Order of Man - How to Be More Disciplined, 3 Steps for Creating Effective Boundaries, and How to Get Yourself Out of a Rut

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:04.980 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.460 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.220 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.780 you can call yourself a man. Kip, what's up, man? I know we had some technical difficulties,

00:00:27.380 but it is good to see you. The technical difficulties didn't seem to fix your voice

00:00:32.160 or your face, which I was a little disappointed in. Yeah. I put a little bit of tape over my camera

00:00:38.100 to see if it makes it fuzzy, like romantic, old school movie. I'm not thinking so much fuzzy as

00:00:45.620 much as a witness protection program might look a little better. I don't know. That's a good idea.

00:00:51.560 Yeah. So they don't find me. That's right. Hey, your nose is looking okay. Talking about-

00:00:56.940 It's looking better. It's looking better.

00:01:01.040 I don't know that it was broken. I just think it was swollen. Believe this or not,

00:01:07.520 here's one thing I really like about Maine. I've got a chiropractor who comes to my house

00:01:13.040 once every four to eight weeks, somewhere in there. And he does house calls, comes straight

00:01:18.760 to my house. And he's a chiropractor. I'm like, hey, I just need you to look at my nose. I know

00:01:23.580 you're not like a nose guy. I just need you to look at. He's like, I don't think it's broken.

00:01:28.240 He's like, I just think you've got some swelling and some cartilage issues going on there.

00:01:31.980 Yeah.

00:01:32.260 Just wait a couple of weeks. Swelling will go down. I think you're good to go. So I don't

00:01:36.600 think I broke it, but it's not looking as crooked as it once did. Maybe somebody straightened out for

00:01:41.960 me. I don't know. I still think it looks slightly crooked. Maybe it was crooked before and we never

00:01:47.560 noticed. It was. I got in a fight when I was, must've been 12, 11, 12 years old. And I got my

00:01:56.300 ass kicked and I broke a blood vessel right here in my eye. And I think, I don't know if I broke my

00:02:03.740 nose, but it was definitely more crooked at that point. And so it's always been a little,

00:02:07.600 a little off center. Uh, and that was a good learning lesson for me too. So my mom enrolled

00:02:13.700 me in Kempo karate at the time. And I did it for about two months. I actually really enjoyed it,

00:02:19.180 but it wasn't cool, you know? So yeah. Yeah. Karate kid hadn't come out yet. So you weren't,

00:02:24.880 uh, you know, it wasn't cool. No, I think it did come out at that point for sure. I'm not that old,

00:02:28.920 but, uh, speaking of a karate kid, Cobra Kai, uh, season three, I think is now available. So

00:02:36.640 yeah, I'm not all the way through season two yet. So I need to get caught up here pretty quickly.

00:02:41.360 Yeah. Asia and I were doing, uh, our family's doing a technology fast, fast, the last four days.

00:02:49.800 And so I've been eagerly waiting to watch Cobra Kai. How long are you guys fasting for? It was just

00:02:57.620 for four days, but it was like nothing. So you're done, no TV. Yeah. Done as of today, no TV, no browsing

00:03:04.120 the web, no screen times, just 100%. What'd you learn? Family time. Um, I learned that I was

00:03:11.840 a lot more productive in those times and, um, we did way more things as a family, right? Because

00:03:19.240 there was no sedating my children in front of a screen. It was like, dad, let's play. And I was

00:03:25.460 like, and I'm not distracted. So, okay, yeah, let's do it. You know? So yeah, that's cool. Yeah. It was

00:03:31.140 good. No, I actually busted out the bow drill and, and was teaching the girls how to make

00:03:36.560 fire. Did you get some fire started? We got some coal started. So we, we, with the term

00:03:42.920 they use, busting a coal. So we busted a bunch of coals, but we didn't have a good enough

00:03:47.100 nest. Yeah. Cause I'm driving, I'm grabbing like wet grass from my backyard. I'm like, this

00:03:52.360 is not going to work. Yeah. So, um, which is really a good point, right?

00:03:56.820 No, it is good. I mean, the time you'd want to practice on that stuff is, you know,

00:04:02.340 now before you actually need a fire. Yeah. Well, but it makes me think like, okay, my whole

00:04:09.160 fire, fire starting capability goes to shit. If it's snowing outside, like that sucks.

00:04:14.380 Like that's when you actually need a fire. Yeah, exactly. I got to sure up this process

00:04:18.880 because I even tried lint out of my dryer, which I've heard is great. No, it, it like melted

00:04:25.280 like plastic. Like I tried a bunch of stuff and I'm like, Oh, I need to kind of play with

00:04:30.920 this idea a little bit to kind of figure out what would be good Kindle. So.

00:04:35.320 In my experience, the best way to start a fire is to use a lighter and lighter fluid.

00:04:42.900 There's another way.

00:04:43.940 Not just a lighter, a lighter with lighter fluid. Got it.

00:04:49.420 Just so you know, you might want to put that in your quiver.

00:04:51.660 Yeah. Um, another good way is have you ever tried steel wool and a nine volt battery?

00:04:59.700 That's pretty cool. Yeah. That's pretty cool. Yeah. It's super cool. Why should you, uh,

00:05:04.900 uprising a few years ago? No, it was legacy. We had the boys. I was, I was showing a couple of boys

00:05:11.580 how to use a bubble gun wrapper from like Wrigley's gum and connecting that on a double

00:05:18.760 a battery and you can get a flame generated kind of cool. What's a double eight. Oh, like, Oh yeah.

00:05:24.540 Yeah. Yeah. Really just two to one or two. No, just a single double a battery. Yeah. You have to

00:05:31.380 cut the bubble gun wrapper really thin in the middle and, and use the tinfoil sides around the end and

00:05:37.240 it will generate a flame. It's pretty slick. Hey, yeah. All kinds of ways, but guys, I mean,

00:05:43.120 really, I just recommend a lighter and lighter fluid. It's the best way to do it or a blowtorch

00:05:47.880 that works great as well. A blowtorch would also work. That's right. There's a lot of different

00:05:54.860 ways to do it guys. It is funny though. You have all these survival guys are like, I can start a

00:05:58.820 fire a million ways. You're like, where's your lighter? You're like, Oh, I didn't bring one.

00:06:01.620 It's like, what the hell's wrong with you? Like you don't, you should only make it difficult

00:06:06.020 in training, but in real world scenarios, make it as easy as you possibly can.

00:06:11.860 I did come up with something great. Cause we get a lot of questions about

00:06:14.800 rites of passages and, you know, helping our kids. Right. And one came to mind that day and,

00:06:22.240 and I, I pulled out my knife and I was prepping kind of the base for, for the hand drill. And my,

00:06:28.900 my daughter Kika, she's nine. She goes, I want a knife. And I'm like, I'll make a deal with you.

00:06:35.140 I'll get you a knife when you can start a fire with wood by yourself. And she's like, okay. And

00:06:42.600 she's like, spent hours like practicing, trying to figure it out. Has she done, has she done it yet?

00:06:46.760 No, not yet. I need to get her a good nest first. And I'm like, Hey, I'll get you a knife as soon

00:06:52.500 as you can make a fire. So that's, that's now our, her task at hand. So that is one of the,

00:06:58.900 one of the benefits or features I should say of a rite of passage is it has to be challenging.

00:07:05.140 And there has to be some sort of reward to signify that you actually completed it. We,

00:07:10.160 we do something similar, not the fire starting. Although I liked that idea at age eight for my

00:07:15.100 two oldest boys, my daughter's coming up on eight. So there'll be some things in there. Hey,

00:07:19.640 speaking of daughters, I actually saw something on Instagram and Facebook the other day that you

00:07:23.820 had posted that I thought was really cool. The only way I can describe it is jujitsu capture the flag,

00:07:29.520 which I thought was really rad where you had the rags, just kind of hanging out of the backside of

00:07:34.340 their shorts. And then I assumed that the goal was whoever grabs the other person's flag first

00:07:39.360 wins something like that. Yep. Totally. That's really cool. I like that game. And it's great

00:07:43.600 because it keeps their hips away from each other. They're trying to get around the back. Yeah. You

00:07:49.240 know what I mean? Like if you really think about it, it has really great control. Yeah. It was fun.

00:07:54.240 Yeah. We've made that a, a Sunday family post-church, um, processes. Now we, yeah,

00:08:01.800 there's jujitsu involved. I like it, man. I like it. Bring it closer to God. Jujitsu brings you closer

00:08:07.780 to God. Jesus didn't tap and neither should you. That's right. All right, man. Well, let's get in

00:08:15.240 some questions today. We changed things up on you. We asked or, or posed a question on Instagram and you

00:08:21.160 guys certainly answered the call. Last I checked, there was like 150 or so questions, which, yeah,

00:08:27.040 we're not going to get through 150 questions, but we'll get through the best ones. Yeah. The, the,

00:08:32.340 uh, the guys on the gram, they did good. That's right. You're good. Yeah. There's some ladies on

00:08:37.340 there too. They're, uh, by the way, if you're not following on Instagram, make sure you do at Ryan

00:08:41.840 Mickler. That's the best place. Cause I'm going to be posing a lot of these types of questions on

00:08:45.160 Instagram just cause I'm very active over there. So, and you're good looking, you know, and it

00:08:50.160 drives your attention to the podcast. I mean, it's true. It's really not the content. It's how we

00:08:54.440 present ourselves. Anywhere that I can take a picture of myself, I'm happy to do it. Somebody

00:08:58.520 had posted the other day. They said, you take more pictures than Kim Kardashian or one of the

00:09:02.940 Kardashians. I'm like, I wouldn't know. I don't follow the Kardashians. So I got to just take your

00:09:06.900 word for that one. Maybe I do. I don't know. I'm a selfie guy. So let's, let's get rocking here.

00:09:11.180 Yeah. Well, we want to know what's going on. So, um, all right. Yeah. Let's jump into this.

00:09:16.200 And we've mentioned this earlier. Here's the benefit of Instagram. Oh wait. Well, this is

00:09:21.240 kind of a lame name. Braden Larson, but most of these guys don't have names. It's like numbers and

00:09:26.160 stuff. So, right. Um, all right. I actually did that to help Kip out. So you wouldn't have to

00:09:30.680 pronounce these weird names anymore. Totally. I appreciate it. All right. How can we as men

00:09:35.780 strengthen our relationships and understanding with our children? I see many men discard

00:09:40.920 books and seminars because they don't see the need. How we, how can we change this

00:09:45.840 mentality? Uh, books. Hmm. I'm a little confused on the question. They, how do we strengthen

00:09:53.680 the relationship with our children? And then we're talking about books and seminars. I

00:09:56.800 guess I'm a little confused. Well, I think what he's saying is how do we change the mentality

00:10:00.940 of men, discarding books and seminars and learning to become better. I think that's the big

00:10:06.000 question. Do people discard that change the mentality? I don't know. I don't think men who

00:10:10.200 are listening to this podcast are doing that. I mean, you're listening to a podcast, obviously

00:10:14.060 like some of my best posts, speaking of Instagram, some of my best, most engaged posts are when

00:10:18.720 I post three or four or five books that I might be reading in any given month. Um, you know,

00:10:23.940 you're listening to the podcast. A lot of you guys are signed up for the iron council. You're

00:10:26.980 going to conferences. I actually don't think the men who are tuned into this are actually

00:10:31.100 discarding that. Now there might be guys in your circle. Yeah.

00:10:35.200 Which might be the answer. Listen to the podcast. Yeah.

00:10:37.640 Right. Listening to podcasts is a great way to do it because you can be doing other things.

00:10:42.660 You can be mowing the lawn. You could be training. Uh, you could be, uh, whatever,

00:10:47.800 any number of things, working in a hobby, painting, shooting, whatever. And so listening to a podcast

00:10:52.620 is a great way to stack tasks is what I call it, where you're doing something else, but you're

00:10:57.380 getting the benefit of listening to something that's valuable to you as well. Um, a lot of guys ask me,

00:11:02.740 for example, what kind of music I listened to when I work out, I actually don't, I listened to

00:11:06.220 podcasts. Uh, not that it gets me pumped up necessarily, but it's just a great way for me

00:11:11.080 to get some new information while I'm doing something else. So I, I stack those tasks up.

00:11:16.220 Uh, if there's guys in your circle who you think, oh man, I want to have them, uh, get involved in

00:11:20.440 this, then tune them into the podcast, take them to a conference. Maybe you start a book club. A lot

00:11:26.460 of guys are, are doing book clubs, uh, but, but I, but I don't think, I don't, I don't agree with

00:11:32.980 the premise. I think that plenty of guys are tuned into what we're doing and what everybody else is

00:11:38.080 doing and listening to information and reading information. What was the other part connecting

00:11:43.200 with your kids? Yeah. Yeah. And so maybe some tips from your perspective, how do we strengthen

00:11:48.580 our relationship and understanding with our children? I actually would say, put the books in podcast

00:11:54.100 down. So that that's why I was struggling with this question a little bit is like, and you just

00:11:58.440 said it earlier is that we did a technology fast. And so I was more present for my kids. That's

00:12:03.320 actually what you should do. Yeah. Maybe it's getting some mats off of Amazon. It looked like

00:12:08.560 you had maybe I would say what, eight to 10 by 10 square mats, something like that. Yeah. Two,

00:12:13.160 two, five by tens. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. So we've got the same thing. We've got, I think six by six or eight

00:12:19.000 by eight. Uh, we've got mats in the front room and without fail, without fail.

00:12:24.720 One or four of my kids after I'm done with work before dinner are like, let's go wrestle. It's

00:12:29.360 usually my youngest. Let's go wrestle. And all four of us get out there and we get after it for about a

00:12:35.200 half an hour before dinner. And we love that. We go outside. My, my oldest son and I love to,

00:12:41.080 uh, look at the pictures on the trail cam for deer. Uh, we did the food plot. I do Legos last night.

00:12:49.380 I did Legos with my second son. Cause that's what he's all about. My daughter is about drawing and,

00:12:55.520 uh, like building a little Barbie house. So I get involved in that. My youngest son is all about

00:13:00.440 wrestling. So I, I acquiesce to them, you know, whatever they're interested in. I'm like,

00:13:04.800 that's what I'm interested in. So just be present, be available. I think it's pretty,

00:13:09.480 pretty straightforward. Yeah. Yeah. Well, and I think, and I think the only thing I'd add or,

00:13:15.300 or suggest is our definition of present, you know, it's, it's really easy to think that I'm

00:13:20.280 sitting in my two year old's room on my phone being present or thinking of something else and

00:13:26.920 being present. It's, it's literally like being engulfed in him and what he's doing. And,

00:13:32.480 and even though he can't talk like there's, there's, I'm sure there's bonds being formed

00:13:37.960 when I'm present and spending time with him. Yeah. And, uh, and I think that goes for a lot

00:13:43.740 of our kids that presence in those bonds transcend language or communication. It's, it's really our

00:13:50.440 behaviors and, and how we're interacting with them. I think there's a word I've been thinking

00:13:55.500 about along those same lines, which is intrigue. And if you've ever been intrigued in something,

00:14:02.260 you, you, you immerse yourself in it, you study it, you pour over it, you look at the details,

00:14:09.120 a sense of curiosity, totally wonder curiosity, intrigue. And so I like that word because I try

00:14:16.240 to be intrigued with my wife and children, you know, and if we are intrigued with the people

00:14:20.460 that we care about, we're interested in them. We, we, we study them. We, we watch them and the way

00:14:26.480 they interact were fully present physically, mentally, emotionally, uh, we're interested

00:14:32.820 in whatever it is they might be interested in regardless of how we might feel about that

00:14:36.840 particular activity. So I think intrigue, same thing with clients, uh, or anybody that you want

00:14:42.800 to develop some sort of relationship with just being uniquely and, and, and, and just immensely

00:14:49.420 intrigued in who they are, I think we'll go such a long way in forging and, and, and bonding

00:14:56.340 connections and just being present with your kids the way that, uh, this, I think it was Brayden

00:15:01.280 maybe suggested or wants to be. So. Yeah. I like it. All right. Heston Emery, how do you navigate

00:15:09.120 relationships where the in-laws are mistreating your wife?

00:15:13.460 I think that's a conversation for your wife first. Does she feel the same way you do?

00:15:20.800 Yeah. Uh, if you're on different wavelengths on this one, it's going to be immensely difficult,

00:15:26.200 right? If she doesn't think that, and you're identifying that. Uh, but if she thinks that

00:15:31.340 too, then your job as a man is to be a protector. Now that doesn't mean you need to shelter her,

00:15:36.640 hide her, keep her from her parents. It's not what I'm saying, but I think it is important

00:15:41.200 that we, as men, I look, generally speaking, it's very general. I know we have a lot of

00:15:45.460 female listeners. I believe that women generally tend to be a bit more naive than men do. And

00:15:51.880 again, I'm just saying that generally. And so women might overlook the way they may be

00:15:59.160 treated or exposure to some dangerous or threatening circumstances. And I think men generally are

00:16:05.320 a little bit more realistic about what those threats might be. So I think it's your job as

00:16:09.880 the husband to help paint an accurate picture of what's going on. And if she's on the same page,

00:16:15.020 then I think you and her need to get together. Uh, you need to create some boundaries. You need

00:16:20.620 to create some rules and some frameworks, and both of you need to be on the same page.

00:16:25.000 And then you need to communicate them. Hey, look, we're not going to come over. If this is the

00:16:30.580 behavior that's going to take place. And your in-laws might say, Oh no, no, no, it's fine. We're

00:16:35.300 going to, none of that, none of that, none of that's going to happen. And so you go over and some

00:16:38.700 of that stuff starts to happen. Now you need to enforce them. And that's the hardest part because

00:16:43.580 now you need to say, Hey, you know what? We told you that this is the way that we expect to be

00:16:48.920 treated and we're not being treated that way. So my wife and I are going to go ahead and disengage

00:16:53.640 and we're going to head home for the evening. And if next weekend you want to try it again,

00:16:57.840 we're happy to do that. But I, you got to create the boundaries and you got to communicate them.

00:17:03.940 And then you've got to uphold them. It's a three-step formula. It's very simple. It's not easy

00:17:10.040 because feelings will be hurt. Your wife will be upset. Even if she knows it's the right thing.

00:17:16.060 And it's going to take you navigating those waters and helping her understand that this is the reason

00:17:21.140 we're doing this and helping your in-laws understand that you will not be treated the

00:17:25.000 way that they are treating you. It's a challenge, but it's a very simple three-step formula.

00:17:30.680 Create the boundaries, communicate the boundaries, uphold the boundaries.

00:17:37.140 Okay. Introvert electrician. A while back, you mentioned church, not being a place where to,

00:17:43.120 where to find a band of brothers. Can you speak more on that? And what do you mean by that statement?

00:17:51.300 I actually can't imagine me saying that. I don't think, I don't, maybe I was either I'm being

00:17:59.920 misquoted or there was some missing context there because I think church is a fine place

00:18:05.200 to find men who you can create a bond with. Maybe just don't assume that, that your church

00:18:11.960 group is always what you're looking for, that, that there might be other areas.

00:18:17.520 Just because you might agree with somebody spiritually doesn't mean that that needs to be a band of

00:18:21.560 brothers or, or, or a, or a battle brother, right? So you have some sort of an affinity. You have some

00:18:28.160 sort of connection and that might create the foundation for the rest of your relationship.

00:18:35.000 But I don't think just because somebody believes in the same God that you do or worships the same

00:18:41.620 way you decide to worship, that makes them a great battle brother. I don't, I don't believe that

00:18:46.240 either. I agree. But I think church is a great place to establish some foundational

00:18:51.180 relationships. You know, I've, I've met guys at church outings and organizations that I have

00:18:56.980 great relationships with some that are peers and some I actually consider mentors. They're older than

00:19:01.600 me. I look up to these guys. I admire and appreciate the way they lead themselves and their families and

00:19:06.700 their communities. And so, yeah, I don't think it's a bad place, but I think there's more to it.

00:19:11.500 So here's what I'm going to say. It's not a cop out at all. Listen to Friday's podcast,

00:19:17.620 this Friday's podcast. It's called who is your battle brother. And I go through Friday,

00:19:23.940 this coming Friday. And I've got the notes right here from the podcast. I recorded about two hours

00:19:28.600 ago. I go through the concept of the battle brother. Uh, I go through whether or not, you know,

00:19:34.900 life is actually a battle. And we talk about that. I talk about what five specific characteristics

00:19:41.240 you should look for in a battle brother, where you find these guys, and then ultimately how do you

00:19:46.320 approach and begin to develop a relationship with a quote unquote battle brother. So church is a fine

00:19:51.860 place to look for these guys. Uh, and then listen to Friday's episode and you'll get some more, uh,

00:19:57.760 information on that. Okay. Excellent. Um, this is where we started getting to the funny Instagram

00:20:04.360 names. So, uh, he sent he, uh, best book recommendations for 2021 sovereignty other

00:20:12.900 than, and he actually did say that he says, Oh, he did. That's awesome. Uh, I was going to leave

00:20:20.600 that part off, but cause I was all right. So I got to say it. No, I'm just joking. So I'm going to say

00:20:25.420 I wouldn't have wrote the book if I didn't think it was a good recommendation for you guys. It's true.

00:20:29.440 Um, but do you have a list or is that a future podcast here pretty soon as guys consider 2021?

00:20:35.680 I mean, I'm always sharing book ideas cause I love to read, uh, extreme ownership, which is now

00:20:41.280 probably four or five years old, maybe, maybe three, I don't know, somewhere in there. Uh,

00:20:46.260 as a man thinking with, which is probably at this point, a hundred years old. Um, I actually really

00:20:51.800 enjoy Steven Pressfield's books, like the gates of fire, uh, the war of art, the art of war

00:20:59.260 is also a great book. Uh, Jack Carr series with James Reese, savage son, uh, terminal list and

00:21:07.440 true believer. I think he's got a, uh, a fourth one coming out and the name escapes me right now.

00:21:12.720 So I apologize to my friend Jack on that one. Um, what else? Ryan holiday has some great stuff.

00:21:20.600 Ego is the enemy. Those are, those are classics atomic habits by James clear.

00:21:25.060 Uh, what else am I reading right now? Oh, you know, the art of impossible is actually really

00:21:30.900 good by Steven Kotler. That podcast is coming in the next couple of, uh, of weeks.

00:21:37.100 Just stay tuned. There's always great books, but there's, I don't know, there's how many did I

00:21:40.840 give you six or seven right there? Uh, iron John is a great book. That's a classic. That's,

00:21:46.880 that's a must read for every man. Yeah. I think that's, I mean, the main thing is like,

00:21:54.540 guys listen to podcasts. Like, I don't know. I, I'm assuming this is normal, but I don't know.

00:22:00.140 Maybe, maybe this is unique to me. I use, I mean, you're not ordered, man. So it's probably different.

00:22:05.740 Thank you for the compliment, but that's true. That is actually a compliment in this day and age.

00:22:12.940 Not normal. It's a good thing. But I use this podcast is like my precursor to determine what

00:22:19.000 books I'm going to read. Right? Like nothing solidifies it, whether I should buy that book

00:22:24.540 than Ryan interviewing them and them talking about their viewpoints and their opinions that

00:22:29.700 are related to a book. And then at the end of the hour, I'm like done books on my list. Right? Like

00:22:34.940 right. Almost every, not every book, but like, I would probably say over 60% of all the books I read,

00:22:42.060 they were guests on this podcast first. And that's how I determined if I wanted to read their book or

00:22:47.820 not. So yeah, it's a great way to do it. You know? Yeah. Use this book for that

00:22:51.780 or use this podcast for that. All right. Moving on. Uh, Yannick yay. Uh, when did you realize

00:23:01.440 that you are a cat guy? All right. Not a cat guy. Like an assholes. Is this one of those questions

00:23:10.400 where we just go ahead and skip? Well, look, so I did a video the other day. Look, let, let me,

00:23:15.900 let me, Oh, you're going to explain. Yeah. I'm going to explain a little bit. I did a video on

00:23:20.380 Instagram the other day. Did you see this kit by the way with a cat? I don't remember. No. Okay.

00:23:25.820 So you didn't see it. I'm disappointed. You didn't see this video. All right. So I gave you a tour of

00:23:29.920 my office and it was unfiltered. It was raw. I like my office. It was messy. I got cables and

00:23:36.300 it's not like what you would traditionally think of when you see an Instagram image where it's,

00:23:42.000 you know, the lighting's perfect. Everything's perfect. Everything's clean and organized.

00:23:45.500 Half naked woman in the back corner. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, exactly. With her

00:23:50.820 ass hanging out and she's like, Oh, this is my normal pose. And her ass is sticking out like

00:23:54.920 two feet from her waist. It's like, that's how you stand. Okay. Weird, but are you okay? Is

00:23:59.540 something wrong? Yeah. You got scoliosis or what? So I did, I did the tour of my office cause I wanted

00:24:08.180 the guys to see it. And, um, I've got this cat. It's actually my daughter's cat. Her name is Daisy.

00:24:12.920 She is the weirdest fricking cat I've ever seen, but that cat loves to come in here to my office

00:24:18.700 and she'll just sit right over there under my window, or she'll come do the figure eights.

00:24:22.480 You guys know what I'm talking about. The figure eights be between my legs. And then yesterday or

00:24:27.560 a couple of days ago, when I did this video, she was staring at something out the window and she was

00:24:31.820 just sitting there. And then she jumped up on my desk later. And I've always joked about being a cat

00:24:37.260 guy versus a dog guy. Cause I've considered myself a dog guy, but I actually really love this cat.

00:24:42.920 Like this cat is a, it's a weird cat, but at the same time, I'm like, I kind of like this cat.

00:24:47.820 And so I opened the door and let the cat come in and hang out with me every day. It's in here. And,

00:24:53.200 um, yeah, so I'm not willing to admit that I'm a cat guy. I'm not coming out of the closet on that

00:24:57.440 one quite yet, but, uh, but I do like cats. You're open to the idea. Yeah. I'm open. I'm exploring.

00:25:04.340 I'm curious. I'm curious. All right, proceed. All right. E transformation. What's the best way

00:25:14.560 to prepare for marriage coming from a newly engaged guy? Um, you know, I always give two bits of advice

00:25:22.480 or a couple, a couple ideas that I think are, how many of you won here that is a little

00:25:28.040 counterintuitive. One, you're probably not going to get from most people. Cause what most people are

00:25:32.620 going to say is, you know, love her open the lines of communication, that kind of thing.

00:25:37.800 That's good. I'm world, become codependent, lose your identity. I mean, I wasn't going to go there,

00:25:45.800 but that's what people say. Oh, okay. Here's what I would tell you. Don't ditch your friends

00:25:50.940 and your hobbies for don't do it. I did it. And a lot of you guys know, if you've been following

00:25:55.600 for a long, long period now, uh, my wife and I went through separation and because I did make my

00:26:01.920 wife, my world, and I ditched all my friends and I got rid of all my hobbies and activities that when my

00:26:06.660 wife and I went through our separation, I was stranded on an Island that I had created for

00:26:11.740 myself. I had dug the moat around the Island for myself and I ostracized all of my friends.

00:26:17.860 I got rid of all my hobbies and my activities. And so here I was alone wondering what the hell

00:26:23.160 am I going to do with myself? Cause I wasn't used to being alone. So the advice that I would give you

00:26:31.340 that's counterintuitive and that you won't likely hear anywhere else is don't ditch your buddies.

00:26:38.420 Don't give up your hobbies, honor her, honor the commitment that you made to her, love her,

00:26:45.980 cherish her, respect her, but also do the same things for yourself. Because when you do that,

00:26:52.280 you're going to be more capable of leading and being the kind of husband that she needs you to be.

00:26:58.340 But you can't do that if you cling onto her physically, mentally, emotionally in every way.

00:27:04.320 And by the way, for the ladies who are listening, I think you would agree you're going to exhaust her

00:27:09.420 and you're going to become this little boy. And you're going to start treating her like a mom

00:27:14.600 when you should start treating her like a partner, like somebody you're walking hand in hand with

00:27:20.200 in this battle that we call life. So go get your energy somewhere else, bring it back into the

00:27:25.900 relationship, serve her, honor her, but get your stuff somewhere else.

00:27:31.040 Yeah. I think also when we do that, she's not perfect. So you're going to resent her.

00:27:37.920 And then it's going to be her fault that things aren't the way that you would like them to be,

00:27:43.300 right? Like find your own independent happiness. Let her be her own woman. You be your own man.

00:27:48.780 You know what I mean? Partnership up, but don't be dependent on her for your happiness and

00:27:53.520 everything else. Can I add one thing? This is what I always tell new couples.

00:27:57.360 This is going to probably possibly be the hardest thing. Staying married and dealing in marriage may

00:28:03.440 possibly be one of the hardest things you will ever do in your entire life. And that's normal.

00:28:09.240 So the minute it gets tough, don't throw up your arms and go, Oh crap, I married the wrong person.

00:28:15.300 And, and feel like you need to trade in the car because it's not perfect anymore.

00:28:19.540 Like actually be committed to the relationship and realize sometimes it's hard and that's in it's

00:28:25.720 intended. Now I'm not saying we seek out difficulties on our marriage and make them more difficult than

00:28:30.040 they should be, but I think we need to be realists and, and not label it as wrong or, um, something's

00:28:38.520 broken when you have a difficult marriage. Sometimes that's very normal. And we, in our generations right

00:28:44.360 now, I don't think we do that. It gets tough, difficult. And we immediately go, Oh, I must have

00:28:49.580 married the wrong person, you know? And, and then they immediately start thinking divorce.

00:28:54.740 That's a good point. Yeah. I, I, I, I will take it a step further and just flat out come out and say

00:28:59.900 that at times your marriage should be contentious. There should be contention. There should be

00:29:05.580 challenge. There should be strife. If there isn't, I would actually worry about that. The reason that I

00:29:10.600 like a little bit of contention and friction, maybe that's a better word in my marriage is

00:29:15.640 because it challenges me to become a better man. It challenges her to become a better woman. I'm

00:29:21.260 hardheaded. I'm stubborn. I know I'm a pain in the ass at times. And frankly, you know what? So is

00:29:26.840 she, and we're both better for it because we challenge each other in positive, constructive ways.

00:29:34.240 And that is one of the things too, if it just becomes contentious and you're not on the same

00:29:38.760 wavelength and you're not moving in the same direction, there's an issue there, but if there's

00:29:42.840 some contention and friction, but you're still moving in the same direction, that's a good thing.

00:29:47.900 That's actually a healthy thing in my mind. She makes me, forces me in a lot of ways to be a better

00:29:54.820 man. I force her in a lot of ways through my actions to become a better woman. So there, there

00:30:00.720 should be contention there. And like you said, that's completely normal. That's completely okay.

00:30:05.460 In fact, I would say in a healthy dose, it's encouraged.

00:30:09.800 Cool. All right. Be dotty dotty.

00:30:14.080 Yes. Be dotty dotty. Good to see you.

00:30:16.300 Dotty dotty. How about a question from a lady? I like it. What? And I think this is a good question

00:30:24.480 because I think it can transcend, um, which someone makes a point later about, uh, what we talk about

00:30:30.960 transcending genders, but how about a question from a lady as a single mom, how do I best give

00:30:36.780 my boys what they need to become amazing men that is around and he tries, but my boys have zero

00:30:43.220 respect for him due to the way our marriage ended. He isn't the best example right now. His influence

00:30:48.380 is damaging. If anything, I do have some amazing role models for them in their grandfather and guys

00:30:53.960 from church, but as a mom, what is the best thing I can do to teach them?

00:31:00.960 Well, you can teach a boy to how to be, how to be a, how to be moral. So there's a distinction

00:31:06.280 with, with men in being a good man and being good at being a man. David Gilmore talks about that in

00:31:14.780 his book, manhood of the making Jack Donovan, uh, author of the way of men. And I think three or four

00:31:19.640 other books talks about that at length as well. There's, there's a distinction, good morality,

00:31:24.820 right? That's what we think of is this person honorable and do they have integrity and are they

00:31:30.060 doing the right thing? And then you have good at being a man, which references capability.

00:31:35.100 Is this man strong? Does he have the skills necessary to protect, provide, and preside?

00:31:41.880 That's good at being a man. What we need is both, right? Because if you're a good man,

00:31:47.780 you're moral, you have integrity, you're honorable, you're a nice person. That's fine and great. But if

00:31:52.600 you lack any sort of capability, if shit hits the fan, are, are, are you really going to be able to

00:31:59.200 serve? Exactly. If you're a hundred percent capable, but you're not a good man. Well, of course we,

00:32:05.220 this is dictatorship. This is tyranny. This is, this is somebody who could commit horrible atrocities

00:32:10.720 in the world and, and have historically as well. Unrighteous dominion. Yeah. Yes. So we need both,

00:32:17.180 right? So here's the deal. You can, you can teach a boy as a mother, as a woman, how to be moral. You

00:32:24.940 can do that. I think that a woman can raise a good human being, but I honestly believe that it takes

00:32:31.920 a man to make a boy, a capable man, a boy, somebody who is good at being a man. So the answer is you

00:32:42.580 can't do everything. And that's very threatening. That maybe stings a little bit to the women who

00:32:50.120 might be listening, but it's the reality. And so the best thing that you can do is get the hell out of

00:32:55.620 the way in certain instances, not all of them, there's a need for you, of course, but in certain

00:33:01.060 instances to just get the hell out of the way and let little Timmy go spend time with other honorable

00:33:09.020 men. You said a grandfather, coaches, mentoring, guidance, big brothers, big sisters, whatever you

00:33:19.140 can do to get that boy around other men who are leading the types of lives that you want him to be

00:33:24.380 leading the better off he's going to be. My mother raised me primarily on her own, but she always

00:33:30.020 recognized this fact that I'm sharing with you right now. And she had enough care for me that she

00:33:36.760 got her ego out of the way and said, let me put him around other men. And she got me involved in

00:33:42.540 competitive sports. In fact, she forced me to, when I was in eighth grade, when I was younger,

00:33:47.340 I said, I want to go play football. She said, no, I don't want you to play football. Why? Cause she

00:33:50.340 was being a mom. Yeah. I don't want you to get hurt. Those guys are mean. They're not considerate.

00:33:56.260 The coach yells at you. That's not nice. Yeah. Like we want to coddle them. Yeah. Right. And then

00:34:02.120 she recognized I was in eighth grade and she recognized that I was going down a path. I got suspended

00:34:06.220 from school. I was getting into fights. I was hanging out with the wrong crew. I was doing bad

00:34:09.840 things. And she recognized that. And she knew that she couldn't do it. So she said, you're going to go

00:34:14.960 play football. And I said, I don't want to play football. She says, I don't care. You're going to

00:34:19.020 play football. So I went and played football and I got around hard men that I had not experienced

00:34:27.040 before. I remember one play in particular, first year of football was playing tackle football. I played

00:34:32.660 on the Aztecs in Southern California. And the, this team had won all conference the previous three

00:34:37.940 years. So my mom gets me on this team and I'm like the third string, whatever. Right. So I'm just the

00:34:43.180 kid on there. Who's getting his ass kicked because he's never played football before. And I remember I

00:34:47.440 was either playing outside linebacker or I was, um, uh, defensive end. And, and we were on the scrub

00:34:56.200 team on defense and the first string offense was running the play and the slot receiver, a wide receiver,

00:35:01.020 I can't remember, came back. I didn't even remember. Uh, and he did a crackback block. A lot

00:35:07.580 of you guys are familiar with what that is. He earhold me. He blindsided me. He knocked the shit

00:35:13.340 out of me and it hurts so bad. And I didn't know what happened. And I'm sitting there lying on the

00:35:20.920 ground and the tears are welling up in my eyes. And I remember vividly, my coach came up to me

00:35:26.620 and he leaned down. He didn't extend his hand. He didn't help me up. He didn't like coddle me.

00:35:35.500 He got down in my face. He said, you know what? You took that fucking block like a man.

00:35:42.600 And then he walked away and I got up off the field. And as, as much pain as I was in, I was like,

00:35:50.200 yeah, I feel good. And he said exactly what he needed to say in that moment that no woman would

00:35:59.320 have ever been able to tell me. And that's what your son needs. I didn't doubt that he didn't care

00:36:06.820 about me. I knew he cared about me because he said the right words in the right way in the right tone.

00:36:12.480 And he swore at me and it meant everything to me as a what? 12, 13 year old boy. And it radically

00:36:19.680 transformed my life. An instant, a three to five second moment in time transformed my life because

00:36:28.300 my mom was willing to get me around other men. That's what your boy needs. That's what he needs.

00:36:35.520 And you can provide that for him, but it's going to require you dropping the ego and not,

00:36:40.220 it's not to say that you have an ego, but it's to, to drop the ego, to step aside and to let men do

00:36:47.400 the work of men, which is to turn your young man into a man himself.

00:36:55.520 Love it. CK Miller fitness, how to form a circle of successful business minded men in a tough rural

00:37:04.780 area where it doesn't seem many are motivated. Should one look outside the community, even if

00:37:11.520 the goal is to help the community grow. And if you do find a couple men, obviously busy men, some ways

00:37:17.120 to stay connected. Yeah, this is actually my friend Curtis. So he's in the area, he's got a couple of

00:37:23.180 gyms in the area. And so him and I have communicated and talked and we are in a rural area and you know,

00:37:28.920 it is difficult because the mindset for building businesses and growth that way is a little

00:37:34.840 different than it might be in maybe a bigger city or something like that. You know, there's still

00:37:39.580 are men around here. So I think it's going to take some, some honing and refining, but I think it's

00:37:43.820 really going to be finding these men, whether it's me, Curtis, Pete, other guys who are interested

00:37:51.180 in, in developing and growing and helping each other and promoting each other. The best thing that

00:37:58.640 you're going to be able to do with a successful individual is add value. I mean, that's all you can

00:38:02.420 do because why should they, you know, I have people reach out to me every single day. Hey, I'd like to

00:38:07.260 chat. I'd like to talk. And I'd like, why, why? Like with all due respect, why? What's, what's the

00:38:13.880 point? Oh, I just want to get together. Well, I don't actually want to do that. Like I have no desire to

00:38:18.940 do that. Like if you're going to take away time from my business or from my family, there has to

00:38:24.200 be a stated outcome. There has to be a reason for doing this. So Curtis, I know you and I are

00:38:28.320 actually going to be talking later this week because we have that call set up, but I want you to think

00:38:32.360 about what value you might add. Maybe it's, Hey, I'm willing to offer you some, some, some training,

00:38:40.520 you know, some fitness training, help you with your getting strong or whatever your stated

00:38:45.300 objectives are. What's a way or, or introducing them to people that might help them grow their

00:38:51.100 business. You know, I've done that with, uh, with Pete, for example, I've introduced him to people

00:38:55.700 who are on my Rolodex, who I felt like he could benefit from knowing, and he's formed some great

00:39:01.420 connections with some great people. And that makes me valuable, right? So like, what is the problem

00:39:08.340 that the people you're wanting to connect with are dealing with? Because what a lot of people will do

00:39:13.220 is they'll actually create problems. So for example, a lot of guys want to be connected with

00:39:19.020 order of man or me or you, or whatever we're doing here. And they'll send me a message on Instagram and

00:39:23.680 they'll say things like, um, uh, you know, I, I, I, I really love what you're doing and I want to work

00:39:31.060 for free. What can I help with? Look, I can appreciate the tenacity. I can appreciate the,

00:39:39.120 you putting yourself out there, but really all you did was create additional work for me.

00:39:46.320 Yeah. Now you have to think about what you could possibly give someone without even understanding

00:39:50.880 what their skill set is or anything else. Exactly. So you just created, you put more on my plate

00:39:56.120 and that actually is a turnoff. Now, if you came to me and you said, Hey, um, I don't even know what

00:40:03.820 the issue would be, but Hey, Hey Ryan, uh, you know, you've been doing this for six years and I

00:40:08.740 see these things and I see, uh, what you've got going on. And I really, I'm a graphic designer and,

00:40:15.600 uh, rather than, you know, ask what you're looking for. I just thought this would be a really cool

00:40:20.780 design. So I went ahead and I put together this, this design and I made it specifically and exclusively

00:40:27.640 for you. I hope you like it. Feel free to use it. However you want. The only thing I ask in return

00:40:33.820 is let me know how you use it. That's it. You didn't come to me and ask like, what can you do?

00:40:42.200 You didn't ask details of what I'm trying to look for. You just came and you provided a solution to a

00:40:48.360 perceived problem. And maybe, maybe it made contact. Maybe you strike out. I don't know.

00:40:53.560 But if you do that enough times, you're going to find a way to be valuable to other people.

00:41:01.280 And so to Curtis, I would say, that's the answer. How can you solve that individual's problem,

00:41:08.320 regardless of what level their business they're in or their finances or their health or whatever,

00:41:12.960 solve their problem, create the solutions and, or make the connections to people who can.

00:41:18.000 And there's no way you could lose with that method.

00:41:20.920 Kim Keough 60. I ordered three books you recommended on raising boys. My wife is so far

00:41:31.320 refusing to read them because she believes boys and girls are not different when it comes to how

00:41:36.440 to raise them until puberty hits. How can I help her understand the importance of these differences

00:41:42.360 so that she at least will consider reading them? Mind you, she is a social worker and is very liberal

00:41:48.360 with her social views. Really? That's a surprise. I got to bite my tongue on this one. I mean,

00:41:54.920 how could you believe like what in your right mind would lead you to the conclusion that boys and girls

00:42:01.820 are the same before puberty? I just look, I've got daughters. I've got, I've got a daughter and I've

00:42:08.980 got sons and they're different. There's no ifs, ands or buts about it. They are different. Even when

00:42:17.480 I say, Hey, let's go wrestle. My daughter loves to do it by the way, but it's different. My, my youngest

00:42:24.760 son is tenacious and violent in a way that my daughter isn't. I don't know if you feel the same

00:42:35.760 way about your children kit, but that's the truth. And that's not social constructs. My friend,

00:42:42.040 that is biologically hardwired. My daughter is a nurturer. She's a supporter. She's highly empathetic

00:42:50.460 and compassionate. She's very aware of the way people are feeling. And I know that everybody's

00:42:55.820 a little different, but I think generally this is true between boys and girls, men and women.

00:43:02.420 So it's just mind blowing to me how people can actually believe that. Look, if she's not going

00:43:09.960 to read it, she's not going to read it. There's nothing that you can do or say, but what you do,

00:43:13.980 no. Why? I mean, what, what you should be doing is you should be living the principles that you read

00:43:22.260 boys adrift, why gender matters, these things that you're, I I'm assuming these are the books

00:43:27.580 that you've picked up, uh, that, that you should, the boy crisis. We've talked at length about that

00:43:32.860 one. You should be living and implementing these rules and allowing her to see the fruits of what's

00:43:39.240 happening. The, the deeper connection that you may have with your daughter to see her develop the

00:43:45.140 deeper connection that you have with your sons in a different way. And to see that mature and,

00:43:49.160 and, and grow and develop and just start connecting the dots. You know, if she sees that and she's like,

00:43:55.240 Hey, daughter seems to be really happy. Yeah. You know, I've tried this thing in this book and it

00:43:59.260 seems to actually be working very well. Or just our son seems so much more disciplined or engaged.

00:44:04.460 Yeah. I tried this, this strategy, or I've been doing these things and I think it's really working.

00:44:09.240 So allowing her to experience the fruits of your efforts and then connecting the dots on where

00:44:14.180 you learn that maybe we'll open her. It's just mind blowing a social worker. I mean,

00:44:18.600 she studied these things and I don't want to throw her under the bus. I don't know the full story,

00:44:22.600 but these people have studied this and still they're delusional. It doesn't take a rocket

00:44:29.080 scientist or even a doctor to see that people are different. Boys and girls are different and we

00:44:36.840 need to treat them in different ways. We need to engage them in different ways. That's the only

00:44:41.920 way to do it. And it's honoring who they are. It says it's a mistake to treat them all the same.

00:44:48.660 It's not good for women. It's not good for men. It's not good for boys or girls. It's bad for society.

00:44:53.780 And we're not treating them different as unequal. We're treating them as different,

00:44:58.920 as unique. You are a woman or a young girl. I'm going to honor that. You are a boy. I am going to

00:45:07.680 honor that. And I'm going to raise you the way that's going to help you harness that. Society is

00:45:12.580 so confused, so misguided, and it's absolutely ridiculous and it's harmful to our children.

00:45:17.840 Yeah. Yeah. I can't help, you know, just this past week, we're talking about our youngest and

00:45:25.440 my wife is like, he is so wild. Right. And I, and I have to remind her, I'm like,

00:45:31.640 honey, he has more testosterone in his system than I have.

00:45:37.700 Like, that's crazy. Literally. Like he's a little walking, like bundle of testosterone,

00:45:46.220 testosterone ready to explode. You think he's going to be the same as, as my daughters? No,

00:45:52.900 you do not have that flowing through your veins and not be like a wild man. Right. And he is wild,

00:46:00.400 you know, and we, and we harness that. Right. And we take advantage of that. Right. So it's,

00:46:07.700 it's crazy. It's rough when you don't have somebody that you love and care for and that

00:46:13.540 you're partnered with who's on the same page with you. I get that. And so sometimes you need to walk

00:46:18.860 some of these paths alone. And I'm not saying at, at trying to exclude her. Sometimes she just doesn't

00:46:26.060 want to go down that path and you're the man, you're the patriarch, you're the leader of the home.

00:46:29.440 And so it's going to require you to walk the path alone, but always tying it back into her

00:46:35.140 motivation. Cause look, as misguided as somebody might be, let's not assume that she's a bad

00:46:41.420 person. Like, I don't think that's your children. Yeah. She loves her children. She cares, which is

00:46:47.320 why it's actually a concern of hers. Like if she was indifferent to it, then I would say, well,

00:46:53.560 that's an issue, but she's not indifferent. She's just misguided based on the limited information that

00:46:58.380 we have. So she cares. You might need to walk this part of the path alone so that she can see,

00:47:07.120 oh, this actually serves little Timmy and little Sally. Right. And that is going to be your burden.

00:47:14.720 Yep. Bear it well. And we've talked and we, and we've talked about this, like, this is a perfect

00:47:19.380 example of the importance of presiding. You know, there's no checkout, right? There's no like,

00:47:26.700 oh, we don't see this the same. And okay, well, let me just demonize my wife. And I'm now going to

00:47:32.420 have a passive role in how I raise our kids. That's not going to work, right? You actually need

00:47:38.380 to, you might even have to have a more active role than you would normally have to make sure that

00:47:45.540 you're leveling up in this area to provide some value. And, and, and, and sometimes I think at least

00:47:51.320 for me in my past, I've had a mentality of kind of like, oh, I don't have time for that.

00:47:56.260 You know what I mean? It's like, this is your children. So you're going to need to make time

00:48:00.740 and, and you're going to have to be maybe a more active role in, in, in this area where you may

00:48:05.980 not be on the same page with your spouse. Yeah. I think there's a natural tendency to go one of

00:48:10.640 two ways, either completely disengage, like, oh, I'm done. And obviously we know that's not going to

00:48:15.600 serve them or to be hyper aggressive, like screw you. I'm doing this. I'm going my way.

00:48:20.240 And there is a middle ground blocking her. Yeah. Right. There is a middle ground, which is,

00:48:26.140 Hey, look, I can appreciate that. You want him to take piano lessons. I don't know. It's just an

00:48:31.080 example, but just so you know, every Saturday morning, him and I are spending four hours on

00:48:36.600 our own. So like wrap your head around that. Cause that's what we're doing. And you don't need to know

00:48:43.340 everything that we're doing. You don't need to be involved in this, but this is our time. And we're

00:48:46.260 going to take that time as father and son. And you do the same thing with your daughter as well,

00:48:50.140 because your daughter needs to know how good men and capable men behave too. Like we don't exclude

00:48:56.000 our daughters. I know that I tend to talk a lot more about my relationships with my son,

00:49:01.840 sons than my daughter. Part of the reason is because I'm protective of my daughter. So I'm not

00:49:07.480 going to expose the same way I might with my boys. But the other part is that it's harder as a man,

00:49:12.900 you know, to talk about like, what do I do with my daughter? But that's not to say that

00:49:16.240 we aren't engaged or we don't do things together. It's just as important for her to

00:49:21.580 see how a man shows up for himself, his family, his community, his business, all of the things

00:49:26.660 that I'm doing. So you need to do the same things with your daughter, by the way. Yeah.

00:49:32.500 Marshall Platt. My name is Marshall Platt and I am 16 from California. My question is,

00:49:39.020 how do you stay disciplined in the tasks you have to do? I'm enlisting into the Coast Guard in about

00:49:44.140 six months and I'm trying to prepare my body and mind for what's ahead. Love your work. Thank you.

00:49:51.720 Well, I think the thing that you can do is just keep an eye on the price, right? You're six months

00:49:55.880 away from the Coast Guard. You're 16. Is that right? Yep. So I don't know how it works with a

00:50:01.640 Coast Guard. If there's some sort of, I mean, I'm sure there's training. I don't know if it's basic

00:50:05.140 training or bootcamp or something, but I'm sure there's training like that.

00:50:08.140 I'm surprised you can do that when you're 16. You might have to do it with a written permission

00:50:15.040 from your parents or guardians. Yeah. I don't know what the, I actually don't know,

00:50:21.560 but yeah, I think just maintaining and keeping your eye on the prize and just working backwards.

00:50:28.000 Okay. That's what I want to do. So I'm going to work backwards into this. In addition,

00:50:32.260 creating systems, creating processes, doing the battle plan. By the way, the battle planning app,

00:50:37.420 I went through that earlier today with Chris, our designer, and it's looking amazing. So the

00:50:43.680 battle planning app is coming out soon. Yeah. It's awesome. Cool. And for you guys really quick,

00:50:48.360 if you don't mind me interrupting Ryan. So for you guys, obviously battle planner app coming soon

00:50:53.300 for those interested, you can sign up for the battle ready program, which is free by going to

00:50:58.300 order of man.com slash battle ready. Right. Yeah. The other thing I would say is to get around other

00:51:06.740 people, maybe there's some other kids in your class or in your community or neighborhood who

00:51:10.660 are joining either the coast guard or other branches of the military at the same time.

00:51:15.520 And maybe you can form some sort of coalition with these guys, you know, like, Hey guys, every

00:51:20.140 Tuesday, Thursday afternoon and Saturday morning, we're going to do a run or we're going to do a PT

00:51:26.200 session. And, uh, you know, maybe you get three or six guys together and you become this little band

00:51:33.900 of brothers that all has similar goals and ambitions. There's something to be said for having

00:51:38.380 this level of accountability with other boys or men in your area. Uh, so yeah, I think battle planning

00:51:43.860 app, finding other men, boys in your case, who young men, I should say, I don't, I think there's a

00:51:49.480 difference between a boy and a young man, like a boy, like my, my eight or excuse me, my nine year

00:51:56.440 old. Now he is a boy still, but my 13, almost 13 year old, he's a young man. So find, find young men

00:52:04.300 in your area who are doing the same thing and see if you can band with them. I think that'd be a big

00:52:08.560 help as well, but keep your eye on the prize, have some systems, have some accountability, get after it.

00:52:13.260 And I commend you for joining the Coast Guard, by the way. Cool. Uh, be Ducha charm 63.

00:52:22.120 This is harder. I think in the Facebook page, my wife and I recently started a business.

00:52:28.200 Will we ever stop feeling like we are imposters and start feeling like we know what we're supposed

00:52:33.620 to be doing? Well, you could feel like that now or in 10 years or not feel like that now or in 10

00:52:41.240 years. It really has nothing to do with how long you've been in the business. You're either always

00:52:46.640 going to feel like an imposter because you have some mindset that's going on, or you're never going

00:52:51.220 to feel like an imposter because you have some different mindsets going on. Like when I've started

00:52:55.920 order of man almost six years ago, now I've never felt like an imposter. Not once never, never have I

00:53:02.440 thought, Oh, I shouldn't be doing this. Or I don't, I'm not worthy of doing this because I didn't put

00:53:06.640 myself on a pedestal that I don't feel like I belonged. And I never positioned myself as the

00:53:11.880 epitome of masculinity or somebody who has it all figured out. You know, occasionally somebody will

00:53:15.640 ask, well, what makes you the authority? Nothing. I've never said I'm the authority. I've simply said

00:53:22.080 I'm sharing my perspective, my opinion, what I think works, what's worked well for me, what's worked

00:53:27.960 well for thousands of other men. And you're smart enough that you can take that information and apply

00:53:33.900 it or not based on what your goals and objectives are. I think imposter syndrome comes down to you

00:53:40.580 believing something about yourself or presenting yourself in a way that isn't necessarily congruent

00:53:48.560 with the reality of the situation. So you have this built up perception in your mind of who you are

00:53:58.880 or how you should behave. And then you're right. And then you're likening it back to where you

00:54:04.720 actually are. And there's this huge gap. And that gap is where the imposter syndrome lies.

00:54:11.460 So you need to do one of two things, probably a combination of both. You need to bring yourself

00:54:16.300 back to reality. Stop giving yourself those weird and faulty expectations. We can do that in a lot of

00:54:23.840 different ways. The best way is to hire somebody who's gone before you and they can paint a realistic

00:54:30.000 picture for you. So step number one is to bring you back away from the weird expectations you have

00:54:36.720 of your performance. And or step number two is to put yourself on the path doing the work that's going

00:54:44.380 to bridge the gap between where you are now and where you would like yourself to be. Those are the only

00:54:50.340 two ways to overcome the imposter syndrome. Get on the path and do the work and or match the

00:54:58.060 expectations to reality. And I think when you do that, you're going to have a better time

00:55:02.300 not feeling like you don't belong or you weren't where you should be. Also enjoying the journey and

00:55:08.840 the path and the progress and the growth, as opposed to some future destination that may or may not ever

00:55:14.160 come just finding value and being on the path. We're actually talking about that in the iron

00:55:19.860 council this month is overcoming imposter syndrome. So it might be a good time for you to join. If you

00:55:24.920 feel like this is an issue of yours. All right, Sam cohort 76. I'm enlisted in the Marine Corps and

00:55:32.760 leaving June 7th. How should I deal with people not supporting my decision? By the way, I love your

00:55:38.680 podcast. It's changed my life in many ways. And one day I'd love to teach one of your classes

00:55:43.640 you've discussed. Keep up the good work. Sam, thank you for your service. First and foremost.

00:55:50.220 Secondly, what makes you think you have the right to people's support?

00:55:57.660 Why do you think they should support you?

00:56:01.160 But like, what gives you that right to tell people they should support you?

00:56:05.200 Do away with that thought. Nobody needs to support. Do you believe in what you're doing?

00:56:08.840 Do you believe that signing up for the Marine Corps was the best course of action for you?

00:56:15.300 I assume the answer is yes. I hope it is. And if the answer is yes, then other people's support

00:56:21.560 doesn't. You know how many people supported me when I did order of man started one, my wife,

00:56:26.840 wife. And even she was kind of like, your mom, your mom, kind of, my mom didn't even get it.

00:56:34.300 She probably still doesn't totally get what we're doing, which is fine. I don't need, I don't need

00:56:39.300 that. I don't need that. What you need to do is support yourself. I made a post on Twitter. In fact,

00:56:45.940 I think this actually applies. So let me just pull it up. So I pull it up the right way. And I can tell

00:56:53.020 you what this says here. Bear with me. Pull it up right now. At Ryan Mickler. Sometimes pronounced

00:56:59.200 Mitchler. Never pronounced that way. I mean, it is pronounced that way, but it's wrong.

00:57:04.500 All right. So at Ryan Mickler, here it is. Don't worry about getting other people to like you.

00:57:12.080 Be more concerned with getting to a place where you actually like yourself.

00:57:16.000 Right now you're seeking external validation. Why? Like that's a legitimate question. That's not

00:57:25.500 rhetorical, by the way. Why are you concerned with getting other people to validate your decision?

00:57:31.860 Answer that question. Now I get it. If you want your parents to believe in what you're doing,

00:57:35.640 I get it. Cause they supported you and they believed in you. I get it. But you know what?

00:57:40.080 You're, you're old enough where you're making your own decisions now. And hopefully they taught you

00:57:46.080 well and they led you well. Sounds like they did. You're making good decisions. You care about them.

00:57:50.540 Those are two good signs, but you need to be more worried about validating yourself.

00:57:57.080 How can I get ready for bootcamp? How can I best be the best Marine that I possibly can be?

00:58:02.100 How can I serve myself and others? How, how can I be a contributing member of the team?

00:58:06.200 You get so focused on that stuff. You're not going to be worried about whether somebody

00:58:09.560 or does or does not agree with your decision. It's not their decision to make it's yours.

00:58:14.060 And you need to be comfortable with that. Yeah. And that external validation is fleeting anyway.

00:58:21.060 I mean, sometimes we have a tendency to think that's what we need.

00:58:24.620 You know, that that's only going to work for a little while anyway. So it's not required.

00:58:30.920 Let's say, let's say your parent, I'm just, I'm just assuming it's the parents. I don't know if

00:58:34.480 it's true or not, but let's say your parents supported you and they validated your decision to do that.

00:58:38.540 Do you think you're going to feel different? Probably not.

00:58:41.300 Or, or if they validate or they support you, but you're not fully committed.

00:58:45.440 That's what I'm saying. You're not supporting yourself. Is it going to help?

00:58:49.000 External circumstances. Don't change your mindset.

00:58:51.680 Your mindset changes and then your external circumstances change.

00:58:56.140 Yeah.

00:58:59.040 Love it. All right. Behavior hack.

00:59:01.660 What's your long-term vision for order of man?

00:59:03.920 Man. We've heard these questions before. I don't know.

00:59:06.540 Kick ass.

00:59:09.480 Be badass.

00:59:11.140 Be badass.

00:59:16.020 My long-term vision for order of man is to continue to grow what we're doing,

00:59:20.880 to continue to build out the podcast, to continue to get high caliber and even higher caliber guests

00:59:25.960 on the podcast, to do a lot more live and front facing interviews and conversations than we are

00:59:31.420 right now, to build out the iron council, to create more of an elite level iron council,

00:59:37.720 which I haven't talked a whole lot about, but that will be coming soon,

00:59:40.640 to build some achievements and advancement initiatives inside of the iron council,

00:59:45.320 to build out the battle planning app, to host more events, including a event,

00:59:51.820 an annual event that we have a thousand plus men attend, to write several new books. Like I've got

00:59:59.280 so many plans, but my long-term vision is ultimately more of the same in a greater way,

01:00:06.460 in a greater capacity to serve more people, to take it internationally here, ultimately to change

01:00:12.720 the culture of masculinity and the way society views masculinity and the way that we believe

01:00:17.800 about ourselves as men and the way society views us as men. That is what I want to do. And that's

01:00:23.620 what we're doing, which is why a couple of weeks ago, I made a, I think it was a Friday field notes

01:00:28.180 where, and I titled it enlisting and mobilizing an army of men to go out and to reclaim and restore

01:00:34.920 masculinity. It starts with ourself. Then it moves to our families. A lot of guys will say,

01:00:39.680 well, I want to change the world. Change yourself, man. Yeah. Change yourself and then change your wife

01:00:45.360 and then change your kids and then change your neighbors and then change your colleagues and

01:00:49.980 your coworkers and, and move out, but change yourself first. Yeah. That's how we change the

01:00:55.720 world. And that's my goal. But my vision is all those little things I just shared with you.

01:01:02.480 Love it.

01:01:03.020 By the way that he's got a great behavior hack. He's got a great page. Like I really like his,

01:01:09.640 his page at the way he approaches things and the quotes that he puts up and then the way he views

01:01:14.580 some of these angles, like very interesting. So you're on Instagram, check it out. Behavior

01:01:19.520 hack. Is it at behavior? Behavior hack. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Really interesting page. I like the way he's

01:01:23.780 taking things. All right. Um, alphabet nag nag, nag, jar, uh, whatever. How do you get out of a rut?

01:01:34.460 Jerk the wheel really hard. I mean, that's what you do. Like you're in a rut. You're in a pattern.

01:01:41.480 You're doing the same things every day, all day. Same, same, same, same, same. Wake up at the same

01:01:44.900 little bit of go to bed the same time. Turn into, it's not going to be, yeah, that ain't going to work.

01:01:48.420 Jerk the fricking wheel, man. Like do something complete. I'll give you an example. A lot of you

01:01:54.980 guys have seen my Instagram posts and stories where I'm building the canoe. That's jerking the

01:01:59.700 wheel. I don't know how to build a canoe. I don't have any tools. Totally outside your comfort zone.

01:02:03.860 You're like, I have no idea what I'm doing. Completely. No idea. No time on my hand. No

01:02:08.660 idea what I'm doing. No expertise in the area. No tools. I'm spending a lot more money and time than

01:02:13.960 I need to, but I'm jerking the wheel. And that's what you need to do. Get out of

01:02:18.400 a rut. So it could be reaching out to somebody new, starting a new venture, picking up a new job,

01:02:25.600 starting a new hobby. You got to jerk the wheel. It's not like you said, this little nudge, this

01:02:30.460 little tug on the wheel. It's like, jerk that wheel. And it's going to be rough and it's going

01:02:35.240 to be uncomfortable and it's going to be painful. And then you're going to realize, oh shit, I'm out

01:02:40.680 of the rut. And you know what'll happen? You'll create new ruts. And so you need to jerk the wheel

01:02:46.420 again. And that's how you do it. Years ago, I did the Spartan gogi. It's a, it's a 60 hour

01:02:52.140 endurance event. That was jerking the wheel, starting the podcast. That was jerking the wheel,

01:02:57.840 picking up jujitsu. That was jerking the wheel, uh, doing the canoe, jerking the wheel, moving the

01:03:03.840 main, jerking the wheel, selling my business, jerking the wheel. You see what I'm saying?

01:03:08.620 Like these are bold, audacious moves. These aren't easy, soft, comfortable things. These

01:03:15.380 are bold, they're risky and they're uncomfortable. Yeah. And, and when I think about scenarios,

01:03:22.180 like I remember the first time I signed up for a marathon, if I said, I'm going to do a marathon,

01:03:29.680 but I didn't sign up and I was going to start training to maybe do one. That's not jerking the

01:03:35.880 wheel. Me logging onto the website and signing up for one and then going, okay, I got three months

01:03:43.000 not to look like an idiot. That's a jerk. Right. So there's a, there's a little bit of kind of risk,

01:03:49.480 but what I, you know, unreasonableness of going, you know what, I'm not going to play this soft or

01:03:55.720 prepare or whatever. I'm just going to go. Right. Right. And I would even take a step further

01:04:01.580 with a marathon scenario. And I would say even signing up maybe isn't necessarily jerking the

01:04:06.680 wheel because you can back out of that. I would say going to run five miles this afternoon, even

01:04:12.020 if you have never run that far in your life would be a jerk of the wheel. Yeah. And then getting up

01:04:17.880 when your legs are like beat and your knees hurt and your ankles hurt and then say, I'm going to go

01:04:22.480 put in two miles today. Yeah. Yeah. Or you're in the middle of training and you're on family holiday

01:04:28.160 and you are unreasonable and go, you know what? I got a 10 mile run and for me not to disrupt with

01:04:35.800 my family, I'm going to have to leave at 4am in the morning. Yeah. So be it. Yeah. There a couple

01:04:42.360 of years ago, I've told you guys, I went to Hawaii for the holidays and a memory popped up over the

01:04:47.540 holidays from, I think it's three years ago. And it was, I did a little tour of the place that we

01:04:53.240 stayed, which is a really cool place. And then the next day, another memory popped up and it was me

01:04:57.700 in a time-lapse video doing burpees. And I did a hundred burpees for time before everybody else

01:05:03.440 was up and going. And so I went outside, I got on the deck and I did a hundred burpees for time

01:05:07.460 because I was committed at that time to being dialed in with my physical fitness goals. And so

01:05:13.920 I got up early to go do it. And then the rest of the day was for me and my family, but that time was

01:05:19.820 for me to stay committed to what I had committed to doing. And it was, it was a good thing, you know,

01:05:24.580 and that's, that's what success requires. T garden 86. What are some tips for staying focused?

01:05:35.660 Um, you know, I've never, maybe you can help me answer that. I I've never really had a problem

01:05:40.700 with focus. If it's intriguing and enticing to me and something I'm interested in. The only thing I

01:05:45.360 would say is just eliminate distractions because it is easy for me to do the bright, shiny object syndrome.

01:05:50.320 In fact, one of my goals for 2021 is to finish projects before I started another one. You can

01:05:56.740 see like my office is amazing. And then if I were to go like this, like you can see, I didn't finish

01:06:01.300 the trim. So it was like 90% done, you know? And, and, and then I built a, I, I did a shiplap wall

01:06:08.380 for my wife this weekend on one of the walls, like an accent wall and in our living room. And right now

01:06:14.940 it's, it was like 92% done. Cause I didn't put the trim back on where I had taken it off. So I'm

01:06:21.060 like, Nope, I gotta finish this. So I put the trim back on. And the only thing I'm missing now is the

01:06:25.380 outlet boxes. Like that's all I'm, so it's 98% done and I'm totally comfortable with that, but I

01:06:32.460 needed to be a hundred percent done. Cause that's a goal that I made for myself. So it really is just a

01:06:37.280 decision, just not to committing to do too many things at once. Ambitious men have a problem with

01:06:43.740 this. I want to do this. And I want to do that. Oh, this is more important. Oh, that's more important.

01:06:48.900 I get it. I, I, I can completely relate with the desire to do that, but you just, you can't,

01:06:55.100 you just can't do it. You need to not do so much stuff and make a commitment to yourself that you will

01:07:01.620 finish existing projects and tasks before you start something new. And also the, the thing that

01:07:07.660 this helps us do is to be better decision makers, because if you know, okay, I'm going to pick up

01:07:14.860 this thing, but I have to do it a hundred percent, then you're going to make a better decision whether

01:07:19.640 or not you're going to do it or not. Like if, for example, with the canoe, I'm committed to it to

01:07:25.120 doing a hundred percent. It has to be ready in 86, 85 days now, because it's a 90 day plan. So

01:07:32.300 it has to be ready. And I've committed to seeing it through. If I wasn't committed to seeing it

01:07:37.740 through based on what I'm trying to do, I wouldn't have even started. So it helps us to be better

01:07:43.980 decision makers because what's going to happen is you're going to commit to seeing something through

01:07:48.120 that you find absolutely miserable. And because you committed to seeing it through to the end,

01:07:55.860 you're going to be miserable for the next several weeks to get it done because you committed to doing

01:08:00.020 it. And the next time you're going to be like, I'm not going to make that decision again.

01:08:04.780 But if you don't allow there to be any consequences for your choices,

01:08:08.280 then you'll just be flippant about your decisions. Like, oh yeah, I'll do that. Oh yeah. You need me to do

01:08:14.000 that. Oh sure. That sounds fun. And then you put yourself in the same position that you've always

01:08:18.580 been, which is not getting things done. And then people looking at you with, with less credibility.

01:08:25.580 Oh yeah. Kip, Ryan. Yeah. They'll say yes, but they don't finish. They don't follow through on that

01:08:30.220 stuff. And so you're looked down upon with the people that should be looking up to you as somebody

01:08:36.140 who's a beacon of stability and discipline. Yeah, totally. What I like about this question is,

01:08:42.960 well, I like the fact that he's asking the question. There's actual evidence, proven evidence

01:08:48.940 that when we do focused work, when you stay focused on something, you feel more fulfilled.

01:08:56.220 So business owners, if you have employees that are super busy, busy, busy, busy, like, and we,

01:09:02.300 we celebrate busyness, right? It's like, oh, Ryan, how was your day? Oh, it's so busy. Oh,

01:09:07.860 did you get anything done? You know, it's like, oh, well, that's a different question.

01:09:11.700 Right. And so we have busy email. How do we all feel at least? And I can relate to this. Most people

01:09:18.240 that feel busy, they feel stretched. They feel worn out. They don't feel fulfilled. Fulfillment

01:09:25.880 actually comes from focused work. And why? Because you're in integrity. So back to what we're saying

01:09:34.980 early about being present with your kids. How do I feel about the time I spent with my son?

01:09:40.120 If I'm multitasking and I'm trying to do some email and I'm checking my Instagram and I'm doing this and

01:09:47.020 this, and I'm playing with them. And then I'm done, quote unquote, spending time with my child. Do I feel

01:09:51.740 fulfilled? No, because I wasn't present with him. I was mediocre with him. Right. And I actually think

01:09:59.580 deep down I'm out of integrity. I didn't do what I know I should have done. And so I don't feel good

01:10:06.800 about the circumstance. I don't feel good about me. I don't feel good about my eight hours I spent

01:10:11.280 for my employer because I didn't give them my all. I didn't really show up and do amazing work

01:10:19.420 because I was distracted. I wasn't doing focused work. So one, I like this question because it's

01:10:25.880 really important. I think fulfillment in life and feeling good about how we show up and being

01:10:31.360 integrity requires us to be present in what we are doing. And I'm replacing the word focus with

01:10:37.940 being present. How do we stay focused or how do we stay present to things? We first realize that we're

01:10:44.840 a distraction culture. We are a world of distraction, like delayed gratification. A task gets placed

01:10:51.460 before Ryan. It's like, or I'll just use me example. A difficult task is placed before me and someone

01:10:57.580 walks by. I'm tempted to go, Hey man, how's it going? And then I, I distract myself. Why? Because

01:11:04.600 the task at hand requires some mental capacity. It might be boring, delayed gratification. I'm so

01:11:11.920 used to being entertained, you know, and now I have to focus. Right. And so we got to build cultures

01:11:18.540 and boundaries where, whether we work at home or within, in our work environments where we can have

01:11:24.060 our focus time and you can eliminate the distractions from your life and give it your all, whatever that

01:11:30.920 all is. And, and I don't know about you, Ryan, but there's been so many times where I've caught

01:11:35.980 myself like into a corner and I had to complete a task and an impossible task in an impossible amount

01:11:42.520 of time. And I get it done. And then I always pause and go, how in the hell did I get that done

01:11:50.540 in that little amount of time? And the way I did it is I was a hundred percent focused.

01:11:56.500 I gave it my all. I was a hundred percent present to the task at hand, but yet we don't function that

01:12:03.540 way a lot. And we need to, because our, our productivity, our ability to learn and to accomplish

01:12:10.360 and our effectiveness would drastically increase if we created environments that would allow us to do

01:12:15.520 such. Definitely. Well said, man. Well said. Hey, a couple of resources, Kip, along those same

01:12:21.400 lines that you were talking about. And this goes back to the gentleman who was asking about books,

01:12:26.320 Deep Work by Cal Newport, and he's been on the podcast. And then also Atomic Habits by James Clear,

01:12:32.600 who has also been on the podcast. So there's two great book recommendations that pertain to this as

01:12:39.120 well. Let's take a couple more, Kip, and then wind things down for the day.

01:12:41.800 You know what I love about it is I consider those two books, the best two books on deep work.

01:12:47.440 I don't think I've ever communicated that to you before.

01:12:50.860 Oh, really? Oh, that's funny.

01:12:52.300 Yeah. And so it's at work, we're implementing some deep work here. And my two books are

01:12:57.380 Atomic Habits and Deep Work. And you want to-

01:12:59.880 That's awesome.

01:13:00.920 At a glance, you want to think Atomic Habits was part of that, but it's so much part of it.

01:13:05.080 Oh yeah.

01:13:05.480 So yeah, definitely.

01:13:07.240 Cool. And I just thought it was interesting that you saw the same thing.

01:13:09.720 Great minds. I was thinking about that phrase. We say great minds think alike. I'm wondering if

01:13:14.960 poor minds also think alike, because it might just be that too.

01:13:18.840 For sure. Look at society.

01:13:22.860 Yeah. Be careful the tribe that you belong to. Yeah.

01:13:26.640 That's right.

01:13:27.120 All right. BP Baker 79. How important is family history to you? How do you ensure to keep your kids

01:13:36.640 knowing about their origins, the previous family generations, and the important links, that legacy

01:13:42.900 that they should carry on?

01:13:44.560 Yeah. I do a little bit of genealogy. Three or four years ago, I really got deep into it. And it was

01:13:51.020 cool because as I was using different resources that were available, I think family search and family

01:13:56.860 tree, some of these others, somebody actually reached out to me and sent me an email and said,

01:14:01.880 Hey, I have a link that you're missing. And it was this whole line. That was cool.

01:14:06.740 And I found a lot of value. Right. And I found a lot of value in that. And then my mom started to

01:14:13.280 get more into it. And then I connected her with this individual who reached out to me and she's

01:14:18.580 been more in contact with her, the person who reached out. And we found things about her

01:14:24.540 grandfather and great uncles who had a micro brewery, Whelan beer in San Francisco. And they had

01:14:36.040 built this amazing brewery in San Francisco area and it's called Whelan beer. And I just,

01:14:44.200 I was blown away with that. That was so cool, man, to see like these, this is my lineage. These are

01:14:48.340 the men. They took a risk and they built this organization. And then I think it was, if I

01:14:54.720 remember correctly, it's been a couple of years, but there was an incident. And I think if I remember

01:15:03.100 right, the part of the brewery blew up and killed one of them, but then the brother took it over and

01:15:10.260 then his sons took it over. And like, this is very, this is, this is who I am. Yeah. Like that's in

01:15:16.200 my blood, you know, that's really cool. And then the other day, I know I'm beating a dead horse with

01:15:21.140 this canoe thing, but the other day I posted a picture on Facebook and my uncle Mike reached out

01:15:27.440 to me and he's like, Hey, I don't know if you know this, but your great grandfather, Carl Mickler

01:15:33.700 built his own fishing boat and he would go out into the bay and he would go fishing on his own

01:15:40.660 fishing boat. And he was a master craftsman. He was very artistic. He, he, he was a great builder

01:15:47.380 and I had no idea. And he's, and he said, my uncle Mike said, I think I might have some pictures.

01:15:54.080 And so if I get them, I'll send them to you. And I've got a whole file cabinet in there of

01:15:58.840 wheel and brewery. Hopefully I'll get some from Carl Mickler with his boat that he built himself.

01:16:06.140 So yeah, I think lineage is important. I think it's important to know where you come from. I think it's

01:16:11.440 important to understand your heritage and some of the lessons and, and some of the culture.

01:16:18.300 Like we learned so much about culture. Here's the bad thing about culture today. There is no

01:16:23.420 culture. We demonize it even. Yes. And it's just like, I love culture. It's like, that was what we

01:16:31.060 did. And that was our history. And those were our traditions. And then you get to learn about a lot

01:16:36.140 of my family comes from Germany. And so we get Otto Mickler. That's my, that's my grandfather's name.

01:16:41.800 And so we get to learn about his traditions and what he believed. And now I get to take what I like

01:16:48.560 and maybe what I don't, but I get to take what I like and incorporate into the way that I lead my

01:16:54.340 family and the way that we create our own traditions. And there's something very grounding

01:16:58.840 and powerful about that. You're not obligated to follow it, but there's certainly little things

01:17:05.160 and nuggets that you can find and implement that will help you lead your family more effectively.

01:17:09.200 So I think genealogy is great. I think every man should know where he came from to some degree.

01:17:13.120 Yeah. And by the way, I'll also say this, because I know a lot of guys who are listening,

01:17:17.660 who are adopted, and maybe they don't have a connection to their bloodline. Your lineage

01:17:22.960 and genealogy doesn't have to be blood related. It could, but you can adopt the family that has

01:17:29.620 adopted you. You can adopt those traditions as your own. Hey, that's my lineage. Those people raised

01:17:35.240 me. That's, that's what we do. I even look, this is a weird example. My wife and I and kids were

01:17:40.520 the other day. We were watching Tarzan, the newish Tarzan. You know, he was raised right by gorillas,

01:17:46.260 obviously not as bloodline, but how many traditions and things did he learn about life and his approach

01:17:53.240 to it and, and his, his love for nature. That's what I'm talking about is like, totally you get

01:17:58.520 to decide what you want it to be. Isn't that an amazing thing? Yeah. Well, I mean, you look at like

01:18:04.140 my kids, they're less Hawaiian than anything else, but Hawaiian culture is very much part of how

01:18:10.100 they're raised. Why? Cause we chose that, right? Why, why is it? I want to latch onto that. And I

01:18:17.200 also think that there's, there's culture of what country you're from, you know, for, for a lot of

01:18:23.060 us, you know, we're, I'm American. Guess what? I want to know about American culture. Cause that's

01:18:29.520 my genealogy. Right. Right. Regardless of the specifics of my ancestors. And that's why that's so

01:18:34.980 damaging in the current state of things that we demonize American history. Because what we're

01:18:42.000 doing is we're demonizing, demonizing the descendants. Right. I'm not saying that we

01:18:47.040 have to always be pride, proudful, or have pride in all that ever occurred, but find areas to be,

01:18:53.820 to have some pride. Right. And, and, and what you said, grab the good and skip the bad and,

01:19:01.080 but understand where you came from. I, a question I had for Asia the other day, and I thought it would

01:19:06.160 be really fun to know this data is every descendant of the revolution, revolutionary war soldiers,

01:19:15.800 where they are today, the descendants, like how did the descendants turn out of those that fought for

01:19:24.560 freedom? I'm curious, right? Like, are they more successful in life?

01:19:31.080 Than the descendants that never participated? Yeah. I'm just curious, right? Like it'd be really

01:19:36.600 interesting to see how that may be affected generations, you know? Yeah. You know, and others,

01:19:43.840 I would say are pro have probably taken advantage of what their forefathers have done and what they

01:19:52.480 sacrificed and they're reaping the benefits. And then they're also bitching and moaning about

01:19:56.360 their, their current station or even what their grandfathers did. Great, great, great grandfathers

01:20:02.860 did to provide the luxury, to be able to save it, to be able to say it. That's why, that's also a

01:20:09.320 reason genealogy is important. So you don't take for granted the blessings of your life. Cause I'll tell

01:20:15.320 you what, my, my great grandfather, Carl or Otto or the wheel inside of my family, they didn't,

01:20:22.280 they had it significantly harder than I had it. That's for sure. I could complain and gripe and

01:20:28.460 moan and bitch about everything that that could potentially happen to me. But I guarantee that

01:20:32.780 those men had it significantly harder than I did. And yet they made choices, some good, some bad that

01:20:39.040 put them on the path and put their families on the path. And there's a reason I'm here today is

01:20:42.680 because of the choices they made. Yeah. And I'm pretty blessed. So are you, if you're listening to

01:20:47.440 this podcast? Yeah, totally. All right. Last question. The barber ICWAP, how do you think

01:20:55.880 about the privacy violations for the EULA, the end user license agreements with Facebook and

01:21:01.880 Instagram? Should we keep more of our lives private and get off these platforms? Yeah. I just think you

01:21:08.180 need to be careful. I saw this question ahead of time. You just need to be careful. You just need to

01:21:13.180 assume that all of your internet, your information on the interwebs is accessible, that they can access

01:21:19.220 whoever they is, whether it's these social media conglomerates or the government or big brother,

01:21:23.820 big, whoever can access your information at any time. And you need to be careful about what you're

01:21:28.760 posting. That stuff could pretend. I mean, here's a great example. That guy, I think it was a young

01:21:33.900 woman who had used the N word. When she was 15, she had did a video. She was singing along to some

01:21:41.600 rap song or something. And the rap song said it, said it right. So she was singing along with the

01:21:47.740 rap song. Yeah. She was just singing along. She quoted from the song and somebody saved that video

01:21:53.880 for, for a long time, saved it. And then once she got into college, sent it to the school and posted

01:22:05.220 the video online. And this, this young woman has now lost her ability to go to that school. She,

01:22:12.200 she left the school under pressure from the administration. I mean, her life is being ruined

01:22:18.220 because of that. And I'm not condoning that behavior at all on either party, but I'm saying

01:22:24.260 it lives in perpetuity. What you say is, is there and it's available and it's accessible. So just be

01:22:32.440 very careful with what you put out there. And to your question about, should we be less on social

01:22:37.860 media? Yeah, probably. The only reason I'm on social media is because this is my business and

01:22:43.680 yeah, it's, it helps me create. So I'm grateful for it, but I'm also careful. And I'm also increasingly

01:22:50.680 careful as we gain in popularity and notoriety because I realized it's all there. It's all available.

01:22:56.620 What I say and what you say, Kip is not always popular, especially, and I think that's going to

01:23:01.540 continue to grow with the woke culture and the cancel culture. So you need to be careful of

01:23:06.340 what's, what's there. Just be smart and don't assume that these social media companies have your

01:23:11.740 best interest at heart. They don't care about you. They don't, they only care about your money.

01:23:16.600 And as long as I realize that, and I'm willing to play the game because I've made a lot of money

01:23:21.160 doing it too, then I'm okay. But it's when I let my guard down. And when you let your guard down

01:23:26.880 that you get yourself into trouble. So be careful, be smart. It's on the interwebs.

01:23:32.960 It's funny, you know, in the financial planning business, occasionally I'd have people, I'd,

01:23:37.060 you know, I'd have to get their social security numbers and account numbers and

01:23:39.900 personal information to be able to set up brokerage accounts and things like that.

01:23:44.440 And I would, every once in a while, I'd have somebody who'd say, Oh, I'm just,

01:23:47.520 I'm just afraid of like giving this information out. And I asked them, is your,

01:23:51.000 do you have a bank account online? Yeah. Okay. Your information's already out there.

01:23:57.940 Like there's nothing you could give me that isn't already readily accessible to anybody else. That's

01:24:02.880 not to say I won't protect it to the best of my ability. I'm just saying it's already out there.

01:24:07.040 So don't worry about it or do worry about it and just make sure you're protected.

01:24:11.680 Totally. It's crazy, man. And it's sad, right? Like I, I, I don't know. Like I feel sorry for that

01:24:17.640 girl. It's like 15 listener rap song. Like, come on. That's stupid. You know, it's absolutely

01:24:22.720 asinine, you know, I don't know. Cause I, I love hip hop. So, you know, maybe I go on the edge of

01:24:29.340 saying I'm sure you're probably out of doubt. I've seen, I've listened and probably saying along with

01:24:36.220 many hip hop songs and dear Lord, I'm white. So, you know, I don't know. Luckily, luckily it was

01:24:44.320 never recorded. Although I might have me singing on some old cassette tapes, you know, mixtapes that

01:24:49.260 I made for my, for my later burn those things or the capsule culture is going to come to get you

01:24:53.320 Kip. They're going to come to get you hide my mixtapes. That's right. All right. Let's wrap

01:24:59.520 up. So we talked about, you know, it's a new year. You're five days behind, right? So what the crap

01:25:05.800 are you doing? Uh, we have a couple of resources for you to, to get on board, get on the court of life.

01:25:11.120 One, join us in the iron council order of man.com slash iron council. Great things. We talked about

01:25:17.080 it earlier. We're covering imposter syndrome this month. We cover a lot of books. We have topics

01:25:21.920 that's tribes. We've talked about building a band of brothers. That's literally what the iron council

01:25:26.920 is, uh, to learn more order of man.com slash iron council. Join us on Facebook. If you guys haven't

01:25:32.420 already. And as you saw today, we're fielding questions for the AMA, even from social media.

01:25:37.760 So follow Mr. Mickler on Twitter and or Instagram at Ryan Mickler. And as always, you know, we had a

01:25:44.000 couple of questions and there's even more questions about what's the movement of the order of man. Like

01:25:48.160 what's the future? Where's this going? And it's only going to get bigger and we're enlisting people to

01:25:54.560 join us bigger and better. And we're enlisting men willing to rise up and take a stand for what is

01:26:04.100 right to better their families, to better their communities and to band with us. And you can do

01:26:09.860 so by joining us on Facebook and or sharing this message, connecting with us on social media or on

01:26:16.500 YouTube. And of course, if you guys are still looking for some swag to kind of support when

01:26:21.520 you're out and about go to store.orderofman.com for your hats, t-shirts, wallets, decals, battle

01:26:28.160 planners and such. That's right. All right, guys. Appreciate the questions. Make sure you connect on

01:26:33.780 Instagram because I'm going to be doing more there for Kip and I or ask me anything. So connect there

01:26:38.480 at Ryan Mickler and let's stay banded. We'll be back on Friday for the Friday field notes, but until

01:26:43.440 then go out there, take action and become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the

01:26:48.140 order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to

01:26:53.320 be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

Order of Man - January 06, 2021

How to Be More Disciplined, 3 Steps for Creating Effective Boundaries, and How to Get Yourself Out of a Rut ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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