How to Change Culture | FRIDAY FIELD NOTES
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Summary
In this episode, Ryan Michler discusses the need to change culture and how we can do so in order to restore masculinity in a society that seems to be increasingly dismissive of it. He also discusses the role of women in society and the importance of fathers in society.
Transcript
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You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart
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your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.
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You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who
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you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
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you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Michler,
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and I am the host and the founder of the order of man podcast and movement. Welcome here and
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welcome back. If you've been around for any amount of time, you know, we are on an absolute mission
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to reclaim and restore masculinity in a society that seems to be increasingly dismissive of it.
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So to that end, this is the podcast where you're interviewing incredible men, guys like David
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Goggins and Jocko Willink and Steve Rinella and Grant Cardone and the lineup of men that we have
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on this podcast is not only is it incredible, but it's a testament to the fact that more successful,
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capable, strong men want to be part of what we're doing here. So if you found any value from what
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we're doing at all, I asked something very simple. Just go in, leave a rating and review. All right.
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It'll only take you a couple of minutes. It goes a very long way in promoting the visibility of the
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show. And frankly, that's my only ask for you today is just go in, leave a rating and review,
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let people know what you think about the podcast, because more and more people need to hear this.
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Now I want to get right into the discussion today because the topic, which is that of changing
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culture is very, very important. I mean, it's evident to me, and I'm sure it's evident to a
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lot of you guys that if we would look around in politics, for example, in the amount of divisiveness
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and hostility and vitriol that just permeates not only politics, but every fabric of society.
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Uh, I think it's very clear that we have some issues as a country that need to be addressed.
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And what I think most of us will do is recognize the problems we, as men are, are problem identifying
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machines. Uh, and, and it's very easy to point fingers and blame it on somebody else and think
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that, you know, if only this person or these group of people would do things differently,
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would think differently, do things differently. Then, then our results would be different.
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Then we would be better off. Then life would be bliss, whatever it is you're after, but
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you can't really change other people like that. And even if you attempt to change those
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individuals, it isn't lasting change because these individuals haven't bought into it.
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So as we look around the political landscape, and by the way, this is not a political podcast,
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you're going to hear some of my politics seeping through occasionally, because obviously that's
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how it goes when you're communicating. Uh, so this isn't a political podcast, but, uh,
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if we do want to change the political landscape, if we do really want to solve some of the problems
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that we see, for example, in politics, then the answer is that we have to solve and fix culture.
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And it is painfully, painfully obvious to me that we live in a degenerate culture.
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We live in a culture of immediate gratification. We live in a culture of quick fixes, uh, that,
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that if something goes wrong or something's not perfect, or, uh, you aren't getting exactly what
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you hope you want out of life, that it's somebody else's fault. And you're a victim. I mean, we do this
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all the time. It's, it's constant and it's, well, it's annoying, frankly, but it's, it's not helping
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anybody. So one of my goals here, and this is broad, but one of my goals here with order of man
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is to change culture. We have a generation of fatherless young men and women. Uh, we have
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an epidemic of drug abuse and alcohol abuse and addiction to pornography and gambling and these other
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activities that we know don't serve us. Uh, there's an alarming amount of depression and even
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suicide and not only men, but women as well. And at an anecdotal level, I think people tend to be
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unhappy and dissatisfied with their level of fulfillment and success and satisfaction in their
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lives. Those aren't political problems. Those are cultural problems. So how do we fix then the
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political landscape? Well, again, the answer is we, we fix culture and where does culture start?
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It starts with you. And by the way, when I talk about culture, I'm not just talking about
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society at large. I'm talking about your family culture. You know, if you come from a broken home
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or maybe you're, maybe you belong to a broken home, maybe you're actually part of the reason for that.
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That's not a good culture for your children. It's not conducive to them learning and growing
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and being fulfilled in their own lives and contributing to society. It also applies to
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the workspace. Do you have a toxic work environment? Do people want to be there or do they not want to
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be there? And when they're there, are they productive? Are they finding meaning and purpose
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and satisfaction in the work they're doing? Are they providing solutions and products and answers
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to their clients? Or do they hate going into work? Do you hate going into work? Because you know,
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you have to deal with that one boss who, who is only worried about himself or those people who are,
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you know, stabbing others in the back just so they can get ahead. That's not the culture. That's going
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to be conducive to what it is you're after. How about your neighborhood? How about your city?
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How about your church? What's the culture like in those places? Oh, well, Ryan, you don't
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understand. If only that person would change. Yeah. I mean, maybe, maybe that would make it easier,
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but you can't control that. But what you can control is yourself. And that's where the change
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of culture starts. It starts with you. Now, normally I give you a five to 10 point plan of how to change
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culture or how to do fill in the blank on these Friday field notes podcasts. But I've got two things for
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you and we'll break it down. But two very simple things. Number one, if you want to change the culture of
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any environment to which you belong, the team, the organization, the family, the culture, the
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neighborhood, the society, whatever, whatever it is you belong to, then number one is you have to
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change yourself. You have to change yourself. Now, look, we can't change people, right? We know that
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we know that, but we can influence people, right? You're listening to this podcast now,
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and I'm influencing you for better or worse. And you're voluntarily deciding whether or not you want
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to be influenced. If you don't, you would tune out. But since you're still tuning in,
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then you're basically signing on the dotted line that says, I want to be influenced by what Ryan
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has to say. Now, some of you adamantly disagree with that and that's fine, but you're still hearing
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these ideas and you're debating them in your head, or you're debating them with others. And
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it's influencing the way that you think. And others are like, yeah, Ryan's right on the money
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with these things. And, and so you want to incorporate what it is we're teaching or my guests
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are teaching into your own personal lives. And that's influence, but our influence is only,
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it only goes so far as our ability to influence. See the interesting thing about influence. And
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I'm not going to say it's synonymous with leadership, but it's certainly a big component
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of leadership is that others have to voluntarily follow you because if, if they're not voluntarily
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following you, if you've coerced them or lied to them or manipulated them or blackmailed them in some
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way to follow you, that's not really leadership. That's dictatorship. That's tyranny. And certainly
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we're not after that. So if you can't change other people, but you can't influence other people,
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then how do you get individuals to do not only what you would like them to do, for example,
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an employee or your children, but how do you get them to decide voluntarily that they want to improve?
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You have to become more influential. So how do we do this? We read more books.
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We become more knowledgeable, right? Cause if we're knowledgeable, then people will think,
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okay, well, Ryan knows what he's talking about in that instance, or my boss seems to know what he's
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doing. So I think I'll probably follow that individual. So gain knowledge, read books, go to
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conferences, listen to podcasts, get around other people who are smart in the areas in which you want
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to improve, get in shape. Look, I know this isn't a popular thought here, guys, but this is the truth.
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This is the reality. Okay. If you've got a boss and this individual is 50, 70, a hundred pounds
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overweight, do you think that improves his ability to influence or hinders his ability to influence?
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Of course it hinders. Oh, but Ryan, oh, fat shaming. Oh, I can't believe you'd say that. Oh,
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you're, you're being mean. Look, that's the reality. That's the reality. Even on a different
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level, if you were to go into a job interview and it was you and one other individual and this
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individual was well-groomed, they dressed the part, they look good. And you went in there and
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you look like a slob and you didn't have your shirt tucked in and you were wearing the wrong
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clothes and you weren't groomed. Like who's going to get the job?
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Of course, the guy that has the, the, the look going on, right? Oh, well, but Ryan,
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oh, we shouldn't judge a book by its cover. Well, that's fine, but that's what happens.
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And I choose to deal in reality. And the reality says that the way that you appear, the way others
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look at you from your build and your makeup to the level of fat that you have on you to the,
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your muscle density to the clothes that you're wearing is going to influence other people,
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right? We shouldn't care about that. Do whatever you want. I'm just telling you,
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this is going to improve your ability to be influential in people's lives.
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And if you want to change your culture, family dynamic, work dynamic, household dynamic,
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dynamic within the community and neighborhood, then this is part of it. Looking the part, getting
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strong, being fit, wearing the right clothes, wearing nice clothes, having yourself groomed,
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getting knowledgeable, gaining new education and new insight and experience. Here's another one.
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Be interesting. Be interesting. I mean, some guys out there are so boring.
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They, they do the same thing every day. They don't go on any adventures. They take no risks. And not
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only is that not a great way to live for a man, nobody cares if you're not interesting,
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where are your edges? What do you agree with? What do you disagree with? What do you like? What
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do you stand for? What interesting hobbies, what little quirks and characteristics that you have,
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do you possess that other people don't have? You want to influence people? You got to be someone
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worth listening to. And I haven't always been this guy. And I'm not the pinnacle of my level of
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interest to other individuals, some more than others, of course, but I'm always looking for new
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opportunities and new things and new angles and new experiences and stories. It's part of the reason
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I got into hunting. I wanted the experience. I wanted to be able to experience risk and hardship
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and struggle and failure and improving a skill and getting better. And that makes me a more well-rounded
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man, which gives me more credibility, authority, and influence. So when you guys talk about, Oh, you know,
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I want to change the world or my personal favorite. I just want to make a dent in the universe,
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make a dent in yourself. We can have a plan, you know, use, use a, use a notepad. I go through this
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every single morning. I'm planning out my day, be interesting, engage in new hobbies and activities,
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ask people questions, meet new and fascinating, interesting individuals, get, get new hobbies,
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read a book, listen to a podcast. As you improve yourself, your culture will inevitably improve.
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It has to improve because we don't make decisions or operate inside the vacuum. If you get worse,
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everybody around you is going to get worse. I thought about this years ago when I was driving
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down the freeway. And I remember vividly, I was driving down the road on the, on the freeway.
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And I looked off to my right-hand side and I saw this dealership and it was obviously a low end
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used car dealership. And so it had, you know, older cars. They were probably somewhere between,
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I don't know, 10 to $15,000. So kind of a lower end used car dealership. And what was interesting
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is I saw one car and I don't remember what car it was, but it was a brand new car. It was very nice.
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It was clean. It was beautiful. It was meticulous. And I just, it stuck out to me because it was
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beautiful in, in, in this environment of beat down old cars. And I started thinking about it,
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you know, does that one vehicle enhance the value of everything else?
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Or does everything else drag down the value of that one vehicle? Well, I think we know the answer.
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Everything else, your environment is going to determine a lot of not only your worth,
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but the way people perceive you. So again, we don't make decisions in vacuum. So when you improve,
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things improve. When you get worse, everybody around you gets worse.
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So if you want to quote unquote, make your dent in the universe or change the world or any of these
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little buzzwords and catchphrases, then change yourself, focus so heavily on yourself that you
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can't help, but win. And other people can't help, but be attracted and gravitate towards you because
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you have that, I don't know, X factor that they can't quite seem to put their finger on.
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Now, where do we go from here? So that's part one, improve yourself. I've been talking about that
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for six years, fix yourself first, fix yourself first. Where do we go from here? Next, you focus
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on the next smallest unit, the next smallest unit. So you don't change everything. You don't
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institute a bunch of rules and regulations and code and get people to adhere to everything.
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Remember they have to voluntarily decide, but what you can do is you can focus on the next smallest
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unit. All right. So if you're at work, you're not going to change everything about your work
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environment all at once as you start to improve, but could you impact the new employee, the new hire
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or the new team member, or the guy that asked for some mentorship. If we're talking about your,
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your church congregation and how you want to implement new things and create a men's organization
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within your church, things like this. Do you, do you swing for the fence or do you just get one guy
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who, you know, maybe is struggling? Maybe he's going through some addiction issues. Perhaps he's
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going through a separation or divorce with, with his wife. And do you get that one guy? And do you
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influence that one guy? And here's the beauty of this. This is exponential growth. We're talking
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about here because you're only one man, right? We only have so much time in the day and it's finite.
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You got 24 hours. And so people say, Oh, I'm going to make time for this thing. I'm going to create
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the time. You don't get to do that. There's no making time. There's no creating time. There's
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only managing it. So then how did the most successful men in the world make more money,
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build more wealth, have more productive relationships and business ventures than others?
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Is it because they created more time? No, they still have the same 24 hours. They just manage it
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really well. And here's another little secret. Maybe it's not, not so secret, but they get other
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people vested in the process, right? This is the point of employees. So yes, you can't
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directly make time, but if you have an employee do something, then you've leveraged time in order
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to free yourself up to do something hopefully more productive. And then that employee is doing
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something. And then they bring somebody on their team and that person, it's not one plus one equals
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two. It's one plus one equals four or five or six. That's the beauty of exponential growth. So
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you go to this guy in your church congregation who, you know, is struggling and you say, Hey,
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look, man, every Thursday night I'm getting together. We're doing a Bible study or you know,
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some guys listen to this podcast and discuss this podcast or read the book or any number of books or
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whatever they want to do. And, and you get one guy. I mean, how does culture change when you just
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change? Not only yourself, that's part one, but what does culture look like when you change one
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other individual? Now there's two of you. So you're out there influencing people. This guy's
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now at their influencing people. And that guy is out there influencing people. So what's funny.
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And I'm going to draw this back to family for a minute is a lot of people will say, you know,
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I I'm hesitant to bring children into this world because of, of the state of affairs. And I actually
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get that. I understand that. I think it's a little short-sighted, but I, but I can't,
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I can't pretend I don't see their reasoning for do that for doing that. I don't want to bring kids
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in this world because this, this world is horrible. I get that, but I can't think of a
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better way than millions and millions of men who, for example, are listening to this podcast and bought
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into the movement to reclaim and restore masculinity. I cannot think of a better way to impact society
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than having millions of men have millions and millions of children with a wonderful woman who
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they're raising, right, who they're teaching eternal truths and principles, who they're
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teaching to be good and decent human beings. They're teaching them to be capable and bold
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and assertive and creative and look for problems and solve them and do the same things they're
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trying to do themselves. And then over the course of 15, 20, 30 years, having tens of millions
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of loved, righteous, competent, capable young men and women going out into their neighborhoods and
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serving in their communities and starting their own businesses and getting into politics for
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themselves. What a powerful opportunity that we have to be influential to the children in our lives.
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I mean, think about that for a second. You know, I've got four kids and granted, I can't control
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what they do. Again, I can influence them, but if I can lead them correctly and lead them right,
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then I think I have a pretty good shot at making sure those children go out into the world and then
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eventually raise their own families and start their own businesses and lead in their communities
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and millions of kids doing that. That's pretty powerful. So how do you make your dent in the
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universe? You fix yourself. Then you fix the next smallest unit. For example, it might be
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communicating more effectively with your wife or just showing her that how much you appreciate and
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love her. You might be spending more time with your children. You know, I made a post the other day
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where my son and I, a lot of you guys know, we're building our, our canoe and, and he was down there
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mixing some epoxy and resin. And I just snapped a quick picture of him. And, and I said, and he said to me,
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he said, dad, you know what? This is really cool. Like how many kids get to build a canoe with their
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dad? It's pretty cool. He was thinking about that. And it's pretty cool that we were able to create
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that. So I posted this online and I had a gentleman say, you know, like we shouldn't discount dads that
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are going out into the, into the workforce and busting their asses and they're not home and they're
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not present, but they're out doing their work. I mean, those can be, you can learn lessons from that
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too. And certainly I'm not saying you can't, but if you're hoping somebody else is going to raise
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your children, you're shipping them off to these little mini factories that we call public education,
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hoping that your teacher or their peers are going to do a good job. I think you're teeing them up for
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failure. And I'm not saying you're a failure. If that's what you you're doing, I'm saying you ought
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to consider, are you actually present for your children? Are they listening to you as much,
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if not more than they're listening to the other people that they're going to come in contact with?
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And that temptation and that fight is real. Their peers are influential. I mean, these kids care so
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much about what their peers think of them. And so they'll do and say and act and behave in strange
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ways just to gain the approval and acceptance of people that don't have any clue about what's going
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on in the world. So guys, I really think that we can change culture. I think it's going to take a
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long time. I think it's going to take years, if not decades to begin to change the tide of culture
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from this, what I've called the doctrine of popular culture of degeneracy and addiction and despair and
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depression and suicide and drug abuse and all the things that we see. It's going to take years,
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if not decades, but that isn't a reason not to start. We have to start and we have to start
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somewhere. And where do we start? We start with the basics always. I think it was Vince Lombardi
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when he'd have new football players come to play with the Packers. I think the first thing he would
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say, yes, I think the first thing he would say is this is a football. These are, these are football
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players at the pinnacle of their, their athletic achievement. I think it was John Wooden who would,
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teach his players how to put on socks and tie their shoes correctly. These are the best young
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men. These are basketball players from all over the country. These are the best. These are the best
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basketball players. And John Wooden is teaching them how to tie their shoes. Guys, we have to start
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with the basics. So many of us are like, Oh, I'm going to run for office. I'm going to do this. I'm
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going to fix this and change this and tweak this. And I mean, while I appreciate the ambition,
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you got to learn to tie your shoes first, which means that you got to focus on you.
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And once you start to die yourself and other people are going to be attracted to you. Why
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do you think so many people follow order of man? I'm not perfect by the way. I don't have it all
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figured out, but I'm certainly on the path and I'm certainly improving myself. And people recognize
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that they acknowledge that. And I'm not shying away from the things that I fail at. I think that's
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part of the reason people like what we're doing here is I haven't put myself on some pedestal.
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I don't belong, but I said, you know what, let's go shoulder to shoulder into this thing.
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We call manliness and masculinity. Let's do this together. And where I fall short, I'm going to,
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I'm going to lean on somebody else. And where you fall short, maybe you need to lean on me or
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somebody else within this organization, but there's real opportunities here guys. And so a lot of people
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are despair and, and down about what's happening culturally or politically, and they think it's
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over and things are never going to change. I think there's some real moments and opportunities
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to have some hope and optimism towards what is going to happen in the future, a future where
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children get to be raised by a loving father and mother, a future where their parents are completely
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in a hundred percent engaged, where they take responsibility and ownership of their children's
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education, where we make ourselves more capable, where we have amazing experiences and we have
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an endless amount of friendships and experiences, and we're building wealth and we're serving and
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we're, we're being charitable and we're helping other people where they're needed or where they,
00:23:16.400
they are in need. I should say, what a powerful opportunity we have. You know, I know people are
00:23:22.240
looking at 2021, especially coming off the back of 2020 thinking, oh, that was the most horrible year
00:23:26.620
ever. And 2021 is shaping up to be horrible too. We see these memes, the way that we view things and
00:23:32.840
talk about things and even joke about things matters. You know, if you thought 2020 was a
00:23:37.660
shit show and I look, I get it in many ways. It probably was some for some more than others,
00:23:42.780
but if that's the attitude you have, like, are you going to be optimistic and hopeful about what
00:23:47.580
you can create moving forward? I think you're going to be less so. So guys, what, what an amazing
00:23:52.760
opportunity we have. You have an incredible opportunity to be a better father. You have an incredible
00:23:58.900
opportunity to be a better husband. And look, you might say, well, I'm at the bottom. Like I,
00:24:02.780
I I'm horrible at this. And I talk with you guys every day. I'm horrible at this. And there's so
00:24:05.900
much despair and depression in your, in your messages and your tone of voices. I'm like,
00:24:09.480
okay, well, you know, maybe that's true. Maybe you are the worst ever. So good. That's plenty of
00:24:14.900
room for improvement to be the better father, the better husband, to maximizing your employment
00:24:22.380
relationship, to potentially starting a business or growing your business, to getting out from the sea
00:24:27.820
of debt that maybe you're in right now and rebuilding. That's fun. I mean, it's not like
00:24:34.140
pleasurable all the time because maybe you're paying off debt and you're paying for past mistakes,
00:24:39.520
but isn't it cool to see the progress and growth that you have to see you shed the extra pounds that
00:24:46.280
have packed on over the past several years and to see muscles and lines and veins develop where they
00:24:52.580
weren't before. That's exciting. And as you do that, that's how you make your dent guys.
00:24:59.320
That's how you make a dent. Fix yourself then. And only then can you fix others.
00:25:06.420
All right, guys, that's my message for you today. We're coming up on the weekend. Don't,
00:25:11.540
don't allow the weekend to be an opportunity to slack off. Look, you can rest, you can recover.
00:25:16.260
You can do all those things. You should, that's going to help you be more productive as you roll into
00:25:20.460
the week and more productive things, but you shouldn't be slouching.
00:25:26.620
You shouldn't, you shouldn't lose all your inhibitions and you shouldn't take two or three
00:25:31.340
steps back when you took two or three steps forward during the week. The goal is not to maintain this
00:25:36.720
perpetual state of homeostasis where you're not falling behind, but you're not gaining either.
00:25:41.720
It's always gaining ground. You can gain ground on the weekend. So please do. I'm going to do as well.
00:25:48.900
I slip and fall, but I look at this weekend as an opportunity to continue to grow and expand and
00:25:56.120
push forward. So keep it up. Guys, if you're interested, we've got this month, the month of
00:26:01.600
February, I should say inside of the iron council, we're going to be talking about crafting and
00:26:06.720
creating your perfect day from the minute that you wake up to the way that you execute your duties
00:26:12.560
and tasks and responsibilities throughout the day. And the systems that you use also to the way that
00:26:17.740
you cap your day. You know, every sentence has a period. Every book has an end. Your day needs to
00:26:23.760
have an end so that you can tee yourself up to have a new and better and brighter beginning tomorrow.
00:26:29.260
So we're going to be talking about that for the entire month of February, crafting and creating
00:26:33.260
your perfect day. If you're interested in learning more about that and the accountability that comes
00:26:38.320
with that and the brotherhood and camaraderie inside the iron council, go to order a man.com
00:26:42.480
slash iron council. But guys, look, we need to change the culture. It's clear to me. I've been on this
00:26:46.880
mission for six years. And every day I wake up with excitement and vigor about what it is we're
00:26:52.260
going to be doing here. And every day becomes more relevant. And I think you begin to identify that as
00:26:57.640
well. I wouldn't get the thousands of messages and emails and calls and everything else that I do,
00:27:01.080
if that weren't the case. So this is how you do it. This is the path, fix yourself first,
00:27:04.440
then focus on the next smallest unit of measurement. Then the next, then the next, then the next,
00:27:09.720
you look back five, six, seven years later, like we have with here with order of man,
00:27:13.640
and you realize you have quite literally impacted tens, hundreds of thousands, if not millions of
00:27:19.300
men, families, just people in general. And how powerful is that? Because one man, you decides
00:27:27.460
to change yourself first. All right, guys, we'll be back next week. Until then, go out there,
00:27:31.500
take action, become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast.
00:27:37.100
You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.
00:27:40.900
We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.