if it is
00:23:01.220 then you're
00:23:01.700 using comparison
00:23:02.740 as a very
00:23:03.800 powerful tool
00:23:04.600 for self
00:23:05.060 development
00:23:05.440 improvement in
00:23:06.000 your life
00:23:06.400 it's the gray
00:23:07.560 area
00:23:07.960 it's not
00:23:08.800 black or
00:23:09.200 white
00:23:09.480 comparison
00:23:10.720 is not
00:23:11.820 the thief
00:23:12.460 of joy
00:23:12.920 unhealthy
00:23:15.020 or toxic
00:23:15.720 comparison
00:23:16.300 is the thief
00:23:17.180 of joy
00:23:17.620 but healthy
00:23:19.000 positive
00:23:19.920 edifying
00:23:20.840 comparison
00:23:21.920 might actually
00:23:23.960 bring you more
00:23:24.580 fulfillment than
00:23:25.200 you have right
00:23:25.660 now
00:23:25.940 think about it
00:23:27.680 ponder on it
00:23:28.200 and on that
00:23:29.040 note I want to
00:23:29.600 let you know
00:23:29.980 we've got a
00:23:30.380 great resource
00:23:31.000 that may or
00:23:31.620 may not work
00:23:32.080 for you
00:23:32.480 it works for a
00:23:33.520 lot of guys
00:23:33.880 it's worked for
00:23:34.380 literally tens of
00:23:35.040 thousands of men
00:23:35.600 at this point
00:23:36.140 and that is
00:23:37.360 the iron council
00:23:38.180 we're opening up
00:23:39.480 mid-september
00:23:40.280 so we're
00:23:41.160 what nine
00:23:42.240 eight nine days
00:23:42.920 away from
00:23:43.900 opening up
00:23:44.520 and in the iron
00:23:45.660 council you're
00:23:46.240 going to find
00:23:46.700 two types of
00:23:47.580 people
00:23:47.880 people who are
00:23:50.320 doing better
00:23:51.020 than you
00:23:51.460 in certain areas
00:23:52.540 and people who
00:23:53.740 are not doing
00:23:54.500 so good
00:23:55.100 as you in
00:23:56.160 other areas
00:23:56.840 and there's
00:23:58.460 value in both
00:23:59.280 again
00:24:01.020 comparison
00:24:01.700 I'm doing
00:24:02.660 better than
00:24:02.960 that guy
00:24:03.400 maybe not as
00:24:04.000 well as that
00:24:04.440 guy
00:24:04.660 the people
00:24:05.620 who are
00:24:05.860 doing better
00:24:06.440 than you
00:24:06.760 in the iron
00:24:07.140 council
00:24:07.580 the beauty
00:24:09.560 is they're
00:24:10.040 willing to
00:24:10.660 turn around
00:24:11.280 and offer
00:24:11.800 a hand
00:24:12.220 and help
00:24:12.680 and input
00:24:13.340 and advice
00:24:14.000 and help
00:24:14.620 you
00:24:14.980 get better
00:24:16.400 and for
00:24:17.940 those who
00:24:18.560 are further
00:24:19.960 behind
00:24:20.540 those are
00:24:22.100 people that
00:24:22.580 you can serve
00:24:23.400 and lead
00:24:24.640 and you can
00:24:25.640 turn around
00:24:26.080 and offer
00:24:26.460 a hand to
00:24:27.020 the same
00:24:28.000 way somebody
00:24:28.480 offered a hand
00:24:29.100 to you
00:24:29.540 so regardless
00:24:31.260 of whatever
00:24:31.860 success spectrum
00:24:33.560 we want to
00:24:34.100 look at
00:24:34.560 there's value
00:24:35.620 in learning
00:24:36.240 from men
00:24:36.860 in the iron
00:24:37.200 council
00:24:37.560 and there's
00:24:38.120 value in
00:24:38.880 adding value
00:24:39.860 to other men
00:24:40.880 in the iron
00:24:41.560 council
00:24:41.960 we're opening
00:24:42.860 up in
00:24:43.680 let's see
00:24:45.280 September 15th
00:24:46.820 if you go to
00:24:48.200 orderaband.com
00:24:49.540 slash iron
00:24:50.520 council
00:24:51.000 you're going to
00:24:51.460 watch a very
00:24:51.940 quick I think
00:24:52.560 it's a four
00:24:53.000 minute video
00:24:53.600 explains what
00:24:54.700 we're doing
00:24:55.100 shows the
00:24:56.140 highlights
00:24:56.460 give you
00:24:56.780 some
00:24:56.960 testimonials
00:24:57.640 all the
00:24:58.000 regular
00:24:58.240 stuff
00:24:58.660 go check
00:24:59.360 it out
00:24:59.980 band with
00:25:00.620 us
00:25:00.940 find men
00:25:02.860 who you can
00:25:03.280 compare yourself
00:25:03.940 to in positive
00:25:04.700 healthy
00:25:05.300 empowering ways
00:25:07.220 all right guys
00:25:08.360 that's your
00:25:08.780 marching orders
00:25:09.300 for today
00:25:09.900 appreciate all
00:25:11.080 of you guys
00:25:11.580 if you have
00:25:11.900 any questions
00:25:12.340 thoughts
00:25:12.640 considerations
00:25:13.160 ideas on
00:25:13.940 future topics
00:25:14.680 conversations
00:25:15.280 or guests
00:25:16.020 you'd like to
00:25:16.500 have me on
00:25:17.100 or let me
00:25:18.980 say that again
00:25:19.380 guests that
00:25:20.440 you would like
00:25:21.380 yes guests
00:25:22.080 that you'd like
00:25:22.560 to have on
00:25:23.720 this podcast
00:25:24.400 there we go
00:25:25.000 tripping over
00:25:25.780 my words
00:25:26.240 then please
00:25:27.140 let me know
00:25:27.520 who those
00:25:27.880 people are
00:25:28.400 and I'll do
00:25:29.060 my best to
00:25:29.540 reach out to
00:25:29.920 them and
00:25:30.180 connect with
00:25:30.540 them
00:25:30.760 all right
00:25:31.780 guys I hope
00:25:32.480 that helps
00:25:33.000 until then go
00:25:34.140 out there take
00:25:34.880 action compare
00:25:36.660 yourself to the
00:25:37.500 right people in
00:25:38.100 the right way and
00:25:39.180 become the man you
00:25:40.100 are meant to be
00:25:41.260 thank you for
00:25:45.720 listening to the
00:25:46.320 order of man
00:25:46.980 podcast you're
00:25:48.280 ready to take
00:25:48.780 charge of your
00:25:49.360 life and be more
00:25:50.400 of the man you
00:25:51.000 were meant to
00:25:51.500 be we invite you
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