Order of Man - How the Comparison Trap Can Serve You ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

00:00:00.000 Comparison is not the thief of joy.

00:00:03.100 Unhealthier, toxic comparison is the thief of joy.

00:00:06.620 Purge it, get rid of it, exclude it, 0.98

00:00:09.260 eliminate it from your life.

00:00:10.980 Individuals who are doing better than you

00:00:13.440 in areas that you want to improve and ask yourself,

00:00:16.140 is this inspiring me?

00:00:17.880 Is this motivating me?

00:00:19.540 Is this compelling me to do better?

00:00:21.460 And if it is, then you're using comparison

00:00:24.040 as a very powerful tool

00:00:25.900 for self-development improvement in your life.

00:00:27.700 But healthy, positive, edifying comparison

00:00:31.500 might actually bring you more fulfillment

00:00:33.840 than you have right now.

00:00:36.080 You're a man of action.

00:00:37.780 You live life to the fullest.

00:00:39.240 Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:42.160 When life knocks you down,

00:00:43.520 you get back up one more time, every time.

00:00:46.580 You are not easily deterred or defeated.

00:00:48.860 Rugged, resilient, strong.

00:00:51.680 This is your life.

00:00:52.780 This is who you are.

00:00:54.180 This is who you will become at the end of the day

00:00:56.780 and after all is said and done,

00:00:58.940 you can call yourself a man.

00:01:01.840 Men, today I want to talk with you

00:01:03.340 about the comparison trap.

00:01:05.120 Every single one of us has heard of it.

00:01:06.980 Every single one of us has fallen

00:01:08.360 into the comparison trap

00:01:09.820 and it ends up stifling growth

00:01:12.820 and progress and expansion

00:01:14.160 and just positive, optimistic feelings in your life.

00:01:17.980 And one thing I've been really focusing on lately

00:01:20.340 is trying to be more optimistic

00:01:21.980 and hopeful and positive

00:01:24.260 about the thoughts that I allow to enter into my brain.

00:01:27.760 And when we fall into the comparison trap

00:01:29.680 and we negatively compare ourselves to others,

00:01:32.400 it's hard for us to move forward in confidence.

00:01:35.580 It's hard for us to feel good

00:01:36.880 about maybe the work that we've done up to this point.

00:01:39.140 We feel inferior, we feel inadequate,

00:01:41.860 and we lose hope in improvement and getting better.

00:01:46.280 So today I'm gonna share with you

00:01:47.620 three very simple things that you can do

00:01:49.780 to eliminate the negative effects of comparison trap.

00:01:54.920 Now, I will say that comparing yourself

00:01:58.660 to other people in a healthy way

00:02:00.920 is actually a good thing.

00:02:03.040 And done correctly, comparing to what is possible,

00:02:07.220 comparing in a healthy way

00:02:08.800 will lead to positivity and growth

00:02:12.000 and fostering feelings of encouragement

00:02:15.560 and optimism and hope for your future.

00:02:19.240 So it's really, really important

00:02:21.540 that first and foremost,

00:02:22.940 we are able to differentiate

00:02:24.680 between when it's positive and when it's negative.

00:02:29.040 Now we hear a lot of different phrases.

00:02:30.720 One of the phrases that immediately comes to mind for me

00:02:33.600 is comparison is the thief of joy.

00:02:38.180 Look, guys, I know it's important to be happy

00:02:40.600 and joyful and optimistic and hopeful in your life.

00:02:44.060 It is for me, and if we have those feelings,

00:02:47.600 then I believe that we're much more likely

00:02:49.720 to move forward with the actions

00:02:52.440 that need to be taken to improve our lives.

00:02:55.020 If comparing yourself is robbing you from that,

00:02:58.820 then obviously we need to eliminate that.

00:03:00.920 But where does comparison actually serve you?

00:03:03.420 Let's talk about it today.

00:03:04.560 I'm gonna jump right into it.

00:03:05.940 I'm gonna weave some other conversations

00:03:07.440 into this discussion today,

00:03:09.660 but this is something that I've really been thinking about

00:03:12.640 and pondering on, and of course,

00:03:14.340 I've gotten a lot of good feedback

00:03:15.300 from other guests that have been

00:03:17.400 on the Order of Man podcast,

00:03:18.680 and I would highly encourage you

00:03:20.100 to subscribe to this podcast

00:03:22.020 so you never miss an episode with our guests.

00:03:24.920 So number one, if you wanna do comparison

00:03:27.800 in a healthy way,

00:03:30.020 then the first thing you need to acknowledge

00:03:31.680 and recognize is that it's your job

00:03:33.700 to find other people who are doing

00:03:36.640 what you wanna be doing

00:03:38.100 and achieving the results that you want to achieve.

00:03:41.760 Again, there's nothing wrong

00:03:43.400 with comparing yourself to other people

00:03:45.820 if it edifies and uplifts you.

00:03:48.740 If it demoralizes and demeans what you're doing,

00:03:52.040 then you know that's not a good use of your time.

00:03:55.840 But I look to all sorts of people every single day,

00:03:59.700 many of which have been on this podcast,

00:04:01.760 and I don't have any thoughts of negativity.

00:04:05.920 I don't demoralize or demean or belittle myself

00:04:09.800 when I see that somebody else is producing

00:04:11.720 at a higher level than I am.

00:04:13.460 In fact, a lot of these guys are very encouraging

00:04:16.440 and hopeful and optimistic to me

00:04:18.200 and very supportive, by the way.

00:04:21.340 That's what I found is that the successful people

00:04:23.460 that I wanna surround myself with

00:04:25.200 are encouraging and supportive of what I'm doing,

00:04:28.720 and they uplift me.

00:04:30.140 They don't push me down.

00:04:32.000 Now, there are those who will push you down,

00:04:34.220 and those are people we need to avoid.

00:04:36.380 But the first step in using comparison to your advantage

00:04:40.360 is to acknowledge that there are people out ahead of you.

00:04:44.720 And we do not, for the most part,

00:04:46.920 operate in a zero-sum game

00:04:48.820 where if somebody else is succeeding,

00:04:50.960 then you're automatically losing.

00:04:52.800 Imagine that in the context of the gym, for example.

00:04:56.660 Let's say you go to the gym,

00:04:57.700 you get up at five, six o'clock every morning,

00:05:00.140 you go into the gym,

00:05:01.120 you see some guys that are more fit than you,

00:05:03.440 more strong than you,

00:05:04.640 more capable than you,

00:05:05.800 and you see some guys who are less fit,

00:05:08.260 maybe a little overweight,

00:05:09.800 maybe not as strong as you might be.

00:05:12.680 But when you go into the gym,

00:05:15.400 do you believe for a second

00:05:16.660 that if one man gets strong,

00:05:19.620 that he's taking away your ability to build strength?

00:05:23.360 Of course not,

00:05:24.200 because we really don't operate in a zero-sum game

00:05:28.120 unless you're being illegal,

00:05:30.360 immoral,

00:05:30.800 or unethical.

00:05:32.460 Even in a capitalistic society,

00:05:34.640 and I know competition,

00:05:36.180 we can talk about that,

00:05:37.720 so there might be

00:05:38.860 some competition for resources

00:05:41.620 or for clients,

00:05:43.060 but again,

00:05:43.700 we're not operating in a zero-sum game.

00:05:46.100 We've got, what,

00:05:46.980 eight and a half,

00:05:47.780 maybe even closer to nine billion people on the planet.

00:05:50.860 There's no way that I can service

00:05:52.680 with the amount of resources and assets

00:05:55.700 that I have within my business,

00:05:57.060 nine billion people,

00:05:58.440 or even four and a half billion

00:06:00.140 if we're talking about just men,

00:06:02.220 because that's who we market to.

00:06:04.140 When I get into this mentality of zero-sum

00:06:07.600 or competing with other people,

00:06:09.460 then it's easy for me to fall into a negative space

00:06:12.960 where I start comparing myself

00:06:15.000 to what other people are doing

00:06:16.660 and how they're doing it.

00:06:18.140 Now, I use comparison

00:06:19.500 even for those people in my current space

00:06:22.020 who are out ahead of me

00:06:23.200 to show me what is possible,

00:06:25.280 and that's the differentiating factor here.

00:06:28.980 If you can look at somebody and say,

00:06:31.140 man, that guy's paving the way.

00:06:33.540 I remember years ago

00:06:34.700 when Joe Rogan struck a deal with Spotify,

00:06:38.220 and I can't remember the exact numbers,

00:06:39.880 but if I recall,

00:06:41.080 his contract was reported

00:06:42.480 to be over $300 million

00:06:45.060 to sign that contract with Spotify.

00:06:48.420 Does that take away from what I'm doing?

00:06:51.940 No.

00:06:53.140 It paves the way.

00:06:54.160 It actually proves that podcasting

00:06:55.960 is a viable,

00:06:58.180 economically sustainable business model.

00:07:01.440 So it's not diminishing what I'm doing.

00:07:04.420 If anything, it's edifying and uplifting

00:07:06.160 what it is I'm doing.

00:07:08.320 But if I look at it and think,

00:07:09.680 well, man, you know,

00:07:10.520 Joe Rogan got this $300 million Spotify deal,

00:07:13.380 so there's nothing I can do to achieve that,

00:07:16.860 or that's less money on the table for me,

00:07:19.100 then of course I'm going to have

00:07:20.660 negative feelings about it.

00:07:22.540 I'm going to beat myself up about it.

00:07:24.240 I'm going to call myself a loser

00:07:25.440 because I'm not achieving what he's achieving,

00:07:27.260 and it's going to create problems for me.

00:07:30.200 So I think the first step

00:07:33.020 in defeating this comparison trap mentality

00:07:35.600 and instead just realizing

00:07:37.100 that there's people who are doing it better than you

00:07:38.880 and using it as fuel

00:07:39.980 is acknowledging that those people

00:07:43.140 are doing something right,

00:07:45.260 and it's not a zero-sum game.

00:07:47.360 They're not taking anything away from you,

00:07:49.120 and instead they're illuminating,

00:07:51.360 whether it's directly or indirectly,

00:07:53.180 a path that you can follow

00:07:54.500 to improve in your own life.

00:07:56.640 And part of the way that we deal with that

00:07:58.380 is just asking for help.

00:08:00.740 Let's go back to the gym analogy.

00:08:02.480 Let's say you go into the gym every day,

00:08:04.140 and you see this guy,

00:08:05.220 and he's shredded, and he's jacked,

00:08:06.480 and he's ripped, and you bump into him,

00:08:08.140 or you're using some of the same machines,

00:08:10.280 but you've never made any reasonable attempt

00:08:13.720 to connect with him.

00:08:15.100 I would encourage you to say,

00:08:16.700 hey, man, we bump into each other

00:08:18.300 every single morning at the gym.

00:08:20.260 Sometimes we trip over the weights or the machines,

00:08:22.360 but I'm Ryan.

00:08:23.360 What's your name?

00:08:25.420 And then maybe a week later,

00:08:26.880 it's like, hey, Joe, we met last week.

00:08:29.620 Things seem like they're going well for you.

00:08:31.100 Everything good?

00:08:32.580 And then maybe the following week,

00:08:33.920 it's like, hey, look, I notice your physique.

00:08:36.520 You're stronger than I am.

00:08:38.540 I'm trying to improve my own physique

00:08:40.140 or my performance,

00:08:41.160 or I'm doing this competition.

00:08:43.220 Do you have any pointers on building strength

00:08:45.300 or any pointers on rounding out my shoulders

00:08:47.840 or any pointers on how to do a proper form deadlift?

00:08:51.700 Whatever.

00:08:52.140 But it's really, really important

00:08:54.940 that we think of these things

00:08:56.400 in a positive, supportive, uplifting way,

00:09:01.880 and an abundance mentality

00:09:04.980 as opposed to the scarcity zero-sum mentality.

00:09:08.000 That shift alone,

00:09:10.180 if you can get out of the idea

00:09:11.340 that if somebody else gets, I lose,

00:09:13.200 if you can get out of that idea,

00:09:14.740 then I don't think you'll ever find yourself

00:09:17.000 comparing in a negative way.

00:09:19.140 So that's point number one,

00:09:20.040 is look for people who are doing

00:09:21.460 what you want to be doing

00:09:22.560 and then model them,

00:09:25.640 build relationships with them,

00:09:27.260 connect with them,

00:09:28.500 support them,

00:09:29.260 and asking them for help.

00:09:30.860 Number two,

00:09:32.020 I always look for humility in people.

00:09:34.560 You know, there's plenty of people

00:09:36.920 who are more successful

00:09:38.000 and there's plenty of people

00:09:39.380 who are less successful than I am.

00:09:42.200 For the people who are more successful,

00:09:44.180 I realize they're doing something right,

00:09:46.680 but I'm going to look for a humble person.

00:09:50.460 If somebody's egotistical or arrogant

00:09:53.400 or has excessive pride,

00:09:55.000 then that is going to rub off

00:09:57.740 and I'm not really interested

00:09:59.600 in exhibiting that behavior

00:10:01.860 for myself or towards any of you.

00:10:05.140 Now, that's not to say

00:10:05.880 I don't fall into that trap

00:10:07.060 from time to time.

00:10:07.900 We're all human.

00:10:08.560 We all make mistakes

00:10:09.400 and we all get pride

00:10:10.620 and vanity at times,

00:10:12.600 but if I see other people

00:10:14.400 that are doing better than I am,

00:10:15.920 but they're not humble about it,

00:10:17.280 that's not somebody

00:10:18.260 I'm interested in following.

00:10:19.320 And I can't do that.

00:10:23.900 I can't follow somebody

00:10:25.340 who isn't willing to help and serve,

00:10:27.320 who doesn't have that servant's heart,

00:10:29.400 who doesn't want to teach

00:10:30.720 and coach and educate and inspire.

00:10:33.080 They could have all the success in the world,

00:10:35.640 all the tangible and immeasurable success

00:10:37.940 that I want to have,

00:10:39.100 but if they're not humble

00:10:40.020 about the way that they're achieving it,

00:10:42.080 I'm not interested in forming

00:10:43.620 a relationship with that person

00:10:44.960 because that is toxic behavior.

00:10:47.740 And if they're exhibiting toxic behavior

00:10:50.380 and I'm modeling who they are,

00:10:53.500 what they're doing,

00:10:54.080 or how they show up,

00:10:55.040 then I naturally am going to exhibit

00:10:57.620 some of the same traits and behaviors.

00:10:59.940 And I'm not interested in being arrogant,

00:11:02.840 egotistical,

00:11:03.380 or exhibiting excessive pride.

00:11:05.540 I'm interested in humility,

00:11:08.080 kindness,

00:11:09.240 empathy,

00:11:10.220 grace,

00:11:11.580 a servant's heart,

00:11:12.800 a desire to lead,

00:11:13.760 a desire to coach

00:11:14.580 and train and educate,

00:11:16.080 a desire to see people do things

00:11:17.780 that maybe I haven't even been able to do

00:11:19.800 in my own personal life.

00:11:21.380 But it's the humility

00:11:22.360 that I'm looking for in an individual.

00:11:23.940 When we follow actors

00:11:26.180 or celebrities

00:11:27.040 or musicians

00:11:28.080 or Instagram influencers

00:11:30.080 or podcasters

00:11:31.400 and they're so full of themselves,

00:11:34.160 that creates toxic traits in us

00:11:37.540 and it makes us angry.

00:11:39.420 And you may not even acknowledge it,

00:11:40.720 but it makes us angry,

00:11:41.900 even subconsciously

00:11:43.080 and irritable

00:11:43.860 and impatient

00:11:45.140 and intolerant.

00:11:47.220 And these are not characteristics

00:11:48.660 that I personally want to exhibit

00:11:50.320 and I don't think they're characteristics

00:11:51.720 you want to exhibit.

00:11:52.540 If, on the other hand,

00:11:54.320 you have a very successful person

00:11:56.240 that you're modeling

00:11:56.960 or you're inspired by,

00:11:58.740 but they're humble,

00:12:00.380 they reach out to their audience.

00:12:02.980 They serve their audience.

00:12:04.360 When you message them,

00:12:05.560 they may message you back.

00:12:07.700 They may want to connect with you.

00:12:09.440 Maybe they remember your name

00:12:10.660 or remember something

00:12:11.400 about a previous conversation.

00:12:13.440 Maybe they're very gracious

00:12:14.500 after their presentation

00:12:16.520 at the last conference you went to

00:12:18.020 and they shook your hand

00:12:18.920 and they looked you in the eye

00:12:19.960 and they gave you time and attention

00:12:21.300 like you were the only person

00:12:22.440 in the room.

00:12:23.500 That's people that we should follow.

00:12:26.020 Those are the kind of men

00:12:27.100 that we want to be like.

00:12:28.620 That's the kind of behavior

00:12:29.740 that we want to emulate.

00:12:31.280 And anybody who does not exhibit

00:12:32.760 that behavior, 0.80

00:12:33.660 we just can't support.

00:12:35.900 We can't follow.

00:12:37.780 We can't pay for their events

00:12:39.340 or their programs

00:12:40.760 or their courses or whatever.

00:12:42.160 And we cannot support

00:12:43.460 those individuals

00:12:44.140 because we don't support

00:12:45.160 those behaviors in ourselves.

00:12:47.560 Therefore, we're not going to edify them

00:12:49.500 in other people.

00:12:50.300 That's point number two.

00:12:52.160 Look for humility

00:12:53.040 and find those leaders

00:12:54.480 who you're inspired by

00:12:55.920 who are humble.

00:12:57.860 Number three,

00:12:59.420 if you feel compelled

00:13:01.400 to engage in toxic behavior

00:13:04.480 because you're following somebody,

00:13:06.880 whether it's personally

00:13:08.140 or even on social media,

00:13:09.880 if you're compelled

00:13:10.920 to engage in toxic behavior,

00:13:13.820 purge them from your life.

00:13:15.580 I'll give you a small example.

00:13:17.460 And by the way,

00:13:18.200 when I say this,

00:13:18.960 I want to throw this disclaimer out here

00:13:20.100 because I'm going to actually use a name.

00:13:22.340 This does not mean

00:13:23.440 I think less of this person.

00:13:25.040 This does not mean

00:13:25.940 that I think this person

00:13:26.960 does not exhibit the humility

00:13:28.320 I talked about earlier.

00:13:29.600 This does not mean

00:13:30.540 that this person

00:13:31.160 is not somebody

00:13:32.480 worthy of following.

00:13:34.500 What it means

00:13:35.520 is that whatever it was

00:13:36.920 about that person

00:13:37.920 in the moment

00:13:39.000 at the time

00:13:40.080 was causing me

00:13:41.660 to engage in toxic behavior

00:13:43.480 and so I had to purge it.

00:13:45.280 And that person

00:13:46.140 is Brett McKay

00:13:47.400 with Art of Manliness.

00:13:48.600 Again,

00:13:49.540 I'm going to be very clear

00:13:50.660 about this.

00:13:52.320 Brett is doing amazing work.

00:13:54.980 He's leading the charge

00:13:56.700 for masculinity.

00:13:57.760 He's teaching men 1.00

00:13:58.540 how to be men.

00:13:59.800 He's doing great work

00:14:01.400 regarding podcasts.

00:14:02.680 He's very intelligent.

00:14:04.040 We have a couple

00:14:04.560 of different paths

00:14:05.400 the way we're communicating it

00:14:07.300 and articulating it

00:14:08.200 to our audiences.

00:14:09.260 But I believe

00:14:10.260 that Brett

00:14:10.660 is doing wonderful work.

00:14:12.180 But for whatever reason

00:14:13.900 and I don't fully

00:14:16.020 even know what it was

00:14:17.260 when I started

00:14:18.800 Order of Man

00:14:19.560 about nine and a half

00:14:21.020 almost ten years ago now

00:14:22.220 I wanted to be like Brett.

00:14:25.780 I saw what he was doing.

00:14:27.900 I saw what he was creating.

00:14:29.880 I saw how he was leading

00:14:31.040 and how he was serving

00:14:32.040 and I thought

00:14:32.840 this is the model.

00:14:34.380 This is what I want to do.

00:14:36.420 And what I found

00:14:37.540 is that I was constantly

00:14:38.640 comparing myself

00:14:39.500 to him.

00:14:40.260 My social media following

00:14:42.220 the amount of podcast downloads

00:14:44.900 what kind of guests

00:14:46.520 I was getting

00:14:47.060 on my podcast

00:14:47.940 and I became

00:14:49.140 almost in a way

00:14:50.180 obsessive

00:14:51.000 over what Brett

00:14:52.460 was doing

00:14:53.140 at the expense

00:14:55.100 of my own work

00:14:56.580 and every time

00:14:58.480 I saw that

00:14:59.080 he had

00:14:59.720 a guest

00:15:00.720 that I wanted

00:15:01.260 that said no to me

00:15:02.360 or he

00:15:04.180 grew his account

00:15:05.240 by more than

00:15:05.980 what I happened

00:15:06.680 to grow my account

00:15:07.600 for for the week.

00:15:09.600 Whatever little

00:15:10.320 comparison metric

00:15:11.260 I fell into

00:15:11.980 it was toxic

00:15:13.740 to me.

00:15:14.400 I didn't feel good.

00:15:15.500 It did not give me

00:15:16.680 a sense of hope

00:15:17.880 and optimism.

00:15:18.940 I was discouraged

00:15:20.120 when I saw it.

00:15:21.120 I was frustrated

00:15:22.160 when I saw it

00:15:23.360 and I made

00:15:24.720 the smartest decision

00:15:25.720 I ever could have made

00:15:26.780 when it comes to

00:15:27.440 falling into this

00:15:28.180 negative comparison trap

00:15:29.380 and I just

00:15:30.340 purged

00:15:31.240 him from

00:15:32.720 my life

00:15:34.100 in this case

00:15:34.600 from my social media feed

00:15:36.000 and I didn't see it

00:15:37.740 anymore.

00:15:39.000 I unsubscribed

00:15:40.060 to his emails.

00:15:41.200 I stopped following

00:15:42.200 his Instagram account

00:15:43.560 because for whatever

00:15:45.080 reason at the moment

00:15:45.960 I was in

00:15:46.400 in that point

00:15:47.240 in my life

00:15:47.800 and that point

00:15:48.220 in my business

00:15:48.760 it just wasn't

00:15:49.920 producing positive

00:15:51.160 healthy outcomes.

00:15:52.840 So I stopped

00:15:53.340 following.

00:15:53.960 I stopped

00:15:54.400 looking at his emails.

00:15:56.020 I stopped visiting

00:15:56.600 his website.

00:15:57.360 I stopped

00:15:57.660 going to check out

00:15:59.940 his YouTube channel.

00:16:01.080 I just stopped

00:16:02.040 and out of sight

00:16:04.200 out of mind.

00:16:04.800 lo and behold

00:16:06.060 when I stopped

00:16:06.880 it really wasn't

00:16:07.880 about Brett anymore.

00:16:10.100 It was about

00:16:10.900 what I wanted

00:16:11.480 to create.

00:16:12.520 It gave me

00:16:13.240 the capacity

00:16:13.820 and the time

00:16:14.280 and the space

00:16:14.760 and even the margin

00:16:15.520 to think about

00:16:16.320 how I wanted

00:16:17.200 to create this movement.

00:16:18.140 Now

00:16:18.260 after 10 years

00:16:19.560 we can see

00:16:20.180 that Brett's track

00:16:21.300 is a little different

00:16:22.020 than my track

00:16:22.840 and both are great.

00:16:23.840 There's no problem

00:16:24.620 with either

00:16:25.040 but by purging

00:16:27.200 that from my life

00:16:28.140 it allowed me

00:16:29.060 the space

00:16:29.660 that I need

00:16:30.120 and even the permission

00:16:31.120 that I needed

00:16:31.700 to move on

00:16:32.780 and not have

00:16:33.480 to consume myself

00:16:34.460 with what somebody

00:16:35.280 over here

00:16:35.820 was doing.

00:16:36.540 It was robbing

00:16:37.560 me of my joy.

00:16:39.760 That comparison

00:16:40.780 trap I fell

00:16:41.620 into with him

00:16:42.700 in particular

00:16:43.220 was robbing

00:16:43.880 me of my joy.

00:16:45.560 Now

00:16:45.820 that being said

00:16:47.120 today

00:16:47.580 I follow Brett.

00:16:49.900 I do subscribe

00:16:50.640 to his emails.

00:16:51.520 I do listen

00:16:52.220 to his podcast.

00:16:53.360 I do see

00:16:53.920 what he's doing

00:16:54.400 on YouTube

00:16:54.940 because

00:16:56.020 the way

00:16:56.980 that I view

00:16:57.440 it now

00:16:57.880 is no longer

00:16:58.760 in competition

00:16:59.600 and it's no longer

00:17:00.760 creating any sort

00:17:01.740 of toxic feeling

00:17:02.800 for me.

00:17:04.000 It's very positive.

00:17:05.180 It's very encouraging.

00:17:06.120 It's very uplifting.

00:17:07.260 I'm inspired by it.

00:17:08.580 I see what he does

00:17:09.280 and I'm like

00:17:09.540 oh that's interesting

00:17:10.460 or that's unique

00:17:11.940 or I never considered that

00:17:13.540 or there's a guest

00:17:14.520 I might want to get

00:17:15.320 on my podcast

00:17:15.900 and ask

00:17:16.600 some different questions

00:17:18.180 but that's the litmus test.

00:17:20.640 How do you feel

00:17:21.760 when you compare yourself

00:17:23.340 to other people?

00:17:24.960 Most will say

00:17:25.780 don't ever compare yourself

00:17:26.800 to others.

00:17:27.460 I don't agree.

00:17:28.840 I think it's very important

00:17:29.900 that we find

00:17:30.460 point number one

00:17:31.200 people who are doing

00:17:32.140 better than us

00:17:33.100 in the avenue

00:17:33.760 that we want to

00:17:34.660 improve in

00:17:35.520 and then emulate

00:17:37.540 model

00:17:38.220 copy

00:17:38.960 grow

00:17:40.040 learn from

00:17:41.040 those people

00:17:41.800 but the litmus test

00:17:44.580 is

00:17:44.900 how does this

00:17:45.860 comparison

00:17:46.340 make you feel

00:17:47.280 and the very simple

00:17:48.960 question is this

00:17:49.880 does this person

00:17:51.660 undermine

00:17:53.480 what I'm trying to do

00:17:54.440 or at least

00:17:55.100 my perception

00:17:55.880 of this person

00:17:56.560 or the relationship

00:17:57.240 I have with this individual

00:17:58.300 whether it's indirect

00:17:59.060 or non-direct

00:17:59.740 or direct

00:18:01.220 does it

00:18:02.520 undermine

00:18:03.420 what I'm trying to do

00:18:04.240 does it make me feel

00:18:05.040 bad

00:18:05.720 in some way

00:18:06.960 or does it

00:18:08.200 inspire

00:18:09.000 me

00:18:09.680 does it cause me

00:18:11.900 to reflect

00:18:12.360 on what I might

00:18:13.180 be able to do better

00:18:13.960 and how I can do it better

00:18:15.420 and is it encouraging

00:18:16.460 and edifying

00:18:17.040 and uplifting

00:18:17.600 if it's that

00:18:19.080 comparison

00:18:20.020 is a beautiful

00:18:21.020 beautiful thing

00:18:21.760 it shows you

00:18:22.720 what is possible

00:18:23.480 you don't even know

00:18:24.760 what's possible

00:18:25.520 because we operate

00:18:26.940 inside of these boxes

00:18:28.000 that we create

00:18:28.660 ourselves

00:18:29.160 if

00:18:32.020 and I use the gym

00:18:32.820 all the time

00:18:33.320 because it's a simple

00:18:34.080 analogy to be able to use

00:18:35.500 but if we're at the gym

00:18:36.600 and all we've ever

00:18:37.800 deadlifted

00:18:38.580 is 250 pounds

00:18:40.820 it's really hard

00:18:42.320 for a person

00:18:43.000 to fathom

00:18:43.700 the fact

00:18:44.120 that they might

00:18:44.700 be able to lift

00:18:45.320 double that

00:18:46.760 400 pounds

00:18:49.000 or two and a half times

00:18:50.240 500 pounds

00:18:51.400 it's very difficult

00:18:53.720 for us to fathom that

00:18:54.740 now you might say

00:18:55.640 well I'm at 200 now

00:18:56.820 or 250 now

00:18:57.520 I could definitely

00:18:58.400 get to 300

00:18:59.100 but it's limiting

00:19:00.820 because you can only

00:19:03.440 stretch so far

00:19:04.500 outside of the

00:19:05.160 Overton window

00:19:06.000 the Overton window

00:19:07.420 is the window

00:19:07.980 in which you operate

00:19:08.860 and if it's at the gym

00:19:09.740 it's like

00:19:10.180 you know

00:19:10.540 I know I can do 250

00:19:11.580 and I might be able

00:19:12.260 to push to 300

00:19:13.060 but 400

00:19:15.180 that's not possible

00:19:16.140 for me

00:19:16.680 500

00:19:18.120 never

00:19:18.980 I would never

00:19:19.900 be able to pull

00:19:20.560 500

00:19:21.060 so if you're

00:19:24.200 not comparing

00:19:25.100 yourself to other

00:19:25.960 men

00:19:26.380 then you're always

00:19:27.320 going to operate

00:19:27.920 in that Overton

00:19:28.640 window

00:19:29.020 but if you know

00:19:30.620 in your heart of

00:19:31.160 hearts that you

00:19:31.780 can actually get

00:19:32.480 better than what

00:19:33.140 you perceive yourself

00:19:33.940 to be able to do

00:19:34.520 currently

00:19:35.060 then you have to

00:19:36.320 compare yourself

00:19:36.900 to other people

00:19:37.560 I have to look

00:19:39.380 at somebody like

00:19:40.000 Joe Rogan

00:19:40.480 and say

00:19:40.840 oh that's possible

00:19:42.260 I have to look

00:19:44.500 at the strongest

00:19:45.080 men that I know

00:19:45.800 and say

00:19:46.200 hey I'm pulling

00:19:46.980 250 300 pounds

00:19:48.540 these guys are

00:19:49.380 pulling five

00:19:49.920 550 600 pounds

00:19:51.160 I guess it's

00:19:52.480 possible

00:19:53.000 it expands

00:19:55.660 our horizons

00:19:56.540 it opens us up

00:19:57.420 to new

00:19:57.860 possibilities

00:19:58.600 and so I hate

00:19:59.580 the phrase

00:20:00.140 comparison

00:20:01.040 is the thief

00:20:01.980 of joy

00:20:02.460 because it

00:20:03.200 doesn't articulate

00:20:04.100 the nuance

00:20:04.940 and the nuance

00:20:06.560 is that there's

00:20:07.120 actually a really

00:20:07.900 healthy way

00:20:08.600 to look at

00:20:09.160 comparing yourself

00:20:09.880 to other people

00:20:10.660 there's

00:20:12.600 there's countless

00:20:13.440 examples I could

00:20:14.220 give you

00:20:14.540 John Lovell

00:20:15.240 Warrior Poet Society

00:20:16.620 is another one

00:20:17.220 John and I

00:20:18.540 started about

00:20:19.220 the same time

00:20:20.000 we work in

00:20:20.760 similar demographics

00:20:21.960 overlapping

00:20:23.140 some different

00:20:24.500 conversations

00:20:25.320 and bullet points

00:20:26.420 John has done

00:20:27.700 tremendously better

00:20:28.740 than me

00:20:29.740 at certain things

00:20:30.860 and

00:20:31.940 if I can be

00:20:33.480 so arrogant

00:20:33.960 to say

00:20:34.380 that I've done

00:20:34.960 better than

00:20:35.960 John

00:20:36.260 and Warrior Poet

00:20:36.920 Society

00:20:37.340 in certain things

00:20:38.380 but

00:20:38.700 it doesn't hurt

00:20:40.360 me when I know

00:20:41.080 that he's done

00:20:41.620 better things

00:20:42.180 and I don't

00:20:42.620 think it hurts

00:20:43.240 him to know

00:20:43.680 that I'm good

00:20:44.380 at other things

00:20:45.080 that we've

00:20:45.400 actually talked

00:20:45.980 about

00:20:46.280 and had

00:20:46.960 conversations

00:20:47.540 about

00:20:47.960 but I can

00:20:49.600 learn from

00:20:50.020 John

00:20:50.300 and I do

00:20:51.820 I watch him

00:20:53.040 I talk with him

00:20:54.160 we have phone

00:20:54.920 calls

00:20:55.240 I ask him

00:20:56.200 questions

00:20:56.700 hey you're

00:20:57.380 doing this

00:20:57.820 that was good

00:20:58.420 what

00:20:58.600 how's this

00:20:59.300 work

00:20:59.540 or how's

00:20:59.820 that work

00:21:00.220 and he

00:21:00.960 does the

00:21:01.820 same

00:21:02.100 neither one

00:21:03.620 of us

00:21:03.840 feel demoralized

00:21:04.740 neither one

00:21:05.200 of us

00:21:05.440 are operating

00:21:05.960 in a zero

00:21:06.380 sum game

00:21:06.920 and we're

00:21:07.260 both better

00:21:07.980 precisely

00:21:08.860 because

00:21:09.680 we're

00:21:10.400 comparing

00:21:10.880 not because

00:21:12.400 we aren't

00:21:13.340 as I

00:21:15.580 grow older

00:21:16.140 and maybe

00:21:17.120 a little bit

00:21:17.580 more mature

00:21:18.120 at 43 years

00:21:19.040 old

00:21:19.260 I realize

00:21:19.740 that my

00:21:20.700 personality

00:21:21.300 defaults to

00:21:22.240 black and

00:21:22.680 white

00:21:22.900 yes or

00:21:23.620 no

00:21:24.040 black and

00:21:24.940 white

00:21:25.280 right or

00:21:26.040 wrong

00:21:26.560 this or

00:21:27.480 that

00:21:27.900 but as I

00:21:29.060 get older

00:21:29.460 I realize

00:21:30.180 maybe there's

00:21:31.040 some nuance

00:21:31.640 to every

00:21:32.360 single thing

00:21:33.020 that I've

00:21:33.320 ever heard

00:21:33.820 and if I

00:21:35.020 can find

00:21:35.400 the space

00:21:36.100 that seems

00:21:37.360 to work

00:21:37.760 well for

00:21:38.200 me

00:21:38.500 and operate

00:21:39.300 in that

00:21:39.760 space

00:21:40.120 somewhere in

00:21:40.640 the gray

00:21:41.000 somewhere in

00:21:42.380 the middle

00:21:42.680 that I

00:21:43.680 didn't

00:21:43.880 previously

00:21:44.340 look

00:21:44.760 I opened

00:21:45.620 myself up

00:21:46.200 to new

00:21:46.540 possibilities

00:21:47.180 and new

00:21:47.580 horizons

00:21:48.100 and new

00:21:48.380 opportunities

00:21:48.980 my challenge

00:21:50.820 for you today

00:21:51.300 guys is to

00:21:52.700 ponder on

00:21:54.340 where you

00:21:55.520 are comparing

00:21:56.180 yourself to

00:21:56.900 other people

00:21:57.680 and you're

00:21:58.700 hurting yourself

00:21:59.660 because you're

00:22:01.920 not hurting

00:22:02.400 them

00:22:02.740 they might not

00:22:03.900 even know

00:22:04.260 you exist

00:22:04.920 is there an

00:22:06.640 employee

00:22:07.080 is there an

00:22:08.800 Instagram account

00:22:09.720 is there a

00:22:10.200 podcast you

00:22:10.980 listen to

00:22:11.740 that you're

00:22:12.480 following and

00:22:13.220 it just makes

00:22:13.900 you feel

00:22:14.360 horrible about

00:22:15.260 yourself to

00:22:15.920 the point where

00:22:16.520 you don't want

00:22:17.000 to do anything

00:22:17.480 and it demoralizes

00:22:18.380 you purge it

00:22:20.080 get rid of

00:22:21.320 it exclude

00:22:22.780 it eliminate

00:22:23.880 it from your

00:22:24.440 life there's

00:22:25.080 accounts that I

00:22:26.000 quote unquote

00:22:26.600 should follow

00:22:27.340 because they're

00:22:28.620 in this space

00:22:29.220 that I don't

00:22:29.900 because I

00:22:31.220 don't like the

00:22:31.880 feeling that I

00:22:32.520 get when I

00:22:33.020 follow those

00:22:33.560 people and

00:22:34.720 they're it's

00:22:35.100 not even about

00:22:35.640 them they're not

00:22:36.300 bad people I

00:22:37.160 just don't like

00:22:37.760 the feeling I

00:22:38.440 get

00:22:38.680 and then the

00:22:41.060 secondary challenge

00:22:41.860 is I want

00:22:42.480 you to look

00:22:43.440 at individuals

00:22:45.440 who are doing

00:22:47.020 better than you

00:22:47.760 and areas that

00:22:48.420 you want to

00:22:48.840 improve and ask

00:22:49.700 yourself is this

00:22:52.140 inspiring me

00:22:53.140 is this

00:22:55.100 motivating me

00:22:56.140 is this

00:22:57.980 compelling me

00:22:58.740 to do better

00:22:59.480 and if it is

00:23:01.220 then you're

00:23:01.700 using comparison

00:23:02.740 as a very

00:23:03.800 powerful tool

00:23:04.600 for self

00:23:05.060 development

00:23:05.440 improvement in

00:23:06.000 your life

00:23:06.400 it's the gray

00:23:07.560 area

00:23:07.960 it's not

00:23:08.800 black or

00:23:09.200 white

00:23:09.480 comparison

00:23:10.720 is not

00:23:11.820 the thief

00:23:12.460 of joy

00:23:12.920 unhealthy

00:23:15.020 or toxic

00:23:15.720 comparison

00:23:16.300 is the thief

00:23:17.180 of joy

00:23:17.620 but healthy

00:23:19.000 positive

00:23:19.920 edifying

00:23:20.840 comparison

00:23:21.920 might actually

00:23:23.960 bring you more

00:23:24.580 fulfillment than

00:23:25.200 you have right

00:23:25.660 now

00:23:25.940 think about it

00:23:27.680 ponder on it

00:23:28.200 and on that

00:23:29.040 note I want to

00:23:29.600 let you know

00:23:29.980 we've got a

00:23:30.380 great resource

00:23:31.000 that may or

00:23:31.620 may not work

00:23:32.080 for you

00:23:32.480 it works for a

00:23:33.520 lot of guys

00:23:33.880 it's worked for

00:23:34.380 literally tens of

00:23:35.040 thousands of men

00:23:35.600 at this point

00:23:36.140 and that is

00:23:37.360 the iron council

00:23:38.180 we're opening up

00:23:39.480 mid-september

00:23:40.280 so we're

00:23:41.160 what nine

00:23:42.240 eight nine days

00:23:42.920 away from

00:23:43.900 opening up

00:23:44.520 and in the iron

00:23:45.660 council you're

00:23:46.240 going to find

00:23:46.700 two types of

00:23:47.580 people

00:23:47.880 people who are

00:23:50.320 doing better

00:23:51.020 than you

00:23:51.460 in certain areas

00:23:52.540 and people who

00:23:53.740 are not doing

00:23:54.500 so good

00:23:55.100 as you in

00:23:56.160 other areas

00:23:56.840 and there's

00:23:58.460 value in both

00:23:59.280 again

00:24:01.020 comparison

00:24:01.700 I'm doing

00:24:02.660 better than

00:24:02.960 that guy

00:24:03.400 maybe not as

00:24:04.000 well as that

00:24:04.440 guy

00:24:04.660 the people

00:24:05.620 who are

00:24:05.860 doing better

00:24:06.440 than you

00:24:06.760 in the iron

00:24:07.140 council

00:24:07.580 the beauty

00:24:09.560 is they're

00:24:10.040 willing to

00:24:10.660 turn around

00:24:11.280 and offer

00:24:11.800 a hand

00:24:12.220 and help

00:24:12.680 and input

00:24:13.340 and advice

00:24:14.000 and help

00:24:14.620 you

00:24:14.980 get better

00:24:16.400 and for

00:24:17.940 those who

00:24:18.560 are further

00:24:19.960 behind

00:24:20.540 those are

00:24:22.100 people that

00:24:22.580 you can serve

00:24:23.400 and lead

00:24:24.640 and you can

00:24:25.640 turn around

00:24:26.080 and offer

00:24:26.460 a hand to

00:24:27.020 the same

00:24:28.000 way somebody

00:24:28.480 offered a hand

00:24:29.100 to you

00:24:29.540 so regardless

00:24:31.260 of whatever

00:24:31.860 success spectrum

00:24:33.560 we want to

00:24:34.100 look at

00:24:34.560 there's value

00:24:35.620 in learning

00:24:36.240 from men

00:24:36.860 in the iron

00:24:37.200 council

00:24:37.560 and there's

00:24:38.120 value in

00:24:38.880 adding value

00:24:39.860 to other men

00:24:40.880 in the iron

00:24:41.560 council

00:24:41.960 we're opening

00:24:42.860 up in

00:24:43.680 let's see

00:24:45.280 September 15th

00:24:46.820 if you go to

00:24:48.200 orderaband.com

00:24:49.540 slash iron

00:24:50.520 council

00:24:51.000 you're going to

00:24:51.460 watch a very

00:24:51.940 quick I think

00:24:52.560 it's a four

00:24:53.000 minute video

00:24:53.600 explains what

00:24:54.700 we're doing

00:24:55.100 shows the

00:24:56.140 highlights

00:24:56.460 give you

00:24:56.780 some

00:24:56.960 testimonials

00:24:57.640 all the

00:24:58.000 regular

00:24:58.240 stuff

00:24:58.660 go check

00:24:59.360 it out

00:24:59.980 band with

00:25:00.620 us

00:25:00.940 find men

00:25:02.860 who you can

00:25:03.280 compare yourself

00:25:03.940 to in positive

00:25:04.700 healthy

00:25:05.300 empowering ways

00:25:07.220 all right guys

00:25:08.360 that's your

00:25:08.780 marching orders

00:25:09.300 for today

00:25:09.900 appreciate all

00:25:11.080 of you guys

00:25:11.580 if you have

00:25:11.900 any questions

00:25:12.340 thoughts

00:25:12.640 considerations

00:25:13.160 ideas on

00:25:13.940 future topics

00:25:14.680 conversations

00:25:15.280 or guests

00:25:16.020 you'd like to

00:25:16.500 have me on

00:25:17.100 or let me

00:25:18.980 say that again 0.67

00:25:19.380 guests that

00:25:20.440 you would like

00:25:21.380 yes guests

00:25:22.080 that you'd like

00:25:22.560 to have on

00:25:23.720 this podcast

00:25:24.400 there we go

00:25:25.000 tripping over

00:25:25.780 my words

00:25:26.240 then please

00:25:27.140 let me know

00:25:27.520 who those

00:25:27.880 people are

00:25:28.400 and I'll do

00:25:29.060 my best to

00:25:29.540 reach out to

00:25:29.920 them and

00:25:30.180 connect with

00:25:30.540 them

00:25:30.760 all right

00:25:31.780 guys I hope

00:25:32.480 that helps

00:25:33.000 until then go

00:25:34.140 out there take

00:25:34.880 action compare

00:25:36.660 yourself to the

00:25:37.500 right people in

00:25:38.100 the right way and

00:25:39.180 become the man you

00:25:40.100 are meant to be

00:25:41.260 thank you for

00:25:45.720 listening to the

00:25:46.320 order of man

00:25:46.980 podcast you're

00:25:48.280 ready to take

00:25:48.780 charge of your

00:25:49.360 life and be more

00:25:50.400 of the man you

00:25:51.000 were meant to

00:25:51.500 be we invite you

00:25:52.680 to join the

00:25:53.180 order at

00:25:53.860 order of man

00:25:54.540 dot com

00:25:55.220 you

Order of Man - September 06, 2024

How the Comparison Trap Can Serve You ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

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Order of Man - September 06, 2024

How the Comparison Trap Can&#xA0;Serve&#xA0;You ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

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How the Comparison Trap Can Serve You ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES