Order of Man - October 18, 2019


How to Become a More Compelling Man ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES


Episode Stats

Length

39 minutes

Words per Minute

188.58139

Word Count

7,357

Sentence Count

493

Misogynist Sentences

4

Hate Speech Sentences

5


Summary

In this episode, Ryan talks about what it means to be a "compelling man" and why it's important to be one. He also discusses the importance of a compelling man and why you should be a better leader.


Transcript

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.
00:00:06.020 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.
00:00:10.480 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.
00:00:15.500 This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.
00:00:19.760 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.
00:00:24.700 Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Nickler, and I am the host and founder of this podcast and the movement that is Ordered Man.
00:00:32.480 I want to welcome you back. I'm glad that you're here, whether you're listening for the first time or you've been with us for any amount of time.
00:00:38.120 This is a mission that's very, very important.
00:00:40.440 It's a mission to reclaim and restore masculinity in a society that seems to be increasingly dismissive of what it means to be a man.
00:00:49.500 And to that end, we've got our interviews. We've interviewed guys like Jocko Willink and David Goggins and Tim Kennedy and Dakota Meyer and Pete Roberts and Andy Frisilla.
00:00:59.380 The lineup is absolutely, absolutely incredible.
00:01:03.460 And these are men who want to be part of what it is we're doing, which again is to restore and reclaim masculinity.
00:01:09.620 Uh, I've seen a lot of chatter about the attack on masculinity and, and I don't know that I would go that far because I think when we talk about it in that context, uh, it almost positions ourselves as the victim.
00:01:22.920 And the last thing I want to want to do is position myself voluntarily as the weaker position, the victim.
00:01:28.420 But I do believe there's some things that we need to discuss and talk about.
00:01:31.980 And that's what we're doing in this podcast to help you become a more effective leader, husband, father, business owner, coach, mentor, brother, whatever capacity of life you're showing up.
00:01:41.620 So we've got a good one for you today.
00:01:43.080 I'm going to talk about what it means to be a compelling man and why that's important.
00:01:46.520 Uh, before we do, I want to get into and introduce our show sponsor, uh, origin.
00:01:52.440 Now you guys have heard me talk about origin at length.
00:01:55.420 Uh, they've got their pre-order going on right now for their origin boots and the ones that I'm actually wearing origin bison boots.
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00:02:39.800 So check it out again, origin, main.com use the code order.
00:02:43.560 All right, guys, let's get into this discussion today.
00:02:46.780 Uh, I want to talk with you about what it means to be a compelling man.
00:02:50.960 Uh, I actually looked this up.
00:02:52.340 I think most of us inherently maybe probably already know what it means to be compelling.
00:02:56.660 Uh, but I looked it up because I wanted to see if there was something that I had left out or hadn't considered.
00:03:00.480 And here's what the definition of compelling is.
00:03:03.120 It says evoking interest, attention, or admiration in a powerfully irresistible way.
00:03:11.240 If that doesn't describe what I think most men probably want, at least to some degree, I don't know what does.
00:03:17.620 Now, this is not about getting attention.
00:03:20.260 This is not about necessarily even lifting up our ego.
00:03:23.480 Uh, this is about garnering the attention, the admiration, the respect that you need in order to accomplish your objectives in life.
00:03:34.180 We don't live in a vacuum.
00:03:35.760 We don't live in a world where, uh, you're isolated.
00:03:39.580 The lone wolf idea for men is flawed at best, destructive at worst.
00:03:44.480 Uh, and it's been perpetuated by the media and by entertainment industries, uh, that men are supposed to go at it alone.
00:03:52.160 Well, the reality is any success that you've had and that I've had in my life has come because I've partnered up with somebody.
00:03:59.180 Somebody has given me a chance or partnered up with me or given me an opportunity or made it an introduction or decided to follow and band with me and, and tackle a cause or a task or a project together.
00:04:12.480 And if you want people to follow you, whether you're a father, a husband, a leader in your business, a coach, some sort of a mentor, if you want people to follow you, then you need to evoke, like this says in the definition, interest, attention, and admiration.
00:04:30.020 So what I'm going to do with you today is share 12 strategies, tips that you can utilize in your life to evoke more interest, attention, and admiration, essentially become a more compelling individual.
00:04:44.980 And again, when you do, you're going to have more success in your life.
00:04:49.000 And ultimately, if you weren't listening to this podcast or watching it on YouTube, uh, then it's, then you probably isn't something you're interested in.
00:04:56.300 But because you're here, I imagine you are interested in being a more compelling, more effective, more capable man.
00:05:01.900 And in order to do that, the way that you present yourself to the public, to those who you're trying to lead is important.
00:05:09.420 And what I'm going to share with you today, it might, when I go through this, it might be tempting to say that these are surface level things, that these are things that don't really show any depth to who you are as an individual.
00:05:21.040 And so I want to say first and foremost, that there does have to be depth.
00:05:24.660 There does have to be substance to who you are as a man, because without the substance, without the depth, without the morality and the intelligence and the things that I've talked at length about these 12 things that I'm going to go with you, go through with you today, uh, are going to be at best the, the whole concept of faking it till you make it, which, uh, people can spot very easily.
00:05:46.120 I mean, you know, think about in your life, who, you know, who is full of garbage.
00:05:50.720 That's the type of individual you will be.
00:05:53.080 If you don't have the substance and the depth to go behind or, or deeper than the surface level, a way that you present yourself, which is important.
00:06:01.520 And something I'm going to go through today.
00:06:03.080 Now, a lot of people will say, and I think I talked about this on last Friday, Friday field notes, last week's Friday field notes is they'll say things like, you know, real men don't care about how they look and real men don't posture, et cetera, et cetera.
00:06:15.740 Well, that's not true at all.
00:06:17.760 I mean, throughout all of history and all of cultures, men have been very, very aware of how they are being perceived.
00:06:27.780 That's not the only consideration to what it means to be a man.
00:06:30.840 Certainly.
00:06:31.300 And I alluded to that earlier, but the way that you are perceived by individuals is important.
00:06:36.560 So the things that you wear, uh, the way that you look, the way that you, uh, portray yourself, the way that you communicate with individuals is going to be very, very important.
00:06:47.120 And in a lot of ways is the first thing that people see when they look at you.
00:06:52.040 So if you go in for a job interview and you look like a slob because quote unquote, real men don't care about how they look, well, you're not going to get the job.
00:07:00.660 You're not going to get the promotion.
00:07:02.160 If you're trying to approach an attractive woman and you, you haven't showered for five days, well, odds are that she's not going to be interested in you.
00:07:11.780 And she's not even going to give you the time of day to figure out how much depth there is to you.
00:07:16.700 So use, use your presence, use the way you look, use the way you exude confidence, use the way that you present yourself in public to your advantage.
00:07:26.060 Why would you hinder yourself when you can use the tips that I'm going to share with you today?
00:07:30.140 And other tips that I've shared in the past to help you achieve more, to do more, to be more, and to have more accomplishment in your life.
00:07:36.220 So there's a little introduction for you.
00:07:38.580 I don't want to waste a bunch of time getting into all of the ramifications.
00:07:43.000 I think it's safe to say that we know that we want to be successful and we need to be able to exhibit that success right away, immediately to people.
00:07:53.240 So let's get into this.
00:07:54.180 And again, these are very simple things.
00:07:56.080 These are things that you can do and implement.
00:07:57.740 You can implement each of these steps like in the next five minutes.
00:08:01.000 And if you start implementing these things and you write them down, you document them, you, you, you strive to implement them, you review and make sure you're continuing to implement them.
00:08:09.880 If you do this, you're going to notice improvement very, very quickly with your relationship with other individuals.
00:08:15.880 So let's get into it.
00:08:16.960 Number one, making eye contact.
00:08:19.580 That's so simple.
00:08:21.000 It's just not a difficult thing to do.
00:08:22.480 It's funny because I'll be walking down the road, uh, or going into a convenience store or the grocery store, just out in public.
00:08:29.160 And it is amazing to me how many people either cannot or refuse to make eye contact.
00:08:35.180 It almost seems like it's harder to try to avoid making eye contact with another individual.
00:08:44.800 Why wouldn't you just use a very simple look into a person's eyes?
00:08:50.060 Now, only confident people can do this.
00:08:52.960 So what that means is that if somebody's not looking you in the eye, what's being perceived, what you are portraying is that a, you're not confident.
00:09:02.140 Uh, B, you may be up to something because you're trying to be shifty or, or hide out.
00:09:09.200 But when you make eye contact with another individual immediately, that sends off a signal that this is somebody who is at least confident enough to stand up straight and look another human being in the eye.
00:09:21.200 This is not a difficult thing to do.
00:09:23.260 This is a very simple practice.
00:09:24.920 And you would be very, very, I don't know if you'd be surprised.
00:09:28.880 Maybe some people would be surprised how quickly you will, uh, build some rapport with other individuals when you simply look them in the eye.
00:09:37.520 Now I'm not talking about staring them down.
00:09:39.160 I'm not talking about mad dogging people.
00:09:41.000 I'm just talking about, uh, using a little discernment for the way that you look at people and looking into their eyes, everything.
00:09:48.940 What is it?
00:09:49.280 The, the eyes are a window to the soul.
00:09:51.980 So people can tell who you are and what you're about, at least to some degree by looking into your eyes.
00:09:57.680 So do that.
00:09:58.720 Number two, shake hands firmly, shake somebody's hand firmly.
00:10:03.660 When you don't shake people's hands firmly, uh, you're perceived as weak.
00:10:08.620 You're perceived as potentially cowardly.
00:10:11.300 Uh, it's not a good look.
00:10:13.400 It's not a good feel.
00:10:14.200 I should say, uh, never, ever give somebody a limp, cold fish handshake because it's weird.
00:10:20.680 Even women don't ever shake a woman's hand weekly as well.
00:10:24.880 Shake it with confidence.
00:10:26.240 Shake it with some firmness.
00:10:27.820 Let them know that you're here, that you're present.
00:10:30.240 I'm not saying you need to crush their hand.
00:10:31.960 And look, I've, I've shake, shaken people's hands who they think it's a contest.
00:10:37.060 Okay.
00:10:37.180 It's not a contest.
00:10:38.220 That's not what I'm talking about.
00:10:39.260 But I am saying exhibit some level of assertiveness, look into somebody's eye, shake their hand
00:10:45.280 firmly, grasp their hands solidly, and let them know what you're about.
00:10:50.540 Let them know who you are through a simple gesture, a two second gesture of extending your
00:10:55.060 hand, gripping firmly, shaking with authority, and then letting go.
00:10:59.120 So that will speak volumes about who you are and how you show up and how assertive you are.
00:11:04.880 And again, I go back to the job interview.
00:11:06.740 For example, I think you'd be surprised how often that will paint everything else in the
00:11:12.040 correct light.
00:11:12.580 It actually sets up the remainder of the interview.
00:11:15.220 And that interview could be a job interview.
00:11:17.340 Uh, it could be a potential, uh, woman that you want to date.
00:11:21.680 Uh, it could be any number of things.
00:11:24.120 Anytime you meet an individual, they are interviewing you.
00:11:27.440 They are sizing you up.
00:11:28.980 And the first two things that you can do is look them in the eye and shake their hand firmly.
00:11:34.300 If you nail those two things, that sets the tone for the rest of the conversation and the
00:11:40.340 rest of the meeting.
00:11:40.980 Now it could go South based on what you do from there, but you want to set yourself up in
00:11:44.780 the right light immediately.
00:11:45.700 And you do that by looking in their eyes and by shaking their hand firmly.
00:11:49.160 Uh, number three, speak clearly.
00:11:52.900 Don't mumble.
00:11:54.320 Don't, don't be quiet.
00:11:56.420 Speak very clearly.
00:11:58.420 Articulate your words.
00:11:59.700 Well, now this isn't something that I've been able to do, uh, forever.
00:12:04.180 I mean, this is something I've, I've really had to work on.
00:12:06.360 Somebody sent me a message.
00:12:07.600 Uh, I think it was just this morning and they are considering starting a podcast themselves.
00:12:12.020 And they said, how did you develop the skills to be a good interviewer?
00:12:16.540 And part of being a good interviewer is being able to speak clearly, articulate your questions.
00:12:21.760 Well, follow up, listen, et cetera, et cetera.
00:12:24.720 Uh, and for me, it's just a matter of practice.
00:12:28.220 It's just a matter of being deliberate about it, being intentional about it, having it on
00:12:31.880 my mind.
00:12:32.340 And that's why I have these strategies is because these are things that I'm working on myself.
00:12:36.060 So number three, when you're learning to speak clearly, people are going to naturally listen
00:12:41.800 to you.
00:12:42.560 If you're mumbly or you're quiet, inevitably people are going to tune you out.
00:12:47.240 They're going to, again, perceive you as weak, uh, not knowing your information, maybe stupid
00:12:51.880 to a degree, or at least ignorant about the subject.
00:12:54.580 Uh, and if you open your mouth and you can't speak, speak clearly about a subject, maybe you
00:12:58.780 just don't know enough about it to actually share.
00:13:01.380 So if you're rambling and mumbling, uh, and incoherent with your thoughts, I can't tell
00:13:06.600 you how many people on, on YouTube and Facebook and Instagram who, uh, write comments and it's
00:13:12.660 like incoherent ramblings.
00:13:14.340 I, I, I have no idea what these people are trying to say.
00:13:17.660 And this is somebody who undermines their authority and their credibility because they
00:13:21.720 can't articulate a message clearly.
00:13:23.600 There's also, it seems to me a trend that the, the bigger words that you use,
00:13:30.920 then maybe you're perceived as being more intelligent.
00:13:34.460 And that's not true.
00:13:36.460 If nobody understands what you're saying, because you're using sophisticated words,
00:13:40.840 you may not be doing yourself any favors.
00:13:44.280 You may feel better.
00:13:45.240 And that's an ego thing, right?
00:13:46.880 Cause you're using this vocabulary that you feel like is, is powerful.
00:13:50.940 And yet it's not powerful.
00:13:52.400 If nobody knows what it is you're talking about.
00:13:55.420 For example, uh, I was at a church meeting.
00:13:59.160 Uh, this was probably, this was years ago and everybody in the congregation, probably
00:14:05.260 99.9% of the congregation spoke English.
00:14:11.820 That's it.
00:14:12.660 They didn't know another language and somebody got up and to open the meeting, they prayed,
00:14:18.660 which is typical and standard, but they prayed in, in Spanish, which I guess is fine, except
00:14:27.200 that nobody knows what that person is saying.
00:14:30.860 Well, that's a problem.
00:14:32.140 And I'm not, look, I'm not saying that speaking Spanish is not speaking clearly.
00:14:36.500 I'm saying, no, who you're speaking to speak in a way that's going to land and build up your
00:14:42.820 credibility because they understand what you're saying, not undermine it because nobody knows
00:14:47.060 what it is you're talking about.
00:14:48.420 So maybe that's not the best example, but it illustrates the point that if people don't
00:14:52.920 know what you're saying, you're not setting the meeting up in the right way.
00:14:57.160 So be clear, know your audience, be succinct in your words, know what you want to talk about.
00:15:03.240 That's why I have bullet points here in my field notes, because I, I want to stay on track
00:15:07.520 when I'm talking with you.
00:15:08.940 And the more clearly that you can articulate your message in a relevant way, based on what
00:15:14.360 your audience wants, audience wants to hear, the more successful you're going to be with
00:15:17.840 them.
00:15:18.040 And of course, the more compelling that you're going to be, uh, number four, walk briskly.
00:15:24.260 Inevitably, uh, I've had people ask me over the past five years, you know, what's, what's
00:15:29.880 the best piece of advice you have?
00:15:31.720 And what's the best piece of advice you ever learned from, from a mentor or from your father
00:15:35.980 or whoever.
00:15:36.600 And one of the lessons that always, always stands out to me is my stepfather said to me,
00:15:42.880 wherever you're going, do it quickly, wherever you're going, do it quickly.
00:15:48.140 And I remember that 20, 25, almost 30 years later, because it's valuable.
00:15:54.860 Successful people don't walk slowly.
00:15:57.180 They kind of mope around and they drag their feet and they let their shoes or their sandals
00:16:02.220 scrape across the floor because they have nowhere to be.
00:16:05.680 And so when you see that individual, you perceive that people perceive that as laziness,
00:16:12.360 as, uh, a lack of discipline or an unmotivated individual.
00:16:17.980 Now, whether that's true or not is a completely different story.
00:16:20.540 We're talking about being compelling, which means that people are interpreting the signals
00:16:25.120 that you're putting out into the world as, as meaning, right?
00:16:29.440 Everything you do has meaning.
00:16:30.720 So if you're dragging your feet, people are going to attach meaning to that.
00:16:33.640 If you want to be compelling to individuals, then you need to learn to walk a little quicker,
00:16:40.440 pick up the pace, actually have somewhere to be, have some, have some speed and excitement
00:16:45.940 and a little hop in your step.
00:16:47.400 If you will, when you do that, people will inevitably see that and interpret that as this
00:16:52.820 is somebody who's getting things done.
00:16:55.280 And when you see an individual who you interpret as being capable of getting things done, don't
00:17:01.460 you want to know what that guy's up to?
00:17:03.440 Don't you want to follow that individual?
00:17:05.380 Don't you want to, in a way, potentially be like that individual?
00:17:08.560 Of course you do.
00:17:09.700 So stop dragging your feet, stop moping around.
00:17:12.560 Now, of course there's times where you're going to go a little faster, a little slower.
00:17:15.540 This is going to be situation dependent, of course, but generally put a little hop in
00:17:21.640 your step and, and get to where you need to be quickly.
00:17:25.180 If you don't have anywhere you need to be, well, okay.
00:17:28.040 Then maybe that's a time where you can rest and take it easy.
00:17:31.220 But man, if you're going, go do it quickly.
00:17:34.500 Uh, number five, this is all about posture.
00:17:36.840 All right.
00:17:37.200 So number five is keep your shoulders back, keep your head up and keep your chest out.
00:17:42.560 Now you don't want to overdo this, right?
00:17:44.600 Cause I've had people that I know in my life who will walk around with their chest as far
00:17:48.780 out as they can and their head up their neck up in the air.
00:17:51.700 I mean, it taken to the extreme.
00:17:53.740 It looks foolish.
00:17:54.460 It looks ridiculous.
00:17:55.480 It looks like posturing.
00:17:57.000 There's no weight or significance or meaning behind it.
00:17:59.780 That said, if you're hunched over and your shoulders are down and you're slouched like this
00:18:05.100 and you're moping around, I mean, what kind of signal are you putting out into the world?
00:18:09.200 Of course, you're putting out a signal that what you're doing doesn't matter, that you're
00:18:15.160 irrelevant, that you're just kind of a, a little leaf or whatever in the wind, just blowing
00:18:20.640 around wherever society in the world and whatnot takes you.
00:18:26.160 Exude yourself, put yourself into the environment, assert yourself into the environment, assert
00:18:31.280 yourself in a room, command attention and respect.
00:18:34.260 Part of the way you do that is by keeping your shoulders back, your chest out and your
00:18:39.160 head up.
00:18:40.320 Now, all of these other strategies as well, but that simple act alone is going to change.
00:18:45.520 And there's been studies that say and show that the way that you carry yourself physically,
00:18:49.260 the way that you posture will actually affect performance.
00:18:53.140 So if you're slouching and you're hunched and you're doing this, which is hard for me because
00:18:57.240 I'm quite literally over a computer all day.
00:19:01.180 Well, I mean, that's going to affect my posture.
00:19:03.060 So if that's what you're doing, stop doing that, learn to stand up, learn to keep the
00:19:07.740 shoulders back, chest out, head up.
00:19:09.840 And that is going to affect your performance positively.
00:19:12.980 And other people are going to see that.
00:19:14.680 And of course, be affected and impacted in a positive way by that.
00:19:17.640 And think highly of you because of it.
00:19:19.600 A number, what are we on?
00:19:20.860 Let's see.
00:19:21.140 That was, that was five.
00:19:23.120 So now we're on number six.
00:19:25.500 I'm going to make a note here.
00:19:26.760 Usually I just do bullet points.
00:19:28.020 I should just do numbers so I don't lose track.
00:19:29.560 But number six is be interested, be interested in other individuals.
00:19:35.440 If you're not interested, they're never going to be interested in you.
00:19:39.000 If you are faking this and pretending like you're interested, then really what you're
00:19:42.900 doing is pandering and it becomes annoying and everybody can see right through it.
00:19:46.400 But curiosity is a very, very powerful virtue.
00:19:49.480 It's something that I've really had to work on specifically with regards to the podcast
00:19:53.600 and interviewing.
00:19:54.540 And I found that the more curious I am genuinely curious about individuals, the more likely
00:19:59.680 it is I'm going to develop a relationship of trust and credibility with other people
00:20:03.480 because I want them to win.
00:20:05.160 I want those individuals to succeed.
00:20:07.120 I want to know what makes them tick and who do you want to talk about?
00:20:10.500 You want to talk about yourself.
00:20:11.560 So if I give you the opportunity to talk about yourself and I do it in a credible, respectful
00:20:17.640 way, aren't you going to feel good about that conversation?
00:20:20.800 If you and I have a conversation and you get to share your stories and your background and
00:20:25.560 why you believe the way you believe and what makes you tick and how you've had successes and
00:20:29.800 overcome failures.
00:20:30.780 And I'm letting you, I'm facilitating you talking about yourself.
00:20:35.400 Aren't you going to feel good about me?
00:20:37.100 Aren't you going to want to be around me because I make you feel good about yourself?
00:20:42.900 Of course you are.
00:20:43.980 And this is true for dating.
00:20:46.680 This is true for, uh, again, a job interview.
00:20:50.400 This is true for dealing with clients, for dealing with, uh, maybe team teammates that
00:20:56.360 you have, or you're coaching a youth team.
00:20:59.640 If you can be interested in those kids or that woman or your clients or whoever it may be,
00:21:05.000 the odds of you getting things done with that person are significantly higher because they
00:21:10.880 believe that you care.
00:21:12.300 Now here's the catch.
00:21:13.720 You actually have to care.
00:21:16.000 If you fake it, if you fake interest, everybody will see right through it and you'll undermine
00:21:21.840 your ability to be compelling.
00:21:24.120 In fact, you'll be off-putting.
00:21:26.080 People will reject that because they know you're full of crap.
00:21:29.160 So genuinely be interested, listen to people.
00:21:33.540 Don't worry so much about yourself and, uh, you'll have a better time.
00:21:37.140 All right.
00:21:37.640 Number seven along the same lines, but we need to reverse this, flip this a little bit.
00:21:41.400 Be interested, excuse me, be interesting.
00:21:45.040 I just said interested, be interesting, right?
00:21:48.200 If you're boring and you don't have anything to say, you don't have anything to share.
00:21:52.460 You don't have any stories that are fascinating or unique.
00:21:56.160 Nobody, nobody cares.
00:21:58.260 Nobody cares at all.
00:21:59.680 So be interesting, go out into the world.
00:22:01.960 And this is actually part of the substance thing I was talking about earlier.
00:22:04.940 There has to be some, some weight, some depth to you.
00:22:08.300 If all you do is, is go to work and then you go home and you eat the same food and you have
00:22:12.500 sex the same way and you read the same books and you go to bed at the same time.
00:22:15.640 And then you do the same workout.
00:22:16.720 Like there's nothing compelling about that.
00:22:19.440 So be interesting.
00:22:20.680 Go on unique vacations, have unique interest in hobbies and activities, have stories to
00:22:27.760 share and tell, uh, tell it in a unique way.
00:22:31.500 Learn how to use this tool of your voice to command this attention through your volume and
00:22:39.200 speed and tone and inflection.
00:22:41.460 Be an interesting human being.
00:22:44.480 If you're boring and monotonous and you don't have anything to share and life is okay.
00:22:50.200 If like, if you're the Eeyore of communication, nobody's nobody cares.
00:22:55.540 In fact, they're going to do whatever they can to get themselves out of a conversation
00:22:58.960 with you because it's absolutely boring and miserable.
00:23:01.700 So have some weight, have some depth, have some experiences to share, have some funny
00:23:06.440 stories to tell, have some crazy adventures that you've lived because then you're a more
00:23:10.600 interesting human being.
00:23:11.700 And people inevitably want to be around more interesting people.
00:23:15.540 Number eight, and this is where I lose a lot of guys.
00:23:18.200 So bear with me on this.
00:23:20.360 Okay.
00:23:20.640 If you disagree with me on this, let me allow, allow myself to explain my position before
00:23:26.460 you say, Oh, well, everything you said is crap because he said this one.
00:23:29.780 All right, here it is.
00:23:31.240 Ready?
00:23:31.640 Dress well, dress well, most of you are probably thinking, well, yeah, that, that, that makes
00:23:40.240 sense.
00:23:41.360 But there's a large percentage of you who think real men, again, don't care about what they
00:23:45.740 look like.
00:23:46.280 That's not true.
00:23:47.640 Even the guys that say they don't care about what they look like, care about what they look
00:23:50.940 like, because what they're doing in a lot of cases is they're making their, their, uh,
00:23:57.160 style decisions based on portraying that they don't care, which means they actually do care
00:24:03.860 if that makes sense.
00:24:05.540 So dress well, it's okay guys that you dress well.
00:24:09.460 And look, I'm not telling you that you need to wear a suit because if you're wearing a suit,
00:24:12.700 uh, out, out and you're going to, uh, camping, for example, you're undermining your credibility
00:24:19.520 and authority.
00:24:19.960 If you show up to a suit and we're going hunting, well, I'm going to laugh you out of there
00:24:23.860 because you're not in the right attire, right?
00:24:26.160 But if you come ready with the right clothing based on the situation, maybe it is a suit because
00:24:31.860 you're going to some sort of an event.
00:24:33.900 Uh, maybe it's casual wear because you're hanging out with the guys.
00:24:37.620 Maybe it's, it's the hunting clothes because that's what you're doing.
00:24:40.780 You're going out hunting, but dress well.
00:24:43.000 Again, I'm not telling you where to suit a suit.
00:24:44.900 I'm telling you to base your clothing on the occasion and then dress accordingly.
00:24:52.120 If you're stained and shirts aren't fitting you correctly, uh, and the clothes don't look
00:24:57.440 good and they're cheap quality, that's going to say something about you.
00:25:01.500 Every part of you is saying something about you.
00:25:03.980 And even you guys right now are judging me.
00:25:06.040 You're judging my shirt.
00:25:07.220 You're judging my hat.
00:25:08.040 Of course you're judging my beard.
00:25:09.400 You either love it or hate it, but you're judging me.
00:25:11.640 Okay.
00:25:12.080 Doesn't that tell you that other individuals are judging too?
00:25:15.280 They're looking at who you are and how you're projecting yourself, what you're wearing as
00:25:19.440 a piece of the puzzle to determine if they want to listen to you.
00:25:23.900 Now there's some guys who will listen to this.
00:25:25.860 And I know this because they make comments here on YouTube is they'll, they'll look at
00:25:30.660 my beard and they'll say, well, I'm not going to listen to anything else.
00:25:34.080 This guy is saying because of the beard and look, that's fine.
00:25:36.980 You have the right to do that.
00:25:38.200 I don't necessarily agree with that, but that's your prerogative.
00:25:41.000 And what it tells me is that the way that we present ourselves actually matters.
00:25:46.080 And people are looking into it, be keenly aware of it, and then use it to your advantage.
00:25:50.880 That's all it is.
00:25:51.780 It's a tool that you can use to your advantage, to accomplish more, to achieve more, to like
00:25:57.140 the definition of compelling says, evoke interest, attention, admiration in a powerfully
00:26:01.940 irresistible way.
00:26:03.680 Number nine, lose weight, lose weight.
00:26:06.920 Now, of course there's the health benefits of losing weight.
00:26:09.380 And there's the reasons why you should just purely from the perspective that, that you'll
00:26:12.860 feel better, that you'll have more energy, that you'll be more capable.
00:26:16.320 And ultimately you'll be better at being a man.
00:26:19.320 You'll be a more capable man.
00:26:21.200 If you lose weight, if you don't lose weight, there's all the negative health ramifications
00:26:27.080 that come with that.
00:26:28.500 But also people are, again, they're going to perceive that they're going to see somebody
00:26:32.880 who's 30, 40, 50, 60, a hundred pounds overweight.
00:26:35.980 And what does that say to an individual?
00:26:38.320 Now, whether it's true or not is not what I'm saying.
00:26:41.400 All I'm saying is that people are going to perceive it away.
00:26:44.160 And how are they going to perceive it?
00:26:46.100 That person is lazy.
00:26:48.060 That person is a slob.
00:26:50.280 That person has no discipline.
00:26:53.020 And before you say it, because I know what you're already thinking, well, Ryan, like that's
00:26:56.880 not fair.
00:26:58.000 Fair has nothing to do with it.
00:27:00.640 You can't determine what other people are going to think based on fairness.
00:27:05.340 Everybody is judging.
00:27:07.160 I have people that are listening to this right now who, who believe in the idea that we shouldn't
00:27:11.800 be judgmental.
00:27:12.700 And yet they're judging everything I'm saying, everything I'm doing, everything I'm wearing
00:27:17.600 and everything else about another individual, because they refuse to see that they are judging
00:27:22.580 as well.
00:27:23.460 Now, some people might use a different word like discernment or something like that, but
00:27:26.760 ultimately you're taking in all of these clues from other people and you're determining, is
00:27:32.460 this an ally?
00:27:33.360 Is this an enemy?
00:27:34.660 Is this somebody who's credible?
00:27:36.020 Is this somebody I can listen to?
00:27:37.520 Is this somebody I can partner with?
00:27:38.940 Is this somebody who's dangerous?
00:27:40.260 Is this somebody who is a threat they ought to reject?
00:27:43.240 You're looking at that and you're taking all these cues and signals in.
00:27:46.440 And so when you see somebody who's engaged with you, who's 50, 60, 70, a hundred pounds
00:27:51.820 overweight, you're naturally thinking to yourself, Hey, this might be a nice individual.
00:27:56.240 This might be a nice guy, but, uh, I don't, I don't know how disciplined he is.
00:28:01.740 I don't know how capable he is.
00:28:04.220 I don't know how, how, uh, focused he is.
00:28:08.100 And they're making all of these assumptions, whether they're true or not.
00:28:11.360 And because we know that's the case, why are we going to play ignorant and say, well,
00:28:15.440 my looks don't really matter.
00:28:16.660 They shouldn't matter.
00:28:17.560 Well, shoulda, coulda, woulda, it doesn't matter what they should look like or how people
00:28:22.300 should perceive you.
00:28:23.420 It's a matter of how they do perceive you.
00:28:26.080 So besides the benefits, the health benefits of losing weight, it's a pretty good idea to
00:28:32.300 lose weight.
00:28:32.760 If you want to be a more compelling, uh, person, more compelling man and somebody that people
00:28:37.320 want to be engaged with, listen to, and, and, and have partnerships in some capacity
00:28:41.180 with you, uh, in addition to that, and this is, let's see, I'm on, that's nine.
00:28:46.180 So nine was lose weight.
00:28:47.660 All right.
00:28:48.240 Yep.
00:28:48.460 Nine to 10 is gain muscle, gain muscle.
00:28:52.600 I mean, it kind of goes hand in hand.
00:28:54.040 Maybe these points should have been together.
00:28:55.260 Maybe I should just say, be healthy, be a healthy individual.
00:28:58.380 When you're a healthy individual, people are going to look at you different when you're
00:29:01.720 strong and people can see muscles on you.
00:29:04.060 Men or women can see muscles on you.
00:29:06.100 They're going to think, okay, this is a guy who's strong.
00:29:07.760 Oh, this is a guy who's healthy.
00:29:09.580 This is somebody who's capable.
00:29:11.220 This is somebody who's disciplined.
00:29:12.840 This is somebody who I see could help me move in the direction that I want to move.
00:29:17.960 And if that's you, then you're going to move in that right direction.
00:29:20.740 Now I'm not saying I'm, I'm the, the pinnacle of, of model health.
00:29:26.160 I'm not saying I'm as strong as I could be or lean as I could be or will, but I'm on that
00:29:31.580 path.
00:29:32.000 And that's what I'm asking you, or at least suggesting to you is get on the path, build
00:29:36.960 some strength, build some muscle besides the benefits.
00:29:39.900 Again, we know there's health benefits to it.
00:29:42.020 Besides the benefits, the muscles you have, the, the amount of body fat that you have,
00:29:47.540 those, those things are telling a story, or at least they're a puzzle to the story.
00:29:51.440 That's being told about who you are before you even open your mouth.
00:29:54.600 And before anybody knows anything about you, you want to be a more compelling individual,
00:29:58.560 get your health in order.
00:30:00.600 And you inevitably will be more respected and more credible.
00:30:03.680 Uh, number 11, and I've got two more here, guys number.
00:30:07.040 So bear with me and you might have more too.
00:30:09.300 If you do have more, drop them in the comments on YouTube.
00:30:12.020 If you're just listening to this, then head to YouTube, uh, youtube.com slash order of man.
00:30:17.300 You can also connect with me on Instagram, uh, at Ryan Mickler.
00:30:21.680 And my last name is spelled M I C H L E R.
00:30:24.700 So it's at Ryan Mickler.
00:30:25.920 And let me know, maybe there's some other things that you think, uh, would help people be more
00:30:29.820 compelling, but number 11, telling stories, the more stories that you can tell, the better off
00:30:36.240 you're going to be, the more connected that people are going to be around you.
00:30:39.740 This is one that I struggle with because I tend to be pretty black and white.
00:30:43.540 So the data and the numbers and the, the yeses or the nose, like that resonates with me well.
00:30:50.860 And that's how I tend to communicate, which is why I have a checklist here.
00:30:54.360 And I'm just going through the checklist, but the more that you tell stories, the better off
00:30:58.600 you're going to be. And this is something I've really had to work on specifically with regards
00:31:02.860 to my presentations. When I presented, I used to have these perfect slide shows and PowerPoints,
00:31:10.260 and I'd have all the little bullet points. And I just realized that people were getting lost and
00:31:16.660 they were bored. So what I started to do is rather than getting the PowerPoint done, I started
00:31:22.460 to tell, uh, or give a presentation in a chronological order by weaving one of my own
00:31:28.580 personal stories into the presentation itself. And as I weaved that story, whether it was the
00:31:35.980 separation with my wife or near bankruptcies and performance issues at work, I mean, whatever
00:31:42.460 those stories were, I noticed that people would lean up, you know, they'd sit up and they'd look
00:31:48.160 at me and they'd give me their time and their attention and their energy. And they were more engaged
00:31:52.320 and more excited. Uh, storytelling is one of the oldest forms of communication that we have ever
00:31:58.660 known. We used to sit around campfires and tell stories. Why to teach lessons, to teach lessons to
00:32:04.740 our children and our friends about what works and what doesn't and society and things that are
00:32:09.500 acceptable and things that aren't and how to keep ourselves safe and stay out of danger all through
00:32:14.800 the medium of telling stories. So this comes back to, and I think it was 0.7 where I said,
00:32:21.740 be interesting. The more interesting you are, the more experiences you have, the better stories you
00:32:27.380 can tell. And we all know the guy who's a great storyteller that everybody wants to sit and listen
00:32:31.820 to and communicate with because they're fun. They're engaging. They're interesting. They're unique.
00:32:37.140 And, uh, we learn a lot from those individuals as well. We all know the adage, uh, facts, facts,
00:32:43.040 tell stories, sell facts, tell stories, sell. So get better at telling stories by what telling
00:32:49.280 stories, practice it. All right, guys, last point. That was 11. Here we are on number 12.
00:32:53.720 Just smile. All right. When you see somebody down the road or, or you're holding a door for somebody
00:32:58.700 or you walk into a room, just smile. Uh, there's this convenience store that I go into, uh, every,
00:33:04.320 every, every other morning or so. And the lady, she just looks miserable. She, she just looks like
00:33:13.000 a miserable human being. I walk in there. She doesn't smile. She doesn't communicate clearly.
00:33:20.780 She doesn't speak clearly. I should say, uh, she doesn't hardly make any eye contact. She's very quiet
00:33:27.360 and she just looks like a miserable human being. I just, I can't help, but wonder what's going on in her
00:33:33.380 life when I see her because of how she's portraying herself. Well, the other day I walk in there
00:33:38.980 and, uh, and it must've been the guy in front of me must've been either her son or a family member
00:33:46.620 or somebody that she was intimately familiar with. And he walked in there and she just beamed with
00:33:53.680 pride and she smiled. And I noticed everything about her demeanor completely changed because this
00:34:00.420 individual was there. And I thought, wow, I've never seen this, this side of this woman. And
00:34:06.400 she was so much more pleasant. Uh, she was so much more engaging. I was so much more interested
00:34:13.080 because I actually saw her smile for the first time. I've never seen her smile before. And because
00:34:18.880 I saw her smile, it changed everything about the way that I perceived her. Now, some of you might be
00:34:24.560 saying again, well, that's not fair, Ryan. You shouldn't judge. You shouldn't perceive. Again,
00:34:28.380 this isn't about fairness. It's about making yourself a more compelling person, which means
00:34:33.700 we use all the tools at our disposal, whether they're fair or not. I'm not telling you to be
00:34:37.900 immoral or unethical. I'm just saying we use all of the tools at our disposal based on human
00:34:43.320 psychology and based on the way people behave. We know this to be true. We know that people will
00:34:49.660 judge us. We know that people perceive us in a certain way. We know that there's certain activities
00:34:54.380 that people approve of, whether they do it quietly or vocally. We know there's certain activities that
00:34:59.620 other people approve of, whether they do it quietly or vocally, but why not use all of this
00:35:05.140 information using all of this feedback in order to accomplish more in our lives in order to get
00:35:10.840 more opportunities with women in order to get more promotions in order to get more clients in order to
00:35:16.240 have more success, generally, whatever that looks like for you using these 12 simple strategies
00:35:21.520 that you can incorporate immediately. There isn't anything that I shared today that you couldn't go
00:35:26.740 out in the next five minutes and interact with another human being and not use one of these things.
00:35:31.300 Let's recap them. Number one, make eye contact with individuals. Number two, learn to shake
00:35:37.080 somebody's hand firmly. Don't be the jerk who crushes or thinks it's a competition when you're
00:35:41.300 shaking hands. Just give them a firm handshake. Look them in the eye. Communicate clearly. That's
00:35:46.280 number three. Communicate, speak clearly. Number four, walk briskly, have somewhere to be and get
00:35:52.880 there fast. Number five, shoulders back, head up, chest out. Number six, be interested. Number seven,
00:36:00.800 be interesting by having experiences and adventures that you're part of. Number eight, dress well. Number
00:36:06.700 nine, lose weight. Number 10 goes hand in hand, gain muscle. All right, look better, look healthier.
00:36:12.040 Number 11, learn to tell stories. And number 12, smile, just smile. And you'll be surprised how far
00:36:20.340 that goes. That's it guys. That's part of, of course, not the exhaustive list, but part of the
00:36:26.360 way that you become a more compelling man. Again, compelling means evoking interest, attention,
00:36:32.080 admiration, and a powerfully irresistible way. And that's what you want. You want to be irresistible
00:36:39.240 to other people. You want people to be fascinated with who you are and why you do the things you do
00:36:45.420 and what you're doing. And you want them to be involved with you. That's how you create movements.
00:36:49.560 That's how you garner and command levels of respect. That's how you motivate and inspire
00:36:55.620 individuals to do what you want them to do. That's how you lead them to a place. They never could have
00:37:00.380 imagined going on their own. These are simple strategies to do that. I hope it helps. Please let me
00:37:06.160 know what you would add to the list. You can do that in the comments below. If you're on YouTube,
00:37:09.880 if you're not, you can go over to Instagram at Ryan Michler. Again, my last name is spelled M I C H L E
00:37:15.940 R. Uh, and leave a comment in, uh, in, in, in a post I make for this, or maybe you just want to tag me
00:37:23.160 on your own post based on what you learned here. But I want to let you know that I'm encouraged by you
00:37:28.380 guys each and every day. I'm inspired by you. Uh, I want to serve. I want to help. I want to help you
00:37:33.940 become a more capable man. I want to give you the tools and the things that you need in order to do
00:37:37.740 that. And I hope this is just one small part of that. So thanks for being on the journey and the
00:37:41.980 path with me. Uh, man, Lord knows we need more, uh, more men in, in the fight to reclaim and restore
00:37:49.800 masculinity. I saw an interesting article, uh, from, I believe it was GQ the other day about the
00:37:55.580 quote unquote new masculinity. There is no new masculinity. Masculinity does not need to be
00:38:00.760 redefined and needs to be reestablished. And that's what we're all about here. All right,
00:38:04.900 guys, get going. I'll be back on a Tuesday. Yes. Tuesday for our interview Wednesday for the
00:38:10.260 ask me anything. And of course, Friday, next Friday for our next Friday field notes until then go out
00:38:14.600 there, take action, become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man
00:38:19.360 podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.
00:38:24.120 We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.
00:38:30.760 We invite you to join the order of man.com.